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I is for Inebriated

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“This is a disaster.” Wyatt said as he stood in the apartment of the dead sleeper agent. Wondering why they had even bothered sticking around but then he remembered Lucy just falling over herself to spend time with historical figure. So, when they were invited to a dinner party; Wyatt had opted out. Now, he was suffering for it as his team mates were too stoned or drunk or both from drug laced meal and booze they had consumed.

“You know what’s a disaster?” Flynn asked as he put on his sunglasses. “Global warming and we’re not doing anything to stop it. Ice caps are melting, so we have modern conveniences.” He said in a sage manner as he sat down on the lounge next to Lucy. She wore a saddened expression.

“Those poor polar bears and dolphins are losing their homes.” She said she kicked off her shoes and placed her feet in Flynn’s lap. Within seconds he was massaging them and Lucy hummed in appreciation as she relaxed into the lounge with a smile.

“If I was going to die again. I think I’d wait until I’m a hundred and find an ice float. Just float out into the ocean.” Rufus said thoughtfully.

“In bed, asleep for me. Just one morning, don’t wake up. I could happily sleep myself to death.” Lucy voted for herself.

“Guys! Focus on the problem at hand.” Wyatt said as he clapped his hands. They all made faces of displeasure at him but he needed them awake as they were all dissolving into useless idiots before him.

“What problem?” Rufus asked.

“Wyatt looks like an angry hedgehog. The problem is that he’s ruining hedgehogs.” Flynn said, Rufus snorted a laugh as Lucy eyed Wyatt from afar. She held her fingers up c-shape like she were sizing him up and about to squish him between her fingers,

“His head is so tiny.” Lucy said before giggling, Wyatt pressed his palm to his face. "So tiny and itty bitty small." Lucy said.

“Like his intellect.” Flynn quipped, Lucy gently kicked his arm and gave him a chastising look but as soon as Wyatt’s back was turned. She nodded emphatically. Flynn chuckled while Rufus got up from his chair and went to Wyatt’s side.

“So, ah, what are you looking for?” Rufus asked as he looked out the window with him.

“His dignity.” Flynn said, Wyatt flipped him the bird. Flynn and Lucy laughed evilly before dissolving into a fit of giggles over their own laughter.

“You think Rittenhouse is still out there?” Rufus asked.

“No.” Wyatt said, he was looking for something to distract him from the hell hole of mission ending.

“Then why are you looking out there? Cause I mean we stashed the body. The police won’t find him for a while or do you think they found him and now they are on the case. They’ll come here.” Rufus said as he started to get paranoid.

“We took his wallet with his ID. It will take them awhile to ID him.” Wyatt assured him.

“I watched Law and Order. They solve murders in less than 38 minutes with less. I can’t go to Prison, I’m deeply heterosexual and not ready for Man on Man love.” Rufus rambled, Wyatt grabbed Rufus by the arms and turned the man to face him.

“Rufus, take a breath. Just relax and focus-“ Wyatt started but Rufus cut him off.

“Hocus” Rufus rhymed with a suspicious expression on his face.

“Pocus” Flynn offered in a helpful manner as he thought it was a game.

“What are you doing?” Wyatt asked them as Lucy added another word that rhymed with ‘Focus’.

“Word association. You’re making nervous with your man lovin' face. I'm not into you and now I’m hungry. Is anyone else hungry?” Rufus asked, Lucy’s eyes lit up as she sat up on the lounge. Flynn looked a little baffled as Lucy’s feet were gone. Wyatt released his hold on Rufus as the team was spiralling.

“Yes, let’s have cake. I want cake. A funfetti cake as it looks so happy. You get to eat the rainbow.” Lucy explained to them as if it was the most delightful experience a person could have.

“I doubt there’s cake.” Wyatt told her, Lucy pouted. He motioned for Rufus to return to his seat before he rummaged around the kitchen. Sadly, he only found some three day old left over Chinese and a hand of bananas in the fridge. “You can all have bananas.” Wyatt announced as he pulled it out. He hoped it might shut them up as he was pretty sure no one delivered food at this time of night in this time period.

“I don’t want your banana, man.” Rufus told Wyatt who held out a banana for him.

“Banana man.” Lucy repeated before she giggled, she took a banana and made a face. “Ew, it’s cold and hard.” She remarked as she discarded it on the coffee table. Rufus jumped at the noise while Flynn chuckled.

“Hard Banana.” Flynn said with a chuckle. “You know Banana is a fun word to say. Banana. Banan…Bananen… is so similar in so many languages except Spanish. It’s plátano. But it’s not as much fun as Banana. Ba-na-na.” he enunciated his words carefully testing multiple ways of saying the word that it cracked up Lucy, she fell into his lap in a fit of giggles.

“Just stop.” Lucy said as she couldn’t breath she was laughing so much. She rolled on her back in Flynn’s lap and Flynn lifted his sunglasses up and made them sit on top of his head.

“Banana” he whispered it like it was a dirty secret and Lucy looked at him for a second before the two burst into laughter. Wyatt could not tell what was funny but they were too close for Wyatt’s comfort.

“Guys! Make room for God.” He told them, Rufus was just sitting in his chair eating the banana that he had rejected only minutes ago. Wyatt felt like he was in the freaking nightmare.

“God is in everything, he’s got all the space and is in the space. So, I don’t think you gotta make space for him.” Rufus remarked thoughtfully before he ate some of his banana. It seemed to settle Lucy and Flynn down as they stopped laughing to think about what Rufus said.

“But the Devil is in the details.” Flynn countered, the men eyed one another off in some intellectual appreciation manner and nodded. 

“Shit, that’s deep.” Rufus told him. Flynn nodded sagely. Wyatt looked at the men like they were morons.

“I need something crunchy, is there cereal in this place?” Lucy asked as she sat up and leaned on Flynn’s arm and looked forlornly at the kitchen.

“I want a Strawberry Milkshake.” Flynn said, Lucy smiled at him.

“My hair smells like Strawberry Milkshakes but it tastes like hair.” Lucy informed Flynn.

“Yeah?” he asked her, Lucy pulled a long strand of hair and brought it to her nose and smelt it before holding to Flynn. He leaned forward and smelt it. “It does smell like Strawberry Milkshake.” He agreed, the two smiled at one another in a goofy manner that made Wyatt nauseous.

“Uhuh, we need Milkshakes and Funfetti cake. We need to eat the rainbow.” She told Flynn firmly. Flynn nodded agreement as he played with her hair. She smiled as the two stared into each other's eyes like two lovesick teenagers. "You know I love your eyes, they are like too beautifully green." she told him.

"Thank you, yours are very beautiful too." Flynn told her.

"Can we get back to the Rainbow cake?" Wyatt asked.

"Yes, let's have cake." Lucy said as it snapped her focus from Flynn's eyes and writing poetry about them.

“Yeah, if we consume the rainbow then we will get its powers.” Rufus said in a sage manner from his seat. Wyatt covered his face with his hands and tried not to lose his shit as the team wouldn’t be high forever.

“You want to be shitting pots of gold?” Wyatt asked joining the insanity of this conversation. He ran his hands through his hair, he was exhausted.

“Who doesn’t, we’d be rich and our poop wouldn’t stink as it’s golden. Gold doesn’t smell, at least I don’t think it does.” Rufus told him, he made an expression like he was actually thinking about it on a deep level.

“You know, there is a 24 hour diner down the street and one of us is not inebriated.” Flynn stated as he looked at Wyatt. Rufus and Lucy looked at him too. Wyatt shook his head.

“I’m not leaving you all unattended. Lord knows what you’ll do.” Wyatt told them.

“Boo.” Lucy heckled as she threw a pillow in Wyatt’s direction and completely missed. “I want a milkshake and fries.” She told him. Wyatt rolled his eyes at her immature behaviour.

“Yes! You know Fries are not french cause the potatoes come from America. History fact. Boom.” Rufus said pointing at Lucy. She made a face at him as if his statement was ten kinds of stupid.

"That is incredibly inaccurate." Lucy told Rufus.

“No, we’re all staying here until you all sober up. Then we're going home. So, if all of you could fall asleep or not do anything weird. That would great.” Wyatt told them.

“Food will sober us up.” Rufus told Wyatt as Lucy started ranting at him the history of French fries. That they were not made by the French but were Belgian Fries. Wyatt was sure only Flynn was listening to her TED talk on fries as he wore an expression 'Preach it'. 

“You know, I could go for a burger with the works.” Flynn said after Lucy finished talking. Lucy and Rufus quickly agreed and the three dissolved into an argument over what was the best burger fixings. Wyatt was getting a headache.

“Now, I’m really starving.” Lucy said as she pulled on Flynn's arm. “Get Wyatt to get me food.” She told him.

“Ok,” Flynn said, he tried to get up but Lucy pulled him back down. The two got locked into another staring competition and giving each other compliments. Wyatt gave a tired sigh.

“I’ll help out.” Rufus said, he groaned as he got out his chair and went over to the lounge. "Make space for Rufus." He said as he wiggled his ass their way and rudely squeezed himself in between Lucy and Flynn. The couple broke apart as they made space, looking a little upset at being broken apart. “Now get us food.” Rufus told him, Wyatt pressed a hand to his mouth trying hard not laugh as it was the funniest thing he'd seen in ages.

“That’s blasphemy.” Lucy informed Rufus as she pulled her skirt out from under him. 

“I decree we have burgers and fries-“ Rufus started.

“Don't forget the milkshakes.” Flynn added to Wyatt before he dropped his sunglasses back down to cover his eyes.

“Pie, I want pie too.” Lucy said as she listed off a few other things she’d like to have from the diner.

“You should probably write this down.” Flynn told Wyatt.