Chapter Text
Keith didn’t know what to expect when they got back to Earth. The celebrations didn’t surprise him. The Garrison’s apology for expelling him was a bit of a shock, but there was still nothing waiting for him on Earth. He had no family to return to, no fallback career.
When the celebrations were over, everyone reunited with their families, but Keith and Shiro. With parents long gone, there wasn’t really a place to go.
“Um… Where are you going to stay the night?” Keith asked as they left Garrison property. He figured Shiro had to have things more figured out than he did. Shiro had gotten a hefty settlement and a new arm from the Garrison as an apology for labeling the Kerberos failure as pilot error and was invited back to pilot, or teach, whatever he wanted to do. He probably wouldn’t give them an answer for a while, but Keith was sure he was happy to know he still had a life on Earth. Keith wished he could feel certain about that.
“I guess I’ll have to get a hotel.” Shiro sighed. “Not like they have my old apartment waiting for me or anything. What about you?”
“I’m sure my place in the desert has fallen to pieces, so probably same, but um…” He bit his lip. There wasn’t a penny to his name and was Shiro going to stay by himself? Keith didn’t want him doing that. Shiro got seriously bad nightmares sometimes, or flashbacks, or panic attacks. Keith wasn’t too great on his own either anymore. After losing Shiro multiple times, it made his heart ache to be away from him. “Shiro, are you gonna stay by yourself?”
“Do you want to come get a room with me?”
“Y-Yeah, but I don’t have any money.” Keith grimaced.
“Keith.” Shiro rolled his eyes. “It’s on me. Come on, let’s find a place to call a cab and we’ll crash somewhere we can stand to stay in for a little while.”
Keith breathed a sigh of relief and walked close to him as they found the nearest pay phone to call a cab. Everything felt unsure. He thanked the Altean Gods that he at least had a night with Shiro.
Shiro kept his hand on Keith’s knee in the backseat of the cab, sending tingles up his whole leg as they rode to the nearest hotel. It wasn’t like Keith wasn’t used to touching. Shiro almost always had a hand on his shoulder and when he had his nightmares at the castle, Keith would always come calm him down and lie with him until he fell back asleep – then he’d slip back to his own room.
Shiro booked them a room with two beds indefinitely when they arrived.
“We can stay here until we figure things out.” Shiro said, setting his bags down and locking the door behind them.
The room wasn’t bad. There was a flat screen TV and the beds looked cozy. Keith poked his head in to check out the bathroom and blushed at the large bath tub. He knew it wouldn’t happen, but a guy could dream. Two people could easily fit.
“So uh, I can take this one.” Keith said, setting his bag down on the one furthest from the door.
“Go ahead. Today was exhausting.” Shiro sighed as he flopped down on the other bed. “How are you um… holding up?”
“Tch.” Keith shrugged. How was he supposed to answer that? He still had no clue where their relationship stood for one thing. Sure, they’d confessed their love in space and they’d kissed a few times in the heat of the moment. The feelings were clear, but they’d been too wrapped up in the chaos of Voltron to actually have a relationship. Now that it was all over, what were they? Keith had a hunch it may have all just been because of circumstance. All they had was each other in space. It might not be the same here. “I’m fine, I guess. I don’t really know what I’m supposed to do now.”
“We’ll figure it out.”
We?
“I bet we missed like a million good movies while we were gone. Want to come sit over here and find something to watch?”
“Sounds great.” Keith smiled, shrugging off his jacket and kicking his shoes to the floor before he went to join Shiro on the other bed. They weren’t strangers to cuddling, but they’d never done it outside of the context of providing much needed comfort in a crisis.
“Don’t be so stressed.” Shiro said, wrapping his human arm around Keith’s shoulders and grabbing the remote with the other. “Things aren’t too different now.”
“Okay.” Keith sighed and sank right into Shiro’s touch, resting his head on his shoulder and shutting his eyes.
He didn’t even watch whatever movie Shiro picked out. He just listened to his heart beat and the rhythm of his breathing, thankful that Shiro wasn’t pushing him away now that they didn’t have space drama to push them together. Maybe the love was still real.
It was late at night when the movie ended an hour and a half later, Keith’s heart sinking at the thought of going back to his own bed. “I’m gonna get showered and hit the hay.” He said when Shiro removed his arm. “Do you want to go first or anything?”
“Nah, I’m just gonna change and go right to sleep.”
Keith nodded and pulled away, taking his pajamas from his bag, so he could change before locking himself in the bathroom.
Alright, Kogane. Get your head on straight. Nothing is different because you’re on Earth. You love Shiro. And Shiro loves you. Hopefully. Right?
Keith cursed under his breath and stripped down, reaching behind the curtain to get the hot water going. He caught a look at himself in the mirror and traced the scar on his face with his fingers. Shiro always looked at it with guilt, but Keith loved it. It was a constant reminder. He’d told Shiro he loved him. Shiro had come back to him and returned those same words. They’d kissed for the first time. A real kiss – not just a peck on the forehead like they’d shared before – and in front of the whole paladin team too. That was when Keith had started knowing this was for real. Or so he’d thought.
Keith ran over everything in his head when he stepped under the hot water. He’d told Shiro he loved him. Shiro had come back and said he loved him too. They’d kissed. They’d kissed a few more times after that when Keith was scared, or when Shiro had an especially bad panic attack that Keith had brought him out of, but never anything past that. He’d lay with Shiro until he fell asleep, but he hadn’t spent the night with him in the same bed before. That was still a relationship, right? At least by space standards?
Ugh, he didn’t know what to think. He had no experience with this. Shiro had practically been engaged before.
Keith stayed under the water until it ran cold, wishing that he had the nerve to just give Shiro a goodnight kiss. Everything felt unsure. Shiro was supposed to be the one thing he could always count on.
When he shut off the water and towel-dried his hair, he heard the familiar sound of Shiro groaning from his bed. Shit, he must have fallen asleep already.
Keith scrambled to pull on his boxer-briefs and rushed out of the bathroom to see Shiro tossing and turning. “Takashi.” He murmured when he ran up to his beside, turning the lamp on to give him some light as he reached over to shake his shoulders. “Takashi, it’s me. It’s Keith.” He was the only one allowed to call him that and it always calmed him. Almost always. “Hey, come on. You gotta wake up.”
Shiro’s eyes flew open and he gasped, his metal fingers ripping a hole in the bed sheets as he jerked up, chest heaving as he looked around the unfamiliar room.
“Hey, hey it’s okay.” Keith whispered, sitting next to him and pulling him straight into a hug. “I’m right here, Takashi. I’m right here. You’re safe. You’re so, so safe and I’m not going to let anything else hurt you.”
“Holy shit.” Shiro breathed. “I-I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be.” Keith said, still holding him. He did work up the nerve to press a few kisses into his white hair. It was something he’d been doing for a long time and it made Shiro relax into his arms.
“Thank you.” Shiro said, nuzzling his cheek against Keith’s shoulder. “I hope they stop soon… I mean, now that I don’t have to worry about getting lost, or captured, or tortured, I hope maybe it’ll just… stop.”
“I don’t think it works that way.” Keith sighed. “You’ve been through a lot. It’ll take time to get over.”
“I guess.” Shiro grimaced. “Sorry to scare you.”
“You don’t scare me.” Keith grinned, running his fingers through Shiro’s hair. “How are you feeling?”
“Better.” Shiro nodded, his cheeks a little pink as he pulled back and looked Keith over.
“What?”
“You’ve uh… Never been this naked before?” He laughed. “Sorry, it just caught me off guard.”
“Shit!” Keith jerked back and looked down at himself. He was in his fucking underwear. “S-Sorry, let me go get my pajamas on. I-I just heard you and I-“
“Keith, Keith, it’s fine.” Shiro smiled, grabbing his wrist and pulling him back. “I was just surprised. You look beautiful.”
Beautiful? Keith blushed so hard his eyes glowed. “Takashi, I… I-I um…”
“What?”
Fuck. “Takashi, I have to ask you something.” Keith sighed, his shoulders slumping at the thought of an answer he might not want to hear. “What… What are we? What am I to you? It’s been driving me crazy ever since we set the course for Earth.”
Shiro stopped and blinked. “Huh? Keith, you’re my everything.”
“But what does that mean?” Keith swallowed. “A-Am I your best friend and we just got kind of emotional with everything going on in space? Am I your boyfriend or something? I’ve never done any of this. I have no life on Earth anymore and I-I didn’t have much of one to start with.” He stared down at his feet. “You could have anyone here.”
“I don’t want anyone else here. I want you.” Shiro pushed himself out of bed and put his hands on Keith’s shoulders. “Keith, I thought you knew that. I love you.”
“But how do you love me?”
“I don’t know, in the way that makes my heart go crazy seeing you in your underwear.” Shiro laughed. “I didn’t want to make you uncomfortable or anything, but I love you Keith. Like love love.”
Keith knew his eyes were glowing and his face probably was too with how red he’d turned. “Are you sure?”
“Always.” Shiro’s human hand came up to touch his cheek, his thumb running over Keith’s lips. “Is that what you wanted me to say?”
Keith gave a weak nod. “I-I love you too. Like… love love. I kind of always have even when you were with Adam and I shouldn’t have.”
“That long?”
“When did it start for you?”
“When you saved me after I crash landed here. After Kerberos.” Shiro reached up and ran his hands through Keith’s hair. “When did it actually start for you?”
“When I got outted at the Garrison and you stood up for me.” Keith sighed. “I know I was young then and it wasn’t right to have a crush on you, but… I felt so alone when they found out I was gay. No one liked me to begin with and then the bullying started which meant the fighting started and you were the only one that kept me from getting expelled. I loved you.” He shrugged, knowing how yellow his eyes must look in the dark. They lit right up when he was embarrassed.
“Oh Keith.” Shiro sighed, pulling him into a hug and kissing the top of his head. “I can’t imagine what it was like for you after Kerberos.”
“I mean, yeah. No one could really stand up for me anymore, so when I got jumped in the dorms and had to defend myself, I was the only one who got in trouble. They wanted to expel me since day one and without you there to defend me anymore, well… you know.”
That wasn’t the whole thing. Keith didn’t want to go into how he’d been caught naked with another cadet. He’d thought Shiro was dead and he was the only one who knew about the other gay student in their class. He thought sex would ease the pain a bit, but it got him expelled. Lord knows what happened to the guy he was hooking up with after they got caught and jumped like that.
“That’s what happened?” Shiro frowned. They hadn’t had much time to talk about what happened in the year Shiro disappeared, before Keith rescued him and lead the others to the Blue Lion. Everything had happened so fast over the years in space. There wasn’t time. “I never should have left. I know we did a lot of good, but sometimes I just wish… I don’t know.”
“I’m glad it happened. I had a purpose for a little while.” Keith sighed. “Plus, if you hadn’t gone, I… I don’t know if I ever would have had you. You had Adam.”
“Adam and I weren’t perfect. Even if I didn’t go to Kerberos, I don’t think he would have stayed throughout my illness and I didn’t want to tie someone down to me when I was sick. I guess I am glad everything happened because now I have you, but I just…” Shiro winced and traced over the scar on Keith’s cheek. “I wish I hadn’t hurt you.”
“Really? I think the scar looks really cool.” Keith laughed. “Um… I’m still kind of naked, do you want me to go get dressed? We can keep talking.”
“You can if you want to, but I don’t mind it.”
“Okay, um… I can just leave it.”
“I love when your eyes glow.” Shiro said, his voice soft as he pulled away and got back in bed. “Come here.”
Keith crawled into bed with him and used all his will power not to purr when Shiro’s human arm wrapped around him.
“How bad was the bullying when I left?”
“Worse.” Keith chuckled. “So much worse. I couldn’t go anywhere. I was just the faggot cadet and I was getting in fights all the time until too many of them cornered me. I broke one of their noses and that was the final straw for me being enrolled.”
“That’s not right.” Shiro huffed, stroking his hand down Keith’s back. “The Garrison needs to be held responsible for how they treated you, you know? I’m gonna have a long talk with administration when I go back there. They need to do right by you too.”
Keith’s heart softened a bit. “Thanks, Shiro.”
“The Holts are getting a settlement too, but shit, what about you?” Shiro glared. “You had to go through trauma because the Garrison can’t be bothered to handle bullying or homophobia of any kind. The only reason I ever got away with being out was because I was top of the class. If I had struggled, they would have let the same thing happen to me.” His hold tightened a little bit on Keith. “I don’t know if you still want to be a pilot after what you’ve been through, but… If you do, I’ll fight for you, Keith. They owe you. They don’t get to take your future.”
“Shiro…” Keith had to blink his eyes to keep from crying and pressed into his chest, relishing in the feeling of Shiro’s hand on his bare skin. “Thank you.” He swallowed. He didn’t know if he still wanted to be a pilot, but it meant the world that Shiro would stand up for him. “Can I um… Can I kiss you?”
“You never have to ask.” Shiro whispered and Keith sprang up to press their lips together, melding right against Shiro and letting him feel all the love and warmth that was stirring his chest.
He didn’t want to let go, so he stayed, his hands on Shiro’s broad chest, feeling the muscle through his t-shirt as they kissed. It felt safe, familiar. Then he felt Shiro’s tongue for the first time. There was a pang of anxiety at something new, but Keith pushed through it. He wanted this. He parted his lips and stifled a groan when he felt the gentle brush of Shiro’s tongue against his own. Shiro was always so careful.
It was wet and warm like Keith craved and he could feel his temperature rising a little, eyes glowing in the dark. He let his hand come up to Shiro’s cheek, feeling the heat coming off of his face as the kiss deepens even further. He leans up at first, relishing in the passion until he feels himself growing hard and pulls away, panting as he settles himself so his dick presses against the mattress and not against Shiro’s thigh. “Christ, Takashi.”
“I love when you call me that.” Shiro breathed, his hand still stroking down Keith’s back.
“I’m glad that you let me.” Keith blushed as his heart continued to pound in his chest. He would even go so far as to let Shiro strip him down, but he was anxious about being caught. The hotel room might be locked, but so was the room to his dorm when the incident happened. Shit, what other kind of dumb sex anxieties was he going to have now?
“We’ll figure out what’s next in the morning.” Shiro said. “Do you want to sleep like this?”
“Can I?”
“Of course you can.” He smiled, nuzzling his nose against Keith’s hair. “I always hated that you left before morning.”
“Really? I didn’t think you’d want me to stay.”
“I always did.” Shiro squeezed him to emphasize. “You don’t have to though. I know it can be really jarring when I have nightmares.”
“It’s fine. I’ll stay.” Keith said, nuzzling his cheek against Shiro’s chest. “It really has been a long day. We should sleep.” He decided to indulge himself a little bit more, leaning up to kiss the scar on Shiro’s nose. “Wake me up if you need anything okay?”
“Okay.” Shiro smiled, his arm still wrapped securely around Keith’s shoulders. “Thanks, Keith.”
“Anything for you.” He shrugged. “Sleep tight.”
**
The change of scenery wasn’t helping Shiro’s nightmares. He kept waking up, not understanding where he was, having to be talked down by Keith in slow, soothing words just to get a handle on his breathing. They would need new sheets for tomorrow night. Shiro had sweat right through them.
“I’m so fucking sorry. I’m keeping you awake.” Shiro croaked as Keith spooned him, his hand under his t-shirt rubbing his upset stomach in slow, soothing circles to ease the anxiety.
“Shh, you’re fine.” Keith cooed. “I’m right here.” He pulled back a little and tugged at the hem of Shiro’s shirt. “Take this off, Takashi. It’s soaked now.”
“No one tells you the worst part of PTSD is how fucking gross you are all the time. I hate the sweating.” Shiro sighed, sitting up and tugging his shirt off. Keith had seen it before. The strong torso littered with deep scars. Keith could always feel the way they rose from his skin on his back.
He had a thought, but he wasn’t sure if it was selfish or not. He shouldn’t use helping Shiro as a guise for his personal fantasies, but… maybe it could be both? “Takashi, you can say no, but… There’s a really, really big bath tub. Do you want to maybe get in for a minute?”
“Come with me?”
“Of course.” Keith nodded, already sliding out of bed.
“Are you comfortable um…”
Keith’s heart nearly pounded out of his chest at the idea, but he really did think that a bath would help calm Shiro down enough to sleep for good. It was already four in the morning. They had plenty of time to sleep in if he could just get Shiro to actually rest. “I’m comfortable.” He nodded.
“Thank you.” Shiro breathed, his shoulders slumping in relief as Keith turned the light on and pulled him out of bed.
“I always like to take a hot bath or something when I’m tense. It helps.” Keith glanced back to make sure the hotel room door was had all three locks actually locked then locked the bathroom door behind them as well to ensure himself they had privacy.
“Take some deep breaths.” Keith said before turning on the faucet in the tub, holding his hand under the water to make sure it was warm enough before plugging the drain. It seemed to be the only luxurious thing about the hotel room. The bathtub fit into the corner of the room, leaving a large square space for them to easily sit. Keith wasn’t going to get in unless Shiro asked him too though. This wasn’t just a romantic ploy. “Come get in. I can leave if you want.”
Shiro shook his head, his cheeks dusted pink a bit as he stared at the rising water. “Don’t go.”
“Do you want to get in with your underwear on? I don’t want to make you uncomfortable. I know you’re kind of shaken up right now.”
“You’re always so understanding.” Shiro let out a low laugh. “I’m okay. Are you?”
Keith nodded.
“Your eyes totally give you away.” Shiro smiled as he dropped his shorts and underwear.
Keith nearly choked at the sight of him. “Jesus Christ Shiro, how do you walk?”
“Hm?” He glanced down at himself. “Oh. I guess it is a little… I don’t know, big?” He shrugged and stepped past Keith to get in the water, groaning when he sank down and Keith shut off the faucet. “You were right. This feels really good.”
“Yeah?” Keith put his shock aside and smiled at the serene look on Shiro’s face, reaching over to comb his fingers through the his white hair. He tried not to be obvious, but he did ogle him a bit through the water. He found himself worrying a bit about being able to fit that thing inside of him if they had sex.
“Yeah.” Shiro breathed. “Are you coming in?”
“Do you want me to?”
“Kind of.” Shiro nodded. “I’m a little… shaken up. You don’t have to though.”
“I mean.” Keith glanced down at Shiro’s dick with raised eyebrows. “You’ve kind of intimidated me now.”
“Don’t be like that.” Shiro laughed. “I can’t help it.”
“It does suit you.”
“And I’m sure yours does too.”
Keith rolled his eyes and stood up to remove his boxer-briefs. He was nervous, letting the love of his life see him naked for the first time, but it was still Shiro. It was hard to feel unsafe in any way with him, so he dropped the black fabric to the floor and smiled when he saw Shiro blushing. He definitely wasn’t as big as Shiro, but he wasn’t exactly small either.
He stepped into the water with Shiro and sighed at the heat, sitting on the opposite end of the tub with his legs folded between Shiro’s. He tried not to think about how close his toes were to that part of him.
“So do you want to talk about it?”
“Hm?” Shiro raised his eyebrows.
“Not my dick, your dream.” Keith rolled his eyes, nuzzling his foot a bit against Shiro’s thigh under the water. “The prison again?”
“It usually is.” He frowned, staring down at his lap. “Tonight it’s been a lot of the arena. I can’t really forget that as easily as I can forget some of the torture because I was just so conscious for it.”
“I’m sorry.” Keith grimaced, putting a hand on his calf just to be touching him. “I can’t imagine.”
“You had your own torment.” Shiro shrugged his shoulders. “I’m sorry I disappeared so many times.”
“I just care that you’re here now.”
They stayed and soaked for a little while until Shiro held out his arms and Keith had the courage to fall into them, lying against him back to chest with Shiro’s arms wrapped around him as they breathed together. His eyes burned from being woken up so late at night, but he was here for Shiro. He could be wide awake for hours after nightmares sometimes.
“I was worried you might go off on your own when you landed. Thanks for sticking by me right now.” Shiro murmured against his hair. “I know you’re tired.”
“I’m fine.” Keith yawned, eyes shut as he leaned back against him. He would stay there for hours if the water wasn’t turning cold. “I didn’t want to be on my own either.”
“I think I can sleep now. You want to get out?”
“In a minute.” Keith sighed, turning to nuzzle his cheek against Shiro’s shoulder. “I feel safe here.”