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feelings

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To say that Matsukawa, Hanamaki, and the rest of the team (minus Iwaizumi) were worried would be a major understatement. They were terrified. They could all see that something was... different with Oikawa. He has been depressed lately, obviously. But now, he just seems void. He just seems...

Broken.

Oikawa hasn't spoken to his friends, he hasn't spoken to his parents. Though, he doesn't ignore them. He hugs his parents, he nods lightly in response to his friends and parents. He just doesn't talk, and won't meet their eyes.

Though, he has been completely avoiding Iwaizumi and Aiko.

He doesn't want to ruin their lives anymore, he wants them to be happy. And he was sure that they'd be happy without him. Everyone would.

It did hurt to see his parents' worried gazes, and feel their tighter hugs. He really was burdening them, wasn't he? Making them worry, making them stress out just because of him.

A sad, sad, volleyball captain who failed his entire team.

There used to be a version of him that won- that captivated everyone's gaze, that made sure he was a good captain to his team- a confident, gorgeous young man. But now look at him. Noq, he's a ruined shell, just a mirage of his past self.

And, he's ready to give up. Just one more day. One more day until his fateful end with the bridge, and the scheduled train.

One more day until he commited suicide.

-

There has been word traveling through the school about Oikawa, and how much he had changed. The team noticed it quick, noticing every little word spoken about their captain. Despite what Oikawa thinks, they still respect him, they still look up to him. They still see him as the strong, smart captain they have been playing with.

But now, it seemed like the entire school had some kind of different opinion on Oikawa, all ranging from good, bad, and neutral.

Hanamaki and Matsukawa were waiting by Oikawa's locker, the captain not present yet. Though, there was the fact that the two of them tend to get there earlier than Oikawa, so they weren't worried, not yet (about his current absence since they were still worried about him period).

There was a couple standing behind them, and the two males only started to listen to their conversation once Oikawa's name spilled from the boyfriend's lips. Hanamaki and Matsukawa stayed put, their ears just on high alert.

"You've noticed how off Oikawa has been, right?"

"Of course I have, who hasn't?" The girlfriend replied with a small laugh. Hanamaki held back a smartass comment about the laugh the girl gave, and just kept listening, Matsukawa keeping a steely gaze.

"Don't you think he's being too emotional, too dramatic?" The male chuckled, the girl laughing some more with him.

"Of course, duh! He used to be so attractive, now he's just a bum," she giggled, shaking her head.

It wasn't really a smart idea to just... talk about Oikawa like that right by his locker, where two of his good friends were obviously standing. Either the couple didn't notice them, or they just didn't care. Matsukawa and Hanamaki didn't care about which two explainations, or whatever explaination they had was- they weren't going to allow any bad mouthing of Oikawa.

Matsukawa, glaring now, turned around slowly to face the couple, "Oikawa is nothing close to a bum," he said, arms crossed firmly against his chest. "You two shouldn't be talking about him that way, because you have honestly no clue what he's going through right now," he hissed out.

Hanamki nodded, one hand on his hip, "he's not even being close to being over dramatic. I'm sure if you two were in his shoes, you'd be acting the same," he huffed.

The couple glanced at each other, before the male spoke once more, "but, his emotions caused you guys to lo-"

Matsukawa's eyes widened, and before the other male was able to finish the word, he quickly growled out, "don't you dare finish that sentence. It wasn't his damn fault. Now, you two can happily fuck off."

The couple then just gave scoffs, before turning and walking away. Though, they should be glad Kyoutani didn't hear what they said.

The next group wasn't so lucky, though. It happened on the same day, when Matsukawa, Hanamaki, Kyoutani, and Yahaba were hanging out during lunch. Oikawa wasn't with them because he had been stopped by a teacher, and was talking with her, and the four of them were ushered to lunch despite wanting to wait for their captain.

There was a small group of three people behind the table where the four were sitting at. Either they have a high death wish, or they somehow didn't see Kyoutani right there, at the table right in front of them.

"I can't believe we lost another volleyball tournament," one of them commented.

The four then tensed, Hanamaki's, Matsukawa's, and Yahaba's eyes now flickering over at Kyoutani's tense look. They were all ready to defend Oikawa of course, but they all know how Kyoutani can get.

"We were doing so good too. And then we just had to go and loose to Shiratorizawa, again," another one complained, gaining nods and hums of agreement.

"It's obvious why we lost though. Oikawa screwed the team," the third person scoffed.

That was all that needed to be sad to make Kyoutani snap. He slammed his fist down on the lunch table, stood up and swiftly turned to glare at the small group behind them.

"You three need to shut the fuck up! You guys aren't even on the team, so you can't say anything on how we lost. Nothing was his fault, nothing!" He growled.

"Oh come on, we all know you want to just blame him, and his dumb emotions," the first guy laughed. But, his laughter was but short when Kyoutani grabbed onto the collar of his shirt and pulled him forward.

Yahaba sighed and shook his head, while Matsukawa and Hanamaki smirked at the spectacle. The lunch room was slowly starting to avert it's attention to what Kyoutani was doing.

"Shut the fuck up with that "dumb emotions" shit! I may nit agree with him all the time, but at least I can fucking see when someone is genuinely in the shitter, unlike you assholes!" He blared.

Yahaba sighed, standing to pry Kyoutani away from the group before teachers had to get involved (or before Kyoutani murdered someone). But before Yahaba walked away with Kyoutani, he made his own little comment. "We will protect and defend Oikawa to no end, don't forget that."

He then managed to get Kyoutani away, and left the lunch room with Hanamaki and Matsukawa fo cool down the hot headed male.

Oikawa of course heard what had happened, questioned Kyouta i about it, told the male he didn't have to do stuff like thay. He told the entire team to just ignore what the people say. Of course, he was met with strong opposition, and declarations of protection.

He then just shook his head and fell silent.

-

Iwaizumi has been thinking the entire day. He didn't try to text Aiko, he didn't even try to do any work. He was trying to think about his actions, how Oikawa has been acting, and how the team has been reacting to his own actions.

Once he got home once school was out, he just rushed up into his bedroom to think (of course after he greeted his mother).

He sat on his bed, staring down at the ground in thought.

It only seemed to click around midnight.

He had laid down, one leg crossed over the other, arms crossed against his chest.

He had forced his mind to tear away from Aiko for just this moment, and to think about Oikawa. He made himself stop thinking about his own feelings and about Aiko's feelings, and actually pay attention to Oikawa and his feelings. Things only seemed to piece together for him at that point.

Holy shit he has fucked up bad.

He had dedicated so much of his life and time to Aiko, he forgot about his own best friend. He ruined Oikawa.

As realization and more and more details dawned even more in his brain, dread started to fill him faster and faster. He caused Oikawa to be like that. His obsession with his girlfriend ruined the one person who knew him best, next to his own mother.

Iwaizumi knew he had to fix this, he knew he had to prove himself to Oikawa AND the team.

He had to make things right.

-

Today's the day.

Oikawa couldn't help but smile blankly at the thought. Today was the day, no more until he gave Iwaizumi the happy relief that would be his (Oikawa's) death. He was going to make everyone happy on this very day.

Oikawa trudged through the entire school day, knowing that people were still talking about him. Knowing that his team was becoming more and mored worried as the days passed.

'Don't worry, all of your worries will stop soon,' Oikawa said in his head, as if he was talking to his team.

Oikawa has still been cutting, too. He was surprised that his team hadn't found out already, but he didn't care all that much. It was fine, really, because it was all going to come to a end very soon.

The entire day it seemed like Iwaizumi was trying to talk to him, or gain his attention, or whatever. But Oikawa did his best to ignore him, believing that even if Iwaizumi approached him, it would still be a burden on Iwaizumi.

Hanamaki and Matsukawa noticed a slight difference in how Oikawa acted. Oikawa acted... as if nothing mattered, acted so emotionlessly, so devoid of color.

They also noticed how Iwaizumi has been trying to talk to Oikawa.

They were worried about Iwaizumi's intentions, but didn't do anything about it just yet because it seemed like Oikawa just didn't want to talk to him.

By the end of the day, though, they finally decided to confront Iwaizumi. Oikawa was already home, they believed.

"What's your deal?" Hanamaki asked, arms crossed.

Iwaizumi frowned, "what do you mean?" He asked, about to start heading to Oikawa's.

"He means, what are you trying to pull? Why are trying to talk to Oikawa? Haven't you hurt him enough?" Matsukawa growled out.

Iwaizumi frowned more, eyes darting to the ground, "...I... I have realized what I have done was wrong-"

"Wrong?! It's more than wrong! You destroyed him!" Matsukawa glared, Hanamaki nodding in agreement.

Iwaizumi also nodded, "y-yes, I know! I fucked up, I fucked up bad. I was so obsessed with Aiko, and with having a girlfriend, that I didn't realize his feelings. I want to make things right, I want to apologize and fix things," Iwaizumi said.

Matsukawa paused, analyzing Iwaizumi's tone. The male didn't seem sarcastic, or to be lying in any sense. They decided to trust Iwaizumi, just this once.

He and Hanamaki exchanged glances, before nodding. "...alright. Where are you going now?" Hanamaki asked.

"I was going to go to Oikawa's..." Iwaizumi answered.

"Then we're coming with you, just to make sure you actually try to apologize," Hanamaki nodded.

Iwaizumi could understand that. "Oh, okay... yeah." He said, starting to relax just a bit.

"Well, let's go then," Matsukawa said, before leading the walk.

-

When they got to Oikawa's house, they knocked on the door. Oikawa's mother of course answered it and asked what they needed.

When they asked for Oikawa, they were given n answer rhat chilled them and made them incredibly nervous.

"Tooru... he said he needed fresh air, so he said he was going to the bridge, the Yamamoto bridge." She answered.

Iwaizumi's eyes widened, and he was the first to act. He seiftly turned on his heels, and bolted in the direction of the bridge.

Before Hanamaki and Matsukawa could follow him, Oikawa's mother spoke.

"I could tell something was off with him today. Please... please make sure my son is okay. I just... I don't know what to do," she pleaded.

Hanamaki nodded, "don't worry. We'll help him," he said, Matsukawa nodding in agreement.

The woman thanked them, and soon they were on their way, running after Iwaizumi.

Iwaizumi's heard was beating fast, pounding against his ribcage. He was terrified, worried.

'Please, please, please! Please be okay, please be safe! I'm so sorry, I'm so damn sorry Tooru!' Iwaizumi screamed in his head, tears already beginning to form in his eyes.

Iwaizumi then decided to call Oikawa on his way to the bridge, hoping Oikawa would pick up.

He didn't.

-

Oikawa swung his legs back and forth, looking down at the train tracks below him. He was currently sitting on the bride, in front of the rather... pointless railing. He didn't say anything, just staring and thinking, his mind just asking random questions that he already knew the answer do. Was everything she said true? Yes. Is he all of those things? Yes.

Oikawa continued to wonder, eyes seemingly emotionless, despite the pain and saddness they held. Oikawa turned his head and looked at his phone which had started ringing, buzzing against the concrete. Iwaizumi's calling. Odd, he should be off making out with Aiko or something since that seems to be the only thing he does now. With nothing to stop it, his phone was moving, moving closer to the edge of the bridge due to the vibrations.

Oikawa only watched.

Oikawa only watched as his phone fell off the ledge of the bridge.