Chapter Text
When Tsun transported me back to the world of the living, I didn't end up where I thought I would, nor did I arrive somewhere I wanted to be. I thought I would be back in Dragonsreach, where Balgruuf's tension regarding the threat to Whiterun would be eased, where I could be in Teldryn's arms again, and I would be free of my responsibilities as Dragonborn. Instead, I ended up at the Throat of the World, surrounded by dragons lamenting their fallen leader. Paarthurnax landed near me, sending a gust of snow and chilling wind in my direction as he acknowledged the defeat of his superior, whom he once served.
"Zu'u am Ni happy, Nuz zu'u dreh lost respect fah hi" (I am not happy, but I do have respect for you,) The ancient creature said, observing me with cloudy eyes.
"I don't know how, or what, I feel," I replied, limping closer to the wise dragon. My ribs and back hurt from shouting with so much force, my legs were sore from running for cover and my arms were shaking from the effort of striking that damn monster over and over. "Relieved that Alduin is gone," I continued, "but I almost feel...regret. Or sadness, perhaps? I also feel as if I absorbed some kind of darkness,"
"Nii los ko hin sos wah rel. Dreh hi Ni feel tol?" The old dragon asked, looking at me inquisitively as he cocked his massive head to one side. "Fin vulom hdro alwayye existaan ko hi, fin sil do alduin only openaan tol door. Ahrk Nu, hi kos balancaan." (It is in your blood to dominate. Do you not feel that? The darkness has always existed in you, the soul of Alduin only opened that door. And now, you are balanced.)
"I have no wish to dominate, that's not who I am," I said, sitting down in the soft, clean snow, feeling the dull cold against the waterproof chitin fabric. Standing was too much effort, and the scratches, bruises, cuts and burns I had received in my battle had started to make their presence known. That Paarthurnax was telling me I had enjoyed what it took to get here was starting to push me over. "I've barely been able to come to terms with the lives I had to take in order to get here, and now you're telling me that by serving what is good in the world, I've allowed darkness to infiltrate my being?"
"Would hi lost done pah tol hi lost, if vulom had Ni already been aan part do hi?" (Would you have done all that you have, if darkness had not already been a part of you?)
"I didn't do what I did because of who I am," I exclaimed, attempting to defend myself, yet doing an unconvincing job as I was unable to raise my voice due to the ache at the bottom of my ribcage and near my spine. "I only had to follow this path, which involved killing those that stood in my way."
"Are you the cause of your actions, or do your actions define who you are?" Paarthurnax replied in the common language, for whatever reason. I was cold, tired, hungry and confused, and the old dragon's philosophical crap was starting to get on my nerves.
"You know what?" I said, standing back up, "The Blades, they want you dead, and I refuse to kill you. If I truly wanted to enact revenge out of hatred for the dragons, I would have struck you down by now. How could somebody that doesn't intrinsically know the difference between what is right, and what is just, go against the word of those that she protected to do what is right?"
Paarthurnax stared at me, weighing his years of experience with mortals against my convictions about my own, tiny speck of existence, before speaking. "Tiid fen tell what hin vahzah intentionne kos. Come, Nu, let mu bo. Zu'u fen take hi back wah hin people" (Time will tell what your true intentions are. Come, now, let us fly. I will take you back to your people.)
We approached the Great Balcony of Dragonsreach to a line of guards with readied arrows. Irileth spotted me and I saw her yelling and pointing at her men, giving them the order to stand down. Despite her commands, I could hear the guards' shouts of alarm, but they were drowned out by the gusts of wind from Paarthurnax's wings, and the crashing of his talons as we landed. A minute later, I was carefully climbing off the old dragon's back, my exhausted limbs trembling as my hands slipped off his rough scales. He caught me with his snout before I completely fell.
"Thank you, Paarthurnax, for everything," I said, standing up straight and readjusting my robes. "Please be careful; The Blades will know who you are, and they believe you dead."
"Ruz zu'u fen soar high. Zu'u Niid longer faas alduindo presence," (Then I will soar high. I no longer fear Alduin's presence.) "Aal Mu grik again." (May we meet again.) With those final words, the noble creature rose from the wooden floor with a powerful beat of his wings and took off into the grey, cold sky. I was sad to see him go, as there was something comforting about his presence; however, I knew I had to get on with my responsibility to Whiterun, and turned my attention to Jarl Balgruuf.
"Thank you for trusting me, again," I said to him with a bow, then straightened and eagerly looked around the large wooden enclosure. Valor ran up to me, licking my hands in excitement, but I didn't see my other companion. "Where's Teldryn?" I asked, searching the corners for his dark figure as I bent at the knees to rub Valor's ears.
"He left right after you flew away on Odahviing," Balgruuf replied. My heart sank. Why on Nirn would he do that? Did he think we would reconvene elsewhere? "Didn't say where he was going," The Jarl continued, ignoring the way my face fell. "The Blades went back to Sky Haven Temple with the Elder Scroll. Now," He said briskly, getting straight to the point, "I've held up my part of the bargain, and you must uphold yours. This war needs to come to and end, and you are in a position to negotiate terms with either the Imperials or Stormcloaks."
I pushed my thoughts of Teldryn away, figuring he went back to Leaf Rest, and focused on Balgruuf's requests. "Are you saying I need to choose a side?" I asked, anxiety welling up inside me. While I was a competent warrior and never had any difficulty pushing through all manners of physical discomfort, I had no real experience settling political matters and was clueless about my role in the war.
"Perhaps," He answered, studying me. "However, I would hope you choose the side that benefits Whiterun most of all,"
"Of course," I nodded, "I suppose I should try and figure out the intentions of both parties before making a decision."
Balgruuf agreed. "That would be most wise," He said, adding, "this war is reaching a tipping point, and we don't have much time left before its leaders start lashing out and destroying all of Skyrim in their wake. The common people suffer the most, and their lives as well as the lives of their children, for many generations, will be ruined." He put his hands on his hips and gave me a steely stare before he continued. "Do you understand what this means?" He asked, severity in his voice and eyes.
His words reminded me of what Brunwulf Free-Winter had said when I first inquired about the accountability of the civil war, as well as its ramifications.
"Yes," I finally replied, "that I need to go to either Solitude or Windhelm, at once."
After I left Dragonsreach, I stopped off at the Bannered Mare, thinking that perhaps Teldryn had just gone for a drink or two. I opened the doors, hoping to see him entertaining the general patronage, welcoming me back with a cocky grin. He was not there, and I did not spot him through the rest of Whiterun as I gathered the supplies I needed for the trip with the money Balgruuf had gifted me. I noticed that Delphine had taken Gulch with her, meaning I was on my own for transportation. After speaking with the carriage driver, he said was able to provide a ride to Solitude, but indicated that we would first need to go through Rorikstead, as part of the requirements for this particular journey. While I was a bit nervous about taking any longer than necessary, I was still justifiably sore after fighting the world-eater, and agreed to this detour. I then returned to the tavern for food and a bed. Word hadn't spread that Alduin had been defeated, and I was able to stay at the inn without any disruptions from awed citizens, thank Azura. When I crawled into the same bed Teldryn and I had shared for the first time, I thought it didn't feel warm enough without him, despite how far away he had intentionally stayed from me that night. Then I thought, maybe the chill I felt was simply all-around exhaustion. My body, my mind, my heart; all becoming worn out.
The next day the carriage set off for Solitude, where I entertained a few fellow travelers with stories of some of the adventures I had been on. Though I was well-rested, I found it took great effort for me to recall these events, and I really just wanted to be left alone, and not have to make idle conversation with anyone. After we arrived in Rorikstead in the evening, I began walking along the rough path to the inn with Valor in tow, which is when I noticed a few people staring at me, some even pointed. It was the same story inside Frostfruit inn; I kept catching the eyes of residents and barmaids alike as they pretended not to glance in my direction when they thought I wasn't paying attention. Eventually, I stood up from my wooden bench and asked a woman what they thought they were doing.
"Word has gotten out about the Dragonborn being a half-breed with violet eyes, wearing dark green robes with a big dog," She whispered, "Are you...?"
Oh, fuck. Attention was the last thing I needed, or wanted. Who knew what kind of crazy requests people would have for me.
"Yes," I sighed, "but please, don't make a big deal out of it, okay? Can you tell your friends to do the same? I'm really tired and now I've got to help with this civil war nonsense." The woman nodded discreetly and returned to her drink.
I was able to halfway enjoy the rest of the evening in peace and quiet, sipping ale as I thought about what happened in Sovngarde. The way Alduin's screams and the soul-draining mist made traversing the path to the Hall of Valor a terrifying ordeal. How sorry I was for those who hadn't yet realized they were dead. Tsun's suspicions at my intentions and title, and the strange look of acknowledgement he gave me after only a single shout landed upon him.
When it came time to rally the troops and face the world-eater, I felt as if I barely had to do anything against Alduin, as the old heroes did more than their fair share and I only joined in the power of their Thu'um. I supposed this had always been the case when I found myself against opposition - each and every time, I had some kind of help. Continuing to stare down at my now empty plate and thinking on on the topic of help, I wondered where in Oblivion Teldryn had gotten to. Was this some kind of joke? I knew he enjoyed messing with me, but this seemed too far past cheekiness. I would have to check Leaf Rest when I got a chance. As I was deeply absorbed in thought, a young girl approached me and gently tugged on my cloak. She had clearly been crying.
"Excuse me," She said quietly, tucking a strand of her straight, blond hair behind her ear. "Are you, the Dragonborn?"
I looked around to make sure no one was staring before I nodded at her. "You can just call me Indra." I said, hoping I wasn't scaring her.
"Could you come with me, please?" She seemed so desperately sad that I agreed. She led me to her house beside a working farm, and asked that I enter. The small, messy abode was dimly lit and smelled of sweat, peat and straw with a hint of manure. A young girl lay on a bed with her back to the living space.
"That's my sister, Britte," The girl said quietly, looking over at where I held my attention. I followed her to the small kitchen table where she asked that I sit, and joined me closeby. "We're twins," She continued, looking at her sister. "We just turned twelve this year." She turned to me now, "The other day, we were playing in a field of wildflowers. There was an Imperial patrol nearby, and one of the guards went up to her. I was picking flowers so I didn't notice she had disappeared. He tricked her into following him somewhere, and then..."
I could barely breath, and my heart was rising up in my chest. I had a feeling I knew exactly where this was going.
"He," She put her hands in her head and began crying. "I don't know what's wrong with her now. All I know is he did something really bad to her." She wiped away her tears, and took a deep breath as she stopped crying. She looked up at me, and as the tears on her flushed face began to dry, I could see rage forming in her scowl. "He needs to pay for what he did. Can you find him and bring him here? Please? Our father doesn't care about her, or me."
I stared at the girls, my breathing shallow. I thought about how I needed to get to Solitude right away, and Delphine's words echoed through my head.
You're the Dragonborn, you can't just hold the hand of every downtrodden person you come across.
"I'm sorry," I started, putting my hand on the young girl's shoulder. "I can't. I have to help stop the war so soldiers like that aren't around here anymore." She pulled away from me and began weeping again, but eventually reconciled that I had a duty greater than her troubles.
"I understand," She said, completely deflated now. She looked back towards her sister with swollen eyes and stood up to sit beside her on the bed. I quietly left the house to return to Frostfruit, where I fell into a fitful sleep. I kept partially waking up throughout the night, rolling over and kicking the blankets as my mind cyclically brought up images of Paarthurnax intermingled with Alduin, the strange whalebone bridge in Sovngarde, and Teldryn, of course. As time grew on without him in my journey, I wished I could have just stopped him from haunting me, but I had no sense of closure. As quickly as he had appeared in my life, he had vanished again, just as mysteriously. How did I allow myself to trust him so easily? Why was it bothering me so much in the wee hours of the night? It was as if any small feeling became amplified one hundred fold in the darkness that engulfed the world just before the sunrise.
The next morning after I got dressed, I heard a commotion outside. I walked out of Frostfruit to see a crowd had gathered around a large tree near town. Some people were crying softly, while others said nothing at all. As I approached the residents of Rorikstead, I realized what they were looking at.
The body of a young girl was hanging from a noose.