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You're perfect (to me)

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Sam watches from the corner of his eye as Mandy leans toward Dean.  Her hand on his arm as she laughs at his joke. Her whole body is moving perfectly. From the way her hair falls on her shoulders, to the way her fingers are tightly around Dean’s arm, she knows what she's doing, and she doesn’t care if the world sees it.

“Sammy!” Dean yells when he finally sees him, running towards him, abandoning Mandy without  giving her one last glance. She seems disappointed, and Sam can’t help but smile when his brother puts his arm around his shoulders. “How was your day?”

“Great. And you?”

“Better now” Dean winks before taking Sam’s bag off his back

They walk towards Baby, Dean’s protective arm around him, ignoring the way some of the students look at them. Sam is 16, and yet, everyday without exception, his big brother comes and gets him, hugging him like he hasn’t see him in ages.

They started dating two years ago, after a huge storm in the middle of nowhere forced them to stay in a cabin for a whole week, with nothing else to do but talk to each other, and, after a while, confess their feelings.

“Earth to Sammy, can you hear me?” Dean asks, waving his hand in front of Sam’s face “Are you asleep?”

“Yeah, because you drive like a grandma” Sam replies rolling his eyes

“Me? I drive like a grandma?” He looks hurt for a moment, both of his hands on his heart and Sam almost believes it.

But before he can do anything, Dean is pulling him by his shirt until he can press their lips together. Sam automatically opens his mouth, allowing Dean to slide his tongue inside. Sam doesn’t have a lot of experience, but he’s sure that Dean is the best kisser in the whole world. He uses just the right amount of tongue.  Just enough to send Sam over the edge, but not too make him feel sick.

“Do I kiss like a grandma, too?” Dean asks, breaking the kiss

“No, definitely not” Sam is already panting, and he can feel his dick responding to Dean’s kiss. It’s almost pathetic, how weak he is for Dean kiss.

Dean drops another kiss on his lips before opening his door, and Sam adjusts his pants before stepping out of the car.

Of course, Dean is already in his personal space, pushing Sam against the car and sliding between his legs. Sam knows right away that Dean can feel his hard on, because he’s able to feel Dean's.

“Shit, the things you do to me” Dean whispers, kissing him again

It’s risky, to do that here, where everyone could see them, but right now, neither of them care. Dean is ravishing his mouth, kissing him as deep as possible, licking the inside of his mouth like it’s his only reason for living.

Sam happily lets him do it, and without realizing it, he slides his legs around Dean’s waist, giving him all the access that he needs.

“You’re so perfect”

Maybe it’s the word “Perfect” that makes Sam’s body freeze, or maybe it’s the fact that he’s one second away from coming, but all he knows is that he needs to get away from Dean. Now.

“We should go inside” He says, pushing Dean gently away

“Good idea”

His brother takes his hand in his, and they walk towards the motel room as fast as possible.

“So, where were we?” Dean asks as soon as the door is closed

“I need to do my homework, so…”

Dean can’t hide his disappointment, and Sam feels bad for him, he does, but he can’t do it. Not now.

It’s not that he doesn’t want to, far from that. He’s been thinking about Dean’s dick since he understood what sex was. But Dean is 20, he’s beautiful, glorious even, and he's had a lot, lot of girlfriends. Girlfriends that knew what to do, and how to do it. Who could move their bodies perfectly like Mandy does. He wishes he could be like her, like them, but his body is too awkward, and he can’t be sexy for shit.

Dean is experienced, but more than that, Dean thinks Sam is perfect. He keeps telling him, again and again, how beautiful, perfect, glorious Sam is. How he can’t wait to finally taste every part of his body. But what will happen, once he realizes how bad Sam is at it? Or what if he sees him naked, finally, and all he can see is the clumsy boy that he is? He doesn’t want Dean to make fun of him, doesn’t want Dean to leave him.

Sometimes, he wants to tell Dean to go find a girl, and to have sex with her. It will hurt him, more than anything, but at least Dean won’t die from blue balls.

The atmosphere between them is tense, but Sam chooses to focus on his homework instead of talking to Dean. He can feel his brother’s eyes on him, watching every one of his movements, but he pretends not to care.

“Hey Sammy?” Dean asks after a while

“Yeah?”

“Can I… Can I ask you something?”

“You just did” Sam answers, trying to protect himself with sarcasm. Dean rolls his eyes before getting up from the bed and sitting on the floor next to Sam. Is it the moment Dean will tell him that it’s over? That he doesn’t want to be with him anymore? His heart is beating so hard he’s afraid it might burst out of his chest.

“So, I was doing some… Research, and you see, I’ve found this… Thing, I guess. It’s… It says that some people are asexual. That they don’t… They don’t have a sexual attraction, towards another person. I thought –“

“I’m not asexual” Sam says, not even letting Dean finish his sentence

“Are you sure? Because it’s alright if you are, Sammy. It’s not a disease or anything, and I can deal with it without any problems”

“I’m not asexual, Dean” Sam repeats again, even through he’s touched at how much Dean tries to reassure him.

Dean licks his lips before smiling sadly, making Sam frown.

“So I’m the problem then”

“What?”

“I… Sammy, I love you. I love you more than anyone, and anything on earth, but if you… If you don’t want to be with me that way, it’s ok. You can tell me, I won’t love you any less”

“You’re breaking up with me?” Sam asks, tears already picking up his eyes

“No, I’m giving you a way out. I… I can see how you freeze every time we… touch. I can feel you getting hard, but you stop right after that, and I can’t – I can’t understand why.”

“It’s not that, Dean, I promise it’s not”

“Then why, Sam? I- I don’t need sex. I don’t need it, at all. But I can see that it’s bothering you, and I can see that you want it too, but you just… you need to talk to me, Sammy.  Not just because I’m your boyfriend, but because I’m your best friend too. And more important, I’m your big brother. You can always count on me, no matter what”

Sam wants to answer but his throat is too tight, and he realizes he’s crying when Dean is pulling him into his arms, rocking him like he used to do when he was a baby. He rubs his hair and whispers comforting words, and Sam feels even more guilty for making Dean doubt himself for even a second.

“I’m scared that… that I won’t be good enough” He whispers, his face hidden in Dean’s neck “I’m scared you won’t think I'm beautiful, or that I won’t do the right thing. I’m not… I never done that before, and I don’t want you to leave me”

“You think I would leave you because of sex?” Dean frowns “Sammy, it’s gonna take more than that to drag me away from you”

“I’m gonna suck at it”

“The only thing you’re gonna suck will be my dick, babe”

“Dean!” Sam yells, hitting his shoulder “It’s not funny!”

“Yes, it is” Dean says, taking Sam’s hands in his “Me leaving you because of sex? That’s the funniest thing I've ever heard. I know that you don’t see yourself the way I see you, but Sammy, you’re beautiful. All the girls I was with… they didn’t matter, to me. When I had sex with them, all I could think about was you. You’re 16, Sam, I was a virgin at your age”

“Yeah, but-“

“No” Dean threats, pushing his finger against Sam’s lips “I’m glad you saved yourself for me, because I want to be the first and only one to ever be with you. I love you”

“I love you too” Sam replies, a dark blush spreading through his face. “I’m sorry I was weird”

“I knew you were weird the day you chose to watch a documentary instead of a cartoon”

They share a laugh before Dean wipes the remaining tears from Sam’s face with his fingers.

“Sammy, don’t ever think you can’t talk to me. I’m here for you, always, and I will stay with you even if I need to wait forever to have sex”

“Even if I’m never ready?”

“I said forever, didn’t I?”

Dean smiles at him before kissing him slowly, trying to share all of the love he has for him in one kiss.

Forever happened an hour after that, on the bed of a motel room in the middle of nowhere, sweet words and never-ending promises being exchanged. Maybe Mandy knew how to move her body to be attractive, but she had no idea how to get to Dean’s heart.

That was Sam's personal skill.