Kath’s Notes, Entries, And Cryptid Research
I have never felt comfortable with myself, or dresses or skirts or heels or girly stuff. People tell me “be more lady like” or “you are becoming a young lady so act like one”. I am a tomboy. I just want to rough house with the other boys. It has always just been my dad, Kevin, and I. While dad is at work Kevin, my uncle, watches me since he works the night shift at the fire department. Neither Dad, Kevin, or the guys at the station have ever forced me to do anything I am not comfortable with, which I’m very thankful for, but everyone else wants me to sit still and be pretty. I don't want to sit still and be pretty. Maybe to them I am the mythic and elusive creature they can’t catch or figure out. It may be because I’ve grown up without a female role model in my life. My teacher blames my dad and my uncle for no teaching me how to "lady", whatever that means, but it isn’t them. Or it has to be something else.
Kath - 10
Keith’s Notes, Entries, And Cryptid Research
I have really felt messed up since I started 'it'. It just feels so wrong to look at my body and see something that isn't me. Apparently others out there feel the way I feel about myself. I learned from my desk mate, Sadie, that there are so many types of genders. She even told me about transgender people, like her brother Charles. I asked Sadie if I was allowed to write, in my entry book, the name Charles was given at birth. She said it was ok as long as that wasn’t who I saw him as anymore. His name was Kimberly. Charles and Sadie both have helped me a lot in these few short months. They also told me how sex and gender are two different things.
I am not Katherine (Kath) Stephanie Kogane anymore.
I am Keith Steve Kogane.
Keith - 11
Keith’s Notes, Entries, And Cryptid Research
I told Dad and Kevin today. I told them who I am. I told them my name. I told them how I have felt for awhile now. I told them. And when I did; I was pulled into a warm hug from them both. They accepted me. Unconditional love is a thing apparently. And they have it for me. I have it for them. We are all going to the courthouse tomorrow to have my name changed along with my legal gender. The sex can't be changed just yet but it will! Dad and Kevin made me a coin jar to start saving up! They said they would help, but thy wanted me to help too!
I am so excited!
Keith - 11
Many more entries filled the pages of the book, and Keith enjoyed flipping through all of them while in his shack back on earth. Once he came out to the others at his school when he lived in Texas, the bullying began. Sadie and Charles had moved away a few months before so he didn’t have a support system at school anymore. He was beaten down, both mentally and physically, by all of the other students at the school he went to in Texas. Once his dad and Kevin found out, they scooped him up and moved away instantly. The move wasn’t easy on any of them and they only had the money for a two bedroom and one bath apartment at the time. Keith had saved up so much money in his coin jar, but gave it to his family when they dropped their entire life just so he would be happy. Kevin and his father had said no at first, but Keith pushed it onto them in less than a week. Life in that small apartment didn't last long. Keith had barely been enrolled into the new school when the apartment complex caught ablaze. Keith was lucky, Kevin and his dad were not. The fire had started in the apartment directly underneath their own, because the person forgot to turn off the oven when they left for work that morning. Keith was quickly thrown into the foster system. He bounced from family to family, some abusive assholes, some kind but worried about fostering such an older child. That lasted up until he was taken into the Garrisons by Takashi Shirogane. Shiro was, and still is, a blessing. Keith didn't want to attach himself to Shiro at first, but caved after roughly four moths. Keith was physically blessed; he lacked the curves most biological females had, did not develop any breasts, and had a very light period. While he did have a small waist, it was hardly noticeable due to his overall small frame. He was able to hid the fact that he was trans from everyone. No one knew.
Keith was alone in his room and in his mind. He was a boy trapped in a girl’s body. He never needed a binder since he never developed any breasts; he was never curvy to begin with. However, he wouldn't be caught dead without some sort of undershirt on, because he still had mini bumps where breasts should be. Under the undershirt, it just looked like defined muscle. He was able to hide so much from his team. Keith trusted them with his life, but he didn’t need to tell them everything, right? Groaning, the half galran boy got up from his bed and walked over to his long mirror in the attached bathroom. Stripping himself of his undershirt, he looked at his chest. He had been blaming the bitty breast bumps on his Galra genes. He knew that the cover up wouldn’t last forever. Keith staggered back against the wall and began to slowly slide onto the altean tile floor below him. He didn’t know what to do; he didn’t know how to think; he didn’t know. Keith plopped his face into his hands and rubbed his temples in slow, calming circles. Not much time had past before he heard little squeaks, and felt soft little bodies on his. His gaze met those of the mice, and then for the first time in phobes, “can y’all keep a secret?” The mice squeak in response so Keith took that as a yes.
“I am transgender. It has been haunting me and I want to tell the team but it scares me. Especially since I am part Galra. Allura already isn’t happy with me from that, I wonder how she’ll respond to this! Gods, I fear Shiro and Lance’s reactions the most.” Keith continues to rants for a few dobashes before he lets out a content sigh, “Thank you for listening. It means a lot. I haven’t been able to talk about any of this since I met Kolivan. He is sworn to keep it a secret, except from Krolia and my twin sister. Ok, I’m kicking the four of you out. I’m going to shower up and then head to the lounge with the others. I trained enough this morning.”
The mice scurry out of the room and head directly to Allura, who was in the control room alone. ‘Allura, Allura, Allura. Keith has been keeping a secret.’ The mice tell Allura. She isn’t shocked by this fact because Keith is a very secretive person. He loves him like he is her own brother and would be crushed to know if he didn’t trust her. The mice knew this and kept the fact he is scared of her judgement a secret.
“Would you tell me his secret? It will help he and I bond closer.” Allura explains, hoping the mice would cave in and spill. Of course the mice give in, ‘He is transgender. I(we) don’t know what that means.’ Their statement leaves the Altean perplexed. She makes her way into the lounge where the paladins are all located after a quintent of training and bonding.
“Hello paladins,” Allura walks in perky, hoping to seem innocent, “I would like to ask you a question about human genders.” Her statement grabs ahold of all of the members, however, a little green gremlin was the most drawn in. “I was wondering what the term ‘transgender’ means?” The room grew tense, since none of them had ever mentioned the word once when on the castle ship.
“Why? And where did you hear that term from?” Pidge quickly asked, very curious as to who else was hiding something from the team. Allura sent him a glance before responding.
“Well, the mice mentioned something about Keith being transgender, but they, along with myself, are not familiar with the term.” The room went still; the silence was deafening and the air held tension. How had they not known? Pidge, Lance, and Shiro had felt the worst about hearing the words come from the princesses mouth, and all for different reasons. The mood shifted once again when the tell tale swish of the opening of the metal door. Everyone in the room whipped their heads towards the person entering the room, and it was the one person everyone wanted to see right then and there. Keith looked at everyone confused.
“Uhhh….. Guys? Is everything ok?” Keith slowly asks as he tentatively moved further into the lounge. However, it was the little green genius who finally broke the silence.
“So.. wow.. You.. uh.. You’re t-trans, too?” Keith whipped his head violently towards the smallest boy and began incoherently stuttering out excuse after excuse, trying to shove the cat back into the bag, while fighting off tears. Pidge slowly walked over and hugged Keith. “Its ok. I….just...wow….” Pidge couldn’t even finish before Lance screamed out.
“WHAT THE HECK KEITH! WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL US? WE AREN’T MAD AT YOU OR UPSET OR DISGUSTED, BUT WHY DIDN’T YOU LET US KNOW?” Lance walked over to the pair hugging and quickly joined in, but Lance took his place behind Keith so he could rest his head into the back of Keith’s neck and hair. Soon everyone else joined in the hug. The happy moment didn’t end badly but was ended when Lance grabbed Keith’s gloved hand in his own. Lance started dragging the poor boy through the halls, ignoring the calls from the other members of the team. The two males ended up in the observatory when Lance finally stopped. Turning towards Keith, Lance let go of the half galran’s hand only to move it to Keith's waist. Keith's face went pink, and he tilted his head down to avoid that ocean blue gaze.
“Why didn’t you tell us, tell me?” Lance softly asked, hoping not to startle the fragile boy curled in his arms. Keith moved closer to Lance and wrapped his own arms around Lance. Keith dropped his head down completely into the crook of Lance's neck.
“I didn’t want you all to hate me. I..” Keith paused sniffling, “I didn’t want you to hate me.” Keith didn’t feel like himself, he hadn’t felt like himself all day. In less than a varga, the team had broken down the walls that he worked so hard to build up. Lance rubbing small circles onto Keith’s back, urging Keith to continue. “Lance, I… just… well..” Keith couldn’t continue, blood had violently rushed into his face and to the tips of his ears. No words could and would be spoken at this moment. Keith felt a large warm hand against his cheek. Lance had tilted Keith’s face up and met the gaze of red rimmed gray-purple irises. Leaning in with half lidded eyes, lips touched. Slowly leaning away, Lance tightened his hold on Keith and slowly swayed them back and forth as a tranquil calm filled the space around them.
Keith thought that everyone would hate him, kick him off the team, but in the end that wasn’t the case. Unconditional love was what the team held for Keith; Unconditional love is what Lance held for Keith; Unconditional love was what Keith held for he team; And unconditional love was what Keith had always held for Lance. Maybe this time, it really is something else.