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the voltron family

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 bi boh bitch created a chat! (03:03 AM) 


bi boh bitch: sweet now how do I work this (03:04 AM) 


bi boh bitch changed the chat name to gay ass bitches (03:04 AM)


bi boh bitch added Desert cryptidVrepit Sal, space ace, Takashi Shirogane, Adam s. and Allura to the chat! (03:04 AM)


space ace: lance its 3 in the god damn morning (03:16 AM) 


bi boh bitch: ur point?  


space ace: go the fuck to sleep  


bi boh bitch: no u  


Desert cryptid: Fucks sake Lance  


bi boh bitch: babe!!  


Desert cryptid: I am literally right beside you  


space ace: we get it youre gay  


bi boh bitch: ur just jealous gremlin  


space ace: i am very asexual  


Desert cryptid: Lance if you dont put the phone down and go back to sleep Im going to throw it out the window  


bi boh bitch: make me ;) 


space ace: its too early for this bullshit  


Takashi Shirogane: All of you go to bed, now. 


bi boh bitch: oh shit its the Dad Voice™  


Takashi Shirogane: Lance.  


bi boh bitch: alright alright im going  


Takashi Shirogane: Thank you.  



Desert cryptid has left the chat! (07:05 AM)


space ace: on no you dont 


space ace has added Desert cryptid to the chat! (07:05 AM)


space ace: if i have to be here so do you 

space ace: suffer 


Desert cryptid: Let me leave in peace 


space ace: not until you tell me why youre up at ass oclock in the morning 


Desert cryptid: Why are you 


space ace: i asked you first 


Desert cryptidI asked you second 



space ace: i didnt sleep last night (07:23 AM) 


Desert cryptidI got about maybe three hours. 

Desert cryptid: Anyways you wanna come over to Adashis? Theyre making breakfast  


space ace: dont you mean adams making breakfast 


Desert cryptid: Yeah that 


space ace: can i bring my marshmallow gun 


Takashi Shirogane: No. 


space ace: im gonna do it anyways 



bi boh bitch: I cant believe u guys had breakfast w/o us!!! 😭😭😭 (08:36 AM) 


space ace: i cant believe youre up before noon 


bi boh bitch: I didnt come here to be cyberbullied 

bi boh bitch: did u at least save me any pancakes? 


space ace: no 


bi boh bitch: this is biphobia 


space ace: explain 


bi boh bitch: im bi and it upsets me 


Adam s.: don’t worry, Lance, i'm making you some now! 


Desert cryptid: Adam stop kissing ass we already know Lance is your favorite 


bi boh bitch: ghfcffxhwnd 

bi boh bitch: I am?? 


Adam s.: :) 


bi boh bitch: everyone else can go home adam is the only one that matters now 


Vrepit Sal: :( 


bi boh bitch: hunk im so sorry ull always be my #1 


Vrepit Sal: you only like me for the food, don’t lie to me 


bi boh bitch: I have no idea what ur talking abt 



space ace: you know damn well its true (08:47 AM) 


bi boh bitch: this is slander 


space acewhyareyoubooingme.GIF


bi boh bitch: thats a dead meme and u know it 


space ace: idc 


Adam s.: whenever you’re ready to come over, your pancakes are ready Lance! 


bi boh bitch: adam im so in love with you pls marry me


Adam s.: sorry, i'm not interested in children 


bi boh bitch: tbchcbtmhirjv 


space ace: shot DOWN 


Adam s.: i'm also married to your boyfriend’s older brother 


bi boh bitch: speaking of my boyf where is he 

bi boh bitch: I miss him 


Adam s.: he’s currently giving Takashi a heart attack by performing increasingly more dangerous knife tricks 


bi boh bitch: mmm yes knife tricks are hot 


space ace: stop being gay for 5 seconds and come collect your boyfriend before he actually gives shiro a heart attack  

space ace: that idiot already died before i dont need it to happen again 


bi boh bitch: aw pidge u do care!! 


space ace: fuck off 


bi boh bitch: ily2 

bi boh bitch: anyways im not going over to shadams for keith im going for the pancakes 


space ace: mooch 


bi boh bitch: excuse u 


Takashi Shirogane: Congratulations, Lance, you successfully made Keith sulk. 


Takashi Shirogane sent an attachment: I’msoemo.PNG (08:51 AM)

(Picture of Keith brooding and glaring at the phone with his arms crossed.) 


Desert cryptid: Delete that 


Takashi Shirogane: Now why on Earth would I do that? 


Desert cryptid: Shiro dont make me takcle you again 


space ace: takcle 


bi boh bitch: takcle 


Takashi Shirogane: takcle 


Adam s.: takcle 


Vrepit Sal: takcle


Desert cryptid: Traitors all of you 


bi boh bitch: u love us babe 


Desert cryptid: Debatable 


Takashi Shirogane sent an attachment: Lookathissmile.PNG (08:53 AM)

(Picture of Keith smiling softly at his phone.) 


Takashi Shirogane: He does. :) 


Desert cryptid: Thats it 


bi boh bitch: keith no dont hurt my future brother in law!!! 


space ace: im sorry what 


Adam s. sent an attachment: myboys.PNG (08:54 AM)

(Picture of Shiro and Keith wrestling on the ground. Keith has Shiro in a headlock.) 


space ace: its even more entertaining in person 


Vrepit Sal: are they both okay? 


Adam s.: oh they’re fine, this is just how they are 


bi boh bitch: whos winning??


Adam s.: not your boyfriend that’s for sure 


space ace: 5 bucks says shiro wins 


bi boh bitch: 10 says its keith!! 


Vrepit Sal: i'm going to have to vote for Shiro on this one 


bi boh bitch: hunk :( 


Vrepit Sal: sorry buddy, Shiro is freakishly strong 


bi boh bitch: so is keith!! 


space ace: thats because youre a twig 


bi boh bitch: ill have u know that I happen to have a thing for men who can bench press me 


space ace: gay 



space ace: lance you owe me and hunk 10 bucks (09:02 AM) 


bi boh bitch: gdi 


space ace: eat it loser 


bi boh bitch: sorry if im eating anyone its keith 


space ace: jesus christ i could have gone my entire life without you ever saying that 


bi boh bitch: ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ I only speak the truth 


Takashi Shirogane: Lance.  


bi boh bitch: uh oh 


Takashi Shirogane: I was too late to stop you from making the joke, but I’m not too late to scold you. 


bi boh bitch: but shiro!! 


Takashi Shirogane: No ‘buts,’ Lance.  

Takashi Shirogane: I can handle a lot of things but sexual humor where my brother is the subject matter isn’t one of them. 


bi boh bitch: sorry shiro...  


Takashi Shirogane: Apology accepted, Lance.  


space ace: shiro,,,,, youre such a dad 


Takashi Shirogane: Well, they don’t call me ‘Space Dad’ for nothing. 

Takashi Shirogane: Also, Lance, I’m not sure if you’ve forgotten but your pancakes have gotten cold. 


bi boh bitch: FUCK IM ON MY WAY 


Desert cryptid: About time you noticed 



Desert cryptid: Wait did you say future brother in law (09:17 AM)

Chapter Text

bi boh bitch: all im saying is I would have totally won if u hadnt so rudely deprived me of ammo before shoving me in the middle of a marshmallow war against team shadam (09:52 AM) 


space ace: youre just mad because you lost 


bi boh bitch: they had an unfair advantage!! 


space ace: youve defeated homicidal aliens with way less 

space ace: i dont see what the problem is 


bi boh bitch: the problem, pidge, is that I didnt get to finish my pancakes  


Adam s.: you know there's plenty more where that came from, Lance 


bi boh bitch: this is why ur my favorite shirogane 

bi boh bitch: sorry babe sorry shiro adam is the best now


Adam s.: :) 


Takashi Shirogane: I’ve been replaced. 

Takashi Shirogane: My heart will never be whole again. 

Takashi Shirogane: I will live as a lonely and broken man for the rest of my days, mourning my former position as the favorite with only my fifteen cats to comfort me. 


Adam s.: stop being so dramatic, Takashi, you know i love you 


Takashi Shirogane: I love you too, Adam. 


Adam s.: ❤️ 


Takashi Shirogane: ❤️


space ace: disgusting 


Vrepit Sal: but hold on, Keith isnt a Shirogane 


Desert cryptid: Not legally anyway 


Takashi Shirogane: Yet. 


Desert cryptid: ??? 


Adam s.: according to current U.S. law no individual is inherently too old to go through the legal adult adoption process.  

Adam s.: just because you're not a minor doesn't mean we can't and don't want to legally add you to the family, Keith 


Desert cryptid: I didnt think you guys were actually being serious 


Takashi Shirogane: Of course we are! We love you, Keith, and we always intended to adopt you. 


Desert cryptid: Alright alright enough 

Desert cryptid: I get it 


bi boh bitch: this is very heartwarming and im totally digging the bonding here but I think were forgetting that if keiths taking anyones last name its gonna be mine 


Desert cryptid: …

Desert cryptid: What 


Vrepit Sal: oh boy 


bi boh bitch: ;) 



 Direct messaging between Desert cryptid and Takashi Shirogane (09:58 AM) 



Desert cryptid: Shiro 

Desert cryptid: He didnt actually mean it right 


Takashi Shirogane: In all honesty Keith, I don’t know. 

Takashi Shirogane: Would it bother you if he did? 


Desert cryptid: I dont know 

Desert cryptid: Ive thought about it before but there was never time to sit down and talk about it 


Takashi Shirogane: You two have been together for a long time, Keith. 

Takashi Shirogane: Do you love him? 


Desert cryptid: You know I do 

Desert cryptid: I just 

Desert cryptid: Ten years ago if anyone would have told me Id end up going into space to unravel 10000 years of an alien races intergalactic oppression as a pilot of a robotic lion that came together with four others to form a giant superweapon called Voltron I would have punched them for making fun of me 

Desert cryptid: But then all those things actually happened and I found out more about myself than I ever expected to 

Desert cryptid: I fought alongside my brother and a bunch of total strangers as paladins of Votron and liberated galaxies from all across the cosmos 

Desert cryptid: I found out Im part alien on my moms side and joined a bunch of alien rebels who taught me how to be a better fighter 

Desert cryptid: And that cute cadet named Taylor who I crushed on when I was 13 somehow found me in the desert that night and told me his name is Lance and declared we were rivals 

Desert cryptid: Now hes my boyfriend of 4+ years and suddenly hes making jokes about wanting to marry me 

Desert cryptid: I dont know what to do Shiro I cant tell if hes being serious or not 

Desert crytid: I never expected to make it to 18 let alone end up doing all that and finding someone who actually loves me and treats me like Im the only thing that matters to him 

Desert cryptid: I never expected to be happy Shiro and now that I am Im afraid Im going to fuck it all up and make Lance hate me. We already have so much going on I dont know if I can handle this too


Takashi Shirogane: Lance will never hate you, Keith, you know that. You're under a lot of stress right now and it's hard to adjust to the environment after your time as a paladin.

Takashi Shirogane: Do you need to go for a ride to clear your head? We can talk afterwards if it'll help you.


Desert cryptid: Yes 


Takashi Shirogane: I’ll let Adam know. 






Allura: My apologies for not seeing my addition to this chat sooner, Paladins. I’m afraid it’s still rather difficult adapting to your primitive communication technology. (10:09 AM)


Vrepit Sal: don’t sweat it Allura! you're use to super freaky alien tech, i can see why cell phones are a little underwhelming.  


bi boh bitch: just wait until I teach u abt emoticons and emojis!!


space ace: dont you fucking dare 


Allura: Emoticons and emojis? 


bi boh bitch: yea!! emoticons are these little faces u make to convey a bunch of different emotions 

bi boh bitch: like this ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) 


space ace: lance i will eat your fucking kneecaps 


bi boh bitch: and emojis are symbols of different things 

bi boh bitch: like this 🍆💦🌈😂😭💙😘


Allura: This is so fascinating!  

Allura: What do all the ones you just used mean? 


Vrepit Sal: those are Lance's favorite emojis that he uses all the time. we can explain those later. the face is kind of a snarky, half-smiling, knowing side glance used when the person is doing something sneaky or inappropriate 


Allura: So it’s Lance! 


space ace: jjhkbybi 


bi boh bitch: hey!! 

bi boh bitch: I feel so betrayed  

bi boh bitch: 。゜(`Д´)゜。 


Allura: What is that one? 


space ace: lance being dramatic 



Vrepit Sal has added Coran Hieronymus Wimbleton Smythe to the chat! (10:11 AM) 



space ace: hunk you didnt 


Coran Hieronymus Wimbleton Smythe: HELLO PALADINS IT IS I CORAN 


bi boh bitch: he did 





Allura: Hello, Coran! Welcome to the chat! 


Coran Hieronymus Wimbleton Smythe: WHY THANK YOU ALLURA 

Coran Hieronymus Wimbleton Smythe: IT’S A PLEASURE BEING HERE WITH ALL OF YOU 


bi boh bitch: good to have u here coran!! 


Coran Hieronymus Wimbleton Smythe: IS THAT YOU LANCE MY BOY 


bi boh bitch: yea!! 




bi boh bitch: :O 

bi boh bitch: im the favorite?? 


Coran Hieronymus Wimbleton Smythe: THAT YOU ARE 


bi boh bitch: !!!!!! hell yea im the favorite!!!!!

bi boh bitch: suck it losers


Vrepit Sal: while i'm really happy for you buddy, is no one going to mention how Coran is typing in all caps? 




bi boh bitch: pidge did u hack his phone or smth 


space ace: unfortunately i cant take credit for this 


Vrepit Sal: oh jeez okay. Coran, there should be a key that looks like an arrow pointing up. do you see it? 


Coran Hieronymus Wimbleton Smythe: WHY YES I DO 


Vrepit Sal: just tap it once, it should turn off cap lock 


Coran Hieronymus Wimbleton Smythe: oh! It appears that is has! 

Coran Hieronymus Wimbleton Smythe: Thank You Hunk! 


bi boh bitch: why are u capitalizing every word now??? 


Coran Hieronymus Wimbleton Smythe: Because Each One Is Important Just Like All Of You :{D! 


space ace: alright ill bite whats with the smiley 


Coran Hieronymus Wimbleton Smythe: It’s A Mustache! :{D 


space ace: oh good god

Chapter Text

Coran Hieronymus Wimbleton Smythe: And That Is The Story Of How I Successfully Assassinated The Ruler Of Geon 149 Using Only Mustache Wax And A Bottle Of Nunvil! (12:32 PM) 


bi boh bitch: coran holy shit 

bi boh bitch: ur a legend 


space ace: just when i thought my impression of you couldnt get any weirder 


Allura: Coran, why have you not told me this story before? 


Coran Hieronymus Wimbleton Smythe: Well You See Allura Your Father Made Me Promise I Would Keep All Of My Extracurricular Activities A Secret Until You Were Old Enough  

Coran Hieronymus Wimbleton Smythe: And Now That The Universe Is No Longer In Danger I See No Problem With Sharing! 


Allura: I…suppose that’s fair? 


Vrepit Sal: uh, hey, not to interrupt but do you guys smell something burning? 


bi boh bitch: no??? 


space ace: i do. i can smell it from my room 


Desert cryptid: Oh thats us 




Takashi Shirogane: My best. 


Desert cryptid: He put the takeout container in the microwave 


Adam s.: …he forgot about the metal handle? 


Desert cryptid: He forgot about the metal handle 


space ace: shiro you didnt 


Takashi Shirogane: I did.  


Adam s.: please tell me you put the fire out… 


Takashi Shirogane: The fire is out, but we need a new microwave. 


Adam s.: oh, Takashi… please don’t touch anything else until i get there. 


Takashi Shirogane: You got it, babe. 


bi boh bitch: I somehow find comfort in knowing that he is not in fact good at everything 


Desert cryptid: Lance you already knew that 


bi boh bitch: well yea but 

bi boh bitch: its nice to be reassured every once in a while 


Desert cryptid: Oh I could tell you all kinds of stories 

Desert cryptid: Its even better being behind the scenes. Everyone sees him as this untouchable hero but I know that hes really a walking disaster 

Desert cryptid: Hey Shiro wanna tell them about the anniversary incident 


Takashi Shirogane: I’d rather not. 


Desert cryptid: Thats okay I will 

Desert cryptid: Shiro was determined to cook Adam a meal “fit for a king” despite how shitty he is at cooking. While Adam was at work Shiro had everything set up with candles and fancy silverware and everything. His first mistake was turning on the wrong burner where the oven mitt sat and leaving the room to check his phone. When he came back a huge flame had rose clear up to the ceiling and in his panic he grabbed the flaming mitt with his bare hand. By the time it was all said and done the dorms sprinkler system put out the fire and soaked everything in the kitchen. When Adam came home all Shiro could say for himself was “welcome home, honey” while Adam nearly had a heart attack. Their anniversary was spent in the hospital where Shiro was treated for burns and Adam begged him to never touch anything in the kitchen ever again. We ended up getting take out


Vrepit Sal: Shiro, i don’t mean to judge, but, leaving an oven mitt near the burner? 


Takashi Shirogane: Not my proudest moment. 


Desert cryptid: Ooo what about the time he ate a block of uncooked ramen because he was too tired to remember how to boil water 


bi boh bitch: u WHAT 


Takashi Shirogane: I was very tired. 


Desert cryptid: How about just recently when you were drunk and tried to microwave your cereal 


Takashi Shirogane: As you said, I was drunk. We all were. I’m not sure how you remembered that. 


Desert cryptid: Takashi Shirogaymer. 


Takashi ShiroganeKeith don’t you fucking dare. 


space ace: holy shit keith you made shiro say A Swear 


bi boh bitch: wait 

bi boh bitch: WAIT 



Desert cryptid: He was yeah 


bi boh bitch: shiro I watched ur videos all the time!!! 

bi boh bitch: I cant believe it wasnt actually a fake account!!! 

bi boh bitch: why didnt u bring this up before!!! 


Takashi Shirogane: Because my gaming channel is a time in my life I would love to forget. 



Takashi Shirogane’name was changed to Takashi shirogaymer (12:38 PM)



Takashi shirogaymer: Keith. 


Desert cryptid: What 


Takashi shirogaymer: Change it back. 


Desert cryptid: I have no idea what youre talking about 


Takashi shirogaymer: :( 



Direct messaging between Desert cryptid and Takashi Shirogane (12:39 PM)



Desert cryptid: Hey

Desert cryptid: If it actually does bother you I can stop 


Takashi Shirogane: It doesn’t actually bother me, Keith. If it did, I would use the safe words. 


Desert cryptid: I know but 

Desert cryptid: I just dont want to make you uncomfortable 


Takashi Shirogane: You’re doing fine, Keith, don’t worry. 


Desert cryptid: Ok 






bi boh bitch: what no way!! 

bi boh bitch: I loved ur videos!! 


Takashi shirogaymer: You did? 


bi boh bitch: yea!! 

bi boh bitch: I watched them all the time!! ur channel was one of my favorites!! 


Takashi shirogaymer: Um, wow. Thank you, Lance, I’m really flattered.  


Adam s.: while that’s all very heartwarming, i’m disappointed to find that Keith failed to bring up the McDonald’s story 


Takashi shirogaymer: Uh oh. 


Desert cryptid: Oh yeah the mcdonalds story 


bi boh bitch: whats the mdconalds story??? 


space ace: hopefully more tea on shiro and his disaster gay tendencies 


Adam s.: that’s exactly what it is :) 


Takashi shirogaymer: Adam. :( 


Adam s.: so one night Takashi and i went to McDonald’s to study for an upcoming test. this was at a point where we were good enough friends but we weren’t as close as either of us wanted to be. in the romantic sense, that is. we were friends and roommates, but nothing more 


bi boh bitch: and they were roommates 


space ace: oh my god they were roommates 


bi boh bitch: can I get a rip vine 


space ace: rip vine 


Desert cryptid: Rip vine 


Vrepit Sal: rip Vine


Takashi shirogaymer: Rip Vine. 


Adam s.: rip Vine 

Adam s.: anyways, i asked him to come study with me at McDonald’s. we grabbed some milkshakes and got to work. honestly i have no idea how, but one thing lead to another and Takashi ended up spilling his milkshake all over his pants. the milkshake was all but empty thankfully but it was still enough to cause a mess. i, like any good friend, followed Takashi into the bathroom to see what could be done. i handed him paper towels before kneeling to the floor to help and he just...stopped and stared at me. there we were in that McDonald’s bathroom, me on my knees, face-to-face with Takashi’s hands that were just hovering over his crotch and he just blurts “will you go out with me?!” 

Adam s.: and of course i said yes 


bi boh bitch: oh my GOD?????? 


space ace: no god damn way 

space ace: no fucking way adam you have got to be shitting me 


Adam s.: nope 


bi boh bitch: oh my G OD 



Takashi shirogaymer: ...yes. 




Takashi shirogaymer: I can't believe he said yes.


Desert cryptid: I wasnt kidding when I said hes a walking disaster 


Takashi shirogaymer: Says the one who was too nervous to give Lance the rose for Valentine’s Day when you were cadets and just ate it instead. 


space ace: oh my god  


bi boh bitch: he ate a rose??? 


Desert cryptid: Shiro no. 


Takashi shirogaymer: Keith was going to ask you out by giving you a rose but he got so nervous that instead of giving it to you, he ate it and ran away. 


bi boh bitch: pfffff 

bi boh bitch: babe thats adorable!!! 


Desert cryptid: No its embarrassing 


Vrepit Sal: hey man, that’s nothing compared to that time back on the castle where you wore a tank top and the minute Lance saw you, he walked right into a wall and gave himself a nosebleed 


bi boh bitch: HUNK 


space ace: what about the time keith tied his hair up to train and lance was so distracted that the training bot knocked him on his ass 


bi boh bitch: oh yea?? Well pidge why dont u tell hunk about how u accidentally set his vest on fire and tossed it out of the airlock!!! 


Vrepit Sal: that was you?! 


space ace: hey hunk remember the time you thought you broke one of the pieces to my already broken cosmic transmogrifyer and were so scared of my wrath that you hid in your room for a week? 


Vrepit Sal: understandable have a nice day 


Takashi shirogaymer: While I’m glad we’re all bonding, allow with me to share with you the most steaming hot tea you’ll have the fortune of sipping. 



Takashi shirogaymer sent six (6) attachments: Adam’semophase.PNG (12:52 PM)

(Six photos of thirteen-year-old Adam with dyed red and black hair, piercings, eyeliner, and all black clothes. He isn’t looking at the camera in any of them and looks angsty in every one.) 





Takashi shirogaymer: Oh, he had an emo phase alright. 


Adam s.Takashi Shirogane delete those right now. 





Takashi shirogaymer: I have my sources.  


Desert cryptid: (Adams sister supplies Shiro with a steady stream of blackmail) 



space ace removed Adam s.’s admin permissions (12:53 PM)



Adam s.: give them back, Pidge. 


space ace: absolutely not. im not letting you delete these before i can save them 



space ace gave Adam s. admin permissions (12:54 PM)



space ace: okay carry on 


Adam s.: too late, i know everyone else saved them too 


bi boh bitchgasp we would never!! 

bi boh bitch: ok we would but thats not the point 

bi boh bitch: the point is adam had an emo phase and my crops will be watered for years 


Adam s.: i’m glad you find my cringy past so amusing, Lance 


Takashi shirogaymer: I know I certainly do. 


Adam s.: the betrayal 


Takashi shirogaymer: Payback. 


Adam s.: guess who isn’t getting cuddled tonight 


Takashi shirogaymer: Aw come on, babe, don’t be like that. 


Adam s.: nope, my mind is made up. tonight you’ll be rooming with the cats. 


Takashi shirogaymer: Adam. :’( 


Adam s.: no. puppy eyes don’t work on me, Takashi. 


Takashi shirogaymer: But, Adam. Tonight is Desperate Housewives night. 


Adam s.: oh for the love of- fine, i make the begrudging exception for that. but if it were any other night you’d be on the couch.  


Takashi shirogaymer: ❤️


Adam s.: ugh. ❤️


space ace: are you two done yet 

space ace: watching you two be disgustingly domestic makes me feel emotions 


bi boh bitch: hey it could be worse 

bi boh bitch: at least me and keith arent like that 


space ace: you two are just as gross if not grosser 


bi boh bitch: wh- we are absolutely nothing like shadam and we are definitely not worse 


space ace: lance you tie his hair up for him when he cant be bothered  


bi boh bitch: thats what good bfs do!!! 


space ace: last week you drove three towns away to get keith donuts from the fancy bakery he likes only to do it again two hours later to pick up korean bbq 

space ace: sometimes when hes upset you sing him a spanish lullaby and refuse to let anyone speak to him until youre sure hes ready 

space ace: when he sends you selfies you start crying and whining about how much you dont deserve him 

space ace: youre whipped with a capital W and thinking about it youre somehow worse than adam and shiro 


bi boh bitch: this is slander 


Vrepit Sal: it’s not slander if it’s true 


bi boh bitch: hunk I thought you loved me 

bi boh bitch: we were going to marry and retire early to the countryside and have the cutest samoan/cuban babies 


Vrepit Sal: i’m sorry Lance, but you know as well as i do that hiding behind the truth isn’t going to solve anything. if this relationship is to continue then you need to promise me to be honest with yourself 


bi boh bitchsniff alright 

bi boh bitch: for u l wont deny the truth 


Vrepit Sal: good. now, repeat after me: i am smitten and soft for my boyfriend 


bi boh bitch: I am smitten and soft for my boyfriend 


Vrepit Sal: good, louder 


bi boh bitch: I am smitten and soft for my boyfriend!! 


Vrepit Sal: louder! 




Vrepit Sal: good! now go find him and show him just how soft you are! 


bi boh bitch: I will!! 

bi boh bitch: as soon as I finish painting my toes 


Vrepit Sal: good enough for me. my work here is done 


space ace: why are all men so ridiculously dramatic 


bi boh bitch: n…n… 


Vrepit Sal: his first words! what’s he going to say? 


bi boh bitch: n… no… 


Vrepit Sal: it’s okay Lance, take your time 


bi boh bitch: n… not… not all men 


Vrepit Sal: very good, Lance! 


space ace: remind me again why im friends with you two 


bi boh bitch: because u ❤️ us 


space ace: debatable 


bi boh bitch: good enough for me

Chapter Text


Direct messaging between Takashi Shirogane and Desert cryptid (13:49 PM)


Takashi Shirogane: How are you feeling now?


Desert cryptid: Better. Lance hasnt brought it up again and hes being incredibly sweet

Desert cryptid: He knows I was upset earlier but I didnt tell him why


Takashi Shirogane: Why didn’t you?


Desert cryptid: I wasnt ready to…


Takashi Shirogane: That’s perfectly alright, Keith. You don’t need to force yourself to tell him if you’re not ready.


Desert cryptid: He didnt force the issue or anything. He just knows I was upset over something Im not comfortable sharing and he hasnt left my side since he came to the room.

Desert cryptid: Hes so good to me Shiro and I dont understand why


Takashi Shirogane: Because you are deserving of love and respect just like anyone else, Keith. Please don’t forget that.


Desert cryptid: Its hard sometimes. There are times when I forget that Im actually important and a valued part of others lives and then you guys are right there to pick me back up


Takashi Shirogane: That’s what family is for. We care about you deeply and will always remind you just how much you matter.


Desert cryptid: I know. Its just hard getting use to something I was only just starting to learn before you left for Kerberos.


Takashi Shirogane: I know, Keith, but I promise now that you’ll always have us. We will always be here for you. We may be busy and spending time with one another is getting to be difficult, but we're still your family and we'll always be here at the end of the day when it's time to come home.


Desert cryptid: Thanks Shiro…

Desert cryptid: Can you bring me some snacks? I’ll be staying with Lance in the room for a little while


Takashi Shirogane: Of course. Anything in particular you want?


Desert cryptid: A big ass bag of doritos and some life water


Takashi Shirogane: One big ass bag of Doritos and some Life Water, got it. Does Lance want anything?


Desert cryptid: He said a bag of those really hot cheetos you found the other day. “You know the ones"


Takashi Shirogane: Extra hot, got it. Does he want something to drink too?


Desert cryptid: He shook his head no. I think hes going to mooch off me


Takashi Shirogane: Okay, I’ll be there soon.


Desert cryptid: I can wait until you guys go to the store you know


Takashi Shirogane: Nah, I stocked up yesterday because I had a feeling.


Desert cryptid: Ok

Desert cryptid: Doors unlocked


Takashi Shirogane: Got it. Love you, little bro.


Desert cryptid: Love you too






bi boh bitch: hey keiths not feeling so nice so were going to have to ditch the store trip (13:52 PM)


Vrepit Sal: is he okay?


bi boh bitch: yea

bi boh bitch: hes just having a rough day so im going to stay here to give him love and validation


space ace: does he need us to stay behind too?


bi boh bitch: he said no hes fine with just me

bi boh bitch: he also told me to remind adam to pick up a new microwave


Adam s.: why do you think we’re going to the store?


bi boh bitch: “because you didnt ban shiro from the kitchen for long enough”


Adam s.: it’s not my fault Takashi is a horrible cook


bi boh bitch: “you enable him”


Adam s.: kicking him out of the kitchen then being unable to resist his charm isn't enabling him, it’s being weak for my husband


bi boh bitch: “tell adam hes fucking gay”


Adam s.: aren’t we all?


bi boh bitch: mood

bi boh bitch: oh btw keith told me to send this

bi boh bitch sent an attachment: cheetoandkeef.PNG (13:54 PM)
(Picture of Keith in a hoodie curled up with a fat Russian Blue whose bright green eyes stare at the camera curiously)


Adam s.: Keith Kogane did you theft my cat?


bi boh bitch: “cheeto likes me. I didnt have to steal her”


Adam s.: next you’ll tell me you have Kisaki too

bi boh bitch sent an attachment: lookatshe.PNG (13:54 PM)
(Picture of Keith’s legs, on top of which rests a snoozing Ragdoll lying on her back with one paw above her head)


Adam s.: …you have all three of them don’t you?


bi boh bitch sent an attachment: yeswedo.PNG (13:55 PM)
(Picture of a black and grey American Shorthair sitting on the windowsill and looking outside)

Adam s.: and there’s Nessie

Adam s.: aren’t you supposed to be a dog person?


bi boh bitch: “I can like both”

bi boh bitch: shiro came in to drop off snacks and none of them moved from there spots

bi boh bitch: wait nvm kisaki woke up and moved to cuddle her gf so now keith has two cats on his chest

bi boh bitch: guys im gonna cry why is this the cutest thing ive ever seen


space ace: because youre fucking whipped


bi boh bitch: yea that explains it

bi boh bitch: I never thought id be so invested in the lives of two domesticated sapphic felines but I would actually die for these two powerful wlw

bi boh bitch: they love each other so much guys my heart cant take it

bi boh bitch: update: nessie joined the cuddle pile and now its two beautiful queens and there equally beautiful daughter all cuddling together

bi boh bitch: keith fell asleep and he just has three cats cuddling with him and im going to fucking die rbvebchfbf

bi boh bitch: im such a lucky man this isnt even fair


space ace: despite all odds watching you be gay over your boyfriend and the lesbian cats warms my cold dead heart

space ace: a true miracle


Direct messaging between Takashi Shirogane and bi boh bitch (14:11 PM)


Takashi Shirogane: He’s asleep?


bi boh bitch: yea

bi boh bitch: he passed out pretty quickly after you left

bi boh bitch: I was going to ask him if he wanted me to make lunch so he could eat smth other than doritos but I dont have the heart to wake him up especially knowing how busy hes going to be here soon

bi boh bitch: riding always takes a lot out of him huh


Takashi Shirogane: It always did. We’ll be back in a little while, so if you need anything call us.


bi boh bitch: will do. thanks shiro






Keith stirs and shifts, the subtle movement causing Nessie to raise her head and look at him. Her meow draws Lance’s attention back to them and he turns in time to see Keith’s eyes fluttering open, his mouth parting to speak softly, “Lance?”


“Right here, babe.” Lance pulls his legs back onto the bed and lies on his side again, facing Keith with a soft smile. “You fell asleep on me.”


“Sorry,” Keith murmurs, draping his arm across the clowder of cats curled up together against his chest. If the droopy eyes, labored breathing and sluggish movements weren’t enough of a testament to his exhaustion, the barely there words certainly are.


“You needed it, don’t be sorry.” Lance brushes a lock of hair from Keith’s eyes with a fond smile, trailing his fingers down to trace the sharp curve of Keith’s jaw. Keith hums appreciatively in response. “Do you want to get up to eat, mi amor?” He mumbles something unintelligible in response, his eyes closing. Chuckling, Lance rests his arms over the cats and Keith, his fingers finding the smooth strip of exposed skin between the hem of Keith’s hoodie and his pants. There’s no response. Lance slips his fingers beneath Keith’s hoodie and caresses the skin of his lower back, before resting his hand there. Keith is sound asleep beside him, with three cats curled up against his chest and each other. Calmed by the gentle noise of Keith’s labored breathing, Lance recalls the feeling of being deeply in love, and the thought puts a smile on his face before he drifts off to sleep.

Chapter Text

bi boh bitch: guys (21:42 PM)



bi boh bitch sent an attachment: HELP.PNG (21:43 PM)

(Picture of Keith sitting on Lance’s lap with his back to the camera, Lance’s worried face peeking over his shoulder)



bi boh bitch: hes asleep and I really need to pee!!

space ace: wake him up

bi boh bitch: I feel like I need to inform you that id rather die
bi boh bitch: he got three hours of sleep last night and he has to meet with Krolia and Kolivan tomorrow id feel like an asshole if I woke him up

space acethenperish.JPEG

bi boh bitch: stop sending dead memes and help me!!

space ace: and how am i supposed to do that

bi boh bitch: idk just think of smth!!

space ace: lance you know keith is a light sleeper. hell wake up no matter how careful you are so just get it over with already

bi boh bitch: but I feel bad :(

space ace: die then

bi boh bitch: >:(
bi boh bitch: fine fine im just gonna go for it


bi boh bitch: hey quick question when the fuck did keith become so lightweight?? (22:14 PM)

space ace: hes 180 pounds and most of it is muscle what the fuck do you mean lightweight

bi boh bitch: idk??? I carried him to bed and it felt like he weighed nothing???

space ace: youre stronger than you look i guess

bi boh bitch: the heaviest thing ive carried by myself is u and ur like 90 pounds how was I suppose to know I could carry keith

space ace: just dont start being gross and carrying him around everywhere

bi boh bitch: like hed let me
bi boh bitch: hes so stubborn all the time







Direct messaging between bi boh bitch and space ace (01:32 AM)


bi boh bitch: pigeon I cant sleep

space ace: whats wrong lance

bi boh bitch: heh, howd you know?

space ace: my lance senses were tingling, tell me whats up

bi boh bitch: I didnt wanna wake up hunk because hes meeting with sal tomorrow and keith has that thing with the blades and I already go to shiro for so much of my issues
bi boh bitch: I know ur busy tomorrow too but ur the only one whos usually awake
bi boh bitch: wait that makes it sound like u were my last resort fuck

space ace: its okay lance i understand. you wanna talk about it over a game of killbot phantasm two?

bi boh bitch: please

space ace: the doors open but prepare to lose

bi boh bitch: as if!! Im gonna kick ur ass!!

space ace: big talk for last times sore loser

bi boh bitch: u and matt distracted me!!

space ace: nah you just suck

bi boh bitch: be prepared to eat those words





Direct messaging between Desert cryptid and bi boh bitch (03:02 AM)


Desert cryptid: Where are you?

bi boh bitch: im with pidge. I couldnt sleep so they let me come over

Desert cryptid: Oh. You couldve woken me up if you couldnt sleep

bi boh bitch: babe u have to meet with your mom and kolivan tomorrow
bi boh bitch: plus u havent been sleeping that well
bi boh bitch: I didnt wanna wake u up

Desert cryptid: Lance if youre upset you know you can wake me up. I told you that before

bi big bitch: I know but
bi boh bitch: actually I dont think I can smooth talk my way out of this one

Desert cryptid: You coming back to bed?

bi boh bitch: after this game yea

Desert cryptid: Hurry up
Desert cryptid: I sleep way better with you next to me

bi boh bitch: gjjrkfjritidhtke






bi boh bitch: it feels so weird without everyone here… (11:32 AM)
bi boh bitch: I know ur all busy but im so use to us being together, u know?
bi boh bitch: but keiths with kolivan and krolia to talk abt what to do next and hunks with sal to talk about a restaurant deal and pidge is with their family training the recruits and adam and shiro are out getting the paperwork they need and then theres me
bi boh bitch: man I sound like an idiot rambling to myself
bi boh bitch: how do I delete messages???


Five (5) messages deleted by bi boh bitch (11:34 AM)


bi boh bitch: I miss u all already 😭😭


Allura: Lance? If you’re not busy, Romelle and I wish to take you up on the offer you made us. (12:02 PM)

bi boh bitch: !!! U mean it??

Allura: Yes! She and I are incredibly curious about Earth fashion and would love if you could take us shopping!

bi boh bitch: hell yeah my time has come!!!!
bi boh bitch: dont u worry allura im gonna find you both the perfect outfits for your date

Allura: How did you know she and I are to go on a date tonight?

bi boh bitch: princess I always know what everyone is doing
bi boh bitch: that and coran showed me how he was going to dress you for the date and I love coran but I wasnt letting u go anywhere in an outfit like that

Allura: I see… Well nevertheless, we would graciously welcome your help!

bi boh bitch: im on my way just let me get dressed

Allura: Romelle and I will be waiting in my dorm!


Incoming call from ❤️babe❤️ (15:57 PM)




Hey. We’re taking a break and I wanted to see what you're doing.”


“Oh! I’m out with Allura and Romelle right now. I took them shopping for their date tonight!”


"They're going on a date tonight?"


“Yeah! Allura finally asked Romelle out and I wanted to make sure they have something nice to wear.”


"Well congratulations to them, I hope it goes well."


“Thank you, Keith! How are things going?”


"Anytime, Allura. Things are going pretty well; there's talk of turning the Blade of Marmora into a humanitarian relief team to help everyone that's still recovering from the attacks."


“Oh Keith, that’s wonderful! That would be an immense help to all those affected as well as those that have immigrated here!"


"Nothing's concrete yet, but that's the most probable course of action as of now."


“Hello, Keith!”


"Hey, Romelle. Good luck on the date tonight."


“Thank you! Lance has shown us so many interesting things about Earth fashion and the outfits he picked for us are quite lovely!"


"To his credit, Lance is pretty knowledgeable on that sort of thing."


“You think so babe?”


"Well yeah. You always look nice and I know you'll make sure Allura and Romelle have something awesome to wear tonight."




"What? All I said was you always look nice."


“Yes and Allura is laughing at how red I am.”




“Hey! You’re supposed to be on my side!”


"That's news to me."


“Pfft, whatever. Hey, wanna see the outfits I picked out for them?”





Two (2) new messages from Lance 💙 (15:59 PM)

(The first message is a photo of Allura in a solid color skirt and sweater with heels. The second is a photo of Romelle in a flower print dress with flats. Both girls are alone in their photos but are smiling at someone off camera)


"They both look great."


“Don’t they? They can’t stop smiling at each other and it’s so cute.”


"You've been trying to set them up since Romelle joined the team. Think tonight they'll finally get together?"


“Oh totally. My fashion advice and their obvious attraction to each other? If they don’t get together then I’ve failed as a love guru.”


"Since when are you a love guru?"


“Since forever, obviously!”


"Keep telling yourself that, Lance."


One (1) incoming message from Lance 💙: (16:01 PM)

(Photo of Lance between Allura and Romelle. All three are smiling and dressed in nice clothing, Lance wearing a button up and tie with his hair slicked back)






"Your hair."


“Do you like it?






Lance, this is Krolia. I’m not entirely sure why but Keith has excused himself for a moment. He’s outside covering his face.”


“O-oh? Is he okay?”


"His face is very red."


“Oh… He’s okay, he’s just blushing.”






"What did she say to you?"


“Nothing! She just said you had to go outside because you were blushing.”


"Mom! You didn't have to tell him that!"


“Holy shit you were blushing!”


"Only because you sent that picture!"


“Is it because my hair is slicked back?”


" look amazing, Lance."


“It is! Holy shit you like when I slick my hair back!”


"It's not a big deal!"


“It’s a huge deal! Holy crow I can’t believe I didn’t know this before!”


"Lance I will hang up!"


“Wait babe no! I’ll stop, I’ll stop!”


"Oh no, please continue. It's incredibly entertaining watching Keith in this flustered state."


“Oh my god.”


"Mom! I'll be back in a few minutes, don't start again without me."



"Hey, sorry."


“Don’t be sorry babe! Do you have to go soon?”


"In a few minutes, yeah, but I can talk until then."


“You sure? I don’t want to hold you up, I know you’re busy.”


"It's okay, babe."


“Okay… I miss you.”


"I miss you too. I'll be home later tomorrow morning, we're staying on Naxzela for the night."


“You didn’t tell me you were going to Naxzela!”


"I didn't? Sorry..."


“It’s fine babe. Tomorrow morning?”


"Yeah. And when I get back I want to take you out."


“Like on a date?”


"If you want. I was thinking we could go to breakfast."


“I’d love to, babe.”


"Can we go in pajamas?"


"Do you really need to ask? Of course we can."


"Good. The thought of being in pajamas is actually pretty comforting right now. They gave me a Blade leader uniform to wear for the meeting and it's pretty weird."


“Pics or it didn’t happen.”




“Aw come on babe! Don’t deny me of such a beautiful sight.”


"What makes you think it's beautiful?"


“Because literally everything about you is beautiful and it’s really unfair.”


"Don't do this."


“Send the picture or I send another selfie.”


"You're the worst."


“You love me.”


One (1) incoming message from ❤️babe❤️ (16:06 PM)

(Picture of Keith smiling awkwardly at the camera. From the angle you can see a bit of Keith’s ponytail peaking over his shoulder)


“Holy shit. Babe holy shit."


"You okay?"


“No! You’re so quiznaking attractive and my heart can’t take it.”




“Keith, holy shit I can’t believe you’re mine.”


"Heh... All yours."



"I have to go. Call me before you go to bed?"


“Sure thing babe. Good luck, I love you!”


"I love you too."



One (1) new message from bi boh bitch in gay ass bitches (16:38 PM)

bi boh bitch: guys!!


bi boh bitch sent an attachment: proposaloutfit.JPEG (16:38 PM)

(Picture of Lance in a three piece navy blue suit and black dress shoes, smiling at himself in the mirror)


bi boh bitch: I found a suit at the mall 


Incoming call from ❤️babe❤️ (16:38 PM)


“We need to talk.”

Chapter Text

“Everything okay, babe?”


"We all agreed that the next best course of action is to turn the Blade of Marmora into a humanitarian relief team and Kolivan asked me to lead the efforts."


“Holy shit!”




"You okay?"


"That wasn't all they asked."


"What else do they want you to do?"






"Kolivan asked me to be the new Galra emporer."


"Oh. Oh."




“Let me guess, you turned them down.”


"A humanitarian relief effort is the perfect use of the Blade's time now that the universe is safe, but I can't be the leader of anything."


“But you’re a great leader, Keith.”






"It's great that they're doing this, but being a leader isn't for me. I agreed to help during the transition period, but my future isn't with the Blades or even with the Galra empire. It's here on Earth... With you. 




"I have to go, but I'll call you as soon as we're getting ready to leave."


“Okay… I’ll talk to you soon.”


"Talk to you soon. Oh, and Lance?"




"You look amazing in that suit."





Direct messaging between bi boh bitch and space ace (16:39 PM)


bi boh bitch: PIDGE
bi boh bitch: WE HAVE A PROBLEM


Incoming call from annoying older brother 1 (16:40 PM)

One (1) missed call from annoying older brother 1 (16:40 PM)

One (1) new voice message from annoying older brother 1 (16:40 PM)

PIDGE! S-O-S! Call me as soon as you get this, I’m having a serious crisis!"





Direct messaging between bi boh bitch and space ace (18:03 PM)


space ace: i just got your messages! are you okay?

bi boh bitch: no!!!!!
bi boh bitch: he knows!!!! he knows and now everything is ruined!!!!

space ace: what do you mean he knows you didnt say anything

bi boh bitch: he said I look good in the suit!! he knows im getting it tailored just for this purpose!!
bi boh bitch: everything was supposed to be perfect but now hes onto me!!

space ace: did he say anything about the suit other than to tell you you look good

bi boh bitch: well no

space ace: then he doesnt know
space ace: relax a little lance everything will be fine

bi boh bitch: he and I have been together for so long pidge…
bi boh bitch: this has to be perfect

space ace: it will be lance we just need to make it through the next few months
space ace: i know youre excited but you have to remember that everyone is still in the recovery phase. we need to find our place again before we make huge commitments like this

bi boh bitch: I know…

space ace: were done for the day if you wanna come over
space ace: moms making dinner and demanded that you join us

bi boh bitch: I love colleen so much
bi boh bitch: let me drop allura and romelle off and ill be on my way

space ace: ill let mom and dad know


One (1) new message from space ace in The Holt Family! (18:04 PM)


pigeon: he said yes motherboard

Colleen H: thank you love! Is he coming over right away?

pigeon: he has to drop allura and romelle off then hell be over. he should be here in about twenty minutes

Sam: Shiro just messaged and said he and Adam are only a few minutes away. Matt, what’s the status on you and Kel?

Mattress C Holt: on our way daddio, he had to run back to base to grab something

pigeon: ma are you sure you made enough for everyone

Colleen H: it’s been a long time since we had a family dinner like this and with all the excitement I made extra even before I knew we’d be having guests

pigeon: yeah that sounds like you
pigeon: hunk cant make it for dinner but he offered to bring home dessert

Colleen H: ooo, that would be lovely! Can he bring enough for everyone?

pigeon: mom its hunk were talking about
pigeon: lance just texted and asked if he can bring kosmo

Sam: I thought Kosmo went with Keith when they left earlier this morning?

pigeon: nah kosmo stayed behind to keep lance company

Colleen H: well the more the merrier! Kosmo is welcome to join us!

pigeon: he said thanks

Sam: Sounds like Shiro and Adam are here. I’ll go get the door

Colleen H.: thank you, dear! Pidge, could you come help me set the table?

pigeon: on my way mom






“So all you have to do is wait on a date for your hearing?”


Shiro nods and swallows his sip of water, “all the paperwork has been turned in. We’re hoping the date doesn’t conflict with the Blade’s transitioning period, but in the event that it does Kolivan already agreed that we could work something out.”


“How’d you even get Kolivan to make that exception?” Lance asks, tilting his head quizzically. "Last time I checked he’s a pretty strict guy.”


“He only agreed because Keith declined the offer to lead,” Adam responds with a small shrug, leaning back in his chair. “With Keith’s plans to help kick things off before coming home, I think he knows there really isn’t any point in trying to stick to any sort of schedule.”


Matt chews the rest of his food before chiming in, “so what happens at the hearing? Is that when you’ll know if your request has been approved?”


“If all goes well, we’ll have the judge’s decision to let us adopt him before we leave the courthouse.” Shiro pauses to smile fondly at Adam, who returns it graciously. “After that it’s sending more paperwork in to different places and waiting for the adoption to be legally recognized.”


“So how long until Keith is officially a Shirogane?” Pidge leans down to feed Kosmo a chicken breast, which he accepts happily.


“Anywhere from a month to three, though with how quickly we submitted the paperwork it might end up being the former.”


“Keith Shirogane… Oh my god does that mean when he and I get married I’m going to be a Shirogane?” Lance’s eyes are alight with something akin to excitement, and Shiro chuckles.


“I don’t think Keith plans to change his last name. You’ll have to take that up with him when you ask.”


Kosmo lifts his head as he hears a series of knocks at the door. Following his line of sight, Colleen stands up, “that’s probably Hunk with dessert!”


She exits the room to let Hunk in, and Pidge flicks the last of her peas at Matt and Kel, an indirect demand that they stop being sappy at the dinner table. “Go be gross somewhere else.” Matt sticks his tongue out, a gesture that earns him the “child” label from Pidge, before turning and planting a kiss on his boyfriend’s lips. Pidge groans in annoyance, “Daaaad, they’re being gross.”


Sam is too busy laughing to listen to his child’s plea for help. When Colleen reappears, she’s trailed by a smiling Hunk, who everyone greets with a series of delighted hello’s. Lance jumps up immediately and all but tackles his best friend, who somehow manages to keep his balance and hold on the platter in his hand. He wraps the man in a one armed embrace, grinning, “there’s the greatest best friend in the whole universe. I made extra just for you.”


“I knew you loved me,” Lance chides, burying his face in Hunk’s chest for a few seconds before looking up at him, his arms still around Hunk’s waist. “What did you bring us?”


Colleen begins clearing the table and quickly stops Shiro and Adam from attempting to help, fending them all off with a wave of her hand. Hunk pats Lance’s back, a gesture Lance understands as Hunk’s quiet wish to be let go, and he sets the platter down in the table looking incredibly proud. “Look and find out.”


Pidge is the first to unearth the sugary deliciousness beneath the lid, their eyes widening as they look at Hunk with the biggest smile, “cake!”


Sure enough, resting on the platter is ten miniature cakes decorated with buttercream icing, big enough to top off a delicious meal but small enough to not overwhelm the stomach. Hunk reaches into his pocket and pulls out a container of dog treats, kneeling down as he pops the lid, “I made these for you, Kosmo.”


Plates are handed out while Kosmo sniffs the offered treat before accepting with a noise of approval. Hunk takes the seat beside Lance, who immediately moves his chair closer and leans against Hunk, looking up at him with sparkling blue eyes, “has anyone ever told you that you’re the greatest best friend in the entire universe?”


Hunk slings his arm around Lance’s shoulders, “I can say the same for you, buddy. Dig in everyone! This is a brand new recipe and I need your opinions.”


Praises are sung into the shared space at the dinner table, everyone commending Hunk for his talent around mouthfuls of cake. Hunk’s beaming with a slight flush to his cheeks, humbly accepting the compliments between his own bites of cake. Kosmo rests his head on Lance’s lap, not begging for anything but some attention that Lance happily delivers. “You miss Keith, huh?” A whine. “Yeah… Me too, Kosmo.”


“He’ll be back tomorrow morning,” Shiro assures him from across the table with a sympathetic smile. “Remember though, he’s going to be pretty busy for the next few weeks.”


“I know, and it sucks,” Lance deadpans, his hand falling to Kosmo’s waiting head. “I know it’s not going to be one of those things where he only comes back sporadically with the Blades, but I miss him like crazy. I… Miss all of you guys like crazy.” Everyone exchanges confused glances – it’s not like they’re gone, they’re just busy. Lance continues, “I mean, I’m glad that everyone has something going on, but as Paladins we spent a lot of time around each other. Now that we’re home, everyone has something going on and it feels like we hardly ever have time to do things like this.”


Hunk frowns, turning his head to look at Lance, “hey man, it’s not like you’ll never see us again.”


“I know, but…” Lance trails off, and Kosmo whines, nuzzling Lance’s hand. Lance pets him, “I just don’t want us to drift apart now that we have the chance to do our own thing.”


“We won’t let that happen,” Adam decides, watching Lance’s reaction from across the table. “Just because everyone has something doesn’t mean it’s what’s going to split everyone apart. As far as I know, Allura, Coran, and Romelle are the only ones who have plans to leave Earth with the other Alteans, and even then they promised that they’d stay in touch while rebuilding Altea. We won’t fall apart, Lance.”


“Adam’s right,” Shiro agrees. “We’ve been through too much together to let that happen.”


Lance sighs, “I just wish there was a way we could all just live together, that way no matter where our paths take us we can still come home to each other.”


Silence follows for a few moments before Pidge gets an idea, adjusting their glasses, “what if… There was a way?”


“Are you suggesting what I think you’re suggesting?” Sam inquires, stroking his chin.


“Why not?” Pidge asks rhetorically, “it’s a great way to keep us all together, and with the sheer amount of manpower and technology we have I know we can do it no problem.”


Everyone nods, save for Lance, “hold on, what are you talking about?”


“They’re suggesting that we build a house to live in together,” Shiro clarifies, a proud grin on his face. “And I think it’s a great idea.”


“Build a house together? That’s perfect! We can build a big house with enough space for all of us!” Lance excitedly straightens up in his chair, “that way we can stay together no matter what!”


“Building a house requires a lot of time, a lot of planning, and a lot of manpower…” Adam asserts, leaning forward to prop his elbow on the table, cupping his chin between his fingers. “With everyone being so busy, how can we be sure that we’ll even find time to do this?”


“We can make time!” Lance claims, “besides, I’ve seen projects like this last ten years and everything still worked out. I know we can do this if we just try.”


They all take time to think it over before coming to a mutual consensus that they need Keith to be here before making the final decision. “We can talk about it when he’ll be here for more than a day.” Shiro drinks more of his water. “Once we have Keith’s answer, we can move on from there.”


They finish dinner with jokes and laughter, silently reveling in the familial solidarity. When they leave the Holts, the members of Team Voltron are smiling with the promise of great things. Each of them retires to their rooms for the night, Pidge eventually evading Lance and Hunk’s space for a sleepover. When Lance finally goes down for the night with Kosmo curled up against him, he dreams of a future with Keith.

Chapter Text

bi boh bitch: good morning everyone I miss keith (07:43 AM) 


space ace: we know lance 

space ace: wait why are you up so early 


bi boh bitch: keith said hell be here later in the morning but he didnt specify how much later so I got up early to wait for him 

bi boh bitch: were going on a date after he gets back 


space ace: how sweet 


bi boh bitch: he wants us to wear pjs instead of getting dressed up  

bi boh bitch: I love him so much pidge 

bi boh bitch: im gonna marry that man some day 


space ace: remember that he can read the chat log lance 


bi boh bitch: yea I know 



One (1) message deleted by bi boh bitch (07:44 AM) 



bi boh bitch: so u training more recruits today? 


space ace: nah im working with the technicians to strengthen the garrisons emergency response systems 

space ace: also rigging the speakers to play meme songs every hour on the hour  


Takashi Shirogaymer: You’re going to do what? 


space ace: is that judgement im hearing 


Takashi Shirogaymer: Pride. 


Adam s.: ‘Kashi, you really shouldn’t encourage that 


Takashi Shirogaymer: It’s one of the most harmless ideas they’ve ever had, Adam. Besides, I know the entire technician team will get a kick out of it. 


Adam s.: and if they get in trouble? 


Takashi Shirogaymer: Then I’ll patiently remind them that we saved the universe and a little bit of fun is needed every now and then to brighten their spirits.  


space ace: adam with all due respect i think you forget that ive broken into the garrison before gotten banned then came back with an alias 

space ace: i could really care less if a harmless prank gets me into trouble because its the perfect opportunity for me to tell them to get the stick out of their ass 


Adam s.: you really are your own person, Pidge 







Direct messaging between bi boh bitch and Takashi Shirogane (11:43 AM) 



bi boh bitch: shiro 

bi boh bitch: have u heard from keith??? 

bi boh bitch: he said hed be here later this morning but I didnt expect him to be this late 


Takashi Shirogane: No, I haven’t heard from him. 


bi boh bitch: ok… thanks anyway 


Takashi Shirogane: Do you want Adam and I to swing by and pick you up for lunch? I know you probably don’t feel so great being alone while everyone is out. 


bi boh bitch: u dont have to do that shiro 

bi boh bitch: I dont want to be any more of an inconvenience than I already am 

bi boh bitch: besides keith and I are supposed to go out after he gets back 


Takashi Shirogane: You are not and never have been an inconvenience, Lance. Let us pick you up, we can do whatever you want while we wait for Keith. I know you’ve had a lot on your mind lately, maybe some time with friends will help. 


bi boh bitch: …can we go get smoothies?? 


Takashi Shirogane: If that’s what you want. 


bi boh bitch: ill be ready in ten minutes 


Takashi Shirogane: Alright, we’ll see you soon. 








Direct messaging between bi boh bitch and Desert cryptid (13:32 PM) 



bi boh bitch: babe?? I know u said later but I didnt think it would be this late 

bi boh bitch: just, call me as soon as you get these 



bi boh bitch: keith come on this isnt funny (14:56 PM) 



bi boh bitch: keith? (15:45 PM) 



Incoming call from Lance 💙 (16:03 PM) 


One (1) missed call from Lance 💙 (16:04 PM) 




Incoming call from Lance 💙 (16:36 PM) 


Two (2) missed calls from Lance 💙 (16:36 PM) 


One (1) new voice message from Lance 💙 (16:36 PM) 


“Keith, this isn’t funny. Call me so I know you didn’t decide to ditch us.  




Incoming call from Lance 💙 (17:28 PM) 


Three (3) missed calls from Lance 💙 (17:28 PM) 


Two (2) new voice messages from Lance 💙 (17:29 PM) 


“Keith? I don’t know where you are but we’re all worried sick! We’ve all tried calling and messaging you but you won’t answer and, and- please just tell me you’re safe. Please… I love you.” 



Incoming call from ❤️ babe ❤️ (17:37 PM) 



“Keith you better have an explanation for why you’re only now calling me!” 


“I know how this looks, and I’m sorry. But I need you to trust me. Get dressed, I’m picking you up in ten minutes.” 


“Oh no, nononono, no way, tell me what the hell is going on!” 




“No! You tell me you’ll be home in the morning only to not show up and ignore everyone’s texts and calls, then call me hours after you were supposed to be home and offer a half-assed apology before telling me to get dressed so I can come with you! That’s not how this works Keith, you can’t just do what you want and expect me to be fine with it!” 




“Until you can give me a real explanation and a real apology, I’m not going anywhere with you!” 




“I’ll talk to you when you get back. See you soon.” 


“Lance, wait!” 


“I’ve been waiting all day! You had me worried sick, Keith!” 


“Lance, I know you’re mad, and you have every right to be. I should have called you, and I’m sorry I made you worry , but I’ll explain as soon as I see you. If you still don’t want to go, that’s fine. I’ll be there soon.” 




“I love you.” 


“…I love you too.” 








“So, where are you taking him again?” 


“Varadero Beach, where he grew up. I figured after everything that happened, a trip home might be good for him.” 


“As much as he’ll appreciate it, you know that he’s still mad at you for not calling.” 


“I know, Shiro. Thanks for covering for me.” 


“I don’t think I can do it again, Keith. Seeing him so heartbroken was painful.” 


“I’m going to make it up to him, I just need him to accept my apology first.” 


You better hurry. He’s moping on the couch with Kosmo .” 


“I’m right outside.” 


“See you soon, Keith. Good luck.” 


“Thanks, Shiro.” 








“Explain, now.” 


Keith feels like he’s about to be lectured for something stupid he did- then again, that might be exactly what’s happening. Lance’s arms are crossed over his chest, his foot tapping rhythmically against the hardwood floor and his blue eyes narrow, waiting. “I know how this looks, Lance,” he starts, taking a nervous step forward. “I should have called you, but I was busy making arrangements.” 


“Arrangements? Arrangements to do what? Spend the entire day ghosting me?!” 


Okay, he’s definitely angry. Salvage this, Keith. “Arrangements for a trip. I want to take you somewhere I know you’ll love, you just have to trust me.” 


Lance grimaces, “why should I go anywhere with you, Keith?” 


“Because…” he trails off, his internal debate heating up. Tell him the truth, or convince him the surprise is worth it? Lance’s foot tapping grows louder in Keith’s ears, forcing him to make a split second decision. “Lance, I know not calling you was wrong. You were worried, and believe me when I say I know I’m an asshole for what I did. I promise you that I’ll be more considerate from now on, and if you don’t want to go that’s fine with me.” 


Now it’s Lance’s turn to debate. He trusts Keith with his life, no matter how much he pisses him off, but he was also incredibly worried. “Every time you didn’t communicate, something ended up being wrong. You’re here now, and you’re safe, but for all I know you could have been in serious danger, Keith.” 


The taller man’s eyes fall, “I know, Lance… I’m sorry.” 


“But-” Lance’s voice pulls Keith’s attention back to him, and when Keith looks up he finds that Lance’s expression is much softer, patient, understanding. He smiles, “you’re here now, and you’re okay.” He pauses to take Keith’s hand, “I’ll come with you.” Keith smiles brilliantly in return, bringing Lance’s hand to his lips to kiss his knuckles, causing Lance to blush furiously. “Okay, okay, I get it! Let’s just go already.” A bright red Lance in tow, Keith exits the building and crosses around back, where a gleaming MFE fighter plane sits waiting. “Uh, Keith?” 


“This is what we’re taking,” Keith tells him, opening the hatch and holding Lance’s hand to help him step into it.  


“Don’t you need the Garrison’s permission?” Lance asks, stepping into the cockpit. “And how is this going to fit two of us?” 


“You’ll just have to sit on my lap,” Keith responds, purposely dodging the first question or just blatantly ignoring it. 


While Keith climbs in after him, Lance shimmies to make room before perching himself on Keith’s lap without hesitation, grabbing one of the two helmets and inspecting it, “why can’t we just use your hoverbike? Or one of the Lions?"


Keith continues to ignore the questions being thrown at him. Lance’s brow furrows while Keith pulls on his own helmet. He opens his mouth to ask another question before Keith cuts him off. “Lance. Shut up and trust me?” Well, Lance can’t really say no when Keith uses that fond tone now can he? He slips the helmet on and makes himself as small as possible on Keith’s lap, compensating for the lack of space in the cockpit while Keith starts it up.  


The fighter is fast and Lance is enjoying every trick Keith does, choosing to ignore the nagging thought that James would probably kill them if he knew this is what his fighter is being used for. Night has fallen by the time they finally reach their destination, Lance having no solid clue of how long it’s been since they left. Keith lands the fighter on a brightly illuminated, empty parking lot just a few feet from a vast expanse of beach, and had Lance not been paying attention he would have failed to notice the muted lights of the empty boardwalk.  


Lance steps out of the fighter and starts to stretch his cramped limbs, turning to look at where Keith has taken them, “so where-” The question dies in his throat the second he takes in his surroundings. The smell of the sea is carried to him by the breeze, mingling with the lingering scent of fried boardwalk food. Somewhere, a seagull calls out before taking flight. Lance looks around hurriedly, ignoring the ache in his legs as they carry him right to the start of the beach. When he turns, Keith has caught up to him, smiling because he knows.  


Tears well up in Lance’s eyes; despite years of separation from the place he once called home, he’d recognize it anywhere. It’s right here, in front of his eyes for the first time since he left following his enrollment into the Galaxy Garrison.  


Varadero Beach.  


His home. 


Keith is right there to confirm, the tender smile never leaving his face, “welcome home, Lance.” 

Chapter Text

Direct messaging between bi boh bitch and Desert cryptid (09:32 AM)

bi boh bitch: keith kogane get ur ass back here and cuddle me
bi boh bitch: just bc u took me home last night doesnt mean u can just ditch me again

Desert cryptid: It’s Shiro. He’s in the kitchen making breakfast so he can bring you breakfast in bed.

bi boh bitch: awwww
bi boh bitch: pls tell him I love him so much and hes the best bf in the universe

Desert cryptid: He smiled and said he loves you too.

Desert cryptid: Hey Im on my way back (09:40 AM)
Desert cryptid: Stay in bed

bi boh bitch: I havent moved since Kosmo teleported onto my stomach a few minutes ago
bi boh bitch: hes getting big

Desert cryptid: Well he is a wolf from space. Who knows how big hes gonna get

bi boh bitch: holy shit u think hell get big enough for me to ride him???? I wanna ride around on a giant space dog

Desert cryptid: If he gets big enough to ride on then Im using him as my only mode of transportation




Takashi shirogaymer: So Lance, how was your date with Keith? (11:15 AM)

bi boh bitch: he took me to varadero beach shiro
bi boh bitch: he took me HOME!!!

Takashi shirogaymer: So it went well?

Desert cryptid: He cried

bi boh bitch: I did NOT there was sand in my eyes

space ace: thats about as believable as me being into dudes

bi boh bitch: just ONCE I would like to come here and not be slandered by my own family

Vrepit Sal: hey man, there’s no shame in crying!

bi boh bitch: I know but I definitely wasnt crying!!!
bi boh bitch: the point is I would traverse a thousand galaxies for this man

Desert cryptid: ghbjyldfnvigshfhsfsfsfg

space ace: i always knew keiths first keysmash would be because of lance

bi boh bitch: babe I know I say it A LOT but I rlly love u and im glad we ended up together bc ur my first love and u mean the world to me.
bi boh bitch: u helped me recognize my potential and taught me how to be a better person and I cant think of anyone else id rather be with than u

Desert cryptid: Lance where are you right now

bi boh bitch: ???? my room why

Desert cryptid: Stay right there

bi boh bitch: ok???

space ace: christ theyre fucking gay

Allura: Speaking of gay, I have some news!

Vrepit Sal: hey, Allura! what’s up, is it news about Altea?

Allura: Not quite yet, but I appreciate your interest! I have officially asked Romelle to be my girlfriend!

bi boh bitch: YAS ALLURA IM SO PROUD OF U 💖💞💖💓💗💕💞💖💕💓💖

Vrepit Sal: that’s awesome Allura, congratulations!

space ace: man im feeling the gay solidarity in this chilis tonight
space ace: anyway congrats allura!
space ace: did she say yes?

Allura: She did. :)

bi boh bitch: YAAAAAS MY QUEENS
bi boh bitch: ive been trying to set u two up for SO LONG u have no idea

Allura: I’ll admit, your advice proved useful after all, Lance, thank you.

bi boh bitch: 💖💖

Allura: ❤️. And thank you all for your kind words! I’m incredibly happy that she said yes. :)

bi boh bitch: now I just need to find someone for pidge so theyre not the ultimate ninth wheel

space ace: again im very aroace and if you try to set me up with anyone i will turn your kneecaps inside out

bi boh bitch: thats so fucking unsettling what the fu c K

Vrepit Sal: dude you know better than to mess with Pidge


Vrepit Sal: you okay, buddy?

space ace: what did keith do this time


space ace: disgustening

Vrepit Sal: why were you in the Psychology classroom?

Desert cryptid: I was visiting Adam

Vrepit Sal: oh yeah, it’s his first day back to work!

Desert cryptid: Yeah. He was teaching so I burst in and sat on his desk until he kicked me out
Desert cryptid: Anyway congrats Allura

Allura: Thank you Keith! Did you enjoy your date with Lance last night?

Desert cryptid: It was one of the best nights Ive ever had.

bi boh bitch: keith I love u So Fucking Much

Desert cryptid: I love you too Lance





Direct messaging between Vrepit Sal and Adam s. (11:21 AM)

Vrepit Sal: hey Adam! i know you’re probably teaching right now but i was wondering if you need lunch? i can bring you something by!

Adam s.: actually i’m between classes right now, and i will never turn down the opportunity to eat your cooking Hunk. i have one more class then i can take my lunch if you want to bring it by whenever (:

Vrepit Sal: d’aww thanks Adam, i’ll bring you a bowl of the curry you like so much!

Adam s.: you’re a god among men Hunk




bi boh bitch: so then I told her I dont eat ass on the first date (11:36 AM)

Takashi shirogaymer: Good fucking god.

bi boh bitch: shiro >:00 watch ur language this is a family friendly chat

Takashi shirogaymer: Good fucking g*d.

space ace: the amount of respect i have for you right now is astronomical

Desert cryptid: Relax Shiro hes just messing with you

Takashi shirogaymer: Please don’t mess with your poor space dad, his heart can’t take it.

Desert cryptid: You say that like youre in your 70s

Takashi shirogaymer: I feel like I’m in my 70’s.

space ace: you are old but youre not that old

Takashi shirogaymer: 29 isn’t old!
Takashi shirogaymer: …is it?

Vrepit Sal: i feel a quarter life crisis coming on

bi boh bitch: but wait when he left for kerberos wasnt he like 25??

Takashi shirogaymer: 26.

space ace: he was gone for a year before he crashed in the desert then i think we were in space for at least a year or two before he disappeared so that would have made him 28 or 29 before he died

Desert cryptid: Can we stop talking about this please

bi boh bitch: but I think we were gone for a total of 5 years or smth so wouldnt shiro be in his 30s now????

space ace: he died once then we had kuron for about a year before he died and allura brought the real shiro back

Takashi shirogaymer: I don’t think Kuron’s death is counted on Garrison records. On the record I’m 29 and I’m comfortable with that.

Desert cryptid: Space pants.

Takashi shirogaymer: Okay, moving on!




Direct messaging between Takashi Shirogane and Desert cryptid (11:39 AM)

Takashi Shirogane: I’m sorry, I should have stopped when you asked the first time.

Desert cryptid: Its fine.

Takashi Shirogane: No it isn’t, Keith. You’re uncomfortable discussing it and I should have known better than to continue.

Desert cryptid: I said its fine Shiro. You stopped when I said the safe words and I know you didnt mean to upset me

Takashi Shirogane: Do you need a break, Keith?

Desert cryptid: Can we go get mcdonalds?

Takashi Shirogane: Of course, I’ll be up to get you in ten minutes.

Desert cryptid: Thanks Shiro


Direct messaging between bi boh bitch and Desert cryptid (11:39 AM)


bi boh bitch: babe im so sorry I feel like such an asshole

Desert cryptid: Its fine Lance, I know you didnt mean it

bi boh bitch: I shouldnt have passed over the first thing u said I know that makes u uncomfortable and I kept talking anyway…

Desert cryptid: Lance you listened when I said the safe words and thats all that matters. Now come to my room Shiros taking us to mcdonalds

bi boh bitch: babe.
bi boh bitch: mcdonalds is so bad for u

Desert cryptid: So?

bi boh bitch: ,,,,,sighs’’’’’
bi boh bitch: omw




Takashi shirogaymer’s name was changed to old man (11:40 AM)


old man: Sigh.
old man: Why are you like this?

space ace: because were family and its what family does

old man: I don’t approve.

space ace: even better


space ace’s name was changed to chaotic neutral (11:40)



chaotic neutral: im not even mad


Vrepit Sal’s name was changed to sunshine personified (11:40)


bi boh bitch’s name was changed to sharkboy (11:41 AM)


Desert cryptid’s name was changed to lavagirl (11:41 AM)


lavagirl: Jesus fucking christ why

chaotic neutral: that movie is literally over a decade old lance

sharkboy: doesnt matter its still a classic

lavagirl: It really isnt


sharkboy changed the chat name to the voltron family (11:41 AM)


sharkboy: I know were not paladins anymore but I rlly think of u guys as my family yknow? like ur all so important to me
sharkboy: weve been thru a lot together and I wouldnt trade u guys for anything

chaotic neutral: christ youre making me feel emotions

sharkboy: bc u know u love me

chaotic neutral: absolutely not fuck off

sharkboy: admit u love me coward

chaotic neutral: to quote hamlet act III scene iii line 87, no

sharkboy: @everyone make pidge validate me

sunshine personified: i heard Lance needs validation and i came running immediately

sharkboy: hunk please know ur the universes greatest best friend and if someone told me I could go back in time and relive every moment with you id take them up on it in a heartbeat
sharkboy: I love u so much hunk ur the best qpp a man could ask for

sunshine personified: aww, i love you too, buddy 💛

sharkboy: 💞💖💕💖

old man: I love that you’re all bonding, but can we please change my name to something less terrible?


old man’s nickname was changed to Space Dad (11:44 AM)


Space Dad: Space Dad approves.

Adam s.: if Takashi is Space Dad, what does that make me?


Adam s.’s name was changed to Earth Dad (11:44 AM)


Earth Dad: you know, i like it


Coran Hieronymus Wimbleton Smythe’s name was changed to space uncle (11:44 AM)


space uncle: I’m Not Sure Who Changed My Name, But I Find It To Be Quite An Honorable Title! :{D


Allura’s nickname was changed to the heart of voltron (11:45 AM)


the heart of voltron: Oh, my name was changed as well!

sharkboy: ye
sharkboy: ur rlly important to all of us allura
sharkboy: w/o u we would have never been able to save the universe

the heart of voltron: You all were able to save the universe because you were destined for it, and it was an honor fighting along side people as courageous and passionate as you five. I do hope that the fact that the others and I will be departing shortly to rebuild Altea does not change how close we are with one another.

Space Dad: It won’t change a thing, Allura. We will always be a family, no matter where in the universe we end up. Besides, it’s not like you won’t be visiting us from time to time once you’re settled in.

space uncle: I Say We All Should Meet At Least Once A Deca-Phoeb For Some Sort Of Team Outing! It Would Be The Perfect Opportunity To Catch Up Should We Find Ourselves Short Of Free Time!

Space Dad: That’s a great idea, Coran! A yearly team meeting is the perfect opportunity for everyone to catch up in full.

sharkboy: we could do it on the anniversary of the day we came home!!!

lavagirl: May 21st?

sharkboy: yea!!!

chaotic neutral: im down

sunshine personified: i can totally make a meal or something for the occasion

Earth Dad: maybe if we work diligently we can have our first meeting in the new house

Space Dad: Ambitious, but doable.

sunshine personified: but wait, weren’t we waiting for Keith’s answer first?

lavagirl: Lance told me what you all wanted to do when we went to Varadero Beach last night.

chaotic neutral: and?

lavagirl: I have one condition

Space Dad: What is it, Keith?

lavagirl: Mom can stay with us too

Space Dad: Of course, her staying with us was something we planned on from the beginning.

lavagirl: Then Im on board too


Space Dad: Just remember, Lance, we all have a lot going on and a year is a lot less time than you think. It’s actually less than a year now.

sharkboy: I know I know dont worry
sharkboy: Im just excited for this!!!

Space Dad: That’s a good thing! Keep that excitement alive, it’ll help carry you through.

Earth Dad: Takashi sometimes i feel like you should be a motivational speaker

Space Dad: Maybe after I nap for a couple of years and sit down with a well-deserved glass of wine.

chaotic neutral: #letshirorest

sharkboy: #letshirorest

sunshine personified: #letShirorest

Earth Dad: #letShirorest

Space Dad: Please, for the love of god, #letmerest.

sharkboy: I ship shiro x sleep

lavagirl: Shame they arent compatible

sharkboy: ghrfkkrnrfgcg

Earth Dad: what is it you kids say? press F to pay respects?

sharkboy: f

chaotic neutral: f

sunshine personified: f

lavagirl: F

Earth Dad: f

Space Dad: :(

Chapter Text

space ace created a chat! (12:01 PM)


space ace added Takashi Shirogane, bi boh bitch, and Desert cryptid to the chat! (12:01 PM)


Takashi Shirogane’s nickname was changed to traitor #1 (12:01 PM)


bi boh bitch’s nickname was changed to traitor #2 (12:01 PM)


Desert cryptid’s name was changed to traitor #3 (12:01 PM)


space ace changed the chat name to traitorous sluts (12:02 PM)


space ace: you fucking traitorous sluts


traitor #1: Hello to you too, Pidge.


traitor #2: Id be offended if there was anything wrong with being a slut


space ace: you traitors got mcdonalds without me


traitor #2: we stopped by the lab to see if u were busy!!!


space ace: i wasnt in the lab


traitor #3: No but Matt was. He said you and Sam were busy before he asked us to get him chicken nuggets


space ace: that motherfucker


space ace added the better Holt kid to the chat! (12:03 PM)


the better holt kid’s name was changed to original traitorous slut (12:03 PM)


space ace: someday god wont be so merciful and you will have to suffer the consequences of your actions


original traitorous slut: bold of you to assume I haven't already fought God in the Denny's parking lot


traitor #2: matt!!!


original traitorous slut: traitor #2!!!


traitor #2: its lance lol


original traitorous slut: oh hello, how's my darling husband?


traitor #2: im doing great now that my hubby is here ;)


traitor #1: I thought Hunk was your husband?


traitor #2: theres plenty of lance love to go around


original traitorous slut: yeah Shiro there's plenty to go around


traitor #1: How do you know it’s me?


original traitorous slut: because you type like a dad lol


traitor #1: Funny, Sam said the same thing.


original traitorous slut: that's how you know its true


space ace: can we please just get back to the original point


original traitorous slut: which is?


space ace: you didnt tell me there were going to mcdonalds you motherfucker


original traitorous slut: oh yeah did you guys get me that Good Shit™️?


traitor #1: If by “Good Shit™️” you mean your 20 piece McNugget, then yes.


traitor #2: u know pidge were still here we can get you something too


space ace: not the point lance the point is that matts a horrible brother whose only motivation in life is to make me suffer


original traitorous slut: that's what brothers do, Pidge ;P


space ace: never make that face again


original traitorous slut: what are you gonna do if I do?


space aceputthegundowngranny.PNG


original traitorous slut: oh shit
original traitorous slut: pull the trigger coward ;P


space ace: if it werent for the laws of this land i would have slaughtered you.


traitor #1: Ahem, if you two are done we’re getting ready to leave- people keep coming up to us and all the social interaction is burning Keith out. Pidge, do you want anything?


space ace: shit no im fine


traitor #1: After that dramatic display?


space ace: keiths far more important than my quarter pounder


traitor #3: Im fine Pidge


space ace: your definition of fine is not a definition i agree with keith


traitor #3: I handled social situations just fine when I was a paladin
traitor #3: Ill be fine


traitor #2: he got up to order ur food
traitor #2: jesus christ some guy approached him at the counter and is trying to talk to him


original traitorous slut: is some guy cute?


traitor #2: not as cute as keith but yea
traitor #2: oh fuck brb keith looks uncomfortable


original traitorous slut: go save your boyf


space ace: for as loud and annoying lance is i have to admit that hes at least a good boyfriend


traitor #1: They maintain a healthy relationship dynamic through communication and balancing each other out. For as worried as I was at first, I’m glad Keith finally found someone who makes him as happy as he is with Lance.


space ace: you mean youre glad they finally got their heads of their asses and stopped dancing around each other


traitor #1: That too.


traitor #2: some guy turned out to be a real creep
traitor #2: keith was just getting ready to punch him before i got to the counter


space ace: you both okay?


traitor #2: were fine that dude was just some asshole trying to get into keiths pants


space ace: jesus christ why do pervs still exist in this day and age


traitor #2: ur guess is as good as mine


traitor #2: ur foods ready so were leaving (12:08 PM)


space ace: just call me when you get here
space ace: dont call matt though he doesnt deserve his nuggets


original traitorous slut: I want my nuggies
original traitorous slut: btw how’s my favorite emo?


traitor #2: tired


original traitorous slut: he’s always tired


traitor #2: thats bc he needs a vitamin that doesnt exist on earth


original traitorous slut: really?


traitor #2: yea krolia told us
traitor #2: him having a vitamin deficiency is the reason hes always tired and irritable


original traitorous slut: huh
original traitorous slut: the more you know






Direct messaging between bi boh bitch and the better Holt kid (18:34 PM)


bi boh bitch: psssssst
bi boh bitch: matt
bi boh bitch: I know ur busy but I have an important question


the better Holt kid: anything for my #1 husband. what’s up?


bi boh bitch: do I come off as a top or a bottom??


the better Holt kid: if I didn’t know you better i’d say top


bi boh bitch: rlly????


the better Holt kid: no you’re definitely a bottom


bi boh bitch: what!!!


the better Holt kid: hey, there’s nothing wrong with being a bottom
the better Holt kid: embrace it lol


bi boh bitch: but im trying to prove a point!!!


the better Holt kid: well whatever it is, you’re failing


bi boh bitch: >:(






Direct messaging between bi boh bitch and space ace (18:35 PM)


bi boh bitch: pidge!!!


space ace: what is it lance


bi boh bitch: am I a top or a bottom


space ace: bottom no question


bi boh bitch: aw come on!!!


space ace: are you and keith having another one of your dumb arguments


bi boh bitch: yes and I have to win!!!


space ace: christ






Direct messaging between bi boh bitch and Vrepit Sal (18:36 PM)


bi boh bitch: hunk
bi boh bitch: greatest bff in the whole universe
bi boh bitch: my planetonic soulmate
bi boh bitch: I need ur opinion


Vrepit Sal: what is it buddy? you need more help planning the proposal?


bi boh bitch: no not yet
bi boh bitch: im a top right????


Vrepit Sal: sorry buddy, but if anyone emits strong bottom energy, it’s you


bi boh bitch: the NERVE
bi boh bitch: first matt now you??
bi boh bitch: husbands are supposed to be SUPPORTIVE u know!!!


Vrepit Sal: we are being supportive. we’re being up front and honest instead of letting you believe a lie


bi boh bitch: im a top!!!


Vrepit Sal: whatever helps you sleep at night, buddy






Direct messaging between bi boh bitch and Takashi Shirogane (18:36 PM)


bi boh bitch: shiro


Takashi Shirogane: No.


bi boh bitch: I havent even said anything!!!


Takashi Shirogane: No, but I know exactly what you’re going to ask.


bi boh bitch: ok who fucking snitched


Takashi Shirogane: I would never reveal my sources.


bi boh bitch: it was keith wasnt it
bi boh bitch: hes trying to sway public opinion so I lose that gorgeous bastard


Takashi Shirogane: Just once can’t you two have a normal argument?


bi boh bitch: the fact that u would even say something like that is highly offensive
bi boh bitch: normal is a social construct shiro I thought I taught u better than this


Takashi Shirogane: You’re right, my mistake.
Takashi Shirogane: I’m still not going to answer your question, though.


bi boh bitch: come ON





space ace has added the better Holt kid to the chat! (18:38 PM)


chaotic neutral: all victims of klances latest argument say i
chaotic neutral: i


the better Holt kid: I


Space Dad: I.


sunshine personified: i


Earth Dad: i


Space Dad: He texted you? Also, welcome, Matt.


Earth Dad: i got Keith’s “ignore him” just seconds after Lance called me
Earth Dad: hello, Matt


the better Holt kid: wassup fuckers Lancey Lance is a fucking bottom and that’s the tea


sharkboy: matt do u wanna fucking GO???
sharkboy: bc ur asking for a hearty serving of these hands


chaotic neutral: part of a nutritious smackdown


lavagirl: Youre just mad because you lost


sharkboy: no im mad bc all my friends are TRAITORS


lavagirl: Whatever you fucking bottom


chaotic neutral: do i even want to know what started this argument


lavagirl: I took him out to dinner and when we were done the waitress looked at the two of us for a few seconds before handing me the check


chaotic neutral: oh my fucking god.


the better Holt kid: so what you’re saying is, the waitress assigned you kin


sharkboy: she assigned wrong!!!


lavagirl: No she definitely assigned correctly


sharkboy: SHUT


lavagirl: Stop running from the truth Lance


sharkboy: u know we SWITCH u absolute jackass just let me have this!!!


lavagirl: Nope.


sharkboy: keith!!!




sharkboy: since when do you send reaction memes!!!


lavagirl: Since you decided to spam text me while I was in the restaurant bathroom trying to piss


sharkboy: i was BORED


lavagirl: I wasnt even gone for five minutes


sharkboy: u know how my attention span works


chaotic neutral: what the absolute fuck is going on


Space Dad: They’re being themselves.
Space Dad: Matt, you’ve been unusually quiet.


the better Holt kid: ya lol
the better Holt kid: just watching my favorite show


Space Dad: The Klance Show?


lavagirl: I still say Laith is way batter


sharkboy: aw cmon!! were team klance!!


lavagirl: Klance is such a ridiculous name. Its just my first initial in front of your name


skarboy: babe cmon dont fight this


lavagirl: Laith.


sharkboy: klance.


lavagirl: Laith


sharkboy: klance!!


lavagirl: Laith!


sharkboy was kicked from the chat! (18:42 PM)


lavagirl was kicked from the chat! (18:42 PM)


chaotic neutral: finally


the better Holt kid: aw, I was watching that





Direct messaging between bi boh bitch and space ace (18:42 PM)


bi boh bitch: add me back coward


space ace: it wasnt me Lance





Direct messaging between bi boh bitch and Vrepit Sal (18:43 PM)


bi boh bitch: HUNK


Vrepit Sal: you can come back when you’re done arguing


bi boh bitch: :( :( :(


Vrepit Sal: puppy eyes don’t work over text, buddy


bi boh bitch: fine




Direct messaging between Desert cryptid and Takashi Shirogane (18:43 PM)


Desert cryptid: Hes so fucking infuriating Shiro


Takashi Shirogane: I know, Keith.


Desert cryptid: I love him so fucking much Im going to eat my fucking shoe


Takashi Shirogane: Don’t… Don’t do that.


Desert cryptid: He burst into the room and now hes sitting on my lap demanding attention
Desert cryptid: add us back shiro


Takashi Shirogane: And why should I do that, Lance?


Desert cryptid: keiths being a big emo and wont kiss me so I need my husbands to make me feel better
Desert cryptid: if my daily affection quota isnt filled I will die


Takashi Shirogane: Have you two made up yet?


Desert cryptid: keith finally kissed me so I think so???
Desert cryptid: ok yea we made up

Takashi Shirogane: Good to hear. I’ll add you both back now.





Space Dad added bi boh bitch and Desert cryptid to the chat! (18:44 PM)


chaotic neutral: are you two morons done yet


bi both bitch: ye were good


chaotic neutral: you went from passionate arguing to complete and utter compliancy in just minutes


bi boh bitch: what can I say
bi boh bitch: keiths weak for me ;)


chaotic neutral: unbelievable






Direct messaging between Takashi Shirogane and bi boh bitch (03:22 AM)


Takashi Shirogane: I take back what I said earlier, you’re definitely a bottom.


bi boh bitch: what the FUCK

Chapter Text

Direct messaging between bi boh bitch and space ace (03:02 AM)


bi boh bitch: pidge im bored come entertain me

space ace: why am i always the lone victim of your insomniac bullshit

bi boh bitch: bc ur the only other insomniac on the team and therefore u understand the insomniac bullshit

space ace: i should have known

bi boh bitch: come entertain me

space ace: you hear that
space ace: its the sound of me not doing it

bi boh bitch: come on!!!

space ace: im busy

bi boh bitch: ur always busy
bi boh bitch: always working on smth for the garrison

space ace: this isnt something for the garrison this is something im doing to destress

bi boh bitch: maybe I can help with w/e ur doing!!!

space ace: hm

bi boh bitch: cmon I havent helped u guys since funsen!!

space ace: that wasnt helping that was you tagging along while hunk and i ignored you
space ace: which im still sorry about

bi boh bitch: its k I know im a nuisance

space ace: youre not a nuisance lance
space ace: that was just an asshole move on our part
space ace: anyway… im not sure how much you know about robotics but the company wouldnt be so bad

bi boh bitch: holy shit r u building a robot

space ace: yeah
space ace: i just started working on him if you wanna come to my room

bi boh bitch: hell fucking yea im on my way
bi boh bitch: im bringing my knitting tho

space ace: fine by me

bi boh bitch: and im bringing snacks bc I know u and I know u didnt eat dinner

space ace: thats really not necessary lance

bi boh bitch: u cant escape this pidge ur eating whether u like it or not

space ace: okay mom

bi boh bitch: speaking of mom I finished colleens sweater

space ace: ill let her know at a more reasonable hour




Direct messaging between Vrepit Sal and bi boh bitch (07:30 AM)


Vrepit Sal: “oh Hunk, universe’s greatest BFF, i’d love if you could join Pidge and i for an impromptu best friend sleepover”
Vrepit Sal: sure Lance, i’d love to join you and Pidge for an impromptu best friend sleepover!
Vrepit Sal: “but Hunk it’s so late, i don’t wanna take away from your beauty sleep!!”
Vrepit Sal: nonsense, you know i’m always down for some best buddy bonding time!
Vrepit Sal: oh, but wait.
Vrepit Sal: i didn’t get to join the impromptu best best friend sleepover because someone didn’t tell me about it
Vrepit Sal: you have soiled our friendship garden

bi boh bitch: darling hunk
bi boh bitch: light of my life
bi boh bitch: the finn to my poe
bi boh bitch: I love u but dont disgrace this friendship by bringing spongebob into this

Vrepit Sal: i wouldn’t have to if you had just invited me to the sleepover, Lance
Vrepit Sal: it’s you that’s disgraced this friendship with your blasphemous ways

bi boh bitch: u know I try not to wake anyone up on nights I cant sleep!!!
bi boy bitch: I was being CONSIDERATE thank u

Vrepit Sal: and i told you to wake me up anyways. i know how little you sleep, buddy

bi boh bitch: I know I know
bi boh bitch: its a work in progress

Vrepit Sal: oh, like how your super gay crush on Keith was a “work in progress”?

bi boh bitch: FIRST of all how dare
bi boh bitch: weve been together for years hunk ur legally not allowed to hold that over my head anymore

Vrepit Sal: buddy i’m going to hold that over your head forever

bi boh bitch: just like im gonna hold ur pining for shay over ur head forever!!

Vrepit Sal: i’m not ashamed to admit i pined, unlike you, who pined for years and just denied your feelings so hard that you turned it into a one sided rivalry you didn’t drop until you got hurt and you and Keith bonded, which you refused to acknowledge

bi boh bitch: I would have acknowledged the bonding moment!!!
bi boh bitch: …eventually

Vrepit Sal: no you wouldn’t have, Lance

bi boh bitch: yea ur right
bi boh bitch: I just wasnt ready to go there

Vrepit Sal: i know buddy, i know
Vrepit Sal: i was going to keep calling you out but instead i’m going to come cuddle you until you fall asleep

bi boh bitch: hunk you KNOW im physically incapable of staying awake wrapped in ur big strong arms
bi boh bitch: ur warmth is to powerful

Vrepit Sal: exactly.

bi boh bitch: ill b fine bby dont worry abt me

Vrepit Sal: i’ve been worrying about you since we met, Lance

bi boh bitch: I know hunk

Vrepit Sal: you can’t stop me, Lance
Vrepit Sal: you’re going to let me cuddle you and you’re going to enjoy it

bi boh bitch: sighs,,,,,,,,, doors unlocked

Vrepit Sal: i’m just down the hall. see you soon




sunshine personified: if anyone wakes Lance up for anything I’m going to be highly upset. (08:05 AM)

chaotic neutral: so dont wake lance or we face your wrath

sunshine personified: yes.
sunshine personified: if Lance is woken up before he’s ready i will be incredibly disappointed

Space Dad: Hunk, out of everyone here, you’re the person I feel the most guilty upsetting.

Earth Dad: Hunk is the team’s ray of sunshine, no one likes upsetting him

sunshine personified: i like to use that to my advantage
sunshine personified: usually on Lance but i’ve been known to spread it further

lavagirl: Hunk your ability to make me feel incredibly guilty with as little effort on your part as possible is the most terrifying fucking thing ever
lavagirl: I remember once when Lance and I had an argument and werent talking you came to talk to me and before I even understood what was happening you had guilt tripped me so hard that I left mid conversation to go find Lance so we could make up
lavagirl: You didnt even say much you just had this look that made me regret everything and it scared the shit out of me

chaotic neutral: hunk shares that look with his mom
chaotic neutral: watching them use it together is just as terrifying if not more

sharkboy: hunks disappointed mom stare is worse than māsinas u cant convince me otherwise

sunshine personified: Lance! why aren’t you asleep?

sharkboy: forgot to turn my notifs off lol

sunshine personified: you need to sleep!

lavagirl: Lance you really should be asleep

sharkboy: nah I think ill stay up for a bit
sharkboy: wouldnt wanna deprive u beautiful ppl of my presence for to long (☞ ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)☞

sunshine personified: Keith, you know what to do

sharkboy: if u think cuddling my boyf is gonna help ur absolutely right but not this time
shakboy: im gonna prove all u bitches wrong

lavagirl: Leandro.

sharkboy: fuC K
sharkboy: babe dont do this u know I dont stand a chance

lavagirl: Leandro

sharkboy: hnnhhgngnghhh

lavagirl: Dont make me say it again Espinoza

sharkboy: but babe!!!

lavagirl: Im coming to your room, make sure the door is unlocked.
lavagirl: And turn off your notifications

sharkboy: …say it one more time?

lavagirl: Just turn off your notifications Leandro

sharkboy: fghgnjdkjgkkgjfjfjghh

chaotic neutral: ………what……the singular fuck……just happened

sunshine personified: Keith and i have this system we use when we need to get Lance to listen to us for his own good
sunshine: if i get to him first, i cuddle him until he falls asleep
sunshine personified: if my tactics don’t work, Keith pulls the first name card
sunshine personified: and vice versa

chaotic neutral: i. thought lances first name is lance

lavagirl: Well hes Cuban so his actual name is Leandro

chaotic neutral: so where does lance come from

lavagirl: His full name is Leandro Antonio Neron Carreno y Espinoza. Two middle and last names

chaotic neutral: lance is an acronym!

lavagirl: A very coincidental one yeah

chaotic neutral: ive known him for years and somehow this is my first time ever hearing this information
chaotic neutral: does he not like using leandro?

lavagirl: He doesnt dislike his first name he just thought it was cool how his full name is an acronym. Since the Garrison staff called him by his last name when he was enrolled hardly anyone knew about it

chaotic neutral: huh

Vrepit Sal: Rosa, Antonio, and Keith are the only ones i’ve ever seen use his actual name. Rosa and Antonio obviously get a pass because they’re his parents, but sometimes Keith will use it to kinda reign him in if he needs it

chaotic neutral: who else knew about this

Earth Dad: as Garrison staff, Takashi and I knew his first name but I stuck to using his last name to address him. Takashi used the acronym because that’s what Lance asked him to do

chaotic neutral: so…..should i still call him lance or

lavagirl: As far as I know hes still comfortable with Lance yeah
lavagirl: Dont worry about it too much Pidge

chaotic neutral: okay




Direct messaging between space ace and Desert cryptid (11:56 AM)


space ace: hey
space ace: are you busy

Desert cryptid: I was just about to get lunch with Shiro why?

space ace: oh nevermind

Desert cryptid: Pidge?

space ace: its nothing forget i said anything

Desert cryptid: Its clearly something
Desert cryptid: Im not going to force you to tell me but if you want to talk then Im here

space ace: i just
space ace: lance and i talked a lot this morning and one of the things we talked about was how hunk and i treated him
space ace: he says its fine but even knowing that hes forgiven us i still feel incredibly guilty about what happened

Desert cryptid: Oh
Desert cryptid: Uh
Desert cryptid: You mean that thing with Funsen?

space ace: not just that
space ace: i was a real asshole to him through a lot of it
space ace: funsen
space ace: kuron
space ace: i even made fun of him for missing you when you left for the blades
space ace: im learning more about lance every day and it makes me remember how badly i treated him when all he wanted was to be included

Desert cryptid: I see
Desert cryptid: Look Pidge you know Lance has forgiven you by now but if it bothers you that much maybe try talking about it more with him
Desert cryptid: Just find some time to sit him down and talk through what youre feeling and if you need to apologize again then apologize
Desert cryptid: Lance will listen to anything you have to say and you know that

space ace: yeah…..
space ace: thanks keith. i know that youre not the best with this kinda stuff but the fact that you humored me after all i did to lance means a lot to me

Desert cryptid: If it makes you feel any better Im not the most patient person either
Desert cryptid: Ive been a dick to him more times than I can count on both hands but because we talked it through and acknowledged that we could have handled the situation differently it made it a lot easier for the both of us to move on

space ace: ill talk to him when he wakes up
space ace: neither of us slept last night so that might not be for a while…
space ace: his insomnia is getting worse keith im not use to the competition

Desert cryptid: I know
Desert cryptid: Thats one of the things I brought up to Adam and Shiro
Desert cryptid: Adam wants him to see a doctor
Desert cryptid: He wants all of us to see a doctor

space ace: a therapist

Desert cryptid: Yeah. A therapist

space ace: i dont know if im ready to see a therapist
space ace: i really dont

Desert cryptid: As much as I dont want to I know Adam means well
Desert cryptid: And he does have a point. Weve been through a lot theres no way were walking away from any of that mentally or physically unscathed
Desert cryptid: The mental toll is his biggest worry
Desert cryptid: It could help, I guess…

space ace: maybe
space ace: you said you and shiro are going for lunch right

Desert cryptid: You can come if you want
Desert cryptid: I wouldnt mind the extra company

space ace: im already at shiros door
space ace: you think if i sneak in i can scare him

Desert cryptid: Hide on top of the fridge

space ace: excellent idea
space ace: wish me luck

Desert cryptid: I believe in you Pidge


space ace: it worked (12:01 PM)




Direct messaging between Takashi Shirogane and Desert cryptid (12:02 PM)


Takashi Shirogane: Every single time you team up with Pidge to mess with me you take another year off my life.
Takashi Shirogane: You’re killing me, Keith.
Takashi Shirogane: You’re killing your brother.