Actions

Work Header

Thot Patrol: Shouta-Kun's Bizarre Barnyard Adventure

Chapter Text

 

 

It was a normal day for Shouta-Kun. However, that would all change, and fast. Shouta-Kun grew tired of Lucoa’s thottery, and began to form a plan to exterminate local thots. He had come up with the idea for form an Anti-Thot Strike Team, but he realized he would need more members to do it. Kobayashi was too lazy to help, Lucoa was completely out of the question, and Tohru was a thot sympathizer (which is just as bad as being a thot).

 

Suddenly Lucoa walked into the room with her huge tits out, and said suggestively:

 

“Shouta-Kun? I know you’re in theeeeere…”

 

Shouta-Kun bolted under a table in order to get away, but Lucoa was simply too fast for him, grabbing him by the shirt and pulling him into her luscious breasts. He braced for the inevitable as he knew his precious virginity would be lost to a thot.

 

But, out of the blue, a hero arrived…

 

“Star Platinum! The World!”

 

Suddenly time was frozen, and Jotaro Kujo gazed upon Shouta-Kun’s predicament.

 

“Good grief…” Jotaro stated.

 

Jotaro pulled Shouta-Kun out of Lucoa’s breasts and freed him from the dragon’s death grip just before Star Platinum’s time freeze ended, leaving Shouta-Kun speechless.

 

“Jotaro Kujo?! But how?! Nigga, did you appear out of thin air or some shit?!!??!” Shouta-Kun yelled.

 

“I can sense a thot from a thousand yards. And this woman…is a thot. Also it’s because of plot relevance.” Jotaro replied dramatically and plot-relevantly.

 

“Now go and get out of here, I’ll handle this!” Jotaro commanded.

 

Shouta-Kun took the advice and jumped out of his window, thinking to himself what a close call he had with said thot.

 

Jotaro and Lucoa stood off, a thot patroller against his natural enemy. Lucoa made the first move, rushing at Jotaro with her breasts out. Jotaro tried to summon his stand, but he was pushed back by Lucoa’s gigantic boobs. Lucoa pinned Jotaro to the ground, but he wouldn’t go without a struggle.

 

“Her tits are truly massive…truly, this is a thot. I have to win this fight, or else she might seduce me too!”

 

“You’re cute, wanna have some fun?” Lucoa asked rather sexily as her tits bounced around in the air.

 

“I can’t let you get any further! Shouta-Kun’s safety depends on it!” Jotaro replied sternly.

 

“Go! Star Platinum!” Jotaro yelled.

 

“ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA!” Jotaro screamed as Star Platinum let off a flurry of punches at Lucoa.

 

To Jotaro’s amazement, her breasts blocked all of the punches.

 

“NANI?!” Jotaro yelled in disbelief.

 

“I have you now!” Lucoa yelled as she squashed Jotaro against the bedroom floor with her breasts.

 

“It’s all over…I have failed in my quest to defeat the thots…” Jotaro thought to himself with tears in his eyes.

 

But like that, another hero arrived…

 

Otis the Cow bursted through the door heroically, fully prepared to defeat any thot crossing his path.

 

“Yo, the FUCK is poppin, fellow thot patrollers?! I have suddenly and conveniently come to save you from the loss of your virginity!” Otis stated.

 

Otis’ best friend Pig walked into the room after him, the two on a mission to help Shouta-Kun get to safety.

 

“So wait, why are we here again? I thought we were going out for tacos.” Pig asked Otis.

 

“Pig, stop being a dumbass for just one fucking second, we have a mission to complete! You there, thot! Come pick on someone your own size!” Otis yelled at Lucoa.

 

“Okay!” Lucoa replied as she ran towards Otis with a sexual fever.

 

“AAAAAAAAAAAAH! I didn’t mean that, I didn’t mean that!” Otis reacted in terror as Lucoa jumped after him.

 

“Don’t you get it? She’s a white girl! WHITE GIRLS LOVE BARNYARD ANIMALS!” Jotaro dramatically yelled at the two.

 

“I thought it was just dogs.” Pig replied.

 

“NO IT ISN’T!! BROWSE ON A SITE BESIDES PORNHUB FOR ONCE IN YOUR GODDAMNED LIFE!!!” Jotaro screamed.

 

Otis and Pig both yelled in fear as they sprinted across the house, desperate to escape the thot’s seduction. Lucoa chased the two across the house, starting to catch up after a while. Jotaro used this opportunity to escape, bolting out the window after Shouta-Kun.

 

“Good grief…are you okay? You didn’t lose your virginity, did you?” Jotaro asked Shouta-Kun.

 

“Uh…no. I don’t think so, no.” Shouta-Kun replied.

 

“Good grief.” Jotaro said again, like the Charlie Brown-talkin’ ass nigga he was.

 

“That was a close one. I’d hate for another thot patroller to fall to the horde.” Jotaro replied with relief in his tone.

 

“So what now? We can’t just let those two be victims to the thots too!” Shouta-Kun stated.

 

“For the love of cud, help us! This lady is insane!” Otis screamed.

 

“Shouldn’t we help them?” Shouta-Kun asked.

 

“These situations tend to work themselves out.” Jotaro replied.

 

The two listened to the chaos unfold for a bit.

 

“Oh, cud, she booby trapped the doorway!” Otis yelled.

 

“Don’t say ‘booby’ to me right now!” Pig replied.

 

“Don’t listen to him, say it more!” Lucoa added.

 

“AAAAAAAAAAH!” Otis and Pig screamed at once, louder this time.

 

Suddenly Otis crashed through the window, struggling to catch his breath.

 

“It’s a madhouse in there! Every cow and/or human for themselves!” Otis yelled.

 

Lucoa flew at the window in a frenzy, crashing her head and torso through the opening and cracking the wall around it.

 

“Helloooo-ooooooo…” Lucoa said suggestively.

 

“AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!” Jotaro, Otis and Shouta-Kun screamed at once.

 

“HOLY SHIIIIIIIIT!!!” Jotaro screamed, like Joseph Joestar would.

 

The three heroes then saw Lucoa struggling to get through the window, and then the realization came to them.

 

“Her hips are too wide! She can’t get through!” Jotaro stated dramatically.

 

“Twas irony that slayed the only slightly metaphorical dragon! Her thottish, glorious hips and thighs eventually lead to her downfall!” Otis stated, even more dramatically.

 

Otis was interrupted by a cracking sound as Lucoa pushed against the wall.

 

“Shit, she’s breaking through! The force of her curves are enough to crack the wall!” Jotaro yelled.

 

“OH, MILK ME!” Otis screamed.

 

Lucoa swung her breasts towards her torso and threw them out forward, the sheer momentum yanking her through the window and breaking a chunk of the wall off.

 

“AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!” Otis, Jotaro and Shouta screamed in terror, running away as fast as they could from the thot.

 

“LET MAMA RUB YOUR MEAT!!” Lucoa screamed.

 

To be Biggy Continued…

Chapter Text

Thinking quickly, Jotaro hatched a plan.

 

“STAR PLATINUM! THE WORLD!!”

 

Time had frozen once again.

 

Jotaro walked towards Lucoa and gently pushed her backwards by pressing his finger against her forehead.

 

“I know your weakness. It’s dead simple, really, the weight of your breasts are too strenuous on your back for you to keep your balance. Yare yare daze.”

 

“Time flows once more.” Jotaro said as Lucoa fell down on her backside.

 

“NO! Help me back up! Mama will make your peepee feel good, I promise!” Lucoa yelled.

 

Ignoring the thot’s sexual pleas for help, Shouta-kun and the gang headed back into town.

 

“Us three are part of a covert anti-thot strike operation called the ‘Stardust Crusaders’. There are thots and Stand users all over this town, but luckily Lucoa there doesn’t have a Stand.” Jotaro said as he tipped his hat.

 

“The Stardust Crusaders? How long have you been fighting thots?” Shouta asked.

 

“Only for a few months now. We’re searching for a man named Dio, and he left a bunch of Stand Arrows laying around too.” Jotaro replied.

 

“And we’re also searching for potential gay lovers!” Pig added.

 

“This town sure does have some odd folks in it.” Shouta replied.

 

“Yare yare daze…”

 

Jotaro, Otis, Pig and Shouta walked by a house, hearing “X Gon’ Give It To Ya” playing at full blast.

 

“Where are we?” Shouta asked.

 

“We’re at an old friend’s house.”

 

Jotaro opened the door to see his old friend Kakyoin doing the Carlton with a waifu pillow.

 

“Oi! Kakyoin!” Jotaro yelled.

 

“Jeh, what is it my boi?” Kakyoin said in a Groyper pose with a blunt in his mouth.

 

“We’re looking for Dio and the Stand Arrows, seen any?”

 

“Oh yeah, I have this one. I thought it was a dildo, so I stuck it in my waifu pillow. Turns out it’s sharp as fuck, and now there’s feathers everywhere.”

 

“Kakyoin, you moron! That’s a Stand Arrow, you gotta get rid of it!” Jotaro screeched.

 

“Oh, okay I guess. YEET!” Kakyoin yelled, yeeting the Stand Arrow across the neighborhood.

 

“Well, that’s that I guess. This will likely have no future consequence in our lives whatsoever!” Kakyoin said confidently.

 

“Yare yare…”

 

Meanwhile, across the street lived a talking milkshake. Don’t ask why he’s a milkshake, because I have no idea.

 

“HEY, Meatwad! Where the hell is the--”

 

All of a sudden, the Stand Arrow came crashing through the window, sticking itself right in Shake’s right ass cheek.

 

“HYAWWWaguaaahOWWW!” Shake yelled.

 

“Shake?! What is it man, what’s wrong?!?” Frylock yelled, rushing to Shake’s aid.

 

“What’s wrong--I’ll tell you what’s wrong, I have a friggin’ arrow stuck in my ass! MY PLASTIC DAMN REAR END!!” Shake screamed, and started jumping around angrily in pain.

 

Carl listened on from his windowsill.

 

“Bunch of frickin’ chimps, I swear. They’re a circus act.”

 

[[MENACING]]

 

“They’re lucky I haven’t shown them my true power yet. The power of [DOING THE CARLTON] is unbeatable…”

 

All of a sudden, some kind of ghostly ghastly thing came out of Master Shake. It was a Stand.

 

“I AM THOU, THOU ART I, FROM THE SEA OF THY SOUL, I COME.”

 

“Isn’t that from Persona?” Meatwad mumbled.

 

“And what the hell’s this? Who the hell is this--the NERVE of some people, I swear! Freakin’ Mexican immigrants are EVERYWHERE! They take your food, they take your land, they poison your water supply!” Shake yelled.

 

“The hell are you talking about?” Frylock replied.

 

“You don’t see this guy? The frickin’ ghastly metal dude RIGHT FRICKIN’ THERE??” Shake yelled.

 

“I mean, I see ‘im. I dunno why, though.” Meatwad replied.

 

“What?! Meatwad, you can’t be serious here! Ghosts aren’t real!” Frylock yelled.

 

“Yeah, well, how do you explain this?!” Shake yelled.

 

All of a sudden, Shake’s Stand punched the television, smashing it into bits.

 

“Woah! What in the hell?!” Frylock yelled.

 

“You see what I mean?!?! There’s a friggin’ illegal Mexican immigrant in my damn body now! And that damn arrow is still in my ass! Oh god, why me?!” Shake screamed, falling to the floor and crying a bit.

 

“WHAT IS YOUR COMMAND, THY MASTER? I AM YOUR SPIRIT, AND I AM AT YOUR COMMAND.”

 

“Wait, ‘Master’? Okay, I can get behind this! First of all, come up with some quippy one-liners whenever we do something amazing. In other words, do it ALL THE TIME, because I’m just that friggin’ awesome! Second of all, express yourself sexually! This is TWENTY-NINETEEN! WE’RE NOT SEX SHAMERS ANYMORE, YOU FRIGGIN’ STRAIGHTIES!” Shake yelled.

 

“But you can still hate Mexicans apparently.” Frylock replied.

 

“Can you really blame me though?” Shake asked.

 

“Yes.”

 

“If you can blame me, then you can you pull this damn arrow out of my--OWW!” Shake yelled as Frylock yanked the arrow out of his rear.

 

“I’ve never seen any kind of arrow like this. Maybe it explains that ghost thing.”

 

“Oh, you think so, do you? Well, let me tell you what I think. I think that’s a bunch of crap, I was born with the POWER and I am not afraid to use it! I’m the frickin’ chosen one, Frylock, just accept my greatness!”

 

“This is gettin’ too weird for me…” Meatwad said, scurrying out of the room.

 

“That’s right, you run! RUN, from the power of my...STAND-O [BERRY BLIZZARD]-O!” Shake screamed.

 

Meanwhile…

 

“Are you sure it’s a good idea to throw the Stand Arrow across the neighborhood like that, mister uh...Kakyoin?” Shouta asked.

 

“Of course not! I just don’t like responsibility!” Kakyoin said in response.

 

“Well, there’s one other guy we gotta find. We have to reunite the Stardust Crusaders!” Jotaro yelled.

 

“Wasn’t there 3? Polnareff, Avdol and Joseph Joestar?” Otis asked.

 

“I thought Avdol was a kind of cheese.” Pig butted in.

 

“Avdol, my daughter, and my grandfather are in Texas right now. They have another group, they call themselves the Strickland Crusaders. Polnareff probably isn’t doing anything, at least not anything important.” Jotaro replied.

 

“What does that Stand thing of yours do, anyway?” Pig asked.

 

“It allows me to stop time for five seconds. It used to be only two seconds, but Araki got high. And speaking of plotholes, Kakyoin, how the hell are you even still alive? I totally forgot to ask you.”

 

“Easy! The punch that Dio delivered didn’t hit my dick, just my stomach!” Kakyoin replied.

 

“Alright let’s go, we gotta find my boi Polnareff.”

 

And so the two traveled onward, not realizing that the waifu pillow Kakyoin had stabbed with the Arrow had gained a Stand of its own. Tohru jumped out from underneath the table, as she had been hiding there for three days waiting for Kakyoin to leave his house for once.

 

“Doesn’t that fool realize? Inanimate objects can gain Stands as well! I’ll find one of those Arrows too, and then...I shall become the master of [THE WORLD OVER HEAVEN]!” Tohru yelled like the horned autist she was.

 

All of a sudden, she was interrupted by Kobayashi staring at her from the open doorway.

 

“Tohru. I haven’t been eaten out in 3 days. When we get home, I’m banging you harder than the fucking Challenger.”

 

“Couldn’t you have Kanna do that? She’s technically of age.” Tohru asked.

 

Kobayashi stood silent for a few seconds, then responded by pulling her pants and underwear down. Kobayashi then reached in her jacket pocket and pulled out two items, a jar of peanut butter and a spoon to go with it. She proceeded to slather a handful of peanut butter on her vagina, spreading it around and pushing it in with the spoon. Kobayashi then stared at Tohru with a crazed look in the eye.

 

[MENACING]

 

“Tohru. I heard that you like extra chunky. You're going to suck every last bit of that peanut butter out of my pussy, and you're not going to stop until I blast my load on your goddamned face. Right here, outside. And no, for your information I do not shave. It makes me feel womanly.”

 

Tohru was now scared shitless, but she knew she had no choice.