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Cause I give you all

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Trixie has a girlfriend. Officially. They've known each other for a few months only and mostly just talk through the phone and they're both travelling to opposite sides of the United States. But they're dating.

Trixie feels like she knows Katya better than she knows almost everyone else in her life and that's a scary thought to have about someone she's met twice, but things happened so naturally that she would never be able to fight it anyway. It feels like she is exactly where she needs to be.

She sends a long text to Kim retelling the main bits of the story. I know it sounds crazy but I promise it isn't , is how she decides to finish her tale. She then forwards the same message to those she deems should know about it, like Shea and Trannika and Pearl.

Pearl is the first to reply and she's so oddly honest and non-joking that it catches Trixie off-guard.

Pearl: idc how many times you met her, just be sure you're good for a long distance thing. they're not as easy as they look and i know you

Trixie swallows down the doubt in her throat at the words that have been looming over her. She definitely knows what Pearl means with I know you . Trixie likes dates and kisses and random visits. She likes being in contact and seeing each other every day and growing comfortable with her partner. She likes intimacy in all of its forms.

She has no issues with trust and she trusts Katya maybe more than she should. The problem with distance is not them growing apart, but rather them not growing closer . This will take a toll on Trixie. If she’s honest, it already has.

They weren't even together and she already longed for more, how will they do it now? Katya won't be making impromptu trips to where she is and she certainly can't do it herself. They hadn't even properly talked about after their tours.

Maybe they should have talked more about this.

She's starting to panic, maybe, a little, when her phone rings. She's certain it's Katya, no one has called in months other than Katya, but when she answers it she's surprised with Adore's raspy voice.

"Trixie! Hi, honey!"

"Oh my god, Adore, hi! How are you?" She hasn’t spoken to Adore in so long she almost forgot how she’s always so sweet to everyone.

"I'm great, bitch! Just saw your name on a poster in New York, are you heading here?"

"I am, yes- wait, why are you in New York?"

"That's not important, what matters is that I'm gonna see you!"

"Do you wanna go to the concert? It's not your style at all but I can get you tickets if you want."

"Absolutely! Get me two, I'll bring a friend. How long are you staying here for? Cause I can offer you a couch that’s bigger than a child’s sleeping bag."

"Why do you have a place in New York City and why are you staying there for so long? I'm not there for another month, yet!"

"Stop asking questions! Send me the details later, I'll share my new song with you, we should sing together when you get here."

"I'd love that." She really would.

"Ok, love you, bitch. Have fun on your tour."

"Bye, Adore, love you."

She hangs up with a tiny smile on her face, she hasn’t seen Adore in ages and despite her curiosity eating away at her as to what the fuck Adore is doing in New York when she lives in Seattle she’s really glad for the opportunity. She’s particularly happy at the thought of singing with Adore - despite being on basically different ends of the music spectrum they both like singing and playing and writing music and she loves singing with her, be it at weird bars that’ll take both their styles or on the floor of some random living room.

She’s also excited at the idea of having a familiar face in the audience that is there for her and not the real attraction. She loves being the backup singer to her, loves her songs and her and she has quite a big role in the shows, but the idea of someone attending the concert to see her makes her feel giddy and reconsider her old thought of investing in writing her own music and looking for a deal.

And just as quickly as she gets happy, the thought strikes her.

Katya’s never seen her sing.

They talk about it constantly but for some reason that is totally beyond her Trixie’s never even hummed to Katya before. Katya has no idea what she sounds like, what type of voice she has, what techniques she knows.

Katya’s never asked to hear it.

She doesn’t want to be bothered but the realization leaves her uncomfortable. Singing is such a big part of Trixie’s life - of who she is - and to think that Katya doesn’t really know that is unpleasant. And Trixie’s to blame, mostly, for not sharing it, but knowing that Katya never thought of asking , of saying hey Trix will you sing for me . Her stomach is tight.

Her phone rings again then and this time she checks the name. As expected now it’s Katya and for the first time since they met Trixie makes the active decision to not answer.

She’s not mad. She just needs to reorganize her thoughts.

*

Trixie’s decided that she’s okay with it. She and Katya are in a good place and there’s no reason for her to create problems, especially not when they have the uncertainty of the future and the current distance to worry about. Maybe when they meet each other again - soon, hopefully, although she knows it’s unlikely - she’ll ask if Katya wants to hear something and will sing her a song she wrote in the past while playing her guitar. But until then, she won’t worry.

It’s been two weeks since they last met and she’s halfway across Ohio already. They’ll be in Pennsylvania shortly and then they’ll spend a good while in New York - the state, mostly, just four days in the city, although that’s more than they’ve spent in any other city before - and then they’ll go to Boston.

Katya’s from Boston.

Katya’s tour is scheduled to be finished a couple of days before Trixie’s, but Trixie still has places to go after Boston so Katya will still be working when she’s there. She really wishes Katya would be able to take time off and fly over and show her the city, but for starters she isn’t rich and Trixie knows she has to work.

It’s been two weeks and the distance is already taking a toll on Trixie. She didn’t think it would affect her that fast, being away and speaking on the phone had been the norm for them so they’re supposed to be comfortable with it.

Trixie really wishes she could kiss her more often.

She absentmindedly opens spotify and searches for the song Kiss Me by Sixpence None The Richer. While it starts playing she adds it to her current playlist which wasn’t originally supposed to be about Katya but now it is. She had started it with the song When The Sun Goes Down from the musical In The Heights the day they parted in Indiana after agreeing to a relationship and she knows that if she looked at the list of songs in it the cheesiness of it all would kill her on the spot.

Before she can convince herself otherwise she copies the link to the playlist and sends it to Katya. She’s more than used now to Trixie’s obsessions with them and maybe it could be their thing, Trixie celebrating every milestone - like two weeks of dating, apparently - with a new one. She’s sure she’d never run out of songs that make her think of Katya.

Katya: god this is disgustingly cute

Katya: gross

Trixie smiles despite herself.

Trixie: ikr. lesbians!

Katya: it *is* very lesbian to cherish and love your partner

Trixie chuckles before she rereads the message. Love your partner . Her heart thunders inside her chest as she hovers her fingers on the keyboard and wonders what to say. It’s probably just a manner of speaking?

Trixie: then i’m the biggest lesbian

Seems safe.

Katya: bitch i’ll fight you

Katya: with my love

There are a million things Trixie could say, a million ways she could reply. She doesn’t know which direction she should go, what Katya is trying to imply - if anything, even - so she goes for the safer route.

Trixie: ♥

She hopes Katya gets it.

Katya: ♥♥♥♥♥

She does.

*

Trixie’s writing songs again. It’s been ages she hasn’t been able to write anything new, on tour she doesn’t have time and is often too tired for inspiration to spark, but even before that she hasn’t really written for a long time because the few words she would manage to put down would be garbage and the paper would be crumpled up and thrown away in minutes.

But now she’s really writing. The words flow easily out of her pen and when she rereads them she goes back and changes and improves but she likes it. She’s missed this, liking what she puts down.

She manages to pick up her guitar from time to time and strums a few cords, finds the rhythm that her words need and sometimes finds new rhythms to fit new words into.

It’s slow progress, granted. But every time she spends a long time writing one piece and wants to perfect it and feels a connection to it, that’s when the results she gets are magnificent. Trixie isn’t shy, has no problem admitting her worth, and when these pieces come together, that’s when she looks at them and thinks I’m good at this .

She’s excited to tell Katya, but at the same time she wants to keep it a secret. She wants to finish a song - maybe more, if she’s lucky - and perform it for her, maybe it’ll be the first song Katya will ever hear her sing and it’ll be her .

Maybe Trixie will even finish the one she started for Katya. She doesn’t have much of it, only three lines of the chorus and the music, but she feels this song. It’s at the tip of her tongue and it begs to be let out, but apparently it’s not time yet.

But that’s ok. Her music is the only thing Trixie is patient with. She can wait.

She sends bits and pieces of what she has so far to Adore, sends the lyrics and small audios of herself singing it with her old guitar, the driving bus making background noise. They’ve always shared songs with each other and Adore’s excited at the fact that Trixie is writing again.

Adore: you usually write when you’re really sad or really happy

Trixie: hhmm..

Adore: so?

Trixie: happy

Adore: yes bitch!!!

Trixie smiles to herself. She really is happy.

*

She meets Adore at a small café close to the venue they’ll be performing at a couple of hours after the bus has left them at the hotel. She’s surprised to see Adore’s hands are clasped with another woman’s.

Oh, so that’s why she’s in New York.

“Trixie!” Adore bear hugs her as she usually does, all warm and welcoming and Trixie’s suddenly reminded of how long it’s been since she’s last hugged her friends. “How have you been? Oh my god, it’s been ages!”

“I’m doing great,” She replies as she squeezes her friend and realizes that, yes, she is. When was the last time she actually meant that?

“Aww, I’m glad bitch. Me too! This is Bianca, by the way. Bee, this is Trixie.”

Trixie smiles as she shakes the woman’s hand and she’s reserved but she smiles back.

“Nice to meet you.” Trixie gives Adore a look , silently demands to know what’s going on. Adore ignores her.

“You too.”

They sit down at the coffee shop where they’ll be until Trixie has to go get ready and then they’ll head to the venue too because Trixie’s got them tickets and they’ll hang out with her backstage. She refused Adore’s couch offer, she’ll take the opportunity to stay at a New York hotel and she didn’t want to bother whoever was hosting Adore - now that she’s met Bianca she’s half glad and half regretful. She’s got a sharp tongue that Trixie both fears and loves and Adore still hasn’t told her who she is but they’re touching constantly on the opposite side of the table and Adore seems happy.

Trixie likes that. So much so that she feels like telling what she’s been up to, romantically wise.

“So,” she starts once their current topic dies down. “I’m seeing someone.” Adore’s eyebrows shoot up in excitement. “Well, no, I’m not seeing her at all actually.” She chuckles, both women in front of her seem confused. “Dating. We’re dating. But she’s touring to the west coast as we speak.”

“Really?” Adore perks up.

“Yeah. We met in Kansas. We got along and just kept in contact after that.”

“Get along? Is that what kids call fucking these days?” Bianca asks with raised eyebrows.

Adore laughs and slaps her. “Bee!”

Trixie’s laughing, too, throws her head back. “It’s okay. Yeah, yeah, okay. We got along, we fucked , and we kept in contact. She had to fly impromptu to Indiana when I was there and we met again. I just… I really like her?” She doesn’t mean it to be a question, but that’s what it comes out as. This is the first she’s talking about Katya in person. She lets her brain go to all of the places she hadn’t before. She’s full of doubts even if she doesn’t want to be. “Is this stupid? Falling in love with someone I saw twice? Who’s going to the other side of the country? Even when the tour ends, she lives in Boston for god’s sake. We’ll just switch coasts again. Oh my god, what-”

“Trixie, hey, breathe.” Adore holds her wrist across the table. “That’s… that’s sort of how we got together. Minus the touring or whatever.” She points to herself and Bianca.

“Oh?”

“That’s why I’m on an extended visit to the big apple. When it’s right, it’s right.” Adore shrugs.

“Listen, Barbie,” Bianca says assertively leaning over her elbows on the table. “As long as it makes you feel good and you’re happy, there are no rules. Don’t let people give you shit, you make your own choices.”

Trixie hadn’t realized how much she needed that reassurance until she had it. She smiles gratefully at both of them and lets her heart settle.

Her coffee is still warm as she puts the cup to her lips. It’s a good day.

*

“So what does one backup singer do on her one night off in New York?” Katya asks through the speakers as Trixie navigates through the Hershey’s store picking up more chocolate than a person should eat in a lifetime. “Other than acquire diabetes.”

Trixie snorts. “I’m not buying everything, I’m just picking up what interests me so I can do a triage.”

“Right. You’ll buy 80% of that and you know it.”

“Well that’s 20% less diabetes, so what’s your point?”

Katya laughs loudly and it tugs a smile at Trixie’s lips, her heart fluttering.

“But anyway ,” Trixie continues as she starts checking her bag and disposing of the least interesting snacks. “ One goes to a Broadway show, obviously.”

“Oh, right. One is a theater nerd.”

One is a theater major with an honours degree, you mean.”

“That reads nerd, mama.”

Trixie rolls her eyes as she heads for the exit, knows Katya can listen to her talking to the cashier and is waiting patiently for her to step outside again.

“Says she who studied photography in France,” she accuses once she’s out in the sun again.

“She’s educated, bitch!”

Trixie smiles fondly, presses the phone to her ear. “She sure is.”

Trixie can practically hear Katya smiling. For a couple of seconds it’s quiet and Trixie realizes she’s walking on the wrong direction.

“What show are you watching?”

“Dear Evan Hansen.”

“Hm. Never heard of it.”

What? Katya it won six Tonys.”

“I don’t know how to break it to you that I don’t watch the Tonys without breaking your heart.”

Trixis laughs and shakes her head. “Hey! I used one of its songs in the playlist I sent you.”

“Which one?”

“There haven’t been that many playlists, okay.”

“No dummy, which song.”

“Oh! It’s called Only us.”

“The one with the boy with anxiety! Yes, right. Highly relatable.”

Trixie reaches the theatre then, but it’s still early and she can spare a few more minutes on the phone with Katya.

“How are you?” she asks lightly but Katya knows she means how’s your anxiety treating you .

“Good. And not fake good, actual good. You’re good for me.”

Trixie bites down the squeal that threatens to leave her mouth. “Yeah?”

“I never dated much before. Turns out I quite like having someone, even if you’re not here.”

“I wish I was there, too,” she sighs.

“Hey, we’re almost done with this mad life!”

Trixie’s heart beats faster at that. Will they finally talk about what comes next ?

“Yes, we are. You-”

“Shit, duty calls.” Trixie can hear loud voices on the background of the call. “I gotta go, Trix, but I’ll call you tomorrow okay? Enjoy your show, love you.” And then she’s hanging up, Trixie’s heart up her throat.

She doesn’t say I love you back, mostly because Katya’s already hung up, but partially because she still isn’t sure how she means it.

Trixie loves her. She knows that. She can’t quite believe that Katya would love her back, though.

*

When Trixie arrives in Boston she has a weird nostalgia feeling that shouldn’t exist because she’s never been there. It’s probably the fact that her brain has her convinced that she can feel Katya everywhere. She watches the streets as the bus rides through the town and wonders if it’s a place Katya’s been to too many times, or if ever. Wonders where she grew up, how exactly her childhood was even if she knows lots of it from Katya’s stories.

Katya’s parents still live there. Maybe she’d run into them and not even know.

Once Katya confirmed that she would be working on the days Trixie was supposed to be in Boston - she asked as a formality, though, of course Katya would be working - Trixie decided not to disclose that she would be in Katya's hometown. She already misses Katya enough as it is, already feels her there despite it making no sense, the last thing she needs is for Katya to be making little remarks as she walks around, making her wish Katya would be there with her when that's simply not feasible.

She also doesn't have time to play the tourist, so the less she knows about the city, the better, the less connection she makes between it and Katya, the best.

She spends the day with the crew, rehearsing, doing her hair, makeup, getting dressed, all the pre-shows rituals she has to go through. She focuses one hundred percent on the task at hand, tries to pretend that she isn't bothered by the fact that she's in Katya's town and she isn't there.

Truth is Trixie is not upset at Katya, obviously. The issue is that she feels somewhat resentful towards her job for the situation. And that's the first time that's ever happened, she's never felt anything other than lucky and glad to have the job that she has. She can't have that, can't be ungrateful at the chance she's dreamed of for so long and truly enjoys so much.

She purposely ignores her phone. She knows Katya might get a little worried, but she figures she's allowed one day to not focus on… everything . Just for one day.

She's done and ready sooner than she has to be and tries to find something to do that doesn't involve her phone. She doesn't have to worry long though, because soon one of the security guards from the theater is asking them who Trixie Mattel is and telling her to go to the reception because there's a delivery for her.

What?

Trixie Mattel is a very unusual name - which many people think she chose when she was older, but she didn't, her mom's just a visionary - so the chances that the delivery is for someone else are quite slim. Still, she's not sure who could possibly have sent her anything, nor why, or even what .

At the front desk of the theater she's quickly met with a delivery guy who has a big basket on his hands. Inside of it Trixie can see chocolates, flowers and a pink teddy bear. Her heart is hammering in her chest.

"Trixie Mattel? This is for you, can you sign here please?"

She nods and moves forward, her eyebrows raised in confusion and curiosity. The sender address reads Boston as the city and Trixie is epically confused still as she can't read the name of who sent it on the paper she has to sign.

She takes the basket, big and heavy on her arms, and smiles faintly at the guy as she heads back inside in quick steps, anxious to open it up and figure out what's going on .

Her hands nearly drop the neatly handwritten note as she reads it.

Trixie!

The venue you're performing in today is where I went to my very first live show. I have wonderful memories there and I'll hope you will too. Can't wait to go there with you soon, I hope you have the best time.

Love, Katya.

PS. I got you roses because rose is pink in french and I didn't know your favorite flower

Trixie's shaking. How did Katya even know she'd be there? How did she get that delivered?

She has half a mind to run to her phone, but right then they announce they should head to the stage and Trixie isn't really sure how she leaves the basket and her phone at the dressing room to go perform, but she does, even it the whole night feels a bit hazy.

She feels silly for being so affected by a goddamn basket, but Katya sent it. With chocolates and flowers and a freaking teddy bear . Which is pink .

Usually the first thing she does when she's off the stage is to unpin her hair and take off her heels. Today, she grabs her phone and calls Katya. It rings for ages and goes to voicemail. She settles for texting, heart still thundering, doesn’t even read Katya’s previous messages.

Trixie: katya wtf

Trixie: how did you know i was in boston

Trixie: how did you get this delivered?

Trixie: i'm… what???

She waits for ten minutes but Katya isn't online. She's probably working, so Trixie takes a few deep breaths and changes before gathering her things and moving back to the bus. They'll be here for another hour or so as the singer goes outside to see the fans waiting for photos and autographs and Trixie hopes Katya answers before they leave. She doesn't know why but she wants to be in Boston for it.

Katya replies twenty minutes later.

Katya: did you not like it?

Trixie's heart squeezes tight. She didn't like it. She loved it. But she's more confused than anything.

Trixie: no, loved it!! i truly fully did. I'm just a bit lost?

Katya: oh, ok, yeah. i asked my mom if she heard word of a country singer going there and she said she'd seen a few posters. i checked the tour's website and it was fairly easy to find the dates and the local.

Trixie: oh. yeah, that makes sense. duh

Katya: that wasn't stalkerish, was it?

Trixie: no!!! i loved it, i really did. thank you so much. i was just really confused.

Trixie: how did you get it sent though??? you can't have shipped a chocolate basket from california?

Katya: well, no haha. i sent my mom the card and the money and asked her to arrange it for me there

Trixie: omg

Katya: she's quite excited that i have a girlfriend :) she wanted to deliver it herself but i figured you might die

She would , for sure.

Trixie: yeah, thanks for not killing me

Katya: i quite like you alive

Trixie reads the message, thinks back to her note and the phone call and the texts and all the casuals i love yous that she'd been dropping since they got together. Might as well tackle this now, right?

Trixie: like?

Katya takes a few minutes to reply, Trixie can barely blink.

Katya: what are you asking, Trix?

God , will Katya really do this?

Trixie: idk. if you like me?

Katya: you know i do. and i know that’s not your question

Trixie: then answer it

Katya: say your piece and we’ll see

Trixie: are you messing with me?

Katya: obviously. i don’t know how i can be more clear about this

Trixie stares are the text. Is she being a useless lesbian again? Is she ever not being a useless lesbian, actually? Her friends accuse her of that all the time.

She types quickly, then, hits send before she can second guess it.

Trixie: i love you

Katya’s replies comes in seconds this time.

Katya: i love you too, dumbass

Trixie smiles. She’ll take it.

*

Two weeks later Trixie sets foot in the venue they’ll be performing the last show of the tour in. She feels downright giddy, can’t believe she survived all of these months and befriended one of her idols and met wonderful musicians and managed to get a girlfriend on top of all that. Katya’s tour is done but she’s the photographer so she has to go back home and focus on the photos now. Her tour has ended but her work is only halfway done.

Trixie has already bought tickets to Boston. She’s one day away from being finished, they’ll use the next day to wrap up things and celebrate and officially part ways, but she’s less than 24 hours away from being free, from flying to Boston .

She’s ready to go on stage and on a whim she picks a photo she took a couple of days ago with the teddy bear that Katya gave her and posts it to instagram with the caption “One day ”.

When she comes back, high on adrenaline, later than usual because they took longer to finish the show, all of her friends have harassed her.

Trannika commented: that’s gay

Kim commented: gross

Shea: keep it in your pants, Mattel

Adore: *heart eyes emoji* yesss

And then, there’s Katya.

Katya commented: one day two gays ♥

It’s the most stupid thing and it doesn’t even make sense but Trixie laughs regardless.

She checks her messages then, as she heads to the changing rooms, and the very first one is from Pearl.

Pearl: you figure out the long distance thing?

Trixie: i guess

Pearl: you guess?

Trixie: we’re just… seeing where this goes

Pearl: trixie…..

Trixie: i’m flying over tomorrow. we‘ll talk about it then

Pearl: damn, you’re serious about this huh?

Pearl: is she serious too?

And that’s the exact moment that Trixie finally manages to convince herself that things will be okay. Because had Pearl asked this before, Trixie isn’t sure she would be so absolutely positive as she is right now as she types a response.

Trixie: yes, she is

Apparently that’s all that Pearl needs to congratulate her and say that she’s happy.

But most importantly, that’s all that Trixie needs too. She exhales and goes back to getting changed and packing her things. She need to get ready, she has a plane to catch the next day.

*

Trixie thought she’d cry when she saw Katya again, but as she exits the gates and spots her waiting a little far back, all she does is smile as big as her lips will stretch and speed up her steps. When she gets closer, though, it looks like Katya is definitely cleaning up a tear as she smiles and walks towards her too, and Trixie giggles.

She is so happy .

They embrace tightly and Trixie’s reminded that, if she wants, she can stretch her flat wearing feet a bit and tuck Katya’s head under her neck. So she does it.

“Ugh, stop being tall,” Katya complains jokingly into her collarbone as she squeezes her.

“Try to stop being short, maybe?”

Katya laughs and pulls her head back. “Bitch.”

They peck each other on the lips only, there’s no reason to extend this on the middle of an airport when they’ll have an entire week to each other, even if Katya will be working for a lot of it.

“Ok, let’s go to my dumpster.”

Katya’s car is red and currently dirty and it doesn’t surprise Trixie at all. They play-fight over what songs to hear and after each of them has changed the station the other chose for the tenth time, Katya turns off the radio and turns to her.

“How about you sing for us?”

Trixie freezes. “Uh…”

Katya notices her discomfort and suddenly she’s tense, too, looking back to the road, eyes fixed. “I mean, you don’t have to. If you don’t want. I just thought-”

“No, no, I just. Uhm.” Trixie bites her lower lip, she wanted this to be surprise. “I wrote a song, sorta. For you. And I thought that’d be the best thing to sing to you for the first time.”

“Oh.”

They’re silent for a few seconds, Trixie fidgeting with her hands.

“I thought-”

“You wrote me a song?” Katya asks then as soon as she stops on a traffic light. She looks at Trixie and when Trixie meets her eyes she can see that Katya can’t quite believe it, she looks baffled and in awe and if Trixie would dare to say completely in love and Trixie gulps at the intensity of her gaze.

“Yeah. Or rather about you? I don’t know. But it’s the first song I finished in months.”

“Wow,” Katya breathes out. She’s pulled out of her stupor by the honk from the car behind them indicating that the light is green and she starts driving again, but she’s still a bit stunned. “I- Trixie that’s the nicest thing anyone has ever done for me.”

Trixie laughs shyly. “You haven’t even heard it, it could be total crap.”

Katya shakes her head. “It won’t be. But either way, just that you did it…” Trixie smiles at her just as Katya is stopping in front of a building. She parks the cart and looks back at Trixie. “I love you.”

Trixie lets the words sink in, the fact that she’s hearing them, in person , that she’s literally looking at Katya’s eyes as she says it.

It’s real. This , what they have, is real .

She leans in and kisses her then, deepens the kiss instead of pulling apart like they did at the airport. “I love you, too.”

*

Katya’s apartment is small and surprisingly well-kept except for her photography equipment that is all over the place. They leave her bag in Katya’s room and soon Trixie’s being dragged out of the door so they can go have lunch and explore the city just like Trixie wished they’d had when she performed there. Katya gave herself the day off to spend it with Trixie and it’s sunny and nice so she’s gonna take her everywhere she can since the following days she’ll have work to do.

By the time they get back home it’s already dark outside and Trixie’s feet hurt, but her hand has been on Katya’s the entire day and she kissed her everytime she felt like it and she’s never felt so free .

As soon as they’re inside she goes straight to her guitar. It’s been a wonderful, straight-out-of-a-novel day and she wants to end it with a perfect note. “Can I play the song for you?”

Katya nods excitedly, sits down on the opposite side of the couch facing her expectantly.

Trixie strums the cords tentatively - the last words of the song came to her on the flight earlier that day so she hasn’t rehearsed it properly and doesn’t want to mess it up. She’s called the song “soldier” and she’s proud of the lyrics and she really, really hopes Katya will like it. She doesn’t look at her as she sings it, doesn’t want to lose her pace, but she can sort of see out of the corner of her eyes that Katya has her eyes closed and is swaying slightly to the tune. Trixie’s never felt so at peace and nervous at the same time before. As her fingers stop moving when she song ends she finally looks up.

Katya’s eyes snap open and she’s definitely tearing up. “God Trix, your voice. And you wrote that. For me. Oh my god. You’re so amazing, what the fuck.” Her hands are flying around as she speaks, very energetic, very Katya .

“Ah, shut up. I’m mediocre at best.”

Katya shakes her head and crawls to her, Trixie sets the guitar down just in time for Katya to straddle her lap and hold her face. “You’re phenomenal.”

Trixie can feel her cheeks reddening as Katya whispers that into her mouth but it’s brief because soon Katya is kissing her, strong and fierce, not holding back.

Trixie tries to sit more comfortably, her back resting on the back of the couch, and pulls Katya closer by grabbing at her thighs, all strong and muscular beneath her fingertips. The kiss grows from strong to desperate and Trixie is suddenly reminded of the fact that they have six entire days ahead of them. But also that they only have six days ahead of them.

Katya moves her lips down her neck as her hands travel down to the hem of her shirt and lift it up a bit so she can touch her stomach and for one moment Trixie lets herself get lost in it.

“Bed?” she asks out of breath as Katya tries to remove her shirt, but for some reason that actually gets Katya to stop.

“Yeah, bed, of course.” Her breathing a little ragged already. “Just, before that, I wanted to talk to you before doing this . But you seduced me with your guitar.”

Trixia laughs even though she’s a bit nervous. Talk about what? “Uh, ok. What’s up?”

Katya smiles then, all big and happy, Trixie can practically see all of her teeth. It soothes and excites her heart at the same time.

“This is my third photography tour gig. I do it because I get to travel and I like that, but it doesn’t pay as well as the jobs I usually get in between.”

“... Ok?” Where is this going?

“I got offered a job by the tour managers.”

“That’s great!” Trixie’s heart’s sinking a little. Katya is gonna have a steady job in Boston.

Katya shakes her head, her eyes sparkling. “I’m not finished. I actually got offered three jobs. One is in New York, the other’s in Florida.”

“What about the third one?”

Katya leans onto her, their eyes locked. “Guess.”

Trixie’s heart beats fast inside her chest. “No way.”

Katya nods excitedly. “Yes way!”

“Are you taking it?!”

“Would I be telling you about it if I wasn’t? I already said yes.”

“Oh my god.” Trixie’s the one that grabs her face and kisses her then, meets Katya's teeth as she apparently can't stop smiling. “Wait. just to be clear. It’s LA, right?”

“Of course it’s LA, Trixie, oh my god -”

“Shut up, i’m excited!” Trixie’s laughing, a giddy bubble bursting in her throat. “Oh my god. You’re going to LA. Do you have a place already? I can house hunt for you.”

“That would be great but you don’t have to-”

“I’m gonna get you an apartment like fifteen minutes away from mine,” she continues as if Katya didn’t say anything.

Katya just grabs her hands and squeezes them. "I'm moving in two months. We have time to plan."

Trixie takes a deep breath. She tries not to get upset about the two month between now and then . It's just two months. And then Katya will be in Los Angeles .

"Okay, yeah, sure. Oh my god. You're moving to LA! " She's trembling like an excited little kid and Katya can't stop smiling - Trixie doesn't mind at all, her face is so pretty when she smiles.

"I am!" And then she's kissing Trixie again, her lips hard on hers and her hands on her neck and moving down and then suddenly she's everywhere, her hands travelling under and over her shirt and her lips dragging across Trixie's skin and it's fast and wonderful and Trixie can't believe that even though there'll be two months of waiting, she'll soon be able to have this constantly .

"Bed?" she suggests again, but this time Katya just denies with her head.

"No time."

Actually, Trixie thinks, they'll have all the time in the world. But for now, as Katya's hands find her bra clasp, she's happy to stay on the couch a little longer.

*

Trixie waits for her at the airport two months later when she's supposed to arrive, most of her things already inside of her new apartment which, true to Trixie's word, is actually only ten minutes away from hers.

They kiss when Katya launches herself onto her and they hold hands all the way to the car and while Trixie drives they listen to the homemade demos Trixie's made of the songs she's since written. Adore had been right that day, Trixie only writes when she's super happy or super sad, and thankfully for her the past two months have been overfilled with the former.

I’m gonna do it , she’d told Katya one day over facetime. I’m gonna try to get a deal . She hasn't been invited to another tour yet, it'll probably be a few months before that happens again for the singer and even then who knows if Trixie will be invited, but she’s not worried. Whatever happens, they'll make it work.

Katya's apartment is a lot smaller than the one she had in Boston, but this one has Trixie just a couple blocks away, she says, so it pays off.

Much like Boston they spend the entire day hanging out and this time they actually do move it to the bed when they go back to the apartment late in the evening. The house is still a mess and the bed barely has any sheets on, but Trixie's fingers are intertwined with Katya's and that makes up for everything.

"I'm glad you got lost in a straight bar," she murmurs to Katya even though she's probably sleeping.

"Hmm. I'm glad you bought me a beer," Katya actually replies, voice drowsy and fingertips ghosting over her arms.

Trixie goes to sleep almost instantly after that, thinks about her past concerns about settling down and what she was going to do with her life.

She's not entirely sure where she's going yet, but for the very first time she knows she'll be fine.