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run my mind

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Dan bites his knuckle. It is unfair. Really, really unfair for him to appear so good-looking in pretty much anything. He can rock any color, any cut, a freaking cheese dress. Even now, wearing an old pair of sweatpants and a university hoodie, he’s quite the sight. Dan finds it very unfair that Phil is so gorgeous.

He is sitting right in front of Dan, scrolling through twitter on his laptop after a long day of rehearsals for the tour. A few hairs have fallen from Phil’s quiff onto his forehead and his glasses sit crooked on his nose. He’s not as composed as people usually see him. This Phil is the one you would find casually lounging in the apartment. This Phil is the one for Dan to observe only. It feels like a dirty secret he gets to keep for himself. Dan wouldn’t have it any other way.

Whenever Dan tries to come up with some logical explanation of what attracts him to Phil so strongly, the only word that comes to mind is everything. Everything - his wide smile and shiny hair, that is so incredibly soft even after years of dyeing it black, his broad shoulders, bright eyes and that adorable tongue thing he does when Dan makes him laugh - even if he always teases Phil about it - it all makes Dan fall deeper and deeper every day. It’s like falling down a seemingly bottomless pit he doesn’t want to get out of. He doubts that there could be ladders long enough to climb out of it anyway.

Sometimes it feels as if Phil is surrounded by some kind of magic. The way he is so effortlessly beautiful even before his morning coffee, standing in the kitchen with bed-hair and slight stubble that’s just a bit darker above his upper lip makes Dan’s heart beat just a bit faster and miss the first time Phil’s asking what mug he wants for coffee that morning. He guesses that is supposed to make him appear more human but melts Dan’s heart like a spell.

And it isn’t just Phil’s appearance that makes him weak in the knees - he is easily the most caring person Dan has ever met. He makes Dan coffee when he’s stressing over a video script and tea with a dash of honey when he gets sick. Phil gives him hugs that feel like home on particularly dark days and whispers encouraging words until the world around Dan brightens up at least a bit. It is all the little things he does. And the grand ones, like sharing his well-deserved award with the person he spent the majority of the year (and his adult life) with.

“Hey, Dan, you ok? You’ve been staring off into space for awhile” Phil asks snapping Dan out of his rather pleasant thoughts.

“Uh, yeah, I’m fine, just a bit tired, I guess. The rehearsals wore me out and then I stood up late last night trying to write my new video. Think I’ll just head to my bedroom and try sleep now” Dan smiles at him softly and places his closed laptop on the coffee table. He can get it in the morning.

“I know, it’s been quite crazy with all the rehearsals, meetings and binge-recording videos lately. I actually just bought some new bath bombs, you can use one if you want to, you know, just relax a bit” Phil scoots closer to Dan and rubs his arm in a comforting manner. Dan’s breathing quickens. He looks so beautiful in the low light. Pupils slightly blown and lips so invitingly pink.

“The raspberry ones? That actually sounds amazing, think I might do it tomorrow. Good night, Phil” Dan rubs his eyes and stands up to stretch his arms up. His shirt is a bit short, so as Dan raises his hands up, it reveals a bare strip of skin just above the waistband of his sweatpants.

Phil diverts his eyes back to the laptop screen quickly. Not that Dan notices it anyway.

“I- uh… Sweet dreams, Dan” Phil stutters still intensely staring at his twitter feed.

“Goodnight. Don’t stay up too late, we have a meeting at 9”

“Of course”

Dan jumps into the bed as soon as he gets to his bedroom. He feels like a teenager whose heart rate quickens whenever he’s around his crush. It’s been almost 10 years since he first fell for the incredibly creative emo guy in a grainy video and feels even more enamored with the current version of him. Maybe one day Dan will finally say something. Do something. Though he doubts that someone this amazing could actually love him back.