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“You’re a bastard.”

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Dr Alan Statham sits at his desk, working his way through paperwork. Memories of his argument with Boyce earlier swirl around his head, and Alan wishes he had done before than just shove Boyce for humiliating him in front of everyone. Ideally, he would like to fuck Boyce (as annoying as he is, his teasing kind of turns Alan on), but punching him around the face would be good too.

Still, right now, he can’t fully focus on his fantasies to get revenge on his infuriating partner. Because, instead, Alan is currently trying to go his paperwork and ignore a full bladder. Alan is a chronic procrastinator, so he knows a trip to the toilet will end with him never actually finishing his paperwork. So he has to finish this before he goes to urinate, or it will never get done. If only he had just used the toilet earlier, then he wouldn’t be in this ridiculous situation.

And things only get worse when someone knocks on his door. Alan wants to tell them to fuck off, but calls, “Come in.”

And fucking Boyce sticks his head into the office. “Hey.”

Alan sighs. “Go away.”

Boyce laughs and wanders into the office, making Alan raise his eyebrows.

“Ooh, someone’s in a bad mood,” Boyce says.

“Fuck off,” Alan says, not looking up from his paperwork.

“Nah, I think I’ll stay.”

“You are incredibly irritating.”

“I know,” Boyce says. He wanders around the desk and puts his hands on Alan’s shoulders, squeezing tightly. “But you are too.”

“Seriously, fuck off,” Alan says, frowning and desperately trying to focus on his paperwork and not his annoying partner or full bladder.

“Still not happening. Look, Alan, we’re dating, aren’t we?”

“I suppose we are,” he says, trying not to think about kissing and shagging Boyce lest he get a hard-on. “But that doesn’t require you to stalk me when we are supposed to be at work.”

Boyce chuckles and leans down to wrap his arms around Alan. He flinches away, but the sudden movement puts horrible pressure on his full bladder. Alan bites back a wince, but Boyce still notices.

“Did I hurt you or something? Got a bruise from the other night?”

“Shut up,” Alan mutters. “No, just… go away. I need to finish this work.”

To his relief, Boyce lets go and backs away. Unfortunately, he doesn’t leave the office, instead standing by the door and studying Alan. He does his best to ignore Boyce, going back to his seemingly-never-ending paperwork, the ache of his bladder getting worse with every passing minute.

“There’s totally something wrong with you,” Boyce says.

“I told you to go away.”

“Yeah, not happening.”

Boyce wanders over to the jug of water Alan keeps in his office (it is easier than having to walk to the nearest water fountain multiple times a day), and grabs Alan’s glass from his desk.

“What are you doing?” he says.

“Just getting a drink.”

And before Alan can tell Boyce to not do it, Boyce pours himself a glass of water. The sound of running water makes Alan’s bladder twinge and he grits his teeth, the need to urinate stronger than ever.

Boyce guzzles his water, and then stares at Alan. He frowns and studies him, and then laughs.

“Oh, that’s it!” he says, grinning. “You need a piss.”

Alan glares at him. “Fuck off.”

“Oh, that’s fucking brilliant! You’re forcing yourself to work even though you’re desperate before you go, aren’t you? That is so Alan, honestly.”

“Fuck. Off.”

Boyce grins, and, looking at Alan, starts pouring another glass of water. He pours it slowly, letting the water trickle into the glass, and Alan does wince this time. When the glass is full, Boyce simply tips it back into the jug, that infuriating grin never leaving his face.

“You’re a bastard,” Alan says, pressing his thighs together under the desk. “Get out of my office.”

“Nope,” Boyce says, pouring the water again, the sound like a running tap, and Alan grits his teeth.

He lurches to his feet, having to be careful not to end up pissing himself, and grabs Boyce by the shoulders.

“Fuck off, you little bastard,” he says.

And the infuriating bastard gives Alan a kiss, before darting out of the room.

Sighing, Alan goes back to his desk, hoping Boyce will leave him alone – and hoping he can hold on until later.