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The Language Of Their Love

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Steve had a pretty relaxed attitude when it came to sex… to most things, really:

 

If you were not hurting or endangering yourself or others… no bad mouthing others… and preferably had some basic consideration for the world and others…

 

You were good to go.

 

Bucky had used it to his advantage for a while now.

 

If they were in no particular hurry, he would request the most outlandish things, just to see how Steve would react.

 

Having Steve use a sharpie to circle the spots where he had just come on Bucky’s back? Steve had.

 

Steve had also licked Bucky clean.

 

He had allowed Bucky to bind a small bell around his wrist, just to rise to the challenge of sneaking up to Bucky. (Bucky had been willing to overlook a lot in that scenario. But as long as Steve held still…)

 

They had bubble bath fights that escalated quickly.

 

And on the really bad nights, when the Soldier prowled too close to the surface, Steve allowed Bucky to suck and nibble at the side of Steve’s hand. To be fair, what Bucky did was probably closer to a solid chew. But this was the single most helpful thing anyone had ever done for him.

 

And Bucky insists that there has to be something… anything… no matter how outlandish… that would make Steve happy.

 

To his credit: Steve does not even think to mention one of the many therapeutic things Bucky probably should look into.

 

He just smiles and says things are fine.

 

So Bucky keeps insisting.

 

Asking.

 

Suggesting.

 

And while it does lead to some rather interesting evenings…

 

Bucky doesn’t get an adequate answer.

 

There has to be something.

 

Bucky is not even sure if there has to be something because there has to be something, because everyone has something they want. It’s just the way it is. Or if there has to be something because some part of Bucky just wants to be wanted.

 

But this is getting really annoying.

 

To a point where Bucky just sits Steve down - or more precisely, sits down on Steve, because it does minimize the chances of Steve running away - and attempts to talk this over like an adult.

 

“Come on Steve, if it was the other way around you would worry at me like a dog with a bone, too.”

 

“I would also tell you that you don’t have to do things you don’t want to. Nor anything you are uncomfortable with.”

 

“Because that is what you always say. Standard disclaimer. Dully noted. Now, come on, spill. There has to be something that I can do for you that the lamp post on the other side of the street can’t.”

 

“What if I am happy enough that it is not some random lamp post from Brooklyn, but you? And that you are comfortable to ask for stuff? To ask me for stuff?”

 

“Then you are an even bigger sap then I already thought you were, Rogers. Come on, quit stalling.”

 

“You don’t have to. You know that, right?”

 

And Bucky does nod. Because what else is one supposed to do?

 

And Bucky had forgotten just how… timid Steve can be. He will fight down a bully without thinking twice. He will give inspirational speeches at the drop of a hat. He can make the most vague “one day we will” plans… but asking? Actually asking? From face to face? Very much not Steve’s strong suit.

 

It takes Steve a good three minutes to describe a very specific egg colored pair of cloth trousers and a suit vest. “The blue one, with the three cream colored bottoms at the front.” Both of those are part of Bucky’s wardrobe, though Bucky isn’t sure if he ever wore either one of those.

 

So, just those and nothing else?

 

“And then, Rogers? You want to sketch me?”

 

“Begging for your dick would have been on my list. But we could start this your way.”

 

And Bucky isn’t sure where the teasing beginns or stops.

 

But it is a start.

 

So of course he gets up and gets changed.

 

He also makes the mistake of looking into a mirror.

 

And what he is wearing isn’t doing it for him.

 

It is not the old look they had back in the day. It doesn’t really look like summer time, when they would lounge around with next to no clothes at all. It’s… a vest and some trousers… and that is that.

 

Bucky tries to see it. His feet look nice. At least one thing they didn’t change overly much… Maybe Steve wants the arm on display…?

 

It’s hard to say.

 

To Bucky they are just clothes.

 

There isn’t anything special to it.

 

He will have to ask Steve… because what ever Steve is looking for, this… attire… well… Bucky wouldn’t think to use this to seduce anyone.

 

Which might be part of the problem.

 

Steve had initiated all the major steps in this relationship.

 

First hug.

 

First kiss.

 

First careful groping, prepared to back of, just in case it was unwanted…

 

And Bucky had been… willfully clueless.

 

Because Steve… well, both of them,really… had continuously sidestepped the magical three words that usually went with this.

 

Bucky, because he didn’t trust his own luck. He didn’t trust himself not to ruin this, if Steve didn’t say them first…

 

And Steve, because he had spend too much time around people who loooooved their favorite TV show, a vanilla ice cream, a new pair of…

 

Steve believed in saying things differently.

 

In offering a blanket, when it was needed.

 

In listening, when it was wanted.

 

In saying the most romantic things in the most matter of fact voice.

 

Bucky still hated himself for the day he ramblingly brought it up.

 

That week alone Steve had brought around Bucky’s favorite childhood book, snuck one of Bucky’s favorite meals at him, there had been back rubs, Steve had… they had…

 

They had had sex.

 

Three times.

 

In a single week.

 

And Bucky still couldn’t get himself to admit aloud that the part where they slept beside each other after… had probably meant even more.

 

And when Bucky finally caught on, when he finally understood, that Steve really used gestures to show his love… Bucky had done… he had wondered… he had calculated… he had tried to remember…

 

But Steve had always been like that.

 

And Bucky had hated his past self just a little bit more.

 

Because he had not seen it back then.

 

And during the subsequent panic attack… Bucky had remembered to grasp onto Steve's ankle. Because by that time Bucky was lying in a fetal position on the floor anyway. And because he had needed Steve to stay.

 

And Steve had been… incredibly pragmatic.

 

If Bucky did not want him to go, Steve would stay.

 

Getting his body to nod, while he was still shaking, had been one of the hardest thing Bucky had ever done.

 

They had spend the rest of the night on the couch.

 

Bucky had needed to be held.

 

And Steve had decided that this was okay. He didn’t need a running TV to go with that…

 

Something in Bucky’s soul had finally struck roots that night.

 

Which was one of the main reasons, why he would do everything in his power to give back just a few of the things that Steve had done for him over time.

 

Maybe this get up really does nothing for Bucky.

 

But he is sure that Steve is not pulling his legs.

 

So if this is it, then yes, Steve will get what ever his heart desires.

 

Which does not stop Bucky from sounding just a little bit sheepish when he makes it back to the living room.

 

“Can you explain it to me?”

 

It is the sensible thing to ask. If only to ensure that he does nothing that might throw Steve’s mood.

 

And while Bucky objects to being placed in front of a mirror on principle, something inside him does melt at the tender way Steve brushes Bucky’s hair and ties it together.

 

The angle is all wrong and the result maybe just a bit too loose, but Bucky doesn’t mind. He doubts his hair will stay like that for long.

 

It’s in the way Steve steps behind him, the way Steve wraps his arms around Bucky’s torso and the way Steve runs his thumb over Bucky’s hip bone.

 

While Bucky will never learn to like this new body, Steve’s acceptance does go a long way.

 

Just that, this once, this really isn’t supposed to be about Bucky.

 

Though he can already feel his toes curling at the way Steve runs his stubbles against Bucky’s neck.

 

And something in Bucky starts to suspect that this might be a long night.

 

It might have something to do with the singlemindedness with which Steve nibbles at Bucky’s ear.

 

And as nice as it feels… Bucky still doesn’t see the part where he needs to dress up for this.

 

And if there is one thing that does bring Steve to a stop for all the wrong reasons, it is the slightest touch of metal on his skin.

 

Normal people might recognize a weapon.

 

Steve only ever sees Bucky’s strength and survival.

 

Which might be one of the many reasons why Steve just loves to take his time. If they can afford it and Bucky does not start to whine, which Bucky usually does, Steve can tease both of them for hours.

 

It is not one of the things that requires fancy clothes either.

 

“Spill, Stevie. What’s going on in that head of yours?”

 

And Bucky knows to treat lightly when Steve starts to turn that shade of pink.

 

“It’s…” Yes, definitely treat lightly. “You do remember that we lived together. Of course you do. It’s just…” Steve normally isn’t one for stalling either. “I used to watch you.” Nor does he normally sound that soft. “When you put on something fancy. It looks good on you. Always did.”

 

Bucky tries not to regale too much on the fact that Steve means it.

 

“And I know we were not like that. I mean, when I finally finished school you came right from the docks in your work clothes and went back to work right after. That’s how it was. I was glad enough I wasn’t all alone on that day…”

 

And Bucky does remember how much time Steve missed in school. And how often he was therefore thrown into classes where he did know exactly no one. Of course Bucky had taken the time to congratulate Steve on pushing through. Bucky is also starting to guess the real reason for this…

 

“… but it was clear that you only ever dressed up for other people. Usually for some girl you had met at random and who had no chance of really knowing how precious you are. And on some night… I wanted. I knew I could be better then them. All I needed was one chance…”

 

And Bucky heard the part not said. The part where Steve just wanted to be put first. Which actually did a lot to explain the ease with which Bucky could talk Steve into staying at home instead of attending yet another charity ball… and Bucky deliberately settles on the two words that used to bring the best and the worst out of Steve:

 

“Prove it.”

 

Bucky sees the teeth on his shoulder coming. Yes, literally. But Steve also has a tendency to get forceful when he is turned on.

 

The part that is a surprise? Steve means business this time.

 

Bucky has hardly finished the sentence by the time Steve is already groping him through his trousers. It does not help that the cloth is so thin, Bucky feels like Steve’s hand is out to burn him.

 

What ever he had meant to say about this, Steve’s lips are already on Bucky’s mouth. And it does not feel like a kiss this time. More like a claim.

 

Bucky claims right back, with just the right amount of pressure and no reservations what so ever.

 

He even tries to wrap his hand in Steve’s short hair.

 

Just that Steve is already kneeling down.

 

There is no mistaking the intent.

 

Steve’s hand are so close to Bucky’s fly, they might as well be on it.

 

And still Steve looks up, with those huge eyes and one incredibly needy “Please.”.

 

And Bucky will forever deny the breathless way in which he tells Steve to prove himself, again.

 

Which is all the prompting Steve needs.

 

Before Bucky really processes what is happening Steve is already choking himself on Bucky. And while Bucky normally would tell Steve to be careful… Steve already pulls out all his best tricks. Tongue, the barest hint of teeth and just the right amount of suction.

 

Bucky does try to grab Steve’s hair again. Partly because Steve does need air. Partly because Bucky does want to last longer. And Steve’s insistence is crossing all the wrong wires in Bucky’s brain.

 

Steve must know. Because his reaction is to become even more determined.

 

He does add a bit of humming, just because he knows what it does to drive Bucky crazy. And his hands become determined. While he might have just held on to Bucky’s ass till now, he starts to grope, repeatedly dipping his fingers into Bucky’s cleft. While his other hand does his best to fondle Bucky’s balls.

 

It is enough to make Bucky’s knees buckle.

 

And maybe Steve should have thought this through before. Because maneuvering Bucky out of those trousers isn’t easy when one is kneeling before the man. But when Steve finally does…

 

He looses no time to get his shoulder behind Bucky’s knees, practically picking Bucky up and pushing him right against the mirror.

 

Bucky does cry out. Which might be due to the cold. Or due to the fact that Steve does press his finger against Bucky’s hole.

 

There is a fine line between insistent and forceful. And Bucky can’t help the sudden jump of his dick, when Steve manages to press in just so.

 

And by the time Steve does find that small bundle of nerves inside of Bucky and does his best to assault it, Bucky is sweating and shivering mess, who has trouble to draw a deep breath.

 

In the end Bucky does last longer then he thought, but no where near long enough to allow Steve to draw out a fantasy.

 

And Bucky would be embarrassed. He really would be. If it was not for the decidedly smug look on Steve’s face.

 

Which is also the number one reason Bucky demands to be put down. He is not yet sure if he is actually back in his own body. But if there is one thing they will forever do, it is trying to get a raise out of the other.

 

Steve doesn’t seem to inclined to let Bucky down, obviously enjoying the way Bucky’s breath stutters when ever Steve’s tongue darts out for another kitten lick…

 

“I am serious, put me down Rogers. I need your mouth elsewhere.”

 

Which does do the trick.

 

Partly because Steve loves kissing.

 

It does not mean that he will stop running his finger over Bucky’s hair or up and down other parts of Bucky’s body.

 

But since they are standing chest to chest, Bucky knows he at least has a chance.

 

It does take a bit of time to convince Steve that words are a thing and Bucky might want to use them.

 

Which does have the advantage that by the time their lips do part, Bucky has the entire answer already planned out in his head.

 

“I can’t promise that it would have worked back then.”

 

Which obviously wasn’t the answer Steve wanted.

 

“Hear me out. It’s not that part.”

 

And Bucky is half tempted to just resort to kissing and maybe have this conversation - too - at a different time or not at all. Still, be owes Steve more than that.

 

“I always figured, if I ever moved out and started to share a flat with some girl, then she needed to be better then you. Giving up staying with you should at least be worth it. And there was more then one night, when the most honest thing I could have done was to turn around and go back before I had even reached the end of the block. Because it was already apparent, that this one would not make the cut either. But…”

 

And Steve’s voice is incredibly low when he prompts, “But?”

 

“You were frail, Steve. And hell bend on dying young. I could not have lived with myself, if being with you would have turned out the be the thing that finally did you in.”

 

And while Bucky knows that Steve hated it whenever someone doubted his physical powers… and still does for that matter… there is something in Steve’s face that makes it all to clear that he hears the sentence he has forbidden Bucky to actually voice aloud.

 

It’s in the kiss they share this time.

 

And Bucky almost laughs as he realizes, “Beside, you would not have liked it, if I had said yes back then.”

 

Steve’s “Why?” sounds like a honest question. And it is then that Bucky decides that Steve deserves to be spoiled rotten tonight.

 

The part where he picks Steve up does get answered with drawn brows.

 

Bucky knows that Steve prefers it the other way around, partly because now Steve can. And normally Bucky does humor him most of the chance he gets. But…

 

This is actually nice.

 

Bucky likes the needy little sounds Steve makes.

 

And judging from the way Steve is withering against Bucky…

 

It seems like Bucky is not the only one who might be a little too eager tonight.

 

Which makes it all the more fun to take his time while carrying Steve to their bed.

 

And Bucky can tell that Steve hasn’t entirely caught on yet.

 

So Bucky deliberately lies Steve down on the duvet and worms his metal hand underneath Steve’s shirt, right above Steve’s heart.

 

It causes Steve’s eyes to go huge like saucers.

 

And Steve’s own hand goes directly to his crotch.

 

Yep, most definitely eager.

 

Bucky stops him and almost falters at the whine that causes.

 

Still… “You had your chance, Stevie. Could have rubbed one out while you were sucking me off. I probably would not have stopped you then. Though we both know you got to be careful… We can’t risk your lungs sizing up…”

 

And Bucky watches as understanding blooms on Steve’s face.

 

It takes Steve three tries to form the sentence Bucky was expecting: “I won’t break, Bucky. Don’t tease.” There is something breathless to this, that tells Bucky that what Steve really needs is some good teasing.

 

So Bucky bows down, peppering butterfly kisses on Steve’s lips while every so slowly rutting against Steve’s crotch.

 

And Bucky’s hand does feel Steve’s heartbeat.

 

It also gives him a good shot at Steve’s blood pressure.

 

The information reaches Bucky’s brain more as abstract data then as a real feeling.

 

But Bucky can’t help something primal and possessive coiling inside him every times Steve’s vitals spike when Bucky threatens to touch him even slower.

 

Or at the most precious whines Bucky earns when he ever so lightly runs his human hand up and down Steve’s body.

 

It is then that Bucky truly understands just why Steve loves taking his time.

 

Because while Steve is healthy, even his breathing is all kinds of wrecked by the time Bucky has teased Steve’s prostate for the better part of an hour.

 

And if only Bucky could, be would bottle those sounds, to play them back when he needs them.

 

And if, just maybe, after all this time, Bucky isn’t exactly seeing straight either… well… that’s between them. And that’s that.