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I Didn't Mean To Fall In Love With You

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The driver pulled up in front of a modest looking ranch in one of the suburbs of St. Louis.  Tommy thanked him for the ride and added a generous tip to his fee.  He got out and ran his hands over his slacks, brushing out any wrinkles.  He held his hand to his mouth and blew, then sniffed.  Breath okay.  He brushed his hand through his hair and made sure it was fluffed just right.  The outside light came on as he made his way up the sidewalk.

The door opened before he could even knock.  Conor stepped out and into his arms.

“Damn you look good.”  He said against Tommy’s coat.  “I’ve missed you.”

“Me too.  And you look good.”  Tommy tipped his head and kissed the top of Conor’s head.  He’d forget just how short he was, how easily he could wrap his body around Conor and hold him close, protected.

“We need to…”  Tommy said, looking around the neighborhood.

“Yeah.”  Conor stepped back, smiling up at Tommy.  “Yeah, come on in.”

“So, how’d I get you all to myself.”  Tommy asked, slipping out of his jacket.  Conor took it and hung it up in the hall closet.

“Jordan’s in Massachusetts.”  Conor said dryly, matter-of-factly.  Tommy thought maybe a little forlornly.

“Ah.”  Tommy said, a twinge of jealousy hitting him.  He wished they could be together.  But that wasn’t what Conor wanted.  He was happily married to Jordan, and Tommy was just the occasional relief for that itch that needed scratched every so often. 

Fuck buddies.

It was what they were, and Tommy had resolved himself to that.  Fuck buddies that didn’t fuck.  All that they’d ever done was exchange blow jobs and hand jobs.  Another thing he had to wonder about with Conor.

“I made us dinner.  Hungry?”  Connor offered.

“Yeah.  I am.”  Tommy pulled Conor to him, his lips coming to Conor’s.  The kiss was hot, demanding… possessive.  And Conor leaned up into it, returning all those feelings to Tommy.

“Will it keep?”  Tommy breathed against Conor’s lips.

Conor nodded and took Tommy’s hand, leading him through the house to the bedroom.  Tommy was a bit surprised when they walked past the guest bedroom to the master bedroom, they’d always only ever used the guest bedroom any time they had hooked up at Conor’s house in Pittsburgh.  He thought it was Conor’s way of not mixing his two relationships, of keeping the marriage bed sacred.  

Sometimes Tommy thought maybe that it was because Conor was ashamed of what they did together.  He quickly put all those thoughts out of his head.  He wasn’t about to let them ruin what precious little time he had with Conor.  They hadn’t seen each other since the trade last February.  It had been a long time without getting together.

The only light in the bedroom was the soft glow from several candles.  There soft scent of cinnamon and apples, Tommy’s favorite, filled the room.

“I think you planned on having dinner wait.”  Tommy grinned.  “Candles?”

Conor ducked his head sheepishly.  “Maybe.  And you like candles.”

“I do.”  Tommy again pulled Conor close, wrapping his arms around him and bending to kiss him.

Conor tucked his hands between them, pushing out so he had just enough room to start working on the buttons of Tommy’s shirt.  When he got to the top of Tommy’s dress slacks, he tugged the tucked-in shirt out and unbuttoned the last few buttons.  He twisted the material of Tommy’s t-shirt in his hands and tugged it up out of his waistband as well.  Connor let his hands run up Tommy’s chest then, underneath the material, enjoying the feel of the smooth skin.

Tommy reached down and pulled at the back of Conor’s shirt, lifting it up until Conor had to free his hand, pull back from the kiss, and raise his arms so Tommy could pull the shirt off over his head.  Once he had Conor’s shirt off, Tommy backed him over to the bed and gave him a light shove.  Conor hit the bed and let himself fall backward.

When Tommy reached for the snap of Conor’s jeans, Conor grabbed Tommy’s hands and stopped him.

“What?”  Tommy questioned, puzzled.

“Not so fast, okay.  Can we, uh, can we maybe go slower.  I’ve, uh, I’ve…  well, I’ve just missed you and we only get tonight and…”

“No.  I mean, yeah.  Yeah.  We can do whatever.”  Tommy was still confused, but whatever Conor wanted he would always willing give it to him.  He stripped out of his own shirts before climbing on the bed and stretching out on his side next to Conor.

They had kissed before.  This wasn’t anything new in that regard, Tommy thought.  And yet.  It felt different.  Something was odd about things, about how Conor brought his hand up to Tommy’s check, lightly brushing his fingers against his beard.  Something odd about how Conor was looking up at him, eyes soft, warm, almost as if…

Tommy tried not to think about it.  Tried not to think about what might be going on.  Mostly because when he did, his brain started to tell him that this was Conor saying good-bye.  That this, tonight, would be the last time Conor would let himself be with Tommy.  And that was more than Tommy could deal with at that moment, so he just let himself get lost in the feel of Conor under his fingers.

He leaned down and lightly kissed Conor’s forehead, down the bridge of his nose, across each cheek, and finally his lips.  He let his fingers run over Conor’s chest, let them trail little circles around hard nipples, let them trace the outline of his collarbones, silently taking in every inch of Conor.

Conor’s fingers gripped Tommy’s back, holding on hard enough to leave marks.  He tipped his head back, gasping for air as he pulled away from Tommy’s kiss.  He closed his eyes, let Tommy kiss and gently nip his way down his neck.  Conor arched his chest up when Tommy kissed down his breastbone, pausing to lick over the nipples his hand kept playing with.

“I really missed you.”  Conor whispered softly.

Tommy pushed himself up, resting on his elbow so he could gaze down at Conor again. 

“Missed you, too.”  He said, hesitantly.  Now he was starting to worry again.  “What’s going on?”

“What?”  Conor opened his eyes.  There was that look again, the one Tommy had seen in Conor’s eyes before.  Something that hadn’t been there before.  Before Conor got traded.

“I just.  Are you okay?  Something seems, off.”  Tommy said.  “Different.”

Conor shifted out from under Tommy and sat up.  “Nothing’s wrong.  I just.”

Conor scrubbed his hands over his face, looking stressed.  Tommy moved to sit up next to him.

“Shears?”  He rested his hand on the small of Conor’s back.  “Talk to me.  What’s going on?”

“Jordan.  Um.  Jordan and I are getting divorced.”  Conor said into his hands.  He lifted his head and turned to Tommy.  “I, um.  I told her I couldn’t keep doing this.”

“This?”  Tommy said nervously.  “This?  You mean, us?  You told her about us?”

“No.  I mean.  Yes.  Well.  Not specifically.  I just.  I told her.  Well.”  Conor stammered.  He stuttered out something incoherent.

“Shears.  Conor.”  Tommy said, trying to calm him.  “What then?  What did you tell her?”

“That I was in love with somebody else.”  Conor stated.  He saw the shock, then hurt, flood Tommy’s face and he had to look away.

“Oh.”  Tommy gasped.  “Oh.”

That was what was different.  Conor had met someone evidently and fallen in love with them.  He’d told Jordan, and now he was telling Tommy.  Tommy’s instinct had been right.  Conor was different and this was the last he would get to see him.

“I see.”  Tommy said, barely above a whisper.  “I’m, uh, I’m happy for you then.”

He scooted off the bed and bent to pick up his t-shirt. 

“Wait.  No.  Where are you?  No.  You don’t understand.”  Conor said, rushing to grab Tommy’s arm before he could put the shirt on.  Conor looked up at him.  “It's you.  I love you.”

The shirt slipped out of Tommy’s hand, falling to the floor.

Chapter Text

Tommy stood, dumbstruck, mouth gapped open.

“I said, I love you.”  Conor repeated, reaching out to touch Tommy’s cheek.  “Aren’t you going to say something?”

“I.  I.”  Tommy stuttered.  “You love me?”

“Yeah, I do.”  Conor leaned up to kiss Tommy, but he pulled his head back.  “What’s wrong?”

Tommy took a couple steps back, shaking his head in disbelief.  “No.  You don’t.  You can’t.”

“Jesus, Knuckles.  What part of I love you are you having problems with.  Should I say it differently?  Ich liebe dich.  Verstehst du?”  Conor asked him in German.

“But you love Jordan.  And, well, you, you’ve never, I mean…”  Tommy turned and paced across the room.  “Du kannst nicht einfach sagen, dass du mich liebst ... was zur Hölle, Conor ... nach all der Zeit ... Fuck.“

“Okay, I have no idea what you just said, but I’m guessing it wasn’t Conor I love you, too.”

Tommy spun around and stared at Conor, who started to take a step towards him.  Tommy held his hands up in front of him, as if to push Conor away.  Conor stopped.

“You can’t do this.  After all this time, that I’ve… you…  you just can’t do this.”

“What are you talking about?  You mean you don’t love me?  Oh shit.  Oh shit.”  Conor wheeled around and staggered to the bed, as if Tommy had punched him in the gut.  He heaved for air, trying desperately to catch his breath.  “Oh fuck, what have I… I thought…  you don’t.”

“Shears.”  Tommy rushed to his side, putting an arm protectively around Conor’s shoulders and helping him sit down on the edge of the bed.  “No.  Oh god, no.  I do.  I mean.  Yes.  I love you.”

He sat down next to Conor, keeping his arm around him and letting Conor lean against him until he had him calmed down.

“I’ve loved you since we first hooked up.  But I thought, well, you never acted like this was anything more than us just having some fun.  You kept dating Jordan.  You didn’t seem to want anyone to know about us.  You just acted like, ya know.”  Tommy poured out his feelings.  “But I’ve been so in love with you.  Jesus.  I thought you were going to tell me we couldn’t see each other again.  You had me scared.”

“I’m sorry.  God, I’ve been such an asshole.  I thought.  Well, I thought you didn’t want more.  You never tried to, you know, do more than we did.  Then, when I got traded, you didn’t even call for weeks.  I thought maybe you didn’t want to keep hooking up, cause I wasn’t going to be close by.  But, the more time that went by, the more I missed you.  Fuck, all I could think about was getting to see you.  Then you called. and it was still kind of… strained… ya know.  But by then, I’d figured out that I loved you.  Not Jordan.  Jordan was just… safe, ya know.”

“I can’t believe…”  Tommy reached over and put his hand under Conor’s chin, tipping his head back.  “Ich liebe dich.  Ich liebe dich.  Ich liebe dich.”  He said, kissing Conor softly between each declaration of his love.

Conor wrapped his arms around Tommy and pulled him down as he fell back onto the bed.  There was no more going slow.  Tommy’s hands worked frantically at Conor’s jeans, getting the snap undone and the zipper down.  He straddled Conor’s hips and as his hand slid under the jeans material to palm Conor through his briefs.

Conor’s hands worked just as desperately to get Tommy’s belt undone and his pants open.  Once he’d done that, he let his hands go back to Tommy’s back, scraping his fingernails up and down Tommy’s spine. Tommy plastered kisses on Conor’s neck and chest all the while.

When he tried to scoot down Conor’s legs, so he could bend over and get his mouth on Conor’s dick, Tommy nearly fell off the bed.

“Fuck.”  Conor swore, then started laughing as he grabbed at Tommy.  “We need to…”

“Yeah.”  Tommy laughed, standing up. 

He shimmied out of his pants and briefs while Conor squirmed out of his own.  Then, Conor shifted so he was lying on the bed with his head propped up on the pillows.  He spread his legs apart, making room for Tommy to settle between them.  Tommy stretched out on his stomach, propping his upper body up with his arms, which he slid under Conor’s thighs, so his hands could hold Conor’s ass.

Tommy lowered his head so that his mouth hovered just above the head of Conor’s dick, hard and jutting upward.  He let his tongue flick over the head, tasting the precome glistening around the slit.  Conor let his hands hold Tommy’s head, urging him to take his dick.

Tommy parted his lips and let Conor slip into his mouth.  Holding his lips tight against Conor, he took him slowly in, inch by slow inch, until his lips met Conor’s warm skin at the base of his cock.  Tommy held him there, his tongue flicking back and forth, or lightly pushing against the underside of the shaft.  Conor moaned loudly.

“Fuck, I love you.”  Conor said. 

“Mmmmm….”  Tommy hummed around him, which made Conor moan again.

Tommy started bobbing his head up and down, working Conor in and out.  He’d let up the pressure from his lips with each down stroke, then tighten them around Conor as he slowly dragged his lips up the length of Conor’s dick.  Every few strokes with his mouth, Tommy would stop to lick and suck around the head.

“I want…”  Conor groaned.  His hands held Tommy’s head still, not letting him go down again.  Conor arched his hips up, then back.  He fucked up into Tommy’s mouth as he held his head steady.  Tommy closed his eyes and focused on just letting Conor fuck his mouth, holding his lips slightly apart.  He let his tongue rub against the cock, though.

“Jesus, I’ve missed you so much.”  Conor cooed at Tommy.  “Missed this so much.”

Conor kept arching up into Tommy’s mouth until he felt the bed shake as Tommy shifted between his legs, trying to rub himself against the mattress.  Conor let go of Tommy’s head, allowing him a break from sucking on Conor’s dick.  Tommy pulled off and took a few breaths, licking the drool from around his lips.  He leaned down and kissed Conor’s hips, his stomach, his thighs.  After a few minutes, he pulled himself up, so he was lying on top of Conor.  He kissed him softly on the mouth, then leaned down and whispered in Conor’s ear.

“When you said I never wanted to do more, what did you mean?”

“I don’t know.”  Conor blushed, embarrassed.  “You know.  More.”

“Do you want to,” Tommy asked, his voice husky, “fuck me?”

Conor swallowed hard.  Tommy’s hot breath against his ear causing little shivers to run down his spine.  Tommy’s question causing his dick to twitch with want.  All he could do was nod his head.

"Do you have stuff?”  Tommy asked.

“Top draw of the nightstand.”  Conor managed to tell him.

Tommy got up and moved over to the edge of the bed, opening the drawer and retrieving a bottle of lube and a condom.  He came back over and straddled Conor’s chest.  Tommy poured some of the lube on Conor’s hand, then he rolled his hips forward.  He reached around and spread his ass cheeks apart.  Conor took Tommy’s dick in one hand, holding it steady so he could suck on it, while his other hand opened Tommy up.

Conor spread the lube around Tommy’s hole, then pressed a finger in.  Tommy’s breath hitched slightly, but he held still.  Conor sucked on Tommy’s cock, letting him slide in and out of his mouth in rhythm with his finger pushing in and out of Tommy’s ass. 

Tommy dropped his chin to his chest, closing his eyes and letting the sensations Conor was causing wash over him.  When he opened his eyes and looked down, Conor was looking up at him.  And there it was, that look in Conor’s eyes again.  Tommy recognized it now.

Love.

Conor loved him.

Tommy grinned.

“What?”  Conor let Tommy’s dick slip out of his mouth to ask.

“Nothing.”  Tommy beamed.  “You love me.”

“Yeah, I do.”  Conor laughed. 

Tommy rocked his hips back, wanting more from Conor.  Conor obliged by sliding a second finger in next to the first.  He held his hand still, letting Tommy take as much or as little in as he wanted.  Conor licked and sucked at Tommy’s balls and cock until Tommy was ready.

“You, uh, you want me to stay on top?”  Tommy questioned.  Conor nodded.  Tommy moved down so that he could easily slip the condom on Conor, then poured some lube over it, spreading it with his fingertips.

Tommy scooted back up over Conor, so his ass was over Conor’s hips instead of his chest.  Conor reached down and held his own cock steady while Tommy lined himself up.  The tip of Conor’s cock pressed against the tight opening, meeting with slight resistance before sliding in as Tommy lowered himself down.  When Tommy’s ass met Conor’s hips, he held himself there, grinding his hips slowly back and forth against Conor.

“Oh my god.”  Conor groaned.  “Fuck.”

“Uh huh.”  Tommy moaned.  “Mmmm…. damn.”

Tommy rolled his hips, making Conor slide in and out ever so slightly.  He shifted, changing the angle ever so slightly.  This time, when he rolled forward Conor’s cock rubbed over his prostrate.  Tommy whimpered as little sparks of light went off behind his closed eyelids.

“Mmmm…. that’s it…”  He murmured. 

Tommy leaned forward slightly and braced his hands against Conor’s chest as he started rocking faster.  Tommy’s cock slapped back and forth between their abs, the tip dripping precome now.  Conor reached down and wrapped his hand around Tommy’s cock.  Conor jerked it in pace with Tommy moving up and down on his cock. 

“Fuck.  Uh.  Uh.  Fuck.”  Tommy grunted with each thrust of Conor’s cock into his ass.  “Gonna… fuck.”

Tommy came, spurting hot white ribbons of come over Conor’s hand and chest.  Conor kept stroking him until Tommy’s body quit shaking.  Conor’s hands moved to hold Tommy’s hips still and he raised his knees, planting his feet flat on the bed to get better leverage.

Conor arched up into Tommy, driving his cock deep.  He pushed his hips up and down rapidly, fucking in fast and hard.  Tommy was huffing for air with each thrust, Conor was breathing hard himself as he pounded into Tommy.  Finally, he felt himself break over and his come filled the tip of the condom.  He fucked Tommy through his orgasm, only slowing once he was spent. 

Carefully, Tommy eased himself up off Conor and collapsed down to the bed beside him, lying on his stomach, face buried in a pillow, breathing hard.  Conor took the condom off, tied it and tossed it towards where he thought the waste basket was.  He laid back on the bed, breathing hard, as well. 

Conor stretched his arm out and Tommy raised up to let it slip under his head.  He moved over to lay his head on Conor’s chest.

“Damn.”  Conor laughed.  “Why haven’t we done that before?”

“Cause we’re idiots.”  Tommy chuckled.  He planted a light kiss on Conor’s chest as Conor bent his arm in order to brush his hand through Tommy’s hair.  Conor lifted his head so he could kiss the top of Tommy’s head.

“So, we’re doing this?”  Tommy asked, sounding a little worried. 

“If you’ll have me.”  Conor said.  “I know long-distance is hard.  But, yeah, I’d like to try.”

“You know, Jim-Bob is never going to let us forget that this is all his doing.”

“God, like he needs his ego fed.”  Conor chuckled.  “Gonna have to thank him, though.”

“Yeah.”  Tommy draped an arm over Conor’s waist and snuggled in closer.  “But not right now.”