Actions

Work Header

Will Your Lips Taste The Kiss Of Death?

Work Text:

This user was a strange one. Dressed in an all-white girls’ school uniform, she commanded her angel-winged Stand as if it were a marionette. It shot arrows out of its palms at Josuke and Crazy Diamond. As Crazy Diamond’s fist collided with a barrage of arrows, Josuke and the opponent, Hana, both let out signs of exhaustion.

Hana’s Stand, Kiss of Death, pressed its lips to Crazy Diamond’s, then pulled back. Hana smirked as Josuke looked at his arm. A weight had been added to it. He pulled back his sleeves to see a gold watch studded with rubies, counting down a sort of timer.

“This battle isn’t over, Josuke,” Hana grinned. “You have three days until judgment!”

“Three days to do what?” Josuke panted.

A scroll appeared in Hana’s hand and she unraveled it. “Kiss all of these people by sundown on the fourteenth to find your soulmate, or perish!”

Josuke took the scroll and read it. “These are all Stand users.” Twenty names were listed, with the photos of the different users next to them.

“One of these is destined to be the love of your life. Kiss all of them and figure out which one gave you that SPARK of love! A kiss on the cheek, the hand, the lips, anything! It’s most effective on the lips, though!” Hana giggled.

Josuke frowned as he read the names. “Jotaro Kujo, Joseph Joestar… These are my family members!”

“They’re Stand users living in Morioh. Just give them a smooch on the cheek.”

His eyebrows furrowed as he went down the list. “Some of these people are twice my age. I ain’t kissing them!”

Hana sighed. “You’re no fun, Josuke Higashikata. Fine, I’ll write in a rule that if you French kiss someone for ten whole seconds, you can cross off that person as well as someone else off the list. Also the countdown has already started.”

He opened his mouth for a moment, and then ran off.

Josuke found Koichi and Okuyasu sitting outside the ghost alley. He barreled into the two of them. “I gotta kiss every Stand user in Morioh or I die!”

“You what?!” Okuyasu yelped.

“I… I was fighting this chick… And her Stand put this timer on me… If I don’t kiss every Stand user on this list, I die.” He showed the two of them the golden watch and the list. The two read it over. “And I have to figure out which one of them is my soulmate.”

“Oof,” Koichi said. “Rohan-sensei, huh? Aw, and Yukako…”

“I promise Yukako won’t be my soulmate, bro,” Josuke said. “So, um…” He took his chapstick out of his pocket and applied it to his plump lips. “Wh-Who’s first? Oh also there’s some dudes on this list I really don’t want to kiss, but to bypass them I have to French someone else.”

“You’re my best friend, bro. I’ll let you French me,” Okuyasu replied. “Erm, but maybe we should do this somewhere more private?”

“That seems like a good idea,” Koichi said.

The boys got up and walked into the alley. Reimi was there. “Hey! What’s up?”

“I have to kiss every Stand user in Morioh or I die,” Josuke said. “And we wanted to do this somewhere private.”

Reimi’s cheeks went pink. “That’s so cute!”

“No it’s not,” Josuke replied. “Don’t look.”

Rolling her eyes, Reimi replied “Oookaaaay.”

Okuyasu and Josuke faced each other. “It has to be for at least ten seconds,” Josuke said. Okuyasu nodded. They both braced themselves and closed their eyes, locking lips. Okuyasu’s lips were dry and cracked, and he drooled all over his chin as Josuke kissed him. Neither boy had any expertise when kissing. As the ten seconds ticked by, Josuke realized that he didn’t feel any sort of spark.

Taking out his handkerchief, Josuke wiped his face. “Two down, nineteen to go.” He looked at his list and crossed out Okuyasu’s name. The ink turned to gold. A little note appeared in cursive. “You may cross off one more name! -Hana” Looking at the list, he decided to cross out Shigechi’s name. “I’m not cool with kissing a kid.”

Koichi took a deep breath. “My turn. Yukako says I’m a good kisser.” He smirked proudly, making Reimi smile.

Josuke reapplied his chapstick and leaned down, closing his eyes. Koichi took the lead during the kiss. His experience was apparent as he rolled his lips against Josuke’s, putting his hand on the back of the other’s head. Their tongues massaged each other. The ten seconds flew by. Josuke pulled back. “No spark… Oh well, four down.” He looked at the list, crossing out Koichi’s name, then looked at the others. He chose to cross out Ken Oyanagi’s name. “That kid looks like he’s eleven. I’m not cool with that.”

“Am I on the list?” Reimi asked.

Josuke rechecked the list. “No. Just Stand users, sorry.”

“Oh, alright,” Reimi replied. She swayed her hips from side to side.

“Do you… want to kiss me?” Josuke asked.

“No! No no no, no thank you,” Reimi replied, swatting her hand in a dismissive motion. “I mean- What if you find the spark in me, but we can’t be together? Because I’m dead…” She sighed.

Josuke took her hands and gave her a kiss on the cheek. “If it makes you feel any better, I’d totally ask you out if we were alive. And the same age. Otherwise that’d be weird.”

Tucking some of her hair behind her ear, Reimi laughed. “Yeah, yeah it would. You best be going to finish the list! The only time I want to see you in the alley is when you’re coming to visit!”

The boys said their goodbyes and left the alley. Koichi said that Yukako was definitely at an appointment at the Cinderella salon. “We can knock two out at once, since we can ask Ms Tsuji,” Koichi said. “And maybe we can ask them to French you so we can knock out more names.” They entered the salon and Koichi presented the situation to the ladies.

Yukako sighed and pinched the bridge of her nose. “Look, I’m only doing this because you’re friends with my Koichi. Make it quick.”

“It has to be ten seconds,” Josuke said. “Look, I totally respect your relationship with him. I just do not want to die.” He put his chapstick on.

Yukako rolled her eyes and locked lips with Josuke. She instinctively hitched her leg around him and grabbed his supple butt. Her kissing was aggressive, reflecting the nature of her Love Deluxe.

“Yu-Chan!” Koichi called out, blushing furiously at the sight of his girlfriend getting frisky with his best friend.

After ten seconds, Josuke pushed Yukako off of him. “That… That was intense,” he breathed. He looked at Koichi with wild violet eyes. “How do you deal with it?”

“Oh, eat a dick,” Yukako grumbled.

Josuke turned to Aya Tsuji. “Well…?”

Twirling a bit of her hair around her finger, Aya reapplied her own lipstick. “This should be fun.”

“I… I am not comfortable kissing an adult like this,” Josuke said. “Just a quick thing on the cheek, okay?”

Yukako’s head whipped around and her Stand started writhing. “Then why did you kiss me with tongue?!”

Koichi put a hand on his girlfriend’s shoulder. “He can knock out another person if he uses tongue! But not if it’s just on the cheek.”

Huffing, Yukako replied “Fine. You owe me for this, Higashikata.”

“I swear I’ll… I’ll get you something.” Josuke then turned to Aya and gave her a quick peck on the cheek. “I’m really sorry. I mean, you’re cute, but you’re, what, twenty-two?”

Smiling, Aya replied “Twenty-eight, darling. You’re quite the charmer, Josuke.”

“I’m serious, you look young! But you’re still an adult and- wow, twenty-eight is way too old for my comfort level. Like, twenty is the oldest for me. It’s just-”

“It’s fine, dear,” Aya said, putting her finger to Josuke’s lips.

“Thank you. Both of you!” Josuke began to leave. “Yukako, I swear I’ll treat you to a coffee after this.” He left the salon, taking out the scroll and crossing out Yukako and Aya’s names. He decided on eliminating Tamami Kobayashi as well. That man was both creepy and too old for his comfort.

“Who’s next?” Okuyasu asked. “I’m not into this, bro. I swear. I just don’t want you to die.”

“I don’t want to die either,” Josuke replied. He scanned the list, seeing the names of his father, his sister, and his nephew. “I’ve been meaning to see my family anyway. To the Morioh Grand Hotel!”

“Oh, on the way we can stop by Tonio’s!” Okuyasu said.

“Yeah and get dinner there as well,” Koichi recommended. “I’m hungry.”

“Then let’s get moving,” Josuke said. “Maybe we can treat my family to dinner as well?”

The other two boys agreed, and they made their way to the hotel.

Jotaro and Joseph were on their way to get food as well when Josuke encountered them. “So here’s the thing,” Josuke said. He told the two of them the situation, showing Jotaro the watch. “And considering we’re on our way to a restaurant, I was thinking that maybe we can all go there?”

“That sounds nice,” Jotaro replied. “How about that, Gramps?”

“Oh… I don’t know if I’m young enough for restraints… I haven’t been intimate like that for years,” Joseph said in his half-senile state.

Jotaro’s face went red. “Not restraints, Grandpa. Restaurant. We’re going out for Italian food.”

“I’ve been to Italy. Your grandmother is from there. Suzi is going to be so angry when we come home,” Joseph mumbled. Shizuka waved a chubby hand up at her father.

Josuke smiled and took his baby sister from his father’s arms. “Aw, I forgot to say hi to you, Shiza! How’s my favorite sister doing?” He bounced the baby gently, kissing her all over her fat little cheeks. Shizuka cooed and patted her palms against Josuke’s face. “I missed you too! I missed you too!” He blew a raspberry into her chubby tummy, making her erupt in laughter.

Okuyasu and Koichi smiled at how happy their friend was with his little sister. Okuyasu looked at Koichi. “Have you and Yukako talked about kids?”

Koichi blushed. “N-No way! It’s not like we’re married or anything. But I would like to be a dad someday.”

“You dork,” Josuke laughed. He patted his sister’s back as they all walked down to Tonio’s restaurant. As Jotaro and Joseph sat down, Josuke planted kisses on their cheeks, and then gave Shizuka to his father to hold.

Tonio came out and took their orders. “Looks like the whole gang's here! What’s the occasion?” The chef asked, cheery as always.

“Basically I have to kiss every Stand user in town or I die,” Josuke said. He showed Tonio the watch. “But just on the cheek is fine.”

Tonio leaned down. “In my home country, it’s a sign of familiarity for friends to give kisses to one another on the cheeks. This won’t be uncomfortable.”

Josuke nodded and gave Tonio a quick smooch, blushing. “Thank you for understanding.”

“Anything for a friend.” He took Josuke’s hand and read his palm. “Hm, something to calm that anxiety, fixing your sleeping problems, keeping that stomachache from manifesting...” He then read the palms of the other guests. Okuyasu had a toothache to be fixed, Koichi had some cuts to be healed, Jotaro desperately needed to sleep, Joseph had a list of age-related issues, and Shizuka had a brewing cold that Tonio was going to put a stop to.

Their meals were brought out. The men all had full meals, whereas Shizuka was given a small bowl of diced sweet potatoes and butternut squash. Tonio assured Joseph that they were soft enough for her.

Josuke spent his time feeding his baby sister. He’d open his mouth, say “Aaah” while holding the fork in front of the baby’s mouth, and smile as she ate. “There you go! Oh, you’re such a smart girl!”

Jotaro couldn’t help but crack a smile as well. “Hey, maybe you should come babysit my daughter some time.”

“Isn’t she seven?” Josuke asked. “That’s a lot different from a six month old.”

“Jolyne would be easier to manage than Shizuka, and I think she’d like you. She loves to do her hair in all sorts of elaborate styles,” Jotaro said. “Anne has to wake up at six in the morning to do Jolyne’s hair before school.”

Studying the hairstyle, Josuke said “That’d actually be a lot of fun to braid.”

After dinner, Josuke checked off the names. Koichi pointed at Rohan’s name. “Maybe we can swing by his place?”

Josuke’s stomach dropped. “Oh. Right. Rohan. He’ll never agree to this. Guess I’ll die.”

“I’ll get him to do it. He always listens to me,” Koichi said. “Come on.” Koichi lead Josuke and Okuyasu to Rohan’s house. He knocked on the door, and the introverted mangaka came to answer it.

“What?”

“This is going to sound weird, but Josuke needs to kiss you,” Koichi said. He smiled nervously as Rohan, looking disgusted, glared at Josuke. Koichi grabbed Josuke’s wrist and showed Rohan the Stand-given device. “If he doesn’t kiss all of the people on this list, he dies.”

“Then perish,” Rohan said, turning and shutting the door.

Before it shut, Josuke put his foot in the door. “Look, I’ll do you any sort of favor afterwards,” he promised. “Anything you’d like. You can humiliate me, make fun of me, take five thousand yen from me, anything. I just don’t want to die.”

“Rohan-sensei, I’ll owe you for this as well,” Koichi said.

Okuyasu smiled wide. “Count me in as well! Anything for my bro.” Josuke turned to his friend and smiled.

Rolling his eyes, Rohan pulled the boys into his house. “You guys have to clean my house after this is all over. Deep-clean. Dusting, toilets, redoing the sheets, mopping the floors…”

“Yeah yeah, we get it. Pucker up, Kishibe,” Josuke said, applying his chapstick. Rohan sighed and Josuke put his hands on Rohan’s shoulders. He closed his eyes and pulled the mangaka into a deep kiss. Learning from Koichi and Yukako, he made sure that his tongue movements were slow and long.

Rohan’s skill level was that of Okuyasu. Drool rolled down his chin, and he tried enveloping his lips around Josuke’s. His hands were on the small of Josuke’s back and his cheek, and he began to moan a bit. Josuke’s eyes shot open at the sounds, and he spent the rest of the ten seconds in uncomfortable agony. He pushed away, wiping his face, which had been drained of all color.

“We are never to speak of this again,” Josuke demanded.

Blushing, Rohan wiped his own face. “Yes… Never again.”

Getting out the list, Josuke crossed out Rohan’s name, and decided on crossing out the name of the last adult on the list, Yoshikage Kira. He had no idea who that was, and knew that it would be impossible to get a stranger, and an adult stranger at that, to kiss him. “Let’s go,” Josuke said to Koichi and Okuyasu. “Hey, Rohan, call us for the cleaning.”

“You know what, you don’t have to. It’s alright,” Rohan said.

“Really?” Josuke raised an eyebrow.

“This was beyond your control. It wouldn’t be fair of me to take advantage of you in such a way. I’m above that,” Rohan said.

“Alright, then. Bye,” Josuke said, leaving the house. They walked down an empty street, lined with trees swaying in the breeze.

Tapping Josuke on the shoulder, Okuyasu said “I think he’s into you.”

“Oh my god I think you’re right,” Koichi agreed.

Josuke’s vision went fuzzy as he pondered that fact. The Great Rohan Kishibe… having a crush on him? They were mortal enemies! No way…!

He was thrown out of his thoughts when he found himself walking into someone. They both began to tumble, but the other caught Josuke right before hitting the ground. The sweeping blonde hair created a curtain around the student’s head. Josuke was looking up into ethereal jade eyes.

“Hey, Mikitaka,” Josuke said. He was hoisted back onto his feet. “Sorry about that.”

“It is alright! Accidents happen,” The self-proclaimed alien replied.

“It’s great that I ran into you, because I sort of need you for something.” He pulled back his sleeve to show Mikitaka the watch. “I was attacked by another Stand user, and she put a sort of curse on me. If I don’t kiss everyone on this list, then I die, and you’re on the list.”

Mikitaka’s cheeks were tinted blue at the mention of the kiss. “Why, of course! Anything to help out my friend, Josuke!”

“Thanks,” Josuke replied. He took out his chapstick.

“Though I must admit, I have never kissed another before,” Mikitaka admitted. His cheeks turned an even brighter blue. “I may not make this a pleasurable experience.”

“Don’t worry about it.” Josuke closed his eyes and leaned up. Mikitaka swept him up and the two of them locked lips.

Josuke’s head grew fuzzy. As soon as their lips touched, he was in heaven. They were perfectly in sync as their tongues touched. Mikitaka put his hands on the back of Josuke’s head and on his upper back, and Josuke returned it, putting his hands on the alien’s shoulder blades.

“That’s ten seconds,” Okuyasu said.

Josuke didn’t care. He broke the kiss and planted another on Mikitaka’s cheeks, then whispered “I… I think I’m in love with you, Miki.”

Mikitaka squeezed him and kissed him on the cheek as well. “I feel the same way.” He rubbed his cheek against Josuke’s and made a purring noise in his throat.

“You’re cute,” Josuke giggled. He felt a weight lift from his wrist, and pulled away from Mikitaka. The watch had fallen off, and a swarm of rose petals enveloped it. In its place came Hana, who was frowning.

“How did you-? Already? Not even a whole day and you found…?” Hana gasped.

Mikitaka stood in front of Josuke, putting a hand on the other’s chest. “Is this another enemy?!”

“She was the one who put the watch on me,” Josuke said. “What are you doing here?”

Dusting off her uniform, Hana said “You found the one you were destined to be with. I was hoping it was going to be me…”

“Then why not put your name on the list?” Josuke asked.

“I’ll be honest with you, I didn’t think of that,” Hana replied. She clapped her hands together. “I’m so glad you found your soulmate, though! I’ve noticed that you’ve been feeling lonely lately, and I thought you needed a bit more love in your life. And I do admit, I think you’re quite cute.”

“I’ve honestly never seen you before today,” Josuke said.

Hana laughed and twirled around. Her appearance changed to that of one of the girls in his class. “My Stand lets me have different outfits. I prefer the white uniform, but that doesn’t comply with the school, so…” She bit her lip. “Anyway! I wasn’t going to kill you if you didn’t kiss everyone. Just ask you out.”

Koichi spoke up. “If you wanted to go on a date with him so badly, then why didn’t you just ask?” Memories of Yukako’s stalking flooded his head.

Hana shrugged. “Well now considering you’ve found the one, I have no business being here. See you around school!” She began to run off.

“Should we do something about her?” Okuyasu asked. “She’s creepy.”

Taking Mikitaka’s hand, Josuke shook his head. “Let’s let it slide.” He looked up at Mikitaka, blushing furiously. “So, um… Are you doing anything on Friday?”