So I met this one guy.
At the pool a few minutes away from my flat. It was a hot summer day, and I just thought it was a good idea to go swimming.
I went alone because if I invited Mats, he would’ve been way too overprotective of me. If I invited Robert, he would’ve just tanned himself, or tried to push me into the water. If I invited André, I would’ve had to baby sit him and be his personal life guard.
I took a little break. I sat down on a bench, water dripping down my body. Another figure sits next to me to take a break. All I had to do was look at his tattooed arms, and I immediately knew he was attractive.
And he was.
Even if his hair was wet, it was perfect. He was perfect.
“Hey.” he smiled, and god that smile is so perfectly imperfect.
“H-Hi.” I replied, rather breathless.
“I know. I’m Mario.”
“How’d you know?”
“Your tattoo.” He had a tattoo with his own name. Who the fuck does that? Exactly. No one. But he did. And it somehow was still hot.
“How’d you see my tattoo so quick?” Marco teased.
I didn’t answer, instead I blushed.
And from that day on, he became my best friend.
We got each other’s phone numbers, we always texted, he always came over, or vice versa, and I always fell for him even more.
It’s cheesy and gross, really. But I can’t help it. And I don’t even know what to think. Because all my close friends’ reactions were different.
Mats: “Aw, I’m so happy for you!”
Robert: “That’s fucking gross.”
André: “Ugh, I’m so lonely.”
I guess I’ll just stay remembering Mats’ response.
I can’t exactly pinpoint why I fell in love with Marco.
Maybe his golden hair and how it illuminates in the sun. Maybe how insecure he is about his crooked smile. Maybe his tattoos that shield half his body.
Or maybe his stupid jokes. The beautiful song his laugh makes. His dimples that actually make me die.
I don’t really know. Everything about him made me fall for him. And I don’t know how to handle it. I really, really don’t.
Summer is over, and winter is here. Throughout fall, Marco and I have still been hanging out.
But I still haven’t told him.
I came to the conclusion to write him a letter.
Hey. What’s up? Fuck, where do I start? I don’t know how to tell you this, I’m not even going to send you this, but I’ve been hiding something for a while now.
Marco, you’re my favorite person ever on this earth. Everyday, I get excited to wake up because I look forward to seeing you, and I never get tired of it. I get the same feeling every morning, like a kid waking up on Christmas Day.
It’s so incredibly corny, but the day I met you, I started to fall for you. I didn’t realize it until we got close, but that doesn’t matter. I fell for you so fast, and I’m so angry at myself for that. I tell myself I need to stop, but I can’t. I don’t even know why I’m writing this, because I’ll never send this to you. It’s not helping, and it really doesn’t help that you’re uninterested in me.
You talk about this one person. Apparently someone no one knows about. But Mats, Robert, André, and I are almost positive it’s Scarlett. But don’t worry, that’s okay, because if you’re happy then I’m happy. It hurts seeing you give attention to someone else, and not realizing what I’m trying to do, but it’s okay. I won’t force you.
What I mean by ‘What I’m trying to do’, is trying to express how I feel. In fact, maybe I’m wrong. Maybe you do know that I have feelings for you. But at the same time, you’re so caught up on this... one person you’re interested in - which is most likely Scarlett - that you might not even realize my feelings.
This is why I haven’t told you sooner. 1) you’re interested in someone else, so what’s the point? 2) I don’t want to ruin our friendship. I wish I can just tell you, and everything will be normal.
The problem is, it wouldn’t.
But Marco, if you weren’t interested in someone else, I would’ve told you.
And with that, I ended the letter. A closing would’ve been weird. What else would I have written?
I keep it in my drawer everyday. Maybe one day I could send it. Maybe.
I always wake up and check my drawer, and contemplate whether or not I should send it. I always decide not to.
Except one day it wasn’t there.
“Fuck, fuck, fuck,” I murmured under my breath, while rummaging through my drawer. “where is it?”
I started to think. Mats, Robert, and André came over last night, it had to be one of them.
André’s dumb enough to have taken it. So I called him first.
“Where’s my letter?” I asked immediately.
“Okay, it wasn’t you.” I hung up and called Robert. He’s an asshole. Maybe he sent it. “Where’s my letter?”
“You wrote a letter? To who?”
“No questions. Just give me an answer.”
“Look, I don’t know what the fuck-“ I didn’t feel like listening to him, so I hung up. It must be Mats. But how? He’s the most mature. “Where’s my letter?”
“Hi to you, too.”
“Look, I’m sorry-“
“Why the fuck would you take my letter?!” I yelled in disbelief.
“Marco has to see it.”
“Y-You sent it?”
“Oh my god.” I hung up and dropped my phone.
Fuck. Oh fuck.
He sent the damn letter.
Mats has always been my favorite out of the three, but now I just want to punch him in the face.
To top it all off - it’s almost Christmas. What a great present.
It’s Christmas, and André threw a party. Which means tons of drinks, because he’s a fucking lunatic.
But Marco doesn’t drink. Just like Mario.
They’re always the only ones who aren’t drunk at any party. It’s funny really, because they laugh at their drunk friends together.
Mario’s head was starting to hurt. 1) the music. 2) his friends. 3) the constant urge to just kiss Marco on the spot. So he decided to sit on a bench outside of André’s flat.
It was cold, but his Christmas sweater kept him warm. The wind was nice to listen to.
But something even better was heard. Marco. “Hey.” He said, and it startled me.
“Hey, you scared me.” I laughed.
“Sorry. I just wanted to... talk.”
And suddenly my smile went away. I know what it’s about. The fucking letter. “Yeah...”
“I got your letter-“
“I didn’t send it... by the way. Mats did. I didn’t tell him to but he did.” It stayed silent for a few seconds, until I broke up. “So... what about my letter?”
“Well... you’re interested me... correct?”
My cheeks started to heat up. I nodded in response. “I’m sorry.”
“For what?” He chuckled.
I avoided his gaze. “I realized that I was being pretty... rude. It seemed like I was guilt tripping you but I really wasn’t. I just had to try and get it off my chest, and saying it in an ‘okay’ way would’ve made me a lier, because I’m not okay. Sure, seeing you happy makes me happy, but I want you to be happy with me.”
It stayed silent for a few seconds. “Is it okay if I-“
“Guys! It’s time for presents!” André interrupted. Great.
At least I didn’t have to spend a lot of money. Because the party only includes Mats, Robert, André, Marco, and me. Should it really be considered a party?
We walked inside the house together, and went to the Christmas tree.
Marco and I stole glances at each other next to the Christmas tree. What was he going to say? Is it okay if I...
“Mario, your turn.” Mats nudged me.
I took Mats’ present and gave it to him. He opened it carefully and gasped. “No way! I’ve been wanting this!” It was a pair of shoes he’s been gagging over. “Thanks, man!” He hugged me.
I took Robert’s present next and gave it to him. He opened it lazily, but his eyes widened. “Oh shit. Thank you!” This is the first time I’ve seen him smile in a while. I got him a watch for exercising. I don’t know what it means, but it does something like calculates how many steps you take. Whatever, he liked it.
I took André’s present next and gave it to him. He opened it eagerly and squealed. “Thank you, thank you, thank you!” It was an electric razor. A pretty complicated one he’s been dreaming for.
And finally, Marco’s present. He opened it, and smiled wide. I bought him a Dortmund jersey. With ‘Reus’ on the back, and his favorite number: 11. Once he saw the back, his jaw dropped. “No fucking way! This is crazy, Sunny!” The nickname. The nickname that doesn’t fail to make me smile. “Thank you so much!” He hugged me tight. I inhaled the scent of him, and breathed out. “No problem.”
Marco got me something equally cool. We both like Dortmund, so he bought tickets for both of us to go see a game.
The ‘party’ continued, and I was standing up, talking to Robert. Then, I felt a tap on my shoulder. I turn around to Marco. He’s blushing, and it’s so fucking adorable.
He seems like he wants to say something but he doesn’t. Instead he leans in and kisses me. Then he looked up. Makes sense.
It was awkward and quiet so I had to say something. “What if you what?”
“Earlier you said ‘what if I’...”
“Oh,” he laughs and goes even redder. “I was gonna ask, what if I kiss you?”
I laughed in response. When did the confident Marco get so shy?
I grabbed him collar, and pulled him in to kiss him more. It was beautiful and what I always dreamed of.
This was my favorite Christmas present of all time.