Chapter Text
Ausgust Six, 1:15
To: Voltron uWu
Keith Kogane: What is this.
Keith Kogane: Lance did you do this?
Lance McClain: It’s a group chat. Live a little.
Keith Kogane: I’m barely living.
Keith Kogane: Are all of us on here?
Pidge Gunderson: okay then.
Pidge Gunderson lance is your girlfriend here
Keith Kogane: What?
Keith Kogane: Who’s your girlfriend?
Lance McClain: Yeah, who is my girlfriend?
Lance McClain: Because last time I checked I’ve been rejected by everyone that I’ve tried to hit on
Hunk Garrett: Aww Lance don’t worry we still love you
Keith Kogane: Speak for yourself there Hunk
Lance McClain: Rude.
Pidge Gunderson: that was a joke
Pidge Gunderson: about allura
Lance McClain: :’)
Keith Kogane: Why don’t we just go and talk to each other. Why are we all texting?
Lance McClain: it’s easier
Hunk Garrett: Lance I’m in the same room as you
Lance McClain: …….it’s easier
Keith Kogane: wow. Than opening your mouth?
Lance McClain: …………….yes
Keith Kogane: I don’t understand you sometimes.
Hunk Garrett: I don’t think any of us completley understand lance
Lance McClain: I’m like that sometimes
Keith Kogane: that’s true
Lance McClain: Just when you think you know me BAM! I pull a fast one on ya.
Lance McClain: Like how i was the coll sharpshooter but then i was like how about using an altean broadsword
Keith Kogane: Hey Lance, did you still want to train tomorrow morning?
Lance McClain: Is that a challange?
Hunk Garrett: Not everything is a challange, Lance
Keith Kogane: No, we had scheduled it.
Keith Kogane: Where did Pidge go?
Lance McClain: uh the vents??? Maybe???
Keith Kogane: Why would she be in the vents?
Pidge Gunderson: no i’m here
Pidge Gunderson: i am in the vents
Pidge Gunderson: i’m right above you lol
Hunk Garrett: not again
Keith Kogane: why?
Lance McClain: i told you
Keith Kogane: and above who?
Lance McClain: I TOLD YOU
Pidge Gunderson: keith
Keith Kogane: Pidge i swear to god get down
Pidge Gunderson: nah
Pidge Gunderson: hunk i’m coming for you. Bye keith
Hunk Garrett: please stay away
Keith Kogane: that sounded mildly threatening
Pidge Gunderson: it could’ve been?
Keith Kogane: hunk be careful.
Hunk Garrett: Lance is laughing so hard he can’t breath
Lance McClain: I think I’m about to die
Lance McClain: rip me
Hunk Garrett: Lance you know that if she’s coming for me she’s also coming for you
Pidge Gunderson: AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Lance McClain: HECK
Pidge Gunderson: i’m right above you guys
Pidge Gunderson: hey
Lance McClain: im running, brb gotta hide.
Hunt Garrett: yep
Keith Kogane: I’m-
Keith Kogane: confused?
Pidge Gunderson: aren’t you always?
Lance McClain: i’ve hidden
Keith Kogane: no.
Keith Kogane: for your information Pidge.
Pidge Gunderson: i will find u
Hunk Garrett: fhfsahfshd
Keith Kogane: Again. Mildly threatening
Hunk Garrett: LANCE H ELP
Hunk Garrett: L ANVE
Pidge Gunderson: I JSUT WNATEFD RAVIOLI
Keith Kogane: What is going on?
Keith Kogane: Pidge?
Hunk Garrett: S HE WINT GE T OFG
Pidge Gunderson: DONT @ ME
Keith Kogane: HAHAHAHA
Lance McClain: brb, gotta stay hidden
Hunk Garrett: N O PIGDE DOFT STEAL NY RAVIOLI
Hunk Garrett: NO L ANCE COMR HEPL
Pidge Gunderson: GIVE IT TO ME
Hunk Garrett: NOOOO
Hunk Garrett: SHE JUST GRABBED MY RAVIOLI THEN WENT BACK INTO THE VENTS
Pidge Gunderson: YEET
Keith Kogane: GO PIDGE!
Hunk Garrett: KEITH NO
Pidge Gunderson: THANKS
Pidge Gunderson: KEITH YES
Keith Kogane: I CAN HEAR HUNK”S SCREAMING FROM HERE
Keith Kogane: hey pidge can i have some?
Pidge Gunderson: sure where u at
Keith Kogane: my room
Hunk Garrett: goodbye
Pidge Gunderson: okay
Hunk Garrett has left the chat
Lance McClain: nuuu i want my best friend back
Lance McClain added Hunk Garrett to the chat
Hunk Garrett: Betrayed by my own family
Lance McClain: Sorry Hunk, in space it’s every person for themselves
Keith Kogane: THE RAVIOLI
Keith Kogane: IT FELL
Keith Kogane: PIDGE YOU KLUTZ
Hunk Garrett: IF I CAN”T HAVE IT NEITHER CAN YOU
Keith Kogane: PIDGE NOW THERE’S A HUGE MESS ON MY FLOOR
Hunk Garrett: I have to go get some more ravioli now
Keith Kogane: wait Hunk can I have some?
Hunk Garrett: no
Keith Kogane: why not?
Hunk Garrett: Because you are an acomplice to Pidge
Pidge Gunderson: sorry i fell on u
Pidge Gunderson: it’s either yeet or be yeeted
Keith Kogane: pidge. Get a mop.
Keith Kogane: what.
Hunk Garrett: what?
Keith Kogane: she just licked the floor to get some of the sauce
Hunk Garrett: ew
Keith Kogane: she just left to get a mop
Lance McClain: the halls are no longer safe.
Lance McClain: she could be anywhere
Lance McClain: I’m hiding in the hangar
Keith Kogane: hey lance you said where you are
Hunk Garrett: run lance
Lance McClain: im running IM RUNNING
Keith Kogane: im coming to get you lance for a trade
Keith Kogane: Hunk im trading lance for ravioli
Hunk Garrett: okay
Keith Kogane: hklkfsa alkdfn
Hunk Garrett: Keith?
Lance McClain: KEITH
Keith Kogane: soryio im runnsid
Lance McClain: NOT YOU TOO
Keith Kogane: LANCE I SEE YOUU
Lance McClain: NO
Lance McClain: NO
Lance McClain: N
Keith Kogane: COMP HERERM
Hunk Garrett: dont you want to hang out with me lance?
Keith Kogane: AKNEO DONTT GKCOSA
Keith Kogane: i sat on lance
Hunk Garrett: Lance? Keith?
Keith Kogane: he’s struggling
Keith Kogane: Hunk meet me in the hall with ravioli
Hunk Garrett: ok
Keith Kogane: Hurry he’s yelling
Keith Kogane: okay he’s stopped
Hunk Garrett: okay i’m coming
Hunk Garrett: okay i’m here where are you
Lance McClain: I cant breath
Hunk Garrett: Keith! Don’t kill him!
Keith Kogane: oh he’s fine
Lance McClain: Im Dying
Lance McClain: I’m not fine!!!
Keith Kogane: come in 12 seconds hunk or i fart on him
Hunk Garrett: okay i see you guys
Lance McClain: NO
Keith Kogane: ok nevermind. You escaped this time
Hunk Garrett: okay lance come over here
Keith Kogane: Now hand over the ravioli
Lance McClain: HUNK!!!
Lance McClain: YOU SAINT!!
Lance McClain: i love you <3
Keith Kogane: okay im happy now
Hunk Garrett: aww i love you too lance <3 <3
Keith Kogane: This is really good
Lance McClain: did you just sit on me,,,,,,
Lance McClain: FOR RAVIOLI
Keith Kogane: yes
Keith Kogane: payback for not remembering the bonding moment
Hunk Garrett: sorry lance
Hunk Garrett: it has to be done
Lance McClain: Hunk????
Hunk Garrett: I’m sorry ily
Lance McClain: hUNK?????!!!!?!!!!!
Hunk Garrett: keith.
Lance McClain: im running
Hunk Garrett: lance once told me
Lance McClain: im running so fast
Lance McClain: you guys dont even know
Hunk Garrett: that he does remember the bonding moment
Keith Kogane: LANCE YOU DID REMEMBER
Lance McClain: nyoom nyoom
Keith Kogane: WHY DIDNT YOU SAY SOMETHIH
Keith Kogane: LANCE I CAN OUT RUN YOU COME BACK
Lance McClain: beep beep bitches im gone
Keith Kogane: COMEP. BASKET
Keith Kogane: LANCEER
Keith Kogane: SJDU
Keith Kogane: BAOTK
Lance McClain: Im cornered
Keith Kogane: GIVE UP YOURE CORNERED
Lance McClain: I’ve accepted my fate
Lance McClain: I can’t believe I’m going to be murdered today
Keith Kogane: Youre not going to be murdered. I just. Cant believe you knew
Hunk Garrett: alright you two go talk it out
2:06 p.m., August 6
To: Voltron uWu
Lance McClain: I blame keith
Hunk Garrett: what happened?
Keith Kogane: well he just ran off
Hunk Garrett: Lance???
Lance McClain: another bonding moment i don’t remember
Hunk Garrett: Lance you can’t just deny things happening when they get too emotional for you
Lance McClain: i can and i will so leave me alone with my cow
Hunk Garrett: Lance I’m coming to you
Keith Kogane: ugh fine. Be alone with your cow
Hunk Garrett: I’ve found Lance
Keith Kogane: Really?! Where is he?
Hunk Garrett: With kalteneker
Keith Kogane: with malts ur egger
Hunk Garrett: ????????
Keith Kogane: *Kalteneker
Lance McClain: HAHAHAHA OMG KEITH IM D Y I NG
Lance McClain: MALTS UR EGGER
Hunk Garrett: well i guess lance is okay now
Keith Kogane: good.
Keith Kogane: i mean like i guess that’s good
Hunk Garrett: he’s kinda just hanging off Kalteneker
Keith Kogane: wow.
Keith Kogane: I’d kick him off if i were that cow
Hunk Garrett: sure you would
Chapter 2: Whoops I Made It Klance Heavy
Summary:
Many things are discovered
Notes:
so i just realized that there was an inconsistency with lance's sword in this chapter and the last so uhhhh sorry? I forgot that lance mentioned it in the last one so im just gonna pretend like everyone missed that message or something. whooooopppps sorry again
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
August 10th, 12:06
To: Voltron uWu
Lance McClain: so,,,
Lance McClain: you can change your name
Lance McClain has changed their name to “Sharpshooter”
Keith Kogane: Lance its 12 AM. Why are you up
Sharpshooter: Better question is
Sharpshooter: why are YOU up, mullet?
Keith Kogane: I’m not answering that.
Sharpshooter: HOLY SHIT YOU CAN CHANGE OTHER PEOPLE’S NAMES
Keith Kogane: oh no
Sharpshooter has changed Keith Kogane’s name to “Knife Boi”
Knife Boi: I hate you
Knife Boi: How do I change it back
Sharpshooter: ;)
Knife Boi: LANCE I SWEAR TO GOD
Pidge Gunderson: I was awoken by the sound of flirting
Knife Boi: PIDGE
Pidge Gunderson: also, you can change your name? Awesome
Pidge Gunderson has changed their name to “Green Paladin”
Green Paladin: dont deny the truth
Sharpshooter: i hate keith why would i flirt with him
Sharpshooter: anyways, goodnight
Knife Boi: gee, thanks
Knife Boi: goodnight
Ausgust 10th, 10:49
To: Voltron uWu
Hunk Garrett: Why were you guys up at 12 AM?
Knife Boi: Training
Green Paladin: tinkering
Sharpshoter: depression
Knife Boi: wait what
Hunk Garrett: lance…
Sharpshooter: jeez I’m just kidding! That was two nights ago...
Hunk Garrett: LANCE
Sharpshooter: alright, alright
Sharpshooter: I’ll stop with the depression jokes
Sharpshooter: for now
Knife Boi: what just happened
Sharpshooter: hey why isn’t shiro here?
Knife Boi: i dont think he has the app
Sharpshooter: yes he does ive messaged him before
Knife Boi: i dont know lance, you’re the one who made the chat!
Sharpshooter: oh yeah
Sharpshooter has added Takashi Shirogane to the chat
Sharpshooter changed Takashi Shirogane’s name to “Space Dad”
Knife Boi: wait he’s my brother not my dad
Sharpshooter: well he’s everyone else’s dad so suck it up
Space Dad: uh no im not??
Knife Boi: hey shiro
Sharpshooter: where did hunk go
Space Dad: i think he’s making breakfast
Sharpshooter: hunk is an actual saint that deserves love
Knife Boi: i normally wouldnt agree but its hunk
Green Paladin: anyone that’s met hunk can agree that he’s an angel sent from heaven
Green Paladin: i say this as an atheist
Hunk Garrett: aww thanks you guys! <333
Sharpshooter has renamed the chat “Hunk Appreciation Squad”
Space Dad: alright guys, get off your phones
Space Dad: time for training
Sharpshooter: aww, come on shiro!
Knife Boi: shut up lance
Knife Boi: training is good for you
Sharpshooter: no
Sharpshooter: you know what’s good for me?
Sharpshooter: you not being an asshole for five seconds
Knife Boi: im not even being mean dumbass
Sharpshooter: that’s a bit of a contradictory statement there, keith
Knife Boi: contradictory? Wow, i didn’t even know that word was in your vocabulary
Sharpshooter: im going to fucking murder you
Space Dad: alright, that’s enough
Space Dad: can’t you two just get along?
Sharpshooter: i don’t know keith, can we?
Knife Boi: im not even responding to that
Knife Boi: ill just kick your ass in training
Sharpshooter: oh you’re on, mullet
Green Paladin: i smell sexual tension
August 10th, 3:00
To: Hunk Appreciation Squad
Sharpshooter: HA GET REKED KEITH
Knife Boi: ITS NOT MY FAULT YOU HAD A SWORD AND DIDNT TELL ME
Sharpshooter: THAT WAS THE POINT
Sharpshooter: THE ONLY WAY TO BEAT YOU IS TO PLAY DIRTY
Knife Boi: OH REALLY AM I THAT GOOD
Sharpshooter: Y E S
Knife Boi: WHEN DID THIS EVEN HAPPEN
Sharpshooter: IDK A FEW MONTHS AGO? ALLURA’S BEEN HELPING ME TRAIN
Knife Boi: WHY DIDN’T YOU COME TO ME IM THE ONE WITH A SWORD
Sharpshooter: CAUSE I WANTED TO IMPRESS YOU
Knife Boi: oh
Knife Boi: well consider me impressed then
Hunk Garrett: so are you two done yelling or
Knife Boi: maybe? I mean I am im not sure about lance
Sharpshooter: yeah im good
Green Paladin: that was intense guys
Green Paladin: i didn’t know you had a sword lance???
Sharpshooter: scroll up
Space Dad: are you both okay?
Sharpshooter: yeah im good
Sharpshooter: probably? i dont know if the adrenaline has weared off yet
Knife Boi: im fine
Space Dad: well i just wanted to say that you two both did a very good job and that I’m proud of you both
Sharpshooter: this is why you’re our dad
Space Dad: im glad you see me that way lance
Sharpshooter: well i mean its not just me
Green Paldin: yeah
Hunk Garrett: yeah me too
Sharpshooter: Garrison Trio!
Hunk Garrett: yay!
Green Paladin: Question
Green Paladin: why are allyra and corna not here?
Green Paldain: allura and coran*
Sharpshooter: allyra and corna
Knife Boi: CORNA
Green Paladin: shut up knife boi
Knife Boi: lance how do i change it back
Sharpshooter: once again, ;)
Knife Boi: LANCE
Green Paladin: click on the i in the right corner
Knife Boi has changed their name to “Keith Kogane”
Sharpshooter: aw come on keithy-boy, don’t be so lame
Keith Kogane: keithy-boy?
Sharpshooter: yep
Sharpshooter: would you rather i go back to calling you mullet?
Keith Kogane: no no no please do not
Green Paladin: lance is right keith, you gotta spice up the name!
Keith Kogane: fine
”Keith Kogane has changed their name to “Red Paladin
Red Paladin: wait no
Red Paladin has changed their name to “Black Paladin”
Black Paladin: ???
Green Paladin: that’s even worse than before
Black Paladin: but you did it!
Green Paladin: yeah, cause i’m cool
Green Paladin: and it’s weird when there’s two of us
Green Paladin has changed Black Paladin’s name to “Gay Paladin”
Green Paladin: perfect
Gay Paladin: i feel like shiro should be the one with this name
Sharpshooter: im sorry w h a t
Space Dad: don’t act like it doesnt fit you keith
Sharpshooter: can someone explain what the fuck is happening
Gay Paladin: nah
Space Dad: keith
Gay Paladin: hey it’s pidge’s fault
Green Paladin: don’t blame me for spreading the truth
Gay Paladin: how did you even know???
Green Paladin: literally anyone with eyes can see how gay you are keith
Hunk Garrett: what did you guys do to lance?????
Gay Paladin: nothing?????
Hunk Garrett: who are you
Gay Paladin: keith
Hunk Garrett: oh
Hunk Garrett: proud of u for coming out, man!
Gay Paladin: it was pidge
Green Paladin: literally everyone knew
Sharpshooter: I DIDNT
Hunk Garrett: ohhh so that’s what broke him
Gay Paladin: wait what
Gay Paladin: why does he care
Sharpshooter: i dont
Sharpshooter: im just surprised
Sharpshooter: good for you, man
Sharpshooter: ????
Gay Paladin: ah yes because liking boys is such a gift
Space Dad: i mean i think it is
Sharpshooter: wait shiro’s gay too????
Sharpshooter: any other sexualities i should know about??
Green Paladin: hi
Sharpshooter: ?????
Green Paladin: im attracted to science
Sharpshooter: oh my god pidge
Hunk Garrett: well this has been a revelating conversation
Space Dad: not for me
Sharpshooter: stop flexing
Space Dad: i will flex all i want thank you very much
Sharpshooter: wait you know what that means
Space Dad: NO
Sharpshooter: YOU HAVE MEME KNOWLEDGE AND DIDNT TELL ME
Sharpshooter: BETYRAYED BY MY OWN SPACE DAD
Space Dad: KEITH HELP
Gay Paladin: you dug this hole
Sharpshooter: SHIRO I CANNOT BELIEVE YOU
Space Dad has left the chat
Sharpshooter: NO GET BACK HERE
Sharpshooter has added Space Dad to the chat
Sharpshooter: YOU CANNOT ESCAPE
Space Dad: god help me
Notes:
i hope this was as good as the last one?? i made it by myself this time so i hope that everyone's still in character
Chapter 3: Keith Discovers What Furries Are
Summary:
Green Paladin: you do realize that your “space monopoly” is just regular monopoly made with materials we found around the castle
Sharpshooter: yep
Gay Knife Boi: calling it space monopoly is more fun though
Sharpshooter: exactly
Cinnamon Roll: at least they’re agreeing on something
Sharpshooter: are the galra furries
Cinnamon Roll: it was nice while it lasted
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
August 26th, 4:00
To: Hunk Appreciation Squad
Sharpshooter: what’s up gays
Sharpshooter: guys*
Green Paladin: nice one, lance
Sharpshooter: shut up
Green Paladin: >:)
Gay Paladin: so i may or may not have sprained my ankle
Space Dad: i have been summoned
Space Dad: what did you do, Keith?
Gay Paladin: nothing
Gay Paladin: i was just training and got distracted
Sharpshooter: it was really funny
Sharpshooter: i didn’t realize you sprained your ankle though, you kinda ran off
Sharpshooter: you okay?
Gay Paladin: im fine
Green Paladin: wait what did you do to distract keith
Sharpshooter: literally nothing
Sharpshooter: i just walked in
Gay Paladin: I wasn’t expecting it!
Gay Paladin: what were you even doing in the training room?
Sharpshooter: i was gonna train??? What else
Green Paladin: HA
Sharpshooter: im serious! You think all these awesome gun and sword skills come from nothing?
Green Paladin: what skills
Sharpshooter: this is bullying
Space Dad: guys, dont be mean to lance
Space Dad: oh course he has skills
Sharpshooter: thanks shiro
Sharpshooter: :)
Hunk Garrett: we love you lance!
Gay Paladin: don’t lump me in with you guys
Sharpshooter: :(
Gay Paladin: what even are those
Sharpshooter: emoticons?? Wtf
Gay Paladin: that doesn’t help
Sharpshooter: how do you not know what an emoticon is
Gay Paladin: i lived in a desert with no social interaction for years
Sharpshooter: fair
Sharpshooter: you use the keyboard to make faces
Sharpshooter: watch
Sharpshooter: :o
Sharpshooter: >:)
Sharpshooter: >:0
Sharpshooter: and my personal favorite
Sharpshooter: uwu
Green Paladin: die
Sharpshooter: i want to
Gay Paladin: why is “uwu” bad
Sharpshooter: oh you poor child
Sharpshooter: WAIT
Sharpshooter: DO THE LIONS COUNT AS FURSUITS
Green Paladin: I AM ON MY WAY TO FUCKING BLOW YOUR HEAD OFF
Sharpshooter: PLEASE DO I HATE THIS
Gay Paladin: what’s a fursuit
Sharpshooter: look it up
Hunk Garrett: please don’t
Gay Paladin: im looking it up
Gay Paladin: OH GOD WHY
Hunk Garrett: I TOLD YOU NOT TO
Gay Paladin: I REGRET SO MUCH
Gay Paladin: OH MY GOD ARE THE LIONS FURSUITS??????
Space Dad: why is this what i walk into
Space Dad: i expected better from you keith
Gay Paladin: LANCE SAID IT FIRST
Space Dad: oh that makes more sense
Sharpshooter: rude
Space Dad: and no
Space Dad: the lions are not fursuits because i refuse to think about what that would mean
Green Paladin: IM IN THE VENTS ABOVE YOUR ROOM LANCE
Hunk Garrett: please dont hurt him
Green Paladin: HE DESERVES IT
Gay Paladin: he really does
Sharpshooter: IM RUNNING AGAIN
Gay Paladin: I will deliver him to you pidge
Sharpshooter: YOUR ANKLE IS SPRAINED I CAN OUTRUN YOU
Gay Paladin: shit
Green Paladin: IM ON HIS TAIL
Green Paladin: I SEE HIM
Green Paladin: IM GONNA JUMP ON HIM
Sharpshooter: FUCKSALHFSA
Space Dad: PIDGE DONT HURT LANCE
Green Paladin: IM ON HIS ACK HES FREAKING OUT OH MY GOD
Gay Paladin: how are you still typing
Green Paladin: MAGIVCS
Sharpshooter: HUNJ
Sharpshooter: KEITH
Sharpshooter: SHIRO
Sharpshooter: HELPL
Hunk Garrett: ….
Hunk Garrett: you kinda did this to yourself lance
Sharpshooter: BETRAYED
Gay Paladin: where are you guys I wanna see this
Green Paladin: NEXT TO LANCE’S ROOM
Gay Paladin: omw
Space Dad: to be honest im surprised he knows how to use that abbreviation
August 10th, 6:27
To: Hunk Appreciation Squad
Gay Paladin: how come hunk doesn’t have to change his name??
Sharpshooter: because it’s hunk
Hunk Garrett: i can change my name if you want?
Sharpshooter: ooh i have a great name for u
Sharpshooter has changed Hunk Garrett’s name to “Cinnamon Roll”
Gay Paladin: i dont get it
Sharpshooter: of course you don’t
Cinnamon Roll: thanks lance!
Green Paladin: okay keith time to change your name
Gay Paladin: why?
Green Paladin: because yours and mine are too close
Gay Paladin: change yours then
Green Paladin: no
Gay Paladin: but i like mine
Green Paladin: too bad
Sharpshooter: i have a solution
Sharpshooter has changed Gay Paladin’s name to “Gay Knife Boi”
Gay Knife Boi: LANCE
Sharpshooter: HAHAHA
Sharpshooter: PRANKED
Gay Knife Boi: i hate you
Sharpshooter: no you don’t
Gay Knife Boi: yes i do
Sharpshooter: and that’s why you played space monopoly with me yesterday?
Gay Knife Boi: no, i played space monopoly with you yesterday so i could watch the look of utter despair on your face as i kicked your ass at it
Sharpshooter: :(
Gay Knife Boi: >:)
Sharpshooter: you’re learning!
Green Paladin: you do realize that your “space monopoly” is just regular monopoly made with materials we found around the castle
Sharpshooter: yep
Gay Knife Boi: calling it space monopoly is more fun though
Sharpshooter: exactly
Cinnamon Roll: at least they’re agreeing on something
Sharpshooter: are the galra furries
Cinnamon Roll: it was nice while it lasted
Green Paladin: LANCE STOP WITH THE FUCKING FURRIES
Sharpshooter: IT’S JUST A QUESTION
Sharpshooter: DOES THAT MAKE KEITH A FURRY
Gay Knife Boi: IM NOT A FURRY
Sharpshooter: PROVE IT
Gay Knife Boi: I LOOK 100% HUMAN
Sharpshooter: HOW DO WE KNOW YOU’RE NOT HIDING SOMETHING
Gay Knife Boi: WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO STRIP
Sharpshooter: ew no
Sharpshooter: no question is worth that
Green Paladin: oh my god
Green Paladin: i hate you both
Sharpshooter: i hate us both too
Cinnamon Roll: lance no
Sharpshooter: lance yes
Gay Knife Boi: i worry sometimes
Sharpshooter: aww i knew you cared
Gay Knife Boi: not anymore
Sharpshooter: dang
Space Dad: you two are ridiculous
Green Paladin: agreed
August 11, 3:04
To: Hunk Appreciation Squad
Sharpshooter: i just want to sleep why does this happen
August 11, 8:43
To: Hunk Appreciation Squad
Gay Knife Boi: ????
Sharpshooter: i literally did not sleep
Gay Knife Boi: lance!
Sharpshooter: i tried i swear
Space Dad: lance what the hell
Green Paladin: wow it must be serious if shiro is cursing
Gay Knife Boi: shiro curses all the time what do you mean
Green Paladin: wait what
Cinnamon Roll: lance why didn’t you come to me?
Sharpshooter: i didnt want to bother you
Sharpshooter: whatever its fine ill just pass out during training or something
Space Dad: l a n c e
Sharpshooter: joking!
Space Dad: lance if you were having trouble sleeping why didn’t you tell us?
Sharpshooter: i literally have lmao
Sharpshooter: [firstchatpter.png]
Gay Knife Boi: you said you were joking????
Sharpshooter: thats what i do
Sharpshooter: can we just drop it?
Sharpshooter: i didn’t think it would be a big deal
August 11, 3:09
To: Space Dad, Cinnamon Roll, Green Paladin
Gay Knife Boi: am i the only one worried about lance
Cinnamon Roll: no, whenever i try to bring up the fact that he’s not sleeping, he brushes me off
Gay Knife Boi: i didn’t even know this was happening
Cinnamon Roll: yeah well maybe if you took him seriously for two minutes, then you would
Gay Knife Boi: …
Cinnamon Roll: im sorry keith, i just wish that people wouldn’t brush him off so much
Cinnamon Roll: it happened at the garrison too
Gay Knife Boi: it’s okay hunk, i just wasn’t expecting it from you
Green Paladin: hunk i can make some sleeping medicine
Green Paladin: can you slip it into his dinner?
Cinnamon Roll: i dont know..
Cinnamon Roll: i dont want to go behind his back
Gay Knife Boi: does he let you help him?
Cinnamon Roll: no….
Space Dad: im not sure this is a good idea guys
Gay Knife Boi: its probably not
Gay Knife Boi: but we’re dumb teenagers, we’re allowed to have bad ideas
Space Dad: im probably not talking you guys out of this, am i
Green Paladin: nope
Green Paladin: im honestly surprised that keith is the one who made this
Gay Knife Boi: well i mean he’s my friend
Gay Knife Boi: i wouldn’t just let him suffer
Green Paladin: tell him that to his face
Gay Knife Boi: absolutely not
Space Dad: typical
Gay Knife Boi: shut up
Gay Knife Boi has named the chat “Lance Protection Squad”
Green Paladin: let's get this bread
Gay Knife Boi: what
Space Dad: don't worry about it
Cinnamon Roll: plan "help lance get some sleep" is in action
Green Paladin: that's a lame name
Green Paladin: plan "help lance get some fucking sleep" is in action
Gay Knife Boi: you literally just added a cuss word
Green Paladin: exactly
Green Paladin: it's not lame anymore
Space Dad: ha
Gay Knife Boi: no it's still lame
Gay Knife Boi: plan "fix lance's sleep schedule" is in action
Space Dad: i think the problem with these names is that you're all lame
Gay Knife Boi: shut up
Green Paladin: shut up
Cinnamon Roll: that's rude
Green Paladin: can't you just say shut up like a normal person
Cinnamon Roll: no that's rude
Green Paladin: you're too pure for your own good
August 11, 3:15
To: Hunk Appreciation Squad
Sharpshooter: did you guys die or something
August 11, 3:16
To: Lance Protection Squad
Gay Knife Boi: oh shit i forgot he existed
Green Paladin: that's ironic
Notes:
so i kinda vented through this and made it heavy whoops
i needed some sort of plot point anyways
Chapter 4: A N G S T
Summary:
lance almost dies and keith is a bit of an asshole
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
August 30th, 6:34
To: Lance Protection Squad
Green Paladin: ABORT MISSION ABORT MISSION
Space Dad: oh god what happened
Green Paladin: SO I FINISHED MAKING THE SLEEP MEDICINE AND AND I MADE IT PRETTY POTENT LIKE HUNK WOULD ONLY NEED TO PUT ABOUT A QUARTER OF A TEASPOON IN HIS FOOD TO KNOCK HIM OUT BUT I LEFT IN LYING AROUND AND I WALK INTO MY LAB TO SEE LANCE GULPING DOWN THE ENTIRE 3 OUNCES IN THE BOTTLE
Gay Knife Boi: that’s not that much??
Green Paladin: THATS 54 DOSES
Gay Knife Boi: F U C K
Green Paladin: HE JUST PASSED OUT ONTO THE FLOOR WHAT DO I DO
Space Dad: i knew this would end badly
Cinnamon Roll: OH MY GOD GET ALLURA????
Gay Knife Boi: He’s such an idiot of my god
Green Paladin: IM GETTING HER
Green Paladin: THIS CASTLE IS WAY TOO BIG
Space Dad: shes in the observation deck
Cinnamon Roll: SHIRO HOW ARE YOU SO CALM
Space Dad: oh im freaking the fuck out im just internalizing it so we can have at least one calm person here
Gay Knife Boi: SHIRO I TOLD YOU NOT TO INTERNALIZE EMOTIONS
Gay Knife Boi: WE’LL BE TALKING ABOUT THIS ONCE WE KNOW LANCE ISNT GONNA DIE
Cinnamon Roll: OH MY GOD WHAT IF LANCE DIES
Green Paladin: LANCE ISNT GONNA DIE HE STILL OWES ME FIVE DOLLARS
Green Paladin: SHES NOT IN THE OBSERVATION DECK
Space Dad: other one
Green Paladin: YOU COULDVE SPECIFIED
Gay Knife Boi: im gonna go find him
Gay Knife Boi: hes in your lab right pidge
Green Paladin: YEAH
Gay Knife Boi: k im omw
Space Dad: im gonna set up a pod just in case his organs fail
Cinnamon Roll: I CANT LIVE WITHOUT HIM HE CANT HAVE HIS ORGANS FAIL
Green Paladin: SHIRO WHY WOULD YOU SAY SOMETHING LIKE THAT
Space Dad: i tried to joke but i realized right after hitting send that now probably isnt the best time for dark humor
Green Paladin: YEAH NO SHIT H O N E Y
Gay Knife Boi: did you just call shiro honey?
Green Paladin: NO I WAS QUOTING A VINE
Gay Knife Boi: what??? Vines don’t talk????
Cinnamon Roll: ILL EXPLAIN LATER
Green Paladin: OKAY I FOUND ALLURA ILL EXPLAIN WHAT HAPPENED
Green Paladin: OKAY SHE SAYS HE PROBABLY NEEDS A POD
Gay Paladin: okay im coming your way shiro
Space Dad: got it
September 7th, 3:00 AM
To: Hunk Protection Squad
Gay Knife Boi: YALL HES WAKING UP
Green Paladin: did you just say yall because if so i am legally required to cause you injury
Gay Knife Boi: PIDGE HES WAKING UP WHO CARES IF I SAY YALL
Gay Knife Boi: HES BEEN ASLEEP FOR OVER A WEEK
Cinnamon Roll: whats going on
Cinnamon Roll” OH MY GOD HES WAKING UP IM ON MY WAY
Space Dad: you guys better have a good reason of being up at 3 am
Space Dad: oh
Space Dad: yeah im on my way
September 7th, 10:00 AM
To: Hunk Protection Squad
Sharpshooter: I CANNOT BELIEVE YOU GUYS WERE GONNA DRUG ME
Green Paladin: HEY YOURE THE ONE WHO SAW THE MYSTERIOUS SUBSTANCE IN MY LAB AND THOUGHT “HMM LOOKS TASTY”
Sharpshooter: IT LOOKED LIKE GRAPE JUICE
Gay Knife Boi: you are literally the dumbest person alive
Sharpshooter: fuck you
Gay Knife Boi: at least take me out to dinner first
Sharpshooter: haha very funny im sure no one’s ever used that one before
Cinnamon Roll: all right simmer down let’s just all appreciate that lance’s awake!
Sharpshooter: yeah, appreciate me
Green Paladin: you know, i suddenly wish his liver was failing again
Cinnamon Roll: pidge!
Green Paladin: okay yeah that was harsh sorry lance
Sharpshooter: its fine sometimes i wish my liver was failing too
Gay Knife Boi: goddamit lance
Sharpshooter: why cant anyone have the same sense of humor as me
Space Dad: mood
Sharpshooter: did
Sharpshooter: did i hear that right
Space Dad: NO
Gay Knife Boi: technically you read it
Sharpshooter: shut it
Gay Knife Boi: make me
Sharpshooter: i know where you live
Gay Knife Boi: we live in the same place dumbass
Sharpshooter: exactly
Sharpshooter: you better watch your back
Gay Knife Boi: or maybe you should watch yours
Sharpshooter: touche my mullet friend
Gay Knife Boi: i dont have a mullet
Sharpshooter: YOU DIDNT DENY THAT WE’RE FRIENDS
Gay Knife Boi: cause we are???
Sharpshooter: what
Sharpshooter: you always say you dont care about me
Gay Knife Boi: okay this is getting slightly emotional goodbye
Sharpshooter: wait no keith
Sharpshooter: keith
Sharpshooter: KEITH
Sharpshooter: okay asshole i never liked you anyways
August 7th, 10:21 PM
To: Space Dad
Gay Knife Boi: he actually thinks i dont like him???????
Space Dad: maybe he wouldnt think that if you didnt do shit like the stunt you just pulled
Gay Knife Boi: he wanted to actually talk about feelings idk how to do that
Space Dad: that doesnt mean you can just leave when someone is being vulnerable to you
Gay Knife Boi: what else should i do??
Space Dad: talk to him??
Gay Knife Boi: no???
Space Dad: keith avoiding emotions wont work forever
Gay Knife Boi: i mean i have a record of 18 years and its going pretty well for now
Space Dad: keith
Space Dad: keith dont leave me on read i swear to god
Space Dad: im coming over to your room
Space Dad: KEITH UNLOCK THE DOOR
Space Dad: you’re fucking impossible jesus
Space Dad: im sorry keith but its really frustrating when im just trying to help you
Space Dad: talk to me when you’re ready i guess
August 7th, 10:21 PM
To: Cinnamon Roll
Sharpshooter: wow i didn’t think keith actually hated me
Sharpshooter: i thought it was just our thing
Cinnamon Roll: he doesnt hate you
Sharpshooter: uhhh yes he does did you read the chat
Cinnamon Roll: i think he just got overwhelmed
Sharpshooter: he can’t even say he doesnt hate me without being overwhelemed?? Idk doesnt sound right to me
Sharpshooter: like he talks about how much he likes shiro all the time and hes definetly called you and pidge his friends before
Sharpshooter: he literally ran away with allura once
Sharpshooter: but with me? He cant even admit he doesnt hate me
Sharpshooter: idk something doesnt add up there
Cinnamon Roll: talk to him then
Sharpshooter: yeah because im sure he’ll be so eager to do that
Cinnamon Roll: besides, didnt he baisically tell you that you were really important to the team once? He wouldnt do that if he hated you
Sharpshooter: he could have been making it up
Cinnamon Roll: why would he though if he hated you then why would he want you on the team? And, we can’t form voltron without a bond to each other. Therefore, keith cant hate you.
Sharpshooter: fine
Sharpshooter: i’ll talk to him
August 7th, 10:30 PM
To: Gay Knife Boi
Sharpshooter: keith
Sharpshooter: keith
Sharpshooter: keith
Sharpshooter: keith
Gay Knife Boi: what
Sharpshooter: you know what
Sharpshooter: you cant do that
Gay Knife Boi: i just did
Sharpshooter: thats not fair to me keith i try to be open with you and share my insecurities and you just fucking leave
Sharpshooter: if you actually hated me you should have said so
Gay Knife Boi: fucking
Gay Knife Boi: fine
Gay Knife Boi: i dont hate you
Gay Knife Boi: i like you
Gay Knife Boi: a lot
Gay Knife Boi: you’re probably the one im closest to on this ship besides shiro and that scares me
Gay Knife Boi: because literally everyone ive cared about has left me at some point
Gay Knife Boi: even shiro
Gay Knife Boi: so there
Gay Knife Boi: i shared my feelings
Gay Knife Boi: are you happy
Gay Knife Boi: lance
Sharpshooter: sorry i just had to re-read that
Sharpshooter: IM the one you’re closest to??
Gay Knife Boi: besides shiro
Sharpshooter: besides shiro
Sharpshooter: of course
Sharpshooter: im coming over
Gay Knife Boi: why
Sharpshooter: to hug you??? What else
Gay Knife Boi: what why
Sharpshooter: because im extremley relieved that you dont actually hate me???
Gay Knife Boi: i dont really
Gay Knife Boi: do hugs
Sharpshooter: you do now
Gay Knife Boi: theres no getting out of this is there
Sharpshooter: nope :)
Gay Knife Boi: ugh
Sharpshooter: i wuv u too uwu
Gay Knife Boi: just want you to know that i have multiple knives in my room
Sharpshooter: u wont stab me im ur bff besides shiro
Gay Knife Boi: im going to regret saying that
Notes:
pfft no i didnt take a month to update what are you talking about