Chapter 1: Why Lucifer rebelled
Chuck: OKAY YOU KNOW WHAT YOU’RE IN TIME OUT GET ON TOP OF THE FRIDGE!
Lucifer: *Climbing Fridge* THIS HOUSE IS A FUCKING NIGHTMARE
John: What did you do?
Dean: *Quietly* I sucked dick on accident…
Dean: I sucked dick on accident!
John: HOW THE FUCK DO YOU SUCK DICK ON ACCIDENT?!
Chapter 3: John finally decided to be supportive
Mary: John go be a supportive father before I fuck you in the ass with a bedazzled rifle
John: Ugh fine
*John tracks Dean down while dragging a piano with him*
Dean: Dad, what’s wrong?
John: *Singing off key while playing piano* If you were gay
Dean: Oh no
John: That'd be okay. I mean 'cause, hey, I'd like you anyway.
Dean: Dad what the fuck did you drink
John: Because you see, If it were me, I would feel free to say that I was gay but I'm not gay.
*John continues to sing Dean calls Bobby*
Dean: Bobby you wouldn’t happen to have tranquilizer darts on you…it’s for science I wanna see how many it takes before my dad stops singing If You Were Gay
Chapter 4: PP
Dean: Mini-me is about this big *Holds tape measure to show 8 inches*
Bobby: *Drunk as shit* HAHAHA! DEAN I’VE SEEN YOUR DICK BEFORE THAT SHIT IS NOT THAT BIG
Chapter 5: Heathers but it’s Supernatural
Castiel as Veronica anyone?
The Archangels as The Heathers?
Lucifer as JD?
Just imagine it
Let the fanart happen
Let the fanfics happen, it’s all good
Chapter 6: Do you want me to continue?
This was too strange, way too strange, even for a hunter and a Winchester, Sam’s not used to vomiting but for some reason while doing research about some tentacle-like monster, he felt sick to his stomach. So he ran to the closest bathroom, and heaved his half-digested breakfast, the strangest part, it was all healthy, homemade and organic. Sam stared down the bowl, before flushing away what had escaped his body, he runs his fingers through his hair, as he heard the loud obnoxious footsteps of Yong-Nam Ono, “Sammy! I got snacks!” he hears her yell, he sighs and straightens himself before going to greet the retired hunter.
It was so weird to consider Yong-Nam as a retired hunter, considering that she was close in age to Sam, but after resurrecting her dead husband, she dropped her weapons and spell books to run off with her husband. “Hey Samerino! Where’s your brother?” Yong-Nam asked, Sam tells her about how he went off to interview some of the victims’ families, “Well when he gets back I have something to tell you both” the witch said as she began to pull out snacks from her bag, “Let’s start with shrimp chips” she tears open the bag, and the smell of the crustacean-flavored snacks hit his nostrils, and he suddenly felt nauseous. “Oh God. Sorry, Nam but no thanks, I feel really nauseous for some reason” Sam explains, she looks at him with motherly concern, “Are you sick?” she goes and presses her ice-cold hands against his forehead, “I think it’s something I ate” Yong-Nam abandons the chips, and begins to investigate the kitchen.
The bunker door opens, Yong-Nam runs back and sees Dean in that stupid suit of his, “Hey Nam” he greets her as he descends the stairs, “Hey Hedgehog your baby brother is sick right now I think you should take care of him right now” she lectures with her hands on her hips. “What’s wrong with Sam?” Dean asked, his smile was now gone, Yong-Nam explains the situation, when they both hear a violent retch coming from the bathroom, and on instinct they ran to Sam, calling his name. They reached the bathroom, they see Sam, kneeling next to the toilet, panting from vomiting, Yong-Nam kneeled next to Sam, she places a gentle hand on his back, she felt him shaking, “It’s okay” Dean said as he joined them. “Well depends on what you consider to be okay” the Winchesters look at her confused, “I have a theory, or more like a conclusion on what evidence I gathered. Sam’s pregnant” she says simply, “H-h-how” Sam managed to choke out before vomiting, “How is that possible?” Dean questioned, “You and your brother have anal sex with angels of The Lord, that’s a lot easier than giving a vagina a handjob”. Sam vomits again, she soothingly rubs his back, “Man, I can’t wait for Gabriel’s reaction” she says jokingly, Sam smiles weakly and Dean attempts to stifle a laugh.
Gabriel was happy when he heard the news, so happy in fact that he was able to lift his significantly taller boyfriend in the air; that was until Sam asked him to him down because the feeling made him nauseous. While this was playing out Dean turned to Yong-Nam and asked her what was her announcement, “Oh! I’m the same, except I’m 2 months ahead” she says casually as she shows him her belly that protruded ever-so slightly, “Oh great, I guess you’re expecting me to end up like you two” Dean stated sarcastically, “That would be nice so you can understand our suffering” she says with a smirk before leaving.
Chapter 7: Jack discovers something new
Jack: Hey guys look at what I found *Holds up cat ear headband and buttplug with a cat tail*
Sam: *Chokes on salad*
Castiel: *Screams in Enochian*
-Later that day-
Jack: Guys, I found this in Lucifer’s room I think it’s a pearl necklace *Holds up anal beads*
Dean: *Goes to jump off a cliff*
Castiel: *Internally screaming in Enochian*
Gabriel: Oh I think I have one just like that :D
Chapter 8: GAy
Dean: Mom, I’m gay
Sam: Mom, I’m also gay
Castiel: I would also like to state that I am attracted to the male sex
Mary: Jesus fucking christ is there anyone here that likes girls?
Charlie: *Happily raises her hand* Me!
Chapter 9: Heathers, but it’s Supernatural prt. 2
Dick: Honey, whatchu waitin’ for-
Lucifer: SHUT UP DICK! *Starts singing dramatically*
*At Michael’s funeral*
Chuck: I LOVE MY DEAD GAY SON!
Lucifer: Fuck me gently with a chainsaw
Chapter 10: Dean just wanted BBQ
Dean: *Sad and Angery that he couldn’t find a parking spot* ALL I WANTED WAS SOME FUCKING BBQ! IS THAT TOO MUCH TO FUCKING ASK *Begins screeching louder than Lucifer at karaoke night*
Sam: *Is spooked*
Castiel:…*Makes a cross with his finger*
Dean: THIS AIN’T THE FUCKING EXORCIST, I JUST WANT TO EAT SOME FUCKING BRISKET WITH MY TWO FUCK BOYS, BUT NOOOOO THERE IS NO GOD DAMN MOTHERFUCKING PARKING
Chapter 11: too spooky, too spooky, too spooky, too spooky
Also known as: Supernatural, but Sam gets affected by anxiety ghost
Sam: Nope, too spooky *Runs away*
Dean: It’s a fucking cat!
Sam: Nope! too spooky, too spooky, too spooky, too spooky, too spooky, too spooky, too spooky, too spooky, too spooky, too spooky, too spooky, too spooky. Sammy scared of pussy
Dean: That explains the boner you got when you first saw David Bowie…
Chapter 12: This isn’t exactly Supernatural, but…
Supernatural is mentioned, so I’ll make an exception, besides it’s my damn series.
It was a cold December, winter break was a blessing for a Principal like Harumi Akiyama, and then he was reminded that he had his cousin, well, half-cousin, Marceline Vashchenko. This reminder was a slap to the face when he walked into the basement to find Christmas decorations, but found his 16 year old cousin, shirtless, and wearing cat ears on a maid headband, hard at work on drawing or animating, either way this girl was at work on her next crazy project. “Whatcha doin’ Maru?” Harumi asked as he realized that she had pictures of various actors taped to her wall, these were different from the ones she had on the wall 3 weeks ago, 3 weeks ago it was various pornographic actors, now it was various actors from one certain TV show. “Maru why do you have the faces of the actors from Supernatural plastered on the wall?” Harumi asked in a exasperated tone, Marceline let’s go of her mouse, “Getting ahead of a project for my animation class” she gets up and adjusts her baggy grey sweatpants, “Pick a TV series and turn it into a video game storyline” she explained, “I picked Supernatural, picked a way to the tell the story, loosely basing it on Senran Kagura Estival Versus with way less boobs and more gay shit, made the gameplay like Senran Kagura, with a little Dead or Alive, Street Fighter, King of Fighters and Tekken, then I binged watch Supernatural in English, then in the Japanese dub as a linguistics reference, after that I watched the anime they made for Supernatural-“ Marceline shudders “-in English and Japanese, took notes on each characters dialect, pitch, tone, and how they pronounced certain words, then made a list of lines for each of the characters I chose” Marceline explains shoving a messy pile of papers with scribbles on it in a blend of Japanese and English on it.
”I also thought it would be cool that the hunters I implemented in the demo game could have a option of changing weapons, so they can switch between various rifles, handguns, and shotguns” Marceline said stretching her legs so that they wouldn’t fall asleep “…I feel like this is all Dionysus’ influence” Harumi said, Marceline shrugged “Well then again, I have passages on him plastered on this wall, along with sketches of him for my web series all over the damn place” Marceline pointed out, Harumi chuckles as he thinks about the pages and pages of sketches that Marceline has done for her web series, “I liked the Twiggy inspired look the best” he says, he then turns around and begins to leave “I was gonna get some Christmas stuff to put up but that can wait. I’m gonna go to the store instead, want anything?” Harumi asked as he made his way upstairs, “We’re outta carrots and cucumbers” he rolled his eyes, “Maybe if you stop carving them into dicks we wouldn’t run out” he says before leaving.
Also it would actually be lovely to have a video game based on Supernatural, maybe a beat’em up game, turn based would be too weird, and for cut scenes it should be what they did for Persona, where some lines are voiced and others are not.
Chapter 13: Destiel
Castiel: Going out
Dean: You can’t, you gotta watch our son
Castiel: We don’t have a son
Dean: Uh yes we do
*Castiel turns around and sees Dean carrying Jack, who has a pacifier in his mouth*
Chapter 14: Supernatural, but it’s random quotes that I heard or said
This will contain Out of Character-ness but that’s the point.
This is also know as “Supernatural, but it’s quotes either I have said or my friends have said without any context unless you ask”
Castiel: Listen, if you’re gonna kill me you might as well eat my ass while you’re at it
Sam: Who needs a vibrator when you have laundry day
Dean: Who needs lube when you have cocaine
Gabriel: Please don’t get horny
Lucifer: First time I sex I didn’t realize I was bleeding until my boyfriend held my hand
Crowley: Aye, I’mma have a fatass by the end of the school year
Meg: I will suck your dick for that donut
Charlie: That’s why your girlfriend calls me dad
Kevin: Never have I ever…had an orgasm
Chuck: Dude, you can make a career writing gay porn
Rowena: *Chanting* Fuck you Aaron, Fuck you Aaron, Fuck you Aaron, Fuck you Aaron, Fuck you Aaron, Fuck you Aaron, Fuck you Aaron, Fuck you Aaron, Fuck you Aaron
Jack: GO AHEAD AND STICK THAT VACCUM INSIDE OF ME, MAYBE YOU’LL FIND MY DEAD SON IN THERE WHILE YOU’RE AT IT
Michael: *Playing with large scissors* Snip snip bitch
John: As soon as my dad left the house I started jackin’ off everywhere
Mary: HER LEFT ASSCHEEK BROKE THE DRY WALL
Bobby: This bitch had the audacity to pull the curtain back all the way
Balthazar: *On the verge of crying*A COCONUT JUST SHAT ALL OVER MY RED BEAN BUN
Chapter 15: Dean got jokes
Sam: *Sees Dean wearing the same suit that Crowley wears* Uhm…
Dean: Ok, I get it, you’re wondering why I’m dressed like a discount Christian Grey
Crowley: Well fuck you too
Chapter 16: Don’t follow Dean’s advice
Dean: Okay, mom if you ever get pulled over, put some lipstick on and stick a cylindrical object in your mouth before the cop comes near your window
Mary: Does that even work?
Dean:…It worked for dad, you can ask Sammy
*Mary slowly turns to Sam*
Sam:…He looked terrible with red lipstick on
Dean: Uh, rude! I bought him that shade for his birthday! Σ(-᷅_-᷄๑)
Chapter 17: This might be a chapter in my book IDK
Context: High school musical theatre AU. Sam joins theatre club, and the club is playing a game to help them step out their comfort zones, and blah blah blah. The game is loosely based off a bunch of drinking games I saw off of Youtube.
“Most likely to jerk off to dark web porn” everyone in the room bursted out laughing, Balthazar fell out of his chair from laughing so hard, “Who the fuck wrote these?!” Gabriel asked, no one answered but voted on who would most likely perform that action. All club members pointed at Ryona, who was red-faced and teary-eyed from laughing so hard, but stopped when she realized that everyone was pointing at her. “Wow, I see how it is” Ryona grabs the Pocky box and pulls out the pink biscuit stick, she walks foreward to Sam, and looks him dead in the eye, “Just remember if my husband walks in here, run away and change all your information” she tells him, Sam’s mouth opens slightly but realizes what she just said, “Damn, now I’m nervous” he says with a nervous chuckle, she smiles before they began.
Everyone jeered at the two, as they found themselves inching closer and closer, until Sam stopped. He found himself staring at her intense brown eyes, before quickly turning away, “What’s the matter Sam? Embarrassed?” Ryona asked teasingly as she finished the leftover Pocky. “No. Just scared of your crazy-ass husband” he said in a matter-of-fact tone, she playfully punches Sam before returning to her seat.
Gabriel goes and grabs another card, “Most likely to become a pornstar” as soon as Gabriel read that card everyone pointed at him. “You know what, fuck y’all” he said as he selected the cookies and cream Pocky. Gabriel chose his boyfriend Balthazar as his victim, the two didn’t hesitate and began making out after finishing their shared treat.
Can one of y’all give me advice on how to organize my paragraphs
Chapter 18: What’s new
Balthazar: *Drunk and crying* Castiel, I FEEL LIKE A HOOOEEEEE
Castiel: I mean…when are you not a hoe?
Balthazar: *Stops crying* What year is this…?
Chapter 19: Destiel 2
Dean: *Whispering dirty things in Castiel’s ear*
Castiel: Stoooop! I want you to whisper porn in my ear, but not right now!
Sam: *Chokes on beer in the background*
Chapter 20: I’m just making shit up as I go
Also known as I’m writing excerpts that have a 10% chance of actually being in my book
Sam lets out a big sigh as his character, but internally he’s screaming and he’s shaking but he tries his best to compose himself, “Every Thursday I take Pudge the fish a peanut butter sandwich. And today we were out of peanut butter!” he exclaims, trying to make himself more childlike; younger than his true age, and very breathy.
“So I asked my sister what to give him, and she said a tuna sandwich. I can’t give Pudge tuna!” Sam’s hand gestures, were wild, showing how fustrated he was as his character, his stomps his foot when he said tuna, he leans his upper body towards the audience and asked in a slightly lower voice “Do you know what tuna is?” he waits a moment before yelling, his character is wild, angry, and ranting, “It’s fish! If I gave Pudge tuna, I’d be an abomination! I’m late because I had to go to the store and get peanut butter, because all we had is… is stinking tuna!” Sam lands on his knees, breathing heavily, before composing himself, he gets back up, hands behind his back, and chose a improvised childish stance “Pudge controls the weather” he says in a matter of fact tone.
Silence, before his small audience applauds him for completing his monologue, “You’re weird!” Sam could hear Dean yell, “Shut up Dean!” Sam laughs as he exits the stage.
Balthazar hops onstage, the only things he had on was a pair of shorts that the girls would wear under their dresses, and a pharaohs crown, in his arms was a white and gold gown, that he slowly adorns as he preforms his monologue.
Antony and Cleopatra, Cleopatra’s suicide, beautiful and dramatic, but also creepy.
Everyone was on edge, clinging to their armrest, Gabriel sneaked a glance at Charlie and her jaw was tightly clenched from the tension of the monologue.
“As sweet as balm, as soft as air, as gentle,— O Antony!—Nay, I will take thee too.” Balthazar mimes placing a snake on his breast, he lets out a loud gasp causing everyone to jump in their seats.
“What should I stay—” Balthazar suddenly collapses, he is still like a beautiful marble statue.
Seconds pass, before Balthazar gets up and says “Scene” with a smile.
Everyone is yelling and cheering, Gabriel runs onstage and tackles his boyfriend into a hug.
“If you’re Cleopatra what does that make me, Antony?” Gabriel asked, Balthazar makes eye contact, “Antony was the side hoe” Gabriel looks out towards the audience, “Perfect”.
Chapter 21: Sammy loves musicals
Dean: Sam come here that one song you like is on
Sam: *Runs into the room while scream singing* ALEXANDER HAMILTON *Runs so fast he crashes into the world map table*
Castiel:…Is this a common occurence?
Dean: Yes, and it’s fucking hilarious
Sam: *Jamming out like there’s no tomorrow* AMERICA FORGOT HIM WE FOUGHT WITH HIM ME? I DIED FOR HIM ME? I TRUSTED HIM ME? I LOVED HIM AND ME?
Dean and Sam: I’M THE DAMN FOOL THAT SHOT HIM
Chapter 22: Crobby
Crowley: *Wearing a neck brace* Hello boys
Dean: What the fuck happened to you?
Crowley: Bobby happened
Dean: Wait WHAT
Sam: *Screams in Latin*
Castiel: ( ﾟдﾟ)
Dean: WHAT THE FUCK YOU MEAN “Bobby happened”?
Crowley: Well it all started when I said “Bobby I want you to choke me”
Chapter 23: “Supportive”
Dean: Benny was completely supportive
Dean: I want to die
Benny: OH MY FUCKING GAWD THAT’S THE LIKE 800TH TIME YOU SAID THAT IF YOU WANT TO DIE THEN HURRY THE FUCK UP
Chapter 24: The Schuyler Brothers
Rowena: Oh look it’s the Schuyler brothers
Dean: *Sings* Angelica
Castiel: and Peggy!
Rowena:Wait, then who’s Sam’s Hamilton
Crowley: *Slowly raises hand*
Chapter 25: Trapped
*Rowena, Crowley, Sam, Dean, Kevin, Charlie, and Castiel are trapped in a very tight space*
Dean: Cas put your angel blade up, I can feel the handle pressing against my ass
Castiel: Dean that’s not my blade
(To be continued)
Chapter 26: Refund
Dean: I stole Benny’s sweatshirt
Dean: It’s not big enough…I want a refund
Chapter 27: Sammy loves musicals 2
*ABBA comes on the radio*
Sam: :D *Suddenly turns up the radio to the highest volume possible*
Dean: sAM NO!
Sam: MAMMA MIA HERE WE GO AGAIN
Castiel:…What is happening?
Chapter 28: Supernatural + Glee
= this monstrosity
Dean: *Singing* I heard that you were talking shit and you didn’t think that I would hear it *pumps shotgun* Bitch!
Monster of the week:…Fuck
Chapter 29: How angels learn to fly
Chuck: *Cheerful* Alright Castiel you’re old enough to leave the nest now!
Castiel: But father…I can’t fly yet
Chuck: LMFAO that sounds like a you problem *Kicks Castiel off the cloud they were standing on*
*Castiel falls and lands in Dean’s arms*
Dean: *Looks up at the sky* Thanks…I guess
Chapter 30: Dean has regerts
Dean: *Burst into the room*
Sam: Dean what the f-
Dean: *Crying in pain* SAMMY I’M NEVER DOING ANAL AGAIN
Sam: Uhm…are you okay?
Dean: NO I’M FARTING BLOOD OUT OF MY ASSHOLE *Wheezes* SAMMY DON’T EVER DO ANAL THAT SHIT HURTS
Sam: Too late
Dean: *Stops crying* WAIT WHAT?!
Crowley: *Takes the covers off himself* WHY THE FUCK IS EVERYONE YELLING
Chapter 31: Supernatural, but Dean and Sam are constantly quoting musicals
*When a plan doesn’t work*
Dean: Well fuck me gently with a chainsaw
*When they argue*
Sam: YOU CAN SLEEP IN YOUR OFFICE INSTEAD
Dean: GODDAMMIT SAM WE DON’T HAVE AN OFFICE
*When Dean flirts with an older woman*
Dean: Well you can call me Oedipus
*Talking about sexuality*
Dean: I’M NOT GAY
Sam: *Calm and smug* I said “If you were gay”
Chapter 32: How to kidnap Dean Winchester
Dean: *Following a trail of pies and pieces of Cas’ clothes that leads to a white van* Pie, Pie, Pie, Cas, Pie, Pie, Pie, Pie, Cas, Cas, Cas, Pie, Pie, Pie, Pie, Cas, Pie, Pie, Pie, Pie, Cas, Cas, Pie, Pie, Pie, Cas, Pie, Pie, Pie, Pie, Cas, Cas, Cas, Pie, Cas, Pie, Pie, Pie, Pie, Pie, Pie, Cas, Pie, Pie, Pie, Pie, Cas, Cas, Cas, Pie, Pie, Cas, Pie, Pie, Pie, Pie, Cas, Cas, Cas, Pie, Pie, Pie, Pie, Cas, Pie, Pie, Pie, Pie, Cas, Cas, Cas, Pie
Bobby: *Watching in the distance* Sometimes I wonder how you didn’t die at a younger age
Chapter 33: Sammy loves musicals prt. 3
Bobby: Dean what is Sam doing in that tree
Dean: Honestly I don’t know, lemme ask. SAM WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING IN THE TREE?
Sam: I’M TRYING TO RECREATE DEAR EVAN HANSEN DEAN, LEAVE ME ALONE
Dean: He’s gonna recreate a scene in this musical where this guy tries to kill himself by tree
Bobby: Someone made a musical about Sam’s life?
Dean: I know right?
Chapter 34: British Men of Letters are essentially the Heathers
Mick: Honey, whatchu waitin’ for-
Arthur: SHUT UP MICK *Shoots Mick in the head, before singing* Step into my cANDY STOOOOORRRRRRREEEEEEE
Lady Bevell: Time for you to prove you’re not a lameass anymore
Sam: *Standing there with this look of “Bitch what the fuck”*
Chapter 35: Supernatural, but Castiel and Gabriel are Kpop fans
Castiel: *Punches down Dean’s door*
Dean: Cas what the fu-
Castiel: DEAN I AM NOT OKAY *Pulls up a picture of Jimin* LOOK AT HOW TINY HIS HANDS ARE
Gabriel: SAM YOU DON’T UNDERSTAND I NEED TICKETS FOR THIS BROWN EYED GIRLS CONCERT
Sam: DAMMIT GABE FOR THE LAST TIME WE ARE NOT SPENDING ALL THAT MONEY
Jack: Castiel, why are you sad?
Castiel: I just remembered 2ne1 broke up
Chapter 36: Oh Chuck
Chuck: *Throwing cash every where* Shots on me everybody!
Chuck: I’m only having one beer *Drinks beer* who the fuck drank my beer
Chuck: *Throwing cash every where* Shots on me everybody!
————— The next morning——————
Dean: I am. So fucking hungover. Chuck please tell me you have something
Chuck: *Searches bag and finds painkillers* …Nah *Searches again and pulls out a bottle of whiskey* Perfect! Here you go Dean :D
Dean:…What the fuck
Chapter 37: My logic
Me: *Points at Dean* No *Points at Sam* No *Points at Castiel* No *Points at Kevin* No *Points at Crowley* No *Points at Lucifer* Perfect *Jumps into his arms*
Lucifer: THIS IS THE FIRST TIME I’VE BEEN LOVED SINCE FATHER CREATED ME :D
Chapter 38: Supernatural, but Crowley is a fan of Babymetal
Dean: If you move I’ll stab you in the ass *Leaves Crowley in the impala*
Crowley: *Waits until Dean is gone before putting on Babymetal, and turning the volume up* This is my shit
Sam: *Sitting in the front seat, internally crying*
Chapter 39: Supernatural, but Sam sings Take Me to Church everytime Destiel happens
Castiel: Hello Dean
Dean: *Hugs Castiel* I missed you
Sam: TAKE ME TO CHURCH I’LL WORSHIP LIKE A DOG AT THE SHRINE OF YOUR LIES
Crowley: *Aggressively plays piano*
Chapter 40: *Spoilers*
Rowena: *Aggressively dgs up Crowley’s grave, and pulls out his body, begins to slap him* BITCH WHO THE FUCK GAVE YOU PERMISSION TO DIE, I SIGNED A FORM TO SELL YOU FOR 3 PIGS NOT FOR YOU TO STAB YOURSELF, DO I LOOK LIKE A DUMBASS TO YOU
Dean: Rowena Pls
Chapter 41: Zeus as a parent
Zeus: *Play accoustic guitar while singing* Carryon my wayward son, there’ll be peace when you are done, don’t you cry no more
Jason: Dad that’s not helping
Zeus: Well fuck you too
Chapter 42: Odin comes out
*Odin locked himself in the closet*
Ra: Odin can you please come out?
Odin: *Muffled* I'm Bisexual
Ra: I didn't mean like that, but I still support you honey
Chapter 43: Loki is Nico
Loki: *Bust into the room, wearing a half-assed Nico from Love Live cosplay while holding a gun* GET ON YOUR NICO NICO KNEES BITCHES
*Everyone holds their hands up while getting on their knees*
Loki: So guys how does my cosplay look so far?
Alex: I wanna fucking shoot myself
Magnus: *Too traumatized to say anything*
T.J: *Internally screaming*
Chapter 44: It’s not that big
*Annabeth, Percy, Jason, Piper, Hazel, Frank, Reyna, the Stoll brothers, Sherman, Billie and Mark look at Nico in shock as the son of Hades sticks a hole Popsicle in his mouth casually*
Nico: *Pulls it out* It's not even that big
Percy:...Nico that popsicle is about the same length as my arm what the fuck do you mean it's not that big
Sherman: *Too shocked to say anything*
Nico: I've stuck bigger things in my mouth
Mark: Like what Will's dick or your dad's dick
Chapter 45: Zeus needs to chill
Thalia: Dad look I found treasure!
Zeus: Thalia those are old and broken Buddha statues
Thalia: But they're so shiny!
Zeus: So is Poseidon's big ass forehead but we don't focus on that
Poseidon: *In the background he slowly puts on a hat while looking sad*
Percy: *Comforts Poseidon*
Chapter 46: Soulless Sam
Lucifer: Hey Dean you can have your brother back
Dean: *Holding Sam like a baby* This bitch is empty *Turns towards a open field and throws Sam* YEET!
Castiel: deAN NO!
Chapter 47: Hell’s Maids
Stupidly based off of this: https://ifunny.co/fun/DLQMvG506?s=cl
Chapter 48: This is so serious that I appear
Me: Mark Pellegrino has a porno…from the 90s *Slowly turns off iPad, and lays on the floor before singing* All around me are familiar faces, worn out places-
Castiel: *Pats my head* There there small human
Sam:… *Slips away to check it out on his laptop*
Chapter 49: The Schuyler Brothers prt. 2
Deans: *Sings* Angelica
Adam: *Crawls out of hell* and Peggy!
Lucifer: *Drags Adam back*
Dean: Damn we almost had him
Sam: *Sighs* Round 20?
Chapter 50: Castiel’s First Time
Cas: *Excited* Dad I just had sex!
Chuck: *Excited* Son that’s great! Sit down and tell me about it
Cas: *Happily* I can’t my ass hurts
*Everybody looks at Dean*
Chapter 51: Dean wat
Dean: Sam if you don’t shut the fuck up I’ll beat you so hard you’ll call me daddy
Sam: How about we don’t
Chapter 52: Netflix and Chill
Cas: So what is Netflix and Chill
Claire: It’s when you watch Netflix with a dick in your mouth
Cas: Well that’s not very convenient, how can I see who the killer is if I have Dean’s penis in my mouth
Sam: *Drinks wine from the bottle*
Chapter 53: Don’t say it Dean
Almost had a breakdown in public yesterday but I’m okay now
Yong-Nam: Fuck You Dean
Dean: Nam you’re such a-
Yong-Nam: I’m a what Dean? Say it pussy!
Dean: You’re a fucking bit-
*Cut to Castiel getting off the phone*
Castiel changes into a black trench coat, and puts on a black mantilla and red lipstick
Crowley: What are you doing?
Castiel: I just found out that I’m a widow, okay let me grieve
Chapter 54: Stupid Kpop joke is stupid
*Cas does something dumb/dangerous and Dean feels betrayed b/c that’s his man but he won’t admit it*
Dean: *Singing-Screaming while driving* I’M SO SICK OF THIS FAKE LOVE
Sam: *Somehow calm* Hm. Never took you to be part of ARMY
Chapter 55: He Crai
Ares: I never cry
*Sad doggo commercial comes on*
Ares:...*Falls down on the ground crying*
Clarisse: *Follows suit*
Ares: *Starts spinning in a circle while crying*
Chapter 56: Poseidon No
Poseidon: Apollo can you help me with something?
Apollo: Sure what is it
Poseidon: I have a vibrator stuck in my ass and I can't get it out
Apollo: *Puts on gloves* So...*Holds up a giant thing of lube and Vaseline* How do you feel about fisting? ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
Chapter 57: “Cousins”
Dean: I’m gonna go rewatch Sailor Moon.
Bobby: They’re not cousins.
Dean: Wait, what?
Bobby: They’re not cousins.
Dean: What does that mean?
Bobby: The English dub lied to you. They’re not cousins.
*Bobby walks away leaving Dean confused*
Dean:……Wait a minute
Chapter 58: Miniskirts
Also known as Seducing Sam
(Watch the music video for AOA’s Mini Skirt to understand the choreography)
Crowley: What are you doing?
Lucifer: *Wearing mini skirt* I’mma go seduce Sam to come back into the cage with me
*After Lucifer finds Sam he tries to seductively unzip his miniskirt*
Sam: Dean help I’m uncomfortable
*A wild Deanmon appears!*
*Deanmon uses foaming mouth*
*Deanmon uses black eyes*
*It is high effective!*
*Lucifer has run away*
Chapter 59: Daddy
*Just a normal dinner night with the Winchesters*
Cas: Daddy can you pass the salt
*Both Chuck and Dean reach for the salt*
Chapter 60: Jack is a California Gurl
Dean: Ah shit we need money
Jack: I know!
-Cut to Jack, nude and posing like Katy Perry on a cotton candy cloud while a sleezy photographer takes his photos-
Dean:…I mean I can’t even be mad
Cas: *Screeching in Enochian*
Chapter 61: GUYS
THIS MIGHT SOUND DUMB BUT...
PERCY JACKSON, BUT HADES HAS BIG CURLY HAIR
JUST STOP TO THINK ABOUT IT
LIKE ROSE FROM STEVEN UNIVERSE
I WANNA SEE FANART
Chapter 62: Mr. Squishy Paws
Dionysus: *High off of anesthesia, cocaine and weed* Everyone this is my pet tiger Mr. Squishy Paws
*Everyone watches as Dionysus squishes Mr. Squishy Paw's paws and rub his face against it*
Dionysus: So squishy...
Piper: Are you okay?
*Everyone then watches as Mr. Squishy Paw licks Dionysus' face*
Dionysus: Is it bathtime already?
Chapter 63: You can’t train a tiger unless you’re Dionysus
Dionysus: I trained Mr. Squishy Paws to rescue my kids
Dionysus: *Picks up his son Maiko*
Maiko: NO WAIT FATHER NO IF YOU LOVE ME-
Dionysus: *Tosses him into the lake*
*Mr. Squishy Paws jumps in after Maiko and rescues him the way rescue dogs do and sheet*
Dionysus: Told you
Chiron: Oh shut up
Chapter 64: Thor no
Thor: *Pouring Pixie Stix into a shot glass*
Odin: Thor no
Thor: YOU CAN'T TELL ME WHAT TO DO DAD! *Takes the shot, and ends up choking*
Odin:......You fucking dumbass
Chapter 65: Take it off
Persephone: Take off my shirt
Hades:...*Takes it off*
Persephone: And my skirt
Hades:...*Takes it off*
Persephone: And my bra
Hades:...*Takes it off*
Persephone: And my corset
Hades:...*Takes it off*
Hades:...*Takes it off*
Persephone: My panties and my stockings
Persephone: *Slaps him* NOW
Hades: *Takes it off*
Persephone: Thank you. I don't want you wearing my shit again
Chapter 66: Percy want Zeus- I mean Juice
This is dedicated to all my readers, and my first hate comment that I have ever received online :D
Jason: Hey guys I'm going to the store, who wants something?
Hazel: Custard buns
Jason: Percy do you want anything?
Jason: Ok...wait...Hold on......What?!
Thalia: Well then......
Percy: Juice! I meant Juice!
Jason: *Sighs* Ok then that makes sense
Thalia: *Insert R18 images of Zeus x Percy*
So uh…anyone want Zeus x Percy fanfic?
Chapter 67: Me as a witch
Rowena: So here’s a very powerful spell that can fuck shit up so do it under supervision
Me: I’MMA DO IT AFTER I TAKE MY SPORTS MED TEST
Chapter 68: Persephone why
Persephone: Listen Nico, I'm sorry I hit you
Nico: Persephone *Holds up a wrench covered in blood* It is not okay to throw this at me!
Persephone: But you're fine
Nico: I was bleeding!
Persephone: But did you die?
Chapter 69: Zeus is THAT parent
It was funnier when I first wrote it
Jason: *Just got off of school and looks up to see Zeus waiting with a boombox* Oh no...
Zeus: *Blasting My Neck My Back at full volume with a smirk on his face*
Jason: Father why
Zeus:...*Turns up the volume while maintaining eye contact*
Jason:...I'm living with Percy from this point on
Chapter 70: Gae
Saranghae means “I love you” in Korean
Yong-Nam: Saranghae Dean
Dean: I can’t I’m Sarang-Gay
Yong-Nam: Can you just shut the fuck up and accept my love for you dammit
Chapter 71: I’m tone deaf
If you’ve gotten this far you might as well read my other shit
Me: BABAYYYY I COMPARE TO A KISS ON THE ROSE FROM THE GRAVE
Hades: SHUT THE FUCK UP
Me: SUCK MY BALLS
Me: I had a dream
Zeus: Of equality?
Hades: Of peace?
Poseidon: Of love?
Me: No of murder what the fuck do you think this is?
Nowadays I have dreams about my crush
Chapter 73: GIVE HIM THE RECIPE
So Chau is one of my old Percy Jackson OCs
And Chè is a broad Vietnamese term for dessert (I’m a fan of 3 colored bean)
Chau: Yes Lord Zeus?
Zeus:...Give me your mom's Chè recipe
Zeus: Why not?
Chau: Because my parents had to flee Vietnam, since everyone wanted it
Zeus: Damn can I still have the recipe for Chè?
Chau: What do I get from it?
Chapter 74: Frey is high
Frey: Ay son! Lemme hear you spell Long Dick
Magnus: Dad no...
Frey: L-O DICK
Dionysus: Chiron do you know where Marceline went?
*Will Solace's terrified screams can be heard in the distance*
Chiron:......I think I do know
Context: Marceline (an old Percy Jackson OC) had difficulty sleeping sometimes, so she watched other people sleep by either laying in bed with them, sit on top of them, or standing next to their bed Paranormal Activity style
Chapter 76: Damn stairs
My writing at its peak guys
Joseph: *Tries to go down stair but trips and falls* AHHHHHHH! FUCK! FUCK! FUCK! COCK! FUCKING COCK! *Lands on his back while lookin like a human pretzel* HOLLY WHAT THE HELL?!
Jotaro: Hey Old Man, come down stairs that gay show you like is on
Joseph: Coming *Slowly goes down but ends up falling again* AHHHHHHH! FUCK! FUCK! FUCK! COCK! FUCKING COCK! STRETCHED OUT DICK! *Lands on his back while lookin like a human pretzel*
Jotaro: Oh my god! Are you ok?
Joseph: NO I AM NOT OK! NOTHING ABOUT THIS IS OK!
Joseph: *Walking towards the stairs* Hey guys was one of the dwarves named Snappy? Kinda well dressed or am I making that up? *Begins falling down the stairs* AHHHHHHH! FUCK! FUCK! FUCK! COCK! FUCKING COCK SUCKING WHORE! *Lands painfully on his side while lookin like a fucked up deformed potato*
Kakyoin: Oh my god Mr. Joestar!
Abdul: Mr. Joestar are you ok?!
Joseph: DAMMIT I HATE THESE STAIRS! Yeah guys I'm fine. I'mma just lie here until the pain goes away
Chapter 77: Roda Rora
The more and more I look back at old writing the more and more I’m tempted to revamp my old OCs
Zeus: Don't worry we'll get it done faster than you can say Road Roller
Zeus: Road Roller
*Zeus and Marceline continue to go back in forth between ロダロラ and Road Roller*
Nico: *Turns to Thalia and explains every calmly* She got stabbed in the head one time. It was so bad it damaged part of her brain so she can't say Road Roller without a Japanese accent
Chapter 78: Lickity lick
Zeus: Hades you have tomato sauce on your face
Hades: *Feels around his face* Really? Where?
Zeus: I got it *Leans close to Hades and licks it off*
Hades: *Looks at him horrified*
Zeus: *Being casual about it* What?
Hades: There where other options to get it off my face
Zeus: Were there other options?
Chapter 79: Kakyoin’s nips
Abdul: Why are your nipples poking against my back
Kakyoin: Sorry! They get like that when they're cold
Abdul: But why are there 3 of them
Kakyoin: They're not. Two of them are moles
Abdul: THOSE NUMBERS STILL DON'T ADD UP
Chapter 80: Chicken bake thoughts
Funny enough I wrote this back in 2016 when I was still able to eat chicken bakes
Me: What if Percy had Senketsu during the Titan war?......*Chews*
Ares: *Picks me up in the chair I'm sitting in and puts me outside in the freezing cold*
Chapter 81: When you sexually fustrated
Jason: Hey can you help me with this puzzle I can't find 「Click」
Bopha: Don't worry your dad can't find the clit either
Jason: *Puts his pen down* I said Click!
Chapter 82: After Three
(You need a basic understanding of Mandarin Chinese for this)
Frank is sitting with Marceline and practicing his Chinese.
Frank: (In Chinese) One, Two, Three...
Marceline: Okay Frank what comes after three?
Frank: (In Chinese) Death?
Marceline: No! It’s four!
Chapter 83: Dat good domestic fluff
A short domestic fluff with my OCs and no context besides they’re married and she’s pregnant.
“You know what sounds good right now?” Samuel continues to rub Avril’s round belly as he hums for her to continue talking “A croque madame but instead of ham, it’s tafelspitz.” he smiles before putting a kiss on her cheek.
“It’s five in the morning mein hase.”
“Well the babies don’t care, they want a croque madame with tafelspitz.” Avril says, Samuel chuckles as he moves lower on the bed to kiss her ever growing bump.
Avril stands up with her husband’s help. She pulls out the stethoscope from her bag, she begins to listen for her babies heartbeat. Samuel watches as a smile grows on her face. She pulls out the earplugs by the tubes and offers them to her husband.
Samuel puts the earplugs in as Avril puts the diaphragm on her belly again. He too smiles at the sound of babies rapid beating heart. “Only twenty-two more weeks.” Samuel says when he removes the stethoscope.
“Probably less since I am carrying twins.”
“As long as you and our babies are healthy that is fine by me.” Samuel says as he kisses her bump again.
“Well healthy twins need a healthy mum, and a healthy mum can’t happen if you don’t let me get dressed for work.” Avril runs her finger through his messy Venetian tresses. Samuel grumbles as he goes and hands Avril her uniform. She thanks her husband before putting it on.
It wasn’t until she was fully buttoned and she saw what was wrong with the picture. Avril’s smile turned into a face of disgust and disappointment. “Sammy, I’ve ballooned to the point my poor uniform is suffering from stretching.” Samuel stifled his laughter as his wife took off her uniform. Avril sits on the bed in her silk slip and begins to work her way on getting the dress to be maternity friendly.
Samuel kneels on the floor, resting his head in Avril’s lap, he stared as she modified her uniform. She noticed and asked in confusion “What?”.
“I love you, mein hase.”
Avril smiles before kissing her husband, “I love you too, mon chou.”
Chapter 84: Dionysus doesn’t like bara
2016 me was a fucking trip y’all
Me: Say yes to Bara!
Dionysus: No! Say no to Bara!
Me: Say yes!
Dionysus: Say no!
Me: Say yes!
Dionysus: Say no!
Me: Say yes!
Dionysus: Say no!
Me: Say yes!
Dionysus: Say no!
Me: Say yes!
Dionysus: Say no!
Me: Say yes!
Dionysus: Say no!
Me: Say yes!
Dionysus: Say no!
Me: Do it! Just do it! Say yes to Bara!
Dionysus: Don't do it! Don't do it! Say no to Bara!
Percy: What's Bara?
Dionysus: Yaoi. With. REALLY. Muscular. Men.
Me: GAY BUTT SEX WITH MUSCULAR MEN! JUST THINK OF YOUR DAD AND ARES HAVING ANAL!
Percy: I don't want to...
Chapter 85: Names
For context: If I get along with a teacher enough I’ll start calling them by their first name. This girl (more like young woman b/c she was a 22 y/o in high school (I wasn’t questioning)) heard me talking with a friend about a teacher and I called this teacher by his first name. Teacher is close in age to my siblings so in my mind it’s okay, in my friend’s mind it’s fine because this teacher is very laid back.
Girl: OMG!!!! I CAN NEVER IMAGINE CALLING MY TEACHER BY THEIR FIRST NAME!!!!!!!!!
Me: *Kicks down classroom door while chugging kombucha* Whaddup Joseph I almost got hit a fucking car again
Chapter 86: Don’t lie, this is def possible
*Jack, and Dean are doing research*
Jack: *Starts humming songs from Victorious*
*Dean and Jack make eye contact*
Sam: Dean they didn’t have apple so I-
*Dean and Jack on the world map table screaming Take A Hint at the top of their lungs*
Dean and Jack: TAKE A HINT TAKE A HIIIINNNNTTT
Chapter 87: Harry Potter but it’s Six
I know we all are currently hating J.K. Rowling for her comments about trans women but imagine Harry Potter characters singing the songs from Six.
Like I'll pay someone all my scholarship money to animate Nearly Headless Nick singing "Don't lose ur head" or the Weasley family sing "Haus of Holbein"
Chapter 88: Six but it’s Percy Jackson
Specifically the gods.
I've been thinking about it for a while so this made sense to me.
Catherine of Aragon - Hades
Anne Boleyn - Poseidon
Jane Seymour - Zeus (for irony)
Anne of Cleves - Ares
Katherine Howard - Apollo/Dionysus
Catherine Parr - Hermes (Because he's one of the youngest)
Someone already made an animatic with Disney's Greek Goddesses, so I guess that's what sparked this.
Chapter 89: Throwing Back
Ares: Poseidon I broke your son's dick
Poseidon: Okay seriously what the fuck, how did you break my son's dick?
Ares: Listen, he told me to throw it back so I threw it back but I guess I threw it back too far because the next thing I heard was Percy screaming about his dick.
Hades: *Overheard* Damn is he okay?
Ares: Yeah I'm just a little sore
Hades: I'm talking about Percy!
Ares: Oh yeah, I snapped it back and gave him ambrosia.
Poseidon: You what?!
Ares: *Cheerfully* Yeah it's a little crooked but it can still stand on it's own
Poseidon: *Has an aneurism*
Chapter 90: Hades being a supportive uncle
Ares throwing his ass back while everyone else tries to stop him because they're on live TV and Hades is just in the back aggressively supporting him.
That's the story.
That's the imagery I wanna put in your head.
Imagine whichever variation you want. Percy Jackson, an artist, it don't matter. But lemme just say that Fedini's (on Tumblr) version of Ares makes me wanna RISK IT ALL. Their version also makes me forget about my crush on my Junior year history teacher.
Chapter 91: Zhang
Every other Riordanverse fan: Ama-Zhang! LMAO
Me: *Took a total of roughly five school years of Mandarin and makes a habit of learning how to pronounce given names and surnames in their language of origin* 張
(Look up how you actually pronounce it in Mandarin and you'll never look at this pun the same)
Chapter 92: If you know you know
Tumblr: Having a three year age gap in the relationship is yucky
Me: *Has parents with a ten year age gap*
Me: *Paternal grandparents had a ten year age gap*
Me: *Has written about consensual relationships with 3+ age gaps*
Me: *Writes about a couple with a three year age gap*
Me: *Monotone* Oh yeah that’s terrible…
Chapter 93: Ares is not okay
Ares: *Sitting in the corner crying*
Percy: Are you-
Ares: NO I JUST READ TWIST AND SHOUT LEAVE ME ALONE *Continues crying*
Percy: *Visible confusion* You read?
Chapter 94: PJO as quotes from my life
Percy: Listen I wasn't expecting her dad to roll up and greet us with "Whaddup scrubs"
Annabeth: Yeah I played the gay kid that got beat up.
Grover: We're gonna avoid that park because that's where all the potheads are.
Thalia: My mom makes some bomb food when she's high out her mind
Clarisse: Dad you can't say shit! I know mom fucked you in the ass and you liked it!
Leo: You dance like a drunk Karen but don't worry we're gonna change that.
Jason: Listen *Props leg on table* I don't see him as a father figure okay? I want his gochu in my mouth. I'm trying to taste dat gochujang.
Nico:...Can I get in trouble for twerking on a freshman?
Piper: Yeah, I felt that writing about my grandfather's death was distasteful (Cheerful) so instead I wrote about a father's reaction to watching his son shoot his daughter in the head!
Frank: *Looks at egg* Please let this be a regular chicken egg.
Hazel: I dunno! Tell me why my dad has a fishnet shirt from his ex.
Chiron: I'm just checking to make sure that no one got pregnant! I'm not ready to be a grandfather!
Dionysus: -and all you hear from little Lea is "Yeah! Shake that ass!"
Apollo: Careful baby, you might splash off mommy's eyebrows.
Reyna: My dad once went to jail because he got drunk on a Native American reservation and proceeded to rub a sacred object in-between his ass cheeks.
Silena: I am both disappointed and disgusted with the fact you can do that.
Beckendorf: I would like to have all my fingers to finger myself later thank you very much.
Travis: Are you saying my voice isn't lovely?
Connor: Sorry babe I'm too flat chested to motorboat.
Chapter 95: Mr. Parr
After I did a creative writing assignment I wanted to write a whole series about this child bride and her husband.
I never got to fully fleshing out the story and their dynamics. ƪ(˘⌣˘)ʃ
Mr. Parr got home at 6 PM to a rather upset looking wife. "Hello love." he goes to try and kiss her, but she kicks him away.
"Don't touch me Edward." Elisabeth says with crossed arms. Edward sighs as Elisabeth goes to the kitchen to serve dinner.
"What did I do this time?" Edward asked as Elisabeth plates chili from the pressure cooker. Elisabeth slams the lid shut, throws a pinch of cheese atop the meal and thrust the bowl into Edward's hands.
"Who's Gabriella?" Edward looked confused "Don't try to play dumb Edward, who the hell is Gabriella?"
"A student, in my first period." Edward confesses.
"You're also forgetting my tormentor and your new girlfriend."
"What?" Edward puts the bowl down "Honey where did you hear that?"
"From her filthy mouth." Elisabeth said "You gave her an extension on that essay, even though you wouldn't hand those out. Did you two do a trade, in exchange for an extension you get to bend her over? Is that the case Edward?" Edward sighs.
"That's not the case." Edward assures his wife
Chapter 96: It’s raining heros
Zeus: *Throws a hero Calypso’s way* IT’S RAINING MEN
Calypso: ZEUS IF YOU DON’T STOP I WILL SHOOT YOU IN THE TIT
Drew: *Flirting with Jason*
Jason: Drew for the last- Apollo what’s with the outfit
Apollo: *Dressed as Anne Boleyn but it’s hella small on him that the top just barely covers his chest* Piper isn’t here so I’m helping a girlfriend out *Looks at Drew and crouches down to her height* HE DOESN’T WANNA BANG YOU SOMEBODY HANG YOU
Will: *Screaming in the background*
Off topic: But the fact my experimental story “Losing your flower in a field of flowers” has that many reads baffles me for some reason.
Chapter 98: Quote
One of the weird things I do when I’m bored is make up quotes for videos and TV shows that are talking about a fictional show.
This is one of them
“In response to being told that the war god Ares was ‘too gay’ by incels, the studio got permission by series creator to animate Ares having a threesome…with two other men. Talk about a power move.”
Chapter 99: Zeus is a bad influence
Me: IDK maybe I’ll just bang my roommate in exchange for paying all the rent
Zeus: That’s called pussy power and I approve. Do it.
Apollo: Is Percy okay?
Annabeth: He got into a fight with Ares so he’s locked himself in his cabin and is now blasting Red Velvet’s Psycho so...no.
Muffled from the Poseidon Cabin: YOU GOT ME FEELING LIKE A PSYCHOOOO
So this is final chapter.
I know it’s probably hella abrupt, but yeah I wanna retire this before hate comments flood in accusing me of being a clout chaser or whatever they wanna say I’m doing.
Like guys the title is “Fandom crack” what the fuck did you expect? I put all the fandoms I’m in b/c I wanna write script style crack fics of the fandoms I was in. I didn’t do a lot of JJBA because the one I did do contain my dead name and I hate looking at it so I don’t wanna repost it here. So yeah this is it. Go check out my other works if you like my content I guess