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You Make Me Happy

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You Make Me Happy

Overall, Dan and Phil are having a blast on their tour. Meeting the fans, traveling the world, and getting to eat a ton of new food is all very exciting, and it hasn’t escaped either of them just how lucky they are to be experiencing this journey together. But at the same time, experiencing the journey together doesn't necessarily mean they've had many chances to be together. All that time spent traveling on a tour bus with other people in tight sleeping quarters has afforded them next to zero opportunities to be intimate, and while they've both gotten better at dealing with it, they can't help but miss that intimacy all the same.

That's why nights like tonight - spent in hotels rather than on the road - are so precious.

Tonight, Dan and Phil plan to take full advantage of the opportunity they've been given. After their show in New Jersey, they're going to eat their weight in real New York pizza and have a few drinks on the roof of their hotel - taking in the nighttime city skyline - before heading down to Phil’s room to spend some quality time alone together.

It's a small, simple plan, but it's no less special because of that. If anything, the simplicity of the plan has made it feel even more special.

There's just one problem.

When they’d made their plans for the evening, neither of them had taken into consideration just how tired they are. With the combined stress of travel, meet and greets, shows, and attempting to film and edit content for their individual and joint YouTube channels, they’ve both been feeling a bit drained lately. On top of that, Phil doesn’t always sleep very well on the bus because of his motion sickness.

So really, it shouldn’t come as any surprise that after eating too much pizza and drinking just enough beer to get sleepy but not drunk, Dan’s sitting in his rooftop chair thinking about posting an Instagram Story of their night under the stars when he hears a quiet snore from the chaise next to him.

Phil is sound asleep.

Dan gazes fondly at his best friend. Watching Phil sleep fills Dan with a sense of calm he can’t quite find anywhere else. He looks peaceful and soft and young - so much younger than his 31 years - and it never fails to make Dan’s heart melt.

Phil shifts slightly in his sleep, and a stray bit of hair falls against his forehead. Without thinking, Dan reaches over and tenderly brushes it aside, stroking his fingers gently against Phil’s skin. Phil sighs lightly but doesn’t wake up.

Dan sighs, too, a pang of regret shooting through him at the thought that they’re going to have to cut their evening short.

“Hey,” Dan says softly, moving his hand from Phil’s forehead down to shoulder. “Wake up, sleepyhead.”

“Hmmm?” Phil moans in response. He shifts in his chair, leaning into Dan’s touch, but he doesn’t open his eyes.

“I said ‘wake up.’ It’s time for bed, love,” Dan whispers, quietly enough that only Phil can hear him.

“Mmmm, what time is it?” Phil asks, turning in his chair to face Dan while still refusing to open his eyes.

“About 12:30,” Dan tells him.

“Still early,” Phil mutters.

“Yes, but you’re clearly ready for bed, which means that it’s bedtime,” Dan replies, smiling fondly down at him.

“Hmmm, but I’m not tired,” Phil insists.

“Right, that’s why you were fast asleep in your chair, Phil.”

“Wasn’t sleeping,” Phil retorts, finally opening his eyes as if that will help him prove his point. “I swear.”

“You were snoring , Phil Lester. You only do that when you’re fast asleep.”

“But I’m n...I’m not….” Phil’s protest is cut short by a long, loud yawn, and Dan laughs as Phil covers his mouth.

“Not tired, are we?” Dan teases.

When the yawn finally ends, Phil pulls his hand away and bows his head, clearly beaten.

“Okay...maybe a little,” he admits.

Dan laughs again, shaking his head at Phil’s ridiculousness. “Come on, you spork. It’s bedtime.”

He holds out his hands and helps pull Phil up and out of his chair. Phil stumbles slightly as he gets his legs under him, and Dan puts his hands on his shoulders to steady him.

“You good?” Dan asks, squeezing Phil’s shoulders, and Phil nods.

“I’m fine. I just...had a bit too much to drink, I guess.”

“Could also be the fact that you’re tired, or maybe a bit of both?” Dan suggests, rubbing his hands along Phil’s upper arms. “You gonna make it downstairs?”

“Of course. I’ll be fine, Dan,” Phil assures him, shrugging out from under Dan’s grip, and Dan lets him go. As Phil starts walking toward the door back into the hotel, Dan notes that he’s moving more clumsily than usual (which for Phil is saying something). Dan shakes his head with a sigh, and he follows closely behind Phil just in case.

After stopping to let the rest of their group know that they’re retiring for the night, Dan hurries to catch up with Phil, who’s just made it to the door leading back inside the hotel. As he pulls it open, Phil trips on the doorframe, but Dan catches him just in the nick of time.

“Ohhh, ‘I’m fine, Dan. I’ve got this. I’m not tired at all,’ ” Dan teases, earning him a punch on the arm and a mumbled “shut up” from Phil.

Dan just laughs, and as the door closes behind them he moves to his boyfriend’s right side and slings Phil’s arm up and over his shoulder, bearing a bit of his weight.

“Come on, you frickin’ heffalump,” he says, wrapping his left arm around Phil’s waist to steady him. “Let’s go.”

“Dan,” Phil tries to protest, but Dan’s already walking, and Phil has no choice but to walk with him. “What if someone sees?”

“Then I’ll tell them you had a bit too much fun tonight,” Dan explains, punching the down button to call up the elevator.

“I did have fun tonight,” Phil responds, shifting a bit so he can rest his head on Dan’s shoulder, apparently feeling bold.

“So did I,” Dan agrees. “Even if we had to cut the evening short.”

The elevator arrives, blissfully empty, and they clamber on board. After pushing the button for their floor, the door closes, and Phil turns to give him a kiss on the cheek. Dan feels himself blushing, as he usually does when they display affection in public, even when no one’s around.

“I’m up for some more fun,” Phil whispers, brushing his lips against Dan’s ear, and Dan shudders at the unexpected but not unwelcome gesture.

“You’ll be fast asleep before you can take your clothes off,” Dan jokes, watching the floor numbers tick slowly down.

“But not before I get yours off,” Phil says, and Dan knows he’d be ridiculously turned on right now if it weren’t for the yawn Phil lets out just as he finishes talking.

“Uh huh. Like I said, Philly, it’s time for bed.”

Phil groans, resting his cheek against Dan’s shoulder again, and as the doors open on a thankfully empty hotel corridor, Dan thinks he’s finally won.

After fishing the room key out of Phil’s pocket and opening the door, Dan helps Phil inside, grateful that he’s already brought some of his stuff here so he doesn’t need to go back to his own room until the morning.

Once they’re inside, Phil slips out from under Dan’s arm, and Dan lets him go, turning to put out the Do Not Disturb sign and deadbolt the door.

When he turns back to tell Phil to head into the bathroom and get ready for bed, he finds his boyfriend sitting on the edge of the bed. Phil’s leaning back and patting the spot next to him, shooting him a look that Dan knows is meant to say “come hither” but in his current state is mostly just saying “I’m sleepy and adorable, please tuck me in so we can cuddle.”

“Phil,” Dan sighs heavily, shaking his head with a smile. He moves over to the bed, and Phil moves his hand so Dan can sit down beside him. “You can barely keep your eyes open.”

Phil just smiles at him, blinking slowly, and leans in for a kiss. It starts off soft and slow, and Dan lets himself fall into it, kissing him back. When Phil runs his tongue along Dan’s bottom lip, Dan moans against Phil’s mouth and pulls away. For the briefest second, he considers giving in. But Phil’s eyes are half lidded from exhaustion, not lust (after almost ten years, Dan knows the difference), and he’s swaying ever so slightly on the bed.

“Phil, you’re exhausted . We both know that. This isn't gonna happen tonight.”

“Dan, I told you , I’m not-”

“You’re not tired, yeah, I know,” Dan huffs, and he can’t keep the exasperation out of his voice. “Except you are tired, Phil. So why are you pushing this?”

Phil opens his mouth to say something, but then decides not to. He lets out a long, deep sigh and turns his gaze to the bedspread.

That’s when Dan notices that Phil’s eyes are wet with unshed tears, and his heart skips a beat as he realizes that Phil is legitimately upset about this.

Hey ,” Dan soothes, his voice soft as he reaches down and grips Phil’s hands. “Hey, it’s alright.”

Phil shakes his head, blinking to hold back the tears, and Dan’s heart twists painfully in his chest.

“Phil...we’ve gone to bed early plenty of times. What makes tonight any different?”

Phil shakes his head again, unwilling to talk, and Dan squeezes his hands, hoping to encourage him.

“If I've said something to upset you, I’m sorry. It’s just that I know you , Phil. I know you’re exhausted, and I don’t understand why you’re fighting it, and I just want-”

“We had plans,” Phil interrupts, so quietly that Dan almost misses its.

“Yeah, we did, but it’s not a big deal-”

“We’ve been talking about them all day.”

“We have, but-”

“And I don’t want to disappoint you.”

Dan falls silent at Phil’s admission. He had been looking forward to tonight, of course he had, but that doesn’t mean he’s going to pressure Phil into having sex when he’s clearly not up to it.

“Phil...that’s not….” He pauses, unsure of what to say, because yes, he is disappointed, and Phil will see right through him if he says he’s not. But it’s not Phil he’s disappointed with. This isn’t his fault.

“Phil, it’s okay,” Dan assures him.

“It’s not.”

Yes it is ,” Dan emphasizes, squeezing Phil’s hands again, and the squeeze he gets in return fills him with determination. “It’s okay. I can go one night without having sex, Phil.”

“It’s been a week, Dan.”

“That’s not the point, you turnip. The point is-”

“But we had plans ,” Phil says, like it’s the most important thing in the world. “We had plans .”

“I know, Phil. I know. But it’s okay , love.” Dan leans in and places a soft kiss against Phil’s cheek, whispering one final “it’s okay” against his skin.

Phil lets out a long, deep breath, and Dan can practically feel the tension start to leave Phil’s body. Dan kisses him again in the same spot, then turns his face to rub his nose against Phil’s before pulling away, and relief floods through him as Phil visibly relaxes. This time, Phil squeezes his hands first, and Dan sighs as he leans in to rest his forehead against Phil’s and close his eyes.

They stay like that for some time, both content to just be near each other, and when Phil eventually pulls away to look at him Dan misses his touch.

“Dan, I’m sorry,” Phil says, his eyes still shiny with tears.

Dan shakes his head.

“Don’t apologize, Phil. You don’t have anything to be sorry for.”

“Still, I...I wanted-”

“I know,” Dan assures him, leaning in to kiss him softly on the lips. “I know.”

Phil shakes his head. Then he puts his hand on the back of Dan’s head and pulls him in for another kiss. This one’s harder, more insistent, and Dan can’t stop a moan from escaping him when Phil pulls his bottom lip between his teeth and sucks on it.

Phil gasps at the sound, pulling away slightly. “I wanted to make you feel good,” he explains, leaning in to place another kiss on the corner of his mouth. When he pulls away, a few tears escape his eyes, and he brushes them away before Dan gets a chance to do it himself.

“I wanted to make you happy,” Phil whispers, his voice sounding small.

“Oh, Phil,” Dan sighs, his heart literally aching in his chest, because of course that’s what’s bothering him. “Phil, Phil, Phil.”

Phil rewards him with the smallest of smiles, and Dan smiles lovingly back as he lets go of his boyfriend’s hand and reaches up to run his fingers through Phil’s soft, messy locks. Phil sighs with contentment, bowing his head to give Dan better access to scratch gently at his scalp like he knows he likes.

Then Dan leans in and presses a soft kiss to Phil’s forehead. It’s their special kiss - saved for those times when they need it most - and he feels Phil relax under his touch. As he pulls away (quite reluctantly) he releases his hold on Phil’s hair and grabs his hands, squeezing them tightly once more.

“I am happy, Phil,” Dan assures him. “You make me happy every moment that we’re together.”

Phil smiles, a few more tears escaping his eyes. Dan reaches up and brushes them away, then cups Phil’s face in his hands.

“Yeah?” Phil asks, looking for reassurance.

Dan smiles in return, fighting back his own tears as he nods his head, gently stroking Phil’s cheeks as he whispers the word “yeah” in return.

It’s simple….

...but it’s enough.

“Okay,” Phil responds, reaching up to grab Dan’s hands, one in each of his. He entwines their fingers and then drops their joined hands into his lap. He stares down at them, and while he looks resolved Dan figures a bit more reassurance can’t hurt.

“And besides, Phil,” Dan says, raising his eyebrows and smirking, “we always have tomorrow morning.”

He winks unnecessarily, and Phil’s eyes widen slightly as he catches Dan’s meaning.

“Yeah. Yeah, you’re right,” Phil agrees, and while Dan’s tempted to tease him for admitting that he’s right, he's mostly just eager to get Phil tucked into bed and snoring once more.

“Come on, Moose,” Dan says softly, using his grip on Phil’s hands to pull him to his feet. “Let’s get ready for bed.”

They go through their nightly rituals silently and smoothly; after so many years of sharing small hotel bathrooms, they know how to stay out of each other’s way. Dan finishes brushing his teeth just as Phil gets his second contact out, and he heads out to the bedroom to change. Once he’s stripped off his clothes and put on his sleep shorts, he cranks up the AC so they can cuddle properly, as they both have a tendency to give off obnoxious amounts of heat when they sleep.

Dan’s sitting patiently on his side of the bed scrolling through Twitter on his phone (he’ll have to post that Instagram Story in the morning) when Phil finally comes out of the bathroom. In the small amount of time he took getting ready for bed, Phil’s somehow managed to make a mess out of his hair, and at the sight of Phil’s black locks sticking up in all directions, Dan’s heart does a somersault in his chest.

Phil looks downright adorable when his hair’s a mess.

Dan can’t help himself.

As Phil moves toward his bag - sitting on the floor on the other side of the bed - Dan drops his phone on the endtable and follows him. Before Phil can bend down to grab his stuff, Dan shoves his hands into Phil’s hair, grips his head, and pulls him in for a kiss. It’s slow and deep, and while it’s only the beginning of what Dan wanted out of his evening, it’s more than enough.

As they pull away, both panting for air, Dan runs his fingers through Phil’s messy hair in an attempt to make it even messier.

He succeeds.

Normally, this would be the moment when Phil pulls away from him with a pout and attempts to put his hair back in order.

But not this time.

Instead, Phil yawns again, long and loud, and it’s so damn endearing Dan’s afraid his heart might actually turn into mush.

“You’re so fucking cute when you’re sleepy,” Dan tells him, mussing his hair up even more before finally letting go of him.

Phil moves away, frowning indignantly as he tries to put his hair back in order.

“ ‘m not cute,” Phil insists.

“Precious,” Dan suggests.

“Nope,” Phil responds with a shake of his head, still trying to fix his hair.

“Adorable,” Dan says, and he reaches up and moves Phil’s hands away before he can protest. Then he quickly runs his fingers through Phil’s hair, undoing all of his work. “Definitely adorable.

Phil sighs, but he doesn’t try to fix his hair again.

“I’m n...I’m not….”

Phil’s protest is cut short by the longest yawn yet, and when he starts to wobble on his feet Dan decides it’s time to take matters into his own hands.


“Stay right there, Phil,” Dan says, pointing to where Phil is currently standing. His tone brooks no argument, and Phil doesn’t offer one.

Instead, he does as he's told, and he lets Dan undress him.

Usually, undressing between the two of them is quick - bred in the heat of passion - and tends to involve clothes flying in various directions. But this...this is slow, and gentle, and tender - born out of a desire to take care of the man he loves.

After pulling Phil’s t-shirt off and dropping it to the floor, Dan moves to take off Phil’s jeans. He gets the buckle undone, unzips the zipper, and pulls Phil’s pants and boxers down his legs. Phil steps out of them carefully, using a hand on Dan's shoulder to balance himself. They do everything wordlessly; perfectly in sync, as though they’re dancing a dance they know all the moves to.

Once Phil’s fully undressed, Dan grabs his sleep pants from the bag next to the bed and holds them out to him. Phil starts to put them on, and he manages to get a second leg halfway into them before he stumbles, gasping in fear.

Dan catches him with a quick hand to his shoulder.

“It’s all right, you big giraffe,” Dan assures him, placing a hand on each of his shoulders to steady him. “I’ve got you.”

Phil nods, and once he's upright again, Dan helps him pull the pants up his legs before adjusting them on his hips. Then he carefully pushes Phil down toward the bed. He manages to sit somewhat gracefully, and Phil smiles up at him with a look that makes Dan's heart ache with fondness.

Finally, Dan slowly removes Phil's glasses. It's a gesture that always feels strangely intimate, and the soft sigh that Phil lets out is mirrored by Dan's own.

After folding the glasses and placing them gently on the end table, Dan takes two steps forward until he’s standing between Phil’s spread legs. The height of the bed puts him in the perfect position to put his hands on Phil’s upper back and pull him against his chest. Phil sighs as he rests his head over Dan’s heart, and Dan smiles as he leans over and kisses the top of his boyfriend’s head. When he’s done, he nuzzles his face against Phil’s hair, inhaling a combination of sweat and the special shampoo he uses and that distinct odor that’s just Phil .

The one that makes Dan think, I’m home.

Phil nuzzles his own face against Dan’s bare chest, breathing deep, and the feel of Phil’s soft breath against his bare skin comforts Dan in a way that nothing else does.

“I love you,” Dan whispers into Phil’s hair, wrapping his right arm tightly around Phil’s back and cradling his head with his left.

“I love you, too,” Phil sighs, wrapping his arms around Dan’s back and snuggling in closer.

Dan sighs, and he’s more than content to just stand here and hold Phil in his arms for awhile.

So that’s what he does.

He’s not sure how long he stands there holding Phil, or at what point he actually starts swaying slowly back and forth, as though he intends to rock his boyfriend to sleep.

In the end, he only lets go when Phil dozes off, his arms falling from around Dan as his body lists forward.

But Phil doesn’t fall, of course.

Dan’s there to catch him.

“All right, you heffalump, time for bed,” Dan teases as he puts his hands on Phil’s shoulders and pushes him upright.

Phil looks up at him through half lidded eyes and nods slowly, finally too tired to argue.

Carefully, Dan pushes Phil back until he’s lying down, and Phil tucks his feet under the blanket as Dan flicks off the light, moves around to the other side of the bed, and climbs in beside him. Once he’s lying down, he snuggles up close to Phil’s back and pulls the covers up over both of them.

With his chest pressed up against Phil’s back, Dan scoots in as close as he can get, wrapping his arm around Phil and pulling him close. Phil sighs as he presses back against Dan, molding his back to Dan’s front, and he shifts around a bit so he can grab Dan’s hand. He squeezes it tight, and Dan squeezes in return.

“ ‘Night, Howell,” Phil mumbles sleepily.

Dan chuckles at Phil’s silly but endearing pun, then nuzzles his nose against the back of Phil’s neck.

“Get some sleep, Lester. I’ll see you in the morning.”

Within minutes, they’re both fast asleep.

And when Dan wakes early the next day to the feel of soft kisses trailing down his chest and Phil’s fingers toying at the edge of his shorts, he knows Phil must’ve finally gotten a good night’s rest.

...the end…