Chapter 1: prologue
It was too quiet here in the gutters of society, the weak had been preyed on and the strong had moved on to find new pleasures. The ghosts of motion, the visions of nothingness plagued by a desire to be content with the undesirable. The silent understanding we all had was something that couldn’t be unseen, the ways that all of our pieces fit so perfectly together without ever having to change our own shapes. God but it’s been years since those days. It's been years of bloody fingers and late nights it’s been years of ignored doctors visits and empty screams. We still all fit perfectly together like a twisted jigsaw puzzle the same way. We still all grow with each other to make one large picture of passion. It was only the picture that changed not the pieces. It’s unclear who the first one to change, who had decided we needed a new beginning. I was the last one to change, I was the last one to give into misguided hope and false markings of promise on disfigured skin. I pinned myself to the wind of sloth, the sin of stillness and an empty hollow heart. My distrust in the world around me came from my own knowledge of my unworthiness to have safety, something my brothers didn’t always understand. I fell in love with envy in a world where my every step was counted by the weights that compressed my shoulders. I miss the ways that it all used to be before this all started before we all became pawns in some masterminds game of money and power. I miss when lust curled tightly into greed when gluttony was always pressed against my side. These we're the memories of someone whose life felt so foreign to me, when wrath threw his addiction into fire instead of letting them feed it to him through his mind. We were brothers of sin castrated by big media who fell in love with our abilities to disconnect ourselves from our needs and create passion from our blood, sweat and tears. This was all a game of temptation and when we were given to him on a gold plate of promise we become more than just temptation. We became all those stories you heard in the news of false idols with of sewn up mouths. Dead men can’t talk. And sins of the flesh will always conceal themselves behind each other. This is all leading up to the main story, the scene set in silence from power houses of idealistic roches. Before we begin let me say that when comes ones end of days always will bring another's promised future.
Chapter 2: First Love
who is the man in black
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
The sun was caked onto Jimin’s small face the shadows under his eyes contrasting against his soft pale skin. Jimin had snuck into Jin and Yoongi's room late last night as he often did and was now the subject of Yoongi's deep eyes. Their schedule started in the late morning so the other members had allowed Yoongi and Jimin to rest with each other just a little bit longer. Yoongi could hear Jin and Namjoon laughing in the kitchen in their small dorm and Tae and Jungkook snoring in the next room over. Yoongi sighed as the clocked turned to 8am they had to leave in an hour and Yoongi could no longer be selfish keeping Jimin to himself anymore. “Jimin, hey Jiminie I need you to get up we need to go soon.” Yoongi whispered pushing Jimin softly watching him stir slowly before he opened his eyes looking deeply into Yoongi's. “Mmm what time is it.” Jimin muttered rolling closer to Yoongi, god he hoped Jimin couldn’t hear his heart beating like crazy. “Let’s go up you go we gotta wake up Taehyung and his little lover.” Yoongi said shaking Jimin and laughing as he pulled him out of his bed pushing him into the bathroom. “Clean yourself and I’ll get you some food from Jin.” “Hyung-” But Jimin's protests were cut off by Yoongi closing the door on him as he walked over to the kitchen seeing Jin and Hoseok eating cereal while Namjoon nursed a hot cup of coffee. “Good morning hyung! Is Jiminie awake we need to get to the studio early manager-nim has a surprise for us!” Hoseok sang jumping up to meet Yoongi in a deep good morning hug, he always blessed his brothers with these hugs it helped make the mornings more bright. “I don’t know if I’m ready for a surprise.” Namjoon muttered earning a flick from Seokjin as he laughed at the leaders grumpiness. They we're getting ready for their WINGS tour which meant more and more practicing and more and more late nights rehearsing but everyone seemed to be facing the workload well. They all had each other to lean on their unity couldn’t be broken so easily. That’s what they always told each other, when Jungkook would collapse after working too hard, and Jin would sing so hard that his voice would be lost the next day. They always had each other. Always.
“Tae Tae don’t run so fast holding hyungs hand you know he’s a slow old man.” Yoongi groaned as he was pulled into the dance practice room as fast as Taehyung could pull him. “I wanna see the manager hyung! Don’t tell me you're not excited, aren’t you Jiminie?” Tae said flashing his boxy boyish smile at Jimin and Yoongi who we're both groggy from their late night together, talking and laughing. Once they we're all in the practice room their laughing and talking stopped when they came face to face with a tall light skinned blonde man in all black who was waiting for them with an endearing smirk. “Hello! You must be Bagtan! My name is Alistar I’m here to help you all with your dancing and vocals for your new upcoming world tour, your manager Jinsoo asked me to help you all out while he is out getting sponsors all around the globe for your upcoming tour. A little about me I work mostly in LA and NYC but was born in Russia, I can’t wait to help you and get to know you all.” The man said in perfect Korean bowing to us slightly smiling, the first thing Yoongi noticed was his size he seemed to be two of him combined. He also didn’t make eye contact with any of the members throwing Yoongi off slightly, why hadn’t anyone told them about this? Why did there other manager need to raise money for the company? And why- Before Yoongi could finish his thoughts they we're all told to line up and explain to Alistar one by one their names and strengths, did this guy not know who he was working for or something?
So as asked all of the members stood together in a line by height (as said by Namjoon making Jimin pout as he was sent to the back of the line). One by one the members told Alistar all the things he wanted to know. Namjoon spoke of his leadership, Jin of his mothering nature, Hoseok danced around the room making everyone smile, Taehyung said his unique voice same with Jungkook , and Yoongi about his music producing. Then it came to Jimin. “Hello Alistar-hyung I’m Park Jimin and I’d say my strong suit is my dancing or I guess my voice.” Jimin said timidly smiling at their new manager who was met only with a grunt. “So Jimin tell me why would this band need more than one dancer leader? What else are you giving to this group.” Alistar said looking him up and down with a critical look, it made Jimin's skin crawl in uncertain fear. “I-I um well I help Hobi hyung when he is unsure of a dance program-” “So your most stable place in the group is helping Hoseok?” Before anything could be said more Alistars face snapped into a deep smiling telling them to get into position and start practicing blood, sweat and tears. Yoongi was stunned in place eyes glued on Jimin whos head was hung fists clenched, after a second or so he sighed and looked up to meet Yoongi's eyes. A bright smile cascaded over Jimin's face “come on hyung don’t just stand there.” He said pulling Yoongi into position eager to practice the dance for their new manager. Yoongi decided he would talk to Namjoon about the way Jimin was treated after practice. Someone else must have seen that right?
It was true what they said about envy the ways that it finds its way to slip deep under someone's skin until it goes to their eyes. But envy was never born to be hated envy was born only to strive for what they we're told to be. We all loved envy for the way they were when they slept and for the way they ran around in circles with lust and wrath. But as the sin is told it always shows its skin, when push comes to shove envy will do what envy does best destroy every part of themselves to become the skin of others.
i hope you enjoyed that if you have any thoughts of how to continue the story let me know! let me know in the next chapter its going to get... intense.
Chapter 3: the truth untold
will Jimin ever have the answers he needs.
im sorry in advance
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
I’ve been asked my whole life the same question, what happened to you? Sometimes it was a question from a friend, a question that was laced with concern and spun around with genuine love. But most times it was from a place of misrepresented pity and anger, it was pressed against my skin by my mother when she saw the depths of my loneliness and by the ones who stuck knives in my back growing up. I don’t blame them however what are you supposed to say to someone who so obviously doesn’t fit with the rest of the picture. Someone who lied because they were too ashamed to say that they just couldn’t get out of bed that day because the day weighed too much on their shoulders. When I met the rest of BTS I was ashamed to be around them, how could I stand alongside them. I haven’t thought that in a while I’ll be honest, I felt like I had found my place with them. But now god now I can’t help but see them as they really are, everything I’ll never be. Jin is as beautiful as he is talented, Namjoon is the reason we're all here, Yoongi is the most talented musician, Hobi dances like his feet we're blessed from god, Taehyung is so unapologetically himself, Jungkook has the voice of an angel. And it wasn’t just their new manager who reminded me of this, well maybe he helped but no he just warmed the ice around the ever present thought frozen on my head.
I felt his eyes on me with every step I took, every touch placed on me felt like they came right from his hands. I wasn’t with my members anymore it was just Alistar and me in our little room of mirrors as he watched me pour myself into my body. I needed to change his impression on me, I needed to earn my place here. ARMY deserves someone who can dance faster than the wind and sing louder than their own self destructive tendencies. When practice ended Jungkook and Tae collapsed onto the ground in a tired heap of bodies, followed by Hoseok-hyung who draped himself over top of the two laying on the ground. “Hyunggggg~” Jungkook whined as Hobi snuggled his sweaty body farther into the boy's shoulder. Namjoon laughed along with Yoongi and me who we're all sitting against the back wall drinking water as fast as possible. “That was great you guys, really great!” Alistar said to us as he walked back over to them from the other side of the practice room, the dance instructor had them practice for 3 and a half hours with barely any break. He was making sure their solo songs were as perfect as the rest of there songs saying that when they we're alone they needed to make sure their weight was pulled. It seemed like Alistar kept pushing and pushing only me, the amount of times I did the dance to lie while the others just sat there and watched me fuck up again and again was horrible. Even worse was the way that my stomach twisted with an awful feeling everytime Jungkook and Hoseok we're praised for their dedication to dance. It was disgusting how angry it made me, how dare I think I deserve their praises. “All of you head home okay tomorrow I’ll be at your place bright and early so we can make sure your vocals are perfect for the upcoming tour.” Alistar said to us clapping his hands at the end happily. We smiled at him as we all piled our things together and shuffled out the door, but before I could put one foot in the doorway a harsh grip was placed on my arm pulling me back. “Wait Jimin I wanted to talk to you about a new dance for your group, I need your input if that's alright.” The voice behind me said sending chills up every part of my body as I turned my head around to see the sick smile on my managers pale face. “Oh totally Jimin we can wait for you in the van, take as long as you guys need.” Namjoon said nonchalantly earning a small glare Yoongi, he probably didn’t want to have to wait for me. “Oh no it’s quite alright no need to burden you all I’ll drive Jimin home soon, and don’t worry I won’t have him out too late.” Alistar said laughing and pulling me father back into the room with him away from my members, fear nothing but fear. I can’t tell you where it came from but it stuck deep in me like a knife something felt wrong here. But they all just nodded and walked off leaving me in the harsh grip of a man I just met, and as the heavy wooden door was closed shut the only thing I could hear was me kissing my family goodbye.
“Again!” Alistar yelled for the 10th time as I rose myself from the ground and got back into position panting loudly trying to stabilize myself. It was well into the night and well past when the other members left, I strained my eyes closed as I heard lie start to play over again. My feet started to move to the beat sloppily and dizzily, I had been dancing for hours and hours and I couldn’t feel my feet anymore. Or any part of me. As the course started my foot slipped sending me tumbling down to the ground in a loud crash accompanied making a soft yelp come from my throat. “Pitiful, really pitiful.” The taller man laughed as he walked over to me, I didn’t care I couldn’t move I was so tired and hot I just wanted to go back to the dorm and- “Hey! Are you listening to me bitch?!” Alistar yelled pulling my head up by my hair making me gasp harshly at the uninvited pain. “Look at hyung when he’s talking you!” He said in a twisted grin spitting in my face, I didn’t even know he had said anything. “I’m sorry I-I didn’t hear-” I tried to say but before I could finish he slammed my head down hard on the dance floor as hard as he could. “Did I fucking ask you if you heard me or not.” Red all I saw was red the red coming from my nose the red in my eyes the red deep in my brain. Who the fuck is this guy? I started to stir on the ground as I struggled to push up my own weight on my tired tired arms, this earned another laugh from the older man as he pushed me down with a heavy foot on my back. “You know Jimin when I came in this room earlier today I really was stunned by the new specimens before me, just the sheer need to impress in all of your eyes amazed me. My last clients you could say in America they didn’t feel any need to impress, they were already hot shit they didn’t feel they needed any approval of some russian dancer teacher. Such disrespect, in Russia you lived to impress those above you. And who seems to be above you at the moment my sweet?” I grunted as the man pressed harder and harder on my back everytime I tried to move, “tell me! Who is above you?” “Y-you are Alistar-hyung.” I squealed out feeling bile rise in my throat, please someone make it stop. Alistar laughed as he lifted his foot off me and harshly pulled me up to my feet, my hands immediately flew to my nose that was still bleeding as I looked up at the man in fear. “Oh now haven’t you made such a mess of this floor haven’t you? Oh and we just can’t have you going home to those dear brothers of you looking like that, you wouldn’t want them to have to take all of your criticism now would you?” Alistar asked looking me straight in the face and I instantly understood, silence equals safety. I had heard of these types of managers in the business but thought they were just a myth, they would do anything to get a group to be perfect getting every loose bolt into place. Jimin was the loose bolt that needed tightening so that their machine could work. I nodded quickly making Alistar grin deeply at me as he dragged me out of the room and threw me in the bathroom yelling for me to ‘clean that shit off your face and clean up my perfectly good floor.’ So I did what I was told purely out of fear, I washed the blood off my face trying not to touch my now broken and bruising nose holding back any tears that threatened to fall. Grabbing a rag I scrubbed my own blood off the hardwood floors as Alistar towered over me from above, than once everything was done he grabbed me by the back of the neck and pulled me out to his car.
When we had gotten to the dorm he stopped the car and pulled open the glove box before I could move to leave the car, inside we're hundreds of bottles of foundation and concealer in 100s of different shades and colors all half used and smudged. “Choose one that looks right and cover that awful face of yours before someone starts to question your clumsiness.” The man said and again it clicked, he knew how to do this he had done this before he knew how to keep himself out of any trouble but mostly I just thought over and over again what was this? What had he done before? What did this all mean to him? What was about to happen to me? I cried softly in my pillow that night careful not to wake up the heavily sleeping Hoseok, even he couldn’t light up my night. What was going to happen when the morning came.
Wrath was always known to them as someone woken up not someone who lived among them. Because how could wrath and sun be the same person at all hours of the day? When envy poisoned them all so he could be the only one to breathe their air and lust strived past them always reaching out to touch what isn't his, wrath would stay dormant. The other sins we're all they we're just sins. Their own gang of destruction lead by greeds mangled endless grip on the world, held back by sleepy words of lazy reason from sloth. They all we're inside of each other, because one can not have gluttony with his leader greed and one can not have pride without his prodigy envy. The package deal that lives on just to remaster the world in their own image. In every revolution there is sin, the wrath of the people, the greed for change, the envy of what others have, the pride that they deserve change, the gluttony of those more fortunate, and lastly the lust every visonary has for power. Because power really is the 8th sin the father of them all over pride over wrath over them all was an underlying need for misgiven power that will always drive the sinning to press themselves farther into the empty promises their destruction gave them. Always.
i hope that was okay haha i wrote a lot of this from my own feelings I guess you could say from a perspective I was familiar to. i'll be back soon.
Chapter 4: caught in a lie
sorry this took so long I hope this makes any sense at all :D
Jimins head was pounding when he woke up that next morning, the light from the too bright sun outside made him squeeze his eyes shut hard moaning in pain. Hoseok’s bed was empty and made up tightly, Jimin could hear the voices of his members running around getting ready for their schedule that day, damn it he needed to get up. Swinging his legs over the side of his bed he slowly stood up his whole body groaning with every step he took, ignoring his sore body he (as quickly as he could) made his way to the bathroom next to Hoseok and his room. He didn’t need to strain himself to hear Yoongi and Namjoon arguing about how early it was in the kitchen or Taehyung and Jungkook fighting over the other bathroom. He shut the door with a sigh making sure to lock it and walked over to the mirror gasping at what he saw. His silver blonde hair covered in sweat and sticking to his face, his eyes had bags under them, lips were chapped and frowning but no it was his nose that made him gasp. There was a cut on the bridge of his nose and dark red bruising starting to show all around the cut, god this would be a bitch to explain. He couldn’t tell you how long he looked at himself in the mirror that morning unmoved just categorizing every inch of his face until there was harsh knocking on the door. “Jiminie! Get ready to go already Alistar-hyung will be waiting at the studio soon!” Namjoon said knocking on the door again. “O-okay sorry Joon-hyung I’m coming.” Jimin stuttered quickly pulling himself together and turning on the shower. He heard Namjoon laugh and say something as he walked off but Jimin was too focused on showering off as fast as possible and applying the foundation Alistar had given him. It was scary how well makeup covered up his imperfections, it was scary how hard Jimin had to look to actually tell that anything was wrong.
“How late were you out last night Minnie?” Taehyung asked through a mouthful of cereal looking over at him as he walked into the kitchen trying to cover up any pain in his aching limbs. “We tried to stay up for you but Jin-hyung made us go to bed before you came back.” Jungkook added in from his seat next to Taehyung. “Please you guys fell asleep by 12 and Yoongi and I had to carry you both back to your room.” Jin laughed hitting Jungkook on the shoulder, Jimin just smiled over at his members sheepishly feeling the pit in his stomach grow larger. Look how much trouble he had put them through already. “I’m sorry you guys stayed up for me really your too sweet!” Jimin said to the younger boys who just rolled their eyes at him and went back to their cereals. “Hey guys we have to go we need to get to the studio by 9.” Namjoon said as he entered the kitchen with a tired (but still shining) Hoseok lagging behind him. “Oh but Jimin just woke up, he didn’t even get to have any breakfast.” Seokjin said looking over at their leader with a pouty face. “No no really hyung I’m fine Namjoon-hyung is right we don’t wanna be late on our second day with the new manager.” Jimin said smiling as best as he could over at his band members as they were pushed into the hallway and down to the van waiting for them. The whole ride there all Jimin could feel was someone watching him silently from the back seat, he was stuck in place not willing to turn around and meet the eyes staring at him. He could feel an air of disbelief from the eyes and he knew who it was, the one person who always saw through him, and he couldn’t be seen through night now.
“Wow that was great Jin your vocals are really improving, that’s a wrap everyone great work all around Jungkook make sure you work on what we talked about tonight I’ll see you all in two days to tell you about tour dates.” Alistar said as the eldest member left the sound booth meeting with the rest of them and their manager. They had spent the day perfecting their vocals and tweaking any editing needed on their solo songs leaving all of the boys tired and anxious to move around out of the small room. When it was Jimin’s turn he no longer felt just one pair of beating eyes on him as he had last night but now two watching him deeply. Yoongi had been watching Jimin all day and it was starting to piss him off, he knew he was messing up and god it hurt more to have his hyung watch. Alistar had interrupted him every few minutes and made him start over and over, this was otherwise ignored by the other members who we're talking with each other, all but Yoongi. The rapper had made sure to send their manager a glare with every criticism sent Jimin's way making the boy tense up and mess up more. But when they we're all dismissed at the end of the day being told about their great work Jimin thought he had gotten off scot free and jumped off the couch smiling widely. “Oh, Jimin before you go I wanted your help with a few things concerning a new vocal piece for you. I hope you don’t mind.” Alistar said not even looking up from his sound board as he spoke to Jimin who had frozen in place in utter fear. “I-I-I-” “Go on Jiminie.” Namjoon whispered to him as the others left the room, “knock em dead!” Once the door slammed close in the sound proof box it felt like the sound bounced off the walls for hours slamming into jimin's ear.
“So Jimin,” Alistar started raising from his chair and walking over to the smaller man whose head was facing down, “how did we do today?” He didn’t reply this was a trap either way he was screwed no matter what he said. Alistar sighed and grabbed his face harshly pulling up his chin to look at the man in the face. “My my no reply hm? Please don’t deprive me of that beautiful voice of yours krasivaya.” This was weird why was he saying these things to him while acting so harshly? “Everyone did very well today sir.” Jimin whispered to the taller man who just grunted and threw his face back causing Jimin to stumble slightly backwards reaching a hand to his jaw. “Ya know that's the thing about you idols you say whatever you think wants to be heard ah? I guess that's better than you saying whatever dumb shit comes to your head every two seconds, you’ve been trained that much.” The man stepped closer and closer to the small man reaching his hand out and roughly grabbing on to Jimin's neck slamming him against a nearby wall gripping tightly. “I’ll just have to train you a little bit more and maybe just maybe,” He moved his head close enough to Jimin's face he could feel his breathe on his cheek, “we’ll find some actual talent in there.” it all happened so fast the way Alistars hand was raised and slammed against Jimin’s face again and again until he saw stars as he was thrown to the ground. He gasped harshly as his body hit the ground coughing harshly to try to regain any breath inside of his lungs. He begged to every god above that it was all over he couldn’t take anymore, then a rough kick was landed on jimin's stomach making him cry out. Again and again and again on his ribs to his legs down to his feet every part of him was in bruising pain. His face was on fire and he could feel a gentle pool of blood forming on his forehead down his cheek, he raised his hand to his face and looked up in fear as the taller man smirked down at him finally done with his assault. “What? Has that pretty face never felt damage before?” Alistar laughed harshly making the smaller man growl. “Don’t,” Jimin whispered surprising the other man, “don’t talk about my life like you know about it.” “Aw does baby have something he wants to talk about?” He looked away with more and more anger bubbling up inside him, the tall man sunk down to the younger looking at him deeply in the eyes. “Take this as a simple warning mr. Park I don’t want you or your little fucking watch dog messing up what we have going here you got me?” Alistar asked grabbing a handful of Jimin’s hair and pulling his face up making him yelp in pain. “You see this is good for the both of us, you get better at well everything and I get to make you that way, do you understand me?” “Y-yes hyung.” “Good now clean yourself up you disgust me, I’ll be back to drive you back to the dorms in 30 minutes.”
“Can I ask you why?” Jimin asked as Alistar pulled up to the front of the dorm building, “I just wanna know, I guess what I did?” Alistar scoffed rolling his eyes laughing darkly gripping the steering wheel tightly. “In Russia we are told to always go after what we crave in this world, to take and never ask. We are trained to find a way to slip by unnoticed, behind the scenes there to push who we chose to be in greatness to where they belong. I guess I crave what every man does, someone who will submit to them always and follow every word as law, so I guess really Jimin what you did was you became the one thing I wanted. A beautiful fucking face who I can use to control an entire band and soon an empire of my own creation through your devilish hands. You just need to be broken into submission.” Alistar whispered darkly chilling the younger mans every bone, he swallowed dryly and nodded harshly looking away. “What what now?” Jimin asked trying to sound strong and unfazed by the pain in his body and the words pressing into his ears. “Well isn’t it obvious lovely? Its almost 12 in the morning why don’t you get some sleep yeah? We’ll have to work on fixing you later. Get out.” Alistar said pushing the small hurt boy out of the car with a rough hand and driving off leaving him stranded in the gutters of the cold street. How was he going to explain to Namjoon why he got home so late?
It’s hard for every sin to remember why they started on the path they are on. Times change but every sin stays the same every sinner is stuck in time running from what they know is to come. Even the lost need leaders, even the godless need someone to worship, they need the greed of a leader. Every revolution starts with one person willing to push others either with them or against them, a need for power can blind these leaders from their own followers. Greed was always their leader. The voice of reason against prides persistent narcissism, a motivator against sloths lazy depressions, cold hands against wraiths hot fingers, strength to envy, love to lust and satisfaction for gluttony. Always they came back to an underlying greed for someone to follow, who they themselves were just as greedy for everlasting power.
Chapter 5: awake
not the best im sorry its been in the working for too long (also low key didn't read this through so sorry in advance haha)
The only ways to conquer your fears is to face them dead on and desensitize yourself to what was making you scared in the first place. But Yoongi didn’t want to face this fear, he didn’t want to lock himself in a room with his fear and watch it harshly until it didn’t scare him anymore. Because that would make what he was scared of too real and he was desperate just desperate to have it not be real to make it all go away. The one thing Yoongi always prided himself on was his ability too see through almost anyone he was close too. It started when he was young and he could always tell when his brother was lying to him or when he was worried about something. Then when he went to school he could tell when his classmates had feelings for others or when they were uncomfortable around him. People didn’t like how well he could see through everyone, they called him a freak for having perspective and insight into their predictable brains. They didn’t like when he said that to them either. It did come in handy however with his younger band members when they tried to sneak anything past the older members, and with Namjoon whenever he was worried and tried to look strong for the others. The person this gift you could say helped him out the most with was Park Jimin who he learned would be the first to lie and fake for the sake of others. Whether he was lying about what he did to himself in the shadows or to go along with a joke that Jungkook and Tae we're playing with his Hyungs. Yoongi knew when he was lying to him. And Jimin was lying to him.
Yoongi started to notice something was different with the boy when their new manager first berated him with awful words and Jimin forced himself to smile and dance seemingly unfazed. His suspicions only got worse when Alistar asked Jimin to stay after with him and he didn’t return back to the dorm until late that night. Tae and Kookie tried to stay awake for Jimin but ended up crashing just as soon as they got home leaving Seokjin and Yoongi to have to drag them back to their room. Everyone had gone to sleep after that, everyone except for Yoongi who told himself he needed to stay awake to finish project he was writing on, but really he was just worried about Jimin. Around 1 the door of the dorm opened softly and a silent Jimin staggered in, he seemed to have thought that everyone was asleep and didn’t bother checking as he silently cried to himself leaned against the front door. Yoongi stood in the doorway hidden by dark shadows and watched in horror as the small boy sobbed into himself hands over his face. What did that monster do to his Jiminie? Just as he was about to walk over to him Jimin straightened himself out and started laughing to himself maybe to make himself calm down, who knows. “Shut up you entitled whore…” He whispered to himself harsly laughing again and dragging himself to him and Hoseok’s shared room closing the door softly behind him, Yoongi slowly backed his way into his room. He didn’t sleep that night.
“Joon you can’t tell me you didn’t think that was weird.” Yoongi persisted again to his tired leader that was silently nursing a cup of coffee early the next morning. “Hyung please it's too early to deal with this?” Namjoon said with his head firmly planted down on the long wooden table trying to block out the older mans questions. “When then? When are we going to talk about this?” “Why, why do we need to talk about this Yoongi-hyung okay you have no proof that anything happened.” “So you don’t think it’s weird that Alistar-nim said those things to Jiminie and then asked him to stay after? He hadn’t even done anything wrong!” “Maybe he was just testing him?” “Then why did he ask for his help with a dance piece and not Hobi who is the one who coneagraph most of the dances?” “Yoongi it’s too fucking early to talk about this okay! Why don’t you ask Jimin if you are so worried about him!” “Why are we worried about Jimin?” Seokjin asked as he walked into the kitchen, Yoongi was sitting next to Namjoon with a pleading look in his face. Yoongi moved back into his seat when Seokjin entered the room looking down at his own cup of coffee avoiding Seokjin's eyes. “Did I interrupt something, Namjoon-ah?” Jin asked as he sat down next to the younger who smiled deepy up at the older boy. “No Jinnie-hyung Yoongi is just worried about how Alistar-hyung spoke to Jiminie last night.” Namjoon said sweetly making Jin nod, before he could open his mouth the room was bombarded with the two youngest members running over to get some cereal talking loudly. Yoongi and Namjoon groaned at the sudden noise making them both leave the room muttering about how they needed to get ready for voice practice that day. As Yoongi walked into Seokjin and his room he couldn’t help but walk past the bathroom next to Jimin’s room finding the door locked shut and the sounds of a shower running. God that boy was going to kill him.
Yoongi sat as far away from the manager as he could in front of the soundboard listening in to all of his members practicing. Alistar seemed to have the same comments for all of the members (except Jungkook who he asked to work on his chest voice), of course except for Jimin whom he seemed so much harsher towards. Everytime Alistar said anything to Jimin Yoongi couldn’t help but shoot nasty glares at the older man and clench his knuckles around the arms of his chair. After about the third passive aggressive insult Alistar shot he turned his head to Yoongi and smirked at him making the younger feel like he was going to boil over. When the practicing was over and they we're all dismissed Yoongi could see the way that Jimin's body relaxed as he jumped off the couch over to the door wanting to leave as soon as possible. “Oh, Jimin before you go I wanted your help with a few things concerning a new vocal piece for you. I hope you don’t mind.” Alistar said in a cool voice making the small man stop in his tracks and stutter to himself. “I-I-I.” Jimin stuttered looking from member to member in slight fear before Namjoon spoke out tell him to stay and escorting the rest of the members out of the room.
Yoongi was fuming on the way back to the dorm from the backseat of the van next to Hobi who kept trying to lift up his obvious low spirits. “Hyung what's wrong why the sour little face?” Hoseok cried out to the shorter man pulling on his hyungs cheeks twisting them into a false smile. “Nothing Hobi I’m just ugh I just wish Jimin was here.” Yoongi muttered back pushing Hoseok's hands off of him. “OOoooooOooo I seeeee… You miss sweet little Jiminie!” The younger man sung to him shaking the older mans shoulders making him sigh and give into the hyper man. “Are you jealous of how manager-nim has been taking up all of your Jimin time?” “What! No! I just I don’t trust him.” “You don’t trust anyone Hyung.” “Yeah but like especially not this guy, I don’t like the way he talks to Jimin.” “Ah you saw that too.” That made Yoongi’s eyes pull open as he turned his head to look at Hoseok who had a sly smirk on his face. “Have you noticed that?” “Well yeah I mean I think he just likes him and so he’s being harder on him. I’m sure he’s perfectly nice to Minnie when when they’re working on projects together, he just doesn’t want the rest of us to think he has chosen Jimin as a favorite.” “I don’t know Hobi.” “Oh shh Hyung it’s okay! I’m always right with these things.” “Literally when.” “Okay yeah that's valid.” They both laughed at that and fell back into a warm silence.
Yoongi had been counting the hours since they had gotten home waiting just waiting for Jimin's return. Why hadn’t he come back? What the hell was he hiding? Why did he think he could run anything past him anyway? 11:45 was running to close to midnight and as every minute ticked by Yoongi's patience started to grow thinner and thinner. Just as he was about to call Jimin..again he heard the sounds of the door opening and soft movements make their way into the dorm. Before he could think he jumped out of his and Seokjin's room and flew into the lounge startling a tired Jimin who jumped back from Yoongi and hid his face in his hair. “Y-y-yoongi-hyung I didn’t hey how I didn’t see you there.” Jimin stuttered trying to move past Yoongi as fast as he could being stopped by a harsh hand on his shoulder. “Minnie why were you out so late?” “I-I-I just you know it took a while with Alistar-hyung and I hyung I’m just so tired can we I have to go.” Jimin stuttered pushing Yoongi's hands off of his shoulder as he winced in pain with the sudden contact. “Jimin look at me.” “No I Yoongi please no I stop please.” He stutter faster this pushing himself as far away from the older as possible and running into the nearby bathroom locking the door behind him. “Jimin.” Yoongi started coldly hearing the fear in the youngers breathing as he rushed around the room. “Just a moment hyung!” Jimin said as he pulled open the door looking into Yoongi's eyes and smiling as wide as he could, “whats up Yoon.” Yoongi glared at him and studied his face with harsh intent, something was off here. “Why did you run in here?” “I needed to pee?” “Why didn’t you flush ya nasty?” “I mean I had to wash my hands- face my face see so so clean.” Jimin cried out smiling widely and pushing past Yoongi again before he could ge a word in. “Min-” “Goodnight Yoongi-hyung love you!” With that Jimin's bedroom door slammed shut and Yoongi was left with silence and even more questions than before. If he couldn’t get what he wanted from Jimin he would get it from Alistar.
He was quite, nothing but quite. His brain was quite his eyes were quite nothing in his demeanor spoke as loud as his mind's eye. Run faster behind the shadows of the very earth you stand on in your heart always in your heart as your feet will keep you in time. Hang from the branches of your marker and chain your eyes to the path laid out before you. Dig your claws deeper into your own space and time before you have to die and be cursed in endless fire. The ungodly will be left to their own vices to run on hot flames from their lovelessness to god. Stillness is wasted on those with feet who have every ability to move, with movement given to those who have never felt a walking movement. When he wanted nothing more than to be envy's every teacher and hope, the voices always curse his movement and forces him to give in to envy's every need just to please him. Sloth loves envy, as lust loves gluttony and greed loves pride. Always in the same light of love.
Chapter 6: blood sweat and tears
so like my life is hellllla hard rn i'm kinda using this as a way to write pain away i guess i hope this is okay
TW self harm, abuse
Jimin didn’t understand why they kept trying to get him to leave his room the next day, really what made him the most upset was that it seemed everyone but Yoongi wanted to see him. Jimin hadn’t seen the rapper since last night when he so pathetically hid in the bathroom from him not wanting to face the older man. God he was such a mess. He spent the whole night laid coldly in his bed holding himself tightly as though he could save himself from the outside world. The whole night he begged silently for his brain to just shut the fuck up already he just wanted to sleep god he was so tired. But everytime he closed his eyes all he saw was Alistar's gruff smile accompanied with harsh words thrown at him like knives. Alistar wasn’t stupid Jimin knew this, the man spoke three languages and has made himself a large figure in the music industry doing what he has been doing to Jimin without being caught. The farther Jimin was from Yoongi the less he could get hurt, he was the watch dog wasn’t he? And it seemed like Yoongi could read his mind with how much space he has given Jimin that day.
Every inch of his body ached whenever he tried to stand, or move, or breathe the main reason why he had stayed in bed all day. It wasn’t until around noon that he finally gave into Jungkook and Tae’s bothering and he went out into the lounge with the rest of his band members. Of course beforehand he made a b-line for the bathroom and partook in his new tradition of staring deeply into his battered face until he felt like he would scream and then applies his foundation. It’s only a split lip, he thought to himself, it’s only hand prints on his neck and cheek, it’s only it’s only it’s only. As Jimin crept into the lounge he was met with the sunny smiles of Hoseok and Taehyung who took no time to pull him over to whatever game they were playing. Namjoon was spread out on the couch laying curled in Jins lap as he whispered sweet nothings to him, Jungkook was trying his best to convince Yoongi to play the game with the rest of them but he was too absorbed in his laptop. “Okay so the rules are simple Minnie-hyung we just need to sneak as many of Hobi-hyungs pieces from him before notices any are gone.” Taehyung said softly whispering to Jimin as Hoseok pondered his next move. “Tae I really don’t think that’s how you play chess.” Jimin whispered back making Hobi shoot his head up with an accusing gasp. “Are you telling me my TaeTae is cheating in the noble game of chess?!” He yelped falling backwards dramatically making Namjoon and Jin laugh. “You both are playing wrong I should know I taught you how to play in the first place.” Namjoon said making everyone laugh, even a few chuckles could be heard from Yoongi who looked up from his laptop. He looked deeply at Jimin and gave him a sad look before turning back to look at his laptop, Jimin clenched his fists as hard as he could.
As the sun fell deep behind the stars all the members of BTS found themselves bundled together watching some horror movie Yoongi and Jungkook demanded they watch. Half way through and Taehyung seemed like he was more focused on hiding in Jungkook’s chest than watching the movie, Jin and Hoseok had spent the whole movie holding each other and screaming while Namjoon laughed. Jimin found himself on the floor paying attention to anything but the movie. He was listening to the soft breathes of Yoongi who was next to him, not close enough to touch, he was thinking about how the violence in the movie was making his skin burn. But mostly he was thinking about how he would have to see Alistar the next day and how he had wasted this whole day being unproductive which the older man will not be happy about. He didn’t know how much longer he could take this, all day he had been hiding in plain in sight from everyone. All day he had been sheltering himself from any touch not wanting to set off the endless burning in his skin any farther. Somehow he fell so deep into his anxiety that he didn’t notice the movie ending until Jin announced he was going to get dinner ready while they started the next one. “But nothing scary or I swear to god Yoongi!” Jin yelled as he walked into the kitchen leaving the rest of the boys to argue over their next movie choice. Jungkook said something about an action movie while Namjoon talked about some movie in french but Jimin couldn’t hear them. All he heard was his phone buzzing from beside him, how the hell did he get his number? It kept buzzing and buzzing causing Taehyung to look over at him confused until Jimin grabbed his phone and jumped up off the floor. “I’ll be right back! Choose something good!” He said in his most cheery voice as he walked over to the bathroom yelling behind him, “make sure it’s something that won’t make Hobi-hyung afraid to go to sleep at night!” “Too late!” He heard his hyung yell back settling his nerves as he walked into the bathroom.
I can’t wait to see you tomorrow
You better not have just sat on your fucking ass all day
What are you wearing, I hope it’s nothing
Have you spoken to your dog today, tell him he has the wrong idea
Fucking worthless bitch answer me
Your gonna fucking get it tomorrow
Don’t even think about eating anything you fat shit
I do this because you make me your just too easy to be mean to
Jimin threw his phone down on the ground in disbelief, why, why him, how did he get his number? Why why why why why. Because he deserves it because he couldn’t just run away from his past abuse, once you're abused you’ll always be marked you're always cursed to fall back into it. He couldn’t stop himself as the tears fell freely down his face, head in his hands he silently screamed as the voices consumed him louder and louder. All he could see was the face of his manager mixing with the faces from his past mixing with the flowers at the arboretum mixing and mixing and mixing. Hands over his mouth he hunched over the toilet and threw up all of the nothing he had eaten that day. He just wanted to sing and dance, he just wanted to join and band and find his home, he just wanted his hyungs, not this never this. He slumped back down onto the floor trying to pull himself together as much as possible, silently he shook back and forth head slumping on the ground in a pathetic attempt to steady himself. Just as he was about to give up and fall back into his tears he caught the gleam of something silver shine back at him in the shower catching his attention. Hoseok’s razor, was beckoning him to come just a little bit closer and closer over. Before he knew it the razor was tightly in his grasp, this felt all too familiar. Back when they we're tranies it wasn’t him but Taehyung who was in his position, he had just escaped his father’s abuse and joined BTS but his pain didn’t stop there. Tae had been self harming since his father started beating him and selling him off to his friends for the night and just because he was gone from his dad that didn’t mean he had stopped hurting himself. The first time him and Jungkook kissed was the last day he ever cut himself. Now Jimin would feel pain, he really didn’t deserve to cry he had barely felt what some had felt. He pulled up his sleeve in a sigh and silently apologized to Hoseok for ruining his razor.
“Jimin? Are-are you okay? You have kind been in there a while.” Jin said in a concerned voice from behind the door, huh it had been a while. Jimin coughed steadying himself before saying back, “hey yeah sorry hyung I totallllly zoned out haha I’ll be out in a second.” “Okay…” Jin said slightly convinced as he walked back to the others. Nailed it. Jimin looked down at his left wrists and down at the four shallow cuts on his arm and sighed, he was so weak. Slowly he cleaned himself off and stashed the razor under the sink before washing his face and applying a heavy amount of concealer on. “You can do this Park Jimin, all you have to do is walk out that door, sit with your friends and-” His phone buzzed again Jimin I swear to god. - Unknown, Jimin sighed and quickly texted back I’m sorry hyung, and silenced his phone. “Welcome back to the land of the living Minnie took you long enough!” Hoseok yelled face full of kimchi Jimin simply laughed and sat back down next to Yoongi on the floor, the older looked over at him as if he would say something but looked away instead. His heart cracked at that. So much for love. “Here Yoongi pass some stew to Jimin.” Jin said passing a bowl to Yoongi who handed it to Jimin without looking at him. “Thank you hyung.” “Jimin…” He looked up at the older rapper locking eyes with him seeing the fighting happening in his hyungs eyes. “I just um I missed you today.” Yoongi stuttered looking down scratching the back of his neck Jimin smiled at the older. “I’m right here hyung,” He placed his hand on the olders shoulder smiling at him, “I’m always right here.”
The man flew from his podium and hit the cold ground unmoving, nothing but shadows surrounded the man who had fallen into darkness so willingly. His lustful nature called him to fall into his temptations of destruction. Everyone fell into temptation, greed tricked gluttony into drinking his poison, wrath gave into his inner anger. The only one not fallen was the one that actually had someone trying to save them. Sloth tied envy's eyes tightly closed as he pulled rosey tramas from his nimble fingers. He wouldn’t let envy peer into medusa's ugly gaze to crack and rock over like the rest of them have. Sloth would never let the other bite into his pain without doubt he would take every bite if he had to to never see envy cry absinthe tears. He would never be tainted. Not if the other had anything to do with it.
Chapter 7: run
Taehyung sees too much
hey! okay im so sosososososo sorry this took so long for me to write i got a second job recently to save up for well college and a car so now im not only in high scool (boooo) but working two jobs! yay!! I hope you guys like this i have so much planned i just need to find a way to fit it all in. also tell me if you like the whole seven sins thing and if you have any idea who is who. luv you <3
“You step out that fucking door I don’t want you back here when this all falls the fuck apart. And I’ll tell em I’ll tell em all the way you begged and cried, you really think those pretty singers are gonna wanna look at you then ah?” The screams of yesterday dug into his heart as he ran, he ran as far and as fast as he could. Every breath he took as hard to swallow as the last. But it never fucking stopped the aching in his bones, the fire in on his cheeks, the last things he ever heard from his father screaming in his head. And Taehyung was spinning everything was spinning too fast around and around and he was still just running faster and faster until everything stopped and he hit the floor. When? Was all he could ask. When had blood become skin? When had stillness become chaos? When had everything he ever wanted hurt his father this deeply that he still made sure to torment him everyday? He shouldn’t wear the white that stained his skin, too pure for what lives inside him. It was true, what would his band think of him when they find out where he came from. When they find out why he can’t sit too close to anyone, why when Seokjin and Hoseok laugh too loud he mistakes them for screams. Tae never even fought it as the cage dropped over him closing him off from the rest of the world. Everything he touched turned to his father's fists or his sisters battered face or the look in Namjoon’s eyes when he sees right through Taehyung. He was spinning too fast for his own sanity.
Taehyung awoke with a panicked start as he flung himself upwards from his soft bed panting and holding his chest that felt like it was being torn apart. His blonde hair was covered in sweat and sticking to his face, he pushed it back with his hands trying to hold himself together. The nightmares we're back. It had been so long he almost forgot what they felt like, almost, he could never really erase how they feel from his mind.
Taehyung didn’t know what brought his nightmares back to him, especially since they had been gone for the past year or so as his relationship with Jungkook casted a shield over him from his past. He looked over at Jungkook who was still fast asleep in the bed across the room, his bunny face was scrunched up snuggling farther into a stuffed bear Tae had gotten him last Christmas.
He couldn’t stay in this room with his sleeping boyfriend and have another breakdown, so slowly he rose off of the bed and left his room as quietly as he could. The hallways in the dorm we're dark and empty Seokjin and Yoongi's room had soft snores echoing out of it coating the darkness in a warm familiarity of his hyungs. Namjoon had fallen asleep with the door open and from what Taehyung could see a book perched in his lap, making the younger smile. What surprised Taehyung was the open sliding glass door of the balcony in the lounge where a small figure was sat on the cool ground watching the city below.
Tae crept over and say next to the other boy as soft as he could making the other flinch and whip his head over to see who it was. “May I join you?” Taehyung asked Jimin as he sat down making the older sigh and hang his head. “Why aren’t you asleep TaeTae?” The older asked not looking at the younger and focusing on the streets below. “Couldn’t sleep.” Tae said nonshalontly following his hyungs eyes watching the cars below. “Why are you awake Jiminie-hyung?” Jimin stayed silent making Tae sigh and continue talking hoping to open up his hyung who had been so closed off these past few months.
“You know the dreams are back,” the older hummed in response letting Tae continue. “He’s still the same I guess I never really expect him to change, well at least in my dreams. My sister is there too, god it feels like forever since I last saw her, but not like this never again like this. But I don’t know do I? If it’s still like this? If he still acts like this if she still looks like this? It’s been so long and I just left her there, what kind of brother does that shit Minnie? Sometimes I feel his hands on me when Jungkook touches me, sometimes it feels like his tongue is sliding down my body as he slowly eats me alive. I just want us to be normal but I’ll never be normal and I’m scared hyung why, why are they back to haunt me?”
The older was silent as his eyes glazed over the bright lights below them as Tae talked and maybe it was just how late it was but Tae swore that Jimin’s left eye was more swollen than his right. Maybe it was his imagination but he swore Jimin’s full lips looked kissed red and split as his cheeks wore tear tracks down to his neck. “Why do you think the dreams are back Jimin-hyung?” Taehyung asked blankly, Jimin sniffed and looked over at the younger. “How do you do it Tae? How did you live with this shit for so so so long without giving up.” Jimin was fulling crying at this point wringing his hands in his lap as he spoke. “How did you do it how god it hurts how could you do it for so long?” “What hurts Jiminie?” This wasn’t right, his hyung, his Jimin, his light, his angel, wasn’t supposed to be sitting here crying softly to Taehyung at 2am in the dark. “God!” Jimin sighed rubbing his eyes laughing, “everything, what doesn’t hurt? Shit.”
This wasn’t fitting together right the pieces weren’t meshing, what would make Jimin feel this empty? Why was he hurting? Was it the hate online? Was it getting to him? Was it that they we're going on tour any day now that was too much pressure? Was it their new manager? Or was it- Oh.
Tae looked over at his hyung and smiled, pulling him into a deep warm hug the older coughed out a sob at this and fell into his embrace. He was too skinny to hold all this weight on his heart. “Is he doing this to you Jimin?” Silence not even sobs, “is Alistar-hyung making everything hurt.” Jimin went rigid and pushed Tae away with a cold face. “What the hell is that supposed to mean?! What are you accusing our manager of? You have no proof! Who told you this? Was it Yoongi-” “Why would Yoongi-hyung tell me our manager was making you hurt?” “I ugh no never mind Tae I gotta, never say this shit again okay. This never happened. Go to bed yeah?” Jimin spoke out in a cold dark monotone voice standing up and storming off to his room before Tae could say anything. The younger didn’t sleep that night.
“Okay everyone you all did great we're really close to all of our goals put in place before touring you all deserve a break for the rest of the night. Except Jimin could you come with me to work on a piece?” Alistar said to the boys who has just spent the last 3 hours dancing non stop perfecting every inch of their performance and stamina. At the moment Taehyung was sitting on Jungkook’s lap as he braided strands of the older boys sweaty blonde hair into a knot. Everyone was more than relieved when Alistar said that they could take the rest of the day off, well all except Jimin whos face had lost all color as he slowly made his way over to their manager.
Jimin looked nothing like he had last night on the balcony his face didn’t seem bruised over he was wearing a long sweater hiding his hands and he didn’t seemed tired by the intensive dancing. Tae almost felt dumb for thinking that there was anything off between him and thier manager as the other had paid no attention to Jimin the whole practice. That was until now when Alistar’s eyes were set growling at Jimin and grabbing the dancers arm pulling him out of the room with him. The rest of the band started to pack up their things and head to the door before Taehyung had even stopped staring at where Alistar stood.
“Tae you good?” Namjoon asked as their leader was halfway down putting his jacket on preparing for the cool Seoul night air, Tae just looked over blinking at his hyung confused. “Ugh yeah sorry Joon-hyung I think I’m just going to stay a bit longer and practice, I’ll head home with Jimin-hyung and Alistar-nim later.” “Are you sure do you want me to stay with you TaeTae?” Jungkook perked up from the seat next to Taehyung, the older just smiled and kissed his boyfriend on the nose. “You’re too sweet no it’s okay I need to get this on my own no distractions!” Jungkook laughed and stood up following his hyungs out the door calling to his boyfriend as he left, “I’ll just have to save the distractions for later!” Than the door closed with a hard bang and Taehyung was left alone wondering to himself why he stayed behind.
After dancing for about an hour Taehyung started to wonder where Alistar had dragged Jimin too, certainly they would have come back by now? Without really thinking Taehyung crept out of the dance studio and started wandering down the long company halls looking for his manager and bandmate. Really how far could they be? Tae hummed stigma to himself as he looked into the passing studios before hearing a crash from the door across the hall. Tae ran over pulling the door open in fear before stopping in his tracks in horror. Jimin was on the couch of the recording studio his lean body being pressed deeply into the cushions by strong hands. The hands belonged to their manager who was now hovering over Jimin’s body his lips pressed harshly against Jimin’s, who had his eyes tightly closed.
Tae gasped loudly making Alistar jump off of Jimin who quickly scooted as far from the older as he could. “What is going on here?” Taehyung asked in shock, did he just really find his sweet little Jiminie being roughly kissed by their manager. Tae looked over at Jimin who had the same red lips he had last night, who wasn’t looking at the younger too distracted by the floor. Jimins sweater had been pulled down showing dark hickies traveling who knows how far down on his neck some looked new some old. Alistar had his belt undone and his shirt unbuttoned making Tae want to gag. “Tae it’s not what it looks like.” His hyung said in a panicked voice making Taehyung even more confused. Before he could say anything Alistar spoke out in a light voice laughing slightly. “We're together. You caught us.” “What?! Jimin is this true?! Are you screwing our manager?!?” Taehyung yelled making Jimin flinch as he’s pulled off the couch by Alistar who looks down at the younger with a sly smirk. “Jimin and I have been seeing each other since I came to be your manager, what do you think we did when I pulled him aside, anyway. Isn’t that right lyubit?” Alistar said in a collected way holding onto Jimin's hand tightly waiting for the youngers reply. “Yes it’s true TaeTae I’m sorry. I-I-I’m in love with A-Alistar-hyung.” Jimin said, if this was true why did he look like he was going to cry?
There is a theory with identity that when told that someone is a certain enough they will soon begin to act to those words. Lust wasn’t always tied to excess as he is now. He wasn’t always skin on skin, tongue on cheek, smoke on air. No he became someone who hid in others because he was told what he could do for others was all that mattered out of him. The whores best friends are lust and pain. Lusts need to give and give and get and get fit in so well with gluttony's need to always be satisfied. Maybe that's why they fell in love, lust was hunted by the soft slik of sex in the dark, while gluttony wanted to collect experience and take more than he ever needed. Sex in secret was the gift of lusts very core, but he wasn’t always this way. The whores best friends are lust and pain.
Chapter 8: silver spoon
the other side of the freak show
kinda a filler chapter next one will be when the tour starts and. shit. goes. down.
god i need to do my homework
tw- non con, self harm
White noise what an awful sound to have fill in every shadow. Jimin thinks he has gone too far this time, he is unsure if he can come back from this point. He remembers this feeling all too well the emptiness the shallow burn in the bottom of his stomach from anxiety. The anxiety of what? He didn’t know anymore. When he was younger he tried to turn off the empty with prescription bottles he found in his father's bathroom, or with the bottles of alcohol, he could steal from the nearby convince store. What a convince really. Although when he joined Bagtan he knew that he would have to quit his secret habit of hiding away in his room and chasing his high, so he just did what he thought would be best for everyone. He buried it. Deep inside the depths of his brain Jimin buried his fears of rejection and intimacy and put on his brightest smile to the rest of the world.
And it worked. He could lay in Yoongi’s arms and fall asleep to the sound of the older man’s breath, he could sing and dance just as loud and wild as Jungkook and Hoseok could. But now everything was fucked up, he couldn’t sleep in Yoongi’s bed anymore without fearing Alistars wrath, he couldn’t keep up with Jungkook or Hoseok anymore because he hadn’t slept in days. Now all he wanted was anything that could turn off his head, he wanted his past vices to hold hands with his present demons. That's not to say Jimin hadn’t done other things to change the channel on his brain, the shallow cuts on his arms turned to gashes on his thighs and stomach. His soft fingers we're licked by flames he had tried to hold onto too tightly.
But every time he could only think about one thing, the upcoming world tour where he couldn’t run away from Alistar anymore. As they approached their first tour date everyone was full of excitement and nerves about seeing the world and playing for 1,000s of people who had never seen them before. They decided who would room with who in their first hotel before they had even sold out the tickets to their first international concert in Chile. Well, Alistar had chosen and sent them the information on their hotel a few weeks before they had their first concert in Seoul. Namjoon was with Seokjin in room 200, Yoongi and Hoseok in room 213, Taehyung and Jungkook in room 201, and Jimin and Alistar in room 300. Yoongi was the first who noticed how far away Alistar and Jimin we're from the others but chose only to frown when they were told their room assignments.
Yoongi had been frowning a lot more these past few months as they got ready for their tour and now a week away from their first show he was as mad as ever. Maybe it was because of how hard Alistar had been pushing him in his dancing or how much time he had to spend in the studio night after night. But Jimin knew it was because of how much he had been separating himself from the older boy, and well everyone. Jimin spent his days waking up early showering off the last night's pain and putting on layers of makeup, then dancing his ass off in practice only to be forced to stay after and be beaten for every mistake he made, he would end his days begging for sleep every night. There was no time for anyone else except Alistar and him when he wasn’t with the older he was drowning in his own blood hoping to completely drain himself. Love is worthless. That was what Jimin felt now every time he looked at his hyungs, everything was worthless.
“Jiminie-hyung please come with us I feel like I haven’t seen you in forever you’re always practicing with Alistar-hyung.” Jungkook pouted crossing his arms over his chest as the younger begged Jimin to come to dinner with the rest of the boys after practice one night. Jimin bit his lip and looked over at the door knowing that Alistar would be back for him any second before sighing and looking down. “I’m sorry Jungkookie I wish I could, I just-” Before Jimin could finish the door swung open by a sly looking Alistar who strolled over next to Jimin resting a strong hand on his shoulder. “Great work today Jungkook I swear it’s like you were born knowing the choreography!” Alistar laughed making Jungkook smile a wide smile at him, Jimin was going to be sick. “Thank you Alistar-hyung! Jiminie-hyung taught it to me a while back he’s the best dancer I’ve ever met!” Jungkook beamed making their manager's grip tighten on his shoulder at the mention of Jimin’s name. God this wasn’t going to go over well later. “Is he now? Jimin you’ll have to tell me more about this when we are working together tonight.” Alistar said with a smirk making Jungkooks face fall slightly. “Aw, well I guess you’ll just have to come with us another time hyung,” Jungkook said sadly before waving goodbye to Jimin and Alistar following Taehyung and Yoongi out of the dance studio. Alone Alistar and Jimin stood unmoving as time passed by before a harsh slap was sent across Jimin’s face sending him to the cold ground.
Jimin had long since tuned out everything that Alistar was saying at this point just letting the man do whatever he wanted to do to him. Losing track of time was something Jimin was used to so he wasn’t surprised when he lost track of how much time he had spent being kicked and smacked around. What happened next did surprise him though, he was pulled up off the ground by the front of his shirt and shaken in his manager's harsh fists before being slammed up against the wall of the dance studio. “You fucking listen to me when I’m talking to you slut.” The older man growled and he grabbed Jimin’s battered face making the younger cry out and look at Alistar in his pale eyes. Jimin felt his face burn as the older man looked over it with precision before smirking and stopping on Jimin’s busted lips. “How are you still so beautiful?” The older man asked as he quickly lowered his face to meet the youngers and roughly pressed himself onto the other. Jimin tried to move away but Alistar just bit the others lip making him cry out allowing the older with more access. Please god, make it stop make it all stop please please, please. But gods not real, and Jimin knew this.
Alistar flung him around and slowly started to pull down the youngers work out pants making him cry even louder. Jimin wasn’t stupid he knew what was happening and it made his stomach churn, Alistar started to bite on Jimin’s neck as he stroked his hands up and down his body. “So pretty.” “Stop pl-l-lease.” Then there was a harsh fire in his body when the older finally took it too far. It felt like it lasted for hours and hours until Alistar finally dropped the younger boys body tucking himself away and stared harshly down at him. Jimin didn’t remember much after that until he was dropped back off at their dorm around 1 am leaving him feeling hopeless and lost making a B line for the bathroom.
“May I join you?” Jimin heard a voice say from behind him startling him before he sighed and looked away. Jimin didn’t know how long he had been sitting outside on the patio after he had cut himself that night, Jimin just didn’t want to feel anymore. “Why aren’t you asleep TaeTae?” Jimin sighed, Taehyung just shrugged saying he couldn’t sleep taking a seat next to the smaller boy.“You know the dreams are back, he’s still the same I guess I never really expect him to change, well at least in my dreams. My sister is there too, god it feels like forever since I last saw her, but not like this never again like this. But I don’t know, do I? If it’s still like this? If he still acts like this if she still looks like this? It’s been so long and I just left her there, what kind of brother does that shit, Minnie? Sometimes I feel his hands on me when Jungkook touches me, sometimes it feels like his tongue is sliding down my body as he slowly eats me alive. I just want us to be normal but I’ll never be normal and I’m scared hyung why, why are they back to haunt me?”
God Jimin couldn’t deal with this right now, he wanted nothing more than to help Tae feel better but he couldn’t hear about abuse right now. He wanted to think about anything except the ghosts of hands on his body and the older’s lips on his.“Why do you think the dreams are back Jimin-hyung?” Jimin was crying at this point crying as quietly as he could, he knew why the dreams we're back. Tae’s subconscious must have been aware of the changes in Jimin and his internal fear must be coming out. He was horrible. “How did you do it how god it hurts how could you do it for so long?” “What hurts Jiminie?” “God!” Jimin sighed rubbing his eyes laughing, “everything, what doesn’t hurt? Shit.” He expected Taehyung to run off after that whether it be because he wouldn’t want to see his hyung like this but what Jimin didn’t expect was for Tae to pull him into a deep hug. Jimin froze until falling into his embrace crying out softly, “is he doing this to you Jimin?” Silence, not even sobs “is Alistar-hyung making everything hurt.”
Jimin went rigid and pushed Tae away with a cold face. “What the hell is that supposed to mean?! What are you accusing our manager of? You have no proof! Who told you this? Was it Yoongi-” “Why would Yoongi-hyung tell me our manager was making you hurt?” This didn’t make sense. “I ugh no never mind Tae I gotta, never say this shit again okay. This never happened. Go to bed yeah?” Jimin spoke out in a cold dark monotone voice standing up and storming off to his room before Tae could say anything.
He needed to be more careful or else everyone would be put in danger.
Jimin wasn’t surprised when Alistar pulled him away after practice to the recording studio, nothing surprised him anymore. So when Jimin was shoved down on the couch by strong hands and harsh lips were placed on his he wasn’t surprised. The man was getting greedy at this point ripping at Jimin’s clothes and hair biting deeply on his neck making the younger man cry out in pain. Alistar growled at Jimins cry moving in closer to him knocking over a stack of magazines on the table, Jimin tightly closed his eyes wanting this all to be over. Then his world fell apart when he heard a gasp come from the doorway. “What is going on here?!” Jimin heard Taehyung scream out making Alistar quickly jump off of the man quickly recovering from Taehyungs intrusion. Quickly Jimin pulled up his sweater looking at Tae with a panicked voice, “i-it’s not what it looks like!” Then Alistar laughed out making Jimin look at him in horror, “you caught us we’re together.” Jimin’s body went cold and he felt like he was going to cry, but he knew his place and agreed with Alistar knowing if it wasn’t him it would be one of them next.
Envy’s snake lived inside each of his brothers and never would he leave even when struck down, he would raise back up. That's what they always hoped at least, but they were unsure of that now.
Chapter 9: moonchild
Yoongi remembers the moment he fell in love with Jimin
hey! im so sososososo sorry this took so long midterms were these past two weeks and i was stressing so hard please pray for my grades i need to get into a real college soon!!!
(so much angst and fluff ahead)
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Yoongi had a hard time feeling bad for anyone who had hurt someone he cared about. Even if it was something small like a mean comment online to one of his members he always secretly hoped misfortune on them. Nothing big of course but his fierce loyalty always got the best of him. He wished he could be like Namjoon or Seokjin and wish his enemies a beautiful perfect life, but he wasn’t, and he hoped that when people betrayed him they would hurt after.
When Yoongi was young he didn’t feel as though he could really fit in, whether in his family or among his peers. He felt isolated and angry pushing himself deeper and deeper into depressions hands, that was until he met bagtan. When he was with them he didn’t have to feel censored and silent, he felt like he could be himself finally. Only now he was scared he didn’t really know himself anymore. It was Jimin who showed Yoongi who he really was, it was his kindness, his determination and his love that showed him that kindness really did exist for him. Could you really blame the elder for falling for the young dancer? He was beautiful and kind, he was everything Yoongi never had.
That’s what made him so mad now was the fact that now he couldn’t even recognize his love. This had been happening for months now and every day it hurt more and more. Months of not know what was happening to the younger. Months of isolation. Months of Alistars fucking fingers down both of their backs. Now with their tour in the upcoming week and them flying to south America soon he dreaded not being able to get away from the older manager.
“Tae I’m going to need you to calm down okay, can you tell hyungie what happened? Can you do that for me?” Seokjin said in a calm voice as he held a crying Taehyung close to him. Tae had come home alone after practicing in the studio for about an hour sobbing his eyes out repeating Jimin’s name over and over again. Hoseok and Jungkook were out at the 24/7 gas station getting snacks and bottled tea to surprise Taehyung and Jimin with when they came home. Leaving just Seokjin, Namjoon and Yoongi in the dorms when Taehyung came home. Seokjin being the most loving out of the three of them caught Taehyung as he fell through the front door and had spent the last few minutes pushing back his blonde hair shh-ing him.
“Tae… what happened?” Namjoon asked crouching down next to Jin to look at the other in the eyes. “Something is wrong Namjoon-hyung something is v-very wrong with Jiminie.” Taehyung coughed out trying to hold back his tears, alarmed Joon looked up at Yoongi who sat down next to Tae holding his hand. “What happened to Jimin Tae-ah?” Yoongi asked as calmly as he could trying to catch the youngers gaze. “I can’t I can’t say h-hyung, h-he, I promised not t-to say anyth-hing.” “I’m sure Jimin will understand Taehyung I need you to tell hyung what you saw okay.” Seokjin purred still petting Taehyung’s hair as the younger gained his composer slowly in his arms. “It’s Alistar… he said him and Jimin were in love, I found them in the studio together.”
Yoongi was sure the breaking in his heart was audible, in that moment he crumbled like glass. He was selfish and stupid to think that he could space himself from the small boy and have their relationship be the same way. No this wasn’t right. It can’t be. “What did Jimin say?” Namjoon asked his eyes not leaving Taehyung as he slowly gained his composer. “He agreed with Alistar they said they were dating, why didn’t he tell us hyung?” “There must be some misunderstanding Jimin would have said something.” Namjoon replied getting up and pacing slowly around the room. “I don’t know Joon-ah Jimin has been pretty private lately, maybe he thought we wouldn’t accept him.”Seokjin replied rocking Taehyung. “Should we say anything to him?” Taehyung asked. “No let's wait for him to bring it up to us,” Namjoon said, “he’ll talk when he's ready, its Jimin after all.” It’s Jimin after all. But Yoongi wasn’t so sure.
It was midnight when Jimin finally stumbled through the front door of the dorm looking exhausted and pale. Looking up he was quickly met with the gaze of a very upset looking Yoongi which made him want to turn around, but he smiled a dead smile to him instead.
“Minnie, please sit with me.” Yoongi said bundled up to his neck in blankets patting the seat next to him on the couch, softly Jimin patted over to him sitting down. This was the first time in weeks Yoongi had been able to look at Jimin just the two of them in the moonlight like this. “Hey-y hyung.” Jimin stuttered out as he pulled some of Yoongi’s blankets over to him covering him up like a guilty child. “Jimin do you know how long I’ve wanted to talk to you like this?” Yoongi asked as softly as he could making Jimin squirm and look away.
“I’m sorry hyungie it’s just I have been trying to get ready for the tour and have been so tired.” “Taehyung talked to me.” “Oh...” “You could have told me Jimin,” Yoongi sighed looking down, god this wasn’t going to come out right no matter how he said it. “I know there was a time when we were closer and I told you I loved you but if you didn’t feel the same way you should have just told me. I understand Minnie I’m not mad. I just wish you told me you were with our manager yourself.” Yoongi looked back up at Jimin and saw tears starting to pour down his face, quickly he tried to wipe them away but the more he tried the faster they came.
“Please hyung I’m so sorry you don’t understand he-, I-I-I, god this is so fucked up!” The younger cried out and Yoongi was sure that he was going to wake up Jungkook and Taehyung. The older of the two reached out to touch the younger but pulled back when the younger flinched and cried out louder, saying sorry over and over.
“Jimin, shhh hey it’s okay don’t cry you’re okay. I’m not mad no one's mad at you don’t need to apologize.” “But he will be.” Jimin laughed out rubbing some of the pale off his face revealing a tanner more rough appearance, was Jimin wearing makeup? “Who Minnie? Who will be mad?” “It doesn’t matter, there's nothing I can do, everything's my fault I don’t deserve to be here with you all. They should have just kicked me out when they said they would the first time. I’m sorry hyung I’m sorry you think you could love someone like me, you deserve someone so much better.” Jimin said with a blank certainty all of the tears ceasing to fall as he looked dead eyed at the older.
Yoongi was taken aback how could the sun see himself as the moon? Slowly he inched closer and closer to Jimin placing a soft blanketed hand over the others knee. “Park Jimin do you know the moment I fell in love with you?” “Hyung please don’t.” “We had just debted and I was so nervous, you saw this and asked me if I wanted to go to the butterfly garden just you and me. You did something no one had ever done to me, you made me feel warm,” Yoongi said smiling to himself as he remembered that day.
Yoongi followed behind as best as he could as the younger boy ran ahead of him excited as they approached the butterfly garden at Seoul Forest park. “Ash slow down Jimin-ah the butterflies will still be there if you wait for hyung.” The 20 year old man said with a sly grin his hands deep in his coat pockets as he walked over to the 17 year old who had his arms crossed over his chest pouting at the older.
This was when Jimin was all mochi cheeks and swoopy black hair tucked under black beanies and snapbacks. Back when he was the member that had tried the hardest to rip open Yoongi’s shell. “Aren’t you so excited hyung! It's going to be so pretty! I haven’t been to something like this in so long.” “Yes you said that a few times Minnie.” Jimin rolled his eyes and pulled him into the garden, locking his arms with the older and dragging him along. Yoongi was taken aback no one had ever been so willing to stand this close to him before, but here Jimin was not even thinking about it. “I hope we see some little yellow butterflies those are the cutest, Tae asked me to take a picture of a purple one for him so we’ll have to.” Jimin blabbered on to Yoongi who just smiled softly at the other and nodded falling into rhythm with Jimin.
After walking around for a bit the pair found a bench by a large flowering bush tucked softly away from the rest of the public. They sat close to each other in a comfortable silence as they watched the small butterflies flow by with the airs currents. “I’ve never been to a place like this before.” Yoongi admitted looking straight ahead as the younger turned to look at him, “my mother always tried but I never came with her.” “Why didn’t you?” Jimin asked Yoongi just shrugged looking at the other smiling. “Honestly it felt like something that I didn’t deserve to see I guess, I was too just busy and hadn’t earned to see the beauty.”
Jimin frowned. “Yoongi you don’t earn a right to see beauty, beauty is all around you, it’s in your heart, in your voice and in your mind. There is no way you Min Yoongi could live on this planet without constantly seeing beauty.” “Min Yoongi-hyung.” He corrected making Jimin laugh and punch the others arm. “Ash you know what I meant!” Yoongi laughed along with the younger, looking over and catching his eyes in his gaze. It felt like time stopped as Jimin and Yoongi looked into each others eyes the wings of passing butterflies flying past each others heads. Slowly they closed the gap between them and Yoongi felt something he had never felt before. Warmth and belonging.
How did they get here from that? How did they become what they were now? When they had been just that Yoongi and Jimin, now they were Yoongi and Jimin and Alistar.
Jimin was crying again when Yoongi retold the other his memory and had finally fallen into the olders arms, letting him hold him. “I’m sorry Yoongi-hyung, saranghae saranghae.” “Jimin you need to tell me no bull shit,” Yoongi said pulling the other up to look him in the eye.
“Do you love Alistar-nim?”
“No Yoongi, never in my life would I ever, I’m so scared.”
All he wanted was to love his skin, but all he was left with in the end was an ugly used up sack of skin. He wasn’t a body, he had been reduced and reused. Nothing felt right to him. This must have bread sin into his body. Sin of lazy depressions, sin of the undecided. He didn’t live in excess like gluttony or lust he lived in depravity like wrath and pride. He lived for others like envy never for himself never for a moment of clarity.
Chapter 10: airplane pt.2
TW for non con
im sorry this has taken so long and im sorry if it doesnt turn out well my life is a blur
Jimin was about four seconds away from slamming Jungkook's head into the window of the plane for snoring so damn loud. It was the day after their first concert in Seoul and they we're currently on the way to Chile for their next few shows. It had been a week since Taehyung had caught Jimin and Alistar ‘in the act’ and a week since Yoongi and him at their moment together. Yoongi has harshly connected himself to Jimin like an anchor and honestly it was starting to piss Jimin off. Jimin knew that Alistar didn’t like how close Yoongi and Jimin we're, he knew that every moment he spent with Yoongi was one that etched him closer and closer towards pain. Of course Yoongi and Jimin being close hadn't stop Alistar from holding him back after practice every single night leading up to their first concert. And even now with Alistar staring holes into the back of Jimin’s head he was glad he sat next to Jungkook and not Yoongi.
The times with Alistar had only gotten more brutal and secretive since Taehyung had found the two of them together. The older man had begun dragging Jimin around to secretive locations, they would drive for what felt like hours until they made their way to remote oceans or cityscapes. The drives were either spent with his head down taking verbal and physical assaults or with his head pushed down onto Alistar’s exposed lap.
“Jimin? Jimin, hello you here with us?” Namjoon asked snapping Jimin out of his distorted sleep, shaking his head and taking his hands out of the fists they we're in. He hadn't even noticed that he had fallen asleep or that he now had small crescent shaped cuts on his palms, he looked up and smiled at Namjoon trying to shake off any noticeable pain. “Are you feeling okay, we landed like 20 minutes ago.” Namjoon said pulling Jimin out of the seat as though his body was jello making room for Jungkook to also get out of his seat as they approached the steps of the plane and welcomed in the night air.
“Glad to see you back with us Jimin!” Alistar called to the younger boy loudly over the sounds of the plane. Jimin didn’t even listen or register what Alistar was saying as he made his way over to Seokjin, resting his head on the older man's chest wanting to fall back asleep.
“Hey Jimmine, you okay? Did you have a good sleep on the plane honey bunny?” Seokjin asked laughing and ruffling the mans fluffy gray hair, making Jimin grumble into the older man’s chest. “Hyung...I wanna sleep…” “We all want to sleep Jimin we can sleep when we get to the hotel okay? Right now we have to get in the bus and get you to you and Alistar-hyung’s room.” Taehyung said reaching over from behind Seokjin’s and helping to ruffle the other man’s head twice as hard as Seokjin making him squirm. “No Tae-Tae I don’t wanna sleep there! I wanna be with you and Kookie!” “Riggght…” Taehyung laughed pulling the fuzzy headed boy along with him to the van and pulling him into his lap.
The ride to the hotel was spent through jet lagged snores from Jungkook and Jimin as well as clicks from Taehyung's camera of the passing scenery. Namjoon and Yoongi spent the whole ride arguing about a new song they were writing all while Alistar simply sat in the front seat watching Jimin through the side view mirror.
“Okay Minnie I’m gonna drop you on your bed here and you can get some sleep okay Yoongi or Hoseok will wake you up early tomorrow morning and we can go out and see the city!” Seokjin said softly putting Jimin on the bed closest to the door and tucking him in with a soft smooth smile across his face. Jimin nodded and started to doze off as he heard the door close behind Jin, it didn’t take long for Jimin to fall into a deep sleep the warm blankets felt like the most secure thing he had ever felt. Yes, Jimin wished he was in Taehyung and Jungkook’s room the three of them holding each other in a deep sleep like they used to. Before everything went to shit, before everyone thought he was in a consensual relationship with Alistar, before he ever landed a hand on him.
In his dreams there was always the same man, Jimin didn’t know where he came from but he had been there since he was in his early teens. He was always a shadow standing over Jimin watching his every move, even in joy there was this evil presence here. To him it was the manifestation of everything he had done wrong in his life, every anxiety and every regret that could never be forgotten.
As he tasted his first taste of liquor when he was 15, the shadow man was there feeding on his regrets. When he smoked his first blunt in the backseat of his first lovers car at 16, when his father found weed in his room and beat him for what felt like hours. When he joined BTS even when he knew he would only drag them down, his selfishness fed the man who haunted his every step.
The personification of his deepest regrets started to seep out of his dreams into a touchable ideal. Maybe Alistar was right. Maybe Jimin needed him just as much as he needed him, to humble him, to bring his dreams into the real world. Acceptance is the last stage of grief, the stage where Jimin has decided to bury himself. He was at the point where he had given into the acts placed upon him and accepted them wholeheartedly. Hoping everyday it would finally kill him.
Jimin was shaken out of his sleep by a harsh bang nearby causing him to jolt awake wide eyed and still. “Jimin?” Alistar called out as he dropped his bags down on the floor in front of the bed he was laying on, stepping closer and closer towards the scared boy. “Oh how nice,” Alistar said as he leaned over Jimin’s ‘sleeping’ form whispering into his ear. “You kept the bed nice and warm for me.”
Jimin could hear the smirk on Alistars face as he pushed the boy onto his back and straddled him so he was forced to look into the olders strong eyes. The grin on Alistars face only grew when he saw the fear on the smaller mans face, harshly running his hands up the boys sides until they found their way to his neck tightening his grasp and choking the man below him. Jimin coughed out as his vision started to blur clawing his hands up to the older man's wrists trying to pry them away from his neck. Laughing, Alistar released him making him gasp harshly trying to regain his barings.
Jimin hadn’t even noticed the tears falling down his face until Alistar moved his hand up to his cheek and wiped them away shaking his head as he did so. “You know I was very upset at you earlier,” the man started staring down at his fingers glistened with tears. “Ignoring me when we got off the plane, going over to Seokjin and Taehyung the way you did. They aren’t going to start being an issue are they? The same way Yoongi is?” Jimin shook his head violently causing more tears to fall, Alistar just smiled at this mumbling something about Jimin being the most beautiful when he cried.
Then out of nowhere he pushed himself harder against the boy below him and sent rough kisses against his lips not giving Jimin a change to react or to even breathe in between attacks. His hands were back on the others body running them along his sides and across his stomach before reaching the hem of his jeans. Jimin cried out as the man bit his lip forcefully in turn giving the older more access to explore the youngers mouth, then he moved down to Jimin’s neck being careful only to show marks in places unseen by anyone else. Jimin tried everything he could to disassociate from what was happening but every time he tried to focus somewhere else the older would bite him and tease him in ways that he could never enjoy again.
“P-p-please...stop.” Jimin cried over and over again as Alistar forcibly removed Jimin's shirt and pants until he was fully exposed still being straddled by the other man. Alistar was getting impatient as he sent a harsh slap across Jimin’s face once, twice, three times until he finally quieted down. He grinned as he unbuttoned his own jeans and forced himself inside of the younger boy without warning pushing his hands over his mouth muffling loud cries. After what felt like years and years of white vision and icey pain the older man finally finished inside of Jimin and pulled out of him discarding him like trash before moving to clean himself off.
Leaving Jimin completely and utterly alone.
Yes this had happened before but that never made it any better, nothing could ever make this better. Every time someone looked at him now he was afraid, afraid they would see through his lies, afraid they would do this all over to him. Jimin is scared he’ll never be normal again, scared he’ll never get the chance to be normal, scared he never was normal to begin with. And god, he was so sorry for whatever he did to deserve all this shit. When he was younger, before all of this happened, before he met BTS, when he was just that one skinny dancer from Busan. He wanted to go back to before when he would numb himself with smoke and ash with pills and potions, now he just turned off his emotions and hid behind a blade and a smile.
The others didn’t need this shit, all his bagage, all his scars, all his silent prayers that have never been answered. He was starting to think there was no point in praying anymore, no point in asking why because there was no answer. Acceptance, the finale stage of grief and the stage of his life he wanted to die in. He couldn’t be in shock like Jungkook, he couldn’t live in denial like Taehyung, he wasn’t strong enough to be in anger like Namjoon. He couldn’t bargain with death like Hoseok did, he couldn’t drown in depression like Yoongi, he couldn’t be the testing nature of Seokjin. He was and will always be the quiet buzz of acceptance, not wishing to change because he knew that it would only result in more pain.
“Jiminie!!” Hoseok sang knocking on the door of the hotel room loud enough to startle Jimin out of his restless sleep, causing him to shoot up in his bed and groan in pain. “One second Hobi! I’ll meet you guys in the lobby I just have to take a shower!” Jimin yelled back. “Don’t take too long Yoongi is in desperate need of coffee, he's falling asleep on me as we speak!” Hoseok yelled causing a tired sounding Yoongi to argue with him from the other side of the door as they walked down the hallway. Shaking his head he looked around the room noticing Alistar was gone, taking a breathe he smiled to himself.
Small victories, that's how Jimin has decided to live his life now, through little victories as a way to get by. So as Jimin dragged his aching body to the bathroom he counted his own small victories, the warm water of the shower, the fact that all the blood on his skin was dried and not free flowing. The newest scabs on his hips and thighs from a few days ago had reopened during his time with Alistar the night before, as he grazed his hands over them he cringed at the hallow pain. When Alistar first saw the cuts on Jimin’s thighs and hips he was happy about them, happy that he had the self control to be able to punish himself when he wasn’t there to do so. When he gets too mad at him however he would be the one to bring the knife against his skin before Jimin ever gets the chance to. He hated that punishment.
“Hyung over here!” Jungkook yelled waving his arms at Jimin as he walked into the lobby causing the older to smile at him and walk over to his group of friends. The 6 of them were sitting together in the dining room over top of different types of breakfast dishes and hot coffees, he walked over and sat down next to Yoongi smiling at the tired rapper. “Did you sleep okay Jimin-ah?” Namjoon asked looking up from the bread and espresso him and Seokjin we're sharing together. Jimin smiled his widest fake smile at the older not wanting to causing any trouble that could go back to Alistar, “of course hyung.” Satisfied with his answer the group went back to talking about how they would spend their one day off before their next concert in Chile.
Jimin had zoned out completely and hadn't noticed Yoongi staring at him or the rest of the group getting up and going off to their own activities leaving just Hobi, Yoongi and Jimin. “Jimin? Helllloooo!” Hoseok said shaking Jimin’s shoulders pulling him out of his mind. “Oh hey sorry, wait where did everyone go?” Jimin asked looking around confused at Hoseok and Yoongi who was still nursing his coffee. “Well Namjoon and Seokjin-hyung went to go walk on the beach together and be gay, and Jungkook and Taehyung went to an art museum to well also be gay.” Hoseok responded going back to stacking small packs of creamer on top of each other, Yoongi just rolled his eyes and turned his attention to Jimin.
“So what should we do on our day off?” Yoongi asked. “Practice our dances for the concert?” Jimin asked unsure, he knew Alistar had wanted him to practice as much as possible. “Boo Jimin you can’t just work 24/7 we never get to see you anymore!” Hoseok pouted crossing his arms over his chest making Jimin roll his eyes. “I just wanna make sure everything will be perfect.” Jimin whispered. “You’re always perfect Minnie.” Yoongi replied narrowing his eyes at him and shaking his head.
“Oh my god why is everyone in love except for me!” Hoseok cried pressing his head against the table, making Jimin and Yoongi blushed widely and look away. “Hobi stop.” Yoongi said motioning his head over to Jimin and mouthing Alistars name. Great so they all still think I’m in love with the manager.
“Ya know you could ask me!” Jimin yelped standing up pushing the table away from him looking at the ground, “you could ask me if we're together and not just assume and walk on eggshells around me.” “Jimin, that’s just what you told Taehyung okay it’s nothing about you.” Hoseok said putting his hands up in defense. “I asked you Jimin I asked you if you two were together.” Yoongi said plainly. “And you know what I told you, nothing has changed.” “You told me you were scared, scared of what Jimin?”
Jimin didn’t even know he was crying until he could taste the tears down his face. “I can’t do this anymore.” “Can’t do what anymore Jimin please sit down, talk to us ,don’t shut yourself off anymore.” Hoseok said reaching over and touching Jimin's arm making him flinch. “Don’t touch me! Please, please don’t touch me, why does everyone think they’re allowed to touch me all the time?” “Who's touching you?” “Shut up! No one!” Jimin yelled shaking his head and crying out harder.
“Jimin breathe.” Hobu said softly. “I don’t wanna breathe anymore, can’t you see that?” And with that Jimin turned on his heal and ran out into the warm South American air before Yoongi had time to scream for him to stay.
Actions speak louder than words but the voices in my head will always scream louder.
Chapter 11: epiphany
please dont lie to me
two in one day omg!!
Nothing matters without him. And yet here Yoongi was, pretending like something, anything could actually matter alone. Here he was yelling at Hoseok, pulling his hand in his along the streets of a city he had never been in before. Here he was trying to read street signs in a language he could barely understand, trying just trying to find any reason in this world to live without him.
All this shit started to happen when they met fucking Alistar, that’s when Jimin stopped sneaking into his bed at night, that’s when the younger started spending all his time in the studio. And Yoongi had waited god he had waited, and he had tried to respect Jimin and his privacy the way Namjoon had told him to. But damn it he couldn’t just sit around anymore, he didn’t care if he came out broken in the end, he didn’t care what happened to him anymore. Because there was no living if it wasn’t with Jimin.
“Yoongi-hyung where are we going!?” Hoseok asked in between breaths pulling his hand out if Yoongi’s grasp and turning him around to look at him in the eyes. “Did you not just hear anything he just said? We need to find him damn it we have to!” Yoongi said frantically trying to pull Hoseok farther into the alleyway they had ran into, but he wasn’t moving. “Hyung, please we can’t just go running around a city we’ve never been to. We should call Alistar-hyung or Namjoon-ah or-” “Damn it no we can’t call Alistar that bastard would kill him!” “Hyung what are you talking about you sound crazy!”
Yoongi laughed at that as loud as he thinks he ever had, “I’m crazy!?! Hobi think about this for a second okay how am I crazy?! We need to-to, wait gimme your phone!” “Hyung-” “Now.” Hoseok nodded and handed Yoongi his phone, touching the home button the phone opened to Hoseok’s home screen which was currently all of them with Alistar, he was going to throw up. Quickly Yoongi dialed Jimin’s number and prayed to every god he could think of that he would answer, just as he was about to give up he heard soft breaths.
“Jimin! God damn it where are you?!” Yoongi yelled catching Hoseok’s attention telling him to put it on speaker, which he obliged of course. “I’m s-s-sorry hyung.” Jimin said softly crying to himself, they could hear faint waves in the background. And as if they knew each other's thoughts they both turned to the direction of the ocean. “You don’t need to be sorry baby just tell us where you are.” Hoseok said pulling Yoongi down another alleyway which lets them off on a quite road next to the shore.
“You know my favorite memory of all of us is after we debuted that first night where we had laid everything out and showed our hard work to the world to judge. I was so scared of what people would think of me, ha maybe it’s funny now but I always thought you know I didn’t have what it took to be an idol. Maybe I don’t, but you-you both came up to me that night and you told me that you were scared too. That-that it didn’t matter what anyone else thought of us because we all had each other. Do you remember, do you remember that? God pathetic.” Jimin said sniffing.
The sand was flooding into Yoongi’s shoes as he ran as fast as he could along the shore looking for any sign of life. “Of course, of course we remember Jimin we can talk all about it you just have to tell me where you are.” Yoongi said through gasps as he started screaming Jimin’s name into the salty sea air. “Hyung! Look!” Hoseok yelled pointing forward to a small dock with a skinny pale boy sitting too closely to the edge, dangling his legs over the sides. Yoongi hung up the phone and ran as fast as he could over to Jimin who just looked over at them and then looked back into the water, moving to stand.
Flinging his short body onto the dock he quickly grabbed Jimin pulling him into the sand bellow with a hard bang. Putting his hands on top of the smaller man’s wrists and hovering over the smaller man so he couldn’t move, the older could finally breathe. “You found me.” Jimin croaked out his eyes glazed over with tears. “What the hell Jimin!” Yoongi yelled taking his body off of the younger still holding a tight grip on his hands so he couldn’t run. Hoseok caught up to them and sat down in the sand in front of the two of them, grabbing Jimin’s other hand tightly.
“I guess running was probably stupid wasn’t it?” Jimin said laughing a hollow laugh, “I guess you want it all right? Every bone breaking detail, what is wrong with Park Jimin? The question asked across the world, well what isn’t wrong with Park Jimin sounds better to me.” “Please.” Hoseok said softly earning another laugh from Jimin which only triggered more tears from all three boys. “I can’t tell you, how have you not realized this? Do you want me to die, do you want to die? Just leave it to me okay I-I-I can handle it, I’ve done this shit before.” “Done what before?” Yoongi asked. “I don’t know hyung, hide things I guess. It’s kinda my only real talent, I did it when I was a kid when I didn’t wanna be bullied for being a faggot. I did it when I first joined BTS so no one would know I wasn’t worth being there, and I do it now so no one knows why everything aches.”
“But you don’t have to hide anymore Minnie.” “I’m always hiding, it’s for the best.” The smile he shot at Yoongi was one he had seen before, it was a smile of defeat one he knew all too well that had once come from his own lips. “You came here to die didn’t you?” “Yoongi!” “No he’s right. I came here so I could rest it’s fo-”
“If you fucking say it’s for the best one more time I’m gonna beat your fucking ass. What, what’s for the best huh? The six of us being incomplete? Your family never knowing why their son killed himself? It’s not rest Jimin, it’s death say it like it is, the end. When you die it’s all fucking over okay there is no try again there is no morning there is no night, there isn’t smiles or bloody fingertips, it’s nothing. Everything you ever wanted gone in a second and ya know what that means us too, we're never coming back after that Jimin. Do you really never want to see us again? Do you never want to say goodbye to Seokjin or Jungkook or everyone else? And-and what about me huh? What about me! God I love you Jimin! I love everything about you, I’ve been in love with you since I met you damn it! Do you wanna take love from me, do you wanna take yourself from me?” Yoongi yelled staring down the now sobbing Jimin who had slipped his hand out of Yoongi’s grasp and was now sobbing into his palms.
“Hyung calm down okay breath-” “I don’t wanna calm down Hoseok I want you to fucking listen to me Park Jimin if you die none of this will ever come back.” “Don’t you think I fucking know that! I know okay I know! I know it’ll never come back I know this is the end but I-I-I don’t care anymore! He-he-he-” Jimin cried incoherently. “Is he really worth losing everything? Is he really in control of you that bad?” Yoongi growled pulling Jimin’s head out of his hands making him look at him. “You wouldn’t love me if you knew what he did to me, you wouldn’t love me if you knew what I did to me.” “Try us.” Hoseok said softly. “Say it. Say it Jimin say it. Don’t let him have the power anymore just tell us, who is doing what to you?”
Jimin just bowed his head playing with the hem of his shirt before pulling it over his head to show the others. Jimin’s pale skin were ugly shades of purple and green spreading as far as the eye could see, his ribs we're sunken in and looked broken in some places. As Yoongi’s eyes grazed lower he saw covering Jimin’s stomach down past his jeans were deep jagged cuts and scars, homemade on his skin. “Jimin..” Hoseok cried reaching over to touch Jimin’s face as he pulled down his shirt, Yoongi was sure he would throw up this time. “Say it.” Yoongi repeated in his coldest tone trying not to show his fear in his voice, what else had he done to him that they couldn’t see? “Hyung I-I-I can’t please I’m sorry I said no everytime I tried so hard sosososososo hard to make it end. Alistar he just, I deserved it at first but I’m so sorry.” Jimin cried into Hoseok’s shouler who just looked at Yoongi in horror.
“Jimin,” the boy looked over at Yoongi. “Even after that I still love you, we still love you.” “P-p-please don’t lie to me.” Yoongi reached over and pulled Jimin into his lap, staring deeply into his eyes. “I would never lie to you.” Yoongi whispered as he softly placed his smooth warm lips over top of Jimin’s cracked cold ones, savoring the gasp that escaped his lips to the taste of the salt air on his breath. As they broke away Jimin pulled Yoongi back down to him trying to catch the older mans warmth, and melting himself into the kiss. “I-I’m gonna call Namjoon-hyung…” Hoseok said awkwardly pulling himself out of the sand and leaving the other two to hold each other against the wind.
Never have I been a soul of love for one of fear and hate was something much easier to buy into. Why spend your pennies on a false notion of beauty when you can gain so much power to stem from even the darkest corners of hate. Wrath was even more loving than I, someone who’s only motion was one of hate could love more than me. It’s funny isn’t it? The way one person can make you feel again, even if they themselves are too busy hiding in someone else's skin.
Chapter 12: answer: love myself
Namjoon and Seokjin sit on the sandy shore
some fluff for you all
it'll get dark soon
i'm sorry this took so long to come out
“Joonie hurry up! I wanna find some shells to give to Jiminie!” Seokjin yelled to Namjoon as he ran to the shore flailing his arms excitedly. Namjoon just smiles a wide smile at the older walking over to him feeling the warm sand flood between his toes, causing him to melt into its warmth. Catching up to him Namjoon rested his hand on the olders shoulder causing him to turn around and make eye contact with the younger leaning over to kiss him softly.
“Hyung please, not in public you never know whose around,” Namjoon said looking from side to side at the beach which was only populated by them and a family with three small kids. Seokjin rolled his eyes, “I doubt those little kids and their parents will call the press on us babe.” Seokjin said laughing slightly and pulling the younger towards the shore, letting the cold water splash against their feet. “It’s so beautiful,” Namjoon said looking out on the blue water slipping his hand into the olders and resting his head on the other man's shoulder. “Not scared of being seen now are you?” “Shut up.”
Namjoon never thought that he would be where he was today. If you had told him in 2013 when BTS was first formed that he would be going on a world tour and would be hopelessly in love with his bandmate, he would have laughed. Namjoon never would have said he was gay when he was younger or even now, it wasn’t that he didn’t agree with being gay he just never felt like he could connect to it. The only real experience he had with being gay was through when his bandmate had come out to him.
Jimin sat softly across from Namjoon on the carpet of their small dorm room, Yoongi sat directly to his left and Taehyung to his right. Jimin had asked them all to sit with him so he could announce something to all of them, needless to say, the 17-year-old was shaking with nerves. The 7 of them had just moved in together so there were boxes and boxes everywhere in their cramped new home, in most places not even being able to see the floor.
“I’m sure you guys are wondering why I asked you all here today,” Jimin said softly smiling anxiously at them. “God that sounds so formal hyung, who died?” Jungkook asked laughing earning a punch in the side from Taehyung.
“No, no one died I just felt like I needed to say something to you guys. I’ve never really been able to say this out loud before and doing this is um so so so terrifying, but I feel like you guys have a right to know since we're all living together now. I just want you all to be in the know I guess, but I really hope this doesn’t change your thoughts of me. I’ll understand ya know if you don’t want me living with you guys anymore or if you want me out of the band I just wanna be honest.” Jimin said his voice shaking as he said it causing a concerned Taehyung to reach over and grab his hand. “Minnie nothing you say will make us hate you,” Namjoon said in his warmest voice, as their leader he would stop at nothing to make everyone feel safe.
“Well um here goes nothing, um I-I’m gay. I’m sorry I never told you I know that most people don’t like it and most people are disgusted by it so I-I-I’m sorry I tricked you and didn’t tell you.” Jimin stuttered out tearing up and putting his head in his hands letting his shoulders shake roughly. They were all shocked of course none of them had suspected anything but what shocked them the most was Jimin’s fear in telling them this.
“Jimin I think I speak for all of us when I say that we will always love you and this doesn’t change anything. I know it’s not accepted but we will always accept you.” Seokjin said flashing Jimin his biggest worldwide handsome smile. Jimin looked over at him confused, “so you don’t hate me?” “There is no reason to hate you, baby, you deserve love as much as anyone,” Seokjin said. “Yeah and now we can set you up with a whole new group of people!” Hoseok said laughing trying to raise all their spirits.
Namjoon was shocked, he had never met a gay person before, but this of course just proved to him that there was no defining factor of gay and that they were just the same as everyone else.
Seokjin dragged Namjoon away from his deep gaze into the water up to the sunlit sand laying down a soft towel for the two of them to sit together and enjoy their day off. Namjoon sat up on the towel leaning back on one of his hands letting the other hand rake through Seokjins hair as he laid on the other's lap. Seokjin had never thought of doing what Jimin did by coming out to all of them as gay, when Namjoon asked him why he never came out to all of them he just said, “I don’t have to tell anyone anything about me if I don’t have to.” That was the end of that.
20 minutes had passed of the two of them simply watching the waves and laughing to each other before a small young girl ran over to them stopping in her tracks in front of them.
“Hello!” The little girl said reaching out a small dark hand out to Namjoon flashing them a wide smile. “Hi, what’s your name?” Seokjin asked in his best English possible sitting up and shaking the young girl's hand, causing her to giggle and sit down in front of the couple.
“I’m Maria,” the little girl said turning over her shoulder to point at two other small kids playing in the water. “And that’s Joey and Clara I’m older than them though so I’m in charge of them when we're alone, that's what mama said,” Maria explained waving her hands around as she spoke making Seokjin smile at her.
“Well hello Maria I’m Seokjin and this is Namjoon, I’m older than him so that makes me in charge of him too,” Seokjin said whispering the last part causing Namjoon to punch the older softly laughing.
“Are you guys daddies?” Maria asked cocking her head to the side looking at the two of them. “No, we’re not daddies,” Seokjin said looking over at Namjoon smiling. “Why not?” “Joonie and I work too hard for that right now.”
“Hey, Maria!” A small yell called over from behind the young girl, before another little girl and a little boy ran over to the three of them sitting next to their sister. “Who are you?” The young boy asked. “These are my new friends!” Maria said beaming at them, “they’re almost daddies, but not yet!” Namjoon blushed, “no we are not daddies.” “I’m Joey, I’m two,” the small boy said. “Well I’m Seokjin I’m 25 and this is Namjoonie he’s 23.” “Wow, you’re so old!” “So old! And you’re not daddies?!” Now Seokjin was blushing too.
“Kids, what are you doing?” A young woman said running up to the group looking apologetically at the two men. “I’m so sorry about this, they’re very friendly, I’m Sophi their mother I hope they weren’t a bother.” “No quite the opposite Namjoon and I always love making new friends,” Seokjin said, “esspecally cute ones!” Maria giggled into his hands looking up at her mother smiling at her. “Well we have to go, okay kids, daddy wants to get home before it gets too late okay,” Sophi said picking up her son and grabbing her other two daughters hands, making them pout.
“But mama, we just got here!” Maria whined looking tearful at her mother. “Hey, it’s okay Maria you have to be a big girl for your siblings yeah so they know how to act okay. I’m sure you will meet Joonie and me again!” Seokjin said causing the young girl to smile at them nodding and skipping off with her mother who mouthed the words thank you to them.
“Can you not?” Namjoon said smiling at the older making Seokjin gasp at him. “What!” The older man replied. “Can you stop being so cute all the damn time, it’s making me want to make you a daddy.” “Kim Namjoon! Don’t play with me like this, we already have 5 sons we don’t need anymore!” Namjoon laughed nodding his head before resting it on the other man's shoulder sighing before looking up and kissing the older. Softly at first Namjoon rested his lips softly against Seokjins before becoming more greedy pushing their lips harshly against the others, all teeth, and tongue.
“Have I told you I love you?” Seokjin said pulling away from Namjoon panting and resting his forehead against the others. Namjoon smiled blushing, kissing him softly on the nose than onto his cheek. “No never, have I ever told you I loved you?” Namjoon asked. “No, you never did,” Seokjin said moving so he was straddling Namjoons lap gazing deeply into the other's eyes, before kissing him down his jaw and his neck.
Before Namjoon could return the favor his phone suddenly went off buzzing harshly from Namjoons back pocket, making Seokjin pout as he moved off of the younger. Namjoon reached into his pocket smiling apologetically at Seokjin before answering the phone seeing it was Hoseok.
“Hey what's up Hobi, did you guys get bored at the hotel?” Namjoon asked watching Seokjin move so he was laying back down on Namjoons lap dragging the youngers free hand back into his hair. “Joonie we have a problem!” Hoseok whispered quickly in a fearful voice causing Namjoon to look down worried at Seokjin. “What-whats up Hobi what happened?” Namjoon asked causing Seokjin to sit up quickly mouthing ‘whats wrong’ to Namjoon.
“It’s Jimin, god it’s sosososo bad Joonie, how did we not notice this how? God, it was so obvious.” Hobi stuttered out tears evident in his voice. “Hoseok what happened?” “There are so many bruises Namjoon and so many cuts I think I saw gashes on his back.” “What happened to Jiminie, what bruises?” “Yoongi-hyung was right he was right the whole time and we didn’t listen! It’s Alistar he-he did this. Jimin ran to the beach god he was going to drown himself Namjoon, DROWN HIMSELF!”
Namjoon jumped up quickly telling Seokjin to gather his things pulling the olders hand to the road. “Where are you Hoseok I need you to text me where you are right now and don’t let Jimin leave.” “Okay okay, I will,” Hoseok said before hanging up the phone. “What happened, babe?” Seokjin asked Namjoon as he called a cab to take them to wherever Hoseok had texted him to go.
“It’s Jimin, we’ve been wrong the whole time,” Namjoon said tearing up slightly.
Greed and Pride the lovers of lost will simply stay to drown themselves in their ocean bay.
Chapter 13: waste it on me
won't you pray for me
im sorry this too soooo long and isnt very good my life has been a huge mess this past week
also there is a large use of homophobic slurs in this chapter and im sorry about that
shit is about to go down though just you wait
also there is alot of Christian imagery in this i am not Christian myself but i have been hurt by religion to a certain extent and i feel like its important to write about that
Where should he go from this? Where could he go from this? Jimin had no idea. Maybe this was all a big mistake, maybe he was just over reacting. It was all his fault really, from the start, to the middle, to the fast approaching end. Can he really ruin Alistar’s whole fucking carrer over his selfish mistakes?
But now, something inside him feels a strong pull towards a sense of freedom. If only he could reach out and hold it. But god, maybe he’s just stupid, but this feels all too easy for someone as unlucky as Jimin, he was just waiting for the fall.
Yoongi was staring at Jimin with a cool calming gaze that made him feel like he was being watched from all angles. Clouds had moved over the sun casting the beach in a sea of hollow shadows, cooling Jimin down to his very bones. All Jimin wanted was for Yoongi to just get it over with and touch him. All he wanted was for him to just hold his hand and tell him it’ll be okay. But no one was reaching out to him, almost as though there was a 10 foot wall in between them.
Hoseok was still on the phone franticky yelling where they were to who he guessed was Namjoon and Seokjin, Jimin didn’t want to see the disappointment on Namjoons face. Someone he looked up to so much, his older brother. It’ll destroy him to see the look of disgust he’ll hold when he finds out this ugly truth.
What were they going to think of him? What kind of man was he if he couldn’t protect himself? Would this finally be the end of him? He wished he could go back to just 10 minutes ago and never tell them what happened, Jimin was never so lucky.
“Namjoon and Seokjin-hyung are on their way, they’re actually not all that far isn’t that funny.” Hoseok said trying to laugh through his ‘subtle’ tears, making his way to sit back down in the sand next to Jimin. It was deathly silent on the beach the only noise coming from the waves crashing down from all around them, Jimin wished he could be as free as they were.
“Are you okay Minnie?” Hoseok asked looking over at Jimin who had successfully rubbed away all of the foundation matting his face. “Don’t ask dumb questions Hobi,” Yoongi growled refusing to look at either of them in the eyes. “It’s okay hyung, I’m okay. I’ll always be okay.” Jimin said trying his hardest to smile at both of them as deeply as possible, could he be any more unbelievable?
“Where is he? Where’s my baby?!” Jimin heard a scream from the streets say as Seokjin and Namjoon ran onto the beach hands intertwined in each other. “Over here hyung,” Hoseok said standing up to meet them, Jimin and Yoongi following in tow. Jimin was quickly engulfed in Seokjin’s arms and swept off his feet being covered him in kisses all over his bruised cheeks. “We need to get out of here and talk about this, it’s to open and exposed here what were you guys thinking?” Namjoon said ushering the rest of them up the beach and onto a back road as they walked towards their hotel.
“We need to call Taehyung and Jungkook.” Seokjin said still carrying Jimin not letting him wiggle out of his grasp. “No!” Jimin yelled out, “no please no no, they can’t know about this. I’m their hyung, what-what would they think of me then?” “Jimin that's besides the point they’ll know eventually.” Namjoon said in a too calm voice, avoiding eye contact with Jimin as well as he could. Everyone nodded in agreement causing Jimin to lock himself farther into his mind.
The walk to the hotel was quiet and heavy. Namjoon and Hoseok leading them down the twisting streets of Chile, Jimin held in Seokjin's arms as Yoongi trailed behind them deathly silent. Once they got to the hotel Namjoon said something about Alistar being at the venue so they wouldn’t have to worry about him as they headed up to his and Seokjin’s room. Once they were there they all sat around in a circle on the floor with Yoongi scooted as far from the others as possible, their hands held together and all eyes on Jimin
It seemed as though they sat in that dreaded circle for hours all in uncomfterble unknowing silence, for once Namjoon had no idea what to do which was evident all over his face. Yoongi was the first to break the silence with a simple cold, “what now?” Making Jimin chuckle to himself and look over next to him at the older. “Should I start or do you want to?” Jimin asked cocking his head and looking at Hoseok and Yoongi with an almost amused grin.
“Jimin this isn’t funny.” Seokjin said. “But isn’t it hyung? Really isn’t it just the funniest thing you’ve ever heard? I can see the headlines now, BTS singer Park Jimin has reported months of abuse by the hands of world renowned choreographer, unbelievable.” Jimin scoffed. “We believe you ChimChim.” Hoseok said putting a hand over his knee.
“I don’t care if you believe me, I don’t who believes me, even I don’t believe me. It’s on me hyung. I wasn’t loud enough, I wasn’t good enough he was just trying to help me it was never supposed to get to this point. Well what point even is this really, nothing's changed it’s not like things have suddenly fallen apart for me or gotten so much worse. No I’m still here hyung, I’ll always still be here and it’ll always still be the same fucking thing. He was only trying to help me be better, he shouldn’t be ruined because of me. I deserved it anyway I was never good enough you know, even when I was young. It was only soon enough that you would all find out I wasn’t worth it.”
“Shut up.” Yoongi growled from next to Jimin, “shut up shut up shut up, god do you hear yourself right now? He was helping you? Jimin he was beating you day and night. You deserved it? How, how can you fucking sit there and say that to us?” “But I did deserve it hyung! Every time, everything! I deserved everything I got from him and everything I’ll ever get, just the same way I deserved what my father gave me and what I gave myself.”
“But why Jimin why you?” Seokjin asked in horror, “what did you do to deserve what they did.” “With all respect hyung you don’t know what they did to me and what I’ve done. I’m an ugly, worthless, faggot that’s what they all told me and damn is it true. I’m weak, I’m weak, I’m weak.”
Jimin tried his best not to scream as Alistar slammed his body against a harsh rough, tree in the depths of some forest Alistar had brought him to. The night was dim and dark holding Jimin silently in an oath of secrecy hiding him from the rest of the world. Alistar grabbed the collar of Jimin's shirt pulling him off the tree and slamming his body against it over and over again until he finally made a sound.
“There you go, I love it when you scream like that so very pretty pretty pretty.” Alistar said whispering in the shorter mans ear biting up his neck to the boys lips. Grabbing him by the hair Alistar pushed Jimin down onto his knees in front of him, tears now pouring down his face. Alistar crouched down in front of the younger pulling his face up to look him in the eye.
“Do you know why we're here today Jimin?” Alistar asked causing the younger to shake his head violently, “well we're here to ask for forgiveness of course. “W-w-what?” Jimin stuttered turning a bruised confused eye towards Alistar. “Well Jimin, you have collected a large amount of sin in this lifetime now haven’t you? Underage drinking, drug use, being the disgusting faggot you are, ectera ectera. So now we will pray and ask for forgiveness. Every time you stutter you’ll start over again.” Alistar said coldly rising up and staring down at the boy making him feel even smaller.
“God p-please-” Jimin stuttered out earning a hard kick in the side from Alistar telling him to start again. “God please forgive me-e-” Another kick to his side causing him to fall. “God please forgive me for I have sinned, please forgive me p-please.” Another kick, “you can’t do anything can you?” Alistar kicked him over and over again on his chest, his side, his head, his neck before pulling him back up to his knees and dragging him over to him.
Slowly reaching down to undo his belt Jimin looked up at the man begging him not to over and over again, always left on deaf ears as Jimin's mouth was slammed harshly against Alistars lower half.
“Jimin are you there?” Hoseok asked shaking the boy slightly pulling him out of his head looking around slowly at the others. “I’m sorry.” Jimin said softly letting his tears finally fall down his face like rivers into the ocean.
“That’s enough for today,” Namjoon said who this whole time had been too quiet. “You should get some sleep Jimin before Alistar gets back to the hotel, I’ll call our manager back home and see what to do.” Everyone nodded as they slowly rose off the ground of Namjoon and Seokjin’s room, Jimin’s hands being held by a shaking Hoseok and Yoongi as they lead him back to his room. “Do you want us to stay with you Jimin?” Hoseok asked looking from left to right to see if anything was lurking in the shadows for them. “It’s okay hyung I-I need to get some sleep on my own.” Jimin said causing Hoseok to nod and pull the stubborn Yoongi towards their room as Jimin went into his.
Closing the door behind him Jimin sighed as he walked over to his bed not even bothering to turn on the lights as he sat down. Drawing his knees close to his chest he sighed deeply into the darkness around him that had now felt more comforting than scary. Something was wrong this was all too easy, Jimin thought, that was until the lights were harshly flipped on and the door lock could be heard turning harshly.
“Hello lyubit thought I would go so easy now did you?” A voice laughed out chilling Jimin down to his bones as he gazed over to his side, greeted with Alistars sly smile.
Envy was even jealous of dead men. How is it that they were able to sleep so soundly when he was cursed to live on always? The sin itself will live on forever in the palms all of its victims, there is a part of him in all who those live and all those who die. His hands were cold when they touched each other, his words were deeper when he spoke to each other. There was nothing like his lazy eyes, there was nothing like his slurred voice to narrate a century. And maybe this is all just talk, maybe these words mean nothing to anyone, but they were written in stone and gifted to air from the one who envied death.
Chapter 14: N.O
twist and turn baby
im sorry this took so long
There’s something so tragic about this, won’t you agree? Jimin would never have imagined his life to go this way if he was honest. He imagined the tour going any other way, him and his brothers laying in the sun on their days off, playing sold out shows basking in the limelight. But now here he was pressed against his hotel room door trying to distance himself as much as possible from his manager. Slowly the older strode over to Jimin, awfully painfully slowly, until he could have rested his chin on top of the younger mans head.
“I see we’ve met a wall haven’t we? Seems like we’re at the end of the line there love.” Alistar said grabbing Jimin's chin forcing the younger to look into the others dark eyes earning a cool smirk from Alistar. “What now?” Alistar said in a thoughtful voice causing the younger to swallow harshly and avert his eyes.
“I-I don’t I don’t know.” Jimin stuttered out still looking thoughtfully at the wall behind them and not at the other man making him growl and backhand the younger harshly. “I’ll fucking tell you what,” Alistar said moving in to whisper into the youngers ear.
“What we’re going to do is, you’re going to walk out of this room, speak to no one, make eye contact with no one and go into the lobby and wait for me to pull a car around. Then you’re going to get your fucking ass into the car and we’ll go from there.”
Jimin’s eyes widened tears falling down his face like waterfalls, his whole body shaking uncontrollably. “No-o-no please, n-no I-” Another harsh slap was sent across Jimin’s face causing him to cry out in pain. “I wasn’t asking you.” Alistar growled throwing the younger boy onto the ground sending kicks against his stomach and back as the younger tried to be as quiet as possible.
“This is the best thing you can do, I goddamn own you at this point, they will all thank you for leaving.” “I ca-an’t please I can’t.” Alistar then grabbed the boy by his hair and whispered coldly into his ear, “like I said I wasn’t asking you, it’s either you or one of the others, I’d be more than happy to drag them along. Now hop to it sunshine, I’ll meet you downstairs.”
Turning the younger around and slapping him on the back Alistar made his way back over to the hotel door sneaking out into the hallway and speeding down to the lobby to grab his car. “This can’t be happening, this can’t be happening, this can’t be happening-” Jimin muttered over and over again through tears, as he slowly slid down the hotel wall pulling his legs close to him shaking harshly.
He wished he could say that what he did next wasn’t true, he even still has no idea why he did it to begin with. Slowly he rose up from off the ground wiping his face and inched slowly into the hallway. Each step felt like a nightmare as if he was willingly throwing himself to the wolves, looking over he saw Yoongi and Hoseok’s room and wished with all of his body he could be with them. Before he turned the corner the door to the room opened and an angry looking Yoongi marched out slamming the door behind him mumbling to himself before he saw the pale scared boy.
“Jimin? Where are you going?” Yoongi asked trying to mask his anger as he stepped closer towards the younger. “I-I’m just going to get some air hyung.” Jimin stuttered out looking everywhere except in Yoongi’s eyes.
“Well how about I come with you, I don’t want you to be alone anymore.” God, why was he making this so difficult? “It-t’s, I’m sor-ry, I’m okay.” “You don’t look okay, please Jimin I can’t just leave you alone after what just happened.” “Yoon-” “I love you.””I-I-I love you too, I love you so goddamn much you don’t even understand how much I love you. That’s why I have to go.” “Go where?” “I’m sorry”
And with that Jimin turned around and ran as fast as he could down the hallway, through the lobby and out the hotel doors ignoring Yoongi’s voice calling for him. Frantically looking around Jimin thought of anyway he could escape and avoid Alistar, he even turned back to look at the hotel deciding it was best to turn around and go home. Just as Jimin had decided to go back to his bandmates a harsh pain was struck on the back of his head and everything went black.
Jimin groaned out as his head fell forward onto his chest, everything around him felt cold and dark adding to Jimin’s confusion. There was a gnawing pain in the back of his head making him sigh out louder, slowly he moved to bring his hand to the back of his head before noticing it was tied down. Shaking his head he slowly opened his eyes looking around the room, he was completely alone except for a dirty mattress in the corner of the small cold room and the seat he was tied to. Looking down he was in his underwear with his wrists and ankles wired tightly to a rugged wooden chair, splinters scratching deeply into his skin.
Panic flooded Jimin’s body as cold trimmers shook him down to his toes hyperventilating as the room started to close in all around him. This was never supposed to go this far he-he was going to turn he was going to go back to Yoongi. What happened?! His head ached making him groan again the sounds echoing all around him breaking the silence around him.
Suddenly the dark painful noise of metal scraping against metal echoed through the small room as a large metal door in front of him was pulled open. Slowly Alistar stepped into the room pushing the door behind him looking at Jimin with hungry eyes making the younger feel small and weak.
“Hello dear,” Alistar cooed out sulking closer over to the young man reaching a hand out to stroke his naked thigh. “P-pl-lease n-no.” Jimin stuttered out as the hand moved closer and closer to the youngers lower region with a harsh squeeze. “Don’t you know we're all alone here my babe? You don’t need to pretend anymore.” “I-I-I-” He was cut off by the older man slamming his face against the youngers biting against the youngers lower lip.
Before The man could go any farther a large bang came from the outside of the room causing the older man to growl out as he marched over to the metal door slamming it closed in anger. Shaking and breathing heavily Jimin pulled at his arms trying to break free only causing the wires to cut deeper into his skin. This can’t be happening his body was on fire everything was on fire even the tears streaming down were on fire.
“Well well well look who we have here,” A voice called from behind the metal door, “Jimin we have a guest!” God what now.
please won't you kill me it hurts god it hurts too much, i can’t breathe.
Chapter 15: coffee
you shouldn't go down there
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Yoongi was fuming as he sat across from Namjoon and Hoseok on the floor of Namjoon’s hotel room, listening to Seokjin speak softly on the phone to Taehyung and Jungkook breaking the news to them. News, what fucking news? They always knew something was going on, none of them just had the balls to do anything about it.
“How could you let him go like that Joon?” Yoongi growled out glaring at Namjoon as deeply as he could causing Hoseok to shift uncomfortably next to him. “What do you mean hyung?” Namjoon asked making Yoongi scoff. “Please Namjoon, don’t play dumb. Jimin just fucking tried to KILL himself after telling us he’s been abused for months and you’re just letting him go back to his room alone?!” Yoongi yelled standing up and clenching his fists tightly by his sides. “What the hell did you want me to do hyung? There is no leader guidebook, okay, there is no ‘member gets abused by manager’ section, don’t you get it. I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!” Namjoon yelled back as Yoongi stormed out of the hotel room slamming the door behind him turning to walk over towards Jimin’s room.
As Yoongi turned around looking down the hallway he saw a petrified Jimin closing his hotel room door beginning his descent down the empty hallway. “Jimin where are you going?” Yoongi asked taking a step towards Jimin who flinched back almost on instinct. “I’m just going out to get some air hyung,” Jimin said wringing his hands and looking around almost looking for someone, something was wrong here. “Do you want me to come with you?” Jimin was fully shaking at this point which concerned Yoongi even more. “It-t’s, I’m sor-ry, I’m okay.” “You don’t look okay, please Jimin I can’t just leave you alone after what just happened.” “Yoon-”
Without even thinking Yoongi took a step forward towards the younger and blurted out a shaky, “I love you!” Jimin flashed him a small smile go the older before looking away again, ”I-I-I love you too. I love you so goddamn much you don’t even understand how much I love you. That’s why I have to go.” “Go where?” “I’m sorry”
“Jimin!” Yoongi yelled as the younger took off running down the hallway as fast as his legs could carry him. Taken aback Yoongi shook his head going after the younger, pulling open the door to the staircase and flying down the stairs trying his hardest to catch up to the other. Rushing through the lobby Yoongi stopped in front of the sliding glass doors when he saw the younger standing frozen looking back as though he was considering going back to him.
Yoongi smiled to himself as he watched Jimin turn around that was until a large hooded man came flying out of a van and knocked Jimin out, dragging him back into the old white van. Shocked Yoongi screamed pushing through the crowds of people that had formed and started on foot down the road after the van. “Stop! What the hell!” Yoongi yelled as his foot caught on his other sending him flying down onto the pavement losing sight of the van ahead of him. “Jimin-ah!” Yoongi screamed pulling himself up off the pavement trying his best to find the van but with no avail, he was completely lost.
Turning back to face the hotel Yoongi noticed the small crowd had already disbursed as though Yoongi’s life shattering around him wasn’t something of interest to any of them anymore. Hyperventilating, Yoongi dashed back through the doors of the hotel holding his bleeding face from the fall, and burst into Namjoons room.
“Yoongi-hyung! God you scared me, wait what happened to your face?” Hoseok asked as he jumped out of the chair he was in and raced over towards the older who just brushed him off.
“It’s Jimin something very very bad just happened,” Yoongi said in a panicked voice as Namjoon and Seokjin came over to either side of him both asking what happened.
“I saw it I saw him he-he-he just took him! He just fucking took him right in front of me!” Yoongi yelled as the tears he was holding back started to fall down his face mixing with the blood from his split lip.
“Who Yoon who?” Seokjin asked shaking the other softly, trying to bring him back to any sense of reality. “Alistar. Kidnapped. Jimin. I saw him in the hallway and he was saying all this weird shit then he bolted down the hall and through the hotel doors where Alistar knocked him out and shoved him into a van. I tried to chase after him hyung I really did but I fell and by the time I got up he was already gone, I’m so sorry.” “It’s okay baby it’s gonna be okay,” Seokjin said reaching over to sooth Yoongi only getting his hand slapped away. “How can you say that?! I let him get away!”
“Hey both of you stop this isn’t helping.” Namjoon said putting a hand on Seokjin;’s shoulder before the other could respond, “I’m calling the police. We’ll wait here for them and Taehyung and Jungkook to get here before we do anything insane.”
“I’m going out to look for him and there is nothing you can do to stop me,” Yoongi growled taking a step towards Namjoon who put his hands up in defense. “Then you can’t go alone it’s dangerous, we’ll look around together,” Hoseok said pulling Yoongi out of Namjoons face who just huffed and nodded.
“Okay but be careful, please, we can’t lose you both,” Seokjin said as Yoongi and Hoseok made their way out the door and back down to the lobby both determined to save their family.
“Once I got here the van disappeared I think it went down that alleyway but I have no idea what after that,” Yoongi said out of breath as him and Hoseok ran down the now empty streets of Chile trying to retrace the captor's van. Nodding, the pair ran down into the abandoned alleyway, only to be met with a crossroad of two separate dead-end streets.
“Fuck what now?” Hoseok asked rubbing his face with his hands as the two of them looked down the dark alleyways. “I’ll take one you take the other if you don’t find anything meet back here.” Yoongi said turning towards one of the streets before Hoseok grabbed his hand stopping him.
“Hyung no, Namjoon would kill me if I let you go alone, it’s too dangerous. Let’s just look through them together one at a time.” Hoseok said in a pleading voice before the olders hand was ripped from his grasp. “That’ll take too much time that we don’t have Hobi who knows what he’s already done to him. I promise nothing is going to happen if you get worried come find me, okay.”
Hoseok reached out for Yoongi in one more vain attempt to have the older stay before bowing his head and walking down the other path closest to him, sighing to himself Yoongi marched forward.
The alleyway was just as disgusting and dim as expected in the situation Yoongi was in, covered in trash and cobwebs it seemed like the only time people came down here was to do something illegal. Yoongi knew he was too headstrong for his own good, hell he had to be, he knew all too well that no one was giving out handouts and that he had to earn what he wanted. Yes, he should have let Hoseok come with him but the fear of time was eating away at him, it always did.
Once he got to the end of what he thought was a dead end road he found an old side path just bearly stretching out to another passageway. Now he really felt like he was in some dumb nightmare as he squeezed his way past full metal trash cans and walked down the blocked off road finding a large metal door. The door was attached to what looked like an old warehouse made completely out of sheet metal and concrete, reaching his hand out he pushed the rusty door as hard as he could, cringing as it screech when it opened.
He really should have gone back for Hoseok, they really should have explored this together, but Yoongi just had a feeling he had to go down there. Sighing to himself he slipped past the door falling into an empty cement hallway with door after door lining the walls. It was like some kind of old bomb shelter but above ground, Yoongi thought, as he slowly crept farther down the into the dimly lit hallway.
Just as he was about to turn around he heard a scream and a loud bang coming from behind him. Whipping his head around as fast as he could he saw three men standing in the shadows of the hallway with their hands closing the door he had just come through.
“Who do we have here?” A tall blonde man asked with a thick Russian accent, one Yoongi could barely understand. “You’re one of those dancing boys.” The other said grinning as he took a step closer towards Yoongi who was frozen in fear.
“Alistar will be so excited to see you.” A voice said from behind him, as he was grabbed by the neck and had a wet rag shoved over his face. Yoongi watched as the world faded out around him, wondering what he had done to get himself into this mess.
A letter to my future loner written by you and me, it seems like everyone we loved has found a way to leave us or maybe they just leave me. They're all so dull compared to him the one they stole and left just skin, no soul bond. It's crazy what the truth will bring when the truth is wrapped in a silver screen.
check out my new story if you want something kinda happy also let me know if you want me to add some pictures to this
love you <3
Chapter 16: tear
this one is short sorry for all the time in between updates
What could possibly make this worse, Jimin wondered to himself as his wrists ached from the thick twisted wires cutting deeply into his skin. Holding his breath Jimin watched as the heavy metal door opened in an almost slow motion manner revealing a devilish looking Alistar pulling what looked like a body behind him. Slamming the door behind him Alistar grabbed the hair of the other person ripping the young man's face in Jimin’s direction. Jimin choked on his tongue as he was faced with a dizzy looking Min Yoongi, whatever was left of his heart shattered right there.
“Wh-h-hat is this? How did you, hyung is that is that you?” Jimin stuttered out feeling the tears he was holding back start to fall down his face. “Jimin?” Yoongi breathed out still seeming completely out of it, god what did they do to him he can barely stand.
“What are you doing with him,” Jimin cried out. “You said that you wouldn’t hurt any of them if I let you have me!” “Jiminie it’s okay I-I’m fine,” Yoongi said rubbing his eyes with his hands trying to regain his bearings.
Alistar grinned kicking the backs of Yoongi’s knees causing him to fall onto his knees his hair still in the harsh grasp of the older forcing him to look Jimin in the face. Yoongi growled trying to shake Alistars hands out of his hair only earning a slap from the older making him growl more. “Get your fucking hands off me.” Yoongi barked as Alistar shook his head before throwing him forward onto the ground and kicking his side harshly.
“Stop!” Jimin cried frantically trying to rip himself free from his bindings wanting desperately to save Yoongi from his oncoming fate. “What’s wrong sweetie, don’t like seeing your dog like this?” Alistar said grinning down at the older who was trying to pull himself up onto his knees coughing out in pain. “Jim-min i-it’s I’m okay,” Yoongi breathed out trying to smile at the younger only making Jimin cry more.
“Don’t say that too soon doggie, we haven’t gotten to the main event yet,” Alistar whispered grabbing Yoongi by the neck and slamming him up against the wall, slowly he reached a hand up to Yoongi's chest stroking his fingers across the rapper's body.
“Please stop,” Yoongi begged softly as the grip around his throat tightened and the fingers on his chest slipped down below his belt. Jimin cried as loud as he possibly could as he watched the pain painted across the face of his love as he was slowly assaulted by the older.
This wasn’t supposed to happen none of this was supposed to happen he promised if he gave himself to the man he would leave his friends behind. Why, why had he believed that they could be saved by him of all people. With one swift motion, Yoongi’s jeans were discarded onto the ground and he has spun around so his chest was scrapping harshly against the stone wall.
“You should feel lucky you got a front row seat babe,” Alistar growled as he threw off his belt hearing it clatter onto the ground. It was Yoongi’s screams that symboled to Jimin that Alistar had pushed himself into the older. Over and over the screams echoed through the small room funneling in and out of Jimin's ears and sinking down into his heart.
God, it felt like it lasted for hours the sick laughter coming from Alistars throat, the whimpers coming from Yoongi through choked gasps. All Jimin could do was beg and beg for him to stop as he tried his best to look away from the horror in front of him. He didn’t know if it would have been better for Yoongi to be in his shoes and have to watch this all happen to Jimin or to be forced to see it happen to the older the way it was.
Alistar screamed out when he finally finished inside of Yoongi who cried out as loud as possible before he was dropped onto the ground with a loud thud. Alistar grinned as he zipped up his pants, reaching down next to him he picked up a large metal collar and clamped it around Yoongi’s neck. Alistar rattled the chains connected to the collar in Yoongi’s ear before landing a heavy kick to the hurt man's stomach causing him to cough out in pain.
Once Alistar was done kicking Yoongi around he strolled over to Jimin placing a heavy hand on the young man's cheek. “I love it when you cry like that sweetheart, he’ll never want anything to do with you now,” Alistar said causing Jimin to sob out in response as the older pushed his lips against the younger. Alistar grinned at the boy strutting off to land one more harsh kick against Yoongi’s face before opening the metal door and strutting out.
“Y-y-yoongi?” Jimin stuttered out only answered by the loudest silence he had ever heard. “Hyung?” Jimin said again twisting his body as much as possible seeing Yoongi’s eyes closed and face bloody. “Hyung!” He cried again and again over and over again, every time nothing. Twisting back to face forward in his chair he pulled and pulled at his restraints only causing them to cut deeper into his skin. He looked up at the ceiling tears spilling down his face as he watched the cracks in the ceiling hoping they would split open and swallow him.
He prayed, yeah he knows it may not doing anything, but he prayed as hard as he could to keep Yoongi alive. To keep himself alive.
Chapter 17: fake love
so close yet so far a short chapter next one will be longer
im sorry it's been a while my life is falling the fuck apart but hey thats just life am i right ladies
Yoongi felt like he was floating on a cloud, a cloud made of cold rusted nails and deep shards of glass. There was something tightening around his neck closing around his windpipe, tighter tighter tighter until he couldn’t breathe. He could feel himself fading in and out of consciousness the rope keeping him tied to the earth was slipping. There was the awful ringing all around him, in his ears through his head. It sounded like whaling more than a ring now that he thinks of it.
There was someone walking towards him in the shadowy hole he had been shoved in, someone almost running to him. Jimin, the shadow of the lost lover's harmony. Yoongi reached his hand out to the young boy but every time he tried to move to him he was pulled back by the neck. But Jimin kept running towards him, running in the dark through his own consciousness and Yoongi kept trying to reach him but couldn’t move. Why? Why couldn’t he move? Why-why-why-
“Yoongi-hyung!” A voice yelled in the darkness, it sounded too familiar. “Hyung, hyung, fuck Yoongi please!” The voice yelled again, god this shit was starting to hurt his head. Yoongi blinked softly being greeted by only darkness and still that damn voice. Something was off though, there was something cold around his neck, something cold he was laying on, everything was cold. “W-what the?” Yoongi grunted as he tried to sit up gasping at the sudden pain in the back of his head, gripping his head he sat against the wall behind him.
“Hy-ung? Are you awake, are you okay?” The voice which Yoongi now recognized as Jimin said through painful cries.
“Ji-min where are we?” Yoongi asked, “what the fuck is around my neck!”
“It’s a collar, he put it there.”
“Who the fuck? What?”
“I’m sorry h-he said he would leave you all alone if I didn’t fight back, he lied to me hyung.”
“Who Jimin this doesn’t make any damn sense-”
“Alistar, Hyung, Alistar.”
Yoongi sighed god this was a fucking mess how the hell did he get himself into this situation anyway.
“Jimin, don’t cry,” Yoongi said making Jimin smile to himself looking over at the older.
“I didn’t even notice,” Jimin laughed looking down at his tied wrists. “I wish I could touch you, but…”
Yoongi nodded pulling himself off the wall groaning in pain as he crawled over to the younger until his head was pulled back inches away from the younger.
“Fuck,” he sighed out as the collar tightened around his neck pulling him back towards the wall.
“So close but so far, cruel isn’t it,” Jimin said laughing out a sad laugh that made Yoongi’s blood boil.
“This is some bullshit, we need to get the fuck out of here Jimin this is shit!”
“We can’t escape hyung we just need to give up it’s pointless to try.”
“Who the fuck are you and what did you do with Jimin?”
“Months of abuse I guess.”
“Don’t say that, please.”
“Why? It’s true. Somethings the truth is ugly sometimes it's not what you want to see.”
“Park Jimin fucking listen to me right here right now, we can never EVER give up. I don’t fucking care what happens we will be there with each other and we will survive this and we will go home.”
Jimin didn’t say anything he rolled his head to the side looking away from Yoongi as best he could making the older sigh and lead back against the wall again.
“Do you know how much I love you?” Yoongi asked looking down at the concrete floor memorizing all the cracks and crevices he saw.
“Hyung please don’t,” Jimin whispered out, “it hurts please don’t.”
“I will always love you Jimin and we will get out of here alive, I promise.”
“Don’t lie to me hyung, you won’t love me when you know what he did.”
“I have never lied to you Jimin and never will.”
Jimin sighed keeping his head low before whispering, “how are we gonna get out of here?”
“When has anything hard ever stopped us, we just need to catch him off guard okay and-”
“We can’t overpower him hyung he’s too big.”
The door creaked open echoing the noises of screeching metal into the small cement room chilling Yoongi’s blood. “What are we talking about boys?” A voice said making Yoongi curse to himself as Alistar strode into the room closing the large metal door behind him. Yoongi’s eyes were trained on the ground trying to keep himself completely calm not showing the other man any type of weakness.
“Aww are we quiet now huh?” Alistar cooed grabbing the back of Jimin’s head ripping his hair backwards, causing a deep growl to crawl out of Yoongi’s throat. “Get your mother fucking hands off of him before I scratch your damn eyes out.”
“And good morning to you too Yoongi, so glad you could join us.” Alistar said letting go of Jimin’s head and trotting over to Yoongi who looked up at the older with a harsh snarl across his face. Alistar grinned down at the hurt man before the sound of what could only be the opening of a switchblade was heard throughout the room.
Alistar crouched down in front of Yoongi garnishing the blade before the younger man’s eyes before placing it down harshly onto his shoulder. Yoongi gasped as he felt blood start to trickle down his arm as Alistar continued to pull the blade lower and lower.
“What was that about scratching my eyes out, hmm? I wonder how good you’ll look once you’re missing your own eyes?” Alistar asked lifting the blade out of the youngers shoulder and bringing it up to his face just above his eyebrow.
“I fucking dare you.” Yoongi grunted out which only made the man smile wider.
“Stop!” Jimin sobbed as Alistar sunk the blade into the soft skin under Yoongi’s collar bone, “please stop.” Alistar grinned closing the knife back up and rising, he walked over to Jimin and kissed the younger as though he was trying to swallow him, then left the room.
Yoongi grunted in pain as he lifted his hand under his collar bone putting pressure on the shallow wound, which only made him curse out in more pain.
“Jimin-ah you listen to me, we’re getting the fuck out of here.” Yoongi growled in a voice that Jimin had never heard before one that scared him down to his core.
Why would I swim if I could drown?
Chapter 18: come back home
hoseok dont go in there
the picture is what the look like in the memory scene farther into the chapter as a reference
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
“Hyung? Yoongi-hyung come out please this isn’t funny!” Hoseok yelled down the empty alley way as the sun set behind him. “Yoon?” Hoseok whispered as he looked down the alleyway, before realizing something was very very wrong. When he looked closer past the knocked over trash cans and scattered rat droppings a glimmer of something on the ground caught his eye. He tiptoed closer until he noticed the glimmer was an earing thrown casually onto the ground in what seemed like a message almost like someone wanted him to see it. It was Yoongi’s. Quickly Hoseok grabbed the earing tucking it into his pocket then ran as fast as he could back to the hotel.
He was a coward, he didn’t want to go with Yoongi anyway he was scared about what would happen to him. Now that was even more evident as he ran farther and farther from where he lost Yoongi, he should have stayed he should have looked for the older harder. But Namjoon will know, he’ll know what to do he always knows what to do. Hoseok tripped slightly on a rock before quickly getting back his footing starting to run faster towards the hotel. Namjoon was going to kill him, Seokjin was never going to be able to look at him again, Jungkook would blame him for Yoongi being missing, Taehyung will never stop crying, and Jimin and Yoongi will really never forgive him.
Hoseok burst through the door of Namjoon and Seokjin’s hotel room, finding the pair counseling the two younger members who we're both in tears. “Seok? Wheres Yoongi, why are you crying?” Seokjin asked setting a crying Jungkook on the ground before walking over to the out of breath dancer.
“He- I tried to stop him hyung but he wouldn’t listen, we were looking for Jimin-ah and he wanted to split up. I couldn’t find him anywhere!” Hoseok said before collapsing onto the ground next to where Jungkook was dropped. “What-what do you mean you can’t find him?!” Taehyung yelled shakily standing up from where he was with Namjoon. “I mean I can’t fucking find him!” Hoseok yelled back putting his head in his hands.
“I’m calling the police,” Namjoon declared walking over to his cell phone, calling the police in Chile. “You should have called the police when we first found out about Alistar and Jimin-ah.” Seokjin spit out sitting down next to Hoseok trying to get more information out of him, “Seok can you tell us anything else?” “Save it for the cops,” Jungkook said voice full of malice and misdirected anger. So he did.
The police all filled into the hotel room one by one 30 minutes after Namjoon called them, one by one each of the boys was assigned an officer to talk to. Hoseok’s officer was named Sargent Gomez she was tall and lean with thick slicked back black hair and dark tight skin, she smiled a toothy smile at Hoseok a smile that was supposed to make him feel like everything was gonna be okay. It wasn’t gonna be okay.
“Hello,” she said in Korean still smiling wildly at him, does this lady not make any other facial expression? “Hi,” Hoseok cracked out his usual bubbly personality deflating around him as though someone had popped him. “Mr. Jung I’m going to need you to tell me EVERYTHING that happened between you and Mr. Min that leads up to his disappearance.” Hoseok shifted in his seat looking over at Namjoon for some type of guidance but he was busy talking to his officer about Jiminie. “I know this is hard Mr. Jung but you are our only witness.” Sargent Gomez said resting a hand on Hoseok’s knee, he nodded looking up at her.
“He went out to talk to Jimin, Yoongi-hyung I mean, he was upset when Namjoon let Jimin go back to his room alone so he wanted to check on him. When he left I guess Jimin was outside I don’t know something happened and Jimin was taken into this van and driven away, so hyung came back telling us he was gonna go find him. I told him he couldn’t go alone so I went with him, we ran through the street till we got to this two-way alley, I went one-way Yoongi went down the other. When I got back he was gone I found his earing by some trash cans but I ran back to the hotel without exploring more, I’m sorry that’s all I know.” Hoseok said not taking a breath through himself talking, Sargent Gomez nodded and asked him if she could have the earing he found.
Hoseok nodded handing the officer the earing, “Mr. Jung is there any way you could show me and my detectives where you went with Mr. Min?” Hoseok nodded making Gomez smile again before she yelled something at the other police officers in Spanish, she then told Hoseok they would go as soon as possible. Hoseok nodded again feeling so small when he stood up next to Gomez who was 2 or 3 inches taller than him, quickly him and the 5 police officers left the room, running down the hallway to start their pursuit.
Hoseok had never been someone he would consider cowardly before this all happened, yeah maybe he jumped at loud noises and dark corners but he was never a fearful person. Now he was face to face with his own cowardliness as he ran down the streets him and Yoongi ran down trying to find Jimin. He was reminded of how scared he was when he went alone down the alley and how he ran away when he couldn’t find Yoongi. If anything happened to him in the time he was taken it was Hoseok’s fault, he should have looked harder to find him.
Hoseok tried his best to remember the streets him and Yoongi ran down in their panic while at the same time being painfully aware of his current reality. Here he was in a country he had never been to before running with the police following him trying to find his bandmates. His head perked up when he saw the side street and yelled over to Sargent Gomez that they were there, she nodded telling her troops who all gripped where their guns fell on their belts.
Slowly the group made their way to the split alley, Hoseok swallowed hard before pointing down the side that Yoongi had gone down alone. “Okay I’m going to send my detectives in there to look around, I’m going to stay here with you. Whatever you do, DO NOT INTERFERE, we can’t have three missing.” Sargent Gomez said harshly to Hoseok who nodded quickly, no way in fuck he was going down there.
Sargent Gomez yelled in Spanish again sending the group of men down the alley guns raised. Hoseok wrung his hands nervously as the minutes ticked by, he tried his best to think about anything else like how all those big cops could all fit in one tiny alleyway. Or the first time he went to Japan with his parents and sister when he was younger, or his first school dance with a girl whose name he couldn’t remember anymore. Quickly his mind drifted to Jimin and Yoongi before falling on a specific memory.
The lake in front of Hoseok shined brightly even in the moonlight illuminating the mysteriousity of the deep water. It was Jimin and Jin's idea for them all to go on a little vacation after they worked so hard writing their last album Dark and Wild, the rest of them agreed as soon as they proposed the idea. Namjoon said he and his family had a cabin on Ilsan lake they could all stay at for the weekend, it was right on the water and had a huge fire pit and a dock. Hoseok was so excited it had been so long since he had seen something he could pretend was the ocean.
Hoseok ran his hands through his dyed brown hair pulling his black jacket closer to him as the wind blew through his skin to his bones, he liked the cold though it reminded him he was still alive in a way. He could hear Jungkook and Taehyung running on the shore of the lake trying to push each other in it made him smile, they were so young back then just finding out their own feelings for each other. Namjoon was by the fireplace reading to Seokjin in English while the older pretend to understand what he was saying, he didn’t care he just wanted to be with the younger.
It didn’t make Hoseok feel lonely though he didn’t have time to feel lonely before he was tackled before an overexcited Jimin, a tired Yoongi trailing behind him. “Hyung! You looked lonely here all by yourself!” Jimin said plopping down next to Hoseok on the small dock he was sitting on, Yoongi followed sitting on the other side of him resting his tried head on Hoseok’s shoulder.
“I was just watching the water Jimin-ssi,” Hoseok said rubbing the youngers brown hair making him smile. “It’s so beautiful Seoul is too busy I miss the ocean,” Jimin said smiling wildly at the water making Yoongi snort. “This isn’t the ocean Minnie.” The older said rolling his eyes all while nuzzling his head farther into Hoseok’s shoulder. They sat in comfortable silence for a while after that all scooting closer and closer to each other trying to conserve heat. Taehyung and Jungkook had abandoned the shore and were now laying in the grass counting the stars above. The sounds of Namjoon reading could still be heard faintly in the backdrop of the quiet night as well as Seokjin's hush snores.
“Can we all promise something,” Jimin said breaking the silence, “can we come back here when we’ve made it?” Hoseok turned his head looking at the younger gazing dreamily into the cold water, he smiled. “Of course Jimin,” Yoongi started, “but we’ve already made it.” “Cheesy,” Hoseok said making Yoongi groan to himself as a group of fireflies flew past the boys’ eyes.
“Do you think they care who we are?” Hoseok asked eyeing the fireflies until they were gone. “I’m not sure if they’re that conscious,” Yoongi said as he looked. “They don’t care who we are, to them we’re just people, to nature were just people. We aren’t Yoongi or Hoseok or BTS we're just people coming back to bask in its beauty.” Jimin said following Hoseok’s empty gaze, “I don’t care who we are or what happens because no one can take this experience away from us. Even if we crash and burn we do it together.”
“Yoongi-hyung is right we have made it.”
“ Sargent, vas a querer ver esto !” One of the detectives called to Gomez from inside the alleyway pulling Hoseok out of his head. “Shit they got something,” Gomez said to Hoseok before running into the alleyway yelling back in Spanish. “What is it?” Hoseok asked following her into the alley already forgetting what he was told when he got to where the officers were they were all crowded around an old door. “Knock it down,” Gomez said to one of the men in English who nodded body slamming the door open raising his gun. “GO GO GO!” Gomez yelled all of them filling into the doorway Hoseok following.
The door opened up to a twisted, dark, empty hallway with doors lining the walls all of them boarded shut. Half of the officers went down one side of the hallway, Gomez and Hoseok following the others down the next. There was yelling heard from the other hallway and shots fired, Gomez told her troops to keep searching down this way whileshe checksk on the others, Hoseok again followed her in tow.
When they got to where the shots were fired they saw two large men in handcuffs and a large metal door now unguarded, Gomez rushed forward ripping open the door before gasping at what she saw. “Stand down, drop the gun!” She yelled into the room while the other officers pushed Hoseok out of the way so they could give her back up. “Drop it!” A shot went off, then two, then three Hoseok could hear screaming coming from inside making him put his hands over his ears. They sounded like Jimin. He couldn’t control it as he cried into his hands.
Isn’t it funny how something as small as a bullet can kill something that took generations to create?
hope that didnt kill ya
Chapter 19: im fine
a two-part chapter
wow two in one day!!!!
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Jimin doesn’t know if its blood or tears that have dried and cracked on his face, all his knows is his once clear skin is now dirty and cold. After Alistar cut Yoongi up the older kept trying to console Jimin, saying they were going to get out of here soon and to have hope. Jimin doesn’t remember hope anymore. Yoongi was starting to scare the younger he thought when Yoongi got cut he would surrender but it only made him angrier. He wanted to kill Alistar.
They say when you die your life flashes before your eyes but in Jimin’s case it was his future that flashed before his eyes, everything he wanted to do but had never done yet. He never got to say goodbye to Jungkook or Taehyung, he never got to go to the Louvre with Namjoon, he never opened a bakery with Seokjin. Jimin was falling in and out of consciousness his own music filling his brain as though it was trying to console him.
Caught in a lie
find me when I was pure
I can’t be free from this lie
give me back my smile
Caught in a lie
Pull me from this hell
I can’t be free from this pain
Save me, I am being punished
At this time no truer words have ever been spoken for Jimin. He looked back up at the ceiling wondering to himself what he had done wrong in his life to deserve this shit. Maybe it was his childhood, maybe his parents actually did curse him, maybe god hated him for being gay, maybe he hated him for it too. It was starting to get cold in the concret room letting Jimin know it was getting darker outside, he had spent only one day here yet it felt like a century. The wires tying his wrists were only cutting deeper into his skin making him sigh, he didn’t care anymore at least this way he didn’t have to cut himself, it was already happening.
Jimin looked over at Yoongi who was looking down at his bloodied hands almost entranced, somehow he had stopped the heavy blood flow from his arms and chest without bleeding out. Yoongi looked so empty and Jimin knew that they couldn’t survive any longer where they were. He wanted to say something to the older but nothing came out and even if he did what would he say? Sorry our manager kidnapped you he told me he wouldn’t if I let him fuck me everyday. No he can’t let Yoongi know about that, ever.
The metal door creaking open pulled Jimin out of his thoughts and Yoongi out of his trance, the pair both grimacing when they saw Alistar appear in the doorway. As he walked into the room Jimin’s blood went cold when he saw the older carrying a gun in his right hand pointed down at the ground. Yoongi noticed it too moving as close as his chains would allow him to be to Jimin trying to protect the younger.
“Hello boys,” Alistar said twirling the gun in his hand taunting the other two, he grinned as he walked closer to Jimin. Reaching out he rested his free hand on the side of Jimin’s head, “you still look so beautiful Jimin-ssi.” Yoongi growled making Alistar smile pulling the gun up to Jimin’s mouth forcing it past his lips. Jimin cried begging him to stop but Alistar pushed the gun farther into Jimin’s mouth, he didn’t want to die, god, please not like this he never got married he never had-
“GET YOUR FUCKING HANDS OFF HIM!” Yoongi screamed making Alistar angry which only making Jimin cry harder. “Don’t you understand,” Alistar started, “you’re never getting out of here. I fucking own you I can do anything I want to you, I already owned this one for months. Has he told you? Everything we’ve done together? Tell him Jimin.” “I don’t care what you think he’s done with you,” Yoongi said inching as close as he could get to the pair before being ripped backward. “Jimin! You haven’t told him, have you! I’m so hurt, here I was thinking we had something!” Alistar laughed out pushing the gun farther into Jimin’s mouth who cried as hard as he ever thought he could.
It was banging heard in the hallways that made Alistar pull his gun out of Jimin’s mouth, it was the sounds of shots in the hallway that made Jimin’s fingers clench together. “Blya! Der'mo! Chto teper'?” Alistar yelled under his breath in Russian before the metal door burst open revealing a tall slender police officer, her gun raised to Alistair's head. “Stand down, drop the gun!” She yelled as more officers appeared behind her, Alistar grinned no way he was leaving this so easily.
The first shot to go off was in the arm of one of the officers behind the woman, the next was to Alistar’s stomach causing him to scream out, along with Jimin who was horrified, the last was from Alistars gun into Yoongi’s leg. Yoongi screamed when Alistar shot him, he screamed when Alistar hit the floor bleeding out, he screamed when Jimin looked over at him crying.
Slowly Yoongi’s eyes blinked closed, Jimin screamed for him to stay awake as his hands and legs were freed, he cried and begged Yoongi to wake up. Paramedics rushed into the room carrying Yoongi, Alistar and the police officer away all in a jumbled panic making Jimin want to pass out. When he was freed Jimin fell to the ground, he couldn’t stand he couldn’t feel his hands or his feet. He couldn't tell if he was crying or if it was blood from the bullet, he doesn’t remember passing out or being carried away and he sure as hell doesn’t remember going where he went.
Jimin found himself surrounded by only darkness, he was sitting in all white clothes his skin clean and hair brushed. He seemed to be sitting in a pool of water even though he stayed completely dry, had he died? Was this heaven? He felt like he was floating like he was finally at peace. Then he heard it, the footsteps, the labored breathing, the voices. Jimin stood up clenching his fists trying to locate where the noises were coming from, still only darkness.
“Hello?” Jimin called into the darkness only making the sounds louder, closer to him. “Jimin?!” He heard someone yell, it sounded like Taehyung. “Jimin?!” This time it was Seokjin, Jimin started running towards the voices. “I’m here! I’m here!” Jimin yelled waving his arms around trying to find his bandmates.
He saw Taehyung first running towards him first only it didn’t seem like Taehyung saw him, he ran rights past Jimin like he wasn’t even there. “Jimin!” Taehyung yelled looking from side to side before dropping on his knees. Seokjin and the rest of his bandmates came next running past Jimin and straight to Taehyung trying to get him to get up so they could keep looking. Jimin ran over to them standing in front of his bandmates felt tears drip down his face.
“I’m here I’m right here! Look at me I’m here!” Jimin yelled through tears reaching out his cold white hand to touch Jungkook’s should only to have it go through him like he was a ghost. “Please look at me!” Jimin yelled even louder but no one seemed to hear him all of them trying to get Taehyung to get up and go with them. They started to walk forward past Jimin still yelling his name over and over.
“Please I’m right here,” Jimin whispered falling to his knees, he looked up before seeing Yoongi turn around and stare at him. “Jimin?” The older whispered before everything went black again.
I’m right here.
When Hoseok told them what happen Taehyung was breathless, not the kind of breathless you get when you see something beautiful, the breathless you get when something so horrible happens you can’t breathe. Yoongi and Jimin were both rushed to the hospital, Yoongi was currently in surgery for his gun wound and Jimin was getting tested and bandaged. They said Jimin hadn’t woken up yet and that he had a concussion, broken ribs, broken wrists and so much more Taehyung didn’t understand. They said Yoongi had internal bleeding and well external bleeding from deep cuts on his arms and chest, he also had a concussion.
It had been 6 hours since Jimin and Yoongi were sent to the hospital the rest of the band left to helplessly wait in the lobby for any news. Namjoon had signed off for them to run tests on each one of them so that the doctors could find out everything that happened while they were taken. Around hour 5 Jungkook said he was hungry and Seokjin offered to go pick up some Panda Express for them to have when Jimin and Yoongi wake up. Taehyung nodded he didn’t care he was too lost in thought to care.
The funny thing about being lost in thought is that sometimes you're just lost in the absence of thoughts, just like Taehyung was now. Taehyung always hated hospitals the smell, the atmosphere, the constant crying you can always hear through the hallways. It reminded Taehyung of when his grandmother was sick and he would visit her in the hospital something he tried to forget whenever he could.
Taehyung remembered Yoongi telling him a story about when he lived in a psych hospital, he told him about how cold and lonely it was there. Taehyung couldn’t believe that someone he loved so much had to live in such an awful place, he wondered if Yoongi remembered that. He wondered if when Yoongi woke up he would remember when he lived in the hospital, he hoped not.
Taehyung sighed he felt like he was going through the stages of mourning sitting here in the Seoul Hospital. His hands were ice cold he rubbed them together as fast as he could trying to warm them just they just seemed to get colder. Jungkook and Seokjin were nowhere to be seen probably out getting food that seems like all those two think about anyway. Namjoon was pacing in circles, Hoseok was bouncing his leg and wringing his hands like a maniac, Taehyung was frozen. He couldn’t feel anything anymore.
Taehyung couldn’t bring himself to eat when Seokjin and Jungkook came back with food making the group a little nook in the corner of the waiting room. Namjoon was on his phone searching legal material trying to build a case against Alistar as if he was their lawyer, Hoseok was entranced by his fingernails and Seokjin and Jungkook were stuffing their faces. Taehyung was the first one to notice the doctor coming into the waiting room.
He was short and slender fitted in a tight white coat his name tag read Dr. Yung, slowly he approached the group. “Hello I’m Park Jimin’s doctor, Dr. Yung, is Kim Namjoon here?” Dr. Yung asked, quickly Namjoon put his phone down getting up and walking over to the doctor. “Yes that’s me,” Namjoon said, “please if there is anything you need to say you can say it to all of us.”
Dr. Yung sighed looking down at his clipboard before smiling up at the group. “Which first good news or bad news?” Dr. Yung asked making Taehyung stiffen looking up at Namjoon for guidance. “Bad news first,” Seokjin said standing up and grabbing Namjoon’s hand which didn’t go unnoticed by the doctor.
“Well, the bad news is he has a concussion, fractured ribs, a broken wrist as well as internal bleeding. We also did a rape kit on him as allowed by Mr. Kim and it came back positive for your managers DNA. It seems like this has been going on for a while he had many old injuries that had not healed properly, and extensive sexual scaring. He was incapacitated for many hours but the good news is he has regained consciousness and you will be able to see him soon. I’m so sorry I know if this had happened to my husband or my daughter I would be horrified.” Dr. Yung explained bowing his head as he walked out of the lobby.
Taehyung was crying when Dr. Yung said the words bad news by the end of the explanation he was in hysterics. He threw himself into his boyfriend’s arms who was also crying softly whispering to Taehyung it’ll be okay. Namjoon said nothing his face twisted into an angry snarl, Seokjin and Hoseok were crying on each other the same as Taehyung and Jungkook were. The words ‘rape kit’ was on a constant cycle through his head all he could think about was when he saw Alistar and Jimin together, was he getting raped and told him they were together? He was gonna be sick.
“You didn’t tell us about a rape kit Namjoon-hyung,” Jungkook said looking up at the older, “why didn’t you?” “It wouldn’t have mattered Kook, it happened, either way, we just need to focus on getting Jimin better,” Seokjin said trying his best to smile at Jungkook and Taehyung. “We need to focus on making sure Alistar fucking suffers,” Namjoon growled he was like an animal, Taehyung could barely see it through the tears in his eyes. “We need to just be a family right now okay and wait till we can see Jimin and hear about Yoongi,” Hoseok said pulling all of them into a group hug, Taehyung prayed to himself in a god he didn’t believe in.
All lust wanted was a good night's sleep for once.
it'll be okay
Chapter 20: 2 kool 4 school
just a filler chapter
To say Namjoon was furious would be an understatement, there wasn't a word out there that could explain really how angry he was. This all happened on his watch, so of course he felt responsible for what went down between Jimin and Alistar, what happened with Yoongi too. He just couldn’t shake this feeling of blame that seemed to follow him throughout the hospital. Even now as he was walking through the hallways of the bleak hospital on the way to Jimin’s room with his bandmates following him closely he was trying to hide his guilt.
Dr. Yung told the boys Jimin was awake and okay to take visitors and had been begging the staff to let the rest of BTS see him. It felt like the walk went on for hours through 100s of doors and in and out of dozens of elevators. It felt like a whole new world to Namjoon like a hidden reality of white washed walls and antiseptic. He hated it. God he wanted to go home, he wanted to bring his family home.
“This is it,” Dr. Yung said opening the door to room 165 revealing a small hospital room with a large windowsill and a few scatters chairs. In the middle was Jimin who looked so small in such a big bed, he was pale and covered in bandages, his lip was split along with his cheeks and above his eye. His left eye was swollen while the other had rough bruising underneath it, there were twisting wires connected in and out of every part of his body. Jimin smiled at them as wide as he could all while grimacing in pain, Dr. Yung took this as a single to leave the boys alone in the room with Jimin.
Dr. Yung had told them that Jimin was in a fragel state and to tread VERY lightly with him avoiding talking about anything to do with Alistar and Yoongi. He told them Jimin was having trouble remembering everything that had happened in that warehouse and that he would probably get his memories back in pieces. This was common in PTSD which is what Namjoon assumed Jimin was now suffering with, who knows how long he’s been suffering with this.
Namjoon grabbed a chair from the far side of the room bringing it over to sit next to Jimin waving the rest of them to follow him. Taehyung and Jungkook jumped on the windowsill with Hoseok and Seokjin sat next to Namjoon, they all looked so nervous.
“How are you feeling Minnie?” Namjoon asked breaking the silence trying not to let his own guilt show in his voice. “Better, it’s still a bit fuzzy,” Jimin whispered looking away from Namjoon, “I’m sorry how everything happened.” “You don’t have to apologize, hyung. None of this is your fault.” Jungkook said reaching over to grab Jimin’s hand before he flinched back causing Jungkook to retract his hand. “I never wanted you guys to see me like this so..broken.” Jimin sighed laughing slightly as small tears trickled down his face. “You aren’t broken Jimin,” Hoseok said smiling at the younger. They were all silent after that, none of them could think of anything else they could say, sorry? Yeah this was past that.
“Where’s Yoongi-hyung?” Jimin asked breaking the comfortable silence they had been sitting in, Namjoon paled. “What do you mean Jimin?” Seokjin asked putting his hand into Namjoon’s. “I mean he’s not here, so where is he? Does he know I’m awake?” Jimin asked again trying to look at them all in the eyes but they avoided his gaze. “Jimin,” Namjoon said, “Yoongi was shot, he’s in surgery.” “Wh-what?” “Do you not remember?” Taehyung asked cocking his head to the side. “No-o is he-, is he okay?”
Before they could answer the door to the hospital room opened slowly revealing Dr. Yung once again with a blank face. “Doctor, what is it? Is it Yoongi?” Namjoon asked jumping up out of his seat in surprise. “Mr. Min is out of surgery, it was a success he will make a full recovery. Of course it will take a while he’ll be in a wheelchair for a few weeks and after he will not be able to dance, but through physical therapy he’ll be okay. You may see him when he is awake.” Dr. Yung said bowing to the group as he left the room tell them he will be back soon with more news.
“W-what? Surgery? What happened?” Jimin asked looking around confused at Namjoon and Seokjin. “Jimin do you really not remember?” Hoseok asked cocking his head to the side making Jimin feel smaller in his hospital bed shaking his head slowly. “Yoongi-hyung was shot Jiminie,” Taehyung said bluntly making Namjoon scowl. “Taehyung!” Namjoon growled, “What hyung that’s what happened! What do you want me to say, he didn’t get shot?” “Both of you need to stop arguing it’s not gonna help anything!” Jungkook yelled making Jimin sink farther and farther into his bed as though he was trying to fade away.
“So Yoongi-hyung got shot?” Jimin whispered, “was it my fault?” “No Jiminie it wasn’t your fault it was no ones fault okay, he’s gonna be okay and we're all going home soon. Let’s just be happy that he’s alive.” Seokjin said placing a soft hand on Jimin’s head smiling at the younger softly. “He’s alive.”
“Is Kim Namjoon in here?” A voice asked from the doorway causing Namjoon to whip is head around meeting Sargent Gomez face to face. “Yes,” Namjoon said standing up and walking over to the door, smiling at his bandmates as he walked into the hallway. “What is it Sargent?” Namjoon asked trying to read the officer dull facial expression.
“We need to get you all back to Korea so that Alistar can be prosecuted, my officers and I will be coming with you all for protection and to testify in court. You need to prep all of your bandmates for the trial, if you want to press charges against Alistar.” Sargent Gomez said making Namjoon wring his hands, he hadn’t even thought about the trail and going home. “When are we going back to Seoul?” “As soon as Mr. Min is cleared to fly on a plane, speaking of that you all can see him if you want, room 340.” Namjoon nodded thanking the sergeant and moving back into the room to sit next to Jimin.
“We need to make a choice here,” Namjoon said looking at Jimin, “about charging Alistar.” “In court?!” Jimin yelped sitting up in his bed shocked, “hyung I can’t! I can’t go to open court!” “Jimin it’s your choice but don’t you want to put him away for what he’s done?” Seokjin asked causing Jimin to sigh. “Can we wait till Yoongi is awake?” Jimin asked, Namjoon nodded looking over at the younger members, what if it was one of them? “We can see Yoongi-hyung too he woke up, we can get a wheelchair and bring Jimin. Just don’t let Dr. Yung see.”
Taehyung jumped up clapping his hands telling Namjoon he was going to grab the chair and be right back, Jungkook running after him. “I haven’t seen them so excited in days,” Hoseok said laughing to himself with a wide open smile. Namjoon smiled looking out the door way to see Taehyung running Jungkook down the hospital hallway as fast as he could in the wheelchair, Seokjin jumped up screaming about something making even Jimin laugh.
Seokjin came into rolling the wheel chair with Taehyung and Jungkook snickering behind him as he walked in, “come on babies let’s go see my son!” Jimin laughed throwing his hospital blanket off of him revealing his too skinny body wearing only a hospital gown he swung his legs over the bed wincing in pain as he scooted into the wheelchair. Namjoon grabbed Jimin’s IV rolling it along with them as they went into the hallway, Jimin held his casted arm close to him not wanting it to get knocked around anymore.
“Okay we need to be very quiet,” Seokjin said who was given the job of rolling Jimin down the now empty hallway. When they reached Yoongi’s room Namjoon found himself frozen staring at the closed door, should they really see him? Does this make it real? He pushed the open the door and walked into the small room, Yoongi looked ghostly pale but alive. “Hey Yoon how you feeling?” Seokjin asked Yoongi smiled and nodded. “I’m okay hyung,” he looked down at Jimin, “I’m okay.”
What a time to be alive.
Chapter 21: tomorrow
yoongi wakes up
kinda short not that great but its a filler to get somewhere else
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
The pain was sharp and sudden starting in his leg and trailing up until it overcame his whole entire body. It felt like I was frozen solid and slowly but surely I started melting away as though my very bones were thawing. He tried to reach up his hand but was pushed into a sea of panic when he couldn't move a single limb in his body. There was a faint beeping noise echoing around in his home of darkness tipping him farther into his growing panic. He blinked slowly being met by extremely bright awful light cascading across his body, he opened his mouth groaning loudly trying to sit up. Slowly he brought his arm up across his face shielding his eyes from the ever glowing light rubbing his hands across his face sighing.
“Good morning Mr. Min you gave us quite a scare there for a second,” a voice said from somewhere to Yoongi’s left. “W-ah..” Yoongi groaned pulling the blanket that was draped across his body over top his face hiding from the voice. “Where?” Yoongi asked from under the blanket poking his hand out of the blanket pointing at the voice.
“Hospital Mr. Min you got out of surgery a few hours ago,” The voice said again making Yoongi sigh harder.
Slowly he pulled off the blanket and sat up in the bed leaning up against the wall and opening his eyes being greeted by his bandage and casted body.
“What the fuck-”
“You were shot sir, I’m Dr. Yung, I treated you it may take a while for you to be completely healed but so far you should be able to leave very soon.”
“Ugh, it was that stupid fucker wasn’t it?”
“I’d assume yes.”
“Fucking fucker I’ll fucking kill him.”
“I wouldn’t recommend that sir I would hate to have you arrested.”
Yoongi scoffed looking down at his bandaged hands, Alistar better be dead because he knows if he isn’t than Namjoon will kill him soon enough. Dr. Yung asked them if he wanted to see his bandmates which he quickly nodded in agreement dismissing Dr. Yung to inform the police of his waking. Once the doctor left a tall female police officer came into the room with a cheery smile asking Yoongi if she could ask him a few questions. He nodded signaling her to pull up a chair next to him.
“Hello my name is Sargent Gomez, Mr. Min I have informed the police in Korea about what has transpired here in Chile and they plan on prosecuting Alistar Petrov as soon as you all return in Seoul, since most of the abuse was done in Korea. Now I will need to ask you a few questions for your testimony which you do not have to give but it will help the case and further insure Mr. Petrov stays away forever. Now may I ask you a few questions?” Sargent Gomez asked trying to speak in ways Yoongi’s tired mind would understand, Yoongi nodded.
“Alright just a few basic questions to start with, how long have you know of the abuse happening between Mr. Park and Mr. Petrov before your kidnapping?” Sargent Gomez asked pulling open a pen and paper.
“I guess I knew something was going on for a few months but it wasn’t confirmed to me until the day he was taken,” Gomez nodded writing down quickly in her notebook.
“What transpired between you and Mr. Petrov in the 48 hours you were taken?”
Yoongi hung his head reaching his arm up and rubbing the back of his neck looking away from the Sargent.
“Well um h-he um he chloroformed me I mean I guess he must have I-I was walking and someone put something across my face and I blacked out. I woke up and I was shoved into this cement room with Jiminie, it was horrible he was chained to this chair and all cut up and ugh just horrible. Then um Alistar pushed me against the wall and um he-he um-”
“It’s okay Yoongi take your time,” Sargent Gomez said Yoongi breathed in slowly closing his eyes letting small tears spill out the sides.
“He raped me then he chained me to the wall by my neck, over time he beat me mostly and cut me. Jimin he was more sexual towards I just I really want to see my bandmates okay.”
Sargent Gomez nodded leaving the room and bringing in his band members, Jimin was wheeled in breaking Yoongi’s heart the second he saw him. They sat together in silence for a while before falling into the rhythm of conversation between the group. Namjoon said that they would be leaving for Korea the next day and that Yoongi would need to go to the hospital in Seoul a few times a week.
Yoongi was just glad to get back home and lay in bed with Jimin and Taehyung, he wanted to write music and dance just like before. He didn’t even care that he would have to testify in court against Alistar at this point he fucking wanted to put that bitch away for what he did to his family. Jimin looked terrified at the idea but Namjoon was sure they could put Alistar away without his testimony, Seokjin said he should testify for himself not to put him away. Yoongi wasn’t sure, all he knew is he wouldn’t get away with this shit.
“All right Yoongi-hyung I’m gonna roll you onto the plane now alright?” Namjoon asked making Yoongi scoff nodding his head to Namjoon who rolled him onto the private plane.
“This shit is dumb as hell!” Yoongi said crossing his arms across his chest and pouting, stupid bullet in the leg Alistar ass bitch.
“You’ll be fine hyung okay it’s just for right now okay,” Jungkook said squeezing Yoongi’s cheeks tightly.
“Brat,” Yoongi scoffed swatting his hand away grumpily only making the younger laugh.
Jimin was walking on his own now trailing slowly behind Namjoon and Yoongi staying unnaturally silent. Jimin hadn’t spoken to Yoongi since they both got out of the hospital, he could barely look at him in the eye and when he did the younger looked terrified. Namjoon said he probably felt ashamed that Yoongi had to see him in the state he was in when they were confined together, but Yoongi just wanted to feel closer to him.
Jimin sat down on the farthest side of the plane away from Yoongi and the rest of the band looking tired and worried. Yoongi frowned waving off Taehyung who was telling him some dumb story and rolled himself over to sit next to Jimin. “Hey Minnie, you okay?” Yoongi asked moving to put his still bandaged hand over top of the others before pulling back when he flinched away.
“I’m fine hyung I just wanna go home,” Jimin stuttered, Yoongi nodded resting his head back against the plane wall.
“Mind if I sleep here?” Yoongi asked making Jimin chuckle before nodding softly.
im thinking about writing a supernatural fic idk i started watching it again let me know if you would be interested in that
Chapter 22: DNA
lovey-dovey before we get scary again
They had been home for a few days now and it was clear to everyone how Jimin had changed after his abduction. The way he looked around every corner as though it was going to eat him alive, the way he waited for everyone to leave the room before he could relax and how he only slept when he thought everyone else in the house was asleep.
Yoongi was acting weirdly normal to Jimin and that pissed him off, almost as though this entire incident didn’t even faze him.
Namjoon was acting like the hover mom Jimin never had and never needed always watching him and hushing people whenever he walked into the room, it was out of care he knew, but it was so fucking annoying.
Seokjin hadn’t stopped cooking and cleaning since they got home as though he was trying to scrub away any memories he had of what happened.
Hoseok and Taehyung kept trying to make Jimin laugh which was usually his job to do for them, Jimin realized that if they could see him smile they could pretend like he was okay.
Jungkook was almost as silent as Jimin was, he thinks that the younger blames himself for not seeing what was happening with Jimin earlier.
They canceled the rest of the WINGS tour telling the fans two of them had a medical emergency and couldn’t perform, it wasn’t a complete lie. Even though Namjoon told him not too Jimin looked at the fan comments almost constantly, looking obsessively at what everyone was saying about them. Most of ARMY was understanding over them needing a break but a loud minority was angry and in an uproar, it made Jimin feel even more guilty.
The band pretty much knew about everything that had been happening between Alistar and him for the past few months by now, they knew about the abuse both physical and sexual. But they didn’t know about Jimin’s personal vices, the cutting and the self hatred. He had been acting out in his own accord without the rest of them knowing since they got back 5 days ago.
Jungkook almost caught Jimin the night before when he was in the bathroom next to his and Hoseok’s room.
Jimin didn’t mean to fall this deep into whatever he was doing, he never meant to fall so deeply into his vices. But every time he closed his eyes he could feel Alistars hands slinking up and down his body as though the older was trying to become a part of him. He was laying on the bathroom floor watching the fluorescent light above him spark and glow, slowly he reached his hands up watching the rosey blood drip down his pale arm. It was warm something that Jimin missed feeling and it stung with an aching pain that he was so used to feeling.
The blade clattered on the ground beside Jimin’s head echoing around the cramped bathroom, a soft knock was what brought Jimin out of his trance. “Hyung? Are you in there?” Jungkook asked from behind the door causing a rough groan to escape Jimin’s mouth, he just wanted to melt into the floor where no one could hurt him.
“One second…” Jimin said trailing off slightly before he pulled himself to his feet moaning harshly, he walked to the sick and quickly scrubbed his arm as clean as he could get it in the time he had. “Jimin-hyung? Are you okay, do you need Namjoon-hyung?” Jungkook asked sounding fearful before placing a heavy hand onto the door, Jimin already had the bandage tied tightly around his arm when Jungkook knocked again.
Quickly Jimin threw a black towel onto the ground scrubbing at the blood before placing down the bathmat and opening the door with a hearty smile on his face. “Hey Kookie, whats up?” Jimin asked in his best attempt at a loud voice, which really just sounded normal and slightly above a whisper. “Are you okay hyung?” Jungkook asked looking Jimin up and down with a pout on his face. Jimin chuckled to himself before anxiously rubbing the back of his neck slowly, “I’m gonna be okay kook.”
Jungkook nodded moving aside to let Jimin move past him back to his and Hoseok’s room before walking into the bathroom with a frown. Jimin needed sleep as soon as possible.
Namjoon was on the phone in the room over from Jimin and Taehyung talking loudly to their manager about when Alistars trial was going to be and what they needed to do. They had all agreed, or well Yoongi agreed, that Hoseok, Yoongi and Jimin we're all going to talk at the trail. Jimin told them he would try his best but everyone told him not to push it and that he didn’t need to speak if he didn’t want to, Yoongi said it would be best for him to face his fears and ‘just do it’. It was a fast conversation.
“I’m just telling you it isn’t a good idea to have Jimin and Alistar in the same room… No I understand that… It’s not only his choice… Are you sure?.. No I know the doctors said he needed to go it’s just-.. Okay… Yes okay I’ll make the appointment, he’ll be there.” Namjoon said from the room over before hanging up his phone and screaming into a pillow then marching outside onto the patio for some air.
Jimin closed his eyes dropping his head in his hands, he knew that Namjoon was frustrated and he knew that it had something to do with him which made him feel horrible. Taehyung looked over at him from the other side of the couch he was sitting on and frowned deeply, he didn’t know what he could do anymore to help his brothers. Jungkook hadn’t spoken all morning and it was starting to worry Taehyung, he just stayed in the bathroom searching through everyone’s things like he was looking for something he couldn’t seem to find. When Taehyung asked Jungkook about it he just said ‘he needed it to not be true’ nothing made sense anymore.
Yoongi was still in his wheelchair that he got from the hospital in Chile, you could always tell when he was coming because Hoseok would run him up and down the hallways. Namjoon said that Yoongi and Jimin needed to get outside more so that they don’t become codependent on the shadows of their apartment, but no one has been able to get them out yet. Taehyung sighed deeply before gazing over at Jimin who still had his head in his hands.
“Jimin?” Taehyung asked causing Jimin to turn his head in his hands and look up at the younger, “why don’t you, Yoongi, and I go for a walk?” Jimin looked down before nodding and rising off the couch, Taehyung smiled getting up and going into the other room to grab a busy looking Yoongi.
The three of them set off on the cold deserted streets of Seoul not many people were out at 10pm on a tuesday which meant it was a perfect time for the scared idols to go explore. Taehyung had his hands on the back of the Yoongi’s chair pushing him along the concrete road down to a small river down below them. Jimin was a little ways behind them wanting to keep an eye on the other two at all times, when they got down to the river the sat on the banks by a lone street lamp which served as their only light source.
It was silent for a while, Jimin was watching the leaves float by in the water and counting the amount of time it took for the light to bounce off the cold water. Taehyung was braiding Yoongi’s black hair into knots which made the older growl but not do anything to stop the younger, he missed the human contact.
“Why was Namjoon-hyung so angry?” Jimin asked looking up at Yoongi in his chair who grunted in response. “He wants the two of us to go to therapy before and after the trail, something about trauma. I told him no, he said he wasn’t going to ask you.” Yoongi said shrugging slightly as he untangled his hair. “Why did you say no hyung?” Taehyung asked confused.
“I don’t need someone else to tell me how fucked up I am,” Yoongi replied which made Jimin scowl. “You aren’t fucked up hyung,” Jimin said making Yoongi laugh. “Minnie we're both fucked up at this point okay?” Taehyung sighed letting small prickly tears trip down his face, he wished he could steal the twos pain and keep it for himself. The youngest said he was going to make the two some tea before strolling back towards the apartment leaving the two tattered boys by the river.
Yoongi and Jimin hadn’t spoken since they got back from Chile, they had barely even looked at one another since they got back. Jimin was scared, hell horrified about what Yoongi would think of him now that he knew the truth about everything he let Alistar do to him, he couldn’t face the other.
“Jimin,” Yoongi said in his gruff voice, “is there a reason you won’t even look at me?”
“How could I? Now that you know everything that happened, now that you know how used up I am.” Jimin replied in a voice that was almost too hard to hear.
“Jimin I was in that warehouse with you okay, the only people that can relate over what happened in there is you and me. So please, talk to me, please I need you.”
Jimin sighed before looking up and smiling at the other, “do you still love me after what I did to you?”
“You didn’t do anything to me, Alistar raped me and cut me and beat me, not you.”
“He did it because of me, he promised he would only hurt me if I went with him then he-”
“It isn’t your fault-”
“Than whose is it! How can you say that!”
“Do you still love me?”
“Jimin I could never stop loving you, and I wish I was out of this damn chair and could hold you.”
“How can you love me?” Jimin was crying at this point and refused to look up at Yoongi.
“How couldn’t I love you?”
Jimin sat up from the bank and looked up into Yoongi’s eyes before leaning forward a placing his lips softly onto the olders. Slowly they began to move with each other as Jimin slowly moved up and sat onto Yoongi’s good leg deepening their kiss. Jimin moaned softly as the older bit his lip letting his tongue snake into the youngers mouth, but still it was soft and gentle something he wasn’t used to.
“Jimin, wait,” Yoongi said pulling back from Jimin who moved his lips down to the olders neck. “I don’t want to hurt you, I don’t want to be like him.”
“You can never be like him hyung, because I want to be with you,” Jimin said resting his palm onto the olders cheek before moving to kiss him harder.
“I love you Jimin,” Yoongi moaned through a sly smile.
“I love you Yoongi,” Jimin said and for the first time in who knows how long, meaning it.
“I ship it!” A voice yelled from behind the pair causing Jimin to yelp and fall off of the older before turning around and peering behind Yoongi.
“Taehyung I swear to god!” Jimin laughed which became infectious and fell into Yoongi's lap causing him to laugh harder than he thought was possible.
“I’m. Telling. Jungkook.” Taehyung said before dropping the cups of tea he made on the ground and running back to the apartment.
“Those were my Jin-hyungs good mugs,” Yoongi grumbled as Jimin inched back onto his lap, sliding his arms back around the olders neck.
“I’m sure he won’t mind,” Jimin whispered chilling every inch of Yoongi.
“When did you become so sultry?”
“Since I haven’t spoken to you in days.”
Jimin could get used to this.
Chapter 23: UPDATE
hey! sorry its been a while im posting an update asap! school has been HELLLL but hey its okay im on break rn! it'll be out super super soon we have some loose ends we need to tie up here. thank you so much, everyone, who has commented and liked this story it means so much to me if you want check out my other stories while this one updates when i finish this story i will be starting a new BTS story. OMGGGGGG! Anyway see you soon!
Chapter 24: persona
The trail was in four days, four days of trying to keep everyone together, four days of ‘are you okay’, four days of ‘you don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do’. Jimin was the one Namjoon worried about the most he was weirdly quiet and closed off, what worried Joon the most was the long sleeves in the heat. Namjoon wasn’t stupid or in denial like some of his brothers, he knew what Jimin was doing. He hated that he knew but he knew and it needed to stop as soon as possible.
Namjoon hated how much he NOTICED things like Jimin and his sleeves, Jimin and his silence, Jimin and his jumpiness. He needed to get everyone under control before the trial that much he knew, they we're all going to be in the same room as Alistar and he couldn’t have anyone breaking down. Namjoon sighed rubbing his hands over his face he looked up and saw Yoongi and Seokjin and knew instantly that he needed to address this with the people he trusted the most.
“Are you sure Joonie,” Seokjin asked from the bed across from Namjoon and Yoongi who was no longer ridden to his chair and only needed it when he had been walking for a whole. Yoongi said it was best that they keep the wheelchair for the trial to really get that sympathy card going for the jury.
“I’m positive okay babe, I don’t want it to be true but it is okay?” Namjoon said reaching across the bed and grabbing his boyfriends hands. Yoongi scowled crossing his hands over his chest and glaring at Namjoon.
“W-what do we do?” Seokjin asked looking over at Yoongi with a worried gaze, Yoongi closed his eyes and rolled his head back against the wall sighing.
“We need to talk to him,” Namjoon said getting up and walking over towards the door before Seokjin jumped up and grabbed Namjoon’s arm.
“A-are you sure that’s a good idea Namjoon?” Seokjin asked, Yoongi scoffed looking over at the couple.
“He needs to stop before he sees Alistar,” Yoongi said looking over at Namjoon, “get ‘em Joon.”
Namjoon nodded kissing Seokjin on the nose and pulling open the bedroom door walking into the hallway carefully. The walk to where Taehyung and Jimin were sitting together on the couch felt like it lasted an eternity, it felt like he was moving his feet but not moving from the place he was standing. Jimin was laying his head in Taehyung’s lap playing with the sleeves of his long black and white striped shirt while Taehyung watched some type of drama on their TV. He almost looked too peaceful to move, Namjoon really had to think if it was worth ruining the youngers night. But then he remembered life, Jimin’s life, that was at stake if Jimin ever went too far.
“Jimin-ssi?” Namjoon said causing Jimin to jump off Taehyung’s lap and look directly at Namjoon terrified. “Can you come talk to me for a bit?” Jimin nodded wringing his hands nervously getting off the couch and following Namjoon into the bedroom where Seokjin and Yoongi were waiting. Jimin looked even more scared when he saw the other two in the room, shaking slightly he walked across the room and sat on the bed Yoongi was on as far away from him as possible.
“Jimin if it’s okay we need to talk to you about a few things,” Seokjin said grabbing his boyfriend's hand and pulling it close to him, Jimin nodded. “There is no easy way to ask this but, can you roll your sleeves?”
“Wah?” Jimin stuttered out looking at Yoongi for help who only just placed a heavy hand onto Jimin's arm, “why?”
“You don’t need to be ashamed Jimin but we need to help you with this especially since you are going to be facing Alistar soon,” Yoongi said looking into Jimin’s eyes.
“N-no!” He stuttered shoving off Yoongi’s hands and jumping off the bed before he was grabbed by Yoongi lightly and pulled back down.
“Jimin please,” Namjoon said, “we want to help you we love you.”
“You won’t love me after the trial, you won’t love me when you see what I’ve done.” Jimin said harsh tears welling up in his eyes.
“There is nothing that would stop me loving you Jiminie,” Yoongi said placing a cold hand on Jimin’s face.
A tear fell down Jimin’s face then another, then another before hundreds of tears were pitter pattering down his face watering the ground below him. Jimin looked up into Yoongi’s eyes and nodded rolling up his sleeves one by one as slowly as possible. Namjoon gasped loudly there were cuts upon cuts lining both his arms old and new, some as new as yesterday. Namjoon could barely hear Seokjin crying but he knew that he was, he couldn’t here Yoongi talking to Jimin but he knew he was all he could focus on were the cuts.
How could he have let this happen, how, how, how? It was HIS job to keep them all safe, it was HIS job to keep them all loved, how many damn times was he going to fail? Namjoon suddenly couldn’t breathe, quickly he shot up off the bed and ran out of the room onto the balcony connected to their apartment. He swung open the doors bursting onto the balcony grabbing the railing and breathing in harshly as fast as possible, his head was swimming he felt like his whole body was turning in circles. Namjoon crumbled onto the ground shallow tears were feathering down his face as he shook in the wind, he didn’t hear the footsteps till someone was sitting next to him.
“Namjoon-hyung breath,” Taehyung said placing a hand over Namjoons back rubbing in circles. He stuttered out a breath trying to control himself as much as possible he coughed rubbing his eyes his his hands before looking over at Taehyung.
“H-how c-could I-I let this happen, Tae?” Namjoon stuttered out through tears, Taehyung smiled at him grabbing his face and forcing him to look at him.
“Hyung you have to forgive yourself okay, you can’t be everyone’s hero and forget about yourself. It’s too much pressure to put on yourself, you forget that you are HUMAN first not LEADER first.” Taehyung said rubbing his thumbs over Namjoons face clearing away all the tears until none were left.
“I shouldn’t have run out of that room god Jimin must be so ashamed-”
“Namjoon are you okay?” Seokjin asked from the doorway of the balcony looking down in borderline horror at the scene in front of him. “Are you okay honey?”
“Is Jimin okay?” Namjoon asked pushing up off the ground and grabbing his boyfriends hands a little too harshly.
“He’s with Yoongi he’s a bit shaken up but I think he’ll be okay eventually it’s gonna be a long LONG road, he’s gonna need us.” Seokjin said, “Tae is he okay?”
Taehyung nodded standing up and putting his hand onto the youngers shoulder pushing the couple into the living room and onto the couch. “What happened to Jimin?”
“It’s a long story Tae-”
“We have time.”
“He’s been cutting himself Taehyung I-I-I don’t know how long but it’s bad,” Seokjin stuttered out watching Tae’s face fall. He nodded getting off the couch and pacing around the room still nodding his head wildly.
“Where is he?”
“He is with Yoongi-hyung he’s safe okay Tae right now we just need to be there for him and prep for the trail.” Namjoon said trying to calm down the other, Taehyung sat back down holding his head in his hands this was going to be a long road.
Over the past few days no one had left Jimin’s side, they had taken shifts watching him as if he was going to break at any moment. Namjoon could tell how much it bothered Jimin and how hard this was for him but frankly they had more to worry about and right now they just needed to keep him safe and alive.
The start of the trail was today and to say everyone was tense would be an understatement, it was like they were all waiting for a bomb to go off. Yoongi had told them over and over again that he was fine and everyone needed to stop fucking asking him if he was or not, he told them that he didn’t care about seeing Alistar and that he was just trying to heal. Jimin had gotten dressed about 12 different times trying to find the best outfit for the trail date even though their real manager had told them that this would not be a public affair.
Their real manager had made sure that no press would find out about the trail but realistically this was going to be hard to do. There were cops surrounding the court house keeping any press that may have been tipped off at bay, at them moment all that had been leaked was that a ‘kpop group was pressing legal matters against a manager’. Of course the public spread rumors like wildfire once that information had been leaked but none of them pointed back to BTS and none of them were as bad as reality. They were safe behind this veil of secrecy that they had prayed up.
Namjoon filed all his members into a large black van trying his best to keep a strong face for everyone else that was completely see through and he knew it. Yoongi had brought his chair since he had been complaining about his leg for the past day and a half and was sitting in the back of the van leaning his head on Jimin. The only ones that had to testify were Jimin, Yoongi and Hoseok since they were all present when Yoongi and Jimin were kidnapped, Namjoon had spent hours with each of them going over what they were going to say.
After a few minutes the van stopped and Namjoon pulled open the door jumping out onto the too sunny Seoul streets in front of the old court house. He pulled his mask father up his face and went to the back of van to roll Yoongi out and into the courthouse the rest of the members following in tow. They were all dressed in black as if they were mourning a sense of innocence that was about to be stripped from each one of them, they were mourning life being nothing but something easy. They all filled into the courtroom walking over and sitting down in front row waiting patiently for the trail to begin.
“Alistar is representing himself,” their lawyer said turning in her seat around and staring at them. Their lawyer, Mrs. Moon, was a tall slender woman with a pinched face and a take no bullshit attitude, she was pressing for a maximum sentence and wasn’t going to take no for an answer. When Namjoon first met her he was flooded with relief that someone who actually knew what she was doing was going to be representing his brothers, they had spoken for hours on end about the case exchanging legal knowledge and he had full confidence in her.
“That idiot are you serious, noona?” Namjoon yell whispered dropping his head in his hands.
“What? What does that mean?” Jungkook asked from his seat next to Namjoon looking at both of them confused.
“It means that Alistar is going to be cross examining Jimin, Yoongi and Hoseok.” Mrs. Moon said looking at the youngest coldly.
“Wah,” Jimin started looking agape at their lawyer like he didn’t want to believe what she had said to be true. “So he’s gonna stand up their and call me a liar?”
“It won’t work it rarely ever does-” Mrs. Moon started before she was interrupted by the loud bang of doors opening across the courtroom.
Namjoon looked up only to paint a harsh scowl across his face when he saw Alistar dressed in a tight suit strut into the courtroom and sit down as though he already owned the place. The door opened again and a short old woman dressed in all black walked in and marched up to the judge's seat above the courtroom.
“All rise for the honorable judge Kyo,” a policeman said, they rose before being dismissed back to their seats. Namjoon reached over and grabbed Jimin’s hand tightly, it was about to begin.
Chapter 25: HOME
jimin goes to trial, Yoongi tries to be there for him
warning sexual material
two in one day you can really tell im on break with nothing to do hahaha
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
The ground was cold under Jimin’s feet the bed he was sitting on was soft and warm contrasting against the cold as if his body was on two different planets. Namjoon had just run out of the room Seokjin following closely after him leaving just Yoongi and Jimin in horrid silence. Jimin had inched as far as he could away from Yoongi without falling off the bed trying to create a river of distance between the two of them. Yoongi did know what to do he hadn’t dealt with this kind of thing in years and he really didn’t know where to begin helping Jimin.
Jimin was shaking like a leaf in the wind he couldn’t help but feel the cold tears pitter-pattering down his face and falling into his lap.
“Jimin?” Yoongi whispered turning to look at Jimin who slowly turned over to face the older. “Are you okay?”
“Is that a real question?” Jimin growled out making Yoongi tense up.
“Do you want it to be a fake question?” The older one asked.
“I don’t want it to be a question at all.”
“Fine no questions, but Jimin what do you want me to do?”
“Runaway disgusted just like Namjoon and Seokjin, never look at me again, yell scream throw things. I want you to act like how a normal sane person would act when a psycho cuts up their flesh!”
“You aren’t psycho.”
“Oh but aren’t I? Who else would LET someone beat and rape them, who else would LET someone kidnap them, who else would shred their own skin? A psycho!” Jimin yelled jumping off the bed before Yoongi reached up and pulled him into his lap trying to calm the younger down.
“Jimin you didn’t let Alistar do those things to you, you didn’t let anyone do anything okay it isn’t your fault that the way you cope is through hurting yourself.” Yoongi said peering deeply into the youngers eyes that were now flooding with tears. “I love you.”
“This really isn’t the time hyung,” Jimin laughed rolling his eyes feeling a soft hand pull his face closer to the olders.
“It’s always the time for love,” Yoongi lolled out peppering kisses along Jimin’s wet face, “we are going to get through this together I’m never going to leave you.”
When Jimin walked into that courtroom his heart fell from his chest, to his stomach, down to his feet, before falling onto the ground and being stepped all over. Mrs. Moon was sitting in front of the band explaining to them the new harsh reality Jimin was faced with.
“So he’s gonna stand up there and call me a liar?” Jimin stuttered out in shock this was all a game to Alistar and they were falling right into his fucking trap. Just as Mrs. Moon was about to say something the judge walked in as well as the jury signaling to everyone that the court was now in session. Jimin rose his head for the first time to look at Alistar who was grinning wildly at Jimin ignoring everything the judge was saying, slowly he stood up and walked in front of the bar.
“You may now give you’re opening statements,” Judge Kyo said looking directly at Alistar who grinned even wider making Jimin want to vomit.
“Members of the jury you are gathered here today based solely on circumstantial evidence and the words of over privileged idols-” Alistar started before being interrupted by judge Kyo.
“Watch your tone Mr. Petrov,” the judge growled gaining a nod from Alistar who continued blabbering on. Jimin stopped paying attention and grabbed onto Yoongi’s hand like it was his life line until Alistar sat back down and Mrs. Moon rose up to speak.
“Alistar Petrov was hired to be the manager for the band BTS and used his power to abuse the people under him plain and simple. Park Jimin underwent months of abuse by the hands of Mr. Petrov until ultimately being kidnapped by the defendant and tortured with his band mate Min Yoongi. I ask the jury to convict Alistar Petrov on the charges of kidnapping as well as multiple counts of rape in the first, not because the victims are idols but because they are people who deserve to be respected and protected.” Mrs. Moon said looking directly at the jury the whole before sitting down and smiling to the worried looking BTS.
“You may call your first witness Mr. Petrov,” judge Kyo said Alistar stood still with that stupid grin.
“The defense calls Park Jimin to the stand,” Alistar said Jimin felt another foot land on his heart as he stood up and walked to the witness stand. Alistar strode up the courtroom before stepping in front of the witness stand staring daggers into Jimin whose head was pointed down.
“Jimin, may I call you Jimin?” Alistar asked making Jimin’s skin crawl, he could still feel the older mans hands all over him.
“I-I-I guess,” Jimin stuttered out making Alistar grin almost autoably.
“Jimin what is your relationship to the defendant?” Alistar asked like he didn’t already know.
“H-he, I mean you, were my manager we started working together in January about 11 months ago.”
“And how would you describe this relationship?”
“Um well we never had a good relationship, the first day I met Alistar he made me stay after practice and that was the first time he put his hands on me, when he was driving me home he gave me makeup and told me to stay quiet. It seemed like he had done this before-”
“Objection speculation,” Alistar said interrupting Jimin with a start.
“The jury will disregard, Mr. Park stick to what you know to be fact,” the judge said, Jimin nodded biting his lip and looking away.
“How often did this happen?” Alistar asked.
“Almost daily it was a lot of the same he told me he was doing this for my own good, ya know beating me and everything, then one day it became something more.”
“It became what?”
“It was horrible when it first happened the room was cold and unforgiving and the glass my face was slammed up against showed me my reflection the entire time not letting me escape. I don’t remember what caused it but he changed, his mouth was on me and h-he pulled off my clothes and-”
“He raped me, it was the first of many times.”
Alistar smiled as though he was getting off on everything that Jimin was saying making him feel sick to his stomach, his face was bright red out of fear and shame. Jimin wanted to look at his brothers but he knew he couldn’t face them after they knew everything that had happened to him, they would never see him the same way.
“One more question at this time Jimin, did anyone know of this relationship with the defendant you claimed happened?” Alistar asked.
“My bandmate Taehyung caught us one night, the day after Alistar raped me for the first time, he was horrified at what he saw. Alistar told Taehyung that we were together romantically-” Jimin replied.
“And what did you say?”
“Well I said yes-”
“So you agreed that you were in a consenting relationship with the defendant.”
“Yes but I was just doing what he-”
“No more questions.”
With that Alistar smiled at the jury and turned on his heel sitting back down at his seat, Jimin’s face was on fire how could he get so tripped up like that? Mrs. Moon stood up for her cross-examination giving Jimin a warm look as she walked before him.
“Mr. Park the first night you were intimate with Alistar Petrov was it consensual?” Mrs. Moon asked getting straight to the point, something Jimin appreciated.
“No,” he replied whispering into the microphone in front of him.
“Any other time was that consensual?”
“So why did you tell Kim Taehyung that you were with him?”
“Because it was what Alistar wanted me to say-”
“Objection,” Alistar yelled slamming his hands onto the table.
“Overruled, Jimin continue,” the judge said coldly.
“I did it to protect my brothers! Alistar told me if I did everything that he said then he wouldn’t touch my bandmates, so I stayed quiet. It hurt so much that Taehyung thought that we were together but I would much rather he believe a lie than know the truth and hate me.”
“Why did you think he would hate you?”
“I-I don’t think so.”
“Would you say that Alistar had a hold on you emotionally?” Mrs. Moon asked.
“Would you say you were thinking realistically?”
“So when you got into the van with Alistar in Chile willingly would you say you were in your right mind?”
“I wouldn’t call that willing, but yes he told me if he took me my brothers would be safe and happy. Then he brought in Yoongi-hyung I was so betrayed I was such a fool here I was being raped and beaten thinking I was a savior when all I had done was damned everyone else.”
“Thank you Jimin that is all, for now, the court is adjourned I expect to see you all here at 8 am tomorrow for the second witness.” Judge Kyo said banging her gavil harshly and dismissing Jimin from the stand.
“You did great hyung,” Jungkook said when they were all back in the van driving home from the courthouse.
“I got tripped up I should have expected him to bring up what happened with Tae,” Jimin said sighing putting his head in his hands.
“What you are doing is hard Jimin you need to forgive yourself no matter what happens,” Taehyung said resting a heavy hand on Jimin’s shoulder. “There is no way he’s getting off.”
“Especially after Yoongi-hyung takes the stand and rips him to shreds,” Jungkook said smiling wildly.
“Better fucking believe it he’s not getting away with shit,” Yoongi said from the back of the van causing Jimin to crack an easy smile. “No one hurts my man.”
“Oooo!!!” Jungkook and Taehyung both yelled making the whole van laugh out loud the first time they had really all laughed since the kidnapping.
“I didn’t know I was anyone's man,” Jimin replied with a grin.
“Do you wanna be?” Yoongi asked making Jimin squirm in his seat.
“Can you two get a damn room,” Hoseok said from the front seat.
“I can’t believe you are asking me out right now.”
“Yes hyung I will be your man, now let’s lock the son of a bitch up!”
“LANGUAGE!” Seokjin yelled again causing the van to break into laughter, they all felt young again something they hadn't in a while.
When they got home Seokjin told Yoongi that he was going to spend the night in Namjoon’s room so he and Jimin could be alone if they wanted to talk in private. Jimin was thankful and a little grossed out at what the older had insisted telling Hoseok that he was going to spend the night with Yoongi making the older pretend to vomit. That is how Jimin ended up laying in Yoongi’s bed curled up to the older laying on his chest listening closely to his heartbeat smiling.
Yoongi’s hand was raking through Jimin’s hair while he whispered sweet nothings into the youngers ear, they were in their own little world where no one could touch the pair not Alistar not anyone. Jimin pushed up onto the olders chest and looked up into his eyes smiling lazily at Yoongi like he was the most beautiful person ever, Yoongi grinned at him. How was he so lucky?
“There is no way I don’t want to be with you,” Jimin whispered to Yoongi his voice tangled up in the darkness around them. “Even after everything that has happened I still want to be with you.”
“I don’t want to hurt you,” Yoongi replied putting his hand up onto the youngers face stroking his cheek with his thumb.
“You could never hurt me,” Jimin replied leaning down and resting his lips softly onto the olders grinning as he did so.
Quickly Yoongi pushed up on his elbows using one arm to pull Jimin closer to him as if he was going to fly away, he deepened the kiss swallowing the younger like he was candy. Jimin moaned opening his mouth to let Yoongi’s tongue slip in before Jimin bit the olders lip pulling back softly and looking into the olders eyes. Yoongi grinned grabbing Jimin and turning him over onto his back quickly so that he was on top of the younger gazing into his face sensually.
“Are you sure,” Yoongi asked looking worried.
“Of course,” Jimin replied grinning up at the older who lowered his face onto Jimin’s neck kissing and biting softly.
Slowly he moved his attack down lower and lower kissing Jimin’s shirt over top of his chest and his thin stomach, Yoongi stroked his hands under the shirt looking at Jimin before pulling it off. Yoongi then pulled his shirt off as well grinding down harshly against the youngers body making him moan, this was something he had never experienced before making love not just sex. It was gentle and beautiful, Yoongi was treating him as if he was a flower not a piece of glass.
“I love you,” Yoongi moaned as he kissed Jimin deeply, “when you were gone it felt like I was gone too.”
“Let’s not think about that,” Jimin said, “let’s think about us.”
Yoongi nodded before asking, “can I get you naked?” Jimin laughed nodding lifting his hips letting Yoongi strip him completely before doing the same to himself.
“Tell me if you want me to stop.”
Yoongi lowered his hands stroking up and down every part of Jimin reaching down to his behind and slowly preparing him, again something Jimin had never felt before. Jimin moaned out loudly as Yoongi moved against him still layering kiss after kiss across his body, Yoongi stopped pulling his hands up and grabbing a condom. He breathed in Jimin as he positioned himself before pushing into the younger slowly, Jimin breathed out moaning along with Yoongi. The older's pace quickened hitting every place he knew would drive Jimin mad, mad with love not mad with anger or anything else the others have done to him.
The headboard hit the wall softly keeping a steady pace in the room, Yoongi laced his hands down to Jimin’s member pumping with his thrusts. Jimin moaned out again as he came over the edge being quickly followed by Yoongi who yelped out slowly his movements before falling down next to the younger. Jimin rolled over falling into Yoongi’s arms resting his head on the olders chest again letting his face stick to the sweat covering his body.
“I love you,” Jimin said again, “this is what I needed after today someone to show me love.”
“And we can do it everyday until the day we die if you want,” Yoongi replied causing Jimin to laugh.
“Let’s take it one day at a time hyung, you have trial tomorrow.”
“Don’t remind me.”
“I love you.”
“I love you.”
i felt so weird writing this omg
Chapter 26: Jamais Vu
the trial part 2
also, the beginning is a bit different the pictures are all of the members when they are in court (i tried to make it accurate to the time period this is set in aka wings era)
pictures are of them at the trail for a better mental image
. . .
BTS in Their Trial Outfits!
When Yoongi woke up the next morning there was a different feeling in the air there was a certain aura of love and passion surrounding him one he hadn’t felt in a while. The sun was peering ever so slightly through the window dancing over Yoongi’s pale and still healing features, if he listened closely enough he could hear Seokjin and Namjoon sleeping in the room over. What he noticed next was the weighing feeling of another person laying on his chest snoring ever so slightly, Yoongi grinned when he saw Jimin. That boy could sleep through anything.
Today was the day, the day he was going to tell his side of the story. Alistar was going to stand there and listen to every word that Yoongi was going to say, he was going to MAKE him listen. There was an old quote Namjoon told him one day something he had translated from Russian, ‘Beauty will Save the World,’ that was what Jimin did yesterday and what he was going to do today. Save the world with beauty, and lock away the ugly hate of this world. Jimin stirred on Yoongi’s chest making the older crane his neck down to look at him smiling wildly as the younger opened his eyes.
“Good morning,” Yoongi whispered causing Jimin to laugh.
“Good morning hyung,” Jimin replied still shining his teeth up at the other.
“We need to get up soon,” Yoongi said making Jimin pout before pulling himself off the bed. Yoongi groaned before following the other and climbing out of bed, Yoongi looked over at Jimin who didn’t seem to know he was still naked until he saw the rosey blush dusted across Yoongi’s face.
“Agh! Hyung!” Jimin yelped covering himself with his hands making the older laugh out loud doubling over almost in pain. “Stop, don’t look at me!”
“Your in my room Minnie,” Yoongi said still laughing, “go I need to get dressed.”
Jimin grinned nodding before running out of the room, Yoongi could hear from down the hall Hoseok begging him to put some damn clothes on. Yoongi shook his head walking over to his closet and pulling out his outfit for trail, a black silk button up shirt with tight black jeans and a red velvet cropped suit jacket. Yoongi was tired of all the black that everyone was wearing he wasn’t going to let Alistar take the color out of his life any longer.
He looked in the mirror smiling to himself since he could barely see his bruises anymore, he looked down at his leg that was still in a cast from where he was shot and smiled wider. He was a survivor and he was going to make sure that court knew he didn’t intend on giving up anytime soon.
Taehyung was dressed in a pastel pink suit jacket and matching pants it made Yoongi smile when he saw that the rest of his members were following in suit of dressing as though they had already won the case. Taehyung’s hands were on the back of his chair pushing him through the cold marble halls of the courthouse the rest of the members were close behind them, all of them looking like they were trying to hide their worried expressions.
Jimin was wearing a feathery high collar black shirt covering most of his neck, Yoongi knew why of course and every time he looked at Jimin he smiled remembering the night before. They were early Namjoon made sure of that, he wanted to make sure they had enough time to prep before the trial actually started, it was almost like he had no faith in Yoongi or his testimony. Yoongi scoffed in his head just at the thought.
They all sat where they were yesterday in the front row all pressed together like sardines in a can, Mrs. Moon was in front of them reading over her case file thoroughly. Yoongi saw Taehyung reach his hand over and grab a nervous Jungkook’s arm trying to calm down the younger, it made Yoongi smile he did them same to Jimin making the younger look up at him. The doors opened with a loud bang causing Yoongi to look up at Alistar as he strutted into the room it made him sick, then almost like clockwork the judge came in and started the trial backup again. Yoongi swallowed when Alistar called him up slowly he rolled himself up to the witness stand.
“Could you state your name for the court,” Alistar asked as he approached the stand making Yoongi’s skin crawl.
“Min Yoongi,” Yoongi started, “but you knew that.”
Alistar ignored him continuing to his next question, “and what is your relationship to the defendant?” Yoongi rolled his eyes were they really going to do this?
“He was my manager then he was my kidnapper,” Yoongi spit out.
“Could you elaborate more on that?”
“Which part, the kidnapping? Or having to watch you torture Jimin?”
“And what is your relationship to Park Jimin-”
“Objection relivence,” Mrs. Moon said cutting off Alistar who rolled his eyes looking up at the judge.
“Goes to credibility your honor,” he replied.
“I’ll allow it,Mr. Min to continue,” judge Kyo said making Yoongi’s scowl deepen.
“I’ll ask again what is your relationship with Park Jimin?” Alistar asked again crossing his arms over his chest like he had caught Yoongi in a lie.
Yoongi looked over at Jimin who was staring at him intently, “he is my bandmate.”
“Is that all?”
“Move on Mr. Petrov,” Judge Kyo said impatiently.
“What happened during this eligid kidnapping by the defendant?”
“I was searching for Jimin with Hoseok and we ran into this alleyway we thought Jimin had been taken to. I told Hoseok that we should part ways and I went down the alley alone, I found this door connected to an old wearhouse and I pried it open. When I was inside someone held something over my face and when I woke up Alistar was dragging me into this room where Jimin was tied up, then he pushed against the wall and raped me. After that I was chained to the wall and beaten till the police found us and Alistar shot me in the leg.” Yoongi explained not taking his eyes off the jury trying to gage their reactions.
“Do you have proof of this?” Alistar asked, Yoongi scoffed.
“No I’m sitting in this wheelchair for fun, yes I have fucking proof they caught you in the act!” Yoongi yelled looking over at him before looking at the jury again, “there is no reason to be here! The police caught him they saw him shoot me, the only reason we are here is because YOU want to drag this out longer! You want to stand up here and call Jimin a liar!”
“And has Park Jimin ever lied to you?” Alistar asked unfazed by my words only making me more angry.
“Never, I believe him I saw the bruises on his body that you left I saw the cuts on his body I watched you throw yourself on top of him! You are guilty! Of everything and so much more, you wanted to break me like you had Jimin but you didn’t and you won’t you may have raped me but that doesn’t change who I am!”
“No more questions for this witness,” Alistar said walking back to sit down, Mrs. Moon stood for her examination smiling at Yoongi.
“Mr. Min I know this is hard-” Mrs. Moon started before Yoongi cut her off.
“It’s really not, this is a simple case,” Yoongi replied leaning back in his chair.
“You are right Mr. Min it is simple, but I still need to ask you a few questions. Did you have any idea of the abuse Park Jimin was experiencing?”
“I had my suspicions I would see Jimin come home late most nights crying, I thought he needed space he wasn’t going to open up to me anyway and I knew that. Then Tae came to us crying one night and said he had caught Jimin with Alistar and even though he said they were together a part of me knew they weren’t. I should have listened to that part then maybe this all wouldn’t have happened.”
“And Mr. Min why do you think the defendant prayed on you and Mr. Park?”
“Objection speculation,” Alistar said before he was waved off by the judge who was obviously over him.
“Well Jimin is an angel and Alistar couldn’t stand something beautiful not being his, and I well um I-I,” Yoongi swallowed, “I loved him so I was easy.”
“So you were in a romantic relationship with Mr. Park.”
“Thank you Mr. Min you may step down,” Yoongi nodded rolling back over to where his bandmates were sitting, he could feel Alistars eyes on his back.
“The prosecution calls one more witness to the stand,” Mrs Moon said, “Alistar Petrov.”
Alistar stood smiling and strode up the the witness stand making Yoongi’s blood boil, what the fuck was he doing?
“Mr. Petrov what is your relationship with Park Jimin?” Mrs. Moon asked.
“Jimin ahh I was his manger,” Alistar started staring straight at Jimin, “and lover. That was until Min Yoongi put these lies into Jimin’s head turning our loving relationship into an abusive fantasy.”
“So you are claiming you and Mr. Park were in a consensual relationship?”
“Yes and it was beautiful,” Alistar was still staring at Jimin, “wasn’t it love?” Jimin grabbed Yoongi’s hand from next to him not taking his eyes off of Alistar.
“What lead to the kidnapping?”
“I believe that one is out of your jurisdiction, that happened in Chile not in Korea, the only thing you have me on here is a he said he said rape allegation.”
Yoongi swallowed looking at Namjoon, “is that true? Can he do that?”
“He can try it’s up to the jury,” Namjoon said resting his hand on top of Yoongi’s shoulder.
“Why do you think Mr. Park would lie about this, need I remind you there is no statute of limitation on rape so I’m sure we can get you for the ones in Chile as well.” Mrs. Moon said.
“Is that a threat Mrs. Moon? To bad I don’t swing that way, the reason Jimin is making this up is because of Min Yoongi HE should be on trial not me!” Alistar yelled slamming his hands on the witness stand causing Jimin and Yoongi to jump.
“No further questions your honor,” Mrs Moon said moving to sit back down. Both of the ‘lawyers’ then gave their closing statements before the jury was dismissed to their chambers and the courtroom emptied out slowly. Yoongi sighed out in relief that it was over moving his head to the side to kiss the shaken looking Jimin, it was almost over.
Yoongi was sitting cross legged on the couch watching Jimin as he danced a pencil across a sheet of white paper, looking up ever so often to smile at the older. He was drawing the older as if his life depended on in using all his concentration to get the perfect angle of Yoongi’s face. He had changed out of his red and black suit and retired to a pair of sweatpants and a sweatshirt much more comfortable for this time of waiting all of BTS was in. Mrs. Moon said that it could take as much time as needed for the jury to deliberate and that they just needed to wait for the verdict.
Seokjin and Taehyung were in the kitchen ordering Panda Express for the whole group trying to take all their minds away from the deliberation. Hoseok, Namjoon and Jungkook were trying to pick out a movie for all of them to watch while they ate, right now it was in between some French movie, a comedy, and a K-drama. Eventually Jungkook won and they landed on some K-Drama about a girl who was a ghost in love with a human, Jimin wasn’t paying attention he was still focused on drawing Yoongi.
“Okay,” Jimin said turning the paper around to show Yoongi what he had done. It was beautiful, of course Yoongi would say that about anything Jimin did, but it was breathtaking of course it wasn’t perfect but that didn’t matter it was perfect to him.
“I love it Minnie,” Yoongi said placing the picture on the table next to them patting the seat next to him on the couch. Jimin grinned getting up and jumping onto the olders lap as the rest of the group filled into the room to watch the drama and wait for the chinese food.
After about 30 minutes there was a knock at the door signaling that their food home come, Taehyung yelped with joy running with Yoongi to the door. When they came back in chanting Panda Express over and over again the rest of the band couldn’t help but break out into loud laughter. This all felt so comfortable all of them together eating and watching tv like nothing bad had ever happened or will ever happen to them.
Then Namjoon’s phone rang, he got up slowly answering the phone as quickly as possible once he saw Mrs. Moon’s name.
“Hello… Yes… Of course… Yes of course… We’ll be there at 8 am tomorrow… bye.” Namjoon said into the phone turning to look at the rest of the members swallowing deeply. “The jury is in we're going to court tomorrow to hear the verdict.”
Yoongi couldn’t breathe.
Chapter 27: spring day
the last part of the trail
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Jimin didn’t sleep the whole night too consumed by laying there his eyes glued to the ceiling as he counted every second until morning. His mind couldn’t help itself from running away from him thinking about the trail and all of the anxiety surrounding it, the only lifeline he had was listening to Hoseok’s sleeping breath. What if they don’t arrest him, what if they let him go free, what if he comes to find me, what if he comes and finds hyung again? Jimin couldn’t help it, he didn’t know what to do in this situation there was no ‘what to do when your captor is on trial’ handbook! Well maybe there was but Jimin didn’t have one right now.
Jimin glared at the ceiling before groaning and pushed himself off the bed long abandoning sleep and deciding to sit on the balcony and city watch. Slowly he pushed open the bedroom door wincing as it creaked before closing it and wondering down the deserted hallway to see the balcony doors wide open. Jimin yawned as he approached the balcony laying against the door frame looking out on the sea of lights.
“What are you doing here?” Yoongi asked looking up at Jimin from the floor of the balcony, “care to sit?”
Jimin smiled walking onto the balcony closing the door behind him and sitting down next to the older, “why aren’t you sleeping?”
“Why aren’t you?” Yoongi asked laughing slightly watching the lights dance across Jimin’s face.
“I’m too nervous-”
“They’re not gonna let that bitch go Minnie you don’t need to worry.”
“But what if they don’t hyung I-I-I he’s done this before and he didn’t get in trouble!”
“He didn’t kidnap someone before babe.”
Jimin blushed looking away from the older, “why’d you go and do that?”
“Call me babe?”
Yoongi smiled throwing his arm up and wrapping it around Jimin’s shoulder pulling him closer, “that’s what you're focusing on?”
Jimin laughed, “can’t help it! I like it when you call me that if that makes you feel better.”
“You’re just a huge sap aren’t you?” Yoongi asked leaning down slowly and resting his lips against the youngers which made Jimin smile into the kiss.
Yoongi lifted his lips and rested his head against the others forehead gazing into his eyes lovingly, just as he was about to move away a shaky hand reached over and pulled his face closer. Jimin leaned up kissing Yoongi with the slightest of ease before the older licked his lips asking for more of an entrance into the youngers mouth which he obliged. Yoongi pressed a hand against Jimin’s chest as they kissed and pushed the younger onto the floor of the balcony cementing himself over the younger. Jimin purred into Yoongi’s mouth as he rose his lips placing small bites against the youngers neck before being pushed away slightly.
“No marks for the trail,” Jimin said smiling in between the words.
“I want him to know you don’t belong to him and you never have,” Yoongi growled biting Jimin’s neck softly making him moan, “tell me if I hurt you.”
“You could never hurt me,” Jimin replied grabbing Yoongi’s face and dragging him back to his lips. “I love you.”
“I love you so goddamn much, when he was hurting you was the worst time of my entire life and when you were taken from me I realized I couldn’t stand to live if you weren't there,” Yoongi replied grinding his body down lower against the younger before slipping his hands under Jimin’s sleep shirt and pulling it off.
“I’m so sorry for what he did-”
“Let's not think about that now.”
Yoongi pulled his shirt off over his head allowing Jimin full access to moving his hands up and down the youngers chest making the older groan. Yoongi bit his way down Jimin’s body trailing his hands lower and lower before looking up at the younger for permission, Jimin nodded and Yoongi slipped down his shorts. He lowered his mouth licking his way down the younger before submerging him inside his mouth with a groan, Jimin moaned out gripping Yoongi’s hair. They moved like that for a while before Jimin came completely undone in the olders mouth making his blush as his lover swallowed every inch of him pulling himself up to Jimin’s lips and kissing him deeply.
“How are you so good at that?” Jimin asked in between crashing mouths, “let me do you.”
“No this isn’t about me it’s about you,” Yoongi said with a lazy smile, “come on let’s get to sleep.”
Jimin groaned as the older lifted him up bridal style closing the balcony door behind him and walking into the olders bedroom, “Seokjin-hyung is in Namjoon’s room so we don’t have to be quiet.” He draped Jimin onto the bed climbing in next to him and wrapping him up in his strong arms humming to him until they both fell asleep.
Surprisingly Jungkook was the first one awake the day of the trail he paced around the apartment almost in circles waiting anxiously for the others to wake up. Jimin woke up next slipping out of Yoongi’s tight grasp without waking him and walking in on Jungkook’s pacing.
“You okay Kookie?” Jimin asked leaning against the doorframe startling Jungkook who almost jumped out of his skin.
“Hyung you’re awake,” Jungkook whispered with a smile, “I’m just nervous I feel like I haven’t been there for you enough.”
“Just you being here is enough Jungkook,” Jimin said walking over to the younger and hugging him tightly, “I love you we are a family first.”
Jungkook nodded pulling Jimin so close to him like he thought he was going to fly away and he would never see him again.
Namjoon was the next to wake up he ran around the house like a madman shaking awake all the other members screaming about them being late even thought it was only 7am. Jin made sure everyone ate and we well dressed but really that was the last thing Jimin could think about he was too absorbed in the trail. The group funneled into the van on by one dressed in coats and facemasks all with their hands clasped around each other like their arms would save them from the present.
When they got to the courthouse Jimin was frozen in his seat staring at the building like it was going to destroy him, all the other members left the van but Jimin couldn’t seem to move.
“Jimin?” Namjoon said sticking his head back into the van, “we gotta go.” Jimin nodded undoing his seat belt and following his leader onto the large concrete steps where everyone else was waiting for him.
Yoongi was walking again today with support from Hoseok and Seokjin on either side of him even though his doctor told him he should stay off his leg as much as possible. Yoongi smiled at Jimin when he left the van making Jimin blush and look away pulling up his shirt to cover the marks left on his neck from last night.
“You ready?” Seokjin asked looking at everyone with a hopeful smile.
“It’s now or never,” Jimin said breathing in deeply, “let’s do it!”
The group made their way up the steps into the cold bustling building people we're running from courtroom to courtroom reminding Jimin that not everyone's life stopped when his did. Everyone was still working and living and breathing almost like they had no idea that everything in Jimin’s life was falling apart, and why would they? Taehyung reached over and grabbed Jimin’s hand pulling him alongside the rest of them into the courthouse holding their case, he brought them over to their seats squeezing Jimin’s hand the whole time.
“When is it gonna start,” Jungkook asked wringing his hands in his lap anxiously.
“Soon Kookie,” Namjoon replied from beside Seokjin, “it won’t take long.”
Suddenly the door burst open revealing judge Kyo dressed head to toe in dark robes marching up to the judge's seat and looking over all of the courtroom as though he was searching for something. Taehyung gripped Jimin’s hand as the jury funneled into the courtroom one by one taking their seats, Jimin held his breath knowing what was coming just as it happened. The door opened next revealing a grinning Alistar completely unchained and staring at Jimin like they were long lost lovers, it made him sick.
“Has the jury reached a verdict?” Judge Kyo asked pulling Jimin away from his thoughts.
“We have your honor,” the jury representative said making Jimin’s stomach drop as he looked hopefully at the small blonde blue eyed man.
“On the charge of rape in the first of Park Jimin, how do you find the defendant?” The judge asked Jimin held his breath.
“We find the defendant Alistar Petrov guilty,” the representative said making the courtroom gasp.
“On the charge of rape in the first of Min Yoongi how do you find the defendant?”
“On the charge of kidnapping in the first, how do you find the defendant?”
“And on the charge of the attempted murder of Min Yoongi how do you find the defendant?”
“Alistar Petrov I sentence you to life plus 50 years with no possibility of parole the court thanks the jury for their service,” Judge Kyo said banging the gavel and walking out of the courtroom.
Jimin’s head perked up as a deep growl echoed through the courtroom coming from Alistars throat.
“Jimin lets go,” Namjoon said pushing Jimin into the walkway.
“You piece of shit!” Alistar yelled suddenly pushing his way past his seat into the walkway reaching forward and grabbing Jimin by the shoulders, “how dare you!”
Jimin yelled trying to pull away before a harsh mouth was pressed against his mouth before the older was roughly dragged out of the room still screaming.
“Are you okay?” Namjoon asked but Jimin was too in his head to care about what he said.
“I just I’m going to the bathroom-” Jimin said before being cut off.
“I’ll come,” Hoseok said getting out of his seat before Jimin shook his head.
“I-I’m fine I just need a minute alone,” Jimin said pushing free of his members and leaving the courtroom rushing to the bathroom around the corner.
Jimin gripped the sink tightly making his knuckles turn white as he glared at his reflection in the mirror for what felt like years. It was over, it was over, it was over, why wasn’t it over?! Jimin’s head was screaming making him groan out the tears running down his face without him even being able to help it. He turned on the sick letting the water flow across his hand taking the water and scrubbing it against his mouth trying to erase Alistar from him. Why, why, why, why, why…
“You okay?” A voice asked from beside Jimin making the young man stop glaring at the mirror and notice the other. It was the jury representative from the courtroom his blonde hair tucked back behind his ears showing off his bright blue eyes full of concern, he sounded like a British person speaking Korean.
“I-I’m f-fine,” Jimin stuttered out rubbing his hands over his face, “I’m sorry.”
“I’m Benji, I saw what happened after the trail I’m so sorry,” Benji said moving to rest a hand onto Jimin’s shoulder before retracting it.
“Why didn’t you indite him on the attempted murder charge?” Jimin blurted out taking his hands off the sick and glaring at Benji with all the anger inside.
Benji sighed, “I wanted to but the jury didn’t think the shooting was life threatening enough for a murder charge.”
“Please,” Jimin groaned out crossing his arms over his chest, “you should have given him the death penalty.”
“Wouldn’t death be too easy for him?”
“Look maybe it isn’t my place Jimin but in situations like this you need to rely on other people for help okay, you can’t do this on your own.”
“They have their own issues they don’t need-”
“That isn’t your call you need to put yourself first.”
Jimin shrugged looking down at the blue and white tiled floor with a sigh, “thank you Benji.”
The other smiled pushing a hand in front of Jimin for him to shake, “anytime Park Jimin.”
“Jimin?” A voice said from the doorway revealing a concerned looking Yoongi, “am I interrupting something?”
“No-o,” Jimin stuttered out smiling at Benji as the other gave him a slight squeeze on his hands, “can we go home?”
“Of course,” Yoongi said smiling.
“Goodbye Benji,” Jimin said as he left the room with Yoongi who had swung his arm over the youngers shoulder.
“Who was that?” Yoongi asked on their was back to the van.
“A friend,” Jimin said smiling and leaning his head against the olders shoulder, “I love you.”
“I love you more,” Yoongi said smiling.
Seokjin and Jungkook demanded that the group goes out to celebrate after the trail all of them feeling a weight off their shoulders knowing that they would never see Alistar again. Jimin was still on edge but had allowed himself to fall into the beat of the conversations surrounding him. Taehyung was telling some stupid story about him and Jungkook’s first date that the group had already heard 100 times, Namjoon and Yoongi playing a game called ‘drink whenever Taehyung says he loves Jungkook.’ Needless to say if their tolerance weren’t so high they would be completely wasted.
Yoongi was on the right side of him at the table with Seokjin on the left who was already two servings into bulgogi laughing hysterically at every joke that was told. Jimin was surprised how easily he felt comfortable with his friends even after everything that had happened to him, he just tried not to think about any type of pain he’d been through.
“You good Jimin?” Yoongi whispered to Jimin while everyone else was distracted.
“I’m okay,” Jimin whispered back, “I need a drink!”
Yoongi laughed shaking his head before yelling, “another round on me!”
“Please you’ve never paid for a drink in your life,” Namjoon said rolling his eyes making even Jimin laugh.
“How dare!” Yoongi gasped clutching his invisible pearls, Jimin laughed placing his hand on top of Yoongi’s.
“Can you guys get a room?” Hoseok yelped out through a mouth full of seafood, “why am I the only one whose alone!”
“Can we do speed dating for hyung?” Taehyung asked getting overly excited.
“OMG!” Jungkook yelped grabbing Hoseok by the arm shaking him, “hyung!”
“I hate you both,” Hoseok said pretending to faint in his seat, “I’ll die alone.”
“Oh please Hobi!” Seokjin said rolling his eyes, “you know we’re all gonna die together in some freak accident somehow.”
“I can’t wait,” Yoongi said making Jimin stick his tongue out at the older, “it’s better than a bullet to the leg.”
“Way to make it sad hyung,” Namjoon said rolling his eyes.
“Please nothing can make this moment sad,” Jimin said, “nothing at all..” Yoongi smiled leaning down and kissing Jimin on the top of his head making all the other members coo.
what else should I add now that Alistar is put away
Chapter 28: fire
this one is kinda short im trying to write healing but its hard i havent had too much experience with ACTUAL healing
i love you all so much the picture is what everyone looked like in this chapter and really throughout the whole story im gonna add more pictures now that I know how to do that i like it ya know the visuals! okay thank you!
There were hands so many hands pulling and grabbing at him from all angles of the darkness surrounding him. He screamed as loud as possible but uttered not even a sound as the cold slick hands ripped and prodded at his clothes. His shirt was removed and all the hands moved their attack to the scratched on letters tattooed across his side, nevermind . The words meant so much to him something personal that only he knew the meaning behind it felt ugly to have the hands ripping at what was his. The hands dug and dug through his side ripping at the inked skin through his muscle and down to his bones pulling them out one by one dropping them on the ground.
The screams were tearing through his throat like thorns on the rose bushes his mother had in her old garden back home in Busan. Once the hands broke through the other side of his body he was harshly dropped to the ground left to wrath in pain across the floor in a puddle of his own blood. Jimin screamed until he couldn’t anymore twitching in pain eyes flooded with black coated tears falling into his mouth like poison. A voice laughed around him getting closer and closer the Russian drone in the voice letting Jimin know exactly who it was.
It was getting closer and closer and closer until-
“JIMIN!” A voice yelled making Jimin fling his eyes open stuttering out an ugly gasp. Jimin flung his eyes open and was met by a scared looking Yoongi who was shaking the youngers shoulders uncontrollably, Jimin coughed rubbing his eyes with his hands before quickly sitting up and backing up against the headboard.
“H-hyung,” Jimin whispered still shaking uncontrollably, “wh-hat?”
“I’m sorry you were screaming in your sleep are you okay?” Yoongi said placing a hand on the younger mans face, “what happened?”
“Is it?” Jimin stuttered looking down and pulling up his shirt running his hands over his tattoo sighing happily when it was still in place. “I-it was nothing I just um I-I had a nightmare, he was there laughing I just um-”
“It was probably because of the trail it’s okay we don’t have to sleep for the rest of the night I wasn’t sleeping anyway,” Yoongi said smiling at Jimin. “Can I hold you?”
“Always,” Jimin said opening his arms for the older who grinned from ear to ear, “just don’t touch the ink.”
Yoongi laughed, “you got it, babe.”
“What did I say about calling me that?” Jimin whined resting his head on Yoongi’s shoulder as the older wrapped his arms around him.
“Not to,” Yoongi muttered through Jimin’s hair, “it’s just hard to when you’re so cute.”
“If you say so…”
“What do you mean?”
“I’m just saying I feel like your wasting your time wouldn’t you rather be with someone you can have a future with someone who isn’t damaged goods.”
“You just saw it Yoongi! You don’t want to live your whole life worried about whether or not I’m gonna put a bullet in my head every night because the nightmares are too bad, you deserve better.”
“Don’t argue with me okay don’t try and make me feel better about what’s true-”
“Damn it will you let me talk Jimin stop, please! Don’t say that shit ever again I would give up my life for you.”
“Well you almost fucking did and look where that got you, a bullet in the leg, assaulted, I’m not worth it!”
“But you are!”
“Jimin what can I do to make you understand?”
“Can we just lay down?”
“I thought you weren’t tired.”
“I don’t have to be.”
Yoongi nodded a small smile draped across his face pulling him close to his chest letting Jimin listen to the older man’s heartbeat as a steady reminder that he was still alive and breathing. Jimin grinned lazily and snuggled up closer to Yoongi breathing him in as though he never wanted to forget the way he smelled. It was the little things he always wanted to remember.
“We need to make a statement before this gets out,” Namjoon said at the dinner table three days after the trail causing all the other members to lift their heads in confusion.
“I thought the company was taking care of it?” Taehyung said through a mouthful of japchae.
“They can try their best but Alistar or some of the jury can still go to the media and expose the story,” Namjoon explained making Jimin squirm in his seat.
“Is there anything we can do?” Seokjin asked resting a hand on Namjoon’s knee.
“There is a chance that the media doesn’t find out-” Jungkook said before being interrupted by Namjoon.
“But if they do then Jimin and Yoongi-hyung will be ripped to shreds in the media we need to set the record straight BEFORE any misinformation comes out.” Namjoon explained making eye contact with Yoongi who nodded.
“It’s up to Jimin,” Yoongi said turning to look at Jimin who was staring at the table angrily.
“I-I-I,” Jimin stuttered, “do you really think it’s a good idea Joon-hyung?”
“We haven’t been on social media since we canceled the concert and the fans are worried I think ARMY deserves to know we're okay,” Namjoon said.
“It’s not anyone else's business what happened to me!” Jimin yelped standing up out of his chair harshly. “I-I don’t want ARMY to know!”
“Jimin they don’t have to know everything okay but if it’s already gonna be out there wouldn’t you want to be the one that addresses it first?” Namjoon asked putting his hands up in defence.
“But-but what if it never comes out and we tell ARMY for no reason,” Jimin stuttered out hands shaking slightly.
“Jimin you don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do okay just think about it alright before the media gets a hold of this story,” Seokjin said resting a hand on Jimin’s shoulder trying to calm the boy down.
“I’ll do whatever you think is best Jiminie,” Yoongi said smiling up at the younger.
“I-I just need to think about it!” Jimin yelped pushing himself away from the table and running into the bathroom and locking the door needing space alone.
Jimin couldn’t breathe he felt like the walls were closing around him, he felt like the hands from his dreams were back on him crawling up and down his body. He couldn’t help the tears dripping down his face like rain crashing onto the floor flooding the room around him in silent sobs. Without thinking, Jimin started to scratch at the skin on his arms trying to rip off the feelings of other people on him. Jimin had always been a private person even with how open he was online he had certain secrets that he knew he would never tell a soul.
He hated to say this but his past and his sexuality were some of these secrets he made sure to keep to himself and out of the media. When he was young he was taught right and wrong just like everyone else but the version shown to him was nothing like what others knew. His family was a good Korean family with traditional values and expectations so when Jimin decided to become an idol needless to say they weren't very happy about it. His father called him a faggot and told him that he could dance on stage like a fairy all he wanted but shouldn’t expect a home to come back to in Busan, that was one of the last things his father ever said to him.
Jimin couldn’t let the media find out about him and Alistar or him and Yoongi not just for his own image but because of what his family would think of him. They would say that they told him so and that it was a matter of time until something like this happened to someone like him, they could never ever know. Jimin slid down the door sitting on the floor up against it dropping his head down onto his knees, he should have known this was going to happen every time something good happens something bad gets in the way. He couldn’t find the energy to cry or scratch anymore too much blood was already caked under his fingernails, he knew Yoongi would be so disappointed in him but he didn’t care. He was disappointed too.
Eventually, Jimin fell asleep like that after sitting for what felt like hours on the ground crying to himself it wasn’t till a loud knock came to the door and woke him up.
“Hyung are you okay you’ve been in there a while?” Jungkook asked from the other side of the door making Jimin grunt.
“Y-yeah I-I’m okay,” Jimin said rubbing his eyes with his palms.
“Can you open the door for me hyung?” Jungkook asked knocking on the door again, Jimin nodded even though Jungkook couldn’t see him and opened the door for him to come in. Jungkook slid into the room closing the door behind him and sat down in front of his hyung smiling over at him as best as he could. “Is it dumb to ask if you’re okay?”
“A little bit,” Jimin said laughing to himself, “but you’re dumb so it makes sense.”
“Ow! Hyung that was a hard one there!” Jungkook yelped laughing and grabbing his chest in fake pain.
“Where is everyone? How long have I been in here?”
“Well its midnight now so it’s kinda been a while, Yoongi-hyung and Hoseok-hyung fell asleep an hour ago, Namjoon-hyung and Seokjin-hyung went out for a walk and TaeTae and I are watching some drama,” Jungkook explained making Jimin nod.
“Why aren’t you with him?”
“Because I’m with you.”
“Yeah, Kook I got that, I’m fine really.”
“No one falls asleep crying because they’re fine hyung, I know you okay you’re my favorite. Don’t tell anyone!”
“Don’t let jin-hyung hear that he’ll scream.”
Jungkook laughed along with Jimin a type of laughter that was quiet and tearful but comforting and always about nothing and everything at the same time.
“Do you wanna talk about it?”
“Jungkook have you ever been through something so painful and hard that even just thinking about it makes you feel like you’re gonna cry?”
Jungkook nodded, “when I used to want to cry on command I would just think back to the last time I saw my family I know it isn’t the same.”
“It doesn’t have to be the same Kookie.”
“I guess so.”
“You should go be with Taehyung.”
“I wanna be with you.”
“I wouldn’t want to.”
“Good thing you aren’t me then huh, now come on let’s go be with Tae!”
Jimin nodded getting up off the floor and following the younger into the living room where Taehyung was bundled up in a blanket burrito watching some show Jimin had never heard of before. Tae smiled as the pair walked into the room and scooted over ever so slightly so that the other two could have room on the couch, Jimin sat down slowly still on edge something he couldn’t really turn off at this point. Jungkook laid on top of Taehyung making the older laugh as quietly as he could not wanting to wake up their hyungs who were sleeping, after much protest Jungkook wiggled his way into the blankets kissing his boyfriend on the nose.
“Agh get a room,” a voice said from the doorway causing Jimin to whip his head up seeing the black hair Yoongi saunter over to them and sit on the floor in front of Jimin. “You dummys should be sleeping.”
“So should you hyungie!” Taehyung protested crossing his arms over his chest grinning.
“No one can sleep with the TV so loud,” another voice said as Hobi entered the room rubbing his eyes, “when hyung woke up he woke me up too something about ‘no one can sleep if I can’t sleep’.”
“Damn right I did,” Yoongi said laughing and patting the ground next to him for Hoseok to sit who instead walked over and jumped into the olders lap.
“Don’t worry Jimin Hobi won’t ‘mista steal your man’ you,” Taehyung said laughing and wrapping his arms around Jungkook’s neck.
“I didn’t know that was an action someone could do to me,” Jimin said laughing out loud hitting Taehyung slightly in the arm.
“Oh I have much experience as a homewrecker trust me,” Hobi said laughing as Yoongi pushed him off his lap hitting the floor with a thud.
“Hyung is probably still a virgin TaeTae,” Jungkook whispered making Hoseok gasp out loud clutching his chest.
“This is bullying I need Namjoon!” Hoseok yelped out.
“Mom and dad left to go for a walk,” Jungkook explained, “no parents allowed!”
“I hate all of you,” Yoongi said sighing before being shhhed by Taehyung since this was his ‘favorite part’ making everyone else just laugh louder.
They sat like that for a while Jungkook running his hands through Taehyung’s bleach blonde hair, Hoseok dozing off on the floor his orange haired head resting on Yoongi’s pink silk shoulder much to the olders dismay. Jimin felt his mind running away from him without him even trying, suddenly he was back at the trail feeling Alistar staring daggers into him. Jimin shook his head trying to come back to the present but couldn’t help but feel Alistar’s hands crawling up and down Jimin’s frail body.
Suddenly he couldn’t breathe, he reached up his hands to his chest gripping the white tee shirt he was wearing and started hyperventilating. He didn’t want to make a big deal of it this was a good moment for all of them but he felt like he was suffocating. Suddenly then was a small tap on Jimin’s leg pulling him back to the present, Jimin shifted his eyes and looked down seeing Yoongi smiling at him.
“You okay Minnie?” Yoongi whispered trying not to make Hoseok.
Jimin smiled, or well he tried to smile as best as he could while still feeling Alistars greedy hands running up and down his body and still hearing his deep voice shaking in his ears.
“Why don’t we go to sleep Jimin, I think Taehyung and Jungkook are already as asleep as Hoseok is,” Yoongi said softly as he stood up dropping Hoseok to the floor softly. Jimin nodded climbing off the couch and following the older man into his bedroom, softly laying down and falling into a deep sleep.
Chapter 29: dope
things go good then things go bad
the end of this man got me shook
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Hae Nari and just some Yoonmin because we always need Yoonmin! oh and also Namjoon because I love him and that picture
Happiness is an achievement for Jimin, something he hasn’t experienced in as long as he can remember. Besides when he was with Yoongi of course those were the rare moments in which he felt truly and honestly alive, but those moments were far apart and couldn’t hold him over as he wished. It was Namjoon’s choice for Jimin to go to the therapist office in the first place, though Jimin wasn’t arguing, Alistar had trained him well he knew his place. He was like an obedient dog thanks to their ex-manager. The therapist's office was ice cold the paintings and furniture on the walls doing nothing but giving Jimin the illusion of warmth. Namjoon tried to get Yoongi to go along with Jimin but he dragged his feet saying no one needed to tell him how messed up he was, Yoongi wasn’t as well trained as Jimin was.
The face mask across Jimin’s face felt like it was suffocating him as the room around him moved in and out of his vision, damn anxiety. Namjoon was sitting next to him the blonde short haired man holding on tightly to Jimin’s hand trying to ground himself in the office and not in his head. Jimin wasn’t sure if this was for him or for Namjoon’s peace of mind but he didn’t say anything. Then the small white door across from them opened and a short, older, dark haired woman stepped into the room smiling warmly at Jimin and Namjoon who were the only people in the lobby at this time.
“Park Jimin,” she said in a warm motherly tone making Jimin’s heart jump in his chest, Namjoon stood up first and Jimin quickly followed looking anywhere but at the older woman.
“That’s me,” Jimin whispered turning to Namjoon, “can you stay out here hyung?”
“Are you sure Jimin,” Namjoon asked Jimin nodded hugging Namjoon and following the therapist down a long white hallway until reaching a warmly room lit room with a small black couch and matching back chair.
“Sit,” the woman said pointing at the couch which Jimin practically fell onto exhausted because of having to get there so early in the morning, the woman smiled at him sitting down in the chair across from him.
“Mr. Park, can I call you Jimin?” The woman asked Jimin nodded, “well Jimin my name is Hae Nari but you can call me Nari, now have you ever been to therapy before?”
“No,” Jimin said slowly wringing his hands in his lap.
“Well I just want to tell you everything you say here stays here and that I am not here to judge you only to help you.” Nari explained, “I’m going to tell you about myself so we can get to know each other a bit, I’m 57 and happily married with two kids Sooni and Woori and I’ve been working as a therapist for 30 years. Jimin I know that there is a stigma against mental health in this country but I want you to know that you are allowed to ask for help at any time when you need it.”
“O-okay where do we start?” Jimin asked making Nari smile.
“That’s the spirit!” Nari yelped clapping her hands excitedly, “now let’s start somewhere easy where are you from?”
“Busan originally, but I haven’t been home in a while. Not sense I left Busan to join BTS, my parents weren’t very happy,” Jimin explained looking down at his hands.
“Why not, again everything you say stays here.” Nari asked in a voice that sounded so much like Jimin’s mother it made him want to scream.
“My Appa , he was a strong traditional man he wanted me to become a doctor or a lawyer so when I became a dancer he wasn’t to happy about it, it wasn’t honorable. Eomma just sat there and said nothing when I asked her about what he said all she said to me was do whatever your Appa says. I never saw her again,” Jimin stuttered out still looking at the ground.
“How did that make you feel?” Nari asked.
Jimin laughed, “I don’t know how does that make anyone feel, betrayed, abandoned… but it didn’t matter I needed to move on and I had BTS they helped me.”
“How did they help you?”
“Well I didn’t really tell them ya know, I think they knew I didn’t have a good relationship with my family and they tried to be there for me but we had better things to worry about, I had better things to worry about like not getting kicked out of the band.”
“So the band became your family?”
“They did yeah, they’re my everything I wouldn’t be where I am now without them.”
“Jimin what made you come in today?”
“Namjoon-hyung naega michyeossdago saeng-gaghae. ”
“Jimin-ah, Namjoon-ah doesn’t think you’re crazy okay, and I don’t think you are either.”
“He wants me to make a statement about what happened to me.”
“What happened to you Jimin-ah?”
Jimin scoffed rolling his head on his shoulder looking at Nari unbelievingly, “like hyung didn’t tell you.”
“I don’t know anything, frankly my daughter likes your music but I’ve never really heard it.”
“So Jimin why are you here?”
“Because everyone says I’m a victim, because he’s locked up but I can’t stop thinking about him and feeling him everywhere I go.”
“Who is he Jimin-ah?”
“Alistar my old manager he-he liked to ya know throw me around ya know.”
“Did Alistar hit you?”
“I wish that was all he did.”
“And why does Namjoon want you to make a statement?”
“Because I’m an idol and if it came out in the media the wrong way my life would be over.”
“Why would it come out the wrong way?”
“I can’t tell you I just met you I don’t want you to hate me.”
“Why would I hate you Jimin?”
“Because this is Korea and I know how people feel about it.”
“Jimin trust me in 30 years I’ve heard it all.”
“They’re gonna say I wanted it because… because I’m gay.”
“Alistar… everything he did when he beat me, and kidnapped me, and r-raped me, he knew I was gay he used it against me. If anyone ever knew my life would be over.”
“Does your band know?”
“Please they’re all just as gay as I am or they ‘don’t like labels’, it’s just the public and the fans my family too I don’t want them all to know.” Jimin pulled his knees up onto the couch and hugged them close to his chest trying to block out the world. “My Appa knew though, he caught me one night when I was in high school before I left with a boy, we were just laying in bed together and he came into the room and instantly he knew. I told Appa it was nothing, that we we're just talking but he threw the boy out and beat me for the rest of the night telling me ‘THAT SHIT WON’T FLY IN MY HOUSE!’ I never told anyone after that until I came out to the rest of my bandmates.”
“Jimin-ah times have changed-”
“Not enough! It doesn’t matter I’m happy living a lie.”
“That is no way to live Jimin.”
“It’s hard to talk about it yeah know being the way I am I’ve always known I was different but Alistar really took advantage of that. I don’t want ARMY to know about what Alistar did to me.”
“You don’t have to say anything you don’t want to say.”
“But they’re gonna find out anyway, what should I do!”
“That is up to you Jimin-ah not up to me, now it seems like we're out of time I’ll see you next week okay.”
Namjoon was in the waiting room right where Jimin left him when his appointment was done, the older jumped out of his seat and rushed over to Jimin pulling him into a deep hug. Jimin was out of it completely barely listening as Namjoon and Nari made Jimin’s next appointment, Jimin just wanted to get out of there as soon as possible. Namjoon grabbed Jimin’s hand and pulled him out of the office into their van that was waiting for them outside. They curled up into the back of the van Jimin staring out the window blankly not looking at Namjoon who had asked him about 3 different times if he wanted to stop at a cafe, Jimin finally nodded and Namjoon smiled telling the driver to go into town.
They pulled into the parking lot of a small cafe and jumped out of the van with their masks pulled up close to their eyes, they walked in and ordered two small coffees then went and sat in the very back of the cafe trying to be as invisible as possible. Jimin chugged his coffee as quickly as possible needing the energy which confused Namjoon, I guess this wasn’t proper victim activity. Jimin was never proper anyway so he didn’t care. Namjoon reached forward and grabbed the younger mans hands trying to pull Jimin’s attention back to the present.
“Jimin-ah are you okay?” Namjoon asked smiling at the young man who tried his best to smile as well.
“I’m okay hyung, I’m gonna be okay,” Jimin replied pulling the pairs entangled hands up to his lips and kissing the olders hands. “Thank you hyung for everything you’ve done for me.”
“I would do it all and more all over again 100 times,” Namjoon said, “I’m sorry I didn’t do more for you.”
“There was no way for you to know,” Jimin said scoffing.
“I wasn’t a good leader.” Namjoon whispered letting go of Jimin’s hand and drinking his coffee slowly like a normal person would.
“You are the best leader anyone could ever ask for.” Jimin said hitting Namjoon’s shoulder making the older smile, “don’t doubt yourself hyung it won’t get you anywhere.”
Namjoon scoffed, “one therapy session and you think you have a psychology degree.”
“Shut up hyung!” Jimin laughed, “next time you should bring Yoongi-hyung he’s the one that needs therapy.”
“You both need it,” Namjoon scoffed, “we all fucking need it honestly. We should bring something home for everyone else-”
“You mean for Jin-hyung.”
“No! I-I mean for everyone!”
“Yeah yeah,” Jimin said getting up and dragging Namjoon over to the counter to buy pastries to bring home for everyone.
As Namjoon talked to the man behind the counter Jimin wandered outside of the cafe and sat down on a small black bench watching as all the cars drove past the small coffee cove. People wandered by Jimin all too involved in their own lives to even notice the small gray haired boy sitting alone in front of a cafe. Jimin was fine with that though he was used to fading into the background and watching all the other people not noticing him, that’s why he was uncomfortable being an idol sometimes. He had to learn how to be the center of attention when all he wanted was to fade away from view.
A group of people walked by him and Jimin wondered what was taking Namjoon so damn long to buy Seokjin a muffin but his thoughts were quickly changed when he saw a familiar face pass by him. It was in a flash, the white blonde hair and the ice blue eyes staring back at him from the crowd, then when he blinked it was gone. Jimin couldn’t breath he clutched his chest trying to ground himself in reality and not in what he just saw, it wasn’t real, it wasn’t real, it wasn’t real. But to him it was. Jimin was shaking his hands were slick with sweat as he grabbed his face trying to slow his breathing down and ultimately failing.
“Jimin-ah,” Namjoon’s voice said from above Jimin as the older walked out of the cafe running to where Jimin was sitting. “Jimin breathe,” Namjoon reached out grabbing Jimin’s hands away from his face just like he had done before.
“H-hyun-g?” Jimin stuttered out looking down at Namjoon who was crouched in front of him.
“Jimin breathe in okay? In, out, follow me okay, in, out, in, out.” Namjoon said breathing in and out dramatically trying to get Jimin to follow him, “that’s good Jimin breathe.” Jimin nodded shaking his head finally catching his breath.
“Can we go home?” Jimin asked, Namjoon nodded pulling Jimin out of his seat and bringing him back over to the van pulling the younger into his lap. The van started driving back towards the dorm the sound of the car driving acting as just another lifeline to Jimin back into the present and out of the past.
“What happened, Minnie?” Namjoon asked petting his hands through Jimin’s hair.
“I-I thought I saw him hyung I thought he walked by me but…” Jimin started his voice trailing off.
“It wasn’t real Jimin,” Namjoon said pulling the younger closer to his chest, “I promise.”
“I know hyung saranghae , saranghae ” Jimin whispered.
“I love you too Jimin-ah,” Namjoon responded kissing the top of Jimin’s head, “don’t tell Yoongi-hyung or Jinnie that I kissed you they’ll kill me.”
Jimin laughed, “okay hyung.”
The moon was brightly colored shining down on Jimin as he walked down the now empty streets of Seoul. His hands were shoved deep into his sweater pockets as he walked trying to close himself off to the invisible voices around him, his head was pointed down watching as his black sneakers slapped across the concrete. If his hyungs knew he was walking down the streets of Seoul at 2 am all alone they would have been so mad, but Jimin didn’t care he needed space alone. Alistar was locked up it wasn’t like he had anyone to fear anyway it didn’t matter.
Jimin turned down an alleyway still keeping his eyes trained down on the concrete until suddenly he bumped into a huge figure waiting for him in the alley. Jimin looked up plainly void of all emotion and stared at the huge burly man in front of him whose face was contorted in a deep snarl. The man grabbed Jimin by the neck with huge ugly hands and slammed him up against the decrepit brick alley wall dusted over in graffiti.
“The hell you lookin’ at,” the man growled the smell of old liquor dancing across the air and was thrown into Jimin’s face. Jimin stayed silent his eyes trained on the older man's face, he wanted to run he wanted to spit in the man's face but he was frozen in disassociation. “You fuckin’ mute, eh?” Jimin stayed silent which angered the man who growled and pulled Jimin off the wall slamming him back down against it over and over again knocking the wind out of Jimin’s small frame.
“What’s a pretty thing like you walkin’ in this neighborhood this time of night, huh? You lookin’ for trouble? Or a good time?” The man grunted out tightening his hands around Jimin’s neck who coughed trying to catch his breath.
“Probably the last, of course depending on what you got,” Jimin grunted out flashing the man a sly smirk trying to put up walls of confidence hiding the plagues of fear and indifference poisoning his head. He didn’t care anymore he felt completely and utterly empty if this man was offering him a good time then who was he to refuse.
“I got anything and everything you need baby,” the man grunted moving in closer to Jimin his eyes full of lust and rage. The man reached into his pocket and pulled out a small baggie full of dusted white broken pills, he brought it up close to Jimin’s face shaking it back and forth in front of the youngers eyes.
“How much?” Jimin asked reaching up to grab the pills before they were ripped away from Jimin’s face the man grinning.
“I’ll give it to you for free if you do a little something for me,” the man said taking his hands off Jimin’s neck and placing them on his shoulders shoving him down to the dirty ground.
Jimin’s knees hit the concrete with bruising force as the man shoved Jimin’s face into his crusted over jean crotch, Jimin reached up to the man’s belt stripping it off the older man’s body. The man groaned as Jimin ripped down the man’s pants moving his mouth to the man’s already erect member. It was fast and easy something Jimin had already done 100s of times before when the man finished Jimin spit onto the concrete as the man grabbed Jimin by his gray hair and pulled him back up against the wall.
“Well?” Jimin asked the man who was still recovering, “how many is that worth?”
The man laughed dropping the pills into Jimin’s hands, “you can have ‘em all pretty boy just don’t take ‘em all at once.”
“Thanks, baby,” Jimin whispered out pushing the man off of him and sashaying down the alleyway back onto the main roads.
Jimin walked for a while until he reached a small park and sat down on one of the abandoned swings backed in the corner of the park, he reached into his pocket and pulled out the small bag of pills and stared down at them. He sighed gripping the bag tightly he shouldn’t do this he’s seen how drugs destroy peoples lives, the worst he’s ever done was smoke weed or trip acid when he was younger! But Jimin didn’t care anymore he just wanted to feel something, anything. He’s been so empty since Alistar went to jail and if drugs were what was going to bring him back to reality then damn it he’ll do anything.
Jimin walked over to a small water fountain at the edge of the park and filled his mouth with water pulling his head back and dropping one of the pills into his mouth swallowing hard. Here goes nothing. Jimin groaned instantly feeling all the weight on his body falling down to the earth below him, he looked up at the moon blinking calmly seeing the moon reach a small hand out to him and cupping his face. The wind started to blow through his bones pulling him across the park back onto the swing rocking back and forth, maybe it was just the thought of the pills that made him feel this way but he didn’t care. After sitting for a while Jimin rose off the swings wandering out of the park back towards the dorm, all he wanted to do was see his family now with his new eyes for the first time.
the end of this was hella hard to write growing up my father was addicted to pills and it not only ruined his life but the life of his kids my sister was really young and didn't know what was happening but i remember her being like 7 years old and saying she wanted to die and was suicidal drugs are no fucking joke i know i wrote about it but its from a place of healing as someone who has had addiction issues its never EVER too late to ask for help. i love you all <3
Chapter 30: house of cards
the aftermath eep!
i hope this is okay i just keep writing instead of doing school work loll but idk if this one made sense im in a weird place
I thought we needed some happy pictures with a not so happy chapter
There was something wrong in the air. It was 2 in the morning and Yoongi couldn’t sleep, he was stuck rolling in his bed listening to the too quiet world around him. When Jimin came home from therapy he went straight to his room not wanting to see anyone else, Namjoon said it was part of his healing and that they shouldn’t try and stress him out. But he hadn’t seen Jimin all day and he was fucking worried. Abandoning his efforts of sleep Yoongu climbed out of bed and wandered into the living room where he saw Namjoon and Seokjin curled up together on the couch watching some old french movie. Yoongi lingered in the doorway for a while watching his brothers lay together with a smile on his face, until he heard soft voices coming from the kitchen as Hoseok, Taehyung and Jungkook ran into the room with arms full of snacks.
“Hey hyung,” Taehyung said as Yoongi walked into the room sitting down on the couch next to Namjoon and Seokjin.
“What are you guys doing in here?” Yoongi asked as Hoseok threw a bag full of popcorn at Yoongi from the floor.
“Joonie couldn’t sleep so we decided to put a movie on then TaeTae, Kookie and Hobi heard it and came to watch with us,” Seokjin explained curling up closer to his boyfriend.
“Did you guys try to wake up Minnie?” Yoongi asked turning his head over his shoulder to look at the couple whose faces both turned white.
“What do you mean hyung?” Namjoon asked cocking his head to the side, “wasn’t he with you?”
“No he was in his and Hoseok’s room,” Yoongi said plainly looking down at Hoseok who shook his head slowly.
“He was after therapy but then he said he needed space whatever that means,” Jungkook said throwing popcorn into his mouth and turning back towards the tv.
Just as Yoongi was about to say something the front door to the dorm swung open revealing a tired looking Jimin, his clothes were half off of his body his knees covered in dirt and leaves. It was the look on Jimin’s face that made Yoongi jump off the couch with and start, Namjoon following soon after. Jimin as though he was some sort of alien. Jimin closed the door behind him and stumbled into the living room leaning up against wall the entire time like he couldn’t walk on his own, as he got closer Yoongi saw Jimin’s eyes were bright red and his pupils were small. Yoongi instantly knew what had happened.
“Seokjin, Hoseok take Taehyung and Jungkook out of here now,” Namjoon growled looking down at Seokjin whose face dropped.
“Namjoon-” Hoseok started before being cut off.
“I’m not fucking asking Hoseok, now!” Namjoon yelled making Hoseok nod and get up off the floor, he reached down and grabbed a confused looking Taehyung and Jungkook and pulled them over towards the door.
“Wait hyung?” Taehyung said trying to pull his arm away from Hoseok who glared down at the younger.
“Tae come on,” Hoseok said pulling the stubborn boy out the door closing it behind the three of them.
“Jin you too babe please,” Namjoon said pulling Seokjin off the couch and pushing him towards the front door until he walked out following after the other 3.
“Why you makin’ everyone leave hyung?” Jimin asked rolling his head around on his shoulders grinning, “everything’s okay!”
“Jimin what the fuck did you do?” Yoongi asked crossing his arms over his chest, “huh sweet love of mine what did you do? Who did you fuck to get as messed up as you are now?”
“Hyung!” Namjoon yelped out before being cut off by an angry looking Yoongi.
“No Joon he has to hear this, what the fuck is wrong with you Park Jimin what have you done?” Yoongi growled out taking a dangerous step towards Jimin who flinched back.
“I didn’t do nothing hyung don’t worry I feel amazing!” Jimin laughed out running his hands through his gray hair with a cheap grin plastered across his face.
“Jimin please,” Namjoon started, “what did you do?”
“I didn’t do anything hyung okay for the first time in forever I feel amazing,” Jimin said trying to take a step closer to them before falling slightly and grabbing onto the wall for support.
“Did you have a nice time sweetheart, getting up close and personal with random men on the street?” Yoongi asked glaring at the younger.
“Hyung you don’t know that he did anything like that,” Namjoon said looking at Yoongi with pleading eyes.
“HOW ELSE WOULD HE FUCKING GET THE DOPE?!” Yoongi screamed throwing his hands up.
“I have no idea what you’re talking about I’m completely sober,” Jimin stuttered out rolling his head into his hands.
“Jimin please we aren’t mad-” Namjoon started before being interrupted.
“You’re not fucking mad!” Yoongi yelled out being glared at by Namjoon.
“It was just one pill alright,” Jimin said through a smile, “it’s nothing baby.”
“Baby? Don’t you baby me! You’re the one acting like a fuckin baby, you are not the Jimin I fuckin’ know,” Yoongi yelled getting up close to Jimin’s face seeing the discoloration in the youngers eyes. “You are not the man I almost DIED for! You don’t deserve to call me baby!”
“Hyung back up,” Namjoon said grabbing Yoongi’s arm and pulling him backwards, “this isn’t helping anyone. Jimin who did you get the pills from?”
Jimin looked at both of the older men steps away from him and flung his head back laughing harder than any of them had ever heard before, it wasn’t happy laughter or even angry laughter but laughter void of any and all emotion. It was the sounds of emptiness that echoed in Yoongi’s head and would haunt him for as long as he lived. “Like I fucking know the guy I got the pills from hyung, he was just some dick I sucked for a good time! We aren’t on a first name basis.”
Yoongi growled something so deep and angry that shook Namjoon to his core as the older tried to lunge at Jimin until he was pulled back quickly by Namjoon who threw him onto the couch.
“You. Are. Not. Helping.” Namjoon barked out looking at Yoongi with fire in his eyes before turning back towards the gray haired boy, “give me the rest of the pills Jimin.”
“I don’t have anymore,” Jimin said laughing before almost falling over and having to grip the wall again for support. “If I had more I would have taken them all!”
“Don’t fucking say that shit-” Yoongi said before being cut off by a tried Namjoon.
“Yoongi shut up, Jimin give me the pills now I know you have more,” Namjoon said walking over to Jimin and grabbing the younger by the arm trying to get his attention. “Now, Jimin.”
Jimin groaned laying into Namjoon’s arms resting his head onto the older shoulder burying his face into his neck as though he was trying to melt into the olders body. “Hyungie~ don’t make me!” Jimin groaned reaching his hands across Namjoon’s chest until they fell onto the olders belt pulling it undone, “I can make it worth your while if you just let me keep em.”
Namjoon grabbed Jimin’s shoulders shoving the younger off him up against the wall, “Jimin I know your high and this isn’t you so I’m gonna let that slide. Now how about we let the whole pill thing go okay and let’s just go to sleep okay are you tired?”
“Mhmm yes... Tired..” Jimin sang leaning back onto Namjoon who scooped the younger up in his arms and moved to carry him to his room before looking over at a still angry Yoongi.
“I’ll be right back hyung,” Namjoon said as he marched down the hallway carrying a now asleep Jimin to the olders bedroom.
Yoongi was on fire, every single inch of him was burning as he sat on their couch watching Namjoon walk away with Jimin. He was pissed, how could he do this to him? His Jimin? The one he loved, the one he thought loved him. He tried as hard as he could but he couldn’t stop the tears that were pitter pattering down his face. He reached his hands up to his face scrubbing violently but the tears just kept coming and coming until his whole face was bright red. What was he then? Just another dick to suck? Just another guy to show him a good time? He wasn’t going to be that to anyone ever.
“Hyung?” Namjoon whispered as he walked back into the room before stopping in the doorway when he saw the heavy tears tumbling down his hyung’s face, the younger rushed over to the couch grabbing his hyung’s hands causing the older to look up at him. “Are you okay?”
“What the fuck do you think Joon-ah?” Yoongi cried out letting all his emotions go and falling into Namjoon’s lap, “why Joon? Why would he do this shit?”
“Because he’s hurting and he doesn’t know how to fix it okay, he needs help, you both do none of that was him okay don’t take it personally,” Namjoon said reaching up and wiping the tears off of Yoongi’s face one by one.
“But he let himself be used by that-that man! How am I supposed t-to touch and hold him now?” Yoongi cried out resting his head onto Namjoon’s shoulder. “He- we're supposed to be partners! I-I thought he loved me!”
“He does hyung, okay he does just breathe please breathe,” Namjoon said breathing in and out just like he had done with Jimin. “We just need to take this one day at a time okay everything is going to be okay-”
“How can you say that?! He’s popping pills what else is he doing?!”
“I got his pills okay when he slept I searched him and got them, they were oxy I’m getting rid of them tomorrow.”
“Oxy?! That shit kills people Namjoon!”
“I know hyung it was just one time-”
“How are we supposed to know that?!”
“We just need to trust him right now okay hyung please it’s gonna be okay I promise. Now can I call Seokjin and have him bring everyone back home or do you need some time alone?”
“You can call, I just I need some time with him.”
Namjoon nodded getting off the couch and grabbing his phone to call Jin Yoongi sighed rubbing his face a few more times and getting off the couch walking into the hallway. He reached for the doorknob before stopping quickly, was he really gonna do this, Yoongi sighed he wasn’t a bitch by any means. Yoongi pulled open the door and stepped into the room slowly he peered into the darkness and couldn’t help the smile that crossed his face when he saw Jimin curled up asleep in bed. Slowly like moving on wind Yoongi graced over to Jimin sitting down on the bed looking down at the boy below him, he reached his hands out petting them through the youngers matted hair. Jimin was quiet and beautiful like everything in the world that was pure and gentle and needed to be protected.
This world didn’t deserve Park Jimin. Yoongi sighed leaning down and kissing Jimin’s forehead before walking out of his room and going back to his and Seokjin’s room. Yoongi flung his body down onto his bed pulling the covers up over his head and letting the tears fall down his face without even trying to stop them. He didn’t care if Seokjin came in here and tried to talk to him he just wanted to fade away into an endless sleep.
“This shit isn’t fair hyung!” Taehyung yelled as Seokjin and Hoseok shoved the two younger boys into the van the company gave them when they needed to leave the dorms without their drivers.
“Taehyung we need to do what Namjoon says okay he knows best,” Hoseok said as he climbed into the driver’s seat of the car Seokjin getting into the passenger’s seat. Taehyung groaned crossing his arms over his chest glaring at the window as the van drove away from the dorm. This wasn't fair! He was Jimin’s best friend why wasn’t he allowed to know what was happening to him just because Namjoon is the leader and Yoongi is older they get to decide everything that happens, that isn’t fair.
“What’s gonna happen to hyung?” Jungkook asked after a short stint of silence Taehyung could see Seokjin tense up from the front seat when Jungkook asked.
“Jimin-ah is going to be fine okay,” Hoseok started gripping the steering wheel tightly, “Yoongi-hyung and Namjoon-ah know what to do okay.”
“Why did we have to leave in the first place,” Taehyung spit out his face contorting into an ugly frown.
Seokjin sighed, “because Jimin wouldn’t want you guys to see him like that and honestly I don’t want to see him like that either.”
“He looked so messed up,” Jungkook started looking out the window in a daze, “what could have happened to do that to him?”
“Let's not think about it okay, why don’t we go to a 24/7 diner?” Seokjin said turning around in his seat looking back at the two youngers.
“If you tell us what happened,” Taehyung argued making Seokjin sigh and nod.
“Okay fine Hobi take us there alright,” Seokjin said Hoseok nodded turning onto the highway going back into the city.
Hoseok pulled into the parking lot of the small 24/7 diner unlocking the van and letting all the others out, Taehyung smiled under his mask when he saw how empty it was he wasn’t surprised it was 2:30 am. Jungkook reached down and grabbed the blonde’s hand pulling him closer to him as they trailed behind Seokjin and Hoseok into the diner. It was small with an American vibe to it run by what looked like only three or four people at the time, Seokjin got them a table calling the other three over to the back of the diner with him.
Taehyung wasn’t hungry he was too distracted by his rage and confusion to even think about anything like food, Jungkook and Seokjin on the other hand look like they could devour the whole menu. Seokjin order coffee for him and Hoseok while Jungkook and Taehyung both ordered orange juice, when their drinks got to them Taehyung sighed in relief chugging down half of it instantly.
“Can we talk about what happened now?” Taehyung said impatiently after each of them ordered their respected meals, Seokjin sighed.
“You guys know Jimin is having a hard time,” Seokjin started, “he went to therapy today and I guess he must have snuck out without us noticing.”
“But what was wrong with him?” Jungkook asked cocking his head to the side.
“I don’t know Jungkook-” Seokjin started before being interrupted.
“Guess,” Taehyung said frowning.
“He was on drugs Tae he was obviously high out of his mind,” Hoseok said taking a long drink of his coffee.
“B-but that’s not Jimin,” Taehyung stuttered out he knew Jimin he would never do anything like that.
“We don’t know okay,” Seokjin said reaching up to grab Taehyung’s hand, “it’s gonna all be okay.”
“Yoongi-hyung is gonna be so mad,” Jungkook said without thinking, “we shouldn’t have left him there.”
“He has Namjoon-ah to keep him in line,” Seokjin said, “Namjoon knows what he’s doing.”
“I wish we were there,” Taehyung said softly as their waffles were brought to them. “I can’t eat.”
“Tae it’s going to be okay,” Jungkook said grabbing Taehyung’s arm, “eat for hyung.”
“I just can’t believe this is happening,” Hoseok whispered looking down sadly. “I should have been there for them, I should have been the one to go down that alley and get kidnapped not hyung-”
“Don’t say that shit Hoseok,” Seokjin growled out, “we did everything we could we can’t change the past.”
After a while Seokjin got a call from Namjoon telling the 4 of them to come back to the dorm and be as quiet as possible, they jumped out of their seats as quickly as possible paying their bill with a huge tip and going back to the van. Hoseok was practically speeding down the highway trying to get them home as soon as possible the rest of them sitting in a terrible silence. When they got to the dorm Taehyung threw open the door and run up the stairs to their place as fast as possible ignoring Hoseok and Seokjin telling him to slow down and wait for the others.
Taehyung burst through the front door with a start rushing into the living room finding a tired looking Namjoon with his head in his hands. Taehyung frowned when his hyung looked up at him and he saw the old tear tracks down the olders face, quickly he rushed over sitting down next to Namjoon and pulling him in a tight hug. The front door opened letting in Jungkook, Hoseok and Seokjin who came over to the other two wrapped their arms around them.
“It’s gonna be okay,” Taehyung whispered over and over again, “we're gonna be okay.”
The next morning everyone was walking on eggshells not just around Yoongi and Jimin but around everyone it was like their dorm was littered with landmines. Taehyung and Jungkook didn’t sleep the whole night instead the two of them sat on their balcony together laying in each other's arms. Jungkook said he kept having nightmares and begged Taehyung to stay up all night with him, he didn’t even have to ask. Seokjin was the first one to wake up the next day at around 8 he smiled as best as he could at the younger boys and asked them to make him breakfast, which they obliged.
Namjoon and Hoseok woke up about an hour later the two of them bickering about a new song they were working on trying to act as normal as they possibly could. There was something missing that none of them could deny well two things missing Yoongi and Jimin which no one had seen since the incident. Seokjin said something about going into his and Yoongi’s room and trying to wake up the black haired boy but Namjoon told him to wait he needed to come out on his own, not by force.
It was noon when Yoongi crept out of his room into the living room when Taehyung saw him he couldn’t help the gasp that escaped his mouth. His hyung looked horrible his eyes were bright red, there were dried tears pressed into his face and his hair was sticking up in every direction. Jungkook smiled when he saw his hyung and ran over to him drowning him in deep hugs soon Taehyung followed bringing Yoongi back over where the rest of them were sitting telling him over and over how much he loved him. Yoongi smiled rubbing under his eyes and snuggled up close to Hoseok needing some type of contact, and no one was complaining.
“What do we do now?” Taehyung asked looking over at Yoongi with big wide eyes, “what happened?”
“That’s not for me to tell you Tae,” Yoongi said smiling at the other, “right now we be strong for him okay.”
Just as Taehyung was about to say something a small figure appeared in the doorway with his eyes trained to the ground and a hand holding his head. No one moved as though they were all frozen in place waiting for someone else to make the first move, it was Seokjin who spoke first.
“Minnie,” Jin said getting up slowly and making his way over to the scared boy in the doorway, “are you okay?”
Jimin choked on a sob turning his head to the side Taehyung could see how red Jimin’s face was as he spoke, “h-hyung? M-my head hurts-s..”
Taehyung’s heart dropped when he heard the tears breaking through Jimin’s voice when he asked from help from his hyung as though he was ashamed. “It’s okay baby go sit down and I’ll get you some pills,” Seokjin said making Jimin nod. Slowly the younger made his way over to the group of his bandmates still not looking up at any of them, Taehyung saw as Yoongi clenched his fists in anger.
“Jimin,” Taehyung said getting up off the floor and standing in front of him, “c-can I hold you?”
“P-please,” Jimin stuttered out through tears as he fell into Taehyung’s arms the other could feel the tears falling down his face. “I-I’m sorry Tae.”
“I love you Jimin,” Taehyung whispered, “no matter what I love you.”
“I don’t think anyone else does,” Jimin sobbed out, “not after I fucked up.”
“Everyone fucks up Minnie and we forgive you,” Taehyung said gripping onto Jimin tighter, “we all love you.”
“Not Yoongi-hyung, not anymore he can’t even look at me,” Jimin whispered making Taehyung want to scream.
“You should talk to him,” Taehyung said looking over his shoulder at his hyung who was looking anywhere but at the two boys hugging in the middle of the room. Jungkook smiled at his boyfriend jumping off the ground and joining the others in what he called ‘a hug pile’ making Jimin laugh out a weary laugh.
“Everything is gonna be okay!” Jungkook sang Jimin nodded.
“It will be this time,” Jimin said smiling.