For four years, Dean had been content, good, at times maybe even happy. For four years, it had been him and Sam. Traveling the country. Scheming their way through a life with no ties to work or family. An easy life. Food, beer and a bed to share with Sam, was all Dean needed. He was a man with simple needs.
Sam was another beast entirely. The ups and downs seemed more intense with his little brother. When he was happy he’d light up the whole place and make even Dean warm inside. When he had bad days, Dean still had a hard time figuring out how to make the nausea go away.
This time of year Dean was waiting for it. The days were shortening, and the leaves had turned into the colors of the sunset. Every year since they were kids, Sam got quieter at this time. He’d spend more time to himself, in his own head, not ever explaining why. Dean had never worried that much about it; Sam would always snap back when the light and the green broke out from the gray.
“Want breakfast?” Dean turned with the pan in his hand. “Bacon?”
Sam forced a little smile and sat down at the table. Dean’s nausea was building, and the eggs and bacon suddenly didn’t seem that appealing. Sam didn’t eat much either. Normally, both of them had huge appetites. Especially in the morning.
Sam was looking quietly out the window, clearly not seeing anything but the grey and the rain. Dean had no idea what to do. With age, the fall and winter had seemed to hit Sam harder each time, and Dean feared that if he didn’t snap Sam out of it he’d might not come back this time.
“Sam.” This was new territory and he had to pause to chose his words carefully. “Tell me what’s going on in there.”
Sam bit his lower lip and sighed. “Nothing, Dean. I’m just tired today.”
Dean put the plates away and thought his next move over. He had to go all in now, not just for Sam, but for his own sanity too. He stood behind his brother and moved a hand through his hair, noticing that Sam hadn’t combed it today.
“You are not just tired. C’mon Sammy, it’s me.”
“I don’t know.” Sam’s voice was small, almost only a whisper.
Dean pushed the table out of the way and sat on Sam’s lap, one leg on each side and held his lover’s face so he would look at him. “Try… please.”
Dean’s heart was beating too fast for sitting that still as he noticed water glazing over Sam’s eyes.
“It’s just… I just feel down, you know?”
“I know you do. But why?”
Sam looked down and Dean moved both hands into the think brown hair, rubbing his scalp slowly with his thumbs.
“I know I’m overreacting. That everything affects me too much. I’m sorry.”
Dean hugged Sam close and waited, for Sam’s head to relax on his shoulder and his strong arms to take part in the hug, before speaking. “Don’t be sorry for who you are. You are responsible for making me laugh every day.”
He pushed them apart and lifted Sam’s face to meet his again. Dean closed his eyes and kissed his boyfriend slowly, letting his brother’s lower lip slip between his, gliding his tongue slowly over it. Dean felt his Sam’s chest rise and fall big and slowly. His mouth left Sam’s slightly open. “Babe. Let me help you on the bad days. Tell me what you need.”
Sam’s eyes opened, and he sighed. “I just wish we could be somewhere with more light. A place where we could get out of this crappy room.”
Dean looked out the window. The rain has ceased to almost nothing. Fast and without warning he got up and grabbed his jacket and a blanket from the bed.
“Get your shoes on.”
Sam looked stunned. “What…?”
“It’s stopped raining. I’ll show you we can get out of this room.” Dean threw Sam’s shoes at him and stepped in his own. Then he grabbed his lover’s arm and all but dragged him to the car.
“Dean. Where are we going?”
“You’ll see.” Dean was hoping the rain wasn’t going to start up again and was driving slightly too fast, but he knew Sam was used to that. He wasn’t used to not knowing the destination though.
Just ten minutes from the motel, on a small gravel road, in a place that wasn’t really big enough to call a forest, Dean threw the car to the side and got a tarp from the back.
“Are you coming or what?”
Sam had only gotten his feet out of the door. “Dean, what the hell?”
“Just get your move on will ya?” Sam shook his head and Dean thought he detected a small smile on his brother’s face.
Only about a hundred feet from the road, Dean spread the tarp on the ground.
“What are you doing? Did you blow a fuse or something?”
Dean didn’t answer. He kicked a few wet leaves off the tarp, not really accomplishing anything but getting more on there before giving up.
“Dean!” Sam grabbed his older brother’s shoulder and turned him toward himself. “My jeans are wet up to my knees, I’ve got wet leaves stuck to my shoes and probably inside too.”
Not letting Sam say another word Dean launched himself at the taller man, grabbed his neck and kissed him firmly, making Sam gasp for air when he let go.
“We don’t need light. We’ve got each other. Now come and get me.” Dean threw the blanket on the tarp and in what could be perceived as one motion, undid his belt, pulled his pants to his ankles and threw himself on the made up bed.
“You’re insane. Let’s get out of the cold.”
Dean wasn’t taking no for an answer and grabbed Sam by the knees, making him fall forward almost crashing on top of Dean. The older man pulled the younger’s shirt over his head before he could react and rolled him over to get on top. He relished in the laughter in Sam’s eyes and his heart swelled by the lust Sam pushed against him with.
Sam pulled off Dean’s shirt and Dean struggled with Sam’s belt. Apparently for too long since Sam took over and undid his pants, letting Dean pulling them down to his shoes, not bothering to use time on those.
Slowing down, Dean made his hands and tongue glide up Sam’s belly and chest, taking the time to enjoy the feeling of goosebumps on the skin under him. He ended in a long warm kiss on Sam’s mouth.
Two big palms smacked on his butt cheeks and Sam’s mouth formed to a smile around Dean’s tongue. The strong man under him, rolled Dean over and he gasped loudly as his back and ass landed on the wet and cold mush of red, yellow and brown under him. Sam laughed loudly at his discomfort and kissed him rough, making Dean almost forget the cold.
Sam broke off and Dean opened his eyes as his brother froze. Water hit his eyes and it was getting hard to hold them open. Dean couldn’t hold back laughter as he noticed how indecisive Sam looked.
“C’mon!” Dean pushed Sam on the blanket and stood up, pulling up his pants while trying to get most of the wet leaves off his legs.
Sam was laughing too hard to get to his feet. Dean looked ridiculous. They both did. Dean pulled Sam up and within seconds they were at the car, both shirtless and glistening from the rain. Sam had gotten stuck in his soaked t-shirt and when Dean had gotten his laughter under control enough to see straight, he’d had to help him out of it.
The Impala’s windows were fogging so Dean actually had to drive at speed limit.
“Dean, you’re crazy. We’ll both get pneumonia.” Sam brushed his hair from his forehead. “I’ve got leaves in my hair.” He tried to remove the one he’d found, but the wet leave broke, and he ended up with under half.
“Your hair!” Dean ruffled Sam’s hair, making his effort to get it under control even more pointless. “I’ve got them in my ass-crack!”
They made eye-contact and broke out in laughter once again. They didn’t stop before they were back in their room. Dean didn’t let Sam get situated before pulling his tremoring brother into the shower and turned the hot water on.
“Didn’t you say they were already wet?”
Sam chuckled and started on his pants and took of Dean’s while Dean started rinsing out the almost dissolved leaves from Sam’s hair. Sam took the showerhead from his brother and turned him around, washing his back and legs. Caressing every inch with his hand, the water or his mouth. He moved his hand down the narrow part of Dean’s back, making the older man gasp loudly.
“Now, where were we?”
Sam moved his hand down and in between Dean’s cheeks. He busted out laughing and dropped to his knees.
Dean turned and looked confused, at his lover on the tile floor, laughing so hard the showerhead was jumping with his hand and spaying water everywhere. Dean hunched down in front of Sam.
“What Sam?” Sam just shook his head, gasping for air between laughs. Dean grabbed both of his shoulders and waited for the younger man to look at him. When he did, the tears were from laughter and Dean couldn’t help but chuckle.
“Babe, what’s so funny?”
“You… you didn’t lie about the leaves in your crack.”
They both laughed, and Dean let himself drop to sit on the floor. He took the showerhead from Sam and caringly washed the still laughing man’s hair, combing his fingers through it to get all the leaves and twigs out. Dean was almost done when it slowly got silent in the bathroom.
“Sure thing Sammy, I got the it all mingled in there.”
“No, Dean. Thank you for today. I needed that.”
Dean lifted Sam’s face up and looked into Sam’s big hazel-green eyes which could make him melt any time. “My pleasure. I’ll do anything to hear you laugh. I love that sound.”