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sometimes i cry so hard from pleading

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Gerard was startled awake by Mikey clattering down the stairs to his basement. There was a thump and a louder thud, followed by a muffled voice slurring, “Fuck, s-fucking, wha’the fuck-“ and Gerard had been about to sit up and click the lamp on when Mikey’s shadow stopped at the foot of his bed.

 

“Fuck you,” he heard Mikey say, and wow, that certainly chased away the last remnants of sleep from Gerard’s brain. “Just fuck you, Gerard. Fucking fuck. You.

 

Gerard blinked stupidly and gaped at his little brother. “Are you high, Mikes?” That was the only explanation for Mikey’s behaviour right now, because he was never mean to Gerard like that, not unless they were messing around and… and this didn’t sound like Mikey messing around.

 

“Doesn’t fuckin’ matter.” He clambered onto Gerard’s bed which in itself wasn’t strange, but the way he yanked at the covers and climbed over Gerard’s body? That was new.

 

“Mikes, what-“ Gerard started, trying to ask what in the hell Mikey was doing right now, but the feel of Mikey’s erection against his thigh chased all words from his head. Fuck. Gerard began to protest but barely got the first syllable of Mikey’s name out before he was cracked across the face, hard. Gerard’s hand flew up to cup his stinging cheek automatically, and he looked up at Mikey’s shadowy form with wide, hurt eyes.

 

“Shut the fuck up,” Mikey hissed, his tone filled with anger. “This’s- s’all your fucking fault.”

 

Gerard really, really didn’t want to ask what, but… “Mikey-“

 

“I said shut the fuck up!” Mikey yelled, slapping his brother again. Gerard whimpered at the force behind the strike, stinging pain flaring in his cheek and spreading outwards. Tears welled in his eyes and Gerard shut his mouth. What the fuck was happening?

 

Mikey wasted no time after that, yanking Gerard’s pyjama pants and underwear down his legs and off, and for every time Gerard struggled and tried to buck him off he got another slap as a reward for his efforts. Mikey’s hand had to be hurting just as bad as his face, but his brother didn’t show any sign the pain was even registering. When Gerard clocked him on the chin with his knee, Mikey got really mad and dug his rough, bitten nails into Gerard’s tender thigh hard enough to make Gerard think he was prepared to draw blood, and he froze.

 

“Mikey please, what’s going on, talk to me!” Gerard tried desperately, pressing his legs together tightly as Mikey climbed back on top of him, hands now fumbling to get his own jeans open.

 

You.” Mikey insisted, his voice dripping with venom. Gerard wanted to cry. He’d never heard Mikey talk like this before, never felt such hatred coming from him like that, and all in a single word, too, directed at him.

 

“What did I-“ Gerard tried, only to have Mikey backhand him again.

 

“I said shut up!”

 

Gerard closed his mouth and swallowed hard around the lump in his throat, trying to ignore the tears on his cheeks.

 

“Always fucking talking, you never shut up, do you?” Mikey asked, but Gerard knew better than to answer now. Mikey’s drugs-and-alcohol-clumsy hands had finally got into his jeans and Gerard whined softly when his brother pulled his hard dick free right in front of his face. This should not be happening.

 

“Your voice is always in my fucking head, always, because you never stop talking and I hear you even when I’m fucking sleeping, can’t fucking escape-“ Mikey was saying, muttering almost to himself but feeling his way to the back of Gerard’s head to grab hold of his hair. Gerard whimpered again but the only way to get Mikey off would be to shove him and risk cracking his head on the floor and Gerard couldn’t risk hurting him, not Mikey, not ever.

 

“And your fucking face,” Mikey spat, saliva catching Gerard in the eyes. He blinked furiously and tried to move his arms, but Mikey had planted his knees firmly on each one, effectively holding him down as his cock came ever closer to Gerard’s face. He could see it even in the dark room, a sliver of light from outside glinting off the shiny head, and Gerard hated himself for the way his body reacted to it automatically, his mouth watering at the sight. This was Mikey, not just some stranger in a club or even a friend with benefits, it was his brother, his little fucking brother and just because his little brother had a dick did not mean Gerard should want to taste it. Mikey was still talking but Gerard could barely hear him over the rushing in his ears. Up this close he could smell the sharp tang of sweat and the heavy, thick smell of sex, and his tongue was already shifting restlessly in its mouth like it knew what it wanted to do if only his brain would engage with it.

 

Gerard’s brain was not happy to engage with it.

 

“Your stupid, horrible, pretty fucking face, always looking at me like you fucking know, smiling like you don’t know how much you’re fucking killing me inside to stop myself taking what I want, what I’ve always wanted,” Mikey said, and Gerard flinched. Always wanted? Mikey couldn’t, he was going to regret this so much in the morning, Gerard couldn’t let him do that to himself.

 

“Mikes, please, please, you don’t wanna do this, please-

 

Another slap, and Gerard closed his eyes as two more tears slid from his eyes. His face was burning so bad now, and he just knew he’d be bruised to shit come morning. What had happened to his little brother? Who was this wearing his face?

 

“Shut up, whore!” Mikey shouted and Gerard flinched again, drawing into himself a little. The violence he could take – he’d taken his share of beatings in the past from their dad, from Bert, the pain and bruises were nothing new, but the words… Gerard could almost feel his heart breaking.

 

After that, Mikey seemed to be done talking, because in one swift motion Mikey had shoved his cock between Gerard’s lips, parted on a gasp, and down his throat. The muscles convulsed and protested, Gerard’s gag reflex kicking in, but it just made Mikey groan, that long, low sound that Gerard had only ever heard before in the dark from the other side of the room. He couldn’t go anywhere, Mikey’s hand in his hair holding him fast, and he couldn’t push Mikey anywhere with his brother pinning his arms with his bony knees – which would leave more bruises, probably – and fuck, he wasn’t going to think about biting Mikey’s dick to get him to stop. Gerard closed his eyes and focused on not choking, tasting salt as he started to cry.

 

Fuck, he could do this, Gerard told himself. For Mikey. Mikey needed this to feel better, Mikey was his brother and Gerard would do fucking anything to make his brother feel better. If this was what Mikey needed, then…

 

Gerard tried to fall back on old habits, drawing in air through his nose and holding his gag reflex in check. Giving head was something Gerard knew like the back of his hand, and although deep-throating was very different to getting his throat fucked, he’d done one and had the other done to him often enough to know how to handle it without doing something horrifying like throwing up all over the dick in his mouth. He only made that mistake once.

 

He let Mikey’s hips do all the work, his dick shoving deep into Gerard’s throat and back out again with the kind of force Gerard usually associated with the best kind of fuck, but it wasn’t usually his brother on the other end of the cock making him scream. Mikey was still grunting and talking to himself about slut fucking brothers and their pretty fucking faces begging to get fucked up and it was like Mikey knew exactly which buttons he needed to push because despite everything, Gerard could feel himself getting hard. He felt a few more tears slip out and before he knew what was happening he was sobbing hard, choking on the dick still fucking his throat because he couldn’t get his breath in right. Soon he’d used up all his oxygen and, unable to drag any more in through his blocked nose and stuffed-full throat, Gerard felt his head begin to swim. Mikey groaned louder as Gerard stopped resisting, his body falling limp, then dragged himself free just before Gerard gave in, pulling him back from blissful darkness. 

 

Gerard’s body automatically heaved for breath, tears and saliva smeared all  over his face, and as he came back to himself he heard the rapid, slick sound of Mikey jerking off hurriedly followed by a long, drawn-out whine. That was another sound Gerard was familiar with. Mikey was close.

 

“Such a fucking whore…” Mikey muttered, his voice heavy, catching on every other word as pleasure took him over, “Always on your knees for someone, so fucking desperate for  come down your throat that you’ll suck off anyone that gives you half a chance, but not me, never me. Why not me, Gerard? Am I not good enough for you?”

 

Mikey’s breath hitched and Gerard sniffled wetly, daring to open his mouth to speak again despite the risk of getting hit again.

 

“No-“ he gasped, voice rough and strained. “No, Mi-Mikey, you’re just, you’re, you’re too good, you’re special.” Gerard felt himself starting to cry again, broken little sobs hurting his throat. “You’re too good for me…”

 

Mikey didn’t hit him again, but he did grab the back of Gerard’s head to stuff his cock all the way down Gerard’s throat again until his balls pressed against Gerard’s chin and Gerard’s nose was crushed into his pelvic bone. He cried out in surprise at the suddenness of it, the sound muffled, then heaved and gagged, his eyes flying open and fingers clutching at the sheets. Mikey’s fingers were tight and bruising against his scalp, holding him down while Gerard’s throat clenched and massaged his cock as it struggled around the thickness of Mikey’s impossibly hard erection, then he twitched and moaned loudly in the quiet of Gerard’s basement and Gerard felt the warm rush of his little brother’s come flooding him. He retched reflexively, managing to get some down before the flavour burst on his tongue and the rest trickled from the corners of his mouth and down his chin. Before he could so much as breathe Mikey had pulled himself free and Gerard felt his brother’s hand streaking the mess all over his face and up into his hair, come and spit soaking his eyelashes and stinging his eyes.

 

“Filthy little whore.” Mikey spat. “Am I good enough for you now, Gerard?”

 

“Mikes,“ Gerard sobbed, his voice broken and wrecked beyond belief. How had he driven his brother to this point? How could he have been so blind to it? “I’m so sorry, I didn’t- didn’t know- fuck, I’m sorry…“

 

Mikey scoffed, and the sound made the spot in his chest where Gerard’s heart should have been ache. His brother sat back down across Gerard’s hips and Gerard’s whole body shuddered at the contact and the realisation that his dick was rock hard. Gerard whined in the back of his throat and Mikey laughed humourlessly, reaching down with one hand to press his palm to his cock. Gerard tossed his head back and squeezed his eyes shut at the shock of pleasure that curled his toes, brighter and sharper than anything he could ever remember feeling before, and as soon as his little brother’s fingers brushed over the swollen, aching head, Gerard felt himself holding his breath as he shuddered and, in total silence, came all over them both.

 

Mikey gave another half-disgusted laugh and smeared the come over Gerard’s wet, burning face along with everything else, pushing it into his mouth and his ears and into all the crevices he could find.

 

“Perfect,” he slurred, and Gerard wondered what Mikey had taken again vaguely through his orgasm haze. He climbed off Gerard’s body and collapsed next to him on the bed, Gerard’s bare skin growing cold quickly in the chill. Almost immediately, Mikey’s breathing evened out and Gerard knew he was asleep.

 

Unable to bring himself to wipe away the mess on his face, he rolled onto his side, pyjamas still around his knees, and wrapped his arms around his brother’s body, holding him as close as he dared as he finally let himself cry the way he wanted to. Gerard bit his tongue to keep the sobs from disturbing Mikey, clutching him desperately and stroking his hair over and over as he gave in to the despair of what he’d turned his baby brother into.