Jeongguk didn’t feel very good. He felt tired and he just wanted to curl up in Seokjin’s lap and take a nap. But it was too late. The text was already sent. The picture of him, pants down, hole stuffed and cum dripping down his red cock. He didn’t even know how he managed to cum. He was so tired.
But Seokjin and he hadn’t had sex for a week and… and he was scared. Scared that soon, Seokjin would get bored of him, that soon, Seokjin would look for more.
‘If I had looked for a pet, I would’ve bought one. Come on, entertain me…’
The words he had heard too many times were echoing in his head. He didn’t want that. He didn’t want Jin to grow tired of him. So, he needed to entertain him, to keep up the challenge. Not to be too easy even though that was the only thing he wanted.
His phone rang, startling him. He wanted to cover himself with the blanket he was lying on. But he couldn’t. He just hoped the punishment would be enough to make Jin want him. To make him fuck him. To satisfy him. He also hoped it wouldn’t hurt too much.
“Yeah?” he answered, voice lazy, a fake smirk plastered on his face.
“What was that, Jeongguk?” Jin asked, voice firm.
“You didn’t like it? Thought it was pretty.”
“Did you play with yourself, boy? Again? Don’t move. Until I’m back, don’t you dare move. I want to find you exactly where you are, lying in your filth, is that understood?”
“Whatever you say,” Jeongguk laughed before hanging up.
He felt sick. His stomach was churning in apprehension and he wanted to hide. But he couldn’t. If he hid, it wouldn’t be fun for Jin. He would be mad. Jeongguk didn’t want that.
Time stretched. When Jeongguk heard the front door opened, he hadn’t moved. Like the good boy he was. Like the good boy he wanted to be. But it wasn’t what Seokjin wanted, right? He didn’t have anywhere to go though. So, he spread his legs, trailing his fingers through the cum covering his stomach, morphing his face into a needy and proud expression.
“No cumming for you tonight, slut,” was all Seokjin said before putting Jeongguk over his lap, proceeding to making him cry, like he always did.
But it was okay, because Seokjin was happy. Seokjin was entertained. He wasn’t boring.
Jeongguk was exhausted. His week had been so hectic, he was sure he was about to collapse. He was working on two hours of sleep every night, spending almost all of his free-time in the library to study and keep up with his assignments. He had been so caught up with work and Seokjin that he didn’t realize he was so behind with college.
It was probably three in the morning when he stumbled into Seokjin’s building. Usually, when he came home this late, he went back to his small room, so he didn’t bother his boyfriend who had to wake up early. But tonight was Friday, and he was tired and cold and he really needed cuddles.
He was thinking about slipping inside the quiet apartment, make his way to the bedroom without making too much noise, strip from his clothes, maybe snatching an item from Seokjin’s closet and cuddle up to the man to fall asleep. It was an amazing plan, it truly was.
Except that when he opened the door with the spare key under the mat, the lights were on. Jeongguk tensed. Why wasn’t Seokjin asleep yet? Maybe he had forgotten to turn off the lights? Or maybe he fell asleep on the couch? It was weird. Just in case, Jeongguk took off his shoes as quietly as possible and tip toed inside the flat, not wanting to wake him up.
“You’re literally in my apartment, do you think being quiet is going to make you invisible?” Seokjin’s voice snapped in the room, making Jeongguk jump.
He was here, sitting on the couch. He was dressed casually, in a sweater and loose sweatpants, but he still looked serious. A bit too serious to Jeongguk’s liking. It was the face he had on when he was about to play with Jeongguk and punish him. But Jeongguk didn’t do anything, recently. He didn’t have the time. Maybe Seokjin just wanted to play? He probably needed to relieve stress from his week too. How could Jeongguk deny him? He liked seeing Seokjin relaxed and happy.
“I thought you were asleep, it’s late…”
“Damn right, it’s late. Which is why, would you care to explain where you were? Jimin and Taehyung said that they didn’t see you in ages, and I can’t say it’s not the same for me. So?”
Jeongguk was a bit lost. Jin sounded upset, a bit angry even. What was going on? He shook himself, trying to put himself in his brat persona. That was what Seokjin wanted, right?
“Didn’t know I was supposed to report to you, dad.”
He felt a bit fuzzy, it was like everything was some kind of dream. It was so weird. Which is why he barely reacted when Seokjin scowled, something dark settling in his eyes.
“And now you are being disrespectful,” he sighed, standing up abruptly. “Come to the room. Naked. You earned yourself another punishment, I think I need to step up my game so that you understand, hm?”
Jeongguk stood frozen for a bit as he watched Seokjin disappear into his bedroom. He wanted to sleep so much, but he couldn’t. He couldn’t just postpone a punishment because he felt like it.
As swiftly as he could, he stripped off of his clothes, trying to keep in his shivers. He was freezing.
He waddled his way to the bedroom, and once again, froze. Next to the bed was a huge wooden board with restraints hanging from them. Seokjin was waiting next to it, something heavy laying in his hands. A flogger.
Jeongguk felt knots tie his stomach, but he bravely made his way over, doing his best to fight his need to sink to his knees and bow his head.
Seokjin was quiet as he pushed Jeongguk against the board, gently. He was always so soft, it killed Jeongguk not to be good for him. But good was boring, right? He let himself be tied up to the board, facing it, his back to the room.
“You know why we’re doing this, right?” Seokjin asked, moving aside so Jeongguk could see him.
The boy nodded, even though he still didn’t know what he did wrong for Seokjin to be upset to begin with.
“Since you don’t want to talk, I’m going to enumerate it for you. You ignored me all week, almost nobody knew where you were, and today when I tried to contact you, you ignored all of my texts and calls. And now, when you finally show up in the middle of the night, you are disrespectful. So, since average spanks clearly don’t seem to be enough for you, today you’ll get five spanks with my hands, and fifteen hits with the flogger. Do you understand?”
“Yeah,” Jeongguk answered immediately, trying to make his body wake up a bit.
“Good. I want you to count. Also, if you get hard – which will probably be the case, right? – no cumming tonight. At all. You will stay with your boner until tomorrow. And actually, no cumming at all until I say so. Maybe you’ll be good now, right?”
It made Jeongguk’s stomach churn. He knew all the words that were exchanged during such a play were never meaningful. He knew Seokjin wasn’t telling him to stop being bratty, but it still hurt, because he wanted to be a good boy. He wanted to listen and obey without being scared. But he couldn’t.
“I’m sorry, Gguk, but I just can’t stay… You know me and Sohee have a strong past, and… And I just can’t pretend anymore. You’re sweet, really. You are funny and amazing, but she just… Playing with her is just funnier, you know? She doesn’t… She is not as easy as you, not as desperate for approval. I’m sorry, Gguk, we settled things and… I’m getting back together with her, I wish you all the happiness.”
“Whatever,” Jeongguk almost spat, not even realizing how he was speaking.
His thoughts always got the best of him if he let them, the pain would probably empty his head, and he wouldn’t think about his ex-boyfriend anymore. He learned, and now he knew.
Jeongguk lifted his eyes up when he saw that Seokjin still hadn’t moved. When he noticed, the man schooled his expression and moved out of the boy’s sight. But it was too late. Jeongguk had seen. That look… The look in his eyes. Jeongguk couldn’t breathe well. Sadness. And disappointment. Genuine disappointment. What?
The first hit made him jump, and he choked the first number out. Dutifully, he counted to five. It hurt, but he couldn’t focus on the pain. His thoughts were going wild, always going back to that look in Seokjin’s eyes. It was the same… It was the same look he had seen in his ex’s eyes when he clung desperately to him, trying to tell him that he’d be better, he’d be the most obedient sub, he promised!
“You don’t understand, being a good slut doesn’t make people stay. Doms need a challenge, to be entertained. Maybe come back once you understand that?”
And he did! Jeongguk understood and learned and now he wasn’t an easy slut anymore, was he? He was a challenge, he was entertaining. He was doing well, exactly what he had to do. So why?
“Flogger,” was all Seokjin said before the next hit landed, ripping a wail from Jeongguk’s mouth.
It hurt. It hurt too much. Way more than what Jeongguk was used to. And maybe more than what he could take.
But he would. He had to. Seokjin would leave him if he didn’t. Everyone wanted him, it wouldn’t take long for Seokjin to realize that he could do so much better than Jeongguk. Jeongguk couldn’t let that happen.
“S-seven,” he choked out after another hit of the flogger.
Only two. It was only two. He still had so many to take. He could do it. He could do it.
His body was shaking as it tried to bear with the pain that was tearing him apart. The pain of the hits and the pain of his thoughts.
It took two more hits for him to burst in tears, choking on the numbers he was desperately trying to keep going. He was too lost in his own head to even think about what a brat would do, he just did his best, so that the punishment didn’t get worst.
But each hit seemed to be stronger than those before. He felt like his skin was going to tear. He was bad. He was so bad. He was going to be alone. But he couldn’t. He couldn’t do it, he just couldn’t.
“R-red,” he whispered pathetically against the board, choking, his entire body shaking.
The hits didn’t stop, and Jeongguk got scared. What if he didn’t stop until Jeongguk gave the right reaction? What if he never stopped? Maybe he wanted Jeongguk to bleed? No, no, Jeongguk didn’t want that. He- No!
“P-please,” he wailed, tugging on his restraints desperately. “Please I said red, please, I’m s-sorry, I’m so-sorry b-but please, red, red!”
Jeongguk was incoherent, sobbing, barely able to breathe. It hurt too much. And he wasn’t good enough. Seokjin was gonna leave him.
“Oh, my god! Oh, my god, shh, please, calm down honey, it's okay, calm down,” Seokjin soothed him, or at least tried to, rushing to untie him from the board, and even though Jeongguk wasn’t actually supported by the leather around his ankles and wrists, he collapsed when he felt it gone.
He couldn’t stop crying. It was pathetic. He was cold and he was hurt and he stopped a punishment. He stopped Jin’s fun. He was awful.
“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry love, please, come back down. Baby please, calm down.”
Jeongguk didn’t understand what was going on, but he decided to give in and to do what he needed. He obeyed. He listened and curled up in Seokjin’s embrace, trying to breathe and to calm down.
“’m sorry,” he hiccupped. “I- ‘m sorry, I didn’t, I can’t, ‘m sorry, ‘m sorry.”
He wanted to explain the situation better, he wanted to tell Seokjin that he could do better maybe another day, that he would be the brat Seokjin wanted, but he couldn’t do anything but apologize and cry.
He could feel Seokjin moving him, and soon, they were lying in bed, Seokjin on his back and Jeongguk splayed against him so he didn’t lean against his backside.
“It’s okay, baby, it’s okay. You have nothing to be sorry for, I was in the wrong, I shouldn’t have done it like this. I’m sorry, angel, breathe for me, that’s it.”
Jeongguk managed to calm down, reducing his loud sobs to small hiccups.
“Shit, baby boy, you’re freezing.”
“’m sorry!” Jeongguk immediately exclaimed, moving to try and not touch Seokjin. He didn’t want to make him cold.
“No, no baby, this is not what I meant. I just don’t like you being cold like that, okay. Here…”
With some struggles, Seokjin stretched and reached for his sweater that was lying on the floor since this morning. It was the big one he used to sleep in during winter. Easily, he maneuvered Jeongguk’s shaking form and made him slide into the fabric, rubbing his back softly so he warmed up a little.
“Baby, you need to talk to me now, okay angel? Tell me, tell me what happened. I didn’t know flogging was one of your limits.”
Jeongguk felt guilt rush to his head. He had lied about his limits because he didn’t like punishments. Any of them. But he couldn’t be a brat and be interesting if he didn’t like punishments. So he only put as limits things he really couldn’t bear, such as watching his dom fuck someone else in front of him – he heard it was a thing sometimes – or blood play, things like that.
He thought flogging was relatively light, so he didn’t put it here. But apparently it wasn’t. He didn’t know how to explain the situation. Because it wasn’t only the flogger, it was Seokjin’s eyes and his thoughts. It was too much.
“I… You… You looked disappointed, before we started. And… And… I didn’t know what to do and I just kept thinking and it hurt too much and I didn’t know what to do ‘m sorry!”
“I’m sorry, baby I’m not disappointed, I’m…” Seokjin’s voice trailed as he hugged Jeongguk tighter, and the boy sobbed harder when he realized that the man couldn’t find anything. He was disappointed, and he couldn’t deny it.
“I- I ‘nderstan’,” Jeongguk hiccupped. “’ll be better, I’ll do better. ‘s okay. I’ll work on the pain s-so I can take p-punishments better, and-”
“Oh, my god, no. Baby please, no. Don’t- Don’t push yourself. Now we know flogging and whipping in general is a limit, okay? We won’t do that anymore. We’ll talk, together, about what punishments you’re comfortable taking, okay?”
Jeongguk was trying really hard not to crumble again, but it was so difficult. He wasn’t strong enough to keep up with all his lies when he felt so tired and drained. He let his head fall forward, trying to hide his face. He couldn’t hide his guilt.
“No, no baby boy, please look at me, okay? Please. I need to see you. This is important.”
Seokjin took a gentle hold of Jeongguk’s chin, tilting his head back and forcing the boy to look at him. Jeongguk followed pliantly. It felt good. It felt good to just obey without having to think about “what a brat would do” or whether or not he was interesting enough.
“So. What punishments would you be comfortable with?”
“Will you… if I tell you, can I get a bit of aftercare please? I know I was bad, but it hurts…”
Seokjin’s expression shifted into one of pure horror, and suddenly, his grip tightened, so much that Jeongguk could barely breathe.
“Baby, of course you’ll get aftercare. I’m just waiting for your ass to sting a bit less, otherwise the Aloe Vera will hurt a lot. I will never punish you without doing aftercare. I will never leave you deal with the pain on your own after a punishment, okay?”
Jeongguk nodded shyly, snuggling up into Seokjin’s chest.
“Also… It’s the first time I’m seeing you like this, so I’m a bit scared myself,” Seokjin continued, one hand slipping under the hoodie to rub soothingly at Jeongguk’s lower back. “I need to hold you for a bit, make sure you are okay. And I don’t want to get distracted until this conversation is over. It won’t last long, angel, I promise. So, what punishments are you comfortable with?”
Seokjin was so warm and pure and loving, Jeongguk couldn’t find it in himself to lie to him. He knew he was going to regret it. Seokjin was going to be even more disappointed, angry, and maybe sad? Jeongguk was going to be thrown aside, but he couldn’t keep doing this. He loved Seokjin too much to force him to stay with a whole lie.
“I don’… don’ like p’nishments,” he slurred, already feeling the tightness in his chest come back and the sobs stack up in his throat.
Seokjin chuckled, which made Jeongguk flinch. Of course, he would laugh. It was ridiculous.
“That’s very cute, love,” Seokjin said, voice weirdly fond and warm. “But we're not playing right now, okay? I need you to be a hundred percenthonest with me.”
“B-but,” Jeongguk stuttered, eyes brimmed with unshed tears. “’m not lyin’.”
Seokjin’s amused expression immediately vanished, morphing into a confused scowl. Jeongguk felt the sobs push against his throat, wanting to finally get out, but he swallowed them back.
“Koo, baby, I don’t understand. You act bratty all the time, how can you not like punishments?”
It was Jeongguk’s turn to scowl. How was it related in any way? He didn’t understand.
“I jus’… I don’ like p’nishments, I don’ understand…”
“Baby… Baby, I’m going to start and apply the lotion as we speak. Do you want to stay like that or move on the mattress?”
There was a bit of rustling, Seokjin squirmed a bit but soon, a pop echoed in the room and something cold poured on Jeongguk’s abused rear. Jeongguk hissed and whined as pain shot through him again.
“Good boy…” Seokjin praised as the pain slowly numbed down. “Okay, baby, tell me. Why do you act bratty?”
“Huh? B’cause, ‘cause that’s what ‘m supposed to do… I don’ understand…”
“What do you mean, it’s what you’re supposed to do? You don’t have to do anything but what you’re comfortable with.”
Jeongguk felt his chest tighten at the words. Lie. It was a lie. They both knew it. Why was Seokjin saying this?
“Stop. Y’know ‘s not true.”
“Jeongguk, what are you saying?” Seokjin pressed and something snapped in Jeongguk. It wasn’t fair. Seokjin was playing with him and it wasn’t fair.
“You know what I’m saying,” he exclaimed, suddenly sitting up, ignoring the pain pulsing in his ass. “I’m not a dumb slut, I know what I need to do! I know what I have to do to keep a dom, to keep you entertained! I know that being a good, desperate slut is boring and that doms need a challenge, I know! I learned and I understood, stop playing!”
In a breath, Seokjin was sitting up, a hand on Jeongguk’s lower back so he didn’t fall over. His brows were furrowed and his eyes looked dark.
“So you’re telling me you keep acting bratty because you think this is what I want?”
“No, because I know this is what you want!”
“And what if I don’t?”
“What if I tell you that I don’t want you to be bratty, that I want you to be good, what would you do?”
Jeongguk’s air got punched out of his lungs. He was confused and speechless.
“B-but I- he, I don’t… What?”
Seokjin sighed, a hand brushing Jeongguk’s cheek gently, lovingly. As if he wasn’t mad. As if he wasn’t disappointed.
“Baby, who told you that obedient subs were bad and boring?”
“M-my ex-dom, he taught me-“
“Bullshit. He fed you bullshit. He’s the asshole who left you for his ex, right?”
Jeongguk nodded timidly, and was suddenly brought into a warm embrace, soft.
“He lied to you, honey bun. He told you what he wanted you to believe. There are plenty of doms and subs out there. Not everyone likes the same thing. You want to know why I looked sad earlier?”
Jeongguk tensed. He wasn’t sure he wanted to know. Seokjin chuckled.
“I looked sad because you confuse me. I really like you, baby, and you are the cutest person I know. But sometimes, sometimes you start acting weird. Acting bratty, even disrespectful. And it looks weird. Not like your true self. And I don’t like the brat that you can be sometimes. No, let me finish. I know why now. Something was always off, because you didn’t know what you were doing. You confuse being a brat and being disrespectful, you don’t know when to drop the fake act of being bratty because it’s not fake for you. And it hurts me because it makes me think I’m not a good dom. And because I can’t seem to provide what you need.”
Jeongguk didn’t know when he started to cry again, but what he knew was that once Seokjin was done, he was bawling his eyes out, apologizing over and over again.
“It’s okay, bunny, it’s okay. Now we know what was wrong, okay? Tell me, baby bun, what do you like? What does my baby Ggukie like?”
Jeongguk basically melted in Seokjin’s arms.
“I… I like cuddles, and praises. I like when you’re soft, I like when you tie me up but don’t hurt me. I like when you edge me and overstimulate me. I like… I like being good. I like following your orders, I like pleasing you… I don’t… I don’t like punishments and I don’t like pain and I… I… I’m sorry...”
“I’m sorry too, baby, I really am. But it’s okay now. We’re starting over. I’ll love you until your little head understands that being obedient doesn’t make you boring. You’re a good boy and you’re lovely.”
Jeongguk didn’t know how long he cried against Seokjin’s chest. It didn’t really matter. Seokjin took care of him through it all. He made him lie back down, applied more lotion on his skin before slipping their two bodies under the sheets.
Seokjin’s heart was hurting. Badly. How fucked up was Jeongguk’s ex to make him believe such a thing? Make him believe that being good made him a bad sub? What fucked up train of thoughts was this? Seokjin tamed down the groan that was forming in his chest. He couldn’t be angry right now. He had to take care of his boy…
Shit. How many punishments did the boy endure for Seokjin’s sake? How many signals did Seokjin miss for him not to see that Jeongguk clearly wasn’t enjoying this? He never paid that much attention to the boy during punishment, he realized. It was stupid. It was so, so stupid. Jeongguk always looked so sure of himself, and his body language always seemed so honest. Seokjin just thought that the way he tensed during punishments was just how he normally reacted. Also, Seokjin always took plenty of time taking care of his sub after a punishment. Either by making them cum softly if they had the right to do so, or by coddling them if they didn’t. Now that he thought about it, he wasn’t sure Jeongguk actually got hard during his punishments.
“I’m so sorry, baby…” Seokjin breathed out, hugging Jeongguk to his chest, tighter and tighter.
The boy was still shaking, hiccupping softly. Guilt was eating at the dom’s stomach. It hurt so much. What he felt for Jeongguk, it was something he didn't feel in a long time. It was deep and powerful. He wanted to protect him and take care of him, so nothing would ever hurt him, but turns out he was the one who ended up hurting him.
“Mad?” Jeongguk whispered in a small voice, sounding so broken.
“No, bun, I’m not mad. Well, I’m not mad at you, okay? I’m mad at myself because I didn’t notice that something was wrong. But it’s okay, baby boy. It’s okay. We’ll be okay.”
“Please, no mad,” Jeongguk spoke again, his hands reaching up to cup Seokjin’s face. “I don’t like mad…”
Seokjin smiled, endeared. Jeongguk had slipped quite deep in subspace. It was no surprise, after such events, but it didn’t make it any less endearing.
“Don’t worry, honey. Don’t worry. Are you sleepy bun?”
Jeongguk shook his head stubbornly, but his eyes were drooping. It was adorable.
“I think you should sleep, love. I’ll be there. I won’t let go, okay? Don’t worry, I won’t let you go.”
Seokjin felt the rest of the tension in Jeongguk’s body slip away. The boy barely managed to mumble an “okay”. In a breath, he was out like a light.
Seokjin took a lot more time falling asleep. His head kept replaying the last months with Jeongguk, looking for and finding the hints that something was wrong. He was going to do everything he could to make up for it. Everything for his boy. His good boy.
Jeongguk didn’t want to open his eyes. He felt too good. He felt warm and comfy. Coddled. Loved. It was an amazing feeling, one that he wanted to bask into while he could. He snuggled deeper into the warmth, hoping that it would push away the dark thoughts.
Of course, it didn’t. Last night’s events came rushing back to him, twirling in his head, and Jeongguk actually whimpered. If only he wasn’t that weak. If only he had handled the punishment until the end… He would have been able to keep up the lie and everything would have been good. But now, Seokjin knew . And he was going to leave him.
“Please, don’t cry on me. I understand that you’re sad, but like… You should have thought about it before. You can’t just except to settle in a relationship without giving anything and only receiving. I’m doing my best with you, Koo, but it’s hard. Stop crying and get a hold of yourself. Who knows, maybe the spark will come back if you learn a bit, okay?”
Obviously, Jeongguk didn’t learn enough. It was the same scenario all over again. And Jeongguk knew it was going to end up like this from the start. He was boring and annoying, even thousands of lies couldn’t hide that.
“Morning, flower,” Seokjin’s rough voice broke the cocoon in which Jeongguk had locked himself in.
The man brushed a kiss against the boy’s forehead. Jeongguk opened his eyes slowly, unable to stop the few tears to slide down his cheeks.
“Hi,” he whispered, fingers curling into Seokjin’s pajamas, clinging, not ready to let him go just yet.
A hand cupped his cheek, thumb brushing the salty pearls away. Jeongguk felt his eyelashes flutter. He was going to miss it. The softness and intimacy of the mornings next to Seokjin.
“What is going on in your pretty head, love?” Seokjin asked, voice still low, as if any louder would tear the cozy blanket of lazy mornings.
He curled an arm more securely around Jeongguk’s waist and hauled him up so that they found themselves face to face, noises brushing. Seokjin didn’t press Jeongguk, nor did he rush him. He didn’t rush anything actually. He never did. He searched Jeongguk’s eyes for a while, hand still stroking his cheek softly, and Jeongguk couldn’t be blamed for leaning into the touch. He couldn’t.
Then, just as slowly, Seokjin lifted his head and started to pepper kisses on the boy’s face, sweeping the tears away. Jeongguk melted, and new tears sprung out of his eyes. He couldn’t stop them. He didn’t want to lose that. He didn’t want to lose Seokjin. But he was going to. And it was killing him.
“P-please,” he pled. “Please don’t leave me.”
He was pathetic, begging like that, but he couldn’t stop. He had to try. He had nothing to lose. Seokjin was more important than whatever dignity he could cling to.
“Baby. My baby boy, I’m not going anywhere, I promise. I’m here, I’m staying here. As long as you want me, I’ll stay here.”
Jeongguk sobbed, face falling into Seokjin’s neck, body shaking.
“I meant what I said last night, baby. I’m not letting you go, not like that, not because of that. I want you. You being a brat or not doesn’t change that. It could never. You want to know something, bub? Even if you turned out to be a dom, I would still want you. That’s how whipped I am.”
Through his tears, Jeongguk managed a wobbly smile. Nobody deserved Seokjin. Nobody.
Jeongguk gasped when Seokjin suddenly rolled over, pressing Jeongguk into the mattress. It hurt, his ass was rubbing against the sheets, but it was what he needed. It was what settled him. What calmed him down. And Seokjin knew it, because he knew everything. Because he was perfect.
“You’re fine, baby. Look at me, I’m not going anywhere. You’re fine. I won’t leave. I’ve got you, I’m not letting you go.”
As if to prove his words, Jin snaked a hand down Jeongguk’s body, reaching for his right hand and pining it to the mattress next to his head, intertwining their fingers together. He then leaned down and pressed his lips to Jeongguk’s. It wasn’t a good kiss. It was messy and tasted like morning breath, but Jeongguk drowned in it, even though he was still crying. Even though he was still a mess.
Seokjin was kissing him and it was the best feeling in the world.
“Baby, what about you go settle nicely here while I bring something for you?”
“N-no, ‘lease don’t leave…”
“I’m just going to the kitchen, okay? Please, you need something in your little tummy, I’ll be back soon.”
It was killing Seokjin, but he managed to fight Jeongguk’s pout, pecking his forehead before scurrying away. He did as fast as possible, rushing in the kitchen, but as fast as he could be, it didn’t stop Jeongguk from diving back inside his own head. Seokjin found him clinging to a pillow, sobbing quietly. It was killing him.
“Hey, love, I’m back.”
Seokjin spoke softly, like he would to a child. It always seemed to work on Jeongguk. He was very responsive to noise in general. Today was no exception. Jeongguk lifted his head up, trying to discreetly wipe his tears away.
Quickly, Seokjin crossed the room and slipped back in the bed, dragging Jeongguk to his chest with his free arm.
“I’m here, you have nothing to worry about. I’m here. There you go, relax for me, good boy. Here, baby bun, I made you a bottle. I know you told me you didn’t like it, but I think it could help you settle a bit. What do you think?”
Jeongguk sniffled a few times, turning in Seokjin’s arms to look at the item. He had lied. Once again. He didn’t know if he liked drinking from baby bottles, he never tried before. He never had aftercare done to him like Seokjin did. He just assumed that drinking from a baby bottle was ridiculous and that it was some kind of test.
“Wanna try,” he mumbled.
He was ready to take the bottle in his hands but Seokjin didn’t let him. Instead, he moved quickly so Jeongguk was propped up against him, still cradled in his arms, and he pushed the tip of the bottle against Jeongguk’s lips. He opened them immediately, pliant. Looking up in Seokjin’s eyes, he took a tentative sip, and melted when the hot chocolate filled his mouth. It was so warm and sweet.
“Like it, baby?”
Jeongguk nodded, suckling on the bottle. Minutes stretched in silence as Jeongguk dutifully emptied the bottle. He then let it go with a little gasp, snuggling back into Seokjin’s arms.
He felt sleepy again, but he didn’t want to sleep. He wanted to enjoy the warmth.
“You’re welcome… Shit, you’re so adorable. I love you so much, baby boy.”
Jeongguk froze, looking up at Seokjin with wide eyes. The dominant looked just as surprised, mouth hanging open.
“Yup, right, okay,” Seokjin laughed nervously. “Definitely didn’t mean to say it like that, but well, it’s true so…” His voice became serious again as he peered into Jeongguk’s eyes. “I love you, pretty. You’re amazing. And yesterday… Yesterday I did something wrong. I punished you while I was still upset. Because everything was piling up. We didn’t see each other a lot, and when we did, you were either breaking a rule or being disrespectful. So, I thought… I thought you only wanted me for sex. We should’ve communicated better, and I should’ve paid more attention. But now I know, I know that you didn’t mean to hurt my feelings, you thought you were doing what you thought a sub should do, right?”
Jeongguk nodded through his tears, eager to get his thoughts across. He knew they already had this conversation last night, but he needed to hear it again now that he wasn’t as sleep deprived or such a mess anymore.
Seokjin didn’t hate him. Seokjin wasn’t leaving him. Seokjin didn’t find him annoying or boring.
“So… So you aren’t leaving?” he asked tentatively, needing the reassurance.
“No, baby boy, I am not leaving. Or actually, I’m leaving but I’ll be back real quick. What do you think about these plans for today: very unhealthy snacks, cuddles and movies. We can watch Nausicaä and Ponyo, what do you think?”
Jeongguk smiled at that. A wide, pure, honest smile. The first time in forever, he felt. They ended up doing just that, Jeongguk wrapped in heavy blankets, clinging to Seokjin, sipping banana milk or water from his baby bottle. He felt exhausted, but he didn’t feel bad anymore.
“Hyung,” he asked as the credits of My Neighbor Totoro ran on the screen.
“Yes baby boy?”
“I love you too.”