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Beyond Reason

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The first time Phil laid eyes on Thom was his last year of high school. He had been friends with Ed who in turn gravitated to Thom with their love of music, it was just a matter of time before they all met. He hadn’t thought anything of his crush at first, just thought it was going to be a quick thing, boy was he wrong. It was easy at first, to hide it, they didn’t see each other all the time, but once the band actually got signed, it was a bit harder, especially when they were around each other all the time, sharing either rooms or a small space on the bus. It was halfway through their first tour that Phil had hoped that Thom would start to notice him, but it was Jonny instead. He wanted to be mad, wanted to be jealous, but he couldn’t, but he still held out hope that maybe one day Thom would see him.

To get over everything he decided to start his own side project where he may or may not be writing some of his songs about his lead singer. He had the idea for one of the songs after a particularly bad show. It wasn’t that it was bad because of the sound, it was all the things that happened and the accumulation of the tour getting to Thom that did it. He watched him walk off stage, closely followed by Jonny and into the green room. He followed as well, giving his other two bandmates looks. They walked in to see Thom in a corner, Jonny kneeling in front of his with a bottle of water, muttering something about breathing and counting. Later that night on the bus when everyone was asleep Phil pulled out a notebook and started writing.
‘So where does it end. Heart beats fast, your senses reeling. You just want a fight. Calm yourself, you're beyond reason. Go and find a place to let it all out. Count from one to ten, start over again’ he read over that line a couple times, hearing music with it. He hated that it was late at night at that he couldn’t find Jonny’s acoustic and try and figure it out. He let out a sigh and put the book away and tried to will himself to sleep, hoping that the music would stay until morning.

It seemed that things weren’t getting any better for Thom, and the rest of the band for that matter. The interviews and photo shoots were taking a toll on everyone, then add on top of that their constant playing, it was a miracle Thom didn’t snap sooner. They had gotten a hotel room one of the nights, which was a luxury that he wished happened more often. Phil was walking back to his room when he saw Jonny sitting outside of his and Thom’s room. He looked at him curiously. Jonny looked up, looking tired and beat.
“He’s in another one of his moods...I’ve tried to calm him down, it’s just not working...I figure if I give him some time he’ll wear himself out” said Jonny and Phil nodded, looking to the door when he heard a thud and then a frustrated groan.
“Want me to keep you company?” asked Phil and Jonny nodded.
“Thank you” he said as Phil slid down the wall and smiled at the youngest member.
“Not a problem...Don’t think I’d be able to sleep at this moment anyway” he said and Jonny nodded. They talked about anything that came to mind for the next hour or so before it seemed that Thom had finally calmed down. They both stood and Jonny gave Phil an awkward hug.
“I’ll see you tomorrow, sleep well” he said as he used the key to get back into his room, finding Thom passed out on the bed and the room a bit of a disaster, but nothing Jonny wouldn’t be able to fix without the hotel knowing. Phil made his way back to his room, which he lucked out and managed to be the one who always got one by himself seeing as Colin seemed to be the only one who could tolerate Ed’s sleep screaming.

He finished up his nightly routine and slipped into the bed before pulling out his notebook and turning to the first page where he wrote the first lyrics. More notes had made it on there since then. There were chord progressions and other random things that Phil wanted to try.
‘You’re out of your mind, fuses blown, you're not receiving.’ he wrote and let out a breath before finally falling asleep.

It was about a week later, they had finally gotten a day to just themselves and they decided that they were going to find a bar and drink seeing as they didn’t have to worry about getting up early and having to perform the next night or do any interviews. Colin and Ed decided that around midnight they were going to call it a night, though everyone knew what they were really going to be doing. Jonny had gotten a couple drinks in him but he decided that he wasn’t really feeling that good and decided to go back to the hotel room with Ed and Colin, to which Thom pouted and wanted to go with him but Jonny insisted that he stay out and continue to have fun, seeing as he needed it more than the rest. He agreed reluctantly before quickly kissing Jonny, making sure no one saw before he went off with his brother and Ed.
“So Philip, it’s just me and you...What do you say to a game of billiards?” he asked and Phil nodded with a smile, his excitement rising for being able to spend some time alone with Thom.
Thom had decided on the idea of taking a shot every time their ball didn’t go in and they wound up way more drunk than they wanted, but they didn’t care at the moment. They stumbled back to the hotel, holding each other up, though it was kind of hard for Thom being half a head shorter than Phil, but they still managed to make it work. They stopped in front of Phil’s room and they both leaned against the wall.
“Are you sure you can make it to your room?” asked phil and Thom nodded.
“Oh yea, It's right there...I think I can manage” he said, pointing behind him to his room.
“If you say so” he said as he tried to get his ky out of his pocket. He dropped it however and he let out a groan because now he had to lean down and get it. Thom had the same idea and they both leaned down at the same time, knocking their heads together. They both groaned but let out a laugh as they slid down the wall to sit. “Damn, your head’s like cement” said Phil and Thom laughed.
“Nah, I’m just thick headed” he joked and Phil joined in on the laughter.
“That you are” he agreed and Thom hit him on the arm lightly.
“Shush you” he said.
“Make me” shot back Phil and Thom rolled his eyes but smiled none the less.
“We should be getting to bed” he said and Phil nodded as he tried to stand. They finally managed it and Thom went to turn and go to his room. Phil, out of nowhere decided then that he had to do something. He definitely wouldn’t have done it sober but he was way to drunk to care at that point. He grabbed Thom’s arm and spun him back around, grabbed his head and kissed him. Thom was shocked but he started to kiss back for a second before he realized what was happening. He pulled back and looked shocked. Phil tried to talk but Thom shook his head and grabbed it.
“I appreciate it, but...I like Jonny...Like, A lot...I’m...Sorry” he said as he finally stumbled back to his room and opened the door and went inside. Phil stood there shocked at what he had done, kicking himself in the ass, hoping that both of them wouldn’t remember it in the morning, or at least Thom. He walked into his room and threw himself on the bed and hit it. He turned then and grabbed his notebook and started writing.
‘Deny it again’ he started, thinking back to Thom’s lips and how he started to kiss him back, before he realized who he was kissing. ‘Damn your pride, you’re beyond reason’ he wrote. He read it over and shook his head. It was wrong, he knew he shouldn’t be so pissed. He knew he was with Jonny and he was happy. He let out a sigh and went to cross the line out but didn’t. He had wrote it in the heat of the moment and he decided he was going to keep it in along with another line that popped into his head. ‘We’ll sever all ties, I’m tired and it tries my patience’ he wrote finally before passing out.

The next morning they all awoke and headed for the bus after getting some breakfast. They all started to settle, both Thom and Phil looking way worse than the rest. It seemed that Thom didn’t remember last night or he had decided to not mention it and forget it and Phil decided that he would do the same.
“Look who decided to close out the bar” said Ed with a smirk and both Thom and Phil flicked him off with a smile.
“It’s good to see you actually letting loose a bit though Thom” said Colin and Thom just shrugged and put his head back on Jonny’s shoulder. Phil watched the interaction and tried not to let the small amount of jealousy take over. He knew it was stupid to think about, and he had gotten his answer of if him and Thom ever had a shot. He didn’t like it, but it was a bit better knowing, he could let it go now and move on.
They had two days of traveling ahead of them and then a day of interviews again before their show. The band wasn’t looking forward to doing them, but it had to be done. They were new, different, and people wanted to know about them, they were interested. The two days passed without a problem. The band had went on and done their own things, with them getting together at nights or during meals and actually playing a couple games and just talking and maybe thinking up new idea’s for songs for the next album.
The day of the interviews came and it had them all sitting in a waiting room of sorts, waiting to be lead onto the stage for their first interview of the day. Everyone seemed to be fine besides Thom and Jonny. Of course, Jonny was never good at talking or getting up in front of people, but he did it, Thom on the other hand didn’t mind it, but with how his mind worked it still got to him, everyone looking to him for things, putting everything on his shoulders, so to speak and it made him a bit uncomfortable. They were led on then and showed to their seats. The crowd went wild as they walked on, everyone waving at them before taking their seats. Through that whole interview and the other’s that day Phil kept his eyes on Thom the whole time. He seemed to be more fidgetily than normal, which had another idea for a song popping into his head, but he really couldn’t pull out a notepad now and start writing.

The day finally came to and end and they had a couple hours before they had to be on stage for soundcheck and Phil used that time to write down real quick the lyrics that had popped into his head during the first interview.
‘And your invited to, the chance of a lifetime interview. Slow down and breath, slow down, you’re terrified to speak. All eyes on you...And your embarrassed, too, afraid of the light that shines on you. So frail and small, so scared and terrified by all the eyes on you’ he managed to get it out before he was called to get food with the rest of the band. He put the notebook away and smiled at them before jumping from his bunk and following them out