Actions

Work Header

Nanashi goes to prison

Chapter Text

„Why am I in prison?“ Nanashi said, while not being in prison, “I saved the whole town. I am the hero here!”

“You are being charged with harassing a multitude of people by undressing them in public and stealing their clothes, including underwear, which you then proceeded to wear.” snorted the police officer, who wasn't a prison guard, because Nanashi wasn't in prison, “You are also linked with a bunch of people missing, you could even be charged with murder later on.”
The officer folded trough the papers again.
“Also you are not in prison. This is a police station.”

“I didn't kill anyone! There were vampires, who were trying to take over the world, which could only be destroyed by exposing them to sunlight. I am sorry for not always seeing trough vampire disguising magic perfectly!” Nanashi said, swinging his arms wildly like he could actually argue against the fact that now a whole lot of guys were not more than dust in the wind.

“...so you DID kill them?” The police officer lifted his sunglasses, which he wore, because his wife told him he looked more intimidating when he did it.

“Yeah, but like, they were vampires, it's not like it counts.”

“Are the people you 'destroyed' still around or did you just 'destroy' them with your facts and logic?” The police officer started to become really annoyed by the fact, that he had to argue with a crazy person, even though there was not enough evidence for a persecution. Also he was not sure why he quoted Ben Shapiro, as Ben Shapiro is not that smart to begin with.

“What? They're fucking vampires, they are like allergic to the sun or some shit.” Nanashi started becoming really annoyed by the fact this idiot did not know proper vampire lore.

“So they're dead?” The officer got more serious.

“They were already dead, dude, have you ever seen a vampire movie?”

“And you know what vampires are?” The officer now was staring to become quite angry, “Movies. Not real life.”

“I've like watched a video explaining how vampires are actually just a metaphor for rich people, but even before there were rich people, like it predicted the future.” Nanashi said, unusually calm.

“So you just killed a bunch of rich people?”

“No, I didn't kill anyone, I just... look man, I am just trying to make some friendly conversation, that's all, no reason to get so worked up about it.” Nanashi was trying to calm the situation even though he was the aggressor, always a smart move.

“You are a suspect in both hundreds of harassment and assault cases as well as potential murder, small talk is officially forbidden.” The officer smacked the papers against the bars of the cell.

“And I also saved the whole god damn world, I think that evens things out!”

“You couldn't even save yourself, how could you safe the world?!”

“Let me out! I am innocent and this is boring!” Natashi yelled trough the halls.

“You are a prisoner as long as there are still open questions!” The police officer was starting to wish his handgun was loaded.

“Aha, so I AM in prison”

“God dammit!” The officer screamed.

“I want to talk to my fucking lawyer.” Nanashi said, while pointing his finger out like he just made a cool and smart move.

“Well if your lawyer is fucking right now, I guess he is to busy to come talk to you!”

Uncomfortable silence fell over the entire hallway.

“You give me that phone or I will report you for undermining my rights as a citizen.” Nanashi said extremely serious.

“I fucking hate you.” The police officer walked away slowly to get the phone from the main office.

Nanashi began staring around his cell. It was a small room with a bed, a shelf, toilet and sink, and was closed with iron bars fancying a hard, iron lock with a big keyhole. It reminded him of old western movies, which got him thinking that maybe the police station was a bit underpaid to still be using hole-in-wall cells.

But could it be? Could it be that his actions were irresponsible as well as very harming to the people he attacked out of fear they could be vampires, or if he just wanted some new Yeezys™ ? No, it couldn't be, he saved the whole freaking world. There needs to be some paragraph in the Geneva Convention about the means justifying the means or something like that. If he killed Hitler, but also accidentally murdered a bunch of babys with a metal bat, he wouldn't be charged for it. Like, it would be weird, of course, but he also killed Hitler, so who would even care? And this was even worse than Hitler. Imagine only being able to be nude in the dark. What a fucking joke. No, he was a hero, and the others were wrong. But how could he convince them? Nanashi needed a fool proof plan to get trough to the officer.

The police officer strolled back with the cellphone for inmates in hand, looking a bit calmer than before.

[TO BE CONTINUED, MAYBE]