When their class suggested (read: begged) Aizawa-sensei to let them go on an end of year trip together, Katsuki was pretty confident that Aizawa would say no.
Rest assured, he was wrong.
"Packed everything?" asked Bakugou Mitsuki cheerily, grinning down at her son in a way she knew irritated him.
"Yeah," Katsuki replied, nudging his duffel bag with his toe. Mitsuki flopped down onto his bed, ruffling his hair. It was nine in the morning and Katsuki had decided he may as well sleep over at his parents' place since he had to come and get some stuff anyway. It made them happy, too, so two birds with one stone.
Soon it was time to set out for U.A. and once Katsuki got there Shitty Hair immediately slung a friendly arm around his shoulder.
"Yooo, Baku-bro! What's up, man? I can't wait for the hot springs," he gushed, turning to Kaminari, arm still around Katsuki. Kaminari grinned and came around Katsuki's other side to throw an arm around him, too, and the two devils incarnate grinned at each other. Katsuki settled for glowering at them with deathly eyes until he caught sight of Deku and stopped breathing. He knew Kirishima and Kaminari could tell how his eyes went wide and his pupils dilated. He gulped, aching with a need to touch. Katsuki's fingers twitched at his side, begging him to shove these idiots away, reach out, and pull Deku towards himself.
The boy in question clearly had no idea of the turmoil in Katsuki's head. He was just wearing normal clothes; a hoodie and a pair of shorts. But Katsuki's eyes zeroed in on his exposed legs (those shorts? Big mistake, Deku, unless you wanna be ogled all day), detected his worked out muscles through that stupidly loose hoodie, but most of all, gazed at his
beautiful face. The scattering of freckles over his cheekbones and nose, how his eyes crinkled slightly when he smiled, the dimple in his cheek, how soft his skin looked, and the gorgeous, fresh forest green of his eyes.
Katsuki was not one to wax poetics, but this was just his natural thought process when it came to Deku.
He wasn't sure what love was, never having been in love with anyone before, but unfortunately, Katsuki was pretty sure this was it.
He says unfortunately because he knows he can never have Deku, and that really kills him inside.
"Bro, you okay?" Kirishima asks softly.
Katsuki gulps again and nods briskly, shoving them off and heading towards the bus.
"I don't think he's okay," whispers Kaminari.
On the journey, Katsuki mostly listened to music, and occasionally his idiot friends droning on about stupid shit, too. He most definitely did not stare at Deku, of course, because that would just be no.
Once they got there, Class 2-A excitedly hopped (tumbled) out of the bus, looking around in awe at the classic, traditional Japanese design (except Todoroki, who looked duly unimpressed), and buzzing excitedly about getting to soak in the hot springs. The homestay was located on the outskirts of the city in a very calming and serene place. A few people, like Ashido and Kaminari, were a bit bummed at the lack of activity, but others were happy to get some time to relax, including Katsuki. He thought that Deku probably liked it here, but whatever.
They had arrived a little before lunch, and some people decided to explore the area a bit. Katsuki decided to take a nap. All of this thinking about Deku shit wore out his brain more than he'd have liked. Really, he wished he didn't have to think about him, but at the same time Katsuki knew that wasn't quite true: what he wished for wasn't to stop loving Deku, it was for Deku to love him back. Whenever Katsuki thought about it, though, his chest ached and he felt empty. It was a horrible feeling, and by the time he finally managed to get to sleep, he barely had any time left before he was rudely awoken by Kirishima banging on his door about lunch.
After lunch, Katsuki spent most of the day just lounging around with his group in a nice spot under a shady, leafy tree. There were sprawling, lush green hills ahead of them in one direction, and in the other direction there was a glassy lake surrounded by a small forest that reminded Katsuki of Deku's eyes. The scenery was beautiful. But not as beautiful as Deku, Katsuki found himself wistfully thinking. He went for a walk by himself, which was refreshing for the most part, but being by himself automatically forced him to think about Deku, which just made him feel depressed, so he dejectedly retreated to the shitty people that called themselves his friends.
Katsuki ground his teeth frustratedly, wondering if this was how it was going to be now. He was just gonna be this angsty, dark, brooding, depressed hero now. All because of some stupid crush.
But it's more than just a crush...
Katsuki's mind taunted him. This was supposed to be a relaxing break, he tried to remind himself.
Later that evening, after dinner, Katsuki sat soaking in the hot springs for at least an hour, feeling his muscles come undone. He'd dutifully closed his eyes when Deku joined them, feigning relaxation, knowing that if he kept them open he wouldn't be able to stop staring, and then he'd be outed. Deku wouldn't want to be friends with him anymore, surely.
...Which was why he was aghast (but secretly thrilled) that he had to sleep next to Deku at night, because shitty fucking Glasses had to insist on arranging the futons by their seating order in class, and he'd gotten stuck near the nerd, next to him this time, for a second year in a row (it was an inconvenient angle for
When the time came to switch off the lights, Katsuki found himself reluctant to go to sleep. He didn't want this closeness to end, while at the same time he wanted to escape to the other side of the room just to get his heart to stop beating so fucking fast. It was really pissing him the hell off. The boys stayed up chatting for some time, but Katsuki chose not to engage for the most part. They really did have stupid conversations, particularly Mineta, Kaminari, and Sero. But it wasn't like Katsuki was one to judge, with the countless wet dreams about Deku that he had under his belt.
"Everyone, I'm switching off the lights!" called Iida dutifully. Katsuki sighed, dropping back onto his pillow. He heard Deku shift next to him.
"Good night, Kacchan," Deku whispered to him. Katsuki's heart froze in the midst of its marathon.
"Uh...night," he mumbled, covering his red face and turning away from Deku. This was a disaster already. Luckily Deku slept like a rock and would soon be passed out, not to wake up until the late morning. Despite how diligent that nerd was with his everyday routine in the dorms, only Katsuki knew that he liked to sleep in and, given the choice, he'd be snoozing till noon everyday. Katsuki himself was less so talented in the arts of sleeping, as he lay there in the dark, tossing and turning every two minutes. Just as his eyes started to droop and he curled into himself tighter, about to submit to sleep, his heart would jolt in a funny way and he would snap awake again. It was annoying. Katsuki reached for his phone, fumbling around for a bit until he caught hold of it. It was late. 2:03 am.
Katsuki gritted his teeth, and finally turned to face Deku, whose direction he'd been avoiding all night so far, because he knew that if he saw that idiot's sleeping face, he wouldn't be able to help himself.
What he saw in front of him took his breath away all over again. Katsuki's heart clenched it his chest.
The moonlight seeping in through the cracks in the blinds in steady streams painted glowing stripes all over Deku's freckles. It lit up the shadows of his eyelashes resting on speckled cheeks. It highlighted the soft pink of his lips. Most importantly, it brought to Katsuki's attention the furrowed eyebrows marring Deku's peaceful sleep. He was having nightmares...? Katsuki slowly lifted one of his hands, watching his fingers extend towards the face he knew and loved, wanting to smooth Deku's frown. He felt his red eyes watering up and a bit, but he couldn't quite place why.
Katsuki gulped. His fingers were moving of their own accord, it seemed, because there was no way Katsuki's brain would allow something as dangerous as this. Yes, he relied on his brain to keep him from doing shit like this. So then why was his heart crying for him to just do it? To touch the soft cheeks, trace his thumb over that downwards-curved lip? It happened all too soon and before Katsuki even knew what he'd done, his fingers were tracing creamy skin, and Deku's face was cold, but it felt like he was slightly leaning into Katsuki's touch.
Katsuki listened to his soft mumblings, hoping it was his name spilling out of Deku's lips again and again, thumb now adventuring upwards, ghosting over a closed eyelid, and smoothing the furrow between his brows. Katsuki's heart was pounding in his ears as he watched Deku's face relax. Beautiful. A face like this shouldn't ever look sad.
Katsuki knew he had no right to want Deku back after everything he'd done to push him away, but he did. He couldn't help it. He wanted Deku like a bee wanted honey; it was instinct; it was all he ever knew.
Before he knew it, Katsuki's whole palm was resting on Deku's collarbone, caressing his skin comfortingly, and his entire body had moved towards him, gravitating to him like a lifeline, until they were almost touching. Both boys lay on one side, facing each other, and Katsuki didn't know whether he wanted to hold him, cry, or both.
Fuck it, I was screwed as soon as I looked at him anyway, Katsuki decided, hesitantly moving to curl against Deku. He buried his face into Deku's neck, breathing in deeply. The smell of his skin was so comforting.
"I love you," said Katsuki, pressing a feather-light kiss to his jaw. He better savour this moment, because this was the one time that Katsuki was gonna get to kiss him. "I love you so much. God, it hurts!"
Katsuki kissed his cheek, and his neck, and now he felt the tears slipping. Just great. Fan-fucking!-tastic. He sincerely hoped Deku wasn't going to wake up and shove him away in disgust and hatred.
"Deku...Deku," Katsuki's body shook with silent sobs. "Why can't you be mine,"
He knew the answer, but he just had to ask.
Deku's arms tightened around Katsuki's back.
Katsuki froze. His heart actually stopped.
This is it. This is where I die. I'm going to Hell for sure.
"But I can," Deku murmured into Katsuki's hair, relaxing against him.
"What?" Katsuki whispered, not sure if he'd heard correctly.
"I was always yours, Kacchan. Let's sleep now." Deku yawned, sighing in content. Katsuki's heart leapt. He scowled. What was it now, the hop, skip and jump?
"The fuck," he frowned, "how long have you been awake?"
"Kacchannn...I'm sleepy. You woke me up...you were touching my face but I didn't want you to stop so I stayed still."
"Fuuuck. You...heard everything?" Katsuki worried. Deku nodded into his hair.
"Let's talk tomorrow, I wanna sleep. Love you too." Deku mumbled, swinging a leg around Katsuki's hip.
Katsuki's face was on fire now.
"Cuddly," he commented.
"Says you," Deku's voice was cranky from being woken up, but it sounded so simple coming from him. Let's talk tomorrow, I wanna sleep. Love you too. I was always yours. Fuck, why did he make it sound so simple? How did he make it so easy?!
"Sleep tight," Katsuki grinned. There was nothing to be sad about anymore, unless this was all a dream, but he'd rather not think about that. Finally, Katsuki felt the arms of sleep reaching out to him, gently cradling him as they took him to unconsciousness. Maybe this was all a dream, but he'd rather not think about that right now.