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nothing to regret about it

Summary:

Taehyung needs them—needs Jungkook as much as Jungkook has always needed Taehyung.

Notes:

So this started as five times hyungs covered for taekook but turned into Jimin covers for taekook, but mostly smut masking as a taekook character study. Hoping that works for everyone. ;)

In my mind, this takes place after stop your heart for a moment, but the tags should be enough to understand this without reading the first part. This is for entertainment purposes only.

(See the end of the work for more notes.)

Chapter Text

Jungkook always feels uncomfortably close to slipping into the worst parts of the vanity-driven Gangnam scene when he’s at one of these restaurant-nightclubs, leaving a bitter taste for fame to chase the alcohol. Going out with the objective of being seen has never interested him, even if it is increasingly easy to get caught up in the lifestyle when everyone treats you like you’re somehow more for experiencing idol success.

Maybe it’s less about the scene—and more about this place, these people, all forcing Jungkook to confront the ways his life has changed in the last seven years—easily slipping through the valet entrance, cutting through the crowded VIP line without looking back, avoiding eye-contact with anyone that might shout his name and simultaneously greeting those that make themselves seem important.

And then Jungkook catches Taehyung’s smile—bright and joyful, in the mirrored glass of the revolving door as they enter, and Jungkook is reminded of the good ways his life has changed, grateful for every second he’s near that smile.

You can’t have the good without enduring a pinch of the bad.

They’re two weeks out from comeback, long rehearsals that end in arguments fueled by too few hours of sleep and too many hours spent confined, the seven of them holding it together before the real exhaustion sets in, because this is the most ambitious comeback yet—amplifying the endless chase to become stronger, better, more.  

This will be the last weekend they’re truly free, cameras turned away, until mid-world tour. A couple of Taehyung’s actor colleagues are celebrating the last day of shooting for a K-drama, and Taehyung decides he won’t go to the after party without Jungkook coming along, declares this to the whole group at the end of practice—which is ridiculous because Taehyung goes out all the time without him. Jungkook only holds back from protesting the absurdity of it to everyone when Jimin reaches for his arm, squeezing gently to remind him Taehyung is never as confident as he can lead everyone to believe. Taking one or two of them out with him is like an extra layer of self-assurance that he belongs, that he deserves the things he’s worked so hard for in life.

Taehyung needs them—needs Jungkook as much as Jungkook has always needed Taehyung.

Once he’s reluctantly agreed, there’s no sense in trying to keep Taehyung to himself for the night, so Jimin agrees to come along as well. When he allows himself a break from perfectionism, Jimin enjoys going out as much as Taehyung does.

As they move from valet to entrance, Jimin clings to Jungkook, bright smile and carefree chatter that centers Jungkook on them and not the crowds waiting outside. That always helps block out the rest, and Jungkook sometimes believes the seven of them have created this impenetrable barrier that no one can touch if they just stick to each other, everything else deflected—inconsequential and meaningless.

Park Bogum-hyung meets them at the last minute—his schedule letting up unexpectedly to allow them to cross paths for the first time in months.  Ahead of him and Jimin, Bogum links his arm with Taehyung’s and talks his ear off like they don’t exchange texts every single day—like there’s a single thing he could say that Taehyung doesn’t already know.

Paired off like this, Jungkook has a nice view of Taehyung’s ass in a pair of twill chinos that hug his curves just right. He’s been working ridiculously hard on his body in the last few months—following Jungkook to the company gym during their days off, teasing him less often about it as Taehyung’s finally decided the stress relief, the control you feel over your own body from extra lifting and cardio is worth it.

The four of them settle into the reserved area raised above the main floor, private bar and plush couches, with a collection of raised cocktail tables and enough open floor space for dancing later on. They’re surrounded by three dozen actors and high-up production staff, most trickling in as the first thirty minutes pass. He and Jimin only know the majority of them by face or reputation, so Jungkook might be overcompensating with too much soju in too short a period of time. He’s justifying it as trying to keep up with Jimin—which is never a good idea. When Jimin lets go—he tends to not be a great judge of his own limits. It’s good for Jimin to let go sometimes, though. He deserves it as much as anyone. Maybe more.

Two hours in, Taehyung has only had carbonated soda water sipped from a martini glass while occasionally stealing the orange wedges out of his actor friends’ drinks. Of course, he remains the center of attention, and none of this is especially surprising. Usually, Taehyung’s natural extroversion is comforting when they’re out, but Jungkook would never choose to divide Taehyung’s attention among so many people and get the least of it for himself in the process.

“I don’t know what you’ve done to him, but I like it,” Bogum-hyung says, throwing his arm around Jungkook like they’re more than friends by association who occasionally connect over a single muse—but, to be fair, Jungkook never minds hanging out with Bogum. He’s nice enough, always supportive of Tae and BTS, and is even easy to talk to in a crowded nightclub. Jungkook just needs enough to drink to get past the irrational part of his brain that likes to remind him Bogum is the only other person who’s had his cock sucked by Kim Taehyung, and did it first.

“He looks the same to me,” Jungkook says into the rim of his glass. Bogum is warm, sweating a little from a turn around the dance floor with a leggy brunette whose accent stands out enough to conclude she’s lived outside of Korea for at least part of her life.

Jimin hiccups through a smile that betrays all of his sluggish emotions, including the tiny crush he’s had on Bogum for years.

“He’s glowing,” Jimin declares, and Bogum laughs, pleased and—apparently agreeing because he doesn’t refute it, just pulls Jimin into a one armed hug and the two of them jabber on about nothing at all, half of which Jungkook doesn't hear over Seoul’s latest electronica-infused hip-hop blaring through the DJ’s speakers, but he nods along anyway—satisfied to pass the time with two of the three people he really cares to have conversations with here.

Taehyung does look good commanding a circle of actor friends around a cocktail table closer to the bar. Chic paisley button down shirt, tan Gucci loafers that Jungkook’s sworn not to tell his mother about because they cost that much money, and his lips are shiny-pink with Jin-hyung’s stolen balm, also ridiculously expensive. He’s always beautiful though, done-up like this or wrapped around Jungkook’s blankets and drooling into a pillow hugged to his chest at two in the morning. It’s hard to see small changes in a person when you’re with them nearly every hour of every day for years on end.

While he reaches out to crease his thumb and forefinger along the edge of Jungkook’s pressed shirt collar, Bogum says, “Don’t worry, JK. You’re glowing, too. Especially when you look at him,” and throws a wink in his direction.

Jungkook doesn’t really know what to think about that, knows he should take it as Bogum’s friendly, supportive nature, but there’s something unsettling about having their personal relationship plastered over their faces, especially when he can’t see it or control it.

When people look at them, can they really tell?

Or is this just because Bogum and Jimin are among the dozen people who have been carefully let in on the truth of how far their personal relationship goes. Maybe it matters less in a place like this, shadowed in the strobe lights and masses of Seoul’s young and rich, but they’re on camera so often—eventually, it will matter.  

This is just the soju talking, Jungkook decides, so he excuses himself and asks the bartender to fill his nearly empty glass with soda water, drinks most of it before making his way back to Jimin and Bogum, smiling politely to a pair of actresses who stop their conversation to stare at him on the way but don’t say anything. He never knows what to do with those types.

“He’s harmless,” Bogum says, grimacing a little—and Jungkook doesn’t understand until he follows Jimin’s gaze back toward Taehyung. He’s broken away from his group now and is chatting animatedly with one person, someone Jungkook doesn’t recognize. He’s tall, dark hair and expensive clothes, a mixed drink in his hand that’s a shocking shade of electric blue.

Jimin says, “He’s not that attractive.” It’s not at all helpful because Jimin means exactly the opposite. It’s fine, though. This is a price Jungkook has to pay for secretly dating Kim Taehyung. No one knows, so getting jealous over nothing isn’t this mystery guy’s fault. Jungkook doesn’t own Taehyung. He can, and should, talk to anyone he wants. It won’t mean anything—even if Jimin and Bogum are making a big deal out of it.

“I’ve only met him once or twice. Has a bit of a reputation...” Bogum explains, keeping his eyes on the pair, even as Jungkook decides to look away, throws back the rest of his drink before remembering it doesn’t have any alcohol in it. The only reason he’s feeling jittery is because this step-above-hyungs relationship with Taehyung is so new and they’ve yet to work out all of the boundaries.

How do they treat each other in public? It’s the question Jungkook’s been avoiding for the better part of three weeks, and one Taehyung doesn’t seem as bothered about pinning down.

Bogum goes on, “—a producer friend of Jung Jinyoung. Runs in the actor circles and has lots of friends in the industry, but I don’t think you have anything to worry about.”

“I’m only worried that you’re telling me not to be worried,” Jungkook says, and can’t help turning to have another look, just to make sure what Bogum says is what Jungkook should believe. The guy is closer, leaning into Taehyung with a charming smile that makes Jungkook want to be irrational.  

“I’ll take care of this,” Jimin declares, handing his drink over to Bogum with a determined look on his face.

“Jiminie, leave it. There’s nothing to defend,” Jungkook insists. “Taehyung can handle himself, and we should all trust him, right?”

A man from the bar’s waitstaff hands a mixed drink to Taehyung and the producer thanks him, his hand coming to Taehyung’s hip when he takes a grateful sip from the drink, the same electric shade of blue. He doesn’t seem to notice how forward this guy is being, buying him drinks, touching him—or how his actor friends are starting to notice, giving them side-eyes.

“He’s always so oblivious to things like this,” Jimin declares, and Bogum agrees with a nod.

Confidently, Jimin strides up to them and drapes himself along Taehyung’s neck, pulling him close so Taehyung has to grab onto his middle to keep them both from toppling over. He doesn’t seem bothered though, laughs, and greets Jimin as if he hasn’t seen him in days, keeps Jimin close as he introduces him to the producer. A few of the Hwarang crew come over to greet Jimin as well so the circle is conveniently reshuffled and Taehyung is no longer next to the producer.

“You’re lucky to have them,” Bogum says, smiling into his glass. And Jungkook knows this with his whole heart—is sure neither of them would survive without their hyungs.

Chapter 2

Notes:

Confessions and cuddling, anyone? ;)

Chapter Text

“Hey,” Taehyung rumbles low and close to Jungkook’s ear—close enough to startle him out of drifting in and out of sleep.

He settles his weight over Jungkook’s hips, whispers, “Hey, Jeon Jungkook. Wake up.” He repeats it a few times until Jungkook stretches, yawns, and with eyes only half-open, pulls Taehyung to him until he settles, hugs him close to keep him there. Jungkook hopes he’s too tired to keep them both awake at this hour. He smells like toner and moisturizer and toothpaste, his hair pulled back in a headband, feet bare and dressed in sweats—every indication he’s ready for bed.

“I missed you,” Taehyung says, though it’s only been about two hours since Jungkook left him with Bogum downtown, returning home with Jimin around midnight.

Jungkook only answers with a noncommittal hum, something to let Taehyung know he heard him but isn’t interested in conversation.

“I like going out with you," Taehyung whispers this like it's a secret. "I like everyone knowing we’re more than just bandmates.”

Jungkook chooses to believe Taehyung means wanting people to know their friendship isn’t manufactured by the industry, not that he wants people to know they’re together.

“You hardly spoke to me,” Jungkook reminds him, voice scratchy with sleep, then thinks it might have come out too harsh, so softens it by trailing his hands over Taehyung's thighs.

Taehyung gently cuffs him under the chin. “Yeah, but I was thinking about you.”

“Even when producer-guy bought you a drink?”

Taehyung laughs, charmed by Jungkook bringing up the producer. “Yeah, baby. Even then. I told him I was seeing someone and he still bought me a drink. Can’t say no to this face, even if it’s off limits.” Taehyung puckers his lips and frames his face with his hands in a cutesy way.

Jungkook groans. “Please tell me you’re joking.”

“Well, I didn’t say who I was seeing. Then Jiminie came over so I didn’t get a chance to make something up.” He shrugs.

“You really think it’s a good idea to tell people you’re seeing someone?” Jungkook says this gently, not wanting Taehyung to feel attacked for it. It’s something he doesn’t know how to answer either. “In my head, I can already hear Namjoon-hyung lecturing us about this.”

Taehyung considers this with a frown, expression becoming serious.  Jungkook managed to touch on something sensitive, maybe something he hadn’t thought about yet. Or it’s disappointing their hyungs that has him worried. Probably both, considering Taehyung’s tendency to over analyze things like this.

Jungkook trails his hands over Taehyung’s arms in reassurance. “Hey, it’s okay. We’ll figure it out. Together, like we said, okay?”

Taehyung nods, brows still knit, but he leans down for a quick kiss too, and Jungkook holds him in place for a deeper one that Taehyung easily accepts. He needs Taehyung to know he means it.

Attempting to lighten the mood, Jungkook says with a cheeky smile, “Did Bogumie-hyung drive you home? I thought you might have stayed the night at his place.”

Taehyung pinches his side, laughing for being teased, and they tussle for a bit. Jungkook can easily pin him down, but doesn’t use his full strength to give Taehyung a fighting chance. Taehyung just complains that he’s not even trying  because it's never been difficult for him to recognize the difference and Jungkook can’t help but laugh at him pouting while still digging his fingers into Jungkook’s backside in a way that feels especially good.

They eventually settle on their sides, legs entwined, and Jungkook hopes Taehyung will let him sleep now, closes his eyes while a hand threads through his hair, gently pushing it back from his forehead while their breathing evens out.

“Ask me anything,” Taehyung whispers into the silence.

“I already know everything about you,” Jungkook deflects, because he’s certain where Taehyung is going with this, and he’s not sure he’s prepared—

“I’m serious. I think—I know if we’re going to make this work, there has to be honesty between us. I’ve always been honest with you, but maybe you’ve never felt like you could ask certain questions. I’ll tell you everything, Jungkook-ah. Just ask.”

“Why do you think I have something to ask you?”

Taehyung groans, hates it when Jungkook answers a question with another question to avoid giving too much away. “ Fine. Can I ask you something?”

“No,” Jungkook says, turning onto his stomach and rubbing his face into the bed sheets after pushing the pillow away. He knows he’s dragging his feet on this. They need to have these conversations, and sooner rather than later, or it’s all going to move faster than they’ve prepared for.

“I don’t care," Taehyung declares. "I’m asking anyway and you better answer truthfully or—I’m telling Yoongi-hyung.”

Jungkook looks at him, eyebrows raised, because, “That’s—the best punishment I think you’ve ever come up with.” Yoongi would complain about them dragging him into something personal between the two of them, but would absolutely tell Jungkook off for not cooperating. There’s no way he wouldn’t side with Tae on this one.

“So I know about two,” Taehyung muses, on his back now so he can add dramatic hand gestures, not really asking a question at all. “That trainee before we debuted that you hooked up with on and off. Then she stopped talking to you when you couldn’t make enough time for her. Blocked you on messenger, then stalked you through our band twitter for a month before disappearing completely. Never debuted, did she?”

Jungkook doesn’t want to talk about Yujin—vibrant, outspoken, conflicted Yujin, who took all her emotions and funneled them into dancing. Jungkook could stare at her for hours moving through routines with the kind of passion his fifteen year old self only dreamed about back then.

“No. BH traded her to SME and she dropped out just after. Then I think she moved to Tokyo,” Jungkook says, voice muffled into the blankets. “She was half Japanese. Hobi-Hyung’s sister knew her pretty well, told me she moved a while ago, and I never asked more about her. Also, I was pretty shitty toward her too, so don’t minimize my faults in it not lasting.”

Idol life was too new for Jungkook to manage a not-so-secret-girlfriend and schedules at the same time, and years later, he admits he could have made more of an effort. It was better for both of them that it didn’t last.

Taehyung hums in acknowledgement, but continues on, “Also that girl from Busan last year that lasted for like a week. The one you went to grade school with and your parents really liked.”

“A month and a half,” Jungkook corrects. Seoyun was what Jungkook thought he wanted. Kind, uncomplicated, stable Seoyun. She would listen carefully if Jungkook ever felt like talking about his work, but never really understood because she was so far removed from its all-consuming influence. In the beginning, it was refreshing to find other things to talk about, to catch up with all the friends he had when he was younger, but above everything nice about their relationship and reconnecting with his life before becoming an idol—she made him realize how much had changed, and how little he had in common with those he grew up with anymore. 

“She’s engaged now,” Jungkook adds because they still talk sometimes, and he's honestly happy for her. Taehyung doesn't ask anything further, just kisses Jungkook's ear and is silent for a while.

Taehyung already knows everything significant about Jungkook’s entire relationship and sexual history—too difficult to avoid when you live on top of someone from fifteen years old. It’s especially easy when there isn’t that much to tell. Jungkook takes a deep breath and says, “I’m not counting that girl that blew me in the bathroom stall at MAMAs two years ago. That was so embarrassing.”

Taehyung laughs, remembering this. “We gave you so much shit for that! How could I forget? You were so worried she was going to post your dick pics all over Instagram—and Sejin-hyung’s face turned this crazy shade of red when he found out. He didn’t yell at you but he was so angry , and we all avoided him for a week after even though the rest of us had nothing to do with it. Then absolutely nothing happened. Why was she even there? I can’t remember if we ever found out who she was.”

“I don’t want to talk about it,” Jungkook murmurs. “Please just leave it, Tae.”

“You brought it up!” Taehyung accuses, smiling wide and reaching over to thumb the shell of Jungkook’s ear. “We thought we were such rockstars back then, didn’t we? I’m only surprised we don’t have more stories like that among the seven of us.”

“That anyone’s shared with us, of course.” Jungkook sighs. “So this is where you’re going to go on about how big Park Bogum’s cock is, right?”

Taehyung props himself up on one elbow, mouth open in mock surprise. “I’m so shocked, Jungkookie. How could you think I would do that? Also, you haven’t actually asked me a question. So I don’t have to say anything about the size of Park Bogum’s cock.”

“How nice is Park Bogum’s cock, Taehyung?”

Taehyung sighs dramatically, biting his lip for added effect. “He has a very nice cock.”

“I hate you so much,” Jungkook groans, but really, he asked for it. The truth still stings when it’s out in the open though. Jungkook curls away from Taehyung and buries himself in the blankets.

Taehyung laughs, snuggles in close, wrapping his arms and legs around Jungkook’s back outside the blanket. He pulls the blanket away to press a kiss to the back of Jungkook’s neck, a second to his ear with a noisy smack of his lips.

“Jealousy is such a nice shade on you, baby, but you know there’s nothing to be jealous about.”

Jungkook pulls the blankets away so his voice isn’t muffled because he’s only going to say this once. “Why aren’t you still together?”

This second question is easier than Jungkook thought it might be. It’s also something he’s never had the courage to ask before.

Taehyung presses his face into Jungkook’s neck and squeezes him tight enough that it’s hard to breathe, finally says, “Bogumie taught me so much—”

“I’m sure he did,” Jungkook mumbles bitterly, and Taehyung bites the back of his shoulder. With a whine of surprise, Jungkook tries to buck him off.  Taehyung laughs, still clinging, and presses tiny, tickling kisses over the bite as an apology.

“Just, be quiet and listen.” Taehyung pulls him closer, and it’s too hot under the blankets so Jungkook wiggles his shoulders free, decides there’s nothing and no one holding him back—so he reaches for Taehyung’s arm and threads their fingers together.

“Bogum taught me so much about myself,” Taehyung finishes softly. He seems to be choosing his words carefully now taking on a more serious tone, and Jungkook frowns, trying to remember what he knows of Taehyung’s experiences beyond Bogum, and realizes he doesn’t know much—Jungkook is sure Taehyung has deliberately kept the details muddled, and it makes Jungkook’s heart heavy because he’s so open about everything else.

“Before we met, I was only with one girl for any serious length of time. Sex was fun because it was all so new, and I just wanted to try everything. It was new for her too—sneaking out to experiment, trying my best to pay attention to what satisfied her. It was good in that way first times with new loves are always good.”

This first part doesn’t seem to have anything to do with Bogum, but Jungkook waits to protest. Listening to Taehyung’s voice is nice and it feels like this is all something he needs to get off his chest, something he probably hasn’t shared with many people, and he says it all like it’s important for Jungkook to hear.  

“Then, sometime between her and becoming a trainee I just wasn’t interested anymore—in girls, in sex with girls, in any of it, and I tried really hard to convince myself it just wasn’t important. Working hard, proving myself to the company, making my parents proud—that’s what mattered. When I met you, when we were trainees together—I buried myself in the routines, in vocal lessons, in making everyone else laugh because it was safe. Being myself around the six of you was safe. Without really understanding why, I watched everyone struggle with not dating, and I just—I didn’t get it.”

“You never wanted to talk about girls in front of the others. I remember.”

In the beginning, Taehyung pushed Jungkook so hard to become confident, to let go in front of the cameras—but he never opened up when the subject came to relationships or the constraints on one’s personal life. Of course Jungkook noticed that.    

“Then Bogum-hyung came into my life—and at first it was just nice to have someone outside of the seven of us who still understood the industry, you know? We talked for hours, and he mostly just listened. Then after awhile he just looked at me and knew. He knew before I knew.”

Jungkook swallows, squeezes Taehyung’s hand. He gets it, what Taehyung is saying, and knows what that feels like. It’s surprisingly easy to listen to him talk about Bogum—feels more relief in Taehyung sharing this very personal part of himself rather than any jealousy over Bogum’s relationship with Taehyung.

“He saw me struggling with myself, who I was, what I wanted, and then—he turned my world upside down, Jungkook.”

You turn my world upside down, Jungkook doesn’t say. Instead he kicks his legs free from the blankets, feeling confined, too hot, too close to something that burns so bright he aches for it all the time, bends his knees so Taehyung can tangle their legs together, practiced movements that don’t need words, their bodies aligning as perfectly as they always do.

“You haven’t answered my question.”

“I won’t lie to you and say I wanted it to end with Bogum, but being with him made me understand what was important to me.”

“Tae—” Jungkook softly warns, a knot twisting in his throat at what’s coming next. Too close. Too much all at once.

You.” Taehyung presses a sweet kiss to Jungkook’s ear. “You’re the reason Bogum and I aren’t together anymore.”

I was in love with you even then, is what Taehyung is really saying.

“But it’s been over a year since the two of you stopped—” Jungkook tries again, the words failing him, not daring to say the rest.

Taehyung sighs, a slow puff of air against the back of Jungkook's neck. “Yeah.”

“I didn’t know—” Jungkook manages, words insufficiently filling the weight of the situation.

“It’s okay,” Taehyung says, voice so quiet and sincere. “I made peace with that when Bogum asked me if I was in love with you, and I said the truth out loud for the first time. It was my burden to carry, and—I would have waited a lifetime for you.”

Jungkook has had enough confessions out of Taehyung’s mouth to explode his heart several times over, and there’s not any reason why he deserves this from anyone, let alone from someone like Taehyung. Beautiful, confident, talented Kim Taehyung who could have anyone. Jungkook wants to give Taehyung everything to make up for being such a fool for so long.

Letting Taehyung cling to his neck, Jungkook settles his weight between Taehyung’s knees, pulls his sweatpants down his hips and Taehyung eagerly kicks them off, matching Jungkook’s sudden change in pace with equal intensity, pulling downward until Jungkook kisses him hard because he doesn't think he has the words to describe how much he wants to say, so this will have to be enough.

There’s no real plan except to get closer, close all the distance until nothing exists outside of the circle of their arms—and Taehyung holds on, lets Jungkook control the pace with focused energy that feeds their desire in endless loops. Taehyung raises his arms, pulling off his t-shirt, legs locked so tightly around Jungkook’s waist when he stretches upward, rolling his hips with a needy groan—always wanting to be completely naked as soon as possible.

Jungkook touches him, every part of him, with hands and mouth, even rubbing his face into Taehyung’s bare stomach, scraping his teeth along the ridges of his ribs, and sucking at his skin where hip meets pelvis just because it feels good, loves the warmth and the smell of him, while staggered breath fills his lungs, in and out.

He’s too preoccupied to pull his own clothes off and doesn’t notice Taehyung reaching for something until he’s knocking things over on the bedside table.

“I don’t have to wait anymore, do I? Tell me I don’t,” Taehyung says, a warm, desperate edge to his voice, a little shy, but mostly determined, his whole body already taunt with anticipation.

Chapter Text

Jungkook leans away, eyes going wide at the small bottle in Taehyung’s hand, gripping it hard—searching Jungkook’s face for a reaction far from the startled, insecure one he’s receiving.

“We don’t have—” Jungkook doesn’t finish his sentence with condoms before Taehyung is whispering, “No. I’m clean. You’ve see my results. I know you’ve seen them.”

Jungkook swallows. Yes, of course he has. A Daegu clinic’s discrete receipt and results on a half-sheet of paper were carefully pinned to the inside cover of his lyric notebook three weeks ago. And Jungkook had summoned all of his courage—an endless loop of, you’re going to be an adult about this, If Taehyung can do it, you can too, running through his mind—to text Sejin-hyung with a request for his own blood work to be done as soon as possible.  

After Jungkook had given up a small vial of his blood to a squat, elderly nurse with no interest in who he was, Sejin had only gently said, “I think I can guess why, and we’re not going to talk about that, but I’m proud of you both.” And that was it. As expected, the results cleared them both. No barriers or excuses left.

“Hey,” Taehyung says, doing his best to pull Jungkook back into the present, curling his fingers into the waistband of his sweats, pulling him forward. “It’s just me. Come here, baby. I want to make you feel good.”

He reaches inside Jungkook’s boxer briefs, gets a warm hand around his half-hard cock, and Jungkook can’t help arching into it, eyes closed until it’s slippery, both of Taehyung’s hands lubed up, alternating long, slow strokes so the slide is better, more. Good in a way that pulls soft groans from somewhere deep in his chest. It’s hot, sweat forming all along Jungkook’s back and shoulders, so he pulls off his sweatshirt, and Taehyung’s half-lidded, open-mouthed, gaze from the bed makes Jungkook feel strong, confident, like he can do anything if Taehyung always looks at him like that.

With one hand, Taehyung pulls at his own cock a few times, and Jungkook trails his hands along the insides of his open thighs, likes watching Taehyung work himself up to hardness. They haven’t done it like this yet, in the light, openly watching each other, and it’s the good kind of vulnerability.

“Take those off,” Taehyung rasps, running his toes along Jungkook’s thighs, indicating the sweatpants still bunched around his knees. Jungkook scrambles out of them with far less grace than he intends. When he returns, Taehyung is lifting his body to place a pillow under his hips so they’re elevated, soles of his feet on Jungkook’s thighs as he moves closer, fascinated, wishing Taehyung would give him more directions. He doesn’t, just keeps his eyes on Jungkook when he reaches under himself, lubed finger disappearing inside himself, bottom lip between his teeth, and a pretty flush crawling up his chest and cheeks. Taehyung rarely gets embarrassed, in public or otherwise, so this look about him is incredibly arousing, something only Jungkook gets to see.

Not able to wait any longer, Jungkook reaches for Taehyung’s cock, and Taehyung grunts, not expecting this, and he squeezes his eyes shut. He’s pleased though, a small smile at the corner of his mouth when he grips the outside of Jungkook’s hand, slows him down, while his other hand is still working his hole open with two fingers now.

“Don’t,” he says softly when Jungkook tightens his grip just to see what will happen, and Jungkook is worried he’s done something wrong, but Taehyung just says, “ I can’t. It’s too much if you—I don’t want to come until you’re inside me.”

And that’s about all the teasing, intentional or not, Jungkook can handle. He pulls himself flush against the back of Taehyung’s thighs, and Taehyung meets him halfway, feet coming to Jungkook’s shoulders, bent knees and body nearly doubled over as Jungkook leans forward, cock in hand.

“Yeah, baby. Like that. You’re doing so well,” Taehyung nearly growls, shifting a little more until they’re better aligned. He reaches for the lube, giving Jungkook’s cock one more slick coating before he’s encouraging him forward, the head of Jungkook’s cock entering him with some resistance, but it’s also clear that Taehyung’s experience is a huge advantage. He breathes deeply, face scrunched up like he’s in a bit of pain and then there’s less resistance as Jungkook feels him relaxing.

“Push,” Taehyung instructs, and Jungkook does, hot pressure on his cock filling his body with warmth, threads of arousal that center his brain on getting closer, taking more, and letting everything else leave his mind except what’s happening here and now.

“Tell me,” Taehyung demands soon after, vibrating for approval, feedback, anything while Jungkook’s getting a feel for it, as he’s learning how much to push and pull, how deep to go, how it’s better if he lifts Taehyung’s calves, ankles over Jungkook’s shoulders, and holds his knees up so he can push in with his whole body, spread his legs wide so Jungkook can see his cock disappearing inside, the taunt pull of his abdominal muscles when Jungkook pushes back in, then relaxes and breathes again on the pull out, likes the sounds Taehyung makes when he pushes in slow and deep, though it’s hard to remember that when his body is telling him faster, harder.

“Why did we wait so long?” is all Jungkook can say, a breathless question that’s more for himself than Taehyung.

Taehyung lets out a bubble of relieved laughter, smiling so brightly when he reaches out, grabbing onto Jungkook’s forearm until he’s shifting forward, Taehyung’s thighs falling open all the way, and Jungkook settles between them once again. He can’t get nearly as deep like this, but he can suck at Taehyung’s lips until they’re shiny and swollen red, lick inside his mouth and trade kisses between them. He’ll take the short, rolling thrusts that Taehyung assists by pushing his hips upward, if he can get at Taehyung’s mouth, while his cock—still hard and hot, rubs wetly along Jungkook’s abdomen.

Holding him away, Taehyung runs two hands through Jungkook’s damp hair, their eyes meeting and Jungkook nuzzles into Taehyung’s palm, presses open kisses to his wrist, both blissed out and so near orgasm, Jungkook’s just trying to savor it, hold on, but it builds low in his stomach anyway, a rolling, inevitable wave that Jungkook isn’t afraid of any longer.

“This is my favorite thing about you, Jungkook-ah,” Taehyung declares, voice low and velvety smooth. “The first time you do something, being part of that discovery with you—before you get so good at it without even trying. The way you do with everything . I want that, too. God, how I want you to be good at this too, but right now. Our first time—this is what I want to remember always.

It’s always hard to take that kind of open praise from anyone, let alone the person he’s closest to, the one who sees the good and bad of him everyday, so there isn’t anything he can really think to say in response and hopes his actions prove to Taehyung how grateful he is to hear every bit of it, soaks it all up while silently promising to be everything Taehyung needs of him.

There’s little else to do except increase his pace just enough to tease the orgasm from his own body, letting go completely with his cheek against Taehyung’s chest, still petting his hair with so much affection, so much love, Jungkook doesn’t need to hear the words anymore because he can feel them.

Seconds pass, maybe minutes—and Jungkook doesn’t want to move, breathing evening out, sweat-damp skin sticky and hot. Taehyung starts to squirm beneath him, breathing still shallow, and finally the over-stimulation on his cock is too much and he has to pull out, the slick slide nearly too much for both of them.

Taehyung grips his hips so he doesn't go very far, still keyed-up. Taehyung hasn’t come yet and the air is probably being crushed from his lungs with Jungkook’s weight on top of him for so long.

“I like your weight on me,” Taehyung says, digging a heel into the small of Jungkook’s back to keep him there. “Don’t go anywhere. Just—give me your hand.”

Jungkook does, and Taehyung seems to think he’ll have to move fast so Jungkook will comply without thinking too much about it. He drips more lube over Jungkook’s fingers, making a bit of a mess in his haste, then directs them back down to his ass, pushing two inside, palm up. The hot slide of lube and come is shocking against Jungkook’s fingers, knowing it’s like that because he just came there leads to a possessive note of arousal humming a pleasant echo of mine all along his nerve endings.

Feeling ambitious, he adds a third finger, pushes in deep to explore the kind of noises he can elicit and is rewarded with a low, long moan, lip curled as he bares down on Jungkook’s fingers, hips pulsing up, riding them in short rolls. Taehyung’s hand grips his wrist to show him how, whispering, “There. Right there, baby. That’s so good.”

Cock in hand, Taehyung sets a fast pace, beyond ready to come, and spills all over his own fist and stomach less than a minute later, Jungkook’s fingers still pressing in deep, feeling the orgasm pulse over him from the inside, and that’s so unexpectedly arousing, Jungkook’s cock is starting to fill with interest once again.

With his eyes closed, Taehyung is silent, languid and relaxed in a way that Jungkook rarely sees from him. He crawls up Taehyung’s body, hovering over him and diving down for a kiss that Taehyung barely returns, mouth soft and open, only groans when Jungkook rubs his cock into the crease between his hip and thigh, spreading come everywhere.

“Give me ten minutes. Please, ” Taehyung whines, but he grips Jungkook’s bottom too, fingers digging in, so Jungkook knows his threats are only half-serious. When Jungkook maneuvers them both to their sides so he can press up close to Taehyung’s back from behind, Taehyung stretches backward, like he’s warming to the idea of more, says, “I knew you’d get this way.”

“What way?” Jungkook indulges, already fitting his lubed half-hard cock between Taehyung’s thighs, right behind his balls, so he can rut without any clear goal, just enjoying the feel of it when Taehyung squeezes his thighs together, proud that he thought to do it like this all on his own.

“Hyper-focused. Like you have only a few hours left to get really good at fucking me and need to meet the challenge.”

“You say that like you won’t enjoy it, too,” Jungkook counters, burying his face into the back of Taehyung’s neck, gripping his hip to steadily push forward.

And what Taehyung means is, Slow down. We have so much time.

This is the part they control, where the rest of the world—its constant demands, unfair expectations, and stifling roles, all start to fall away. Where they can be their true selves without the rest of the world watching in voyeuristic anticipation. It won’t always be like this, and Jungkook knows it won’t be easy holding onto this private place they’ve created for themselves, but the terrifying part is—he’s starting to believe they can make this work if it’s really what they both want. Probably, this is something Taehyung’s always believed, and Jungkook only wishes he would have seen it sooner.

Instead of answering back with a quip of his own, Taehyung sighs deeply, whole body pliant, and threads their fingers together. He leans back into Jungkook, letting him gently roll their bodies together, trusting him innately with the pace and precision.

It all starts here, in this bedroom while the early-morning sun is starting to rise behind sheer curtains, giving Taehyung’s skin a smooth, bronzy glow. It starts with two people who don’t know how to give up on each other and have decided that’s all that matters.

 

Notes:

My bts tumblr is over here. I mostly use my bts twitter to like/reblog stuff, but it's over here if anyone is interested. Comments (even short ones) & kudos are always dearly appreciated! ♥

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