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Chapter Text

Ausgust Six, 1:15
To: Voltron uWu

 

Keith Kogane: What is this.

Keith Kogane: Lance did you do this?

Lance McClain: It’s a group chat. Live a little.

Keith Kogane: I’m barely living.

Keith Kogane: Are all of us on here?

Pidge Gunderson: okay then.

Pidge Gunderson lance is your girlfriend here

Keith Kogane: What?

Keith Kogane: Who’s your girlfriend?

Lance McClain: Yeah, who is my girlfriend?

Lance McClain: Because last time I checked I’ve been rejected by everyone that I’ve tried to hit on

Hunk Garrett: Aww Lance don’t worry we still love you

Keith Kogane: Speak for yourself there Hunk

Lance McClain: Rude.

Pidge Gunderson: that was a joke

Pidge Gunderson: about allura

Lance McClain: :’)

Keith Kogane: Why don’t we just go and talk to each other. Why are we all texting?

Lance McClain: it’s easier

Hunk Garrett: Lance I’m in the same room as you

Lance McClain: …….it’s easier

Keith Kogane: wow. Than opening your mouth?

Lance McClain: …………….yes

Keith Kogane: I don’t understand you sometimes.

Hunk Garrett: I don’t think any of us completley understand lance

Lance McClain: I’m like that sometimes

Keith Kogane: that’s true

Lance McClain: Just when you think you know me BAM! I pull a fast one on ya.

Lance McClain: Like how i was the coll sharpshooter but then i was like how about using an altean broadsword

Keith Kogane: Hey Lance, did you still want to train tomorrow morning?

Lance McClain: Is that a challange?

 

Hunk Garrett: Not everything is a challange, Lance

Keith Kogane: No, we had scheduled it.

Keith Kogane: Where did Pidge go?

Lance McClain: uh the vents??? Maybe???

Keith Kogane: Why would she be in the vents?

Pidge Gunderson: no i’m here

Pidge Gunderson: i am in the vents

Pidge Gunderson: i’m right above you lol

Hunk Garrett: not again

Keith Kogane: why?

Lance McClain: i told you

Keith Kogane: and above who?

 

Lance McClain: I TOLD YOU

Pidge Gunderson: keith

Keith Kogane: Pidge i swear to god get down

Pidge Gunderson: nah

Pidge Gunderson: hunk i’m coming for you. Bye keith

Hunk Garrett: please stay away

Keith Kogane: that sounded mildly threatening

Pidge Gunderson: it could’ve been?

Keith Kogane: hunk be careful.

Hunk Garrett: Lance is laughing so hard he can’t breath

Lance McClain: I think I’m about to die

Lance McClain: rip me

Hunk Garrett: Lance you know that if she’s coming for me she’s also coming for you

Pidge Gunderson: AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Lance McClain: HECK

Pidge Gunderson: i’m right above you guys

Pidge Gunderson: hey

Lance McClain: im running, brb gotta hide.

Hunt Garrett: yep

Keith Kogane: I’m-

Keith Kogane: confused?

Pidge Gunderson: aren’t you always?

Lance McClain: i’ve hidden

Keith Kogane: no.

Keith Kogane: for your information Pidge.

Pidge Gunderson: i will find u

Hunk Garrett: fhfsahfshd

Keith Kogane: Again. Mildly threatening

Hunk Garrett: LANCE H ELP

Hunk Garrett: L ANVE

Pidge Gunderson: I JSUT WNATEFD RAVIOLI

Keith Kogane: What is going on?

Keith Kogane: Pidge?

Hunk Garrett: S HE WINT GE T OFG

Pidge Gunderson: DONT @ ME

Keith Kogane: HAHAHAHA

Lance McClain: brb, gotta stay hidden

Hunk Garrett: N O PIGDE DOFT STEAL NY RAVIOLI

Hunk Garrett: NO L ANCE COMR HEPL

Pidge Gunderson: GIVE IT TO ME

Hunk Garrett: NOOOO

Hunk Garrett: SHE JUST GRABBED MY RAVIOLI THEN WENT BACK INTO THE VENTS

Pidge Gunderson: YEET

Keith Kogane: GO PIDGE!

Hunk Garrett: KEITH NO

Pidge Gunderson: THANKS

Pidge Gunderson: KEITH YES

 

Keith Kogane: I CAN HEAR HUNK”S SCREAMING FROM HERE

Keith Kogane: hey pidge can i have some?

Pidge Gunderson: sure where u at

Keith Kogane: my room

Hunk Garrett: goodbye

Pidge Gunderson: okay

Hunk Garrett has left the chat

Lance McClain: nuuu i want my best friend back

Lance McClain added Hunk Garrett to the chat

Hunk Garrett: Betrayed by my own family

Lance McClain: Sorry Hunk, in space it’s every person for themselves

Keith Kogane: THE RAVIOLI

Keith Kogane: IT FELL

Keith Kogane: PIDGE YOU KLUTZ

Hunk Garrett: IF I CAN”T HAVE IT NEITHER CAN YOU

Keith Kogane: PIDGE NOW THERE’S A HUGE MESS ON MY FLOOR

Hunk Garrett: I have to go get some more ravioli now

Keith Kogane: wait Hunk can I have some?

Hunk Garrett: no

Keith Kogane: why not?

Hunk Garrett: Because you are an acomplice to Pidge

Pidge Gunderson: sorry i fell on u

Pidge Gunderson: it’s either yeet or be yeeted

Keith Kogane: pidge. Get a mop.

Keith Kogane: what.

Hunk Garrett: what?

Keith Kogane: she just licked the floor to get some of the sauce

Hunk Garrett: ew

Keith Kogane: she just left to get a mop

Lance McClain: the halls are no longer safe.

Lance McClain: she could be anywhere

Lance McClain: I’m hiding in the hangar

Keith Kogane: hey lance you said where you are

Hunk Garrett: run lance

Lance McClain: im running IM RUNNING

Keith Kogane: im coming to get you lance for a trade

Keith Kogane: Hunk im trading lance for ravioli

Hunk Garrett: okay

Keith Kogane: hklkfsa alkdfn

Hunk Garrett: Keith?

Lance McClain: KEITH

Keith Kogane: soryio im runnsid

Lance McClain: NOT YOU TOO

Keith Kogane: LANCE I SEE YOUU

Lance McClain: NO

Lance McClain: NO

Lance McClain: N

Keith Kogane: COMP HERERM

Hunk Garrett: dont you want to hang out with me lance?

Keith Kogane: AKNEO DONTT GKCOSA

Keith Kogane: i sat on lance

Hunk Garrett: Lance? Keith?

Keith Kogane: he’s struggling

Keith Kogane: Hunk meet me in the hall with ravioli

Hunk Garrett: ok

Keith Kogane: Hurry he’s yelling

Keith Kogane: okay he’s stopped

Hunk Garrett: okay i’m coming

Hunk Garrett: okay i’m here where are you

Lance McClain: I cant breath

Hunk Garrett: Keith! Don’t kill him!

Keith Kogane: oh he’s fine

Lance McClain: Im Dying

Lance McClain: I’m not fine!!!

Keith Kogane: come in 12 seconds hunk or i fart on him

Hunk Garrett: okay i see you guys

Lance McClain: NO

Keith Kogane: ok nevermind. You escaped this time

Hunk Garrett: okay lance come over here

Keith Kogane: Now hand over the ravioli

Lance McClain: HUNK!!!

Lance McClain: YOU SAINT!!

Lance McClain: i love you <3

Keith Kogane: okay im happy now

Hunk Garrett: aww i love you too lance <3 <3

Keith Kogane: This is really good

Lance McClain: did you just sit on me,,,,,,

Lance McClain: FOR RAVIOLI

Keith Kogane: yes

Keith Kogane: payback for not remembering the bonding moment

Hunk Garrett: sorry lance

Hunk Garrett: it has to be done

Lance McClain: Hunk????

Hunk Garrett: I’m sorry ily

Lance McClain: hUNK?????!!!!?!!!!!

Hunk Garrett: keith.

Lance McClain: im running

Hunk Garrett: lance once told me

Lance McClain: im running so fast

Lance McClain: you guys dont even know

Hunk Garrett: that he does remember the bonding moment

Keith Kogane: LANCE YOU DID REMEMBER

 

Lance McClain: nyoom nyoom

Keith Kogane: WHY DIDNT YOU SAY SOMETHIH

Keith Kogane: LANCE I CAN OUT RUN YOU COME BACK

Lance McClain: beep beep bitches im gone

Keith Kogane: COMEP. BASKET

Keith Kogane: LANCEER

Keith Kogane: SJDU

Keith Kogane: BAOTK

Lance McClain: Im cornered

Keith Kogane: GIVE UP YOURE CORNERED

Lance McClain: I’ve accepted my fate

Lance McClain: I can’t believe I’m going to be murdered today

Keith Kogane: Youre not going to be murdered. I just. Cant believe you knew

Hunk Garrett: alright you two go talk it out

2:06 p.m., August 6
To: Voltron uWu
Lance McClain: I blame keith

Hunk Garrett: what happened?

Keith Kogane: well he just ran off

Hunk Garrett: Lance???

Lance McClain: another bonding moment i don’t remember

Hunk Garrett: Lance you can’t just deny things happening when they get too emotional for you

Lance McClain: i can and i will so leave me alone with my cow

Hunk Garrett: Lance I’m coming to you

Keith Kogane: ugh fine. Be alone with your cow

Hunk Garrett: I’ve found Lance

Keith Kogane: Really?! Where is he?

Hunk Garrett: With kalteneker

Keith Kogane: with malts ur egger

Hunk Garrett: ????????

Keith Kogane: *Kalteneker

Lance McClain: HAHAHAHA OMG KEITH IM D Y I NG

Lance McClain: MALTS UR EGGER

Hunk Garrett: well i guess lance is okay now

Keith Kogane: good.

Keith Kogane: i mean like i guess that’s good

Hunk Garrett: he’s kinda just hanging off Kalteneker

Keith Kogane: wow.

Keith Kogane: I’d kick him off if i were that cow

Hunk Garrett: sure you would

Chapter Text

August 10th, 12:06

To: Voltron uWu

 

Lance McClain: so,,,

 

Lance McClain: you can change your name

 

Lance McClain has changed their name to “Sharpshooter”

 

Keith Kogane: Lance its 12 AM. Why are you up

 

Sharpshooter: Better question is

 

Sharpshooter: why are YOU up, mullet?

 

Keith Kogane: I’m not answering that.

 

Sharpshooter: HOLY SHIT YOU CAN CHANGE OTHER PEOPLE’S NAMES

 

Keith Kogane: oh no

 

Sharpshooter has changed Keith Kogane’s name to “Knife Boi”

 

Knife Boi: I hate you

 

Knife Boi: How do I change it back

 

Sharpshooter: ;)

 

Knife Boi: LANCE I SWEAR TO GOD

 

Pidge Gunderson: I was awoken by the sound of flirting

 

Knife Boi: PIDGE

 

Pidge Gunderson: also, you can change your name? Awesome

 

Pidge Gunderson has changed their name to “Green Paladin”

 

Green Paladin: dont deny the truth

 

Sharpshooter: i hate keith why would i flirt with him

 

Sharpshooter: anyways, goodnight

 

Knife Boi: gee, thanks

 

Knife Boi: goodnight



Ausgust 10th, 10:49

To: Voltron uWu

 

Hunk Garrett: Why were you guys up at 12 AM?

 

Knife Boi: Training

 

Green Paladin: tinkering

 

Sharpshoter: depression

 

Knife Boi: wait what

 

Hunk Garrett: lance…

 

Sharpshooter: jeez I’m just kidding! That was two nights ago...

 

Hunk Garrett: LANCE

 

Sharpshooter: alright, alright

 

Sharpshooter: I’ll stop with the depression jokes

 

Sharpshooter: for now

 

Knife Boi: what just happened

 

Sharpshooter: hey why isn’t shiro here?

 

Knife Boi: i dont think he has the app

 

Sharpshooter: yes he does ive messaged him before

 

Knife Boi: i dont know lance, you’re the one who made the chat!

 

Sharpshooter: oh yeah

 

Sharpshooter has added Takashi Shirogane to the chat

 

Sharpshooter changed Takashi Shirogane’s name to “Space Dad”

 

Knife Boi: wait he’s my brother not my dad

 

Sharpshooter: well he’s everyone else’s dad so suck it up

 

Space Dad: uh no im not??

 

Knife Boi: hey shiro

 

Sharpshooter: where did hunk go

 

Space Dad: i think he’s making breakfast

 

Sharpshooter: hunk is an actual saint that deserves love

 

Knife Boi: i normally wouldnt agree but its hunk

 

Green Paladin: anyone that’s met hunk can agree that he’s an angel sent from heaven

 

Green Paladin: i say this as an atheist

 

Hunk Garrett: aww thanks you guys! <333

 

Sharpshooter has renamed the chat “Hunk Appreciation Squad”

 

Space Dad: alright guys, get off your phones

 

Space Dad: time for training

 

Sharpshooter: aww, come on shiro!

 

Knife Boi: shut up lance

 

Knife Boi: training is good for you

 

Sharpshooter: no

 

Sharpshooter: you know what’s good for me?

 

Sharpshooter: you not being an asshole for five seconds

 

Knife Boi: im not even being mean dumbass

 

Sharpshooter: that’s a bit of a contradictory statement there, keith

 

Knife Boi: contradictory? Wow, i didn’t even know that word was in your vocabulary

 

Sharpshooter: im going to fucking murder you

 

Space Dad: alright, that’s enough

 

Space Dad: can’t you two just get along?

 

Sharpshooter: i don’t know keith, can we?

 

Knife Boi: im not even responding to that

 

Knife Boi: ill just kick your ass in training

 

Sharpshooter: oh you’re on, mullet

 

Green Paladin: i smell sexual tension


August 10th, 3:00

To: Hunk Appreciation Squad

 

Sharpshooter: HA GET REKED KEITH

 

Knife Boi: ITS NOT MY FAULT YOU HAD A SWORD AND DIDNT TELL ME

 

Sharpshooter: THAT WAS THE POINT

 

Sharpshooter: THE ONLY WAY TO BEAT YOU IS TO PLAY DIRTY

 

Knife Boi: OH REALLY AM I THAT GOOD

Sharpshooter: Y E S

 

Knife Boi: WHEN DID THIS EVEN HAPPEN

 

Sharpshooter: IDK A FEW MONTHS AGO? ALLURA’S BEEN HELPING ME TRAIN

 

Knife Boi: WHY DIDN’T YOU COME TO ME IM THE ONE WITH A SWORD

 

Sharpshooter: CAUSE I WANTED TO IMPRESS YOU

 

Knife Boi: oh

 

Knife Boi: well consider me impressed then

 

Hunk Garrett: so are you two done yelling or

 

Knife Boi: maybe? I mean I am im not sure about lance

 

Sharpshooter: yeah im good

 

Green Paladin: that was intense guys

 

Green Paladin: i didn’t know you had a sword lance???

 

Sharpshooter: scroll up

 

Space Dad: are you both okay?

 

Sharpshooter: yeah im good

 

Sharpshooter: probably? i dont know if the adrenaline has weared off yet

 

Knife Boi: im fine

 

Space Dad: well i just wanted to say that you two both did a very good job and that I’m proud of you both

 

Sharpshooter: this is why you’re our dad

 

Space Dad: im glad you see me that way lance

 

Sharpshooter: well i mean its not just me

 

Green Paldin: yeah

 

Hunk Garrett: yeah me too

 

Sharpshooter: Garrison Trio!

 

Hunk Garrett: yay!

 

Green Paladin: Question

 

Green Paladin: why are allyra and corna not here?

 

Green Paldain: allura and coran*

 

Sharpshooter: allyra and corna

 

Knife Boi: CORNA

 

Green Paladin: shut up knife boi

 

Knife Boi: lance how do i change it back

 

Sharpshooter: once again, ;)

 

Knife Boi: LANCE

 

Green Paladin: click on the i in the right corner

 

Knife Boi has changed their name to “Keith Kogane”

 

Sharpshooter: aw come on keithy-boy, don’t be so lame

 

Keith Kogane: keithy-boy?

 

Sharpshooter: yep

 

Sharpshooter: would you rather i go back to calling you mullet?

 

Keith Kogane: no no no please do not

 

Green Paladin: lance is right keith, you gotta spice up the name!

 

Keith Kogane: fine

 

”Keith Kogane has changed their name to “Red Paladin

 

Red Paladin: wait no

 

Red Paladin has changed their name to “Black Paladin”

 

Black Paladin: ???

 

Green Paladin: that’s even worse than before

 

Black Paladin: but you did it!

 

Green Paladin: yeah, cause i’m cool

 

Green Paladin: and it’s weird when there’s two of us

 

Green Paladin has changed Black Paladin’s name to “Gay Paladin”

 

Green Paladin: perfect

 

Gay Paladin: i feel like shiro should be the one with this name

 

Sharpshooter: im sorry w h a t

 

Space Dad: don’t act like it doesnt fit you keith

 

Sharpshooter: can someone explain what the fuck is happening

 

Gay Paladin: nah

 

Space Dad: keith

 

Gay Paladin: hey it’s pidge’s fault

 

Green Paladin: don’t blame me for spreading the truth

 

Gay Paladin: how did you even know???

 

Green Paladin: literally anyone with eyes can see how gay you are keith

 

Hunk Garrett: what did you guys do to lance?????

 

Gay Paladin: nothing?????

 

Hunk Garrett: who are you

 

Gay Paladin: keith

 

Hunk Garrett: oh

 

Hunk Garrett: proud of u for coming out, man!

 

Gay Paladin: it was pidge

 

Green Paladin: literally everyone knew

 

Sharpshooter: I DIDNT

 

Hunk Garrett: ohhh so that’s what broke him

 

Gay Paladin: wait what

 

Gay Paladin: why does he care

 

Sharpshooter: i dont

 

Sharpshooter: im just surprised

 

Sharpshooter: good for you, man

 

Sharpshooter: ????

 

Gay Paladin: ah yes because liking boys is such a gift

 

Space Dad: i mean i think it is

 

Sharpshooter: wait shiro’s gay too????

 

Sharpshooter: any other sexualities i should know about??

 

Green Paladin: hi

 

Sharpshooter: ?????

 

Green Paladin: im attracted to science

 

Sharpshooter: oh my god pidge

 

Hunk Garrett: well this has been a revelating conversation

 

Space Dad: not for me

 

Sharpshooter: stop flexing

 

Space Dad: i will flex all i want thank you very much

 

Sharpshooter: wait you know what that means

 

Space Dad: NO

Sharpshooter: YOU HAVE MEME KNOWLEDGE AND DIDNT TELL ME

 

Sharpshooter: BETYRAYED BY MY OWN SPACE DAD

 

Space Dad: KEITH HELP

 

Gay Paladin: you dug this hole

 

Sharpshooter: SHIRO I CANNOT BELIEVE YOU

 

Space Dad has left the chat

 

Sharpshooter: NO GET BACK HERE

 

Sharpshooter has added Space Dad to the chat

 

Sharpshooter: YOU CANNOT ESCAPE

 

Space Dad: god help me

Chapter Text

August 26th, 4:00

To: Hunk Appreciation Squad

 

Sharpshooter: what’s up gays

 

Sharpshooter: guys*

 

Green Paladin: nice one, lance

 

Sharpshooter: shut up

 

Green Paladin: >:)

 

Gay Paladin: so i may or may not have sprained my ankle

 

Space Dad: i have been summoned

 

Space Dad: what did you do, Keith?

 

Gay Paladin: nothing

 

Gay Paladin: i was just training and got distracted

 

Sharpshooter: it was really funny

 

Sharpshooter: i didn’t realize you sprained your ankle though, you kinda ran off

 

Sharpshooter: you okay?

 

Gay Paladin: im fine

 

Green Paladin: wait what did you do to distract keith

 

Sharpshooter: literally nothing

 

Sharpshooter: i just walked in

 

Gay Paladin: I wasn’t expecting it!

 

Gay Paladin: what were you even doing in the training room?

 

Sharpshooter: i was gonna train??? What else

 

Green Paladin: HA

 

Sharpshooter: im serious! You think all these awesome gun and sword skills come from nothing?

 

Green Paladin: what skills

 

Sharpshooter: this is bullying

 

Space Dad: guys, dont be mean to lance

 

Space Dad: oh course he has skills

 

Sharpshooter: thanks shiro

 

Sharpshooter: :)

 

Hunk Garrett: we love you lance!

 

Gay Paladin: don’t lump me in with you guys

 

Sharpshooter: :(

 

Gay Paladin: what even are those

 

Sharpshooter: emoticons?? Wtf

 

Gay Paladin: that doesn’t help

 

Sharpshooter: how do you not know what an emoticon is

 

Gay Paladin: i lived in a desert with no social interaction for years

 

Sharpshooter: fair

 

Sharpshooter: you use the keyboard to make faces

 

Sharpshooter: watch

 

Sharpshooter: :o

 

Sharpshooter: >:)

 

Sharpshooter: >:0

 

Sharpshooter: and my personal favorite

 

Sharpshooter: uwu

 

Green Paladin: die

 

Sharpshooter: i want to

 

Gay Paladin: why is “uwu” bad

 

Sharpshooter: oh you poor child

 

Sharpshooter: WAIT

 

Sharpshooter: DO THE LIONS COUNT AS FURSUITS

 

Green Paladin: I AM ON MY WAY TO FUCKING BLOW YOUR HEAD OFF

 

Sharpshooter: PLEASE DO I HATE THIS

 

Gay Paladin: what’s a fursuit

 

Sharpshooter: look it up

 

Hunk Garrett: please don’t

 

Gay Paladin: im looking it up

 

Gay Paladin: OH GOD WHY

 

Hunk Garrett: I TOLD YOU NOT TO

 

Gay Paladin: I REGRET SO MUCH

 

Gay Paladin: OH MY GOD ARE THE LIONS FURSUITS??????

 

Space Dad: why is this what i walk into

 

Space Dad: i expected better from you keith

 

Gay Paladin: LANCE SAID IT FIRST

 

Space Dad: oh that makes more sense

 

Sharpshooter: rude

 

Space Dad: and no

 

Space Dad: the lions are not fursuits because i refuse to think about what that would mean

 

Green Paladin: IM IN THE VENTS ABOVE YOUR ROOM LANCE

 

Hunk Garrett: please dont hurt him

 

Green Paladin: HE DESERVES IT

 

Gay Paladin: he really does

 

Sharpshooter: IM RUNNING AGAIN

 

Gay Paladin: I will deliver him to you pidge

 

Sharpshooter: YOUR ANKLE IS SPRAINED I CAN OUTRUN YOU

 

Gay Paladin: shit

 

Green Paladin: IM ON HIS TAIL

 

Green Paladin: I SEE HIM

Green Paladin: IM GONNA JUMP ON HIM

 

Sharpshooter: FUCKSALHFSA

 

Space Dad: PIDGE DONT HURT LANCE

 

Green Paladin: IM ON HIS ACK HES FREAKING OUT OH MY GOD

 

Gay Paladin: how are you still typing

 

Green Paladin: MAGIVCS

 

Sharpshooter: HUNJ

 

Sharpshooter: KEITH

 

Sharpshooter: SHIRO

 

Sharpshooter: HELPL

 

Hunk Garrett: ….

 

Hunk Garrett: you kinda did this to yourself lance

 

Sharpshooter: BETRAYED

 

Gay Paladin: where are you guys I wanna see this

 

Green Paladin: NEXT TO LANCE’S ROOM

 

Gay Paladin: omw

 

Space Dad: to be honest im surprised he knows how to use that abbreviation


August 10th, 6:27

To: Hunk Appreciation Squad

 

Gay Paladin: how come hunk doesn’t have to change his name??

 

Sharpshooter: because it’s hunk

 

Hunk Garrett: i can change my name if you want?

 

Sharpshooter: ooh i have a great name for u

 

Sharpshooter has changed Hunk Garrett’s name to “Cinnamon Roll”

 

Gay Paladin: i dont get it

 

Sharpshooter: of course you don’t

 

Cinnamon Roll: thanks lance!

 

Green Paladin: okay keith time to change your name

 

Gay Paladin: why?

 

Green Paladin: because yours and mine are too close

 

Gay Paladin: change yours then

 

Green Paladin: no

 

Gay Paladin: but i like mine

 

Green Paladin: too bad

 

Sharpshooter: i have a solution

 

Sharpshooter has changed Gay Paladin’s name to “Gay Knife Boi”

 

Gay Knife Boi: LANCE

 

Sharpshooter: HAHAHA

 

Sharpshooter: PRANKED

 

Gay Knife Boi: i hate you

 

Sharpshooter: no you don’t

 

Gay Knife Boi: yes i do

 

Sharpshooter: and that’s why you played space monopoly with me yesterday?

 

Gay Knife Boi: no, i played space monopoly with you yesterday so i could watch the look of utter despair on your face as i kicked your ass at it

 

Sharpshooter: :(

 

Gay Knife Boi: >:)

 

Sharpshooter: you’re learning!

 

Green Paladin: you do realize that your “space monopoly” is just regular monopoly made with materials we found around the castle

 

Sharpshooter: yep

 

Gay Knife Boi: calling it space monopoly is more fun though

 

Sharpshooter: exactly

 

Cinnamon Roll: at least they’re agreeing on something

 

Sharpshooter: are the galra furries

 

Cinnamon Roll: it was nice while it lasted

 

Green Paladin: LANCE STOP WITH THE FUCKING FURRIES

 

Sharpshooter: IT’S JUST A QUESTION

 

Sharpshooter: DOES THAT MAKE KEITH A FURRY

 

Gay Knife Boi: IM NOT A FURRY

 

Sharpshooter: PROVE IT

 

Gay Knife Boi: I LOOK 100% HUMAN

 

Sharpshooter: HOW DO WE KNOW YOU’RE NOT HIDING SOMETHING

 

Gay Knife Boi: WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO STRIP

 

Sharpshooter: ew no

 

Sharpshooter: no question is worth that

 

Green Paladin: oh my god

 

Green Paladin: i hate you both

 

Sharpshooter: i hate us both too

 

Cinnamon Roll: lance no

 

Sharpshooter: lance yes

 

Gay Knife Boi: i worry sometimes

 

Sharpshooter: aww i knew you cared

 

Gay Knife Boi: not anymore

 

Sharpshooter: dang

 

Space Dad: you two are ridiculous

 

Green Paladin: agreed


August 11, 3:04

To: Hunk Appreciation Squad

 

Sharpshooter: i just want to sleep why does this happen


August 11, 8:43

To: Hunk Appreciation Squad

 

Gay Knife Boi: ????

 

Sharpshooter: i literally did not sleep

 

Gay Knife Boi: lance!

 

Sharpshooter: i tried i swear

 

Space Dad: lance what the hell

 

Green Paladin: wow it must be serious if shiro is cursing

 

Gay Knife Boi: shiro curses all the time what do you mean

 

Green Paladin: wait what

 

Cinnamon Roll: lance why didn’t you come to me?

 

Sharpshooter: i didnt want to bother you

 

Sharpshooter: whatever its fine ill just pass out during training or something

 

Space Dad: l a n c e

 

Sharpshooter: joking!

 

Space Dad: lance if you were having trouble sleeping why didn’t you tell us?

 

Sharpshooter: i literally have lmao

 

Sharpshooter: [firstchatpter.png]

 

Gay Knife Boi: you said you were joking????

 

Sharpshooter: thats what i do

 

Sharpshooter: can we just drop it?

 

Sharpshooter: i didn’t think it would be a big deal


August 11, 3:09

To: Space Dad, Cinnamon Roll, Green Paladin

 

Gay Knife Boi: am i the only one worried about lance

 

Cinnamon Roll: no, whenever i try to bring up the fact that he’s not sleeping, he brushes me off

 

Gay Knife Boi: i didn’t even know this was happening

 

Cinnamon Roll: yeah well maybe if you took him seriously for two minutes, then you would

 

Gay Knife Boi: …

 

Cinnamon Roll: im sorry keith, i just wish that people wouldn’t brush him off so much

 

Cinnamon Roll: it happened at the garrison too

 

Gay Knife Boi: it’s okay hunk, i just wasn’t expecting it from you

 

Green Paladin: hunk i can make some sleeping medicine

 

Green Paladin: can you slip it into his dinner?

 

Cinnamon Roll: i dont know..

 

Cinnamon Roll: i dont want to go behind his back

 

Gay Knife Boi: does he let you help him?

 

Cinnamon Roll: no….

 

Space Dad: im not sure this is a good idea guys

 

Gay Knife Boi: its probably not

 

Gay Knife Boi: but we’re dumb teenagers, we’re allowed to have bad ideas

 

Space Dad: im probably not talking you guys out of this, am i

 

Green Paladin: nope

 

Green Paladin: im honestly surprised that keith is the one who made this

 

Gay Knife Boi: well i mean he’s my friend

 

Gay Knife Boi: i wouldn’t just let him suffer

 

Green Paladin: tell him that to his face

 

Gay Knife Boi: absolutely not

 

Space Dad: typical

 

Gay Knife Boi: shut up

 

Gay Knife Boi has named the chat “Lance Protection Squad”

 

Green Paladin: let's get this bread

 

Gay Knife Boi: what

 

Space Dad: don't worry about it

 

Cinnamon Roll: plan "help lance get some sleep" is in action

 

Green Paladin: that's a lame name

 

Green Paladin: plan "help lance get some fucking sleep" is in action

 

Gay Knife Boi: you literally just added a cuss word 

 

Green Paladin: exactly

 

Green Paladin: it's not lame anymore

 

Space Dad: ha

 

Gay Knife Boi: no it's still lame

 

Gay Knife Boi: plan "fix lance's sleep schedule" is in action

 

Space Dad: i think the problem with these names is that you're all lame

 

Gay Knife Boi: shut up

 

Green Paladin: shut up

 

Cinnamon Roll: that's rude

 

Green Paladin: can't you just say shut up like a normal person

 

Cinnamon Roll: no that's rude

 

Green Paladin: you're too pure for your own good

 

August 11, 3:15

To: Hunk Appreciation Squad

 

Sharpshooter: did you guys die or something

 

August 11, 3:16

To: Lance Protection Squad

 

Gay Knife Boi: oh shit i forgot he existed

 

Green Paladin: that's ironic

Chapter Text

August 30th, 6:34

To: Lance Protection Squad

 

Green Paladin: ABORT MISSION ABORT MISSION

 

Space Dad: oh god what happened

 

Green Paladin: SO I FINISHED MAKING THE SLEEP MEDICINE AND AND I MADE IT PRETTY POTENT LIKE HUNK WOULD ONLY NEED TO PUT ABOUT  A QUARTER OF A TEASPOON IN HIS FOOD TO KNOCK HIM OUT BUT I LEFT IN LYING AROUND AND I WALK INTO MY LAB TO SEE LANCE GULPING DOWN THE ENTIRE 3 OUNCES IN THE BOTTLE

 

Gay Knife Boi: that’s not that much??

 

Green Paladin: THATS 54 DOSES

 

Gay Knife Boi: F U C K

 

Green Paladin: HE JUST PASSED OUT ONTO THE FLOOR WHAT DO I DO

 

Space Dad: i knew this would end badly

 

Cinnamon Roll: OH MY GOD GET ALLURA????

 

Gay Knife Boi: He’s such an idiot of my god

 

Green Paladin: IM GETTING HER

 

Green Paladin: THIS CASTLE IS WAY TOO BIG

 

Space Dad: shes in the observation deck

 

Cinnamon Roll: SHIRO HOW ARE YOU SO CALM

 

Space Dad: oh im freaking the fuck out im just internalizing it so we can have at least one calm person here

 

Gay Knife Boi: SHIRO I TOLD YOU NOT TO INTERNALIZE EMOTIONS

 

Gay Knife Boi: WE’LL BE TALKING ABOUT THIS ONCE WE KNOW LANCE ISNT GONNA DIE

 

Cinnamon Roll: OH MY GOD WHAT IF LANCE DIES

 

Green Paladin: LANCE ISNT GONNA DIE HE STILL OWES ME FIVE DOLLARS

 

Green Paladin: SHES NOT IN THE OBSERVATION DECK

 

Space Dad: other one

 

Green Paladin: YOU COULDVE SPECIFIED

 

Gay Knife Boi: im gonna go find him

 

Gay Knife Boi: hes in your lab right pidge

 

Green Paladin: YEAH

 

Gay Knife Boi: k im omw

 

Space Dad: im gonna set up a pod just in case his organs fail

 

Cinnamon Roll: I CANT LIVE WITHOUT HIM HE CANT HAVE HIS ORGANS FAIL

 

Green Paladin: SHIRO WHY WOULD YOU SAY SOMETHING LIKE THAT

 

Space Dad: i tried to joke but i realized right after hitting send that now probably isnt the best time for dark humor

 

Green Paladin: YEAH NO SHIT H O N E Y

 

Gay Knife Boi: did you just call shiro honey?

 

Green Paladin: NO I WAS QUOTING A VINE

 

Gay Knife Boi: what??? Vines don’t talk????

 

Cinnamon Roll: ILL EXPLAIN LATER

 

Green Paladin: OKAY I FOUND ALLURA ILL EXPLAIN WHAT HAPPENED



Green Paladin: OKAY SHE SAYS HE PROBABLY NEEDS A POD

 

Gay Paladin: okay im coming your way shiro

 

Space Dad: got it



September 7th, 3:00 AM

To: Hunk Protection Squad

 

Gay Knife Boi: YALL HES WAKING UP

 

Green Paladin: did you just say yall because if so i am legally required to cause you injury

 

Gay Knife Boi: PIDGE HES WAKING UP WHO CARES IF I SAY YALL

 

Gay Knife Boi: HES BEEN ASLEEP FOR OVER A WEEK

 

Cinnamon Roll: whats going on

 

Cinnamon Roll” OH MY GOD HES WAKING UP IM ON MY WAY

 

Space Dad: you guys better have a good reason of being up at 3 am

 

Space Dad: oh

 

Space Dad: yeah im on my way




September 7th, 10:00 AM

To: Hunk Protection Squad

 

Sharpshooter: I CANNOT BELIEVE YOU GUYS WERE GONNA DRUG ME

 

Green Paladin: HEY YOURE THE ONE WHO SAW THE MYSTERIOUS SUBSTANCE IN MY LAB AND THOUGHT “HMM LOOKS TASTY”

 

Sharpshooter: IT LOOKED LIKE GRAPE JUICE

Gay Knife Boi: you are literally the dumbest person alive

 

Sharpshooter: fuck you

 

Gay Knife Boi: at least take me out to dinner first

 

Sharpshooter: haha very funny im sure no one’s ever used that one before

 

Cinnamon Roll: all right simmer down let’s just all appreciate that lance’s awake!

 

Sharpshooter: yeah, appreciate me

 

Green Paladin: you know, i suddenly wish his liver was failing again

 

Cinnamon Roll: pidge!

 

Green Paladin: okay yeah that was harsh sorry lance

 

Sharpshooter: its fine sometimes i wish my liver was failing too

 

Gay Knife Boi: goddamit lance

 

Sharpshooter: why cant anyone have the same sense of humor as me

 

Space Dad: mood

 

Sharpshooter: did

 

Sharpshooter: did i hear that right

 

Space Dad: NO

 

Gay Knife Boi: technically you read it

 

Sharpshooter: shut it

 

Gay Knife Boi: make me

 

Sharpshooter: i know where you live

 

Gay Knife Boi: we live in the same place dumbass

 

Sharpshooter: exactly

 

Sharpshooter: you better watch your back

 

Gay Knife Boi: or maybe you should watch yours

 

Sharpshooter: touche my mullet friend

 

Gay Knife Boi: i dont have a mullet

 

Sharpshooter: YOU DIDNT DENY THAT WE’RE FRIENDS

 

Gay Knife Boi: cause we are???

 

Sharpshooter: what

 

Sharpshooter: you always say you dont care about me

 

Gay Knife Boi: okay this is getting slightly emotional goodbye

 

Sharpshooter: wait no keith

 

Sharpshooter: keith

 

Sharpshooter: KEITH

 

Sharpshooter: okay asshole i never liked you anyways


August 7th, 10:21 PM

To: Space Dad

 

Gay Knife Boi: he actually thinks i dont like him???????

 

Space Dad: maybe he wouldnt think that if you didnt do shit like the stunt you just pulled

 

Gay Knife Boi: he wanted to actually talk about feelings idk how to do that

 

Space Dad: that doesnt mean you can just leave when someone is being vulnerable to you

 

Gay Knife Boi: what else should i do??

 

Space Dad: talk to him??

 

Gay Knife Boi: no???

 

Space Dad: keith avoiding emotions wont work forever

 

Gay Knife Boi: i mean i have a record of 18 years and its going pretty well for now

 

Space Dad: keith

 

Space Dad: keith dont leave me on read i swear to god

 

Space Dad: im coming over to your room

 

Space Dad: KEITH UNLOCK THE DOOR

Space Dad: you’re fucking impossible jesus

 

Space Dad: im sorry keith but its really frustrating when im just trying to help you

 

Space Dad: talk to me when you’re ready i guess



August 7th, 10:21 PM

To: Cinnamon Roll

 

Sharpshooter: wow i didn’t think keith actually hated me

 

Sharpshooter: i thought it was just our thing

 

Cinnamon Roll: he doesnt hate you

 

Sharpshooter: uhhh yes he does did you read the chat

 

Cinnamon Roll: i think he just got overwhelmed

 

Sharpshooter: he can’t even say he doesnt hate me without being overwhelemed?? Idk doesnt sound right to me

 

Sharpshooter: like he talks about how much he likes shiro all the time and hes definetly called you and pidge his friends before

 

Sharpshooter: he literally ran away with allura once

 

Sharpshooter: but with me? He cant even admit he doesnt hate me

 

Sharpshooter: idk something doesnt add up there

 

Cinnamon Roll: talk to him then

 

Sharpshooter: yeah because im sure he’ll be so eager to do that

 

Cinnamon Roll: besides, didnt he baisically tell you that you were really important to the team once? He wouldnt do that if he hated you

 

Sharpshooter: he could have been making it up

 

Cinnamon Roll: why would he though if he hated you then why would he want you on the team? And, we can’t form voltron without a bond to each other. Therefore, keith cant hate you.

 

Sharpshooter: fine

 

Sharpshooter: i’ll talk to him


August 7th, 10:30 PM

To: Gay Knife Boi

 

Sharpshooter: keith

 

Sharpshooter: keith

 

Sharpshooter: keith

 

Sharpshooter: keith

 

Gay Knife Boi: what

 

Sharpshooter: you know what

 

Sharpshooter: you cant do that

 

Gay Knife Boi: i just did

 

Sharpshooter: thats not fair to me keith i try to be open with you and share my insecurities and you just fucking leave

 

Sharpshooter: if you actually hated me you should have said so

 

Gay Knife Boi: fucking

 

Gay Knife Boi: fine

 

Gay Knife Boi: i dont hate you

 

Gay Knife Boi: i like you

 

Gay Knife Boi: a lot

 

Gay Knife Boi: you’re probably the one im closest to on this ship besides shiro and that scares me

 

Gay Knife Boi: because literally everyone ive cared about has left me at some point

 

Gay Knife Boi: even shiro

 

Gay Knife Boi: so there

 

Gay Knife Boi: i shared my feelings

 

Gay Knife Boi: are you happy

 

Gay Knife Boi: lance

 

Sharpshooter: sorry i just had to re-read that

 

Sharpshooter: IM the one you’re closest to??

 

Gay Knife Boi: besides shiro

 

Sharpshooter: besides shiro

 

Sharpshooter: of course

 

Sharpshooter: im coming over

 

Gay Knife Boi: why

 

Sharpshooter: to hug you??? What else

 

Gay Knife Boi: what why

 

Sharpshooter: because im extremley relieved that you dont actually hate me???

 

Gay Knife Boi: i dont really

 

Gay Knife Boi: do hugs

 

Sharpshooter: you do now

 

Gay Knife Boi: theres no getting out of this is there

 

Sharpshooter: nope :)

 

Gay Knife Boi: ugh

 

Sharpshooter: i wuv u too uwu

 

Gay Knife Boi: just want you to know that i have multiple knives in my room

 

Sharpshooter: u wont stab me im ur bff besides shiro

 

Gay Knife Boi: im going to regret saying that