Everything about Hashirama was huge, round, and soft. Her hips were huge and rounded softly and her breasts were huge, round, and soft. Even the aura she emitted was huge and soft, not to mention so utterly disgusting. Madara held back a gag as he watched his best friend happily trot up to her little brother and give him big, warm hug.
A shudder went down Madara's spine. It was time to face the music. He had made a mistake. A huge ball of sunshine mistake, but none the less a mistake.
Madara could remember how Izuna had died, how Hashirama had forced the peace, how the village had been built, and how everything had gone terribly wrong and he had tried to fix everything. He had basically tried to force everybody into a dream world where everybody would be happy. It now seemed rather childish and stupid. But then the oddest thing had happened. Madara had got second change. Of course, there was one, tiny catch in the whole thing. Hashirama would be female.
Madara wasn't sure why Sage of Sixth Path had decided it would be better if Hashirama was female when Madara would still have his past memories. Because when Madara had the knowledge of the past timeline and he had had almost his whole youth to mull over things to make everything this time right, there wasn't any reason for the genderswapping. It seemed almost as if Sage of Sixth Path just wanted to mess with Madara. Yet so far everything had gone well. Madara had still become friends with the huge idiot, this time when he had become a leader of his clan he had approached Hashirama over the fact he wanted peace, Izuna was alive and everything was so far much than better. Except for the fact Hashirama was female. And apparently because of that she couldn't be the newly founded Konoha's leader. It was almost ironic this time around that Madara didn't want the leadership of Konoha since this time people actually wanted him to be Konoha's leader. He was just happy spending his days with Izuna and enjoying his free time. Unfortunately, Madara hadn't managed to rescue rest of his little brothers since his memories from the old timeline had only came back to him when he had met Hashirama.
Yet he was still happy.
If he didn't count the fact people wanted him to be Konoha's new leader and marry the now female Hashirama.
Madara was just now starting to understand the irony of things and Sage of Sixth Path's messed up logic. By marrying Hashirama, Uchihas and Senjus would unite, thus the hatred his idiotic sons had toward each other would finally end. Yet there was one problem. Madara couldn't get the junior up. As embarrassing as that was, he couldn't get it up. When he and Hashirama had been teenagers, he could remember how this female version of Hashirama had tried kiss him. It had been clumsy, mostly teeth clanking against other ones, but it had been their first kiss. And Madara had known right to way it was wrong, so he had gently (and bluntly) told Hashirama he only saw her as his friend.
He was now glad Hashirama hadn't tried pursuing such relationship between them since he could only imagine what Hashirama's late father had done to her. The idea made him shudder. But when peace had come and Hashirama had approached him once again, this time for drinks, they both had gotten heavily drunk. Like from some bad romance book, they had ended up in some lousy room together and were about to hit it off when junior decided not to co-operate. Madara could always blame his drunken state, yet he knew the truth. He just couldn't ever see Hashirama in such a way.
Madara was lucky Tobirama hadn't skinned him alive when he had found them. After all, Hashirama had been all but naked top of him. But Madara wasn't god-level shinobi just for kicks. So, using his strength and speed he ran away. It was embarrassing moment, but he knew Tobirama was overly-protective toward this Hashirama, and he probably had been in previous timeline as well. But Madara couldn't remember that. All he could remember was the fact that Tobirama had been cold and ruthless.
So, here he was, waiting for Hashirama's hold on her little brother to loosen so Tobirama could make his judgement. Hopefully he could escape before that. Madara could at least die like a man and hope if he would reborn third time, Hashirama would once again be a guy.
"That's enough, older sister!" Tobirama finally barked, pushing his big sister away and turning fuming towards Madara. "You!"
Madara merely looked away as Hashirama started once again to babble that nothing had happened. Yet it was obvious that Tobirama wouldn't believe that, be it truthful or not.
"If you want to be with my sister, at least marry her before you- you-" Tobirama started, his hands waving in the air. Yet he ended up just stuttering at Madara about Madara and Hashirama committing sexual acts together. The whole mental image made Madara want to throw up somewhere, anywhere. It was a very disturbing mental image, to say the least.
"Look, nothing happened between your sister and me, Senju," Madara started, hoping Tobirama would believe him. However, from the look on his face it was clear that he didn't believe Madara.
"You're both adults and strategically thinking, it would be best if you two-"
"Don't you dare to finish that sentence, Senju," Madara growled to Tobirama as Hashirama looked between them, puzzled. "Besides, has anyone maybe thought I don't want to be Konoha's leader?"
"Why not?" Tobirama asked, lifting his white eyebrow slightly. It seemed as though this information was surprising to Tobirama.
"Why won't you be? Just marry some woman and-" Madara started yet got cut when Tobirama shook his head.
"I can't," Tobirama interrupted.
"Why not? And don't try that bullshit 'I'm only second on the line', since you aren't," Madara stated, before Tobirama had managed to carry on, making the younger one let out frustrated sigh.
"But the honor should belong to older sister-"
"Just accept the title, so everybody can be happy!" Madara finally shouted, losing his temper which made the younger Senju hiss in low tone. "I can't, because I couldn't product an heir, you stupid Uchiha."
This made Madara still and calm down as he looked at Tobirama in shock. He could feel somewhat pity toward the other one, since in this timeline he had gotten the change to see how much Tobirama seemed to adore children. He even taught some children in the local school on occasion.
"Don't give me that look. It's not because of that. It's because I don't find any interest in women," Tobirama stated in a rather cold tone. It surprised Madara that he hadn't heard about Tobirama's sexual preferences until now.
Women, according to the old laws that they still followed, didn't have any place to be leaders because they could get over emotional during pregnancy and thus make stupid decision. Madara thought that was load of crap. He could remember from both timelines times when his late mother had been fiercer than some men had been.
Tobirama's revelation made Madara understand why Tobirama had, even in this timeline, allowed Hashirama be the leader. It probably had been hard for the other Senjus to accept Tobirama once he had told the truth. But still, Madara wasn't interested in Hashirama and now he knew exactly why. It didn't have anything to do with Hashirama's gender or whatsoever, but the fact they were best friends. Even if such opportunity had been offered to him in the past timeline, he still would had refused. After all, their friendship was more important than some lousy relationship where either one of them wouldn't be happy. Because Madara was quite sure, despite anything, Hashirama would always be straight while he himself had a fully different taste when it came to men. Yes, Madara liked men, but he also liked women. But not big, soft and round ones. He preferred more smaller and quieter ones. He also wanted intelligent challenge which Hashirama could hardly provide, despite the fact she was smart. There was also the fact Hashirama wasn't snarky nor she would try actively to make Madara better, since Madara knew even in this new timeline he had still many flaws that needed to be fixed or smoothed over.
"I can't get it up with your sister," Madara stated, making Hashirama flush a deep red while Tobirama blinked once and then again. "She isn't my type and besides…" Madara glanced now Hashirama whom was pouting to this all, making Madara pet her head. This only made Hashirama pout more.
"…I want us to be friends. Best friends," he finished his clause, making Hashirama tackle-hug him and sob loudly against his chest. Even if everything else had changed within Hashirama, her messed-up personality wouldn't.
Peeking over Hashirama's head to Tobirama, Madara could see how the wheels were moving inside Tobirama's brain.
"Well, someone has to accept the Hokage's title and marry," he stated slowly, obviously already thinking a way out of the whole mess. Quietly, Tobirama leaned over and placed his hands over his sister's ears, so she wouldn't hear what he was about to say. Somehow Madara had a sinking feeling as Tobirama leaned toward him extremely close.
"If you marry my sister on paper and accept the Hokage's title, you can pass the title down to her," Tobirama started, his red eyes twinkling in a mischievous manner. "While I make sure your junior will rise. That way, sister can get a child from the samples I'll take."
A major blush rose upon Madara's cheek after Tobirama's words, making him all but stutter his answer: "B-but-"
"That way, everybody can be happy and when some time has gone, you can divorce. After that big sister can marry whoever she wants, though I would suggest someone from the Uzumaki family. I heard the leader has a daughter, but I'm sure she would be the best option for big sister. She will need help to run Konoha. It would be more and less a friendship-marriage than a love-marriage. But I'm sure by that time, things have changed drastically and same couple relationships won't be frowned down that much in leading positions," Tobirama stated in a calculating manner.
"That's absurd! Besides, shouldn't you ask our options too?" he asked as Tobirama merely gave him a look that said, 'if you have any better options, please share those with me'. He then pulled away from the duo, making Madara seethe quietly, while Hashirama looked between them puzzled.
Madara couldn't believe Tobirama or his wacky plan. It was absolutely absurd. Not to mention he was absolutely sure that Mito wouldn't agree to that if she had remained at all the same from the old timeline. That Uzumaki woman was just plain scary if she wanted to be.
Years later, to Madara's surprise, Tobirama's wacky plan actually worked and he even noticed he did fall for the manipulating Senju along the way. But what neither Madara nor Tobirama saw coming was the fact when Mito came and was told about the plan, she agreed upon it. But only if she was the one who would carry the baby. It turned out that when Mito had been negotiating with Hashirama about things concerning Konoha, since Madara had named Hashirama as Hokage after they had married just to divorce right away, that the once female Hashirama was back to being male. It had confused everybody, but mostly Madara whom couldn't help but ponder if he had just imagined a female Hashirama.
"Madara-san," a feminine voice called, making Madara glance to his side to Mito whom was smirking to him self-satisfactory manner.
"Next time when you are reborn, please contact me, eh?" she merely asked, before she joined her fiancée as Hashirama seemed surprisingly fine over the fact he was now once again male or first time. It was still very confusing and more so were Mito's words, yet he decided to just roll with it. After all, life and death were strange things, but it didn't mean he couldn't find his happiness if he just tried hard enough. The prove of that was sitting next to him, reading some scroll over a jutsu that was called 'Sexy Reverse Technique'.
"Tobirama," Madara started slowly, making the other one just 'hmm' to him. "Would you ever consider turning a female? Like, for a day?"
"Not in this life-time, Madara," Tobirama merely answered, making Madara smirk.