Ciel swirled his spoon around in his bowl of stew, taking small mouthfuls of it every now and then. He loved Sebastian's cooking (adored it actually), but tonight his stomach was in too many knots to really enjoy any kind of food, no matter how delicious it was.
He had to tell him tonight, he had to, he couldn't just keep putting it off. Nor could he keep it hidden forever, as much as he wished he could.
Sebastian and Ciel had been dating for a month now, and everything was going wonderful, so far. They had lunch dates (only whenever Ciel could get time away from work during lunch hours, that is), they stood the night at each others homes every other weekend (like tonight, where Ciel was staying at Sebastian's), they sometimes did errands together during those weekends, they tell each other everything - from how work was, or how their week had been - to what ideas they had for the weekend. And just recently, to talking about stories from their childhoods.
But there was one detail that Ciel left out whenever he told Sebastian of his past, a detail that could possibly mean the end of his newly formed relationship with the older man.
This was his first ever real, romantic relationship he had with someone. So just the thought of this relationship with Sebastian coming to an end, made his heart clench painfully, and the backs of his eyes sting with tears.
He looked up, meeting the worried gaze of his boyfriend.
"Are you alright? You didn't answer my question, and that was the third time I had to say your name."
"Shit, I'm sorry, Sebastian. I guess I just got a bit lost in my thoughts for a moment there. What was it you asked me, now?"
"You don't seem to be eating very much, so I asked you if the food tasted all right."
"Yes, of course! It's delicious as always, Sebastian. I'm just not feeling very hungry tonight."
Sebastian frowned, his worried expression slightly intensifying. "You're not getting ill, are you?"
Ciel let out a small sigh, and tried to give a reassuring smile to the older man. Though, it came off more as a grimace. "No, I'm not getting ill, Seb. There's just... there's something I have to tell you, and I'm not exactly sure how to say it.
"Ciel, you're starting to scare me now, what's going on?"
He took a deep breath, and slowly let it out. This was it. Their relationship was about to either end horribly or continue like nothing, there could be no in between.
"There's something about me that you don't know about, something that I've kept hidden for my own safety, and also for the fear of what you might say, and/or do."
"When I was born, I was assigned female at birth, but as I grew older and started becoming more aware of my body, I felt like something wasn't quite right. It wasn't until a month after my thirteenth birthday, that I finally realized why I felt the way I did during that time. And so, that same month I came out to my parents as a trans boy."
He closed his eyes for a moment, gulping down the emotions that were wanting to rise up at thought of what Sebastian's reaction might end up being.
"I know I'm not you're typical man, but I'm still a man, being trans doesn't- and shouldn't separate me from that category."
Anxiety and fear gripped Ciel's chest tightly as he waited for Sebastian's response. Thankfully though, the younger man didn't have to wait long.
Sebastian smiled and said, "Well, I'm relived to know you're not sick or breaking up with me."
Ciel just blinked in shock for a moment, before asking, "You mean... you still want to be with me?"
The older man's smile softened. "Of course I do, Ciel. This doesn't change anything."
Still feeling unsure and doubtful, Ciel asked, "Are you sure? Because if you aren't a hundred percent okay with this- with me, then you need to say so now." He looked away, not wanting Sebastian to see his eyes that were slowly becoming shiny with tears.
"I'm more than sure, darling-" he gently turned the younger man's face towards him again-"even if you had told me you were trans on our first date, it wouldn't have made me think any different of you, nor would it have made me not want to continue taking you out on more dates. It's just like you said, you're still a man, no matter what." He leaned over the table, and placed a gentle kiss to Ciel's lips.
Once the older man pulled back and was seated once more, Ciel gave him a small smile.
"How is your stomach feeling now, darling?"
"Way better, I think I'm ready to finish my dinner now, and maybe even have seconds."
Sebastian laughed, and Ciel felt a warmth spread through his chest at the sound of it. He loved hearing that laugh, and it made him so happy to know that he could continue to.
"Why don't I warm that up for you then, hm? I know how you get when your food isn't hot enough."
"Thank you, Seb, that would be great."
The older man stood up and grabbed the younger's bowl, then leaned down and gave the top of his head a kiss, before making his way into the kitchen.
Ciel could almost hardly believe it, his boyfriend actually accepted this part of him! After all the terrifying stories he heard from some of his online friends, and from the internet in general, he always had that fear in the back of his mind that the same fate would befall him, too.
But for now, thankfully, those fearful thoughts could be put to rest. And he couldn't be more happy about that.
"Here you are-" the older man placed the steaming bowl of beef stew back in front of him-"there's still plenty more leftover, so eat as much as you like," Sebastian said as sat back down in his chair.
Ciel reached his hand over to one of Sebastian's own, intertwining their fingers together. "You're amazing, you know that?"
"I didn't, actually. But did you know, that I happen to think that you're the amazing one?"
With his free hand, Ciel playfully swatted at Sebastian's arm. "Don't you dare start with those cheesy quotes, now."
"You know you love them."
Ciel rolled his eyes and shook his head fondly. "Yeah, yeah. Just keep telling yourself that, Seb. Anyway, come on, let's finish dinner before mine gets cold again and yours gets colder."
Sebastian chuckled, planting a kiss to the top of Ciel's hand, before retracting his own and picking his spoon back up.
The younger man did the same, now finally able to enjoy his meal with his wonderful, amazing boyfriend. He felt like the luckiest man alive to have Sebastian Michaelis in his life.
Ciel didn't know what the future held for them and their relationship, but for now, he was going to cherish and hold every moment close; for as long as he could.