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Miraculous: Tales of Ladybug & Chat Noir © Thomas Astruc

group chat: wtb a brain for nino
marinara has joined the chat

marinara:
I'm not trying to start a war or anything
but she looked me dead in the eye and asked for a milkshake
full well knowing that the blender is fucking faulty

Alyarr:
arch nemesis back at it again?

marinara:
she fucking knows, I'm telling you
those coffee shop au stories are lying to you guys
it's not all sunshine and rainbows

Thani:
Mari.

marinara:
don't fucking mari me
you haven't experienced true pain until ice cream hits you in the face
at full speed

Alyarr:
I thought the worst was burning your fingers last week
what did I miss?

marinara:
I got milkshake in my eye

Thani:
I thought it was your face?
It sounds like you're making it all up now, Mari.

marinara:
listen
I'll fucking fight you if you want

Alyarr:
irl or not

marinara:
both
I can take him

Thani:
You probably come up to my shoulder.

marinara:
protect your knees

Thani:
I'll punt you without hesitation.

Alyarr:
careful
almost sounds like you two are flirting

marinara:
I'm not into that

Thani:
It was a long time ago, okay.
I'm completely over her.

marinara:
nath, it was last month

Thani:
Please leave me alone.

marinara:
I can't take you seriously when you type like a nun

Thani:
...Isn't a nun a bit extreme?
I'd like to think I sound like a teacher.

Alyarr:
nath
you sound like you sip tea really obnoxiously

marinara:
I second that
you're like the old man that comes in on wednesdays

Thani:
Sometimes, I wonder why I'm even here.

Alyarr:
you like mari
and gaming with us
it's a package deal

Thani:
Past tense.
I realised the error of my ways when she started fangirling.

marinara:
I resent that.

Thani:
Was that period really necessary?
I can't tell if you're mocking me or not.

marinara:
I would never.

Alyarr:
Why would anyone ever do that?

Thani:

marinara:
anyway
let's go back to my crisis
unless you two have spice to tell me

Alyarr:
go back to complaining
I'm fucking bored

marinara:
my pain is your entertainment??

Alyarr:
at least I'm honest

Thani:
My day always pales in comparison to you.

marinara:
aw

Thani:
I meant yours.
You really don't have to reject me all over again.

marinara:
what if I was about to ask you to sleep with me?
that could've been your chance, man

Thani:
Mari, you told me you'd never be able to love someone without a soul.

Alyarr:
to be fair
you didn't have to tell her you're ginger

Thani:
We were sharing details.

marinara:
I was drunk
stop judging me

Alyarr:
it was a pretty brutal rejection

marinara:
I thought he was joking!

Thani:
I'd really appreciate it if we went back to talking about your day.
Spare me the embarrassment.

marinara:
you're cute but it's like
younger brother cute?
I wouldn't be able to look at you and think mm

Alyarr:
mari
you've never even seen him

marinara:
what's your point?
he's never seen me but he wanted to bone

Thani:
I can't believe I ever thought you were cute.

marinara:
honestly same??
it was pretty wild

Alyarr:
I can confirm you're missing out
nath's pretty cute

Thani:
We need to stop using the word cute.
I'm starting to wince whenever I see it.

marinara:
you just said it yourself!
why won't anyone show me their selfies

Alyarr:
because you refuse to show yours
we've got a pact

Thani:
You've only been here two months.

marinara:
two months earns me a bad nickname
but not your pictures???

Thani:
Don't try to talk to me about bad nicknames.

marinara:
I was drunk
I didn't mean to call you thani

Alyarr:
you're marinara for life
I don't make the rules

ninny has joined the chat

ninny:
hey, losers
i come with great news

Alyarr:
finally got some common sense???

Thani:
You didn't put your milk in the dishwasher today?

ninny:
no but
im not a complete animal
have some faith

marinara:
I believe in you, ninny

ninny:
the nickname ruined it but thanks
youre a true pal, mari

Alyarr:
she just doesn't know how dumb you are yet
don't get too cosy

marinara:
are you marking your territory or what

Thani:
What's the news, Nino?

ninny:
thanis got my back
what a good bud

Thani:
I'm starting to feel like a dog.

marinara:
are you a good boy???

Alyarr:
mari stop
he'll start dreaming of you asking that

Thani has left the chat

ninny:
anyway
moving on
guess who made a new friend last night

marinara:

did you even make it into work on time?

Alyarr:
what do you mean last night????
you told me you were going to bed

ninny:
i did go to bed
but then i woke up and couldnt go back to sleep
so i soloqueued

marinara:
is this how you introduced me to the group
just out of nowhere

Alyarr:
it wasn't night but yes
he was salty you kept killing him

marinara:
what

ninny:
moving
on

Alyarr:
is this you asking permission to invite someone again?

ninny:
i dont need permission, alya
im in charge

marinara:
okay, bossman
who have you got for us???
I'm ready not to be the new guy

ninny:
idk he seems pretty chill
we played for like four hours

Alyarr:
that's longer than anyone can put up with you
dude deserves an award

ninny:
that hurts, alya

Alyarr:
someone has to tell you the truth

ninny:
my heart is broken
how can i go on like this
give me your eyepatch to put it on my wound

Alyarr:
I actually have glasses
not an eyepatch

ninny:
thats what you want us to think
anyway
im adding him in, dont scare him off

marinara:
I don't like what you're implying there

ninny has invited plagg to the chat
plagg has joined the chat

Alyarr:
don't be so mean to us ninny

ninny:
this is plagg
be nice to him

marinara:
plagg
how did you manage to play with him for so long??

plagg:
hello?
what

Alyarr:
ninny
he usually quits after dying too much
we only get like five games together

ninny:
ignore them
my names still nino, please remember that

plagg:
ok
i'll try

marinara:
he seems innocent
how did you even convince him to be your friend??

ninny:
i didnt have to convince anyone
why are you all so mean to me

plagg:
he offered to help me get better
so i took him up on the offer???

Alyarr:
what

marinara:
what

ninny:
im regretting this

plagg:
oh, was i not supposed to say that??
sorry i'm new
to the game, i mean

Alyarr:
nino

plagg:
and here, i guess
this is very weird

marinara:
nino
you found someone worse than you???

ninny:
please leave me alone

Alyarr:
nath's gonna fucking love this
I can't believe it

plagg:
wait
you aren't all new too?

marinara:
nino what have you been telling this poor dude!

plagg:
he said we could learn together?
but if that's not the case
i don't mind leaving???

Alyarr:
no you're precious
you can stay plagg

marinara:
you might want a different teacher tho
ninny's terrible

plagg:
is that you offering???
because i'm not really picky
i've only been playing like three days

ninny:
stop stealing my friends

marinara:
I mean
I'm probably the best player here??

Alyarr:
don't be so modest
it makes me want to murder you

marinara:
you're not too bad

ninny:
youve never offered to teach me, mari

plagg:
i'm starting to think i was lied to

marinara:
you called me a hacker

ninny:
that was before i got to know you
now i know youre just annoying!!

Alyarr:
you're welcome to play with us whenever plagg
but it's pretty rare for everyone to be on at the same time
might have to pick and choose

marinara:
move over, ninny
I'm gonna mentor plagg
so he'll fucking murder you

plagg:
but i don't want to murder anyone

Alyarr:
that'll change soon

plagg:
i don't even know you guys
why would i want to cause you harm???

marinara:

Alyarr:
I'm adopting him

-x-

private chat: Thani and marinara

marinara:
hey
you okay, nath?

Thani:
I'm fine.

marinara:
you sure?
sorry if we pissed you off or anything

Thani:
Honest.
I left the chat because I wanted to concentrate a bit.

marinara:
then you would've said bye like normal
I'm onto you

Thani:
I'm not mad.

marinara:
there's more emotions than just mad
do you want me to lay off with the teasing?
I get that I might not
be all that aware at times???
but I don't want to annoy you

Thani:
I don't want you to treat me any differently.
You don't have to change just because you don't like me back.

marinara:
but like
if it's making it awkward between us

Thani:
Mari, it was just a crush.
I'll get over it.

marinara:
idk man
I am pretty amazing

Thani:
Stop fishing.

marinara:
for real, though
if you ever want me to stop doing something
don't be afraid to say!!

Thani:
I promise I'll tell you if anything ever happens.

marinara:
I'm holding you to that!!

Thani:
You really don't have to change.
I'll still be up at night working, so we can continue talk then.

marinara:
you sure?

Thani:
You're a nice distraction from work.

marinara:
are you ever going to tell me what you do??
because I'm leaning towards mortician

Thani:
If you ever guess right, I'll tell you.

marinara:
fair

Thani:
Alya's not going to tell you, so don't even try bribing her.

marinara:
I'm offended you think I'd ever do that???

Thani:
Don't even try.
Even offering to help her rank up won't work.

marinara:
it's not my fault she doesn't want to play ranked without nino
and we all know how that goes!!!

Thani:
With a lot of caps lock?
I'm just glad we don't play with microphones.

marinara:
you don't want to hear my sweet voice?

Thani:
I hope you sound like a gargoyle so I'll be able to sleep easier at night.

marinara:
is that you saying I keep you up at night?
because you're the one that started talking to me first

Thani:
It was a terrible joke.

marinara:
I'll have you know I have a beautiful voice
and you're missing out

Thani:
I really don't want to hear you and Nino screaming at each other.

marinara:
honestly
that sounds like a great time
but I don't have a mic

Thani:
Let's keep it that way.

marinara:
have you heard him??

Thani:
Yeah.
He had a microphone before, but he spilled his drink on it.

marinara:
truly a ninny

Thani:
Pretty much.
It was mostly just him and Alya talking, though.
No one else could get a word in.

marinara:
I'm still betting nino will confess first

Thani:
You're wasting your time.

marinara:
someone has to believe in them
while you're rooting for them to be useless forever

Thani:
They've been like this for over a year.
Alya's never confessed to anyone in the past, this won't be an exception.

marinara:
fucking pessimistic

-x-

group chat: wtb a brain for nino
marinara has joined the chat

plagg:
no!!!!!!!!!!

marinara:
what

ninny:
plagg stop
dont do this, buddy
you were doing so well

plagg:
i will not listen to this!!!!!

marinara:
did I come at a bad time??

ninny:
you should leave
right now

plagg:
please don't leave me with him
tomato please

marinara:
what

ninny:
nevermind
you can stay, tomato

marinara:
I know I was missing for two days
but I hoped I'd at least made an impression

plagg:
marinara's made with tomatoes??

marinara:
my parents aren't tomatoes

ninny:
im

marinara:
shut up, ninny
it's just a stupid nickname
everyone has one

plagg:
oh
i don't?

marinara:
yeah but you're new
need to befriend a few of us first

plagg:
with the promise of a nickname in the future?

ninny:
only bad ones allowed
dont get your hopes up

marinara:
please just call me mari

plagg:
ok ok
sorry if i offended you!!!

ninny:
mari, youve missed out on this pure child
he almost made alya cry yesterday

marinara:
alya cries at puppies
now what were you arguing about??

ninny:
no

plagg:
we were talking about streamers!!!
do you watch any??

marinara:
oh

plagg:
nino was asking why i started playing so late
i told him about accidentally finding a stream
and he's being so mean!!!

marinara:
that's because he's an idiot
and doesn't understand the appeal of watching someone else play

ninny:
i am right here!!!!

marinara:
hey, dumbass

ninny:
fucking rude

plagg:
i've always loved watching others!!!
i never had the time to actually play until recently
so it's really strange being so bad

marinara:
cute

plagg:
do you know if anyone else watches??
i tried to get my friend into it but she found it boring

marinara:
some of us do, yeah
not all of us are haters like nino

plagg:
is that why he has no brain??

ninny:
i wont stand for this abuse
im going to work

ninny has left the chat

marinara:
nice guess but no
he's just really dumb

plagg:
he seems so smart though
everyone does!!

marinara:
like
don't take this the wrong way
but you're not a kid, are you?

plagg:
huh

marinara:
it's just the vibe you're giving off???

plagg:
oh wow
no, no!! i'm not!!
i'm twenty, i promise

marinara:
what

plagg:
was i not supposed to say that?
i'm not really sure how this all goes
do we not give our personal info???

marinara:
it doesn't really matter
it's not like we're ever gonna meet up or anything
I mean
the others don't even know my actual name?

plagg:
i know it's not tomato!

marinara:
yes, thank you for that
I wanted to die

plagg:
is that sarcasm???

marinara:
you'll never find out, p

plagg:
p?

marinara:
I fucking shuddered
I just wanted to give you a nickname but
that was gross

plagg:
oh!!! does this mean i'm advancing to the next stage?

marinara:
you're pretty likeable

plagg:
nice

marinara:
I still feel like I'm talking to a kid

plagg:
is it because of the name??
it's actually my cat's name
i wanted something original since everyone has cool screennames

marinara:
if coolness to you means being your cat
we might need to have a chat

plagg:
but i've already got a cat

marinara:
stop

plagg:
you can call me adrien
if you want!!!

marinara:
oh
that's your name?

plagg:
yes
is it okay to call you mari??

marinara:
go for it

plagg:
ok cool
are you busy now???

marinara:
it's almost midnight

plagg:
that's not an answer

marinara:
I'm awake

plagg:
me too
do you wanna play???

marinara:
sure, why not
I don't have a mic though

plagg:
i'm used to using my fingers
i'm fine with typing!!!!

marinara:
?????

plagg:
i
i meant i play piano

marinara:
I'm fucking dead

-x-

private chat: Alyarr and marinara

marinara:
how could you not tell me how cute he is????
like
he's so fucking useless but it's endearing
he's even worse than nino
I didn't know that was possible
he saw my level and was so excited
I think I have an admirer

Alyarr:
mari
it's five am

marinara:
I know
I just stopped playing with adrien

Alyarr:
what

marinara:
plagg
that's his real name
he's like a little kid

Alyarr:
can you maybe
tell me all this later????

marinara:
oh
my bad!!!

-x-

group chat: wtb a brain for nino
marinara has joined the chat

plagg:
leave me alone!!!!

marinara:
who's harassing you this time

Thani:
I haven't done anything.

marinara:
that doesn't sound convincing
adrien, watch out for this dude
he's a tricky one

plagg:
mari!!!!!!
i was so worried about you
are you okay

marinara:
wait what

plagg:
you've been gone all day
i thought something happened

marinara:
because you kept me up all night?

Alyarr:
saying this in front of poor nath?
how could you guys

Thani:
I hope your love never becomes requited, Alya.

marinara:
burn
I've just been busy at work
didn't anyone tell you about my weird times?

Alyarr:
he didn't ask

Thani:
He's crying because Alya insulted his favourite streamer.

marinara:
don't ruin the kid's day
what's wrong with you, alya
you fucking pirate

Alyarr:
kid????

plagg:
but i'm twenty

Alyarr:
oh same

plagg:
that's cool!!

marinara:
what do you mean same?????

Alyarr:
??
what do you think I mean

marinara:
I thought you were older!!!

Alyarr:
idk if that's a compliment or not
nath's the same age as me

marinara:
?????
how old is nino
does anyone know??

Thani:
No.

marinara:
this is fucking shocking
what is going on

Alyarr:
tell us about your day
enlighten adrien why we always ask you

marinara:
my arch nemesis came in again today

plagg:
wait what??

marinara:
it's some bitchy girl
that comes into the café and orders a milkshake
and it always ends in disaster with her looking all superior
while I get milkshake splattered on me

Alyarr:
I have a question

marinara:
no

Alyarr:
why not ask for a new blender?
it's obviously not working well
you've complained about it the whole two months I've known you

marinara:
because the owners would get upset about that
and I don't want that

Thani:
That means you're only going to suffer instead.
It's only a blender, Mari. I'm sure they'll replace it.

marinara:
it was a present from a dead relative of theirs
they're never going to part with it willingly
unless I smash it or something

plagg:
do it when there's no witnesses
your arch enemy can't see you

marinara:
alya, your son's trying to plot with me
is this how you raised him??

Alyarr:
he's dadless
I'm doing my best

plagg:
when did i get adopted???

marinara:
probably minutes after you first joined
nino's the creator but she pulls the strings

ninny has joined the chat

marinara:
alya just won't pull his trousers strings, sadly
so we're all suffering

ninny:
excuse me???

Alyarr has left the chat

marinara:

oh, come on

ninny:
do i even want to know

Thani:
Probably not.

plagg:
i am very confused

marinara:
I was just trying to get you a dad
anyway hi nino
how old are you?

ninny:
too old for this shit

Chapter Text

Miraculous: Tales of Ladybug & Chat Noir © Thomas Astruc

group chat: wtb a brain for nino
marinara has joined the chat

marinara:
what up my friends
I've got a cold so you're being graced with my presence
no night job

plagg:
mari!!!!!!

Thani:
Still got that headache?

marinara:
yeah
but now I sound like death so I've gotta be poor instead
disappointing

Thani:
I'm sure you don't sound that bad.

plagg:
you're not supposed to flirt!!!

Thani:
That's not flirting.

plagg:
i'm not listening to your lies
this is a platonic place!!!
there is no romance allowed!!!!

marinara:
if alya was the one to tell you that
it's because she thinks you're a child

plagg:
i'm the oldest here

marinara:
no one's ever going to believe that

Thani:
Everyone considers you the baby.

plagg:
that's just because i'm new!!

marinara:
who told you that lie?
don't listen to them, baby

Thani:

marinara:
I feel gross
let's forget I said that
please??

plagg:
this is a no flirt zone!!!!!!

marinara:
I can't flirt with you
I'd get arrested

Thani:
Mari, are you trying to groom him?
Stop playing with little boys online.

marinara:
!!!!!

plagg:
i'm not little

Thani:
That's exactly what a little boy would say.

marinara:
I'm regretting logging on
it's just you two but I'm already suffering

plagg:
really i'm not
i'm really big

marinara:
you really
need to think twice before you send anything
hasn't anyone taught you this???

plagg:
what??
i got told the rules by nino before

marinara:
...and have you stuck to these rules for the past week?

Thani:
I have a feeling he'd be really happy to earn a gold star from you.

marinara:
that would require typing like you
and my ass is fine stickless, thanks

plagg:
????
isn't it just to play together??

Thani:
Give him his sticker for playing with you so well.

marinara:
I'm not a teacher!
I can't even look after myself
how can I care for this child too??

plagg:
but you are teaching me the game???
you've helped me so much already
even though we've only played a few times!!

Thani:
You heard the kid, teacher.

plagg:
i'm older than you

Thani:
You've told us you attend university, but we've got no proof.
Keep trying.

marinara:
???
when did you find this out??

Thani:
In the our hours of freedom.

plagg:
when you were working!!
which is a lot
i've barely seen you since i've joined

marinara:
oh
you think i'm bad???
you probably haven't even met everyone here

Thani:
Neither have you.

plagg:
yeah but
i don't wanna spend time with them??

marinara:
this is a no-flirt zone, you monster

plagg:
i

Thani:
We're so disappointed in you.
The rules need to be enforced.

plagg:
but i'm not flirting
it would be really obvious if i was flirting

marinara:
oh??

plagg:
everyone says i'm bad at it
i'm sure that would show online too!!!

marinara:
you sure have faith in yourself

Thani:
You haven't got a long-time friend to out you here.
You're safe to pine in peace.

plagg:
what

marinara:
cough
alya

Thani:
Yes, thank you, Mari.
Name the traitor.

marinara:
it's not my fault I didn't realise you were flirting with me
blame her!!!

plagg:
is this a romantic backstory????

Thani:
No.

marinara:
I've been told his face goes as red as his hair
when alya makes fun of him

plagg:
you've shared pictures??
should i do that too

Thani:
Again, no.

plagg:
???
no?
you don't show each other pictures??

marinara:
adrien
this is the friend group where you could be in a fursuit
and feel safe because no one will ever ask to see you

plagg:
what

Thani:
That's wrong but also right.
A few of us have shared pictures, but Mari hasn't.

marinara:
fuck off

Thani:
We made a deal that we'd show her when she gives us one.
But she's very reluctant, so it'll never happen.

plagg:
oh are you shy??
it's okay your typing is cute
your image won't be completely ruined if you're in a fursuit!

marinara:
I'm not here for this abuse!!

marinara has left the chat

-x-

private chat: Thani and marinara

Thani:
I want to die.

marinara:
relatable
what up's, buttercup?

Thani:
I hurt my wrist so I have to stop working for a few weeks.

marinara:
camboy
that's my guess now

Thani:
I can't have a good personality and a good body.

marinara:
don't shame yourself in front of me
I've been told you're quite the treat

Thani:
By my friend that's known me since I was twelve.

marinara:
I didn't know it was that long!!
doesn't that mean you're not gonna be up at nights with me now?

Thani:
Yeah, probably.
I'll try and make my sleep schedule healthier for classes.

marinara:
rip
I'll miss you

Thani:
You could try and do the same.

marinara:
that's a bad idea
night is like
primetime???
I make so much more money then

Thani:
What if I think you're the camboy now?

marinara:
then I'd have one more viewer
xo

Thani:
I regret everything again.

marinara:
my parents agree whenever they see the bags under my eyes

Thani:
Oh, no.
Do you see them often?

marinara:
everyday, nath
like they're supportive
but everyone else is very judging and it's really annoying

Thani:
Mari.

marinara:
I'm going to bed
see ya

-x-

group chat: wtb a brain for nino
marinara has joined the chat

marinara:
hello friends

plagg:
mari!!!!!!

Alyarr:
hey

plagg:
i've missed you!!!!
it's been so long

marinara:
we spoke yesterday

plagg:
for like half an hour
so so long

marinara:
my cold's bad enough to banish me from my day job now
so I'm wondering whether to go to bed or not

Alyarr:
you're really not good with illness

plagg:
that's terrible!!!!!
naps are good though would that help you??

marinara:
eh
I don't get ill often
but if I do it lasts forever

plagg:
do you have medicine and everything??

marinara:
I forgot to buy some
extra suffering

plagg:
i could send you some!!!

marinara:
if this is just lead up
to you doing some witchcraft chant
maybe don't do that

Alyarr:
don't summon any demons

plagg:
no!! i meant real medicine
you can order it online right

marinara:
the thought is appreciated
thank you

plagg:
no???

marinara:
I'm not giving out my address??

plagg:
oh
oh right!!

marinara:
the thought's sweet but no thank you???

plagg:
it's ok

Alyarr:
what are you even going to do with your day
I swear you never have all of it off
ever

marinara:
you've only known me two months

Alyarr:
ever!!!!

marinara:
idk
I might go play
gives me something to do, I guess

Alyarr:
no talking required for that

marinara:
yeah
definitely

Alyarr:
wanna play together?

marinara:
sure
why not?

Alyarr:
adrien?

marinara:
might've left for a bit

Alyarr:
we'll wait five min

marinara:
he can always sign on if he wants to play??
he'll see these messages anyway

Alyarr:
you're dead but still smarter than nino

-x-

group chat: wtb a brain for nino
marinara has joined the chat

ninny:
mari

Thani:
Hey.

Alyarr:
good timing
help us decide

marinara:
what

plagg:
they're trying to give me a name!!!

marinara:
oh
happy birthday, kiddo

plagg:
but it's not my birthday

marinara:

so pure

Alyarr:
I raised him right

ninny:
we literally can't come up with anything good
with either name
he's cursed

marinara:
what's the best so far then

Thani:
They're terrible.

marinara:
gimme

plagg:
plague!!
but that's kinda mean
you're already ill and i don't want to make it worse!!

marinara:
yeah, you monsters
don't give me the plague

Alyarr:
you're saying you don't want him???

marinara:
is this how it was back then
plague-filled rats looking all cute
and enticing??

plagg:
i can confirm i am very cute

Thani:
Definitely a rat.

ninny:
i think anyone would be fine
with dying because of him

plagg:
i think that's the nicest thing
anyone's ever said about me!!

Alyarr:
we'll give you more compliments ok
you just focus on not being the plague

plagg:
mari called me something else before!!

marinara:
don't tell your mother i'm bullying you
what the fuck

plagg:
what

Alyarr:
no no
tell me all about it

plagg:
she called me p!!

Thani:
You're right. That's definitely bullying.

Alyarr:
you're right about it being terrible

marinara:
I was just trying to be cute, ok???
we were having a moment
and he didn't have a nickname
I tried, guys

Alyarr:
having moments with my son
when he's supposed to be in bed??

plagg:
i always stay up past my bedtime though!!

Thani:
That's really not a good response.

marinara:
I can't tell if he's serious or not
and that scares me

plagg:
i used to have a designated bedtime
until i quit
now i have all the free time in the world

Alyarr:
other than your classes

marinara:
???
you never told me you have classes??

plagg:
because i thought you'd tell me to go to bed!!!
it ok i liked staying up with you
it was worth the yawns

Thani:
Mari, everyone but you has classes here.
Are you really that surprised?

marinara:
way to make me sound like a deadbeat
what the fuck

Thani:
None of us have two jobs.
Are you saving up for university or anything?

Alyarr:
you know she's not going to answer that dude
she won't even tell us how old she is

marinara:
is it really that big of a deal??
I'm an ageless and sexless being
I can be anything you want

Alyarr:
sounds like the start of a kinky roleplay

plagg:
that sounds so mysterious!!
but you're a girl
aren't you???

marinara:
I don't know
am I

Thani:
You are.

marinara:
I clearly didn't start this roleplay soon enough

plagg:
is roleplaying something you guys do often here??
i heard someone on mic trying to be their character yesterday
it was kinda scary

marinara:
don't you worry, pboy
we're into not using our mics

Alyarr:
there's no sexy roleplaying here whatsoever

Thani:
Or the non-sexy kind, sorry.

plagg:
is pboy my name
it sounds like i'm gonna start rapping

Alyarr:
if that's your rapper name you might want to rethink it

plagg:
why!!!
i'm used to performing with my real name
let me have this

Thani:
Performing?

marinara:
I feel like I know more about him
than everyone else combined

Alyarr:
pboy you're very open

plagg:
i've changed my mind
i don't want that name

Thani:
We can't do much with your real name, sadly.

marinara:
stop being salty because i called you a vagina

Thani:
You really didn't need to get Thani from Nathaniel.

marinara:
I don't really need to do anything
but causing you to suffer is my favourite hobby

plagg:
no flirt zone!!!!!

Alyarr:
skljgdh
honey they're not flirting

plagg:
??
are we not reading the same chat

marinara:
let's go back to the real reason I'm here
to ruin adrien's life next

plagg:
but i like you in my life???

Alyarr:
somehow
I just want him to have a nice name

ninny:
i afk for like ten minutes
and this is what happens

marinara:
sorry for showing mercy

Thani:
I can't even think of anything good for Adrien.

plagg:
if it helps
my friend calls me adrikins when i annoy her
or when she wants to embarrass me

ninny:

itll do as a placeholder

marinara:
now you'll be cool on your own
instead of being your cat

Alyarr:
can we maybe change the no pics rule
so I can see his cat???

plagg:
he's a little brat!!!!

Thani:
So are you.

ninny:
dont be jealous
just because you dont get any pussy

marinara:
mine specifically

Thani:
I need new friends.

-x-

private chat: adrikins and marinara

adrikins:
hey are you feeling better???
i noticed you weren't on this afternoon
so you were either sleeping
or at work!!

marinara:
oh
yeah, I went back to work
but I was in the back instead of making drinks up front

adrikins:
where do you work??

marinara:
a café
well it's supposed to be that???
it's more like a bakery with a few tables

adrikins:
that means it smells nice right

marinara:
sure
you wanna sniff me??

adrikins:
is this a no flirt zone as well

marinara:
alya's not here to enforce it
specifically just for you
anyway what's up

adrikins:
nothing!!
i just wanted to see how you're feeling
since you're barely online

marinara:
yeah, sorry about that
I'm not really the most active here

adrikins:
i admit i have too much time now
so i don't really know what i'm doing

marinara:
for real, I'm fine
just sneezing a lot now

adrikins:
bless you

marinara:
thanks, adrikins

adrikins:
i regret saying this name!!

marinara:
too late, buddy
what made you stop performing?
don't answer if it makes you uncomfortable
you don't have to tell me

adrikins:
oh no!! it's fine
i just got fed up with it??
i'm studying it as well but i just
cancelled the performances

marinara:
still doing the ones needed for your classes?
you won't fail right

adrikins:
oh no i'll be fine!!
just not entering competitions and stuff
i'm done with that

marinara:
asking if you're any good is kinda useless right

adrikins:
i could show you my medals!!!

marinara:
and you actually mean medals
don't you?

adrikins:
that's weird
what else would i mean??

marinara:
don't change

adrikins:
mari
we're friends right?

marinara:
yeah
you've been gifted the bad nickname
you're stuck with us now

adrikins:
i meant me and you!!

marinara:
that should be obvious
yeah, we are

adrikins:
can i know your name??

marinara:
you still remember that?

adrikins:
yeah!!
i asked the others when you were working
and they said it's true

marinara:
starting to sound like a stalker

adrikins:
no no
i just want to know you!!

marinara:
you do though??

adrikins:
i could tell you my full name in exchange?

marinara:
no, don't do that
I don't want that

adrikins:
no???

marinara:
no!
I like how anonymous this is?
It's pretty freeing when no one knows me

adrikins:
but you just said i knew you
i'm getting mixed signals

marinara:
not like that
just
ugh

adrikins:
am i making you uncomfortable??
i'm sorry

marinara:
no no
some people just tend to recognise me?
but it's not like giving you my name
will change anything

adrikins:
!!!!
does that mean you'll tell me???

marinara:
yeah, sure
just don't tell the others
let them suffer

adrikins:
absolutely!!!!

marinara:
it's marinette

adrikins:
is that why you're marinara??

marinara:
well it was this or marijuana
you can see which is best

-x-

group chat: wtb a brain for nino
marinara has joined the chat

ninny:
adrien
i love you dude, but i really dont care
please

Thani:
Don't be so mean to the baby.

marinara:
don't be mean
I'll fight you

ninny:
go away mari

adrikins:
mari!!!!

marinara:
yes, hello
what's going on here

adrikins:
nino just called my favourite streamer lucky trash

Thani:
He did a lot more than that, but yes.

marinara:
at least he didn't accuse them of hacking
right??

ninny:
leave me alone!!!
i learned my lesson

marinara:
yeah because I spawncamped you
then you decided to befriend me

adrikins:
he's so mean!

marinara:
why are you ruining his life
what did adrien ever do to you, ninny?

ninny:
he became alyas son

marinara:
that's a terrible reason for abuse
shouldn't you be bribing him
to get an in with his mom

adrikins:
he's so mean whenever i bring her up!!!

Thani:
It's a knee-jerk reaction from hearing Mari fangirl.

marinara:
who what

adrikins:
you fangirl???
that means you like something right??

marinara:
yeah
who we on about
who's the lucky trash?

adrikins:
ladybug!!!!

ninny:
please no

marinara:
!!!!!
hell yeah
I love her

adrikins:
she got rank one earlier!!!
i was so excited

marinara:
yes!!!!
I was watching that
she did really well

ninny:
stop

adrikins:
she's my favourite!!!

marinara:
is she the one that got you
into the game???

adrikins:
yeah!!
i really like her dumb jokes
honestly i stayed watching for them at first

marinara:
some people here
don't appreciate them

Thani:
Some people just don't like watching streams.

marinara:
I'm looking at nino here.

ninny:
keep your bad decisions away from me
i dont need to watch someone constantly better than me
thats terrible for morale

adrikins:
but she always gives tips!!!!
between her and marinette i'm really learning a lot

Thani:
Marinette?

ninny:
marinette??????

marinara:
...

adrikins:
please ignore that
i'm a bad bad boy

ninny:
im screenshotting all of this
alya will never believe me

Thani:
I can't beleibe you'd tell him but not us.

marinara:
beleibe

ninny:
beleibe

Thani:
No!

adrikins:
beleibe???

Thani:
Even the new guy's teaming up on me.

adrikins:
was i not supposed to??

group chat: wtb a brain for nino is now group chat: beleibe

Thani:
This is betrayal.

marinara:
let's focus on your bad spelling
instead of my name
forever

ninny:
no way
how did he get it out of you
what did he bribe you with??

adrikins:
bribing is bad
i'd never do that

marinara:
honestly
he just told me so much I felt bad
gotta try and make it a little even

adrikins:
sharing is caring right??

ninny:
maybe dont share so much
we could be murderers

adrikins:
but if i befriend you
that means i'm safe???

Thani:
Only if you're nice and don't mock typos.

marinara:
nath straight up threatening you
watch out

adrikins:
mari
your boyfriend is scary

marinara:
my boyfriend????

ninny:
akldgjdfhd

Thani:
??????

adrikins:
aren't you dating???

marinara:
no!!!!

adrikins:
oh
are you sure??

ninny:
im cry

Thani:
Really sure, Adrien. Really sure.

marinara:
there's more of a chance of nino
finally confessing his love for alya

ninny:
please dont bring me into this
I cant beleibe whats going on

adrikins:
i'm sorry!!!!!
i really thought you were
and that's why the no flirt thing is there!!

Thani:
That rule doesn't exist.
Alya was just messing with you.

adrikins:
oh
now i really feel silly

Chapter Text

Miraculous: Tales of Ladybug & Chat Noir © Thomas Astruc

group chat: beleibe
marinara has joined the chat

Thani:
And look who the cat dragged in.

marinara:
I'm very close to murdering someone
my neighbour just bought a dog

adrikins:
puppy!!!!

marinara:
devil
loud devil

Thani:
Shouldn't you be overjoyed that you live near an animal?
I remember you moaning that you've never had a pet.

ninny:
thats just because shes jealous of plagg
the actual plagg
the living breathing plagg
who i can confirm is very adorable

marinara:
????
when have you been sharing pictures

Thani:
Marinette, we do it whenever you aren't here.
You really didn't think the whole no picture rule was real, did you?

marinara:
it clearly is real if you're avoiding show me them
what the fuck

adrikins:
(image: black-coloured cat curled up on a pillow)

Alyarr:
oop
you're not supposed to do that son

adrikins:
but she wanted to see

marinara:
asdlgkddh????
look at him
why have you held this from me for so long

ninny:
shes wanted to see a lot more and weve all said no
you weakling

Thani:
Honestly, I'm surprised he's lasted this long.
Thank you for keeping your cat a secret until now, Adrien.

adrikins:
you're welcome??
but it really should've been clearer
that the rules aren't actually real!!!

ninny:
i thought we were pretty clear

Alyarr:
crystal clear
flirting makes us all vomit
so that's why it's banned here

Thani:
You're just saying that so Nino will private message you.

ninny:

Alyarr:
nath
I know where you live

Thani:
I should hope so, you were here yesterday.

ninny:
like
id totally talk to you elsewhere
if you ever want to

marinara:
neither of you are subtle

Alyarr:
????
why would I want that
we've known each other two years

marinara:
yeah but
but do you know each other in private

Alyarr:
I know more about him than you mari
I mean
than I know about you

marinara:
honestly
both meanings are right
I don't know any of you and that's fine

ninny:
mari
not to be blunt or anything
but youre giving off major serial killer vibes

adrikins:
but she likes us so we're fine
we've been over this!

Thani:
Is this your way of trying to ask us to tell you things, Mari?

adrikins:
i can show you my cat again
if you want

Alyarr:
yeah mari
marinette
let him show you his cat

adrikins:
that's something i'm good at!!!

marinara:
what
no no
I like you guys as faceless beings

Thani:
So the only one who deserves a face in your mind is Plagg?

marinara:
you're a red blob
you're welcome

ninny:
for real though
its a bit weird that youre so private??

marinara:
I'm the only one who listened to the internet safety talk
I beat nath at that class

Thani:
I've never been the top of my class.

Alyarr:
fake but ok

adrikins:
i've read a few stories about
dating online and what happens!!!
i completely understand why you didn't want to give out your address

marinara:
thank you for understanding??

Thani:
Honestly, if I didn't know your sleeping schedule, I'd think you were a kid.

ninny:
what about a big kid
she could be in school still

Alyarr:
that's true
we don't know what you do outside of the café

marinara:
of which I'm never telling you the address of either
private life is private thank you

adrikins:
i live in paris

ninny:
yo dude!!!
same here what are the odds

Thani:
That was really abrupt.

ninny:
alya and nath live like two hours away

Alyarr:
you still remember that??
fuck we haven't talked about that for months

ninny:
yeah, of course
it was really cool when you told me

Thani:
She thought it was cool, too.

Alyarr:
nath pls
I really don't need a wingman

ninny:
does that mean you really do want me to message you

Alyarr:
??
I never said you couldn't

ninny:
yeah but
you never want to play with me

Alyarr:
I'd rather talk than watch you die a thousand times
is that so hard to believe

ninny:
but maybe I wouldnt die if you healed me

marinara:
and that's any chance of romance ruined
clap clap

adrikins:
i do not know what to think here

Thani:
I think you should send another cat picture.

adrikins:
i can do that!!!!
(image: plagg on his back on the bed, paws in the air)

marinara:
majestic creature

-x-

private chat: adrikins and marinara

adrikins:
you always have such good timing!!
i just wondered what to do
and your name popped up
it's a sign!!!

marinara:
a sign that I'm awake
what up

adrikins:
are you up for long??
i don't have any classes tomorrow

marinara:
is that your way of asking me to play with you

adrikins:
yes!!!
i've missed spending time with you

marinara:
try and phrase it
less like I'm a pedo

adrikins:
but what if you're a child
with two jobs

marinara:
that's illegal

adrikins:
so is being a pedo!!!!

marinara:

dog is barking so I'm up until I fall asleep on my keyboard

adrikins:
!!!
that is the best thing i've heard all day

marinara:
my ego is satisfied
we'll start on that new character
you mentioned wanting to learn last time

adrikins:
you remembered!

marinara:
yeah of course
gotta train you to be ladybug the second

adrikins:
i'd be happy just to be murdered by her
but that means i have to get to her skill level!!

marinara:
a noble goal in life
I wish she'd kill me too

adrikins:
someday!!!

-x-

group chat: beleibe
marinara has joined the chat

adrikins:
mari!!!!!
please please tell me you were watching

marinara:
be more specific

ninny:
dont even pretend you dont know
hes been spamming screenshots
until like half an hour ago

marinara:
how are you still alive then

Thani:
Alya was here until the end.

marinara:
oh, I missed her?

ninny:
first of all
fuck off, thani
and yeah she left like five minutes ago

adrikins:
she stayed up with me!!!

Thani:
Don't even pretend you don't know what we're on about.

marinara:
but I don't
gimme the gossip

ninny has left the chat

adrikins:
oh no
i didn't get to say bye!!

Thani:
It's a miracle he stayed up this late.

marinara:
yeah it's usually just me and you
now adrien, I guess
that's a weird change

adrikins:
you don't have to include me
it's okay

marinara:
yeah, we do
now what did you wanna tell me??

Thani:
Marinette.

marinara:
you saying my full name
is fucking terrifying

adrikins:
did you watch ladybug's stream???

marinara:
hell yeah
we're truly blessed

adrikins:
i can't believe i was here to see her face reveal!
idk i just thought she'd never do it
or something
since she's been playing so long???

marinara:
well the game's been out two years

adrikins:
and i'm only just here!!!

Thani:
If you're going to gush about Ladybug here...
I'd like to remind you of something, Mari.

marinara:
can you not

adrikins:
nath you know so many secrets??
it is okay for me to call you nath right
i don't want to be rude!!!

Thani:
It's fine, Adrien.
I have screenshots of her drunkenly fangirling.

marinara:
within the same conversation where I rejected you
right
do you really want to relive that

Thani:
My feelings are steel now, nothing can hurt me.

adrikins:
i can't tell whether this is serious or not
i'm really sorry for thinking you're dating!!
but this is very misleading!!!

marinara:
sweet child
it's okay

Thani:
We're over it, it's okay.
I'm not going to start crying.
Yes, Marinette, I'm telling the truth.

marinara:
if you say so
anyway
what was nino's reaction to ladybug
I must know

adrikins:
he just kept telling me to stop!!!

Thani:
And yet, he stayed because of Alya.
Truly a miracle.

marinara:
nice
his hate for streamers fuels me

adrikins:
what's up with that???

marinara:
oh
I'm not the best person to tell that
beautiful story
the best tragic backstory anyone could ever have

adrikins:
i'm very hyped!!

Thani:
It was a dark and rainy night.
A man was sat at his computer.

marinara:
nino has a laptop
get the details right
it's why he says he's so bad at playing
come on, nath

Thani:
Fuck off.

marinara:
xo

adrikins:
is this a bedtime story

marinara:
yeah, sure
get into bed with you

adrikins:
i'm already there!!!
i was watching in bed to be comfy

marinara:
did you make a fucking nest

adrikins:
it is my fortress!!

Thani:
Okay, kiddo.
Basically, some streamer made fun of him years ago.
It was before we knew each other.

marinara:
a hatred that's lasted for years
you'll never cure him of it

Thani:
The clip went viral and a lot of people made fun of him.
He deleted his account after he kept getting friend requests.

marinara:
salty for life
it was pretty mean though
I remember the clip

adrikins:
you remember it after years???

marinara:
like
roughly
not every single detail

Thani:
That was your bedtime story.

adrikins:
pls don't make me sleep

marinara:
you're a terrible child
listen to your
idk
uncle

Thani:
I am not Uncle Nath.

marinara:
he could be the uncle with the weird goatee
we just don't know
what does he look like?
it's a mystery

adrikins:
but i've seen him!!!

marinara:
oh
oh right
I forgot you're all fucking
traitors!!

Thani:
That can be easily remedied, you monster.

marinara:
fight me

adrikins:
i could describe everyone to you!!

Thani:
No.
You really shouldn't do that, Adrien.
We're waiting it out.

adrikins:
but i know better now
the rules aren't real!!!!!
there are no rules!!

marinara:
imagining you cackling like a villain right now
maybe some thunder too
is this your dramatic backstory to you turning evil??

adrikins:
if evil is being nice to you
then yes!!!

marinara:
sweet

Thani:
You're both terrible.

adrikins:
he had a picture with a goatee!!!

Thani:

marinara:
a red blob with a goatee only
what a beautiful person you are, nath

adrikins:
then he shaved it off!!
and looked younger
it was like an illusion

marinara:
that is some magic
tell me more about nath's body hair

Thani:
I think that's my cue to leave.

marinara:
I'll miss you, moustache man

Thani has left the chat

marinara:
and then there were two

adrikins:
three!!!
plagg's in bed with me

marinara:
extremely jealous
but I'm gonna try and sleep

adrikins:
see you!!

marinara:
I wanna know all the secrets you've learned
please tell me them tomorrow

adrikins:
so you'll be on tomorrow?

marinara:
yeah for a bit in the evening

adrikins:
have a good day!!!

marinara:
don't roll on your cat

-x-

group chat: beleibe
marinara has joined the chat

ninny:
oh no

marinara:
oh yes
I've come with great news

Alyarr:
you killed your arch nemesis?

marinara:
I wish
no, I haven't seen her for a while
fingers crossed she got hit by a car

adrikins:
mari!!! that's so mean!!!!

marinara:
bumped by a car
gently
enough to bruise

adrikins:
bruises hurt!!!

marinara:
so does your judgement
stop it

ninny:
whats the news?

marinara:
it's more of a question
a genuine one

adrikins:
we are a very knowledgeable lot!!

Alyarr:
it doesn't even sound true when adrien says it

marinara:
adrien's our mascot
our best member

ninny:
stop grooming our children

Alyarr:
our?? child????

ninny:
he needs a dad right

Alyarr:
yeah but you just want a healer
what makes you think you can worm your way in here?

adrikins:
i do have a dad tho!!

ninny:
who else would be his dad
nath???

Alyarr:
maybe his dad's away for work
in the army for months
I'm working as a single mom for now

adrikins:
but

marinara:
you two either have to be married
or nino can't be the dad
don't give the poor kid an absent dad

Alyarr:
maybe I'll start taking applications
and review them

adrikins:
can anyone enter???

Alyarr:
I'm not going to find you a dad in soloqueue

marinara:
let nino submit his cv

ninny:
let mari ask her question

marinara:
great timing then
if you two kissed with your glasses
do they like
clash??

Alyarr:
aslfksgjkg

adrikins:
what if it's like in a film
and there's a romantic noise!!

marinara:
a noise of pain

adrikins:
that's not the film i meant!!!

ninny:
im not even going to reply to that

marinara:
is that a yes??
I think it is
don't you, adrien?

adrikins:
i don't understand anything
please don't look at me

marinara:
I'm a mysterious being
I don't have eyes that need glasses

ninny:
why do you know this

Alyarr:
I doubt it was nath
that means I need to disown my own son

adrikins:
she's taught me more than you!!

ninny:
the betrayal

adrikins:
there are no rules to be followed!!!

marinara:
I know everything
I have an unlimited source of power
in the form of what might really be a child

adrikins:
but i think you're the child
an illegal one
working away

Alyarr:
I don't like you two talking
it brings out the worst in you both

ninny:
hey, alya

Alyarr:
??

ninny:
do you wanna get married and have no children

Alyarr:
yeah, sure
that sounds good right about now

marinara:
!!!

adrikins:
oh!!!!!
wait
that means you want to kill me
doesn't it

marinara:
it means they don't want you to exist
you must delete yourself

ninny:
or you two could go away for a bit

marinara:
???
there's something called private chat
fuck off

Alyarr:
he hasn't used that yet

adrikins:
yet!!!!!

ninny:
this is a lot of pressure
on my broad shoulders

Alyarr:
did you really have to specify

ninny:
did i not

marinara:
I'm screenshotting this for nath

ninny:
farewell
im going to go sleep forever

-x-

private chat: Alyarr and marinara

Alyarr:
I don't want to say thank you
but I should
just don't mention this elsewhere

marinara:
yeah, sure
I'll keep your secrets

Alyarr:
nino's asking to meet up

marinara:
that
came out of nowhere???
what the fuck

Alyarr:
pms doing good
he actually has my number now
two years and he's just fucking asked for it

marinara:
you could've always done it instead??
I just got here so I dunno what the real deal is
but like
you've known each other two fucking years

Alyarr:
idk
fuck knows what's going on
don't tell nath tho otherwise he'll turn up for the date
I'm not even kidding

marinara:
no goatees for the third wheel
got it

Alyarr:
thank you

marinara:
I'm not saying I'll lie for you
don't get me wrong
I'm happy you're gonna go on a date with nino
but I'm probably closest to nath here than anyone else?

Alyarr:
snake
yeah it's fine
I'll tell him myself
the day before or something

marinara:
good luck with that
and the flirting
proud of you

Alyarr:
what a rare thing that is

marinara:
fuck off

-x-

group chat: beleibe
marinara has joined the chat

Thani:
Really?

marinara:
???
what going on

adrikins:
mari!!!

leks:
yo

Alyarr:
!!!!
mari meet juleka

marinara:
oh, hey
I've heard about you

leks:
that sounds weird
why are u telling people about me

Alyarr:
maybe because you ditched us for months??

leks:
i was busy

adrikins:
i got to meet her before you mari!!

marinara:
I don't have a medal to give you
just know that you're a shining star
in my eyes

adrikins:
but you don't have eyes

leks:
what

Alyarr:
ignore them
anyway you met our newest bean adrien
that loser is marinette

leks:
yo

marinara:
hi

leks:
what's going on

marinara:
idk
I just got here

leks:
ok bit rude

marinara:
oh
my bad
not much I burnt my hand today
you??

leks:
i hurt my ankle
so i'm taking time off

Alyarr:
it's not too serious is it???

leks:
nah
i'll get back to dancing soon it's fine
i'm just bored
so i thought i'd come here and talk to you guys

adrikins:
dancing??

marinara has left the chat

-x-

private chat: leks and marinara

marinara:
what the fuck juleka

leks:
?
do i know u
what did i do

marinara:
!!!!
what did you do
what did you do!!!!

leks:
?

marinara:
is your girlfriend called rose

leks:
yes
why

marinara:
i'm marinette

leks:
oh
what are u doing here mari

marinara:
wondering the fucking same for you???
do you know these people

leks:
they're friends

marinara:
please be more specific

leks:
not irl if that's what u mean
but i've known them like a year
how are u here

marinara:

i made a new account online

leks:
yeah that much was obvious
please be more specific

marinara:
stop being a brat
idk I met them while levelling my new account
then I decided to keep it separate

leks:
from the stream
?

marinara:
yeah

leks:
does that mean luka doesn't know

marinara:
that I have other friends??
of course he does what the fuck

leks:
so no showing him up
fine
what u want tho

marinara:
don't tell them you know me

leks:
is that all

marinara:
or the stream thing
please

leks:
ok

-x-

group chat: beleibe
marinara has joined the chat

marinara:
sorry missclick

Alyarr:
???
that's not even believable

marinara:
sorry, I'm blind now
don't know what you just said

Thani:
I'm sure.

marinara:
all I can see is darkness

adrikins:
welcome back mari!!!!
i thought you died or something

marinara:
the assassin was unsuccessful
tragic
hi adrien

Alyarr:

leks:
hey

Thani:
Hello.

leks:
i know ladybug irl
heard there's some fans here

adrikins:
really????

marinara:
no

leks:
i have a picture
(image: girl with dark-coloured hair caught mid-sneeze)

Alyarr:
???

Thani:
That's definitely a little convincing.

adrikins:
that's actually her!!!
is she as nice as she is on stream????

leks:
yeah
she sends me cake when i'm sad
and i'm so sad right now

marinara:
wow you must be such a great friend!!

leks:
the best

Chapter Text

Miraculous: Tales of Ladybug & Chat Noir © Thomas Astruc

group chat: beleibe
marinara has joined the chat

marinara:
fucking end me

leks:
why

marinara:
wow you're really here a lot
what a surprise
yes, hello

leks:
gotta make up for lost time
u know
the usual

Thani:
Hey, Mari.
How was work?

marinara:
my arch enemy came back
and ordered two milkshakes
two

leks:
is this a thing
because it sounds like a thing

marinara:
it's a thing
I don't like it but it's a thing

Thani:
Apparently, it's been going on for months.
Two milkshakes is a really big deal.

marinara:
the second wasn't for her
but it was still an outrageous flavour

leks:
wow mari
u have an interesting life

marinara:
we can't all have streamers for friends
please don't be mean to me

leks:
no need to be jealous

Thani:
We've all been noticing the jealousy here.

marinara:
it's been a long week
leave me alone

leks:
but u seem fun

marinara:
I'm really not fun
you don't want to know me
not at all

leks:
mm

Thani:
Please, tell us more of the story.
Two milkshakes?

marinara:
they were takeaway
so I didn't have to stare at her from the limited tables

Thani:
That sounds like good news, for once.
Why is this a bad story?

marinara:
facing the wrath of the blender twice
no really I just have a blister
it hurts

leks:
oh i know that feeling
rip

Thani:
You still don't work weekends, right?

marinara:
not for that job
night one yeah

leks:
what's ur night job

marinara:
it's a secret

Thani:
She won't tell any of us.

marinara:
you won't tell me yours!!

leks:
?
what do u mean he won't tell u

marinara:
exactly what I just said

leks:
?
dude's an artist

Thani:
Juleka, please.

leks:
i go for a few months
and everyone has secrets?

Thani:
Only because Mari's so secretive herself.
It's an even trade.

marinara:
life's not fair
tell me more, juleka

leks:
what's in it for me

marinara:
what do you want

Thani:
You really shouldn't be bonding.

leks:
play ranked with me

marinara:

you don't even play this game

leks:
ye i do
how else would i have met nino?

marinara:
what

leks:
this is my secret identity
and i've heard ur pretty good

marinara:
???
you just want me to play with you

Thani:
Juleka, you haven't logged on the game for four months.

leks:
ok ok
no i'm good i don't want anything

marinara:
that was a quick turn

leks:
nath does art commissions
my brother's used him before

Thani:
What?

marinara:
what

Thani:
I didn't know you have a brother?

leks:
ye he's how i know ladybug

marinara:
so are you the annoying sibling

leks:
no i'm cute
anyway nath's good if u want anything
including nsfw art

Thani:
I regret telling you anything.

marinara:
what did your brother ask for??

leks:
emotes for his stream

Thani:
That's not very specific, I do that for a lot of people.
And no one's ever mentioned you.

leks:
ya because why would he
not like it would get him a discount

Thani:
It probably would've, honestly.

leks:
oh
i'll tell him that for the future

marinara:
I can't believe I never guessed that

Thani:
I did say my wrist hurt before.

marinara:
yeah, but I wanted you to be a camboy
sadness

Thani:
Does that mean you'll tell us what you do?
It seems only fair.

marinara:
it's on the internet
that's all I'll say

leks:
thrilling job
must be hard work

Thani:
So mean.

leks:
maybe she's shy
i'm shy

Thani:
You say that but it doesn't really come across online.

leks:
i'm bad irl

marinara:
you should seem really blunt online
I mean
from what I've seen so far

leks:
maybe i should come back more often
if ur here to spy on me

marinara:
it's not spying if you're aware I'm here

leks:
mm

adrikins has joined the chat

adrikins:
hello!!!

leks:
yo

marinara:
adrien!!

Thani:
Hey, Adrien.

adrikins:
my classes were so boring
but now i'm free!!!

leks:
did u also know nath does art commissions

adrikins:
oh wow!!!
does he really??

Thani:
Yes, and we still don't know what Marinette does.
That's all you've missed.

leks:
no my brother is also friends with ladybug
u missed that too

adrikins:
i am very jealous of your brother!!!

leks:
u shouldn't be
he's a giant dork

adrikins:
i am also a giant dork!!

marinara:
I can confirm that

leks:
do u want another picture fanboy

adrikins:
my name is adrien but yes!!!

marinara:
why

leks:
i'm a giving person
(image: ladybug staring cross-eyed at camera)

adrikins:
quality content!

Thani:
I'm just surprised you never told us all this before.
And about your brother.

leks:
didn't really see the point
but it seems to make fanboy happy

marinara:
yes, that's definitely it

leks:
i am a good person

Thani:
If you say so, Juleka.

-x-

private chat: leks and marinara

leks:
ur probably freaking out
stop

marinara:
why are you doing this to me
we're friends

leks:
ye i'm just teasing
i'm not gonna out u
calm down

marinara:
calm down???
is this revenge for your birthday present

leks:
sure
it's just me having fun
i'll be busy again soon anyway

marinara:
this is the worst fun
this isn't fun
I'm going to have a heartattack

leks:
well if u didn't do that face reveal
i wouldn't have this leverage

marinara:
so it's leverage now!!!
I'm not sending another free cake
you're only allowed one

leks:
it was a really good cake
anyway ur invited to dinner tomorrow

marinara:

thanks for the invite

leks:
u have to accept

marinara:
I will just so I can glare at you
while eating slowly

leks:
that's very specific
can i take a picture

marinara:
to post in group chat??
fine

leks:
maybe i'll start a ladybug fan account
and just post pics of u everywhere

marinara:
no please
the day someone finds me at work
is the day I kill myself

leks:
why
the apron's cute on u

marinara:
I'll tell your brother you're bullying me

leks:
that means telling him i'm here
and he'll be jealous of missing out

marinara:
fuck

-x-

group chat: beleibe
marinara has joined the chat

marinara:
hey

adrikins:
marinette!!!!!
mari you're here!!

marinara:
yeah, hey
what's going on

Thani:
He's just a bit excitable.
Like a puppy.

marinara:
why

Alyarr:
juleka just left after blessing us with pictures
really weird ones
now we know who her brother is at least

marinara:
oh
she showed that??

adrikins:
(image: ladybug chewing while glaring at camera)

Thani:
He plays with Ladybug a lot, apparently.

adrikins:
(image: ladybug elbowing a boy with dark-coloured hair)

marinara:
first of all
ladybug's cute as heck so really are blessed
second
did you save them adrien

adrikins:
(image: ladybug and juleka's brother laughing)
of course i did
that's a silly question!!!

Thani:
It's still a bit weird.

Alyarr:
that juleka has magical connections
that we never knew about??
absolutely

marinara:
to be fair
why would she tell you

Alyarr:

don't come at me with your logic
I'll fight you

marinara:
save the one on one action for nino

Alyarr:
I can spare you a kick

adrikins:
i imagine it's weird for her!!!
i get recognised sometimes and that's so odd
so imagine your friend getting recognised!!
even weirder

marinara:
you get recognised??

adrikins:
don't forget about my medals mari!!

marinara:
oh, right
award winning... something

Alyarr:
something indeed
what was it again

adrikins:
i'm sad you've forgotten!!!

Thani:
They're terrible people, Adrien.
Tell us again?

marinara:
that's him admitting he's forgotten

adrikins:
i am crying!!!

marinara:
piano
don't cry

adrikins:
so you do remember
i was almost heartbroken!!

Alyarr:
don't break his heart, mari
what's wrong with you

marinara:
you made him cry
not me

Thani:
It was clearly all you, Marinette.
How dare you accuse us.

adrikins:
it was piano!!

marinara:
look at that
I did it
you're all fucking losers

adrikins:
even me????

marinara:
that wasn't directed at you
you're safe

adrikins:
oh that's a relief!!
i thought you didn't like me for a moment

Thani:
Does she actually like anyone, Adrien?

Alyarr:
other than you

adrikins:
she likes ladybug!!!
that's why we get along

marinara:
yeah
the rest of you are haters like nino

Alyarr:
I think we watch a lot more than nino

Thani:
You mean because we actually watch for more than giveaways.

adrikins:
but what if he wins a giveaway
doesn't that go against his moral code
of hating them!!

Alyarr:
the day he wins anything will be the apocalypse

marinara:
even your heart??

Thani:
Are you so sure he'll ever win that?

adrikins:
i'm rooting for them!!!

marinara:
I'm sure nino will thank you for the support
even though you don't want him for a dad

adrikins:
i have no parents now
that's my tragic backstory

marinara:
what

adrikins:
everyone needs one, right??
nino's got his stream one
nath's bad at flirting!!!

Alyarr:
klsdjgdhdh

marinara:
I don't think bad at flirting covers everything

Thani:
It's a pretty good summary, actually.

adrikins:
!!!
see!!!

marinara:
so what's alya's backstory

adrikins:
she abandoned her son

Thani:
!!!

marinara:
I wasn't expecting that
but it's not wrong
nice job

Alyarr:
you were adopted!

adrikins:
and i got unadopted
do you see why this story is tragic!!

marinara:
sdlgkdhh

Thani:
You're a terrible person, Alya.
How could I be so blind?

marinara:
yeah, alya
what's wrong with you

Alyarr:
this is called bullying
and I'm not here for it!!!

marinara:
nino's not here for it
you're fine

Thani:
Does Marinette have a tragic backstory?

marinara:
I'm still living it
it's working at the café

adrikins:
maybe someday you'll find love!!
that's always a happy end right

Alyarr:
but what if she's happy single

adrikins:
then platonic love
like i have for plagg!!!

marinara:
that does sound like a happy end
much better than the barking dog
that I'm thinking about killing

Thani:
Mari, you can't murder a dog.

marinara:
it's me or the dog

adrikins:
i'd pick you wearing earmuffs!!

Alyarr:
the dog

Thani:
The dog.

marinara:
gonna kill myself anyway
since only adrien loves me
the betrayal hurts

adrikins:
no don't die!!!

marinara:
it's my destiny
to finally sleep in peace
forever

adrikins:
then i'll be sad!!

marinara:
you have to live on
and glare at barking dogs for me

Alyarr:
can't you die without the monologue

marinara:
bite me

-x-

group chat: beleibe
marinara has joined the chat

marinara:
guess what

Thani:
Oh, no.
What?

Alyarr:
what

ninny:
what??

adrikins has joined the chat

marinara:
well, that's what
adrien's officially promoted

adrikins:
a promotion!!!!

ninny:
bit weird
but ill bite
whats going on

marinara:
our little boy's all grown up

Alyarr:
he's no one's boy!!

Thani:
This is getting mean now.
I'm sure you'll be loved someday, Adrien.

adrikins:
thanks!!

ninny:
i think that was sarcasm dude

adrikins:
oh
not thanks!!

marinara:
stop bullying him
he's now officially
a higher rank than nino

ninny:
wtf

Thani:
With your help?

adrikins:
no no!!
we can't play together
she's too high!!

marinara:
you heard the dude
he beat you all by himself

Alyarr:
like that's hard

marinara:
I'm sure nino would like to show you
what else is hard

ninny:
leave me out of this please

adrikins:
but nino only plays ranked with her
so isn't that hard already???

Thani:
Adrien's truly been promoted.
He's so smart now.

marinara:
does that mean he's too good to be our mascot

Alyarr:
he's lethal now

adrikins:
it sounds like you're talking about a dog
not me

marinara:
do you think the puppy next door
is called adrien?

Thani:
It is a fitting name.

marinara:
adrien, shut up

adrikins:
i'm not talking!!!
you've never heard me!!

Alyarr:
adrien be quiet
you're keeping mari up at night

adrikins:
that's just us playing!!

ninny:
you're too young for that
listen to your elders

marinara:
please stop implying I'm a pedo
he's not a little boy!!

Alyarr:
I hear you
but I don't believe you

ninny:
words mean nothing
when you're an ageless sexless being

Thani:
No, we know she's a girl.

adrikins:
started roleplaying too late!!

marinara:
somehow
I've come to like you fucking weirdos
so I have something to tell you

Thani:
Are you going to confess to your crimes?

Alyarr:
give us that backstory

marinara:
I'm living my backstory
stop expecting more than I'm willing to give
peer pressure is bad!!

adrikins:
so so bad!!!

marinara:
adrien's got my back

ninny:
you two are the worst pair

marinara:
that's sweet of you to say
thank you, nino

adrikins:
i think that was sarcasm

marinara:
you're getting good at that
anyway, buddies
are you ready for the grand reveal??

Alyarr:
knowing you it's something dumb
so go for it
give it to us

ninny:
we have such faith

Thani:
To be fair, we think like this for a good reason.

adrikins:
good reason???

Alyarr:
she only told you her name
that's more than any of us!!

marinara:
I can taste the salt from here
calm down

adrikins:
what's the reveal???

marinara:
adrien's not the baby

Thani:
As he's been telling us.

marinara:
no, for real
I'm nineteen

Alyarr:
???

Thani:
And you're actually telling us that?

adrikins:
nineteen!!!!!
that's younger than me!!

ninny:
why are you telling us
are you dying

Thani:
Do you have a fever?

Alyarr:
????

marinara:
I told you
I like you guys
stranger danger has lessened

adrikins:
that makes you the baby!!!!

marinara:
are you going to call me baby
because it was awkward when I said that to you
please don't

Alyarr:
I can't believe this

adrikins:
but mari!!!!

marinara:
don't mari me

Thani:
Clearly marry her instead.
It's the only way we'll ever find stuff out.

ninny:
work on her night job next
were dying to know

adrikins:
i can't marry someone unless they love plagg!!

marinara:
it's on the internet
and everyone loves plagg
don't be dumb

Alyarr:
is that you proposing

ninny:
it sure sounds like it
adrien already knows her name and age
what more does he need

marinara:
a face would be good
but he's never getting that

adrikins:
i like you just fine faceless!!

marinara:
are you proposing now

adrikins:
maybe

Thani:
I can't deal with another couple here.

Alyarr:
we're not dating!!!

ninny:
please dont bring me into this
lets go back to mari marrying

adrikins:
you gotta meet plagg first
i'm sorry mari!!!

marinara:
why does it feel like I'm getting rejected??
I didn't do anything

adrikins:
i'm sure you're very nice!!
no!!! you are very nice
but it's not enough

marinara:
you're making it even worse
break my heart easier please

Thani:
This seems pretty mild, actually.

Alyarr:
because he's not drunk???

ninny:
she has a point there
you're in no place to complain mari

marinara:
sdkfjdhh
I'm not even confessing to adrien!!!

adrikins:
you gotta confess to my cat instead!!
then we'll go from there!!!

marinara:
no!!!!!

adrikins:
no??

ninny:
the backwards rejection
the turn around

Alyarr:
the comeback!!

marinara:
I will stay where I am
without meeting your cat
and just enjoy your friendship

adrikins:
but he's so cute!

marinara:
not cute enough to make me not be a hermit
therefore
we shall never marry

ninny:
how could this happen

Alyarr:
I was just starting to ship it

marinara:
ship yourselves instead

Thani:
That's asking for too much.

ninny:
shut up thani

adrikins:
(image: plagg staring at camera with wide pupils)
look how cute he is!!

marinara:
not cute enough to make me leave my lair
I'm here for life now

Alyarr:
or until adrien the puppy drives you insane
which won't be long

Thani:
I bet you'll last a few weeks before knocking on their door.

Marinara:
I can't just tell someone to make their dog shut up
pets don't work like that

adrikins:
telling plagg to shut up makes him meow more!!
it really doesn't work!!!

ninny:
adrien shut up

adrikins:
what

Alyarr:
you can't test things out on him
hoping it'll work on the dog

ninny:
theyre so alike

marinara:
adrien
are you also tiny and yell at loud noises??

adrikins:
no i'm pretty tall!!!!
but i do yell when i'm surprised
so maybe yes to the second one!!

Alyarr:
how tall is tall

adrikins:
idk tall!!!

ninny:
informative

adrikins:
i've grown since i last measured!!

marinara:
let's just say he's tall
and hope the puppy doesn't follow

adrikins:
oh!!!!
juleka's brother is live

ninny:
do you recognise him yet nath

Thani:
Give me the link and I'll tell you.

adrikins:
(link)

Alyarr:
definitely the dude from the pictures
and look how many viewers he's got???

marinara:
well, yeah
he's ladybug's friend right

adrikins:
i never really paid attention to others!!!
did you draw all these emotes nath??

Thani:
Half or so.
The ones with the thicker outlines are mine.

adrikins:
they're so good!!!!

Alyarr:
you'll make him get all shy
give him a bit of criticsm

adrikins:
oh
why aren't they mine!!

ninny:
thats not really criticism?

Thani:
Pay me.

adrikins:
love me enough to give me them!!

Alyarr:
not how this works
nice try though
b for effort

marinara:
he deserves lower than that
didn't even proposition him

ninny:
are you saying youd slut for emotes

marinara:
you see those crisp lines???
I'd do a lot for those

Alyarr:
careful
you're probably making his cold heart flutter

adrikins:
don't be mean!!!

Thani:
I'd much prefer money.

marinara:
the rejection...
I can't handle any more
first adrien
now thani!!!

Alyarr:
you're losing your touch
soon you'll be washed up
with no charm

ninny:
are you trying to say she had charm before??

adrikins:
she's very charming!!!

Thani:
That's what she wants you to think, buddy.

marinara:
all those nights we've stayed up
and I'm now charmless???
I see how it is

Thani:
You're just bad at sleeping.

marinara:
that's why we bonded
and you're throwing it all away
because of emotes

adrikins:
this is all my fault!!!

Alyarr:
absolutely
everything is your fault

ninny:
this is why you were unadopted

marinara:
I mean
isn't it luka's

ninny:
who

marinara:

juleka's brother

Alyarr:
oh!!

adrikins:
it's in his description!!!
did you guys not even look at his stream properly
that's so mean!!

Thani:
Gotta support Juleka's family properly.

marinara:
you're just feeling high and mighty
even though you didn't know who he was

Thani:
Honestly, I barely even remember talking to him.

adrikins:
but he seems nice!!!

Alyarr:
so do you
but I'm waiting for something bad to happen

marinara:
all the badness went to adrien the puppy

Chapter Text

Miraculous: Tales of Ladybug & Chat Noir © Thomas Astruc

group chat: beleibe
marinara has joined the chat

marinara:
adrien!!!!!

adrikins:
mari!!!!

marinara:
good you're here
I've got a few hours free
you wanna play?

adrikins:
!!!
i thought you'd never ask!!

ninny:
what am i
air??

marinara:
well, you are an airhead

Thani:
Burn.

Alyarr:
you walked right into that one
but I've gotta agree
are we not gotta enough for you any more??

adrikins:
but i'm her mintee!!!

marinara:
what

adrikins:
like
mentor
but mentee!!!

ninny:
dude you said mintee

adrikins:
oh
oh no!!

group chat: beleibe is now group chat: mintee

Thani:
I hope this stays for two weeks.

marinara:
stop being salty
I'll remember beleibe forever

Thani:
Can you not?

Alyarr:
I printed it out
and I'm gonna give it to him framed

ninny:
for his birthday??

Alyarr:
yeah

Thani:
I hate you.

marinara:
that's such a thoughtful gift
you're wonderful
anyway do you nerds wanna play with us

Alyarr:
so it's us now is it?

adrikins:
we're a package deal now!!

ninny:
didnt you already graduate though
why you still training him mari

marinara:
is it really training when you're there
to hold him down??

ninny:
good point
count me in

Alyarr:
I can't
going out with nath soon

Thani:
With other friends, Nino.

marinara:
I like that you specified that
you're so nice, nath

adrikins:
oh what are you going to do??

Alyarr:
we're gonna touch balls
lots of balls

Thani:
Bowling.

ninny:
enjoy your dirty balls traitor

marinara:
yours are too clean for her
sorry

Alyarr:
mari no

marinara:
mari yes

ninny:
but i shower daily

marinara:
do you hear that alya
he's seducing you

adrikins:
but i shower daily too!!

marinara:
adrien shut up

adrikins:
stop talking to the dog!!!

Thani:
I think that really was for you this time.

marinara:
I feel bad now
don't shut up, adrien

adrikins:
i'll think about it
i'm heartbroken now!!

Alyarr:
good luck winning games
tell me if nino rages

ninny:
im raging that youre leaving us

Alyarr:
that's so sweet
bye!!!

Thani:
Yeah, see you, guys.

Alyarr has left the chat

marinara:
bye
be safe and use protection

Thani has left the chat

adrikins:
do you mean the railings on the side
is that the protection??

ninny:
it might be
well never know

marinara:
I haven't been bowling for so fucking long
I accidentally threw the ball backwards last time

ninny:
that sounds like you got banned
instead

adrikins:
how did you manage that???

marinara:
we can't all be talented at everything
shut up

ninny:
nice
go bowling with me someday
im amazing at it

adrikins:
don't invite mari to play balls with you!!!

marinara:
yeah, save that for alya
you already know she likes it

ninny:
but will she like balls with me

marinara:
don't you mean your balls

adrikins:
can i be a kid again!!
this is too much
too soon!!

marinara:
adrien, you've been here for
like a month
you should be used to this

adrikins:
i'm bad at change

ninny:
its not a change
ive been crushing on her for like
over a year

adrikins:
oh!!

ninny:
you cant be that oblivious right

marinara:
alya
he means alya
before you get confused

adrikins:
i already apologised for mistaking you and nath!!!

marinara:
poor poor nath cried himself to sleep
all because of you

adrikins:
i'll cry myself to sleep!!!

marinara:
can we play first though
that's why I'm here remember

adrikins:
ok ok
we can do that!!

ninny:
lets go then

leks has joined the chat

leks:
yo
i can see u guys online
stop ignoring me
i've been here half an hour already
hello
ur terrible

ninny:
oh hey
when did you get here

leks:
long ago
ur too busy ignoring me

adrikins:
juleka!!!
hello!!

leks:
yo adrien
just the person i logged on for

adrikins:
me????

leks:
ye
ur pretty chill

adrikins:
that's so sweet!!

marinara:
oh, hey
how are you, juleka?

leks:
impatient

ninny:
sorry we had good games

adrikins:
he didn't ragequit!!!

leks:
what a feat that is
anyway
adrien ur a big ladybug fan

adrikins:
yes!!

ninny:
dude it wasnt a question
we know the answer

adrikins:
still yes!!

leks:
u should watch my brother's stream soon
there's a surprise

marinara:
wait what

leks:
ye
it's an irl one
i'm not allowed to say any more
but it'll be something u want to watch

marinara:
oh fuck!!
I'm late for work we played too long

leks:
oh no ur gonna miss out

adrikins:
mari run!!!!

marinara has left the chat

-x-

private chat: leks and marinara

marinara:
you could've just told me!!!!

leks:
ur fucking late mari

marinara:
!!!!!!

-x-

private chat: adrikins and marinara

adrikins:
mari you're so unlucky!!!!
idk if you're gonna watch it back
since the music will make the stream muted!!!
but i'm here to tell you what's going on
i think you'll appreciate it!!!
anyway
luka hit his goal for subscribers so
ladybug's dying his hair blue!!!
or some of it
she's not putting bleach over all of it
since he's scared of it burning!!!
(image: ladybug dramatically holding her gloved hands up while luka cringes in his seat)
juleka's not seen but i think i heard her voice??
there was someone off screen
and he said that's just his sister!!!!
she was so quiet i couldn't hear her over the music
ladybug ruined her shirt with bleach
and is screaming!!
(image: ladybug kneeling on the floor and frowning at camera)
i dunno what to say!!
it's like when they play together really
but no game!!
the blue is kinda two different colours though
i don't think it's intentional!!
doesn't look too bad but still
(image: luka laughing as he looks into the mirror ladybug's holding)
oh they're done!!
i'm sorry if this was annoying i know you're at work!!!

marinara:
oh that's a lot of messages
hang on lemme scroll up

adrikins:
mari hi!!

marinara:
hey
that's really sweet of you, thank you!!!
it's not annoying at all

adrikins:
really??

marinara:
I mean
I had a bit of a panic attack at the notifications
I thought you were dying or something

adrikins:
my first thought would be to message you
if dying
yes!!!

marinara:
maybe don't do that
I know I live close but go for an ambulance instead

adrikins:
???

marinara:
?

adrikins:
you live close???

marinara:
I
no
what are you on about

adrikins:
marinette!!!
you live close to me!

marinara:
no I don't
I don't live in france at all
I don't speak french

adrikins:
!!!
you live close to me!!!!!

marinara:
you have no proof

adrikins:
close like alya and nath or close close like nino???

marinara:
I'm not from this planet

adrikins:
ok ok
i can take a hint!!
i'm not super oblivious!!

marinara:
sorry
I don't like talking about that stuff much

adrikins:
it's okay marinette who's nineteen
that's all i need to know!!

marinara:
that I'm legal???
bit weird, adrien

adrikins:
asfkjgdhh
not like that!
but that is good
i'm glad you're legal

marinara:

I'm also glad you're legal
good job

adrikins:
good job being born??

marinara:
yeah
your parents must love you

adrikins:
i think my dad does
but my mom's dead!!!

marinara:
oh
I'm sorry to hear that

adrikins:
it ok!!
i'm okay!!!!

marinara:
you sure?
you don't have to tell me if it'll
make you sad
but I'm here if you ever want to talk
about that kinda stuff, you know

adrikins:
really??

marinara:
I mean
yeah?
we're friends

adrikins:
won't it feel like a confessional
since i know nothing about you??

marinara:
sdlgkjdh
well, nath's never said that
but you do know stuff about me!!

adrikins:
tiny bits
i know more about my neighbours than you!!!!

marinara:
is that you asking to get to know me

adrikins:
yes!!!
i'd love to
you're pretty cool, mari

marinara:
tell me something I don't know

adrikins:
i'm blond

marinara:
asgskgjs???
you really are
I meant I already know I'm cool

adrikins:
oh
that's embarrassing!!!

marinara:
it's okay, blondie

adrikins:
no!!!!

marinara:
and you know that I live near you
but I'm not giving you any more than that

adrikins:
i'll guard that secret with my life!!

marinara:
maybe don't go that far
just not telling the group chat would be nice
but then you messed up with my name before
can you really be trusted??

adrikins:
please trust me!!!!

marinara:
I'm thinking about it...

adrikins:
please!!!!
i'll be the wise older brother!!

marinara:
who says I haven't got one already?

adrikins:
wise... older friend!!!

marinara:
I don't have a brother
or sister
there you go, you're learning a lot

adrikins:
!!!!
i am blessed with such knowledge!!!!

marinara:
what about you?

adrikins:
no siblings!!
i grew up really close with my best friend
so she might as well be family

marinara:
who was the annoying sibling

adrikins:
her!!!!
she's very demanding!!

marinara:
stop badmouthing your sister
you're a terrible sibling

adrikins:
i'm allowed to
she's kicked me out of bed before!!

marinara:
tmi

adrikins:
when we were eleven

marinara:
not tmi
okay

-x-

group chat: mintee
marinara has joined the chat

marinara:
I tripped
I fucking tripped
and got cream all over me

ninny:
rip buddy

marinara:
maybe not all over me
but when I fell it went into my
neck?

Alyarr:
I'm guessing your apron doesn't go that high

marinara:
wet
so no

adrikins:
does that mean
your complexion was creamy???

marinara:

ninny:
what

marinara:
now is not the time
for such jokes

adrikins:
i thought it was good

Alyarr:
you also thought nino was good
and now look at you

adrikins:
he's still not bad!!!

marinara:
there's a difference between good and bad
for everyone

adrikins:
we can't all be amazing!!!

ninny:
stop flirt

Alyarr:
flirt with me instead

marinara:

go away

adrikins:
!!!

ninny:
i mean
sure???

marinara:
I didn't come here to be repulsed

Alyarr:
everyone ships us
don't fucking lie

marinara:
now that it's becoming real I'm having second thoughts

ninny:
??
thats so rude
ive supported you all this time

marinara:
no you haven't
what the fuck

ninny:
i ship you and milkshake

marinara:
milkshake is not my type

adrikins:
there is a lot of aggression for milkshake!!

marinara:
becomes she brings destruction
every time she appears

Alyarr:
destruction in your heart?
sounding like some prime romance material

ninny:
shipping it even more

marinara:
please don't
I want to vomit

adrikins:
milkshake's a cute name
what would that make you together???

marinara:
no!!!

ninny:
milknette is not a concept

Alyarr:
milknet sounds like a spooky site

marinara:
it'll have pictures of your murders
if you don't stop soon

adrikins:
it'll be a relationship that's
good for the bones!!!!

ninny:
of all sorts?

adrikins:
yes!!!!

marinara:
milk doesn't work like that

Alyarr:
there's no boners to keep healthy between you
you'll be fine

ninny:
i think we might just be bad at naming
would you ship it if you had a different name??

marinara:
no!!!

Alyarr:
you might have a point
juleka was proof of that

adrikins:
what does that mean???

Alyarr:
it means nino was offensive
without meaning to be

ninny:
leave me alone

Alyarr:
no way they need to know this
your dark past

ninny:
my dark past is being rejected by you

Alyarr:
we can bring it back if you want

marinara:
??
does that mean you'll go back to rejecting him?

adrikins:
did he even do anything to be rejected??

ninny:
i do not like this subject

Alyarr:
he tried to call her jewlicker

ninny:
end me

marinara:
that's better that milknette

adrikins:
i am glad she's leks instead!!!!
how could you nino

ninny:
can i say i was drunk

Alyarr:
no one will ever believe you
anyway
milknet's better

ninny:
milknet is my favourite couple

marinara:
please stop
she's too tall for me

adrikins:
you don't like tall people????

marinara:
I don't like her!!!

Alyarr:
but you said she's too tall!!!

marinara:
it doesn't matter that she's tall
the milkshake ruined any potential there

ninny:
so you were thinking about it

marinara:
no!!!
you guys were!!!!!

adrikins:
mari are you small!!

marinara:
leave me alone

ninny:
you cant just ask her so directly dude
youre our only hope here
sweeten her up first

adrikins:
marinette

marinara:
stop

adrikins:
you're already sweeter than any milkshake!!!
so i must ask
are you small!!!!

Alyarr:
nice attempt
poor delivery
think you need to work on the question marks

marinara:
why!!!!!

ninny:
but shes the same

adrikins:
i want to know!!

marinara:
I want a lot of things
like milkshake disappearing from my life
I don't care that my mom likes her

ninny:
??????????

Alyarr:
your mother??
knows milkshake????

adrikins:
what!!

marinara:
fuck

Alyarr:
tell us more!!!

marinara:
no

adrikins:
i'm sorry!!!!
is it a superpower i have
that makes you tell me too much???

marinara:
what

adrikins:
it keeps happening!!!

ninny:
stop showing off
show some modesty

adrikins:
but it's true!!!
i need to only use this for good
and not tell you guys things!!

marinara:
yes, do that
absolutely
I'm a fan of that idea

Alyarr:
we'll bribe the secret out of him one day
just you wait marinette

ninny:
marinette whos nineteen

marinara:
try and sound less serial killery
please

adrikins:
marinette who's nineteen
and an unknown height!!!!!

marinara:

small

ninny:
this is starting to feel like favouritism
weve been together two months mari
does that mean nothing to you???

marinara:
we're not dating

Alyarr:
nino
we've known each over a year
and you're only just telling me shit

ninny:
oh no
lets go back to talking about mari
how small is small

marinara:
bigger than your dick

ninny:
???

Alyarr:
aggressive

marinara:
sorry reflex
idk what do you want me to compare to

Alyarr:
I'd say a tape measure but I doubt you'd be that easy

marinara:
confirmed not easy
stick that sign on me for parties

ninny:
since when do you party

marinara:
first of all
offensive
I see my friends all the time

Alyarr:
yeah us

marinara:
I haven't even seen you
adrien's just described you
so that's rejected

ninny:
whats the second

marinara:
what

ninny:
you said first of all
im waiting!!

marinara:
fuck you
that was it

Alyarr:
bit disappointing

adrikins:
what about in comparison to this!
(image: ladybug standing beside luka, coming up to his shoulder)

ninny:
how is that a good comparison
julekas not here to confirm how big he even is

Alyarr:
nino
stop comparing yourself to other men
it'll just make you sad

ninny:
alsjksghdh

marinara:
burn

adrikins:
but she's so small!!!!
i never realised from her streams since she's always sat down

marinara:
other than standing up to leave the room
you mean

adrikins:
that doesn't count!!!

ninny:
was that saved or did you go look for that
specifically

adrikins:
it wasn't saved!!

Alyarr:
but it probably is now right
I guess she looks pretty small there??
not really much to compare her to

ninny:
do you match up mari

marinara:
idk
guess I'm around that height??
not small enough to be a problem at work
but barely ever not the smallest in a room
with adults
ok sometimes teenagers

adrikins:
cute!!!!

marinara:
ladybug is cute, I agree

adrikins:
right!
it's still so weird seeing her with facecam now!!
i didn't think she'd be that cute

marinara:
that's offensive
of course she's cute as fuck
she's amazing

Alyarr:
where was all this love for milkshake

marinara:
milkshake can get hit by a car

ninny:
you might have anger issues

marinara:
coming from you??????
mister ragequit??

adrikins:
sir ragequit!!!
a respected knight!!!!!

marinara:
I don't even want to know
what you two talk about for that to happen

ninny:
please leave me alone

Alyarr:
his feelings are very fragile
can only handle being murdered so many times

marinara:
how is he still alive

ninny:
im a ghost
ill come haunt you at work
unless youre nice to me

marinara:
but you're not nice to me
where's the fairness here

ninny:
im undead

adrikins:
does a ghost count as undead??
i only ever see zombies classed as that

Alyarr:
idk

-x-

private chat: Alyarr and marinara

Alyarr:
hey
you there?

marinara:
you caught me on my break
what up

Alyarr:
I'm meeting nino in an hour
I left nath a message but he's in class
so maybe get ready for some damage control

marinara:
you said you'd talk to him!!!

Alyarr:
I did say I was meeting up with nino!!
but he laughed and thought I was joking
it's not my fault
he doesn't take me seriously

marinara:
and when did you tell him this

Alyarr:
last week
I was a good boy

marinara:
are you sure about that
because damage control doesn't sound good at all

Alyarr:
yeah but he likes you
talk to him if he comes online

marinara:
why would he come online
when he can just text and call you??

Alyarr:
I'm assuming he's going to
to check if nino's online or not

marinara:
right
to check if you were joking
I can't believe you!

Alyarr:
yeah yeah
anyway if you don't hear from me again
nino lahiffe is my murderer

marinara:
??

Alyarr:
do you want his phone number too
to go to the police with

marinara:
is it really stranger danger time

Alyarr:
I'm being safe
what if he's been a catfish all along

marinara:
you've seen pictures of him right

Alyarr:
catfishes lie
what if I turn up and it's an old man

marinara:
have you seen him... move

Alyarr:
no

marinara:
good luck getting murdered
have you got an umbrella or something to hit him with

Alyarr:
mari it's june

marinara:
are you telling me you don't bring an umbrella in your bag
no wonder you're about to be murdered
you aren't prepared for anything???

Alyarr:
what the fuck
why would I do that
it's just taking up space

marinara:
don't you take your glasses case with you

Alyarr:
no??

marinara:
oh
ok you're terrible
does nath bring an umbrella???

Alyarr:
no
we're not weirdos like you

marinara:
I'm prepared for the rain apocalypse
unlike you losers

Alyarr:
you can't use it as a boat to ride
if it rains enough to end the world

marinara:
maybe I have a banana boat in there
ready to inflate

Alyarr:
you're ridiculous
thanks for helping me calm down

marinara:
yeah, no problem
I told my boss I have diarrhea
so please don't spread that

Alyarr:
!!!
you're such a good friend

marinara:
you're not sharing my umbrella

Alyarr:
so fucking rude!!!!!
we were having a moment

marinara:
I know your ulterior motives

Alyarr:
my bus is here
remember
nino lahiffe

marinara:
nino lahiffe
twenty
lives in paris

Alyarr:
sounds like a description for murder

marinara:
gotta get revenge for you right

Alyarr:
good luck with nath

marinara:
kick him in the shins if he does anything bad
or steal his glasses
dunno how blind he is
but it might buy you some time

Alyarr:
great advice
real good

marinara:
thanks

Chapter Text

Miraculous: Tales of Ladybug & Chat Noir © Thomas Astruc

group chat: mintee
marinara has joined the chat

marinara:
okay, I'm back
restarted and everything's fine now

Thani:
You didn't miss much.

marinara:
you mean you're not freaking out any more?

adrikins:
he never was!

marinara:
did he bribe you to say that

Thani:
Excuse you.

marinara:
I'm excused

adrikins:
mari no
he didn't mean it like that!!!

Thani:
I told you, it's fine.
I'm just waiting at her place.

marinara:
excuse me

Thani:
You're excused.

adrikins:
oh no

marinara:
is that a joke
tell me that's a joke
you're not really in her room are you

Thani:
We live near each other.

marinara:
can you be more specific
I'm worried about you

Thani:
It's not that bad.

adrikins:
how close is near??

Thani:
We're in the same dorm building.

marinara:
and what
someone let you into hers???

adrikins:
or do you have a key

Thani:
No key, sadly. We use cards that we scan to get inside.

marinara:
so you can't get in her room right

Thani:
Of course not.
The security's not that bad.

adrikins:
then why are you there
what's going on??

Thani:
You two really have no faith in me.
Alya asked me to make dinner for us.

marinara:
are you two gonna gossip
and do facemasks

Thani:
More like eat food and watch some crappy television show.

adrikins:
i'm jealous!!!

marinara:
what's wrong child

adrikins:
i haven't got anyone to watch with me

Thani:
Can't watch with your cat?

adrikins:
that's not the same thing!!
he just wants to sleep
i do too but i wanna watch
i can't do both

marinara:
you know it's bad when you're jealous of thani
the apocalypse is coming

Thani:
Marinette.

marinara:
hello

Thani:
You tell me on a regular basis that you're jealous of my friendship with Alya.

marinara:
listen
don't expose me like this

Thani:
Aren't you in the same position as Adrien?

adrikins:
you're the same as me??

marinara:
I mean
kinda
but this is very rude

Thani:
I'm sorry I'm so enviable.

marinara:
I want to kick you

adrikins:
that doesn't seem sincere at all!!!!
i thought we were friends

marinara:
you thought so so wrong

adrikins:
i'm sad

marinara:
adrien

adrikins:
marinette!!

marinara:
wanna leave this sad boy and go watch something together?

adrikins:
then he'll be
the jealous one!!!

Thani:
What?

marinara:
we're plotting against you
go make your sad meal
alone

Thani:
Alya's back in ten minutes.

adrikins:
alone!!!!!!!!

Thani:
...Okay.

marinara:
evil deed for the day done
but I really am leaving to spend time with adrien
peace

Thani:
Have fun?

adrikins:
oh you're serious!!
ok ok

marinara has left the chat

-x-

private chat: adrikins and marinara

adrikins:
there you are!!!
you weren't late today right

marinara:
hey dude
no, it was fine
thanks for staying up with me last night

adrikins:
???
i asked you to stay up
not the other way!!

marinara:
minor details
we still on for next week?

adrikins:
yes!!
i signed up for that site
so i'm prepared

marinara:
we could just watch something else
it's fine
you don't have to indulge me too much

adrikins:
no no!!
i wanna watch your favourite thing
it's fine!

marinara:
okay, weirdo
you weren't late to classes today, right?

adrikins:
oh no
i wasn't!!
my friend came to pick me up
so i didn't have to use my driver
which was very very nice

marinara:
wait
driver?

adrikins:
are you sure you want to know??
you might tell me something right back
and regret it
it is my superpower!!

marinara:
tell me, dork
it's fine

adrikins:
if you're sure you're willing
to take that risk!!!

marinara:
I trust you

adrikins:
your worst decision yet!!!
my dad's just very
protective

marinara:
you're twenty

adrikins:
i am!!!
thank you for remembering

marinara:
what did you do to deserve
his protectiveness?
I was allowed to walk home from school alone
when I was like twelve
it was a tough time

adrikins:
i didn't do much!!!
after my mom died he's very
ahhh
what's the word

marinara:
???
protective??

adrikins:
i guess, yeah
i was all set to live in the dorms and everything
but then stuff happened and i'm at home
and still being babied all the time!!

marinara:
oh, you live at home?
I think everyone else lives in dorms

adrikins:
where do you live??

marinara:
in a home

adrikins:
!!!

marinara:
kidding
well, not kidding
I live in an apartment

adrikins:
not with your parents??

marinara:
nah
my night job's too loud
so I moved out as soon as I was getting enough money

adrikins:
isn't it lonely???
or do you live with anyone

marinara:
alone
I'm considering getting a place with a friend
but he doesn't want to leave his sister yet

adrikins:
i'm very jealous again!!!!!

marinara:
what

adrikins:
i really want to leave!!!!!!

marinara:
i mean
can't you talk to your dad
or try to???

adrikins:
he says no to everything
i only got plagg because i didn't ask
i just came home with him

marinara:
and how did that
even work??

adrikins:
i hid him in my room
for two weeks

marinara:
?????

adrikins:
i told the maids that i'd do it myself
and my dad never comes in anyway
so it was a good plan!!!

marinara:
then how did you get found out

adrikins:
i didn't shut the door properly
so my dad found plagg
climbing a plant in the hallway

marinara:

and he's still there
so he must've made a great first impression

adrikins:
they don't hate each other
which is a surprise!!!
but he likes to bring that up as a point of me being
aaaah... irresponsible

marinara:
I'd offer you my couch but
I'm scared of your dad arresting me for kidnapping

adrikins:
asksgdh
he would totally do that!!!!

marinara:
what the fuck

adrikins:
it ok
i'll be out of here after uni
i just have to hold on until then!!!

marinara:
isn't that a while though

adrikins:
don't ruin my mood!!!!

marinara:
ok ok
you'll be out soon!!

adrikins:
thank you for your support!!

marinara:
I mean
real support would be offering you my couch
but from the maids and drivers
I think my couch might be too bad for you

adrikins:
i told you
i'm not the spoiled sibling!!!

marinara:
are you saying she's worse?

adrikins:
i'm nice!!!!!

marinara:
and she's not???
you fucking
monster
how could you be so mean

adrikins:
you'll see one day!!
i'm trying to covince her to play with us
but she thinks games are stupid

marinara:
okay, you're the best sibling

adrikins:
but i see her tabbing out on her laptop
trying to hide that she's playing it

marinara:
what

adrikins:
i think she's embarrassed?

marinara:
I do not understand her
and I don't understand you
so you might as well be related

adrikins:
that's the nicest thing you've ever said to me!!!

marinara:
cute

adrikins:
nevermind
that is!!!

marinara:
you're not actually catfishing me
are you??
because I still think you're precious and small
and it makes me very uncomfortable to think that you're not

adrikins:
but i'm not small!!!!

marinara:
small and cute
and all the sweet things
that's you

adrikins:
i'm big!!!!!!!

marinara:
your responses are only making me see it more
I have this need to talk to your future
boyfriend or girlfriend
and threaten them to treat you right

adrikins:
that's so nice of you!!!
you'd actually do that??
but you're an faceless being
that's not very threatening

marinara:
I'll find a way

adrikins:
it ok
you won't have to do it any time soon

marinara:
what
are you sad??
adrien what's wrong

adrikins:
what

marinara:
you didn't use any punctuation
I got worried

adrikins:
you're silly

marinara:
worrying about you is silly??
that's offensive

adrikins:
i think you're the cute one!!

marinara:
I'll fight you

adrikins:
adorable!!!

marinara:
I'll take the hint
and not push any more

adrikins:
adorable!!!!!!!

-x-

group chat: mintee
marinara has joined the chat

marinara:
my friends

Alyarr:
bye
I'm not here

Thani:
Yes, you are.

Alyarr:
no
I'm going over to nath's now
I don't belong here

ninny:
you cant just leave me like this
what kind of girlfriend are you

adrikins:
!!!!

marinara:
!!!!!!!!!
girlfriend!!!!

Alyarr:
can we move on now

Thani:
No, Marinette wants to know.

Alyarr:
I already told you everything nath
what more do you want from me

Thani:
Tell your children.

ninny:
when did we adopt marinette

Thani:
Are you saying you don't want her?
She's a cute baby.

Marinara:
do you want to feel my fist

Alyarr:
first of all
kinky

ninny:
we disowned adrien
we have no children

adrikins:
take me back daddy

marinara:
aafasljkslg
please never say that again

adrikins:
i have daddy issues
please don't make it any worse
my pride is weak!!!!

ninny:
now i just want to leave

Alyarr:
glad you're on board with my plan
let's leave and be childless forever

Thani:
Don't be mean to the children.
Without parental supervision, they're staying up watching horror films.

marinara:
stop

Alyarr:
that's very irresponsible
well done
keep it up

ninny:
was it at least good

Thani:
Considering they stayed up until five, I think so.

marinara:
why do you even
know that

Alyarr:
he was up
stalking you two

adrikins:
!!!!

ninny:
seething with jealousy
his lonely nights with mari
taken

Thani:

adrikins:
you could've joined us!!!

marinara:
you didn't even reply to me dude
wtf

Alyarr:
he was working

marinara:
so what
he's always working

Thani:
He is right here.

marinara:
explain then!!!
you didn't reply to anything
so I thought you might've just left it on
but clearly not??

adrikins:
i'm sorry!!!!

ninny:
why are you apologising

adrikins:
is this my fault

Alyarr:
they're an old married couple
leave them be

adrikins:
but they're not a couple!!!!

Thani:
I really was working, though.

marinara:
again
so what

Thani:
I didn't want to disturb you two?
You seemed up and ready to leave to go watch together.

marinara:
!!!
yeah, because you were cooking
but you could've replied when you got back
you were on for like eight hours more

Thani:
Yeah, but so were you two.
It seemed like you wanted to be alone.

marinara:
???
just because we weren't in the group chat
doesn't mean I was ignoring you
dude

Thani:
Don't dude me.

marinara:
dude.

ninny:
i feel like im witnessing something intimate
something so private

Alyarr:
I'm shipping it again
my cold dead heart can't take this

marinara:
fuck you both

Thani:
I promise to reply next time.

marinara:
you better

-x-

private chat: Thani and marinara

Thani:
Hello, it's midnight and I'm here to bother you.
Like you wanted.

marinara:
good
still working so replies might be slow

Thani:
On your phone?

marinara:
yeah
whenever I can
thanks for being here to keep my sanity

Thani:
I still have no idea what you do.
You're fine, though, right?
I wasn't trying to be a dick earlier.

marinara:
not mad just sad

Thani:
That's never good.

marinara:
like
you're my closest friend here?
And I'm not going to ignore you for someone new
out of nowhere

Thani:
I wasn't thinking like that.
Okay, maybe I was.
But I thought you'd want to be alone since you two continued for so long?

marinara:
we were having fun, yeah
but did you not see the messages I sent you???
you could've at least replied, dude

Thani:
Not dude.
Sorry, I'll reply next time.

marinara:
good

Thani:
Adrien was pretty worried that you were actually annoyed.

marinara:
wait what

Thani:
Yeah.
He messaged me earlier to ask whether we were okay.
He also offered not to talk to you at night, which was pretty amusing.
I think he was serious.

marinara:
tell me you told him he was being dumb

Thani:
Of course.
He just felt bad and thought it was his fault.

marinara:
idiot

Thani:
An idiot that stays up with you.
You've got two of them now.

marinara:
I attract them
it's my curse

Thani:
Nice.
Did you get anything out of Alya today?

marinara:
nah
didn't want to bug her or nino
if they wanna tell us they will
I mean
they were nice enough to say they're dating
that's enough

Thani:
You're a good friend.

marinara:
of course I am??
how dare you think otherwise

Thani:
A good friend who would never ignore anyone.

marinara:
yes
bring yourself down
you're nothing compared to me

Thani:
Maybe tone down the attitude.
You're coming across very monologuey.

marinara:
fuck off

Thani:
Love you, too.

marinara:
shit
people are asking what I'm doing
bye

Thani:
Good luck with your secret job.

marinara:
fuck off

Thani:
You've already said that.

-x-

group chat: milknet is my otp
marinara has joined the chat

marinara:
okay
which one of you fuckers changed the name

ninny:
i dont know what youre talking about
hello marinette
long time no see

Alyarr:
hello dear
did you have a good day at work

marinara:
you two are being creepy
what's going on

Alyarr:
we're that couple
get used to it

marinara:
you've been dating two days

Alyarr:
what's your point

marinara:

ninny:
did you see anyone
special today

marinara:
what are you hinting at

Alyarr:
we've decided your aggression
is actually sexual frustration

marinara:
do you want to die

ninny:
dont threaten my girlfriend

marinara:
do you want nino to die

Alyarr:
why nino

marinara:
he's closer
I can get to him in record time

ninny:
ok
is that a lie or

marinara:
oh

Alyarr:
can we forget where you live and go back to milkshake
because we've all agreed

marinara:
agree to leave me alone
I'm perfectly happy alone

ninny:
are you

marinara:
I want the dog next door to go away
and then I'd be so very happy
so pleased

ninny:
mm
im sure

marinara:
die

Alyarr:
you're dumb
anyway adrien's with his friend
so that's why he's not here

marinara:
thanks
but I didn't ask

Alyarr:
yeah but you were probably going to

marinara:
shhh

ninny:
naths working on a project
so hes not gonna be here for like two days

marinara:
is this why you're asking about milkshake
because of my upcoming lonely nights?

Alyarr:
aren't we nice??

ninny:
the best friends

marinara:
the best
speaking of friends
where's juleka at

Alyarr:
dunno
haven't seen her in a while

ninny:
it's been like two days

marinara:
yeah but
does she know you're dating yet
I think she'd be happy

Alyarr:
that's true
but no
I don't have her number

ninny:
rip leks

marinara:
poor girl
missing out

Alyarr:
oh well
how was your day?

marinara:
it was fine
no accidents
no milkshake
the best kinda day

ninny:
lame

marinara:
you're lame
the two of you are lame

Alyarr:
yeah yeah
anyway
adrien wanted me to ask if you watched ladybug last night

marinara:
no
I was busy at work
why??

ninny:
idk
i wasnt here at that point

marinara:
then why answer me
ninny

ninny:
i wanted to be involved in the convo
sue me

marinara:
I'll shoot you

ninny:
what up with threatening to murder me today
you sure youre okay

marinara:
yeah, my bad
you can live

ninny:
thanks

Alyarr:
okay I had to scroll up to find up
please stop threatening nino we haven't even kissed yet

marinara:

ninny:
why

marinara:
okay, I'll murder him after
thanks

ninny:
i want to die now

marinara:
we already reached an agreement
you can't break it

Alyarr:
anyway!!
people think ladybug has a boyfriend?
or girlfriend???
she got kicked for inactivity because she was too busy
texting someone

marinara:
that sucks

Alyarr:
I know you love her
but why can't you be happy for anyone

marinara:
I meant the kick sucks
but yes, I love her very much

Alyarr:
adrien seems to think it's luka
because he wasn't streaming at the time

marinara:
what

Alyarr:
idk??
I'm not up to date with this
it could've just been her mother
I don't really care

ninny:
i dont get all the hype

marinara:
shut it ninny
you're just a bitter old man

ninny:
i am older than you, yes
what a great thing that is

marinara:
do you still want to be murdered

ninny:
i want to kiss alya first
can you wait a bit

marinara:
a bit???
when are you two next meeting

Alyarr:
in a few weeks
it's expensive

ninny:
i can come to you

Alyarr:
no nath will glare at you
it's fine
I'll have the money soon

ninny:
if youre sure
i really dont mind

marinara:
otp

group chat: milknet is my otp is now group chat: niya rise!

Alyarr:

marinara:
look at that
adorable
and you can be weeaboos together

ninny:
why are you like this

marinara:
my heart can't take your cuteness
I have to ruin it a bit somehow

Alyarr:
thanks for your support
but can you not

marinara:
sorry you're not my parents!!!
I don't have to listen to you

Alyarr:
wow

ninny:
youre sounding like adrien

marinara:
we're a package deal now
love us

Alyarr:
I'll only love adrien
you're a menace

marinara:
my heart hurts
why would you say that

ninny:
i wonder why

marinara:
someday
I'll do something amazing
and you'll be like
damn we should've adopted her
but no

Alyarr:
you can keep dreaming
but unless you have more followers than nath
you're nothing to me

marinara:
sounds easy

ninny:
nath is our resident celeb
you cant take his place

marinara:
shouldn't it be juleka
because of luka

ninny:
she cant just leech fame
thats terrible

Alyarr:
when she shows herself on his stream
then maybe

marinara:
the bar is set very high
how will I ever reach it

ninny:
im sure adrien will love you
for your failures

marinara:
how kind of you

Chapter Text

Miraculous: Tales of Ladybug & Chat Noir © Thomas Astruc

private chat: adrikins and marinara

marinara:
adrien, no
that person isn't going to win
just give up

adrikins:
no!!!!
you can't make me choose otherwise
i am loyal!!!!

marinara:
you don't even know them
this is a tv show

adrikins:
i'm sticking with my choice!!!!
even if he loses
he's a winner in my heart!!

marinara:
look at this
his voice is breaking
you're absolutely wrong!!!

adrikins:
shut up!!
you have no faith!!!!!

marinara:
???
my singer didn't fuck up

adrikins:
but you didn't even like her last round
you're just a meanie!!

marinara:
I'm sorry
did you just call me a meanie??
meanie?????

adrikins:
meanie!!!!!!

marinara:
why do you revert to being twelve
to insult me

adrikins:
because you're a meanie

marinara:
I'm starting to believe it
what's going on here

adrikins:
I'll lose my point!!!!!

marinara:
well, yeah
you're too loyal to your picked contestants
I don't even understand
why did we start watching this

adrikins:
because you wanted winner or losers

marinara:
true

adrikins:
i'll still have my pride!!
unlike you

marinara:
I'm
not emotionally attached

adrikins:
my pride is fine!!!!!!

marinara:
adrien, you just lost

adrikins:
where's your proof???

marinara:
look at your screen
I won
you're terrible at this

adrikins:
oh no
oh no!!!!!

marinara:
???

adrikins:
it's okay
i'm okay with losing if it's with you!!

marinara:
but I won
so that's not right

adrikins:
don't ruin the moment!!!

marinara:
there's no moment
you're a loser!!

adrikins:
i'm never betting with you again

marinara:
there's still like
two more people to bet on
it's fine

adrikins:
you're a meanie

marinara:
my heart.

adrikins:
meanie.

marinara:
we should've just stuck to watching films
if you were gonna get this sassy
I'm not ready for this

adrikins:
but this is better!!!
a long time commitment

marinara:
that sounds like marriage

adrikins:
you rejected me!!!!

marinara:
that's two out of
idk
however many in our chat
I'm on a roll

adrikins:
am i allowed to ask about that??
or is it
just too private
i don't wanna push you for anything

marinara:
are you asking about nath
or why I rejected you
because that was just a joke

adrikins:
no no
nath!!!

marinara:
ahhh
what do you want to know??

adrikins:
why you're not together???
is that weird to ask
because you're like
really close?

marinara:
yeah but
if you think me and him are close
he's closer with alya?
they see each other all the time

adrikins:
but alya never flirts with him!!

marinara:
are you accusing me

adrikins:
i've seen it!!!!!

marinara:
yeah, as a joke
he's fine with it
it's okay

adrikins:
that's not my question

marinara:
you mean why it didn't work out??

adrikins:
yeah!

marinara:
we didn't really
know each other??
he didn't even know my age or first name
little bit weird right

adrikins:
but you've told me that

marinara:
you've got superpowers
idk you're pretty good at getting me comfortable
we're pals

adrikins:
you're pals with nath!!

marinara:
I am!!
but we never really talked about
anything person??
it's always random stuff or about alya
you know
that kinda thing

adrikins:
but why???
you're so nice
but so so private
i don't understand!!!

marinara:
idk
I just like it
I guess

adrikins:
am i too open???

marinara:
I mean
yes

adrikins:
oops

marinara:
it's kinda cute
also makes me feel very
awkward??
maybe not awkward
idk
I'm jealous of how open you are
with everything

adrikins:
that can be you too!!!!!

marinara:
you know enough!!

adrikins:
i know more than enough to like you
so nath does too!!!

marinara:
are you like
trying to wingman right now

adrikins:
maybe!!!!!

marinara:
adrien no

adrikins:
mari why

marinara:
that was like
two months ago???

adrikins:
but i'm shipping it

marinara:
I will leave!!!!!!!

adrikins:
ok ok
you need to pick btw!!!!

marinara:
yeah yeah
get ready to lose again

adrikins:
meanie.

marinara:
I'm only winning bragging rights
you'll be fine

-x-

group chat: niya rise!
marinara has joined the chat

marinara:
my pals

leks:
gross

marinara:
oh, hey
where have you been?

leks:
do u really care

marinara:
that sounded very aggressive
I do care!!
I have no idea where you've been
whatsoever

leks:
bit weird
idk i was too lazy to come online

marinara:
that
that doesn't sound real but ok

leks:
spent time with my girlfriend
my brother
that everyone here loves apparently

marinara:
your brother luka
right

leks:
ye
not like i have another brother
right

Thani:
I actually can't tell if you two dislike each other or not.
It's so hard.

marinara:
oh someone else is here
hey, nath

leks:
we're great friends
how dare you

marinara:
ye

leks:
are u mocking me

marinara:
ye

Thani:
I'm tabbing back out.

marinara:
why are you even here if you're ignoring us
I'm so offended

leks:
he's doing more emotes
for luka

marinara:
oh did he get the discount?

leks:
ye it's a juicy one
i got praised for having friends

marinara:
did he pat your head

leks:
ye
it was nice

marinara:
that's good
when are you back at school
and ignoring everyone?

leks:
rude
idk my ankles pretty much
fine now?

marinara:
congrats!!

leks:
but ur nice
i'm here to befriend u mari

marinara:
how about no
let's not

leks:
maybe u really do dislike me
what ever will i do

marinara:
that sounds vaguely threatening

leks:
why would i do that

marinara:
I'm terrified.

leks:
i'm a nice person

adrikins has joined the chat

marinara:
adrien!!!

adrikins:
mari!!!!
guess what
guess what!!!!!!

marinara:
what

leks:
yo

adrikins:
hi juleka!!!!
i got home and plagg was being all cute
now he's on me and i don't want to move

marinara:
where is this going

adrikins:
no that's it
that's the story!!!

marinara:
I'm
happy for you

adrikins:
look at him!!!!
(image: plagg stretched out across a bare male's chest)

leks:

marinara:
sdlgjhdas???

adrikins:
he's so cute!!
and i would murder for him!!!!!

marinara:
nipple

leks:
ye
what she said

adrikins:
o
is that bad????

marinara:
adrien
you just showed us your nipples

leks:
not plural
only one
but that's more than i ever wanted to see

adrikins:
look at that cat instead!!!!

leks:
i want to
i'm so gay

marinara:
nipple

adrikins:
please look at plagg!!!!!

leks:
u just sent a shirtless pic
to the group chat

adrikins:
no it was meant for mari!!!!!!!
i'm sorry!!

leks:
what kinda relationship
are u two in

marinara:
no!!!!!!!

adrikins:
my cat!!!!!
not my nipple!!!!!!!

marinara:
he's a very nice cat
but now I'm scarred
my innocent eyes

leks:
innocent
eyes?

adrikins:
i'm so sorry!!!!

marinara:
I'm now tainted
what do I do

leks:
pray
hope for the best

marinara:
thank you for your suggestions
I will now ignore them

leks:
o

Thani:
Do I even want to scroll up?

marinara:
not unless you wanna see
adrien's nipples
nipple
singular

leks:
or some pussy

Thani:

What?

marinara:
adrien posted a nude

adrikins:
no!!!!!!!!!!!!

marinara:
we were giving him tips
on how to make it look better

leks:
he's pretty amateur
he'll get better in the future

marinara:
we're helping

Thani:
I don't believe you, but I don't want to scroll up.
I'm scared it's true.
What will Alya say about her child?

marinara:
that that's why he's disowned
but also that she's happy they're not related

leks:
why would she be happy

marinara:
your gay ass can't tell that's a nice chest

Thani:
Are you actually close enough to say that?

leks:
homophobic

marinara:
what

Thani:
Are you two just fucking around?

leks:
no
he really posted a nude

marinara:
we're friends
it's okay, nath
I'm not a complete dick

Thani:
If you're sure.

leks:
ye it's fine
thanks for white knighting or whatever
but i'm so gay

marinara:
thanks

leks:
adrien
where u at

Thani:
He's probably embarrassed by you two.

marinara:
we're innocent

leks:
how dare u
i'm an angel

Thani:
Yeah, I'm sure.
I scrolled up.

marinara:
what do you think about the chest
back me up here

Thani:
How about I'll answer that if Adrien ever asks?
I don't want to make him uncomfortable.

leks:
lame

marinara:
thani the mood ruiner

Thani:
Do you see Adrien here?

marinara:
adrien!!!!!!
where'd you go!!!!!!!!

leks:
is that how u communicate

marinara:
yeah
it usually works
adrien!!!!!!

Thani:
Actual children.

marinara:
adopt us

Thani:
Stop trying to find someone to call daddy, it's weird.

marinara:
maybe that's why we didn't work out
you and your kinks

leks:
what
wait what

marinara:
nath's lame
that's all you need to know

Thani:
Are you going to recite what happened to everyone?

marinara:
maybe I should copy paste it
save it
tell everyone new

leks:
i've been here longer than u

marinara:
you disappeared
I didn't even know you existed

leks:
rude

marinara:
adrien!!!
do I need to do some satanic ritual
to summon him

leks:
we could just have a funeral

marinara:
nath, get the flowers

leks:
he is the flower

marinara:
did you hear that nath
you're pretty

Thani:
Thanks.
My confidence is boosted.

marinara:
a beautiful red flower
a real rose

Thani:
I'm so happy.

marinara:
calm down with the sarcasm
it's hurting my eyes

leks:
i have an idea

marinara:
what

leks:
adrien
ive got news for u

marinara:
omnious but ok

leks:
ladybug news
(image: ladybug smiling with her fingers in a peace sign)

Thani:
I almost forgot that you know her.

marinara:
you are blessed
use that power well

leks:
don't give me the superhero talk
(image: ladybug face-down on a bed with her face covered by a pillow)
adrien come back

Thani:
How many candid pictures do you even have?

leks:
enough
(image: ladybug eating ice cream, tongue visible)
does this count as a nude

marinara:
what the fuck

leks:
legit question

adrikins:
what is going on!!!!

Thani:
The nude worked, then.

marinara:
it's not a nude!!!!!
it's an innocent ice cream picture!!!!!!!

leks:
mari
are ur gay senses tingling

marinara:
not a nude!!!

adrikins:
it makes me feel better tho!!!!
ladybug didn't think that through either
that is great!!

marinara:
no!!!!

leks:
i took it tho

adrikins:
thank you!!

leks:
np it fine
welcome back

adrikins:
sorry i got really shy
then plagg wanted to play
so we did

marinara:
did you put on a shirt

adrikins:
yes!!!
i'm sorry about that still
please forget

Thani:
But Mari likes your chest.

marinara:
shut

leks:
ye but
she also likes ladybugs tongue
what does that say to u

adrikins:
that she has good taste!!!
in ladybug
not me
ladybug!!!!!

marinara:
why

Thani:
At least he's modest.
How was your day, Adrien?

adrikins:
it was fine
now it's great!!!
thank you for the pictures
juleka
i love them

leks:
ur welcome
but that's not what im here for

marinara:
being annoying is
right

leks:
rude

adrikins:
be nice!!!!

marinara:
we're pals
don't worry

leks:
we get on because were gay

marinara:
excuse you

Thani:
I'm still worried about you two.

leks:
nath stop being a dad
it's weird

adrikins:
i'm not allowed to call anyone that

leks:
exactly
so stop it nath

marinara:
back to uncle nath

Thani:
Leave me alone.

leks:
anyway
adrien

adrikins:
hello!!
how can i help you

leks:
no
let me help u

marinara:
sounds creepy

adrikins:
what does this mean!

leks:
ur prob wondering about the ladybug rumour
right
it's been spammed in luka's chat for days

adrikins:
you actually know???

leks:
ye
i live with him
i know everything

marinara:
why

leks:
why what

marinara:
why must you tell adrien this
or any of us
for that matter

leks:
it ok
u can say ur were jealous
and want to know if ladybug's single
i understand ur feelings

marinara:

adrikins:
are they dating???
not that it's bad
if they are!
i'd be very happy for them!!
especially since it's your brother!!!

leks:
nah
they've been friends since they were like
idk
five

adrikins:
that long???

leks:
ye
ladybug was in my class
but luka stole her
it was rude

marinara:
maybe
your brother was cooler

leks:
shut ur mouth

marinara:
fight me

leks:
my legs will be longer
than ur lifespan
if u don't shut up

marinara:

adrikins:
be nice!!!!!
i can't handle fighting

marinara:
I'm cry

leks:
fuck u
anyway
there u go adrien
cheer up about ur nipple

adrikins:
please forget the nipple!!!!

leks:
it's seared in my gay mind
hanting me

adrikins:
no one's ever said
my nudes haunt them before!!!

marinara:
so you admit it was a nude
huh!!

adrikins:
no!!!!!!!

leks:
tell us more about the nudes
how often do u send em

adrikins:
never!!!

marinara:
incorrect
you tried to seduce us earlier

leks:
too innocent to realise
maris only got eyes for ladybug

marinara:
like
I will actually fight you

leks:
but we're pals
why would u do that

marinara:
stop bully!!!!!

leks:
ok ok
pls forgive me

marinara:
that sounds sarcastic
so no

leks:
don't be mean
accept it

marinara:
no

leks:
who's the dick now

marinara:
no wonder you don't like me
what the fuck

leks:
!

adrikins:
am i supposed to say get a room here
is that what we do???

marinara:
no

leks:
no

adrikins:
but

leks:
no

marinara:
stop shipping me with people
I feel like you're my dad
trying to marry me off

adrikins:
i want the best for my baby!!!

marinara:
please no
don't call me baby
we agreed on this

adrikins:
little mari!!!!!
baby!!

marinara:
no

leks:
gross

adrikins:
i want to protect you

marinara:
that's literally what I said to you
don't copy me, loser

adrikins:
fight me!!!!

marinara:
okay

adrikins:
no don't
i'm fragile

marinara:
but you asked me to

adrikins:
i regret
don't do it!!!

leks:
can i say get a room now

marinara:
I'll kick you

leks:
only my girlfriend gets to do that

adrikins:
scary

leks:
kidding
or am i
who knows

marinara:
my image of you is terrible
why are you like this

leks:
love me

adrikins:
no!!!

-x-

private chat: adrikins and marinara

adrikins:
mari!!!!

marinara:
hello
hi
hiya
what up

adrikins:
you missed ladybug
you missed out!!!

marinara:
work sucks
did I miss anything good

adrikins:
not really!!
i mean
it's all good!!!!
but you missed her playing with luka

marinara:
nice
coincidentally or on purpose???

adrikins:
purpose!!!
they queued together for a few hours
it was really fun to watch!
you missed out

marinara:
I miss out on everything
including making fun of you

adrikins:
don't be a meanie
but i heard juleka!!!!!

marinara:
you did???

adrikins:
yes!!!
luka's mic picked her up
they were talking to each other!!!!!

marinara:
talking
to his sister
who knew that happened!!!

adrikins:
no bully!!!!
it was just
really cool??
he didn't have push to talk on so i heard it all on her stream
and thought oh wow that's juleka!!
i know her!!!!
and so many people are listening to her!!!!!

marinara:
that does sound cool though
is she as blunt as online

adrikins:
she seems really nice!!!
maybe she's bad at typing

marinara:
adrien
you're bad at typing

adrikins:
no i'm not!!!!

marinara:
yes, you are
your typing makes you sound twelve

adrikins:
at least i'm a cute twelve year old
right

marinara:
saying yes to that will get me arrested
it wasn't me officer

adrikins:
!!!

marinara:
you are cute
I can confirm that
even with your chest

adrikins:
forget the nipple!!!!!

marinara:
I can't
it haunts me too now

adrikins:
no!!!!!!!!!!!!!

marinara:
sorry for not being on
sometimes I can be while at work
but others it's just too busy

adrikins:
it's okay!!!
nath and nino were there to keep me company
but then nino went to bed

marinara:
nath too busy to amuse you?

adrikins:
he tried!!

marinara:
cute

adrikins:
do you mean me or nath

marinara:
plagg

adrikins:
the traitor!

marinara:
much better looking than your nipple
sorry

adrikins:
is that because you're gay???

marinara:
aksjfsgh

adrikins:
was that phrased badly
i'm sorry?????
i wasn't trying to be mean!!!!!!

marinara:
no, your chest is very nice
I said that already
stop fishing for compliments

adrikins:
ok ok!!!!!!!
my bad!!

marinara:
I hope you know
I fucking choked

adrikins:
i've never wanted that for you!!!!!

marinara:
thanks??
that's nice of you

adrikins:
would you like a plagg picture
to cheer you up

marinara:
will it include a nipple

adrikins:
no!!

marinara:
what if I wanted it to??

adrikins:
you need to flirt with me first!!!
this nipslip was a mistake
please forget!!!

marinara:
okay, okay
I'll bury it in my mind

adrikins:
please and thank you

-x-

group chat: niya rise!
marinara has joined the chat

marinara:
murder me

ninny:
no

marinara:
rude???
why wouldn't you murder me
I've had a bad day
put me out of my misery

ninny:
because i want to make you jealous first
are you ready for this

Alyarr:
!!!
she's gonna lose her shit!!

marinara:
what

ninny:
adriens not here so you gotta fill him in
later
if im not here

marinara:
what????

ninny:
im serious
i called alya up to confirm this
and im like
really sure its real

marinara:
???
what is going on

Alyarr:
nino was blessed
his hatred made it so you and adrien will murder him
isn't that great??

marinara:
what
maybe I should just leave

ninny:
dont you dare
let me gloat first

marinara:
go on then

ninny:
are you ready

Alyarr:
are you ready!!!!

marinara:
go on, I guess
idk what I'm preparing for

ninny:

i saw ladybug

marinara:
yeah, same

ninny:
no i mean
i saw her irl

marinara:

what
where?

Alyarr:
at his work!!

marinara:
?
I don't even know where you work??

ninny:
because nothing interesting happens
until today
i just work in a tech shop or whatever you wanna call it
i fix shit

marinara:
what

ninny:
i fixed her phone screen

marinara:
and like
you just saw her?
or did you talk to her????

Alyarr:
is that jealousy

marinara:
yes
absolutely jealous

ninny:
idk i didnt meet her when she came in
i just fixed the screen and gave it back to her
like an hour ago
it was surreal

marinara:
????
so you spoke to her

ninny:
like two sentences
didnt realise it was her until after she walked out
wouldve asked for a pic to make all of you jealous
but im dumb apparently

marinara:
yeah, you are dumb
so dumb

Alyarr:
my dumb

marinara:
...gross

ninny:
your reaction sucks
adriens gonna lose his shit

Chapter Text

Miraculous: Tales of Ladybug & Chat Noir © Thomas Astruc

private chat: marinara and adrikins

adrikins:
am i bothering you??

marinara:
what
no

adrikins:
but you're taking so long to reply!!
and i feel bad
we can just talk later!!!!

marinara:
it's fine
I'm just replying when I have a break at work

adrikins:
why do you keep working so late????
is that insensitive
am i allowed to ask about the two jobs??
oh no maybe i'm not
maybe i'm being annoying!!!!
what if you're just humouring me

marinara:
adrien
shut up

adrikins:
see!!!!

marinara:
no, I mean
don't think like that
I'm online because I want to talk to you

adrikins:
but work!!!

marinara:
there's a lull every now and then
besides nath's not here
do you really want to leave me all alone??

adrikins:
i'll never leave you!!!!!

marinara:
not what I asked
focus, man
focus!!

adrikins:
ok ok!!!
i'd never want you to be sad
be happy mari!!

marinara:
you're so much cuter than adrien the dog

adrikins:
my greatest achievement
how is the dog???

marinara:
loud
I can hear him right now

adrikins:
really???

marinara:
yeah
thankfully my microhpone doesn't
that would be awkward

adrikins:
??
but you don't have a mic???

marinara:
aah
I do but it's for work
I can't use it outside of that

adrikins:
what do you mean!!

marinara:
it's bugged
the government will know

adrikins:
are they watching you

marinara:
a lot of people are watching me
it's a scary thing

adrikins:
i'll remember you if you get murdered

marinara:
real sweet of you
thanks, adrien
you make my heart feel warm

adrikins:
that sounds bad!!

marinara:
in a good way
but not a I want to bone way
we're not at that point yet

adrikins:
yet!!!!!

marinara:
idk
you've gotta show me more than a nipple
to get me into bed

adrikins:
leave me alone!!!

marinara:
it haunts me, adrien
it pops into my mind at night
behind my eyelids when I close my eyes

adrikins:
stop!!!!!

marinara:
plagg cannot heal me

adrikins:
meanie!!!!

marinara:
really
ten minutes and all you say is meanie?

adrikins:
meanie.

marinara:
mmm

adrikins:
marinette!!!

marinara:
what's up

adrikins:
how much longer are you working??
i'm tired but i want to watch

marinara:
ladybug's stream?
I've got it on in my background
but muted

adrikins:
you're missing out!!

marinara:
probably
and it'll be muted due to music
tomorrow

adrikins:
the music's only played during queues!!!!!
she listened to us!!!

marinara:
oh, when did that change??

adrikins:
it's like you don't even care
should i call you nino??

marinara:
are you calling me a ninny

adrikins:
yes

marinara:
gasp
why are you even keeping me company then

adrikins:
i'm here for ladybug!!!
not you

marinara:
it hurts

adrikins:
it's okay
i still like you, mari
it's just a bit less

marinara:
a bit

adrikins:
getting smaller!!!!

marinara:
ouch

adrikins:
i'm kidding!!!
please don't leave me
i love you mari!!!!

marinara:
idk do you
my heart's broken
I don't believe in love now

adrikins:
(image: male with blond hair pouting)

marinara:
what

adrikins:
that's how much i love you!!!!

marinara:
wait
is that you????

adrikins:
now you've seen more than my nipple!

marinara:
I never asked!!!

adrikins:
that's why it's proving my love!!!!!
we're friends
a friendly love

marinara:
why are you pouting

adrikins:
i got taught to selfie

marinara:
what

adrikins:
my best friend!!!!

marinara:
your best friend
taught you to selfie??

adrikins:
yes!!!
she's popular online
and taught me so i can be in pictures with her!!!

marinara:
???
are you trying to tell me
you're a model now

adrikins:
no, my friend is!!!
the one who's like my sister
it's strange!!
seeing all the gross comments

marinara:
why am I only just hearing this now
you let nath believe he was popular

adrikins:
because i trust you!!
and i didn't want to tell everyone
it's weird

marinara:
weird?

adrikins:
when i mention her at uni
some people are kinda rude??
or ask for her number
which i am not for at all!!!!

marinara:
but do they ask for your number

adrikins:
yes???

marinara:
just checking

adrikins:
why
why???
marinette!!!
don't go afk and answer me!!!!

marinara:
okay, you big baby
I was just busy
I'm not running away from embarrassment
I don't have feelings

adrikins:
i'll feel enough for the both of us!!

marinara:
cute
your face is as nice as your chest
so good job

adrikins:
i've been taught well!!!!!

marinara:
have some modesty

adrikins:
but the pictures with me in them
are very popular!!!

marinara:
it's all going to your head
forget it
and your blond hair
it's all fake

adrikins:
but i'm real

marinara:
no
you're catfishing me

adrikins:
why would i do that!!!

marinara:
you tell me, adrien
if that's your real name

adrikins:
it is!!!
you've seen my cat!!!!

marinara:
I've seen a cat
on a chest!!!

adrikins:
my chest!!!!

marinara:
no.

adrikins:
(image: plagg sitting on adrien's shoulder)

marinara:
fake

adrikins:
marinette!!!

marinara:
okay, okay
you're real
but I don't understand how

adrikins:
(image: plagg on pillow beside adrien's head)
what don't you understand
look how cute we are!!!!

marinara:
I've never imagined you as cute

adrikins:
i was a faceless blob!!

marinara:
yeah
but now only you and juleka have faces

adrikins:
juleka?????

marinara:
she was on a stream
I swear

adrikins:
are you sure???

marinara:
let's go back to you being cute
because you are
and it's weird

adrikins:
that's how i feel about chloe!!!

marinara:
chloe??

adrikins:
oh
that's my friend's name!!!!!
the model one
well no
she's not a model

marinara:
what is she

adrikins:
a brat!!!!!
she just does whatever she wants
and it's very odd!!

marinara:
because you can't do what you want?
are you okay with piano still??

adrikins:
not really
it's okay!!!
but i don't enjoy it any more
it's just a thing
i need to do

marinara:
rip
I feel like that sometimes with my work
I get really burned out when I play for hours on end

adrikins:
play???
what do you play

marinara:
a sad song
while I contemplate killing myself

adrikins:
no!!!!!

marinara:
you've gotta stay, adrien
you keep me strong
I have a reason to live when you're here

adrikins:
but that's a lot of pressure!!

marinara:
look
if you can be a model with your friend
you can do this

adrikins:
that's
not very inspirational???

marinara:
???
fucking rude?

adrikins:
get good!!

marinara:
fuck off

-x-

group chat: delete nino
marinara has joined the chat

marinara:
why has the name changed
what did I miss??

ninny:
bullying

marinara:
nothing new

adrikins:
betrayal!!!!!

ninny:
its not betrayal if i never said otherwise, dude

adrikins:
no!!!!!

ninny:
pls forgive me

marinara:
gay

ninny:
ship us

adrikins:
i'll never be shipped with you!!
niya is in our hearts!!!!

marinara:
I've moved on
to better things
nino, adrien will treat you so much better
you should listen to him

adrikins:
no!!!!!

marinara:
rejected

ninny:
hes just salty
because i said ladybug didnt come back

marinara:
but like
why would she go back??
it's not like she'd break her phone again

adrikins:
it was an honest question!!!!

ninny:
you asked it before asking
about my feelings, dude???
now theyre hurt

adrikins:
you're a dramatic baby!!!

ninny:
how dare you say that to marinette
you monster

adrikins:
leave her out of this!!

ninny:
adrien pls

marinara:
are you two going to kiss and make up
because you're both dumb
is this what happens when it's just you two??

adrikins:
you're supposed to be on my side!!!!

marinara:
adrien
stop being blond

adrikins:
why would you say that!!!!!!!

marinara:
sorry!!!
I saw my chance and I took it
now I'm basic

ninny:
when were you not basic

adrikins:
mari do you hear the wind!!!

marinara:
adrien
we're typing

ninny:
who's the ninny now

marinara:
still you
anyway you two being childish makes me want to vomit
can you not

ninny:
you make a compelling point
but no

adrikins:
don't get sick!!!!!

marinara:
you're making me sick
being cute won't stop it

adrikins:
i'm sorry!!!!!

ninny:
now you two are making me sick
pls stop

marinara:
you wish you and alya
were as cute as us

adrikins:
!!
i'm very adorable!!!

marinara:
try and have some modesty
come on
we talked about this!

adrikins:
no!!!
i've been told to be confident
so i will!!!!

marinara:
do you believe it
or is it fake confidence

ninny:
youre pretty cool, dude
believe it

adrikins:
i'm gonna cry

marinara:
not my intention
sorry for making fun of your hair!!!!

adrikins:
it ok
i like you!!!!

ninny:
get a room

marinara:
die

ninny:
wait
his hair??

marinara:
yeah, adrien showed me a pic
now he's no longer faceless
isn't that exciting

ninny:
did you give him anything in return???

adrikins:
(image: plagg sitting on adrien's shoulder)
here!!!

marinara:
not the first picture but ok

adrikins:
but i took that one for you!!!!!
not for nino's eyes

marinara:
not for your friend's acc either???

adrikins:
she doesn't let me have solo pics often!!!
it steals her spotlight
she needs it to live

ninny:
do i even want to know
but cool face
nice, dude

marinara:
is that a bro compliment
or something

adrikins:
bro!!!!

ninny:
what up bro
your face is good
but are you good??

adrikins:
i'm okay!!!!
but do you know what's better!!

ninny:
what is it

adrikins:
it's you!!!

marinara:
like
can you not

ninny:
ship us

marinara:
neither of you have said no homo

ninny:
dont be uncultured
we are pro homo

adrikins:
get with the times!!!!

marinara:
ok ok
my bad
I'm a terrible person

adrikins:
liking you is like
having a guilty pleasure!!!!

ninny:
so she gives you pleasure??

marinara:

pls

adrikins:
so much!!!!!

marinara:
why

adrikins:
oh!!!
in a no homo way?

marinara:
adrien no

adrikins:
i'm not hip!!

ninny:
we accept you for your faults

marinara:
you literally invited him
because he played worse than you

ninny:
hey

adrikins:
that's true!!!

ninny:
he was nice

marinara:
and now he's better than you
how does it feel??

adrikins:
maybe i can teach you now
ladybug's really taught me!!!

marinara:
what

adrikins:
her streams are so informative!!
you're really missing out
nino why!!!

ninny:
but ive seen her real face
a few metres away from me

adrikins:
and you didn't appreciate her!!!!!

ninny:
of course i didnt
i have alya for that

marinara:
so alya can appreciate ladybug??
how kind of her

adrikins:
i love alya!!

ninny:
youre both idiots
go away

-x-

group chat: delete nino
marinara has joined the chat

marinara:
milkshake is back

ninny:
is anyone in your yard

leks:
gross

marinara:
shut the fuck up
I know your full name

ninny:
what

marinara:
alya gave me it
when you were meeting
so I could give it to the police

ninny:
shes so smart???
im blessed

marinara:
let's go back to me
instead of you gushing

leks:
go on
i like ur suffering

marinara:
hello juleka
when did you get here

leks:
before you

marinara:
thanks

ninny:
like half an hour ago
ive got the day off and no ones been online

leks:
am i just no one to u
is that it???

ninny:
yes

leks:
fair

marinara:
I can feel the love

leks:
speaking of love
tell me ur woes

ninny:
smooth
but yes

marinara:
she actually spoke to me today
to tell me my shoes don't match my outfit

leks:
was she right

marinara:
that is not the point
you absolute idiot

ninny:
thats a yes
isnt it

marinara:
I was running late
okay???
it's not my fault

leks:
how can she see ur shoes
over a counter

ninny:
yeah??
dont you work at a coffee shop

marinara:
I have to step out to deliver the drinks
you know
I'm not bound to one small section
stuck behind the counter for life

leks:
so u stepped out
and got insulted

marinara:
pretty much
if I dress up really pretty in the future
is it petty

leks:
it's gay

marinara:
shut

ninny:
idk i feel like youd
do all that effort and she would ignore you
is it worth it

marinara:
for my pride
yes???
absolutely????

leks:
is milk fashionable

marinara:
milkshake
never looks a mess

ninny:
gay

marinara:
no homo

ninny:
we are pro homo here
remember

leks:
u could ask her for fashion advice
next time

marinara:
and why would I do that???

leks:
u talk about her enough
make her talk to u
be the gay u want to be

marinara:
why

ninny:
for real
you do talk about her a lot

marinara:
she's my arch nemesis
she must be known

ninny:
what if you turn into best friends
wouldnt that be great

marinara:
stop trying to get rid of me!!!!

leks:
can i come befriend her

marinara:
you're banned

leks:
no i'm not

ninny:
tell me so i can come
i live near juleka

marinara:
that's nice
good for you two

leks:
nino let's meet up
i know a good place to eat cake

ninny:
are you not on like
a diet or something

leks:
no
i was before but i gave up
i'm fine

ninny:
last time i said we should meet up
you told me to fuck off

leks:
ur right
let's not

ninny:
im saving my money to go see alya

leks:
nice

ninny:
thanks

leks:
is it expensive

ninny:
my wallet is pitiful
im bad at saving

marinara:
didn't you buy a new keyboard last week

ninny:
an accident happened

leks:
u broke it

ninny:
in my defense
thats why i dont have wireless ones
they fall too easily

marinara:
or you're too heavy
and you broke it

ninny:
accidentally
it wasnt even a rage move

marinara:
are you telling me you've purposely broken shit???

ninny:
what
no
never

leks:
ye
he threw his mouse before

ninny:
wireless!!!!

marinara:
nice excuses

ninny:
go back to mooing over milkshake

marinara:
excuse you

leks:
mooing

marinara:
????

ninny:
i meant mooning

marinara:
too late
I'm a cow and offended

leks:
dont have a cow man

marinara:
nino
do you hear the wind???

ninny:
fuck off

group chat: delete nino is now group chat: moo

marinara:
moo

leks:
speaking of mooing
wheres adrien

marinara:
with his friend

ninny:
you didnt even have to think about that

marinara:
yeah
of course???
we talk daily

leks:
gross

marinara:
you say that but really
you think I'm cute

leks:
gross

marinara:
xo

ninny:
gross

marinara:
you can't just join in like this
how dare you????

leks:
moove over

ninny:

marinara:
wise words
from a wise person

leks:
thank
i'm really smart

marinara:
so smart

ninny:
why are you two like this

marinara:
like what??
nino???

ninny:
so
chummy

leks:
are u jealous
u don't have anyone but alya

marinara:
truth is pain

ninny:
adrien likes me!!!!

leks:
where is he
not here

marinara:
he's abandoned you
left you to the dogs

ninny:
you just called yourself bitches

marinara:
die

leks:
this is why u have no friends

ninny:
you two are literally my friends
this is my friend group

leks:
not any more

marinara:
times have changed
we're taking over
this is no longer a nino-friendly place

ninny:
honestly
was it ever

leks:
no

marinara:
sorry we can't answer that
we don't talk to ninos here

ninny:
youre answering me now

marinara:
juleka
my friend
how are you today???

leks:
bored
luka's ignoring me

marinara:
you mean he's streaming

leks:
ye
same thing

marinara:
rip

ninny:
how old are you two

leks:
do u wanna do something

marinara:
what do you have in mind????
you still haven't played in months
so it can't be that

leks:
ignoring nino is good

marinara:
is it tho

leks:
it's amoosing
it'll do

marinara:
every pun makes my opinion of you
get even lower

leks:
why is it low
i'm cute

marinara:
gross

-x-

private chat: marinara and leks

leks:
u know ur almost at ur subgoal
right

marinara:
what

leks:
u know
the goal u said as a joke

marinara:

the one when I was mocking luka?

leks:
ye
so u gotta dye ur hair soon

marinara:
can I pretend that didn't happen???

leks:
people will spam the clip at u
u gotta do it
or u suck

marinara:
you think I suck anyway
does it really matter

leks:
yes
u gotta be ahead of luka
to give him a reason to stream twice a day

marinara:
is that his excuse???

leks:
yes

marinara:
aaaah
I don't want to!!
I was joking!!!!

leks:
too late
you said it
the internet is forever

marinara:
but luka's hair is so patchy
and like
two different colours

leks:
u did it

marinara:
he'll get his payback

leks:
probably
or u could ask rose to do it
not like u said that it would be streamed
ur safe

marinara:
but I still have to dye my hair pink????

leks:
not my problem
do u want me to ask rose or not

marinara:
I guess
when I get there

leks:
mari ur 13 subs away

marinara:
can people stop subscribing to me
thanks

leks:
i'm gonna go renew mine

marinara:
why

leks:
12 away
what a good countdown

marinara:
I don't want pink hair

leks:
don't wimp out and have pink highlights
all or nothing

marinara:
this is hell

leks:
it's ur fav colour right
ur fine

marinara:
it's going to look so dumb????

leks:
so like u
suitable

marinara:
bye

leks:
don't leave me
i'm bored

marinara:
then just come over here
I've got a couple of hours

leks:
nice

marinara:
my parents wanna see you

leks:
ye
that's because they love me

marinara:
there's also leftover pastries that need to go today
so you can bring them home

leks:
i love ur parents

marinara:
they know

Chapter Text

Miraculous: Tales of Ladybug & Chat Noir © Thomas Astruc

group chat: moo
marinara has joined the chat

Thani:
That's not what I'm saying.
But I'm saying not not saying that.

Alyarr:
I'll fucking fight you
bring it on

marinara:
what

Thani:
You wouldn't.

Alyarr:
do you wanna bet

Thani:
Alya, you only ever kick my shins.

Alyarr:
is that a bad thing???
it gets you to scream
so it clearly works
doesn't it nath

Thani:
If you want to look at it this way.
I just don't understand why you want this so much.

Alyarr:
because you picked last time and it was shit
deal with it

marinara:
did I come at a bad time
or something
because I'm so lost

ninny:
nah
im just watching
wishing i had popcorn

Alyarr:
nino

ninny:
hello
that is me

Alyarr:
you'd eat any food with me
wouldn't you?

ninny:
i mean
within reason
im picky sometimes

Alyarr:
useless

marinara:
???

Thani:
Hello, Mari.
It's been a while.

marinara:
we spoke last night

Thani:
So long.
I've missed your calming presence.

marinara:
literally less than twelve hours

Thani:
You keep me sane.

marinara:
thanks, I guess
any chance you wanna explain

Thani:
Well, those two are talking in private now.

marinara:
and you know this how

Thani:
Alya's across the room from me.

marinara:

so why are you on here
be social

Thani:
Because she wanted to talk to Nino until dinner.
Except we're not able to agree on what to get.

marinara:
what a dilemma

Thani:
I'm sensing the sarcasm.
We usually take it in turns to pick, but she's being a dick.

marinara:
strong words from a not strong boy

Thani:
Are you trying to fight me now?
I'll go die and never come online again.
You'll be alone again.

marinara:
dramatic

Thani:
A bad threat since you have Adrien now.
Where has your boy ran off to?

marinara:
first of all
gross
he's not here

Thani:
So you don't know.

marinara:
I never claimed to know everything!!!
get off my back, thani
I don't appreciate all your weight

Thani:
I'd crush you.

marinara:
exactly
pls stop

Thani:
I'm trying to crush you with my thoughts.

marinara:
heavy thoughts then

Thani:

marinara:
sorry, couldn't resist
anyway
my sweet thani

thani:
Please, never say that again.

marinara:
sweet sweet boy

Thani:
I hate it.
Thanks.

marinara:
xo
I'm here to tell you important news

Thani:
What?

marinara:
just that I'll be busy for most the weekend
don't think I'll be able to make it online

Thani:
Oh, really?

Have fun. I'll miss you.

marinara:
maybe that'll be sincere by next week
you'll regret being mean to me

Thani:
We'll see.

marinara:
I might come on a bit during work
but not promising anything
it's going to be really busy

Thani:
Something big happening?

marinara:
I guess
don't really want to get into it

Thani:
Okay, okay.
Still, I hope it's not too bad.

marinara:
me too
but we'll see
tell the others when they log on

Thani:
Wait.
You're going now?

marinara:
yeah
gonna sleep over at a friend's house
before all the work hassle

Thani:
Bye, Mari.
I'll probably be online in the evenings if you do make it online.

marinara:
counting on you to keep me sane

Thani:
That's my line to you.

-x-

private chat: Thani and marinara

marinara:
nath
I want to die
pls
come back and talk to me
I'm so tired????

Thani:
???
Go to sleep?

marinara:
I'm working!!!

Thani:
How long for?

marinara:
ahhh
some
hours more

Thani:
That's very specific.

marinara:
thanks
I'm losing my mind

Thani:
Is that why you're appearing offline?

marinara:
listen
I can only handle so much right now
okay???
I trust you
you'd never make fun of me

Thani:
I wouldn't?
Are you sure about that?

marinara:
you've suffered and stayed up with me before
it's fine
we're pals

Thani:
It's almost four.

marinara:
and you're up
thanks

Thani:
I was about to go to bed, honestly.

marinara:
fuck
abandoning me
just like everyone else

Thani:
Mari, you're not even online.
How long did you take to talk to me?

marinara:
not long
I wasn't just lurking
that's weird

Thani:
I'm sure.

marinara:
go to sleep
sleep for the both of us
imagine I'm sleeping with you

Thani:
That's a terrible thought now.
Times really do change.

marinara:
do you know what I wish would change
my clothes
into pyjamas
some cosy as pyjamas

Thani:
You work online.
From home.

marinara:
I'm in a uniform today, okay
it's needed

Thani:
I'm really concerned about you.

marinara:
go to sleep
weirdo

Thani:
Good luck not losing your mind.
Are you going to be on tomorrow at all?

marinara:
probably not
working a bit more then sleeping for an eternity
in pyjamas!!!

Thani:
Hope it's not too hot for you.

marinara:
august can eat my ass

Thani:
I'm not changing my name.

marinara:
you can't eat my ass
that's banned

Thani:
Now I'm really going to leave you alone.
You can't even bribe me to stay with ass.

marinara:
I stick to me word
my ass is truthful

Thani:
Bye, Mari.

marinara:
see ya
peace
I'm crying

Thani:
Nice.

-x-

private chat: leks and marinara

marinara:
hi yes it's like
ten in the morning
but can you please come and bring me food
or something
I am dying

leks:

do u want luka to come

marinara:
sure???
chat would like that
so go for it

leks:
i'll wake him up

marinara:
wait no
he went to bed like two hours ago
what are you doing
it's too late isn't it
you're gone
fuck

leks:
he's coming

marinara:
thanks but also not thanks

leks:
ur welcome pinky

marinara:
I regret everything
why am I doing this for so long????

leks:
ur an idiot
u said ud do it
so u have to

marinara:
I also said I'd dye my hair pink
and that actually happened
so why am I playing for twenty-four hours

leks:
pink looks good on u
idiot
luka's gone out the door

marinara:
aah did he remember my key

leks:
ye
but his clothes don't match
make sure to get that on cam

marinara:
I think my chat's too focused on my breakdown
to even notice that

leks:
nice
i'm gonna watch

marinara:
thanks
gotta go back now
I lied and said I needed a pee break

leks:
let me be ur secret girlfriend
wtf

marinara:
bye

-x-

private chat: adrikins and marinara

adrikins:
mari!!!!!!!
where are you?????
wait you're at work
i'm so sorry for you
ladybug dyed her hair!!!
it's pink and really cute
everyone's dying their hair???
should i dye my hair
will i be a cool kid then??
fuck you're a work right
i'll stop spam!!!

-x-

group chat: moo
marinara has joined the chat

adrikins:
marinette!!!!!!
mari!!!

Alyarr:
mari
you've returned

marinara:
kill me
I'm not fully dead yet

adrikins:
mari!!!!!!!!!

marinara:
hi
sorry, I can't show much more excitement
I'm regretting everything

adrikins:
was work that bad???
i really missed you!!

marinara:
dead

Alyarr:
you also missed adrien fanboying
the whole time

adrikins:
you missed so much!!!!

Alyarr:
by so much he means one thing
well two
if you don't include him

marinara:
if I don't respond
I've fallen asleep

I fucked up so many orders today

Alyarr:
rip

adrikins:
i'm sorry for the spam!!!

marinara:
oh
it was cute
sorry I haven't replied yet

adrikins:
it's okay!
have you been sleeping well??
and drinking water???

Alyarr:
babying the baby

marinara:
I'm bad
I'll try and be healthy
also shut up, Alya
I'll fight you

Alyarr:
you're too tired to fight

marinara:
true

adrikins:
sleep!!

marinara:
I might
got a couple of hours before work
but I wanted to check in with you guys

adrikins:
sleep is more important!!!!

Alyarr:
such love
what do you want from us

marinara:
to hear adrien fanboy
go on

adrikins:
really?????

marinara:
yeah, sure
it'll make me happy
you're cute when you're excited

adrikins:
!!!!!

Alyarr:
you've said the magic words
unleashed the beast

marinara:
good

adrikins:
did you watch any of it!!!!!

marinara:
I caught some bits
but I was mostly too busy

adrikins:
it was so good!!!!!
i didn't think she'd actually
do the pink hair??
but she just turned on the cam after an hour
and it was there!!!!

marinara:
it's done really nice
right!!!
unlike luka's

adrikins:
yes!!!!!
juleka said her girlfriend did it!!!
there's so many people that know her
it's so weird!!!

marinara:
maybe you really know her
without realising it
wouldn't that be weirder

adrikins:
so weird!!!!!
but i'd be so happy
just to tell her thanks

marinara:
what would you be thanking her for??

adrikins:
finding her stream really cheered me up!!!

marinara:
oh
it's hard to think of you as happy??
maybe because of how you type

adrikins:
i guess!!!
but i didn't really know what to do with my time
then i found her!!!!
and i'm so glad i did!!!!!!!

marinara:
you could always
type in chat and say that???

adrikins:
nononono
no way!!!
it moves too fast
and what if she really does see it
i'd die!!!!!

marinara:
???
you don't want her to know?

adrikins:
yes but!!!!
not in front of everyone!!
maybe i'll get to say it if she ever goes to a con
but that's probably never happening

marinara:
I mean
she did kind of just do a face reveal
maybe she will???

adrikins:
she doesn't even list her personal details
unlike luka!!

marinara:
privacy is good

adrikins:
i just want her to be happy!!!
that's enough for me

marinara:
you sound like a proud parent right now

adrikins:
maybe i am!!!
no one knows how old she is
it's a mystery!!!!!

marinara:
luka's older

adrikins:
???
what!!!!!

marinara:
juleka told me

adrikins:
juleka's telling you things!!!!!!
she only told me about the hair
and nothing more!!!

marinara:
she likes me more
sorry, buddy

adrikins:
mari!!!!!

marinara:
I don't know much more
sorry!!!
but I'm glad you enjoyed the stream without me
you didn't stay up too late, did you???

adrikins:
no no!!!
but i did have it on when i fell asleep
then i woke up to her screaming
it was scary

marinara:

adrikins:
plagg got scared too
wait i have a picture
(image: blackness)

marinara:
adrien
I can't make anything out???

adrikins:
he blends in with the darkness!!!
isn't he cute!!

marinara:
adorable

adrikins:
right!!!!!
i'm so lucky

Alyarr:
can I stop lurking now
because it feels really gross
like I'm intruding on something

marinara:
you are
go away

Alyarr:
ouch

adrikins:
alya!!!
i thought you died!!!!!

Alyarr:
almost

marinara:
speaking of dying
I'm gonna go sleep for a few hours
see ya

adrikins:
sweet dreams!!!!!
don't wake up to screams!!

marinara:
it'll be me
screaming about waking up

adrikins:
no!!!!

-x-

group chat: moo
marinara has joined the chat

ninny:
mari
are you dead

leks:
she ded

Alyarr:
dead

adrikins:
ghost!!!

marinara:
boo

Alyarr:
ew
not a fan of that

marinara:
boo
you whore

adrikins:
how are you!!!!
you're on later than usual
did you get kept at work???

marinara:
oh
yeah, for a bit
had to talk to someone

Alyarr:
everything okay?
unless this is you requesting new blenders
because I'm all for that

marinara:
sadly not

ninny:
where you been
we've missed you

leks:
have we

marinara:
hello to you too
juleka

leks:
hi

marinara:
what are you doing here

leks:
being friendly
is that ok

marinara:
ye

leks:
ye

ninny:
ye

Alyarr:
no bullying allowed

adrikins:
ye!!!!

marinara:
no blenders
sorry, pals

ninny:
you quit then

marinara:
what
no
I'm not quitting

ninny:
but you get milkshaked over
and not in the sexy way

marinara:

adrikins:
that's
probably a really specific porn!!!

Alyarr:
don't look it up
please
stay innocent

adrikins:
i'm not the baby!!!

Alyarr:
your typing is

marinara:
okay
I was talking to milkshake

ninny:
what

Alyarr:
bitch
don't joke about this

leks:
that's not like u

marinara:
no
for real

ninny:
what

adrikins:
but you don't like her!!!

marinara:
I don't like you guys
but I'm here

Alyarr:
wow

adrikins:
mari!

marinara:
okay
I like some of you

leks:
ye
me

marinara:
definitely you
and adrien
that's about it

group chat: moo is now group chat: milknet!!!

marinara:
definitely just you two
fuck the others
what the fuck

ninny:
love you

Alyarr:
platonically
absolutely

marinara:
gross
no thanks

Alyarr:
xo

adrikins:
what did you talk about!!!!

marinara:
well
do you want long or short
because they're both weird???

ninny:
hit us with both

marinara:
no
don't be greedy

leks:
long
tell me everything

marinara:
bit too full on
calm down

adrikins:
i want to know!!!!
you're not in a bad mood after
are you??
you usually dislike her

marinara:
I'm fine
for once
no anger
it's like she was body swapped today??

Alyarr:
how bad

marinara:
well, no
that's exaggerating
she just spoke more than two words
and didn't insult my clothes

ninny:
rare
what happened??
dont leave us hanging

marinara:
blender was shit as always
but she stared me in the eyes
when I passed her her drink???

Alyarr:
intense
tell me more while I write this down
to make fanfics

leks:
was it a stare of hatred
or what

marinara:
idk
but basically
she asked to take me shopping???

adrikins:
what????

marinara:
yeah
so I'm going with her at the weekend

Alyarr:
???
but you don't like her?????

ninny:
my heart cant take this
my otp is thriving

marinara:
fuck off
it seemed like she was trying to be my friend
or something
so I thought why not???

adrikins:
you're nice!!!!

marinara:
thank you for noticing???

ninny:
like
not as a joke
but did she ask as a date
or friend
because theres no context here

marinara:
friend
your otp is dead
live with it

ninny:
are you sure

leks:
ye
like
are u absolutely sure
because ur kinda dumb

marinara:
what the fuck
yes
I'm very sure

adrikins:
are you though!!!

marinara:
yes!!!

leks:
are u

marinara:
yes
fuck off
my heart will never want milkshake

leks:
ye but
what about ur vagina

marinara:
what the actual fuck
juleka

ninny:
honest question
less awkward coming from her
so thanks juleka

leks:
np
it's why i'm here
to make everything not awk

marinara:
I hate you

leks:
answer the question

adrikins:
leave the baby alone!!!!!
she's innocent!!

marinara:

thanks
I think

adrikins:
i will protect you!!!!

Alyarr:
you're not really able to
sorry adrien

marinara:
you're all awful???

leks:
love u too
so
who does ur heart want then

marinara:
you to leave me alone

adrikins:
i second that!!!

ninny:
adrien
youre too young to be a dad
stop it

adrikins:
she's cute!!!
and needs to be saved from all of you!!

Alyarr:
we're only about about what her vagina wants
it's not that bad

marinara:
vagina hurts my eyes

leks:
learn to use ur mouth then
what are u doing

marinara:
end me

ninny:
juleka
never leave

Alyarr:
I think mari wants to leave forever

marinara:
yes
absolutely

leks:
now i just wanna know who she likes
come on mari
tell ur supportive friends

marinara:
not u

leks:
does that mean it's ladybug

ninny:
lame

marinara:
I will end you, nino
ladybug is great and doesn't deserve your hate

ninny:
she dyed her hair pink

Alyarr:
yeah
and I've dyed mine
what's your point here????

ninny:
i
i apologise

leks:
idiot
stop hating on streamers
ur being petty

ninny:
idk it just feels weird

marinara:
admiring someone isn't weird
you're weird
stop being mean about ladybug

adrikins:
yeah!!!!

ninny:
is this an intervention

leks:
ye
since she and luka are my friends
stop being a dick

marinara:
!!!

leks:
mari

marinara:
hello

leks:
since ur not into milkshake

marinara:
I am not
confirmed
absolutely not into her
we're going as friends
because we're potential friends
who could be friendly
so please don't ship us

leks:
defensive but ok
do u want me to find u a date

Alyarr:
juleka the matchmaker
I thought I'd never see the day

leks:
i got a girlfriend before all of u
so i'm the dating expert

ninny:
we're dating

leks:
gross

marinara:
what

leks:
do u want me to hook u up

marinara:
what the fuck
no
who even says that any more
what are you doing

Alyarr:
being the chosen one

leks:
i have a friend u might like

marinara:
you don't know where I live
or anything about me

ninny:
we know a little
marinette
nineteen

adrien:
works in a bakery and online!!!!!

Alyarr:
and your mother knows milkshake
so that's a lot

marinara:
that's nothing

leks:
ur cool
that's enough
do u want me to introduce u to ladybug or not

adrikins:
!!!!!
but you said you'd never do that!!!!!!!!

marinara:
why are you doing this
what

leks:
you like her right

marinara:
adrien likes her

leks:
adrien can fuck off

adrikins:
what!!!

leks:
what if i said she's allergic to cats

adrikins:
!!!
i will fuck off!!

marinara:
what
no
adrien

adrikins:
i will admire her from a safe distance!!!!!
while loving plagg!!

marinara:
this is ridiculous
you are not setting me up with anyone
and I am only maybe friends with milkshake
nothing else is happening

ninny:
but it could be happening
why deny fate
marinette

marinara:
fate is not called juleka

ninny:
i meant milkshake but i see where your mind went
very telling

Alyarr:
we're all supportive parents!!

marinara:
do I have your support
to leave and never come back????

leks:
only if u tell us about ur date
later

marinara:
it is not a date!!!!!!!!!

adrikins:
are you okay!!!!
mari are they bullying you??
do you need me to help

marinara:
you contributed!!!!!!

adrikins:
nooo!!!
i was just trying to blend in

leks:
u became evil
well done

adrikins:
my dark backstory!!!!!!

marinara:
you absolute monster

Chapter Text

Miraculous: Tales of Ladybug & Chat Noir © Thomas Astruc

private chat: adrikins and marinara

adrikins:
you said i could talk to you
if i was upset right
does that still stand

marinara:
yeah, of course!!
my replies might be a little slow
because of work
but absolutely, adrien

adrikins:
this might sound a bit weird
but i'm happier talking to you here
than when i'm actually with friends lately
and i don't understand why that is
i'm
i don't hate them or anything
but they seem to ask all the wrong things
and it's really frustrating
but you're not like that
you've never made me sad

marinara:
you don't have to force yourself to hang out with them
all the time, you know?
you can take a break for a bit
or say that you're busy
if you're worried about offending them
but friends should be fine with you saying no??

adrikins:
idk
the ones at uni are all quite full on
and they don't understand me
not really
they're really judging

marinara:
judging?
what do you mean by that?

adrikins:
like
they don't get why i stopped performing
and keep pushing me to do it
since it would give our department attention

marinara:
if you don't want to
you don't have to
can't one of them do it?

adrikins:
they've only been in a few comps
and never the ones i was in
so it wouldn't be enough
that's their words

marinara:
you're still doing what's required for your classes, right?
can't have you failing out of nowhere

adrikins:
no
i'm doing that
just nothing more which is why they're being so weird
like one got mad at me the other day
because i didn't want to play during our break

marinara:
that's
kinda rude?
idk much about your friends but that's not really
a good reason to get mad
even if you said you would and backed out
it's nothing serious

adrikins:
idk

marinara:
are you doing okay out of classes?
we don't really
talk about our lives much so you don't have to tell me

adrikins:
aah when i'm not online??
i guess
it's really awkward at home

marinara:
any worse than at school?

adrikins:
about the same
i think
just in different ways

marinara:
at least you've got plagg right
sorry, I'm not
I don't know what to say when comforting someone?

adrikins:
you're listening
that's enough!!!

marinara:
of course!!
I'll always listen to you
even when you say dumb shit

adrikins:
you're sweet
i know people grieve in different ways but
i wish my dad would listen to me

marinara:
he doesn't?

adrikins:
not really
he's clammed up since mom died
and it's so fucking stifling at home
even when he's not home

marinara:
he wanted to keep you at home, didn't he?
instead of going to a dorm

adrikins:
yeah but
that was even before she died
now he's just enforcing it more
despite not being home

marinara:
I don't really know what to say here
sounds like your friends are kinda shitty
honestly
so there's not much escape for you?

adrikins:
talking to you is good
and the others
it's nice

marinara:
what about chloe?

adrikins:
o
yeah
she's great too but
i don't see her like every day
unlike the others

marinara:
you could just text her
and tell her what's going on

adrikins:
no because then she'd actually say it to my dad
and that'll be awkward

marinara:
she sounds like a good friend

adrikins:
yeah
the best

marinara:
I'm glad you have her
sorry that I can't give you any good advice
I'm not in classes or anything
to know how you feel

adrikins:
honestly you just did more
than anyone else?

marinara:
but can I make you
type cutely again?

adrikins:
maybe

marinara:
you're also cute
not only your typing
just so you know

adrikins:
you're a liar
you're great at this comforting thing

marinara:
I hope that's sarcasm
I'm so bad at this

adrikins:
i really appreciate it

marinara:
sorry for the slow replies
what are you doing now?

adrikins:
idk
might go to sleep

marinara:
don't want to watch ladybug?
you normally do for a bit before bed

adrikins:
not really feeling it today

marinara:
really??

adrikins:
yeah
just gonna go to bed
thanks for listening to me

marinara:
oh, you're already gone
but any time, adrien
I wasn't kidding about us being friends

-x-

group chat: milknet!!!
marinara has joined the chat

Thani:
How are you feeling about your date tomorrow?

marinara:
die
you shouldn't listen to them

Alyarr:
how dare you??

marinara:
I fucking dare
you jerk

ninny:
so mean
so hurtful

Alyarr:
are you
picking a bone with us

marinara:
don't start with another milk joke
I fucking swear

Thani:
I'd never.

Alyarr:
I'm offended you think that we'd do that

marinara:
you've been doing it all week??

ninny:
no proof

marinara:
my suicidal thoughts are proof
of you all bullying me

Alyarr:
we love you

marinara:
yeah, I'm sure
adrien not here yet?

ninny:
he went afk just before you got here
probably because of plagg
but thats just my guess

marinara:
oh no
not plagg

Alyarr:
let's be real
it's always plagg??

Thani:
Plagg needs his attention.

Alyarr:
true

marinara:
do you know who doesn't need attention?
adrien the puppy

Alyarr:
did you see him!!!

marinara:
adrien's a girl

ninny:
no!
keep her name as adrien!!!!

marinara:
I will
since I wasn't paying attention to the owner
to actually know her real name

Alyarr:
where did you meet them???

marinara:
going up the stairs

ninny:
did you pet the puppy

marinara:
honestly I was talking on the phone
and not really paying attention
so she might've scared me

Alyarr:
nice

marinara:
adrien the puppy is big
big girl

ninny:
big girl!!!!

Thani:
Does she feel big compared to you?

Alyarr:
wow way to make her feel good about herself
poor adrien's gonna get a big ego

marinara:
leave me alone

Thani:
You know I love you.

Alyarr:
is that the police I hear
ready to arrest you both
stop it

marinara:
you literally started it??

ninny:
alya
you know i love you right

Alyarr:
I mean
you should???

ninny:
pls dont call the police on me

Alyarr:
be nice and we'll see

marinara:
why is the group chat name this

ninny:
because we ship it
stupid question

marinara:
no
I mean
why not milknette

Thani:
You should just accept it.

Alyarr:
nath's already made that complaint
we're sticking with it

ninny:
just to annoy him

marinara:

poor nath

adrikins:
what??

marinara:
adrien!!!!!

adrikins:
mari!!!!!!!!!!!!
you're here!!!!

marinara:
yeah!!!
sorry I had to go shopping before I came home

Alyarr:
why don't you ever apologise to me

marinara:
you never deserve an apology

Alyarr:
???
I'm your number one fan

ninny:
isnt it adrien now

adrikins:
no, it's me!!!!
mari likes me more too

marinara:
you don't become the number one fan
by being liked the most
that's kinda mean

ninny:
poor nath would never be classed as a fan

marinara:
I like nath second best

Thani:
I'm touched.

marinara:
scratch that
third

ninny:
!!!

marinara:
sorry it was weird

adrikins:
i will fight you alya!!!

Alyarr:
no need
I give it up
you can love mari most

adrikins:
good!!!!!!!

Alyarr:
but you need to know
adrien's a girl

Thani:
A big girl.

ninny:
the biggest girl

adrikins:
aren't we past the bad insults???
i haven't been called a girl for years!!
we're done with it!!!!

marinara:
adrien the puppy
is a girl

Thani:
You had to ruin it quickly.

marinara:
I promised adrien we'd go play
can't let him get caught up in drama
and ditch me

Alyarr:
selfish

adrikins:
did you get a picture!!!
please please tell me you did

marinara:
nah
I was preoccupied

Alyarr:
talking to lover girl on the phone

marinara:
I will actually end you

adrikins:
talk to me instead!!!
i want the attention!!!!!

marinara:
at least you're honest
let's ditch these losers

ninny:
my feelings hurt

adrikins:
bye!!!!

-x-

private chat: adrikins and marinara

adrikins:
thanks for the other night!!!

marinara:
yeah, of course
whenever you want
well
not when you want
since you shouldn't want that

adrikins:
i do want to talk to you
so it counts!!!

marinara:
talk to me when you're happy

adrikins:
i'll even talk to you when i'm
not happy or sad!!

marinara:
that's a big promise to try and keep

adrikins:
i'll pinky promise it

marinara:
I just had a heart attack

adrikins:
no!!!

marinara:
why are you so cute???

adrikins:
it's my charm!!

marinara:
so self-aware
dangerous

adrikins:
being honest is good!!!
besides
chloe wouldn't lie to me

marinara:
about being cute?
I'm sure you were told that before her

adrikins:
i always got told it with her!!!
then a lot more growing up
it was a bit weird

marinara:
oh no
could your fragile masculinity take being called cute??

adrikins:
yes!!!!
i got called pretty boy a lot too
which i didn't realise was supposed to be an insult first!!

marinara:
people are lame
especially kids
kids really suck

adrikins:
were they mean to you too??

marinara:
yeah
of course

adrikins:
i hope it wasn't too bad!!

marinara:
aah, I got used to it??
some were racist so that was lame
but teachers usually caught onto that
just awkward going home and asking about a slang word
not realising it was an insult

adrikins:
that's worse than pretty boy!!!!!

marinara:
well
I get called pretty girl now so it's fair

adrikins:
!!!
i'm sure you are a pretty girl!!!

marinara:
you haven't seen me

adrikins:
no but
your personality is pretty!!!!
i feel happy just talking to you
so seeing your face would do that and more!!

marinara:
how are you so??
smooth????

adrikins:
i shaved today

marinara:
I shaved last night
you've beaten me

adrikins:
!!!
i'm sure you're still smooth
smooth and pretty!!

marinara:
nothing compared to you

adrikins:
mari!!!
that's bad talk
you are beautiful!!!!!!

marinara:
stop!!!!

adrikins:
no!!!
i am so lucky to have you as a friend
and i need you to feel appreciated!!!

marinara:
I feel more than appreciated right now

adrikins:
good!!!
and
and if you ever need to talk
i'm here for you!!

marinara:
thanks, adrien
that's sweet of you

adrikins:
i won't feel jealous if you go to nath instead!!

marinara:
that doesn't sound sincere this time

adrikins:
i'm not jealous!!!!!

marinara:
are you sure

adrikins:
okay
i am a bit!!
when i go to bed and you two stay up talking
i feel like i'm missing out!!

marinara:
yeah
you'd be missing out on sleep
don't be like us with our bad schedules

adrikins:
but you're so close!!!!

marinara:
I'm also close with you!!
comparing yourself to anyone else is dumb
you're great, adrien
you don't need to change

adrikins:
!!!!
now i feel appreciated!!

marinara:
well
good
I like you

adrikins:
I like you too!!!!

marinara:
but I should make dinner soon
that means leaving you

adrikins:
nooo
i'd suffer from hunger just for you

marinara:
no
you only do that if plagg's sitting on you

adrikins:
moving him is a sin!!!
he's a big baby and screams if i do!!

marinara:
are you sure it's not you
who screams??

adrikins:
i only scream at how beautiful you are!!!!

marinara:
pls stop

adrikins:
noo!!!!

marinara:
I'm going to go stuff my face
farewell

adrikins:
i'll count the moments until i see you again!!!

marinara:
stop!!!!

-x-

group chat: milknet!!!
marinara has joined the chat

marinara:
what up

Alyarr:
mari!!
how'd it go

marinara:
oh
right
I cancelled so it didn't happen

ninny:
what????

adrikins:
i'm so sorry!!

marinara:
it's fine
I wasn't feeling good this morning
so I've just been in bed all day

Alyarr:
you feeling better now?

marinara:
a bit
just came on to tell you guys
so I don't get hassled

ninny:
we would never hassle you
how dare you

marinara:
mmm

group chat: milknet!!! is now group chat: adrien's a big girl

marinara:
more appropriate

Alyarr:
you didn't reschedule?

marinara:
nah
she's busy and I don't really care that much
we'll go back to our angry stares at work
it's fine

ninny:
aw
sorry that happened
you couldve been pals

marinara:
already got you losers
it's all good

adrikins:
please get better!!!

marinara:
I'll be fine

leks has joined the chat

leks:
hi

ninny:
hey juleka
how you

leks:
cold

marinara:
it's almost august

leks:
do u know what august means
adrien

adrikins:
???
no i do not!!
what does it mean!!!!

ninny:
tell us oh wise one

leks:
not u nino
ur a cuck

ninny:

did you just call me a cuck

Alyarr:
do you need glasses
oh wait

ninny:
you wear them too???

Alyarr:
not the point

leks:
ladybug birthday
is in august

adrikins:
no way!!!
it is????????

leks:
ye
but even if u type it on stream
no one will believe u
but she will know u mean it

ninny:
ladybug will think youre a fucking stalker
dont do that

leks:
or i can give her a warning
don't be a cuck

ninny:
stop calling me that!!!

leks:
then stop cuck

Alyarr:
wise words
truly the wise one

leks:
i'm smart

adrikins:
absolutely!!!
you promise you'll warn her so she's not scared?

leks:
ye
she knows i've told u few about her
so it's fine

adrikins:
nice!!!

-x-

private chat: leks and marinara

leks:
why aren't u telling me off

marinara:
because it won't make you stop
so what's really the point

leks:
wat

marinara:
idk sorry
just kinda pissed off

leks:
what happened
do u want me to come over
or luka

marinara:
no no
I have to stream soon anyway
it would be pointless

leks:
why

marinara:
why what

leks:
why u being emo
what's wrong

marinara:
I lied earlier

leks:
idk what ur on about
i just logged on

marinara:
oh right
I went out with milkshake today

leks:
o ya
that was a thing
didn't go well?

marinara:
it was nice
she was a bit blunt at times but then she like
tried to apologise?
so she wasn't the bitch I thought she was

leks:
so what

marinara:
so
she asked to take a picture of the two of us
then asked which id of mine to tag it to

leks:
o

marinara:
yeah
I tried to play it off
like
do you mean you want my id
but she asked if she wanted it on ladybug or not

leks:
o
wait

marinara:
she didn't mention it
like at all
I'm not even kidding?
I had no idea that she even knew?

leks:
ye but
u had a good time right

marinara:
idk
she only asked to be my friend after I dyed my hair
so that means she recognised me

leks:
but she's seen u
before

marinara:
yeah but
what if she was just racist and thought I looked like ladybug
that would've been offensive

leks:

marinara:
just a bit pissed that she only thought I was worth her time
after confirming it was me
like
she's the first fan to meet me irl too

leks:
but she didn't freak out
did she
or what

marinara:
not really?
it was pretty chill like I said
we ate cake and everything

leks:
so why are u mad

marinara:
I already said
she didn't want to before she knew I was actually ladybug

leks:
so what
do u think she could be ur friend or not

marinara:
idk
she hasn't texted me since after
and I haven't checked to see which id she's used
I really don't want people to harass my parents

leks:
ur overreacting
stop

marinara:
make me

leks:
i would but u told me not to come over
rude

marinara:
true

leks:
luka says to talk to him

marinara:
????
you told him?

leks:
why wouldn't i
use ur brain

marinara:
I guess I didn't say not to

leks:
ur welcome
anyway
he's met fans irl so he gets it
talk to him
i'm just the lame not famous one here

marinara:
you're famous in my heart

leks:
ok future birthday girl

marinara:
you're the worst

-x-

group chat: adrien's a big girl
marinara has joined the chat

marinara:
hey

adrikins:
marinette!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

marinara:
hi
yes
that's me

ninny:
just in time for his breakdown
welcome
adriens going to die

Alyarr:
don't kill him

marinara:
what

adrikins:
mariertsejte!!!!!!!!!!

marinara:
hi
that might be me
yes

adrikins:
marisgsgs!!!!!!!

marinara:
sure

Alyarr:
nice

marinara:
what

adrikins:
aklsjgshdgjhdh!!!!
maranree!!!!!!!

marinara:
ahh
what

ninny:
i like that one

group chat: adrien's a big girl is now group chat: maranree

leks:
mari

marinara:
yeah?

leks:
u might wanna leave

marinara:
why
what

adrikins:
!!!!!
i'm so?? jealous?????

marinara:
why

adrikins:
(image: blonde-haired girl smiling beside ladybug)
!!!!!!!!

leks:
that's ur friend right

adrikins:
my best!!!! friend!!!!!!!
and she didn't even tell me??
i'm so upset?????

ninny:
promote me
i told you

Alyarr:
he's been like this for
like twenty minutes

leks:
ye
dramatic

adrikins:
i knew chloe played in secret!!!!!
but this
this betrayal!!!!
i cannot take it!!!!!!!
she never said she liked ladybug

leks:
everyone likes ladybug
she's nice

ninny:
youre biased

leks:
shut ur mouth

Alyarr:
did they just meet on the street or what
you haven't told us

adrikins:
idk she's not answering me!!!!!!
the description just said they had cake together!!
and another pic of ladybug drinking!!

marinara:
what?

adrikins:
(image: ladybug sipping from a mug)
!!!!!

Alyarr:
the jealousy is rising

leks:
that looks candid

adrikins:
i'm so jealous!!!!
everyone's meeting her!!

ninny:
is it anything to boast about tho
she's just a gamer??

adrikins:
stop!!!!!
i appreciate her!!

leks:
i'll end u nino

ninny:
biased

Alyarr:
wait
you're friends with chloé?
with the é?

adrikins:
best friends!!

Alyarr:
adrien she has almost a million followers??
wtf
adrien is this you
(image: adrien laughing with his shirt wet)

adrikins:
oh no!!!!!!
my nipples!!

-x-

private chat: leks and marinara

marinara:
fuck

Chapter Text

Miraculous: Tales of Ladybug & Chat Noir © Thomas Astruc

private chat: leks and marinara

leks:
so

marinara:
so

leks:
did she come into ur work

marinara:
chloé?
no, she didn't
honestly surprised at that
but relieved, I guess

leks:
what do u mean u guess
u were panicking

marinara:
because I like what we have going on
with everyone
I mean
I don't want to change that?

leks:
pussy

marinara:
fuck off
idk it's
it's not very appealing?

leks:
u like them right

marinara:
yeah
but we've only known each other for
ahh
I think it's three months now?
almost four

leks:
ok
and u just
don't want them to ever meet u?
i'm not one to even talk about that
but they asked why u were so off yesterday

marinara:
could just be an off day
they didn't ask me directly so
whatever

leks:
have u talked to milkshake

marinara:
she text me this afternoon
but I was working so I didn't reply

leks:
?
u always reply to me

marinara:
I like you

leks:
gross
but i like u too
even tho u pick my brother over me

marinara:
he's cool

leks:
ye
he's the best

marinara:
he's telling me to talk to chloé
to see whether she actually wants to be my friend

leks:
he didn't phrase it like that
right
because that's dumb

marinara:
thanks
for your wonderful response
no, I just summed it up that way

leks:
ok ok
try not to be so emo
people think ur depressed

marinara:
??
think

leks:
calm down there
buddy
no life story time

marinara:
hilarious

leks:
i am

marinara:
I'll try my best

-x-

private chat: adrikins and marinara

adrikins:
hey
mari??
are you there

marinara:
aah
yeah, I am
what's up?

adrikins:
you're quiet so i thought
you might've left yourself online or something

marinara:
oh, no
just looking at the chat
trying to find a good place to jump in
I guess
don't really feel like talking right now

adrikins:
oh
i can go??
if you don't want to

marinara:
no, no
this is fine?
it's just us two so it's not as overwhelming

adrikins:
i understand!!!
i was so lost when i first joined
especially because of the nicknames!!
i think you whenever i see your sauce

marinara:
why are you looking at my sauce

adrikins:
i'm sorry!!!

marinara:
you okay, adrien?
are things better at uni now
or not?

adrikins:
aaah
let's not talk about that!!!
i'm here to check on you
not rant about my problems!!

marinara:
oh
but you've already checked on me?

adrikins:
and it's very clear you're not okay!!

marinara:
I'm fine, really
it'll pass

adrikins:
remember
i am here if you want to talk!!!
but i could try and beat up whoever's made you sad
i can't say i'll succeed
but i'll try!!!

marinara:
as sweet as that is
I really don't think you should do that

adrikins:
i'd do it for you!!!

marinara:
careful
you're going to make me swoon

adrikins:
that's the dream!!!

marinara:
cute

adrikins:
no, you!!

marinara:
I'm not getting into this with you
but you really did make me laugh
so, thank you

adrikins:
yes!!!
that's my job now
offical job title
forget my skillful fingers
it's making you smile that my life's about

marinara:
I mean
you could make me smile with your fingers?

adrikins:
mari!!!

marinara:
just stating the truth

adrikins:
bad!!
you're an innocent baby

marinara:
that shouldn't be corrupted by your fingers?
That's a shame
wait
is piano fingers actually a thing
do you get compliments on them

adrikins:
idk!!!
this isn't a comfortable subject!!

marinara:
sorry, sorry
I'd never want to make you uncomfortable

adrikins:
i didn't mean you!!
you'd never do that
i'm not
very good at noticing when people flirt with me???

marinara:
oh, yeah
you said that before

adrikins:
i'm awful!!
chloe has to tell me most of the time
and that's so awkward!!
she's so mean

marinara:
oh
is she?

adrikins:
in the best way
but it makes me want to curl into a ball
and die!!!

marinara:
poor baby

adrikins:
you're the baby here!!
a sad baby
it's my duty to cheer you up

marinara:
you really don't have to
idk how to talk about it
but I appreciate you trying

adrikins:
would you like it
if i told you about my day??

marinara:
sure?
that'll be nice

adrikins:
okay!!!

-x-

group chat: maranree
marinara has joined the chat

leks:
mari

marinara:
hey

Alyarr:
mari!!!
there you are
did you work late today?

marinara:
oh, no
just took my time coming online
that's all

ninny:
lazy ass
where have you been

marinara:
sat on my sofa
wondering whether to get a bigger dog than adrien

ninny:
to make more noise than him?
good plan

marinara:
thanks
I thought so

Alyarr:
that'll just keep you up even more
and you've never had a pet
right

marinara:
no

ninny:
oh
maybe dont start out of nowhere

leks:
u can barely take care of urself
no pet

marinara:
supportive

leks:
no pets

Alyarr:
rip
if juleka can't trust you
how can any of us??

ninny:
juleka is the wisest of us all

leks:
ye
worship me

marinara:
that is the response of a child

leks:
do u wanna fight me

?

marinara:
give me your address

leks:
i said fight
not stalk

marinara:
I'm not meeting you down some alley
you'll just stab me

leks:
u didn't say no knives

marinara:
it's implied??

ninny:
what the fuck

marinara:
no scissors either

leks:
but i'm good at scissoring

Alyarr:
get your gay ass out of here
this isn't safe for the children to read

marinara:
??
I am not a child

ninny:
youre a grumpy child

marinara:
a grumpy child who can spawncamp you again
do you want that??

ninny:
are you threatening me

marinara:
maybe

ninny:
how dare??

marinara:
do you wanna play
any of you?

leks:
no

marinara:
you haven't touched your account in months
you don't count

leks:
ouch
don't delete me

marinara:
I don't even have you on my friends list?

leks:
am i in ur heart tho

marinara:
sadly

Alyarr:
lowkey gonna start shipping you two soon
calm down

marinara:

why can't I be happy alone
stop shipping me with people

leks:
ye
she's busy pining as it is

ninny:
right
an actual ladybug fangirl

marinara:
fuck off

leks:
i lied before

Alyarr:
??
lied?

leks:
ye
i know mari irl

ninny:
what

Alyarr:
???
excuse you??

leks:
she actually knows ladybug
idk why she's being so weird here
probably because of u nino

ninny:
me??
what
mari???

marinara:
???????

leks:
i've seen them flirt
if u know what i mean

Alyarr:
???
so you know mari

leks:
ya
we're friend

Alyarr:
just friend
not friends

leks:
good friend

marinara:
stop talking shit

leks:
best friend

Alyarr:
???
I don't believe you??
mari would've told us

leks:
u don't believe a lot of things
adrien wasn't admitting
he knew his friend right

Alyarr:
that's completely different

leks:
not really?
his friend has a few followers online
ladybug has close to six thousands viewers a night

marinara:
stop???

ninny:
?
mari are you gonna confirm this or what

marinara:
no???

leks:
i knew her before this chat
that's why she's so
weird with me

ninny:
i thought you two just had tension
sometimes

leks:
it's called banter

Alyarr:
that
kinda makes? sense??
but I'm still not seeing a confirmation

marinara:
no, I have not flirted with ladybug
yes, I know juleka

ninny:
dude
what the fuck

marinara:
I didn't know she was in here
it was weird

Alyarr:
yeah but
you haven't even shown us a picture yet???

marinara:
probably still not going to
stranger danger and all that

leks:
good luck
she's private as fuck

ninny:
???
im not sorry for talking shit about your friend

marinara:
I never expected an apology??
you're fine
there's always gonna be
idiots

Alyarr:
babe
she means you

ninny:
thanks for clearing that up
it really wasnt obvious

leks:
otp

Alyarr:
I thought your otp was milknet

leks:
milknet is dead
spoiled
spoiled milk

marinara:
let's not bring it back to that

ninny:
lets go back to your private ways
not telling us if were being jerks

Alyarr:
he means him

marinara:
?
no??
really, it's fine
I've heard worse

ninny:
yeah but
now i feel awkward as fuck
two of you are her friends now??

marinara:
it's fine??
not like we're telling her shit you say
or that she'd even care
it's nothing

ninny:
awkward still

marinara:
nevermind
let's go back to milknet
because it's dead

leks:
dead and buried
in my garden

marinara:
thanks

Alyarr:
wait
so if you two know each other
is it like
close friends
or you knew each other before
and text sometimes

leks:
why

ninny:
we need context
you seem pretty chill here

marinara:
I've met her girlfriend

leks:
aa
close i guess
ladybug buys me cakes from her bakery

ninny:

marinara:
no discount

ninny:
mari why
are you
like
in the middle of everything

Alyarr:
mari makes the world go round
everyone knows that

leks:
we love mari

marinara:
I'm grossed out

ninny:
nevermind
i hate you mari

marinara:
xo

Alyarr:
cute

-x-

private chat: leks and marinara

marinara:
what the fuck was that

leks:
?
being smart

marinara:
??
how the fuck was that smart

leks:
because ur not
gonna tell them anything
are u

marinara:
that's my choice???
they're online friends
not irl ones

leks:
online friends that live near u

marinara:
no

leks:
mari

marinara:
I'm mad at you
that wasn't yours to say???

leks:
ur not mad at me

marinara:
I can try to be

leks:
it's not like i'm saying
hey look she's ladybug
isn't that cool
i'm not a dick

marinara:
you're a little dick

leks:
tiny dick

marinara:
yeah

leks:
nice

marinara:
they're online
they're like
my other friends???
I don't want to mix them up

leks:

mari

marinara:
I didn't phrase that right

leks:
u mean u don't want
them involved with stream right

marinara:
yeah
that's already stressful as it is
I don't really want them knowing

leks:
weird but ok

marinara:
stop judging

leks:
i'm just confused
u have like
two friends

marinara:
thanks for that

leks:
am i wrong

marinara:
no
but still

leks:
mari
other than work
u only leave the house to see me or luka

marinara:
not seeing the problem there
they're my friends online??
they aren't asking me for anything
and I love that

leks:
ye
but i just say no when they ask to meet up
it's simple??
u don't have to create like
a whole new identity

marinara:
I haven't created a new one
that's ridiculous
I've just excluded some things

leks:
things that milkshake can just tell them??

marinara:
aaa
yeah

leks:
clap clap

marinara:
is that fucking sarcasm

leks:
u dug a fucking hole
because ur stubborn

marinara:
you're so supportive

leks:
i haven't outed u
have i

marinara:
we're best friends irl now
so yes

leks:
i'm sorry is that wrong??
am i being demoted

marinara:
I like it better
when you're quiet in person

leks:
fuck u

marinara:
fight me

leks:
do u wanna get dinner somewhere
after i finish practice

marinara:
aah
as long as I'm back for stream?
should be fine

leks:
cool

-x-

group chat: maranree
marinara has joined the chat

adrikins:
mari!!!
you're back!!

marinara:
from a riverting day of work
with milkshake on my clothes

ninny:
otp

marinara:
fuck off
not that milkshake
other people order them too

adrikins:
i've been waiting for you!!

marinara:
I'm scared now
why

adrikins:
to show you this!!
(image: plagg staring wide-eyed at the camera)

Alyarr:
aw
he's cute

adrikins:
right!!!

marinara:
my woes have been cleansed
I am pure now
heaven will accept me

adrikins:
!!!

ninny:
what does his meow sound like
is it deep
is it high
is it a squeak?

adrikins:
oh!!!
why don't you come here and find out??
he makes ridiculous sounds

Alyarr:
are you
asking him there to murder him
or is that a legit invite

marinara:
it's adrien
it's legit

ninny:
hell yeah, dude
id be up for that

adrikins:
really!!

ninny:
yeah
we live near right??
sounds good to me

adrikins:
great!!!

Alyarr:
I want to meet plagg
take pictures for me

marinara:
can you get a video
I wanna hear him

adrikins:
I'd invite you all!!!
but you probably wouldn't come

Alyarr:
not visiting for like a month
is the offer open for then

adrikins:
yeah!!!
it can be whenever!!

ninny:
pm me so we can sort this out
mari already knows too much about me

marinara:
I'm watching you
lahiffe

ninny:
see
look at that
i dont even know anything about her
its unfair

adrikins:
you know that she's cute!!
that counts

Alyarr:
cute baby

marinara:
die

adrikins:
for real, alya!!!
you really can come over if you want
my dad won't mind

Alyarr:
is he a nice dad
or what

adrikins:
that's
a good joke!!!

ninny:
understood

marinara:
please give me pictures

ninny:
of his dad?
thats fucked up mari

marinara:
what
no
I meant of plagg

Alyarr:
stop being into older men
it's weird

marinara:
when have I ever been into anyone???

ninny:
milkshake

marinara:
purely your imagination??
fuck off

leks has joined the chat

Alyarr:
look at that
her gay senses were tingling

leks:
wat

marinara:
oh, fuck off
I don't deserve this treatment

ninny:
adrien

adrikins:
nino??

ninny:
did you know these two gays
are friends irl

adrikins:
who???

Alyarr:
juleka and mari
they duped us all

marinara:

adrikins:
really????
wow you must live close by juleka!!

marinara:
you know all these secrets
lahiffe
why are you complaining

ninny:
complaining gives me life
its how i stay alive

Alyarr:
I thought I gave you a reason to live??

ninny:
and a reason to complain
thanks babe

Alyarr:
true love

adrikins:
wait!!!
do you really know each other irl??

leks:
ye
she's just shy

marinara:
fuck off

leks:
look at that

adrikins:
that!!!
is adorable!!!!!!

marinara:
what

adrikins:
no wonder you're so mean!!
to each other!!!!!!
it all makes sense now!!

leks:
adrien
u ok

ninny:
hes found the meaning of life
give him a minute

Alyarr:
you mean another connection to ladybug

adrikins:
ladybug!!!!!!!!

marinara:

yes, I know her
we're friends
no, I'm not telling any of you about her
let's leave it at that

adrikins:
you know her!!!!!!!!!!

leks:
intimately
if u get me

marinara:
juleka!!!!!

ninny:
im choking

leks:
real intimate

adrikins:
!!!!!
but
she's a baby??????

Alyarr:
a baby who can't be shipped with milkshake any more
slutty baby

marinara:
I
was never with milkshake
can you not

ninny:
sluttiest baby

leks:
a loose woman

adrikins:
mari!!!!!!
you're so blessed!!

marinara:
stop

adrikins:
you're cute!!!!!
and so nice!!!!!
and you know so many cool people!!

Alyarr:
look at that
someone's complimenting you juleka
isn't that rare

leks:
he just wants me to meet his cat
no adrien
i will not

adrikins:
you'll love him one day!!!

leks:
ill love him from afar

ninny:
tragically romantic
now please tell me more

Alyarr:
of mari's love life?
yes please
do grace us with that knowledge

marinara:
there is none
I am dating no one

leks:
they share a sofa
when everyone's together

adrikins:
cute!!!!
i don't know who's luckier
mari or ladybug!!!

marinara:
she's telling lies???

Alyarr:
mari
you're not trusted to tell us anything about yourself
we get our info elsewhere

ninny:
from adrien and juleka
our trusted sources

marinara:
no???

leks:
they're together a lot
one on one
if u know what i mean

marinara:
no!!!

ninny:
my third eye is opening
im understanding the universe

adrikins:
mari!!!!!

leks:
that's why mari is so good
at game

Alyarr:
is that my third eye
or is it a headache from all this info
idk I'm not used to learning anything about her
it's overwhelming

adrikins:
so!!!
ladybug taught mari??
and mari taught me???????

leks:
ye

adrikins:
therefore!!!!
i am partly ladybug's protégé!!!!!!!

marinara:

what
u can put an accent on that but not chloé??

leks:
don't shame him
he's having an awakening

adrikins:
that's?? so????? cool??????????
mari how did you meet!!!!

Alyarr:
you're asking the wrong person
direct it at juleka instead

leks:
idk
friends since they were little
practically shared a womb

marinara:
no???

ninny:
but you didnt tell me to stop talking shit
about your friend

Alyarr:
she did
you just didn't listen

ninny:
true

marinara:

-x-

private chat: leks and marinara

marinara:
as much as I hate you for yesterday
chloé came in today

leks:
o
ye?
i'm on my break so u have like five mins

marinara:
that's fine
she's not gonna tell adrien
I think

leks:
wat
how did u get her to agree to that

marinara:
I didn't?
she kinda apologised?
didn't outright say sorry
but it was implied??

leks:
why

marinara:
because she came in to ask
if I wanted to meet up again
because I wasn't replying to her

leks:
ok
what u say

marinara:
I asked if she just wanted to post pictures online

leks:
not like you to be so blunt

marinara:
I was annoyed
let me live
anyway
she said no???

leks:
no?

marinara:
said that she wouldn't post about it
if we spent time together

leks:
not seeing the apology here

marinara:
idk
she said she understood
since some people recognise her in person

leks:
her tiny following

marinara:
almost a million
it's not tiny

leks:
tiny

marinara:
I want to believe her??
she wasn't that bad
other than pissing me off at the end

leks:
idk
go for it
i guess

marinara:
she's adrien's best friend
it's a bit weird

leks:
you're the one being weird about this
they'd be ur friends irl too

marinara:
yeah let's
not find out

leks:
fuck off

Chapter Text

Miraculous: Tales of Ladybug & Chat Noir © Thomas Astruc

private chat: adrikins and marinara

marinara:
sorry for being so off last week
I was just worried about irl stuff

adrikins:
secret things i can't know??

marinara:
aah, yeah
I guess
sorry

adrikins:
it's okay!!
i forgive you

marinara:
I wasn't really asking for forgiveness

adrikins:
i forgive!!
as long you're happy
that's all that matters to me!!

marinara:
I can see why people flirt with you
when you're this nice

adrikins:
is this you complimenting my face again

marinara:
no

adrikins:
no???
i'm offended

marinara:
no to your ego
stop that

adrikins:
but mari!!!
i was in another photo with chloe today
she's gonna post it tomorrow

marinara:
and why are you telling me this

adrikins:
it's
something you and juleka will want to see!!!!

marinara:
...why

adrikins:
you'll see!!!!

marinara:
I'm terrified

adrikins:
fear me!!

marinara:
just a little

adrikins:
that's enough
are you okay now??

marinara:
I'm fine, I promise
had a few stressful days
then I was sad about stupid shit

adrikins:
it's not stupid if it upsets you!!

marinara:
it was dumb
I'm over it now
I think

adrikins:
are you sure??

marinara:
aah
maybe?

adrikins:
you can sit on my lap
and tell me your problems!!

marinara:
make it less sexual
and I'll think about it

adrikins:
a blanket on my lap first!!

marinara:
it's august

adrikins:
a thin blanket!!

marinara:
good plan
I don't know how to say this
without sounding really sad?

adrikins:
don't be sad!!!

marinara:
not that kinda sad
well, maybe
both work well

adrikins:
what do you mean??
you deserve the world
not sadness!!

marinara:
you say the sweetest things
but you sound ten

adrikins:
you mean pure and innocent!!

marinara:
yes

adrikins:
it's to keep you that way!!

marinara:

moving on

adrikins:
i refuse to see you as anything else!!

marinara:
you're just begging me to tell you my kinks
which I'm not going to do
we're not that close

adrikins:
are you saying we're not close??
i'm so offended
how could you mari

marinara:
you're not
guilting me into my kinks
that's definitely not one of them

adrikins:
worth a try!!
do you want to know mine??

marinara:
no!!!!!!
you can only share yours when I give mine
so it's fair

adrikins:
i'll await the day

marinara:
don't hold your breath

adrikins:
so you're not into choking??

marinara:
you're lethal

adrikins:
just trying to cheer you up!!
now tell me about your sadness
i demand it

marinara:
I'd really rather not

adrikins:
no!!
you promised!!!!

marinara:
I didn't promise
but fine
I don't
really have that many friends?

adrikins:
me neither!!!

marinara:
that's ridiculous
you're amazing

adrikins:
so are you!!!
please tell me more
not because i like your sadness
or anything
but i want you to vent!!

marinara:
mmm, I'll try
you already know that I know juleka
and luka because of that

adrikins:
and ladybug!!!

marinara:
yeah
other than that, I don't really see anyone?
I didn't continue with school
and I lost contact with anyone else I used to go to school with
there's no one from work that could be classed as a friend

adrikins:
friends fall out of contact sometimes!!
it happens all the time
you could try and reach out to some
if you wanted to??
not that you have to
but it might be good

marinara:
idk
it's awkward trying to reconnect
and I barely leave my home as it is?
just for work
sometimes to go to juleka's

adrikins:
do you not enjoy it???

marinara:
idk
it's effort to do anything
I can focus on work
but when I have free time
I just like
shrivel up and want to die
that's a good way to explain it

adrikins:
you have us to talk to on here!!
if it's ever too much to talk to everyone on the group chat
you can always just message me??
if you want to
i'd entertain you at any time
if i can!!

marinara:
I wouldn't want to bother you
idk
it's overwhelming sometimes
but I like that it's only
online

adrikins:
what do you mean with that??

marinara:
aah
as nice as you guys are
really, you are
I'd just feel pressured if we ever met up?
to try and get you all to like me again
probably better to stay like this

adrikins:
mari!!!
how could we ever not like you
you're so sweet??
and nice and supportive
you've helped me out so much!!!!!
it's like the highlight of my day talking to you!!

marinara:
I only helped you with the game??

adrikins:
and all the talks!!!
i will not have you putting yourself down
you're the best person i know
even if it only is online

marinara:
exaggeration

adrikins:
you're my best online friend!!!
and i won't let you say otherwise!!!!!!

marinara:
don't tell nath
but you might be mine

adrikins:
he's busy crying!!!!!

marinara:
honestly me

-x-

group chat: maranree
marinara has joined the chat

leks:
there
she's here now

marinara:
what

adrikins:
mari!!!!

ninny:
hi mari
fancy seeing you here

marinara:
...what

leks:
say it
we're busy

Alyarr:
you just want to leave us

leks:
nath left u ten minutes ago
i want to be him

ninny:
said no one ever

marinara:
I'd like to be nath
I think it would be pretty fun

Alyarr:
said no one ever

marinara:
good friend

leks:
the best
now get on with it

adrikins:
mari!!!!!
i know you're with your friends right now!!

leks:
me

Alyarr:
yes
that's why we asked you to get her online
which is still hard to get used to

marinara:
yes??

adrikins:
please tell ladybug to look at chloe's pics!!!
i know she doesn't follow her
which chloe is very upset about!!!!
but there's something there!!

marinara:
oh
is this what you meant
when you said you were gonna post something with her?

adrikins:
that was last week!!!!

leks:
i told him the actual date
ur welcome

adrikins:
you're the best!!!

marinara:
oh
is it a birthday present for her?

adrikins:
yes!!!!!

ninny:
adrien out here living the dream
blackmailing friends into talking to his idol for him

marinara:
how is it blackmail

Alyarr:
he's cute
would you really deny him?

leks:
is that everything
because we have a time limit

ninny:
are the streamers still
doing their thing

Alyarr:
I'm sensing less hostility

ninny:
im not that bad

leks:
ye
they're steaming together in like
two hours for ladybug's birthday
we gotta have dinner first

adrikins:
ok ok!!!!!
sorry for keeping you from it
have a good night!!!

ninny:
enjoy
while we wallow and wait for adrien to spam us about the stream

Alyarr:
have fun!!

leks:
i'll sneak in there nino
and hold up a sign calling u lame

ninny:
just lame?
thats not an insult

adrikins:
and mari!!!!

leks:
should it just say ninny

marinara:
yeah?

adrikins:
have fun, ok!!!
you deserve some fun!!

ninny:
how about you fuck off
wait
is adrien telling mari to get laid
or what

leks:
o

marinara:

adrikins:
no no!!!
i was not!!!!!!
but if that's fun for you then do that
there's no shaming here!!

Alyarr:
you literally call her a baby

adrikins:
she's my baby

marinara:
still not calling you daddy
and I'm not having sex??????
stop being so invested in my love life

leks:
they're taking it slow

adrikins:
just have fun!!!!!
no matter what you do!!
i will support you
like a good father!!!

marinara:
adrien
no

ninny:
adrien yes
go get some mari

marinara:
no???

Alyarr:
live your dreams
tap that streamer
nino's shipping it

marinara:
no??????

leks:
ur making ladybug wait
that's rude mari

marinara:

bye

Alyarr:
get it!!!!!!!!

-x-

private chat: adrikins and marinara

marinara:
I know it's late
but I just wanted to tell you that
ladybug
really liked that picture
she thought it was cute that you were wearing her merch t-shirt
don't kill yourself because of that
please live on

-x-

group chat: nath but naff
marinara has joined the chat

marinara:
are you bullying him already??
he's only come back to us for like
three days
what are you doing

ninny:
making up for lost time?
hes a giant and deserves everything

Thani:
Do you still want to hear that song I was talking about, Nino?

ninny:
yeah
hit me up

marinara:
stop having three way calls
it's supposed to be a relationship with just him and alya

Thani:
You heard her, Nino.

marinara:
wrong

ninny:
i cant help it
theres something about him that makes me go wild

marinara:
that's the worst thing I've ever heard

Thani:
Be thankful you're not actually listening to him.

ninny:
says you???
you always come and talk to me
when im on call with alya

Thani:
Maybe Alya texts me an SOS message.
It appears whenever you're on webcam together.

ninny:
admit it
you wanna be included

Thani:
I really don't.
It's bad timing, I assure you.
Besides, Alya's always the one telling me to sit down and join in.

marinara:
I'm getting a lot of information right now
and all of it is very
unsettling
what has happened to you

Thani:
Terrible, terrible things.

ninny:
nath saw me shirtless once

marinara:
yeah?
and why were you shirtless???

ninny:
no
no
lets focus on him

Thani:
Alya thought it would be a good idea to get him to strip.
I was in her kitchen.

marinara:
tell me more

Thani:
Her room's the one beside the kitchen.

ninny:
i didnt completely strip
so i have that going for me

Thani:
I could hear them talking through the walls at time.
They're pretty thin.

marinara:
sounds good
so why did you go in

Thani:
I said at times.
I didn't know he'd be shirtless.

ninny:
can we move on
im getting embarrassed again
and i thought that was impossible

marinara:
we thought you dating alya was impossible
and now look at you?
stripping on cam together

Thani:
Alya didn't strip at all, thankfully.

ninny:
because you walked in!!!!

Thani:
I was there before you?

marinara:
burn

Thani:
We were supposed to go out before you text her.
She even told you that.

ninny:
she said she wasnt busy!!!

Thani:
Because we had a few minutes before we left.
We ended up missing ten minutes of the film.

ninny:
id say sorry but we both know it wouldnt be sincere
so
i wont do it next time

marinara:
don't do alya over the internet
especially not while nath's there
that's the moral of this story

ninny:
the moral is that nath is fucking tall
so fucking tall

marinara:
does he make you feel
small

ninny:
feeling small is my life

marinara:
preach

ninny:
but im usually tall
lets find out next week whether adriens taller than me too
thatll be fun

marinara:
you really are meeting up??

ninny:
yeah
finally got some time off work
so we're both free that day

marinara:
what are you even planning to do?

Thani:
Slowly, we're all going to meet up, it seems.
Are to you ready to stop hiding, Marinette?

marinara:
no
let me be

Thani:
Juleka knows you.

marinara:
juleka knew me before I had breasts
there's a difference

Thani:
I knew you before I knew you had breasts.

marinara:
are you
saying you thought I was a guy?

Thani:
Not sure, really. I didn't think about it much.

marinara:
I introduced myself as mari???

ninny:
names can be unisex
get with the times mari

marinara:
no???

Thani:
No wonder you don't want to meet us.
You're so insensitive.

marinara:
?????

ninny:
shame on you
shame on your... idk
what do you like
other than adrien

marinara:
juleka
shame her
or her brother

ninny:
shame on your milkshake

marinara:
oh, fuck off
let it die

ninny:
my otp will go on strong
itll come back with a vengeance

Thani:
What are you two actually planning to do?
You and Adrien, I mean, Nino.
Not you, Mari.
I don't want to know what you get up to with him.

marinara:
we watched a horror film last night
plagg got spooked by a jumpscare

ninny:
nice
idk i think well just be at his house??
not really planned anything
just hanging out

marinara:
tell us if he's a baby irl

ninny:
youre the baby??
but yeah
i got you

marinara:
best of luck to you
don't die if he turns out to be a murderer

ninny:
ive seen his nipple
i trust him

-x-

group chat: nath but naff
marinara has joined the chat

marinara:
hello!!!!!!!!!!

adrikins:
you're excitable!!
mari hello!!

marinara:
ye

Alyarr:
hey
what are you doing on

thought you were busy tonight

marinara:
i am
i'm on a date

Thani:
No, you're not.

marinara:
why not

adrikins:
mari!!!!
how could you keep this from us??

Thani:
Because you told me what you were doing last night.

marinara:
forget that
naffaniel

Alyarr:
oh my

Thani:
And that's not Mari.

marinara:
what
i am

Thani:
Mari doesn't find that nickname funny.

Alyarr:
no one finds anything to do with you funny

ninny:
babe
so cruel
his face is a bit funny

Thani:
Feeling the love.

adrikins:
leave nath alone!!!

marinara:
fine
u win
i'll give the phone back

adrikins:
oh???

Alyarr:
huh
you were actually right

Thani:
That wasn't Marinette's typing.

ninny:
honestly blanked over the ye
its fucking weird

marinara:
let's just say juleka is fucking weird
hello!!
I said she could be me until you guys guessed
I'm actually shocked???

adrikins:
marinette!!!!!!
are you two together right now??
wait
of course you are
are you having fun!!!

marinara:
ahh, yeah
everyone's here

ninny:
does everyone include your crush

marinara:
first of all
fuck you

adrikins:
so sassy!!

marinara:
just for you
xo
luka's here

Alyarr:
ooo
does that mean ladybug too

marinara:
yeah
she's here

adrikins:
cool!!!
you're having fun right?

ninny:
is there a reason why you're on here with us tho
are you okay
you always ignore us when youre with friends??

marinara:
but now you know my friends??
idk they're having an argument
well
not argument?
heated words
enthusiastic!!

Alyarr:
and you're
typing to us in a corner????

marinara:
sipping at my drink
watching the show

ninny:
nice
thanks for blessing us with your presence

marinara:
gonna ignore the sarcasm in that one
anyway
do you guys wanna know something!!!

Alyarr:
what??

adrikins:
sure!!

Thani:
I'm just going to say yes to blend in.
Aren't you supposed to be out for dinner?

marinara:
we ended up going for drinks instead
so I'm still hungry
sad

adrikins:
give us the info!!!

marinara:
okay, okay
wait
I'm shy

ninny:
is it time for your first selfie

marinara:
no

Alyarr:
aw

marinara:
I'm ladybug

Alyarr:
no you're not
nice joke

adrikins:
hello ladybug!!!!!!
it's nice to meet you but
please give mari her phone back!!!

ninny:
oh
that is actually possible?

Alyarr:
bullshit

Thani:
Either that or Juleka's gotten better at pretending to be Mari.
There hasn't been a ye yet.

marinara:
but I'm ladybug

ninny:
sorry for talking shit about you
but can we have mari back
we like her

Alyarr:
nino
that's literally you saying you dislike her

ninny:
oh
no, youre okay ladybug
but i just like mari more

Thani:
Almost a confession from you.

adrikins:
mari come back!!!!

leks has joined the chat

leks:
nice
(image: ladybug staring down at a phone screen)

adrikins:
give us marinette!!!!!!!

leks:
mari
has made the decision to drink some more
because you all rejected ladybug

Alyarr:
we didn't reject her
she hasn't been formally invited
you can't just push famous friends in here
they have to beat nino to earn their place

leks:
ladybug is very hurt
how could u

Thani:
I highly doubt that.

leks:
mari needs support
how else can she date ladybug

Alyarr:
ladybug can come on her own account
no imposters allowed
ps please say hi for me
I'm a fan

marinara:
you're
the worst

adrikins:
is that mari yet!!!!!

marinara:
yeah
I'm mari
not ladybug

adrikins:
i missed you!!!
are you staying out for long
or do you want to reschedule our plans??

marinara:
aaah
I think I might be a few hours more?
you can go to bed
we can do it tomorrow instead

ninny:
dont ditch your date for adrien
ill take care of him for you

adrikins:
!!!

marinara:
I was right
you'd be a great father

ninny:
you cant have him tomorrow
im stealing him for the day

adrikins:
bro!!!!

marinara:
I'm leaving

-x-

private chat: ninny and marinara

ninny:
morning
youre up for work right

marinara:
yeah
what's up

ninny:
not hungover?

marinara:
not really
why

ninny:
im meeting up with adrien in like
an hour if you want to come

marinara:
no thanks
I'll stay on the internet

ninny:
worth a try
would juleka say no if i asked her

marinara:
probably
she's using the excuse that
she'll only go if I do now
so good luck with that??

ninny:
awful

marinara:
let me stay faceless

ninny:
so
i wanted to apologise

marinara:
???
you apologised last night

ninny:
not really to you
i was a dick, yeah
so sorry about that

marinara:
dude
it's fine
I know what you're like

ninny:
still
if you said youre friends with ladybug
i wouldnt have been such a shit

marinara:
nino
if I thought you were really serious
I would've told you to fuck off

ninny:
o
thats good then

marinara:
you're cool
it's fine

ninny:
so if you want to get together with her
you dont have to keep it a secret
i wont be a jerk about it

marinara:

are you kidding me

ninny:
lowkey shipping it

marinara:
why

ninny:
juleka sent us some juicy pics
its growing on me

marinara:
I hate everyone

ninny:
stop hating on our support

marinara:
I literally said I was ladybug last night
and no one believed me

ninny:
what i said i was popular online
out of nowhere
youd never believe me

marinara:
glad you've got that faith in yourself

ninny:
jerk

marinara:
says you??
you'll never believe me when I tell the truth now

ninny:
drunk mari can never be trusted
remember what happened with nath

marinara:
I wasn't that drunk
you saw how coherent I was typing

ninny:
autocorrect

marinara:

why

ninny:
idk seems like you
anyway
sure you dont want to meet adrien??
you could just come for the kitten
hes cute

marinara:
no

ninny:
adrien will be heartbroken

marinara:
oh, I'm sorry
my heart's taken by ladybug

ninny:
sarcasm isn't appreciated

Chapter Text

Miraculous: Tales of Ladybug & Chat Noir © Thomas Astruc

private chat: Thani and marinara

Thani:
So.

marinara:
so

Thani:
I got a strange commission earlier.

marinara:
that's a bit rude
you know that it's me right

Thani:
Yes, I gathered that.
Thank you.

marinara:
no problem
get that sweet money

Thani:
But still.
You paying me to make emotes for Ladybug?
I never saw it coming.

marinara:
no one did to be fair

Thani:
I'm still not used to you being friends with Ladybug.

marinara:
I'm not used to having friends at all
isn't that weird

Thani:
What am I?
Invisible?

marinara:
neglectful and absent
you'd be a good parent

Thani:
I was busy, but I'm online more now.
Just not interested in playing.

marinara:
how dare???
no, really
it's fine, nath
talking to you is just fine

Thani:
It sure sounds like you missed me.

marinara:
of course
who else keeps me company
well, adrien
but he's not very sane
he gets a bit weird when he's tired

Thani:
And that sounds terrifying.
I'll stick to only messaging you at night, thank you.

marinara:
am I not weird at night

Thani:
You're weird all the time.

marinara:
clearly in a good way
otherwise why would you have fancied me
am I right

Thani:
Can we forget about that?
It's been months.
I just thought you were cute.

marinara:
you're cute
in a brother kind of way
wouldn't want to bang you

Thani:
I didn't want to bang you!

marinara:
what a lie

Thani:
Your confidence astounds me.

marinara:
same
but only when it doesn't matter
other things cause my self-confidence to plummet

Thani:
I did want to hold your hand, but that was it.
Take that how you will.

marinara:
cutely
idk
do you think it would even work online?
not between us!!!!
I mean in general

Thani:
If you're committed, sure.
I don't see any reason why it wouldn't.

marinara:
I
I don't really see how it would?
I get too nervous even thinking about meeting you guys normally
how would I get a relationship from that

Thani:
Try and get a friendship first, of course.
Mari, it is nice talking to you.
But I'd love to put a face to your name.

marinara:
ahh
let's not

Thani:
Would this help?
(image: male with shoulder-length red hair smiling)

marinara:
????
no!!

Thani:
Adrien's only told you before, right?
I could show you everyone else, if it'll make you feel better.

marinara:
why would this ever
make me feel better

Thani:
Well.
You're worried about meeting us, right?

marinara:
yes???

Thani:
You can run away if you ever see me.
I won't be offended.

marinara:
I can't believe you
what

Thani:
Mari, you do know that I really consider you a friend, right?
I understand that you're very private.
But if you'd ever like to open up, I want you to know you can trust me.
Not to show Alya your picture, that is.
I'm not trying to pressure you or anything.
I just feel weird that I barely know anything about you.

marinara:
you know quite a lot??
it's not like I'm
idk some fake identity
I've told you guys some things
but they weren't believed
so I don't know whether to do that again or not

Thani:
Well, if you ever do, I'm here.

marinara:
you're nice
why are you so nice

Thani:
I was brought up right?

marinara:
okay, bit rude
stuck up boy

Thani:
You're also nice.

marinara:
too late
I know I'm not
you've nailed my coffin shut

Thani:
Please stop talking about dying so much.

marinara:
it's my life
sorry

-x-

group chat: nath but naff
marinara has joined the chat

marinara:
hey

ninny:
(image: plagg licking his paw)

marinara:
stop????

Alyarr:
yeah not happening
he's stuck

ninny:
(image: plagg with his tongue sticking out)

marinara:
how are we supposed to talk
if you refuse to actually type

ninny:
(image: plagg's face with the text hello above)

Alyarr:

I hate that I laughed

marinara:
is this supposed to be an upgrade
whatever
I'll take it

Alyarr:
honestly
he's only doing this because you got annoyed yesterday

marinara:
he wouldn't stop????

Alyarr:
he won't stop now
he knows your hatred for plagg

marinara:
I don't hate plagg
how dare you??

ninny:
(image: plagg with eyes closed with the text what's up above)

marinara:
you're horribly behind when you do this
hello, nino
I'm glad you had fun with adrien before
but that was three days ago
can you fuck off

Alyarr:
he really won't
they're meeting up again at the weekend

marinara:
why

Alyarr:
that's what friends do when they live nearby mari
can you believe it

marinara:
okay
bit rude

Alyarr:
it's okay
we don't live near each other

marinara:
yeah, but I live near nino

Alyarr:
oh right
that's a thing
I always forget you're a real person

marinara:
????

Alyarr:
I feel like you're a bot sometimes
tell me more mari
I wish to know

marinara:
I hate you

Alyarr:
I knew that already

ninny:
(image: plagg stretched out with the text fuck you above)

marinara:
I also hate him
is that enough

Alyarr:
fair

marinara:
I commissioned nath earlier

Alyarr:
yeah!!!
he's really excited about that
real sweet of you

marinara:
his emotes are cute
I've always liked the ones he did for luka
I just didn't know it was him

Alyarr:
thanks for caring about checking out the artists
you monster

marinara:
my bad!!

Alyarr:
you should be ashamed

marinara:
I am
terribly
how can you ever forgive me

Alyarr:
mmm
tough question

marinara:
please
I can't continue this life of sin

Alyarr:
I don't have all the answers to life
but

ninny:
(image: plagg asleep with the text i hate you too mari above)

marinara:
I didn't log in for this
abuse

Alyarr:
is it really abuse when plagg is so cute
he's our mascot now

marinara:
is this how nino's going to lure new people in
with a cute cat???

Alyarr:
well
that or adrien's nipple
he's a good incentive to join

marinara:
poor boy
he doesn't deserve to be known for such a thing

Alyarr:
anyone that joins after him
will be told about the nipslip

marinara:
and then how nath walked in on nino topless??

Alyarr:
yes
what a good story

marinara:
I think I liked it better when you weren't together

Alyarr:
don't even get me started about the pining
I wanted to die

marinara:
idk
never really experienced it much

Alyarr:
what
because ladybug actually likes you back???
fuck off

marinara:
what

Alyarr:
don't shove your accomplishments
in my face mari!!!!!

marinara:

you know what
yes, I am madly in love with ladybug
we're dating
she's amazing

Alyarr:
!!!!!
don't you dare say joke!!
I'm not even kidding I am close to crying
we ship it

marinara:
we're everyone's otp
amazing
best couple
wow couple goals

Alyarr:
anyone that says they're couple goals is lying
I'm doubting everything now
don't do this to me

marinara:
I love her
and she loves me
it's a good system
all the love
wow

Alyarr:
don't you dare say joke!!!!!!

marinara:
ask juleka how much I love ladybug
so much
she's the best part of my life

Alyarr:
oh my god??????

marinara:
so much

ninny:
(image: plagg sleeping with the text omg above)

marinara:
does this not warrant
you actually typing
like wow I'm telling you so much about myself
and how I love ladybug
so much
I put your relationship to shame
you're both idiots

Alyarr:
bit aggressive but ok

ninny:
!!!!

marinara:
that'll do

ninny:
is this why
you didnt want to date milkshake!!!!

marinara:
milkshake was never an option
we've moved on

Alyarr:
my heart has moved on but I remember it
vividly
the ship was real

marinara:
stop

ninny:
when did you get together???
please tell us
dont leave me waiting
im so sorry for being mean to her
ill apologise if you want

marinara:
you already apologised
it's fine
idk it feels like we've been together
all my life
it's that natural
you know?

ninny:
not really
ive only known alya two years

Alyarr:
listen
you told me you've been crushing on me for two years
isn't that a lifetime

ninny:
a bit
had a heartattack whenever you did something cute

Alyarr:
!!!
nino are you flirting with me

ninny:
babe
always

Alyarr:
wait
wait!!!!
mari!!!!!!!!

marinara:
what
what do you want
you ridiculous couple

Alyarr:
do you want to invite ladybug in here?
we can if you want
unless that's too much for you

marinara:
no thanks
she's already in my heart

ninny:
tone it down a bit

marinara:
no
she's a part of me

Alyarr:
you're so corny??
why didn't we know this

marinara:
it took me so long to realise
how dumb you both are
so that's why I guess

ninny:
so aggressive
what did we do mari

marinara:
I'm grumpy
I'm gonna go nap

Alyarr:
think of your true love!!!

marinara:
ahhh
yeah

-x-

private chat: leks and marinara

leks:
why am i being asked to check on u
what going on

marinara:
I'm
dating ladybug
did you know that
I can't possibly be ladybug when they're too different people
without telling them everything

leks:
so do it

marinara:
but then they'll treat me differently????
nino might not be as bad
but adrien like
idolises me?

leks:
mari
ur a fucking idiot
get over it

marinara:
people are stupid when they're in love

leks:
ur not in love with urself

marinara:
that's rude

leks:
ur great
maybe just tell one of them
see how they take it
whatever

marinara:
hello I've been lying to you
they didn't believe me last time
why would they now

leks:
mari
u didn't even try last time
fuck off

marinara:
I don't like your comforting
you're terrible at this

leks:
i'm like
a voice of reason
because ur ridiculous

marinara:
I take offence to this

leks:
good

marinara:
no but
they literally think ladybug is another person
showing a picture will do nothing
holding up a piece of paper
saying hello I'm marinette
will do nothing

leks:
idk
don't look at me

marinara:
and I'm not going to come out on stream
no thanks
there's a reason I barely post on my personal accounts

leks:
meet them then
hello i'm mari
i love myself

marinara:
I hate that idea

leks:
u met one already

marinara:

are you telling me to go into nino's work

leks:
u were most scared of him right

marinara:
I wouldn't say scared
but yes??
that was before adrien
I really like him
he's either going to be happy or really
disappointed

leks:
then stop digging this hole
it's fun but it's making it worse

marinara:
you started it???

leks:
i never said i was smart
idk just be honest
see what happens

marinara:
I hate this idea

leks:
sue me
it'll just be a bit awkward
then they'll get over it
all good
all fine
no more being weirdly into urself

marinara:
you started this???????

leks:
u already said that
so what

marinara:
I just gave up and played along
and now you're shaming me for it

leks:
i shame u for everything
it's what friends do

marinara:
why are we friends

leks:
idk
you ditched me for my brother anyway
why am i even here

marinara:
no
you don't get to have the crisis
it's my time

leks:
it's my time
my classes start again next week

marinara:
same for everyone else right
I think?

leks:
lonely mari

marinara:
it's okay
I still have your brother

leks:
gross
anyway are u still coming over

marinara:
yeah
be there soon

-x-

private chat: ninny and marinara

marinara:
hello, friend

ninny:
what do you want
this is too weird

marinara:
what

ninny:
talking to me here
its scaring me, mari

marinara:
I regret starting this

ninny:
i regret inviting you
whats up

marinara:
when are you working

ninny:
forever

marinara:
I mean
your shift

ninny:
are you trying to stalk me
because i have to tell you
i have a girlfriend who i love very much

marinara:
tell me
nerd

ninny:
rude
in like
two days
why

marinara:
okay thanks

ninny:
i said why

marinara:
okay thanks

ninny:
mari are you coming to see me!!!!

marinara:
okay thanks

ninny:
im gonna be on lookout
ready to see anyone
who looks like a marinette

marinara:
okay thanks

ninny:
(image: plagg stretched out with the text fuck you above)

marinara:
...
why do you still have that

ninny:
they make me happy

marinara:
shocking

-x-

group chat: nath but naff
marinara has joined the chat

marinara:
milkshake
ordered not a milkshake today

adrikins:
no!!!!

marinara:
yes
absolute blasphemy

adrikins:
no!!!!!!!!
but that's her namesake
she can't ditch that!!

marinara:
she did
because she's on a diet
and we didn't have skinny milk

adrikins:
poor milkshake!!!
denied the only thing that makes her happy

marinara:
I'm sure something makes her happy
other than critiquing my outfit

adrikins:
did she do that again??

marinara:
no
she said it was passable today
I am blessed

adrikins:
sounds like you're friends??

marinara:
not really
but not not??
if that makes sense
we're talking now when she comes in
and since it was a slow day
she stayed at the counter to talk to me

adrikins:
character development!!!!

marinara:
she's not such a heinous bitch after all

adrikins:
that's a real compliment from you!!

marinara:
do you wanna hear
a real compliment

adrikins:
yes!!
hit me with it
gently!!!!
i'm not into abuse

marinara:
it's okay
I'm soft for you anyway

adrikins:
marinette!!!!
are you flirting with me??

marinara:
no
I'm complimenting you

adrikins:
o
i'm soft for you too!!!

marinara:
sweet

adrikins:
i think you are!!

marinara:
coming from you?????

adrikins:
i heard that song you hate on the radio today
and i thought about you!!
it cheered me up

marinara:
why were you sad
I'm going to cry
cry from you thinking about me
and you being sad
all the cry

adrikins:
no no no!!!!!
I was just a bit
upset that my classmates didn't invite me out with them?
they posted pictures of them all meeting up
before we have classes again??

marinara:
they didn't message you at all??

adrikins:
no!!

marinara:
I'll murder them

adrikins:
no no!!!
i need you out of jail so i can spend time with you!
it's okay
i just waited for you to be home!!

marinara:
you're cuter than adrien the puppy

adrikins:
good!!!
you can't replace me with a puppy mari
i'll cry

marinara:
I'd never

adrikins:
promise?????

ninny:
like
why do i come back to you two being gross
whats up with that

marinara:
hello, nino
nice to see you
how are you doing

ninny:
(image: plagg stretched out with the text fuck you above)

marinara:

adrikins:
cute!!!
he was a brat this morning
that picture makes him look like an angel!!

ninny:
he is an angel
so pure
so loud

adrikins:
yes!!!

marinara:
your bonding is the worst thing to ever happen

ninny:
don't be jealous

adrikins:
i still like you lots mari!!!!!
the most here!!

ninny:
bit rude
dont be so open with your hate for alya

adrikins:
what
no!!!
i like alya!!!!

ninny:
no no
shes surely crying with naff right now

marinara:
aren't they just afk

ninny:
crying
yes

adrikins:
no!!!!!!

marinara:
terrible

adrikins:

it's not like that!!!

ninny:
the worst
anyway
hey dudes

marinara:
hello, nino

adrikins:
hi!!!

marinara:
what's up

ninny:
im meeting up with adrien again
are you jealous yet

marinara:
I'm not coming

adrikins:
mari!!!!

marinara:
someday
not today
enjoy yourselves

ninny:
bring ladybug along with you

adrikins:
bring alya
then it's a doubledate!!!

marinara:
and what
you're just not there???

adrikins:
triple date
i'm dating myself!!

marinara:
that sounds fun
sure wish I could date myself

adrikins:
i'd recommend it!!!

ninny:
dude
are you recommending dating you

adrikins:
oh
i guess it sounds like that???

marinara:
powerful

adrikins:
i can promise i'm a good person

marinara:
and you have a good cat
a lot of plus points there

ninny:
i can confirm that
id take you for plagg

marinara:
same

adrikins:
date me for me!!!!!

marinara:
are you asking me out

adrikins:
are you gonna look past plagg????

marinara:
I can do that

ninny:
stop
this flirting isnt allowed

marinara:
is it really flirting when you're here

ninny:
youre probably just as gross in private
i dont want to know
dude already wont shut up about you

marinara:
excuse me???

adrikins:
nino!!!!

ninny:
i
what

marinara:
what

ninny has left the chat

marinara:
what???

adrikins:
ignore him!!!
he's dumb!!

marinara:
I mean
when isn't he

adrikins:
rude, mari!!!!

marinara:
rude but true
anyway
do you wanna play?

adrikins:
hell yeah!!!
i'd do anything with you right now!!!!!

marinara:
only right now?
I'm offended

adrikins:
any time!!!!!!!!

marinara:
same
for you
not for me

adrikins:
!!!
then get online!!!

-x-

private chat: ninny and marinara

marinara:
you're working today right

ninny:
this stalking is getting out of control
do you want my whole life schedule
is that when you want from me
marinette from paris

marinara:
what time

ninny:
im there now
are you coming in
its empty
im excited

marinara:
have an open mind

ninny:
is that a yes!!!!!!
wait
youre not a dude are you
like
thats cool
but also not cool at the same time

marinara:
I'm not a boy

ninny:
mmm
im sure

marinara:
(image: plagg stretched out with the text fuck you above)

ninny:
fucking stolen????

marinara:
xo

ninny:
wait
do u need directions or something
???
hello

Chapter Text

Miraculous: Tales of Ladybug & Chat Noir © Thomas Astruc

group chat: ive seen the light
marinara has joined the chat

 

marinara:
do I want to know about the name change?

adrikins:
mari!!!!
the apocalypse has happened

Alyarr:
that's one way to describe it

marinara:
what

ninny:
god gave me a sign

Alyarr:
it wasn't a sign honey
you just got your head out of your ass

ninny:
a true sign

adrikins:
where have you been all day??
we've missed you

marinara:
busy
had dinner out

Alyarr:
so did nino
but I think his story is more interesting than yours

marinara:
you haven't even asked for me story???

Alyarr:
I doubt yours includes ladybug

marinara:

ninny:
ladybugs my bro
ok

marinara:
ok

adrikins:
why!!!!

ninny:
we are pals now
her number is in my phone

marinara:
and why
are you telling me this

ninny:
because you were there
what the heck

marinara:
don't heck me

adrikins:
!!!!!
mari??

ninny:
it wasnt a date babe, i swear
i was the third wheel

Alyarr:
I
didn't think you were on a date in the first place??

ninny:
oh
just gotta make sure then
yes

adrikins:
what???????

ninny:
mari was on a date with ladybug
and they asked me to join

marinara has left the chat

 -x-

private chat: ninny and marinara

ninny:
nooo
come back to us

marinara:
no?????
what the fuck nino????

ninny:
let me have some fun
let me be juleka

marinara:
fun???

ninny:
fun!

marinara:
what do you
just
what

ninny:
youre gonna tell them anyway right

marinara:
that's the plan??

ninny:
then i need to have some fun first
dont restrain me like this
mother

marinara:
I'm not your mother??

ninny:
ill adopt you again

marinara:
you never adopted me in the first place
I didn't sign up for this

ninny:
adrien is losing his mind
youre missing out

marinara:
I want to die

ninny:
oh pls
this is hilarious
i see why you did this

marinara:
nino???

ninny:
what
im not mad
i wasnt lying when i said that

marinara:
but
why

ninny:
white lies right
not like you hurt anyone
???
whats the harm

marinara:
are you fucking with me

ninny:
chill out, my dude
its cool
now im fine with you kicking my ass

marinara:
you're just bad???

ninny:
and youre fucking yourself
glad we had this talk

marinara:
no????
oh my god
pls

ninny:
fine
fingering yourself

marinara:
can you stop thinking about this
you're supposed to be a third wheel

ninny:
im now your greatest shipper
ive moved on in the world

marinara:
I hate you

ninny:
cool
hey can i come meet adrien the dog

marinara:

fine

ninny:
yes!!!!!!!!!

-x-

 private chat: adrikins and marinara

adrikins:
mari!!!

marinara:
what up
I'm at work so slow replies

adrikins:
isn't that every night???

marinara:
just making sure
hi, adrien
how are you doing?

adrikins:
i'm okay!!!
but i'm a bit
jealous??
jealous is definitely the right word here

marinara:
oh
what happened??

adrikins:
you met nino???

marinara:
oh
that

adrikins:
oh!!!
we don't have to talk about it
if you don't want to??
i'm assuming that's why you haven't been in chat all day!!

marinara:
a bit
I didn't think he'd mention it??
idk that's dumb

adrikins:
no no, you're never dumb!!!
i'm just very jealous of him??
idk you're always so secretive
but i'd hoped that you'd meet up with me
someday

marinara:
oh

adrikins:
not that you owe me anything!!
it was just
wishful thinking??

marinara:
I mean
I didn't plan to meet nino?
it kind of just happened and I rolled with it
now we're here

adrikins:
can i ask
why nino??

marinara:
known him the longest here
but I'm
the least close with him, I guess?
so it wouldn't be that bad if he didn't like me

adrikins:
what?????
mari no!!!
you're so sweet??
how could anyone not like you
don't think like that

marinara:
but that really was what I was thinking
at the time
if I met you first
it would've been the opposite??

adrikins:
opposite???

marinara:
as in
ahhh
I like you best here??

adrikins:
!!!
best?????
marinette you're gonna make my heart explode!!

marinara:
calm down, buddy
you know what I mean

adrikins:
i also like you best!!!

marinara:
ok ok
confession time over
but I'll get there eventually
to meet you, okay?
I'm just
gonna work my way up

adrikins:
i can't wait!!!

marinara:
you kind of have to
sorry???

adrikins:
absolutely worth it!!!!
i really really love you mari
i mean
in a platonic way??
don't worry!!!!
i won't crash your dates as a third wheel!!!

marinara:
I'd never make you a third wheel

adrikins:
cool!!!

-x-

group chat: ladybug is god
marinara has joined the chat

marinara:
hello

Thani:
marinette
my love
it's been three days since I've been blessed by your presence
I've been wasting away

adrikins:
i second that

marinara:
hello alya

Thani:
was it that obvious

marinara:
yes

ninny:
told you
need to work on your caps
loser

Thani:
love you too

ninny:
hi mari
long time see

marinara:
literally all of you have talked to me
just not here

ninny:
its not the same if we cant all tease you

adrikins:
we've missed you!!!!
but now you're back
and never leaving!!
right??

marinara:
I might have to leave
to sleep
you know
the usual

adrikins:
no!!!!

marinara:
okay, nerd
I'm here forever
I'll waste away and die

ninny:
you can type and eat
dont lie

marinara:
ye ye
anyway
anyone wanna play?

adrikins:
me!!!

ninny:
pls teach me

marinara:
be nice and I'll think about it

ninny:
i prefer your girlfriend

adrikins:
that's rude!!!

ninny:
ive seen the light now you cant change me

marinara:
no.

ninny:
no what
mari
no??

marinara:
just no.

adrikins:
marinette
i still love you most!!!

marinara:
that's good to know
I won't cry myself to sleep now
thank you

ninny:
stop kissing her ass
shes taken

marinara:
and you'll be taken by death in a minute

ninny:
kinky

adrikins:
can it be violent???

marinara:
just for you??
absolutely

ninny:
this isnt the couple i ship
stop it
you two

adrikins:
ship us as friends

ninny:
thats literally
not a thing

marinara:
it's a thing if we want it to be a thing

adrikins:
yeah!!!

ninny:
now i know why alyas gone silent
mari joining has ruined everything

marinara:
(image: plagg stretched out with the text fuck you above)

ninny:
you need new content????

adrikins:
i'll take more pictures!!!!!
a photoshoot!!!
he got a new collar and it looks very nice on him

marinara:
is it cute

adrikins:
so cute!!!
a little bandanna

marinara:
aw
that is cute

ninny:
ill be the judge of that

adrikins:
you're not suddenly the judge of what's good or not!!!
just because you're friends with ladybug now!!

ninny:
i am the authority
do you have ladybugs number???
no, you dont
listen to me.

group chat: ladybug is god is now group chat: fuck off, nino
marinara has left the chat

-x-

private chat: adrikins and marinara

adrikins:
have you got any plans for halloween??

marinara:
that's in like
three weeks

adrikins:
planning is good!!
do you not
plan anything???
how do you live

marinara:
by bringing an umbrella in my bag
I'm smart

adrikins:
i think you're very smart!!

marinara:
stop kissing my ass, adrien

adrikins:
make me!!!

marinara:
cute

adrikins:
you really don't have any plans??
chloe always has this big party
and makes such a big deal about it!!!

marinara:
oh
yeah, she's mentioned that

adrikins:
what??

marinara:
to
ladybug, I mean

adrikins:
do you know if she's coming???
that would be
so weird??

marinara:
what do you mean?

adrikins:
everyone's like
meeting her and i'm not??
what if i'm cursed and something happens when i finally do
like her not liking me
or something

marinara:
I think that's pretty impossible
you're great??

adrikins:
who's kissing ass now!!!

marinara:
I mean
would you really complain about that

adrikins:
about what??

marinara:
me
kissing your ass????

adrikins:
!!!
you're a taken woman!!
how dare you propose to cheat like this!!!!!!

marinara:

adrikins:
shame on you!!!!
shame on your family!!!!!!!

marinara:
why are you like this

adrikins:
you threatened to kiss my ass

marinara:
I did no such thing

adrikins:
you must be strong!!!
you must stay faithful!!!!

marinara:
who's preaching now
it's certainly not nino

adrikins:
this isn't preaching!!

marinara:
you're dumb

adrikins:
but what's how you like me
right???

marinara:
it would be a bit weird if you were smart
but I think I'd still like you

adrikins:
aw
that's the sweetest thing you've ever said to me!!!

marinara:
...I don't think it is

adrikins:
let me have this!!!!!

marinara:
okay, fine
now tell me about your halloween plans

adrikins:
idk
i need a good costume

marinara:
pretty sure if you went shirtless that would be best

adrikins:
excuse you????

marinara:
what
I'm honest??
and I have eyes
you're welcome

adrikins:
i'm seeing you in a new light!!
and it's terrifying!!!

marinara:
xo

adrikins:
no!!!

marinara:
how big of a party
is it

adrikins:
ahhh
a little big??
idk if you know but her dad
owns a hotel?

marinara:
wait
really?

adrikins:
yeah!!!
that's why she has no job
other than taking pictures

marinara:
I wish I had that life

adrikins:
don't we all???
but he lets her have it there
and she pays the bill for people she likes
so sometimes they just suck up to her??

marinara:
that's a bit rude

adrikins:
right???
so i try and stop that
most of the time
if i can!!!

marinara:
that's nice of you
good she has someone looking out for her

adrikins:
she just calls it friendblocking a lot!!!

marinara:
but you're nice
I'd forgive you

adrikins:
you're sweet!!!

marinara:
no, that's really you
and I'll fight you on that

adrikins:
you can't fight me
you just wanna kiss my ass!!!!

marinara:
maybe I'll kiss something else???

adrikins:
that's even worse!!!!!

marinara:
clearly I've won the fight then???

adrikins:

this was your plan all along!!!!!!!!!!
you tricked me!!

marinara:
it
wasn't really a trick
you're kind of dumb

adrikins:
how dare you???

marinara:
sorry for dating

adrikins:
we're not dating!!!!!!!

marinara:
I
I meant daring
we're definitely not dating????
but at that I'm not dating ladybug

adrikins:
you'll get there!!!!
don't worry marinette
she'd be a fool to reject you!!!

marinara:
thanks

adrikins:
and if it doesn't work out
i'll get chloe to punch her!!!!!

marinara:
you really
don't need to do that

adrikins:
it's not like i can???
i'd get arrested!!!
you don't want that
do you??

marinara:
no, adrien
I don't want you to get arrested

adrikins:
exactly!!
so i have to use chloe to my advantage
and turn her into an assassin

marinara:
I thought it was just a punch

adrikins:
that depends on how much she hurts you!!!!!

-x-

private chat: ninny and marinara

ninny:
so

marinara:
...yes?

ninny:
i mightve messed up

marinara:
what does
that even mean

ninny:
i mightve told alya

marinara:
that means you did
doesn't it

ninny:
maybe

marinara:
oh my god
why???
I thought you were going to let me do it???????

ninny:
it was a mistake ok
but shes not mad
so thats ok

marinara:
????

ninny:
she was laughing?????
its fine
shes in on it

marinara:
?????????????

ninny:
shes also going to pretend she doesnt know
until you tell her
so thats a thing

marinara:
are you kidding me

ninny:
no
im sending her screenshots of this
but shes still going to do that

marinara:
why

ninny:
because she respects you
or some shit
idk

marinara:
I cannot believe this

ninny:
on the plus side
look
no one hates you!!!!

marinara:
I hate you.

ninny:
no, you dont
dont lie to me

marinara:
you're the actual worst
thank you

ninny:
can i still come over tomorrow

marinara:

fine

ninny:
!!!

-x-

 private chat: Alyarr and marinara

marinara:
hello
you've seen the screenshots

Alyarr:
what screenshots
I've seen nothing
what are you talking about?
hello marinette
fancy seeing you here

marinara:
hi

Alyarr:
okay fine
I admit it
you got me to crack
you're a real hardass

marinara:
all I said was hi

Alyarr:
that's all that was needed!!!!!!!

marinara:
was it

Alyarr:
yes!!!
so why are you dating yourself
is this a self-love thing I don't know about
I'm not saying it's weird
but maybe don't marry yourself

marinara:

Alyarr:
I'd still come to the wedding
I promise
but my heart won't be fully in it

marinara:
alya

Alyarr:
I can't pretend like this

marinara:
alya

Alyarr:
hi yes
that's me

marinara:
I'm not dating myself
in any way
I was just fucking around

Alyarr:
with yourself????
oh my god give yourself some credit
you're not that easy

wait maybe you are
if it's yourself
you can't be frigid for selfcest right

marinara:

Alyarr:
sorry I'm not good at being serious
it makes me nervous
please don't hate nino
he didn't mean to

marinara:
yeah, he said so
I'm not mad???
I probably wouldn't have worked up
the courage to tell you for ages
so he did me a favour, I guess

Alyarr:
I'm a bit
sad that you didn't tell me
but I get it?
you probably just wanted everything separate
right

marinara:
yeah
I met nino on what was supposed to be my smurf account

Alyarr:
thanks for sticking around with us
you're pretty cool
without the whole
internet persona thing

marinara:
thank you
I think??

Alyarr:
nath is literally
drawing emotes of your face
for you

marinara:
I'm paying for them!!!!!

Alyarr:
he's going to shit a brick

marinara:
that's what I'm worried about

Alyarr:
rip it off
like a plaster
it'll be fine
we all like you
and I'm not mad right??
so why would anyone else

marinara:
idk this is just
really weird

Alyarr:
weird that I know your face now?
congrats mari
you're hot

marinara:

Alyarr:
what
someone had to say it

marinara:
no one had to say it

Alyarr:
I have no problem shipping you with anyone now
anyone would be lucky to have that face

marinara:
stop

Alyarr:
will you marry my son
when you're done fingering yourself???

marinara:
you don't have a son????

Alyarr:
I want you as a daughter-in-law
I'll readopt him
just for the wedding

marinara:
I am not marrying adrien?????

Alyarr:
why not
keep it in the chat
follow in mine and nino's footsteps

marinara:
no???

Alyarr:
but you're always flirting
and now I know you're not actually
taken????
amazing
my ship

marinara:
you ship me with everyone?????

Alyarr:
and adrien is a part of everyone
perfect

marinara:
no, he's not
he's like
special

Alyarr:
so are you
in a bad way

marinara:
fuck you

Alyarr:
I'm kidding
I promise to keep your dirty secret
don't worry

marinara:
it's not dirty

Alyarr:
your white lie

marinara:
...thanks

Alyarr:
but pls tell nath when I'm there
so I can see his reaction

marinara:
I'll think about it

-x-

group chat: fuck off, nino
marinara has joined the chat

adrikins:
marinette!!!!!!

marinara:
adrien!!!

adrikins:
you're home!!!
i've missed you
you went early last night

marinara:
I was tired
sorry

adrikins:
i was so lost without you

marinara:
but you made it through
well done!!!

adrikins:
only because i knew you'd be here!!
today!!!

marinara:
I'm online every day!!

adrikins:
isn't that good news????

ninny:
hi mari

marinara:
hey

leks:
nothing has changed i see

ninny:
what

leks:
adrien
stop flirting with a taken woman

adrikins:
i'm not!!!!!
she must be strong and faithful!!!

ninny:
what a friendship

marinara:
what the heck

leks:
hi

marinara:
juleka no
there's no flirting

leks:
i've seen ur chatlogs

marinara:

leks:
talking about
kissing

marinara:
why

ninny:
is that why you wouldnt show me her phone????

leks:
uve known her five mins
the phone is mine

marinara:
the phone is
mine???
not either of yours??

adrikins:
can i please be included!!!!
i'll sell my soul!!

ninny:
thats too pure and innocent
no demon will accept it

marinara:
aren't they supposed to like innocent things

ninny:
everyone loves adrien
too much

adrikins:
then why can't i meet juleka

leks:
i don't know u

adrikins:
my heart!!!!

leks:
ur weird
besides
wouldn't u just fangirl over ladybug

adrikins:
i want to meet mari!!!
not ladybug!!!!!
like
i won't complain if she's there but that's not why???

ninny:
theyre a set deal
a meal deal that you cant be rejected

marinara:
I am not dating ladybug

leks:
then why are u two like
glued together then

marinara:
ha
ha

leks:
unhealthy relationship

marinara:
it's not a relationship
I like someone else

ninny:
mari no
you cant have a triad???

marinara:
that's
not what I just said

adrikins:
be faithful!!!!!!!
don't sway away!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

marinara:
I haven't got anyone to be faithful to!!!

leks:
stop sinning

marinara:
I love ladybug platonically!!!!!!

ninny:
oh my god
thats such a harsh way to break up
why would you do this

leks:
mari no
u can't lie like that

marinara:
we're just friends?????
you're all awful

adrikins:
your story is changing too much!!!
until you're willing to me honest
i'll pray for you!!

marinara:
you're not even religious

ninny:
ladybug is god

marinara:
I hope she smites you

ninny:
is that what you call it in bed

marinara:
don't fantasise about cheating on alya?????

ninny:
its ok
alyas all for me being a third wheel
in any way

marinara:

adrikins:
it's ok to like someone, marinette!!!
we'll cheer for you!!!
just like we did with milkshake

ninny:
does milkshake still go to you
you havent mentioned her

leks:
ye
she does

adrikins:
why do you know that and not us!!!!

leks:
mari texts me at work

adrikins:
the betrayal?????
why won't you text me at work

marinara:
I don't have your number

adrikins:
do you want it

marinara:

sure

adrikins:
ok
let me find it

ninny:
you never said yes to me asking like that

marinara:
you're not cute

ninny:
yo what the hell
youre only saying that because my nipples are mysterious

marinara:
can they stay that way please

ninny:
idk
might show you next time
third wheel and all

marinara:
fucking gross

Chapter Text

Miraculous: Tales of Ladybug & Chat Noir © Thomas Astruc

private chat: leks and marinara

marinara:
nino's crying because he thinks you hate him
please talk to him

leks:
no

marinara:
pls
he's spamming

leks:
he should've thought about that
before hugging me

marinara:
you like hugs

leks:
i didn't agree to getting mauled

marinara:
you didn't seem to mind at the time???

leks:
jk
i'm busy right now

marinara:
you're talking to me

leks:
exactly
why do u think i left the chat for so long
it's exhausting
keeping up with everything

marinara:
you're just lazy

leks:
ye
but u respond faster here than texts

marinara:
adrien's found that out already

leks:
he was lowkey crying earlier

marinara:
I thought you didn't pay attention to chat

leks:
i had a break ok
it's amusing to just lurk

marinara:
I see how it is
you fucking stalker

leks:
i could tell u so many things
but ur being ungrateful right now

marinara:
okay, wise one
tell me all about it

leks:
well
nath's having a breakdown over uni

marinara:
what's new

leks:
he's almost finished with ur emotes

marinara:
oh, yeah
he sent me an update message to say that

leks:
he also had five energy drinks this morning

marinara:
nath??

leks:
ye
a bad choice
but he stayed up after u left last night

marinara:

I'm glad I'm not him

leks:
me too
don't u ever change

marinara:
what do you want

leks:
wat

marinara:
you're being nice
and it makes me anxious
so what do you want??

leks:
can't i just be nice

marinara:
no.

leks:
fine
rose wants u to come stay at hers
so she can do ur roots

marinara:
oh
are you
inviting me to a sleepover

leks:
not in a sexy way
there will be no pillow fights
not any that involve u

marinara:
that's
really cute

leks:
she likes u
shut up

marinara:
yeah, I'll come
I'll just cancel stream that day

leks:
blessed

-x-

group chat: halloweeners
marinara has joined the chat

 

marinara:
hello
I am here

Thani:
Hey, Mari.
How was work?

Alyarr:
you're like
three hours late

marinara:
milkshake bought me dinner
platonically
before you all start

Alyarr:
yeah because you're taken right
gosh

marinara:
do you want to fucking fight

Thani:
You're awfully aggressive already.
I thought you didn't meet up with Milkshake before?

marinara:
we're pals now
it's all good

Alyarr:
is a condition of the friendship
that she doesn't ask for milkshakes

marinara:
no
she just knows that I'm going to glare at her now
I'd swear but other customers might hear
and then tell my mom

Alyarr:
your mom????

marinara:
it's an expression???????

Thani:
I'm glad you finally have a friend.
I feel like a proud parent.

marinara:
if anything
you're the weird uncle

Thani:
I get that a lot.

Alyarr:
understandable
you did have that weird facial hair for a bit

Thani:
I did not.

Alyarr:
I have pictures
why even try and lie about it

Thani:
It wasn't weird.

Alyarr:
yeah sure
you're not the one that heard all the comments people made
about you

Thani:
I hear them when they're from you.

Alyarr:
everything from me is loving

Thani:
I'd never describe you as loving.

Alyarr:
nino would
so you're wrong

Thani:
Well, Nino sucks.

Alyarr:
honestly
we suck each other

Thani:

marinara:
good relationship
an equal exchange

Alyarr:
sometimes it's mathematical

Thani:
I really don't want to know.

Alyarr:
yeah you do
don't lie
you ask me about it all the time

Thani:
I ask how you're doing, not who.

Alyarr:
it's nino
I'm not a cheater like mari

marinara:
I did not come here to be bullied????
I'm single and sometimes I mingle

Alyarr:
no you don't
juleka tells us you're sad and lonely

marinara:
then how am I dating ladybug

Alyarr:
you're right
my bad
you're sad and sometimes lonely

marinara:
all the time lonely
so lonely
I've only got the company of adrien the dog

Alyarr:
that bitch

marinara:
she's not too bad
when she's quiet

Thani:
...She's barely ever quiet.

marinara:
mmm
exactly

adrikins has joined the chat

Alyarr:
hey adrien

marinara:
adrien!!!!!!!!!
you're later than me
where have you been
mister

adrikins:
mari!!!!!
i had to stay late today
to try and finish something
i'm sorry!!!

marinara:
it's ok
I was late too

Thani:
She was busy with Milkshake.
Can you believe that?

marinara:
let me have friends

Alyarr:
we're your friends
how dare you not tell us

adrikins:
oh!!!!
did you have fun?
you don't usually go out

Thani:
I'm sure she's a lot better now you're here.

marinara:
you're right but like
is it really my fault that adrien's the best person here
the rest of you suck

Alyarr:
and you just wish you were sucking

marinara:
?????
no????????

adrikins:
don't be lonely, mari!!!!
i'll keep you company!!

marinara:
I'm not lonely???

Thani:
She's only lonely sometimes.

adrikins:
then i'll only keep you company sometimes!!!
that sums up our days well
because you didn't reply to me????

marinara:
I'm bad at responding to texts????????
I warned you about this

adrikins:
my heart wasn't prepared!!!
you haven't even responded to me from this morning??

marinara:
we're talking right now

adrikins:
this is a different conversation!!!!

marinara:
well
I don't remember what you even said

adrikins:
that's even worse???
you don't remember me!!

marinara:
you're a bit
unforgettable

adrikins:
but you forgot me!!!!!!

marinara:
I'm bad at messages???
I always forget to respond
or think that I already did
everyone knows this, okay

adrikins:
you forgot me!!!!!!
did i not even matter to you
is that it?????
mari??

marinara:
you matter very much

adrikins:
no!!!!

marinara:
please
I'm sorry for not responding
but it did make me smile
so my heart responded??????

Alyarr:
I was happy just watching
but that was gross

marinara:
fuck off???????

Thani:
Things have sure gotten mushy around here.
Are you going to confess your undying love soon, Mari?

marinara:
fuck you too?????????

Alyarr:
don't cheat x3

marinara:
you are all the worst

Alyarr:
wrong

marinara:
right

-x-

private chat: Thani and marinara

Thani:
You're sure?

marinara:
I mean
if I have the money, yeah

Thani:
I can pay if you're short.

marinara:
I swear to god
if that's a short joke

Thani:
No, I mean for real.
If you don't have enough money, I'll cover you.

marinara:
thanks but I don't need a sugar daddy

Thani:
I'm trying to stop you cancelling.

marinara:
I'm not gonna cancel

Thani:
Well, now I'm just concerned about your health.
What happened to being all mysterious?

marinara:
I'm a big girl now

Thani:
...Are you?

marinara:
are you fucking kidding me

Thani:
Okay, okay.
Seriously, though. What's up?

marinara:
you're my friend
and I want to meet you
is that so bad?

Thani:
You've been refusing to even send us pictures.
Now you're hanging out with Nino and asking everyone to meet up.

marinara:
so
you've all been doing this?

Thani:
Not that it's bad.
I'm glad that you've changed your mind, but I don't get it?

marinara:
juleka talked me into it
go big or go home

Thani:
Time to go home for you.

marinara:
one more height joke and I will absolutely leave
fucking try me

Thani:
Love you.

marinara:
I will punch you

Thani:
That requires meeting me.

marinara:
which is the fucking plan
if you'll actually believe me

Thani:
I'll think about it.
I agreed to stay at Nino's with Alya for that weekend anyway, so it works out.

marinara:
that's why I'm fucking asking???

Thani:
Are you planning a family get-together, Mari?
It sure sounds like it.

marinara:
everyone but you and alya live near

Thani:
That's a yes.

marinara:
it's not my fault you fuckers aren't here
we've gotta work around you

Thani:
I feel like I don't even know you any more.
You're so open.

marinara:
I'm a good person
now can you please finish those ladybug emotes
luka's taunting me about them
please

Thani:
You can't rush me.

marinara:
chop chop
I'll pay extra

Thani:
You're not even paying me.
My wrist hurts so I'm not doing anything today.

marinara:
fine, I won't pay you anything
but only because I pity you

Thani:
You're so caring.

marinara:
gotta be in tip top shape for november
so I can highfive you

Thani:
...I'm not going to not highfive you just because my wrist hurts.

-x-

group chat: halloweeners
marinara has joined the chat

adrikins:
mari!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

marinara:
what up
my guy

ninny:
bit of a weird entrance
but ok

marinara:
hello nino

adrikins:
mari!!!!!!!!

marinara:
yes, hello
that's me

adrikins:
heyy!!!!

marinara:
what goin on

ninny:
adrien no
you cant do this

adrikins:
what??

ninny:
the extra y means you want to fuck
this isnt like you

adrikins:
no it doesn't??????

marinara:
how could you say that to him

ninny:
how could he????
mari is a classy gal
shes not gonna fall for your fuckboy ways

marinara:
adrien is not a fuckboy???????
how dare you???

adrikins:
i'm
very confused???

marinara:
don't you listen to him
nino's just salty

ninny:
why would i be salty

marinara:
when was the last time alya said heyy to you

ninny:
she
never has

adrikins:
she hasn't???

ninny:
oh my god
alya doesnt want to fuck

marinara:
I'm sorry you had to find out this way
but now you know

ninny:
my life is ruined

adrikins:
what????????

marinara:
get you someone who cares
and dares to do the second y

ninny:
its my only goal in life

marinara:
it's a good goal
I wish to have that

ninny:
you literally just did???
ungrateful

marinara:
adrien doesn't want to fuck

adrikins:
what the fuck????

marinara:
see
doesn't even know what fucking is
a pure angel

ninny:
fucking rejected mari

adrikins:
i am very concerned????

marinara:
I'll recover
and move on
I'll find someone better

adrikins:
you're making it sound like i'm dead????

marinara:
you're dead to me
so pretty close

adrikins:
why?????????

ninny:
you used the y
and didnt think why not

marinara:
be careful with it

adrikins:
i thought we were fine??
how could you do this to me

marinara:
how
could I make you reject me???

adrikins:
yes!!!
i wouldn't reject you
but you twisted everything!!!

ninny:
is that you saying youre down to fuck

adrikins:
fuck off!!!!

marinara:
language, young man
save the foulness for halloween

adrikins:
chloe still won't tell me what she's dressing me up as!!

marinara:
did you tell her my suggestion

adrikins:
i specifically told her to let me have a shirt!!!!!
it's october, mari!!!
i'll freeze
do you want that for me??

marinara:
I want things for me instead, adrien
that's my whole point

adrikins:
you just wanna laugh at the pictures!!!

marinara:
I mean
you're not wrong
but I'm also going
so

adrikins:
you're
going??
to chloe's??????

marinara:
yeah
invite got extended to me

adrikins:
you????????????

marinara:
you're hurting my feelings here
is that so hard to believe

adrikins:
you don't even know chloe???????

marinara:
I do but
not that well
so I've never mentioned it

adrikins:
you know chloe???
and you never told me?????

marinara:
it didn't seem that important

adrikins:
i
what??

marinara:
we're not
besties or anything

adrikins has left the chat

ninny:
that wasnt smooth at all

marinara:
oh my god
fuck off, nino

ninny:
im just saying

marinara:
I gathered that
thank you!!!

ninny:
welcome

-x-

private chat: adrikins and marinara

 

marinara:
adrien?
I wasn't trying to be mean there or anything
I just meant
it got extended to me and I wanted to surprise you??
my plan was to not
say anything
but then I realised that that's a terrible idea
and it only works out in the movies

adrikins:
why wouldn't you tell me about chloe?

marinara:
ahh
it's not a big deep reason, okay??
she doesn't even know
that I know you
I swear

adrikins:
that's not an answer

marinara:
she's milkshake

adrikins:
bothers you at work
milkshake
milkshake that you went to dinner with
tonight

marinara:
yeah
that milkshake
so I got invited along to her party
surprise?

adrikins:
that's chloe?????????????

marinara:
yeah
so like
sorry for bitching about her in front of you?
I kind of cut back on that after finding out

adrikins:
i
like your milkshakes

marinara:
thanks??

adrikins:
she got me one before

marinara:
sounds about right

adrikins:
i know where you work

marinara:
honestly
you know pretty much everything about me now??
is it really that big of a deal

adrikins:
yes????
i actually have proof you exist

marinara:
what is that supposed to mean

adrikins:
you could've been
idk
a bot or something???
someone trolling with me

marinara:
I'd never troll you???
how dare you

adrikins:
i've had my doubts????
but now i'm just
sad

marinara:
don't be sad??
I'm sorry for not telling you
I did say I wanted to surprise you
badly
but I guess I screwed it up just now
bad reveal, I guess

adrikins:
you're meeting
everyone??
even chloe????

marinara:
it kind of just
happened

adrikins:
no no
you don't get it!!!

marinara:
what

adrikins:
chloe teases me about you
like
daily????
and now she's met you???

marinara:
to be fair
I knew her before all of you

adrikins:
and that's even worse???
I don't even know
what you look like
but chloe does??

marinara:
it's nothing special??

adrikins:
how can you say that?????
you are so special mari??
you're so sweet and
i love talking to you but
am i doing something wrong here??

marinara:
no no
it's not you, I swear

adrikins:
“it's not you, it's me”????
really???

marinara:
for real
you're amazing, adrien
I'm just
shy

adrikins:
shy????
I've never even seen a picture of you
but you're meeting everyone else

marinara:
nath hasn't seen

adrikins:
that's even weirder????
didn't you say he was closest to you??

marinara:
well
before you, yeah

adrikins:
i don't get it
you say you like me best
but then you do this??

marinara:
I did tell you I'm working my way up
before
and you seemed to get it

adrikins:
i
don't really understand???
not after chloe

marinara:
what was I supposed to say??
only juleka knows it's chloé

adrikins:
always juleka????

marinara:
I've known juleka since I was a gremlin
she knows everything

adrikins:
and i know nothing???

marinara:
but like
only for a bit more??
halloween remember

adrikins:
that's in like
a week

marinara:
can you maybe
not come into my work or something
I will literally scream if I see you

adrikins:
you're forgetting i don't know
what you look like??

marinara:
oh, you'll know
since I'm mostly alone at the front anyway
plus I doubt you'd come in without chloé

adrikins:
if it was to see you
i'd come whenever you want

marinara:
then after halloween
you can come anytime
I swear
but I do want to be able to talk to you first
and I can't do that at work

adrikins:
not even if we went out after your shift??

marinara:
is that you asking me out for dinner

adrikins:
yes!!
since you have dinner with everyone else
i'm clearly missing out!!

marinara:
you want the marinette experience
I understand

adrikins:
if it can charm chloe into inviting you
you must be something amazing!!!!

marinara:
don't you normally say that
you already knew that

adrikins:
i was trying to let you be modest???
but i see how it is
you know your worth!!

marinara:
I know that I like you
and I'm looking forward to meeting you

adrikins:
is that you
trying to get me shirtless??

marinara:
maybe
would that be a problem

adrikins:
the weather is still a problem!!

marinara:
fine, fine
chloé still not given you a hint for your outfit?

adrikins:
no!!!
but you're dressing up
right???

marinara:
yeah
she said I wouldn't be let in otherwise
right?

adrikins:
very right!!
i tried to get away with it one year
so she just dressed me up badly instead!!!

marinara:
sounds fun
you poor thing

adrikins:
this was when i was still a baby!!!!
no chest that was worth looking at!!!

marinara:
oh
you're worth looking at, are you??
try and be modest, adrien
gosh

adrikins:
sorry!!!
a cute girl told me i look good
it went to my head

marinara:
can you specify which pls

adrikins:
mari!!!!!!!!!

marinara:
I'm kidding
please don't hurt me

adrikins:
you already decided i don't want to fuck!!!!
so you can't ask stuff like that

marinara:
asdlgjdhd
I forgot about that
I got so confused

adrikins:
cute

marinara:
you're cute

adrikins:
do you want this fight????

marinara:
I will say it until you accept it

adrikins:
well
i'll say it on halloween!!!!

marinara:
you're being very optimistic

adrikins:
your milkshake skills are giving me hope!!!

marinara:
if the others find out about chloé
they'll be even worse

adrikins:
i think even worse would be inviting her here!!!

marinara:

I forgot she plays in secret
doesn't she

adrikins:
it can be not so secret
if you want me to ask????

marinara:
maybe
it depends on you??
I mean
she's your friend
if you want her here, talk to nino

adrikins:
i do talk to nino!!!
i meet him
and you meet him
and juleka meets him

marinara:
and we're all meeting up for dinner in november
do you want to come

adrikins:
yes?????????
all as in
all?

marinara:
yeah
arranging it for the weekend
alya and nath are staying at nino's

adrikins:
and you're only just telling me???

marinara:
I got asked to????
nino thought you'd like it

adrikins:
you could've told me this before the whole
chloe thing?????

marinara:
I never said I was smart???
don't judge me

adrikins:
i only judge you in the
best way!!

marinara:
I'm sure

adrikins:
wow i'm going to see you eat
insane????

marinara:
I'll prove I'm not a robot
with my mouth

adrikins:
mari??
i'm pretty sure a robot with a mouth would be loved?????

marinara:
keep your kinks away from me

adrikins:
i'm just saying!!!!

marinara:
say it away from me
your invite is cancelled
I can't have you leering at me

adrikins:
marinette!!!!!

 

Chapter Text

Miraculous: Tales of Ladybug & Chat Noir © Thomas Astruc

group chat: halloweeners
marinara has joined the chat

ninny:
mari
can you please work your voodoo powers

marinara:
what

ninny:
and make adrien shut up

marinara:
he's not saying anything

Thani:
His delivery just came.
He's very excited.

ninny:
youll see soon
hes annoying

marinara:
so annoying that you met up yesterday
right

ninny:
thats different
i needed someone to play with

marinara:
and your first choice was that
annoying creature

Thani:
That's a pretty accurate description.
How was work, Mari?

marinara:
okay, I guess
bit busy
my back hurts from heavy lifting

ninny:
dont you work in a bakery

marinara:
don't you want to live

ninny:
ok my bad

Thani:
That sounds about right.
Alya's at work, but she wants you to know that she loves you.

ninny:
i love her too

Thani:
No, I meant Mari.

marinara:
!!!!
good
I love alya with all my heart

Thani:
If she wanted you to know, she'd just text you.
Dumbass.

marinara:
yeah, nino
use your fucking brain

ninny:
im gonna tell her youre both bullying me

marinara:
you deserve it

ninny:
ive helped you through so much
been there
thick and thin
and this is how you repay me

marinara:
we've known each other
eight months

Thani:
You've almost got a baby together.
And this is how you treat him?
For shame, Marin.

marinara:
who that

ninny:
yeah!!
marin!!!!!

marinara:
I am not marin??

Thani:
You're Marin now.
I don't make the rules.

marinara:
what the heck
no

ninny:
dude is right
youre doomed now
sorry

marinara:
???
let's address our baby instead

ninny:
no
it still has a month left

marinara:
don't call our baby an it
what's wrong with you???

ninny:
me???????
youre the bad parent, marin
im taking the child and leaving

marinara:
now its the child huh

Thani:
It, Marin?
How dare you.

marinara:
are you fucking bullying me

ninny:
tell alya so she can laugh at you

marinara:
I don't have her number
but I'm sure she'd defend me

ninny:
oh right
because you only exchange it with adrien
huh

marinara:
I
literally have your number

ninny:
but that was in person
so it didnt mean anything
im so offended

Thani:
Will I ever get your number?
It's a mystery.

marinara:
oh my god
go away
we're meeting in like two weeks

Thani:
Two weeks too late.
How will I make it through such harsh times?
Without your number to comfort me, I'm doomed.

marinara:
you're reeking of virginity
stop

ninny:
hey
hey
he's our virgin
be nice

Thani:
...I've been in relationships before.

ninny:
calm down, kiddo
im trying to defend you here
no need to lie

marinara:
we accept you as our child
innocent and protected

Thani:
I'm not your child.
Isn't Adrien supposed to be the innocent one?

marinara:
yeah but
he showed us his nip
who knows what he's into

ninny:
probably anal
the absolute madman

adrikins:
excuse me???????

marinara:
adrien!!!

ninny:
there he is
can you confirm or deny the
alligators

adrikins:
????

Thani:
Allegations.

ninny:
both

adrikins:
why?????????

marinara:
nothing
nevermind
ignore us
hello, adrien!!!
what did you get delivered??

adrikins:
...okay???
i'll trust you
an extra piece for my costume for chloes!!!
go big or go home am i right

ninny:
you are at home

adrikins:
you're
right...
what do i do with my life now??

Thani:
Pretend that your friends didn't contemplate about you having anal or not.

adrikins:
ok
i can do that

Thani:
Great.

adrikins:
but like
is everyone else doing it then???

marinara:
adrien no!!!!!!

adrikins:
ok ok
sorry
i just curious???

ninny:
buy me dinner first

adrikins:
i
bought dinner for us yesterday?????

ninny:

you right

marinara:
you can buy me dinner without the question

adrikins:
o
cool yeah!!!
i can do that

marinara:
thanks
I was feeling left out

adrikins:
it's ok!!!
nino's just a friend

Thani:
Marinette's not a friend?
Stone cold, Adrien.

adrikins:
i

ninny:
nath shut up
let the children flirt

marinara:
adrien's older than you

ninny:
im more mature

adrikins:
mature???????
you cried from spicy food

ninny:
listen, man
i looked death in the eyes while eating that
leave me be

marinara:
pussy boy

Thani:
Nino, I don't think anyone would call you mature.

ninny:
what the hell, man
i thought we had something special
that youd have my back

Thani:
I'm not having a baby with you.

ninny:
too late
its already born

marinara:
stop calling babies it
it's so fucking rude

ninny:
go back to flirting
leave me alone

adrikins:
this family is so confusing????
i don't even know who's what any more

Thani:
You're all idiots.

marinara:
you're included
don't kid yourself

Thani:
I want to leave.

marinara:
you're trapped
bound by fate

ninny:
yeah dude
youre stuck with me
until alya dumps my ass

adrikins:
don't say that!!!!

ninny:
what
its true
theres no way im leaving her
unles she like
turns out to be a murderer??

marinara:
is that the only reason

ninny:
its my main concern
ive seen her eyeing the cutlery

Thani:
A knife would look good in you.

ninny:
now i know why youre friends

adrikins:
rip!!!

marinara:
I'll miss you, nino

ninny:
liar
but the thought counts
thanks
really appreciate it

marinara:
I'll put flowers on your grave

adrikins:
i'll put spicy food on it!!!

ninny:
my best friends

Thani:
You should really get better ones.

ninny:
idk
maris the one with connections here
hook us up

adrikins:
you're taken!!!!!

ninny:
hook in the bro way
you know

Thani:
Desperate.

ninny:
wtf
you told me to get friends

Thani:
Yes, by yourself.
Don't use others to accomplish it.

ninny:
was that supposed to be inspirational
because i just wanna punch you in the face
real gentle

adrikins:
be a motivational speaker!!!!!
give us the advice we need

Thani:
Okay, I can do that.

marinara:
sensei
what do you have for me

Thani:
I have some advice you really need to take to heart, Mari.

marinara:
do it
hit me

Thani:
Stop flirting with Adrien.

adrikins:
but i like it!!!!!!

ninny:
yeah, man
he likes it
fuck off with your wise words

marinara:
unhit me

Thani:
It's too late.
The words have been spoken.

adrikins:
take them back!!!!!

marinara:
am I really flirting
or are you just seeing things
huh

ninny:
ive seen you with ladybug

marinara:
die.

ninny:
gasp
so hurtful

adrikins:
it's okay, mari!!!!!!
it's just our friendship
they don't get it!!

marinara:
yes, absolutely
you're right

Thani:
You did tell him to take you on a date.

marinara:
no
I asked for dinner
completely different

adrikins:
yeah!!!!
a date would be
me cooking for her!!

ninny:
dude
youve never cooked for me??

adrikins:
we've never been on a date
gomen

marinara:
pls don't gomen

Thani:
You mean you and Nino aren't dating?
Colour me surprised.

ninny:
im heartbroken
i thought we were a thing

adrikins:
i'm sorry!!!!!
you're the light of my life!!!

ninny:
but only like
a nightlight
not a ceiling one

adrikins:
but you make my nights brighter!!

marinara:
you don't talk at night

ninny:
dont ruin our moment
mari

marinara:
ok
my bad, please continue
I'll just be here
knowing that adrien talks to me at night
so if anyone's the nightlight
it's me.

Thani:
I'm sure you'll be more than a nightlight to someone one day.

marinara:
that's the dream
isn't it

adrikins:
no no no!!!!!
i wasn't trying to compare you
pls i love you all!!
don't make me pick???

marinara:
it's too late
I'm heartbroken

ninny:
hey
i just said that

marinara:
suck it

ninny:
wtf

adrikins:
i'm gonna cry!!!

Thani:
I'm already crying.

ninny:
i hate you, marin

-x-

private chat: adrikins and marinara

adrikins:
last chance!!!!!

marinara:
to ruin the surprise??
hah
no way, boy

adrikins:
am i at least a good boy

marinara:
idk
are you

adrikins:
well
i'd like to be for you????

marinara:
then, yes
you are a good boy.

adrikins:
heck yes!!!!
i've gotta go soon
you're gonna text me, yes?????

marinara:
I text you daily

adrikins:
yeah but
tonight's the night!!!!!

marinara:
are you gonna tell me your outfit yet

adrikins:
no!!!!
you can probably check soon
for chloe to post a pic of us!!
she normally does that

marinara:
are you giving me
permission to stalk you

adrikins:
i mean
go right ahead????
you can add me if you want!!

marinara:
maybe
I'll think about it

adrikins:
text me before you come!!!
ok???

marinara:
yeah, I promise
I will

adrikins:
if not
i'll
kick you??

marinara:
you don't sound too sure

adrikins:
i'll kick your head!!!

marinara:
threatening

adrikins:
watch out!!!!!

marinara:
I'm quaking
in my boots

adrikins:
does that mean
you're wearing boots????

marinara:
I don't know
am I

adrikins:
mari pls!!!!!!

marinara:
what a mystery

adrikins:
mean

marinara:
if you really need a clue
I'll tell you later

adrikins:
pls!!!
aaahhhh
gotta go now

marinara:
ok!!
good luck

adrikins:
pls text

marinara:
who knows
I might even call you

 

adrikins:
teasing isn't nice!!!!!

 

-x-

group chat: halloweeners
marinara has joined the chat

Alyarr:
there she is
the infamous
marinette
the mystery girl of the hour

marinara:
what do you want

ninny:
did you really skip work

marinara:
do you even realise
how hungover I am
I am literally dying

ninny:
yeah
same as adrien
he says hi but he's gone to bed

marinara:
yeah, he was texting me

Alyarr:
you weren't here???

marinara:
yes??
I was texting
from bed

ninny:
and now hes in bed
why not be in bed together

leks:
ew

marinara:
fuck you all

leks:
that's mean
why are u like this

marinara:
idk
maybe because
my head hurts right now

leks:
how is that my fault

ninny:
bitch pls
we didnt force you to stay out and drink

Alyarr:
without even giving us updates

marinara:
who says I didn't

ninny:
you ignored my texts

marinara:
so???

ninny:
so adrien already told me last night
that u were meeting
dumbass

leks:
ya

Alyarr:
there's no secrets here
we know everything

marinara:
other than anal
right

Alyarr:
what??

ninny:
you be quiet

marinara:
make me
bitch

ninny:
youre mean when youre hungover

leks:
she always is
sry

marinara:
juleka
can I come over for dinner

leks:
u just wanna mooch off of me

marinara:
literally what I just asked

leks:
fine
but only if u message nath

ninny:
kuleka can i come over for dinner

Alyarr:
kuleka

marinara:
no wtf
you're not welcome

ninny:
pls im starving

leks:
idk
luka doesn't rly want to meet u

ninny:
wtf
why not

leks:
he has to fight u for marinette

marinara:
is it to the death

Alyarr:
like
I think you might have a weird obsession
with death???

marinara:
maybe
can I get rehab for that or what

ninny:
dont think so
sorry

marinara:
guess I'm fucked

Alyarr:
I mean
you wish you were

marinara:
excuse me?????

Alyarr:
bitch
you got your biggest fan mooing over you

marinara:
mooing

ninny:
mooing!!!

Alyarr:
shut the fuck up
kuleka boy

leks:
tell u what
donate to luka
and u can come to dinner

ninny:
what no
my moneys going to mari

marinara:
I'll refund it
I don't want your dirty money

ninny:
wtf
then ill give it to nath
and ask for a bad pic

leks:
i like that idea
do that

ninny:
a romantic painting
of mari and adrien

marinara:
why

ninny:
wait
alya can u text nath

Alyarr:
what
you do it

ninny:
babe
pls
my phone is so far away

Alyarr:
no

ninny:
come on

Alyarr:
he's busy

ninny:
fucking fine
im so sad

marinara:
you took the words right out of my mouth

leks:
ur literally depressed
of course ur sad

marinara:
wtf

Alyarr:
shocking

ninny:
lets make a sad club
sad bros

marinara:
worst name ever

ninny:
you dont wanna be bros with me??
after everything????

marinara:
I'm almost giving birth
to our child
and you want to be bros????

Alyarr:
excuse me
what

marinara:
you scoundrel

ninny:
mari, no
dont leave me

marinara:
it's too late, nino
I'm leaving
and I'm taking the dog

ninny:
no!!!!!!!!!
not adrien

marinara:
I must
he's mine now

Alyarr:
bitch
what the heck

leks:
as interesting as this is
i'm gonna go see my girlfriend
bye

ninny:
everyone is leaving me
soon i will be alone
so alone

Alyarr:
babe
I'm right here

ninny:
alone...

marinara:
bye

-x-

private chat: Thani and marinara

Thani:
You do know you could've gotten a discount if you told me?

marinara:
yeah but
I wanted to pay full price??
it shows I appreciate you
right

Thani:
I think the tip did that just fine.

marinara:
you right

Thani:
So.

marinara:
so

Thani:
You really have pink hair, huh?

marinara:
that's
how you're starting this?

Thani:
I'm awkward, sorry.

marinara:
well
I'm the awkward one in this situation
right???
I could've been upfront from the beginning

Thani:
But you didn't want to be Ladybug, it's fine.

marinara:
I lied???

Thani:
To be honest, Mari.
It was a little rude, yeah.
But I'd probably do the same, if I was in your shoes.
I can't resent you for that.

marinara:
sorry for telling you last

Thani:
It's fine.
Not like Juleka ever mentioned about her brother, right?

marinara:
her brother's a separate person???
I'm literally the same

Thani:
Kind of.
But I like the bakery worker Marinette more than Ladybug.

marinara:
is that
a compliment or not
because I literally am the same person
I just didn't want anyone to freak out since you all seemed so nice??

Thani:
I get it, really.
Nino probably would've told you to fuck off.

marinara:
there's that
and idk how anyone else would've
reacted
if I just straight up told them
it's not like I put them on stream or anything????
only all my free time

Thani:
You're not... ashamed of it or anything, are you?

marinara:
of
streaming???

Thani:
Yeah.

marinara:
what
no
it's literally how I make my money
I do love it but
some people only really want to befriend me to try and get popular
or appear on my stream

Thani:
And you thought we'd worm our way in?

marinara:
it could've happened
I mean
it has in the past???

Thani:
That can't be good for your self-esteem.

marinara:
thanks for caring about that, I guess
idk
I thought adrien's friend
you know
his best friend that's like a sister???
I met her and I thought it was just to
boast about it
but she's actually quite nice

Thani:
Well, I'm glad that worked out for you.
And that you have a new friend, I think.

marinara:
I guess

Thani:
I'm going to be honest.

marinara:
shoot

Thani:
I'm not going to stop talking to you or anything because of this.
It fills in the blanks of why you didn't tell us much about yourself.
But did you really not trust me?

marinara:
no, I do
really
I just
idk
thought you'd get mad or something??
and you're like one of my best friends, nath
I really didn't want that

Thani:
Then you'd know that I wouldn't do that.
How many hours have we stayed up together?
I know Adrien's in the picture now, and that's fine.
I'm not upset.

marinara:
what
I'm not replacing you or anything

Thani:
Not what I meant.
I know you wouldn't do that.
But you like him, don't you?
Since you can't really date yourself, you know.

marinara:
what
no
I don't like him???

Thani:
I'm sure.

marinara:
can we go back to being
mad at me

Thani:
I'm not mad.
I'm just disappointed.

marinara:
okay, mother

Thani:
I'd be the best mother you'd ever have.

marinara:
okay, mommy
is that your kink

Thani:
Yeah, definitely turned off right now.
Sorry, Mari. You're not my type any more.

marinara:
what
not into me now???

Thani:
I haven't been for a while, sorry.

marinara:
I'm offended

Thani:
I'm friend-zoning you.

marinara:
but I did that to you

Thani:
And it's my time to do it right back to you.
Here's some advice, though.

marinara:
please no more advice

Thani:
Maybe, just maybe, don't pretend to date yourself in the future.
It sets you up for failure.

marinara:
it's not my fault
juleka's a cuck

Thani:
You could've admitted it any time.

marinara:
I did!!!!!
none of you believed me

Thani:
Work on the delivery.
When you're not drunk.

marinara:
fuck you
also don't take any commissions from nino

Thani:
I don't know.
I'm not one to say no to money.

marinara:
fine
I'm going to commission you instead
and pay you extra not to accept it

Thani:
That's called bribery.

marinara:
are you complaining???

Thani:
No, no. Go ahead.
I'm intrigued.

marinara:
draw nino ripping his shirt open
with sparkles

Thani:
...This is just sounding like a fantasy.

marinara:
and a rose in his mouth

Thani:
A very specific fantasy.

marinara:
confessing his love to adrien

Thani:
Ah, got it.
You want to imagine yourself as Nino.

marinara:
what
no?????

Thani:
It's okay, Mari.
I'll get it done, just for you.

marinara:
thanks
I think

Thani:
How detailed are we talking here?

marinara:
what if I pay extra
can you bump it up your commission list
for adrien's birthday

Thani:
You're already paying extra, remember?
For the bribe.

marinara:
yeah, you're right
extra extra

Thani:
If it's a doodle, I can definitely get it done.

marinara:
perfect
make it super stupid

Thani:
Nothing can be stupider than you.
I said that in the nicest way possible.

marinara:
you say that but
someday I'll tell my kids
about the time I dated myself

Thani:
Don't tell them about you masturbating, you weirdo.
That's inappropriate.

marinara:
pls leave me alone

Thani:
I can't, I'm your number one fan.
Will you sign my chest?

marinara:
no what the heck

Thani:
For real, though.
Does anyone ask that?

marinara:
no????
but I have been stopped for pictures
ahh
twice since the pink hair
fucking terrifying

Thani:
I'm going to pretend to be your biggest fan when we meet.

marinara:
pretend?????
you draw fanart for me

Thani:
I drew the emotes you asked for.
That's entirely different.

marinara:
it's fanart if I want it to be

Thani:
I'll fanart you and Milkshake.

marinara:
what
no
I'm not into chloé!!!!!!

Thani:
Chloé??????

 

Chapter Text

Miraculous: Tales of Ladybug & Chat Noir © Thomas Astruc

private chat: adrikins and marinara

adrikins:
you
are very pretty

marinara:
what do you want

adrikins:
nothing!!!!
i'm just telling you

marinara:
you've told me multiple times
and now I'm suspicious
what do you want from me, you monster??

adrikins:
love and affection???

marinara:
sorry
can't do that

adrikins:
pls!!

marinara:
nope
that's not for lightweights

adrikins:
you were as light as me????
we had the same amount!!

marinara:
yeah but
I'm smaller than you

adrikins:
and prettier!!!

marinara:
so you've said
now do you see why I'm suspicious
you're being so
nice

adrikins:
i'm always nice to you!!!

marinara:
yeah but
now you're even nicer

adrikins:
now i know your nice face!!!

marinara:
you do, yes

adrikins:
so you admit it!!
you think your face is nice!!!

marinara:
I'm cute as heck
what's your point here

adrikins:
good!!!
just wanted you to know that
and i'll keep seeing it

marinara:
seeing???

adrikins:
i meant saying!!!
but seeing works too!!
since you're still letting me see you tomorrow
right???

marinara:
well, yeah
if you want to???
don't feel forced to come in

adrikins:
no!!!
i am coming after your shift
and we're going to get lunch!!!
that is the plan!!

marinara:
plans can change
if you want them to

adrikins:
i want to see you!!!!

marinara:
oh
I want to see you, too

adrikins:
yes!!!
that's why we're meeting up
keep with the times, mari

marinara:
okay, no need to be so
sassy

adrikins:
i can't help it!!!!
you bring out my sassy side

marinara:
mm
I'm sure

adrikins:
you do!!!!!!
also chloe says to check your phone

marinara:
it's on charge
across the room

adrikins:
pls she's spamming me!!!!
save me!!

marinara:
why????

adrikins:
because you're ignoring her!!!
you can't do that
that's bad!!

marinara:
I'm bad.

adrikins:
no you're not
you're like
the nicest person

marinara:
thanks
that's me
the nicest person

adrikins:
it's what i like about you!!!!

marinara:
that I'm nice???

adrikins:
and pretty too!!!!
it's a killer combination!!
be proud

marinara:
you're also pretty

adrikins:
thanks!!!!!!!
but compared to you???
you??????
i am but a child

marinara:
you're older than me
and taller

adrikins:
a child!!!!!!

marinara:
I got asked for id and you didn't

adrikins:
are you... saying i'm your sugar daddy

marinara:
what
no?????

adrikins:
but i could be!
in other people's eyes!!!

marinara:
what the fuck
no

it's not that big of a difference

adrikins:
i don't know, mari!!!!!
you do only come up to my shoulder!!!!!!!!

marinara:
do you know what that means

adrikins:
that you're cute???

marinara:
it means I can punch your face
but I'd still be cute if I was taller than you
don't forget that

adrikins:
i'd never!!!!!

marinara:
good
glad we sorted that out

adrikins:
i'm glad we did too!!!!!

marinara:
great

adrikins:
good!!!

marinara:
gotta stream soon but
are you gonna be watching?
wait
was that weird to ask

adrikins:
no no no!!!!!
it's not weird at all
i'll be watching!!
sometimes it's muted so I can
do my work without distractions
your screams scare me

marinara:
I don't scream that much???

adrikins:
you do when you get surprised!!!

marinara:
barely ever

adrikins:
enough to make me jump!!!!!

marinara:
that's because I jumped!!
it's only fair if the same happens to you

adrikins:
you want to share things with me????
that's so sweet!!

marinara:
I'd share all my things with you

adrikins:
even
your hair dye???

marinara:
we are not dying your hair
your dad would literally kill you

adrikins:
true but
the real question is
how long it would take him to see it
let's all take bets

marinara:
no.

adrikins:
pls??

marinara:
no!!!
I'm not getting you in trouble with him
he's already enough of a dick

adrikins:
an absent dick
on a business trip for the week!!!

marinara:
that's great
run through the halls from your freedom

adrikins:
there's still people here!!!!
but now i can let plagg roam free
free as a bird

marinara:
doesn't he eat birds

adrikins:
not often!!!!
usually gives them to me
all proud and murdery!!

marinara:
murdery

adrikins:
it's murder if they're dead????

marinara:
you right
what a great gift

adrikins:
i cry on the inside and pet him!!

-x-

group chat: marin and kuleka are lame
marinara has joined the chat

Thani:
There she is.
How was your date?

marinara:
it was not a date?????

ninny:
yeah, mari!!!!
how was it??
marinara:
nath
what the fuck
I told you that in confidence
you cuck

Alyarr:
trying to keep secrets?
don't be ridiculous
that never works here

marinara:
apparently???

Thani:
We can't help but notice that you're here before Adrien.

marinara:
fuck off

ninny:
is he in your bed
is that it

leks:
as if

marinara:
oh my god
don't attack me like this

Alyarr:
tell us where the boy is
and you'll be fine

marinara:
why are you all here????

Thani:
Because that's what the chat's for?
Idiot.

leks:
ye
what he said

marinara:
we're like
never all here??????

leks:
maybe we are
when ur at work
u don't know that

marinara:
bitch you haven't been here for months

leks:
i got summoned back

marinara:
yeah, to torment me

leks:
go kiss urself in the mirror

Alyarr:
indulge in some self-love
go on

ninny:
where is the boy!!!!

marinara:

you're all the worst

Thani:
We're just invested in your life.
Now that we know it, that is.

marinara:
don't stalk me

ninny:
but we know everything about you
i can fucking google you
isnt that insane

marinara:
right???????
pls don't

Alyarr:
mhmm
you do know that there's
a link to your personal account now???
like
since those new pics with chloe
it's known who you are

marinara:
I mean
that was bound to happen??
I did go to like
a model's party

Alyarr:
and posed drunkenly with adrien
we've got the deets
now where he at

marinara:
he walked me home, okay
it's in the opposite direction to his
so he'll be a while

Thani:
And you didn't even let him meet Adrien the dog?
Stone cold.

marinara:
it's not my dog!!!

ninny:
sweet dog tho
i like it

marinara:
stop calling things it

ninny:
make me

marinara:
are you trying to fight me

ninny:
yeah
pussy

Alyarr:
okay children
calm down
you can fight soon

ninny:
i can literally go challenge her to fight tomorrow

marinara:
you're banned from my work

ninny:
what why

marinara:
I don't want you to meet my parents
pls stop

Alyarr:
all the lies are coming out
now you work for your family too
how could you keep this from us
along with chloe

marinara:
why won't anyone do the é

Alyarr:
I don't know her
so she doesn't deserve it

Thani:
She can earn it when we know her.

ninny:
im working on it
slowly

marinara:
I doubt adrien wants her in here????

Thani:
You thought wrong.

Alyarr:
she's almost agreeing with it
we can get the milknet action soon

marinara:
dude
no
you don't just tell someone
that you ship them with me

ninny:
make us

marinara:
don't do it????

Thani:
From what Adrien's said, I'm sure Chloe would be happy with it.

marinara:
you did é before!!!!

ninny:
shes your friend, not ours

leks:
so mean
ur all heartless

ninny:
and youre a mouse irl
whats your point

marinara:
hey
don't be mean to juleka
I'll cut you

Thani:
Do you need anger management, Mari?

marinara:
wanna find out

leks:
she's punched for me before
she'll do it

ninny:
real
but shes so small

marinara:
like
I'm not even that small???

leks:
can confirm
she's smallest here
sry

marinara:
dude???????

leks:
my girlfriend is smaller tho
is that better

ninny:
your girlfriend is not welcome here
mari is our resident gremlin

marinara:
feed me
after midnight

Thani:
You do tend to snack when you stay up.

marinara:
you can't keep a secret to save your life????

Thani:
That's not a secret at all.
Adrien knows about it, too.

Alyarr:
unless she killed him off
he's still not here

marinara:
he's walking home
you fucks

ninny:
suspicious

marinara:
literally text him

ninny:
no

Thani:
I don't have his number.

Alyarr:
same

ninny:
just ask and he will tell you his social security number
the name of his first pet
and the worst thing hes ever done

Thani:
You mean befriending you?

Alyarr:
burn

ninny:
im sad now

marinara:
good.

adrikins has joined the chat

adrikins:
hewwo!!!!!!

marinara:

kick him

leks:
blocked

ninny:
sdglokhdj

adrikins:
aah?????????
sorry, nino dared me too!!!!
i'm not that bad, i promise

Alyarr:
...are you sure

adrikins:
pwease don't kick me

marinara:
why didn't you get hit by a car

Thani:
I second that.

adrikins:
because you told me to be careful!!!!!
okok
it's out of my system!!
i'll be good now

ninny:
fucking spectacular

leks:
was it worth it

adrikins:
not really????
i'm just lost

Thani:
Stay innocent, Adrien.
Never listen to Nino again.

adrikins:
but he's my best friend

ninny:
my man!!!!!

adrikins:
well
after mari!!!!
sorry

marinara:
fuck yeah

leks:
rip nino
friend-zoned

Alyarr:
mari is the best of us all
it's true
I can understand that

marinara:
am I above nino for everyone

Thani:
And on the scoreboards, too.
Always.

ninny:
mari pls teach me

marinara:
I dunno, man
I think you're pretty
unteachable
you just wanna scream at people on mic

ninny:
yeah but
you can use your mic with us now????

Alyarr:
no more no mic
bullshit
eh mari

marinara:
um

adrikins:
you can talk to us!!!!!

Thani:
Yeah, but does she even want to?
That's the real question.

ninny:
of course she does
fuck off

leks:
can i just lurk in the channel
i've still got it uninstalled

Thani:
You have to game to join the gang.

leks:
ur gang doesn't even have a name
u posers

Alyarr:
you're right
we need a name

marinara:
no
we really do not

adrikins:
and matching jackets!!!!!!

marinara:
no???

adrikins:
wear matching clothes with me, mari!!!
we'll look great!!

leks:
ye mari
get a couple outfit with him

marinara:
no?????????????

adrikins:
but then we'll be so cute

ninny:
im always cute

Alyarr:
not really, babe
sorry.

Thani:
Matching jackets is a bit expensive.
We've already got the names.

ninny:
fine
adrien

adrikins:
yes??

ninny:
hows the new recruit coming along

Alyarr:
the one with no accent
the accentless

marinara:
we all have accents
don't be ridiculous

Alyarr:
fuck off
you know what I mean

adrikins:
she's downloading it later!!!!
at least
she said she is??
she might forget
she's not very good at remembering stuff

ninny:
no wonder youre friends

Thani:
Well, that and that they're both good-looking.

Alyarr:
whoa whoa
calm down dude

marinara:
I mean
he is speaking all of our minds

ninny:
idk
what does she look like again

Alyarr:
an angel that could've been kissing mari's dumb face
but no
we got denied that

marinara:
stop???

adrikins:
she's really missing out!!!

Thani:
You've messed up, Mari.

adrikins:
no i meant chloe!!!!

marinara:

thanks???

leks:
can u like
not do that

adrikins:
do what?????

leks:
the favouritism
i'm onto u

ninny:
but we all love mari
shes all our favourite

marinara:
fuck you too

ninny:
see
shes so full of charm

Alyarr:
we love you mari
please love us back

marinara:
I'll think about it

Alyarr:
and think about our hug in the future
I'm longing for it

marinara:
is it gonna be tight

Alyarr:
the breath will leave your lungs
like in a bad story
you'll be breathless at my touch

ninny:
can i have that too

Alyarr:
yeah sure

ninny:
with mari

marinara:
can we not all break my ribs pls

adrikins:
i can still hug you, right?????

marinara:
yeah, of course
don't be silly

Thani:
Yes, that's definitely being silly.
When do you think you'll get Chloe to join, Adrien?

adrikins:
ahhh
either in like
the next two hours
or tomorrow??
i can go round hers and really set it up
if she takes too long

Thani:
If you stall until tomorrow, I'll have a surprise for her.

Alyarr:
...what are you doing

Thani:
Being a kind person.
And giving everyone what they want.

ninny:
bake me a cake

Thani:
Maybe if you're nice.

adrikins:
ok!!!
i can do that

Thani:
Thanks.

-x-

private chat: adrikins and marinara

adrikins:
!!!!!
i know you said that you didn't mind these
offline messages
but i really am sorry if they're annoying
but you're the top streamer right now and i'm so???? happy?????
like yeah!!! that's my friend!!!!!!
but i'm not going into chat to say that
i'm just
very happy that you're doing so well??
i'm so proud of you!!
i mean
you've been doing this all along
but now i can see your cute face as you concentrate and everything???
all your reactions are great
and i really can hear the dog
how did i not realise that before
i'm your biggest fan
and now you're my best friend oh my god???
how did that happen???????
i'm going to cry myself to sleep??
i really am going to bed!!!
i'll speak to you tomorrow, mari!!
you're great
everything about you is great!!!
keep it up!!

marinara:
oh my god you're a dork
I really love it
I mean
you
yeah
if you ever talk in the chat, I'll try and respond???
can't promise anything
it does go kinda fast
sad you went to bed tonight
but these messages really made me happy!!
sleep well

-x-

group chat: marin and kuleka are lame
marinara has joined the chat

marinara:
hello
I have updates

Thani:
About what?
Also, hi. You've been greatly missed.

leks:
we wanted ur opinion earlier
but it's settled now
not telling u

Thani:
Sorry, Mari.
They've asked me to keep a vow of silence.

Alyarr:
are you a fucking monk

marinara:
there's nothing holy about you
I know your kinks

leks:
what do u two do at night

Thani:
Have heart-to-hearts.

marinara:
I know too much about him

Thani:
I admit, it's a bit weird now that I can imagine your face.

Alyarr:
let's not pretend you weren't trying to before
right my man

Thani:
...Be quiet.

marinara:
it's ok
I won't tell them your secrets
we're friends for a reason

Alyarr:
and the reason is nino
isn't that strange to think about

leks:
his rage brought us all together
apparently
and made me run away

Thani:
Yeah, but now you're back just because of Mari.
Didn't you miss us?

leks:
eh

Thani:
Thanks.
Real good for my self-esteem.

Alyarr:
we love you too

adrikins has joined the chat

marinara:
adrien!!!

Alyarr:
hi dude

adrikins:
i have arrived!!!!!

marinara:
chloé's joining now right

adrikins:
yeah???
how did you know?????

marinara:
she text me, you doofus
was about to say it but
no one asked me my news
sad

Thani:
I literally did ask.

Alyarr:
you're nothing to her now
sorry

marinara:
you're dead to me

Thani:
I'm crying.

adrikins:
nino's coming on too!!!!!
in a sec!!

marinara:
here we go
have you warned her about the milknet shit??

adrikins:
yeah!!!!
she loves it

marinara:

ok

Alyarr:
fuck yes

ninny has joined the chat

ninny:
here we go boys
our new member is coming
will they make it past the trial stage

adrikins:
i believe in her!!!!!!!!

Alyarr:
let's go!!

ninny:
ok ok
im doing it

ninny has invited chloé to the chat
chloé has joined the chat

adrikins:
chloe!!!!!!!!!!

marinara:
hi, chloé
welcome to the gang, I guess

chloé:
why the fuck is ur name that
u hate that nickname

ninny:
hello
im nino and im the leader around these parts
these are my minions

Thani:
Not quite, buddy.
Hi, I'm Nathaniel.

Alyarr:
alya!!
it's nice to meet you
we've heard a lot about you
from adrien and mari both
for many months

marinara:
can you not

leks:
hi

marinara:
that's juleka

chloé:
ok
hi hello
first of all i will not send anyone nudes
lets put that out there first
are we clear

adrikins:
chloe no!!!!!!!
i told you that was a mistake!!!

chloé:
u can see his nipples but mine are a different matter
ok

marinara:
understood
I definitely do not want to see your nipples

chloé:
wtf
ud be blessed to see them
fuck u

marinara:
I'm sure

leks:
mari only has eyes for herself
sry

marinara:
we're past that joke???

chloé:
wat

adrikins:
nothing!!!!!!

ninny:
all weve heard from mari is bitching
about u ordering milkshakes

Alyarr:
and adrien singing your praises
he likes you very much
so the complete opposite

Thani:
To be fair, we thought they were both talking about different people.

chloé:
like
thanks for talking about me
i dont really care that much
but tell me more

adrikins:
don't be embarrassing!!!!

chloé:
who

adrikins:
you!!!!

chloé:
i can be embarrassing if u want
bitch
are u challenging me

adrikins:
oh my god no?????

leks:
ye
he is
pls embarrass him

adrikins:
no????????????

Thani:
Embarrassing each other pretty much sums up this chat, though.

marinara:
does it
because I can talk about those kinks now
if you want

chloé:
o
yeah do that
adrien wants to know about ur kinks

ninny:
aslkjsdgdfh
yes
tell adrien them

adrikins:
i do not!!!!!!!!

chloé:
wait
ur nino
arent u

ninny:
yes???
i did say so

chloé:
if u think ur gonna be his new best friend
uve got another thing coming

ninny:
what

chloé:
im watching u

adrikins:
sdlgjdhd??????

Thani:
Mari's his best friend here, not Nino.

ninny:
fuck you??
im a close second

chloé:
yeah
shes fine
im not threatened by her
continue on with ur secret night talks

adrikins:
why did i invite you here at all?????

ninny:
im the one that invited
now i feel like shes gonna shank me

chloé:
pls
thats too undignified

marinara:
I'm sure.

chloé:
anyway
whats this about mari admiring me
because i understand
i am very nice to look at

leks:
more like her death glaring at u

Alyarr:
over romantic milkshakes

Thani:
The blender's the sound of love.

chloé:
i mean
id be down for it
wanna go on a date with me mari

adrikins:
she's joking!!!!!!
she said she'd do this!!!

Alyarr:
all I want is happiness for my babies

marinara:
can I just
go to sleep forever

chloé:
fucking rude
anyway
ur going on a double date with me

marinara:
no
I'm not???

chloé:
this is me asking

adrikins:
you're demanding????

chloé:
same thing
fuck off
ur coming along with me

marinara:
no????

chloé:
ye u are
i need back up and adrien cant be it

marinara:
do you not have other friends???

chloé:
wtf
im picking you
feel blessed

marinara:
I don't want to date anyone????

chloé:
yes yes
thats nice
its next week pls come along

adrikins:
but

chloé:
so this was nice
but im bored now
bye

adrikins:
what??

chloé has left the chat

leks:
so
that was interesting

Alyarr:
have fun on that double-date
I'm sure you'll meet someone nice!!!!

marinara:

I'm not going on one????

adrikins:
she's
not gonna leave you alone unless you agree??
why is this happening

ninny:
as long as its not saturday
its fine

Thani:
You're not going to ditch us, are you, Juleka?

leks:
idk
are u gonna call me kuleka to my face

ninny:
he wont
but i will

 

Chapter Text

Miraculous: Tales of Ladybug & Chat Noir © Thomas Astruc

group chat: milknet otp
marinara has joined the chat

marinara:

why is this the name

leks:
becus we got told
about ur work visit

ninny:
nath blessed us with something

marinara:
can't have been his presence

ninny:
how dare you??
we love and respect nath in this house

marinara:
no, you don't
you literally want to fight him
for cock-blocking you

ninny:
times have changed
he supports my decisions now

leks:
like making adrien cry

ninny:
yeah
exactly

marinara:
I'm just
gonna leave

leks:
u can't do that

marinara:
why not
I only came on to see if adrien was here

leks:
bitch u just text him now
don't lie

marinara:
fine
and to speak to you losers
but now I regret that

ninny:
true love

marinara:
I really am going tho
pls don't call the police if I don't reply
phone will be on silent

leks:
why are u so dramatic
all ur doing is seeing luka

marinara:
yeah
and locking the door so you can't come in
we're gonna be busy

ninny:
i dont ship this

marinara:
neither do we

leks:
same
pls don't fuck my brother

marinara:
I promise not to fuck your brother
swear on my life
all that jazz

leks:
thanks

ninny:
im gonna hold you to that

marinara:
not like you'll ever find out if I break it

ninny:
kuleka will tell me
and everyone else

leks:
idk
i'm not that much of a dick

marinara:
reassuring
what did nath do then

ninny:
besides ditch us for class?
he gave us an
absolute gem

leks:
i'm framing it

marinara:
what
does that mean

ninny:
(image: drawing of chloé and marinette embracing)

marinara:
I

leks:
otp
ladybug can fk off

ninny:
the selfcest is over
we are moving onto this now

marinara:
you were on this anyway???

leks:
ye
but now chloe's supporting it too

ninny:
she loves it

marinara:
she probably loves that she's being drawn
not that it's with me???

ninny:
no
its you
shes your fan remember

marinara:
fans don't ship themselves with me

leks:
guess adrien's not a fan

marinara:
ha
ha

ninny:
that was his surprise for her
btw
when she joined i mean

marinara:
I hate everything
why didn't I bribe him not to do that

ninny:
jokes on you
he accepted my commission anyway???

marinara:

this is even worse

leks:
is it a nsfw one

ninny:
idk
who knows
certainly not me

marinara:
don't you fucking dare??????

ninny:
im not doing anything
naths the one holding the pen
and controlling the penis

marinara:
you are not
commissioning him for porn of me and adrien

leks:
but
it would be a good birthday present

marinara:
my birthday was months ago

ninny:
for adrien
not you
dont be so stuck up

leks:
ye
ur awful

marinara:
me
me.
I'm the awful one here
yes, me

leks:
i know u
so i can confidently say yes

marinara:
I'm gonna fuck your brother

leks:
fk no

marinara:
watch me

ninny:
mari
are you making a porno
or asking her to watch

marinara:

marinara has left the chat

-x-

private chat: Thani and marinara

marinara:
you have betrayed me
I cannot go on like this any more
not when I'm wounded
but hey
now you actually have drawn fanart for me
thanks, babe
xo

-x-

group chat: milknet otp
marinara has joined the chat

chloé:
there she is
my true love

marinara:
I'll leave

chloé:
why
u flirted with me earlier

marinara:
I told you to fuck off

chloé:
exactly what i just said

Thani:
I'm really seeing the chemistry.

marinara:
I think I had more with you
sorry

Thani:
Don't you mean with Luka?
We all saw you last night.

Alyarr:
like
everyone but you was here crying last night
over that stream mari
it brought us all together

marinara:
why
would you be crying

Alyarr:
many reasons

chloé:
jealousy for some
u know
the normal

Thani:
Yes, completely normal.
Juleka really didn't appreciate the locked door.

marinara:
my ass
she never comes in if the camera's on
you can't fool me

Thani:
It was worth a try.

chloé:
so
ur nerdy friends arent too bad

marinara:
thanks?
but they're adrien's friends too

chloé:
pls
he only talks about u

marinara:
then why did you recognise nino
I can see through your lies???

chloé:
hes literally here
talking about u right now

marinara:
???

chloé:
idk
something about u being pretty
i mean
guess u are but
he hasnt even complimented me yet

marinara:
you literally compliment yourself
daily

chloé:
i deserve it
whats ur point

marinara:
clearly not important
my bad

chloé:
good
now can u pls
reply to adrien
so he will shut up

marinara:
yeah, okay
hang on

chloé:
thanks
now confirm ur coming on that date with me

marinara:
no, I'm busy

chloé:
i didnt say when

marinara:
I'm always busy

chloé:
i saw u today

marinara:
yeah, busy at work
what did you think I was doing

chloé:
u were on ur phone
fucking liar

marinara:
no, I wasn't

chloé:
u were texting adrien

marinara:
you've got no proof

chloé:
he told me
u reply to him quicker at work
than when ur done
and it makes him whine

marinara:
I
don't like your friendship

chloé:
and i dont like u

marinara:
yes, you do
you wouldn't be here otherwise

chloé:
i was gonna say i love u instead
wed be a cute couple
but ur annoying
no thanks

marinara:
I wasn't offering

chloé:
ya but
all ur friends are

marinara:
nath isn't

chloé:
he fanarts us

marinara:
that
was not fanart

chloé:
i posted it earlier
sry
its fanart

marinara:

I hate everything

chloé:
everything but me

marinara:
no
especially you
I've been cursing your name for many months

chloé:
but now for kinkier reasons

marinara:
death is kinky

chloé:
dying from my killer looks

marinara:
you look nicer than your personality

chloé:
thanks
thats my best feature

marinara:
it was an insult

chloé:
no one can match up to my face
its ok to admit it

marinara:
that's
not what I said

chloé:
im sure

marinara:
scroll up

chloé:
no thanks

marinara:
why are you like this

chloé:
idk
did u kill ur two nerd friends off
or something

marinara:
they probably got distracted
they like
live together

chloé:
wasnt she with that other one

marinara:
that other one
was the only name you remembered

chloé:
i remembered u
feel appreciated

marinara:
thanks

chloé:
is this some cult
where everyones dating
or what

marinara:
????
only alya and nino are
well
juleka has a girlfriend too

chloé:
i dont remember names

marinara:
...what should I even call them then

chloé:
idk
nerd one and two

marinara:
I'm not doing that

chloé:
ur not very supportive

marinara:
I remember who you are
I'd say that's pretty supportive

chloé:
as if ud forget me
bitch

marinara:
I wish I could

chloé:
no

marinara:
how about
a trade

chloé:
what do u want

marinara:
you're with adrien
right

chloé:
ya

marinara:
take a pic of him
and I'll be a good friend

chloé:
easy
(image: adrien lounging across a sofa)
now when are u free

marinara:
wait
that's not what I agreed to

chloé:
its being a good friend
so yes
u did

marinara:

this is for the double-date
isn't it

chloé:
ya
i need a friend
and ur a supportive one
arent u

marinara:
get a new friend

chloé:
i did
its u
congrats

marinara:
fine
I'm already busy saturday
but if it's during the day I can do sunday
I think
is that acceptable to you
your highness???

chloé:
itll do

marinara:
great
make it brunch
at least
drinking at breakfast is just sad

chloé:
im trying to make ur life not sad

marinara:
exactly
brunch or after
let's go

-x-

private chat: adrikins and marinara

adrikins:
you actually accepted???

marinara:
what
the date??

adrikins:
yes!!!!
what are you even
thinking??

marinara:
you told me she wouldn't stop asking???
what was I supposed to do
besides
I can always just kick her under the table
it's fine

adrikins:
oh my god???
what have you done

marinara:
be a supportive friend
apparently

adrikins:
that's the worst????

marinara:
she's your friend???
I dunno
I think she's actually trying to be nice
in her weird way
like usual

adrikins:
she's trying to get you laid???

marinara:
everyone wants that for me
apart from juleka
but that's just because it's her brother I'm trying to bang

adrikins:
no you're not?????

marinara:
platonically

adrikins:
please don't platonically bang anyone??

marinara:
wow, adrien
way to be a supportive friend

adrikins:
the only acceptable bangs
are finger bangs

marinara:
idk
that could be taken two ways

adrikins:
the platonic kind!!!

marinara:
the less fun way
got it

adrikins:
what happened to not being interested in anyone??

marinara:
times change
kidding
I'm not going to fall in love
or bed
with whoever chloé wants me to meet

adrikins:
she doesn't know anyone good!!!!

marinara:
I can tell that from knowing you.
I'm joking
please don't hurt me
it was a bad joke

adrikins:
i'm hurt
you won't even platonically bang me and now this???

marinara:
excuse you
you never asked

adrikins:
you only mentioned luka!!!

marinara:
it extends to you??
all my friends
but not all at once
I'm not into that
sorry

adrikins:
i still
don't understand why you agreed to go with her

marinara:
she wants backup
I'm being a wingman
that's a thing, right?

adrikins:
she's
trying to do that for you??

marinara:
eh
we'll see

adrikins:
she is!!!
she's been gloating that she knows a guy
you'll really like

marinara:
stop talking about me then
it makes my ears hot

adrikins:
all of you is hot

marinara:
only because you're talking about me so much
it's getting a bit intense
please stop

adrikins:
no!!!!

marinara:
I'll be tired from staying up with you anyway
not like I can give this mystery guy much attention
besides
you know how awkward I am???

adrikins:
i'm going to tire you out???

marinara:
well
yeah???
we're all going back to nino's, aren't we?
unless you're planning to ditch now

adrikins:
right
right right
yes, we are!!!!
you're still sharing a blanket with me, right???

marinara:
I really don't think we need to plan the blanket sharing

adrikins:
we do
or alya will weasel her way in with you!!

marinara:
you better get there first then

adrikins:
i'm trying!!!
but you're going on a date
and ditching me instead

marinara:
I'm being a supportive friend!!!

adrikins:
i knew you first!!!

marinara:
you knew chloé first
why isn't she inviting you instead??

adrikins:
because i didn't turn up to the last one
this is payback
she knows i like spending time with you
now she's stealing you!!

marinara:
there, there
I'll come back to you in one piece
I promise

adrikins:
idk
what if you get kidnapped

marinara:
with chloé there???

adrikins:
she'll be too busy
staring at herself in her spoon

marinara:
sounds about right
fine, what if I promise to text you?

adrikins:
throughout????

marinara:
sure
I text you daily anyway
I can do that
easy

adrikins:
okay!!!

marinara:
it won't be that bad
but thanks for caring

adrikins:
that's what you think??????

marinara:
your faith in chloé
is amazing

adrikins:
for a good reason!!

-x-

group chat: milknet otp
marinara has joined the chat

marinara:
what up
losers

leks:
chloe had a tantrum

marinara:
not what I expected
but okay
I'll bite
why?

Thani:
She's not invited to our dinner.

ninny:
rude

adrikins:
she's busy!!!!!
i did invite her
even though she doesn't have a nickname
which really means that she hasn't been accepted??

Alyarr:
she's your friend
you could've just dragged her along??

adrikins:
why would i do that???

marinara:
because you love and care about her

adrikins:
do i tho

Thani:
You said she's like a sister.

adrikins:
that's not an answer

Alyarr:
fair

marinara:
what's she doing tomorrow instead???

adrikins:
has a dinner with her dad!!
not really skippable
very unlucky timing

marinara:
you don't sound sorry at all

adrikins:
she's a snake!!!

Alyarr:
I'm really feeling the love between you two
the best of friends

adrikins:
what
i love mari????

Alyarr:
I meant
between you and chloe

adrikins:
oh
yes!!

Thani:
I'm making this clear right now.
I will fight all of you for Nino's spare bed.

Alyarr:
he's already said it's yours
calm down buddy

Thani:
I'm not sleeping on the floor.

marinara:
we're not having a sleepover

adrikins:
we're not???

marinara:
no
we're not??

Alyarr:
I do actually want to have sex with nino
please don't stay over
thanks

Thani:
But I'll be there.

Alyarr:
and you sleep like the dead
what's your point here

Thani:
...I hope that's a joke.

Alyarr:
xo

adrikins:
i'm scared

marinara:
it's okay, adrien
you were going to find out about it someday
I'm sorry it had to be today

adrikins:
what??

marinara:
about the birds and the bees

adrikins:
but
you wouldn't have sex with me earlier????

marinara:
platonically!!!!
stop bringing this up
you'll give them terrible ideas

Alyarr:
I thought you were gonna seduce juleka's brother

marinara:
it's a work in progress

Thani:
And how's the progress on you being a good person?

marinara:
idk
we might get there one day
I think I'm still hysterical from trying to date myself

adrikins:
mari
what do you mean try?????
you had us convinced??
i was so jealous

Alyarr:
mari
you get around a lot

marinara:
but no one wants to mari me

adrikins:
i just did???

marinara:
it was a pun
come on, you love puns

adrikins:
oh
oh!!!!!
i'd gladly marry you
platonically

marinara:
you just want to platonically bang
I'm sorry I didn't ask you before
but please get over it

adrikins:
i will not
it's my dream

Thani:
I'm not even going to question this, honestly.
It's pretty tame for you two.
Can you just promise not to have platonic sex on my bed for the weekend?

marinara:
do you wanna join us

Thani:
No.
You just want the bed.

marinara:
idk, nath
I might want to kiss your ginger head

Thani:
You'll never reach up there.
Besides, you're already sharing a blanket with someone else.

marinara:
adrien would absolutely love to snuggle with you

Alyarr:
I'm sorry
did you just say you're snuggling

marinara:
what of it

adrikins:
it's november?????

Alyarr:
nino has heating???

marinara:
and I want to be comfortable
if that's in adrien's arms
you don't get to judge me

adrikins:
yeah!!!

marinara:
nath
if you get cold
you can hug juleka

Thani:
She'll eat me alive.

marinara:
she's not as aggressive irl
you'll be fine

Thani:
She terrifies me.

marinara:
same

Alyarr:
isn't that a good thing
she's so powerful

marinara:
you're going to be amazed
at how
not scary she is

Thani:
I'm more scared of Juleka than I am of your fans.

marinara:
but you're all my fans
my minions

adrikins:
i'd gladly be your minion!!!!

marinara:
tuck me in with the blanket, minion

adrikins:
yes, sir!!!

Alyarr:
this roleplay
is not what I want to read right now

marinara:
sorry???
would you prefer something dirtier???

Thani:
We really don't want to know about your kinky roleplay, Mari.
Especially not with Adrien.

adrikins:
but what's wrong with me???

Alyarr:
she probably has your nip pic saved
that's what

Thani:
It makes it far too real.

adrikins:
am i ever going to live that down????

Thani:
No, you're not.

Alyarr:
just like when nath saw nino shirtless
it'll haunt us all
and be in our minds

marinara:
nino and adrien shirtless are two very different things

Alyarr:
yeah
because adrien's white enough to blind us all

adrikins:
i'm sorry??????

Thani:
You'll never be forgiven.

adrikins:
but
aren't you like as pale as me???

Alyarr:
I'm sure we'll find out tomorrow
but for now
I really want to know if mari has that pic saved

marinara:
what
of course I do
do you want it

adrikins:
delete it!!!!!!!

marinara:
no way
that's prime blackmail material

Thani:
Mmm.

Alyarr:
why
you're diabolical mari
a true genius

marinara:
thanks
I saved all the pics everyone else sent too
all in one folder

Alyarr:
not even named ones?
for shame

Thani:
The actual folder's probably just named an insult.

marinara:
it's in a loving way
I swear

adrikins:
if you love me
can you please delete my nipples????

marinara:
no way

adrikins:
but it's so embarrassing???
and there's no way for us to be even

Alyarr:
are
you asking to see our nipples

adrikins:
i
what
no?????
that's not what i meant!!!!

Thani:
I'm sure some wouldn't mind, but I'd rather not, thank you.
If it helps, I can barely remember it.

adrikins:
i'm going to cry

marinara:
I can show you some bad pictures of me???

Alyarr:
“bad”
a new way to say nudes
am I right

marinara:
fk off

adrikins:
really??????

marinara:
yeah, sure???
not here
these two don't deserve to see them

Alyarr:
I resent that
show us your nipples

marinara:
I wouldn't platonically bang either of you
so no

Thani:
So, only Adrien, huh?
Smooth.

marinara:
anything for a pal

adrikins:
i'll trade you
bad pics of chloe????

marinara:

heck yes
I need those

adrikins:
great!!!
they're on my phone
she said she'd punch me if i ever posted them!!!

marinara:
great
give me them so I can whip them out
when the date goes terribly and I need a distraction

Alyarr:
what do you mean when

marinara:
I'm optimistic

adrikins:
i'll gladly help!!!!

Thani:
A true friend.
There to help you ruin the date.

marinara:
my kinda guy

Alyarr:
you two get on far too well

marinara:
it's okay, alya
you'll get to share a blanket with me
someday
just not tomorrow

Alyarr:
can I yawn and wrap an arm around you
and cop a feel
at least

marinara:
anything for you, babe

Alyarr:
I love you again

adrikins:
does that mean i get to do that too

Thani:
Why don't you find out?

Chapter Text

Miraculous: Tales of Ladybug & Chat Noir © Thomas Astruc

group chat: milknet otp
marinara has joined the chat

marinara:
here's the message I got home okay

Alyarr:
it's
the day after

marinara:
yeah but
I'm okay

ninny:
youre not supposed to say the day after??
what if we thought you were dead
dont interrupt the mourning process

marinara:
no mourning in the morning

adrikins:
good morning!!!!!
it's a terrible day
please kill me

Thani:
You didn't even drink.

adrikins:
i'm smart????
not like anyone got drunk anyway

marinara:
I have to be thinking properly
to deal with you idiots

ninny:
that hurts
and after i gave you my nicest blanket

marinara:
you literally gave us your duvet

Alyarr:
yeah
and then we naked time on it after you left
so that's like
an indirect hug right

marinara:
that's
not a thing

Alyarr:
sure it is
like an indirect kiss
but more platonic you know?

Thani:
I'm almost convinced that you two are grosser than Mari and Juleka together.

marinara:
excuse you???
what is that supposed to mean

adrikins:
i agree!!!!!!!
juleka kept stealing you

marinara:
it's not stealing if I went willingly
she's better than all of you

ninny:
friend
zoned

marinara:
yes
because this is a zone of friends
fitting

Alyarr:
love us as much as juleka
please
we deserve it

marinara:
idk
none of you knew me before breasts

Alyarr:
you have breasts????

ninny:
i second that

adrikins:
why are you looking???
don't do that!!

marinara:
how old are you two

Alyarr:
older than you
baby

marinara:
I shuddered
please don't call me that

Alyarr:
why not
it's correct???

ninny:
correct and kinky
my kinda thing

marinara:
your kinda thing is supposed to be alya
this friendzone is feeling less and less
friendly

Alyarr:
we're not grooming you
don't worry

adrikins:
all i want
is to have half the hugs juleka has??
is that too much to ask

marinara:
you've gotta earn them
you're almost there

adrikins:
what more must i do???

marinara:
mm
I'll get back to you on that
gotta get ready for my date now

ninny:
oh
yeah thats a thing

Alyarr:
a thing a thing
sadly
chloe's told me it's not gonna be just the two of them
that would've been fun

ninny:
wtf
when did she tell you that

Alyarr:
when I was looking at my phone
when else

ninny:
???

Alyarr:
we're pals

Thani:
Does that mean she remembers your name now?

Alyarr:
well
she keeps getting it wrong
but it's definitely on purpose
no one can be that stupid

adrikins:
idk
it might be possible with her??

marinara:
rude
that's your friend you're talking about

adrikins:
exactly?????
i've seen her from fetus to thot

ninny:
ksdgldfhf

adrikins:
she's a dumbass???
but she's my dumbass

marinara:
maybe you should be going on this date??

adrikins:
i want to!!!!
but she doesn't want me there

Alyarr:
wait
did you two ever try and date
was that a thing

marinara:
oh my god
no
did you????

adrikins:
we
did not platonically bang!!
it's okay, mari!!

marinara:
oh
what a relief
everyone else would pale in comparison to her

adrikins:
that's what she told me
for many years

Alyarr:
I'm getting the feeling
her self-esteem is very high

adrikins:
what gave it away???
no dating but
she was convinced she was in love with me
which was awkward for a bit????

marinara:
sagjklasg really???

adrikins:
yeah!!
idk it was just
so weird because she's my friend??
i couldn't imagine it at all
not when we're that close

Thani:
You and Mari and bond over this, clearly.

ninny:
you should salty

Thani:
I doubt Adrien told Chloé that she didn't have a soul.

adrikins:
no
i did

ninny:
what

adrikins:
have you met her????
soulless

marinara:
true
but I really have to go get pimped out
this is revenge for your friend-zoning, clearly

adrikins:
nooo!!!!!!
i'm sorry this happened to you because of me
i'm the worst

marinara:
I'll think about forgiving you
see ya, losers

marinara has left the chat

-x-

private chat: Thani and marinara

Thani:
I finished Nino's present for Adrien.

marinara:

I swear
if it's nsfw of me and him
I'm going to kill myself

Thani:
I'd never draw you and Nino so intimately, Mari.
What do you take me for?

marinara:
shameless
and someone that just wants money

Thani:
I have needs and he has money.

marinara:
and I have your address

Thani:
No, you don't.

marinara:
true
but I've got alya's number now
I'm sure she'll give me it

Thani:
You mean, you'll just ask for hers and come to haunt me.

marinara:
pretty much

Thani:
I've almost finished yours, too.

marinara:
do you have space for more commissions

Thani:
Maybe one, but you'll be put at the back.
You okay with waiting?

marinara:
yeah, that's fine
I just want more emotes

Thani:
Greedy.

marinara:
what can I say
gotta match luka for everything

Thani:
Does that mean you'll be asking for matching icons next?

marinara:
that's
not a bad idea, actually
I'll get back to you on that

Thani:
...I was kidding.

marinara:
too late
we're gonna be couple goals

Thani:
You're not even a couple.

marinara:
but we are a couple of idiots
doesn't that count

-x-

group chat: milknet otp
marinara has joined the chat

leks:
u

marinara:
me

Alyarr:
yeeees

marinara:
no

Alyarr:
tell me more
you can't just ignore my texts like that

marinara:
I can and did

leks:
i like chloe

marinara:
you're taken
and you obviously don't enough to put the accent

Alyarr:
nath's the only one that adds that now
sorry

leks:
i like chloe platonically

marinara:
no, you just like me suffering
and that's literally what happened

leks:
can u pls tell alya
i didn't want to spoil it

marinara:
no

leks:
why

marinara:
because you laughed at me

leks:
ye
but when don't i

marinara:
fuck off

Alyarr:
please give me half the affection you show juleka

marinara:
you can fuck off too

leks:
boring
it was a threesome

marinara:
I did not have a threesome
thank you

leks:
pussy

marinara:
you're the worst

Alyarr:
so what
it was you chloe and some dude?

leks:
if by some dude
u mean adrien
ye

marinara:
I will not stand
for this bullying

leks:
sit

marinara:
no!!!

marinara has left the chat

-x-

private chat: adrikins and marinara

marinara:
have they stopped the teasing yet

adrikins:
no!!
chloe's here now and she's loving it
i'm sorry!!!!!

marinara:
I'm going to fake my death
in a tragic accident
do you want to join me

adrikins:
i'd do anything with you

marinara:
suicide pact
let's go

adrikins:
a fake suicide pact
that's the important part!!!

marinara:
details

adrikins:
sfgdh
please don't kill us
i want to spend more time with you first

marinara:
are you asking for a second date here????
was it really that good

adrikins:
it was great!!!!
i really liked the part where
chloe just sat with us the whole time

marinara:
how dare you
she was with her own date

adrikins:
her date was a drink?????

marinara:
details??

adrikins:
sdlgjkdfhfdh
i'm so sorry about her
that was embarrassing???

marinara:
it's embarrassing that you
really thought you had to come pick me up

adrikins:
i'm sorry for trusting her????
i thought you really did have a nosebleed

marinara:
sadly, I did not
but thanks for staying anyway
good lunch date

adrikins:
are lunch dates all i'll get with you???
you're busy most nights

marinara:
sorry, sorry
but I can take a day off if you ever want to do anything??
just need a bit of warning
gotta keep it consistent

adrikins:
can i pick you up from work again??
that worked well last time
right???

marinara:
yeah, that was great
got dinner out of the way and I could spend time with you
but like
don't you have class and stuff

adrikins:
i won't skip it or anything!!
but i do want to spend more time with you
preferably
when chloe's not there???

marinara:
yeah, of course!!!

adrikins:
fuck chloe!!!!

marinara:
no thanks
you were the third wheel on my date with her
it was dreadful

adrikins:
but
doesn't that make me the guy she said about????

marinara:
are you trying to say
she was complimenting you

adrikins:
you're
right
that's impossible????

marinara:
I think she was just fucking with us

adrikins:
i'm sad now
but at least i got to spend two days with you!!!!
a whole weekend

marinara:
I mean
we could do it again??

adrikins:
are you asking for a second date????

marinara:
it wasn't even a first
don't be ridiculous

adrikins:
a guy can dream??

marinara:
why are you dreaming about me
adrien

adrikins:
because i think you're
pretty dreamy???

marinara:
that
was awful

adrikins:
awfully true!!!

marinara:
the actual worst

adrikins:
does that mean you're uninviting me

marinara:
yes
wait no
I want to give you your present in person

adrikins:
you're giving me a present?????

marinara:
yeah, of course???
birthday boy needs a present

adrikins:
but
i didn't get you anything

marinara:
you said happy birthday to my alter ego
my girlfriend at the time

adrikins:
can you please
not refer to yourself like that????
it scares me

marinara:
my ex-girlfriend
sorry

adrikins:
it's so weird??????

marinara:
I can't help it
we broke up because you loved her more than me
I couldn't handle it any more

adrikins:
noo!!!!!!!!!!
i love the marinette you more!!

marinara:
oh my god
you hate me at night??

adrikins:
don't twist!!!!!
i like my friend
not the one i have to watch to be able to see???

marinara:
I mean
ladybug's your friend too

adrikins:
third person????

marinara:
we're tagged in pictures together and everything
that's friendship

adrikins:
thank you for friendshipping me
with you

marinara:
you're welcome
it just cost you your dignity

adrikins:
did i ever have that???

marinara:
yeah, no
you're right about that
good job

adrikins:
i regret liking this version of you

marinara:
fucking rude

adrikins:
stop talking in third person
and i'll like you even more!!!!

marinara:
are you threatening me

adrikins:
absolutely!!

marinara:
consider me
warned

adrikins:
good.

-x-

group chat: milknet is dead
marinara has joined the chat

marinara:
nino

ninny:
is not here
can i take a msg

Alyarr:
there was no beep
you gotta pretend to beep first

marinara:
I'm
going to come into your work

ninny:
sounds like a date

marinara:
I
cannot believe you????

adrikins:
why is he the first to meet your mom?????

Alyarr:
he's not though???
hasn't chloe met them

adrikins:
chloe is dead to me??

Alyarr:
right
forgot about that

marinara:
don't change the fucking subject
you can't just
introduce yourself as the best thing to happen to me
oh my god????

Alyarr:
does she think you're dating
please tell me that's a thing

ninny:
is it a lie tho
look at all this
it all happened because of me
worship me

marinara:
I hate you
so much??????
my mom wants you to come over to dinner
because she thinks we're dating now

ninny:
why would she think that

Alyarr:
because
you're the best thing????

ninny:
but i said no when she asked

marinara:
you weren't very convincing
apparently
now my parents are asking why I haven't mentioned you????

adrikins:
this is abuse
you won't even let me meet them!!!

marinara:
oh my god
it's not my fault you just
lurk outside and wait for me
you could just come in and talk to me????

adrikins:
no, you're working??

marinara:
dlgdh
forget it

Alyarr:
can I come to the dinner too

marinara:
no???

Alyarr:
fucking rude
trying to get nino all alone???

marinara:
you can keep him??
now my parents just
ask about that nice girl chloe
and my handsome boyfriend
fucking murder me

adrikins:
can i have a nickname

marinara:
that nice girl's friend
sorry

adrikins:
wait
for real?????

marinara:
yeah??
they've seen me leave with you
what did you expect

adrikins:
i
don't know
but chloe's not a nice girl

ninny:
fucking rude
chloe is a saint

adrikins:
how much did she pay you to say that????

ninny:
not enough
my soul will never be the same

Alyarr:
babe
I don't think you have one

ninny:
oh
that makes sense

marinara:
rip

adrikins:
i still love you, nino

ninny:
thanks, man
it means a lot

adrikins:
!!!!!

marinara:
wasn't I supposed to be the slut
why is nino the one getting around now

Alyarr:
he's a slippery boy

marinara:
please
never say that again

Alyarr:
what
it's a good thing sometimes

marinara:
I don't want to know about your bedroom time
or what you did in that duvet

Alyarr:
we did all the things you won't let me have with you

marinara:
are you hitting on me
and bragging at the same time

Alyarr:
I thought you wanted to get some

marinara:
I rethought my life
figured out that I shouldn't do that

Alyarr:
was that before or after
your date turned out to be adrien

adrikins:
it wasn't a date!!!!

marinara:
is it really a date when chloé was with us
staring

ninny:
yeah, totally
free entertainment

marinara:
go away

ninny:
no

adrikins:
it was just lunch!!!!

Alyarr:
wasn't it supposed to be brunch

marinara:
idk
everything's breakfast to me
until it's dark

ninny:
that means any time you drink in the day
you think its sad

marinara:
I'm a sad person
literally

adrikins:
i'll try and cheer you up!!

Alyarr:
and now that sounds like a date
was this what it was like whenever I spoke to nino

marinara:
what do you mean was
you're still gross together

ninny:
thanks
youre a babe, mari

marinara:
ew

Alyarr:
hey!!!
that's you admitting you're gross with adrien

marinara:
of course I am
we're besties

adrikins:
the bestest!!!!!
i know you're jealous
but you can't break us apart

ninny:
i mean
juleka can break you apart in moments
sry

marinara:
that doesn't count
juleka is like my pet
she has to be number one
forever

adrikins:
isn't that a kid????

marinara:
no, a pet.

Alyarr:
that was a description of a kid and a pet

marinara:
I'm not into pet play
oh my god no
don't you dare start this

ninny:
we didnt say anything
youre the one that jumped to that??
got something to tell us?????

Alyarr:
yeah mari
what's wrong with you

marinara:

I like juleka to most

adrikins:
someday
i'll duel her for the number one spot

marinara:
what

adrikins:
in your heart!!!

marinara:
but you've already got a spot there????
be satisfied with that

ninny:
thirsty

marinara:
you're dead to me

adrikins:
i'm not asking for much!!!!!

marinara:
you're asking me to ignore
the love of my life

Alyarr:
you've never called juleka that in your life

marinara:
how dare you???
our love is pure and shouldn't be mocked

ninny:
she has a girlfriend

marinara:
rose understands
she gets me

adrikins:
you have weird friends

marinara:
explains why you're all my friends
right

Alyarr:
is that the benefit of us
we're weird??

marinara:
yes
but I've stopped trying to fuck everyone
I'm back to being innocent

adrikins:
good!!!!
you're supposed to be the baby here

marinara:
no roleplay here
whatsoever

ninny:
disgusting

marinara:
exactly

Alyarr:
I don't know
I'd roleplay with you

marinara:
and that's why I don't want it

Alyarr:
but you wanted me as your mother before???

marinara:
you've got no proof
it never happened

ninny:
no playing house, alya
thats banned

adrikins:
you're both too young for children!!!!
let mari be free and parentless!!

ninny:
thats
because you dont want to ask us for permission

marinara:
please don't ask any of my parents anything
fake or real
please do not talk to them
I do not need this harassment

ninny:
i must establish my role as your father

marinara:
you
do not

Alyarr:
excellent
assure them that I'm a good mother too
please

ninny:
i shall
dont worry, babe
itll be fine

adrikins:
i can see why chloe's the nice girl
compared to you, nino

marinara:
nino's just
my boyfriend
not even a nice boyfriend

ninny:
what
doesnt that sound
bad compared to nice girl

Alyarr:
greet them properly
at the dinner you're going to

marinara:
there is no dinner

ninny:
thats rude, mari
they invited me and everything

marinara:
but not to your face
therefore
it's never happening

adrikins:
you can have dinner with me instead!!!

ninny:
sweet
lets do that

adrikins:
but only if chloe can come
she wants to meet you

marinara:
that'll be fun for you
enjoy, nino

ninny:
youre coming too
if im suffering
then so are you

adrikins:
how dare you calling it suffering??

Alyarr:
adrien
babe
my boy
watching you and mari together is suffering

marinara:
excuse you???
that's offensive

ninny:
good
youre offensive to my eyes

marinara:
we're
nothing like you and alya
you two are gross now
but before you started dating???
the grossest

ninny:
my dream is to be the grossest
with you forever, babe

Alyarr:
true love

adrikins:
hope you say that at your wedding!!

ninny:
only if mari will be my best man
and just glare at us the whole time

marinara:
I'll be glaring at you two any time we meet

Alyarr:
you can just say that you want me to hug you
it's ok mari
you can admit it

marinara:
no.

ninny:
pussy

marinara:
stop your girlfriend from hitting on me

ninny:
no
you deserve it

Alyarr:
xo

Chapter Text

Miraculous: Tales of Ladybug & Chat Noir © Thomas Astruc

private chat: adrikins and marinara

adrikins:
oh
my god????????
i'm messaging you here so you don't
actually reply on stream but
thank you so much??????????????
i really wasn't expecting a shoutout like that!!!
i feel so special
absolutely my favourite streamer!!!
it's even better that i know so much about you
not in like
a creepy way???
wait is it creepy
we're friends
i should know things!!!!
nevermind
this birthday boy is going to bed!!
you're so sweet!!

-x-

group chat: birth birth birth
marinara has joined the chat

marinara:
birth!!!

Alyarr:
birth!!!!!!!!!

ninny:
birth

adrikins:
birth!!

chloesterol:
u survived until now

marinara:
until

adrikins:
i mean
she's not wrong???
in her own threatening way

ninny:
good job not being murdered by chloe
youre no longer a fetus

adrikins:
non-fetus is twenty-one???

marinara:
fuck off
that'll mean everyone here is
right

ninny:
idk
i take it back
i didnt think that through

Alyarr:
babe
do you ever think anything through

ninny:
rude???????
i thought about our future
but im not so sure any more

adrikins:
you can't breakup on my birthday????

ninny:
son
im sorry
im eloping with mari

chloesterol:
how about
no

adrikins:
what she said!!!!

Alyarr:
maybe I want to be the one to elope with mari???
she respects me
and responds to my texts

marinara:
you haven't texted me

Alyarr:
see
she remembers our conversations
unlike someone
leaving me on read this morning

ninny:
i was busy

Alyarr:
I'm busy for the foreseeable future
with mari

adrikins:
can this
pls not be my present

ninny:
idk, man
i was gonna come give you your actual present
but this seems good enough

Alyarr:
stealing mari away from you
is the greatest present of all

marinara:
isn't
that an insult

chloesterol:
ur all weirdos
can u stop thinking about threesomes
for like one minute
and listen to me

marinara:
you haven't said anything???

chloesterol:
i was waiting for the attention
that i deserve

ninny:
i mean
do you

chloesterol:
shut up
ur ugly

Alyarr:
algjkshdh
suck burn

marinara:
suck

ninny:
suck

Alyarr:
wtf
don't turn on me like this

chloesterol:
ya
losers
are u gonna listen or what

adrikins:
what do you want from us

chloesterol:
u to leave
so i dont have to create a new chat
or type the same message
multiple fucking times

adrikins:
is this about my party

chloesterol:
who says ur getting a party
spoiled fuck

adrikins:
um
you always try and give me one??

chloesterol:
so

adrikins:
so

chloesterol:
can u fuck off
adrien
pls

adrikins:
ask nicely
and i'll think about it

ninny:
do you want me to kick him
master chloe

chloesterol:
ye
do that

adrikins:
you backstabber?????
it's my birthday!!!

marinara:
go celebrate by yourself

adrikins:
fine!!!

adrikins has left the chat

Alyarr:
didn't we already sort everything out

marinara:
yeah but
he doesn't know that

chloesterol:
he pretends he hates it
but he loves my parties rly

ninny:
honestly read that as panties
and got really concerned

Alyarr:
I'm concerned for you

chloesterol:
ur not the first to think about them

marinara:
and
that's as much bonding as I can take
peace out

chloesterol:
weak

-x-

private chat: Thani and marinara

Thani:
I take it he liked his present.

marinara:
he was fucking horrified, nath
it was glorious
thank you for enabling me

Thani:
I mean, if anything you're the one enabling me.
To draw Nino shirtless.

marinara:
a sight you've studied before
ruthlessly

Thani:
Was that really the right word to use?
I can understand why he has to wear glasses now.

marinara:
sassy
(image: adrien holding a canvas with shirtless nino picture on it)

Thani:
That's a good face.

marinara:
I think so

Thani:
I meant the expression.
Stop being thirsty.

marinara:
???
don't bully me like this??

Thani:
Stop being so obvious, then.

marinara:
it's platonic lust

Thani:
Yeah, I'm not an idiot.
Sorry, Mari.

marinara:
I can't believe you're calling me out like this

Thani:
I'm just being honest.
Everyone can tell that you like him by now, by the way.

marinara:
but
he doesn't know that
so that's what matters
ok??

Thani:
...He can't be that oblivious.

marinara:
idk
I'm playing dumb until he calls me out on it
let me thirst in peace

Thani:
Hey, you're not denying it any more.

marinara:
listen
I already had juleka telling me that I'm being a dumb bitch
it's all over for me when even she knows that

Thani:
Even she?
She seems to know you really well.

marinara:
and that's why I listen to her
can you like
not tease me about this in front of him
please???

Thani:
I'm not that much of a dick.
If I do upset you, feel free to say.
I'll tone it down.

marinara:
why do I recognise those words
they seem so familiar to me

Thani:
Back from when you viciously broke my heart.

marinara:
excuse you???

Thani:
I'm trying to stop the same from happening to you, okay.
I'm a nice and caring person.

marinara:
who's teasing me

Thani:
Well, I need to enjoy myself somehow, right?

marinara:
by making me cry

Thani:
I couldn't do it in the sexy way, so this will have to do.

marinara:
sadlgdfhd

Thani:
Your keysmash has sad in it.
I'm offended.

marinara:
and I'm horrified?????
how did this happen to you
go back to being a nun
no sex jokes for you

Thani:
I can't help it, Mari.
You bring out this side of me.

marinara:
lock it up????
go back to being socially awkward

Thani:
We can't all be Juleka.

marinara:
hey
watch it

Thani:
I understand her in so many ways.

marinara:
oh no
you're trying to copy her
aren't you???

Thani:
I can only dream to be as cool as her.

marinara:
I'm concerned about you even more

Thani:
The paint fumes are getting to my head.
I'm sorry, Mari.
This is the end for me.

marinara:
ok
bye

Thani:
...At least pretend to mourn me.

marinara:
it's not morning

Thani:
Don't just reply with a terrible pun.
Don't you even care about me at all?

marinara:
no.

Thani:
So cold.

marinara:
so suffer

Thani:
I'm dying slowly.

marinara:
aren't we all????
I don't feel any pity for you

Thani:
Why are you so heartless?

marinara:
because you tease me about adrien???
karma, bitch

Thani:
I hope something terrible happens to you.

marinara:
too late
I already know you

Thani:
That was the best thing to ever happen to you.

marinara:
fucking lies
that's juleka

Thani:
Can anyone ever be as important as her to you?
It's hard to match up to her.

marinara:
that's the point
loser

Thani:
I'll break it to Adrien that he'll be second best forever.

marinara:
and I'll
break you

Thani:
Kinky.

marinara:
you'll get me screaming in a new
non-sexual way

Thani:
What do you mean new?

marinara:
typo
pls
I have never touched myself to you
I can swear on my life

Thani:
It's too late.
I'm using that as a badge of honour.
You've screamed about me in a sexual way.

marinara:
I
hate you

Thani:
Our love is endless.

-x-

group chat: afterbirth is gross
marinara has joined the chat

leks:
yo

marinara:
don't you
fucking yo me
you troll

adrikins:
so mean to the love of your life!!!

marinara:
it's how I show my affection??
don't judge me, adrien

adrikins:
that means you don't love me at all???????
that's even worse!!!

marinara:
you're unlovable
sorry

adrikins:
father
is that you???

marinara:
asklgjsdghdh
??????

leks:
this is too deep for me
can u not
i'm sensitive

adrikins:
it was a joke!!!

marinara:
it made me have a fucking heart attack

leks:
doesn't adrien do that to u anyway

marinara:
what's that
is that the wind in the chat

leks:
that
doesn't work

marinara:
do you hear that, adrien???
the weather sure is bad today

adrikins:
how old are you????

marinara:
a fetus, apparently

adrikins:
but
that means i'm a pedophile???????

marinara:
for
being my friend?

adrikins:
the platonic bang
isn't supposed to end with me in jail

leks:
that's what the bang is
the end of ur future

adrikins:
that's the worst???

leks:
i don't make the rules
having sex with mari means
ur life is ruined

marinara:
thanks for that lovely compliment
you're a real pal, juleka

leks:
it got u to talk to me
loser

marinara:
fuck you
you're dead to me

leks:
u love me

adrikins:
what
did she do

marinara:
she can't do anything to me
she's dead

leks:
i told her mom about nino
not being her boyfriend

adrikins:
no!!!!!
his purpose in life is over
how will he go on now??

marinara:
okay, drama queen
calm down there

adrikins:
my ship has died

marinara:
that's not the phrase

adrikins:
it exploded
violently!!!

marinara:
okay

leks:
i said she has a crush on someone instead

marinara:
you're dead to me

leks:
uve said that before
when will it be true

marinara:
now

leks:
stop talking to the dead mari
ur not in a horror film

marinara:
I feel like it
when I see your face

leks:
mature

marinara:
you embarrass me

leks:
u don't have an older sibling
i have to do my part

marinara:
ur white

leks:
i'm doing my part
fuck off

marinara:
why

adrikins:
oh my god no???
you can't tell her parents about her girlfriend!!!
mari, you can't date yourself again!!!

leks:
but why not

marinara:
it was stupid enough telling you guys that
there's no way my parents will believe that shit
you're all just idiots

adrikins:
but
we're your idiots???

marinara:
I'm regretting that decision

adrikins:
ok
disown the others
but keep me!!

marinara:
idk
you all might have to battle royale for my heart

leks:
no thanks

marinara:
that's it
juleka's won
sorry

leks:
i don't want it

marinara:
you don't get a choice
you ungrateful shit

leks:
can u not
i already have someone i love

marinara:
yeah, and it's me
what's your point

adrikins:
you're
starting to sound like chloe here

marinara:
I like chloé more than any of you
because she's not here right now

adrikins:
that's
the only reason people like her

leks:
nvm
u two are perfect for each other
both dicks

adrikins:
is that the wind????

leks:

leks has left the chat

marinara:
aklsjghdhdh
I thought you were supposed to be the mature one???

adrikins:
you've rubbed off on me
sorry???

marinara:
man, you wish

adrikins:
you're right!!!

marinara:
but I don't want you to go to jail
so we can't ever do anything
I'm sorry, adrien
we're just not meant to be.

adrikins:
are
are you friend-zoning me???

marinara:
would it help
if it's best friend

adrikins:
no???
my heart is broken
now I'll really never get to meet your parents

marinara:
sure you can
as a friend

adrikins:
that's terrible!!!

marinara:
wtf
sorry being my friend isn't good enough??
you spoilt shit
chloé was right about you

adrikins:
chloe is never right????
how dare you

marinara:
how dare
you

adrikins:
no
how dare u

marinara:
u?????

adrikins:
u!!!

marinara:
why would you do this
to me
I can't handle this

adrikins:
you should've thought about that first
before becoming a fetus

marinara:

but I'm twenty

adrikins:
and i've one-upped you
literally!!!

marinara:
oh, fuck off
you're terrible

adrikins:
but
don't you love me

marinara:
maybe

adrikins:
only maybe????

marinara:
idk
do you deserve more??

adrikins:
yeah!!
definitely
i'm like
the coolest person you know

marinara:
no
that's juleka

adrikins:
you can't pick her for everything????

marinara:
um
fucking watch me??

adrikins:
do i have to kill her
to take her place

marinara:
that would just make me sad
is that what you want, adrien???
to make me cry??
you're just like nath

adrikins:
no!!!

marinara:
men are all the same
blah blah
stereotyping
I'm so sad

adrikins:
mari no!!!!!
i promise not to kill juleka

marinara:
okay, cool
thanks for that

adrikins:
but i do have a question

marinara:
yeah???
hit me with it

adrikins:
am i
first at anything for you???

marinara:
yeah!!
I mean
you are one of my best friends!!!!

adrikins:
but so are others!!!

marinara:
and others are your best friends too???
I'm not first at anything!!

adrikins:
hey
hey
you don't know that!!

marinara:
???
yes, I do???
chloé and nino are like
your best friends??

adrikins:
maybe juleka's my number one too

marinara:
yeah, no
you barely speak to her outside of here???

adrikins:
she
intimidates me

marinara:
what
why
she's so sweet???

adrikins:
yeah but
if i accidentally upset her
or something
you'll never talk to me again???

marinara:
wait
you're not wrong but
I wouldn't just ignore you??

adrikins:
see!!!

marinara:
if I liked you less
I wouldn't listen to your side of the story???
I'd just be pissed off

adrikins:
does that
mean you like me??

marinara:
yeah, dude
totally

adrikins:
that
sounds very sarcastic???
i'm being serious here

marinara:
so am I???
I like you
a lot
that should be obvious

adrikins:
oh!!
that's
nice

marinara:
yeah
nice

adrikins:
I also like you

marinara:

that's nice

adrikins:
alfsgdh
don't use my own words against me??
i'm awkward, okay
i can't help it

marinara:
you're cute

adrikins:
don't try and weasel your way out of this
by being cute

marinara:
isn't that what you're doing
right now

adrikins:
i am not weaselling???
how dare you

marinara:
yeah, you are
being cute is unfair

adrikins:
why???
you're just biased

marinara:
is that a problem?????

adrikins:
i
never said that

marinara:
great
glad we sorted that out

adrikins:
good
me too

marinara:
nice

adrikins:
i'm biased about you too

marinara:
secretly
I'm not your favourite streamer
I'm onto you

adrikins:
!!!!
no one will ever replace you!!!

marinara:
mmm
I'm watching you
and your lies

adrikins:
you're in my heart forever!!!!

marinara:
nice

adrikins:
nice

-x-

private chat: leks and marinara

leks:
ya

marinara:
no

leks:
what do u mean no
u can't run away from me

marinara:
watch me

leks:
??
ur literally coming over later

marinara:
yeah, not to see you
I'll avoid you

leks:
i'm not letting u in

marinara:
luka will let me in

leks:
he'll have headphones on
so no

marinara:
your mom loves me

leks:
no
she's out

marinara:
???
what do you mean no
she adores me

leks:
no she's not here
idk
she has weird taste

marinara:
explains why she loves you

leks:
boohoo
get over it

marinara:
okay
make it quick
what do you want

leks:
so

marinara:
so

leks:
i've been talking to chloe

marinara:
that
is not a good sentence

leks:
and she agrees with me
we've come to
an
understanding

marinara:
this is so
ominous

leks:
are u ready for this

marinara:
no

leks:
are u sure

marinara:

fine
what is it

leks:
u and adrien

marinara:
???
go on

leks:
are both idiots

marinara:
???????????????????
is that it

leks:
ye

marinara:
wow
thank you so much
for that knowledge
I'm so glad you and chloé are friends
you can both be geniuses together

leks:
just like u and adrien

marinara:
this was a real insightful chat
thanks

leks:
i'm here to help

marinara:
fucking let me in later

leks:
idk
might just leave u outside
until u come to ur senses

marinara:
oh my god
I will block you

leks:
technology doesn't limit
my ability to annoy u

marinara:
why

leks:
i know where u live

marinara:
why.

-x-

group chat: afterbirth is gross
marinara has joined the chat

marinara:
hello

leks:
yo

marinara:
hello
is anyone here

chloesterol:
yeah
hi mari
hope ur clean now

marinara:
no thanks to you

chloesterol:
ur welcome

leks:
pls tell me u got it

chloesterol:
u fucking bet i did
hang on

marinara:

chloesterol:
(image: marinette frowning at milkshake on her shirt)

marinara:
why

chloesterol:
this ones my favourite
(image: marinette glaring at camera)

marinara:
I hate you

leks:
thanks
i need these for reasons

marinara:
you two being friends
is the worst fucking thing

chloesterol:
(image: marinette grimacing while using blender)
what do u mean
im making a ladybug documentary
i need to be prepared

marinara:
no
you are not

chloesterol:
u say no now
but someday
ull give in to my charm

marinara:
charm??????
my ass

leks:
idk
i think she's pretty great

marinara:
you're a pathetic lesbian
stop that

leks:
make me

chloesterol:
understandable
im sorry i have this effect on people
its a curse

marinara:
you
are not even a little bit modest

chloesterol:
no one has ever called my body modest before
so no

marinara:

chloesterol:
ur so innocent

marinara:
I hate you both

leks:
but uve been confessing ur love for me
like
daily

marinara:
I've finally come to my senses??
you two are the worst people

chloesterol:
(image: marinette glaring at camera)

marinara:
yes
that's exactly why

chloesterol:
dont be ridiculous
no one can ever hate me

marinara:
are you sure about that

chloesterol:
my pros outweigh the cons

marinara:
let me guess
the pros are your looks

chloesterol:
aw
see
u love me

marinara:
you love yourself

chloesterol:
but i also like u
so i have something for u

marinara:
I don't want it
...what is it

chloesterol:
a peace offering

marinara:
there is no peace
when ur here

chloesterol:
ye thats true
but still

marinara:
what is it?????

chloesterol:
idk
do u deserve it now
ur a brat

marinara:
so???
adrien's a brat and you like him
don't pretend you even hate me

chloesterol:
idk
maybe ill show u
if u take a pic with me

marinara:
excuse
me

chloesterol:
with u in good clothes

marinara:
oh my god
leave my wardrobe alone

chloesterol:
look good with me
mari

marinara:
fine
I'll take a nice picture with you
that you just want to post

chloesterol:
great
glad we got that sorted

marinara:
there wasn't any chance of me saying no
was there

chloesterol:
ur a pussy
u give in too easily

leks:
i can second that

marinara:
what the fuck
stop teaming up

leks:
no

marinara:
this is the worst

chloesterol:
do u want that peace offering now

marinara:
will it mend my broken heart???

chloesterol:
it might make u cry

marinara:
then no
the heck

chloesterol:
not from ur eyes

marinara:

you're gross

chloesterol:
(image: adrien sleeping with plagg beside his head)

marinara:
I

chloesterol:
yes
go on

marinara:
I think you're okay

chloesterol:
(image: adrien with plagg's paw on his cheek)

marinara:
!!!!!!!
that is so cute!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

chloesterol:
tell me im pretty

marinara:
no
adrien's the pretty one right now

chloesterol:
wtf
i did that for attention

marinara:
you did it for a pic with me
consider me bribed

Chapter Text

Miraculous: Tales of Ladybug & Chat Noir © Thomas Astruc

private chat: adrikins and marinara

adrikins:
people are very
very weird, mari
so weird???

marinara:
do I even want to know

adrikins:
i got asked if i know you today????

marinara:
but
there's pictures of us online??

adrikins:
taking pictures
and knowing you is completely different!!!

marinara:
so what
did you tell them you know
that I cry in my bedroom
and think about how big the world is???

adrikins:
you cry over my beauty
don't lie!!!

marinara:
you caught me

adrikins:
idk
i didn't really answer??
i barely know them
we just have classes together

marinara:
keep them guessing
do you know my deep dirty secrets??
who knows

adrikins:
can i be your dirty secret

marinara:
do you wanna get dirty with me

adrikins:
yes!!

marinara:
and
deep

adrikins:
right into the deep end
i've got my inflatable armbands on!!!

marinara:
are you trying to tell me
you don't know how to swim

adrikins:
no
i meant i have protection

marinara:
oh
well
that's always good

adrikins:
always be prepared!!!
just like you and your umbrella

marinara:
listen
leave my umbrella out of this???
I just leave it in my bag, okay

adrikins:
so prepared!!
so smart!!!

marinara:
that doesn't sound sincere at all

adrikins:
that's because i know you
sorry

marinara:
you know me so you can't
think I'm smart???

adrikins:
i know
many things

marinara:
I'm not nino
putting milk in the dishwasher
instead of the fridge

adrikins:
mari
you forget what day it is

marinara:
leave me alone???

adrikins:
and you always
believe your chat when they say your mic is off???

marinara:
okay
I'm too trusting

adrikins:
you should only trust me
i'll protect you

marinara:
you???
sorry, I don't think so

adrikins:
excuse you???

marinara:
adrien
you're a huge wimp??

adrikins:
that is
so rude?????

marinara:
but is it wrong

adrikins:
i could protect you!!!

marinara:
yeah but
from what

adrikins:
...things

marinara:
don't fucking
say stds

adrikins:
my mind was not going there????

marinara:
for real???
my bad
you're clearly innocent again

adrikins:
i'm more innocent than you

marinara:
do you wanna fight about it
punk
is this a competition???

adrikins:
no no no
no no

marinara:
mmm
don't forget
I know your secrets too

adrikins:
yeah but
no one goes up to you and asks
if you know me

marinara:
maybe they will
one day

adrikins:
yeah, right????
it's always just me getting asked
about chloe
and now you
you!!!!!
how could you do this to me

marinara:
what
be your friend publicly??

adrikins:
yes???
now people expect things of me

marinara:
oh, sweetheart
no one expects anything of you

adrikins:
the heck!!!!!!!

marinara:
kidding
I expect a lot from you
a lot of stupidity

adrikins:
dig the dagger in deeper????
i'm so offended

marinara:
you love me

adrikins:
yeha
i do

marinara:
yeha

adrikins:
?????

marinara:
discount yeehaw

adrikins:
that's
what you got out of that???

marinara:
slow down there, partner

adrikins:
mari!!!

marinara:
what
I love you
but you have to let me make fun of you???

adrikins:
that's the price i have to pay???

marinara:
my heart is hard to have
you have to suffer

adrikins:
does that mean i have it

marinara:
I fucking swear
adrien
if this is a dick joke

adrikins:
what
maybe thinking is hard
not just my penis???

marinara:
mmm
not believing it

adrikins:
the disapproval you have for my crotch
is very worrying???

marinara:
you're just worrying in general
sorry

adrikins:
that's so rude!!!

marinara:
but honest??

adrikins:
so cruel
so mean

marinara:
you'll get over it

adrikins:
is this the suffering
i have to go through for your love???

marinara:
yes
you really deserve it

adrikins:
the love or suffering??

marinara:
both
you've earned it
good job

adrikins:
is that sarcasm
or not

marinara:
it's not
you're great
good job.

adrikins:
yeah!!!

marinara:
I think you mean
yeha

adrikins:

do you want me to say howdy????
what do you want from me????????????

marinara:
love and affection
I don't ask for much

adrikins:
you're asking
for the impossible!!

marinara:
loving me is impossible???
fucking rude, dude

adrikins:
don't you rhyme at me??
i'm upset at you

marinara:
go ride off on your horse then

adrikins:
your stereotypes are offensive!!!

marinara:
you're offensive

adrikins:
you're so rude!!!!!!
give me the sweet mari back
i don't like this one

marinara:
you made me this way

adrikins:
i take it all back!!!!!

marinara:
it's too late
you said you loved me
I'm here to stay

adrikins:
will
my hatred banish you??

marinara:
try it

adrikins:
i
can't
you're too lovable

marinara:
ah, yes
inflate my ego more

adrikins:
i'll inflate it like my armbands
ready for danger

marinara:
what
even are you

adrikins:
a mess
that didn't even make sense
i'm so sorry???

marinara:
you poor thing
you're losing your mind

adrikins:
you're
right...
this is the suffering
isn't it???

marinara:
the price of love

adrikins:
and i'm not even
getting any action from this???
this is a terrible deal

marinara:
idk
be nicer to me and we'll see

adrikins:
what if i asked you over for dinner

marinara:
that depends
will you be making it

adrikins:
is that what you want???

marinara:
your home is like
an impenetrable fortress
i want compensation for sneaking in

adrikins:
i

marinara:
that's not penetration
before you fucking
say it

adrikins:
but you set that right up????

marinara:
and i snatched it away
bitch

adrikins:
marinette!!!!!

marinara:
oh
full name
did that joke mean that much to you??

adrikins:
i
don't know your full name??????????????

marinara:
let's keep it that way

adrikins:
mari
what is your name

marinara:
forbidden

adrikins:
i take it back
you can't come over for dinner

marinara:
why
because you can't introduce me
to daddy dearest now???

adrikins:
oh my god???
i was going to sneak you in
when he's away
i'm not an idiot!!

marinara:
I'm your dirty secret now????
I'm so fucking offended

adrikins:
!!!!

marinara:
am I not worth an introduction

adrikins:
you are
to the ones that matter

marinara:
rude

adrikins:
like plagg!!!
he runs the house

marinara:

please
let me come over for dinner

adrikins:
okay
great
it's a date

marinara:
play-date with the kitten

adrikins:
yes

marinara:
yeha

adrikins:
let it
die!!!!!!!

marinara:
calm down, bucko

adrikins:
i will block you!!!!!

-x-

group chat: we love chloe
marinara has joined the chat

marinara:
you obviously don't love her enough for the accent
why the love

ninny:
shes invaded all of our hearts
it was
inevitable

marinara:
I'm
sure

adrikins:
she just offered a christmas party!!!

ninny:
what do you mean
just
fucking rude

adrikins:

sorry???

ninny:
as you should be???
you dicks were only at mine for like
two hours
and made so much mess

adrikins:
and you think chloe will clear that up
all by herself??????

ninny:
thats why she has you
right

adrikins:
no!!!!

marinara:
is this another dress up party

adrikins:
yes
but a bad sweater is enough for her!!!

marinara:
are you talking from experience here

adrikins:
none of my clothes are bad???
unlike you
miss
needs to go shopping

marinara:
what the fuck
I'm going shopping with her next week
calm down

adrikins:
you're
buying your christmas gifts
aren't you???

marinara:
me?
never.

ninny:
i dont believe you

marinara:
no one asked you
fuck off

adrikins:
aggressive!!!!

marinara:
we were having a moment

ninny:
a
moment

marinara:
how dare you intrude like this
go away
with everyone else

ninny:
go private chat then???

marinara:
maybe we will!!!!
nah, that's later
I'm here to bless you with my presence
for now

ninny:
im so blessed
??

marinara:
good good

adrikins:
i still have classes for a week
before break

ninny:
sucks to be you
buddy
i finish this week

marinara:
I finished many years ago

ninny:
youre uneducated
we get it

marinara:
I can't hear you
I'm fanning myself with money

ninny:
what happened
to you being modest

marinara:
I learned from chloé

adrikins:
i've already bought your presents
both of you!!!
well
the ones for everyone in the chat
and everyone else
i'm prepared

marinara:
fuck
you really are???

ninny:
nice
we can just exchange at chloes thing then

marinara:
when even is it
she's told me nothing

ninny:
she was gonna text you
after talking to adrien

adrikins:
what
i haven't heard from her today???

ninny:
yeah
but youre going out for dinner??

adrikins:
i am?????

ninny:
dude
why do i know your day better than you

adrikins:
i
don't know

ninny:
its tuesday

adrikins:
what
fuck
i thought it was monday?????

marinara:
who forgets their fucking days now??????
yeha, bitch

adrikins:
you're getting too much joy out of this???
this means i'll have to skip out
on playing later

marinara:
I'll forgive you
since you're leaving me for chloé
I completely get it
I'd leave you for her

adrikins:
???
please don't??????

marinara:
she's hard to beat
sorry

adrikins:
if you leave me
you can't meet plagg!!!

marinara:
oh
you're right

ninny:
hang on
whats going on here

marinara:
no

ninny:
you cant just say no

adrikins:
mari's coming to meet plagg!!!!!

ninny:
hes a cool little dude
when

adrikins:
idk
we haven't set a date????
is sunday good

marinara:
yeah, sure
no stream so I can come over whenver
I'm free like
all day

ninny:
desperate

marinara:
I will
say you're stalking me on stream

ninny:
what

marinara:
set my fans on you
and let them eat you alive

adrikins:
your
threats are getting more creative???

marinara:
I've been plotting

ninny:
hot

marinara:
die

ninny:
scorching

marinara:
why
nino

ninny:
im like
a little cheerleader on your shoulder
telling you whats up

marinara:
can you not

ninny:
im inspirational

marinara:
you're just inspiring suicidal thoughts

ninny:
ill take it

marinara:
ok.

adrikins:
your friendship is weird

marinara:
are you judging us?????

ninny:
i thought we were friends
but youre so judgemental

adrikins:
maybe i'm just jealous???

ninny:
you inspire different thoughts for her
dont worry

marinara:
sdgljhdh

adrikins:
ok!!!

ninny:
so
sunday
huh

marinara:
yes
what of it

ninny:
sunday
for petting a pussy

marinara:
I will fucking end you

ninny:
save the fucking for another time
you need to be on top of your game

adrikins:
nino
pls???????????????

ninny:
ok ok
sorry, man

marinara:
excuse me

adrikins:
thanks!!

marinara:
what about me
I'm the one scarred here

ninny:
i dont care about you
sorry

marinara:
you've known me longer

ninny:
thats not a good reason to care

marinara:
my mom thought we were dating

ninny:
and you savagely broke up with me??
im still recovering

marinara:
right
has alya been comforting you with that

ninny:
yeah
wiping away my tears

marinara:
you wish she was wiping something else
huh

ninny:
so fucking bad

marinara:
don't admit it????????

ninny:
what
you asked??

marinara:
bitch
do you see a question mark
it wasn't a question

ninny:
i read it as one
with the like
lilt at the end

marinara:
I hate you

-x-

private chat: leks and marinara

leks:
how long
did u think it would be a secret for

marinara:
oh
look at the time
I need to sleep

leks:
u haven't even streamed yet
shut the fuck up

marinara:
aggressive

leks:
mari
u sent a pic to luka
asking if u looked nice

marinara:
what
it was an honest question

leks:
i bet ur not even wearing the clothes now

marinara:
no
they're for tomorrow
actually

leks:
right
tomorrow

marinara:
fuck off
you already know I'm going to adrien's
I fucking
told you????

leks:
ye
everyone knows
i'm sure ur mom even knows

marinara:
if she does
it's because you told her

leks:
is it a date

marinara:
no

leks:
do u want it to be

marinara:
no

leks:
my intel tells me
u need to stop being a pussy

marinara:
what are you
a secret agent???

leks:
i know like
everything about u
might as well be

marinara:
I hate you

leks:
don't wear that shirt
it clashes with ur hair

marinara:
wtf

leks:
what
u wanted an opinion

marinara:
yeah
luka's?????

leks:
too late
i already got the pic
and sent it to the group chat

marinara:
why

leks:
everyone says
it looks weird with ur hair
sry
it's banned until ur not pink

marinara:
but
I like this shirt

leks:
and it doesn't like u much
not any more

marinara:
but

leks:
(image: screenshot of adrien saying the shirt looks nice)
you dumbasses belong together

marinara:
that's so fucking rude
but true

leks:
between u two
u might have one braincell

marinara:
gonna take that as a compliment
thanks

leks:
ur welcome

marinara:
do you want me to send plagg pictures tomorrow

leks:
do u even have to ask

marinara:
apparently
I do

leks:
idiot

marinara:
I'm crying now

-x-

group chat: we love chloe
marinara has joined the chat

marinara:
hello

Alyarr:
aren't you supposed to be streaming

marinara:
yeah, soon

ninny:
did you miss us that much

marinara:
I left like
half an hour ago

adrikins:
that's a long time to be apart!!!

Thani:
Dependency issues.

Alyarr:
yeah
that

marinara:
no
I came on because I was feeling nice
but I'm rethinking it now

adrikins:
what???????

marinara:
first of all
you fucks didn't like my shirt

Thani:
The colours didn't match, Mari.

marinara:
neither does my underwear most of the time
is that really such a problem

chloesterol:
ya
what are u doing

marinara:
oh my god
no
you're here

chloesterol:
hi

marinara:
I regret coming here at all

Thani:
It's too late, you're here for good.
What's up?

Alyarr:
tell us your secrets

marinara:
do you...
deserve them

adrikins:
i liked your shirt!!!

marinara:
you're right
I'll only tell adrien
see you, losers

chloesterol:
bitch
ill find out anyway
get it over with

ninny:
hes terrible with secrets
everyone will know in no time

adrikins:
???
i am amazing with secrets????

chloesterol:
name one

adrikins:
you don't all know who i like????????

Alyarr:
lsdgdhdh
try again

chloesterol:
are u a fucking idiot
u told me

ninny:
dude
bro
i love you but
youre stupid

adrikins:
????
it's true!!!!
okay, some of you know
but not everyone!!!

Thani:
I'd like to think I'm the smartest here.

ninny:
fuck off

Thani:
Nino refuses to confirm my assumptions, but I know.
I have very strong feelings about this.

Alyarr:
you feeling strongly about anything is terrifying
do you remember when you thought
you were in love with mari

chloesterol:
wat

Thani:
It was a crush, thank you.
Do I have to include that in my introduction now?
Hi, I'm Nathaniel.
My past mistakes include: befriending Nino and thinking Mari was cute.

Alyarr:
was???????????

Thani:
Cute in a dateable way, I mean.

adrikins:
was???????????????????????

marinara:
I'm horribly offended here
first of all
I'm left out of adrien's secret??
now you're telling me I'm not fucking cute?????
I'm adorable as heck

chloesterol:
can confirm ur cute in that way

marinara:
I will spit in your milkshake

chloesterol:
ur hate makes me stronger
with every passing day

marinara:
why

chloesterol:
any attention is good attention

Alyarr:
that's
not the phrase

chloesterol:
u cant control me

Thani:
That's good to know.

Alyarr:
ok
ok.

Thani:
My third mistake is the worst.

chloesterol:
is it being born

Thani:
Yes.
Yes, it is.
How did you take the words right out of my mouth?

Alyarr:
not your mouth

Thani:
Hilarious.

ninny:
tell me
the god damn secret, mari

marinara:
no

ninny:
tell me!!!

marinara:
since you asked so nicely
...no

Thani:
I feel like you only came on to taunt us.

marinara:
it really was to tell you guys
until I found out about all these
secrets

chloesterol:
its one secret
u fucking idiot

marinara:
abuse??

adrikins:
i'll
tell you tomorrow??????

marinara:
????
question marks?????????????

adrikins:
idk
we'll see whether you deserve to know it???

marinara:
what the frick
why do I have to pass a test first
how did these idiots pass????
before me?????

adrikins:
gossiping is evil!!!!

ninny:
i have never gossiped a day in my life
how dare you

chloesterol:
its literally my birth right to torment u

adrikins:
you be quiet??????

chloesterol:
why
i know so many things

marinara:
what things
tell me a thing
and I'll tell you my thing

Thani:
Show me your thing and I'll show mine?
Is that what we're doing now, Mari?

Alyarr:
no dicks please

marinara:
I promise there's no dicks

adrikins:
???????????????

chloesterol:
do u want dicks tomorrow

adrikins:
are you calling me a dick?????

chloesterol:
why

Thani:
Go on, Mari.

Alyarr:
we're
waiting
very patiently

marinara:
patient can never be associated with any of you
ever

chloesterol:
fuck u

marinara:
no.

Alyarr:
mature

marinara:
I'll stop insulting you guys
when you fucking bury me

adrikins:
i'll get you the nicest flowers!!

marinara:
I want your tears
not pity flowers

Thani:
Kinky.

Alyarr:
I never knew you were into that
are you into whips

marinara:

chloesterol:
mari

marinara:
hello

chloesterol:
im gonna tell u
the thing
privately

marinara:
but I'm saying my thing here

chloesterol:
hurry the fuck up then

marinara:
I have to
like
warm up first
doing my stretches

ninny:
youre supposed to start your stream
in like two minutes

marinara:
oh, fuck
okay

adrikins:
run!!!

marinara:
yeah, yeah
I'm going
doing a giveaway if you guys want to enter

Alyarr:
but you play with us anyway

marinara:
it's for free stuff I got
with a sponsorship

Thani:
This was the big thing?

marinara:
I never said it was big
you had your mind in the gutter

Alyarr:
true
but ok!!!!!
free shit is good shit

marinara:
exactly???????
anyway
tell me the thing, chloé

chloesterol:
that depends
will i have a better chance at winning

marinara:
no

chloesterol:
rigged

marinara:
I'm
not rigging it for you

chloesterol:
coward

marinara:
ok

marinara has left the chat

-x-

private chat: chloesterol and marinara

chloesterol:
loser

marinara:
you still have a chance at winning????

chloesterol:
fuck u
thats not the point

marinara:
thing me

chloesterol:
u are a thing

marinara:
wow, yes
thanks
that was really worth it

chloesterol:
fk u

marinara:
why must you continue to hit me on

chloesterol:
im too good for u

marinara:
???

chloesterol:
my opinion of u went down
when i realised who u like

marinara:
you don't know anything

chloesterol:
i know everything
like
adriens tells

marinara:
what

chloesterol:
when hes shy
he touches his hair
or neck

marinara:
I
could've figured that out on my own

chloesterol:
he also rly likes hugs
so do that

marinara:
???
you do not control me?????

chloesterol:
also he likes ur hair in buns

marinara:
oh
really??

chloesterol:
i have so much more info
but thats all u get
for now

Chapter Text

Miraculous: Tales of Ladybug & Chat Noir © Thomas Astruc

group chat: mari is hopeless
marinara has joined the chat

marinara:
that name offends me????
also
hello

Alyarr:
hello young lady
where have you been

marinara:
away
what up

ninny:
what
up
?
?
???

marinara:
you heard me.

Thani:
How was dinner, Mari?
It's awfully late for young kids like you.
You must have a good reason for staying up.
I sure hope it's not anything that you're underaged for.

marinara:
was that supposed to be a sex joke
because I'm old enough for that
sorry

ninny:
fuck you

marinara:
offensive
adrien's gonna be here soon

Alyarr:
and why
isn't he here now

marinara:
because he walked me home??

Alyarr:
you were
at his

marinara:
yeah
gotta get my daily exercise in
otherwise I'll be a lump

Thani:
You've literally never cared about exercise before.

marinara:
listen
fuck you???
when you were guys gonna tell me adrien likes me?????????
get off your high horses

Alyarr:
oh
he likes you?
that's news

marinara:
as if you don't know?????

ninny:
no
this is definitely news to us
yes
liking someone?
never heard of it before

marinara:
you have a girlfriend

ninny:
thats love
dont try and demean our relationship

marinara:
fuck
you

Alyarr:
you're very aggressive

marinara:
I don't know what you're talking about

chloesterol:
did he do it

marinara:
what

chloesterol:
im obliged not to tell
unless u tell me

marinara:
what
that he likes me???

chloesterol:
i can neither confirm or deny that

marinara:
wtf
since when are you loyal to him

chloesterol:
when im feeling nice

ninny:
youre always nice

Alyarr:
we're convinced you're nice
for now

chloesterol:
my plan is working
soon all of adriens friends will be mine
and i can laugh at him

Thani:
What happened to that loyalty?

chloesterol:
stealing friends is different to
keeping secrets

marinara:
listen
no one here is fucking subtle
not after my revelation

Thani:
I mean, you didn't pick it up at the time.

marinara:
even you??????

Thani:
Sorry, what?
I don't know what we're talking about, my bad.
I'm clearly hallucinating this conversation.

marinara:
I hate you

Alyarr:
was it a date then

marinara:
I don't know
you tell me

Alyarr:
I
wasn't there????

marinara:
guess you won't know then
sorry, sucks to be you

ninny:
i like you for who you are, alya
its ok

Alyarr:
thanks
that's so reassuring, babe

ninny:
anything for you

chloesterol:
nauseating

marinara:
I second that
you two can't be happy
when all you do is torment me

ninny:
i have never done such a thing in my life
you are precious

marinara:
every moment with you is torture

ninny:
does that mean you like pain
youre still here??

chloesterol:
i mean
spending time with adrien is that too
and considering the heart eyes u give each other

Thani:
Heart eyes?
They're so very platonic.

Alyarr:
absolutely
I give you the dirty heart eyes, nino

ninny:
sweet

adrikins has joined the chat

Alyarr:
there he is!!!!!!!!

marinara:
(image: plagg stretched out with the text fuck you above)

adrikins:
why do you still have that????

marinara:
I like it
he's very photogenic here

adrikins:
true

marinara:
glad you agree

chloesterol:
so like
did u platonic bang or what

marinara:
wtf

chloesterol:
did u really just have awkward dinner together
thats so disappointing

marinara:
it was a nice dinner?????

adrikins:
mari helped me cook!!!!!
it was fun

marinara:
I held the cat

ninny:
the cat???
shame on you
you tell me off for saying it
and now plagg doesnt even have a name in your eyes??

marinara:
go away

ninny:
no

Thani:
Child, behave.

Alyarr:
fk off granny

Thani:
Offensive. I'm not that old.

Alyarr:
you're older than me
that's all that matters

marinara:
congrats, nath
glad you have something to lord over alya
keep up the good work

chloesterol:
ur awful

marinara:
is that directed at me

chloesterol:
ya
im gonna steal adrien now

marinara:
I feel like you have to let him go one day
your friendship isn't healthy

chloesterol:
someone has to tell me the details
if ur just gonna be a cunt

ninny:
wow big word?????

Thani:
Rude word, you mean.

ninny:
thats what i said
big man

Alyarr:
I'm sorry
what
did you really just call him
big man

ninny:
i mean
hes big
so am i wrong

Alyarr:
please
never again

adrikins has left the chat
chloesterol has left the chat

ninny:
not even a bye
are we not worth it anymore

Thani:
Nino, were you ever worth it?

Alyarr:
good question

ninny:
dont bully me

-x-

private chat: Thani and marinara

Thani:
Hey.

marinara:
yes, I can see through you
you want to talk to me

Thani:
That's the purpose of chats, yes.

marinara:
you're pouncing on me
because adrien's not here

Thani:
And where is that fine fellow?
He's normally up now.

marinara:
...that fine fellow
is having an early night
he wasn't feeling that good earlier
plus chloé probably like
made his headache worse

Thani:
He felt unwell and you let him walk you home?

marinara:
I didn't let him do anything
besides
he can outrun me in seconds
there's no escape

Thani:
Did you want to speak about what happened earlier?

marinara:
what happened

Thani:
You know, the whole Adrien liking you thing.
You're not mad at us, are you?

marinara:
more mad at myself
for being oblivious as fuck????
but it's okay
I spoke to juleka about it before I actually came on here
so that cleared up a lot

Thani:
Sure you're not mad?
We've been teasing him about you, as much as I tease you about him.

marinara:
wow, that's a relief to hear
you're so fucking rude to me
how does he handle that???
have you caused him to cry

Thani:
Yes, many times.
His tears give me satisfaction.

marinara:
your kinks are coming out again
tone it down

Thani:
Make me.

marinara:
this is very sexually aggressive
and I'm into it

Thani:
I'm screenshotting that.

marinara:
fake
you've got no proof

Thani:
The proof is in my heart.

marinara:
is your heart pudding

Thani:
It could be for you, pudding.
Want a taste?

marinara:
I sincerely hope this isn't how you flirt

Thani:
Honestly, only after I stop flirting.
I used to clam up with you a lot.

marinara:
yeah
go back to that
please

Thani:
I'll consider it.

marinara:
yeah, thanks
so

Thani:
So.

marinara:
idk this is awkward
dunno how to say this

Thani:
Hit me with it.

marinara:
I'm going to bed
night

Thani:
Wow, that was so hard.
Night, Mari.

-x-

group chat: mari is hopeful
marinara has joined the chat

marinara:
chloé is banned

leks:
wrong
ur suffering fuels all of us

marinara:
did she fucking
send the pictures here again

ninny:
yeah
we enjoyed them
thanks for the prime entertainment

marinara:
this is why we broke up

Alyarr:
because you're not very photogenic in your work uniform?
that's a shame

leks:
u need to spice it up
put some clips in ur hair

marinara:
my hair
is pink

Alyarr:
dye doesn't mean you stop caring about your appearance
come on
spice it up
make us proud

marinara:
I wear make-up for my streams

leks:
but not work

marinara:
bitch
do you want me to wear it for over twelve hours???

leks:
ye

marinara:
big no to that

leks:
is it bigger than u

marinara:
I'm ignoring you from now on
you mean nothing to me

ninny:
okay you two
stop flirting

marinara:
no one notices the flirting
don't lie

Alyarr:
we're not all you
sorry

marinara:
shut the fuck up

Alyarr:
I take back my sorry
you don't deserve it

marinara:
you're the worst

Alyarr:
but you love me???

marinara:
I have bad taste

leks:
u can say that again

marinara:
???
I do not deserve this?????

ninny:
idk juleka
adrien is a good choice

Alyarr:
you're only saying that because he's your friend

leks:
isn't he ur friend too

ninny:
whats your point here
hes a good boy
the goodest
you shut your filthy mouth, juleka

leks:
ok
sry

ninny:
thanks

Alyarr:
mari
I have questions

marinara:
...about?

Alyarr:
you

marinara:
okay, I guess

ninny:
mari
will i win the lottery

marinara:
you already did with alya

Alyarr:
nice
but that's not my question

marinara:
what is it then??

Alyarr:
when you look at adrien
do you feel an
adrienaline rush
in your lady parts

marinara:
I will fucking leave

ninny:
sdgkdhd

Alyarr:
oh come on
I've been holding onto that for ages
and you don't even laugh???

marinara:
I want to die

Alyarr:
because of his looks???
that's a bit mean

leks:
but he's a good pick
remember
even if his face makes her want to die

marinara:
because he's pretty
fuck you

ninny:
nice

marinara:

Alyarr:
nice

leks:
nice

marinara:
I will cry
if you continue to bully me

ninny:
its how we show our love
stop complaining
you ungrateful brat

marinara:
sorry, daddy

Alyarr:
I can't tell you what that did to me
but it wasn't good

marinara:
I thought you were going somewhere else at first
was about to leave
forever

leks:
stop judging kinks
i know all about urs

ninny:
oooh
do tell

marinara:
you do not
shut up

leks:
pay me for my silence

marinara:
????
what do you want

Alyarr:
what happened to denying she knew??

marinara:
at this point
juleka is all-knowing
there is nothing that's hidden from her

leks:
that's right
including ur big secrets

marinara:
I wouldn't call them
big

leks:
pretty big
who's involved is big
right

marinara:

Alyarr:
what is this secret of marinette and a big boy

leks:
who said it was a boy

ninny:
spicy
you know you love us, juleka
tell us your secrets

leks:
ye but
i love mari more
so no

ninny:
wtf
she didnt even offer you anything

leks:
i felt it
telepathetically

Alyarr:
tele
pathetically

leks:
fk off

marinara:
it was pretty pathetic
can't lie there

ninny:
you just called yourself pathetic

marinara:
yeah but
am I wrong?????

Alyarr:
no
you're correct
but we love you for it

marinara:
wow
thank you so much for accepting me

ninny:
welcome

marinara:
I'm so blessed
what great friends you are

group chat: mari is hopeful is now group chat: telepathetic
leks has left the chat

ninny:
pussy

-x-

private chat: adrikins and marinara

adrikins:
hi!!!

marinara:
yes
what

adrikins:
i just
felt like saying hi

marinara:
adrien
we're literally watching a film together

adrikins:
yeah
but i can't actually say it????

marinara:
not my fault you have a cold
keep your sniffles to yourself
fiend

adrikins:
isn't sharing caring??

marinara:
share other things with me
stuff I actually want

adrikins:
oh
oh my
are you flirting with me???

marinara:
I could be???????

adrikins:
i'm down for that!!

marinara:
of course you are
that's not surprising at all

adrikins:
wow
so enthusiastic

marinara:
what can I say
you get me excited

adrikins:
i'll just
go cry in the corner then!!!
i can tell when i'm not wanted...

marinara:
hey
we're not finished yet
cry after

adrikins:
i'm crying already???
this is bad

marinara:
???
you're the one that wanted to watch it???

adrikins:
yeah because
i feel sick
and your suffering cheers me up??

marinara:
I'm reconsidering being your friend

adrikins:
but we're so much more than that!!!!

marinara:
best friends

adrikins:
the bestest

marinara:
does that give me the right
to come see plagg again

adrikins:
sure!!!
he liked you
and licked that
a great sign

marinara:
he's a good boy

adrikins:
yah....
totally........

marinara:
yah

adrikins:
i'm feeling the juleka vibes
i wanted to channel her

marinara:
what
you get a blocked nose and you turn into a lesbian??

adrikins:
yes!!
isn't that good news

marinara:
the best
I'm so proud of you

adrikins:
thanks

marinara:
you're on break now, right?

adrikins:
i don't have a job

marinara:
you know what I meant
you fuck

adrikins:
sorry!!!!
yeah, no more classes
freedom!!!!!!!

marinara:
lucky
I still have to work

adrikins:
i could come
and keep you company

marinara:
you mean watch me creepily
not sure about that, buddy

adrikins:
cheering you on silently!!!

marinara:
mhmm
just so my parents can talk to you???
no, pal
no way

adrikins:
but why, friend??

marinara:
because they'll smother you
let them calm down first

adrikins:
maybe i want to be smothered
maybe that's my dream...

marinara:
in like
a platonic way or not

adrikins:
oh my god
i don't want to seduce your mother???

marinara:
it could be my dad
don't be homophobic

adrikins:
sdlgjkdh

marinara:
and here I thought you were open-minded
tsk tsk

adrikins:
can i just be smothered by you
end me

marinara:
let plagg smother your face
when you sleep

adrikins:
no!!!!

marinara:
why not?????
I'm sure he'll purr at that
like the good little boy he is

adrikins:
that's terrible??
i don't want fur up my nose

marinara:
not like you'd notice it with your cold

adrikins:
way to remind me

marinara:
welcome

adrikins:
i hope you suffer tomorrow

marinara:
rude???
I've thought ahead and picked out some comfy shoes
I'm smart
chloé won't make my feet hurt now

adrikins:
you picked out your outfit?????
that's adorable!!!

marinara:
hey
don't mock me

adrikins:
no, i'm being sincere!!!
is it out on your bed
all neat

marinara:
no
I have to sleep in that bed

adrikins:
you're right
how could i be so stupid???

marinara:
sometimes I wonder that about you
but I've just accepted it now

adrikins:
thank you
for accepting me!!!

marinara:
I meant your stupidity, not you

adrikins:
so mean??????
don't break my heart

marinara:
I'd never!!
but like
if I did
would that stop chloé from coming to my work

adrikins:
maybe
do you want to test it out???

marinara:
that's not a very good answer

adrikins:
i can't tell you for sure
you're a master with a blender

marinara:
write that on my gravestone

adrikins:
okay
you can trust me!!!

marinara:
thanks
knew I could

adrikins:
have fun shopping tomorrow
I don't feel sorry for you

marinara:
???

adrikins:
you brought it upon yourself???
fun times are ahead

marinara:
fuck you
I'll enjoy my date with chloé

adrikins:
mmm
think of me!!!

marinara:
I'll think of you sniffing
grossly

adrikins:
perfect!!
at least i know you love me for who i am

marinara:
a
pain in the ass??

adrikins:
yeah!!!!!!!!!!
but i'm your pain in the ass

marinara:
you're right
that makes it all better

adrikins:
i'm swooning

marinara:
that's called being dizzy
because you're ill

adrikins:
don't ruin the moment

marinara:
xo

-x-

group chat: telepathetic
marinara has joined the chat

marinara:
what up world
counting down to my death
in
half an hour

Thani:
That's a bit dramatic.
We'll forget about you before that even happens.

marinara:
great
thanks for that

Thani:
You're welcome.

marinara:
you're so nice

chloesterol:
bitch
uve got enough money
replace ur shitty clothes

marinara:
you can't just call them shitty
they're
sentimental to me

chloesterol:
make me

marinara:
are you
seducing me...

chloesterol:
maybe

marinara:
what the heck
either commit or don't
you can't string me along like this

chloesterol:
lets see how today goes
to be realistic

marinara:
that's
very smart, actually
fine

chloesterol:
yes
praise me more

marinara:
all right, calm down
I didn't been to influence your praise kink

chloesterol:
im sorry u cant love urself
as much as i do

marinara:
aw
you love me??

chloesterol:
no
i love myself
read my fucking words

marinara:
heartbroken............

chloesterol:
dress nicely first

marinara:
my clothes aren't that bad
you're just
exaggerating

chloesterol:
mari
u told me u still have clothes from when ur were a teen

marinara:
I'm
twenty????

chloesterol:
exactly

marinara:
wtf

chloesterol:
clothes are important
what if people start to think
u only have two shirts

marinara:
you're wrong
they think I have three

chloesterol:
why

marinara:
that was a joke
I have more than that
I swear
I was just trying to be cute

chloesterol:
ur cute when ur pining
go back to that

marinara:
excuse me
what do you even know

chloesterol:
more than u

marinara:
other than that

chloesterol:
still more than u

Thani:
I can tell you're great friends.

marinara:
go away
I'm bonding with chloé

Thani:
I'm not welcome here any more?
That's just cruel.

marinara:
I don't like you

chloesterol:
do u like anyone
other than me

marinara:
depends on the day
more often than not
just juleka

chloesterol:
and adrien

marinara:
well, yeah
that was a given

chloesterol:
kinda has to be if ur dating
idiot

marinara:
you don't get to give me dating advice????

Thani:
What?

marinara:
thanks for winning me money
I appreciate it, chloé

chloesterol:
what

marinara:
aslkldgjlsh
we were betting whether you or juleka
would tell them first

chloesterol:
fucking
excuse u

marinara:
I'm rich

chloesterol:
ur a dick

Thani:
Wait, wait.
You and Adrien are actually dating?

marinara:
yeah, dude
what
did you think he'd just confess
and I'd do nothing??
please.

Thani:
That's what you made it out to be.
I can't believe you'd do this to me.

marinara:
okay, drama queen
it's only been like
a day
can't I keep my dating life a secret

chloesterol:
not with me here
apparently
u fuck

marinara:
not my fault you love me
thanks, babe

chloesterol:
u dont get to call me babe
thats for special people
like nathe there

Thani:
It's Nath, but I appreciate the thought.
Babe.

chloesterol:
ya exactly what i said

Thani:
Not quite.

chloesterol:
nvm ur being denied babe too
im back to hating everyone

marinara:
are you
still picking me up

chloesterol:
ya
see u

marinara:
nice

chloesterol has left the chat

Thani:
For real, you're dating?

marinara:
yeah
feel free to spread that round to the rest of them
juleka's good with secrets

Thani:
She just twists them sometimes.

marinara:
she only had a day this time
couldn't do much damage
I'm safe

Thani:
Well, good job making him like you back.

marinara:
that
sounds very aggressive
I didn't force him or anything
I swear

Thani:
Mmm.
I'm sure.

marinara:
don't
moan at me

Thani:
It's my thinking noise.

marinara:
your thoughts are as gross as that noise
don't do it

Thani:
I've never moaned at you.

marinara:
so you admit it's a moan
shame on you

Thani:

No.

marinara:
too late
moany boy

Thani:
Please, don't call me that.

marinara:
sadly
you don't control me

Thani:
I'll cry.

marinara:
chloé does, though
see ya

Thani:
Have fun!

Chapter Text

Miraculous: Tales of Ladybug & Chat Noir © Thomas Astruc

group chat: telepathetic
marinara has joined the chat

marinara:
christmas is over
but it's still everywhere

adrikins:
you're not allowed to take your tree down!!!!

marinara:
what if I knock it over
am I allowed to then

adrikins:
no!!!!
you pick it right back up
and make sure it's perfect

marinara:
your envy is getting out of control

adrikins:
listen
i'm not allowed a tree any more????

ninny:
my guy
youre an adult

adrikins:
am i??????

marinara:
sometimes
it depends on what you want at the time
otherwise you literally say you need an adult

adrikins:
i
do not?????

ninny:
yeah, sure
no ones gonna believe that
sorry

adrikins:
you two are mean
stop it!!!!!

marinara:
we speak the truth
I'm sorry it's painful to you
but like
don't you have a fake tree

adrikins:
yes
a fake
a fraud
a monstrosity

marinara:
you have issues

adrikins:
my issue is plagg hating the fake tree
he climbs a tree once
and now he's forever banned????
hasn't anyone heard of second chances

marinara:
he's the devil

ninny:
a cute devil
but still

marinara:
yeah

adrikins:
shut your filthy mouths????
how dare you

marinara:
no, no
big fan of his work
but I now know he can't be trusted with trees
how can I even look at him the same???

ninny:
one chance is all you get with trees
go green or go home

adrikins:
that
doesn't even make sense????

ninny:
it sounded better in my head
my hands
ruin everything

marinara:
poor alya

ninny:
ive tainted her...............

marinara:
yeah
I believe that
you're terrible

ninny:
sob..............................

adrikins:
now he's typing sob?????????????
it's okay, nino!!!!
even with your evil hands
we love you

ninny:
couldnt you like
say theyre not evil

marinara:
the truth hurts
remember????
that's what we're here for

ninny:
to
hurt my feelings

adrikins:
are you sure you have feelings????
i don't think so sometimes

ninny:
you know what
you two dating is the worst
its teaming up for more than bullying
and i dont ship it any more

marinara:
mmm

adrikins:
you don't mean that!!!!!!!
you're my number one wingman

ninny:
im your only wingman

adrikins:
saying wingwoman just seems
unnecessary

marinara:
you're unnecessary

adrikins:
how dare you??????
my own girlfriend
turning on me

marinara:
you're welcome

ninny:
sob with me

adrikins:
ok
but like
do you wanna come over and sob instead

ninny:
aaaa
yeah, i think i can
today??

adrikins:
yeah!!!!!
i made too much for dinner
come come

marinara:
???
fucking rude???
I'm right here??

adrikins:
but
you just insulted me

marinara:
it's how I show my love???

adrikins:
oh
do you wanna come too???????

marinara:
this is very forced

adrikins:
it's very sincere!!!
i promise!!!!!!

ninny:
please come
before he complains that hes said the wrong thing to you
for like half an hour

adrikins:
sdklgjdh
i have
never done that!!!!

marinara:
mm
I'm sure

ninny:
mari
i have screenshots of him pining if you want

marinara:
oh
what do I need to do for them

ninny:
bring me cake

marinara:
easy
I can do that

adrikins:
can i have some too

marinara:
sure
I'm bringing dessert
I guess

ninny:
a perfect threesome

-x-

private chat: adrikins and marinara

adrikins:
i'm not saying it's rigged
but it's definitely rigged!!!!!!

marinara:
please
nino won fair and square

adrikins:
i refuse to believe it
it was the screenshots
wasn't it????

marinara:
yes, definitely
so I faked my giveaway
just to thank him for your panic

adrikins:
i knew it.

marinara:
you caught me
doofus

adrikins:
that
sounds more offensive than a swear

marinara:
right???
not sure why

adrikins:
i'm just gonna blame nino

marinara:
first my tree
now the giveaway
what else will you seethe in jealousy of next????

adrikins:
people that get to see you daily!!!!

marinara:
I
was not expecting that answer

adrikins:
well
it's true!!!!

marinara:
you've hurt me
I wasn't prepared for that

adrikins:
hurt your heart
i hope???

marinara:
that doesn't sound positive at all
but yes
my heart is very much hurty

adrikins:
hurty

marinara:
don't ruin our moment

adrikins:
we can have other moments!!!
this is more important

marinara:
what
making fun of me???

adrikins:
yeha!!!
gotta take my chance when i see it

marinara:
yeha is back, I see

adrikins:
frick

marinara:
forget out moment
I want to bully you

adrikins:
you really need to look up
other ways to express your love???

marinara:
first of all
rude
and it's not like you never realised this

adrikins:
true!!
i'm glad you're not all
shy and quiet with me

marinara:
are you
making a jab at me

adrikins:
no no!!!
i mean
thank you for warming up to me???

marinara:
adrien
I did more than warm up to yo

adrikins:
warming up gone sexual

marinara:
no.

adrikins:
sad

marinara:
I'm not that warm
sorry.

adrikins:
it was a joke!!!!

marinara:
sdkgdhd
I can tell, you idiot

adrikins:
there's the name calling again
it's hurting my fragile ego

marinara:
you posted a picture yesterday
and got thousands of likes

adrikins:
if we're being correct
chloe posted it

marinara:
your ego can fuck off

adrikins:
rude!!!!

marinara:
I'm not complaining
more pictures for me to admire

adrikins:
don't do that!!!!

marinara:
why not?????
you told me you watch my streams to see me
isn't this like
the same

adrikins:
but you barely post pictures!!!
what else am i supposed to do when i'm bored??

marinara:
you
could talk to me

adrikins:
you're busy sometimes!!!
and i like your gameplay anyway
it's a win-win situation, mari

marinara:
idk
I just feel a bit
embarrassed??
not sure if that's the right word there

adrikins:
but whyyy

marinara:
because
you're watching me when I'm unaware!!!!
that came out weird
but yeah

adrikins:
you knew i did this anyway!!!

marinara:
yeah but
now you wanna kiss me

adrikins:
i've wanted to kiss you for a while!!

marinara:
but I didn't know that
that's my point!!!

adrikins:
dkgdh
i promise i'm not staring at your lips or anything!!!
they're nice and all but
that would be weird
wouldn't it????
i swear i don't!!!
i look at your smile sometimes
or your reaction since you're so pretty

marinara:
oh my god
stop

adrikins:
let me appreciate my girlfriend!!!!!

marinara:
do it
quietly

adrikins:
my keyboard is very quiet as i type this
unlike yours

marinara:
don't shame my keyboard???

some people are into that

adrikins:
is that your fetish????
because if it is
i don't think this relationship will work out

marinara:
let me have my kinks
what the heck

adrikins:
it's
all coming out now

marinara:
don't bully me????

adrikins:
you don't control me
i'll do what i want

marinara:
...right
I'm sure

adrikins:
you don't sound very sure at all

marinara:
you're very
easy to influence

adrikins:
how dare you
call me easy?????

marinara:
it's the truth and I should say it
sorry

adrikins:
absolutely offended
how could you
you're supposed to be on my side

marinara:
it's okay, I support you
and your weakness

adrikins:
it's a weakness now!!!!!!

marinara:
you are a weak boy

adrikins:
i'm cry

marinara:
see???
so weak
so adorable
I'm into it

adrikins:
i'm getting very mixed signals
but thanks???

marinara:
I'm your biggest fan

adrikins:
you're my only fan

marinara:
hey
we both know that's not true

adrikins:
my only true fan????

marinara:
mmm
still rude to others
I don't approve

adrikins:
!!!
fuck you!!

marinara:
now you're rude to me
I'm cry

adrikins:
good

marinara:
is this
your kink

adrikins:
what if it is
huh????
what then????????

marinara:
don't mind me
just sobbing from despair

adrikins:
rip

-x-

group chat: milknet is dead
marinara has joined the chat

marinara:
like
scale of one to ten
how much do I have to dress up tomorrow

chloesterol:
i will murder u

Thani:
That's a ten.

marinara:
yikes

chloesterol:
u bought ur outfit with me
fucking wear it

marinara:
I'm getting cold feet

chloesterol:
its winter

marinara:
okay
that was uncalled for

chloesterol:
deal with it
match me

marinara:
I don't know how to tell you this
but please
look at our group name

chloesterol:
u changing it wont make it true
im stuck with u

marinara:
??
isn't it
me stuck with you
not the other way around????

chloesterol:
no
im a blessing

marinara:
right

chloesterol:
fuck u

Thani:
I can really feel the forever vibes from you two.

marinara:
fuck off, nathe

Thani:
It's really not Nathe.
Please.

marinara:
make me

Thani:
I don't appreciate your threats.
They make me feel uncomfortable.

marinara:
hopefully your outfit tomorrow also does
that's what I'm looking forward to

Thani:
I don't know what you're talking about.

marinara:
alya's a good source of info

Thani:
Are you sure about that?
She's not very honest.

marinara:
do you mean
you're not wearing tights

chloesterol:
tights or u cant come

marinara:
yeah
what she said

Thani:
Why must you torture me so?

marinara:
alya said there's tights
so there has to be tights

Thani:
Alya's word isn't law.

marinara:
that's where you're wrong

chloesterol:
what i want is law
do it

Thani:
You can just say you want to see my legs.

chloesterol:
ill think about it

Thani:
You're going to think about my legs?
Oh, my.

marinara:
stop that

Thani:
Stop what?
I don't know what you're talking about.

marinara:
being
weird

Thani:
With someone other than you?
It's okay to admit you're jealous, Mari.

marinara:
jealous
that you're joking with someone????

Thani:
Yes.

marinara:
I worry about you sometimes

Thani:
Thank you for caring.

chloesterol:
u two are weird
whatever
see u

chloesterol has left the chat

Thani:
And there were two.

marinara:
I hate you

Thani:
You don't mean that.

marinara:
with every
fibre of my being

Thani:
Deep.

marinara:
s
o, tights boy
you excited for tomorrow???

Thani:
Sure.

marinara:
I'll pretend that really has enthusiasm
juleka's bringing her girlfriend along
you can meet her

Thani:
Everyone's going to meet her, yes?

marinara:
yeah but
she's nice and needs to know you're nice
you can make a friend

Thani:
...Thank you?

marinara:
you're welcome
it's proof that I like you
recommending you to my friends???
amazing

Thani:
If Juleka's bringing along her girlfriend, are you bringing anyone?

marinara:
??
everyone else?????

Thani:
I meant Luka.

marinara:
oh
no, he's cool not coming
too overwhelming to meet everyone all at once
you know????
he's not really a social person

Thani:
Neither are you.

marinara:
yeah
why do you think we're best friends
???
match made in heaven

Thani:
Are you sure he's not feeling left out?

marinara:
yeah
he's fine
like
he'd ask to be included if he wanted to be
it might just take a while to work up the courage

Thani:
...That sounds like you should just ask him.

marinara:
then he'd say no
you have to let him think it's his idea

Thani:
Thanks for that inside knowledge.
I hope I can use it in the future.

marinara:
welcome

Thani:
You don't really speak about him often any more.

marinara:
I
barely spoke about him anyway????

Thani:
True, but you did mention him more.
A lot more than now.

marinara:
oh
idk???
bit weird talking about him when none of you
even know him??
I exhausted all the topics I could
now it's just
inside jokes that I'd have to awkwardly explain

Thani:
Well, his sister is here.

marinara:
that's even weirder
she'll tell him I'm bitching
just to spite me

Thani:
You love her really.

marinara:
it makes me question my mental state
but yes
how did this happen to me

Thani:
You should probably question it anyway.
You're in this weird chat still.

marinara:
you're right
bye

marinara has left the chat

-x-

private chat: leks and maarinara

leks:
my headphones broke

marinara:
dang
you loved that pair

leks:
pls tell me u got a spare

marinara:
yeah, sure
what colour do you want???

leks:
any

marinara:
you say that
but I can see the light drain from your eyes
when it's a colour you hate

leks:
i'm not picky with charity

marinara:
is it really charity
what else would I do with all this shit???
I have so much

leks:
don't let them hear u say that

marinara:
please
take some off my hands
just come over and pick yourself

leks:
are u sure

marinara:
yeah, dude
come on

leks:
rly

marinara:
do you wanna go to the cinema???

leks:
is this u bribing me

marinara:
yeah
come watch with me

leks:
ok
i would've agreed anyway

marinara:
yeah but
now it's a win-win

leks:
i'm getting ice cream

marinara:
it's
december

leks:
u can't stop me

marinara:
I'll just join you
and suffer

leks:
nice
we can split the flavours

marinara:
halfsies???

leks:
ye
good plan

marinara:
okay, great

leks:
see u soon

-x-

group chat: milknet is dead
marinara has joined the chat

Alyarr:
mari!!!

marinara:
hello

Alyarr:
you really
had to work today???

marinara:
yeah
but now we're closed until next year

ninny:
you make it sound like
a really long time

marinara:
it's long for me
I suffer
and everyone asks how my holiday was
or whether I even celebrate it

ninny:
fun times
thank you for coming back to us

Alyarr:
we've missed you greatly
we were mourning you
the entire time

marinara:
thanks
that makes me feel better

Alyarr:
it should
we love you

marinara:
I'm not having a threesome with you

Alyarr:
idk
we did get pretty close at chloe's
we're almost there

marinara:
yeah, no
I don't think so

ninny:
isnt mari
our daughter or something
i cant keep track of this family any more

Alyarr:
I just go with the flow
agree with what everyone else says

marinara:
you're both losers

Alyarr:
you're absolutely right
yes

ninny:
wow really
thank you for enlightening me, mari
i never knew

marinara:
you're welcome

Alyarr:
what a kind child

marinara:
thanks, mother

Alyarr:
anything for you darling

marinara:
how about
don't do this
it's creepy

ninny:
its only creepy if you call me daddy
dont do that and we are fine, kiddo

marinara:
don't
call me kiddo

ninny:
little buddy

Alyarr:
sounds more like a name for your penis

ninny:
pal???

marinara:
a dog

ninny:
daughter

marinara:
too strict
what did I do wrong???

ninny:
well
youre dating an older man

marinara:
yeah
who's like your best friend

ninny:
exactly
do you see the problem here
?????

Alyarr:
young lady
this is terrible
we'll get the law involved

marinara:
I'm just
gonna leave

ninny:
get your butt back here
missy

marinara:
I'm so uncomfortable

Alyarr:
with parenting????????????

marinara:
bad parenting

ninny:
so you admit
we are parents

marinara:
pls stop

Alyarr:
too late
I have a picture of us three I can frame on my wall

marinara:
it
has us in bad costumes

ninny:
perfect for the family christmas card

marinara:
christmas is over

Alyarr:
we're prepared for next year
no one's ever going to call us lazy

marinara:
I

ninny:
its ok
we know you love us

marinara:
why did you ever start dating
why did this have to happen

ninny:
your hatred brought us together
thank you

marinara:
wasn't it your hatred
of me

Alyarr:
to be fair
it was for more than you
but yes

ninny:
ive seen the error of my ways, ok
i was a dumb

marinara:
a
dumb

ninny:
yeah
but now youre my favourite child

Alyarr:
you're the only one we can keep track of
let's keep it that way

marinara:
good luck

Alyarr:
(image: Alya and Nino with their arms wrapped around Marinette's shoulders, all smiling)
a family portrait

marinara:
no

ninny:
look at our beautiful child
dressed stupidly
im so proud

marinara:
I don't like it when you
compliment me
makes me think you want something

Alyarr:
a happy family
is that too much to ask???

marinara:
yeah
it is

ninny:
tsk
youre terrible

marinara:
thank you!!!!!!

Alyarr:
maybe we'll send you away to camp

marinara:
it's okay
I'll do it
time to banish myself

ninny:
come back when summers over

Alyarr:
we'll be waiting

marinara:
don't hold your breath

marinara has left the chat

-x-

private chat: Thani and marinara

Thani:
I'm not saying you're full of terrible ideas.
But I'm not not saying that.

marinara:
pussy
say it outright

Thani:
I'm going to voice my confusion instead.
Why are you picking me?

marinara:
well
I like you?????

Thani:
Only like?
After all this time?
Consider me hurt, Mari.
All our late nights together...

marinara:
shut up
I said I'd play with a friend
and you're a friend
so come play on my stream with me

Thani:
Why not Adrien?

marinara:
first of all
he's terrible
improving but still terrible
and he'd just
flirt with me
and I'd get all weird
since so many people are listening

Thani:
You're wanting voice chat?

marinara:
oh, I meant with typing
but we can voice, if you want???
whatever makes you comfortable
idk
you're a good pick to have on
you don't have to
I'd just like you to

Thani:
I feel like I'm selling my soul here.
How does pink hair come before bringing a friend online?

marinara:
luka's my usual friend
but people know him
plus you're already associated with my channel
because of your emotes
right????

Thani:
I've done more for Luka.

marinara:
yeah
but you love me more
so don't even mention that

Thani:
I haven't played in weeks.

marinara:
you don't have to be good

Thani:
You just said Adrien's bad.

marinara:
terribly bad
but it's more because I'd want to be all gooey with him
and I'm awkward

Thani:
Be gooey with me, Mari.
It's my dream in life.

marinara:
okay
if you play with me

Thani:
I expect to be wood by your sweet words.

marinara:
wood
excuse you

Thani:
I meant wooed.
Please.

marinara:
I mean
my sweet words would give you wood
if I say it right

Thani:
I really don't want an erection, thank you.

marinara:
fucking rude
you don't appreciate me enough

Thani:
You wouldn't appreciate my erection.

marinara:
but I'd laugh at it
that has to count for something
right

Thani:
Woo me platonically, please.

marinara:
fine, fine
I'll cater to your every whim

Thani:
Perfect.

Chapter Text

Miraculous: Tales of Ladybug & Chat Noir © Thomas Astruc

group chat: nath's the chosen one
marinara has joined the chat

marinara:
okay
reminder that no one's allowed to embarrass nath tonight

ninny:
we would never???

marinara:
no donating
with a weird message to make him all awkward

Alyarr:
everyone else is going to do that
not us

marinara:
no messaging him and making him lose focus

adrikins:
this
is a lot of rules?????

marinara:
just ignore him for the night
that sounds better
safer for everyone

Alyarr:
you don't control us??
if I want to see him
I will barge into his room
try and stop me

marinara:
stop.

Alyarr:
ok sorry
he's losing out on facemask night then
since he's choosing you over me

marinara:
I asked first

Alyarr:
it's a tradition????
and now he's picking you
the ultimate betrayal

marinara:
maybe I'll wear a facemask
and have him join me

adrikins:
but
you're not showing his cam????????
why??

marinara:
it'll be there in feeling
what the fuck
don't be so rude

adrikins:
????
then
what if he lies and doesn't actually use it??

Alyarr:
you deserve that betrayal
I hope someone lies to you

marinara:
I'll steal your boyfriend next

Alyarr:
that's your father you're talking about

marinara:
daddy kink
let's go

Alyarr:
dlsgjkdh
please no
I didn't raise you like this

marinara:
all that time you were at work
made me this way
the babysitter was a bad influence

Alyarr:
I knew juleka couldn't be trusted with anything

marinara:
?????
juleka???????????

adrikins:
wouldn't you pick me
not her???

Alyarr:
no
that would make you a predator
don't hit on the kids you're babysitting
that's so fucking weird

adrikins:
oh
you right
okay, that's not me!!!!!
i'll never babysit!!!

marinara:
good to know
thank you for telling us

Alyarr:
does she let you stay up late

marinara:
I mean
she does try and make me sleep earlier????
that does count for something
right

Alyarr:
not enough for her to be good

marinara:
I'll tell her that
to her face

Alyarr:
that she's banned from babysitting????
good

marinara:
okay
I'll try and remember

Alyarr:
and I'm not paying her for the last night
look what she's done to you

ninny:
if i cant talk to nath
can i talk to you

marinara:
no

ninny:
why not
youre not a coward with your chatbox covered
its like
begging for some good messages

marinara:
no.
people will just think you want attention

ninny:
but i do
from you

marinara:
get it from alya instead
I'm off limits

adrikins:
but you've never told me not to????

marinara:
because
you've never messaged my actual account
only my alt that I play with you guys on

adrikins:
but
what if tonight's the night?????

marinara:
then go ahead

ninny:
????
favouritism???

marinara:
???
what's new

ninny:
you sucking his dick

Alyarr:
literally

adrikins:
alya!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
!!!!!!!!!!!!

Alyarr:
what
it's true isn't it
don't get all shy now
flirt in the chat like always
chop chop
come on you two

marinara:
we are not performing monkeys
I will not
dance for you

Alyarr:
what if I donated on stream

marinara:
depends on the amount

ninny:
priorities are good

marinara:
exactly
so keep nath's in mind
and don't bother him too much
he's gonna be all quiet on voice chat as it is

Alyarr:
yeah yeah
leave the baby alone

marinara:
I thought I was the baby?????

Alyarr:
everyone is baby

ninny:
im
not into ageplay
alya pls

Alyarr:
make me

ninny has left the chat

marinara:
bye
that's it
he's going to kill himself
it's over

Alyarr:
coward

adrikins:
i'm
coming to back away slowly

marinara:
you're not good at that

adrikins:
i will not listen to such slander????????

marinara:
mmm
I'm sure
you already know you're shit at being slow

Alyarr:
is
this tmi

adrikins:
sdlgdfhfj
no!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

marinara:
what

Alyarr:

marinara:
oh
no
no!!!!!!!!
it's a joke, alya!!!!!!!!!!!

Alyarr:
mmm

adrikins:
plagg gets scared from fast movements!!!!!
so i always scare him
by accident!!
that's what she meant
not what your dirty mind thought of

Alyarr:
why am I the dirty one
we were literally just talking about
mari sucking your dick

marinara:
oh my god
stop
I will leave

Alyarr:
ok
my bad
I will not talk about your bedroom time

marinara:
let's never mention it again
thanks

Alyarr:
for being so open
you're being very shy

marinara:
open??????????????
open??????????????????????????

adrikins:
i
wouldn't call her open????

marinara:
you thought I was dating myself

Alyarr:
somehow
I almost forgot that
and now I want to punch myself for believing you at all

adrikins:
she's a good liar!!!!

marinara:
the sad part is
I'm so bad at lying irl
so so bad

Alyarr:
do you
have a tell

marinara:
yeah
it's called existing

adrikins:
rip

marinara:
I am very trust worthy
look into my eyes and tell me your deepest secrets

Alyarr:
okay
I love you

adrikins:
that's
not a secret!!!!

marinara:
everyone and their mother knows that

Alyarr:
does your mother know
I want her to like me
more than nino

marinara:
are you trying to tell me
nino doesn't like you very much????

Alyarr:
what
you know I didn't mean it like that
fuck off

marinara:
too late
not relationship goals

Alyarr:
I'll punch you in the throat
I'll do it

marinara:
you have to pay to come here first

Alyarr:
worth it

marinara:
aw
you think I'm worth the money
I love you, alya

Alyarr:
it'll be so worth it
to see you squirm in pain

marinara:
this took a big turn from you confessing to me???

adrikins:
i'm getting mixed signals

Alyarr:
I have no signals for you adrien
that time in my life is over

adrikins:
i'm sad now

Alyarr:
good

marinara:
give us the good alya back
you're mean

Alyarr:
I'm living my best life

marinara:
and I have to go now
please
don't bully nath

Alyarr:
I'm gonna kick his door open
and scream

marinara:
he has push to talk for his mic

Alyarr:
fuck

-x-

private chat: leks and marinara

marinara:
no

leks:
ye
it's a great idea

marinara:
it's your worst idea
I don't approve of it

leks:
too late
he already said yes

marinara:
don't lie

leks:
but he did
text him and confirm it
i dare u

marinara:
no

leks:
do it
pussy

marinara:
oh my god
no

leks:
it's happening

marinara:
why have you done this

leks:
because
it's one more person to torment u
and that's my kinda thing

marinara:
you're
a traitor

leks:
was i ever on ur side

marinara:
no
you're right

leks:
love u

marinara:
that just
sounds so very sarcastic
I'm offended

leks:
he's been talking to nath
like
i saw nath's name pop up
on his phone

marinara:
excuse me
what

leks:
idk
besties now or some shit

marinara:
are you kidding me
neither of them has said anything

leks:
wow
wonder how that feels

marinara:
now is not the time
juleka
it's not all about you
this is about my feelings

leks:
sry
my bad

marinara:
thank you

leks:
k

marinara:
k

leks:
i'll ask nino to add him later

marinara:
I hate your brother

leks:
is that why
ur coming over later

marinara:
yeah
I'm gonna suffocate him

leks:
with what

marinara:
the blanket I'm stealing from him

leks:
his own blanket
so mean

marinara:
I think it's pretty fitting

leks:
his feet stick out the end of it

marinara:
yeah
that's why it's my blanket now

leks:
but i use it

marinara:
it's mine
I've claimed it

leks:
did u like
pee on it

marinara:
yeah
or did I write my name on the label
like a civilised person

leks:
that's not u

marinara:
I did spill my drink on it the other day
did he wash it yet???

leks:
doubt it

marinara:
really did claim it then

leks:
gross

marinara:
I'm an angel

leks:
no

-x-

group chat: nath's the chosen one
marinara has joined the chat

chloesterol:
loser

marinara:
is that directed at me
or what

chloesterol:
everyone
and u

marinara:
okay, thank you for that

ninny:
mari!!!!!!!

marinara:
nino!!!!!!!!!!!!!

adrikins:
!!!!
you're here!!

leks:
hi

marinara:
hello, friends
and chloé

chloesterol:
hi

ninny:
the accent means you like her
remember

marinara:
damn
being caught lying through text too
this is a disaster

chloesterol:
wat

marinara:
never mind
don't worry your pretty little head about it

chloesterol:
im taller than u

marinara:
but I called you pretty
no need to be petty

leks:
stop flirt

marinara:
I will flirt all I like
chloé gets me

chloesterol:
what do u want
why u trying to be cute

marinara:
trying??????????

chloesterol:
trying

marinara:
first of all
offensive

chloesterol:
no

marinara:
you
can't say no to my point

chloesterol:
no

marinara:
no

chloesterol:
no

marinara:
that's
not how this works

chloesterol:
no

leks:
can u get this over with
pls

ninny:
im supposed to be waiting for a signal

marinara:
is it me crying
because I'm doing that now

adrikins:
?????
wipe your tears

marinara:
make me

adrikins:
i'm powerless here
i cannot control anyone
no one will ever listen to me

marinara:
okay
you sound like you have more problems than me
you can have the spotlight

chloesterol:
no

marinara:
we're not talking to you right now!!!!!!

adrikins:
!!!!!

marinara:
later!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

chloesterol:
no

ninny:
how can you argue with this
better admit befeat

marinara:
befeat

chloesterol:
idiot

ninny:
wtf
i was on your side here
and this is how you treat me???

chloesterol:
i dont pick favourites
sry

adrikins:
that's a lie!!!!!!
i know you better than that!!!

chloesterol:
gay

adrikins:
what
??????????

chloesterol:
u heard me

adrikins:
it made no sense!!!!
i'm annoyed now!!!!!!!!

marinara:
that's it
you've angered the impossible
we're kicking you out, chloé
you can't sit with us

chloesterol:
no

ninny:
powerful words
from a powerful girl

chloesterol:
ur all weird
im leaving

marinara:

chloesterol has left the chat

adrikins:
oh
okay????

ninny:
ok
compliment her to get rid of her
ill keep that in mind

marinara:
nah
she's going out for dinner

adrikins:
???
why do you know that and not me???????

marinara:
because
we're friends

adrikins:
she's my best friend??????????

marinara:
yeah but
she's also my friend

adrikins:
favouritism???????????????????

ninny:
wild

marinara:
I'm in the know
I deserve this position
do you know what I've been through because of her???

adrikins:
please
no

marinara:
milkshake in the eye, adrien
in the eye
do you want that????

adrikins:
no?????????

marinara:
then
I deserve the gossip
not you

ninny:
its gossip worthy????

marinara:
maybe

ninny:
to be gossip
you gotta have someone to talk to
right

marinara:
yeah
and that someone is chloé

ninny:
sad

marinara:
fuck you

leks has joined the chat

adrikins:
juleka!!!

leks:
hi

adrikins:
hello!!!
how was your day been
you're nice
i like talking to you

leks:
what
do u want

adrikins:
what makes you think i want something????

marinara:
everything

adrikins:
you!!!
stay!!!!! out of this!!

marinara:
no

ninny:
doesnt quite have the chloe impact

marinara:
fk you

leks:
ok
i regret coming here

marinara:
you literally planned this
it's your fault

adrikins:
????

leks:
k
go on nino

ninny:
drumroll pls

adrikins:
no!!!!

ninny:
ok
fuck you too

adrikins:
mean

ninny has invited luka to the chat
luka has joined the chat

marinara:
what up
asshole

adrikins:
mari!!!!!

ninny:
no, thats luka

leks:
shut the fuck up
u don't get to make those jokes

luka:
what

leks:
hi

luka:
ur literally in the next room
why are you saying hi to me

leks:
i'm being nice

luka:
weird
but ok

marinara:
it's called being friendly
it's not like
she can just ignore you here

luka:
are you sure
?

marinara:
yeah
but doesn't mean I can't do that
bye

adrikins:
hello!!!
it's very nice to meet you!!!!!!!

ninny:
smooth

luka:
hello?

ninny:
oh
right
hi

luka:
hi

ninny:
im nino

luka:
yeah
you told me that before
?

ninny:
im making a show for the children
play along

luka:
ok
hello Im luka

adrikins:
hello!!!!!!!!!

luka:
youve said that

adrikins:
i'm saying it again!!
it's nice to finally meet you!!!!!!

luka:
and that

marinara:
that's my boyfriend

luka:
Im your best friend

marinara:
fuck off
you know I meant adrien

luka:
so
this is the famous adrien

leks:
ye
he's like a puppy

luka:
cute

adrikins:
thanks!!!!!!
i'm taking that as a compliment

luka:
thanks for the invite

marinara:
you wormed your way in here
you're not welcome

luka:
aw thanks

marinara:
die

luka:
thats also cute

adrikins:
i agree!!

leks:
ew
he actually means that

luka:
so do I
ur also cute leka

ninny:
le..............ka...................

marinara:
who's cute now
huh

leks:
fk off

luka:
dont tell me
do you all really type leks

marinara:
no
we're not lazy and type out juleka

luka:
is it really laziness
or is it love

marinara:
maybe both

luka:
fair

ninny:
mari
i thought you were gonna ignore him

marinara:
my madness lasted two seconds

luka:
whos the loser now

marinara:
I know where you live

luka:
yeah
and you have for over a decade
but Im still alive

marinara:
not for long

luka:
spooky
I dare you

marinara:
I'll come over
and eat your food

luka:
I mean
my mom would like that

ninny:
can you tell us embarrassing mari stories
juleka's too nice

leks:
wat

marinara:
juleka understands the meaning of privacy
unlike you guys

adrikins:
i don't know what you mean
i've never done anything wrong in my life

ninny:
dude
you sent us a picture of your cat's shit this morning

adrikins:
he missed the litter tray??????

leks:
good for him

adrikins:
he's never done that before!!!
i needed to defend him beforehand
so you don't come round and see it
and judge him
it was an accident, ok????

marinara:
is it really an accident
if it happens again in the future

leks:
a planned accident

luka:
thats your nickname

leks:
stop

marinara:
oversharing is our way of life

adrikins:
overshare what chloe's doing right now

marinara:
nice try
but I'd never betray her like that

luka:
which one is she again
its hard to keep track of ur friends
when you give them all weird nicknames

ninny:
what

marinara:
shut
up

luka:
what
its true
?

marinara:
you're here to embarrass juleka
not me??????

luka:
I can do both
people love a multitasker

adrikins:
!!!
yes!!!!!!

luka:
I am a peddler of embarrassing stories
would you like to see my wares

ninny:
fuck yes

leks:
can u at least do mari first

luka:
I can do that
but only since shes younger

marinara:
???
be nice to the baby??????

luka:
nino
you met mari first
right
?

ninny:
yeah

luka:
she called you asshole for like
two weeks

marinara:
oh my god

luka:
then it turned into fkboy

adrikins:
and then what???
what's the final evolution???????

luka:
its still fkboy

ninny:
am i a nice fkboy at least

marinara:
look
names are hard to remember
ok?????
you do not get to judge me
oh my god
why is this happening

luka:
yeah thats true
its cute though
until you accidentally say their nickname to their face
when its mildly offensive

marinara:
go away

luka:
you cant get rid of me now
Ive infiltrated my way in

leks:
u befriended a dude u paid
does it really count

luka:
I wasnt paying him to be my friend now
was I

marinara:
idk
are you sure you didn't

luka:
Im
pretty sure

leks:
?
he's not here to back up that claim
so
u bribed him

luka:
thanks

marinara:
it's okay
we understand why you did it

leks:
it's rough being lonely
huh

marinara:
friends are hard for you
huh

luka:
teaming up on here
isnt cool

marinara:
what's that
can't hear you over you revealing
my nickname for nino?????????????

ninny:
if it helps
i found it funny

marinara:
thanks
glad you enjoy my embarrassment

adrikins:
can we know more????

luka:
dunno
Im being bullied right now
might have to limit myself to a single secret a day

marinara:
log on once a day

luka:
I mean
yeah
I can do that

marinara:
I was trying to be a dick

leks:
u get a one for effort

marinara:
fuck you?????

leks:
?

marinara:
I'm offended by your score
I deserve a three
at least

leks:
ur insults are getting stale
heard em all before

luka:
been using them for years
better get some new ones

marinara:
but that requires effort

leks:
that's why u got a one
loser

marinara:
now
I understand how it feels to be ganged up on
it's terrible

ninny:
its about time you understood my suffering

adrikins:
nino!!!
be quiet!!!!!!!

ninny:
let me interrupt their bonding
they need to know my feelings

marinara:
do we though..........

leks:
no

luka:
go on fkboy
tell me ur feelings

ninny:
ok
well
my elbow hurts a little
since i hit my desk just now

luka:
thats sad

ninny:
right????

leks:
ur sad

marinara:
right!!!

adrikins:
bonding
!!!

marinara:
gross

leks:
gross

marinara:
!!!
beat you

leks:
are u five

marinara:
yeah

ninny:
how was five year old mari

luka:
dunno
she didnt exist for me

marinara:
fucking rude
we've been through this
I didn't just start to exist when we met

luka:
?
are you sure
because Im not seeing any proof

marinara:
fuck off

leks:
we weren't in same class until we were like
eight

marinara:
go away

leks:
that's all ur getting from me

ninny:
ill take it
thank you, juleka

leks:
ur welcome

marinara:
you're not welcome
please leave

leks:
ok

juleka has left the chat

marinara:
dlgdfhdf

luka:
shes laughing

adrikins:
a spy!!!

luka:
is it really spying
when shes in my room

ninny:
and you were
typing to each other

luka:
well
she came in after I said she was in another room
it just made it weirder

adrikins:
were you facing the same direction

luka:
she was on my bed
so not really
no

marinara:
you
really don't need to go into this much detail

adrikins:
oh!!!!
is it weird i know that angle
because i watch your stream????

ninny:
yes

marinara:
a bit

adrikins:
forbidden knowledge.......

ninny:
tell us more

adrikins:
i
can't think
i'm bad on the spot

luka:
not that good at stalking me huh

adrikins:
i'll try better!!!!

luka:
good luck

adrikins:
thank you
it means a lot that you support me!!!

luka:
I wish you the best in ur life

marinara:
you just used
you and ur in the same sentence

luka:
and I have for years
you cant change me mari

marinara:
I
can try..............

luka:
good luck

ninny:
that one sounded more sarcastic than the last

luka:
?
me
sarcastic
?
never

-x-

private chat: luka and marinara

marinara:
like
I am very glad you're here
but I still don't get why
but ok
please stay forever

luka:
mixed signals

marinara:
they're nice
I hope you like them

luka:
ya
if you like them so much
Im sure I will

marinara:
ok
cool

luka:
cool

marinara:
cool

luka:
cool

marinara:
stop

luka:
?
cool

Chapter Text

Miraculous: Tales of Ladybug & Chat Noir © Thomas Astruc

private chat: adrikins and marinara

marinara:
that's it
he's dead to me

adrikins:
mari................

marinara:
that's more times
than I can count on my hand now
it's on purpose

adrikins:
he loves you

marinara:
no.

adrikins:
pls
give him another chance

marinara:
plagg has betrayed me for the last time

adrikins:
he's not breaking the skin!!!!!!
he's just
friendly

marinara:
friendly is not gnawing on my head for a minute straight
more than once????

adrikins:
gnawing is affection

marinara:
???
are you gonna start biting me??????

adrikins:
i mean
i could??????
but it's a bit soon don't you think

marinara:

shut up

adrikins:
i didn't know you felt this way about me???

marinara:
that I
want you to bite me????

adrikins:
yes
it's happening so fast............
how will i cope

marinara:
we're dating

adrikins:
are we

marinara:
idk
are we

adrikins:
i thought we were just bros
goofing around???

marinara:
you're the only goof here

adrikins:
i'm
taking that as a compliment!!!!!

marinara:
sure, you do that
that's fine

adrikins:
are you saying
you don't want to goof around with me???

marinara:
that's a bit fast
don't you think???

adrikins:
you're right
we need to work up to holding hands first!!!!

marinara:
you've held my hand

adrikins:
wrong
you dreamt that

marinara:
you think you're in my dreams????
please

adrikins:
sorry
am i overestimating myself here???????

marinara:
extremely
you're in my nightmares

adrikins:
where something bad happens to me???
or
am i the bad thing
oh my god am i the bad thing marinette??????

marinara:
maybe

adrikins:
maybe??????????

marinara:
it depends on whether you bully me or not

adrikins:
i would never!!!!!!!!!!!
bully you!!!!

marinara:
maybe not
but your cat does

adrikins:
don't you bring him into this

marinara:
I'm terrified of him
I wait in fear at yours
scared of him coming around the corner
pouncing on me

adrikins:
he's a good boy!!!!

marinara:
he tried to eat my shoelace

adrikins:
it was a nice shoelace

marinara:
was???
past tense?????

adrikins:
it
has bite marks now

marinara:
you're right

adrikins:
i usually am!!

marinara:
anyway
I like your cat but he's also a menace

adrikins:
as he should be!!!!
he's got character

marinara:
a lot of it

adrikins:
i think he'd be boring
if he was fat

marinara:
what

adrikins:
maybe?????
wouldn't it be harder to do things
with extra weight on him

marinara:
I
don't know???
cats are a mystery to me

adrikins:
let's
not find out

marinara:
ok
deal

adrikins:
the vet says he's average weight
he's okay

marinara:
you
asked the vet????

adrikins:
you don't know what goes on in there
okay!!!!!
you don't know!!!!!!!!

marinara:
what
does this mean

adrikins:
it means
he acts like an angel there!!!!
they all think he's so well behaved
but they
don't know

marinara:
so
he's evil

adrikins:
how dare you
only i can call him evil

marinara:
okay, okay
he's not evil

adrikins:
thank you

marinara:
but he does bite me
so can i call him evil now???

adrikins:
you can only call him positive things!!!!

marinara:
a real angel

adrikins:
i can sense your sarcasm!!
and i don't like it!!!!

marinara:
but I like you
wanna goof around??

adrikins:

what's in it for me

marinara:
me

adrikins:
tempting
but what else????

marinara:
me again

adrikins:
ok
i'm sold

marinara:
...good

adrikins:
when's the goofing taking place

marinara:
this just sounds like
you're awkwardly asking me on a date

adrikins:
maybe i am
got a problem with that???

marinara:
first of all
aggressive

adrikins:
are you saying i'm second to you????

marinara:
calm down, child

adrikins:
you
can't call me a child then go on a date with me

marinara:
watch me

adrikins:
pls no

marinara:
too late
it's date time

adrikins:
but i'm a child

marinara:
maybe I am too
we'll be good together

adrikins:
i'm too young to understand love

marinara:
so you don't love plagg?????
wow, adrien
wow

adrikins:
what
no!!!!!!!!

marinara:
no?????????????
that poor cat

adrikins:
that's not what i meant!!!!!!
don't twist my words!!!

marinara:
I'm not twisting anything
it's written
right there
by you

adrikins:
no!!!!!!!!!!!!

marinara:
you're so mean to him
poor poor plagg

adrikins:
i'm breaking up with you

marinara:
no

adrikins:
what do you mean
no????

marinara:
I don't like that response
change it

adrikins:
that's
not how this works??????

marinara:
it is now

adrikins:
no!!!

marinara:
yes

adrikins:
no??????????

marinara:
do you wanna go on that date tomorrow

adrikins:
oh
yes????
i'm free after

marinara:
after one isn't it

adrikins:
oh
yes
you're good at this

marinara:
you sent me a screenshot of your schedule

adrikins:
i was impressed then
i thought you memorised it

marinara:
I'm saving my memory for better things

adrikins:
like my face

marinara:
modest

adrikins:
it's understandable

marinara:
you've been talking to chloé too much

adrikins:
or not enough
because
she still won't tell me where she went the other night????????

marinara:
sdlkgjdh
still???

adrikins:
yes!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

marinara:
she went out for dinner with her mom

adrikins:
oh
really?

marinara:
yeah

adrikins:
that's the big secret????????????

marinara:
idk
she said she never sees her mom
and that you'd be weird about it
or something
so there we go

adrikins:
me???
weird???????
how dare she

marinara:
I mean
you can be pretty weird
I get it

adrikins:
you're supposed to be on my side here!!!!

marinara:
I am
but
I've known chloé longer
therefore
I'm on her side

adrikins:
that's not right!!!!!!!!

marinara:
I don't make the rules
just don't bring it up with her, I guess
she's being pretty
odd about talking about it

adrikins:
she still told you
not me???

marinara:
idk
maybe it was easier since I don't know the whole history
or something
she just said that she's not close with her
that's it

adrikins:
divorced

marinara:
rip

adrikins:
not deceased????

marinara:
I'm
saying rip to the relationship

adrikins:
don't rip us

marinara:
never

adrikins:
ok
i'll forgive you this one
but if she comes to you again
i'm sorry but
i'll have to shank you

marinara:
where
are you getting a shank from????

adrikins:
i'm sure i can get one
from someone here!!!!!!

marinara:
I feel like
you'd be in more danger in this scenario

adrikins:
what
why????

marinara:
you're more likely to get stabbed
than actually shank me

adrikins:
maybe someone will understand!!!!

marinara:
and pity you enough
to give you a weapon????

adrikins:
hey
i'm dangerous enough already!!!!

marinara:

are you

adrikins:
other than my good looks

marinara:
right

adrikins:
i promise i'm strong

marinara:
I'm
sure you are

adrikins:
you don't sound very convinced????
do you need a
demonstration

marinara:
what are you gonna do
lift plagg???

adrikins:
with one hand

marinara:
wowie

adrikins:
right???????

marinara:
I'm swooning

adrikins:
that's all i want

marinara:
you sure know how to impress me

adrikins:
why else would you be with me????
definitely not my sense of humour

marinara:
at least you're being honest now

adrikins:
are you
bullying me????

marinara:
no way
we're just being bros

adrikins:
oh
yes
you're right

-x-

group chat: nath's the chosen one
marinara has joined the chat

Thani:
I'm not saying that you're wrong.
I just don't agree.

luka:
ya but
why

Thani:
I don't like the sound of it, that's all.

luka:
lame

Thani:
Me?

luka:
yeah u
and ur music taste
I dont understand you

Thani:
And you think I understand you?
You're weird.

marinara:
what the hell
are you two talking about

luka:
go away

marinara:
that's not it

Thani:
Your singing.

marinara:
you've
never heard me sing

Thani:
You've done it on stream before.

marinara:
how about
stop stalking me
nathaniel

Thani:
Are you saying my full name to intimidate me?

marinara:
is it working

Thani:
It makes me all tingly inside.

luka:
that sure sounds like its working
good job mari

marinara:
I don't deserve this treatment
I came here to have a good time
and all I get instead is
you two

Thani:
What more could you ever want?

marinara:
not you
????

Thani:
Wrong.

luka:
mari
tell nath he sucks

marinara:
nath already knows he sucks

Thani:
She tells me that a lot.

luka:
ok
thats a lot about ur relationship
that I didnt want to know

marinara:
do you want to feel my first

luka:
is that
to me or nath
?

marinara:
that's it
I'm punching you

luka:
cool

Thani:
Try not to enjoy it too much.

luka:
but it makes me all tingly
dont you want that for me
?

Thani:
You're right.
We all deserve to be tingly from Marinette.

marinara:
die

luka:
ur so charming

marinara:
that's why I have a boyfriend
and you don't

luka:
Im married to my farm

marinara:
that's the only hoe in your life huh

luka:
sadly

Thani:
You poor thing.

luka:
pity me

marinara:
no
next you'll be asking us to tuck you into bed
it's a slippery slope

Thani:
I don't think that's how that works, Marinette.

marinara:
you don't know anything
be quiet

Thani:
Sorry.

marinara:
not forgiven
know better next time

luka:
ur angry today

marinara:
furious

Thani:
Is it because I'm bonding with Luka?
I'm trying to steal him from you.

marinara:
yes
it makes me fiery

luka:
we can tell

Thani:
You can have him back.
We have nothing in common.

marinara:
you both love me
that's enough

luka:
apparently not
if Im being sold off

Thani:
You can have him for free.

luka:
am I not worth
anything
to you nath

Thani:
Maybe a little bit.
Your money does help me.

luka:
so if I commission u again
I can be ur friend
?

Thani:
Yes.

luka:
ok
can u wait a few days

Thani:
Sure.

luka:
cool
Ill think of something good then

marinara:
???????????????

Thani:
Do you mind?
We're bonding.

marinara:
that was more like bribing
but ok

Thani:
Same thing.
It's okay to be jealous, Marinette.

marinara:
jealous is putting it lightly
pay me

luka:
and what will u do for me

marinara:
I'll
tuck you in at night

Thani:
...That's a tempting offer.
Is it open for me?

marinara:
absolutely
I'll make a job of it
if there's enough interest

Thani:
I'll start saving.

marinara:
bed time stories are included
but they might not be pg

luka:

u gonna read me smut to sleep?

marinara:
what
no

Thani:
Murder.

marinara:
yes
pleasant dreams knowing enemies are dead
right

luka:
what did ur parents read you

marinara:
the wrong things, clearly
I know better now

Thani:
I don't think you know anything, actually.

marinara:
that's mean..............

luka:
but true

marinara:
don't gang up on me
this isn't what I want

luka:
pay me

marinara:
to
not bully me
???

luka:
ya

marinara:
isn't that
bullying though???
like
give me your lunch money

Thani:
Except it's give me a little bit of money.

luka:
little
?
Im going big or going home

marinara:
you're at home

luka:
fk

marinara:
loser

Thani:
You've fucked it up now.

marinara:
neither of you are getting my money
instead
I'm leaving

luka:
what
already

marinara:
I have better things to do
than talk to you too

Thani:
You're seeing Adrien, aren't you?

marinara:
yeah
priorities

luka:
I feel so unloved

marinara:
xo

marinara has left the chat

-x-

private chat: leks and marinara

leks:
don't say
a fking word

marinara:
hm

leks:
pls

marinara:
hm....

leks:
mari
u love me don't u

marinara:
debatable

leks:
pls
u and adrien are the only ones who know
sweet talk him for me

marinara:
adrien is out of my control

leks:
bribe him

marinara:
that's not a healthy relationship

leks:
nothing about u is healthy

marinara:
that's it
I'm telling luka

leks:
pls

marinara:

it's ok
he text me earlier saying his coffee machine broke
you're in the clear

leks:
are u sure

marinara:
unless adrien mentions it

leks:
pls

marinara:
just buy him something sweet
and he'll forgive you

leks:
i'm poor

marinara:
bitch me too

leks:

don't even compare us

marinara:
rude

leks:
can u save me some cake or something tomorrow

marinara:
yeah
you wanna come pick it up
or
want me to bring it round

leks:
o
round
?

marinara:
can I stay for food then

leks:
ye
i'll tell mom

marinara:
cool

-x-

group chat: luka's sad now
marinara has joined the chat

Alyarr:
my guy
shut the fuck up

marinara:
angry
who you angry at

ninny:
me

adrikins:
mari!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

marinara:
adrien!!!

ninny:
excuse me
this is about me right now
can you fuck off

marinara:
but
isn't luka sad

ninny:
his sadness was this morning
its my time now

marinara:
okay
my bad

Alyarr:
he doesn't want to watch a movie with me

marinara:
what a loser

ninny:
you
dont even know which one????

marinara:
yeah but
it's with alya
I'd watch anything with you, alya

Alyarr:
do you wanna watch it with me tonight

marinara:
sure
it's a date

adrikins:
you're streaming tonight!!!!

marinara:
is late good for you

Alyarr:
yeah
I have no classes tomorrow
I can do that

marinara:
okay
it's a date

Alyarr:
you're the best

ninny:
youll regret it
im telling you now

marinara:
don't tell me anything
I don't trust you

ninny:
what
why
what did i do

Alyarr:
existed

adrikins:
!!!!

marinara:
yeha
that

ninny:
yeha

marinara:
pardon
this is about you
not me

Alyarr:
can't argue about that
sorry

ninny:
can it not be about me any more
pls

marinara:
no
we're sticking to what I've been told
and that's
the world revolving around you right now

adrikins:
are you flirting with him now
it sure sounds like it

marinara:
I mean
I could be

ninny:
will you have a date with me tonight instead of alya

marinara:
yes

Alyarr:
hang on

marinara:
it's all about you, nino

ninny:
do you
wanna play later

marinara:
I have like
an hour before dinner if you wanna play now

ninny:
hell yeah

marinara:
there
now I can still date alya later

Alyarr:
woo

marinara:
is this what being a playboy feels like
it's exhausting

adrikins:
it hasn't
even been two minutes???

marinara:
yes
imagine my tiredness
how do people do this
???

adrikins:
at least i don't have to worry about you cheating on me???

marinara:
yeah
that seems stressful as hell
it's just not meant for me

adrikins:
good?????????

Alyarr:
I can't even manage my classes
how would I be able to date two people at once

marinara:
wouldn't it be easier online
unless
you're easily distracted

ninny:
pls dont compare which is easier
it makes me feel
bad

marinara:
sorry, nino
you can relax
no one's cheating on you here

ninny:
thanks

adrikins:
should i be worried
??????

marinara:
always

Alyarr:
I can't help but notice
that you don't care about luka's sadness

marinara:
???
because he's told me already
I'm first, losers

adrikins:
are you

marinara:
always
I'm all knowing

ninny:
mari
will i win the lottery

marinara:
alya is the lottery

Alyarr:
nice

marinara:
luka texts me like
every morning

adrikins:
and when you're walking home

marinara:
salty

adrikins:
a bit!!!!!
i want to talk to you

marinara:
I talk to you all the time

adrikins:
but not when you're walking home

marinara:
you're very fixated on this
I'm sorry, it's the way of the world
nothing will change this

Alyarr:
rip

adrikins:
what if i cry

marinara:
then I'll laugh

adrikins:
sad

ninny:
hey
sadness is mine
you stop that

adrikins:
sorry!!!!!!!!

ninny:
thanks

adrikins:
what if i
marry luka on his farm game

marinara:
farm game

adrikins:
yeah
i wanna be a farmer's wife!!!!!!!!
I wanna feed chickens!!!!

marinara:
I don't think he'll want you
but you can try

ninny:
wait
i didnt realise that position was open

marinara:
what
as luka's wife??

Alyarr:
farm wife
get it right

marinara:
it's not open

adrikins:
maybe he'll open it for me!!!!

marinara:
he'll be happy with anyone
that wants to play with him

adrikins:
!!!!!!

marinara:
you're welcome to try

ninny:
but i hate farming

marinara:
you're out
sorry

ninny:
but i wanna be his wife

marinara:
farm wife only

Alyarr:
I'm bad at farming
I'm out

adrikins:
yes
the competition is dwindling

marinara:

adrikins:
chloe likes farms

marinara:
does she now

adrikins:
this knowledge is forbidden for her
pls
i can't compete with her...............

marinara:
I mean
you could try

adrikins:
she gets
really obsessed with games
she'll beat me

marinara:
is there really a winner
for farming

adrikins:
yes??????????
it's buying stuff

marinara:
idk
seems boring

adrikins:
you're rude!!!!!!!!!!

marinara:
no
you are
you're the one talking about trying to marry luka

adrikins:
maybe he'll just let me have a little
house on his farm!!!!
like a permanent sleepover

marinara:
I sure hope not

adrikins:
i'll never play with you again
i'll be busy on the farm

Alyarr:
yeah that's not lasting long

adrikins:
shut up

Alyarr:
what
you prefer watching shit
I know this already

adrikins:
can you unknow this?????

marinara:
you tell us like
everything
it's not our fault

adrikins:
lies!!!!

ninny:
bro
you are an oversharer
im sorry

adrikins:
nino........
how could you...........

ninny:
gotta be honest here
you did send me a picture of plaggs shit
like
two days ago

adrikins:
stop bringing that up to spite me!!!!!!!!!!!

ninny:
its a good example
sry

marinara:
he's right

adrikins:
that's it
i'm never telling you guys anything
ever again!!!!!

Alyarr:
mm
good luck

marinara:
ok

adrikins:
ever!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

marinara:
adrien

adrikins:
what do you want

marinara:
I'm sorry for bullying you
I'm sure luka will love you to be his wife

adrikins:
he'd be very lucky!!!!

ninny:
ok
bit stuck up

adrikins:
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Alyarr:
let him be confident
it's refreshing

marinara:
is that the right word

Alyarr:
maybe

adrikins:
i'm marriage material

marinara:
you're married to your cat

adrikins:
see
i'm reliable
look at how consistently i love him

ninny:
true
will you ever love me that much

adrikins:
i'll think about it..................

marinara:
what about me

adrikins:
no

marinara:
??????????????

adrikins:
he's my number one
just like
luka is for calling you on your way home

marinara:

oh my god
get over it

adrikins:
i will when i marry him

Alyarr:
petty

Chapter Text

Miraculous: Tales of Ladybug & Chat Noir © Thomas Astruc

private chat: chloesterol and marinara

chloesterol:
listen

marinara:
no

chloesterol:
im just saying
its a good idea

marinara:
no, it's not
it's a terrible one

chloesterol:
im branching out

marinara:
you're going where you're not welcome

chloesterol:
u dont get to decide that
bitch

marinara:
go away

chloesterol:
no
come over here

marinara:
I don't want to

chloesterol:
you dont get a choice

marinara:
???
excuse you
says who

chloesterol:
me
hurry up

marinara:
I'm
in my pyjamas

chloesterol:
come over in pyjamas

marinara:
and let you film me in them???
no

chloesterol:
then get dressed
its not fucking hard

marinara:
you're going to call my outfit ugly

chloesterol:
if you didnt buy it with me
then ye

marinara:
stop bullying me

chloesterol:
thats why ur coming over
ill make u fabulous

marinara:
you'll make me look like it's halloween

chloesterol:
do u wanna be slutty then

marinara:

I meant like a clown, but okay

chloesterol:
slutty clown

marinara:
does it have to be me
can't you convince adrien to do this

chloesterol:
adriens not as big as u
i want a good impact

marinara:
that's
really not reassuring that you like me at all

chloesterol:
ur tolerable

marinara:
thanks??????

chloesterol:
are u coming over then

marinara:
give me like
thirty minutes????

chloesterol:
ok
ill order food

marinara:
oh, hell yeah
why didn't you mention that before??

chloesterol:
i didnt think u were ruled by ur stomach

marinara:
food is a good bribe
feed me and I'll go anywhere with you

chloesterol:
does it matter how good the food is

marinara:
as if you'd get anything but the expensive stuff
snob

chloesterol:
i buy ur stuff

marinara:
hey hey
hey
are you calling my family's
store
cheap????????

chloesterol:
na
its like average

marinara:
how dare you????????

chloesterol:
in price idiot
u make good milkshakes

marinara:
great
if you said that they're bad
I'd fucking end you

chloesterol:
are u flirting with me

marinara:
maybe

chloesterol:
do that on camera
i want a good video

marinara:
yeah, yeah
but I'm not sure how many views you'll get
for real
I don't really post there

chloesterol:
im using u for ur fame

marinara:
I figured that out long ago

chloesterol:
youll finally have nice makeup

marinara:
this food better be good

chloesterol:
come over and find out

marinara:
fine
I'll go get ready

chloesterol:
hurry up

-x-

group chat: chloe's a beauty guru now
marinara has joined the chat

Alyarr:
there she is

marinara:
what do you want from me
leave me alone

adrikins:
gasp
mari!!!!!!!!!
you've returned to us!!!!!!!!!!!

marinara:
you spoke to me like
ten minutes ago

adrikins:
that's different
this is typing now

marinara:
is it really that different

adrikins:
yeah!!!
i can say good morning twice now
so
good morning!!!!

marinara:
morning

ninny:
its past noon

marinara:
fk off

Alyarr:
sassy
how'd last night go??

marinara:
I'm not giving you any spoilers
you'll have to watch the video like everyone else

adrikins:
it was cute!!!!!

Alyarr:
???
but he got to see it
what is this favourtism

marinara:
I'm sorry
are you tucking me in at night???
no
you are not

ninny:
why is he tucking you in

marinara:
okay
maybe he hasn't done that
but adrien did kiss my forehead before

adrikins:
lgdskjdh

marinara:
the world must know

adrikins:
but i'm shy!!!!!

Alyarr:
I'd ask you to tell me more
but
I also want to keep my innocent image of adrien

marinara:
he's cute
it's ok

ninny:
inappropriate

marinara:
surprised you could spell that

ninny:
okay
thats it
do you want to fight mari
because ill do it

marinara:
yeah

ninny:
give me a time and a place

marinara:
right now

ninny:
but its sunday
i dont want to leave my house

marinara:
same
but i have to

ninny:
have to???

marinara:
yeah
having dinner with my parents later

adrikins:
you've got a couple of hours!!!
a while for your pyjamas

marinara:
I wish I could stay in them forever
but alas
I cannot

adrikins:
they'll miss you too!!!

Alyarr:
rip
you see your parents like
daily
but you still go to theirs for dinner

marinara:
yeah??

Alyarr:
do you not
like
get fed up with them

marinara:
oh
not really???
I mean
I see them at work, yeah
but it's not like they're annoying there???
and they've always been pretty nice

ninny:
i have like
a phonecall a week with mine
and they dont live that far away

Alyarr:
they're paying for that sweet flat for you though

ninny:
true that

adrikins:
can i move in

ninny:
no pets allowed

adrikins:
why
do you know that????

ninny:
i wanted a friend ok???
you make plagg out to be like
the light of your life
i wanted that too

adrikins:
i'm not saying you can coparent him
but you can be his friend

ninny:
little dudes already my friend
lets be honest here
he loves me

adrikins:
he loves anyone that gives him attention!!!

marinara:
little bastard

adrikins:
marinette!!!!!!!!!

marinara:
what
you call him that too

adrikins:
i can't tell if there's affection in your tone
when you're typing!!!!!

marinara:
always

adrikins:
but was that sarcasm

marinara:
never
I do like that little dude
wouldn't say it's quite love yet

adrikins:
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Alyarr:
is it love for adrien yet

marinara:
excuse you

ninny:
do you love me yet alya
am i worthy

Alyarr:
no

ninny:
i knew it.........

Alyarr:
but I do love plagg
he's cute

adrikins:
he thinks you're cute too

Alyarr:
nice
is he single

adrikins:
he's married to my pillow right now
sorry!!!!
no more room in his heart!!!

Alyarr:
I'll wait for him
I want him to know that

adrikins:
he'll be pleased!!!

Alyarr:
I should hope so
my love is very valuable

ninny:
says who

Alyarr:
my mom

marinara:
mother knows best

ninny:
i liked it when maris mom liked me
can we go back to dating
she touched my shoulder and asked how i was
it was so nice

marinara:
stop fantasising about my mom???

ninny:
it was reminiscing
get it right

marinara:
stop that too

ninny:
now im even sadder

marinara:
good
pls suffer

ninny:
im already suffering

Alyarr:
are you thirteen
stop being so dramatic

ninny:
i cant help it
im bored

adrikins:
do something fun!!!!!
wait
are you calling us boring
????
nino!!!!

ninny:
im bored

adrikins:
that's so mean!!!!!

ninny:
do something fun then
dance for me
monkey

marinara:
I wish I could kick you

ninny:
i mean
you could always come over and do that

marinara:
are you
inviting me to yours
just to hurt you
??

ninny:
yeah
amuse me

marinara:
your kinks are out of control
this is outrageous
alya
what do you see in this fool

Alyarr:
webcam makes him look nice

marinara:
you can't use that excuse
I've seen you cuddle

Alyarr:
you were drunk

marinara:
I was not

adrikins:
i've seen it too!!!!

ninny:
hush, dude
butting in is rude

adrikins:
oh
sorry!!!

Alyarr:
you had a fever dream
nino's just my e-boy

marinara:
oh no

Alyarr:
next he'll be making short videos
and making a cuck of himself

marinara:
he's enough of a cuck already
isn't he

ninny:
i resent that

marinara:
you have no say in that

Alyarr:
he's an idiot but
I think I like that

adrikins:
think????????

Alyarr:
yeah
I'm still thinking about it
I'll get back to you with my answer later

ninny:
wtf

Alyarr:
xo

marinara:
good luck

ninny:
when i asked for entertainment
i didnt mean this

adrikins:
beggars cant be choosers

ninny:
i just wanted friends
not abuse

marinara:
sorry
no friends here

adrikins:
!!!
we're more than friends!!!!

marinara:
no, we're not

adrikins:
friends with no benefits!!!!

Alyarr:

sure
why not

marinara:
gross

luka has joined the chat

adrikins:
!!!!
luka!!!!!!!!

luka:
hi

marinara:
why are you here

luka:
I felt good vibes

marinara:
shut the fuck up

luka:
ur not so good
you should fix that

adrikins:
hello!!!!!!!!!

luka:
ya
hey adrien
how are u

adrikins:
i'm okay!!!!!
i was wondering if i could
ask you something

luka:
what
?

adrikins:
is that
a positive response????
i can't tell

luka:
you havent
asked a question yet

adrikins:
i'm
working up to it!!!

marinara:

Alyarr:
I believe in you dude
you've got this

marinara:
really

adrikins:
so!!!

luka:
?

Alyarr:
bksdgjdh

marinara:
he wants to know
if you'll marry him

luka:
can we go on a date first

marinara:
you're not dating my boyfriend

luka:
well he wants to marry me
so are u sure ur relationship is good

marinara:
maybe it's an open one
have you thought about that
???

luka:
as if

marinara:
shut up
you don't know me

luka:
marinette
i know what pyjamas ur in right now

marinara:
I'm dressed

luka:
no ur not

Alyarr:
she's not

marinara:
!!!!

adrikins:
what
no
i just wanted to ask
if you like to play with me?????

marinara:
not in the sexual way

luka:
o
I dont have a smurf

adrikins:
not that game!!!
i want to farm

luka:
are u leading me on
because I want you to know
Im fragile

Alyarr:
don't toy with the poor boy's heart

adrikins:
i want to try!!!!
i've never really played anything like it before
but i saw your stream of it
and it looks fun????
and i don't think mari will play with me

luka:
marinette is racist to farms

marinara:
not how that word works

luka:
quiet racist

marinara:
still not

adrikins:
it is multiplayer, right????

luka:
ya
ud want to start from the beginning
instead of like
joining someones whos far in though
or itll be weird

adrikins:
ok ok

luka:
I could help u later
if u want

adrikins:
!!!
yes!!!!!
i'd like that!!!

luka:
ok

marinara:
lame
the two of you and the game

luka:
listen
just because u died once
doesnt mean that its bad
it means u are

marinara:
you have absolutely no proof to back up this slander

ninny:
i wish with all of my heart
that thats true
pls

marinara:
fuck you

ninny:
i want you to be bad at something
please

luka:
she cant whistle
does that make u feel better
?

ninny:
yes
finally
i have one upped you, mari
what are you going to do now
huh
loser

marinara:
ignore you

ninny:
its going well already

marinara has left the chat

-x-

group chat: chloe is now a beauty guru
marinara has joined the chat

chloesterol:
what up loser

marinara:
hello

Thani:
Looks like the cash cow is finally here.

marinara:
excuse you

Thani:
You got pimped out for views.
How does it feel?

marinara:
like money

chloesterol:
as it should
ur just salty i didnt touch ur face

Thani:
Yes, I'm devastated.
You've caught me.

chloesterol:
maybe work on not being so weird
and then well talk in the future

marinara:
can you
not
proposition the resident virgin

Thani:
No, please continue.
Marinette just wants to keep me in a cage.

marinara:
the cave is your bedroom
work on your commissions instead
come on

Thani:
I had to stop taking them for a while because of you.

marinara:
shouldn't you be thanking me
you can afford socks without holes in them now

Thani:
That pair had sentimental value, okay.
I wore them on a special day.

marinara:
and
what day was that

Thani:
I met you.

marinara:
you're right
they're lucky socks

Thani:
...Sadly, I'm just joking.

marinara:
what the fuck
that's it
you've broken my heart

chloesterol:
i thought u didnt have a heart to break

marinara:
yeah
because it already belongs to you
sorry
I need to be more clear

chloesterol:
good

marinara:
I forgot we're dating now
sorry

Thani:
Save the flirting for the camera, you two.

marinara:
was it that good
did it make you excited, nath???

Thani:
The face touching? Yes.

marinara:
woo

chloesterol:
i have actually
got messages asking if ur really dating adrien
or if its just a cover

marinara:
????
already????

chloesterol:
ye

marinara:
your
video's been out like
two days

chloesterol:
ye but
i got pics with u first

marinara:
that makes no sense

Thani:
Let's be serious, nothing on the internet does.

marinara:
you're right
you don't make any sense, nath
sorry

Thani:
I exist outside of the internet, you know.

chloesterol:
prove it
pussy

Thani:
I could give you my number.
Does that work?

marinara:
how about
no

Thani:
Darn.

marinara:
nath

Thani:
Yes?

marinara:
you love me right

Thani:
...Why?

marinara:
hang on

-x-

private chat: Thani and marinara

marinara:
hi

Thani:
??
Okay, hello.
What's up?

marinara:
I told chloé to do this before
but I think she
doesn't actually want to bother you???
idk

Thani:
What?

marinara:
wants you to do a banner for her channel
but we know you're booked
so like
whenever you're free
I'll pay for it

Thani:
Could you wait a couple of weeks?
I'm a bit behind with uni work as it is.

marinara:
yeah, sure
don't bring it up with her, though
I want it to be a surprise

Thani:
Can it even be a surprise if you've mentioned it before?

marinara:
yeah
doubt she expects me to get it done for her
she did kind of call you trash

Thani:
I'm sorry, what?

marinara:
she was kidding!!!!
I swear
she doesn't think you're trash
she likes your stuff
really jealous of all the drawings everyone else has gotten
I promise

Thani:
Why am I trash, then?

marinara:
cause I said you were booked up
idk
she's chloé
she didn't mean it

Thani:
That's not very reassuring, but okay.

marinara:
trust me

Thani:
Sadly, I do.
I think that's my downfall.

marinara:
some would say it's your lack of soul
but maybe

Thani:
Go away.

marinara:
okay, okay
ciao

Thani:
Loser.

marinara:
love you too

-x-

private chat: adrikins and marinara

adrikins:
i
have a chicken!!!!!!!!!!!!

marinara:
that's nice

adrikins:
there's even little sound effects!!!!
it's so cute, mari!!!
why wouldn't you want to play this???
i don't understand

marinara:
idk
there's not much to do in them??
I mean
you can have a cute farm and all
but there's barely anything to do
it's just not for me

adrikins:
but you're cute
and so's this!!!!!!
it should be a match made in heaven

marinara:
cuteness isn't all there is to life
I'm sorry

adrikins:
but i care about it!!!!
i'm not gonna play a game if it's not cute
that's
boring!!!!

marinara:
or is that vain
does that count as vain
if your character's only allowed to be cute??
idk
either way
I don't mind being ugly as hell if the game's fun

adrikins:
it's okay
you're cute on the inside
always!!!!

marinara:
thanks
that means a lot

adrikins:
you're welcome!!!!

marinara:
you've been playing that a few hours
enjoying it???

adrikins:
yeah!!!!
luka's really helping
i actually know what i'm doing right now!!

marinara:
that's good!!!
if he's mean to you
I'll happily kick his ass

adrikins:
nonooooo nonono
he's great!!!!!
it was a little awkward at first
but the voice chat really helps!!!!!

marinara:
somehow
I feel like I've been left behind

adrikins:
i've ditched you
forever!!!!

marinara:
eloped onto a farm
how could this happen
I've been ditched for some chicken

adrikins:
i've got two!!!
saving up for my third
i love them so much

marinara:
are you playing favourites???

adrikins:
i would never!!!!
actually
maybe
oh my god no!!!!!!

marinara:
bad parent

adrikins:
this is why
i'm never getting a second cat

marinara:
no???
what if plagg gets lonely without you
you don't want him to have a friend??

adrikins:
but it'll be hard to not play favourites!!!!
and he'll get jealous
he already gets mad when i ignore him
imagine if there was a little kitten
cuter than him????
he'd go mad!!!!

marinara:
the bastard would cry

adrikins:
stop calling him that!!!!

marinara:
cute bastard

adrikins:
better
but not ok

marinara:
mmm
sorry, sorry
you really don't want another one??

adrikins:
i do want!!!
but using my head
it doesn't seem like a good idea
i'll keep all my love for plagg

marinara:
hey
save some for me

adrikins:
that's separate love
i don't have the same for you!!!!

marinara:
what the fuck

adrikins:
i'm not a furry!!!!!!!!!!
it's platonic for plagg!!!!!!!!!
he baby!!!!

marinara:
that's
reassuring
thank you for clarifying that

adrikins:
you're welcome!!!!

marinara:
I love you not platonically too

adrikins:
!!!!
that is good!!!!!!!!

marinara:
yes
you're welcome

adrikins:
but the real question is
do you love the two adriens in your life????

marinara:
adrien the dog has been quiet today
it's been very peaceful

adrikins:
what a good boy!!!!

marinara:
adrien's a girl

adrikins:
everyone can be a boy!!!!
boys support boys!!

marinara:
true

adrikins:
i can
almost get that chicken!!!!

marinara:
are you or luka naming them??

adrikins:
we're taking it in turns!!!
it's my turn now
i'm excited

marinara:
please
don't pun it

adrikins:
i would never!!
how dare you!!!

marinara:
mhmm
somehow
I don't believe you

adrikins:
that's offensive!!

marinara:
you're literally making an army of chickens
and you think I'm the rude one here

adrikins:
all they can do is lay eggs and make noises!!!!
and eat some grass
what a peaceful life
i want that life

marinara:
I'm sorry your life is so difficult
but you have a child to take care of

adrikins:
he's
meowing at birds right now!!!!

marinara:
cute

adrikins:
luka can hear him!!!!

marinara:
I hope he appreciates that
his ears are being blessed

adrikins:
i hope so too
he's the chosen one!!!

marinara:
as long as you don't marry him
I'm happy for him

adrikins:
i am a cute girl!!
so maybe he will!!!!

marinara:
understandable
I would marry you too if you were always a cute girl

adrikins:
but i'm cute right now

marinara:
you pale in comparison to plagg

adrikins:
i
can't argue with that

marinara:
he's the source of all the goodness in the world
and I need you to know that

adrikins:
you should've seen him as a kitten!!!!

marinara:
got any videos??

adrikins:
yes!!!!
but i
have chickens to attend to first!!!

marinara:
oh my god
they're more important than plagg???
how could this happen

adrikins:
they're not!!!!!!!
but luka's going in like
ten minutes!!!
so i'll find it then!!!!!!

marinara:
mmm
if you say so, traitor

adrikins:
mari!!!!!!!!

marinara:
it's okay
I still love the little idiot
he has me

adrikins:
you call him mean names!!!!!!

marinara:
he bites me
it's fair

adrikins:
no!!!!!!!!!!!!