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The Look of Love

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She was upset. And it wasn’t because of the dreadful hours she had spent killing Cerberus goons, putting bullet holes in machinery and flesh alike, running until she was wheezing, exhausted and spent. And it didn’t have to do with killing Udina, that hadn’t bothered her one bit.

She turned to see him as they walked together, and her stomach made an upside down turn that left her gasping. Fuck. He looked just as good as she remembered. A stinging pain arose beneath her breastbone when the scent of his aftershave filled her nostrils, her thoughts railing at her weakness. After almost three years and he still found a way to get under her skin, rattling her walls, and stirring those memories she thought buried forever. She was definitely upset.

“Do you know why Anderson wants to talk with us?” She grunted, trying to focus on the anger she felt and not on the reason why.

“He wanted to know about the coup, now that we have no Councilor he is worried. We’re using the only QEC available and working.” Kaidan said as they kept walking avoiding the myriad of people coming and going in a frenzy. “It’s on level 28.”

“I hope there’s at least one elevator Cerberus didn’t fry in this damn place.” She almost barked.

He chuckled and the raspy sound sent butterflies flying in her stomach. “Yeah, just around the corner.”

When they stepped into the elevator, his arm brushed against hers and she felt the tickle of his biotics flaring to life against her skin. The sensation made her heart leap and she bit her lip to stamp on the pleasant memories that now flooded her mind.

They stood next to each other in silence as the lift made its slow, tedious way. Shepard instinctively curled against a corner, slumping her back against the wall, trying to stay as far away as she could from him.

His presence was a magnet that drew her eyes against her will. She couldn’t stop glancing at him, surprised at the small changes she now noticed were all over him. He was heavier than she remembered, his shoulders broad and strong, the hard muscles visible in his arms and his face was now full of stark lines that just made him look better, more experienced. She hadn't failed to notice the very alluring confidence that exuded from his manners, the dark undertones of his voice playing every right note inside her. Her gaze fell to his lips, full and smooth and the ghost of his touch echoed in her skin, heat settling between her legs. She let out a shuddering breath.

“For fucks sake!” She snapped, palming her leg in annoyance.

“What’s wrong Commander?” Kaidan turned to look at her, frowning, thick, dark brows knitted together. She gulped under the intensity of his gaze, her palms sweaty and her knees weak. She curled her hands in fists, nails digging in her skin, a sharp pain in her gut. Nostalgia could go fly off a cliff.

“Can’t this crap go any faster?” She kicked the metallic wall, arms crossed across her chest, and as if the elevator had decided to punish her for the rough treatment of its already damaged structure, it stopped with a jolt.

Her eyes opened wide as saucers, a tingle of desperation running in her veins. “You have to be fucking kidding me!”

Kaidan paced forward, and pressed the emergency button. The lights switched and a yellow gleam flickered around them, making everything seemed darker. “Relax Commander, it’s normal. I’m sure there’s already people working on it.”

She leaned against the wall. Truth was that she was dog-tired, the last few days a blur of sweat, blood, blasts and cries that still echoed in her ears. Slowly she fell, until her butt hit the floor, and she hid her head in her arms.

“Shepard?” She felt Kaidan sitting next to her, the warmth of his thigh against hers spreading through her body, making her feel alive again. “How long since you have slept?”

She lifted her head and held a breath when she found him just centimeters away from her. Pulling her most Commanderish stance out of her ass she held his gaze without flinch. “Two, three days? It’s no biggie. N7 remember? Can go a week without food or sleep.”

She saw him frown, placing a big, rough hand on her shoulder, and she shivered at the contact. “Are you telling me you haven’t eaten in three days?” His voice was full of concern and it made his heart twitch in her chest.

“Nah. I had water and an energy bar last night.” She chuckled, but the lines around his eyes just deepened. “C’mon Kaidan, you know how this is. No time to eat in war.”

He gave her a long, deep look, as if he was taking in the sight of her for the first time, and for a moment she drowned in those familiar honey-colored pools. His eyes trailed down and settled on her lips, and suddenly she was very aware of the breath she was holding, of the pulsing in her ears and she jumped to her feet as if she had been sitting on a spring.

“We don’t know how long we’re gonna be here, so help me lift the ceiling, to see if I can get up there.”

“Right:” Kaidan sighed, glancing at her, and she could’ve sworn that disappointment flashed across his face, too quickly covered by a half smile that made her wonder if she had seen it at all. He stood, towering over her and she felt her own sweat prickling her skin at the heat that rose thick and heady inside her. Clenching her jaw, she brushed it aside.

“Help me up.”

The moment she placed her palms on his powerful shoulders, an electric zing traveled across her from head to toes, and the reality of her loss shone through the glimmering emergency lights. The love of her life. That was what Kaidan had always been. Pain jarred through her as she gasped for air, feeling dizzy, a mishmash of the memories of their naked bodies, slick with sweat, spinning around her mind.

“Commander!” Her knees refused to hold her and she collapsed. Kaidan’s arms were around her in a heartbeat, his embrace comforting and warm. She closed her eyes as he held her petite frame against his chest, hearing the soothing beat of his heart, and a solitary tear fell down her cheek. He had no right, no right at all! After all this time and she still loved him, deeply, a realization that crashed like a tidal wave over her.

She was pulled out of her daydream when Kaidan retreated, her body and soul screaming to have him flushed against her again. Her head fell defeated and she sighed, just before he caught her chin in his fingers.

Their eyes met and the seams of her self-control were torn apart.


His fingers trembled in contact with her skin, the flair of his biotics now an evident blue around them, sparkling in the dark. She was right there. Just a breath away. He brushed her cheek with his thumb, and she shuddered leaning into his touch. His heart cracked at the sight of the little freckles sprinkled like stars in the bridge of her nose, the familiar memory of it slicing through him like a sharp dagger. She was worn down, the dark circles around her blue eyes speaking of weeks without proper sleep, but her beauty hadn't dimmed. Since the moment he had set eyes on her again, a fire burned in his heart, whipping him to hold her, to wash away the fear and despair that crawled behind her pupils, wondering if it wasn't too late. He just wanted to be there for her again. But the moment had been too brief, just a flash of time that was swallowed by duty and war.

Her lips parted, as if she had something to say and he decided this, this was his moment. He placed the warmth of his lips against hers and it was like coming home, the fire of the hearth burning in her touch.

His blood roared in his ears when his tongue swirled around hers, tangled together in heat and need. Her arms locked around his neck, pulling him down at the same moment he held her by the waist squeezing her tightly against him. A throaty moan escaped from him, feeling his body responding to her, reacting to sensations that he thought he'd never feel again.

“I love you- damn Alba, I've never stopped loving you.” He panted against her mouth, his chest heaving, forehead grazing hers.

She smiled with that slight tug of her lips he remembered too well and his heart fluttered just like that first night before Ilos when he had kept pinching himself to know it was real. And she needed to know, he needed to say it.

“I can't lose you again, I can’t live without you.” He pleaded, drunk from her touch, her flavor and her scent.

There was a moment of silence, uneasiness growing in the pit of his stomach until she spoke.

“You’re all I want.” She said, voice firm and gentle caresses that feel like heaven on his skin.

He kissed her again, with the hunger and need that had grown inside him for three years, the longing for her prickling in his fingertips, already peeling their clothes off, until there were no unwanted barriers between them. She didn’t protest, melting in his arms, eyes shut and fingers weaving in his black, unruly hair. Slowly, they stepped back as one, until she was pressed against the wall, her small hand now closing around his shaft, stroking him with a deliciously, torturing slow pace. He buried grunts and growls in her neck, nibbling her skin, trying to control the blazing fire of his need. His hands traveled across the surface of her body, as she hummed her approval, the pleasure inside him skyrocketing with the increasing rhythm of her hand. Desire made him dizzy.

“Stop, please!” He held her hand by the wrist and his cheeks flushed when he caught sight of his precum dripping on her palm. It was like a first time all over again. She flashed him a devilish grin that made his cock twitch. Cupping her bottom he lifted her easily, feeling her muscles flexing at the squeeze, spreading her legs wide, tangling them around his hips, letting out the sweetest “Oh!” he had ever heard.

He kissed her, the tip of his manhood grazing her wet folds.“Shit!”

He pressed his pelvis forward, sinking easily into her, peppering her skin with wet, open mouthed kisses in every spot he could reach. She gasped, her body trembling under his thrusts, rocking hips against rocking hips, her breasts mashed against his chest. He kept burying himself to the hilt, drowning in the pleasure of her face, her head tilted back, hitting softly against the metallic wall.

“Ah-yes! Kaidan, please!” Rushed, staggered words left her mouth, and a wave of pride burned through him.   

He caught her mouth with his, their pleasure mingling in low and sharp moans that died on each other’s lips. The rush of pleasure rocked him to the core and he steadied himself with a hand against the wall, still easily moving her at his will, up and down, up and down again, her nails digging crescents on his shoulders.

His face was burning, and he wasn’t sure of long he could hold his release, her walls squeezing his cock tightly, just as he remembered. She arched her back in a sudden movement that caught him off guard, screaming her pleasure in the air, and it was all it took to send him tumbling over the edge, his biotics licking them both in blue flames that magnified his orgasm as he emptied inside her.

She relaxed, going limp in his arms, her head falling on his shoulder, and he felt the rapid beating of his heart syncing with hers. He hugged her tightly, wanting to make that moment last forever, but he slipped when, with a jolt the elevator started moving again, the lights flickering to normal above them.

“Holy shit!” Alba slid off him in a hurry, throwing her clothes on as fast as she could as he did the same, biting his lip with a tremor in his gut. Sensing his hesitation, she held his hand, placing a chaste kiss on his lips.

“This meant a lot to me, Kaidan.” She whispered with a smirk. “And the fact that it was hot elevator sex, just makes it better. I love you Major.”

“I’ve been wanting to do this since I saw you on Earth.” He answered wholeheartedly. “I love you Shepard.”

She smiled and his eyes were drawn to her exposed cleavage. “Ehm, Alba? You might want to close that, not that I’m complaining-”

“I’d love to but you kinda ripped them apart, stud.” She winked.

“Ah, damn. I’m sorry-”

“Don’t be. You have nothing to be sorry for, you hear me?” She said cupping his face, and he kissed her, relaxing after three years, knowing that deep down she wasn’t talking just about buttons.