Dean remembers the first time he saw Adam. The kid was playing in the middle of the street with a yellow car, and Dean happened to have the exact same one, but in red.
They immediately clicked, and even through their moms lectured them about how dangerous it was to be playing on the road, they couldn’t care less.
That’s how Dean was introduced to the Singer family. There was Bobby, the dad, Mary, the mom, Adam, and Sam.
Sam was a special kid. He wouldn’t talk a lot, wouldn’t play a lot, and his head always in some new book. Dean never payed to much attention to him. He was just his best friend’s little brother, and he only talked to him a few times.
The first time he saw Sam, really saw him for who he was, Sam was fifteen and Dean was nineteen. He was in Adam’s room when Sam stopped by, wearing a tight black jeans and a t-shirt way to small for him. He was beautiful, and Dean couldn't look anywhere else but at him.
“I’m going out, don’t wait up for me, alright?” He says before smiling at Dean “Hi Dean”
“Hey” Dean replies, and he doesn’t know if he was yelling or not, the sound of his own blood in his ears making it too loud for him to hear anything. “Big night?”
“Yeah, my boyfriend is taking me out”
“Sam, can you get the fuck out now?” Adam asks, throwing a book in Sam’s direction “I told you to stop talking to my friends”
Sam rolls his eyes but leaves anyway, and Dean wonders why Sam talked to Adam’s other friends, but not him. Sure, he never made any move to be close to him, but he wasn’t mean or anything.
He wonders why he cares, too.
He’s walking to his car when he notices Sam walking toward the house, his small arms tight around himself. He’s crying and Dean doesn’t know what he should do, doesn’t know what he should say. Adam wouldn’t want him to leave Sam crying, he thinks to himself.
“Hey Sammy, you ok?” He asks, putting his keys back in his pocket
Sam nods and tries to give him a weak smile, but it comes out as a grimace. Dean bites his lip, looking back at Sam then at his car. He doesn’t want to force Sam to talk if he doesn’t want to, but Adam is with his girlfriend, and their parents are out of town, which leaves Sam by himself.
“Are you sure?”
Sam opens his mouth a few times, but no sounds come out, and when Dean walks toward him, he bursts into tears and throws himself in his arms.
“Hey, hey, hush, Sammy, I’m here, alright?” He whispers, rubbing Sam’s hair, “What happened? Are you hurt?”
“I- Trevor. . . he . . . he tried to. . . I wasn’t ready. I didn’t want to, but he kept. . . he kept touching me, and I-“ He doesn’t finish his sentence, crying too hard to talk, and Dean can feel his blood freezing.
“Did he rape you?” It’s without a doubt the worst thing he's ever had to ask, and he can’t help but hold Sam closer.
“No, I- I ran away. But I- I was so scared and he . . . he said he loved me” Sam whispers “I thought he loved me”
“Don’t blame yourself, Sam. He’s a freaking monster, and it’s not your fault, you hear me?”
Sam nods, his arms still wrapped around Dean’s neck, and Dean can feel him crying again.
“You know what? Let’s get in my car, and you’re gonna show me where this asshole lives”
“No, Dean, it’s fine”
“No, it’s not” Dean says, pulling Sam slowly away from him and pushing the tears away with his fingers. “It’s not, and I won’t let him get away with this. Not after what he did to you”
Sam smiles, his eyes locked in Dean’s, and it feels like it’s the first time they really look at each other.
Dean wanted to beat the crap out of Trevor, but he thought otherwise, and instead, Trevor ended up with the word “RAPIST” written on his car and his house.
They went to a dinner after that, Dean buying Sam a milkshake while reliving what just happened. They spent hours talking and laughing, and when Dean drove Sam home that night, he kissed him for the first time.
They waited six months before telling Adam. Dean was too scared to say it, afraid that he may lose his best friend, but lying to him wasn’t a solution either, and he could see how not telling Adam was causing pain to Sam.
He’d been kept a secret before. Trevor never telling anyone they were together. And even through he wasn’t in love with Trevor, he was still afraid that Dean would leave him, that he was just using him like Trevor did.
So Dean waited until Adam and he were alone, his best friend trying to find the perfect game for them to play. He could feel his palms beginning to sweat. What if Adam reacted badly? What if he never wants to talk to him again?
“Hey, Adam, I… I have something to tell you”
“What’s that?” Adam asks, not even looking at him
“I- I just… I don’t want you to get angry, and I… I want you to remember that we’ve been friends for a very long time now, but I need to tell you this, and I hope you won’t be mad at me-“
“You’re dating my little bro”
“What?” Dean asks, eyes wide open. He can’t read the expression on Adam’s face, and it’s scaring him even more. How does he know? Who told him? Did Sam say it? Adam will be pissed if Sam told him before he did.
“Dude, do you think I’m stupid?” Adam laughs “Honestly, you weren’t really discreet. I saw you kissing at least three times, and I saw you walking out of his room for no reason during the night. You keep eye fucking each other, and I’m not even mentioning dinner last night when he literally rubbed his foot against your leg”
“I thought we were discreet” Dean admits, relieved that his best friend isn’t mad about it.
“Nah, I knew for a long time now”
“So, it’s ok? I mean, you don’t… Find it weird or something?”
“Honestly? Sam's had a crush on you since the very first time he saw you. You’re the only one that's allowed to call him Sammy, and every time you talked to him, his face was red as hell. So, no, no problem about it” Adam laughs again, and this time, Dean laughs too.
He had no idea that Sam had been in love with him for so long. He can’t wait to tease him about it. “But Dean, just… Promise me that you won’t hurt him, alright?”
“Never” Dean promises “I will love him to the very last day of my life”
They get married when Sam turns twenty-five. It’s not a big ceremony, just a few friends and family, but it’s perfect for them. It would be cheesy to say that it’s the best day of Dean’s life, but it is, and he never wants it to end.
“I love you, Sam Winchester” He says to his new husband as they lay in their honeymoon suite
“Well, thank God because it’s too late to back out”
They both laugh, Sams dimples showing up as he smiles, his eyes shining with happiness.
Sometimes, Dean looks at Sam and he can see them in their new house, painting the walls and dancing in the kitchen. He can see them walking home with their baby, their children growing up in front of them day by day. He can see them growing old together, hand in hand, remembering their younger years and falling in love all over again. He can see them dying next to each other, and while it should be depressing, it’s the most perfect thing he ever thought about.
They’ve been married for two years when they start trying to have a baby. It only takes a couple of months to figure out that something is wrong.
Two years pass and they know everything there is to know about IVF, hormones, injections, and all of the things Dean wishes they never knew. Sometimes it’s killing him to see what it’s doing to Sammy.
The problem is coming from him, and him alone. If Sam was with someone else, he wouldn’t have to inject anything inside of him, he wouldn’t be sick, and he would already have a baby.
“Yeah, but they wouldn’t be yours” Sam says one day “And I mean, that’s kind of the point, isn’t?”
“I hate seeing you in so much pain because of me”
“Stop saying it’s because of you. If I was the one having fertility problems, would you leave me?”
“Then stop asking me to leave you. I’m gonna start thinking you don’t love me anymore”
Sam pretends to be hurt, and Dean can’t help but laugh before pulling him in his arms.
“Never gonna happen” He whispers, kissing the top of his head
“What if… What if we try, one last time, and if it doesn’t work, we start looking at adoption?”
“Would you be ok with it?”
“I want a family with you, Dean. It doesn’t matter what blood is in their veins. They will be ours, and I will love them as much as I would have love our biological children”
Sometimes, Dean can’t believe how lucky he is, to have someone like Sam as his husband.
They've already done some paperwork for the adoption when the doctor calls them. He doesn’t know who cries the most Sam or him. It doesn’t matter, the tears of one are the tears of the other.
Adam is the first one to know about it, and he makes sure to tell them that he will be the Godfather of their baby.
Turns out, they’re having not one but two babies, two perfect twins that they can see growing inside of Sam day by day, week by week. Sam is big with his babies, and Dean spends most of his time talking to them and kissing Sam’s belly, even when his husband yells at him.
“You know, I still would like to adopt a kid” Sam says one day as they’re looking for a crib “I mean, not a baby, a child or a teen. Someone who needs help”
“Yeah” Sam smiles, taking Dean’s hand “I think we have a lot of love to give”
“We do, babe” Dean kisses him slowly, his hand rubbing Sam’s belly “We do”
It’s three in the morning when they get to the hospital. Sam is screaming in pain, and Dean wishing he could take all of it and suffer instead of him. But that's not how it works, and after they give Sam medication, he ends up laughing at Dean for freaking out so much.
“I swear, you were yelling even louder than me” Sam says between laughs
“No, I wasn’t” Dean defends himself “You know what? Maybe I was. I won’t apologize for loving you”
“Aww, my baby” Sam drags him for a kiss, and the pain from earlier is forgotten.
Mathis Winchester is the first one to make his entry into the world. He’s screaming from the top of his lungs, and even though they only see him for a couple of seconds, Dean already knows he’s beautiful.
“He’s a screamer. Must be your side” Dean laughs, which owns him to be punched in the shoulder by Sam.
“You’re an ass”
Dean smiles and kisses the top of Sam’s head. There’s still one baby, and then, they will finally be a family.
“Come on, love, you can do it” Dean encourages him
Sam pushes Eden in the world like a champion, and Dean can’t stop kissing him and thanking him. Their boys are beautiful, tiny and perfect.
“How fair is it that they look like you?” Sam complains
“Nah, they look just like you. Perfect”
Sam smiles before letting out the most awful sound Dean ever heard.
“Sam?” He says, his throat tights.
Everything happens to fast. One moment, they’re talking and kissing, their babies around them, the next, someone is pushing him out of the room, and he can see blood dripping from Sam.
He yells his name, again and again, and he tries to get inside, why won’t they let him inside? It’s his husband! His husband is in pain, he should be next to him. Please let him go inside, he needs to be next to Sam!
He can’t see anything, but there’s more and more doctors and nurses going inside the room, and no one will talk to him, he doesn’t know what is happening, and when one of the nurses goes in, he walks right into the room, not caring that he isn’t allow to.
For a moment, he’s just relieved to see Sam. His beautiful Sam, with his always too long hair and his stupid dimples that made him fall in love so long ago.
Sam, who has his eyes closed and his arms hanging in the air.
“Sammy?” He whispers, walking toward his husband
No one is stopping him, and he knows what it means.
The last time he kisses Sam, his lips are cold, and he doesn’t respond.
Everything feels bad and wrong. He should be going home with Sam. He should give the babies their first bath with Sam.
Sam should be here for their first words.
He should be here the first time they walk.
He should be here, next to Dean, when they walk to school for the first time.
Sam should be here, but he’s not, and Dean hates every couple that he sees, every parent that he meets, because they’re together and Sam isn’t here.
“You know, Sam would have want you to move on” Adam tells him one day as they watch the kids play
“I don’t want to” Dean snaps, as if Adam had insulted Sam. “I won’t do that. Ever.”
“I had my true love, Adam, and no one, nothing can be stronger than that”
The kids look like Sam, and it’s both a blessing and curse. He can see him in every one of their movements, and it’s like Sam is still there. Then he remembers that he’s not, and that he will never be.
He doesn’t find love ever again, not in the way most people think of it.
He adopts children, from all ages, all countries, and all families. The house is big and messy, and sometimes, he can forget that someone is missing.
When he dies at eighty years old, his children find a picture of him with Sam next to him. They must be 10 and 14, and Sam doesn’t have eyes for anyone else but Dean.
There’s a letter in one of the drawers, telling the kids what to do with the house and his body. He asks them not to cry: he already died a long time ago.