Life doesn’t always stay the same. It changes constantly whether you want it or not. It can change into something grand or into something dark. Events from years ago can stay in your memories forever. They can make into the person you are. However, they can also break you. There can be so many regrets in your life, but also precious memories.
I would like to think of myself as someone who isn’t broken. Someone who has their life together. I like to think that I have zero regrets. Someone who’s lived their life the way they wanted to. None of that is true though. In fact, I’m a person who’s broken. I may not have very many regrets, but the one I do have has changed my life to the worse. I’m someone who wishes for something that can never be mine. Despite all of that, I’m someone who puts a smile on their face every single day. I don’t have the luxury to break down and cry. I’m the world’s symbol of peace. Someone who has their life together. Someone who smiles through everything even though they should break them. I am Deku. The world’s number one hero. The hero who puts smiles on everyone’s faces because everything is supposed to be ok.
Oh and by the way, my name isn’t actually Deku. I’m Izuku Midoriya. A plain looking man in his late 20s. That one regret I do have that made me a broken person? His name is Kacchan. I guess I should say that it isn’t his fault exactly. It was my naivety of not knowing that things don’t last forever.
Today is the day. It’s wedding day. A huge celebration of when two people are in love decide to spend the rest of their life together. One party with a few to hundreds of guests there to watch a special moment of when someone says the final “I do” to officially unite the two lovers till death do them apart. It certainly is a special day. However, that day isn’t mine. It’s for my best friend, Kacchan, and his lover.
They started dating two years ago until Kacchan’s lover proposed to him a few months ago. I can’t deny that the both of them make a great couple. They complement each other in ways that make them complete. Kacchan’s recklessness is calmed down by his lover’s calmness. His lover’s shyness is brought up by Kacchan’s confidence. There’s so many ways on how they complement each other. It’s like they were made for each other. Even then, how can I blame anyone for not wanting to be with Kacchan? His sheer amazingness is blinding.
I look at the scenery. Two rows of fully blossom cherry blossom trees with a path in the middle lead down to where the ceremony is going to take place. The wind lightly move the branches of the trees and pink petals swift in the air to only land on the ground gently. The sky is clear of any clouds, making the sun shine brightly. The weather isn’t too hot nor too cold, just a bit chilly. It seems as though this entire scenery is what heaven should be.
My feet softly crunch the pink petals as I walk down towards where the wedding is set up. Once it catches my sight, my breath is taken away. It’s a dream wedding. Cherry blossom petals completely cover the ground. Rows of white chairs with pink flowers at the edge of every single one of them make up most of the clearing. A huge stand with two small cherry blossom trees on both side with the branches arching over the stand. Behind the stand was just the bright blue sky.
A lurch in my heart makes me clench my suit. This is my dream wedding. What I wanted mine to be. It’s everything I ever imagine. Something so peaceful and so magical. It’s not mine though. I know in my heart that it isn’t mine and probably won’t ever be. A guy can wish though can’t he?
I turn and there he is. One of the grooms who’s about to get married. God he’s as beautiful and handsome as he always is. A six foot man with blonde spiky hair stands to my side with his hands in his pocket. His red piercing eyes seem to analyze my very being. It seems as though forever has pass. The more as time passes, the more I realize how much more handsome he looks in his suit. He wears a white sleeveless vest with pink flowers that look like cherry blossoms on the side. His long-sleeved shirt is a red that complements his red eyes. Around his neck is a white tie that is tied perfectly. His pants and his shoes are white as well. The man is an angel.
My lips finally lets out a word, “Kacchan.”
Kacchan snorts, “About time you got here you shitty nerd. I need my best man to help me.”
I roll my eyes, but there’s no heat towards it. “Well, I got here at the right time you told me.”
“Tch. Yeah yeah. Because the symbol of peace fucking always gets to where he’s supposed to be right on the nick of time.”, he replies sarcastically. His eyes roll as well, but there’s amusement in his eyes. “Come on. I need… help with things.”
I smirk, “Oh? What’s that? Kacchan needs help with something? Now that’s a rare sentence to hear.”
“Oh shut your damn mouth! Yeah I need help! C-Come on!”, Kacchan stutters as he grabs my arm, partially dragging me. His face all the way to his ears and neck are completely beet red. His shoes crunch the petals louder and harder than I am from the fact that he’s embarrassed.
I laugh loudly on the way. At this moment in time, I feel lighter than what I have been this entire day. Being with Kacchan is always an experience. He’s the only one that has ever made me feel this way. This light. Despite everything that has happened between us, there’s nothing that can compare. However, at the same time, I can feel a deep ache inside my heart. I know I’m not supposed to feel this way, but yet I am. I shouldn’t be, but I can’t stop how I feel.
We walk into a building that’s about a five minute walk away from where the ceremony is. It’s a small building that’s only meant for grooms and brides to get ready for their big day. There’s a small hallway with two rooms, both opposite of each other. Kacchan takes me to the one on the right, closing the door softly behind him after I walk in.
“So what do you need help with?”, I ask as I turn around to look at him.
Kacchan’s eyes look down slightly before sighing. He walks towards me. Too close to me. His hands grab my tie and he grumbles, “First of all, your tie looks shitty. After all of this time, you still can’t fucking figure out how to do a tie.”
My face immediately heats up, but I quickly push away the blush before it becomes noticeable. How long has it been since he last did this? Ever since high school, he always used to be to be the one who would fix my ties. No matter how many times he taught me, I could never figure it out. Nowadays I just have my manager do it for me. Having Kacchan do it for me though? It’s another feeling. The last time he did this though.. It was when-
“There. It’s all fixed.” Kacchan’s hands lower from my tie. He smirks to show his triumph on making the perfect tie. Then, his eyes drift upwards. Red beautiful eyes pierce into my green eyes.
I fight back a gasp and clear my throat instead. “Um.. Well, what did you need help with? You never told me before you fixed my tie.”
He blinks a few times before stepping back a bit. “Right.” His right hand leaves his pocket and rubs the back of his head. He looks down at the ground, staring at his shoes as if they were the most interesting objects in the world. The upper part of his teeth gently bite down on his bottom lip. “To be honest. I’m freaking the fuck out. My mind is going a hundred miles per hour. I don’t know how people do this shit. What if this all turns into a damn disaster? What if I’m not good enough for him? I’m a goddamn hero. I’m the number two hero in the world. Why the hell did he propose to me? What if I get really fucking hurt one day and die? I’m not good enough for him, Izuku.”
My eyes soften. Right now. I have to push all of my feelings away. The only time when Kacchan uses my first name is when he’s really serious. Plus, he looks so nervous. I haven’t seen him this nervous in so long.
I let out a large sigh and shake my head. “I don’t think you have anything to worry about, Kacchan. He wouldn’t propose to you for no reason. I mean after all, he dated you for two years. He knows what he’s getting into. He knows how dangerous being a hero is and despite all of that he’s still wanting to marry you. If he’s willing to say “I do” in a crowd of a hundred people, then he’s telling you that you’re good enough for him. I’m not going to say that you shouldn’t be freaking out because you should be? I mean who wouldn’t freak out on their wedding day? I sure would be if it was. Still, trust him when he says that he’s willing to spend the rest of his life with you. You’ve changed a lot since our middle school days, Kacchan. If anyone deserves to have the rest of their life with the person they love most, it’s you.”
I blink as Kacchan stares at me intently. His eyes are unmoving. These moments with Kacchan are the most confusing. Usually I’m able to tell how he’s feeling, but right now I can’t. Anxiety builds up inside of me. These moments make me freak out the most. What is he thinking about? Why is he looking at me like that? Did I say something wrong? Oh god I did say something wrong didn’t I? What did I say? I’m sure I said everything right. Or did everything I say was wrong? Oh no. Oh no oh no oh no. This is the worst possible time to say something wrong! It’s his wedding! How do I fix this? What do I do? What can I do-
“Oi Deku! Your shitty mouth is mumbling again!”
My mind drifts back to the moment instead of my thoughts. I can suddenly feel Kacchan’s hands on my shoulders before one of them moves to the top of my head to gently rub it. I can finally breathe normally, causing my heart rate to calm back down.
“You didn’t do anything wrong you damn mumbler. I was just shocked that’s all. I guess I needed to hear those words from my best friend instead of shitty hair or Pinkie Pie. I haven’t heard your honest opinion on this all and I just thought that I didn’t deserve to have a fucking wedding. Can’t really blame you though considering how much work you got from being the number one hero. I am honestly glad for everything you said. Thank you, Izuku.”
Izuku again. How many times is he gonna say my actual name today? For goodness sakes I hope he doesn’t say it anymore. I’m not sure if I can take it. It’s too much. This is too much. Everything happening today and right now is just too much.
Kacchan lets out a deep breath before stepping back. “I guess everything is all set. Now we just have to wait till all of the guests are here. Damn it. We should’ve chose an earlier time. Now we just have too much fucking time on our hands. What are we gonna do now?”
“Hmm.. Well, we could catch up with each other. It’s been awhile since we’ve done that.”
“Good idea. Now how have you been doing besides being the number one hero? Still being the same shitty nerd as usual?”
“Do you… Do you think that one day we’ll marry?”
“What the hell are you talking about?”
“W-Well you know! I.. I was just thinking that maybe.. One day in the future.. We’ll marry.. Like um. It’ll be during spring because the cherry blossoms will be out. And the wedding will be outside because the weather will be perfect that day. The sun is out, the wind makes the area nice and chilly, the place is just perfect.”
“Mmm. I have thought about it before. But we’ll… We’ll get there when we fucking get there. For now, let’s just focus on what we have. You’re in America and I’m here in Japan. It hurts too damn much to think about those kinds of things..”
“Right.. Sorry, Kacchan.”
“You don’t have to apologize you fucking worrywart. I just miss you so damn much.”
“I miss you too, Kacchan.”
“Enough of this shitty atmosphere. Tell me how America is. Tell me how you’re doing.”
“Oh! Well- !”
It’s finally time. I’m on the stand waiting for Bakugou’s groom to walk down the aisle. Time seems to be going really slow at this moment. Too slow for my liking. Why can’t it go any faster?
A melody starts to play that cuts me from any more thoughts. My head turns as I see the other groom walk down the aisle. Wow. He looks.. Amazing. Someone that deserves Kacchan. Someone who isn’t plain looking with freckles and hair that looks like a mop. Unlike Kacchan, he wears the exact opposite colors of Kacchan’s outfit. They match perfectly. From where I stand, I can tell that his eyes are at the brink of tears. Was Kacchan the same? Was he about to cry as his handsome lover walk down the aisle of their wedding?
My head turns to see if it’s true, however, Kacchan’s back is towards me. I don’t know if fate is giving a blessing or a curse. Maybe fate really is right now because my heart is hurting so much as it is.
Soon enough, the groom stands next to Kacchan. The marriage officiant clears their throat. “Today we are gathered here for an amazing union. When two lovers decide to spend the rest of their life together-”
Time and time passes by. Everything to the vows take forever to get to. My heart races faster and faster by each minute as both sides give their vows.
“I take you, Bakugou, Katsuki, to be my lawfully wedded husband, to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death do us part. When I first met you, I thought you a huge jerk. My thoughts of you made me believe that you were a horrible hero who didn’t care for anyone. I soon quickly learned through are many encounters after that you did care for people. You just acted that way because you didn’t want anyone to know how scared you actually are. You acted that way because you’re a person who always wins. After I realized that, I fell in love. And I sure fell hard. You’re someone who I look up to. Someone who I inspire to be. I know you tell me I’m a hero too for working as a surgeon. Every day I save lives by cutting them open and making sure their hearts are still bleeding. However, you’re the true hero because of the way you smile and tell everyone that they’re going to be ok. You give people hope. Just like you do mine. Even so, your hero work does scare me because I’m afraid that you’re going to get hurt so badly to the point where you won’t even be alive. I’m afraid because although I’m a surgeon, I can’t do anything because you’re my beloved. That’s why I want to marry you. I want to marry you because then I won’t ever have to worry you’ll never walk out of my life. That somehow you’ll always be there with me. Katsuki… You’re my moon. You light up my night when I go to the hospital to save lives. You give me hope that I’ll be able to save someone. I love you so, so much. You may not believe it sometimes, but it’s true. My whole heart is yours. It will forever be yours.”
“I, Bakugou, Katsuki, take you, the light in my life, to be my lawfully wedded husband, to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death do us part. I know that the two years we have been together have been rough. I know how fu- freaking hard it is for you to wait for me to come home because of my hero work. Every da- darn day you wonder if that day is going to be our last together. Every morning or night that I have hero work, you stay up to watch the news to make sure I’m alive. You’re too da- dang patient and you’re so much fu- fracking stronger than me for doing that. I can’t fu- fudging believe I found someone like you. Someone who is willing to wait for me to come home. Someone who loves me for me even with the amount of shi- crappy things I do. I can’t really fu- freaking believe that you proposed to me. I never thought that day would come, but it really did and that was the happiest day of my life. Not anymore though. Today is my fuu - fudging happiest day of my life because it’s the day where I get to spend the rest of my damn life with you. I know that I tell you this everyday anyways, but I want everyone to know here and right now you’re my star. You’re my sun. For those who are fuuuu- freaking stupid, the sun is a godda- goddang star. Learn your sh- stuff. Anyways.. Umm… When I look into your eyes, all I can see are stars. I get lost in them and it’s just a whole fu- dang galaxy in them. Thank you for wanting to be my eternal star.”
I want to scream no. That this is wrong. That Kacchan is marrying the wrong person. But that’s selfish of me. That’s wrong to do that to Kacchan. To his lover who did no wrong. To everyone at this ceremony. I’m not allowed to have selfish desires. I’m not allowed to have my selfish desires take over.
My hands clench into fists. My eyes start to become watery. Anyone who looks my way would think they’re getting teary because of the beautiful vows. They’re wrong though. I want to cry because I want to be the one across from Kacchan. I want the one to hear his vow. I want to be the one having the wedding. I want to be the one who spends the rest of his life with Kacchan. I want to be his star. His sun. I want to be the selfish one. I want I want I want.
“You may kiss the groom.”
But I won’t ever have.
“K-Kacchan? Why are you staring at me like that?”
“I was just thinking about how cute your freckles are.”
“Because they’re like their own constellations. I can map your damn cute freckles like stars. Like here, here, here, here, and here. They make their own constellation.”
“What is it making?”
“Kacchan! The moon is round though!”
“I know that! I’m not a fucking idiot! The reason why I said moon is well umm… you said that I’m your moon. And so since there’s a moon on your face, that means that you’re mine and I’m yours.”
“O-Oi Deku! What the hell? Why are you hugging me so damn hard? Damn it!”
“I can’t believe that you said something so sappy, Kacchan!”
“I-I wasn’t being fucking sappy! I was just speaking the truth! You call me your moon all the damn time so! So yeah!”
“Well. You are my moon. You look over me at night. When we snuggle in bed and fall asleep. You look after me. It’s the time where you really let your guard down because you’re too embarrassed to do it when others are around. So, you’re my moon that lights up my night.”
“Hmph. Well, since I’m your moon, then you’re my star. You shine so brightly like one. Like the sun! ‘Cause the sun is a star. Plus, your cute fucking freckles. I’m your moon who watches over you in the night because I have to make sure my star is safe from all harm.”
“Awwwww! That was so adorable, Kacchan! You’re my hero!”
“Of course I’m your fucking hero! I always have been and always will be!”
“Mmmmm. I love you, my moon.”
“And I love you, my sun.. My star.”
After the cheering of the kiss, everyone migrates to another area that has white tables and chairs to eat. The tables and chairs surround an enormous area that’s meant for dancing. In the middle is where the DJ is. A slow melody plays out from the speakers that create a nice calming atmosphere.
I sit at the table where the bridesmaids and groomsmen are. The table consists of Kirishima, Sero, Kaminari, Mina, and others that are friends of Kacchan’s lover. I smile as I watch how energetic they all are. The Bakusquad are back together to cause the fun crazy scenes. It’s been a while since they were all together. To be quite honest, it’s refreshing to see them all. It makes me so happy that the four of them can make Kacchan happy. Even if Kacchan pretends to hate them all. Making them groomsmen and bridesmaid proves even more how Kacchan loves them. Although, everyone thought that Kirishima was going to be Kacchan’s best man, but it sure took everyone by surprise that I was. Even I don’t know Kacchan’s reasoning on making me his best man.
All of a sudden I feel an arm go around my shoulders. “Yo, Midoriya! It’s been a while. How have you been doing?”
I turn my head and smile, “Hey Kirishima. I’m doing pretty good. You know how hero work is though. Busy busy busy.”
Sero groans, “No kidding! Especially for you, Midoriya! You’re the number one hero! You’re so busy with saving everyone as well as interviews! Not only that, but the media keep on following you like a pack of lions!”
“Well, you’re back in Japan now! So if you need any help you can ask us!”, Mina winks and a huge grin on her face.
Kaminari nudges my side. “Yeah! We’re all here for you.”
“You sure, Denki? You still become an idiot after a bit.”
“Hey! That hasn’t happened in a while and you know that!”
“I don’t know, bro.. I remembered it happening last week..”
“Last week? What are you talking about?”
I smile and sigh in contentment. The four of them really know how to make a great atmosphere. It’s no wonder why Kacchan doesn’t mind them at all. They can turn the most sour of moods into one of the happiest. Kacchan is truly lucky to have them.
An hour passes by as everyone talks and eats the food that comes to the tables. People walk to other tables to talk while others just stay right in their seats. Kacchan and his lover at one point get up to walk from table to table to say thanks and get pictures.
Kirishima nudges my side when Kacchan and his lover sit back down at their table. “Hey, man. You ready for your speech? I know the plan was that you’re going to do your speech once Katsuki sits back down, but if you’re not ready then that’s cool too. Just whenever you’re ready.” He gives me a reassuring smile.
I shake my head. “No no. I should probably do it now before the dance. Thank you though, Kirishima.”
“No problem, dude.”
My hands grab a wine glass and spoon while I stand up. The spoon makes a loud tinkering sound to get everyone’s attention. It takes a few minutes before everyone quiets down and look at me. My teeth gently bite the bottom of my lip. I could feel my heart racing as everyone stares at me. Interviews, hero speeches, etc are easy now, but a speech for a wedding? It’s so much more different. It’s so much more pressuring.
I hear someone clear their throat, making me look their way. Kirishima, Sero, Kaminari, and Mina all give me thumbs up. The sweet action makes me smile and the courage I need. My throat clears loudly before I open my mouth to give the best man’s speech.
“Umm. Hi! Most of you probably know me as Deku, the symbol of peace. Some of you know me deeper as Midoriya, Izuku. It’s probably surprising for basically everyone to see me as Kacchan’s best man. I’m surprised as well. I would’ve thought that Kirishima.. Er well.. Red Riot.. was going to be the best man of this wedding. Anyways umm…
To be honest. I never realized how fast time flew by since high school. One day Kacchan and I were at the entrance exams and then we graduated. High school was sure a crazy ride. However, it got everyone to realize their strengths and weaknesses. It got everyone to realize what made them heroes. To not let us forget our pasts, but also to move on forward. Out of everyone in the class, I think Kacchan grew the most out of everyone. Everyone in class A knows how Kacchan was at first. He was terrifying and thought he was unstoppable. He was rambunctious, hot-headed, uber prideful Then, he changed. He realized that how he was wasn’t going to make him a top hero. He changed for the better. He’s still quite hot-headed and rambunctious, but now he’s kind and caring. Don’t let his profanity steer you away from his actual personality. He may still be prideful, but he takes pride on his hero work. However, there are days like most heroes where they have insecurities because they can’t save everyone. In my opinion, I think Kacchan is a better hero than me. He’s pushes me to be better. To be more prideful on what I do. To be more ambitious than what I do already. He’s the reason why I’m the number one hero.
So that’s why I’m so glad that Kacchan is marrying someone now. He has someone that realizes how truly wonderful he is. That he’s more than his profanity. That he’s more than what most see on the outside. Only a few of us truly know how Kacchan is and one of them being his husband now? That’s just wonderful..
Oh umm! Sorry. I guess you guys don’t know that Kacch- Katsuki’s.. I mean Ground Zero’s.. That his nickname I have for him is Kacchan. Sorry. I should’ve clarified that. It’s just a nickname I had for him since we were kids you see. Oh right. Most of you don’t know that we’re childhood friends. Wow. Sorry for the confusion everyone. I didn’t mean to make everyone so confused. U-Uh sorry again.”
“Oi Deku! Are you going to congratulate us or not?”
“Ah Kacchan! I was getting there! Anyways, congratulations to the both of you! You two will brighten each other’s lives I just know it! I mean you two are each other’s sun and moon!”
I’m such an idiot for saying that last line. I’m such an idiot for agreeing to be his best man. That entire speech took everything I had. It’s just too much. This is all too much for me still. However, I have to continue on. This isn’t my day. This is Kacchan’s day. Don’t cry here. Don’t cry now. You can’t afford to cry. What would everyone say if they see you breaking down? That the symbol of peace isn’t who they think they are? That the symbol of peace isn’t smiling all the time? No. I can’t afford to do that. Not here. Not now. Not ever. Especially not on Kacchan’s big day. I love him too much to do that.
“Move over, Deku. I want to sleep next to you.”
“Huh? But the bed is too small.”
“Do I look like I give a shit? Move your ass over.”
“Ok ok! I’m moving. You’re so pushy, Kacchan!”
“Oh shut up. Don’t fucking act like you don’t want to cuddle.”
“I’m just worried that you’ll fall off the bed! The dorm rooms are just meant for one person after all! We only have room for a twin bed!”
“I’ll make sure that my ass won’t fall off this tiny bed.”
“If you say so..”
“Also turn around. I’m being the big spoon.”
“Because I fucking said so.”
“After school ends.. We’re going to stay together forever right?”
“Hyaaaaa? Of fucking course we are! We’re gonna be the best goddamn hero duo ever! And I’m going to be the number one hero!”
“Oh. Well because.. What if one of us moves?”
“Why the hell would one of us move?”
“I don’t know.. Sorry that was a stupid question..”
“Izuku. You’re overthinking shitty things. Listen. We’re going to be together forever. Even if one of us moves. We’re going to be together. We’re still going to be the best duo. I mean we’re known as the Wonder Duo as well as the Twin Stars here. So how can we fucking not?”
“You’re right, Kacchan. Sorry. You know how my mind is.”
“I know. We’ve known each other since we were children.”
“I love you, Kacchan.”
“I love you too, you shitty Deku.”
“Aw look! It’s time for them to dance! How cute! I wonder what song they chose.”
Kacchan leads his husband over to the dance floor. It’s easy to tell that he’s flustered by how he’s slightly slouching over and how fast he’s dragging his husband. He then stops and turns. His right hand grabbing the other’s hand while his other hand gently places on the other’s back. A few words that can’t be heard is exchanges between the two before a happy melody plays. It’s Stand By Me by Ben E. King. A 1960s song that’s a happy love song of how two lovers will be there for each other. That they’ll stand by each other till the very end. It’s a promise of love forever.
However, there’s a different version of the song. A cover played by Florence + the Machine. Instead of the delightful melody that Ben E. King’s version has, it has a much more melancholy tune to it. A promise of knowing that they’ll stand by you as long as they can, but knowing it won’t be forever. In some cases, some could see it as friendship. In others, it could be seen as once lovers. I’m in the latter. I’ve heard both versions so many times. Nowadays, I can only hear the wistful tunes.
Same exact lyrics. Both have different meaning. I watch as the beloveds dance to the tune I hear in my head.
When the night has come
And the land is dark
And the moon is the only light we'll see
No I won't be afraid, no I won't be afraid
Just as long as you stand, stand by me
So darlin', darlin', stand by me, oh stand by me
Oh stand by me, stand by me
If the sky that we look upon
Should tumble and fall
Or the mountains should crumble to the sea
I won't cry, I won't cry, no I won't shed a tear
Just as long as you stand, stand by me
And darlin', darlin', stand by me, oh stand by me
Oh stand now by me, stand by me, stand by me-e, yeah
And darlin', darlin', stand by me, oh stand by me
Oh, stand now by me, stand by me, stand by me-e, yeah
In a way, I guess you could say that this song described what our relationship used to be. I really wasn’t afraid in the dark because I always knew I had my moon next to me. He’s not there anymore though. He’s not there to stand next to me anymore. Not in the way I want to. We may have a friendship and that’ll last forever, but we don’t have anything deeper than that. I wish it was more like it was before it all ended.
I guess since he isn’t standing by me anymore, there’s no reason for me to not cry. Except there is just one thing that I guess I keep saying over and over again. That’s the only reason why I can’t cry. Why I shouldn’t. I have to show that I’m strong. My walls have to be up at all costs no matter what.
A single tear.
Kacchan. Maybe one day we’ll stand by each other again.
Whenever you're in trouble won't you stand by me, oh now now stand by me
Oh stand by me, stand by me
Oh stand by me, stand by me
“Kacchan! What’s all of this for?”
“What the hell do you mean? I saw your sorry ass being all sad at the dance. So I want to make it up to you. What I did was wrong and I’m sorry. So to make it up, I’m giving you a dance.”
“A dance? I thought you said you didn’t know how to.”
“Hyaaa? What the hell? I never said that! I said that I didn’t want to fucking dance!”
“Oh. Well, you really don’t have to do this though. I said I was fine.”
“No you fucking weren’t. I could tell, but I guess I let my goddamn pride get the best of me. Not just that, but shitty hair, tapearms, fucking pikachu, and goddamn pinky kept on lecturing about not dancing with you. So here I am.”
“Also, of course I know how to dance. I know you don’t so I’m going to fucking lead you.”
“Do you really have to sound so aggressive about it?”
“Well, this is who I am isn’t it? Plus, you love it when I’m aggressive.”
“Heh. You’re all flustered. Now you ready for the best fucking dance of your life you shitty nerd?”
“Thank you, Kacchan..”
The same song played back then just like it did during the wedding. Back then, my ears heard the joyous tunes and laughter.
After a few chats and watching people dance, I walk to the clearing where the stands and the chairs are. It’s completely silent with just the wind lightly blowing the branches and leaves of the trees. The stars and moon are out tonight without light pollution hiding them away.
I sit against a tree. My knees close to my chest and my wrists cross at my knees. My eyes dart from star to star to make out the constellations I memorize from so much stargazing. It’s not a time I usually get nowadays since I come home tired and just wanting to sleep. When I do get these nights, they’re peaceful and relaxing. A perfection distraction I need for when my mind becomes chaotic and too much.
“Hmm. Let’s see. That star connects to that one then to that one. Ah that one is Orion.”
How ironic that I manage to find Orion. Orion’s tale is about a great hunter named Orion who fell in love with seven sisters known as the Pleiades. He chased after them for twelve years until Zeus decided to turn them all into stars. From them on, he will forever follow the sisters, but only to fail as well. An everlasting chase of love.
Sounds of fallen cherry blossom leaves make soft crunching, indicating that someone is walking towards where I am. I stay in the exact position. I’m afraid to turn my head to see who it is. It feels better and easier to wait it out. I feel someone sit down next to me.
A slightly deep and calm voice cuts the silence, “Izuku.”
My head quickly turns in surprise. “Shouto? What are you doing here?”
“I noticed you walking away, so I decided to follow you. I just wanted to make sure that you’re ok. I’m sorry if that was wrong of me to do though.” He looks at me with clear concern on his face.
A small chuckle escapes my mouth, “No no. You didn’t do anything wrong. I was just surprised that’s all. I didn’t expect anyone to notice me slipping away. Then again though, you are always the observant one.”
Shouto lets out a small relieving sigh, “Alright. I’m glad that I’m not overstepping. Shouldn’t you be back at the dance floor though? You only danced a couple times before coming here.”
“I’m fine. I just needed to step away for a little bit. It was becoming a bit much.”
“That doesn’t sound like you at all. You specialize in social interaction. You seem to thrive in it really.”
“That’s true, but even then a guy like me needs some space too once in a while.”
“Hmm. Then why do you need space? Is everything alright, Izuku?”
I look over at Shouto again with a surprising look. I should’ve known that it would be Shouto who could tell that nothing is wrong. I can’t let him know what’s wrong though. Even if he’s good at keeping secrets. No one needs to know what’s wrong. Only I can bear this alone.
Instead, I give him a fake reassuring smile, “Everything’s fine, Shouto. Sheesh who are you? My mom? I know you’re one of my best friends, but I swear that everything is alright. There’s nothing to worry about.”
He blinks a few times before sighing. His head turns away as left hand rubs his hair. “You know. Sometimes you’re really good at lying. But there are times where it’s easy to tell that you are lying. Like right now. It’s an open book. Others may can buy it, but I don’t.” He looks at me again. “As one of your so-called best friends, I think you should tell me what’s wrong. I won’t force you to do it of course, but I’ve learned from my past that it’s bad to bottle things up.”
My smile quickly turns into a frown. I look away guiltily. I hate having to lie in front of people especially if they’re my friends. It isn’t fair to them, but it’s the only way to make myself not seem vulnerable. I know that Shouto won’t give up though. Even if I don’t tell him anything tonight, he’ll just ask again. He’s patient enough to wait till someone finally cracks.
“As the symbol of peace, I don’t think I have any rights to have these feelings. I can’t afford to seem weak.”, I mutter as my knees come closer to my chest. I just want to hide everything away.
“You may be the symbol of peace, Izuku, but you’re also just a person. You have a right to have whatever feelings you have. You also have a right to seem weak. You don’t have to seem weak in front of a camera or in front of a large crowd. However, you have a right to show how you feel by yourself or with those you love. I do have a question though. What feelings do you have that make you weak?”
I shake my head. “It doesn’t matter. These feelings should fade eventually in time. So it shouldn’t matter.”
Shouto leaves out a huff, “Even if they do fade away now, you have those feelings right here and now. Please don’t leave them bottled up, Izuku. You and I both know how bad things become when people bottle things up. Don’t you remember the fight against Stain? Iida didn’t tell anyone his feelings. He left on his own to go against Stain and it almost got him killed if it weren’t for the both of us.”
My eyebrows furrow as I remember that day. It was the first time I’ve ever felt so much fear from one person alone. That day Iida was so blinded with rage that Stain could’ve killed him. I should’ve known better back then. I should’ve been a better friend back then. I’m just glad that he came out safe and sound in the end even though his arm was messed up.
I know Shouto is right that I shouldn’t keep my feelings in. What am I supposed to tell him though? That I still have feelings for Kacchan? That I regret everything that led up to the break up? That I regret for not trying hard enough? What am I supposed to say? I shouldn’t even be having these feelings for a married man.
“Izuku. I know you said that you shouldn’t have these feelings because you’re a symbol of peace. However, with how you’re acting right now, I think it’s more than that. It seems like you’re saying you shouldn’t have these feelings as a person. Maybe you’re right and I’m wrong with your emotions. I can see sadness, guilt, and regret inside of you. You need to let all of your emotions take over you so then there won’t come a day where you’ll explode. Maybe I’m wrong that you shouldn’t tell the people you love. I do know I’m right that you shouldn’t bottle your feelings though. So as your friend, I beg of you to please let it all go. Maybe not tonight. Maybe not tomorrow. Soon though.”
Silence takes over once more. I debate whether or not to say something. Constantly, my mouth opens and closes. Words want to come out, but they refuse to do so. It’s frustrating because in my mind I do want to tell Shouto. At the same time, my heart doesn’t want to. I take a deep breath before a word comes out.
“I’m still in love with-”
“So that’s where you two fucking went!”
“We should stop this.”
“This. All of this.”
“Wait what? What the fuck do you mean?”
“This… relationship. All of this. It’s been so long since we talked, Katsuki. It’s been over a year. I don’t know what you’re doing anymore. I don’t know if you’re ever ok unless I check the news. I don’t know if you’re happy or not. It’s been so long and I can’t handle it anymore.”
“Woah woah woah! What the actual hell, Izuku? You and I both know how hero work is like! Of course we’re fucking busy! We’re in two different countries! We’re thousands of miles away from each other!”
“But don’t you think that’s destroying us? Don’t you think that us not talking to each other is making us not know who either of us are anymore? Communication is key in all relationships. And yet we’re not even talking. We’re not even texting each other. Do you truly love me, Katsuki?”
“Of fucking course I love you! I love you and I always have for a long time! I worry about you every fucking day! I worry if you’re going to make it alive!”
“But yet you don’t have the balls to even text me? I tried to see if you were ok! I really tried, but then I gave up because you never said anything back! And when I got hurt so badly that one time, you never sent a damn ask to say if I was ok!”
“But.. I know it isn’t your entire fault.. It’s mine too.. It’s my fault for giving up. Even so.. I know we have to end this.. This isn’t healthy for either of us.. I don’t know who you are anymore.. And you don’t know who I am anymore.. We’re… strangers. I know that I have always known what you think about.. Most of the time anyways.. I knew what your little quirks were. What you really mean even though you may yell.. But.. I’m not even sure what your quirks are.. You changed, Kacchan.. Just.. Just facetiming you right now.. Our talk before this.. I couldn’t tell what your thoughts were. You just sound so different. I’m missing everything new about you. I wish I knew. I wish I knew who you are now so bad, but with the both of us so far away from each other? I don’t think that’s even possible.. Not with how we’re going..”
“Deku.. I… This.. This doesn’t sound like you.. You wouldn’t give up. Not on this. You never fucking gave up on me.. And yet this is the first time I’ve ever seen you do that.. We can’t let this be over..”
“And that’s why we need to end this.. We don’t know each other anymore, Kacchan.. Please.. Don’t make it any harder than it is.”
“Deku. Please. I can’t lose you. Please. Damn it.”
“I… I’m sorry.”
“I love you, Deku. I always have and always will. I fucking love you so goddamn much. Please.”
“..I love you too, Kacchan.”
“I was looking for the both of you. Especially you, shitty Deku. You’re my goddamn best man!”, Kacchan’s eyes narrow at us as he stomps towards us. His hands are in his pockets. His lips turned down slightly for a small frown.
“Sorry, Bakugou. I saw that Izuku was gone as well so I followed him here. We were just having a talk that’s all.” Shouto stands up and brushes off all of the leaves and dirt off his suit.
Kacchan’s frown deepens, “And what the hell were you two talking about?”
Shouto gives me a quick look before looking back, “Nothing of importance. Just a friendly chat to see how the both of us are doing that’s all. We should probably head back.”
Kacchan scowls, “You can’t tell me what to do, shitty Icyhot. You fucking go. I’m gonna stay here a bit to talk with the shitty nerd.”
Shouto blinks before nodding, “Fine. If you need anything Izuku, just look for me.” He walks back to the dances and talk.
As Shouto’s footsteps becomes silent, I look at the ground. I’m too afraid to look at Kacchan. I’m too ashamed. The fear increases as I feel him sit next to me. Sometimes silence can make you fear and worry more. This is one of those times. I fear of what Kacchan will say next. I can feel my heart racing faster and faster as I wait and wait and wait.
“Are you ok?”
In an instant, I look over at Kacchan. My jaw drops a bit in shock for some reason. I should’ve known that he would ask this.
I nod, “Yeah. I’m fine.”
He scoffs, “Fucking bullshit. You’ve been acting weird all day. Now tell me what’s going on in your stupid mind of yours.”
Silence wraps us after. Kacchan waits patiently while I think up of the words to say. I wish I knew what to even say. It’s all just so hard for my head to wrap around words. Usually words just flow out of my mouth like it’s second nature. This time around though. It’s just so difficult.
Kacchan realizes that and speaks up, “Deku, I-”
All of a sudden, I knew what to say.
“Every word I said in my speech is true. Back in grade school, I didn’t realize that you would change. I always hoped you would, but I knew on the inside you wouldn’t. I couldn’t find any reason for you to change for how long things went between us. Sure I was hopeful at first, but as time dragged on, the less hopeful I felt. It hurt a lot that my best friend didn’t care for me anymore. That I was a useless person around the person I admire the most. Your traits were so unpleasant, but yet I wanted you to notice me. Not the way you were doing it, but in a way that you can see that I could do amazing things just like you.
When we were first years, I thought that you weren’t going to change at first. I really thought you weren’t despite the fact that you gave me a cold shoulder during the entrance exams. Then you got more and more furious as days and weeks passed by. I got more confident and stronger during those times as well. Then, the Kamino Ward incident came and then the provisional licenses. That’s when you started to change. You started noticing me for how I always wanted to notice me. You saw that I could do amazing things just like you.
Kacchan.. Katsuki.. You changed so much since then. Despite everything we went through, our falling out, our fights, our realization for each other, everything. From best friends to enemies to best friends to lovers to everything after. I’m happy that you’re getting what you deserve at last. I may not be a part of that picture anymore. Certainly not the way we both thought years ago, but you’re getting your happy ending. I know that you believe that you don’t deserve it. You do though. You deserve all of the happiness the world can give you. I sincerely hope that your happiness will bring so much brilliance and amazingness to the point where it’s all so blinding.”
His face was full of shock. If you look closely through the dark, you can see shine of tears brimming in his eyes. “De- Izuku. I.. Damn it.. Why the hell do you always have the best words? I can’t compete..”
I feel my lips quirk up a bit for a soft and small smile. I didn’t need to say anymore to him. There are things I wished I could say, but he shouldn’t ever hear them because of my selfishness.
Kacchan brings his hand up to rub his eyes. “Fucking.. You deserve happiness too, you shitty nerd. Not just me.”
It was my turn to be in shock. My jaw drops a little when I’m about to go off to be a stuttering mess. “A-Ah-!”
Both of mine and Kacchan’s head swivel towards the voice. It’s his husband. Ah right. Of course he would come looking for Kacchan.
“I was wondering where you went. Whew. Thought you went driving off to a bar or something. I know that parties aren’t your kind of thing and you tend to drift away. Anyways, the other guests were wondering where you went. They want us to play some traditional wedding games or something. Not sure. Anyways, let’s head back.
Oh! Midoriya! Sorry, didn’t see you there earlier. Do you mind if I steal my husband away from you?”
I shake my head.
Kacchan looks over at me one more time. “You coming?”
“Nah. I’ll come back to the party soon. Just gonna enjoy some peace and quiet out here for a bit longer.”
“Hmm.. Alright. But don’t stay out here too long. I don’t want to carry your ass back.”
With that. They both go back to the party hand in hand. Their shoulders barely brushing against each other in familiarity.
“I know a lot of people don’t like us together. I know people think I’m foolish for loving you. They think that you’re not good enough for me. But it’s always been you. We push and pull each other to the point where I believe we’re meant to be. So.. if you take my hand here.. Will you take my whole life as well? Kacchan. You’re brilliance.. you’re amazingness.. it’s all so blinding.. I just can’t help falling in love with you..”
“Idiot.. I couldn’t help falling in love with you either… . . .”
My knees fall to the ground. Perhaps Shouto is right. Maybe for one night I can be selfish. Maybe for one night I can let all of my feelings flow out. Maybe.. Just for one night.. I could just be a normal person for once. I could just not be the number one hero.
For one night. I let my broken feelings consume me as I wail in heartbreak.