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Beyond the Pines: Pilot Script

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                   Beyond the Pines
          by: Matthew B. Morrell

      
        
"Episode 01 - "Whirled Away"

Based on "Gravity Falls" By Alex Hirsch.  Zovc, kovzhv yfb gsrh hxirkg









        EXT. TRILLION PINES YOUTH CAMP - FIELD - TWILIGHT

      
        Surrounding a wide open soccer field covered in patches of
mist, tall pine trees rustle and shift ominously in the
wind. Suddenly a BLACK SWIRLING MASS darts across the field
and into the woods. A GHOST WHITE GIRL (Nora N. Woods, 14)
in violet pajamas runs after the mass.

      
                            NORA
          Come back! Come back with my little

      
                  sister!
The BLACK MASS and the Nora disappear into the fog. INT. TRILLION PINES YOUTH CAMP - HITCHCOCK DORMS - SAME
        On the bottom bunk closest to the window, a YOUNG MAN (Mason
’Dipper’ Pines, 22) sleeps with a Blue Bruin’s Cap covering
his face.

      
        A frantic KNOCKING on the window causes him to spring awake
and fall out of bed.

      
                            MABEL
               (Mock whisper)

      
                  Dipper! Are you awake?!

      
        Sliding open the window with one hand, Dipper’s head slowly
rises to meet his SISTER (Mabel Pines, 22).

      
                            MASON
          No, Mabel, I am not awake.

      
                            MABEL
          ’Kay, great. So the Tiny Cousins

      
                  are missing because ghosts. Kind of
          an emergency. Could ya help a
          sister out? PLEASE?

      
        Dipper digests the information, then adjusts his cap.

      
                            MASON
          Tiny Cousins missing. Ghosts. Fine.

      
                  Now I’m awake.

      
        Dipper leaps through the window and the Mystery Twins take
off running toward the dark, haunted field.

      

        - ROLL OPENING CREDITS -

      

FADE IN:

        EXT. IRVINE HIGH SCHOOL - EARLY MORNING

      
        Early morning sun breaks over the mountains as a half dozen
cars riddle the nearly empty parking lot.

      
        A CAMP COUNCILOR (Major Darren Graham, 34) stands beside the
open door frame of a yellow school bus and cups his hand to
his mouth.

      
                            MAJOR
          Kiss your parents goodbye folks,

      
                  for the next seven days, I am your
          daddy. Everyone on the bus. Double
          time! Move it, move it, move it!

      
        From the crowd milling about by the loading zone, a half
dozen HIGH/MIDDLE SCHOOL STUDENTS file onto the bus. Each
student gives The Major a salute or high five except for
Nora. The last GIRL (Katrina Woods, 13) looks like she
should be in elementary school. She greets Darren with an
odd smile.

      
                            MAJOR
          It’s an hour and a half ride up the

      
                  mountain, you remember to use the
          little girl’s room, Kat?

      
                            KAT
          Yup. The pale lady in the mirror

      
                  told me when I’m going to die.

      
                            MAJOR
          Great. Get on the bus.

      

                    KAT

          ’Kay.

                            MABEL (O.S.)
          Look at ’em all; so tiny, so

      

          precious...

        Leaning against a war-torn red truck is a cheery brunette
YOUNG WOMAN (Mabel Pines 22) wearing a pink USC swoop-neck
shirt, purple skirt, and black Capri pants. She taps the
voice recorder in her right hand against her left palm.

      
                            MABEL
          ...So much teen angst ready to be

      
                  analyzed and studied. This was a
          great post-grad idea, Bro-Bro Cop!

      

2.

        Tossing luggage into the rear of the truck, a YOUNG MAN
(Mason ’Dipper’ Pines, 22) wears grey cargo pants, a red
t-shirt, and a BLUE UCLA BRUINS HAT. He wipes his forehead
revealing a birthmark of the big dipper.

      
                            MASON
               (Panting)

      
                  Yeah. You’re welcome. Bags heavy.
          Please help.

      
        Mabel is already in the truck and starts the engine. She
leans out the window.

      
                            MABEL
          I’ll keep the truck nice an’ cool

      
                  for ya. Don’t work too hard!

      
        Pressing her hands up against the window in the shape of a
heart, Mabel rolls up the window with her elbow. Dipper
shakes his head, grins, and keeps loading.

      
        EXT./INT. 91 FREEWAY - MABEL’S TRUCK - MORNING/LATER
A multitude of traffic encases the red truck and bus.
        Dipper has his feet up on the dash as he cleans out his
camera, Mabel rocks out to an Eighties jam on the radio.

      
                            MASON
          Hey, Mabel?

      
                            MABEL
          Yeah, Dip?

      
                            MASON
          You feel bad about making our

      
                  cousins take the bus?

      
                            MABEL
          The Teeny-Tiny Cousins are fine,

      
                  Dipper. The bus ride up to camp is
          all part of the grand experience.

      
        EXT./INT. 91 FREEWAY - BUS - SAME

      
        The sheer volume of noise in the bus is maddening. Sitting
with her body in the fetal position pressed against the
window, Nora’s slight goth frame trembles as she turns the
volume up on her Walkman: her face shows the headphones
aren’t helping.

      
        Beside Nora, a pair of feet wearing mismatched unicorn socks
jumps up and down on the seat.

      

3.

                            KAT
          Nora, look, it’s like a bouncy

      
                  castle, ON WHEELS!
Nora’s eye twitches.
        EXT. MOUNTAIN SIDE FREEWAY - LATER

      
        The Bus and Red Truck snake their way up through the
gorgeous and treacherous mountain side highway. They pass a
sign held in a wooden bear statue’s jaws--

      
        --"Welcome to Trillion Pines Youth Camp!"
EXT. TRILLION PINES YOUTH CAMP - PARKING LOT - NOON
        Mable’s Truck and the bus pull into the parking lot among
dozens of other buses and a sea of TEEN STUDENTS.

      
        As the bus parks and the door flies open, a window towards
the back opens up and Nora slips out.

      
        Landing awkwardly on the pavement, Nora takes in her
surroundings with disdain--

      
        -Giant soccer field-
-Three massive, wood cabin style dorm buildings-
-Olympic sized pool next to a basketball gym-
and a quaint Snack Shack. Kat pops up behind Nora and exclaims--
                            KAT
          It’s perfect!

      
                            NORA
          It’s prison.

      
                            KAT
          Prisons don’t have all these trees,

      
                  or lack of bars, No-Fun-Nora.
Nora growls, but Kat sprints away.

      
                            KAT
          Detective Mason!

      
        Mason catches Kat as she launches herself towards him.

      

4.

                            MASON
          Whoa, easy there Kit-Kat. How was

      

          the ride up?

                            NORA
          AMAZING! We sang songs SO loud!

      
        Mabel extends the black/duct-tape duffel bag out to Nora and
reads the expression on the younger teen’s face.

      
                            MABEL
          I’m afraid to ask.

      
                            NORA
               (Dry as toast)
          They sang songs SO loud.

      
        Mason puts a reassuring hand on Nora’s shoulder.

      
                            NORA
          And a baby bird hit the window.

      
                            KAT
          We should have a bird funeral to

      
                  celebrate our first day of camp!
Looking down at Nora, Mason gives a weak smile.

      
                            MASON
          Trust me, it’ll feel good to unplug

      
                  from everything for a few days. It
          won’t be all noise and-

      
        EXT. AMPHITHEATER - LATER

      
        CAMP DIRECTOR TAG, 26 and A-Type Jock/Councilor, sounds an
airhorn through a megaphone and whoops wildly.

      
                            TAG
          Are you campers ready to bring ALL

      

          the noise?!

        Assembled and crammed into stone benches under canvas sails
sit HUNDREDS OF STUDENTS who all SCREAM. Sitting in the back
row next to an enthusiastic Mable and Kat, Nora glares at
Mason.

      
        Tag motions for silence. The crowd obeys.

      
                            TAG
          Now for my favorite part of the

      
                  camp... THE RULES!

      

5.

        The crowd CHEERS. Mason and Nora roll their eyes; Dipper
slightly more bemused than annoyed. Kat, now sitting on
Mabel’s shoulders, cheers wildly.

      
                            TAG
          Here to help us with the rules, the

      
                  camp mascot, Trillion Ton Bear!

      
        Out from the wings of the stage, a guy in a FAT BEAR SUIT
lumbers on stage to APPLAUSE and CHEERS.

      
                            TRILLION
          Listen up ya rascals; shut yer

      
                  mouths an’ open yer ear holes.

      
        As Trillion explains the rules, a slide show plays beside
him of a camper breaking the rules, followed by that camper
getting mauled by Trillion.

      
                            TRILLION (V.O.)
          Rule One, respect all camp leaders,

      
                  staff, and fellow campers. Two,
          stay within the camp boundaries.
          Three, no going out after curfew
          bell. Four, no swimming after dark.
          Five, guys stay out of the girl
          cabins and vice-versa. Six, no
          rough housing... except for in the
          Rough House. Finally, rule seven,
          same as the first, obey camp staff
          at all times.

      
                            NORA
          They had to put that in twice?

      
        Mason gives Nora a nod.

      
                            MASON
          No, but enough campers didn’t think

      
                  obedience and respect were similar
          enough, so they had to clarify.

      
                            NORA
          You a lawyer or a detective?

      
                            MASON
          I’m your friendly camp volunteer

      
                  until I start work next week.

      
                            TAG
          Alright, you freaks of the forest,

      
                  get your gear stowed in your
          cabins; free play until dinner!

      

6.

        EXT. BUNKHOUSE TRAIL - LATER

      
        Mason, Mabel, Kat, and Nora all march through the herd of
CAMPERS heading to the bunk houses.

      
                            CAMPER #1
          I heard the cabins are all haunted.

      
                            CAMPER #2
          Nah, just the Kubrick Cabin.

      
                            CAMPER #3
          Legend says Maggie Sewer will knit

      
                  your nose and mouth shut while you
          sleep.

      
        Kat gives Mabel a worried look.

      
                            MABEL
          Trust me, if there are any ghosts

      
                  here, they are more afraid of me
          and Dipper than you are of them.

      
        Mason shrugs and smiles.

      
                            MASON
          We survived four years of this

      
                  place in high school; no ghosts.

      
                            CAMPER #3
          Dudes, look, it’s those two from

      
                  the Wall of Fame!

      
                            CAMPER #2
          Whoa, I heard she beat up a unicorn

      
                  with her bare fists.

      
                            CAMPER #1
          They say that guy actually murdered

      
                  a ghost.
Nora raises a skeptical eyebrow toward Mason.
                            MASON
          I might have helped a ghost die?

      
                            KAT
          But you said--

      
                            MABEL
          That was a whole other place, a

      
                  long time ago. Don’t worry your
          scruffy little head about it. Race
          you for the best bunk!

      

7.

        Mabel and Kat run off towards the Hitchcock Dormitory. Mason
looks to Nora.

      
                            MASON
          What ya got there?

      
        Before Nora crinkles up the paper into a ball, we see that
it reads-- "Rules to Break" as the header.

      
                            NORA
          Just a to-do list.

      
        EXT. HITCHCOCK DORM - SAME

      
        Kat is slightly ahead of Mabel as they reach the dorm, but
before she tags the door--

      
        A crow falls dead at Kat’s feet.

      
                            MABEL
          Awww, poor baby bird.

      
                            KAT
          Yay, now we can have an open casket

      
                  for the bird funeral!

      
        Mabel gives Kat a goofy grin before her attention is
diverted to the intercom mounted on the dorm wall.

      
                            TAG (V.O.)
          Attention, Attention; all camp

      
                  councilors, staff meeting in five
          minutes. Mandatory, mandatory
          meeting, WOO! Be there! I am so
          CAFFEINATED right now! WOO!

      
        Mabel looks down to Kat.

      
                            MABEL
          You gonna get your stuff crammed

      
                  into your bunk, kiddo?

      
        Kat has a miniature trowel and the crow nestled inside a
shoebox crafted into a tiny coffin. As she runs off towards
the woods, Kat calls back...

      
                            KAT
          Bags can wait, bird funeral first.

      

8.

        EXT./INT. STAFF LODGE - AFTERNOON

      
        The staff lodge, a two-story wooden chapel no bigger than a
racket ball court with a bell tower sits in the dead center
of camp.

      
        INSIDE - Mabel opens the door. She’s the last to arrive and
it’s standing room only. Tag is in the center of the room
lecturing.

      
                            TAG
          --which is my favorite program here

      
                  at camp; Fun and Order.

      
        Mabel spies Dipper across the room and squeezes her way
through the crowd. Having reached Mason, Mabel whispers-

      
                            MABEL
          I thought we were gonna ditch and

      
                  go swim?
Mason shrugs and leans back against the wall with Mabel.
INT. HITCHCOCK DORM - SAME
        Inside the rustic dorms, large bunk beds fill the room with
space to spare; four rows of two bunk columns. Nora lies
face up on the furthest bunk from the door.

      
        She’s reading her list.

      
                            NORA
          Seven rules to break. Seven days of

      
                  camp. I like those odds.

      
        A commotion out the window catches Nora’s eye. She GROANS
and frowns at the sight.

      
        EXT. SOCCER FIELD - SAME

      
        At the head of the field, Kat stands before a family of
squirrels, a baby dear, and a rabbit as she gives her eulogy
for the crow.

      
                            KAT
          Some knew him as Reynard the Raven,

      
                  but there are those birds of the
          mountain who called him, ’friend.’

      
                            LANA (O.S.)
          What are you doing Fresh-meat?

      
        The woodland creatures scatter as Kat confronts THREE
OBVIOUS BULLIES (LANA 16, SHIRLEY 17, and MONA 15).

      

9.

                            KAT
          Did you gals come to pay your

      

          respects?

                            SHIRLY
          Respects?

      
                            MONA
          It’s just a stupid bird.

      
        Kat covers the ears of the dead crow and gasps.

      
                            KAT
          He wasn’t stupid. They were just

      
                  really clean windows, it could have
          happened to any bird.

      
                            LANA
          Oh, well, if you’re trying to have

      
                  a bird funeral, you’re doing it all
          wrong.

      
        Mona and Shirley give Lana a confused look. She winks.

      
                            LANA
          It’s against camp rules to bury

      
                  birds out in the open. You have to
          flush them.

      
        Kat cocks her head to the side and raises an eyebrow.

      
                            KAT
          That’s not very dignified.

      
                            LANA
          Yeah, well it’s the rules. Come on

      
                  ladies, let’s show her the right
          place to dispose of the remains...
          sorry, the departed.

      
                            KAT
          Oh, thanks!

      
        Kat trails after Lana, while the other two girls snicker
following close behind.

      
        Watching from the rear window of the Hitchcock dorm, Nora
rolls her eyes and sighs. Suddenly, another two birds SLAM
into the window startling Nora.

      

10.

        INT. STAFF LODGE - SAME

      
        Mabel sits on Dipper’s shoulders with both resting up
against the cabin wall. They look bored to death.

      
        Tag explains his powerpoint slide.

      
                            TAG
          It’s a circle of trust AND

      
                  discipline. Remember to always
          circle back to discipline.

      
        Mabel taps Dipper on the forehead, points to the open window
on the second floor, then reaches into her pocket to subtly
withdraw her grappling hook.

      
        Dipper considers, then waves her off.

      
                            MASON
          You think the girls are okay?

      
                            MABEL
          They’re definitely having more fun

      
                  than we are right now.
EXT. THE HAUNTED BATHROOM - LATER

      
        Kat stands in front of a dilapidated bathroom in the middle
of the woods. The Three Bullies stand close behind her.

      
                            LANA
          Well, go on in.

      

KAT In there?

        Ominous forest noises and a rustling of leaves in the wind
make the decrepit bathroom all the more unsettling.

      
                            MONA
          That’s where we all the dead

      
                  animals at camp are buried.

      
                            SHIRLY
          Some say, at night, those animals

      
                  buried here come back to collect
          the bones of any animals that are
          buried anywhere else.

      
                            LANA
          Yeah, then they come for the bones

      
                  of the little girls who buried them
          the wrong way.

      

11.

        Kat gulps and looks back at the girls, then timidly walks
into the bathroom. As she disappears into the loathsome
lavatory, the Bullies burst into laughter.

      
        INSIDE - Kat cautiously steps over puddles, splintered wood,
and what are most definitely animal carcasses.

      
                            KAT
          Someone definitely forgot to give a

      
                  courtesy flush. You poor deer.

      
        Kat looks to her right find a surprisingly clean PINK
BANDANA hung up on a towel rack. She uses it to cover her
nose and mouth from the stench.

      
        Looking down into the over flowing toilet, then to the bird
in her hands.

      
                            KAT
          Well, it’s like the olde saying, a

      
                  bird in the bowl is worth two in
          the bush. Goodbye, friend.

      
        Gently placing the bird in the bowl, Kat flushes. To her
shock, the toilet works, but a DEEP GROWL and soon a
mournful WAILING come up from the pipes. It grows and grows
as Kat hurridly backs up to the door.

      
        The bathroom door suddenly slams shut. Kat desperately
pounds on the rusted metal.

      
                            KAT
          Girls! Someone? Anyone? HELP!

      
        INT. STAFF LODGE - SAME

      
        Tag is still rambling on. Mabel is asleep still sitting on
Dipper’s shoulders. She almost falls off when Mason catches
her. The commotion disrupts Tag.

      
                            TAG
          EXCUSE ME! Did you have something

      
                  to add, Mister...?

      
                            MASON
          Pines. Mason Pines.

      
        A MURMUR spreads around the shack among the other STAFF.

      
                            MASON
          Yeah, last time I was here, kids

      
                  could roam freely in the woods.
          What’s with all the extra rules?

      

12.

                            TAG
          Well, Mason, we in the modern age

      
                  actually care about our campers
          safety first. That okay with you?

      
                            MABEL
          No! It’s actually SUPER boring.

      
                       (Beat)
          So, when’s dinner?

      
        EXT./INT. HAUNTED BATHROOM - SAME

      
        Mona has her full weight on the door. The other two hold
back a laughing fit.

      

                    NORA (O.S.)

          Eyes this way, ladies.

        Standing behind the bullies, Nora is wrapping up her
knuckles with duct tape. She uses her teeth to cut the
excess tape off and spits it out on the ground.

      
                            NORA
          Rule six: only fighting at camp

      
                  happens in the Rough House.

      
                            LANA
          Who are you?

      
                            NORA
          Someone who’s way too impatient to

      
                  take Y’all to the Rough House, so I
          figure we’ll all throw down right
          here. Or, you let my little sister
          out of that dank bathroom.

      
        Lana yawns and motions for the tall and lanky Shirly to take
care of Nora.

      
        Stalking up to her opponent, Shirly is almost immediately
caught by her curly hair and Judo-Tosses aside like a
telephone pole by the scrappy Nora.

      
        Panting, Nora looks up to Lana.

      
                            NORA
          Who’s next; Prada or panda bear?

      
                            LANA
          Bored now. Come ladies.

      
        Lana leads the girls away. Nora walks over to the bathroom
and opens the door to a sobbing Kat.

      

13.

                            NORA
          Come on, up ya go.

      
                            KAT
          Nora? It’s like a really angry Pet

      
                  Cemetary in there.

      
                            NORA
          Whatever, let’s get you back to

      

          camp.

        Kat climbs on Nora’s back and the two hike up the trail.
From back in the campground, the dinner bell RINGS.

      
        INT. DINNING HALL - NIGHT

      
        CAMPERS file through the buffet line. At the end of the
line, past a few round wooden tables, sits Mabel, Dipper,
Nora, and Kat.

      
                            MABEL
          So, how was free play?

      

                    NORA

          Sucked.

                    KAT

          Sucked.

                            MASON
          Sucked.

      
                            MABEL
          Yeah. Same. It’s like the new

      
                  staffers are vampires of fun, they
          sucked it all right out of our
          camp.

      
                            MASON
          Things change, Mabel.

      
        A TRIO of RANDOM CAMPERS passes by the PINES’ and WOODS’ gawking.

      
                            CAMPER #3
          Dude, it’s the guy who wrestled a

      

          bear.

                            CAMPER #2
          I heard it was like six bears.

      
                            CAMPER #1
          No, stupid, it was one bear with

      

          six heads.

14.

        The Random Trio passes, and Nora glares accusingly at Dipper
and Mabel.

      
                            NORA
          Okay, what is it with you two?

      
                            MASON
          We used to go on adventures an’

      
                  stuff. Same as everyone.

      
                            MABEL
          Um, we did kinda save the universe

      
                  though. So there’s that.

      
                            MASON
          We helped a small town in Oregon.

      
                  But you know, everyone’s gotta grow
          up eventually.

      
                            KAT
          Is that why you became a forensic

      
                  detective instead of a ghost
          hunter?

      
                            NORA
          Ghost hunter?

      
                            DIPPER
          Turns out, a lot more people get

      
                  hurt by real people than anything
          supernatural. Seemed like a better
          fit.

      
        Mabel frowns and slouches in her chair.

      
                            KAT
          But what if ghosts come after us at

      
                  camp? Specifically, dead woodland
          creatures whose souls are eternally
          trapped in a nasty bathroom?

      
        Nora cracks her knuckles.

      
                            NORA
          Ain’t nothing here but bullies and

      
                  bullies aren’t a problem I can’t
          solve... with my fists.

      
        Councilor Tag wanders by the table and notices Kat’s dirty
face and Pink Bandana and Nora’s wrapped knuckles.

      

15.

                            TAG
          You better be keeping an eye on

      
                  your students, Mason, or I’ll send
          you packing. Clear?

      
                            MASON
               (Snorts)

      
                  Crystal.
EXT./INT. HITCHCOCK DORM - SAME
        CAMPERS file up the wooden ramp to the dorm’s main entrance
past Major Graham who holds the door open.

      
                            MAJOR
          Remember rule five Y’all; guys are

      
                  blue, girls are pink, so no making
          purple or we send you home.

      
        Nora and Kat file upstairs with the girls. Mabel sticks
behind with Dipper in the foyer.

      

                    MABEL

          Mason?

                            MASON
          Yeah, Starlight?

      
        The two walk towards the corner of the foyer.

      
                            MABEL
          Everything okay upstairs in the big

      
                  brain of yours?

      
                            MASON
          Just thought maybe going back to

      
                  our roots would bring back...
          something? Something good.

      
                            MABEL
          Like what?

      
                            MASON
          I dunno. I kinda miss it,

      
                  sometimes, ya know? The weirdness?
Mabel nods, sighs.
                            MABEL
          You said it first; things change.

      
                  But, you’ll always have the
          weirdness in here.

      

16.

        Mabel points to Dipper’s heart. He looks down and Mabel
drags her finger up and flicks her brother’s nose.

      
                            MABEL
          WHOMP. Night, Dip.

      
        Tipping his Bruins Cap.

      
                            MASON
          To a peaceful week.

      
        OUTSIDE - Three crows crash into the side of the dorm. Then
Two. Then Five: One. Two. Three. Four. Five more crows, one
by one.

      
        INT. HITCHCOCK DORM - LATER

      
        Across from Mabel, Kat is on the bottom bunk under Nora. Her
eyes are wide open. She hears the THUMP, THUMP, THUMP on the
cabin wall outside.

      
        Slowly, Kat swivels out of bed and tiptoes to the window.

      
        Cupping her hands over the glass to see, Kat’s eyes grow
wide in horror. There’s an ever-growing sound of CAWING
outside.

      
        She backs up from the window only to have it burst inward; a
great black swirling mass surrounds her. Other GIRLS in the
cabin scream in terror.

      
        By the time Nora turns on the lights, Kat is gone.

      
        Without hesitation, Nora runs towards the window, grabs
Mabel’s grappling hook from under the bunk, and rappels out
the window.

      
                            MABEL
          Nora! Kat!

      
                       (Panicked)
          DIPPER!

      
        EXT. SOCCER FIELD - LATER

      
        Nora runs after the black mass. Dipper, wearing his
signature blue vest, and Mabel follow close behind.

      

17.

        EXT. THE HAUNTED BATHROOM TRAIL - SAME

      
        Nora pushes her way past a low branch and stops dead in her
tracks at the edge of the clearing. Her jaw hits the floor.

      
        Swirling around the dank bathroom is a multitude of woodland
spirits; deer ghosts, undead squirrels, and one giant
phantom rabbit starring up at the moon.

      
        Before Nora can scream a pair of hands pull her back behind
the brush. The hands belong to Dipper and Mabel who calm a
freaked out Nora.

      
                            NORA
          What even is that, that--

      
                            MABEL
          Whatdya got, Dip?

      
        Out from his vest, Dipper pulls out HIS JOURNAL with a
golden pine tree emblem on the cover. He thumbs through
carefully tabbed pages and stops on--

      
        "--Spirits, Ghosts, and the Undead."

      
                            MASON
          Angry horde, tied to a specific

      
                  place; standard poltergeist.

      
                            NORA
          Standard?!

      
                            KAT (O.S.)
          HELP! I don’t wanna get flushed!

      
                            MABEL
          It’s got Kat. What’s the plan?

      
        Dipper scans the area like Sherlock Holmes; he spies a
splintered support pillar proping up a side wall, a cinder
block, and a leaking pipe.

      
                            MASON
          I need you to go in and grab Kat

      
                  from the entity. Once she’s clear,
          Nora and I will take care of the
          poltergeist?

      
                            NORA
          Take care of it?! I can’t punch

      
                  that!
Nora motions to the grotesque ghost deer frolicking.

      

18.

                            MASON
          No, but you can punch that wood

      
                  beam real hard, right?
Panicked, Nora looks to Mabel.

      
                            MABEL
          I get it, this is SUPER intense.

      
                  But, this used to be like a normal
          Monday for us and we turned out
          just fine. You can do this.

      
        Mabel takes her grappling gun from Nora gives a finger gun
and wink, and charges toward the bathroom.

      
                            MASON
          On three... two...

      
        Mason runs forward and grabs the cinder block. Nora watches
from the brush petrified.

      
        INSIDE - Mabel kicks in the rusted door off it’s hinges. She
gulps as a murder of crows swirls about and suspends Kat in
mid-air above the toilet.

      
                            KAT
          Mabel! I’m sorry. I don’t wanna die

      

          by swirly.

                            MABEL
          Hand over my Tiny Cousin, ya dank

      
                  bathroom ghouls!

      
        From the multitude of undead birds, a terrifying legion of
voices cry out-

      
                            BATHROOM GHOUL
          You, mortals, have flushed our

      
                  remains down this filthy abyss for
          the last time.

      
                            KAT
          But the girls said I had to flush

      
                  the bird; it was the rules.

      
                            BATHROOM GHOUL
          THEY LIED! Tonight, foul, smelly

      
                  vengeance shall be ours!

      
        OUTSIDE - Mason runs with the cinderblock toward the pipe,
but stops as the seven foot tall floating rabbit lands with
a thump in front of him. It laughs a demented, taunting
laugh.

      

19.

        From his vest, Mason removes his fold-out Polaroid Camera
and aims it at the Rabbit.

      
                            MASON
          Say cheese... or carrots? Say

      
                  carrots, Harvey!

      
        Before the rabbit bites Dipper’s head off, the flash goes
off stunning the spirit beast.

      
        As the photo develops out from the camera, the massive
rabbit disappears before Dipper.

      
        INSIDE - Kat screams as she’s lowered toward the toliet.

      
        Mabel withdraws her grappling hook, aims, then quickly
readjust and fires!

      
        The hook bounces off the wall, behind a pipe, ricochets
behind Kat and off the opposite stall. Grabbing the hook
end, Mabel pulls the slack end of the rope, and Kat out from
the swirling mass of birds.

      
                            BATHROOM GHOUL
          NO! The mortal girl must be

      

          sacrificed.

                            MABEL
          I am way too grossed out to deliver

      
                  a suitable pun.

      
        With a final yank, Mabel pulls the pipe apart which sprays
water over the poltergeist.

      
        OUTSIDE - Mason is hammering away at the pipe. He looks over
to the support beam, then to Nora still standing in the
woods.

      

 

                    MASON

          Nora!

        Nora is frozen in fear as undead squirls scamper through her
legs and toward the bathroom.

      
                            MASON
          Nora, your sister needs you!

      
        Bursting out from the door, Mabel carries Kat in a fireman
lift.

      
                            MABEL
          All clear!

      

20.

                            MASON
          Nora, NOW!

      
        Screaming, Nora runs towards the bathroom, toward the
support pillar.

      
        Mason times his final strike just right and--
Nora winds up and punches the pillar clean in half.

      
        Dipper, Nora, Kat and Mabel back up and watch as a geyser of
gross septic water erupts from the ceiling. Quickly, the
Haunted Bathroom collapses, folding in on itself. The ghosts
remain.

      
                            MASON
          Kat, hurry, you need to give a

      
                  ulegy for your bird.

      

 

                    MABEL

          Crow.

                    KAT

          Raven.

                            NORA
          Weird stuff is still happening!

      
        The ghosts circle around the youths and young adults.

      
                            MASON
          Come on Kit-Kat; we’re gathered

      
                  here tonight to...

      
                            KAT
          ...dearly departed forest critters,

      
                  we’re here to honor Renard the
          Raven. And with a final farewell,
          wish him an endless sky to soar far
          from this nasty bathroom. Amen.

      
        The Bathroom Ghouls stop, SNIFF, and in a puff of smoke all
the ghosts evaporate up into the night sky.

      
                            BATHROOM GHOUL (O.S.)
          That was beautiful. Thank you,

      
                  Katrina Woods.

      

21.

        EXT. HITCHCOCK DORM - FRONT LAWN - SAME

      
        All the lights in the bunk are still on as the Pines and
Woods siblings limp up to the dorm.

      
                            NORA
          I will never sleep, ever again.

      
        Kat wipes her filthy face off with her PINK BANDANA.

      
                            MABEL
          Don’t you worry Nora, counseling a

      
                  town full of traumatized Oregonians
          practically paid my tuition. If I
          can help them from going coocoo
          bananas, I’ll put your head back on
          straight too: pro bono. Cousin
          discount.

      
        Dipper russels Kat’s hair. She yawns.

      
                            MASON
          You did great tonight, kiddo.

      
                       (To Nora)
          I’m proud of you too. You really
          came through back there.

      
        Nora considers, tries to play it cool.

      
                            NORA
          Yeah. I guess. Whatever.

      
                            TAG (O.S.)
          Well if it ain’t Mason Clever-

      
                  nickname-for-troublemaker Pines!
Tag stomps up to the Foursome.
                            TAG
          What did I tell you about keeping

      
                  an eye on your students?

      
        Mason slaps the Polaroid picture against Tag’s chest and
keeps walking to the dorms with the others.

      
                            MASON
          Here, keep an eye on this picture

      
                  that will haunt you forever.

      
        Tag looks at the picture. His face turns pale white. Over
his shoulder, we see a half-disintegrated giant rabbit
staring back with red eyes and open shark-toothed-maw.

      

22.

                            MASON
          Good luck never sleeping again. Say

      
                  goodnight to Tag, girls.

      
                            NORA, KAT, MABEL
          G’Night, Tag.

      
        The Four enter the Hitchcock dorm. The door swings shut
behind them.

      

THE END

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