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The Family GC

Chapter Text

[ChefJinnie created BOIZ!]

[ChefJinne added NyoomJoon, MochiMinnie, TaeTea, MuscleBunny and Sunshine to BOIZ!]

 

NyoomJoon: 

Hyung what

 

TaeTea: 

I legit know basically nobody here

 

MochiMinne: 

TAETAE!

 

TaeTea: 

CHIMCHIM!

 

Sunshine: 

Ah! Chimmy the mochi!

 

MochiMinnie: 

Suck a dick.

 

Sunshine: 

OKAY DAMN! SHIT!

 

ChefJinnie: 

Intros So everybody knows who’s who. Y’all already know me but I’ll go first.

 

[ChefJinnie changed their name to Eomma!]

 

Eomma: 

Kim Seokjin. I’m 25 and I’m a business major and acting minor. 

 

Eomma:

 

TaeTea: 

Lol where’s your shirt

 

Eomma: 

I am so proud rn I cant even

 

MochiMin: 

UWAA! Hyung is so handsome(⌒▽⌒)

 

MochiMin:

 

Eomma: 

Thank you child

Hobi?

 

Sunshine: 

I’m Jung Hoseok. 22. I’m a dance major and acting minor. That’s how hyung and I met. I’m captain of the dance team so I met Chimmy and Kookie there. Call me Hobi!

 

Sunshine:

 

 

Eomma: 

DID YOU DYE YOUR HAIR GREY?!

 

Sunshine: 

Naw. It’s the lighting.

 

Sunshine:

 

 

TaeTae: 

Shame. You look really good, hyung!

 

Sunshine: 

Thanks Taetae!

 

TaeTea: 

I’m Kim Taehyung. Call me TaeTae!!!

 

NyoomJoon: 

ooh.

 

Sunshine: 

CALL ME TT <3

 

NyoomJoon: 

OOOOOH

 

MochiMin: 

JUST LIKE TT :)

 

Eomma: 

OOOH

 

TaeTea: 

LOL. Okie. Imma fashion major singing minor and I be 20. Chimchim is my soulmate and say anything otherwise and I will cut you. I met Jinnie hyung because we share a dorm.

 

TaeTea:

 

Eomma:

 A normal pic, dearie

 

TaeTea: 

FUXJ NORMAK

 

TaeTea:

 

MochiMin: 

LANGUAGE! And here, I’ll do it.

 

MochiMin:

 

 

NyoomJoon: 

WTF was that last one?

 

MochiMin: 

Don’t ask :/

I’m Park Jimin! I’m 20 and a dance major! I don’t have a legit minor but I’m sorta minoring in singing atm. I know everyone here but “NyoomJoon”.

 

MochiMin:

 

MuscleBunny: 

I’m Jeon Jungkook. I’m 20 and a photography major and a dancing minor. 

Looks like I’ll be calling all of you hyung.

 

MuscleBunny:

 

Eomma: 

LOOK AT THIS LIL BABY!! 

Joonie. Go.

 

NyoomJoon: 

Okie. So I’m the odd one out here, then. I’m Kim Namjoon, age 22. I’m a music production major and an English minor. Jin hyung and I work in the same cafe. 

And he’s the love of my life <3

 

NyoomJoon:

 

Eomma: 

Isn’t he adorable?

And ily2 Jaegi

 

Eomma:

 

 

NyoomJoon: 

Are we competing adorable photos?

 

Eomma: 

No. I’d win.

 

NyoomJoon: 

You sure? I mean it is you...

 

Eomma: 

Shit u rite

 

NyoomJoon:

I’d win in every attractive photo contest if the pics are of you<3

 Ily

 

MochiMin: 

The lowkey flirting...

 I CAN’T

 

[TaeTea changed NyoomJoon’s name to Appa!]

 

TaeTea: 

If you marry Eomma, then you’re Appa!

 

Sunshine: 

Seems legit.

 

Appa: 

...

 

[Eomma changed Appa’s name to Daddy!]

 

Daddy: 

I suppose I can’t complain.

That IS what you were screaming last night.

 

Eomma: 

OMF

You adorable dork

 

Daddy: 

Checkmate.

 

Eomma: 

Get over here now. 

I’m gonna do it again.

 

[Daddy is offline.]

[Eomma is offline.]

 

Sunshine: 

NASTY

Wait

Were you aware they were a thing?

 

MochiMin: 

OH! I KNO!

He’s the Joonie that hyung is always gushing over!

 

TaeTea: 

Seems legit

Wait... shit

 

[Roomies!]

 

TT: 

DIS YIU FUXJIB SEXILW ME?! 

 

Jinnie: 

Yep. Talk to me when you and Kookie date

He’s ur type. 

Bye!

 

TT: 

YOU GET THAT DICK, HYUNG!

Wait wtf was that abt Kookie 

 

[OMG They were roommates]

 

Yoongi: 

Joon are u ok?

You fucking booked it

 

Joon: 

All good. 

My boyfriend called me over

 

Yoongi: 

Gross but aight.

 

[BOIZ]

 

MochiMin has changed their name to Pining!

 

Pining: 

I have seen an angel

I have seen a gkd

Holy fuck

 

TaeTea: 

Spill Da tea!

 

Pining: 

So u heard of Min Yoongi? 

The scary guy who’s in music pd like Namjoon hyung?

 

Sunshine: 

Him? I’ve heard of him. 

Didn’t he burn down somebody’s house bc he was mad and everyone thought he was a murderer for a long time?

 

Pining: 

I saw him smile at a puppy and my heart fucking melted.

 

Sunshine: 

PICS OR IT DIDNT HAPPEN

 

Pining: 

Only got one

 

Pining:

 

 

TaeTea: 

Holy frick

 

Daddy: 

Oh? Yoongi hyung? He smiles all the time. 

 

TaeTea: 

Wait what

 

[TaeTea changed Daddy’s name to Joonbug!]

 

Joonbug: 

Yeah. He’s my roommate. Don’t be weirded out by his face or anything.

 

Pining: 

What’s he like?!

 

Joonbug: 

He’s a really hard worker. 

Like, he’ll put himself through hell for a perfect track. 

He’s a year younger than Jin hyung, but acts a lot older. 

 

Eomma: 

Wait. Is this the roommate with destructive tendencies who doesn’t give a shit about the law but is actually a softie with mental issues that you’re always completely and utterly worried about?

 

TaeTea: 

Wat

 

Joon: 

Yep. 

Look at this conversation we had a while ago

 

Joonbug:

———

[OMG They Were Roomates]

 

Yoongi: 

I’m not a pyromaniac.

 

Joon: 

   Tell that to the professor who pissed you off and you burned their house down.

 Tell that to the scorch marks on the walls of the dorm.

Tell that to the senior who’s car you set on fire in high school. 

Multiple times.

 

Yoongi: 

Asshole started a fight he couldn’t finish.

 

Joon: 

Tell that to your nine fire starting kits, six gallon jugs of gasoline, and to your eight cigarette lighters.

You... don’t actually smoke. Do you?

 

Yoongi: 

Please. 

If I wanted to kill myself I have easier and faster ways to do it.

 

Joon: 

You tried it before, haven’t you

 

Yoongi: 

I can’t read suddenly, I don’t know

 

Joon: 

Hyung

 

Yoongi: 

What

 

Joon: 

HYUNG

 

Yoongi: 

I’m going to the studio. Okay? 

Don’t break anything you clumsy walnut.

———

Joonbug: 

See?

 

TaeTea:

Wait...

 

Pining:

THAT

THAT CHAT NAME

 

MuscleBunny:

I am shookith

 

Joonbug:

Hyung chose it

He’s not actually scary

Just a pyro with mental issues

 

[TaeTea changed Joonbug’s name to Clumsy Walnut!]

 

Clumsy Walnut: 

...

 

TaeTea: 

Did he use a meme tho?

 

Eomma: 

That sweet smiling boy had thoughts like those?! Let eomma at him.

 

Clumsy Walnut: 

Don’t refer to yourself as that around him, babe

He’ll hurt you.

 

Eomma: 

Why? What did his parents do to him?!

 

Clumsy Walnut: 

I can’t read suddenly, I don’t know

 

Eomma: 

No sex for a month

 

Sunshine:

YA NASTIES 

 

Clumsy Walnut: 

Babe he made me swear and threatened to make me watch as he cut my balls of with a burning knife if I told anyone.

 

Eomma: 

Sorry. WHAT?!

 

Pining:

Scary

 

MuscleBunny:

Is he...

Turned on?

 

TaeTea:

Don be meanie to my soul mate kookie

 

Eomma: 

Add this poor psycho baby.

He needs some love

 

[Clumsy Walnut added MinYoongi!]

[Clumsy Walnut changed MinYoongi’s name to Yoongi!]

 

Yoongi: 

Joon. What tf is this?

 

Clumsy Walnut: 

Scroll up.

 

Yoongi: 

Can’t. Nothing to scroll up to.

 

Clumsy Walnut: 

I’ll send you screen shots.

 

[Clumsy Walnut is offline!]

[Yoongi is offline!]

[TaeTea changed Pining’s name to Chimmy!]

 

Chimmy: 

Thx soulmate <3

 

Yoongi:

Okay so he only showed me your introductions 

Why am I here

Chapter Text

Yoongi:

Okay so he only showed me your introductions 

Why am I here

 

Chimmy:

Blame Jin hyung

 

Yoongi:

Jin hyung as in the one I saw? 

As in the one that works with Joon?

The one he’s been pining over for months before he finally grew a pair and asked out?

 

Clumsy Walnut:

HYUNG!

 

Eomma:

Is this prime tea I smell

 

Yoongi:

Damn fuckin right 

 

Yoongi:

———

[Grumpy Cat and The Snacc that Smiles Back (Goldfish)]

 

GC: 

U started work today?

 

Snacc:

HYUNG

MY SUNABE

HES A LITERAL PRINCE

HOW IS HE SO PRETTY

 

GC:

So... you have an attractive sunabe?

 

Snacc:

BUT HES SWEET

AND TELLS THE FUNNIEST BAD JOKES 

I CANTTJDUSH

 

GC:

Did you, Kim Namjoon, genius with a 148 IQ...

Just KEYSMASH?!

 

Snacc:

Believe it, hyung

He’s so amazing

 

GC:

Ask him out

 

Snacc:

Ur kidding.

 

GC:

Do I sound like the type to?

 

Snacc:

A POTATO LIKE ME WITH AN ETHEREAL BEING LIKE HIM?!

NO FREAKING WAY

 

GC:

Ah dammit

 

Snacc:

Dammit.

 

GC:

What did you do now

Clumsy Walnut

 

Snacc:

Forgot my keys.

Gtg

 

———

Clumsy Walnut:

...

 

Eomma:

Aww! Baby!

That chat name tho...

 

MuscleBunny:

*gags*

Wait 148?!

 

Sunshine:

Clumsy Walnut was still a thing then?

Haha!

Damn, Joon’s got a brain on him!

 

Clumsy Walnut:

cgcrnii

 

Sunshine:

how?

 

Yoongi:

OH! THATS TONIGHT!

 

Sunshine:

Right. Forgot.

 

MuscleBunny:

WTF?

 

[Yoongi, Clumsy Walnut, and Sunshine are offline!]

Chapter Text

[Cypher]

JHope:
So we gonna pretend not to know each other still?

Suga:
Yep
When are we all gonna meet
And where

RapMon:
Same as usual
Then I’ll show u where
Why tho?

Suga:
It’s gonna be funny when they figure it out.
But snake on Jin and tell me why I’m actually on the chat

JHope:
One of the people showed a picture of your gummy smile
The one that’s almost exclusively for puppers

Suga:
So...?

RapMon:
I said we were roommates because we are
And Jin is like
“Wait. Is this the roommate with destructive tendencies who doesn’t give a shit about the law but is actually a softie with mental issues that you’re always completely and utterly worried about?”

Suga:
You didn’t...

RapMon:
I did and I have no shame
Besides, Jin hyung knows about my position in Cypher
becoz I love him with every fiber of my being
I tell him EVERYTHING about me
And if he wants to kno I tell him

JHope:
He doesn’t know about us, right?
We still anon?

RapMon:
He never asked
Dw

Suga:
Yeah
I don’t need the world to know that it’s me with the blowjob skills
I don’t wanna be hit on

JHope:
You made me laugh in the middle of a crowded hall
Fuck you

Suga:
Your place or mine

JHope:
Choke

Suga:
On your dick?
Gladly.
But I don’t have much of a gag reflex so it’ll take a while

RapMon:
HYUNG!
Okie. Donghyuk is able to make it tonight.

JHope:
Oh I forget to tell y’all that
Sorry

Suga:
I forgot you two were roomies
All four?

RapMon:
Helll yeah
Wait
Can I tell Jin about who you are

JHope:
Sure
As long as he’s tight lipped

Suga
^^
You love him and can obviously trust him
So I will too

[My Jin and My Joon]

My Jin:
What was that?

My Joon:
It was a special thing
Remember my little “group”?

My Jin:
They’re members of CYPHER?

My Joon:
Yep
Yoongi hyung is Suga or Agust D
Hobi hyung is JHope
We are just keeping appearances because our circles wouldn’t mix

My Jin:
So the leader is the youngest?
Agust D is the harsh one
Right?

My Joon:
He is more harsh as a defense mechanism
He’s a complete sweetheart if he can actually trust you
He trusts you because you’re the love of my life <3

My Jin:
<3~
OH!
THAT MEANS YOU HAVE A SHOW!
Do you want me to come?

My Joon:
I know those places make you uncomfortable
If you don’t want to, you don’t need to
I can just pick you up and have you come to dinner with me after ;D
Then your ass could be my dessert~

My Jin:
I like the way you think ;)
See you later baby

My Joon:
<3

[Lil Boiz]

Tae:
So how long we gonna pretend that we aren’t all bffls

Chim:
Yeet

Kook:
It’s entertaining to pretend to be strangers
And I get to fall in love all over again

Tae:
You sap

Kook:
Just for you

Chim:
Gag

Tae:
On his dick? Gladly

Kook:
I’ll take you up on that

Chim:
But Yoongi
He’s so hot
I can’t

Kook:
Who woulda thought he was also really depressive

Tae:
Yeet
It was so sad
And what was that about his parents

Kook:
I’ve heard that he killed his mom
But now that I know him idek

Chim:
Joon hyung said he’s a complete sweetheart and that he’s just a loner

Tae:
Yeah. I actually saw him in the library earlier today
I was there to meet Bambam so I could help the dumbass with his project

Chim:
Oh he’s a dance minor
That dude is LIT

Tae:
Yeet
I asked about Yoongi hyung and he said hyung hates himself a lot
But doesn’t want to kill himself

Kook:
That makes no sense
But I sorta get it

Tae:
So I guess he acts all scary but it’s just perception
He just doesn’t like people and is a skulky loner

Chim:
Big word

Tae:
Thank u

Chim:
But if something went down with his parents, he would have to be here on a full scholarship, rite?

Kook:
Yeet
I heard he is, actually
The pd professors don’t give a shit about the students as long as the turn in good work
And the other teachers don’t care about him
So they were all
“No criminal record, bomb ass music, shitty attendance but good grades? Fuck it he’s in”

Chim:
Lucky
He prolly gets away with a fuckton of shit

Tae:
We all do
They just don’t care here ƪ(˘⌣˘)ʃ
You know what I wanna get away with?

Chim:
What

Tae:
Kookie’s heartu<3

Kook:
Babe

Tae:
Babe

Kook:
I’m omw~

Tae:
Imma get some good dick tonite!

Kook:
You weirdo
Ilysm

Chim:
You know CYPHER?
They have a show tonite
And guess who has three tickets?

Kook:
You’re kidding

Tae:
Please be fo real

Chim:
I AM!
Who’s your fave

Kook:
Suga he’s badass

Tae:
JHope is silly
So I choose him

Chim:
SUGA ALL THE WAY

Kook:
That verse in pt.2?

Tae:
Holy fuck that’s iconic
I like how Suga is also human
Like, he is serious about his music but admits to his own issues

Kook:
Yeet

Chim:
And JHope can seriously dance!
Boy Meets Evil?

Kook:
Tru
I’d love to see him and Hobi hyung have a comp

Tae:
Idek who’d win
I’d say Hobi hyung
But holy frick he’s got moves

Chim:
And Rap Monster?
He can rap in perfect English like wth
Apparently he and Suga make most of their music and JHope does a lot of choreo

Kook:
Lol
Like idols
Hey
If we joined them we’d be like an idol group!

Chim:
All seven of us?

Tae:
I think only four of us can sing, you two, Jin hyung, and I

Kook:
And Hobi hyung
And apparently Namjoon hyung
Jin hyung was gushing over his singing voice a little while ago

Tae:
I just ignore him when he rants like that
Nobody could compare

Kook:
Babe

Tae:
Babe

Chim:
I hate to cockblock but no sexy times because we be going out tonite!

Kook:
After?

Tae:
As many times as my noodle body can handle

Kook:
I’ll hold you to it

Chim:
Meet me at my place @ the usual clubbing time

Kook:
Cool

Chapter Text

[Cypher]

RapMon:
We rocked yesterday

Suga:
Reflection was really good!
So was Mama!

JHope:
First Love legit nearly made me cry

Suga:
That would totally fuck with your eye makeup
Idk why u make us wear that shit if we wear masks on most of our faces

RapMon:
That trio was really depressing
Even Hobi hyung’s
But the beat for that was really peppy

JHope:
I’ll bet the TRYPS didn’t know I could sing

RapMon:
Now they do
And that was the first time I ever sang on stage

Suga:
That was amazing
Like holy crap
Speaking of, brb

[Jinnie & MinYoongi]

Yoongi:
This is Jin hyung?

Jinnie:
Oh! This is Yoongi, right?
Joonie’s roommate?

Yoongi:
Yep.
Just wanted to tell you that your boyfriend sang for the first time on stage and killed it.

Jinnie:
wHAT?!

Yoongi:
I don’t have a video but apparently you know about us so check out Rap Monster- Reflection

Jinnie:
Doing so now
Should I be proud?

Yoongi:
Very
And my work here is done

[Little Boiz]

Tae:
That was... my heart
OMF
OMF

Chim:
First Love had me sobbing
Like how everyone was quiet and then...
it exploded with cheering
How does an underground show do that?!
And that part when the piano spoke?
Or when he talked about giving up music?
Holy shit

Kook:
And reflection?
RapMonnie is DEEP

Tae:
Mama was so cute and sad
But I just had to sing along

Kook:
Yeet
The others must know of this incredible group

[BOIZ]

MuscleBunny:
So
Who here
Has heard of a rap group
Called Cypher

Eomma:
Rap Monster is my favorite ;)
He’s deep and his voice is great
AND HE CAN FREAKING SING

TaeTea:
IKR?!

Chimmy:
And First Love!
That made me cryyy
Like
How Suga put that piano on a pedestal because of what it meant to him
And how he thought less of it when he grew older
And talked about giving up music
But how he returned and fell in Love all over again?!
“Without you I am nothing”???
And how that piano meant music which is his everything???
Like
How music is his everything and he fell in Love twice?!
Or that part where the piano spoke to him?
Or when they spoke in unison at the end?!
I
I can’t
I’m sobbing
Like
His love for music is so pure

Clumsy Walnut:
cgcrnii

Yoongi:
Ffs Joon
We don’t have one today

Clumsy Walnut:
Scroll up

Sunshine:
?
OH
Gotcha!

Yoongi:
Jimin
You feel really strongly about that song, huh?

Clumsy Walnut:
Hyung. Asapii.

Yoongi:
K

[Sunshine, Clumsy Walnut, and Yoongi are offline]

TaeTea:
Jin hyung?
What was that?

Eomma:
It was nothing!
Absolutely nothing!
Don’t pay attention to it
But tell me, is Suga your favorite?

Chimmy:
He’s so amazing
It’s like, he has such a pure love for music
And he’s really cool, too!
And how he has his own faults and is willing to be open about them? And he’s so human, but like, he twists it in his favor
And I
Ah
I just think he’s cool

TaeTea:
I like JHope
He’s super silly and that boi got MOVES

MuscleBunny:
I fell bad saying this because then Rap Mon won’t get the love he deserves as leader
But Suga is so freaking cool!

Chimmy:
So he has spoken
So it shall be

MuscleBunny:
Haha

Eomma:
Shut it brat

Chimmy:
Seconded
Platonic soulmate?

TaeTea:
Yes?

Chimmy:
Tell the one you purple to shut up

TaeTea:
I would never!
Love you baby

MuscleBunny:
<3

Eomma:
WAIT WHAT?!

Chimmy:
They’ve been dating for three months

Eomma:
AND NOBODY SAID A THING?!
YOU PRETENDED NOT TO KNOW EACH OTHER!

MuscleBunny:
Yeet
It was like
“Hey let’s make fun of hyung and toy with his shipper ways!”

Chimmy:
My idea
But I felt bad and told them we should tell you last night

Eomma:
I am hurt!
When Joonie is finished, I demand cuddles!

Clumsy Walnut:
Will do, but I have to mute the chat for a bit, babe.
You know why.

Eomma:
I do
My talented baby
<3

Clumsy Walnut:
<3

[Cypher]

JHope:
Uh
What do we do

RapMon:
Well
They’re talking favorites
Hyung
You good?

Suga:
I-
How did he know exactly what I was trying to make the audience feel?
I am shook

JHope:
But what do we do

RapMon:
We have three TRYPs
We can’t say anything unless we are all super close
Or at least we feel like family
I guess
Close enough for hyung to tell them about his childhood issues with his parents and pyromania

Suga:
Fire has always been that thing
I was forced to learn piano but then my mom died and had to grow up. You know that.
And when my dad got really bad I had the basketball team
But Fire was always
I dunno
Fire was always associated with good memories and there’s something soothing about watching things burn up in flames
Like every time my mom and I went camping we burned things and I remember the fireplace as my mom guided my fingers over the keys
Or the fire in the kitchen stove as my mom taught me how to cook
Fire was always part of my happy memories so I guess I’m addicted to the warmth it gives me
I have a really freaking good idea if you’re willing to tell them.
Ah shit
I just remembered something
We need a partner from the singing dept for a project

RapMon:
Shit u rite

JHope:
Good luck u guys
And lmk if we can tell them

RapMon:
Sure
And now I’m off to cuddle my BF
But what was that idea?

Yoongi:
Remember Fire?
It needs four singers with different voices though
One really high and pure voice
One breathy and gentle voice
One smooth and and versatile voice
And one deep voice

[BOIZ]

Yoongi:
Um. Jimin, TaeTae.
You guys are in the singing dept?

TaeTea:
YEET

Yoongi:
Can you guys both help me and Joon for a project
It’s supposed to be a joint thing where we each enlist someone from the other dept. to sing for it.
The topic is internal struggle or smth.
It’s a joint grade and stuff.

Chimmy:
I’d be glad to work with you Yoongi hyung!
How much time do we have?

Yoongi:
Two months
But if we can meet and you can show me your voice, there may be a song that’s perfect for you

Chimmy:
Really?

Yoongi:
It’s called Lie
I think you’d like it

Chimmy:
If you want we can meet at five
I’d don’t have any classes by then

Yoongi:
Sounds great
But... shouldn’t you BE in class?
I am but the teacher is just explaining the assignment and talking about how the song needs to be appropriate
And he’s publicly lecturing Donghyuk again because of that one song he did with Iroh
I stg that guy didn’t even know what the lyrics were supposed to be for
He just did the pd work
Our teacher is an ass smh

Clumsy Walnut:
That idiot should’ve known
It’s Iroh

Sunshine:
I hate Iroh
With every fiber of my soul
Donghyuk is so funny and friendly
Idek why they’re friends

Yoongi:
Agreed
At least he has Aurora
She’s chill

Clumsy Walnut:
You’re just saying that because she isn’t scared shitless of you

Yoongi:
Yep

TaeTea:
Wait
You know Iroh
Hobi hyung
Knows a bad person from music pd?

Sunshine:
Wish I didn’t
Donghyuk is my roommate

Clumsy Walnut:
So you’re okay with helping me, Tae?

TaeTea:
Sure! I have a really deep voice, tho

Chimmy:
Dis boi can sing opera
Ffs dw

Eomma:
Who’s in class rn?
I’m in practical acting and another student is taking a turn rn
I already went

Clumsy Walnut:
Yoongi hyung and I are in practical producing rn
We got put in the same advanced class two years ago
The teacher is going off on a tangent about acceptable lyrics again
So we are all good
Hyung has put away his phone and is sleeping at the moment.
He’s been working on that lie track for 18 hours... he couldn’t get one part to his satisfaction

Chimmy:
Damn...
Tae and I are in singing class and the teacher is explaining the assignment and talking about proper etiquette and seething over this song that a pd student made last year
Iroh and Donghyuk?
Anyway, I think it’s all good because apparently you guys are freaking incredible from what I’ve heard
Jisoo is talking about snagging Joon hyung
Lalisa wants to work with Yoongi hyung
Said that she wants to tame the beast
Her friends are giggling and the teacher is staring

Clumsy Walnut:
Probably was them
So Tae put his phone away?

Chimmy:
Yep.
He’s doodling
What’s his purple up to?
And u, Hobi?

MuscleBunny:
His purple
He’s so weird I freaking love him
And we are supposed to be shooting again today
But I’ve got the required amount and I got the pics ready to turn in
I’m waiting for my turn to give them in
The teach is scolding Jackson about all his pics being similar in color
And he’s not very pleased with Jackson’s response about aesthetic

Sunshine:
I’m with Jin hyung.
Same class
Advanced acting (it’s a multiyear)
And I’m BORED
Moonbin is so freaking adorable but his partner is shit
I think Jun is high with how funny he finds them

Chimmy:
Binnie is there?
And Jun?
Yeet

TaeTea:
Double yeet

Chimmy:
Oh it’s five
I’ll meet you there hyung

Yoongi:
I was let out
I’m waiting for you

Chimmy:
On my way!

Chapter Text

[Cypher]

Suga:
Jimin is perfect for voice no. one
I actually had him record it
I recorded what would be my lines.
You guys wanna come in and do yours?

RapMon:
Sure
And I think Tae is perfect for voice number four.
I still need to record the English parts so I can ask him to do them as well for the guide
Hobs?

JHope:
Count me in!
What if we asked Jin and Kookie?
Idk about Kookie but hasn’t Joon gone on for hours about the breathy and silky quality of his voice?
He can probably be voice 2

Suga:
But that has the least lines

RapMon:
But his voice WOULD be perfect
I can ask him
Brb

[RapMon is offline!]

Suga:
Have you heard Jungkook sing?

JHope:
Yeet
He has the voice most like no. 3
I can ask him to record with your stuff if you let me.
I have a dance team with him later anyway

Suga:
Nice
Joon, did you record at Mon Studio?

RapMon:
Yep.
And his voice is perfect.

Suga:
Shit u rite

[Lil Boiz]

Chim:
Ah
I don’t know if I did well, but hyung really liked it!
He also had me sing a few lines that were completely different but he said it was for a guide track
He said my voice was perfect for it and now I’m all mushy

Kook:
Hobi hyung said smth similar
He dragged me to record after the meeting
Said something about a voice number 3

Tae:
Joon hyung asked me to do something like that also!
I’m gonna do it tomorrow
I wonder if they’re gonna ask Jin hyung?
Or are the all separate?

Kook:
Well if we each weren’t given enough lines to properly make up a song, then I’d say they are
But how can Hobi hyung help if he isn’t in the pd dept.?

Tae:
Idk
Goodnight boos
Ipy Kookie<3

Kook:
<3

[BOIZ]

Yoongi:
Thank you for your help with that demo
Will you do the honors, Joon?

Clumsy Walnut:
Idk if that’s a good idea...

Sunshine:
cgcrnii

[Cypher]

JHope:
They’re our friends and we are all super tight
Even Yoongi hyung trusts them

RapMon:
Here goes

[BOIZ]

Clumsy Walnut:
Fire.mp3

Yoongi:
And if you’d let me, I’ll put it on the Internet

Chimmy:
WAIT
WAIT
WAIT
ARE YOU GUYS ALL CYPHER?!

Eomma:
Keep up, mochi

TaeTea:
Ah!
Thank you for trusting us with this secret!

[MuscleBunny changed their name to JungShook!]

JungShook:
What was that?!
Would you really put that out?
Wait a sec.
RapMon has a deep voice and is super smart with English
But he’s the leader

TaeTea:
The youngest is their leader!
Namjoon hyung is RapMonnie!
The Hobi hyung has to be JHope, because dancing.

Sunshine:
Yeet
So Yoongi Hyung is Suga!

Chimmy:
I’m a huge TRYP so
ASDFGHJKLQWERTYUIOPZXCVBNM
AHHHHH
I consent!

Eomma:
Same
TaeKook?

TaeTea:
Yeet

JungShook:
Double Yeet

Clumsy Walnut:
Wait
We need a name
We can link all of it to a different account on different pages
But we need a name

Eomma:
Bangtan Sonyandan?
BTS for short!
Because we are bulletproof, that rap you guys did but scrapped a while ago because you needed a fourth rapper?
Kookie can rap

TaeTea:
Yep
He’s awesome
He’s incredible

Clumsy Walnut:
BTS it is
Here goes
Update your pages now, you two

Chimmy:
Can I see Lie if it’s done?

Yoongi:
Lie.mp3
Your voice is so pure it’s insane
How it melded to the finished track perfectly
I was really worried I’d have to put it with my scrapped/storage tracks
Idk why I finish tracks I can’t use

Clumsy Walnut:
That minor to brief major...
DID YOU ACTUALLY JUST USE TEXT PAINTING?!
HYUNG
YOU ARE A GENIUS THE SUBTLE MUSIC REFERENCE I CAN’T EVEN
TaeTae?

TaeTea:
Ye?

Clumsy Walnut:
Stigma.mp3

Eomma:
Talented bois

Sunshine:
Wait
Didn’t Joon say that we’d only tell them about Cypher when you were ready to talk about your pyromanic tendencies?

Yoongi:
Big word.
And yes I did.
So you guys know first love?

Eomma:
We all do
It’s amazing

Yoongi:
Thank you.
So the thing is, my mom made me learn piano and I really stopped after she died
Because I had to grow up faster for reasons that I will explain once and only once
My father didn’t take it well so he took it out on me
So I joined basketball and my teammates were like my family but I had a “crisis” and stopped playing basketball because they didn’t like the revelation it brought

Eomma:
Wait, you’re gay?

Yoongi:
You heard part three
I’m bi
But I kind of fell in love with music because my teammates had been bullying me after my little discovery and my dad hadn’t ever stopped
Music was an outlet, I guess

Chimmy:
But where was the fire in all this?

Yoongi:
I guess my love of fire started then
Fire had always been something associated with memories I actually liked
Like the fireplace roaring as my mom guided my much smaller fingers over the keys
Or the candles burning as we had family dinners
The bonfires on the trips my family took on breaks
Or the flames of the stove as I learned to cook
Heck
The cigarettes me and my teammates shared

TaeTea:
That’s kinda... sweet
Wait

Eomma:
CIGARETTES?!

Yoongi:
Why are you so surprised
Besides I quit when I left the team
It never had any appeal apart from the burning part

Eomma:
...

Yoongi:
I kinda became addicted to burning things
Little things, like flowers and shit
When a senior started giving me shit about being a bisexual pyro psycho, I set his car on fire
So he called me a creepy pyro
So I did it again
It was a back and forth of him pissing me off and trying to get me in trouble and me setting his car on fire
Then he dropped out and joined a gang
I think he died or smth
So I went on my merry way of burning shit
Sometimes I went arson-mode because i was pissed off
Watching flames eat away at something and turn it a singed black soothes my very soul

JungShook:
Sounds cool I guess

Yoongi:
But my dad found out about my earlier discovery and kicked me out
So I used the composer skills I have to sell sheet music that I could eat and I lived in shifty dorms
I saved up after selling that childhood piano that I took with me because my father had been grumbling about destroying it
And I bought a laptop and a program.
Then I applied for full scholarships and got one here. Food is provided for one meal a day for scholarship kids.

Eomma:
YOU HAVE BEEN LIVING ON ONE GOOD MEAL?!
I REFUSE TO ACCEPT THIS
GET OVER TO MY DORM SO I CAN STUFF YOU WITH FOOD

Chimmy:
Poor Yoongi hyungie.

Yoongi:
SO I became an underground rapper and got enough cash to live a comfortable student life.
I found out that Joon had been doing it as well, under a name I’ll be keeping under a tight lid for blackmail reasons
Since we were dormmates and worked on some assignments together, we were pretty close
So when he introduced me to Hobi and talked about starting a rap group I couldn’t say no

Sunshine:
We get along well, yeah

Yoongi:
Yeah
So Cypher became my family
And I befriended Donghyuk and Aurora through them
And now I guess you guys too

JungShook:
Aww

[JungShook changed Yoongi’s name to Pyro!]
[Pyro changed JungShook’s name to JungShit!]
[Pyro changed their name to Yoongi!]

Sunshine:
That sounds like an insult to my last name

Yoongi:
Tru
One sec

[Yoongi changed JungShit’s name to JeonJerkCock!]

JeonJerkCock:
I like this

TaeTea:
He knows how to jerk mine

[Chimmy changed TaeTea’s name to ThirsTae!]
[Chimmy changed Clumsy Walnut’s name to Daddy Joon!]
[Chimmy changed Sunshine’s name to J-Hoe]
[Chimmy changed Eomma’s name to SuckJin]
[Chimmy changed their own name to Jibooty]
[Yoongi changed their own name to Pyro]

Pyro:
Do not touch my name
I changed it
Happy?

Jibooty:
Very

Chapter Text

[DANCE HOES]

Bammie:
Hold up
Y’all kno cypher

Moonie:
Yeet

Yuggie:
Yep

Hobi:
Yes?

Bammie:
SOMEONE TELL ME
HOW THE FUCK
ARE TAE, JIMIN, AND KOOKIES VOICES ON THAT BTS FIRE THING?!
AND THERES A BIT WHERE JHOPE SOUMDS EERILU LIEK HOIB

Minnie:
I know people

Kookie:
You sound more like Yoongi hyung by the day

Hobi:
He’s a softy
You kno that

Kookie:
Tru

Moonie:
You guys know Cypher?!
And are part of that supergroup BTS?!
Wait
Min Yoongi
The pyro

[Hobi, Minnie, and Kookie are offline!]

Bammie:
Did they just say that they were friends with him?
And that he SOFT
BITXH WHAY TEH FUVK

[BOIZ]

Jibooty:
cgcrnii
Idek what it means but people recognized tae, my, and kooks voices in fire
And said that Hobi hyung sounds like JHope

ThirsTae:
Fuck
Bambam sent me a text asking why my voice is in it too

Daddy Joon:
It means
Cypher Group Chat Right Now It’s Important
And what are you thinking we should do?

Pyro:
We could be open about our looks and shit?
I mean, who cares about who we are as long as we put out shit they like

SuckJin:
Uh
Idk
Maybe the people who followed you will stop becuz you scare them
Or you’ll get groupies

Pyro:
I hate people

SuckJin:
Bingo
Besides, press actually pays attention to you guys
They like your stuff

J-Hoe:
That’s why we were compared to idols
So we made cypher part one
Then two
Donghyuk helped with three
He’s supreme boi

Jibooty:
Oooh
So that’s how the others know him

J-Hoe:
Yeet
He was originally gonna be a member when I introduced them for the first time but he wanted to focus on the pd part
He helped make that song for Iroh (the sick fuck) because they were partnered for a project and he said he’d do the lyrics
There was no time to change them when they got in the booth
So he was screwed over royally

Pyro:
I fucking hate him

Daddy Joon:
He’s got Aurora
She’s a good person
Really hardworking
They are good friends
When he’s with her Iroh doesn’t approach

SuckJin:
OH!
Didn’t she kick him in the balls?

Pyro:
Yes.
I have never been more amazed

[Lil boiz]

Chim:
Does
Does Yoongi hyung have a crush on Aurora?!

Tae:
...
No

[TaeTae created OPERATION YOONMIN]
[TaeTae added Jinnie, Joonie, Hobi, and Kookie!]
[TaeTae changed Jinnie’s name to AgentHandsome!]
[TaeTae changed Joonie’s name to AgentClumsy!]
[TaeTae changed Hobi’s name to AgentSunny!]
[TaeTae changed Kookie’s name to AgentMuscles!]
[TaeTae changed their own name to DirectorGucci!]

AgentHandsome:
What is this?

DirectorGucci:
Jimin is obviously crushin bad on Yoongi hyung
Hence the chat

AgentClumsy:
Can’t argue the name
But hyung is pretty sensitive
He hasn’t told anyone this but I will

AgentSunny:
FUCK
Hojin
I almost forgot about that crapturd

AgentMuscles:
What happened?

AgentClumsy:
In his first year of uni he met a guy who attends the other one
So they got along well and Hojin asked him on a date
Yoongi hyung hadn’t been loved since his mom passed so he was so innocently happy with it
But he kept it secret and the relationship stayed off grounds
But Hojin has only doing it for a bet to see if he could get his dick in Yoongi hyung’s mouth
He did after much deliberation from Yoongi hyung
He was scared to get physical at first
And Hojin decided he liked it so much that he
Fuck
I’m so mad I can’t even type

AgentSunny:
HerapedYoongihyung
Again and again
But hyung kept going back to him

AgentClumsy:
Since then, Yoongi hyung’s relationships were purely physical
He can’t have emotional dependency the way he used to
The fact that he warmed up to you guys so fast is unreal

AgentHandsome:
WHAT

DirectorGucci:
WHAFSJDNSJ

AgentClumsy:
We were roommates for months and had very little interaction until I found him having a panic attack
But he warmed up to Hobi hyung p quickly because he’s Hobi hyung

AgentSunny:
So when he met you guys the fact that he was so willing to talk means one of three things
1- he would talk to any close friend of someone he really trusts and you guys became that
2- He genuinely decided that he likes you
Or 3

AgentClumsy:
That he is moving on.
This is the least likely because I dropped a glass in the dorm and he locked himself in the bathroom for hours and wouldn’t come out until I left.
That’s still leftover from his dad
I had to buy him a cigarette lighter o calm him down

AgentSunny:
He still has it?

AgentClumsy:
The blue one with black music notes
It’s his favorite :)

AgentMuscles:
Wait
All his relationships were purely physical?

AgentSunny:
He’s a switch but he has only bottomed for one boyfriend since
But between scattered ‘stands he has had six fwb

AgentHandsome:
Who

AgentSunny:
Some guy named Kihyun was the first
He stopped because he found out Kihyun was falling in love with him
He’d developed an emotional dependency for some reason but hyung refused to hurt him
Which was a shame because it was also a friendship
Then there was a brief stint with Kim Heechul. But apparently the guy was embarrassed that he was sleeping with the “scary psycho” so he cut it off.

AgentMuscles:
Oh he’s popular!

AgentSunny:
Chanyeol briefly but it was when the other was in a drunk haze because of his pining over Baekhyun. The guy doesn’t even remember it.

DirectorGucci:
Chanyeol hyung did mention he had a few flings when he was pining over Baekhyun hyung.
He also said he didn’t remember who so yeah.
But damn I didn’t think he’d be able to take the Agust Dick

AgentSunny:
He had a short one with Suran when she decided she wanted to fuck the short one in the mask.
He never took the mask off for her.

AgentHandsome:
THE Suran?!

AgentSunny:
Yeet
They work together somtimrs but no mor sex
He had a guy named Zelo for a week so idk if he counts but today he does. He was bottom for him but since it’s a nope.
There was that exchange student who left because of racism, but she was fuckbuddies with him on the third meeting and they just ended it when she went back to Spain.

AgentHandsome:
Alright so let’s put info together
We know his past royally fucked with his emotions
Leaving him nearly incapable of emotional dependency and with a few “tendencies”

AgentMuscles:
But for whatever the reason, all six of us and about two other people are his friends
Aurora and Donghyuk
Right?

AgentSunny:
Yep
And we know that he’s basically been sleeping around for the physical and the physical alone
So he probably still wants that love but he’s scared of it because it only ever resulted in pain for him
But he hasn’t had a nostrings in a while

AgentClusmy:
True
But I know he’ll kick my ass if I bring this up

Chapter Text

[BOIZ]

ThirsTae:
HOLY FGUXK
YOONGI HYUING JUST KNOXKEAD A BEFFY ASS DUSE OIY!
LEOK THE GIY JUST APPROACHED HIM AMD STARTED SCREAMING SHOT
AND HES LIKE SOX THREE
AND HYUNG JUST LAMDS A FIST ON THE NZOSE AND BE GOESE DOEN
LIKE WTF

Pyro:
I think I know what you mean but I’m not sure so I’ll translate
A guy was bothering me so I told him to leave the fucking room and he did
End of story

SuckJin:
Sounds fake but oki
How are your knuckles?

Pyro:
Perfectly fine

Jibooty:
HYUNG
You need to be good to yourself
You are so important and shouldn’t hurt yourself
I can handle the fire because it’s special but it not okay for you to hurt yourself! And I’m coming to your dorm with a first aid kit right now if you don’t open up I’ll tell everyone on campus that we had sex last night.

Pyro:
I’m perfectly fine if you want that to happen TOnight ;)
Besides, what would the pure and innocent mochi be doing fucking the crazy pyro?

[ThirsTae changed Jibooty’s name to PurestMochi!]

PurestMochi:
I-

[Lil Boiz]

Chim:
I want him to
I want him to defile me with his long and flexible piano fingers
To make me scream his name with the Agust Dick
I want the tongue technology to send me to Hong Kong
My thirst for him is insane
Why did he call me a fucking pure and innocent mochi

Tae:
Tell him
But idk if he wants more than a no strings

Chim:
Is it bad that I’d accept that?
It’s like I can just joke and hang out with him
But I want to fuck him at the same time
I have a bigass crush
And I need to head to their dorm

Kook:
Yepp

Tae:
Yeet

[OPERATION YOONMIN]

DirectorGucci:
[screenshot]
He nasty

AgentSunny:
So Jimin really likes him but what if it’s one sided?
I mean Yoongi hyung has been really touched by the rant about first Love but idk

AgentClumsy:
I’m going in

[OMG They Were Roomates]

Joon:
Hyung
Can I ask you a personal question from a safe distance so you don’t burn my balls off?

Yoongi:
Uh sure

Joon:
If you were able to get into a relationship with emotional dependency, would you do it?

Yoongi:
If I found the right person.
They’d have to really love me. And never want to hurt me like El Bastardo.
I’d definitely need to be attracted to them but I want to be able to just hang out as well.

Joon:
If I asked you to consider it now
Would you?

Yoongi:
I don’t think so
I mean
I stopped sleeping around but
I don’t think I can handle it
You know I have anxiety and depression
If something were to happen I might actually kill myself

Joon:
Right. Forgot.

Yoongi:
Why do you ask?

Joon:
I was thinking about how much I want you to have a relationship like mine but then I remembered why you don’t and got curious.

Yoongi:
K
Imma be in the studio so Jimin doesn’t attack me with bandaids

[OPERATION YOONMIN]

AgentClumsy:
I have the package. Over.
[Screenshot]
[Screenshot]

DirectorGucci:
Excellent
Can AgentSunny confirm his affection for Jimin?

AgentSunny:
I’ll do my best, bossman!

AgentHandsome:
waIT
DEPRESSION AND ANXIETY?!

[Sun and Moon]

Moon:
Hey Hobs

Sun:
Yeah?
I was actually abt to txt u

Moon:
Really?
Why

Sun:
I just had a question
What do u think of jiminie
Liek date material?

Moon:
Why

Sun:
It’s just
He probably really cares about u
So I thought that maybe he’s the perf guy to let u love again

Moon:
U trying to set me up with him?

Sun:
Na
But I think you warmed up to the others pretty quickly

Moon:
U salty?

Sun:
YEETS ALL THE WAY TO PLUTO
You wouldn’t reach out first for MONTHS
And you legit sent a message to Jin hyung after 3 days

Moon:
I trust Joon with my life
And he loves the guy so much
Like
He trusts him with his life and probably would give it to him in a heartbeat
So I trust him
But that’s Jin hyung?

Sun:
And TaeTae?

Moon:
Well I originally only reached out to help Joon
But he’s a good kid
Weird
But a good kid
I guess it’s because I was already opening up that he and the brat decided to fucking run in
Kook is like the lil brother I never had anyway

Sun:
Lol
Wait what about me and Joon?

Moon:
Joon is like my own age in behavior
It’s hard to treat him like he’s younger
And you’re too close in age

Sun:
Gotchu
But what abt Jiminie

Moon:
He’s cute
But he’s too innocent
I mean he’s sweet and he clearly cares about me but I’m p sure he doesn’t think much more of me than his scary new hyung

Sun:
...
Go on
You attracted to him?

Moon:
Why would I flirt if I wasn’t
That boi has a pair of THIGHS

Sun:
Lol
So you find him attractive and he really cares about you?

Moon:
Guess so
Why

Sun:
He’s totally your ideal type!

Moon:
You know why I can’t, Hobs

Sun:
Let a delusional gay dream

Moon:
Oki bye

[OPERATION YOONMIN]

AgentHobi:
*hacker voice* I’m in
[screenshot]
[screenshot]
[screenshot]

DirectorGucci:
Oki so we have a confirmation from both sides

AgentClumsy:
We need to make him believe it first
Also
I’m so touched rn

AgentHandsome:
Me too babe
And I trust you with my life as well

AgentClumsy:
<3

AgentHandsome:
<33

AgentSunny:
Mr. Director and his muscle bunny have to take Jimin
I’ll work on hyung with NamJin

DirectorGucci:
I like the way u think
Make sure to spill the truth abt hyung

AgentClumsy:
Why?

DirectorGucci:
Becuz Jiminnie will get all up in the moment and shower hyung with compliments and if he sees them he’ll be touched
If the flattery works
He wanna smash

Chapter Text

[DANCE HOES]

Hobi:
Alright
Listen up u lil shits

Bammie:
WAIT U DIDNT ANSWER MG QUESTION

Hobi:
Oh Yoongi hyung?
I leave this in your hands Chimmy

Minnie:
He’s a pyro but he’s actually really sweet like
He has such a pure love for music
And he never killed his mom
Confirmation here

Kookie:
*whispers* He’s got it baaaad

Moonie:
SORRY WHAT

Minnie:
Yep
He’s super sweet
And he close friends with hobi hyung

Hobi:
SHUT

Yuggie:
For real?
Why is everyone scared of him anyway
His name is like voldie’s

Bammie:
Because he’s a pyro!

Kookie:
And he knocked out a beefy dude with a punch
He’s p strong

Moonie:
What

Minnie:
:(

Yuggie:
This is actually kind of adorable

Junnie:
Snake and spill some tea

Minnie:
Jun!

Junnie:
Yo

Yuggie:
Do it!

Junnie:
Something cute

Minnie:
He called me a pure and innocent mochi

Hobi:
Because you threatened to tell everyone on campus that you had sex if he didn’t let you in his dorm and he’s like what would YOU be doing fucking ME

Yuggie:
WhAT

Bammie:
Ah
Is he good?

Hobi:
Ask Chanyeol
O wait
He don’t remember
Ask Kim Heechul

Bammie:
WHAT
Heechul hyung?!

Hobi:
He’s had six fwb over his time here
Some dude named Kihyun but he cut it off because Kihyun fell in love with him and he doesn’t fuck with feels
Some dude named Zelo for like a week
That exchange chick from Spain who left
Some chick named Suran
Kim Heechul but he cut it off when he heard of hyung’s reputation
I ask him to update me
He’s been “basically” single for a few months now

Bammie:
SIX?!

Hobi:
Yeet
He’s scarred for life he doesn’t date

Minnie:
I knew there was more to it than what he said on the GC!

Bammie:
Sad scars?

Hobi:
SAD SAD scars
Joon almost smashed his phone because he got so mad typing it in a different chat

 

Minnie:
More cute tea to spill on the coolest hyung?
Becuz I’m mad about what I do know
His life was fucked up

Bammie:
Pls
I’m cryingf
Itmadejbinnie aad and I can’t see my eyes ar e sweativ

Yuggie:
Aw shit you need me to suck your dick and make it better

Bammie:
Me likey

[Yuggie and Bammie are offline!]

Hobi:
NASTY
I feel like he’ll kill me but yolo
His chat with Joon is called
Wait for it
OMG They Were Roommates
And he named it

Moonie:
What

Hobi:
Yeet
He uses memes all the time

Moonie:
Why are people so freaking scared of him?

Hobi:
I asked that a lot in the beginning
Then I realized
He’s a pyro who hates 99.8% of people

Minnie:
He’s decked a guy almost three times his size a few days ago
I’m still mad

Junnie:
Wait
Was he the one who decked Sehun?!
Apparently he was drunk off his ass and said he was gonna challenge the next person he saw but couldn’t find anyone but someone who was tiny and angery (apparently Min Yoongi?)
And the guy is scary but he smol
So he starts screaming random shit and he gets punched square in this nose and was out all day

Moonie:
Rip Sehun

Hobi:
Lol
But hyung has his own issues I advise leaving him alone
You can only meet him through people he trusts
And those people are either in that GC, or are Donghyuk and Aurora
And that’s base trust
He trusts me and Joon with his life
He’s said it before

Moonie:
Really?

Hobi:
Yep we tight

[CHILDREN OF OUR MEMELORD AND SAVIOR]

Lalalisa:
Guys
Guys
Guys

Yu-gi-nom:
What

The8:
Need smth?

BamBam:
I’m too busy freaking out over what I’ve just learned

Lalalisa:
Guys
Guys
Guys
Gays

Yeriri:
WTF unnie

Binnie:
Y’all
Ya know Min Yoongi

Lalalisa:
That sexy pyro? I want to work with him on that vocal dept project but no dice :(
Can’t find him

Chimmy:
Check Genius Labs if you can’t find him
He practically lives there
I worked with him!
Hyung is so freaking talented I can’t even describe it

IreneQueen:
Should we be jelly?

TaeTae:
Very
Lie was soooo good! Chim was perfect for it!
And I liked working with Joonie hyung!

Kookie:
The Clumsy Walnut XD

TaeTae:
Lol
Yoongi hyung is a meme

Yeriri:
Wait
You guys are close friends with him?
Isn’t he a murderer?

Yu-gi-nom:
Apparently he’s an actual sweetheart or smth
He’s tight with Hobi hyung and apparently trusts him and Namjoon hyung with his life

Kookie:
Yeet
He’s been through a lot of shit
But he’s awesome he buys me lamb skewers

Chimmy:
Hehehe
Rember when I threatened to tell the campus that we screwed each other if he didn’t let me in

Lalalisa:
WHAT

Chimmy:
We didn’t
It was b/c he knocked a bigass dude out and wouldn’t let me berate him
I think it was Sehun but idk

BamBam:
lol

Lalalisa:
Shame
How is he as a pd?

TaeTae:
Acoording to Joon hyung he worked on Lie for 18 hours
Straight

Lalalisa:
whAT

TaeTae:
Guy puts himself through hell to get the good tracks out
And he has a shit ton of polished tracks he’s never gonna use

Yeriri:
Is he super cold?

Kookie:
Imma spill da tea
His chat with Joon hyung is
Wait for it

Chimmy:
OMG They Were Roommates

IreneQueen:
What the shit?!
That is so cute
Oh and could you guys hook the desperate partnerless people up

Chimmy:
Aurora and Donghyuk
You didn’t hear it from me but
He’s dheusnnshs

Lalalisa:
Chimmy!

Chimmy:
This is Yoongi
Wtf are you doing talking about me

Yeriri:
Okay who snaked

Chimmy:
I like this one
And it was Kookie

Kookie:
It was NOT

IreneQueen:
Wait
Wait
Wait
Wait

Chimmy:
I’m fucking waiting
And Donghyuk is Supreme Boi
His friend named Iroh is an asshole who tricked him into making that rf song
Don’t work with him
If he can’t get a partner he’ll get expelled and I hate him
Aurora is chill
She’s good at her job and currently is partnerless
Donghyuk also
You’re welcome
And leave the tips in the jar I don’t like people

TaeTae:
Lol hyuuung

Chimmy:
What is it you Gucci fucker

Lalalisa:
ROASTED

Chimmy:
I prefer singed thx :)

[Chimmy is offline!]

TaeTae:
I’m WHEEZING

Kookie:
Babe
It’s not that funny
You KNOW why he’s a pyro

TaeTae:
It’s still funny babe
Ipy

Kookie:
Ipy
Now get over here so I can show you how much

[TaeTae and Kookie are offline!]

Yeriri:
Please don’t sext in the GC

Lalalisa:
I’m getting war flashbacks

The8:
Lol

Lalalisa:
Oh wait
I know Donghyuk
That boi can RAP
Imma text him now

[Lalalisa is offline!]

Yeriri:
So then there’s me and Irene unnie?

IreneQueen:
Naw
I bumped into this guy who agreed
He’s already done it but he agreed
Which is good bc I know like no pds here

Yeriri:
I gotta find this Aurora then
Bai

[Yeriri is offline!]

The8:
Wait who is he

IreneQueen:
Said it wouldn’t matter
He was wearing a mask

BamBam:
Lil sus

IreneQueen:
But I still needed a partner so I’m like lol okie

The8:
Not a good idea

IreneQueen:
Ik
His studio is so alive
It’s like he makes magic in here
I’m scared to touch anything
HOLY FUVJ

The8:
IRENE!

IreneQueen:
I’m fucking working with Suga
Suga attends our uni

Chimmy:
And RapMon
And JHope
RM and S met because they taking pd
JH Met S thru RM
Who met him thru his bf
JH only does pd in his spare time
I’ll be leaving now

[Chimmy is offline!]

IreneQueen:
I can’t see much of him
But he has a shit ton of files and songs
He’s asking for my range gtg

[IreneQueen is offline!]

Wendidi:
Fighting!

Jun:
A fellow lurker I see?

Wendidi:
Hehe!

IreneQueen:
He showed me a track that’s so pretty I can’t-
So Far Away
Some chick named Suran gets it tho
But he did show me one that shook me so feckimg much
It was called Awake and he broke out these cuteass smile eyes and said that RapMon made it for his bf to sing because he didn’t get enough lines in Fire
I’m shook
Much cuteness
How do I stan

BamBam:
He showed you his other stuff?

IreneQueen:
Yep
He was writing lyrics because he had a track he couldn’t use that he could alter to my voice and I asked what other stuff he made
I’m so freaking shook

TaeTae:
Hyungies cool like that

Binnie:
Wait
Ur friend group has 7 ppl
Rite

Kookie:
Ye

Binnie:
And the youngest three are you three
TaeChimKook

Chimmy:
Ye

Binnie:
And then there are the three who would be in Cypher and rap mons bf!
Namjoon hyung is in pd
So is Yoongi-ssi
RapMon and Suga are the two who do it seriously tho
So they’re those two
And then Hobi hyung is like JHope because dance
And then the last person is the super handsome bf!
Am I rite?

[Chimmy, TaeTae, and Kookie left the chat!]

Yu-gi-nom:
But Yoongi-ssi doesn’t date
Something abt scars?
Also RM be tallll
So if you were Yoongi-ssi would be Suga and RM would be Namjoon hyung
Who does in fact have a bf
Also Dat was p shady

[BOIZ]

PurestMochi:
[screenshot]
[screenshot]
[screenshot]
[screenshot]
I know I’m not in it but
cgcrnii!
CGCRNII
CGCRNII

Pyro:
Ah dammit

Chapter Text

[BOIZ]

J-Hoe:
You kno what we gotta do
Face reveal bitches

Daddy Joon:
IDEA
Guys
What if we got the cash to make an MV
Like, with our faces in it
And Cypher becomes BTS?
You all good with that?

J-Hoe:
I’m in!
Yoongi is with me and he is too!

Pyro:
I am not
But I’m in
We’d have to split into lines for who does what tho
PD line: Me Joon and Hobi
Choreo line: Hobi Jiminnie and Kook
Stylist line: Tae and Jin hyung
Vocal line: Jin hyung jiminie tae and kook
Rap line: me Joon Hobi and kook

SuckJin:
I like this
V much
But stage names?
I’ll just be Jin

[Pyro changed SuckJin’s name to Jin!]
[Pyro changed their name to Suga!]
[Suga changed J-Hoe’s name to J-Hope!]
[Suga changed Daddy Joon’s name to RapMon!]
[PurestMochi changed their name to Jimin!]

Jimin:
I’ll stick with my name!

[JeonJerkCock changed their name to Jungkook!]

Jungkook:
Same :D

ThirsTae:
I don’t really object to my name but...
What about V for victory?

[ThirsTae changed their name to V!]

V:
I leik dis
I know hyung knows ur sizes so let’s get plotting

RapMon:
I can handle funding control
Cheap shit TaeTae

V:
Cool
I got an idea
But we need a car and a fuckton of gasoline
And some locations we can do this

Suga:
;)
I can handle that
What props will we need?

V:
I’m thinking
Cig lighters
Gas
A car (dw)
A bike (dw)
A Walkman
Old tv and game console
A clothes iron
Spray paint (dw)
A police car (I gotchu)
A radio
A gas stove
Tp
Another actor (Donghyuk?)
Some abstract paintings (dw)
Sandbags (dw)
An old blue couch (dw)
And I found a set!!!
{location sent}

Jimin:
My soulmate is so organized rn
And prolly only ever for BTS lol

Suga:
I have a lot of this but wtf

V:
Leader mon
I sent you a text
Did u get it?

RapMon:
This is awesome
How did you find the place

V:
I was just walking aimlessly lol
But get that dance started!
Hyung is gonna do set design with me rn
Wanna help Hobi hyung?

J-Hope:
Hell no
That class is a minor for portraying emotions only
Jin hyung this is all yours

Jin:
Omw
I have the old tech and tp
Also this is amazing tae im proud
Kook do you know how to photo edit flames

Jungkook:
I’m learning
Do you want me to brush that off like ASAP

Jin:
Business mode is on!
Okay why don’t we set up the set and get the stuff because it was easy to find
We need to get the money from somewhere so can our two main pds do commissions for a few weeks to hire a crew?
Dance line? Can you get choreographing
I know all of us can dance well enough
And I have some outfit concepts that fit this set perfectly so there’s that
I have some savings I can blow on that because I didn’t know what I was doing with the cash anyway
Meet me at the mall tomorrow Okay

RapMon:
K

Suga:
Sure

V:
Ye

Jungkook:
Yeet

Jimin:
:) Oki doke :)

Suga:
That was unnecessarily cute
Why the smileys?

Jimin:
It makes it look brighter, right?

Suga:
I guess?

Jimin:
Try

Suga:
Hiya Jiminnie :)

[Lil Boiz]

Chim:
My HEART
He’s so fucking cute too
Ah shit choreo is starting

Tae:
Lol

[OPERATION YOONMIN]

DirectorGucci:
Let’s get this vid out ASAP
So we can get back to the good stuff:)
That adorableness?
I AM LIVING

[BOIZ]
[Jimin changed the chat name to BangBangtan!]

Jimin:
What do you guys still need for the set?
Because we have a break next week and we can teach it to you then?
I’m exhausted
Fuck
hyung
You work fast

J-Hope:
Thank you!
Holy duck

V:
Duck?

J-Hope:
There’s a new company doing shootings for half their later price
Shoots are two days w/ normal hours
How much commission cash did you get?
O wait
I have accessed to the papers too so just a sec
FUCK YEAH!

Jin:
We have enough?

J-Hope:
Yessss
And the crew already wants to speak to the one in charge
Tomorrow at eleven?

Jin:
As leader Joonie should do it
But I can if you want
They had a seminar about hiring services
And I have no classes then

RapMon:
Please do

Jin:
Okay
Is the set... set?
Heeheheheheh

V:
It is
Bad pun btw
I got places marks out for the dancing and acting
Can Yoongi hyung jump a fence?

Suga:
Yep
All good
Also we can take fire and put it for sale off SoundCloud

Jin:
Do that
Make BTS a site

Suga:
Joon hyung you may have to do it
The Irene girl has to record today
Gtg

[Suga is offline!]

RapMon:
Already on it, babe
Also what if we made that beginning a different song we put out
I have one named Dope

J-Hope:
It is really good!
We’ll have to wait till after the shoot

Jin:
I can get the stuff with y’all and you teach us the dance right after

J-Hope:
Breakkkkk

[CHILDREN OF THE MEMELORD]

IreneQueen:
ANNOUNCEMENT
FIRE WAS TWKEN OFF SOUNDCLOUD
ITS ON THIS PURCHASE ONLY SITE NOW
I ASKED SUGA TODAY BC I WAS THERE SO WE COULD FINISH AND GIRSS WHAT HE SAIIIKD!

BamBam:
Wait what
That sucks
That’s my jam!

Binnie:
What?

IreneQueen:
That BTS is trying to pull together the funds for something really big
He also said he wouldn’t mind if I told people he was doing COMMISSIONS
FOR THE NEXT DAY ONLY

Wendidi:
What?!
Tell the GC this!
I think Joy needed a partner

Yeriri:
Introduce me please!
I can’t find this Aurora and Wendy unnie has seulgi unnie
Oh send your location
That way we can find you and you can lead us there

IreneQueen:
{location sent}

Lalalisa:
I’ll tell Jisoo noona
BTS Fighting!

[Slut7]

BamBam:
Guess whhhhhat

JackiJackie:
What

BamBam:
ANY AND ALL MUSIC MAJORS STILL IN NEED OF A PARTNER CAN GET THE GREAT SUGA TO DO IT FOR CASH
TODAY ONLY
{location}
MEET IRENE UNNIE THERE AND BRING YOUR WALLET

JB:
Jinyoung just DASHED
Lol

[Exxio]

BarkBaek:
Irene looks like she’s leading a freakin army
Oh
Apparently any music majors who still need a pd for that project can get Suga to do it for cash
Today only

ChaChanyeol:
WHAT

TaoTao:
I’m cominnng
I seeeee them
Okie there’s like twenty people

[Monsterrrrrr]

Shownu:
Guys I’m gonna get Suga to do my assignment
No shame

Kikihyun:
Good on ya?

[BangBangtan]

Suga:
I have exactly twenty five commissions
I have seven songs to make from scratch
The amount of scrapped music that got their voices is nuts
They’re all in a line and some wanted to write lyrics for the tracks
So I’m carving through
Imma be dead by tonite
Bye new customer
Oh he just wanted me to check it and sign something

Jimin:
How are you keeping a play by play

Suga:
Boredom
These people are good but idc So...
\/(>.<)\/

Jimin:
Aww that’s cute

Suga:
Like you said:))))

[OPERATION YOONMIN]

AgentHandsome:
I
AM
LIVING

Chapter Text

[BangBangtan]

 

Suga:

Clothes are down now I just need to do twelve more songs

I have so many scrapped songs it’s like there is one for everyone

 

RapMon:

We can cheat if u like

I’ll give you five of the seven and you handle the rest?

 

Suga:

Sure

These songs are all complete and polished they’re just scrapped so I only need to record

Why I finish songs I don’t need I DO NOT know 

 

V:

Lol

Joon hyung has five at the waiting

He overheard their voices and went two days straight digging and fixing old scrapped tracks 

I kno because I interrupted 

 

Suga:

Thanks a lot Joon:)

 

RapMon:

Save it for Jiminnie

 

Suga:

Oh thank fuck

Bye for now

 

[CHILDREN OF THE MEMELORD]

 

Binnie:

Helll Yeah

Guess who just saw the apparent BTS having a dance practice to Fire?

 

BamBam:

WHAT

I AM AWAY RHIS SUCKSNSSNVB

 

Lalalisa: 

Ah

It’s so good I can’t even

They look like idols

HOLY FRICK THEY CHANGED THEIR HAIR????

 

Lalalisa:

 

Lalalisa:

It was a bad time but holy frick

And the parts where they stopped were out of the blue

But they kept referring to some sort of script?

OH

OH

Are they making a music video?!

 

Yeriri:

I AM SCREAMING

Also

How are they ALL good dancers

I know the dance major or minors are 

And Cypher is because of JHope

But what about the other two

 

Jun:

Jin hyung works out

TaeTae is just... TaeTae 

His energy knows no bounds if the sun is up 

 

[BangBangtan]

 

Jin:

BIIIG DAY TOMORROW!!!

Get some sleep boys

 

Chapter Text

[DANCE HOES]

 

Hobi:

You guys we are dancing without u no shame

 

Chimmy:

Lol

But we were great today!

Yoongi hyung is like

Underrated dance skills

 

Kookie:

Only when he cares

 

Moonie:

MIN YOONGI

SCARY PYRO WHOS ACTUALLY A SOFTIE

CAN FUCKIN DANCE?!

 

Hobi:

He’s easier to teach than Namjoon

The Clumsy Walnut 

 

[BangBangtan]

 

RapMon:

Okay that song was a fun bit to add

Good idea

You ready to see this?

 

Jin:

Yes!

 

Suga:

 

V:

We look leik idols 

Our HAIR tho

Dammmn

 

Jiminie:

lol

Almost everyone had to change it

 

J-Hope:

My hair is actually gray now

I retook the selca

Look

 

J-Hope:

 

Suga:

 

Wow hobs

 

Jin:

Joon just launched our official twitter and linked it on CYPHER’s

That’s a lot of follows

Wow

Okay vid is UP

 

•••

CelebDaily: Newest in KPop

CYPHER HAS EXPANDED: INTRODUCING BTS!

 

In a shocking turn of events, Cypher has gained four new members and a name change. The look is rather dope and they kicked it all off with their hit song “Fire”.

All seven members are university students in varying subjects. And have all brought something new to the group. The dancing and singing were not an unwelcome change, though. And was that a sneak preview in the beginning that we heard?

This group is self-funded and have not yet been approached by the press. Though apparently some of their members turned down street casters multiple times! 

But here’s what we do know:

 

Jin

Kim Seokjin

He’s the broad shouldered blonde one! According to the social media he is the eldest and is in a loving relationship with their leader. He’s a singer and had been approached many times by talent scouts through his teens.

He’s a business major and acting minor with insane culinary skill and mother-hennish tendencies.

Apparently he does a lot of the business managing and some of the design parts as well.

 

Suga

Min Yoongi

He’s the pale green haired rapper. Word on the street is that he’s a savage. The guy has a reputation that the group constantly seems to find hilarious. Though they are notably protective of him. Originally in Cypher and acts as a rapper. 

But those dance skills are incredible.

He’s majoring in music production on a full scholarship and he makes a lot of their music.

 

J-Hope

Jung Hoseok

Known to most as Hobi, this bright dancer with silver hair acts as a rapper and as main choreographer. He was originally in Cypher and helps with pd on occasion. He’s known as friendly and is majoring in dance. His minor is in theatre but we think he could make it if he minored in music production as well!

He’s turned down a YG caster who saw him dance.

 

Rap Monster

Kim Namjoon

The tall rapper with the green hair and acting leader of BTS. Apparently he does producing alongside Suga and they met as they share a course... and a room. He is currently in a relationship with the eldest Kim Seokjin.

He has an IQ of 148 and majors in music production and minors in English. 

Apparently the members tease their leader a lot, because they all call him a Clumsy Walnut!

 

Jimin

Park Jimin

This sweet little dance major is known by many as a living mochi! According to some students (who will remain anonymous) he isn’t so innocent?

We don’t believe this. This is blasphemy.

He majors in dance and minors in singing. He helps with choreo as well. The songs he uses for assignments MAY be posted so keep your eyes peeled!

He’s also platonic soulmates with V.

 

V

Kim Taehyung

Word on the street is that Taehyung, known as TaeTae, is hilarious. Some jokingly call this bubbly fashion major an alien. He is minoring in singing and says he’s platonic soulmates with Jimin, but make no mistake, he is happily in a relationship with Jeon Jungkook.

Will we be seeing his assignments posted as well? Who knows?

He had a hand in set and costume design. 

 

Jungkook

Jeon Jungkook

The makane of BTS is not to be underestimated! This boy is a photographer my major and a dance minor, but he has a set of PIPES. He’s turned down quite a few casters as well!

Word is that Jungkook, known by his friends as Kook or Kookie, is a pretty shy guy. He’s happily dating V and the two often say that they purple each other, something started by his boyfriend. It means that you will live and trust the other for a very long time.

How cute!

This bunny boy works out though, and can easily lift some of the other members! He helps with choreographing.

 

We hope to see great things from these boys!

•••

 

[BangBangtan]

 

Jimin:

Guys

My place rn

I just found an article and I want you to see it

Chapter Text

[CHILDREN OF THE MEMELORD AND SAVIOR]

 

Lalalisa:

<Link>

 

Wendidi:

AHHHHH

 

BamBam:

WHERE THE FUCK

DID THEY GET A CAR

AND WHY DID THEY FUCKKNG DESTROPV IT 

CVSDGJDDJMKRXBJ

 

Jun:

I heard that it was already there

Suga provided the gas

And all the lighters

And the gas stove

 

Yeriri:

-_-

No shit

But the old tech?!

 

Jun:

Jin hyung

The car and bike was already there

And the sofa

It’s just an abandoned lot 

 

Wendidi:

This is LIT tho

And Suga is actually really cute! His lil smirk?!

How did we never see this?!

And V’s lip biting should be illegal

And that cute lil thing Jungkook did?

I is shook

 

IreneQueen:

Same tbh

 

Yu-gi-nom:

This looks v professional

Do you think they’ll do more

Because damn

 

BamBam:

I hope so!

 

Lalalisa:

How are they so attractive and talented????

These bois could be IDOLS

But how did they set a fuckin plane on fire

 

Hahahani:

Oh!

Jungkook is in my photography class! 

He knows how to digital edit fire and crowds really well

But at least we know why BTS was pulling funds

 

Binnie:

But what was that at the beginning?!

A sneak preview or what?!

O wait

They’re selling a new song rn

 

Yu-gi-nom:

AHAHA

This is so good

What was that pitch change with Hobi hyung’s rap tho 

I’m wheezing

 

Lalalisa:

Their voices 

AHHHH

We sound like fanbois and fangirls

 

IreneQueen:

Lol

 

[DANCE HOES]

 

Bammie:

<Link>

 

Moonie:

EXPLAIN 

 

Hobi:

Explain what? 

How I look like a prince with silver hair?

 

Bammie:

No

WHAT IS THISNSSJSNSK

 

Minnie:

Oh this was fun to make!

Yoongi hyung and Joon hyung are the main pds

All the dance majors helped make choreo with Hobi hyung

TaeTae did set design and made the script

Jin hyung did funds management and costume design

And Kookie did some video editing!

It was so much fun!

 

Kookie:

Yep

But idk where we gonna get the funds for his plans for Dope’s MV

My baby is ambitious 

 

Hobi:

Sales

We may do commissions bc we got a lot from those (we have a lot left from them too)

Cypher may b doin rap battles

The yt views count for something but not much 

We may not do it for a while bc of school as well

 

Yuggie:

:((((

Aww

I’ll do my best to rack up views and media attention if u want

 

Hobi:

It was so easy bein anon

But Yoongi hyung is so freaking funny I can’t

 

Minnie:

From the cgc?!

Spill da tea

 

Hobi:

———

JHope:

He doesn’t know about us, right?

We still anon?

 

RapMon:

He never asked

Dw

 

Suga:

Yeah

I don’t need the world to know that it’s me with the blowjob skills

I don’t wanna be hit on

 

JHope:

You made me laugh in the middle of a crowded hall

Fuck you

 

Suga:

Your place or mine

 

JHope:

Choke

 

Suga:

On your dick?

Gladly.

But I don’t have much of a gag reflex so it’ll take a while

———

Minnie:

Lol

He’s a switch?

 

Hobi:

Yeet

 

Moonie:

I’m WHEEZING 

WTF SUGA

 

Junnie:

Lol

Yoonseok?

 

Hobi:

Ew no

That was him being silly

I ship YOONMIN

I OLNY KNOE YOONMIN

 

Minnie:

Who’s the min?

Taemin hyung?

Minho hyung?

That girl named Jimin who has a lot of guy friends?

 

Hobi:

I-

IM FUCKING DONE

 

Junnie:

Omfg

 

Kookie:

Welcome to my life

We have a freaking GC 

 

Minnie:

And I’m not on it?

 

Hobi:

-_-

 

[OPERATION YOONMIN]

[AgentSunny added Jiminnie to the chat!]

[AgentSunny changed Jiminnie’s name to OBLIVIOUS FUCKER!]

 

OBLIVIOUS FUCKER:

Wait

It’s me?!

 

AgentSunny:

My point

And now we need to work on you confessing your feelings

 

AgentHandsome:

And wooing Yoongs

He’s on the fence

 

[AgentHandsome changed OBLIVIOUS FUCKER’s name to Min!]

 

AgentHandsome:

Because YoonMIN

 

Min:

Oooo

I c

 

DirectorGucci:

Hi soulmate!

So Yoongi is scarred for life by the only bf he’s ever had

So it’s been nostrungs

But he hasn’t in months

Not even a ‘stand

Soooo

Swoop in now like a bird

 

Min:

CAW CAW BITCH

 

AgentHandsome:

Wtf

Okay

We need to plan shit

 

Min:

I can get him attracted physically bc ik how to

But it needs to be emotionally attracted, right?

 

AgentClumsy:

Yes

I have a few ideas, but do you guys remember DNA?

Tae did something to the outside of the lot and now it’s the perfect set for it

Also, we got most of the props for Dope and it can be shot inside

This abandoned lot is fuckin huge

 

AgentHandsome:

How?!

 

AgentClumsy:

Donghyuk

He got them from Kidoh

You know kidoh?

 

AgentHandsome:

Oh!

Yeah! 

Makes sense kidoh has it

 

AgentSunny:

And I got the dance drilled into your heads

And some of my friends in cinematography wanted to do one

For experience, yanno?

 

AgentHandsome:

Let them know we have the set and they need to bring cameras and stuff

We can dye our hair and do DNA tomorrow if we wanted

 

Min:

I’ll talk to hyungie<3

Okie. Update:

He doesn’t mind dying his hair

Chapter Text

 

•••

CelebDaily: Newest in KPop

BTS Releases Two New Music Videos!

 

Our new self-made idols aren’t stopping anytime soon! With two new, well crafted music videos, these multitalented boys stake their new claim to the industry!

The incredible costumes and set design is amazing! And the editing is apparently done by the members as well! With two new hair changes that prove just how good looking these boys are, they manage to impress with incredible dancing once again!

BTS has announced a livestream where they answer burning questions of their new (and large) fanbase. It’s this Monday at 6pm KST! 

BTS! Fighting!

•••

 

It was nearing the time when BTS had to press play on their first VLive.

“Bang-tan!” They all bowed in unison to the camera. “We are Bangtan Sonyandan!”

“Hello! I’m Rap Monster, leader of BTS, and today we are going to answer some of your questions!”

“Oh wow! There’s a lot of them!” Taehyung gaped at the rapidly moving chat.

“Ooh! This one is asking how Joon and Jin hyung got together!” Yoongi laughed and rolled his eyes. “I can tell you this, it was the most horrendous pining on his side.”

“You showed us,” Jimin giggled. “Didn’t he say something like-“

“A potato like me, with an ethereal being like him?” Taehyung laughed and all the boys did.

“But we worked in the same cafe. He’s a clutz but a deep clutz and we just started talking on our breaks.” Jin began to laugh sheepishly and Namjoon put his arm around his waist.

“And after much pining on my side, I finally got the courage to ask him on a date.”

“And we’ve been going steady ever since!” Jin whipped around and kissed Namjoon on the nose. Namjoon jumped in surprise and nearly fell backward, pulling Jin even closer.

“You Clumsy Walnut,” Yoongi sighed.

“I’m never forgiving you for telling them that nickname,” he grumped and they all laughed.

“Better than god of destruction?”

“Don’t remind me!” Was the quick response. He turned to the chat.

“Okay... so this person asked how we all met.”

“Well Jin hyung just knows everyone... because he’s Jin hyung,” Jimin giggled and said man shrugged with a nod. Hobi grinned.

“I know Jiminie and Kookie through dance. And V through Kookie. I know Jin hyung and Suga hyung through Rap Monnie.”

“I know the makanes through Jin making a group chat for no reason other than to introduce us. Suga hyung and I are roommates and when I found out he was an underground rapper, I introduced him to J-Hope hyung, who I met through Jin hyung. Who, like we said, I met at work. We weren’t dating then, though.” Namjoon laid out and Jin laughed at the memory.

“You were so worried about him dating Hobi,” Yoongi snickered.

“He’s a handsome guy! I’m still shocked he was single!” Namjoon protested to everyone’s utter vindictive delight. Jimin hummed.

“Well I know the dance line through dance, V because we have some classes together and are best friends and roomies, and Jin hyung too, and Suga hyung through Rap Mon hyung who I met through Hobi hyung.” Taehyung laughed.

“I met Kookie through Jiminnie when I went to watch him dance. I met Jin hyung when I moved in. Everyone else, I met in the chat hyung made!” Jungkook laughed nervously.

“I’m pretty much the same as Jimin, except that I met V through him.”

“Yah! Where’s the ‘hyung’, you brat!” Jimin protested and Jungkook shrugs.

“You’re shorter than I am.”

“So am I,” Yoongi glared.

“Sorry, Jimin hyung,” Jungkook said, cowed. Everyone started laughing again.

“I just met everyone through Joon and we are roommates.”

“Hyung is so good to me! He helps me with my homework when I’m struggling and he even cooks! Sometimes he burns the food to remind me it’s him who does it!” Namjoon turned on ayego mode and everyone laughed.

“Joon,” Yoongi said darkly. Everyone turned to him. “Do you remember what happened to that senior’s car?”

“Yes?” Namjoon said slowly, worryingly.

“Do you want that to happen to your computer?” He threatened and the room fell silent. He smirked at the cowed leader, “Thought so.”

“Won’t the viruses kill the computer first?” Taehyung suddenly asked and everyone started laughing again. 

“Somebody just asked what hyung did,” Jungkook read off the chat.

“What happened to the car in the music video?” Yoongi responded cryptically.

“You never said that you smashed it!” Namjoon yelped. Yoongi just gave his threatening smile again.

“The third time. I drove it into a pole first.”

“Of course,” Hobi rolled his eyes. “It’s hyung.”

“He has a theme song,” Jungkook snorted. Yoongi blinked.

“I have a WHAT?!”

“Min Yoongi the pyyyrooo! Don’t make him mad or he’ll burn your house down!” Jimin sang the little shanty.

“What?!” Yoongi started laughing.

“Aish! Tone down the YoonMin!”

“Wait... what’s YoonMin? There’s TaeKook, NamJin... but... oh.” Yoongi asked before he blinked in surprise. 

“Hobs... Joon... we need to have a rap line talk real quick.”

His eye was twitching and he grabbed their shirts and yanked them out the door.

“Should we be worried?” Jimin asked.

“Nah,” Jin shrugged. “Alright... someone asked if we got signed. The answer is no! Most of our supplies we either bought with money from sales or views, or were lent to us. The theatre and cinematography departments were willing to lend us a lot of the stuff. Shoutout to them for that! Credits to Supreme Boi for everything else.”

“The one from Cypher 3,” Jungkook clarified. 

“He’s funny! We ran into each other when we did that joint project,” Taehyung grinned. 

“Yeah! Hyung did a lot of commissions then to rack up money because nobody could find a producer!” Jimin laughed. 

“Why does he finish songs he’s never gonna use?” Taehyung sighed and Jin groaned in response.

“Hyung’s a workaholic,” Jimin answered simply. He then turned to the computer.

“CelebDaily asked if we intend to publish them when they wrote that article. We might actually do a solo song pack. With their songs and the three that cypher did in what was basically their last concert.“

“First Love made me cry!” Taehyung yelled.

“It made everyone cry,” Jungkook grinned at his boyfriend, bemused. Jin smiled at the camera.

“Reflection is good. That marked the first time Suga-yah ever reached out to me.”

“Do you still have the conversation?” Jimin leaned foreword. 

“Yeah, see,” he held out the phone to the camera and then to the others.

“Hyung can be such a dork sometimes,” Jimin giggled.

“We just need a song for Jungkookie to do the solo songs.” Jin answered another question and Jungkook blushed.

“I made one that I wanted to show the PD hyungs.” At that, Yoongi walked in. He was tailed by two wide eyed dongseangs. Hobi was shaking. He turned to Jungkook.

“What is it?”

“It’s a happier song... but I made it, here.”

Jungkook pulled a laptop out of a bag from the side with a pair of headphones. Yoongi easily took it and opened the editing program. He listened to what was likely the song before he turned to Jungkook.

“May I?”

Said makane nodded eagerly. Suddenly, it was like a scene in a movie. Yoongi’s hands flew over keys and he ran over the keyboard copying, editing, pasting. His fingers moved faster than some pianists could ever achieve. He listened to it again with a small hum. He then handed the headphones to Jungkook who eagerly took them and listened again. His eyes widened and a bunny grin spread on his face.

“I like this version a lot better!” 

“When did you make this?” Yoongi asked and Jungkook blushed.

“I’ve been working on it since hyungs showed us Stigma and Lie.” Jin laughed.

“Alrighty then. We have a pack to make and upload. Of course, if Joon-ah likes it. Leader and all that.” 

Namjoon listened to it for himself and nodded. 

“Yep! There will definitely be a pack today or tomorrow.”

“Somebody asked if we want to do a preview of all the songs... yay or nay?” Jin read off the chat.

“Yay,” Namjoon nodded and they pressed play for Awake.

“I really see why he’d go on for hours about the breathy quality of your voice. It’s almost... silky. In a vocal tense.” Yoongi said and scratched at his ear shyly.

“I really like it, hyung!” Jimin grinned brightly and Jin pat his head. 

Then they played First Love.

“When you told us the whole story o cried harder than I did the first time.” Jimin drew his knees to his chest and leaned on a melancholy Hoseok. Everyone was quiet.

“Music is the only thing that I’ve ever loved that stuck around to love me back,” was Yoongi’s quiet response.

After that, they played Mama.

“A cheerier song! I was super grateful that it was right after because I needed it.” Taehyung laughed and the others did as well.

They all ended up singing along to the cutesy beat.

Reflection followed.

“This was the first time I ever really sang on stage,” Namjoon sighed at the memory.

“Well... you weren’t the one who went down and recorded the chatter and stuff by the Han river. Everyone looked at me like I was a psycho!” Yoongi complained.

“You are a psycho,” Hobi giggled.

“Only when it suits me,” was the cool response. 

Lie was next.

“The minor to brief major is such musical text painting!” Jungkook laughed. Taehyung gasped.

“I really like how pure his voice is staying... like holy crole.” Namjoon hummed.

“I liked how the the guitar is almost sultry... it shows the dark voice in a realistic light. Biting but smooth.”

“Jimin was the reason Fire and BTS exist. If I hadn’t heard his voice, I never would have restarted that project. Thanks, Jiminie,” Yoongi said to the smaller boy.

“Thanks, hyung,” Jimin responded shyly.

Stigma was next.

“That is how a falsetto should be done,” Yoongi nodded approvingly.

“Ah! The scary seclusive but super amazing PDnim complimented me! Kyaaa!” Taehyung exaggerated and Yoongi rolled his eyes.

Then they played Euphoria.

“Take my hand now, you are the cause of my Euphoria!” Jimin sang along. “This is catchy!”

“Thanks,” Jungkook blushed.

“Aish, we have to go. Thanks for coming on!”

“Bye bye!” They all waved as the camera cut.

Chapter Text

[DANCE HOES]

Bammie:
What did Yoongi do?

Hobi:
Someone called him a bisexual pyro so in response he set their car on fire
Then the person did something else so he did it again. This time, he set the inside on fire. It burned all of the kid’s schoolwork. But he set it with a cigarette so the OTHER GUY got suspended.
Then he tried to attack hyung... but hyung was a star player on the basketball team. He only left bc of assholes treating differently for being bi. Hyung decked the guy, drove his LAMBO into a pole, then set the whole thing on fire.
He did it every time he got a new car, since the kid was filthy rich. Said kid dropped out and joined a gang and died stupidly and hyung just went on his merry way.

Junnie:
Savage
Wait.. he’s bi?

Minnie:
You heard pt. 3?

Junnie:
O

Moonie:
He’s a bad influence on you sometimes
You snuck into the culinary department and burned all their flour and melted their bowls.

Minnie:
They called us twinks

Moonie:
I never said it was a bad thing

Minnie:
Lol
But did you see him edit Jungkookie’s song

Kookie:
IKR?!
Hyung is so cool
And fuckin scary

Minnie:
He hasn’t killed anyone yet
Just set a buncha shit on fire

Kookie:
“Yet”
I’ve been in his dorm. The walls aren’t just a /little/ singed
They’re fucking soot black
And he set a history professor’s check on fire when he called the music pds wannabe Beethovens

Bammie:
IM YODELLING IN THE LIBRART
EBERYONE IS STARUNG
I GOT JICKED OUT
FUXL YIJ

Kookie:
And a theater professor’s when he gave jin hyung a bad grade
He told me if we ever get a grade below seventy unfairly to call him

Minnie:
Lol
Good to know
Do you think he’d do it if I got an 82 on a paper because I spelled the professor’s name wrong?

Hobi:
Yes
//I// would do that
Who was it

Minnie:
Clet

Hobi:
Brb

[BANGBANGTAN]

J-Hope:
Clet apparently gave Minnie an 82 over a typo in his name
Yoongi hyung it’s your time to shine
His paycheck should be on his desk
I distract
You burn

Suga:
I’m in
But wrong chat

Jin:
Who is this asshole I need to tear apart?!

Suga:
I’m on it
It’s not the first time I’ve teamed up with Hobi to burn a teacher’s paycheck
Remember shrill Skrill?

Jin:
THAT WAS YOU?!

Suga:
Humans breathe air

Jin:
Wtf

Suga:
I thought we were stating the obvious

RapMon:
Be nice to my bf
Or I will cut you

Suga:
Make sure you don’t drop the knife first
Clumsy Walnut

Jin:
Babe, he has a point
Don’t do it
I don’t want you getting hurt<3

RapMon:
<3

Suga:
Is it there?

J-Hope:
Ye
I’m asking Clet dumbass questions. Hurry

[DANCE HOES]

Hobi:
IM HOLLERNIG
YOONGI IS A SAVAGE

Junnie:
What

Hobi:
He burned Clet’s paycheck
And he scorched a very realistic dick on his desk
With fucking fire

Moonie:
I’m WHEEZING

Minnie:
That’s not all

Bammie:
Oh no...
The car?!

Hobi:
The car
I forget he’s lowkey batshit insane when pissed off
He giggled when he did this, guys
GIGGLED
He fucking
He fucking took out the radio and replaced it with a fluffy kiddie twinky pink one
That only plays really fucking dumb songs that will stimulate road rage
Then he used pink permanent marker and drew smiley faces all over the car
Then he covered the tires with glitter and filled the gas tank with sugar

Minnie:
Holy fuck

Kookie:
Jin hyung and I helped! I slashed the tires and filled them with glitter and hyung got the supplies

Hobi:
That’s not it... is it?

Kookie:
Lol no
Jin hyung enlisted me to switch out his lunch with peanut butter cured squid today
And I did
Clet is in for a treat
Did you see those Chewbacca impersonation contest posters? The one with a phone number and huge cash prize??

Junnie:
Yeah?

Kookie:
Namjoon hyung found his number
And Taes was the worst

Minnie:
What did he do?

Kookie:
:)

Minnie:
WHAT THE FUCK DID MY SOULMATE DO

Kookie:
:)

Hobi:
;)

Minnie:
I will cry and tell Yoongi hyung that you guys were mean

Hobi:
He stole his dog
And then graffitied his wall with the words
“You’re a bitch enough”
The dog was taken to a shelter:)

Minnie:
Oh no
What else?

Kookie:
He threw pink glittery rocks through his windows
And paintbombed his house green
Then he replaced his daily vitamins with laxatives

Minnie:
Gtg
Gotta go cuddle the fuck out of tae

Bammie:
Clet is fucked
You guys are really protective
Would you do this for me?

Hobi:
It’s really not worth the effort but it’s fuckin FUN
Who did what

Bammie:
You know Lovicch the bitch
She teaches me and Tae hyung
We had a partner project and she put us together and said
“Two stupid heads is better than one. Maybe you’ll actually create something people would buy.”

Hobi:
Lovich, huh? Good to know:)

Kookie:
She said that about MY BABY?!
She’s fucked:)

Yuggie:
Never has a smiley face been scarier

[BANGBANGTAN]

[Jungkook changed the chat name to “REVENGE CLUB”]

Jungkook:
Lovich the bitch called my baby stupid and bad at designing
And paired him with BamBam for that reason

Jimin:
FUCKIN WOT
Alright. Hyung, you burn her paycheck

Suga:
I say we each do something
Tae is sensitive about that
And fucking bambam
That bitch is asking for it

Jimin:
I just asked about it and he said it’s not the first time
Now he looks sad as fuck
Kook come here now

Jungkook:
Looks like hyungs have to get their revenge first
But we can have our fun showing her why she NEVER lays a finger on Tae’s soul
:)

Jimin:
:)

Suga:
I like this Kook better:)

Jungkook:
:)

[DANCE HOES]

Bammie:
How the fuck

Junnie:
What did they do

Bammie:
They started with her paycheck
Then they deleted the article she was working on and replaced it with curse words

Moonie:
Bad ones?

Bammie:
Wash your mouth out with a power washer bad
Fucking hell
“Cum guzzling ass monkey slut faced twat shitstained bitch flabs mcgee” is my favorite line

Kookie:
Yoongi hyung was the only one who touched her office

Bammie:
Then they ripped the wallpaper down and burned it and left it on her floor
And got this novelty dick wallpaper

Kookie:
Once again
Yoongi hyung
Then he had to go but he had other revenge too
He replaced the ink in her pens with spoiled milk or beer

Bammie:
Lol
And she was seething because people kept calling her and screeching into the phone asking if they won.
Namjoon again?

Hobi:
Tried and fuckin true

Bammie:
And then she put the phone down and it fell and broke because the desk was on the CEILING

Hobi:
Jin hyung

Bammie:
and her papers had giant ducks drawn on them

Hobi:
Also Jin hyung

Junnie:
Dicks or ducks?

Bammie:
Actual ducks
And all the supplies were switched with random as fuck garbage
Ribbons became toilet paper and beads became old keyboard keys. And the feathers were replaced with old cans. Tissue paper was replaced with construction paper that looks like some little kid used it and threw it away

Hobi:
Jin hyung again
We took a fucking van to a dump for this shit

Kookie:
Yeet

Bammie:
All the sewing needles are incased
In fucking jello

Kookie:
Lol
Jin hyung is WILDIN

Bammie:
And the thread is all strung together by spool type and fucking
Fucking strung like streamers or banners

Hobi:
And the sewing machines?;)

Bammie:
Oh fuck
They’re all fucking locked together and the key is hanging from the ceiling
And there’s fucking dog shit everywhere

Hobi:
That’s just her classroom;)
And we spent all of yesterday making another MV
So it couldn’t be us;)

Bammie:
wHAT

Hobi:
We had one we didn’t release yet that we got a few film students to drive out and do with us;)
It’s at a far enough away location that it took a day
The students got cred for it and agreed to pretend it was yesterday when we explained what happened
That’s our convenient excuse

Kookie:
Everyone took a location

Minnie:
Jin hyung- classroom
Yoongi hyung- office
Hobi hyung- car

Junnie:
CAR?!

Hobi:
Slashed her tires
Keyed a dick or twelve
Broke her windows
Bleach on the seats
Gum on the pedals
Marmite on the wheel and shift

Yuggie:
FUCKIN MARMITE?!

Hobi:
Yeet
Namjoon got phone (we drew lots) so this was his solution because he can’t hack for shit
Jiminie... his was fucking scary

Minnie:
I got house:)
I hope she has insurance

Junnie:
Bitch what did you do?!

Minnie:
Put bleach in her wires and smashed her water pipes
Then I washed all the whites with colors
I was there for a long time
So I covered her floor in shaving cream in the meantime and painted the screen of her laptop so black it looks like it’s always dead
And you’ll never guess what I found

Bammie:
Oh no

Minnie:
Sex tapes and a fuckin ledger of students she fucked for a better grade
I leaked the tapes:)
And sent the ledger to the school’s PO
The ledger should be in on Tuesday

Bammie:
I’m really impressed right now
What about Kookie?

Kookie:
:)
I got the best one
“Family”
I sent a letter to her parents informing them of the sex tape
Then I got into a conversation with her husbannnd:)
He has the papers ready and waiting

Bammie:
The day I told you was the day I ruined her life
What the FUCK do y’all do in ur spare time

Hobi:
:)

Minnie:
:)

Kookie:
:)

Junnie:
I’m jelly
My friends wouldn’t do that

Bammie :
Mine might
But unless I was in the group it would not be that fucking well executed
Is there any other tea that could feed my amusement?
It’s Friday and I want today to be fuckin overrrr
And class was dismissed with her telling us to “get the fuck out”
She said some shit
So I’m in the library bc nobody will bug me here
The librarian is rolling her eyes
She hates me

Hobi:
What do y’all have rn
I’m in theatre rn
I see junnie and binnie

Minnie:
Nothing atm
Just preparing a surprise to cheer Tae up
She called him a shitstain today

Kookie:
Same
I can’t wait for her to be gone
Where is everyone else in the salty hoes GC

Junnie:
Salty hoes?

Minnie:
Jin hyung :/
What about iroh?
The rape fantasy guy?

Hobi:
Donghyuk wouldn’t let us

Minnie:
...shit
New target
Bam you in?

Bammie:
Hell yeah

Moonie:
I’m in

Yuggie:
Sure

Junnie:
Me 2

Kookie:
You know Moon pd
He said that Joon hyung should just leave the pd work for bts to Yoongi hyung because he will never be as good
Hyung just made a GC
I’ll add you

[ODJH]
[Kook added Bam, Yug, and two others!]

Kook:
I added some people because they want in

Yoon:
Alright
Who does what
I’ve got office

Min:
House:)

Yoon:
Fuck it up, Jiminie

Min:
Yes, sir! Tae is helping me:)

Kook:
I’d comment on the YoonMin but it’s a bad time
I’ve got car?

Jin:
I’ve heard rumors of him sexually harassing and abusing people
I’m going to look into them
(Then pretend to be one of the students he harassed? Idk yet)

Seok:
Smart

Jin:
What are you taking?

Seok:
Phone and laptop
I have some friends who I plan on enlisting
They can hack anything:)
And one sec

[Seok added JackWang]
[Seok changed JackWang’s name to Jack!]

Jack:
Can I destroy this fuckers clothes

Yoon:
Jiminie took House

Jack:
Dammit
Can I have classroom?

Yoon:
Yes

Seok:
Clothes go to the fashion major

Yoon:
He’s the dumb one who told you about the bitch?

Seok:
Ye

Bam:
Rood
But fair
Yugs will help me

Min:
Who else do we need to give a job to

Jun:
Me

Bin:
Me

Bam:
Jun... what if you spoke to woozi?

Jun:
Lee Jihoon Woozi?

Yoon:
Oh we’re cousins
Are you asking about “that”

Bin:
What?

Jin:
Hi Junnie!

Jun:
Jin hyung:))

Jin:
“That” is a stun rifle
And that’s a bad idea
Jun can’t aim a taser if he’s never used one

Bin:
Tru

Yoon:
Moonbin, right?

Bin:
Yeah?

Yoon:
Jiminie tells me that you’re almost as hard to wake up as me
Sleep on his desk

Jun:
Now?

Yoon:
Right now
We destroy his shit after

Bin:
Going now!

Yoon:
That leaves Jun?

Jun:
Yeah!
I can attack him if you like
I’m a martial artist

Yoon:
I like the way you think
Rough him up but no hospital
Make it look accidental

Jun:
Sir, yes, sir!

Chapter Text

•••
CampusNews: Only the Freshest Tea

Serial Attacks on Teachers?

Some teachers have taken to harassing the boys of the internet-famous BTS. And it seems to be coming back to hit them now!
It all started when it was revealed that singing teacher Professor Clét to 18 points off of Park Jimin’s essay for putting the e without an accent!
The next week, he never found his check... and there was phallus burned into his desk. And apparently all his lunches that week were replaced with some variation of well prepared but disgusting food combinations. Like spaghetti and marmite or strawberry jellied squid. Ew.
It was later discovered that his car was vandalized and ruined (pictures below) and that his house was broken into, paint-bombed, and had insults written on the walls. And his dog was stolen!
Mikin is yet to be found. We hope he’s okay!
Then some people found out that V, Kim Taehyung, was verbally harassed by one of his teachers over the course of his time here. The revenge for that was harsh. Her office was defaced and her paycheck burned. And her classroom was completely and hilariously messed up. Whoever encased the pins and needles in jello is a hero. Her car was also destroyed and she was divorced by her husband that week. Coincidence? We think not. Her house was broken into and furtively ruined from the inside. And don’t call the number for that Jabba the Hut impersonation contest, it’s hers!
But most shocking of all was the ledger and sextapes of students who she had sex with for a better grade. The ledger made its way to the PO box last Tuesday morning and she was promptly fired.
But it looks like these teachers aren’t learning!
Professor Moon, from the music PD department, told Rap Monster (the leader of BTS and otherwise known as Kim Namjoon) that he should just let Suga (Min Yoongi) do the producing because he would never be as good.
It looks like Suga was in on it this time, because when he was seething about his (hilariously and horrifically) burned and defaced office, he winked! Was it him who did the last two? Who knows? His car, clothing, house, and classroom were all vandalized, ruined, or defaced. And his WiFi was hacked to transmit viruses, so don’t bum off of him! A bunch of students were even convinced to come forward and admit that he had sexually assaulted or harassed them!
But it seems that isn’t it, because the professor keeps getting hit by a student in a black mask. Said student is a martial arts master, it seems, and he keeps “accidentally” injuring him. Some students went out of their way to just ruin his day. Another legend (who will go unnamed) slept on his desk and refused to move!
And the investigation is horribly incriminating, and Professor Moon was put on hiatus while it goes on. Will he be fired as well? Only time will tell.
But for the sake of self-perseverance, don’t do it professors!

•••

[Salty Hoes]

Joon:
What the hell
What’s going on and why are the news going into our school
Why

Jin:
;*

[CHILDREN OF THE MEMELORD AND SAVIOR]

Wendidi:
I’m so embarrassed
How did I let Seokjin oppa convince me to come foreword?

Yeriri:
About moon pd?
I forgot you were a pd minor!
wAIT WHAT?!!!!??!!,?!?!!?!?!?

BamBam:
That was funnn

The8:
You were in on this??

Jun:
Also me
I was black mask

Binnie:
I was the one who slept on his desk

Jun:
Yoongi-ssi organized it
We wanted to go to Woozi but Jun can’t fire a taser

Woozi:
O
Yoongs did?
I’m not surprised, tbh
He did this shit when he was the star player on the basketball team according to my asshole uncle
My cousin is feckin wild

Hoshi:
WOOOZZZZIIIII

Woozi:
Ew

IreneQueen:
Wait
You’re cousins?

Woozi:
Yep
He and his dad don’t get along very well

Lalalisa:
Who did what?

Jun:
Jin hyung looked into those rumors and got people to step forward
Yoongi-ssi took office
Hobi hyung enlisted the hackers to fuck his WiFi up
Jackson-ssi took his classroom
TaeTae and Jiminie took House.
Bammie and Yugs destroyed his clothes
I fucked up his day with the help of binnie

Wendidi:
I thought I was the only one. There were so many. It was scary.

Jun:
I support your bravery:)

Lalalisa:
Same
He disgusts me
Donghyuk tells me all the time about how he rips into students for no good reason

Wendidi:
The classroom was really well done
Tell Jackson-ssi that he did well
Also
Moonbinnie sleeps like a freaking rock

Binnie:
Oh yeah! I saw you when I woke up!

BamBam:
I asked and he showed me pictures
Holy frick
The computers are hanging from the ceiling with wires
There’s graffiti and dicks carved everywhere
His seat was replaced with a sign
“You can’t sit with that stick up ur ass anyway”
Omf
BTS, and CYPHER lyrics are sharpied on the board
The projector has a picture of a pornsite attached so it comes up whenever it’s used
And it’s fucking kinky shit from a gay pornsite
There’s fucking frog guts on some of the desks from the physical sciences dept
Hyung is so fucking weird

Yeriri:
Lol

Wendidi:
We r so lucky the school doesn’t care
They just replaced it and were liek
“We aren’t sure if we should be mad or mildly impressed”
It was the same for the the offices and classrooms of the other two
The other stuff, they’re like
“Ur an ass anyway so lol”
My inner Canadian wants to help clean up
But then I remember what they did and I’m liek
Nah fam

Merk:
Whoa
I just opened this chat and got caught up
My bf is so crazy and loyal
I’ll have to cuddle the crap out of him when he gets back
Also, Wendy is Canadian, eh?

Wendidi:
Typical Americans
Normally I’m overly polite so soerry
But fuck you

Merk:
Lol
No offense taken;p
Bam and Yugs, jb is debating kicking ur asses so get in the GC rn

[BamBam, Yu-gi-nom, and Merk are offline!]

Lalalisa:
He was here?

Jun:
Ye

Woozi:
Ah fuck

[Woozi is offline!]

Jun:
WOOZI?!

Hoshi:
WOOWOO?!

Lalalisa:
LEE JIHOON?!

Wendidi:
LEE-SSI?!

IreneQueen:
JIHOON-SSI?!

The8:
WOOZIZI?!

Yeriri:
WOOZI OPPA?!

Lalalisa:
Hold up
We all just sent that at the same time?

Yeriri:
O we did
Lol

IreneQueen:
Is he okay? Does anyone have his cell?!

Jun:
I do

Hoshi:
No fair!

Jun:
Stfu
I stg you’re so obvious
I’ll call him

[Jun is offline!]

Hoshi:
Nooo faiiir
I’ll have to go bug someone for it now
Ciao

[Hoshi is offline!]

The8:
Ah gtg
Fuckin schoolwork

[The8 is offline!]

Lalalisa:
Is it only girls on the chat rn?

Binnie:
No

IreneQueen:
It’s so few now

Lalalisa:
Shame

Wendidi:
BE NICE

Binnie:
I can go so it is?

[Binnie is offline!]

Wendidi:
Oh wow
Good going Lis
I’m being called in for a thing where they get any needed help for the victims
bai

[Wendidi is offline!]

IreneQueen:
Seulgi needs help w/ smth so bye

Lalalisa:
Bai

[IreneQueen is offline!]

Lalalisa:
It’s just me now
Boring

[Lalalisa is offline!]

Hahahani:
Hello darkness my old friend

Chapter Text

[Salty Hoes]

Joon:
Hold up
Who changed our names?

Jin:
Me

Yoon:
These were the nicknames in ODJH tho

Seok:
Operation Defend Joon’s Honor
Lol
So protective

Min:
I think it’s cute!

Tae:
It is!!!

Jin:
MinTae!
Minty!

Kook:
He’s mine
Rawr

Seok:
No comments on yoonmin?
Okie

Yoon:
What did I tell you and Joon?
My answer is no
You forking romantics
Wait...
What the shirt?!

Min:
Was
Was that
WAS THAT A REFERENCE TO THE GOOD PLACE?!

Yoon:
Yep
Idek why I watched it but I can relate:/

Min:
You wouldn’t go to hell! And if you did, I’d go down with you and we’d make parties and blow the roof off the place!

Yoon:
Thanks, jiminie

[Lil Boiz]

Chim:
I
I am soft
He’s so perfect

[OPERATION YOONMIN]

Min:
I
He’s my soulmate
Nonplatonic

DirectorGucci:
If he knows western comedies that u like yeh

AgentSunny:
Uhh... Joon and my covers were blown

AgentMuscles:
What?

AgentClumsy:
That’s what he was “talking” to us about.
He threatened to burn our ballsacks in butter
He’s done it before.

AgentMuscles:
What

AgentClumsy:
Hojin had an ex who kept harassing hyung and threatening him. After they cut it off the last time he kept going.
Yoongi hyung knocked him out, stripped him, tied him up, and called me asking for butter.
So I got it for him. And I brought it and he was in this shady af warehouse.
He thanked me and said that was all, but I stuck around (he knows this) and saw him coat his balls in the butter like something out of a bdsm food porno.

AgentSunny:
And he took out a cigarette lighter and lit his balls on fire. They just took the carton and left. Joon was shaken for weeks. This was around when CYPHER formed. We knew about the ex, but we didn’t think he’d do THAT.
But now I’m scared

DirectorGucci:
How far are you willing to go for YoonMin?

AgentSunny:
To the fucking death
Hyung scares the shit out of me but let’s goooo

DirectorGucci:
Joon hyung should take him out for coffee to make it up to him
Hobi hyung should go look for the Kihyun-ssi that was his first
They were the closest out of all his fwb, rite?

AgentSunny:
Ye
Hol up
Why are we taking orders from our dongsaeng? And why does he sound... smart?

DirectorGucci:
Becuz my name is Director, biyatch
And f u

AgentClumsy:
On it

 

AgentSunny:
What if I tried to “set” them up and Jimin works his in there?

AgentHandsome:
Good idea! Do that!

Min:
seT HIM UP?!

[Unknown ID and Key]
[Unknown ID has identified as Hobi]

Hobi:
You’re Kihyun?

Key:
Who are you?
And wtf is this nickname?

Hobi:
Do you remember Min Yoongi?

Key:
How do you know that name?! Is he hurt?! If you hurt him, I will END you!

Hobi:
Chill
We’re friends
I take it you still have feelings for him?

Key:
Yes
Are you offering me a chance to see him again? I want to see him again, badly.

Hobi:
Yeah
You know out of all his fwb, he was fondest of you.
He cut it off for you.

Key:
What

Hobi:
Yeah
What do you know about a Kang Hojin?

Key:
I’ve heard of him
Didn’t he used to date Yoongi? he was the only bf he ever had and he did... something, idk what
One time I woke up in the middle of the night bc he was having a nightmare
Whimpering and shit
He was crying smth like “Hojin... hyung... it hurts! Stop!”
I still shudder and remember bc I get nightmares of that night
I swore to myself that I’d protect him and make sure he never had a nightmare again
I think I fell in love around then, because I saw a softer side to him
Kang ruined romantic love for him from it and Yoongi doesn’t ever want to get serious bc of that

Hobi:
Right on the money
When he figure out that you were falling in love, he got scared of scarring you for life and he didn’t want to abuse your feelings
So he cut it off

Key:
Where is he? I need to go and cuddle the fears away.
I was always content with loving him from the sidelines as a friend

Hobi:
Lol
You know about how he’s Suga?

Key:
I almost screamed when I heard
Why

Hobi:
Basically everyone knows where Genius Lab is
Go there

Key:
Thank you

<><><>

Kihyun knocked on the door to the studio nervously. It had been so long. Did he look right? Was this creepy? What if he hated him?
All of his worry melted when he saw how happy Yoongi looked. His smile as he cranked out track after track of that beautiful music. He had finally healed.
The door opened. There stood Yoongi, his eyes were dazed and his posture uncaring. But he had a little smile that Kihyun had missed so much.
“Kihyun?”
“Hey, Yoongi.”
“Uh... do you want to come in?” Yoongi shifted in that adorable nervous way of his. Kihyun remembered how much he’d wind him up until the discomfort snapped, leaving a predator that could fuck him into the mattress. And he fucked him good. But today, he wanted not sex, but conversation.
“I was wondering if you wanted to be friends again.”
The gummy smile he received sent his heart pounding.

Chapter Text

•••

CelebDaily: The Newest in KPop

 

Does Suga have a BOYFRIEND?

 

 

A recent picture of Suga has got a lot of fans asking this question. Does the beloved fiery rapper have a beloved? 

Another picture with the a person who may or may not be the same is gaining attention.

 

This is fairly recent, having been taken after the drop of “Save Me” last week. Suga’s hair is a new, and rather adorable, black. Save Me was an instant hit and the students that made up the crew that shot it actually got credit for the film!

 

So what do you think? Rumor has it they used to be very close friends. But just friends. Did that change?

We here at CelebDaily are dying to know!

•••

 

[Salty Hoes]

 

Yoon:

Houston we have a problem

We have all of the scenes shot and done and stuff

But we can’t drop the song and MV right now

 

Joon:

Why?

 

Yoon:

Look

<Link>

 

Jin:

Ah shit

 

Seok:

Is that Kihyun?

 

[OPERATION YOONMIN]

 

AgentSunny:

PLAY DUMB

 

[Salty Hoes]

 

Min:

Who is he???

 

Yoon:

Old friend

We just reconnected

Through Hobi

Don’t play dumb asshat

 

Seok:

Are you gonna get physical again?

 

Yoon:

Idek

He clearly still likes me

But I think he’s content with being friends and that’s all I want out of him

 

Min:

Ah!

Hyung maaade a friend!

Hyung made a friend!

 

Seok:

I can hear the singsong through my phone

 

Yoon:

Same

 

Tae:

He’s your age, right?

 

Yoon:

Yep

 

Kook:

Do you still find him attractive in a bro way?

 

Yoon:

Wtf 

I had him in my bed

He’s more than bro attractive

 

Joon:

TMI

 

Yoon:

Says the one who sexted in the GC last week

 

Jin:

LET IT DIE

 

Yoon:

No can do, Eaty Jinnie

 

Joon:

I say we go for it, to build interest.

 

Yoon:

Alright...

 

Seok:

Lol

Yoongi hyung about to go full on receipts up in here

Nice diversion Joon

 

Joon:

Thanks

 

Kook:

Taebae

Come here

I need cuddles and your sexy moaning to act as brain bleach

I’m getting war flashbacks

 

Tae:

Omw ;)

 

[Tae and Kook are offline!]

 

Min:

 if they got rid of the and it would be perfect

 

[TaeKook have been classified as a unit! Their names will be written this way when they enter or exit at the same time!]

 

Min: Make Joon and Jin NamJin!

 

[NamJin has been classified as a unit! Their names will be written this way when they enter or exit at the same time.]

 

Yoon: 

I feel left out

Create yoonminseok with all remaining members

 

[YoonMinSeok are now classified as a unit! Their names will be written like this when all of them enter or exit at the same time. Any combinations of the three are still valid.]

 

Yoon:

This is kinda cool

 

Min:

So Kihyun is a friend we can expect to see a lot now?

 

Yoon:

Ye

This is Kihyun btw

 

Min:

Uh hi

 

Yoon:

Hi

You’re Jiminie, right?

 

Min:

Yea

 

Yoon:

Wahhh! He says you have the cutest personality ever is that true?  

 

Joon:

Yes

 

Jin:

Yes

 

Seok:

Yes

 

Min:

No

 

Yoon:

Did all of those send at the same time? Cool

But he’s coming back so I’ll text you later;)

 

[Kikihyun and Hobi]

 

Kikihyun:

So that’s why I think they’d be perfect!

 

Hobi:

So do we

Hey... are you thinking what I’m thinking?

 

Kikihyun:

That I should fake-date Jimin so Yoongi gets jealous?

 

Hobi:

No

But that isn’t a bad idea

 

Kikihyun:

I’m not the right guy for him but Jimin is

I’m jealous but I already said I’m content to loving from a distance 

 

Hobi:

Idea

 

[OPERATION YOONMIN]

[AgentSunny added Kikihyun!]

[AgentSunny changed Kikihyun’s name to ASSet!]

 

ASSet:

Lol what is this

You guys really have a gc?

 

AgentHandsome:

Hobi what the heck?!

 

AgentSunny:

Tell them your idea

 

ASSet:

Okay

So I guess y’all can call me a convert or something

But I see how much of a perfect couple they are

And I had an idea

What if I fake dated Jimin-ssi and got Yoon jealous?

 

Min:

Uh... are you sure that’s a good idea?

 

ASSet:

Idek man

But there was something in the way his eyes lit up when he mentioned your name

Or that sadness behind the comment on his innocence

Yoons is like that smtimes

 

DirectorGucci:

Do you think he’s healed enough for it?

 

AgentClumsy:

No

 

AgentSunny:

Maybe

 

ASSet:

YES

Lol those all sent at once 

But yes 

He’s been healed for a while I think

If he cared enough to cut me off out of concern for my feelings

If he was still hurting he wouldn’t have it in him to care

 

AgentHandsome:

True

When do you think he fully healed?

 

ASSet:

When he stopped fuckin around

He never gets serious as a defense mechanism, right?

So if he’s stopped that means he’s tentative but totally willing! 

So we can meet up in person and plan this all out if you like

 

Min:

I’ll meet you:))

It’s gonna be fun, boyfriend~

 

ASSet:

^u^

 

Chapter Text

[Operation Yoonmin]

 

Min:

Who changed the name?

 

DirectorGucci:

Who cares

What’s the plan

 

ASSet:

Do you want to do it or me?

 

Min:

I can if you want?

 

ASSet:

Go ahead, dollface

 

Min:

Ehehe

So the plan is that we /already/ met and he’d been trying to get over Yoongi because he knew it was a lost cause

And me, that helpful friend, is like

“Maybe we could try dating and see how that goes”

And he’s like “lol why not”

So what started as a joke become steamy real quick when we screw at our place (Jin and tae, this is on you two)

And then we decide to try it “Seriously” 

And we gush over each other and the idek What next

 

DirectorGucci:

Won’t hyung hurt you for “defiling” Jimin?

 

ASSet:

Jiminah isn’t a virgin, sorry to speak for you /babe/ but I did ask when we met over coffee, if he says it in the chat then there’s a chance

Jin-ssi, Taehyung-ssi... does Thursday work? You both have boyfriends on this chat, what if you did a double date and came home to moans

 

AgentClumsy:

You’re an underrated evil genius and please never hurt me

 

ASSet:

Lol

Does that work, Director-nim?;p

 

DirectorGucci:

Kook

We have a date on Thursday now

 

AgentMuscles:

Where? Movies?

 

AgentHandsome:

Movies is good! There’s an interesting adaptation one by us rn

Wrinkle in Time, I think?

Sound good to you, Joonie?

 

AgentClumsy:

I’m in

If we get to be that cheesy couple that holds hands;)

 

AgentHandsome:

Like we aren’t already ;p

 

AgentMuscles:

I like the sound of that

But what about Love Simon???

 

DirectorGucci:

We already saw it 

And if I saw it with you I wouldn’t go home right away;)

We’d get caught bc Hyung’s perceptive like that 

 

AgentMuscles:

Wrinkle in Time it is

Pick you up at six for dinner before? 

 

AgentHandsome:

I have a car, we can all go

There’s this cute little Italian eatery that makes the BEST eggplant parm nearby

And really good pastas and pizza

Joonie and I found it last week:)

 

AgentClumsy:

15/10 would eat there again

 

AgentHandsome:

Looks like we are, sweets

 

ASSet:

And in the meantime we’ll go on all the classic af dates

I put Monday as coffee because ew Monday

 

Min:

And Tuesday is picnic in the park:)

I’m gonna pretend to have an emergency and when he comes I’ll be like “lol whaddya think”

 

DirectorGucci:

 

AgentMuscles:

WhAt Do YoU tHiNk?????

 

DirectorGucci:

Babe

 

AgentMuscles:

Babe<3

 

AgentSunny:

CHRISTINE THE SCIENCE QUEEN

 

ASSet:

HOLO

ITS ME

 

Min:

WATCH ME DRIP

NOW WATCH ME DRAG DRAG

WATCH ME DRIP DRIP

WATCH ME DRAG DRAG

 

AgentHandsome:

BEEEEEEEEEEEEEENNNNNNNN

 

AgentClumsy:

I just looked this up for you

But

I DIP

YOU DIP

WE DIP WE DIP WE DIP

DIP IT IN THE WATER

BUT WE HATE IT

BECAUSE WATERMARBLING IS FOR WITCHES

 

AgentHandsome:

You did great baby

I’m proud of you

 

Min:

If Yoongi hyung was here he’d prolly say something like

You idiots

Or

I identify with menchie on a spiritual level

 

AgentMuscles:

Where’s the lie tho

What about Wednesday?

 

Min:

Movie date:)

Thursday I think we’re going to get dinner and come back and keep “drinking” or smth

And then y’all come back juuuust in time

And complain in the gc

 

ASSet:

 

DirectorGucci:

That meme is stalllle

 

ASSet:

Well excuse me

Hold my flower

Dis boi needs to learn a lesson in Simpson’s appreciation 

 

AgentMuscles:

Stay away from my mans

 

ASSet:

“Mr. Stark...”

 

AgentMuscles:

Fite me

 

ASSet:

DONT FUCK WITH ME I HAVE THE POWER OF GD AND ANIME ON MY SIDE

SHAKSNSHBDHX

 

Min:

This friendship is gonna he great

 

ASSet:

What do you meme

 

Min:

Just that lol

So we stay quiet until Thursday

Not a peep in the chat unless necessary? Just keep up mindless stupid chatter from time to time?

We’ve done similar things

 

[Woozi and PyroCuz]

 

Woozi:

Hyung

You promised

Why am I getting an update that you haven’t gone in for pills in five months

I know I’m the emergency contact so your prescription had to have run out several times over by now

 

PyroCuz:

I stopped

They weren’t helping anymore

I know we’ve been pretending that we didn’t spend ANY time together as kids (thanks for protecting me, by the way) but can we just meet for coffee?

I can tell you there

 

Woozi:

You and I both know that you’re better at this via text

Just spit it out 

 

PyroCuz:

Kihyun and I met up again

And now I’m fucking terrified I’m falling in love with my friend because I’m a damn coward 

 

Woozi:

You’re stronger than this

Fuck

Hojin can’t hurt you anymore because he’s DEAD

You mentioned that he hurt you to a saesaeng when you were gloss

And then the fan got arrested

 

PyroCuz:

It just hurts, you know?

And then I realized that I was about to fuck up his life because he was falling in love with someone who didn’t even love him back

And now he’s been dropped into my lap again 

Content with being friends

And I feel so so guilty about it

 

Woozi:

I know you were shooting the day I got the letter so I waited because clearly this means a lot to you

And I gave you some time to rest

But now we need to talk

Do you want me there?

 

PyroCuz:

I’m fine

What is it that you want me to tell you?

 

Woozi:

Everything

 

PyroCuz:

Well I told you about how BTS got together already so I’ll cut to the chase

I already figured out the attempts of Joon and Hobs in getting us together but that was when I really started noticing him, you know?

How soft and kind he is, how much he cares about me. How much I’ve come to care about him. Hell, how his body fits perfect against mine when we pass out against the walls of a studio.

And I really like him, but I’m so fucking scared of someone getting hurt 

And I can’t do that to him

I’m not that selfish

I think

I hope

And then Kihyun just waltzes back into my life and I know how he felt 

And that he might still feel that way

And he’s ok with being platonic friends

And I’m happy with that

But I feel so bad for cutting him off because that probably hurt him worse

But now that everything is patched up I’m trying to feel better

But I still feel guilty

I wrote Spring Day for him, you know?

It was after I cut things off when I was wondering myself if we had fallen in love 

 

Woozi:

Hyung... 

 

PyroCuz:

And since I stopped taking the pill my thoughts have been more clear but more... muddy? Idek

 

Woozi:

I’m coming over hyung

Chapter Text

•••

CelebDaily: Only the Newest in KPop

A Softer Look!

 

As of now, with four other videos, BTS has tried several concepts. Colorful, multi, destructive and simplistic mourning. Today, they dropped a softer video taken with some serious thoughts. And was that a reference to “The Ones Who Walk Away From the Omelas”? This is their first video since the boyfriend question.

And it is beautiful.

But it raises wonder because Suga was the sole writer and producer of this! With no comments made, we just have to wait and see if there’s a reason!

BTS! Fighting!

•••

 

[Jun and Woozi]

 

Jun:

Did you talk to him?

I mean

Idk what’s going on but if this friend of yours hasn’t been taking their anxiety and depression meds for a long time... 

 

Woozi:

Yeah

He hasn’t given me a clear answer other than that they weren’t working

I’m going over now

 

Jun:

What was it?

 

Woozi:

Fluoxetine

Aka Prozac 

 

Jun:

What are the side effects?

 

Woozi:

<https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fluoxetine>

That explains the description of a muddy head

But he never had an SD, he’s had at lest four FWB since he started it

He has never been much of an eater so loss of appetite may have gone unnoticed or never existed

But suicidal behavior worries me

Bc it’s happened 

 

Jun:

Was that when you were on the phone and dropped it suddenly screaming

You got back to me with a comment about stopping a suicide attempt 

 

Woozi:

He jumped off a bridge onto rocks

I found him midfall and jumped to catch him

The second time he set himself on fire

But I pushed him in a lake because there was one nearby

The third time he used a noose but it snapped I found the broken rope and demanded THAT story out of him

Mania has happened once or twice too

 

Jun:

I’m scared

Why won’t he take them?

I looked it up and there are a few possibilities for it to stop working

Does he have a substance problem? Has he aged significantly? Lowered the dose? Gotten a serious head injury?

 

Woozi:

No

It just... stopped

I went over and it was like a light switch 

Some of the time he was happy and functioned normally

And then he was a mess

Maniac or depressive 

I was scared for his life

 

Jun:

It says bipolar disorder can ruin the effect 

 

Woozi:

They have said he was at-risk 

 

Jun:

Dammit

Talked to him yet?

 

Woozi:

He says he can’t depend on a pill because the very philosophy of it is hurting him

He said he wants to work through it on his own

And I’m really freaking scared

 

Jun:

Do you think he can handle?

 

Woozi:

Yes

But I don’t know how long

 

Jun:

Who is this friend?

I know someone who can help

 

Woozi: 

I promised themdjdnskw

 

Jun:

Woozi?!

 

Woozi:

This is the “friend” 

Who are you referring to?

 

Jun:

Jin hyung!

 

Woozi:

He’s a good hyung, true

But I’ve never spoken to him about it and it’s gonna stay that way

It’s never come up in conversation

 

Jun:

Okie

Why don’t you get some rest, friend-ssi?

Heck, take a minute to do something you love?

Do you like dance? Or making music? Or painting? To do that:))

 

Woozi:

Good advice

 

Jun:

Anytime;)

 

Woozi:

Alright, hyung bought me coffee just before this and I’m omw back:)

 

Jun:

See you 

 

[Junnie and Jin hyungie]

 

[Junnie has sent six (6) screenshots!]

 

Junnie:

Hyung

Do you have any younger friends who text like that?

Or act like that?

 

Jin hyungie:

Yoongichi seems like the type sometimes

And I know he’s attempted before

 

Junnie:

FUCK

That makes so much sense

They’re cousins, rite?

And Woozizi is the emergency contact for the friend

But most people would put their parents

But Yoongi-ssi doesn’t have a good relationship with HIS

 

Jin hyungie:

Dammit

I can talk to Yoongichi when I see him but this is all hypothetical

Actually, can you share Woozi’s ID?

 

{Junnie has shared an ID!}

 

[Unknown ID and Woozi]

[Unknown ID has identified as KimSeokjin!]

 

KimSeokjin:

You’re Yoongichi’s cousin, right?

 

[Woozi and PyroCuz]

 

Woozi:

Are you sure about this?

 

PyroCuz:

Idk

But I felt so pathetic from relying on a pill

And tbh fire works better

But I need to work through this on my own

 

Woozi:

Just remember

There’s me 

There are your fans

There are your friends

There are your brothers

There is your music

There is fire

You have a reason to live 

 

PyroCuz:

Like I said

I’m figuring it all out

Confidence never came easy but quick fixes to make myself happy did

That was probably why I needed those damn pills 

But they’re just a quick fix too

 

Woozi:

I know

 

PyroCuz:

But I think I can figure this out

Eventually

I’ll be fine

 

Woozi:

I’ll be fine doesn’t mean that you’re fine now

 

PyroCuz:

But it gives me hope

 

Woozi:

And I guess that’s all that we can ask:)

 

PyroCuz:

:)

Now what is this about an annoying friend with an obvious crush?

 

Woozi:

UGH

I don’t hate him but his love is suffocating

You know?

 

PyroCuz:

I do

Tell you what

Since it’s a Monday and ew Monday

Let’s go get coffee at the usual place and we can curse his name right next to this day of the week

 

Woozi:

I like the sound of that 

 

[Operation YoonMin]

 

Min:

So we were sitting here on the date when Yoongi hyung walks in with his cousin

They’re talking p seriously

Idek if they saw us

They’re all the way on the other end

I think his cousin is actually smoller than me!!!

I’m so happy right now:)))

 

ASSet:

Do we stay?

I’m paying the bill now but if you want I can add something

 

AgentClumsy:

No

If it’s serious then an interruption could ruin the image.

 

Min:

Oki

 

DirectorGucci:

But mention ur location 

 

[Salty Hoes]

 

Min:

Imma be a basic bitch

I had a coffee date in this cafe today 

The usual one where Jin and joon hyungs work

And they put a heart in it now I’m soft

 

Jin: 

Cool

I’m in this really cool shop right by cafe I work at

 

Tae:

The one that sells all the Japanese stuff?

 

 

Jin:

Yeah

Wbu?

 

Tae:

Designing the set plans for our next few concepts

The seduction one is def gonna be $$$

Then there’s one that goes along well with Fire but we need some other actors/dancers and stuff we don’t have on hand 

Same for the idea I have for Not Today

But I have an idea for Danger~~~

 

Joon:

I’m in the library doing an assignment for English

Gtg

But bring it up with me and Jin hyung and we might be able to work something out 

 

Jin:

<3

Kook?

 

Kook:

Culinary arts people asked me to call Jimin hyung off

He snapped their cooling racks yesterday

 

Min:

-_-

They called us fags

And u just asked me 2 not do anything today

 

Kook:

That’s all they asked for

So they gave me food

 

Min:

Lol

 

Kook:

What about Yoongi hyung and Hobi hyung?

 

Seok:

Idk about hyung but I’m in a coffee shop

Oh

He’s there with someone

Anyways I got the coffee joon

 

Joon:

Bless

 

Jin:

Kookie?

 

Kook:

Yeah?

 

Jin:

Tony Stark is gonna die in Infinity War

 

Yoon:

When your friends think they can spam you and get away with it

 

[Yoon muted the chat!]

 

Min:

Lol

Chapter Text

[Woozi and KimSeokjin]

 

Woozi:

Sorry man

I didn’t see it

But yeah

 

[KimSeokjin has sent twelve (12) images!]

 

Woozi:

Dammit Jun

But the friend is him

But you’d better keep it quiet, alright?

 

KimSeokjin:

I’m worried for him

I want to help him but I don’t know how

 

Woozi:

Me too

But I think he needs to sort this out himself

That’s what he’s been saying

 

KimSeokjin:

But he doesn’t NEED to 

I’m his hyung but he insists on relying on no one!

 

Woozi:

I know

It took forever for me to convince him to see a therapist 

He said he’s just gonna take stuff one day at a time and try to figure it all out

I’m kinda proud of him for that

 

KimSeokjin:

Do you think having a significant other would help?

 

Woozi:

Idk

He’s always been p confused about it

There’s this guy he likes a lot but he’s too scared of someone getting hurt

Says he’s too innocent for someone as broken as him

He said it like that

To my face

 

KimSeokjin:

I have a feeling I know who he’s talking about

But do you think he could handle?

 

Woozi:

The second he stops panicking

Skinny love

 

KimSeokjin:

We’re setting up a fake relationship to make him ready to admit it

With the guy who REALLY likes him and Kihyun

 

Woozi:

But won’t that endanger his friendship with Kihyun?

 

KimSeokjin:

Not if he finds out it’s a setup

 

Woozi:

Idek

My cousin is hard to read

 

KimSeokjin:

But we have our Yoongi whisperers

Hobi and Joonie

 

Woozi:

It’s risky

But if this doesn’t work than nothing will

 

KimSeokjin:

I really hope so

 

[CHILDREN OF THE MEMELORD AND SAVIOR]

 

The8:

Who here has a weird kink?

 

Yeriri:

Idk

Virgin

 

IreneQueen:

Noona kink;)

But that’s cuz I like younger guys

 

Wendidi:

Cougar

 

IreneQueen:

Stfu

Little miss blindfold kink

 

Wendidi:

I do not

 

IreneQueen:

The assortment says otherwise

 

Wendidi:

YOU’VE BEEN LOOKING THROUGH MY STUFF?!

Not cool:(

 

IreneQueen:

Issoki

Seulgi has a blindfold kink too

 

Wendidi:

I did not need to know that

 

Hahahani:

Choking kink

But I had a boyfriend with an exhibition kink once

Turned me right off

 

Merk:

Idk who would do that

 

Wendidi:

Same

But you and Jackson-ssi are p kinky

 

Merk:

Jackie and I never tried public sex before

I don’t really have an exhibition kink

 

Yu-gi-nom:

Mookie

 

BamBam:

Yes babe?

 

Yu-gi-nom:

Would you like that?

If I showed everyone who you keen when my fingers so much as brush your dick?

If I showed everyone how you like people to see the slut you are?

Don’t you like that baby?

 

BamBam:

Yes sir

 

Yu-gi-nom:

No no

 

BamBam:

Yes daddy

 

Yu-gi-nom:

Bad boy got it wrong

Does this bad boy need to be punished?

Spanked?

Fingered until he’s a writhing mess?

Bad bad boy~

 

BamBam:

Yes daddy

 

Yu-gi-nom:

I want you to work your way up to four fingers

Can you do that?

 

BamBam:

Yes daddy

 

Yeriri:

Please not here

Not again

 

Yu-gi-nom:

How many fingers babyboy?

 

BamBam:

Three daddy

 

Yu-gi-nom:

I want you to stuff the bad boy toy all the way in

Come on

And then I want you to sit right there

And if you come before I get back

I’ll punish you

 

[Yeriri kicked Yu-gi-nom and BamBam out of the chat!]

 

Lalalisa:

Ew guys

But I guess that answers your question

I’m a proud kinky

I have a lot;)

But public exhibition weirds me out

That shit is private

 

Chichoo:

Poor Rosie 

You guys prolly go hardcore

 

Lalalisa:

I won’t confirm or deny

But since when were u on this chat?

 

Chichoo:

Idek

 

[Chichoo left]

 

 Binnie:

Virgin 

Idk

 

Woozi:

Ditto 

 

Jun:

Ditto 

 

Lalalisa:

Lammmme

 

The8:

Thanks y’all

 

[The8 is offline!]

 

Lalalisa:

What was that about anyway?

 

IreneQueen:

Idek

 

Wendidi:

\/(°-°)\/

 

Woozi:

Jun have you seen hoshi

 

Hoshi:

WOOZI!

 

Woozi:

Meet me at Coffee Bean and Tea Leaf in 10

If u aren’t here by 3 I’m leaving

 

[Hoshi is offline!]

 

Lalalisa:

U asking him on a date?

 

Woozi:

Ew no

Hyung said I should just talk to him

 

Lalalisa:

Who

Yoongi oppa?

 

IreneQueen:

FUCK

I dropped my coffee all over my shoes:(

 

Yeriri:

Unnie!∑(゚Д゚)

 

Wendidi:

Sorry that happened 

 

Merk:

Same

Life sucks sometimes, eh?

 

Wendidi:

DAMMIT

 

Merk:

SHIT

I FORGOT

 

Wendidi:

I AM CANADIAN

YOU ARE AMERICAN

WE GET IT

 

Merk:

ARE YOU IMPLYING THAT AMERICANS ARE ASSHOLES?!

 

Wendidi:

YES

 

Merk:

WELL /SOERRY/ TO DISAPPOINT BUT I’M NOT A DAMN STEREOTYPE 

 

[Merk left]

 

Wendidi:

( ̄^ ̄)

 

IreneQueen:

Are you okay?

I’ll buy you red velvet cupcakes 

 

Wendidi:

Thanks

 

Yeriri:

I’ll come too<3

 

Lalalisa:

Need me to come?

 

Hahahani:

I will too:D

 

Lalalisa:

Girls night at mine and jennie’s!

 

Hahahani:

Tonight?

 

Lalalisa:

Ye

 

 

[RapSon]

 

Jack:

FUCK

 

Mon:

What’s wrong

 

Jack:

You know how Mark is sometimes treated like a living stereotype bc he’s American?

And how he fucking hates it?

 

Mon:

Yeah?

 

Jack:

He got in an argument with some girl from Canada bc he accidentally made a comment that offends Canadians or smth

 

Mon:

FUCK

Do you need me to come?

 

Jack:

I said we should go somewhere tomorrow night 

 

Mon:

I have a double date then...

I can ask if markson can come

 

Jack:

Please

 

[Operation YoonMin]

 

AgentClumsy:

Dammit

Have any of you heard of that GC with a bunch of different people on it that

Something about memes?

 

DirectorGucci:

Ye

Kookie Chim and I left it

Bam and Yugs got kicked out for sexting in it 

 

AgentMuscles:

Lol

Yugs said it was to make fun of them

They were sitting right next to me and laughing 

 

DirectorGucci:

lol

But why?

 

AgentClumsy:

Mark got into and argument with that girl from Canada and stereotypes were thrown

Wendy, I think her name is?

Anyway, he’s all torn up bc someone said all Americans are assholes and he was bullied p badly for being from the US so can markson come on the double date?

 

AgentHandsome:

Triple date;)

 

AgentClumsy:

Thanks babe

Ily

 

[RapSon]

 

Mon:

Yeah

 

Jack:

Thanks

Mark is cuddling against me and I need to pay him some attention so bye

 

Mon:

Bye

 

[Operation YoonMin]

 

AgentClumsy:

Did you get back safe?

Hyung isn’t here rn

 

DirectorGucci:

Ye

Y’all ready for this?

 

AgentSunny:

But he might not see it?

 

AgentClumsy:

He will the second the chat is open

It starts from the first messages you missed 

 

AgentMuscles:

Let’s

Do 

This

Y’all ready?

 

DirectorGucci:

Are they

They’re fucking playing a pornographic moans  compilation and playing video games

I’m laughing really hard rn

Okay I’m ready

Chapter Text

[Salty Hoes]

 

Tae:

Jimin! Come on!

Hyung does it to us enough that I thought you’d be different!

I

I need bleach

 

Jin:

I heard it first!

 

Joon:

What?

 

Jin:

MOANS

FUCKIN MOANING

FROM JIMIN AND SOMEONE ELSE

AND CREAKING OF A MATTRESS

MY POOR EARS

 

Joon:

Yoongi hyung is out so you can come to my place rn

They sexiled you two?

 

Jin:

Yes

I’ll be over in a few 

 

[NamJin are both offline!]

 

Seok:

Lol of forgot about the unit feature for a sec

Then tae you can come to mine and Donhyukkie’s place TaeTae!

 

Kook:

Hyung stop:(

TaeTae come to mine so we can cuddle! ;D

 

Tae:

Omw babe:D

 

Seok:

Hello darkness my old friend unu

 

Tae:

Is that a reverse uwu?!

Can we bring him and cuddle the unu away?

 

Kook:

I’d say no bc I just wanna see u

But if you want to

 

Seok:

Just go

I’ll cuddle hyukkie when he gets back

 

[TaeKook are both offline!]

 

[Operation YoonMin]

 

Min:

I didn’t check the GC bc I have read receipts on

Did hyung see it?

 

AgentClumsy:

No

He was out last night

Came back really late

 

ASSet:

Do you think he’s doing it again?

 

AgentHandsome:

FUCK

Check his personal medicine cabinet

 

AgentClumsy:

I don’t think that’s a good idea

But here goes

Wait

Why does he have Prozac?? And why is it a consistent prescription made a long time ago?

 

AgentHandsome:

I’ll explain my discovery later

But did he put anything else in there?

 

AgentClumsy:

Just regular pain meds and stuff

Why?

 

AgentHandsome:

He didn’t smell like drugs or alcohol or sex?

 

AgentClumsy:

Nope

But from the looks of this bottle he should have finished it twice over by now

 

AgentHandsome:

I know 

 

ASSet:

DAMMIT

Does that mean he stopped taking it?! His depression and anxiety were through the roof! If it was so long ago how badly did he harm himself?

 

AgentClumsy:

I see no razors or tools of self harm 

I don’t think we have very many things like bc I live here and I’m a clutz

There’s a box of bandaids and it’s used but nothing like he carves through them

I’m gonna walk away so I don’t get caught

 

AgentHandsome:

He stopped taking it a while ago

His cousin was contacted a few days ago and they got into a conversation

He refuses to take them anymore because they were just making it worse

Alsooo

 

AgentHandsome:

———

KimSeokjin:

Do you think having a significant other would help?

 

Woozi:

Idk

He’s always been p confused about it

There’s this guy he likes a lot but he’s too scared of someone getting hurt

Says he’s too innocent for someone as broken as him

He said it like that

To my face

 

KimSeokjin:

I have a feeling I know who he’s talking about

But do you think he could handle?

 

Woozi:

The second he stops panicking

Skinny love

 

KimSeokjin:

We’re setting up a fake relationship to make him ready to admit it

With the guy who REALLY likes him and Kihyun

 

Woozi:

But won’t that endanger his friendship with Kihyun?

 

KimSeokjin:

Not if he finds out it’s a setup

 

Woozi:

Idek

My cousin is hard to read

 

KimSeokjin:

But we have our Yoongi whisperers

Hobi and Joonie

 

Woozi:

It’s risky

But if this doesn’t work than nothing will

———

Min:

I don’t know if that’s me

 

ASSet:

He’s said repeatedly that you are too innocent for him! He CLEARLY likes you.

 

Min:

I hope so

I really do

Does hyung have receipts on?

 

AgentClumsy:

Not if the chat was muted

He’s in Genius Lab 

I see him

He looks pretty upset

But it’s this sort of resigned sadness

I can’t hear it but I’m gonna guess he’s making a sad song right now

We have a shared set of files

Oh damn

They’re really sad and since I’m checking the docs...

“Be by my side

Will you promise me

If I touch you I’m afraid you’d fly away or break

I’m afraid afraid afraid”

 

Min:

What does that MEAN?!

 

AgentClumsy:

“Love is so painful

Goodbyes are even more painful

I can’t go on if you’re not here

Love me, love me

Come back to my arms”

Then there’s a really old heterosexual song in here that I didn’t realize we recorded 

I Need U

Remember that one:p

Can everyone in the vocal line come in right now?

Except for jiminah

You’re supposed to be sore and hungover rn;)

 

Min:

Lol

It’s fine if I do it later then?

 

AgentHandsome:

I’m in

 

AgentMuscles:

Same

 

DirectorGucci:

Me too!

This may take a while anyway so it might be good to split it up a lil

I’m here and it looks like the others are too 

O they were waiting for u guys anyway;)

 

AgentSunny:

Aww thanks!

Okay let’s go to that booth!

 

[Producers’ Row]

 

Suga:

Why did you guys dig I Need U up?

It popped up as recently edited

 

Hobi:

Try something new:)

 

RM:

It’s different in concept from our other songs

And we already told the world about how we are all bi

It adds to the fantasy 

Especially bc it was the two without a bf making it

 

Suga:

Yeah

It would be problematic if you were credited for it

 

RM:

Bingo

 

Hobi:

So what do you think?

 

Suga:

It’s beautiful

But too straight:/

 

Hobi:

Lol

 

RM:

So Butterfly and Love is Not Over

We recorded for those too:)

We just need your verses 

 

Suga:

whAT

I’m listening now and if I don’t like it I’m deleting the file

Spare me the humiliation PLEASE

 

Hobi:

What humiliation?

Is this about the gc last night?

 

Suga:

Shut up

I’m going to the booth now

I need to record for So Far Away bc Suran did her bit anyway

 

[Suga is offline!]

 

RM:

I’ll help!

 

[RM is offline!]

 

[Salty Hoes]

 

Min:

Ehehe sorry about last night

But do you need me to come in again? I couldn’t focus so idek how I did

 

Joon:

It was good! Alsooo

<Link>

SO FAR AWAY HAS BEEN DROPPED THIS IS NOT A DRILL

 

[CHILDREN OF THE MEMELORD AND SAVIOR]

 

IreneQueen:

Y’all remember that song so far away?

The one that he said he’d planned with some chick named Suran???

<Link>

 

Wendidi:

AHHHHH

 

[Salty Hoes]

 

Min:

Tae and Jin hyungie

I’m really sorry for sexiling you:(

 

Jin:

It’s fine

I should have figured when you let us know you were bringing Kihyun home

 

Yoon:

Kihyun moved on, huh?

Good for him:)

 

[Operation YoonMin]

 

Min:

This worries me

 

ASSet:

What does?

 

Min:

Those songs were made when?

 

AgentClumsy:

Last night

He’s definitely upset but he’s scared to ruin your friendship

But once we get a confirmation out of him

Stop right away and say that it was all fake but the person you were trying to attract didn’t notice

 

AgentSunny:

What if he thinks it’s me?

I’m the other single guy

 

Min:

Not if I set you up

 

AgentSunny:

Ew no

The hoe life for me tyvm

Besides I’m goin out to get some tonight anyway;)

 

Min:

Sigh

Tmi

Then what?

 

AgentHandsome:

Then, we have no choice but to leave it in your hands, Jiminah.

Chapter Text

[Woozi and PyroCuz]

 

Woozi:

...

Hyung

I Need U is good

But it’s so straight coming from you

And Butterfly and Love is Not Over?

I’d like an explanation please and thank

 

PyroCuz:

It’s fine Hoonah

My own problems

Did you talk to hoshi?

 

Woozi:

Yeah

 

PyroCuz:

And...?

 

Woozi:

He apologized 

Said that it was joke

And it had gone too far

But now I think he’s avoiding me

 

PyroCuz:

Well how do you feel about him?

 

Woozi:

I just wanna be friends

 

PyroCuz:

Then treat him that way

If it WAS a joke

He just feels bad but the signs of goodwill will push him back into a rhythm 

But if it WASN’T a joke that’s where problems arise

 

Woozi:

Got it

Thanks hyung

 

PyroCuz:

What’s Family for, yeah?

 

Woozi:

Old man (● ˃̶͈̀ロ˂̶͈́)੭ꠥ⁾⁾

 

PyroCuz:

I aM... dIsGuSteD

 

Woozi:

Lol

Who is the person you like anyway?

 

PyroCuz:

His name is Park Jimin

But that’s besides the point

I’m no good for him

 

Woozi:

What would you do if he confessed?

In some crazy alternate universe?

 

PyroCuz:

I’m not selfish enough for that

Someone WILL get hurt if I accept it

There’s always music

 

Woozi:

Oh gtg

Brb

 

[KimSeokjin and Woozi]

 

Woozi:

[Screenshot]

Is this the guy?

 

KimSeokjin:

Yes... dammit

 

[Seungwan and MinYoongi]

[Seungwan changed their name to Wendy!]

 

Wendy:

This is Yoongi-ssi, right?

I’m Son Seungwan, your partner for that joint project?

 

[MinYoongi changed their name to Yoongi]

 

Yoongi:

Yeah

Is there somewhere you want to meet?

 

Wendy:

I’m fine doing this over text if you want.

I’m good with group projects:)

 

Yoongi:

Okay then

Wait, why are you good at them?

 

Wendy:

I’m from Canada, we do a lot more group projects there.

 

Yoongi:

Got it. Do you have the details of this particular one?

 

Wendy:

1 1/2 min demo

No vocals

They’re gonna use them for dance dept

They gave me your email but I figured this was better

Do you want me to add you on the project?

 

Yoongi:

Sure

Is/are there a dance dept member(s?) we should get in contact with?

 

Wendy:

I think we were assigned a group of three

Park Jimin

Kunpimook Bhuwakul (I don’t think I spelled that right)

And Jung Hoseok

Two of those guys are your friends and the other is a mutual friend, right?

 

Yoongi:

They are

Do you want me to add them?

 

Wendy:

Please

 

[Yoongi added Jiminie, Idiot, and Hobs to the chat!]

 

Idiot:

r00d

Why are we here?

 

Wendy:

We were assigned to make a demo for you three

 

Jiminah:

This is why you pay attention BamBam

 

Hobs:

Smh

Hey Yoongles!

 

Yoongi:

I know where you sleep

I will set you ballsacks on fire with butter

You know I can and have

 

Hobs:

Sorry Yoongi hyungnim

 

Wendy:

Is there a nonterrifying way to control your dongsaengs?

 

Jiminah:

Kook hero worships hyung

Which is fair bc did you SEE THE WAY HIS FINGERS MOVED WHEN HE EDITED THAT?!

 

Hobs:

True

Tae has heard the stories and he only needs to remind me

He scares us

 

Jiminah:

But he’s a softie

 

Yoongi:

Anyway

What kind of dance do you think you three want?

 

Idiot:

Idm

 

Jiminah:

If hyung had a hand in making it, then I know it’s good:)

Sorry Wendy-ssi but I’ve never heard your stuff.

 

Wendy:

That’s okay! This gives me the chance to knock your socks off, eh?

 

Yoongi:

And thanks Jiminah:)

That puts this on your hands Hobi

 

Hobs:

Hip hop!

 

Jiminah:

Does that sound good to you Wendy-ssi?

 

Wendy:

It’s sounds fine

I’ve only done it a few times so I’m sorry if I end up being a burden.

 

Idiot:

Wait

WAIT

ARE YOU THE GIRL THAT MARK HYUNG GOT IN A FIGHT WITH?!

 

Yoongi:

And that is why your tag is idiot

Learn a little tact

 

Idiot:

But hyung was so torn up about it!

He was REALLY mad

He hates being treated like a stereotype for being American and she pulled it out over an A C C I D E N T

 

Hobs:

Maybe don’t talk like that in front of her?

 

Jiminah:

We are talking to someone who sexted in a gc

Several times

 

Hobs:

...

Point made

 

Wendy:

Uh... anyway

Is there a certain instrument you guys want?

 

Jiminah:

lofi!

And xylophone!

 

Yoongi:

Wendy-ssi

Is it okay with you if we altered things like and ice cream truck sound and other nostalgic sounds 

Put it over xylophone and a backbeat

And then dealt with the sound settings?

 

Wendy:

Now I know why they call you a genius

Whoa

Did you just give me eight backbeats and four xylophones to mix and match?

 

Yoongi:

Some were prerecorded in the site and others were just scrapped recordings

Which ones do you like best?

 

Wendy:

X1 with Beat 2

 

Yoongi:

Okay

What sfx are we gonna put over it?

 

Idiot:

Sorry but I don’t careeeee

 

Yoongi:

Sorry.

 What was that?

 

Idiot:

Shutting up now

 

Yoongi:

:)

 

Idiot:

Is anyone else terrified?

 

Jiminah:

I just got to the lab and he’s laughing manically like at the end of Cypher p2

It’s kind of unsettling 

Oh 

Now he’s giving me “the face”

 

Hobs:

TAKE A PICTURE BEFORE YOU CAN’T

 

Yoongi:

Don’t even think about it:(

 

Jiminah:

Okay hyung:)

 

[Sunshine Dancers]

 

Mochi:

CuteAF.png

 

Sun:

Aww:)

How cute:)

 

Mochi:

I just want to kiss those pouty lips and cuddle him

Or do some nsfw things~

 

Sun:

Lol

 

 

[Group Chat]

 

Hobs:

CuteAF.png

 

Jiminah:

DAMMIT HYUNG

 

Yoongi:

I have been betrayed

Why:(

 

Jiminah:

I’m sorry hyung!

It’s just

You look so cute!

And it’s a rare photo op

 

Yoongi:

Jiminah

I’m flattered but why

Just why

 

Wendy:

I don’t know how to respond to such an adorable photo of such a terrifying person.

Sorry.

 

Yoongi:

Do it by forgetting.

Do you want to meet somewhere and talk this through in person? We just need the idiot, Jiminah, and Hobi for their opinions.

 

Idiot:

In my opinion I’m not an idiot

 

Yoongi:

Prove that theory.

Then we’ll talk.

 

Idiot:

D:

 

Wendy:

I can meet you at the cafe by the library in 5?

 

Yoongi:

See you there.

 

[CHILDREN OF THE MEMELORD AND SAVIOR]

 

Wendidi:

I’m fucking scared 

Can someone act as a hidden bodyguard at the cafe by the library?

 

Lalalisa:

Why?

 

Wendidi:

Two things

One, apparently he knows the guy I had an argument with. Because of mutual friends.

Two... in that group chat, a certain Park Jimin decided that he should show us a picture of Min Yoongi teasingly pouting.

And it was really cute.

But then I had to fucking speak up and remind him that I was there so I need a bodyguard to insure he doesn’t reach over the table and choke me or slip cyanide in my coffee or something.

 

Lalalisa:

Choking?

Hani? This one’s on you.

 

HahaHani:

I’m pretty sure that’s unnie to you 

And not funny

Is Jimin-ssi ok?

 

Wendidi:

Yoongi-ssi was just resigned

He even used an emoji [:(]

And the Jimin-ssi starts talking about how cute he looks (he’s right ngl)

And he goes “I’m flattered but why. just why”

 

Lalalisa:

WHIPPED

 

Binnie:

Sucks for him then

I’m pretty sure I saw him walking with someone else and we’re neighbors 

That was moaning from his place

Sexiled his poor roommates

Jin hyung does it a lot anyways so whatever

TaeKook also 

 

IreneQueen:

Wait

Butterfly and Love Is Not Over

You heard them right?

 

Yeriri:

Omfg

Are you implying what I think you’re implying?

 

Wendidi:

...No way

He seems like the type to just approach the person they’re interested in

 

Jun:

I’ll go!

Martial arts!

But he’s actually a pretty decent guy

Cares about people

Has a few friends beyond BTS too

 

Yeriri:

Donghyuk-ssi and Aurora-ssi 

Anyone else?

Oh yeah

Kihyun-ssi

 

The8:

THATS WHERE HE WAS FROM

Okay so the question about Kihyun and Suga is answered

Kihyun is with Jimin

 

Jun:

Didn’t he used to be fwb with Yoongi

Awkward...

 

Woozi:

Nah

All is good between them 

Just platonic friends now:)

 

Hoshi:

Hi

 

Woozi:

Hey Hoshishi

 

Hoshi:

No fair! 

How come I can’t call you woozizi?!

Or woowoo?!

 

Woozi:

Bc u already did it -_-

 

Hoshi:

....

Fair point

 

Jun:

Anyway I’m here and I’m waiting so 

I’ll live this bc im borrred

He’s there coffee for him and latte for her

Said he just asked Jimin who knows Lisa who know u

She seems flustered

Like what kind of kdrama

Anyway

They’re sitting and sharing earbuds awkwardly 

 

Yeriri:

FUCKIN KDRAMA

Wendy unnie isn’t even bi tho

Lesibehonest here

 

IreneQueen:

Yeah

But your making it sound like he’s a straight girls ideal man

 

Jun:

Maybe

They’re talking and he seems more focused on the task then her but she seems a bit uncomfortable

OH SHIT

He noticed and is asking if it’s him

 

Lalalisa:

I don’t know why I need this so much 

Keep going

What kind of KDrama shit is this

 

Jun:

He’s running his hand through his hair and he just realized how close they are

Omfg

Now that his hood is off

His hair is brown and ALERT it is hot

He’s digging in his bag for an audio splitter

He found one and now they’re sitting more comfortably

His bag looks really cool

A bunch of composition notebooks and a leather one

They all look pretty worn

Like he carries them everywhere

They’re getting through it really fast

Wendy reminded him she has a laptop

He looks relived 

Now they have some sort of program on the computers

Oh I see

They’re downloading and altering existing sounds and blending them together

 

Yeriri:

It’s easier to make the painting if you have the paint

 

Lalalisa:

As opposed to what 

Making the paint?

 

Yeriri:

Yes?

 

Lalalisa:

That actually makes sense tbh

 

Jun:

They’re talking again and both on laptops

Holy Crap 

The speed his fingers are flying is unreal

Some people are taking a video 

He edits like that NORMALLY?!

 

HahaHani:

You watched the VLive?

 

Jun:

Nope

Evening class

 

HahaHani:

He edited Jungkook-ssi’s song that speed too

So they’re just working?

 

Jun:

Looks like it

Oh

Yoongi-ssi has to go

He’s apologizing and Wendy looks flustered but she’s said something I didn’t hear and now he’s nodding and he put his stuff away and walked off

 

Woozi:

It’s four 

He just has a class rn

 

Jun:

How did u kno

Oh yeah

Cousins

 

Woozi:

He was warning me against a music theory teacher

And he’s like

“I have her at four on Mondays so I hate that day even more”

 

Jun:

You two seem p close

 

Woozi:

We’re family

Anyway

How’d it go Wendy?

 

Wendidi:

All good

We are just altering sounds to fit our needs and we have about half of them

He said he had a class but he hates it so much he might sneak in some extra

Oh look

He did:)

And now I’m going back to work

Never mind

He was so bored he finished it and now it’s perfect

 

Jun:

Not surprised tbh

 

Wendidi:

He shared it with the gc

Holy frick he and Jimin-ssi are so cute together

Kihyun is a homewrecker smh

 

[OMG They Were Roommates]

 

Joon:

Hyung?

It’s really late 

Are you okay?

 

[Salty Hoes]

 

Joon:

GUYS IM SORRY TO WAKE YOU UP BUT IM PANICKING ITS REALLY LATE AND HYUNG ISNT BACK

 

Jin:

The fact that it’s all caps and missing a few details shows us that

Did you text him?

 

Joon:

Yes

Hyung stopped sleeping around but he normally lets me know that he would be back late 

He didn’t even see the messages

 

Jin:

I’ll contact his cousin

 

[Woozi and KimSeokjin]

 

KimSeokjin:

I’m sorry it’s late but have you seen Yoongi?

 

Woozi:

Pulling an all nighter anyway

He isn’t with you?

 

KimSeokjin:

No

 

Woozi:

He sleeps around sometimes tho 

 

KimSeokjin:

Not for a while

And he normally lets his roommate know he’s gonna he back late

 

Woozi:

Idek rn

I’m running on five redbull bc I need to finish a damn paper

 

KimSeokjin:

Get some sleep and do it tomorrow

You’re not gonna make any progress that way:/

 

Woozi:

Sounds liek a paln to mw

 

[Salty Hoes]

 

Jin:

Nope

Nothing from his cousin

Dammit

I say we wait two days

 

Joon:

Good idea

I’m really worried though

Chapter Text

Yoongi knelt down by his mother’s grave. The clouds were dark and wind whipped harshly at his mask and hoodie. But he felt at home.

But something about this home wasn’t the warmth like the fire he loved so much.

It was as cold as a rainy day when the sun refused to shine. As cold as a corpse. Which was what his mother was.

A corpse in a box in the ground.

Six feet under.

Gone.

“Hey Eomma. I’m back. I probably should have visited a bit earlier, huh? Well I got that scholarship. I’m making music. Like I said I wanted to. But I’ve made so many mistakes and I don’t even know if you’d be proud to call me your son anymore. Would you have done what dad did? Kicked me out? Or would you have hugged me and said that it was ok? Fuck...” he sighed, tears winding down his face. “Oh yeah... I picked that up when I became an underground rapper for money. It’s fun sometimes, when you stick to the cleanest gigs you can get money for. I met my friends there. They’re like family... they’re my home now. I wish I could introduce you to them. You would probably love them and their crazy antics.” 

Yoongi inhaled shakily as more tears trickled steadily down his face. They began to fall on the grass of her grave. The salty drops glimmered on the grass.

“I made it, eomma. People are listening to my music and I’ve grown up as healthy is I could. Physically, at least. I can’t say the same about my mind, but I’m taking it one step at a time. Like you always tell me to.”

It was so cold here. Without her voice it was so cold. He missed the warmth that came from his conversations or bickering with Namjoon. That warmth he got when he goofed off with Hoseok. The warmth of trust with Seokjin hyung. The warmth of being a brother to Jungkook and of watching Taehyung’s antics. The warmth of loving Jimin.

“I suffered sometimes. I got hurt a lot by people I thought I could trust. Like you always say, hindsight is 20/20. But I just can’t learn because I fell in love again. And I’m so scared. Please help me, eomma, because I’m so, so lost.”

He just sat silently by his mother’s grave for a moment when he heard a familiar voice.

“Wha the hell d’ya think yer doin on my wife’s grave?!”

It was laced with satoori. He looked up to see his father, flowers in hand, glaring. He slowly stood up.

“Greetin’ my mother,” he said, satoori tinging his voice. His father stopped, finally recognizing him.

“Y-Yoongi?”

“No ‘m the ghost of ‘ristmas pas’,” he laughed and his father did as well. That was his mother’s favorite joke. They turned to the grave silently as his father laid the flowers down.

“Jus here fer a visit?”

“Yeah,” Yoongi smiled and turned to leave.

He didn’t know or care if his father came after him. He just walked. For all he cared he could have been speaking to a rock.

His father was dead to him.

“Fuck, I need a drink,” he grumbled. Before he knew it, he found himself seated at a shoddy bar with a whisky. He just let it burn in his throat.

Her voice was soft and lilting, only slightly tinged with Daegu satoori. She was a Busan girl, herself. He’d never seen Busan. Funny.

He’d do it for her.

Right now if he could. But first he was gonna sober up a bit.

Then he’d buy a train ticket.

And drink tea there in her honor.

From that little shop she had loved as a girl.

Because maybe he’d find his answer there.

So when he stumbled into the city as day began to break, he found it.

“Choi Tea House” the old wooden sign declared proudly.

It was open already with some elderly customers. He entered hesitantly.

“Hello stranger! Here on business?” The elderly man at the counter greeted cheerfully.

“No sir, honoring my mother,” he responded truthfully. “Her favorite tea was from here. She always wanted to build a restaurant because of how much she loved it here.” He said softly and the man laughed.

“You’re talkin about Kang Dawon?”

“Min now... but she’s been gone for years,” he said quietly.

The man’s face crumpled in sadness.

“She was like a daughter. This isn’t fair.” A lone tear trailed down his cheek before he harshly slapped himself.

“You’re her son?”

Yoongi nodded.

“Yes, sir.”

“There’s a special tea your mother made me one day when I was mad. It’s a permanent staple here now,” his face became a sad nostalgia. He poured the tea and handed it to him.

“She called it “Try Again Tea”, try it yourself.”

So there was his answer.

He had to try again, his mind yelled as he spent the morning with the elderly shopkeep. The man gifted him a tin of that tea his mother made. He explored Daegu that day and looked around. His mother had grown up here. How had she landed herself with someone like his dad? Right, love. 

But when she was around his father was a different man.

The tea felt heavy in his pocket. 

Try again, his mind whispered on the late night train ride back. 

Try again, it whispered as he stumbled home in the midmorning and cleaned himself up.

Try again, his mind whispered before he fell into a dreamless sleep.

Chapter Text

[Salty Hoes]

 

Joon:

GUYS

HES BACK

 

Jin:

Thank goodness

Do you know where he was?

 

Joon:

Daegu

Then Busan

He has two tickets

 

Tae:

I’m from Daegu!

Kookie and Chim are Busan Bois

 

Joon:

I know that hyung is from Daegu.

But he said he’s never been to Busan before.

 

Seok:

Wasn’t his mom from Busan? 

 

Joon:

Yes. I also found this small tin. He’s hiding it under his pillow.

The label is slightly faded, but it says “Kang Dawon’s Try Again Tea”.

 

Min:

They serve that in Choi Tea House!

It’s my fav

 

Kook:

There’s an urban legend that the tea was made by a girl named Kang dawon and the owners wanted her to take over

But she ran off with some deadbeat farmer because they fell in love

Her sister is a Lee now, I think 

 

Jin:

Lee like Lee Jihoon? Yoongi’s cousin?

 

Kook:

...

I never noticed that

 

Min:

His mom is dead tho

Idek what happened to Dawon

But I’m going to visit my family this weekend

I can ask Mr. Choi

 

Yoon:

Geez you guys are so noisy

Yes Kang Dawon is my mom

Yes she ran off with a deadbeat farmer aka my dad

To Daegu

Yes that tea was made by her

I visited the tea house to honor her yesterday. 

Grandpa Choi didn’t even know until I told him 

So I spent the morning with him

Shit I have to go

 

[Yoon is offline!]

 

•••

CelebDaily: Only the Newest in KPop

 

Suga’s Cousin Attacked by Fans when the Rapper Visited his Family?

 

Lee Jihoon, known by many as Woozi, is the cousin of Suga. And they look fairly alike. So much so, that a saseang intent on tailing the rapper found him with a friend, who we only know of as Hoshi, and attacked the duo, thinking they were a couple. Hoshi-ssi managed to fight the guy off but Lee-ssi was not as lucky. The young man has been hospitalized and the attacker arrested. We have not yet managed to get a comment from any of them. 

So where was Suga? Press found him visiting a grave and avoiding a man, who looks very much like him, all the way in Daegu. Many are speculating that the man is his father... but why was his reaction captured like that? They were unable to approach him as he got on a train to Busan soon after. He was then seen by some fans there exiting a tea shop with the man who owned it. We were able to get him for an interview. His name is Choi Haneul.

 

CD: Thank you very much for your time. Do you mind if we ask what Suga was doing in your shop?

 

Choi-nim: The only person who was out of the ordinary today wasn’t named Suga.

 

CD: Sorry, Min Yoongi?

 

Choi-nim: He’s the son of a girl who I used to think of as a daughter. She got married thirty years ago to some man from Daegu. We haven’t seen her since. But apparently, she’s not around anymore. Hasn’t been for years. So he came to honor her memory the other day.

 

CD: Why would visiting your shop be considered honoring her?

 

Choi-nim: It was her favorite place. She loved my little tea house so much that she always wanted to open a restaurant of her own. I don’t think she ever did. I didn’t even know she was gone.

 

Choi-nim gets a little choked up and begins to dab at tears.

 

Choi-nim: She was gonna take it from me one day, has her own special blend on the menu. But then she just left and thirty years later her son walks in, hoping to honor his deceased mother. I think he visited some other places and the Lee family too before he left.

 

CD: Do you know anything about his father?

 

Choi-nim: We don’t talk about him here. She’s forever Kang Dawon to me. That Min shoulda stayed in Daegu.

 

We thanked him and went to find some information. Apparently the gossip has been rolled around for years. Kang Dawon and her sister Kang, now Lee, Seunghye were well known and liked by most people. We even stopped in to taste he blend she made for Choi-nim, Try Again Tea, it’s well known and is possibly the most popular blend on the menu. 

The Lees had left for Seoul this morning when the news broke so we did not have a chance to meet them. It is unknown if Suga visited him, but Lee Jihoon has not yet woken up.

 

•••

 

CampusNews: Only the Freshest Tea

 

College Student Attacked in a Case of Mistaken Identity 

 

Lee Jihoon, known by most as Woozi, was attacked and hospitalized on Wednesday night when he was mistaken for his cousin, Min Yoongi/ Suga. Suga was away on what has been confirmed to be a family visit. 

Lee Jihoon has not yet woken up. It is known he was with a friend who we intend to keep the name of quiet for safety reasons. It seems that the doctors expect him to soon wake up.

 

•••

 

[CHILDREN OF THE MEMELORD AND SAVIOR]

 

Yeriri:

Hoshi

Are you okay too?

 

Hoshi:

I am

Yoongi-ssi was apologizing to his aunt and uncle when I came to visit

They were trying to reassure him but I think he’s beating himself up over it

 

Wendidi:

Good to know

I have his number

 

Lalalisa: 

ADD HIM

 

[Wendidi added MinYoongi to the chat!]

 

MinYoongi:

Wth is this

 

Lalalisa:

So you’re the mystery man we know as Min Yoongi?

Well excuse this dongsaeng for being so forward but could you meet me irl?~

 

MinYoongi:

Wendy-ssi what have you done

 

Wendidi:

I wish I knew

 

MinYoongi:

Jiminah is bugging me so sorry about this

 

[MinYoongi added Jiminah, Joon’s Friend’s BF, Idiot, Tae, Kook, and Kook’s Weird Friend to the chat!]

[Tae changed Kook’s Weird Friend’s name to Yugs!]

[Tae changed Joon’s Friend’s BF’s name to Markimoo!]

 

Idiot:

Why did no one change my name?????

 

MinYoongi:

Like I said

Prove that you aren’t an idiot

Then we’ll talk about that

 

Markimoo:

Where did you get our numbers?

 

MinYoongi:

Mutual friends

I have them for shit like this

 

Tae:

THERE ARE CHILDREN HERE

 

MinYoongi:

ThErE aRe ChIlDrEn HeRe

Who are you talking about, yourself?

 

Idiot:

Oooh

 

MinYoongi:

Oh nvm

There ARE children here

 

Yeriri:

Lolol

 

Yugs:

That’s my boyfriend you’re talking to!

 

MinYoongi:

Can you testify the “boy” part

He’s missing a pair 

 

Jiminah:

No offense to any females here or anything!

Right hyung?

 

MinYoongi:

Y’all know idgaf who I insult

But for you Fine

No offense ladies

 

Idiot:

whIPPED

 

MinYoongi:

Looks like that tag isn’t going anywhere anytime soon.

Taehyung would you be a good dongsaeng and get your hyung butter?

 

Tae:

Hyung no

 

MinYoongi:

Hyung yes

 

Wendidi:

Wait don’t! 

Please don’t burn his ballsacks in butter!

 

Yugs:

...wtf

 

Wendidi:

Apparently he’s done it before

 

Jiminah:

Joonie hyung was freaking terrified

Which is fair bc he was THERE

Did the guy die?

 

MinYoongi:

...

I actually have no idea

 

Idiot:

WHAT

 

Yeriri:

Is it best to use a lot or a little?

 

MinYoongi:

Spread it thinly so it catches better

You’re aiming to burn the flesh not the fuel

 

Yeriri:

Thanks Min-sunabenim:)

 

IreneQueen:

KIM YERIM

NO

 

Wendidi:

She just grabbed her ex and is walking with a container of butter

She’s dragging him

 

Yugs:

STOP HER

 

The8:

...

Why is nobody else complaining?

 

MinYoongi:

Simple

They don’t have death wishes

Speaking of death, I need to go see my cousin and I don’t like most of you

 

[MinYoongi has left the chat!]

 

Jiminah:

Hyung...

Not a good comparison

OH 

HOSHI

 

Hoshi:

What

 

Jiminah:

Woozi woke up!

 

Hoshi:

Tysm

 

[Hoshi is offline!]

 

Yeriri:

Go fast like sonic

Lol

 

HahaHani:

Is your ex ok?

 

Yeriri:

Ripped from my grasp by Jun oppa

:(

 

Jun:

IM SORRY

I DI T LIKE DEATH

SJSNSJSNSIMSNSIMSKWOS HDUEJ SIS

SISNNSSJ

SISCOJS FUCKIN DERPY SHIZ

EJDNJSSJNSMSKWK

FUCK

Okay I got my phone back:)

 

IreneQueen:

That’s what that was?

Chapter Text

[Rap Line]

 

RapMon:

Hyung

There are some lyrics you wrote.

I don’t think we should use them.

 

J-Hope:

Which ones?

 

RapMon:

“Hinged on the edge of a memory

Sweetly killing like a drug is what you’ve done to me

Drunk on you 

Stuck on you

I’m addicted to the high you give me”

 

Suga:

Yeah

Scrap that

 

RapMon:

Are you okay?

 

Suga:

I’m really fuckin trying

Really

Still workin some shit out 

I will be 

 

J-Hope:

You will be okay doesn’t mean you are now

It means you aren’t now 

 

Suga:

But I will be 

One day 

Rn I’m just tryna live my life

 

RapMon:

So... can I just be upfront with you?

 

Suga:

Depends 

If you aren’t trying to pull some psychological shit again

 

RapMon:

Idfk

I was wondering if you could tell us exactly what spurred on that little trip.

 

Suga:

Just

I went to visit my mom

For guidance

Like

Speaking to the grave prayer bs

 

J-Hope:

Your mom is from Busan, right

But you’re from Daegu

But you went to Busan after

 

Suga:

Got fuckin hammered bc I saw my dad and was just like

If I’m gonna be talking to rocks I need to be drunk 

Bc he’s dead to me

So at some point I’m like

“MY MOM IS FROM BUSAN BUT I HAVE NEVER BEEN AND I WILL DRUNK TO HER HONOR IN HER OLD FAVORITE TEAHOUSE”

Bc I was fuckin smashed

So I went and shit happened and now I’m back

 

RapMon:

So... did you get the answer, because that was vague and evasive as hell.

 

Suga:

Yeah

But I’m not yet sure what to do with it

 

RapMon:

Try Again, if I’m not mistaken?

 

J-Hope:

O

The tea was conveniently named amirite

What do you need to try again at

 

Suga:

It’s cheesy but

Love

 

RapMon:

Oh

So what does that mean?

 

Suga:

Well for starters I need to get over Jiminah

The I need to try again at love

 

J-Hope:

Why do you need to get over Jiminie if you like him?

Maybe you should try again with him!

 

RapMon:

You do know you just admitted to likening Jimin?

 

Suga:

I do

And @J-Hope no fucking way 

I’m not messing things up with Kihyun

 

RapMon:

What if Kihyun wasn’t a threat or something? Like in some alternate universe he liked you?

 

Suga:

Tbh idfk

 

RapMon:

Fair enough

Wanna work on the lyrics for Tomorrow?

 

Suga:

Sure 

Mon Studios in 10?

 

RapMon:

Yeah

 

[OPERATION YOONMIN]

 

AgentClumsy:

[BREAKING NEWS] Resident Grump Min Yoongi Admits Love!

 

[AgentClumsy sent six (6) screenshots!]

 

AgentHandsome:

Small problem

He said get over jimin

 

ASSet:

So if we cut the act now...?

 

AgentClumsy:

It has to look like only you two were in on it though.

 

DirectorGucci:

And me 

Were soukmayes

 

AgentClumsy:

That was horribly spelled, but true.

Should we set the scene on the chat?

 

ASSet:

I’m with Jiminie rn anyway let’s go

 

 

[Salty Hoes]

 

Jin:

Jimin I hear Kihyun talking

Something about being glad he didn’t have to pretend anymore w u

EXPLAIN

 

Min:

Ah

It was fake

 

Jin:

EXPLAIN THOSE NOISES THEN

 

Min:

I have a crush and we were faking it

The noises were a compilation so the neighbors would hear 

Tae knew

 

Tae:

Tru 

So u gusy dtoppde

 

Min:

Ye

He didn’t even notice

 

Joon:

So why did you complain about it on this chat?

 

Tae:

So it didn’t look obvious duh

 

Seok:

So is he in this chat?

 

Min:

I WILL NOT BE TELLING YOU A THING

 

[Operation YoonMin]

 

Min:

Alright

So good job guys

 

AgentClumsy:

Uhhh

 

AgentClumsy:

———

Yoon:

He had a crush

More of a reason to move on

 

Joon:

What if it’s you?

 

Yoon:

Who would love ME

I don’t love me

 

Joon:

But what if?

 

Yoon:

I

I don’t even know

But that would never happen

———-

 

Min:

So does that mean like

That we should talk?

 

AgentClumsy:

YES!

 

[Min is offline!]

Chapter Text

“Hyung?” Jimin knocked tentatively on the door.

The figure within turned, giving him full view of the beautiful man within. His marble-like skin suited his lithe form perfectly. The seeming daintiness was broken by his long, strong but slender, fingers. His jeans and baggy tee somehow looked unreasonably attractive and Jimin wanted to tear them off. His plush lips that framed his sweet doll quirked up into a shy little grin. His flexible and long tongue darted out to wet them.

“Hey Jiminah.” And his voice. Oh that lazy drawl? Sign. Him. The. Fuck. Up. 

Jimin struggled to meet his eyes. Seconds stretched into what felt like hours as he managed to latch his eyes onto those marble-like, yet feline, depths. He was sucked into them.

Damn if poets hadn’t been right about eyes being windows to the soul.

He ran a hand though his hair, mind on the unkempt yet perfect mess atop Yoongi’s head. Something about it, that natural look, was beautiful to him.

His throat felt dry.

“Is it true?” He had to know. He HAD to know. So he could cuddle and kiss and love his hyung the right way.

“Is what true?”

“Is it true that you’re in love with me?”

 

<><><>

 

The air tensed. Yoongi gulped.

“I-“

“It’s a yes or no question. Do you like me or do you love me?”

Fuck it. If he got rejected he could move on quicker. He knew disappointment like his own hand. He would be able to take his disgust. He steeled his heart.

“I am.”

“Say it,” he looked like he was pleading. Those freaking puppy eyes. Those chocolatey brown eyes that somehow made eyes look velvety. His little button nose and his creamy skin. He could look but not touch. “Not for you!” it seemed to scream to him. Never for you. Yoongi drank the sight in. This would probably be the last time he’d see it.

“I’m in love with you, Park Jimin.”

Jimin grabbed the front of his shirt and yanked him forward.

“Fucking finally,” he growled, and crashed his lips onto Yoongi’s.

Jimin’s lips were sweet, kind. They kissed him liked they’d done it a thousand times. Like they fit together perfectly. Those weren’t the kisses he was used to. Sexy making out? Been there done that.

This? This was fueled by emotion as Jimin drank him like water after a trek in the desert. 

Those innocent eyes he was used to weren’t quite so innocent anymore. They were hooded, pupils blown.

“Because I’m in love with you too.”

Chapter Text

 

[Salty Hoes]

[Yoon changed the chat name to Three Happy Couples and a Hoe!]

 

Yoon: Remove Seok from YoonMinSeok

 

[Seok has been kicked from unit YoonMinSeok. Unit is now called YoonMin!]

[Yoon changed Joon’s name to Nam!]

[Yoon changed Seok’s name to Hoe!]

 

Hoe:

R00d

But kinda true

What’s the occasion

 

Yoon:

Today I am a happy bi boi

 

Min:

Babe why

 

Yoon:

Because now I’m gonna be showing off my affection like the asshole I am until Hobs gets a bf

 

Min:

I’m in<3

 

Yoon:

<3

 

Nam:

Took you idiots long enough.

 

Jin:

^^^

 

Tae:

CONGRATSDKDBDIDBEI

 

Kook:

^^^^^

And

I will help with that

 

Hoe:

Lol that just went by shipnames

But good on you

@Kook choke

 

Kook:

Taebae, will you help me with that?;)

 

Tae:

;)

Omw

 

[TaeKook are offline!]

 

Hoe:

Smh

 

Yoon:

And Hobs

Joon

Didn’t I say there was something I was supposed to do if you kept trying to set us up?

 

Nam:

YOU ARE HAPPY

HE IS HAPPY

YOU DON’T NEED ANY ARSON

 

Min:

I can’t make good on that promise if you’re in jail babe

 

Yoon:

Fine

 

Jin:

WhIPPED

 

Yoon:

Ur point?

 

Hoe:

Wait what promise

 

Yoon:

To show me EXACTLY how kinky this “pure and innocent mochi” really is.

 

Min:

;)

I’m willing to make good on that right now

Just so you stop working~

 

Jin:

So y’all had a confession time

AND THEN YOU WENT BACK TO YOUR DAILY LIVES?

 

Yoon:

Minnie had a dance class

I won’t let him fail for me

And I’ve just added into some tracks for class

And I could just stop if you want minnie

 

Min:

Nope

I’m headed to yours

Joon hyung I’m estimating you have ten minutes to leave

 

Nam:

I’m not even home.

Just don’t fuck in the kitchen or on my bed.

And clean up when you’re done.

 

Min:

If I can move;)

You can stay at our place for the night

 

Nam:

Thanks Jiminie

 

[YoonMin are offline!]

 

Jin:

Ooh it’s started

I can’t go home bc of taekook

Wanna go get boba?

 

Nam:

Sure:)

 

[NamJin are offline!]

 

Hoe:

All around me are familiar faces...

 

[DANCE HOES]

 

Moonie:

Jiminnie

Where is that HICKEY from and why were u stumblin around my dorms

Who was the hookup

 

Minnie:

That was my bf^u^

I love him so much

 

Hobi:

YOONMIN QUALITY CONTENT RIGHT HERE

 

Minnie:

;p

 

 

[Three Happy Couples and a Hoe]

 

Hoe:

Never have I ever

You in sqy I 

 

Tae:

I

 

Kook:

I

 

Nam:

I

 

Jin:

I

 

Yoon:

Do I have to

 

Min:

I

And you said I in that statement

 

Yoon:

-_-

Fine

If you’ve done the thing say i

Never have I ever passed out of malnutrition

 

Min:

...

I

 

Jin:

WHAT

FOOD IS LOVE FOOD IS LIFE WHY WOYKD YOU NOT EAT?!

 

Min:

I forgot!

Never have I ever...

Gotten drunk by a graveyard and chosen to make a trip

 

Nam:

I

 

Yoon:

I

Wtf joon

 

Nam:

Idefk

 

Yoon:

Fair enough

 

Nam:

Never have I ever done bdsm

 

Yoon:

I

 

Kook:

I

 

Tae:

I

 

Min:

I

 

Hoe:

I

 

Jin:

Um no

Never have I ever tried furry sex

 

Min:

WE FORGOT ONE

OMW

 

[YoonMin are offline!]

 

Tae:

O I remember 

Chim was talking about some sort of thing where he tried every kink he’d willingly try

He had a list

I can read it if u want

 

Nam:

...

 

Jin:

Feed me

 

Tae:

So there are some crosess out I’ll start with those bc thoes are teh ones he didny liek

Bdsm, choking, daddy/babyboi , music, ageplay, rape fantasy

 

Kook:

They tried those in the span of a week???

Their poor stick and holes

 

Tae:

Lol those they tried for like ten secodns and it truned tehm the heck off

But there are some thy do like

Aftercare and consent and dirtytalk

 

Jin:

That’s p vanilla

Also

Learn to spell

 

Tae:

bondage Spanking fisting 

And 

Sensory deprivation and rough sex

 

Jin:

Never mind

 

Min:

Add furry sex to the first list:/

Like no

 

Yoon:

Minnie just looked cute

 

Min:

So cute my dick went soft and we just cuddled

 

Jin:

This is the quality content I’m here for

 

[Unknown ID and Jiminie]

 

Unknown Number:

Listen up you little twink

You’d better do what I tell you or there’ll be hell to pay

Chapter Text

[Unknown ID and Jiminie]

 

Jiminie:

Who the hell are you

 

Unknown ID:

Someone with the power I make your life miserable

 

Jiminie:

Sure

Why not?

What do you want

 

Unknown ID:

Stay away from Min Yoongi

 

Jiminie:

What?! No way!

 

Unknown ID:

He’s mine

I’ve killed for him

I’m not afraid to do it again

 

[Minnie<3 and Yoonie<3]

 

Minnie<3:

Hyungie I’m scared

 

Yoonie<3:

Who did what?

 

Minnie<3:

Somebody’s threatening me

They’re saying they’ve killed for you before

 

Yoonie<3:

I’ve only known one saesaeng to do that 

I’m positive she was in jail

 

Minnie<3:

So what now?

 

Yoonie<3:

We talk to the others

Firstly, let the person know that if their name is Daehee, then I remember them

Don’t worry, I won’t let them hurt you:)

 

Minnie<3:

:)

 

[Unknown ID and Jiminie]

 

Jiminie:

Does your name by any chance happen to be Daehee?

 

Unknown ID:

Who told you that

 

Jiminie:

Hyungie

 

Unknown ID:

Oppa remembers me?

 

Jiminie:

...yes?

 

[Unknown ID is offline!]

 

[Bangtan Bishes]

 

Yoongles:

Guys l

Bad news

Somehow, Daehee’s out of jail

 

Jinnie:

WHAT

 

Nammie:

WHAT

 

Hobi:

WHAT

 

TaeTae:

Who

 

Kookie:

Who?

 

Chimbles:

And she threatened me:(

 

Jinnie:

WHAT

 

Nammie:

WHAT

 

Hobi:

WHAT

 

TaeTae:

WHAT

 

Kookie:

WHAT

Okay who the hell is this bitch

 

Nammie:

A saseang who killed The Crapturd(tm)

 

TaeTae:

Hojin?

 

Chimbles:

Who?

 

Yoongles:

He’s a story for another time

TaeKook idfk how you know and I’m gonna assume it was joon

But yes 

What the hell

Guys, she just messaged me

 

Nammie:

Keep her on!

 

Yoongles:

On it, leaderboy

 

[Yoongles is offline!]

 

Nammie:

I’ll look for info.

Jaegi, can you help?

 

Jinnie:

Sure>:| 

I still don’t like this girl if she’s threatening you Jimin

 

Chimbles:

We’ll sort it out

 

[NamJin are offline!]

 

TaeTae:

Wait Hojin is dead?

 

Kookie:

Looks like it

 

Chimbles:

Can you guys stay with me?

 

Kookie:

Omw

 

TaeTae:

omw

 

[TaeKook are offline!]

 

[Unknown ID and MinYoongi]

 

Unknown ID:

Oppa! It’s me! I’m so happy to see you again!

I guess you made it big now:)

I’m proud of you!

 

MinYoongi:

You see me?

 

Unknown ID:

I do! You look so sexy without a shirt on.

 

MinYoongi:

So how are you out of jail?

 

Unknown ID:

They found out that the person I killed was a rapist and I twisted it to defense:) 

I wanna be a good one just for you!

So I won’t do it again.

 

MinYoongi:

Then why are you threatening my boyfriend?

 

Unknown ID:

I don’t care about dating you. I just wanna keep you safe and make sure nobody hurts you ever again:)

 

MinYoongi:

I guess I can appreciate the sentiment. Just please don’t threaten or commit violence against the people I care about.

 

Unknown ID:

But what if they hurt you? Turn their backs on you?

 

MinYoongi:

They would never. And I care about them so much, it’s a risk I have to take.

 

Unknown ID:

You cared about Hojin. I cared about Miso-Yah. She introduced me to you and I saw in you what I saw in her.

Before Hojin bullied her into suicide. I saw what he was doing to you, someone I’d grown to love and admire. There was no way I could let him hurt you anymore.

 

MinYoongi:

Again, that whole situation was a mess. Just please stop threatening the people I care about.

 

Unknown ID:

Miso was my best friend. And I know that your home life wasn’t ideal. I saw him take advantage of your past and twist your heart.

Love shouldn’t hurt.

I think I did the right thing.

 

MinYoongi:

And loving Jimin never hurt. I was more wary for his sake than mine, but he loves me.

 

Unknown ID:

But so did Hojin

 

[Unknown ID changed their name to Daehee!]

[Daehee is offline!]

 

MinYoongi:

This conversation isn’t over.

 

[CHILDREN OF THE MEMELORD AND SAVIOR]

 

HahaHani:

Did y’all hear about that thing with the killer saesaeng?

 

Wendidi:

Yeah!

They liked some gay underground rapper and she fell for him anyway 

But then she saw him upset and wrenched the truth from him

His boyfriend raped him?

Anyway, she like

Killed him

There are some things that the public wasn’t told

But she told 

Apparently he convinced her best friend to commit suicide and she was scared the person she loved was going to do it too

 

BamBam:

Damn...

 

Lalalisa:

Who added u back

 

Jiminie:

Me! 

Gtg

I’ve gonna surprise hyungie<3

 

BamBam:

Whipped

 

Jiminie:

I don’t care if tousjdhejdbd

 

[Jiminie is offline!]

 

BamBam:

tf was that

Chapter Text

[Unknown ID and KimNamjoon]

 

Unknown ID:

You know, convincing Minho wasn’t this hard.

 

KimNamjoon:

What the fuck did you do to Jimin!

 

Unknown ID:

He’s a danger

So are you and all your friends

Stay away from him

 

KimNamjoon:

...from hyung?

 

Unknown ID:

IQ of 148 coming into good use?

Finally

 

[Bangtan Bishes]

 

Chiminie:

Stay away from Yoongi oppa.

Or else

 

 

Jinnie:

Is that Jiminah?! What did you do to him!

 

Joonie:

You have to stop this

 

Kookie:

So you’re Daehee...

 

TaeTae:

I’ve heard a lot about you Kim Daehee

“Friend” of ex-model Ji Yeon Who commuted suicide after a supposed scandal could have been released

Best friend of now dead Lee Mi So

The sister of shamed actor Lee Byung-hun

You know... you seem to think hurting people will just protect those you care about

I hate to break it to you...

But all you’re doing is make hyung hate you

 

Jiminie:

I don’t care

As long as he’s safe

 

Yoonie:

You said you wouldn’t hurt him.

You told me you wouldn’t.

 

Jiminnie:

He just wouldn’t stay away

I can tell the world right now 

 

Yoonie:

Do that and I tell them everything you’d be leaving unsaid

Stay away from me and the people I love.

 

Jiminie:

I don’t understand why you don’t understand

I’m doing this for you

 

 

Jimin.BTS Maybe he should have stayed away like I said to

 

BarkBaek WTF

 

ChaChan WTF

 

Lalalisa Any other time I’d say soulmates @ChaChan but that better not be Jimin oppa

 

IreneQueen @Lalalisa You think it really is?

 

JoyJoy @IreneQueen I don’t but I can ask @SoulGi

 

SoulGi @JoyJoy He hasn’t been active on any dance chats and he wouldn’t agree to anything like that. 

 

Yeriri @SoulGi But have any of the other dancers said anything?

 

Hoshi @Yeriri No. Anything from your cousin Jihoonie? @Woozi

 

Woozi @Hoshi Yoongi hyung hasn’t been able to respond but I think I know who did this. I’m not 100% sure tho

 

HoneyHani @Woozi Are you gonna say more?

 

Woozi @HoneyHani It’s not my place

 

SanaSama I’m crying pleasebsay thisbis fake

 

CTY @SanaSama I’ll be over with choco in ten

 

BamBam I can’t reach Jungkook or TaeTae. What the hell is going on

 

Brownie @BamBam Me neither! But this is bad.

 

JB @Brownie So we’ve ruled out publicity stunt?

 

PrinceJinyoung @JB 100%

 

Markimoo @JB Any input from you @JackWang?

 

JackWang @Markimoo Sorry bae. Only thing I have is that when I found out we talked publicity stunts and he said he found them disgusting.

 

Wendidi @JackWang You did NOT just quote Cypher pt. 4

 

Chichoo HOLY SHIT

 

Rosie @Chichoo HOLY SHIT X2

 

Jennie HOLY FUCK

 

Chichoo @Jennie Literally any other time I’d smack you for that

 

Lalalisa @Chichoo ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

 

Chichoo @Lalalisa No. 

 

KookiesAndCream Please tell me this is a joke.

 

myreligionisacactus What the fuck is wrong with you.

 

Kageyama_Tobio_09 I’m gonna hurl. Please say that’s makeup.

 

UnravelMySoul What do you gain from from this kind of cruelty?

 

Velveteenspirit You sick fucker.

 

Avid_Rdr Why would you hurt someone like this?!

 

Ma_Citae HDJEHEBUDB LET CHIMCHIM GO

 

Renaitrev Why? Why would you do this?

 

Golden_Seagull How low does someone have to sink to commit this kind of cruelty?

 

[Operation Save Me]

 

AgentRomeo

Every time I see this name I cringe

Anyway

[Image]

 

AgentWWH

Everyone’s in a panic

We haven’t answered any questions

 

AgentCW

@AgentRomeo Me too

And bae we can’t

 

AgentV

Because Daehee made news?

 

AgentGM

She did?

 

AgentV

Ye

 

AgentRM

There’s police tracking the signature 

When this is over we can just say it was saesaeng fan of V who didn’t appreciate their closeness

 

AgentSun

Oh! So nobody can make any connections to Yoong hyung and Hojin

 

AgentRomeo

I’ll be wanting to know how you know about that when this is all over

 

AgentV

Nah

I’m saying nothign

Anywhoooo

What do we doo

 

AgentWWH

I feel like we aren’t taking this seriously with codenames

 

AgentRM

This chat is connected purely to burner ids

So if something happens Daehee won’t know who’s in it

 

AgentRomeo

Idk I feel like these names are kinda giveaways 

 

AgentRM

Nothing I can do now

Anyway

The cops found something 

 

AgentRomeo

Found what

 

AgentV

So Chims parents did that whole chip tooth thing

But like

Never took it out

 

AgentRM

How did you know?

 

AgentV

I knew he had the chip as kid but we both thought it had been taken out

 

AgentWWH

Well they didn’t and they’re using it

Unless he knocked out that tooth they can track him

 

AgentRomeo

And if he did, I’ll knock every single one of his out when i get my hands on him

 

AgentRM

CALM DOWN

We need to be careful not to act too emotionally or this could go so so wrong

 

AgentRomeo

Fine

But now we need to get an in

 

AgentWWH

I’m with the investigator rn

 

AgentRomeo

Tell them I’m going in

I’ll reach out to Daehee and get her arrested 

 

AgentWWH

Call me

I don’t like this but the cop says it may just be our best in

 

AgentV

Hyung you can’t

 

AgentRomeo

Joon and Hobi

If  I don’t survive this and Jimin does, take care of him for me.

Make bomb ass music.

 

AgentRM

To the end of the world.

 

AgentSun

To the unlikely

 

AgentRomeo

To Cypher

 

[AgentRomeo and AgentWWH are offline]

 

AgentV

When did u learn that fanchant?

 

AgentRM

Tumblr

 

AgentGM

Fair 

Chapter Text

[Daehee and MinYoongi]

 

MinYoongi:

I’m sorry

You were right

 

Daehee:

I know I was

 

[Daehee changed MinYoongi’s name to Cute!]

 

Cute:

...

Can we talk in person?

I want to apologize properly

 

Daehee:

There’s nothing to apologize for

 

Cute:

There’s more I need to tell you 

And I can’t do it here

 

“I can only give you twenty minutes,” The cop who was going to be watching said. Yoongi smiled thinly,

“That’s enough time.”

 

It wasn’t hard to get her there. They sat down in a cafe. Hell, to an outsider it coulda been a date.

“I’m gonna tell you everything, but let me do it oneshot.” Yoongi said to Daehee as she sat down with a coffee of her own.

“Okay,” she agreed.

She listened aptly as he spoke about Hojin. About the man’s obsessive love which was unrequited. How he set about ruining the girl’s family for it. How he tricked them into blackmailing the girl’s brother. There wasn’t much to say, though. It was over when a cop pressed a gun to the back of Daehee’s head.

The look of betrayal on her face almost made him feel bad. 

Yoongi felt bad for Lees, but he’d never met the people in his life.

 

They managed to keep news out of it, and every time a site published an article about Jimin’s kidnapping,  it got conveniently hacked by the friends Hoseok had enlisted for their revenge on Moon PD. So it wasn’t too hard to get Jimin to a hospital quietly.

Finals week was coming up, and the final projects were done months in advance thanks to Jin’s mother henning. They’d never been so grateful for it. But they still had to sit exams in a few weeks. It was the day when they were cleared to return to normal. 

But Jimin hadn’t done anything and the media was becoming increasingly worried. 

As the boy came out of his last checkup cheerfully, saying that he could dance however hard he wanted now, Yoongi hummed.

“This also means you can stop going everywhere incognito... You know, if Jimin posted something from our latest photo shoot and showed he was fine people would increase attention and that would be a good release point.”

They all turned to him.

“You’re a fucking genius.”

“Wanna use Epiphany for a teaser?”

“Hell yes.”  

They weren’t sure how things were on the YoonMin front, but they way they held hands and acted like nothing was ever wrong in the world, they figured there weren’t any problems.

Chapter Text

Jimin.BTS I’m so grateful to be alive. We managed to keep the news out of it so I was able to recover!

 

Ari27 You’re back!

 

Jimin.BTS @Ari27 I AM!_(:3 」∠)_

 

Pie_pecans_and_parrots I’m so glad you’re safe!

 

Jimin.BTS @Pie_pecans_and_parrots Me too(๑>◡<๑)

 

Kmixx91( ◠‿◠ )

 

Luvaracci I’m so glad you’re okay! Mwah!

 

Jimin.BTS @Luvaracci You and me both;p 

 

Cctrail I’m thanking every deity above. I’m so grateful that you’re safe.

 

Jimin.BTS @Cctrail Thank you so so much. (No I’m not crying my eyes are sweating)

 

Cctrail @Jimin.BTS (⌒▽⌒)

 

PrinceJinStan HOORAY

 

JiminieFTW UR SAFE AJDBSIDB

 

Miss.Rite HELL YEAH

 

A2DAG IM SO HAPPY I CANT SOMEONE HOLD ME

 

MonnieStan Thank you for BEING alive, Jimin-ssi

 

Kelphead @MonnieStan Yeah:)

 

Takenbybts WE LOVE U PARK JIMIN

 

Soyandantheexplorerz @Takenbybts STAN TALENT STAN JIMIN

 

BloomingKook @Soyandantheexplorerz STAN TALENT STAN BTS

 

Take_me_aTae @Soyandantheexplorerz @BloomingKook STAN TALENT STAN JIMINS THIGHS

 

DaddyJeon @Take_me_aTae TRU THO

 

SunshineStan What abt the others

 

Window2daWALNUT @SunshineStan Lolll we love them all it’s just mochi appreciation 

 

OkkoLipArt @SunshineStan Just appreciating The fine art that is Park Jimin.

 

GlossyNails @OkkoLipArt PREACH 

 

JHoooooooo But realtalk he could step on me and I’d thank him

 

V_is_my_waifu @JHoooooooo YASS

 

BunnyBab @JHoooooooo Like... Choke me with those tiny mochi fingerss

 

Jibootystan CAN I SIT ON UR FACE

 

Cypher.TRYP R u a camera? Cuz I smile when I see u

 

Lalalisa YAYYYYY

 

Rosie YAYYYY

 

Chichoo YAYYYY

 

Jennie My friends are all crackheads but I’m glad you’re safe.

 

JackWang THANK FUCK

 

Markimoo @JackWang LANGUAGE! @Jimin.BTS I’m so happy you’re back!

 

JackWang @Markimoo THANK SEX

 

Markimoo @JackWang ...and this is why I’m dating you

 

JB That’s great!

 

PrinceJinyoung @JB secret softie

 

BamBam CHIMMM!!!!

 

Brownie CHIMMY

 

Woozi I’m glad :)

 

Hoshi @Woozi U good

 

Woozi @Hoshi stfu

 

SanaSama YAYYY IM GLAD AND THIS MEANS MORE BTS

 

CTY  YAYYYYY MORE BTS ANR YOURE NOT DEAD

 

JoyJoy I’m happy he’s okay

 

SoulGi @JoyJoy Same

 

IreneQueen @SoulGi @JoyJoy Same

 

Yeriri @IreneQueen @SoulGi @JoyJoy SAME

 

Wendidi @Yeriri @IreneQueen @SoulGi @JoyJoy ALL ABOARD THE SAME TRAIN (Same tho)

 

HoneyHani I AM SO HAPPY IVE LOST MY ABILITY TO EVEN

 

HiHyelin Yasss BTS ftw

 

HoneyHani @HiHyelin It’s been forever!

 

HiHyelin @HoneyHani DM ME

 

LE @HoneyHani @HiHyelin ME TOO

 

BarkBaek YAY

 

ChaChan HAPPINESS

 

Wendidi @ChaChan Nananananananananana HAPPINESS

 

SoulGi @Wendidi Lolllll

 

Yeriri @Wendidi @SoulGi I don’t get it

 

JoyJoy @Yeriri I’ll tell u when ur older

 

KikiHyun.93 JIMINIE IS SAFE PRAISE THE LORD

 

Jessi.Gucci I’m so fucking happy rn

 

AyeAilee @Jessi.Gucci I haven’t seen u in forever!

 

Jessi.Gucci @AyeAilee OMFG TRUE THO

 

AyeAilee @IU Join us

 

IU @AyeAilee @Jessi.Gucci Smh where do you wanna meet

 

AyeAilee @IU @Jessi.Gucci I’ll make a GC it’s been wayyy too long

 

BoALuvsBTS YES! YES X37929203!

 

[See more (969)]

Chapter Text

[Bangtan Bishes]

 

Nammie

The media is blowing up

They’re all super happy that you’re safe

And our statement was accepted

 

Jinnie

How’s it feel to be the most popular member at the moment?

 

TaeTae

At least you are

I’m getting a lot of hate for the saesaeng 

 

Kookie

There

Problem solved

 

TaeTae

Omg ily kook

 

Yoonie

What did he do?

 

Kookie

Support post telling fans not to blame themselves or Tae

Also what’s the deal with the word ARMY

 

Hobi

Our fans have taken to using that as a fandom name

Like Potterheads

Adorable Representative MC for Youth

 

Nammie:

I like that

 

Minnie:

COOL!

Right when they calm down which songs are we dropping?

 

Nammie:

Teasing with Epiphany  

Then let’s release the MVs right before album drop

We don’t have any choreo but whatev

 

Kookie:

Album?!

 

Nammie:

Letsgetit

 

Kookie:

BOI I-

 

Jinnie:

You have the order right?

Also babe how late were u up last night

 

Nammie:

Till five am

Left it up to hyung

 

Hobi:

As in me! Here ya goooo.

Intro: Epiphany 

Autumn Leaves, Best Of Me, Run, Paradise, Crystal Snow, Go Go, Pied Piper, Fake Love, Magic Shop, Lost, Outro: The Truth Untold (feat this guy named Stee Aiki I met online)

 

Yoonie

YOU MET STEVE AOKI?!

THATS HUGE

 

Nammie

OMFG

AND HES WORKING WITB US

DJSBEHEB

 

Minnie:

That’s GREAT!

 

Jinnie:

Is this fanboying?

 

Kookie:

...he’s a well known western producer

 

TaeTae:

O

How does Chim kno

I kno ur up 2 date on dis shit

But Chim

 

Minnie:

Hyungie told me

WAIT HOBI HYUNG

But some of those songs aren’t done

 

Kookie:

Wait you want to use Magic Shop?! 

I’m not done with it!

 

Yoonie:

I copied it and made some changes 

And sent you the copy

 

Kookie:

Omfg its perfect

 

Yoonie:

I did next to nothing

You get main credit for this one

 

Kookie:

Asdffghjkl

Thank you hyung

It means a lot

 

Nammie:

Other than the PD work we need for TTU, we just need to record and polish. Which songs have dances Hobi?

 

Hobi:

A lot of them but bc im nice I’ll talk it over with chim and we’ll choose what to release

Go Go is easy but we need costumes for it an we gonna release that on Halloween

But Fake Love is hard AF and we were up sooo fuckin late perfecting de tracks

Immmm Fallon assalwep

 

Jinnie:

Did falling correct to Fallon like that US talk sho? 

Also yes u are nice keep going

That and it’s almost finals week

I’m not excited

 

Minnie:

Sammme

Thx for getting us to do all those projects ahead of time 

All my dance friends are freaking tf out

 

Nammie:

Holy fuck

Guys I just got an email from the ceo of BigHit ent.

 

Jinnie:

Do you mean...?

 

Nammie;

He wants to sign us as an GROUP

He’ll give us jobs within the company so we still have a measure of control 

 

TaeTae:

Brb screaming

Chapter Text

[CHILDREN OF THE MEMELORD AND SAVIOR]

 

Wendidi:

Omfg

The MVs?!

 

BamBam;

Those were from earlier this year

 

Yeriri:

I’m so glad they used weak dye for most of these MVs 

The real stuff is shit for your hair 

 

Lalalisa:

Tru

SO IM FUCKING SCREAMING

 

Yuggie:

I saw Chim today and he’s fine

Said he wasn’t going anywhere without the mask because he’d get crowded and docs said that it was risky 

 

IreneQueen:

Thank fuck

 

JB:

Language

 

IreneQueen:

Thank penetrative sexual intercourse 

 

HahaHani:

I-

 

Hoshi:

Wtf

 

The8:

Why

 

JB:

Wtf

 

Moonie:

My eyes

 

Woozi:

How much bleach for immediate death?

 

Yuggie:

I’m trying 3 shots 

Then Imma chicken out cuz I don’t own bleach and I’m too broke to buy it

 

Lalalisa:

Lolllll

 

Jun:

Mood

 

Wendidi:

ACK THEY DROPPED A TEASERRRRR

 

BamBam:

JIN OPPA TAKE ME NOW

 

Yeriri:

FUCK IM NOT EVEN INTK GUYS AND IM SHOOKITH

 

IreneQueen:

HNNN

 

Moonie:

STAN A KING STAN KIM SEOKJIN

 

The8:

AHHHHHH

Okay realtalk here where the FUCK do they find time for this

They have a shit ton of work each

And they have a lot of songs 

I get that they make a lot of cheese from sales that goes a lot of goes towards mvs

But TIME

 

BamBam:

They’re all insomniacs and if u see the background for some of the dance vids it’s reall fuckin late

Also they enlisted dance majors for Not Today but I got to do it toooo

 

Yuggie:

It was so much fun omg 

But I asked Hobi hyung and he said that acting takes v little work and since he’s almost always dancing he always has a few solos and group dances to spare

Reg college work they team up for

Since V, RM, and Suga are fuckin smart and Hobi and Jin did this shit already

 

Wendidi:

V???? As in Kim Taehyung???

 

BamBam:

He’s low key a genius he just doesn’t act liek oen

And he said that there are days where they ALL don’t have classes so they divide the day

 

Lalalisa:

The devil works hard but BTS work harder.

 

IreneQueen:

I heard a rumor that when Jimin oppa was kidnapped Suga oppa wrote and produced 3 WHOLE SONGS

 

Yuggie:

So I’m a chaotic neutral and I got kook to look at them

I got NAMES

But they all sad asf

 

BamBam:

SPILL BIATCH

 

Yuggie:

Run

Fake Love

And Crystal Snow

Run is sad asf and I don’t understand Fake Love

But Crystal Snow was written in JAPANESE 

 

Wendidi:

Come again?

Japanese?!

 

Yeriri:

No effing WAY

I heard that RM is fluent but Suga too?!

 

Yuggie:

Maybe Suga said what they were supposed to mean and RM made them into lyrics

 

HahaHani:

Makes sense

U kno I just realized smth

Photography is rite next to music pd

 

Lalalisa:

Can I just say ur a fuckin genius

I’ll go in 

 

Wendidi:

Wouldn’t it make sense for me to?

I might have another project w/ him

A summer project right after finals week

O yea we’re partners

 

Lalalisa:

Lollll sucks to be u

But ye

When you in take sneaky pics

Or just... tell us what u see

 

Wendidi:

Cool

Ok he just texted me that he can meet in his studio

I’m goin in

Holy fuck this place is organized chaos

He has so many papers and it looks like there’s an order?

SCEDUALE

Okay so they have a set list and songs they still need to record but their names are all pretty

Ooh Crystal Snow isn’t the only Japanese song

Go Go???

Okay gtg now bai

 

Jun:

Hello my child

Yes it is I jesus

 

Moonie:

Hello daddy

*father

 

Jun:

SINNeR

*dumps holy water over your head*

 

Moonie:

I JUST SHOWERED BOI

 

Lalalisa:

...

Who’s on Moonbins phone

 

BamBam:

Lol

Youngjae is that u

 

Moonie:

IT IS I

 

Hoshi:

Where is Moonbin

 

Moonie:

Making lunch

I exploded the microwave last time

 

Yeriri:

Bitch what teh FUCK

 

Jun:

I am... disgusted

 

BamBam:

Lolll

 

Yuggie:

Hi Jae!

 

Moonie:

<3

 

Lalalisa:

Gay

 

Yeriri:

So r u

 

Yuggie:

Lol

 

 

Lalalisa:

PAN

 

HahaHani:

So you like to fuck pans?

 

BamBam:

I am confusion

 

Hoshi:

Guys is watr wet

 

Moonie:

Mor than ull evr b

 

Lalalisa:

Oof

 

BamBam:

Youngjae.... maybe give Moonbin his phone

 

Moonbin:

....it still be me

Moonbin

 

HahaHani:

I-

 

Jun:

Wtf

 

Wendidi:

Aaand I’m back

Nuthing 2 see here but to answer ur question they stay up to like three or five am sometimes and it’s on purpose.

 

The8:

Damn 

 

[Bangtan Bishes]

 

TaeTae:

I lowkey feel like ppl r watxhin us

 

Kookie:

Like...

Reading our convos?

 

Minnie:

Lol

Like stalking 

 

Yoonie:

I was paired w Wendy-ssi for a project again n she kept turning 2 look at our sced.

 

Nammie:

Haha

 

Jinnie:

SCHEDULE? Why don’t we have it?

 

Hobi:

PD line

 

Kookie:

I don’t have it

 

Minnie:

U made one song 

 

Kookie:

Sssh

 

TaeTae:

Lol it’s okie

I’m sure it’s a surprise 

Gays

 

Yoonie:

Bi

 

Nammie:

Pan

 

Hobi:

Pan

 

Jinnie:

Nah I apply

 

Minnie:

^^^

 

Kookie:

Shaddup TaeTae has smth 2 say

 

[Tiger and Bunny]

 

Tiger:

<3

Ily

 

Bunny:

:****

 

[Bangtan Bishes]

 

Hobi:

Oof Kookie cuming 2 protecc his man

 

Nammie:

*coming

 

Hobi:

I said what I said

 

Yoonie:

Jfc What is it tae

 

TaeTae:

So im gettnig fodo

 

Nammie:

Food?

 

Kookie:

Stfu

 

Jinnie:

Sorry what

 

Kookie:

Stfu hyung

 

Nammie:

Significantly better.

 

TaeTae:

I was gonna ask what y’all wanted but fien

 

Minnie:

You were actually gonna offer?

 

TaeTae:

What do u taek me fur

A binch

 

Minnie:

....no

 

Yoonie:

(Read: yes)

 

TaeTae:

Okur I laughed

 

Kookie:

Gusy sum1 just flirted w me

 

Yoonie:

Need me to pick you up?

 

Kookie:

Naw I just said what you would!

She asked me out for coffee and I said

I like my coffee like I like my women

I don’t like coffee 

 

TaeTae:

Fuckin rekd

 

Yoonie:

I ain’t even mad

 

[Sun and Moon]

 

Moon:

You know what’s so strange?

This used to be my chatname with hobi

 

Sun:

Lol I see it

What are you doing tonight? We could grab PIZZA:))

 

Moon:

I have something I have to do tonight ists Jin hyung is insane

But it’s for Joon so

 

Sun:

Are you able to tell me

 

Moon:

Probably not but I’ll tell u anyway if u want

 

Sun:

Aww ily

See you tomorrow when we go to hyung’s house?

 

Moon:

If you want sunshine 

I get the feeling we will all end up very drunk

So o bought more soju to bring

 

Sun:

Sounds peachy

 

Moon:

Like something else I know

 

Sun:

(///0.0///)

 

[HyungLyne]

 

Jinnie:

These jobs are a pain

Why were the four of us enlisted to deal w them

 

Hobi:

Idek

But if joons here we shouldnt be talkin

 

Nammie:

Is it bully Namjoon day?!

 

Hobi:

Das next tuesday

 

Nammie:

Ffs

 

Hobi:

So there’s this one kid on de internet 

Tokko

BITCH

 

Jinnie:

I FUCKIN HATE

 

Nammie

Pain in my ass

 

Yoonie: 

Tokko can go to hell and rot in the fires below.

 

Jinnie: 

o shit waddup

 

Hobi: 

hol' up when did you get here?

 

Yoonie: 

I've always been here, just didn't want to talk to anyone <3

 

Nammie: 

I feel threatened by that heart.

And why? We're amazing people and you know how cool we are. <3

 

Yoonie: 

Full offense but no one here is "cool".

 

Jinnie: 

Yoon, I am hurt by your words.

 

Hobi: 

Yoongs just harnessed energy from fucking hell itself and just murdered us all

 

Yoonie:

I will punch you in the dick

 

Jinnie:

Kinky

 

Yoonie:

@Namjoon What the FUCK are you 2 into

 

[Bangtan Bishes]

 

Minnie:

Why did I just see the hyung line running like past me  with shopping bags

 

Nammie:

You don’t want to fuckin know

 

TaeTae:

Tokko?

 

Yoonie:

What kinda chaotic gay energy is this

 

Minnie:

Tf did you do

 

Jinnie:

Just wait 4 the morning

Just remember we love you

 

Kookie:

Gay 

 

Minnie:

So are you

 

Kookie:

Oof got me there

OMFG DID YOU GISY WGG HIS DORM

 

Yoonie:

Actually no.

That was someone else.

 

Nammie:

Homophobes can rot in hell:)

 

Hobi:

It was Jackson and Mark’s friendgroup

Yugyeom and BamBam took their time having their fun with 

We were just the suppliers

 

Kookie:

Lollll

He’s so pissed

Ew is that semen

 

Jinnie:

;)

Custard

 

TaeTae:

I fucking love you hyung

 

Jinnie:

;*

 

Kookie:

Answers pls

 

Yoonie:

No

Suffer

 

Jinnie:

Savage

 

Nammie:

Hyung no

I actually hate you

 

Jinnie:

Love you too honey<3

 

Nammie:

...<3

 

Hobi:

He SAID HONEY IM

 

Minnie:

OTP

 

TaeTae:

OTPOTPOTPPTPOT

 

Yoonie:

I like how it ended on a drug

 

Minnie:

Hyung wai 

 

Yoonie:

For the vine

Rip vine

 

TaeTae:

Uh o spagettios

Ur drunk

 

Yoonie:

On my love for Jiminie?

I AM

 

Kookie:

High maybe?

 

Yoonie:

On the art that is Jimin?

I AM

 

Minnie:

Hyung you’ve been like this for hours

I’m fine

 

Jinnie:

...?

 

Minnie:

(°x°)

 

Jinnie:

UnU

 

Minnie:

Tokko called me a weird unlovable faggot in passing and said my captor shoulda just killed me

 

Nammie:

So you’re not drunk or high?

 

Yoonie:

On in love and appreciation for my mans

 

Hobi:

Damn

Hyung be here throwing away his dignity for minnie

 

Minnie:

It was cute but I’m genuinely scared that he’ll leave your dorm like that

 

Yoonie:

And what? Cover old songs of Joon’s loudly by your window?

 

Kookie:

Take it off now girl~

 

Nammie:

I Want To Die.

Chapter Text

[Bangtan Bishes]

 

TaeTae:

During recording I heard the 

Who are you?

And Jeon fucking Jungkook whispered

U but stronger 

 

Hobi:

Lolllll

 

Kookie:

(>0w0)>~~

 

TaeTae:

Have I said that this is the man I’m gonna marry?

 

Hobi:

You say a lot more when you’re sleep humping ur pillo

 

TaeTae:

I’M GONNA SET YOUR ASS HAIRS ON FIRE HOBI I SWEAR TO FUCKING HELL

 

Hobi: 

speaking of fires, in the words of the ever-wise Suga hyung, GTG!

 

Yoonie:

I don’t say that tho

 

TaeTae: 

HOBI I SWEAR TO SATAN IF YOU DON’T EXPLAIN WHAT THE GREAT GOOGLY MOOGLY IS HAPPENING IM GONNA EAT YOUR FIRST BORN CHILD

 

Minnie:

RT to have Hobi and his mess of a life deleted

 

Hobi:

I-

Yeah

 

Nammie:

Tf happened here

 

Yoonie:

Don’t ask

 

[DANCE HOES]

 

Chim:

NO

YOU DO NOT NEED SUPERPOWERS TO BE A HWEO

 

Bam:

H-hewwo owo

 

Ho:

Wrong chat Chim

 

Chim:

I noticed 

 

Yug:

Boi now this is public

 

Bam:

Yeah tf was that

 

Chim:

Arguing with kook

 

Kook:

Superheroes do need powers!

 

Ho:

Batman

Iron man

 

Kook:

Genius and MONEY

 

Ho:

Is that a superpower?

 

Kook:

Yes

Yes it is

 

Ho:

 -_-

I’m done

 

[Ho is offline!]

 

 

[ZELO and HOBI]

 

ZELO:

Hey hyung

How are you holding up?

 

HOBI:

Choi Junhong 

If I had known you’d react I wouldn’t have told you:(

 

ZELO:

HYUNGIE

You need to take care of yourself!

You’re not just a sunshine 24/7

You’re a living person with emotions and needs and wants:(

 

HOBI:

I’m a sunshine because I’m happy

I don’t need to be happy all the time 

 

ZELO:

Are you sure you’re not lying

 

HOBI:

I am

 

ZELO:

That took a while

You were about to tell me something

I won’t pry, but please

You can tell me

 

HOBI:

I can tell you 

I can also tell CelebDaily

 

ZELO:

I’m I really not trustworthy enough? I’ll prove myself to you hyung 

 

HOBI:

No it’s fine 

 

ZELO:

You and I both know that you’re not 

 

HOBI:

Okay

I just 

i kind of just wanna lay down and go to sleep for a really long time

 

ZELO:

no no no

tell me where you are

i'm coming to get you

 

HOBI:

today my dad  told me that hes pulling my tuition funds

because if i cant change my major to something useful then what's the point

 

ZELO:

YOIRE LITERALLY FAMOUS FOR YOUR WORK RIGHT NOW

 

HOBI:

and he told me it was for my own good

Till I get my head from my ass

 

ZELO:

THATS WHAT HE NEEDS TO DUCKING DO

 

HOBI:

 and he said he didn't know what he ever did to deserve an stupid useless son like me

 

ZELO:

tf I heard Mama

You love your parents

 

HOBI:

and i told him that a dad is supposed to not care what his child does as long as im happy

 and i asked him if this shit is for my own good then why do i constantly feel like this ??? why does he treat me like he owns me ????

 

ZELO:

At least your mom stands up for you

There’s a positive!

 

HOBI:

he threw everything down the stairs Zelo

 he threw my trophies and my shoes

 and he was crying

 everything i worked for from elementary school to high school is just gone Zelo

 and now i made my dad cry

 

ZELO:

He should for what he said to you>:/

 

 HOBI:

and i want to sit in the middle of the road until i get run over

 and i wish i was dead !!! literally more than anything in the world

and then the jimin shit happened and I basically did nothing

 

ZELO:

What could you have done?!

Hyung, you have to stop thinking like this

 

HOBI:

sometimes i just think it would be better like that

if i was gone, i guess

 

ZELO:

NO

YOU ARE A BEAUTIFUL WONDERFUL PERSON AND IF YOU SAY ANYTHING OTHERWISE I WILL FITE

YOU ARE SELFLESS AND A HARDWORKER AND YOUR DAD IS MAKING A MISTAKE

 

[Hyungie and ZELO]

 

ZELO:

NO TIME TO EXPLAIN

TELL TOUR FRIENDS IN THE DANCE GC TO SPAM JUNG HOSEOK WITH LOVE

 

Hyungie:

ON IT?!

 

[Dance Hoes]

 

Bam:

Okay but realtalk here Hobi hyung could sit on me and I’d thank him

 

Yug:

How is he so fucking sexy and beautiful

 

Bam:

What’s mor

He’s soooooo funny

 

Yug:

You forgot the kind, smart, talentde and incredible dancer

And singer

An rapper

And producer 

 

Bam:

Shit I did 

 

Yug:

Ah I lov hyung 

 

BornInABin:

So either you broke something or want a threesome

 

Yug:

Lol no

 

Bam:

Just appreciating our lovely hyung

 

[HOBI and ZELO]

 

HOBI:

What was that?!

 

ZELO:

Listen

I come from a rich family and my parents said they’re glad to pay your tuition bc you’re so important to me

 

HOBI:

i can’t

i just wanna lie down

itll be painful at first

Kinda like sex

But then its oblivion

 

ZELO:

And death

 

HOBI:

Exactly

 

ZELO:

Just please

Where are you 

 

HOBI:

im at mapo

 

ZELO:

Fuck

 

HOBI:

im sorry

im so sorry

 

ZELO:

Don’t you fucking dare apologize hyung

You’re staying with me tonight

And please

For the love of all that’s holy and everything unholy

DONT DO ANYTHING STUPID

 

HOBI:

I

Okay

I’m sorry

 

ZELO:

I’m not mad hyung

I’m scared

Please don’t do it

I’ll be there soon

 

[Supreme Boi and Suga]

 

Supreme Boi:

Have you seen hobi

He’s not here and he’s almost always home by now unless he goes clubbing 

And I would know because of the noise he makes getting ready

 

Suga:

I’ll ask his other friends

 

 

[Zelo and Suga]

 

Zelo:

Hi hyung 

I know we’ve only restarted being friends since our old fwb stint nd you decided to wave across the quad and we aren’t close enough for me to reach out this late

But I need to talk to you

 

Suga:

Hey zeloyah

Have you seen hobi?

 

Zelo:

That’s why I’m messaging you

He was texting me these really fucking scary things and

He was at mapo hyung

He was next to a bridge and if i hadn’t gotten there... 

 

Suga:

Shit

 

Zelo:

Yeah shit

I’ll call you and tell you everything okay?

 

Suga:

Please

Hobi is one of my best friends and I can’t stand seeing him like this

I know he’s not always sunshiney but I should have noticed that it was fake over the past few weeks

I’m a horrible friend

 

Zelo:

It’s okay hyung

Just 

Let me tell you everything 

 

[MinSuga created Hobi]

[MinSuga added Sunshine, Joon, Hyung-Er Than Thou, Strange Daegu Alien, and Coconut Rabbit Makane!] 

[MinSuga changed their name to Yoongi!]

[Yoongi changed Hyung-Er Than Thou’s name to Seokjin!]

[Yoongi changed Joon’s name to Namjoon!]

[Yoongi changed Sunshine’s name to Jimin!]

[Yoongi changed Strqnge Daegu Alien’s name to Taehyung!]

[Yoongi changed Coconut Rabbit Makane’s name to Jungkook!]

 

Yoongi:

Guys

I need you here

It’s an emergency 

Chapter Text

[opposite brofriends]

 

Angel:

Hey hyung

Zelo told me what he told you 

 

Devil:

I’m so glad you’re contacting me hobi

I’ve been a mess since I heard

Why didn’t you tell me?

 

Angel:

i was scared 

 

Devil:

I’ve told you everything hoseok

I’m your friend

You dont need to 

 Be scared

 

Angel:

okay

so i know he told you I have a disorder but it’s better if i come out and say it

i have a strange form of bipolar disorder where im normal 80% the time manic for 15 and depressive for 5

 

Devil:

So you normally don’t have it?

 

Angel:

Yeah, fr the doctors don’t know why

but i don’t like talking about it

please don’t leave me because I’m weird

 

Devil:

Never

Hyung loves you

 

Angel:

I love you too hyung

 

[Hobi]

 

Seokjin:

What’s wrong?!

 

Jimin:

I’m here too

 

Namjoon:

I’m here

 

Taehyung:

Adn em

 

Jungkook:

Also here

 

[Yoongi has sent two screenshots!]

 

Yoongi:

This was last night

I have more information I don’t have a liberty to tell but please shower Hobi with love next time we see him

 

Namjoon:

You have to make it look like you initiated it.

 

Yoongi:

Oh I fucking will

 

Seokjin:

I will fucking attacc him with huggs

 

Taehyung:

Me too!

 

Jungkook:

Also me! I was wondering what bam and yug were up to

But they’re friends w zelo’s friends

 

[Jungkook has sent one sceenshot!]

 

Taehyung:

He prob panicked and asked his hyungs to message their dance GC friends

 

Jungkook:

Yeah

Let’s keep this chat for emergencies for now?

 

Namjoon:

Good idea Kook

As for Hobi let’s try not to make him uncomfy

Let’s just distract him:)

 

 

[Bangtan Bishes]

 

TaeTae:

I used to think love was real

 

Kookie:

It was a sandwich!

 

TaeTae:

I should’ve known all I was asking for was pain

 

Minnie:

Tf happened

 

Jinnie:

Kook ate taes sandwich

 

Minnie:

Kook ur dead to me 

 

Kookie:

I bought him ice cream tho!

 

TaeTae:

...u did?

 

Kookie:

Yes

 

TaeTae:

Ur forgiven<3

 

Kookie :

I love you, you psycho<3

 

Minnie:

Barf

But realtalk otp

 

TaeTae:

Sorry not sorry

 

Nammie:

I have a question for jin hyung

 

Jinnie:

Yeah

 

Nammie:

How are u so thin but sexy an strong at the same time I’m not okay

 

Jinnie:

Panicking burns a lot of calories

 

Nammie:

Panicking about what

 

Jinnie:

Gay panic

When I see u

 

Nammie:

<3

 

Hobi:

OTP

So i was watching our mvs

I still want to know how you got the car on the roof

 

Yoonie:

I can’t reveal ALL my tricks

Ists Jiminie stop laughing

 

Minnie:

So I’m walking rite

And I’m w hyung

We pass a school and he deadass goes

“There’s an infestation of rats”

I

 

Hobi:

Omf

Hey let’s do a squad trip

 

Kookie:

Ilsan!

Namjoon hyung can be our guide

 

Nammie:

NO

NO

NO

I WILL ACCIDENTALLY NAVIGATE US OFF A CLIFF

 

Yoonie:

Is that a threat?

 

TaeTae:

This is gonna get us all killed

I’m in

 

Jinnie:

What’s our exit strategy

 

Kookie:

Our what

 

Jinnie:

We’re gonna ducking die

 

Minnie:

Yay!!

This is like a dream I had

 

Kookie:

OMG I HAD THE SAME DREAM!

 

Minnie:

REALLY?!

 

Kookie:

No

Do I look like an idiot

 

Yoonie:

...

 

Kookie:

Sorry hyung 

 

Minnie:

Lol it’s okie

This time

 

Jinnie:

Tf

Who broke the lamp in my dorm 

 

Hobi:

Tae

 

TaeTae:

You can’t blame it on me

 

Hobi:

YOURE THE ONE WHO DID IT

 

TaeTae:

I DUCKIN??? DIDNT????? THO???

Maybe your roommate?

 

Jinnie:

Oh it was

Didn’t see the note

He left cash for a new one bc he didn’t kno where to get it

 

Hobi:

Hey Kook

How did you meet Lisa?

 

Kookie:

I saw her around campus but I met her in class

I said smth like

Oh you were the one who had a fish in your hair still wanna kno that story

N she goes

Wow... u kno how to flatter a girl

I’m like I’m gay idgaf abt girls

She goes

Hella rad man 

Wai

 

Hobi:

Kinda wanna recruit her for the team

 

Kookie:

YOU SHOULD

 

TaeTae:

She’s ok wit the gay?

 

Kookie:

She’s pan

 

TaeTae:

She fucks pans?

 

Kookie:

That’s disgusting 

Ur lucky ur cute

 

TaeTae:

;*

 

Yoonie:

Rapid subject change

I think I’m having a feeling how do I stop it

 

Minnie:

By fucking me

Come over

 

Yoonie:

Ok

 

Hobi:

Is this how they sext?

 

TaeTae:

Idk

 

Nammie:

Tf

Chapter Text

 

[Bangtan Bishes]

 

Jinnie:

You still need to write those lyrics for that song kook

 

Kookie:

I’d rather be stung to death by an overweight wasp

No

I’m not writing a song about spoons

You have no power over me

 

Jinnie:

That’s what you think

 

Yoonie:

I’m way too sober for this

Imma get drunk and rearrange my liquor cabinet

 

TaeTae:

A is for organization

 

Nammie:

According to what alphabet?!

 

Minnie:

The hell was that noise from your dorm room

 

Kookie:

I sneezed

 

Jinnie:

That was NOT a sneeze

 

Hobi:

Guys funny story

I met these weird guys

So they’re like

Why aren’t you afraid of me

I go

I’ve had worse nightmares about failing comp

 

Minnie:

Lol

Wrong chat

 

Hobi:

I noticed

 

Kookie:

Guys I just googled what chickens look like without feathers and I’m REALLY uncomfortable right now

 

Yoonie:

Ur fault

Hey guys come to mine and Joon’s and drink 

We deserve a break

 

Minnie:

I got snacks:)

 

Jinnie:

I’ll get soju

 

Nammie:

I’m omw with beer

 

TaeTae:

I’ll get snacks too! Wait for me Chim!

 

Minnie:

K

 

Kookie:

And I’ll bring wine because I’m a classy b

See y’all 

Chapter Text

 

[Bangtan Bishes]

 

Minnie:

Tae

Why are ur hands purple

 

TaeTae:

I wish I knew

 

Minnie:

How do we keep getting into this?

 

TaeTae:

Years of friendship and we still don’t know

 

Hobi:

I’m trying to have srs convo w u

So I’ll make it effing public

KIM NAMJOON

 

Nammie:

And I’m trying to subtly avoid it!

 

TaeTae:

Lol

 

Yoonie:

That’s not funny

 

TaeTae:

I thot it was

 

Minnie:

U don’t count

U started laughing like crazy in the middle of class bc u thot of a meme from ur moms fb

 

TaeTae:

Fair

 

Jinnie:

What happened last nite

 

Yoonie:

U thot u could talk 2 squirrels

 

Jinnie:

I’m suddenly glad I was blackout drunk and don’t remember

 

[Yoonie has sent a video!]

 

Jinnie:

Fuck

 

Hobi:

LOLLLLLLL

 

TaeTae:

Squirrels are cool

They can tell if a nut is good by listening to it

 

Kookie:

That’s not tru

 

TaeTae:

Yes it is.

I read it on Wikipedia.

 

Minnie:

Okay...

 

Hobi:

Sure Jan 

 

TaeTae:

It is though? They tap it and listen if it’s hollow?

 

Nammie:

That would make sense, though.

Can I vent?

 

Jinnie:

What is it?

 

Nammie:

This girl in my pd class.

She’s dumber than a pile of unscented hand soaps.

And I’m her partner for a project.

 

Yoonie:

Fuck

 

Kookie:

Can I punch her face?

 

Jinnie:

NO!

 

Kookie:

Just break her nose a lil?

 

Nammie:

No

She’s the teacher’s favorite.

 

Kookie:

Damn.

 

Minnie:

Bad idea 

Heard of self preservation

 

Kookie:

The property of jellies and jams?

 

Jinnie:

Ok I know he’s joking now

GUYS I FOUND A WOODEN SPOON

 

Minnie:

Tf hyung

How are you so impressed by wooden spoons

 

TaeTae:

I’ve never cried over a light fixture

 

Yoonie:

And don’t start now 

 

TaeTae:

Betrayed

I feel like I’m being stabbed

 

Yoonie:

How tf do u kno what that feels like

 

TaeTae:

Whether u believe in me or not I’m still gonna exist 

 

Jinnie:

Kids stop

Sometimes I feel like your average twenty something

Sometimes I feel like a middle aged suburban housewife

 

Kookie:

Okay mom

 

Nammie:

Unfortunately there’s no way.

 

Jinnie:

Fortunately ur wrong

 

Hobi:

I am so gone I find this cute

 

Minnie:

Lollll

Hey hyung did you ever respond to that email from the PD

 

Nammie:

Yeah

We ALL have a meeting with him in 2 weeks

 

Minnie:

Alsfrag what

 

[Project BLACKPINK]

 

RMPD:

I do find these titles funny, but shouldn’t we use our actual names?

 

JennieLeader:

I don’t object to anything.

 

ManagerJin:

Anyway, we need to talk to you to make sure you want to go through with this.

 

SugaPD:

Since your music will still be intellectual property of us, and therefore BTS, we have something important to bring to your attention.

 

Lisa:

I’m still really grateful for the chance! 

Thanks for agreeing to meet.

 

Rose:

The text you sent looked really flirty.

 

SugaPD:

Kinda did.

“So you’re the mystery man we know as Min Yoongi? Well excuse this dongsaeng for being so forward but could you meet me irl?~”

 

Jisoo:

Kekeke

You classified him as a sexy pyro when we were debating who we wanted to do pd for blackpink. Though we were all kinda scared to ask

 

Lisa:

I’m not wrong. I’m a girl with eyes. And I’m gonna be brave for a decision like this!

 

SugaPD:

Thanks?

 

HopePD:

We’re getting off topic and I feel old for saying this. Also, I’m still going to need your answer about the team, Lisa.

 

Lisa:

I’m still waiting on something else, so that decision has to be put on hold at the moment.

 

RMPD:

BLACKPINK?

 

Lisa:

Yes.

 

ManagerJin:

What we needed to tell you is that we were scouted and don’t know if we will be allowed to produce BLACKPINK unless you guys work for the same company.

 

JennieLeader:

First off, congrats. Secondly, which company?

 

RMPD:

BigHit. And that’s where we hit a wall.

 

JennieLeader:

But BigHit doesn’t take girls.

 

SugaPD:

And that’s the problem. If you guys are really willing to go through with this, we can bring it up in our meeting with Bang PDnim and you can audition.

 

JennieLeader:

I’m in.

 

Lisa:

If I can, I’d like to do this. And then, if I can manage, I might be able to join the dance team.

 

HopePD:

Yay!

 

Jisoo:

Me too.

 

Rose:

I am also.

 

ManagerJin:

Great! We’ll let you know what his response was.

 

[opposite brofriends]

 

Devil:

I need to come clean about something to you.

There was a point in time when I had really bad bipolar disorder. 

I didn’t tell you because it seemed insignificant but I want you to know that you aren’t alone. I developed out of it but sometime I have bouts. They were the real reason I stopped taking the pills. 

 

Angel:

What do you mean?

 

Devil:

I started having bouts of depression or mania when I started taking them and they got more and more frequent as I got better and better at hiding them. I’m not sure why bipolar disorder came as a side effect for me and I didn’t care to find out, I just chose to stop taking them. When I stopped taking them, it took a long time to flush out of my system. And when Jihoon found out he can over and made me take them and I had a relapse. We sorted it out now but I think it really scared him.

 

Angel:

Not that I don’t appreciate it, but why now?

 

Devil:

To tell you that you aren’t alone and as one of your best friends and your hyung, I support you.

 

Angel:

Love you hyung

 

Devil:

Right back at you Hobiyah

 

[Skyward]

 

Sun:

Did you tell him about it?

 

Moon:

I did. I just hope he knows how much we love and support him.

 

Sun:

He’s lowkey your TaeTae

And Namjoon hyung is your Kookie

Except they don’t third wheel you 

 

Moon:

In a sense, I guess they are. Except I think Joon and I are closer than you and Kook.

 

Sun:

Probably 

Hey hyungie let’s go get boba tea

 

Moon:

On my way to pick you up from the studio

 

Sun:

But I’m all hot and sweaty

 

Moon:

;)

 

Sun:

I’m flattered but you’re actually so weird hyung

 

Moon:

You love it

 

Sun:

I do

 

[Jun and Hoshi]

 

Jun:

You’re going to break his heart if you pull a stunt like this

 

Hoshi:

What heart?

Woozi doesn’t love me anyway

Might as well try to get over him  

I wanna hit him with a knife

He hurt me so bad

 

Jun:

I believe the term is “stab”.

And don’t do this

He’s been tearing himself apart since you saw him and his fckbddy

 

Hoshi:

We were so close

Such good terms

I fucked it up

 

Jun:

Come over

I’ll help you

 

Hoshi:

Huh?

 

Jun:

Let’s watch Spring Day, cry over stupid boys with chocolate icecream, and move on

 

Hoshi:

I’m coming

Don’t wanna cry  

Hurts too much

 

Jun:

Don’t worry

 

[Scowly and Short]

 

Short:

Hyung

I fucked up

 

Scowly:

What’s wrong

 

Short:

Hoshi saw me and a hookup

And burst into tears

 

Scowly:

So you think he really does love you?

 

Short:

Yes

 

Scowly:

How do you feel about it

 

Short:

Weird I guess 

Shoulda known

 

Scowly:

Don’t blame yourself

Do you like him

 

Short:

I don’t know hyung

He’s always been there

And now he’s just gone

And I miss him

And I don’t want to see him with anyone because it would hurt my selfish heart

 

Scowly:

You love him

 

Short:

I do

 

Scowly:

Tell him

 

Short:

ARE YOU NUTS

 

Scowly:

We’ve been over this 

Yes

But that’s not the point

If you two do not get ur shit together everyone will be hurt

 

Short:

Okay hyung. I’ll call you later.

 

[Roomies]

Joon:

Why are you covered with neon paint?

The paint color looks like a lemon that was exposed to radio waves.

 

Yoon:

Best not to ask.

 

Joon:

You look like a lemon shit you out.

 

Yoon:

Congrats

Ur wittier than my second grade bully

Pat urself on the back

 

 

[Bangtan Bishes]

 

TaeTae:

YOONGI HYUNG

YOU EMOTIONALLY UNSTABLE SHORT MAN WHERE THE FUCK ARE YOU

 

Yoonie:

O ur alive

 

TaeTae:

Don’t sound disappointed 

I might think u don’t like me

 

Yoonie:

...

 

Hobi:

How he conveys disappointed silence in a txt

Legend

 

Minnie:

Don’t kill him love

He’s very loyal and sweet but VERY dumb

 

Yoonie:

I should have to use my exasperated tired voice to make y’all do your jobs

You were supposed to tell me your concept idea three days ago! NOW I HAVE TO REWRITE LYRICS AT ELEVEN PM

 

Kookie:

Lol y’all

 

Yoonie:

Shut the up fuck

 

TaeTae:

Sorry hyungie!

The thing we’re working on is special! Promise!

And the concept took so long to do! 

 

Nammie:

It’s good, just a lot of last minute work

 

Yoonie:

And where tf are we getting the cash for this? We use cheap spray hair color for our shoots and tae and Jin hyung do makeup and the theaters majors and photography majors are always willing to do it so they can put us on their resume. But the set and props are EXPENSIVE AS FUCK

 

TaeTae:

You’ll see! 

 

Jinnie:

Bad timing but

Dare I ask why anyone left an empty coffee cup in the freezer?

 

Kookie:

Oops.

Sorry hyung I thought that was a dream.

 

Nammie:

Yeah. So after this meeting I say we kick off summer break with this meeting and go on a squad trip 

 

 

[Dance Sluts]

 

HoeSucc:

We r so on vacation it’s not even funny

Call us if someone dies

Bye

 

[HoeSucc, JiMoan, and HungKook are offline!]

Chapter Text

[Tea and Cookies]

 

Tea:

(°-°)    Ferglicious

<)  )\

   /  \

 

Cookie:

\(°-°)   Definition 

  (  (>

   | \

 

Tea:

(°-°)  Make them 

<)  )>    boys go

  /  \              loco

 

Cookie:

Have I told u i love u

 

Tae:

Many times

 

Cookie:

I love you

 

Tea:

:*

 

[Tres Amigos]

 

Min:

WE R IN A MEETING

 

Tae:

Lolll

 

Min:

KIM TAEHYUNG

 

Kook:

PARK JIMIN

 

Tae:

JEON HUNGKOOK

 

Kook:

Lol

 

Min:

lol

 

Tae:

Not what I meant but tru

 

Min:

TMI

Phones away

 

[Bangtan Bishes]

 

Hobi:

YHAT WAS AWESOME

 

Yoonie:

You let the others know

Hyung and I are getting a tour since we start next year

 

[Yoonie and Jinnie are offline!]

 

Nammie:

I can’t believe we are getting hired right out of school!

I’m so excited!

 

Kookie:

But what’s more: people are okay with our ingroup relationships 

Bc a taken man is more attractive or smth Nd we made it clear we bi

 

Minnie:

Even tho we gay 

Our managers will hate our flamboyantness but IDGAF

 

TaeTae:

YEET

But it’ll b a while until we graduate 

 

Nammie:

Only after we (‘94 line) graduate. BigHit is working something out with the college.

 

[BLACKPINK IN YOUR AREA]

 

RMPD:

Good news. We spoke to BangPD and showed him some from you guys. You’ll probably be recruited soon. Between the Boombayah and Whistle, you have good things to work with.

 

Lisa:

Thanks for telling us:)

 

HopeChoreo:

Lol I love my new name

 

Jisoo:

;)

Chapter Text

[Super Seven]

 

 

Suga:

I love when our group gets together in public areas

Or on vlive

And collectively drags our leader

 

RM:

Hyung, you’re such a gremlin.

I can’t deal with this.

 

Jimin:

Pfft

 

V:

GUYS 

EVIL BET

 

Jin:

OKOKOK

 

V:

NO USAGE OF THIS GC OR LINE GCS AND NO TEXTING BEYOND BFFS AND BFS

 

Suga:

No

No texting at all

Only calling bfs and bffs

 

J-Hope:

Cruel bastard

I’m in

Loser has to do what?

 

Jin:

Get shamed by all of us

 

RM:

As long as you don’t make fun of crabs.

 

Jungkook:

Hyung: omg a crab

Crab: omg namjoon

 

Jimin:

lol 

Still salty it didn’t work out

 

Jin:

Ik:(

 

RM:

Using thumbs and lowercase tools, that’s how we communicate.

But now we can’t?

For shame and farewell.

 

Suga:

...

Chapter Text

 

 

[The Seven Ds]

 

Doc:

YO.

WE DID IT!

Who changed the names?

Namjoon, by the way.

 

Sleepy:

Not me

Not complaining though

 

Grumpy:

U wouldn’t Yoongi hyung

WAIT A SEC

 

Happy:

The heck kook? Grumpy?

Nvm I c it

Hobi btw

 

Dopey:

I don’t???

Bae ily u not grumpy 

 

Grumpy:

:)))

 

Bashful:

...tf is going on

Jimin btw

 

Sneezy:

I try to do something fun and y’all ruin it

 

Doc:

Jin hyung, no.

And why sneezy?

 

Sneezy:

Good point

 

[Sneezy has changed their name to Fairest of Them All!]

 

Sleepy:

Jiminah? Why do u have hyungs phone

 

Bashful:

Kekeke

I’m here hyungie

 

Sleepy:

Ngl your name does NOT fit

 

Bashful:

(///0.0///)

 

Fairest of Them All:

Is this tea I smell?

 

Happy:

Spill I’m so thirsty

 

Sleepy:

Go drink some water then

 

Bashful:

Hyung that was bad

 

Sleepy:

Hush bae

 

Bashful:

;))))

 

Sleepy:

...<3

 

Bashful:

:***

 

Sleepy:

:/

 

Bashful:

:(

 

Sleepy:

:***

 

Bashful:

(///°•°///)

 

Sleepy:

;)

 

Dopey:

I’m confused

 

Grumpy:

Me too

 

Bashful:

( >^•^><=

 

Dopey:

Ah crap

Should I close my eyes

 

Doc:

Are they sexting with emoticons?

Have they been that deprived? They called like every day according to Yoongi hyung.

 

Happy:

KAOEMOJIS! 

 

Fairest of Them All:

Lol

 

Doc:

...

Such wasted brilliance.

 

[Makinez]

 

Puppy:

Guys 

Imagine if korosensei met Voldemort

 

Mochi:

It’s 2 am

 

Puppy:

Idfc

He’d be liek

Ur an insult to my job

You targeted a toddler nd failed

 

Bunny:

Lollll

Insult fite?

 

Mochi:

YEET

Go cough out a lung

 

Puppy:

Shut up

Dead skin cells are falling from ur mouth

 

Mochi:

How nobody has noticed your insanity is beyond me

 

Puppy:

:))))

 

[Bangtan Bishes]

 

Chim:

I fucking love my parents

 

Joon:

What happened?

 

Chim:

So I’m at home abt to go to uni and I’m abt to say bye

And my parents are arguing

Nd I go downstairs

My mom goes

U can’t buy plutoooo!

My dad goes

Who’s gonna heckin stop me?

 

Tae:

lol

 

Salt:

Jiminie?

 

Chim:

Hyungie?

 

Salt:

I can’t wait to meet them.

 

Chim:

;*

 

Hobi:

Fuck not this again

Guys

Would u date sum1 tall

 

Chim:

10/10 diversion

I wouldn’t date a tall girl

We’d get in an argument Nd she’d put my phone on top of the fridge

 

Tae:

OMFG

 

Salt:

...Jiminah you aren’t short

 

Chim:

Ily

 

Hobi:

He is tho

 

Salt:

Shut the up fuck 

 

Hobi:

Make me;)

 

Salt:

Opening camera roll to the night after our first Cypher perf

 

Hobi:

SHUTTING UP NOW

 

WWH:

:)What :) is :) this :) I :) hear:) ?

 

Salt:

U hear tea

 

WWH:

SPILL IT IM THIRSTY

 

Salt:

Fuck Joon then

 

Kookie:

HAHAHAHAOMFG

 

Tae:

U okay?

 

Kookie:

No

 

Jinnie:

Meet and mine and Yoongichi’s tomorrow, k?

 

Nammie:

Not gonna lie... It’s kind of strange that you’re out of college. We all have people the same age now.

 

Hobi:

I’m not complaining!!!

 

Nammie:

True. Hobi hyung is fun.

 

TaeTae:

I GOT MY SOULMATE

 

Kookie:

Excuse me?

 

Yoonie:

.

 

Minnie:

Shit he got the dot 

Dw baby 

Platonic 

 

Yoonie:

Tae ur lucky ur from Daegu

Otherwise I’d kill u

With murder

 

TaeTae:

And butter lol 

 

Kookie:

ur such a Daegu Stan

 

Yoonie:

Agust D

DT Suga

DT

Daegu Town

Nuff said

 

[Minnie changed Yoonie’s name to My Daegu Stan!]

[My Daegu Stan changed Minnie’s name to My Busan Boy!]

 

TaeTae:

...

That is adorable 

 

[TaeTae changed Kookie’s name to Golden Boi!]

[Golden Boi changed TaeTae’s name to PurpleHeart!]

 

PurpleHeart:

<3

 

[CHIRREN OF OUR MEMELORD AND SAVIOR]

 

Yuggie:

So i introduce myself to Amber’s friend bc it’s da furst day

 

BamBam:

AMBER LIU

RHE TA

OMFG I LOVE HER SHES DA BEST

 

Yuggie:

Nd he goes

I thought Kim was a girls name? Like all confused b4 leaving

Then I realized

 

Wendidi:

YO

HE YHOT KIN WAS UR FIRST NAME IM YELLIN

 

Yeriri:

LOLLLLL

 

Lalalisa:

OMFG

White ppl

 

Yuggie:

Smh

Wtf was this post on insta

So Australians don’t have sex?@Lalalisa

 

Lalalisa:

Australians mate

 

BamBam:

I spat out my coffee

 

Yuggie:

So what book were we supposed to be readin for conversational lit 

 

Lalalisa:

The mediocre gatsby

 

BamBam:

Rite Nd we have an essay due about the ok wall of china

 

Lalalisa:

My group is writing about the mildly interesting barrier reef

 

Yeriri:

Tf

I though we were doing ppl

I said Alexander the good enough

 

The8:

I DID ALRIGHT BRITAN

IM FUCJED

 

Wendidi:

YOU GOT THE TITLES ALL WRONG AND I HECKING LOVE IT

 

Yeriri:

Who has your phone Wendy-unnie?

 

Wendidi:

IT IS I 

JOY

IM AT HER PLACE

 

Yeriri:

HIHIHIHIHI!!!

 

BamBam:

And so the lowkey Savage was tamed

But the result left behind was scarier

 

Yuggie:

Lollll

 

[LeTsGeDiT]

 

Hyung:

I love living with Tae

 

Brat:

What did he do

 

Hyung:

I come home to find him holding a pizza

And whispering om nom nom deeelicious 

like that backpack frm Dora

 

Brat:

Lol

 

[Hyung sent a video!]

 

Brat:

I-

 

[Tea and Cookies]

 

Cookie:

You are my whole world, you know that?

 

[LeTsGeDiT]

 

Hyung:

... 

why is tae gigglin at his phone like a lovesick fool

 

Brat:

:)

 

Hyung:

I’m so happy you’re both happy 

 

Brat:

:)))))

 

Hyung:

If ur gonn b like dis Imma go

 

Brat:

:(

Chapter Text

[SINNERS R WINNERS]

 

Grumpy Cat:

I need a hairdryer a fork and a lil bit of glue

 

Perfect10:

Why

 

Grumpy Cat:

Someone called joonah the f-word-that’s-super-phobic while we were walking around the campus Bc I visited him

 

Perfect10:

The called my baby what.

 

Grumpy Cat:

So I’m gluing them to a tree and lighting it on fire.

 

Perfect10:

What about the hairdryer Nd fork

 

Grumpy Cat:

Hairdryer to dry the glue

Fork to pull out his eyes w

 

Perfect10:

U sound experienced in this

 

Grumpy Cat:

...

Maybe I am.

 

Perfect10:

Mmmk

I’ll come badmouth him with u

We r so lucky BigHit wants the “real us”

 

Grumpy Cat:

Ok true

 

[Hung Line]

 

HoBI:

So then I told my cellmate I’d bust him out if he sang breaking free from hsm

 

YoonGAY:

This is why we love you

 

SUCKjin:

IM STILL PISSED U WENT TO JAIL

 

HoBI:

I WAS DRUNK AND ACCIDENTALLY FLASHED A COP CAUSE HE WAS CUTE

 

RAMjoon:

Ok... that’s fair.

 

SUCKjin:

I did that once

 

RAMjoon:

Good times.

 

HoBI:

ANYWHORE

 

SUCKjin:

U called

 

RAMjoon:

You are not a whore, hyung.

 

SUCKjin:

:*

 

YoonGAY:

Is this the daily Zelo freakout

 

HoBI:

YESSSSSSS

IS HE GOOD HYUNG

 

YoonGAY:

I tried to wipe it from my mind when we stopped. But lessee...

 

HoBI:

Tellmetellmetellmetellllllllllllllllllme

T

E

L

L

M

E

Rhdkdiej

Kskebejej

Jskwjsj

 

SUCKjin:

U tryna get him to say by spamming?

 

YoonGAY:

I think he’s a top. But you switch so whatever. 

 

HoBI:

But how IS he

 

YoonGAY:

I’m not one of your dance friends 

I don’t talk about that kinda stuff so openly

Besides

It’s been a while

For all I kno he coulda completely changed or even decided he was straight

 

HoBI:

Hyung

 

YoonGAY:

U two r closer than me n him

He knows ur bi so either xpects u to kno or hasn’t decided to come out to you

Or maybe he straight

 

HoBI:

HYUNGGGGG!!!

 

[Geniuses]

 

148iq:

You know, don’t you.

 

TwoWords:

Yup

He’s 100% gay for hobs

At least I’m 72% sure

 

148iq:

So are we gonna play with them?

 

TwoWords:

That’s on the list right above you using heavy text speech and very bad grammar

 

148iq:

lol 

 

TwoWords:

In the GC with no context

 

148iq:

We should plan it so it looks like I’m going nuts.

 

TwoWords;

What about our bfs

 

148iq:

If I tell Jin hyung, he’ll tell Hobi hyung. If you tell Jimin, he’ll tell Tae. Tae will tell Kook.

 

TwoWords:

So I’ll keep you updated?

 

148iq:

Obvi

 

TwoWords:

Cringe.

Not now k

 

148iq:

They’re going to hate us.

 

TwoWords:

>:)

 

148iq:

Why did you start using those?

 

TwoWords:

Jiminah likes them and now its kind of habit I guess

 

148iq:

You guys are adorable together.

 

[Hung Line]

 

HoBI:

HYUNG

HYUNNGSHE

S

HEHEHEHESB

HSJEJEBD

IRJSNS

HCHHHHHHH

HHHHHhhHhhHHHh

YyyyYyYyYy 

uUuUuUuUuuUu

NNnNNNNnnnN

GgggggGGGGGggg

 

YoonGAY:

Jfc what

 

HoBI:

YPU KNOW SJE SKAKEJUSHSS

SNAKEjJEJDICAJSNLOLLIPOOPZNSNSNSTEVIEAILIDJSNJICHUSNSMOOOSJSMOONIEPRONGSNPADFOOT

 

YoonGAY:

Bye.

 

Jammie:

i seek validation from anonymous people on the internet n their comments on my fanfiction

 

HoBI:

Yooo who tf r u

 

Jammie:

U but stronger

 

[Jammie left the chat!]

 

RAMjoon:

Uh...

 

 

Chapter Text

[Geniuses] 

 

148iq:

Now?

 

TwoWords:

Now.

 

[Princes]

 

Dae:

SLEEP TIGHT YA MORONS

 

Ilsan:

Lmao i love catcher in the rye

 

Bu:

Hyung?

 

Ilsan:

Waddap

 

San:

Hyung

 

Ilsan:

Ya need smth

 

Worldwide:

Namjoonah?

 

Ilsan:

Yes boo

 

Worldwide.

KIM NAMJOON CUT THE CRAP

 

Ilsan:

Lol wat

 

San:

im scared

 

Ilsan:

Ur not most of the time

Hyung gets scrd mor thn u

 

[Geniuses]

 

TwoWords:

If I didn't know you were being sarcastic, I would have fucking hit you.

 

148iq:

Shit bitch why

 

TwoWords:

Cringing.

Save it for the gc

 

148iq:

Sure.

 

[Princes]

 

Worldwide:

I SWEAR TO FUCK, KIM NAMJOON

 

Ilsan:

I’d prefer if you got rid of the comma.

 

Gu:

...

And he’s back to normal

 

Dae:

We could have had so much more fun with that

 

Ilsan:

My boyfriend takes priority.

 

Dae:

Fair enough 

 

San:

U KNEW

 

Dae:

My idea bitch

 

Bu:

Hyuuuuung:(

 

Dae:

Consider it revenge tae

 

Gu:

ONE TIME

I STEAL YOUR HEADPHONES ONE TIME

AND UYP SVAR WM FRO LIEF

 

Dae:

Idk maybe learn to spell

 

Bu:

Pffffft I’m not even gonna defend you

Notice how kook isn’t either

 

San:

Lol

I love u but he rite

 

Gwangju:

How r we in college

 

Ilsan:

For quite a few of us, idek:)

 

Worldwide:

I’m coming over to beat your ass

 

Ilsan:

Have I been a bad boy, Daddy?

 

Dae:

Bleach.

Now.

 

Ilsan:

Kekeke

Chapter Text

[7 Tired Bois]

 

Scary:

Bye world

 

Handsome:

TF NO

 

Genius:

You sleep and you swear and I'm 50% sure that whenever I get too excited about anything, you feel a part of yourself die but I wouldn't change you for the life of me. I decided I really wanted to be your friend the day you shouted at the music teacher for making me do extra work on account of a bad grade. Talking about how my work was a masterpiece and how you couldn't believe someone so blind to musical talent ended up being a music teacher.

I need you in my life.

Please don’t do anything stupid.

 

Sweetheart:

Hyung

Don’t do this please

I love you

 

Goofy:

I haven’t known you fr the most time but dammit don’t u dare kill urself

I’ll keep ur ghost in a vacuum cleaner nd rattle it all the time so u nvr get peace

 

Sunny:

HYUNG NO

 

Brat:

DONT DO IT HOE

 

Scary:

I sts I’m gonna kill wooziyah

 

Goofy:

Wat

 

Scary:

He sent that

Not me

 

Sweetheart:

Ib cbrign yhgn

cme ovre

 

Scary:

I’m coming angel

 

[Daegu Boiz]

 

Gu:

How is he

 

Dae:

Better 

Just shaken

 

Gu:

He’s scared of you getting hurt since...

 

Dae:

Daehee

I know

 

Gu:

Well... take care of him

 

Dae:

Always

...did you just get a notif of a name change?

 

Gu:

Lolllllllllll

Joon hyung tf

 

[ROMAN HOLIDAY IS MY LIFE FORCE]

 

Venus:

These names suck

 

Minerva:

Oh okay.

 

Venus

Are super great!* Autocorrect can suck my dick 

 

Sun:

Wimp

 

Venus:

Like ur dick

 

Pluto:

YOOOOOO

 

Neptune:

MCFUCKIN ROASTED

 

Mars:

JIN HYUNG DIDN'T JUS COME BACK HE GAVE US THREE ALBUMS AND 10 MUSIC VIDEOS TOO

 

Minerva:

Every time I think this group chat is REMOTELY normal, this shit happens.

What the hell happened to you, hyung?

 

Mars:

Idk u called me a war god

Urself a female wisdom goddess

And hyung a sex god

Who is also female

And I like that song but it’s so old

Why now

O

And u called kook the god of death

Bc he emo

Which is a p good call

 

Sun:

Lollll

Log off and I’ll change ur names

 

[TaeKook, YoonMin and NamJin are offline!]

 

Sun:

Eheheeee

Chapter Text

[Cuties]

 

[Taetaee changed the chat name to KOOKIE DAY!!!]

 

Mochiminnie:

HBD KOOKIE

 

Taetaee:

HAPPY BIRTHDAY LOML

 

YoonGee:

hbd

 

NyamJoon:

Happy birthday, Kook.

 

Hobihobi:

Hbd

 

Jinnie:

Hbd

 

Kookie:

Aww ty

Drinks on me

 

Jinnie:

I’m in!

 

YoonGee:

Sure.

 

Hobihobi:

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

Kookie:

Lol hyung

Tae?

 

Taetaee:

First I’m gonna take you on a date

Treat u real nice

 

Hobihobi:

Awww

 

Taetaee:

And then ride u so good u see stars

 

Jinnie:

TMI

 

Mochiminnie:

EW

 

YoonGee:

Gross

 

NyamJoon:

Did not need to see that. 

See you all after classes at the BigHit building, apparently we have a new song in the works.

 

YoonGee:

Yup

We need your input

 

[Woozi and Hoshi Private chat]

 

Woozi:

Rumor has it, I make you nervous.

 

Hoshi:

It’s the way you look at me.

 

Woozi:

Do you not like it when I look at you like that?

 

Hoshi:

No. It hurts me.

 

Woozi:

Do you want me to leave you alone?

 

Hoshi:

...

It just hurts, Woozi.

 

Woozi:

I swear it won’t happen again.

Look outside.

 

Hoshi:

What’s with the box?

Look, I’m tired of running in circles. I get it, you don’t like me like that.

I’m fine with being friends after last year. I had the summer to cool down.

 

Woozi:

And what if I’m not?

 

Hoshi:

What?

 

Woozi:

Open up loser

 

[Resting Bitch Face]

 

Busan:

I DID IT

 

Daegu:

FINAFUCKINGLY

Now take him on a date 

 

[Love<3]

 

Hyungie:

He did it

 

Angel:

YAYYYY

Finally:))))

Celebratory boba?

 

Hyungie:

I’ll pick you up in ten:)

 

Angel:

But your work!

 

Hyungie:

My only job is loving you and everything else is secondary

Besides, I gave the demos over and the senior pds are talking them over without me because they want to do something with them conceptwise

So

Boba?

 

Angel:

Boba

 

Hyungie:

Maybe boba can be our always

 

Angel:

:*

Chapter Text

[HAPPY NAMJOON DAY!!!]

 

Agu.std:

Happy birthday nerd

 

JuanCock:

Hbd

 

TaeTea:

HAPPY BPRTHDQYYY

 

Hobibi:

HBD

 

Sexualmochi:

Hbd hyunggggg

 

Mom:

Happy birthday love

 

Hobibi:

*Sees supportive bfs*

I’m not jealous

*cries in olnleossn*

 

JuanCock:

How tf did you spell it like that

 

Mom:

You can’t keep doing this!!!

Talk to himmmmmm

 

Hobihobi:

Zelo thinks I’m insane since I got drunk and deepthroated a pickle 

 

TaeTea:

YOU DID WHAT

 

Hobihobi:

I may have had a few shots

 

Sexualmochi:

SAY IT

 

Hobihobi:

I SCARRED HIM BY DRUNK DEEPTHROATING A PICKLE

Are you done with that

 

Mom:

Excuse u

 

Joon:

I come in to find this.

What the heck Hobs...

 

Sexualmochi:

Talk to him

 

Agu.std:

You did something stupid and now he thinks you hate him or smth bc u won’t talk to him

 

Hobihobi:

That doesn’t even make sense

 

Agu.std:

Just admit I’m right

 

[DANCE SLUTS]

 

Brownie:

GUYS

I JUST TRIED TO THROW SMTH CRIOS A RIOM

ND I HIT SMONE

 

BamBam:

YOOOO

 

Hobi:

Why r u a mess

 

Brownie:

I’m sry have u looked in a mirror

 

Hobi:

Ow

Guys I need a fake date

2 scare the crap out of jinhyung

 

Kook:

Lol

 

Min:

Lol

 

Hobi:

Jun?

 

Jun:

That’s irrational

 

Hobi:

Just pretend to be my date please

 

Jun:

He’s gonna be pissed>:)

Let’s do it for that double date u told us abt

 

Hobi:

YASSSS

Chapter Text

[SCREW ACCENTS]

 

John Cook:

kim seokjin is cancelled

 

Sock Jean:

wut

 

Hoe Sock:

u can’t dance

 

Young Key:

bitcj u thot

 

[Young Key sent a video!]

 

Tea young: 

i live for supportive yoongles hyung

 

John Cook:

How the FUCK IS HE THIS HANDSOME YEACH ME HYUND

 

Sock Jean:

He’s actually pounting

wtf ur so cute

 

John Cook:

i wanna bear I from yoongi hyung

 

Young Key:

is this the point where I lie to spare ur feelings

cuz nah

 

Nam June:

What was that about Jungkook?

 

John Cook:

THIS djekenej

How the hekl is he this good looking

 

Tea young:

If ur promoting ur hyungs...

 

Thassa whole man

 

Jimmy:

Drool 

 

Young Key:

Stop I’m blushin

 

Nam June:

He is.

 

Young Key:

Just for that joon

 

Sock Jean:

WHY HAVE I NOT SEEN THIS

 

John Cook:

DIMPLES FOR DAYS

 

Young Key:

I-

That is not man

That is the fucking sun

 

Hoe Sock:

Get urself a friendgroup like dis

<333333

 

[DANCE SLUTS]

 

BamBam:

How’d it go

 

Jun:

Lol

It was like a normal double date

But I told Joon and he started laughing and our cover got blown

 

Brownie:

LOL

What happened

 

Hobi:

We joked about it and apprntly we DID scare hyung:))

 

BamBam:

I strive to be willing to scare my hyungs that much

 

Hobi:

Better then the time Yoongi hyung convinced Joon to text like Tae for a bit

That was scary af

 

Brownie:

Lol

 

[<3]

 

Angel:

You weren’t supposed to laugh

 

Hyungie:

That is by far the dumbest thing you’ve done jiminah

I love you so fucking much

Chapter Text

 

[<3]

 

Angel:

You weren’t supposed to laugh

 

Hyungie:

That is by far the dumbest thing you’ve done jiminah

I love you so fucking much

I put it on for you

 

Angel:

Wat

Pics or it didn’t happen

 

Hyungie: [image file]

 

Angel:

I’m coming over

That costume was supposed to be for me

 

Hyungie:

I suppose you’ll just have to rip it from my body

Hyung’s talking concept with the ceo 

So the I’m all alone 

 

Angel:

RUNNING

 

Hyungie:

But you already wore a dress didn’t you?

[image file]

 

Angel:

But this was for a bet! 

That was an actual joke?

 

Hyungie:

I’m still not objecting to you ripping clothes from my body 

 

Angel:

Omw

 

[Tea and Cookies]

 

Tea:

Is that jimin

 

Cookies:

Where

 

Tea:

Look across the park

 

Cookies:

How u kno

 

Tea:

Im ona becnh

 

Cookie:

Lol I c u

 

Tea:

Is it him do

 

Cookie:

Running w a hardon

 

Tea:

Lel

 

[Platonic Soulmates]

 

Kook’s:

Lol u get sum good dic

 

Yoon’s:

Ye

How u kno

 

Kook’s:

I c ur runn

 

Yoon’s:

Lel

Tired n high off the thought of hyungie

 

Kook’s:

What happened 

Full detail

 

Yoon’s:

K 

So hyung sends me a text

Asking why there was a maid costume delivered to his dorm

 

Kook’s:

LOL

 

Yoon’s:

So I was embarrassed Nd he was makin fun

 

Kook’s:

Dicc

 

Yoon’s:

U wish

Nyway he was jokin n he put it on for laughs

Nd sent the pic of me in a dress as a JOKE n asked me if I wanted 2 rip the dress off him 

 

Kook’s:

DID U DOM HIM

 

Yoon’s:

Lol no

Imma full sub

Just power bottomed 

 

Kook’s:

PICS

 

Yoon’s:

No. The dress is in shreds and I have saved the pic for future...uses

 

Kook’s:

Ew

 

[Everyday Crackheads]

 

Jin:

What do you call a dictionary on drugs?

 

Sugar:

If u say High Definition I’m punching u

 

Jin:

I was gonna say addictionary 

But that’s way better

What did the sea say to the shore?

 

JHoe:

I see you beach

 

Jin:

Nothing it just waved

How r ur puns better?!

 

Chimpanzee:

They’re not

These just suck

 

[YoonMin NamJin TaeKook and The Single Lady]

 

Min:

Fmk

Hobi hyung Kook Ah and me

 

Yoon:

Fuck Hobi marry u and kill Seokjin

 

Jin:

I wasn’t an option what the fuck

 

Nam:

Rapid subject change.

What if our phobias were the things that killed us in past lives?

 

Yoon:

I didn’t know it was possible to be murdered by social interaction.

 

Jin:

Alright listen up you little shits

No not you joonah you’re an angel and we’re thrilled you’re here

 

Yoon:

U remind me of the ocean

 

Jin:

Bc I’m deep and mysterious?

 

Yoon:

No bc u salty and scare everyone

 

[Best of Me]

 

So Show Me:

Shall I compare thee to a summer’s day?

 

I’ll Show You:

Uh okay

 

So Show Me:

Thou art hot as fuck.

 

I’ll Show You: 

U didn’t need to cheer me up u sap

 

[YoonMin NamJin TaeKook and the Single Lady]

 

Tae:

Can u imagine not being human and being a tree

 

Kook;

I wanna be the one from Harry Potter that beats the shit out of everything

Guys I just saw Jin hyung eat out the middle of an Oreo w his tongue and ew

 

Jin:

Idc what people say the middle of an Oreo is the best 

I will kick you from my house if you say anything else

 

Joon:

Light is the absence of darkness. Darkness is the absence of light. One cannot exist without the other.

 

Single:

Yo Socrates 

It’s a fucking cookie

Help me w my hw?

 

Kook:

But we both dumb af

 

Single:

But the dumb will cancel itself out bc pemdas

 

Jin:

What the hell??

I just wanted to show y’all dis

Tag urself

——————

“So who’s really in charge?”

“Whoever screams the loudest?”

————

I is screamie

 

Tae:

Words ending in ie r so cute

Like whoopsie and sweetie and cookie

 

Yoon:

And die

U got no class

 

Min:

I put the ass in class

 

Jin:

I put the hot in photogenic 

 

Kook:

I put the top in unstoppable

 

Yoon:

I put the man in manslaughter

 

Single:

I put the D in Agust D

 

Yoon:

Tf u don’t 

 

Tae:

WHEEZE

 

Min:

Did u actually type that?

Chapter Text

[Calling All the Monsters, Hoes, and Sluts]

 

Zombie:

To get into the Halloween spirit,

Recently I’ve been politely refusing invitations to date coworkers with “I’d rather drink my own blood”.

 

Horse:

Dark

 

Zombie:

Ik

Darker than Kooks emohood

 

Rabbit:

Must you always attack me with words?

 

Zombie:

Would you prefer I use rocks?

 

Rabbit:

The world is so terrible it makes u wonder who u can trust

 

Zombie:

Not urself that’s for sure

 

Rabbit:

Ow

 

Egg:

DEAR LIFE:

WHEN I ASKED IF TODAY COULDN’T GET ANY WORSE, IT WAS A RHETORICAL QUESTION, NOT A CHALLENGE.

 

Horse:

Caps lock

Oof

 I have a problem

 

Zombie:

Kill it

 

Vampire:

Can u chill for 

Like

One second

 

Zombie:

No

 

[dance hoes]

 

Ho:

There are three ways to do things

1- the Right way

2- the wrong way

3- the Joon way

 

Bam:

What’s the Joon way

 

Ho:

The wrong way but faster

I’m so glad we went to a party instead of planning one

 

Gyeom:

Lol

Word of advice

Don’t go shopping with kook

 

Kook:

:,(

 

Bam:

What happened

 

Gyeom:

So I ask him from a short while away if he wants chips

Slightly raised volume so he can hear

And he goes

At THE TOP OF HOS FUCKING LINGS

 

Ho:

lol lings

 

Gyeom:

IM A SLUT FOR DORITOS

 

Min:

Yoooooo

Tae found the right guy

 

[Fam Gang Gang]

Hobi:

 

Kookie:

I’m giving you one chance to shut the fuck up hyung

 

Min:

And he even adds a hyung

Awww

What a squish

 

Tae:

Munchkin on the streets

Monster in the sheets

 

Kookie:

What.

 

Joonie:

guys

 

Gi:

Oh no

I thought your existential crisis was scheduled for March

Fuck

Guys mute the chat before he turns you suicidal

 

[6 members muted chat!]

 

[Geniuses]

 

148iq:

Hyung?

Why were you so late today?

 

TwoWords:

A technical error causing an unexpectedly long period of unconsciousness.

 

148iq:

Overslept?

 

TwoWords:

Yup.

...

Jfc how is your boyf like this

 

[Crackheads]

 

Jin:

Blood is thicker than water but maple syrup is thicker than blood so pancakes are more important than family

 

V:

R u canadian

 

Jin:

Yes

 

V:

I didn’t know

 

Jimin:

Hes Korean u dipshit

 

V:

Fool me once?

Shame on you.

Fool me twice?

Shame on me.

Fool me three times?

You’re good at this and I respect you.

 

RM:

 

 

Jin:

I-

 

JHope:

Omg there’s something behind uuuu

 

RM:

There is something behind all of us.

 

[CHIRREN OF OUR MEMELORD AND SAVIOR]

 

HahaHani:

An apple a day keeps the doctor away

 

BamBam:

And anyone if u throw it hard enough

 

The8:

Don’t break somebody’s heart!!!

 

BamBam:

They only have one. Break their bones instead. They have 206.

 

Brownie:

Lol

Just be yourself and say something nice!!!

 

BamBam:

I CANT DO BOTH

 

Brownie:

Calm down edge lord

 

IreneQueen: 

How do you kick a person out of a GC 

 

[THOT7]

 

Brownie:

I wish I could block ppl irl

 

RUCryinMark:

Restraining order 

 

JB:

Murder

 

Jinyoung:

That’s so ducking adorable

 

BB:

Wtf

 

YJ:

Do your homework or ull end up at mcdonalds

 

BB:

So if I don’t do my hw

I get Mickey ds

 

YJ:

Yass b

 

JB:

How has no one killed u yet

 

Jinyoung:

Dumb luck

 

YJ:

Wat

 

Jinyoung:

Ye

I’m lucky yalls r dumb

 

JB:

I’m ur boyf u fucker

 

Jinyoung:

<333333

 

[Dance Hoes]

 

Seok:

I wish someone would write poetry about me

 

Bam:

Roses are red

Violets are blue

Life is short

And so are u

 

Seok:

That’s chim

 

Min:

THATS IT

If u wanna live give me ur xash

 

Seok:

Bold of u

To assume I wanna live and have cash

Chapter Text

[CHIMMY DAY]

 

Yoonie:

Happy birthday Jiminah

 

TaeTae:

HAPPY BIRTHDAYYYY

 

Hobi:

Happy birthday Chimmy

 

Joon:

Happy birthday, Jiminah.

 

Kookie:

Hbd

 

Jinnie:

Happy birthday chimmyah!

 

Kookie:

Let’s parrrty

I’ll bring the weed

 

Hobi:

Jungkook

U know if u r doing drugs u can tell us

We’d help u

 

TaeTae:

With hospitals or rehab

 

Jinnie:

Or my FOOT UP YOUR ASS YOU LITTLE SHIT

 

Kookie:

It was a joke...

 

Yoonie:

Nah. Bring the crack. 

 

Kookie:

Same price?

 

Yoonie:

Duh.

 

Chim:

Wtf

 

[Kookie sent a video!]

 

Yoonie:

Das sum good shit 

 

Joonie:

Did I just see you refer to a video of Jimin twerking as crack?

 

Yoonie:

It gives me energy

 

Chim:

>/////<

 

Yoonie:

My turn

Jinnie:

YOU LITTLE SHIT

 

Kookie:

Pleasure doing business with you

 

[SINNERS R WINNERS]

 

IN:

When I die

I want all of you to lower me into my grave

So y’all can let me down one last time

 

 

S:

Was this because Jungkook ate your cookie?

 

 

IN:

It was mine

And he ate it

 

 

S:

There’s a reason our fan base calls you the true makane, and this is it.

 

[TDM (name credit is Luva-Chan’s I’ll use from any story I’ve read if you comment below please I’m a slut for comments)]

 

Vivi:

So if human milk is for baby humans

And cow milk is for baby cows

Is almond milk for baby almonds

 

JungKo:

Two things

Tf is this chat name

And second wtf

 

Seouji:

Jeon Jungkook

Where the fuck did you learn that language 

 

Hopie:

Guys 

SOS

HOW DO U TELL SOMEONE THEIR BREATH STICXKS WOUT BEING RUDE

 

SuYoon:

im bored lets drink mouthwash

 

Hopie:

I’ll try

 

[CHIRREN OF OUR MEMELORD AND SAVIOR]

 

Wendidi:

Yeri is so cute and smol

 

Yeriri:

As opposed to ur thick thighs

 

Wendidi:

I’m sorry what did you just say? Is this flap-titted, sweaty-toothed, little shit trying to talk to me?

 

BamBam:

OOOOOOH

SHE FUCKIN SNAPPED!

 

Markimoo:

What can I say? We raise our girls better out west.

 

Wendidi:

Hell yeah we do.

 

Yeriri:

Unnie’s out here wildin

And I take offense

 

Wendidi:

Oop

I can’t bring myself to care for that insult on my thighs

 

IreneQueen:

That’s all your fault, Yeriyah

 

Wendidi:

UNNIE! How’s modeling?!

 

IreneQueen:

SO MUCH FUN OMG

MEET ME @ THE SPOT AND ILL TELL YOU EVERYTHING

 

Wendidi:

RUNNING

 

[Bangytan]

 

Gichi:

I sense a roast

Huh

 

TT:

On a scale of fre shavaca do

To I won’t hesitate bitch

How r u

 

JK:

I’m a solid road work ahead

 

TT:

i sure hope it does

 

Nyam:

I speak several languages but this is not one of them. What is Korean? Can you eat it?

 

Mochiminnie:

Ly hyung

 

Nyam:

Love yourself.

 

Gichi:

I live so I love

 

Nyam:

Nice one.

 

Mochiminnie:

Confused?

 

TT:

Ye

 

JK:

Yup

 

Seokie:

Nope

I’ll just slipunk into the corner as things go mad

 

Nyam:

Not even going to ask.

Chapter Text

[HENLO HERRO]

 

TaeTae:

Date idea 

break in Area 51 with me

 

Jinjin:

Do you ever have those friends that You just don’t know why u tolerate

 

Seokseok:

No

 

Jinjin:

Bc u don’t have friends

 

Seokseok:

Ow

 

Kookkook:

Hey guys what would happen if sex toys came alive in Toy story

 

TaeTae:

U got a friend IN me

 

JoonJoon:

Stop.

 

Minmin:

No

 

TaeTae:

Suga Hyung I have a question 

U Know what nevermind

 

Yoonyoon:

Fucking commit coward

 

TaeTae:

Would you rather kill

Jungkook

Or

 

Yoonyoon:

Jungkook

 

TaeTae:

Wtf

I didn’t say the other option

 

Yoonyoon:

Don’t care

 

Minmin:

Weird flex but okay 

 

Jinjin:

PSA

NEXT PERSON TO SAY WEIRD FLEX BUT OK 

WILL GET PUNCHED

IN THE DICK

 

Yoonyoon:

Preposterous boast but alas.

 

Jinjin:

What the fuxk

 

Seokseok:

When Yoongi hyung is extra I want to know how much money it would cost to buy a pocket sized version

 

Yoonyoon:

Ur soul

 

Seokseok:

K

 

Yoonyoon:

Thank you for shopping at SatansRUs! Come again soon!

 

Minmin:

Ily hyungie

 

Seokseok:

Do me a favor 

Please don’t @ me 

for this shit

 

Yoonyoon:

That’s my title

 

Minmin:

Yeah! >:-/

 

Yoonyoon:

fucking precious

I canr bteayj

 

Minmin:

:*******

 

Jinjin:

NO

NOT ON MY GOOD BANGTAN CHAT

 

Seokseok:

Srsly? rite in front of my sprite?

Ew

 

Yoonyoon:

I am confusion

I am but a good child

 

JoonJoon:

B

S

 

Yoonyoon:

Forgot the T buddy

 

Seokseok:

You seem happy

Why

 

Yoonyoon:

Can’t I be bc I feel like it?

 

Jinjin:

Kook tripped and fell in the parking lot

 

Seokseok:

O

 

[WORLDWIDE HANDSOME DAY]

 

WWH:

Who changed the names?

 

Dancer for WWH:

Hbd

 

Property of WWH:

Happy birthday, love.

 

Roommate of WWH:

hbd

 

Child of WWH:

Happy Birthday Jinnie hyung

 

WWH’s Puppy:

HBD

 

WWH’s Coconut Rabbit:

hbd

 

WWH:

ilya

Bc ya my bday can y’all not curse

 

Child of WWH:

Motherfuxker I can’t do that

 

WWH:

Mother trucker

 

Roommate of WWH:

That hurt like a buttcheek on a stick

 

WWH’s Puppy:

AYYYYYYE

 

Roommate of WWH:

For your birthday, hobi and I made something

[Roommate of WWH sent a video!]

 

WWH’s Puppy:

You fuckin

My lung 

I cant

 

WWH’s Dancer:

Still don’t get it

 

WWH’s Coconut Rabbit:

Look up heart n soul nae nae

 

WWH’s Dancer:

Hyung what the fuck

 

Roommate of WWH:

v(°-°)v

 

WWH’s Puppy:

Omg he really

Ily

 

Child of WWH:

Stay in ur lane

 

______

 

[IT’S SO FUCKING COLD]

 

Kook:

U didnt hafta change da name

 

Tae:

i did

 

Jin:

Mmmk

No

YoonMin soothes my soul 

 

Kook:

What

 

Jin:

I just saw them curled up looking at old photos and laughing at them

And like

Zooming in on parts

 

Min:

XCUSE ME

WE JUST PICKED UP AND NO

TaeKook is cuter

Like 

All curled up on the couch watching shitty 3am tv bc they don’t wanna leave and shit

 

Yoon:

Sorry babe but NamJin is the best

 

Nam:

What???

 

Yoon:

Exhibit A

[image file: 56 images]

Visual goals

 

Kook:

Oh man

Holy shit

 

Yoon:

Exhibit B

[Video file]

[Video file]

[Video file]

Cutest interactions

 

Jin:

WHERE DID U GET THESE

 

Yoon:

Exhibit C

[Image file: 3 images]

I have no excuse I just stan them so hard

 

Min:

um

I 

See your point

 

Nam:

Are we fighting cutest couples?

Because I have this:

Yoon:

Get out

 

Hobihobi:

Hahahahah

No

 

[Tae renamed chat to Soff Gay Bois!]

 

Nam:

He’s not wrong.

Wanna get hot chocolate with me Jin-hyung?

 

Jin:

Omw:)

 

Tae:

Imagine ur otp

Fighting over blankets in bed

 

Hobihobi:

Picturing YoonMin

 

Kook:

Picturing GaJevy

 

Min:

2 types of ppl

 

Yoon:

I see us tbh

 

Min:

...yeah so do I 

You big sap

 

Yoon:

We’re my otp idc what ppl say

 

Min:

<3

 

Tae:

3

Three kinds

 

[Jin’s and Joon’s]

 

Joon’s:

Come cuddle me it’s cooooold

 

Jin’s:

Are you trying to seduce me into a healthier sleeping schedule?

 

Joon’s:

Is it working?

 

Jin’s:

Maybe.

Except for one thing...

 

Joon’s:

What?

 

Jin’s:

That sleep is for the weak and I will sleep when I’m dead?

 

Joon’s:

Get over here now

I’m gonna kiss ur face

 

Jin’s:

...and it’s working. See you in ten.

 

[7 tired bois]

 

Yoon:

Me: can u make me rum and coke

Tae: is Pepsi ok

Me: sure

Tae: mixes coke and Pepsi

Wtf

 

Kook:

Pffft

Ily

 

Tae:

Somebody appreciates me

 

Yoon:

The only member of the makane line I appreciate is jiminah

I tolerate tae bc daegu

But I hold vry little affection for kook

 

Kook:

Yoongi and jimin sitting in a tree

 

Tae:

F-U-C-K-I-N-G 

 

Kook:

First comes love 

Then comes marriage

 

Yoon:

Then comes TaeKook with spinal damage.

 

Hobi:

Lol

So I saw dis post

“She was poetry but he didn’t know how to read.”

 

Yoon:

Was he named Jared, age 19?

 

Tae:

AYEEEEE

 

Kook:

AYEEEE

 

Yoon:

*Looks at smudged writing on hand*

Aey?

 

Min:

OMFG

 

Jin:

MIN YOONGI LET ME IN MY BALLS ARE FREEZING

 

Yoon:

Good

Suffer.

 

Jin:

You say that and open the door anyways

 

Yoon:

If u weren’t around, who would cook for Jiminie?

 

Min:

:*

Get urself a guy like this

 

Tae:

Ugggh I couldn’t sleep last nite

I’m too tired for cuteness I will explode

 

Hobi:

That means someone was thinking of u

 

Tae:

Why at 3am

 

Kook:

*Silently panics*

 

Nam:

Plotting murder?

 

Yoon:

That may just be my favorite of your responses joon

 

Jin:

Pffft

Hey guys!

Quick dance practice reminder.

 

Tae:

Ugh

 

Yoon:

X53838

 

Min:

Babe

 

Yoon:

It physically pains me to watch myself dance. I’d rather just watch you.

 

Min:

Babe<3

 

Chapter Text

[fam gang gang]

 

Taeble:

MERRY CHRISTMAS LOSERS

 

Christmas Kookie:

Ayyyy

 

TreeGi:

Merry Christmas guys. See you all when break ends.

 

NamTa Claus:

Where are you for break? I’m with hyung.

 

Jinsle:

Introducing him to the parents bc he’s out and I don’t have to be in the immediate area

 

Hostocking:

Ahhhhhh

I’m in Gwangju 

Sister had a party here

 

TreeGi:

She’s visual goals

 

NamTa Clause:

Bi awakening 

 

Hostocking:

Fr I dot wan hear this ew

 

NamTa Clause:

Yep. Thought I was gay.

Anyway, I’m keeping this chat on mute for holidays. Bye.

 

[7 members muted chat!]

 

[V DAY!!!]

 

Min:

Happy birthday TAETAE!!!!!!

 

Kook:

Damn u beat me

Happy birthday loml

 

Yoon:

prolly not checking chat but hbd

Yes I remembered and no dont hug me

 

Joon:

Can we just appreciate how he KNOWS what Tae is going to say?

Also, happy birthday, Tae.

 

Jin:

Happy birthday!!!!

Hyung sent you a present I hope you see it

 

Seok:

HBD FELLOW SUNSHINE

 

Tae:

Awww ty

<333333

Yes I got it jinhyung

How tf did u kno Yoongleshyung

And ur getting hugs like it or not

Kookah

Ilysm

Chim

:))))

And happy new year

 

[94 Line:)]

 

Joon:

Is that your kink?

Calling people and groaning over the sounds of metal clanking?

 

Hobi: 

no my kink is love and attention and people actually listening to me

 

Joon: 

Unrealistic. Stick to bondage.

 

Hobi:

is that what you did

 

Joon:

 You know it.

 

Hobi:

 fuckin knew it

 

[Boingtan]

 

Yeengi:

So I was in the campus visiting Jiminah and I looked around and I realized

Aurora graduated

So why was I seeing her everyday?

BECAUSE SHE WORKS FOR BIGHIT AND IM DUMB

 

Hekoisk:

Huh how did thWAUT WHAT THE FOOK

 

Jinim:

Hey

Who’s aurora Nyway

 

Noomjan:

It’s actually Adora.

Or Um Jihyun.

But Aurora is her English name.

 

Kioskjun:

I c 

 

[Producers’ Row]

 

RM:

So I was reading Scholar Yi Peers Over the Wall and I noticed something.

 

JHope:

Is that like The Scholar Who Walks the Night?

 

Suga:

That’s a manhwa.

This is classical literature.

 

RM:

I was thinking about how stupid it was and wrote a song. I shared you on it.

 

JHope:

Omg joonah!!!

 

Suga:

This is great

And I’ve had the perfect idea for it

But I have no way in hell of doing it alone

Come to my new studio

 

JHope:

Be at Genius Labs in ten!

 

[CHIRREN OF OUR MEMELORD AND SAVIOR]

 

Wendidi:

So I heard a rumor

That BTS will be bigger bc the hyungline are fully gone by the end of the year

 

Jun:

Fr?!

 

The8:

Yup

 

Brownie:

I’ll ask

 

[Crackhead hours with roommates]

 

Yug:

YO 

 

JK:

WHADDUP

 

Yug:

WHOS A GRAD BY NOW

 

JK:

HYUNG AND HYUNG

 

Yug:

SIN LINE R GONE

94 DIS YEAR

 

JK:

YEET

 

Yug:

K bye

 

JK:

Bye toerag

Ly

 

Yug:

<3

 

[CHIRREN OF THE MEMELORD AND SAVIOR]

 

[Brownie sent a screenshot!]

 

Wendidi:

...

What the fuck is your relationship and I want in

 

Yeriri:

Lol

 

[Sinful Bois]

 

Sloth:

Seok u want coffee

 

Lust:

Yessss

 

Sloth:

Cool

Can u get me one

 

Gluttony:

Pfft

 

Lust:

 im in me mums car, broom broom

 

Gluttony: 

Get out me car!

 

Lust:

 awww :(

wait thats not tae 

 

Envy: 

J I N H Y U N G

 

Lust: 

Meh kinda figured that he was a secret memelord

He lives with Yoongi hyung 

Hang on

 Whos the hottest uber driver youve ever had

 

Gluttony : 

NO.

 

Envy: 

Jiiiiiiiiiiin~ Pweaaaaasssseeee~~

 

Gluttony:

No.

 

Envy: 

I’ll wake tae up in time for practice for two whole weeks!!!!!

 

Gluttony:

 … I’ve never been to Oovoo Javer.

 

Wrath: IM SCREM

Chapter Text

[VALENTINES IS A GAYS ONLY EVENT FITE ME]

 

Jin:

How is the hottest person in the world doing?

 

Nam:

I don’t know. How are you?

 

Single:

SMOOTH

 

Jin:

But I can say as a hobby baker you’re a certified cutie pie.

 

Nam:

You bake? That explains the nice buns.

 

Jin:

I wouldn’t mind you taking a bite out of them.

 

Single:

Uh

 

Nam:

I think I’d prefer eating the other end, if you catch my drift.

 

Jin:

Would you~

 

Single:

Am I the only one watching this?

 

Jin:

AFSKEB

MIN YOONGI YOU FUCKER

 

Nam:

What happened?

 

Jin:

I told him that pesticides can kill him and he

Picks up an apple

Stares at me

And licks it 

 

Single:

YOOOOOOO

 

Kook:

Okay but mood

VLive later in sin aprtment

 

Yoon:

Sigh 

 

 

“What would you call your girlfriend?” Namjoon read off the chat as soon as they were well into the stream.

“Sugar,” Hobi offered, making Yoongi choke.

“No.”

“Honey,” Jimin added with a nod.

“Flour,” Taehyung giggled.

“Egg,” Seokjin added. Hobi nodded again.

“Half a stick o butter,” he said.

“Stir,” Yoongi lazily added.

“Pour into pan,” Jungkook replied. Hobi clapped his hands,

“Prehe-“

“Okay we get it!” Namjoon laughed sheepishly. He turned to them,

“Keep this up and I will end the live, then end you.” Yoongi shifted.

“You’d end yourself first, Namjoonah.”

“I-“ he blinked. Everyone burst into laughter. Yoongi looked at the chat.

“Who do they keep calling Lil Meow Meow?”

“You,” Namjoon deadpanned. Yoongi nodded,

“Got it, Rap Monster.”

They laughed as the member had recently switched to “RM”, but continued to switch around on tracks. He snickered,

“Message received. Weird interaction with the member to your left?”

Yoongi looked at Taehyung and buried his face in his hands. Everyone laughed and Yoongi looked at the camera.

“So I went to his house to drop off something hyung made him because he was sick, and I knocked and said, “it’s hyung, open up!” and he spends the next five minutes telling me about his imaginary friends as a kid and I’m trying to get him to open the door.”

Taehyung laughed sheepishly and turned to Hoseok.

“So we were all playing truth or dare, and I asked for biggest fear. So Suga hyung, his typical emo- ow!”

Yoongi had reached and slapped Taehyung.

“Jungkook is our emo.”

“Hey!”

“So he says ‘myself’, and then Namjoon hyung says ‘being forgotten’. And the Hobi hyung looks around the room and goes ‘I was going to say snakes, but I feel kind of stupid now’,” Taehyung finished. Hoseok looked at him and giggled. 

“Wow, that’s so wild,” Jimin said in a wholly monotone voice, making the group only laugh harder. Hoseok looked at Jimin.

“He was lying down on the floor of the uni studio and I asked what was wrong. He said he had a headache that came and went. Jungkook walked in and he goes ‘It’s back.’ I swear I’ve never laughed so hard.” Jimin eyed Jungkook, evil grin wide enough to split his face.

“V said that birth certificates are basically receipts for human beings. And he asks where we can return him.” Yoongi reaches over to give the makane a high-five as the group laughed. 

 Jungkook grinned at Seokjin.

“So I was listening to music when hyung walks in. And I bet him he couldn’t say bubbles threateningly. Ten minutes later, RM hyung comes in asking why he’s on the roof screaming that word over and over again angrily.” Everyone stared at Seokjin before bursting into laughter.

Seokjin shot Namjoon a coy smile.

“He introduced himself as JoonKim Nam because he was flustered.”

Namjoon wisely said nothing in response and looked at Yoongi on the other end.

“So he was wearing all black when we were at practice and I asked him who’s funeral we were going to. And this hyung looks around the room and goes ‘I haven’t decided yet.’ Okay, what’s next?” Tae read

“Interview Suga hyung!”

“Say anything,” Namjoon turned to Yoongi.

“We are living on a giant floating rock in a space with no real end. And you want tiny humans to memorize vocabulary words.”

“That, my dear friends, is poetry,” Namjoon clapped. Hoseok rolled his eyes.

“The kind that makes me wanna go outside and scream like a madman.”

“Uh, ‘like a madman’, Hobiyah?” Seokjin giggled. Hoseok gasped.

“HYUNG!”

“If V, Jinhyung, and Jungkook were drowning... who would you save?” Hoseok tried. Yoongi shrugged.

“My time and effort?”

The others laughed before they settled in for the rest of the stream.

 

———-

[HOBI DAY]

 

SCREM:

JHOOOOOOOOOOOOOPE

JHOOOOOOOOOOOOOPE

 

Hobi:):

Wat

 

SCREM:

Happy birthday loser♡

 

Jinnie٩( ᐛ )و: 

Happy birthday Hobi yah!

 

Chim(๑>◡<๑): 

Happy birthday hyung!!!♡

 

Kook: 

Hbd

 

JoonieMon: 

Happy birthday, Hobi!╰(*´︶`*)╯♡

 

TaeTheV: 

Hapoy birthday hoesok

 

Hobi:): 

LMAO THAT TYPO THO

 

TaeTheV:

How much would sum1 pay for a ons

asking for a friend

 

Kook:

Taehyung you’re not gonna sell a ons

 

TaeTheV:

i’m literally not hoseok just messaged me and asked

 

Hobi:):

What the fuck

Keep that stuff secret dude!!!

 

JoonieMon:

I’m going to change the subject.

I relate to Belle.

She loves books and seeks the biggest and best. She loves people for their souls.

 

Chim(๑>◡<๑):

I relate to tinkerbelle

Bc she needs attention or she dies

 

SCREM:

Lmao 

 

[DANCE SLUTS]

 

Hoesucc:

BigHit: are any y’all straight

Us: lol no plenty bi tho

BigHit: any y’all single

Me: sighs

 

Leeza:

Pffff

Loooool

 

Yugurt:

Lovebirds

 

Leeza:

CAW CAW BITCH

 

[Click Click Bang Bang]

 

Kookie:

NARUTOOOOO

 

Taehyungie:

SASUKEEEEEEEE

 

Yoonie:

...

 

Joonie:

No.

 

Yoonie:

J HOOOOOOOOOOOOOPEEEEEE!!!

 

[TaeTae is offline!]

 

Jinnie:

Lol

 

Seokie:

I need relationship advice

Joon?

 

Joonie:

Just because I’m dating Jin hyung does not mean I know how it happened.

 

Yoonie:

Don’t look at me

Jiminie and I decided it’s better if he takes charge of most of our decisions

 

Jiminie:

That is true. This dummy once decided to take me on a surprise date before a test

It would be cute if the timing wasn’t shit

 

Yoonie:

Yes but you love this dummy

 

Jiminie:

I do<3

 

Yoonie:

<3

 

Kookie:

Cute but not helping

Jin hyung?

 

Jinnie:

I’m not great for advice

Can I interest you in a sarcastic comment?

 

Yoonie:

Bullshit

 

Jinnie:

?

 

Yoonie:

You give good advice damnit

 

Jinnie:

Awww TY babe

 

Yoonie:

Ew

 

[Memetan]

 

Joon:

Socrates on a pure respect level.

 

Tae:

Ewewew he never bathed

 

Joon:

Purely respect, I’d give him a handjob.

 

Yoon:

Lmao

Plato

 

Joon:

Plato was obsessed with image and I’d be uncomfortable.

 

Yoon:

You’re literally gorgeous but k

Aristotle?

 

Tae:

Uhhhh maybe idk

 

Jin:

Tf are you three doing

 

Tae:

Pythagoras!

 

Jin:

So ur ignoring me

 

Yoon:

Can F OFF

He would have been okay except for the fact that he treated his followers like shit

Hard pass

Democritus?

 

Tae:

CAN HMU

 

Joon:

Fair.

 

Yoon:

Understandable have a nice day

 

Kook:

He feels like he’d be a player

 

Yoon: 

That’s why once is fine

But not a relationship

 

Min:

But he could be my sugar daddy and take me around the world

 

Yoon:

Ok but true

 

Jin:

Is someone willing to tell me why the hell you’re talking about fucking long-dead philosophers?

 

Yoon:

No

 

Jin:

...k 

Anyway I need y’alls help

 

Yoon:

?

 

Jin:

So BigHit decided to help me and Tae get in on the acting scene bc why not

 

Tae:

Lmao I forgot abt that

I’m in a KDRAMA FUCKERS

ITS CALLED HWARANG 

 

Kook:

Sidndodndheb

Meek end

Ishejeheu

 

Yoon:

“Meek end”

But congrats

 

Kook:

I keep autocorrect on these days fite me

 

Nam:

And you still misspell the word “fight”?

 

Min:

 ACCCK TAEEEE! JINNIE!

GOOD JOB!

 

Seokie:

YAYAYAYAY!!!!

I just tuned in but omfg congrats you guys!!!!

 

Nam:

Congratulations Tae! Congratulations Jin hyung!

Anyway- What are you gonna star in, hyung?

 

Yoon:

Straight to the point

 

Jin:

I AM GLAD YOU ASKED!

I

KIM SEOKJIN

WILL BE STARRING IN A 

DRUMROLL PLEASE

 

Kook:

DRUMROLLS EXCITEDLY

 

Jin:

LGBTQ+ DRAMA

Ok caps lock off and realtalk

I’m gonna be a cute closeted gay school idol who is dating the school female idol- then falls in love with a loner guy 

Who... drumroll please?

 

Min:

Papapapapapapa ba baba papapa ba baba papapa ba ba BAHHH

 

Kook:

Ur not Hobi hyung

 

Seokie:

LMAOOOO

 

Yoon:

Okay that’s ur drumroll

 

Jin:

Is a warlock. He’s gonna be a warlock who fights evil demons. And I am gonna help him when I discover powers of my own

 

Yoon:

Classic KDrama ending?

 

Jin:

Yup:) But our powers all have food names ehehehe

 

Seokie:

This drama is made for u wtf

What’s it called?

 

Jin:

Sweet Boys

Bc the kiss scene happens after I learn my most ~powerful attack~

 

Nam:

im sorry what

 

Tae:

Lmao he dropped the grammar

 

Jin:

Kiss scene, Joonie. Relax- there’s only one actually charged kiss scene in the whole thing and that’s this one. Everything else is cute lil pecks.

 

Yoon:

Besides- if he only cared about looks and personalities in a guy, he wouldn’t be your type joonah 

 

Jin:

You’re my soulmate :* dw about it

 

Kook:

Awww

Jealous hyung is cute

 

Min:

What would you say if it was me in a drama, hyung?

 

Yoon:

That I’d be promoting it daily on twitter? And telling you how proud I am?? 

 

Min:

A drama with a kiss scene?

 

Yoon:

I trust you:,) Though I will try to avoid strangling the love interest upon meeting them

 

Seokie:

PROTECTIVE YOONS COMES OUT TO PLAY

 

Yoon:

Call me that again

I dare you

 

Nam:

What did you need help with?

 

Jin:

I need to gain some weight for the role bc we’ll be performing softer scenes first but imma need to lose it tho

 

Nam:

Does this mean...

S O F T S E O K J I N ????

I am dead

Round cheeks will kill me

 

Jin:

Cutie

Check that I didn’t give him an aneurism, yoongichi

 

Yoon:

K

 

Jin:

I love potassium

Very responsive

Like that text

 

Yoon:

And y’all say I’m the salty one

K he’s in the studio

Face down on the floor 

Mumbling 

“Cute Seokjinnie~”

Over Nd over

 

Jin:

I am in love with this wall of text?

Anyway- ideas? I need this to be healthy weight I can lose cleanly

 

Tae:

Tapioca

 

Kook:

And pudding!

 

Jin:

Really?

 

Kook:

Yep! Pudding is tasty and you never realize how much you end up eating so you don’t feel too bad about it

 

Tae:

Lmao tru

 

Jin:

Good to know

 

Min:

Tapioca helped me gain back weight after I pushed myself too hard

It’s good for you and not insanely filling

 

Seokie:

Yoongi hyung and I force fed it to him 

I’d never seen hyung pout to get what he wants but when he does it is scary how hard it is to say no to him

 

Tae:

I wanna see!

 

Yoon:

Give me a reason

But yeah- tapioca is a good idea

 

Jin:

Thanks guys!

Chapter Text

———

I have a headcannon that BTS have insult competitions 

———

[SUGA DAY]

 

ChimChim:

 Happy birthday, love.

 

JoonJoon:

Happy birthday, hyung! Are you seeing anyone special today?

 

SugarSugar: 

Nah. My big brother might drop in, but I’m spending the day with you idiots.

 

ChimChim: 

You love us

 

SugarSugar: 

I love *you, Jiminie.

Joon and Hobi are okay too I guess

 

HobiHobi:

“You guess”

Happy birthday hyung

 

JinJin:

Happy birthday dork

 

SugarSugar:

Yet I’m cooler than u

 

JoonJoon:

Oi

 

TaeTae:

Happy birthday hyung!!!!!!!

 

BunBun:

Hbd

Whatcha doin

 

SugarSugar:

Looking at Twitter

Ppl found my birthday so it Suga day now

It would be flattering if it wasn’t creepy

 

BunBun:

LMAO

Hey hyung?

 

SugarSugar:

Which one u soggy walnut

 

JoonJoon:

That’s my petname. :(

 

SugarSugar:

Fine

*Which one u shitstained alligator  flap

Also, that’s creepy as fuck Joon

 

JoonJoon:

It is my petname and I’m proud of it!

 

SugarSugar:

Gross U Sock Mustard

 

BunBun:

Ew

 

HobiHobi:

U absolute ripped pencil grip

 

SugarSugar:

Tasteless worm 

 

HobiHobi:

Greasy twig

 

SugarSugar:

Sphincter hound

 

HobiHobi:

Deranged trousers

 

SugarSugar:

Thot canoe 

 

JinJin: 

What are they doing????

 

JoonJoon:

He has a tradition to have a dumb insult competition with whoever insults first/back on his birthday. I got horrifically roasted last year so I’m sitting this one out.

 

MinMin:

This is actually hilarious I-

 

HobiHobi:

Slutty cock box

 

SugarSugar:

I’ve used that one last year you utter Crotch Possum

 

HobiHobi:

You can’t claim words you utter thundercunt

 

SugarSugar:

Insulting women. As a bi I must declare that you’re a little rat bitch nob goblin

 

JinJin:

Nob goBLIN EYE-

 

HobiHobi: 

You slut-shamed me first you complete dickweasel 

 

SugarSugar:

Whatcha gon do bout it u absolute shart knob

 

TaeTae:

What the heckles am I watching

 

BunBun:

It’s beautiful 

 

HobiHobi:

This revoltin granny bag tryin to roast me

 

SugarSugar:

Did you mean:  A cum waffle trying and failing to roast King Min Yoongi

 

MinMin:

Yoon-Gi! Yoon-Gi! YOON-GI!!!

 

TaeTae:

U cheering for ur mans

Cute

 

MinMin:

We are aware

 

BunBun:

Shhh I wanna watch this

 

HobiHobi: 

Reporting inappropriate suggestion u twinky twat bag

 

SugarSugar:

Don’t try me you slut-brained, wobble-legged, squirrel-fucking, microdick douche hammer

 

JoonJoon:

Oh sHIT

 

BunBun:

Teach me ur ways hyungie

 

HobiHobi:

I-

Don’t pile shit in like that u cat vomit

Running out?

 

SugarSugar:

It’s easy to insult u 

U complete sleaze donkey 

Don’t think I didn’t notice your spazzing out u dumb witted withered dick

 

HobiHobi:

Let’s stop my ego can’t take anymore:(

 

SugarSugar:

Min Suga- 3

NamSeok- Nothing

 

JinJin:

U really are a demon

 

SugarSugar:

:*

Chapter Text

[Soft Seokjinnie Stans]

 

King:

Uhhhh

Tapioca worked well

Fanclub Leader:

Whssbusbsjshsjsnsjjshe

 

Fake Casual Fan:

Miss Joon? Miss Joon?

OMAHGAWDSHEDEAD

 

King:

Love you too baby

 

Actual Casual Fan:

Looking good hyung

 

King:

Aww yoongichi

 

Actual Casual Fan:

Ew

 

[Bangya Bangya]

 

Ooka Kooka:

Yo Jin hyung What the fuck

 

Innie Jinnie:

uwu

 

GayTae:

What ahhwpwned

 

Ooka Kooka:

What happened is that hyung thought it would be funny to leave me soup with pan fried pollock floating in it alongside a box of zongzhi

I’m not a fuckin cannibal!

 

Uga Suga:

U eat cinnamon rolls tho

 

Minnie Chimine:

Lmao

 

Ooni Joonie:

What the hell, love?

 

Innie Jinnie;

;*

 

Obi Wan KaHobi:

I don’t get it

 

Innie Jinnie:

Jeon- the pollock

Jung- the zongzhi (they call it Jung in parts of China)

Guk- the soup

 

Uga Suga:

...why tf did you put that much time an effort into a pun that you’d have to explain?

I’d just have left a sheet of gim by ur door

 

Innie Jinnie:

I...

I wasted so much time

 

Obi Wan KaHobi:

So is it vore for someone else to eat the meal?

 

[Uga Suga has kicked Obi Wan KaHobi’s out of the chat.]

 

Chapter Text

[Dark and Broody]

 

Broody:

I need your help hyung

Can we fill the chat with back and forth insults so nobody sees my plans to surprise tae

 

Dark:

Broken trackpad 

Don’t let him see your chats 

 

Broody:

It’s because I trust him you absolute fucknumpty

 

Dark:

Making up words now?

Expired tee shirt smh

It’s not about trust it’s about some semblance of privacy

 

Broody:

Old shriveled wart

He’s my bf

 

Dark:

Yellow slut bottle who doesn’t understand that there can be boundaries 

 

Broody:

Take that back

U utter thot  

 

Dark:

That’s nothing

Ugly scrotum canoe 

 

Broody:

Complete child smh

 

Dark:

Ur the overgrown fetus

 

Broody:

I’m taller than you 

Snotbox

 

Dark:

Scuse me for not being the height of stupidity

 

Broody:

U kelp donkey

Tae and Jinhyung are around my height

 

Dark:

I stand by what I said shit for brains

 

Broody:

Joon hyung is taller than me

 

Dark:

Can you read

 

Broody:

iq 148????? Bitch????

 

Dark:

Tell that to Jin hyung’s kitchen, our studio, and his sunglasses

That he broke

With his face

He ain’t shit boo

 

Broody:

Tfw you’re arguing to defend ur hyung but ur opponent makes a good point

 

Dark:

Oooh big word

 

Broody:

Shuddup

 

[Dance Kings]

 

Size Queen:

Okay who changed my name

 

Mr. Flexible:

It fits u good Chim

hhhnG AH HYUNG rIghT thEre OOh you’RE SO bIG

 

Manolo:

Give me my chatname back:(

 

Size Queen:

Hobi hyung.

 

Mr. Flexible:

Yes Chimmy?

 

Size Queen:

Change my name before I tell hyungie

 

Mr. Flexible:

Uh huh

 

[Bangya Bangya]

 

Minion key:

Jung. Ho. Seok.

 

Kim Seokjin (wtf):

???

 

Junglesuck:

It’s fixed uwu

 

John John Cook:

No it’s not

 

Junglesuck:

WELL IT IS NOW PLEASE DOKT KILL ME ILY

 

Kim Nam June (so close):

lol

 

Kim Seokjin (wtf):

??????!?!?!

 

[Dance Kings]

 

[Mr. Flexible has changed Size Queen’s nickname to Dance Angel!]

 

Dance Angel: 

I approve

————

 

[ARMY STANS UWU]

 

RMusic:

I just saw the new update, the unit feature was taken away. 

 

Jimin&out:

Meh

We never used it anyway

 

Yoongi:

Huh

Ok

 

Jinglebells:

Okay

a) wtf who named me this it’s not winter

b)Yoongs ur screenname is boring

c) are we ever gonna keep consistent names in this chat 

 

HoeBI:

NO

 

Jimin&out:

BLOCKED

 

Yoongi:

REPORTED

 

TaeBae:

U gusy  s ct liek a throuple smtimes

 

HoeBI:

Ew

 

Jimin&out:

EW

 

Yoongi:

ew

 

TaeBae:

SEE

 

RMusic:

I have... seen the light?

 

Jinglebells:

What would we call them? SopeMin?

 

HoeBI:

Sope is our subunit name tho

 

Yoongi:

Yah and our first song finna be called shower

 

TaeBae:

EYE-

 

MuscleTwink:

YoonMinSeok?

Like YoonMin with Seok tacked on

Or YoonSeok with a Min in the middle

 

Jinglebells:

Yes

YoonMinSeok or bust

 

Jimin&out:

Tfw they’re arguing over a ship name with you ur bf and a mutual friend with u in that chat

 

TaeBae:

Tfw you use “you” and “u” in the same text

 

HoeBI:

SHEBEIENE EYE-

 

Yoongi:

Tfw you and your bf are being shipped with the friend both of you have tried to set up in a relationship 

Still sorry Zelo never worked

 

HoeBI:

Idc

Are we just exchanging tfws now

Omg it almost autocorrected to toes

 

Jimin&out:

Are we just exchanging toes now?

 

Yoongi:

WKSNIEDBEISBEISJEYE-

 

HoeBI:

uwu

 

Jinglebells:

Ok

tfw when JHope and Jiminie tag team Yoongichi always laughs

 

MuscleTwink:

R we jus agreeing that YoonMinSeok is he superior ship now?

 

[The J-Hope Support Squad]

 

Dance Dongsaeng:

If it wasn’t so funny, I’d be embarrassed

 

UwU:

TROOO

 

Rap Bud:

Honestly yah

But my name looks like a no homo

In text format

Change it

 

UwU:

NO

 

[2Seok]

 

BigSeok:

Hey Hobi?

 

LittleSeok:

?

 

BigSeok:

Sorry for teasing about it

But you know that if you keep acting like friends nothing is gonna happen right

Chapter Text

[2Seok]

 

BigSeok:

Hey Hobi?

 

LittleSeok:

?

 

BigSeok:

Sorry for teasing about it

But you know that if you keep acting like friends nothing is gonna happen right

 

LittleSeok:

I don’t want to talk about it hyung

 

BigSeok:

All I’m saying is that you like both of them and it’s ok

 

LittleSeok:

Is it really? Is it really okay to have considered him as Ailey my friend only to realize I like him after he gets a boyfriend

And then if that’s not bad enough

Falling for said boyfriend

 

BigSeok:

You can’t control who you fall for

 

LittleSeok:

No

I just had to fall for two people who have a healthy and loving relationship that I helped start

Two people who I have repeatedly denied feelings for and regarded as friends

 

BigSeok:

I knew as soon as you lied about Zelo

How long have you been finding your feelings for Yoongi yah?

 

LittleSeok:

I set him up to get over him

I see Jimin, who i also was starting to like gain a crush on after accepting that hyung was done with emotional love like that and I wanted them to be happy because Jimin makes hyung happy 

And they’re better off like that with just two of them

It’s Jimin that helped Yoongi hyung lose a dependance on his meds

It’s Jimin who opened hyung to romantic love

And it’s hyung who comes to pick Jimin when he pushes himself too far

Why would they need me?

 

BigSeok:

Because you’re the one who links them

I think I’m only noticing it now

But you’ve always been a key part of their relationship

Making fun of you with you or you making fun of them

Helping each other with your respective passions and celebrating as the three of you

So whatever you’re thinking isn’t true

Ok?

 

LittleSeok:

Ok

So how do I turn it off

 

BigSeok:

I don’t think you have to

If we’re starting to notice so are they

Which means you’ll figure your shit out soon enough

 

LittleSeok:

THATS NOT HELPFUL

 

[YoonMin]

 

Gi:

Hey Jiminie?

Is there somewhere we can meet to chat? It’s kinda important 

 

Ji:

Uh sure

I was actually about to text

We need to talk

But I don’t think I can do it in persob huygn

 

Gi:

Are you crying?

Honestly I’m glad to do it over text because I’ve been trembling about talking face to face :/

 

Ji:

A little

It’s just,,,

I think I’ve been in love with Hobi hyung for a long time

And didn’t realize it until today

Like I saw the text from the others and it just hit me

I spend so much more time with Hobi than almost anyone

Even you or tae

And he’s always so kind to me and fun and I really really like him

 

Gi:

And so have I

And while we can rant about how he makes our hearts beat fast we need to sort our bullshit out 

That’s why I wanted to talk to you

 

Ji:

Does this mean we have to break up?

I can’t fall in love with someone also and love you at the same time 

 

Gi:

No??

 

Ji:

What?

 

Gi:

Jiminie

What do you know about polyamory?

 

Ji:

Oh

 

Gi:

Yeah oh silly

Now come over and cuddle while we figure out how to get our man

 

Ji:

We’re really dumb aren’t we

 

Gi:

:,) Yeah we really are

Took forever for us two become a couple and even longer to realize that we’ve basically been a throuple

I mean how long has it been where we’ve been doing something that constitutes a date without Hobi

 

Ji:

hoLY SHIT

We rarely do that anymore ;-;

 

Gi:

Yeah so we’re kinda idiots for not noticing but we’re loving idiots and hobis always completed us

So don’t fret ok?

 

Ji:

:)

Also... can you imagine the sex?

Two rapper tongues and two dancer bodies

 

Gi:

...let’s not think about that yet 

My Hobi affection has started as a heart boner let’s not deal with a dick boner yet

 

Ji:

Swisbejdjen you awkward cutie

This feels too easy

 

Gi:

Honestly we kinda just need to make it official 

It’s already an almost thing anyway

 

Ji:

Honestly... :’)

I just can’t believe it

Like he’s always been there 

 

Gi:

He’s a kind and helpful boy :)

 

Ji:

He is 

And he’s helped both of us through a lot

With my self worth issues he’s always been cheering me on right beside you and tae

And he’s helped you live with your depression by staying with you even on the bad days

And you supported him when he admitted to the odd polarity disorder

How did that happen anyway?

 

Gi:

A long healing head trauma

Never told me how that happened anyway

But it’s better now

 

Ji:

:’) I’m glad

I was worried that night

 

Gi:

I think it was one of the first times I realized that there was no way I could live without him

 

Ji:

Honestly me too

I think a part of me has been in love all along and I drank too much dumb bitch juice

 

Gi:

Same here honestly

Like he’s always been such a friend to me that I never even considered him as a love interest

But never call yourself a dumb bitch or we’re gonna have problems

 

Ji:

;) Yes Sir

 

Gi:

^-^

 

Ji:

Cute

So what do we do now?

 

Gi:

What we should have done when we realized we liked each other

 

Ji:

Talk?

 

Gi:

What else could it be? ^-^

 

Ji:

You’re actually such a drama queen

 

Gi:

You love it

 

Ji:

I really do 

 

[2Seok]

 

BigSeok:

The more you act like you sleep around the more uninterested you look ya know

 

LittleSeok:

I’ve been inactive for three months 

 

BigSeok:

JWBEJE EHEB YOUR POOR BLUE BALLS

 

LittleSeok:

STOB IT

 

BigSeok:

NO

WTF

AMASH TJE BOIS

How long have you been into them???

Yoongichi you liked since you met and Jimin about a week before I started this mess right?

 

LittleSeok:

P much

Hyung is just so soft but tough

He’s been through a lot and he acts like things that bother him don’t but he drops his act for those he cared about

And I remember how much tougher he was when we met but so kind to joon

It made me wanna get to know him 

Took me months and a lot of beer

 

BigSeok:

Haha and once you did?

 

LittleSeok:

A sweet person who acts unbothered but cares so much about everyone 

But is able to move on with his life from the big disasters

Devoted to his craft and his friends

Willing to do things he hates for others

But he was so indifferent to love that I dropped it

Ill never forget the day he stopped with Kihyun and told us that he doesn’t do feelings

 

BigSeok:

Well here we are

What about Jimin 

 

LittleSeok:

It was after I started sleeping around again and he came up to me to ask me for help

Ngl was p interested 

Jiminahs a pretty one you know

 

BigSeok:

Do i

 

LittleSeok:

But I thought he was dating tae until he mentioned liking hyung and I’m no homewrecker so I just befriended him

And saw both the cute little sweetheart who cares for his friends and the tough dancer with a lot of grit and detirmination

Guess who fell for both sides

Afuckingain 

So I thought I was over hyung but I saw him and my heart was like nah bitch

 

BigSeok:

Wtf why didn’t you get with either of them

 

LittleSeok:

They make each other happy

So I took on the role of the supportive friend and never looked back

Honestly, part of me hates myself for not being able to hate either of them for for falling in love 

 

BigSeok:

Have you ever considered that you’re the reason he opened up to other people? You know that Namjoonie is so like Yoongi that them getting along isn’t unbelievable. You’re like him and his complete opposite at the same time and without you he would never even consider liking Jimin. He wouldn’t get along with any of us if it wasn’t for you.

 

 

LittleSeok:

Proper grammar 

Scary

 

BigSeok:

Look. You ever consider that Yoongichi never looked at you that way because he didn’t fuck with feelings?

 

LittleSeok:

What do you mean?

 

BigSeok:

It’s almost funny to look at it like this 

You opened him up to accepting other people

Jiminie opened him up to falling in love with them

If either of you wanted yoongiyah you’d have needed each other

 

LittleSeok:

Why couldn’t I have done both?

 

BigSeok:

Because no one man can do everything

He needed you when he was falling for Jimin as a friend

If you weren’t there- he’d still be the lonely romantically closed off person I met and expected to continue to see

Your friendship helped him get over a lot of his unaddressed or repressed traumas

He said he trusts Joonie with his life but he also trusts you like that you know?

 

LittleSeok:

Yeah

I know

 

BigSeok:

Do you?

Because if I’ve learned anything this week it’s that you’re a better actor than all of us

 

LittleSeok:

...I do

 

BigSeok:

Ring the wedding bells!

 

LittleSeok:

Hyung

Actually wtf

 

[Tea and Cookies]

 

Tea:

Idk why

But I feel like I just set something very very big off

 

Cookies:

Set something off?

Who did  you anger and do I need to hurt them

 

Tea:

Omg no

I just feel like I’ve started something

Chapter Text

[Tea and Cookies]

 

Tea:

Idk why

But I feel like I just set something very very big off

 

Cookies:

Set something off?

Who did  you anger and do I need to hurt them

 

Tea:

Omg no

I just feel like I’ve started something 

 

Cookies:

Ominous 

 

Tea:

Big word

 

Cookies:

Thx

 

Tea:

Okay but like

I wonder what is was

 

Cookies:

I think you might have too but idk what

 

Tea:

You think?

 

[The J-Hope Support Squad]

 

[Dance Dongsaeng changed their name to Chim!]

 

[Chim changed Rap Bro’s name to Yoons!]

 

[Chim changed UwU’s name to Seokie!]

 

[Chim changed the chat name to COMMUNICATION!!!!]

 

Chim:

Well that was exhausting 

 

[Tea and Cookies]

 

Cookies:

Yeah I think so

 

[COMMUNICATION!!!]

 

Seokie:

Actually I was hoping to talk to you guys too

But I don’t think I want to do it face to face

 

Yoons:

We do too

But we want it to be on your terms and this is kinda life-altering decision level

 

[Tea and Cookies]

 

Tea:

I feel like it’s something big 

 

Cookies:

Huge 

But like at the same time not

Ya get

 

Tea:

I fuckin hate that I do

 

[COMMUNICATION!!!]

 

Seokie:

Can we just do it over text?

 

Chim:

I don’t mind 

Okay so I acknowledge that hyung and I are really idiots

 

Seokie:

You’re just letting him say that @yoons

 

Yoons:

He’s not wrong

Seokie we kind just got slapped in the face that we’re in love with you

 

[Joonie and Jinnie]

 

Joonie:

I’m getting a very eerie feeling that Yoongi hyung just said something stupid.

 

Jinnie:

Your hyung sense tingling?

 

Joonie:

Yeah.

So it was either him or Hoseok.

 

[COMMUNICATION!!!]

 

Seokie:

What

 

[Joonie and Jinnie]

 

Joonie:

Honestly it could be both.

 

Jinnie:

True

 

 

[COMMUNICATION!!!]

 

Chim:

You make our hearts go boom boom and complete us

And we kinda want to call you our boyfriend 

 

[Joonie and Jinnie]

 

Jinnie:

Huh.

Do you think Jiminie is with them

Maybe he said smth stupid too

Chapter Text

 

[COMMUNICATION!!!]

 

Chim:

You make our hearts go boom boom and complete us

And we kinda want to call you our boyfriend 

 

[Joonie and Jinnie]

 

Jinnie:

Huh.

Do you think Jiminie is with them

Maybe he said smth stupid too

 

[COMMUNICATION!!!]

 

Seokie:

What

 

Yoons:

We know it might disgust you and we’re sorry if it does and we won’t bring it up again 

 

[Tea and Cookies]

 

Tea:

It’s going to happen

Like now 

But idk what and I’m frustrated 

 

Cookies:

SAME

 

[COMMUNICATION!!!]

Seokie:

What

No

I 

Oh my gojedjej how do I even respond to this

 

Chim:

We won’t bother again if you don’t want us too

 

Seokie:

NO DONT

I just didnt expect this

I’ve been in love with both of you for a long time

Like a really long time

But if alrwsdy kind of resigned myself to being your friend and I’m really happy

 

Chim:

Why don’t you come over to hyung’s

Let’s talk face to face

 

Seokie:

I’m on my way

 

 

Hoseok’s nerves were thrumming. Was this a prank? Were they serious about this? He noted his knees shaking as he used his spare key to open the apartment door. There stood Yoongi hyung and Jimin, staring at the door expectantly. When they saw him, their faces lit up. Those two... despite their kittenish features, they reminded him of excited puppies. Had they always lit up like that at the sight of him without his notice?

“You guys are serious, right?” Damn it, not the first thing he’d wanted to say. Yoongi hyung tugged him inside and closed the door- face close to his. It was so close, he noticed the subtle bags beneath his eyes or the soft pale nose. The sharp pretty eyes that he’d seen widen in excitement, scrunch up in laughter and joy. The expressive dark eyes that could terrify but that he’d seen downturned in tears. Of joy or sadness. This was someone who he hadn’t known his whole life- but he admired him for overcoming and disregarding his past scars to the point that they didn’t matter. Someone who was so strong but so kind. This was the face he stared at, looking at him with a small smile and eyes that told him that he was home.

“More than anything. You know- I don’t think our relationship ever was what it was without you.” What? Him? Blushing? It took all his self control not to touch the beautiful people who he loved- that loved him back!!!- as his face slowly turned to match Jimin’s firetruck red sweater. Huh... well wasn’t the floor fascinating? He kept his eyes glued to the boards as he responded.

“Can I ask how you realized? I- I mean I’ve been in love with both of you forever but I figured I’d rather be your friend because I thought you didn’t see me like that... so I set you up because I’d rather you be happy. Please don’t date me if you don’t love me because I don’t- I don’t want that for you. To be unhappy because you feel obligated.”

“Taehyung,” the shorter two chorused in response instead of answering his confession and feeding his self-hatred, making him laugh and look back up.

“I’m serious,” Jimin whined cutely, and he saw Yoongi hyung smile fondly at the youngest. If he thought about it- the only people he smiled like that to were him, Jimin, and Namjoonie. His brother in all bit blood and lover- as well as him. Maybe he’d always been high on Yoongi hyung’s list of people.

 “He said it was like we were together and the mere idea- like, it had never crossed my mind. But then I realized how you were already there and how you’re so kind to us and how more than half the times we go to the movies or for food or to the studio, you’re with both or one of us.” Jimins face softened further, “And that if it wasn’t for how you’ve protected hyung over the years he never would love anyone and I think it makes me realize you were basically our boyfriend in everything but name.” The words continued tumbling out of him and he found himself smiling at Jimin. Jiminie- who was goofy and sweet and lovable, but could turn straight guys gay. The one who could go from a living mochi to a being of utter sin. But still retained that kindness and love for others, that hardworking grit and passion for his pursuits. He found himself looking at the kittenish eyes that crinkled softly at the edges when they met his. If they weren’t talking like this, as lovers and friends, he would be scolded for having looked his hyung in the eye and as would Jimin. But to hell with societal considerations- he never wanted his eyes to stray from theirs. Yoongi hyung chuckled, snapping his attention to the eldest... who was leaning on his side as they stood awkwardly by the door. He was warm and soft with firmer edges that fit against him like puzzle pieces.

“I wish I could say it was like that for me.” Yoongi hyung’s breath was warm on his neck. “I had seen you as a friend and a friend only. I mean, you’ve been so supportive of me and someone else. But when Tae said it...” Hoseok’s overdrive running brain noticed that his hyung was blushing. Cutie. “I realized that we rely on one another in that we tell each other things. We’re so close and I’ve admired you and your work ethic for so long that I was halfway in love anyway. And when Tae mentioned it, I realized I never did consider it because I’d refused romantic love to your face for so long that seeing you like that felt like betrayal to you. But then hyung mentioned how the two of you make me so happy. And then it hit me that, yeah, I’m not happy without you.” 

“So... TL;DR- we both kinda wanna kiss your face right now,” Jimin blurted out. Hoseok laughed, and moved forward to kiss him. The soft lips on his were nice. And warm.

And then he kissed Yoongi’s lips. They were a little chapped and dry, but he loved them too.

And he felt at home.

Chapter Text

———

 

[Bangya Bangya]

 

Jin:

I’m shook

GUYS

GUYS

WE GOT INVITED TO A MUSIC SHOW

SEJIN HYUNG JUST TOLD ME

 

Jimin:

WAT

 

Jin:

OH MY GOSH

GET THIS:

We won shit before but we weren’t invited bc YG bribed some bitches

BigHit has a Bigass room of trophies they accepted for us but bc we signed we got invited

Omg

 

Suga:

I legit thot u were talkin abt me

 

V:

Ur spelling Daegu bro

 

Suga:

Bro

Idfc

 

[COMMUNICATION!!!]

 

[Yoons changed the chat name to Trio!]

 

Yoons:

How long do you think it’s gonna take em to figure out

 

Seokie:

Two months

 

Chim:

Have a little faith

One and a half

Should we tell them?

 

Yoons:

Idm But it would be funny to wait

 

Seokie:

Troo

 

Yoons:

Are you.... a cow

 

Seokie:

You bet baby boy

Spirting White for you 

 

Yoons:

0.0

 

Chim:

0.0

 

Seokie:

...too far?

 

Yoons:

Just far enough

You know- hyung isn’t home

 

Chim:

Can I watch

Pls

Can I watch

 

Seokie:

Maybe I’ll give you a turn too

 

Chim:

0.0

Chapter Text

[Tea and Cookies]

 

Tea:

Haha Chim is wrecced

Omf yoongz hyung

 

Cookies:

Fr??

 

Tea:

Liek

Neck black and blue and purple dazed puffy lips and waddling

 

Cookies:

Omg

Yo so is Suga hyung

I dropped past the studio to film a dance practice for the Twitter and omf

Hickies up his neck and shifting uncomfortably in his chair

 

Tea:

DID THEY SWITCH

 

Cookies:

I thINK SO

 

[Bangya Bangya]

 

V:

So YoonMin be switching 

 

Jimin:

Omf

It was once 

And nowlksflhghyishsos

It’s Hobi

Imma finna stop this line o thot now bai

 

[Tea and Cookies]

 

Tea:

Ok we were right

Something big happened

 

Cookies:

Only question is what.

 

[Trio]

 

Seokie:

Jin hyung just saw my back 

Lmao he’s so confused Nd I bolted

 

Yoons:

I’m still shocked that Chim was willing to top me

Was exciting tbh

 

Seokie:

You just love subspace don’t u

 

Yoons:

And Domspace 

I wonder how you’d look writhing like that

Chim is Big you know~

 

Seokie:

Fascinating

 

Chim:

As sexy as this is I’m on public and can’t afford a boner

Also lmao how wrecked are we

 

Yoons: 

Well ur thighs are as bad as my neck and my thighs are as bad as your neck 

But we scratched up Seokies back :<

 

Seokie:

I’m fine lol

But this cute side is something I’ve always wanted to explore

Can you help with this chimmi luv?

 

Chim:

Gladly~

 

Yoons:

Well rip my asshole

 

Seokie:

When ur like this I forget why I was scared of you

Then I see ur lighter collection and remember

 

Chim:

I drink to forget but I always remember 

 

Yoons:

Ha ha

I’m a badass but wen I want to be I’m cute as hell and when I wanna be I’m scary

But I digress

I feel like being scary should I intimidate some freshies and pick u guys up

 

Chim:

Cover ur hickies and Sure 

But ur waddle might not help

Hyung you go hard as hell

 

Seokie:

uwu

 

Yoons:

I’ll drive by and y’all can get in 

And I’ll glare at that kid who thinks Hobi is free to grind on

 

Seokie:

His name is Boo Jinki

Have fun >:)

 

Yoons:

Cuties 

Complete cuties

 

Seokie:

All seven  of us have the strongest duality I’m not ok

 

Yoons:

Ye but I’m the furthest

Cute lil bottom squish vs hardass rapper pyro and a thousand shades in between

 

Seokie:

It’s fun to watch ppl scramble in confusion

 

Chim:

It is!

 

[Tea and Cookies]

 

Cookies:

LMAO

 

Tea:

Ehat

 

Cookies:

SUGA HYUNG PULLS UP IN HIS CAR ND SMIRKS AT JIMIN AND HOBI HYUNG

THEY GET IN BUT BEFORE THEY DRUVE OFF HE MURDER GLARED BOO JINKI

 

Tea:

YO THE KID HYUNG WAS COMPLAINING ABOUT

 

Cookies:

YES

 

Tea:

OMF

 

Cookies:

KID LEGIT PISSED HIS PANTS

 

Tea:

SKSKSKS

 

 

 

BooBoo @BooJinki^-^ This Yoongi sunbae just glared and my life flashed before my eyes. Why seoul

 

Bangtan Rights @BTStan @BooJinki^-^ Min Yoongi?!?

 

BooBoo @BooJinki^-^ @BTStan Yeah! Two of my hot dance sunbaes got in his car and one of them pointed at me and his eyes were raging fury 

 

SugaStan @MinYoongiLoverr @BooJinki^-^ Omg did u flirt with jimin

 

BooBoo @BooJinki^-^ @MinYoongiLoverr I’m p sure that the one I flirted with was one gorgeous Jung Hoseok sunbae (tf is ur handle)

 

Yoonseok ftw @S-OOOPE @BooJinki^-^ omg is he jealous

 

SugaStan @MinYoongiLoverr @S-OOOPE  isn’t he already with jimin #sopevsyoonmin

 

Bangtan Rights @BTStan @MinYoongiLoverr we want answers! #sopevsyoonmin

 

Chapter Text

 

[Trio]

 

Yoons:

Sopevsyoonmin is trending

 

Seokie:

It would be funny to break their brains

 

Chim:

Our mans a whole genius

 

Seokie:

Min Suga genius...

 

Yoons:

dONT

:<

 

Seokie:

Suddenly I don’t remember what I was saying uwu

 

Chim:

I have an undercover army account

Should I put the idea out there~?

 

Yoons:

Cute evil genius

Do it

 

7-1=0 @allornone

#sopevsyoonmin a concept: #YoonMinSeok 

 

Bts rules @btsfanuwu

#YoonMinSeok we found our solution

 

[Trio]

 

Seokie:

Damn Army works fast

I love them uwu

 

Yoons:

*Taehyung voice* Army are all queens or kings or rulers of unspecified gender and THAT’S the tea hunny

 

Seokie:

I’m lov u

 

Chim:

Lbr he’d just say queens

 

Yoons:

U right

And I’m lov u too

 

Bangtan @bts_twt

#SUGA hyung: *V voice*All ARMY are queens, kings, or rulers of unspecified gender. And THAT’S the tea hunny<3 #J-HOPE

 

[Trio]

 

Yoons:

Hobi...? I fucking love you a lot 

 

Chim:

Same :,)

You wanna take a turn trolling ARMY?

 

Yoons:

^-^

 

7-1=0 @bts_twt

Not @ Seokie for taking tiny pieces of conversation but then again so has Jiminie #SUGA

 

[Trio]

 

Chim:

You fucking mastermind

 

Yoons:

Nah love

Mastermind fucked me 

And you for that matter

 

Seokie:

hYUNG

Ok but that was a nice touch

Jiminie?

 

Chim:

>:)

 

7-1=0 @bts_twt ok but it wasn’t on THIS account #JIMIN

 

GimmieSuga @soft93 @bts_twt JIMIN HAS AN UNDERCOVER ARMY ACCOUNT?!

 

7-1=0 @bts_twt @soft93 we all do #J-HOPE

 

GimmieSuga @soft93 so BTS noticed me time to die

 

7-1=0 @bts_twt @soft93 please don’t :( #SUGA

 

 

7-1=0 @allornone hahah I had this handle before they did

 

SugaStan @MinYoongiLoverr @allornone did they know?

 

7-1=0 @bts_twt @MinYoongiLoverr @allornone Oh we did~ we should thank you for ~all~ your ideas #JIMIN

 

 

[Trio]

 

Seokie: 

I’m not even mad he used our names that was GREAT

 

Yoons:

:,)

 

Yoonseok ftw @S-OOOPE IM SHAKING WHAT DOES THIS MEAN

 

SugaStan @MinYoongiLoverr @S-OOOPE  SHEBEIDBEJEJE SHSK

 

Bangtan Rights @BTStan @MinYoongiLoverr WAIT ONE IF US COULD BE BTS AND WEVE BEEN INTERACTING THE WHOLE TIME

 

Bts rules @btsfanuwu @MinYoongiLoverr OH MAN HOLY SHIT

 

7-1=0 @bts_twt So I have some dongsaengs to yell at :) #JIN

 

 

[Trio]

 

Seokie:

...

 

Chim:

....

 

Yoons:

...

Shit

Chapter Text

 

[Bangya Bangya]

 

Jin:

YOONGI HOBI JIMIN GET UR ASSES HERE NOW

 

Suga: 

What

 

Jin:

What the hell are you guys doing?!

 

J-Hope:

I don’t know

 

Suga:

NaN molla

 

Jimin:

gUYS ><

 

7-1=0 @bts_twt This just in- #JIN is lame~~~

 

[Trio]

 

Yoons:

Jiminie?

You’re amazing

 

Chim:

You go!

 

7-1=0 @bts_twt So in other news #J-HOPE is a sunshine :>

 

7-1=0 @bts_twt And now for the weather- fluffy clouds like #JIMIN ‘s personality

 

[Trio]

 

Seokie:

Awww

 

7-1=0 @bts_twt Some days the people we care about lavish compliments on each other and it makes me happy #RM

 

7-1=0 @bts_twt OKAY CALLING ALL ARMY LETS GIVE AFFECTION TO THE BEAUTIFUL HUMAN WE CALL JOONIE #JIN #WeLoveOneKimNamjoon

 

7-1=0 @bts_twt I am here for this! #V #WeLoveOneKimNamjoon

 

 

7-1=0 @allornone So BTS really be havin a love fest huh

 

7-1=0 @bts_twt Join us! #J-HOPE

 

 

 

 

[Trio]

 

Chim:

Wanna prank the shit out of the others?

 

Yoons:

I am Here For This

 

Chim:

You know how ppl have been talking about Hobi getting sum latelyy

 

Seokie:

Yh but that sum would be love thx

 

Chim:

Cute

 

Seokie:

I know

 

Yoons:

...are you implying we make it look like one of us is cheating with Hobi?

While the other has no idea?

 

Chim:

Ding dong

Cuz like if they ask u guys u say ur dating and they’ll lose their shit like 

OMG WHAT ABPUT YOONMIN

Bitch YoonMinSeok is where it’s at

 

Seokie:

That’s gonna be fucking hilarious 

 

Yoons:

I’m in

Chapter Text

[Bangya Bangya] 

 

Jin:

Wahh~ Hobis been having fun lately

 

RM:

Wrong chat, hyung.

 

J-Hope:

I mean yuh but what about it

 

Jimin:

Ooh~ topping or bottom?

 

Suga:

Is it a

Yknow

Multiple time thing?

 

V:

Hyung out here asking real shir

 

Jin:

Tae.

 

V:

Right right spill the tea

 

J-Hope:

Uh

I mean

I wouldn’t mind doing it again if he’s willing

 

Suga:

That’s good

 

[Trio]

 

Chim:

Hyung that sounds so shady I’m so proud

 

Seokie:

I mean I joke about his acting but damn

 

Yoons:

>:)

 

[Dance Hoes]

 

Glutes:

Have you guys seen Hobi hyung?

 

Boneless:

I’m with Yoongi hyung jiminini... smth wrong?

 

Glutes:

Nah I was justut curious

You guys have been spending a lot of time together lately

 

FabDab:

They have?

 

TallBoi:

Really? I’m still scared that y’all r friends

 

Jklol:

That’s where hyung has been lately?

 

Glutes:

Yup! They’re such good friends!

 

 

[Trio]

 

Seokie:

I almost feel bad

 

Chim:

I don’t

 

Yoons:

Me neither

 

Seokie:

Yeeeah I don’t really

 

[Dance Hoes]

 

FabDab:

Damn 

He’s been getting some and spending more time with Yoongi sunabenim?

 

Jklol:

What a life~

 

[YugKook]

 

Psycho:

It’s odd

But bam has me thinking

 

Masochist:

New

 

Psycho:

Shut up

How does Hobi have the time to do both?

 

Masochist:

Hang out with hyung so much and have so much sex with our daily lives?

No clue

 

Psycho:

Huh

Ok

 

Masochist:

Yeha ok

 

[Trio]

 

Chim:

Yug and Kookie are texting back and forth

Looking cross the room

They look worried

 

Yoons:

Interesting~

 

Chapter Text

[Bangya Bangya] 

 

V:

Wahh Chim u top hardcore

 

Suga:

I literally just said my bruises are from falling down stairs

You can ignore him Jiminie

 

Jimin:

This keeps happening :<

When did you get so clumsy hyungie?

 

Suga:

I don’t know haha

 

[Trio]

 

Seokie:

That was so shady I love

 

Chim:

:>

 

[Tea and Cookies]

 

Tea:

Those weren’t bruises from falling lolol

They looked like they were hickies

 

Cookies:

Idk maybe they were just embarrassed

 

Tea:

Chimcham tells me everything tho

 

Cookies:

Ok look

Yug pointed smth out to me 

 

Tea:

What

 

Cookies:

Ok idk how this looks but there’s a small possibility

Teensy tinsy

That Yoongi hyung is cheating with Hoseok hyung

 

Tea:

WHAT THE FUCK ILL RIP HIS DICK OFF

 

Cookies:

STOP IDK FOR SURE

WE COULD BE ASSUMING WRONG

 

Tea:

I’ll wait for evidence

But if you see something incriminating- you tell me

Got it?

 

Cookie:

Yeah

 

 

[Literal Child and Crusty Bitch]

 

Kook:

You see it too right

 

Jin:

I hate this chat

What do I see

 

Kook:

How often is Yoongi hyung home anymore

 

Jin:

Not very tbh

He and Jimin have been having a lot more sex lately 

 

Kook:

TMI 

And idk if it’s Jimin

 

Jin:

Wdym??

 

Kook:

Jimin doesn’t too much according to tae

But hyung always looks wrecked

 

Jin:

Power bottoming exists Kookie

 

Kook:

Limping doesn’t come from that

 

[Pout Language]

 

Jinnie<3:

Hi Minnie:)

 

Minnie~:

Hyung!!

 

Jinnie<3:

Can I ask you a question?

I’m making a script for an MV but I need some info

 

Minnie~:

Okie~

 

Jinnie<3:

Do you power bottom a lot and how does Yoongi look after?

 

Minnie~:

Uh

That’s kinda private

But let me tell you it’s so cute

His eyes go droopy and istg the gaze he gives me could burn my skin it’s so hot

I’m not really a person who bites a lot that’s more him but i scratch sometimes

I always feel p bad about it but he thinks it’s fine

 

Jinnie<3:

Do you top a lot?

 

Minnie~:

Uh no lol

I mean I do switch sometimes but i prefer bottoming- it’s so nice to feel taken care of uwu

 

Jinnie<3:

Uh ok

That’s really helpful

 

Minnie~:

No prob hyung!!

 

[Literal Child and Crusty Bitch]

 

Jin:

Jimin doesn’t leave a lot of hickies 

Or top a lot

 

Kook:

Shit

 

Jin:

But we still don’t know if they’re just being shy ok

 

Kook:

I don’t know anything right now and that’s the problem

 

Jin:

This is Yoongi

Softie Yoongi who has so much love to give and pined for ages after Jimin

The one who softens up at his NAME

 

Kook:

Yeah

Yeah you’re rigjt

He could have set them up or walked in and he’s just being awkward at the worst coincidence 

 

Jin:

Bingo

And if he is confused

We can sort it out 

Like

Set Hobi up to get a bf so they spend less time together

 

Kook:

Yeah

I just feel bad Bc I know they’re close and super playful with each other and we could be ruining their friendship

 

Jin:

Better that than ruining the best romantic relationship Yoongi’s ever had

Even if things are awkward they’d sort it out 

 

Kook:

Yeah we shouldn’t have any hang ups about it

 

Jin:

That’s right so we will fix this ok?

 

Kook: Well we need to fix his shit soon because if this is true tae will rip his dick off

 

[NamJin]

 

Lovely:

Uh is something weird going on with yoongichi?

 

Dork:

Not that I know of, why?

 

Lovely:

Don’t get mad ok?

 

Dork:

Um

Sure?

 

Lovely:

Kookie and I think that there’s a possibility he’s cheating with Hobi

I mean they’re both good people and this could be such a bad mistake but they need to stop if they are 

 

Dork:

What evidence do you have?

 

Lovely:

They hang out so much so how does Hobi have the time he does to get laid so much? And Hobi has a huge crush on Yoongichi, even when he acts scared of him for jokes. Also- I have on good authority that Jimin does not bite or top very much but the bruises that are clearly hickies plus limping? 

 

Dork:

Ok, let me just read that wall of text first.

Shit, that’s really convincing. But it’s Hyung and Hobi...

 

Lovely:

What do you mean?

 

Dork:

Hobi isn’t the type to cheat. He was cheated on in high school, remember? And Yoongi hyung loves Jimin so, so much.

 

Lovely:

He also had a fear of commitment for years

 

Dork:

I didn’t think about that. But if that’s the case, and he’s using the affair for both the physical pleasure and to distance himself from Jimin, wouldn’t he be colder with him?

 

Lovely:

I guess you’re right

I just don’t know what to do

They’re both my friends but if Yoongi is doing something wrong he can’t string along Jimin 

 

Dork:

How about this: I won’t let them be alone together. Does that ease the worry? 

 

Lovely:

Yes

Thank you<3

 

Dork:

Chapter Text

[Trio]

 

Chim:

Jin hyung keeps asking me creepy sex questions 

He’s trying to convince himself it’s all from me uwu 

 

Seokie:

Lmao kook keeps trying to set me up by pointing out guys and telling me to ask em out and gets mad when I say I’m not interested in them

Jin is just keeping me away from hyung

Wbu

 

Yoons:

Nah Joon just won’t leave me alone

I miss you guys :<

 

Chim:

When ur soft and cute like this it takes me back to Hobi hyung pretending be scared of you for banter

 

Seokie:

I was actually scared

 

Yoons:

Really?

 

Seokie:

Yeah just because I knew you’d actually do things you say cuz you’re a man of your word

And when you’re very very angry it’s hard to remember the cute side

(Even tho I think pissed hyung is hot as sin)

 

Yoons:

(/0//0/)

Oh

 

Chim:

Idiots

 

Seokie:

You love us

 

Yoons:

Yeah

 we’re your idiots 

 

Chim:

:,)

 

 

 

[DBoos]

 

CypherChild:

Heeeey hyung

 

AgustD:

No I’m not giving u a part in cypher

 

CypherChild:

R00D

But not the point my b

How are things between you and Chim

 

AgustD:

Aren’t you guys bffs

You should know things are going well

I love him a lot

 

CypherChild:

That’s good

 

AgustD:

Is that all

 

CypherChild:

I’m glad to see nothing has changed

Bye bye

 

[Trio]

 

Yoons:

Tae is suspicious now too

That’s all four

Chapter Text

 

[Trio]

 

Yoons:

Tae is suspicious now too

That’s all four

 

Chim:

Shall we up the ante?

Have yall flirt in a GC without me or smth

 

Seokie:

I have just the thing

I’ll tell you when I pick you up for juice

I’m gonna need a nice big hickey~

 

Chim:

It’s odd but I get the same things with the same people lmao when we just chilling

I get boba with hyungie juice with u ice cream or mcds w tae coffee w namjoon hyung  dokbokki w Jin hyung and pizza w kookie

 

Yoons:

Huh

 

Seokie:

We eat other foods on dates though~

I’m glad you guys like that little French place 

 

Chim:

Coq au vin is actually the juiciest chicken ever~~

 

Yoons:

Speaking of chicken...

Jin hyung won’t shut up abt the new  mediterranean place’s chicken 

Shware-something 

Wanna check it out all three of us

 

 Seokie:

I’m in!

 

Chim:

Me too<3

 

[SugaMon]

 

Walnut:

How are things between you and Jimin? 

You know, your boyfriend?

 

Cat:

Odd q

But ppl need to stop asking me thqt

And stop texting we’re on a date 

 

Walnut:

Oh... then why did you pick up?

 

Cat:

I thought you were hsomeone else

 

Walnut:

Who?

 

Cat:

gtg jimins being cute

 

Walnut:

Oh, ok.

 

[NamJin]

 

Dork:

You just might be right about Yoongi hyung and Hobi

hyung what do we do

Chapter Text

 

[Trio]

 

Chim:

It’s going too slowly

We need smth obvi

 

Seokie:

Tae found a way to see thru the genius lab peephole

If he sees us sleeping on top of each other w vv puffy lips he’ll blow his top and jump to it

 

Yoons:

If you want to kiss me just ask~

 

Chim:

Why are you two sO FUCKING CUTE

Ok- texting tae 

Chop chop <3

 

[SEOULMATES]

 

Chim:

Taeeee

 

TaeTae:

Yee

 

Chim:

Can u do me a favor and check if I left my earbuds in the genius lab??

 

TaeTae:

Sure!!!!!!

 

[Trio]

 

Seokie:

I think tae saw us

 

Yoons:

I’m telling you

He’s not going to keep quiet anymore 

 

Chim:

I don’t know...

Tae is the kinda person to make a GC on the side like a  fanfic character

 

Seokie:

Lets make a deal

I’ll agree to something you want

 

Chim:

Oh me too~

 

Yoons:

I’ve wanted to dress you two up pretty for a while

 

Seokie:

Oh gladly~

 

[DBoos]

 

CypherChild:

I fucking told you to stop so I’m going to console Jimin and come right back there and kill you 

You complete dickwad how could you fucking do this to Jimin

He’s the best thing that ever fucking happened to you 

You sick fuck

 

[Bangya Bangya]

 

V:

Ok I’ve had enough

I’m saying this now in the chat in front of everyone

 

Jimin:

Woa you’re writing serious

 

V:

Jimin

Yoongi is fucking Hoseok

 

Jimin:

He gets fucked more than he does fuck

But what abt it?

 

V:

Wh

I just told you your boyfriend is having sex with another guy

 

Jimin:

Uh yeah but I’m not jealous

That would be hypocritical

 

V:

Wut

 

Jin:

Who are YOU having sexual relations with?!

 

Suga:

Hobi

 

J-Hope:

Present!

 

Jimin:

Yh it’s great

But it’s best when it’s all three of us

 

Suga:

It’s also the wildest 

 

J-Hope:

Yum

 

Jin:

So you two are just regularly having threesomes with another dude?

And fucking on the side?

How wild is ur sexlife geez

 

J-Hope:

Rude

 

Jin:

What?

 

Jimin:

Hobi’s just more than an extra dick :<

 

Jungkook:

Hold up

Are you dating him

 

Jimin:

Take a guess Sherlock

 

V:

Well shit

U poly my b

Congrats ig??

I’m kinda pissed that nobody told me but I’m more relieved that ur not being cheated on

Sorry for accusing hyungs

 

Suga:

Nah it’s cool

We waited for how long it would take y’all to notice before we got bored and Jiminie came up with it

 

J-Hope:

He’s our cute evil genius

 

Jimin:

:>

 

Jin:

Why do you use that smiley Jiminie

 

Jimin:

Yoongi hyung does

 

Suga:

And I use it cause it reminds me of Hobi and is therefore cute

 

V:

Aww

 

Jungkook:

Hold up

That allornone account is Jimin isn’t it

 

Suga:

Ding ding ding someone buy the kid a soda

 

Jin:

Okay relief and congrats over

YOU LITTLE SHITS

IM GOING TO GUT YOU

 

Suga:

Harm a skin cell of their bodies and I gouge your eyes out :)

 

J-Hope:

That’s what I meant the other day

 

Suga:

...ok fair

 

V:

?

 

[Trio]

 

Seokie:

That means Yoongi hyungie was right about how tae... so he wins, right?

 

Yoons:

You know what it means if I win~~

 

Chim:

Come over~ I already have a sock on the door 

 

[Bangya Bangya]

 

Jin:

Okay isn’t that a relief

Also the smiley thing was cute

 

Jungkook:

Me, attempting to be half as cute as that:

:] Look tae its you!

 

V:

That kinda looks like Yoongi hyung being awkward

But thx

 

Jin:

How much you want bet he’s making that face rn

 

Jimin:

Rgays bor yhw gaceubhes makingvgv

 

V:

Uh you okay Jiminie?!

I’m coming over

Shabebhs

There is a fucking Sock on our door

 

Jungkook:

Oh EW

 

V:

Puh-lease

We had wild, kinky, sex when you had to wear handcuffs during that traffic violation questioning

 

Jungkook:

They didn’t need to know that

 

V:

:3

 

Jin:

Excuse me.

What was this about a traffic violation?

 

Jungkook:

I was trying to avoid an accident by violating a traffic law and drove into a taxi :/

I paid for his car and stuff

Nobody was hurt!

They just took me in for questioning to make sure I wasn’t dui or smth

 

Jin:

What about mY CAR?!

 

Jungkook:

Oh it’s a minor fender bender lmao

Don’t make a big deal out of harmless things like that cuz I can fix it

Why is Joonie hyung curled up in a ball rocking back and forth

 

Jin:

He’s relived lol

He panicked the fuck out when he realized his friends were having sex

 

V:

To be fair it’s an awkward position

I would have been in shock

Looking back at old interactions and wondering how often they would leave and bang

 

Jin:

/bang/

 

Jungkook:

BANG!

Bangya Bangya Bangya!

 

Jin:

Are u kidding me

Ur such a fanboy 

 

Jungkook:

Shuuuut up

 

Jin:

I AM YOUR HYUNG DAMMIT

I’m changing the subject now, how was your move into the dorms?

 

V:

They’re so nice! But why can’t I share a room with my boyfriend?

 

Jin:

The same reason I can’t. They don’t want us getting caught having sex.

 

Jungkook:

I mean they know we have boyfriends

 

V:

Ye but I don’t want them to see or hear that

 

Jungkook:

Yeaaaah fair

 

[CHILDREN OF OUR MEMELORD AND SAVIOR]

 

HahaHani:

This chat is nearly dead

 

BamBam:

Lmao I missed this

 

The8:

So many ppl left the chat :,(

 

Brownie:

Well yeah

People haven’t really been super nice to each other lately :(

Writing mean things or trying to start drama :(

 

IreneQueen:

I heard one chick started talking about something like eight years ago for attention 

Like a chick people know

She’s spread some major defaming rumors before some true and some fake

 

The8:

Aren’t you glad to be far far away

 

IreneQueen:

Yes

Petty people who bring the world and internet in on private affairs for attention are sickening and I don’t even want to be in the same city as them 

 

BamBam:

Even if the things were true?

 

HahaHani:

It’s trill the past

And if there’s such a problem then contact them or bring them to court

Not aim to ruin their life

 

BamBam:

What a bitch

 

Lalalisa:

I come here to find u calling someone a bitch

Where is the ho 

 

BamBam:

Biffle :,)

Scroll up

 

Lalalisa:

But I’m lazzzzy

 

BamBam:

No ur not

 

Lalalisa:

Damn u rite

 

[Bangya Bangya]

 

Jin:

You know what I just realized?

People know about Yoongichi’s past but don’t care

And don’t care how most of us are in homo relationships 

 

V:

I see that bi and pan visibility and I salute u

 

Suga:

Well duh

Unless the musician did something really bad like murder, rape, or severe harm to another person 

who cares

If you only care about the idol’s image you were never in it for the music 

 

Jimin:

I’m glad ARMY are like that~

 

J-Hope:

Tbh there are probably some toxic army too

But you can’t have a 100% good fandom so I’m glad that ours mostly is

 

V:

Well duh

Toxic Stans are everywhere 

I wonder how many fujoshi fans we have 

 

RM:

Not a healthy train of thought, my friend.

Speaking of thought, Hobi hyung and I should be done with college after these tests next week.

 

Suga:

If you think for a SECOND that we aren’t celebrating you guys I will set your bed on fire

 

J-Hope:

Eye-

 

V:

Honestly hyung is kinda like a superhero 

Tragic past

Public name and persona

Helping people celebrate themselves 

 

J-Hope:

So Bangtan are his sidekicks!

 

Suga:

Bitch please

We’re a team and y’all are the source of my powers

 

Jimin:

Wtf that was so sweet

 

Suga:

I can honestly say I wouldn’t be the person I am without y’all 

 

Jungkook:

Are you drinking hyung?

 

Jimin:

LMAO 

JUNGKOOKAH 

 

V:

HAHAHAHAHAHSHUDNS

 

J-Hope:

Wtf he done roasted hyung

 

RM:

Yup.

 

Suga:

Nope

But if you must know I had sex with my boyfriends and I can openly call them that and now I’m highly emotional 

 

Jungkook:

BLEACH MY EYEBALLS

 

RM:

I DID NOT NEED TO KNOW THAT

YOU’RE MY BEST FRIENDS

 

J-Hope:

>:)

 

Jimin:

YoonMinSeok: 100

The World: 0

 

V:

 

I can’t even argue that lmao

Chapter Text

7-1=0 @bts_twt

They moved us from a one room dorm to one with multiple so we don’t share rooms with our boyfriends. Small issue... that was A Mistake <:

 

7-1=0 @allornone

IM SHAKING WHAT DOES THAT MEAN

 

7-1=0 @bts_twt

@allornone They did it wrong :/

 

7-1=0 @bts_twt

Confusing Y’all Is The Actual Best #JIMIN

 

7-1=0 @bts_twt

Y’all? Are you tired Jiminie~~ #SUGA

 

7-1=0 @bts_twt

Well he SHOULD be if he ditched us two when we were going out tonight #J-HOPE

 

7-1=0 @bts_twt

I Am Suddenly Asleep #JIMIN

 

Lmao she ghey @SopeAndBabbles 

WTF GOING OUT ARE YOONMINSEOK CANON

 

A BITCH IS SHOOK @abitch

BITCH WTF BTS EXPLAIN URSELF 

 

HE SAID YALL @BangtanGays

YALL JIMIN AND JHOPE SHARE A ROOM 

 

I have laughed my ass off @FlatAss

So either jhope is a good bro and switches beds with Suga a lot or they dating

 

JK97 @GoldenMakbae

Okay I’m not saying YoonMinSeok is canon but that’s exactly what I’m saying

 

[Bangya Bangya]

 

Jungkook:

@yoonminseok wtf stop being so loud and giggly >:(

 

V:

@jungkookie wtf stop being such a cute grumpy >:(

 

Suga:

We’re messing with Stan twitter

Wanna join?

 

Jin:

Sick invite

I’m omw 

 

Jungkook:

...

Me too 

 

7-1=0 @bts_twt

“Ditched us” like Sope didn’t go back to him to hang out in JiHope’s room #JIN

 

7-1=0 @bts_twt

YOONMINSEOK EXPOSE TIME IM HERE FOR THIS #JK

 

Kithes @SugaKitty

ALERT ALERT THEY USED SHIPNAMES

 

Bts on my tl @itsagoodday

OMFG ITS CANON

 

7-1=0 @bts_twt

Oh? Cut it out or I’ll make it jinkook expose time #SUGA

 

Jaehee @INeedUBTS

Okay so they clowned us big time

 

Jisungie @SungSongStan

DAMNIT BTS

 

Army and proud @rockiee

Me: *Sees ship names* omg they canon

BTS: Nah fam we  just playin

 

7-1=0 @bts_twt

What do you even have on us :/ #JK

 

7-1=0 @bts_twt

Two words: Wooden. Spoons. #J-HOPE

 

7-1=0 @bts_twt

ε=ε=ε=ε=ε=ε=┌(; ̄◇ ̄)┘#JIN

 

Ken @Kennith

Wtf jin 

 

7-1=0 @bts_twt

@Kennith Okay 1- when’d you get a Twitter 2- you already know

 

JinHit ent. @LuvJinnie

Wooden spoons? TELL THE FANS WE WANT TO KNO

 

7-1=0 @bts_twt

Also stop trying to expose me for hanging out with my favorite boyfriends #J-HOPE 

 

Taetaeflower @VVVVV<3

Did he just out BTS as ot7 

DID HE?!?!?!?!

 

I ADORE U @THE8

They’re his favorite he’s such a good bff 

 

Eunnie @ChaEunWoo

Omg they really finna play with my YoonMinSeok heart like this 

 

7-1=0 @bts_twt

We’d better be your favorite 

>:( #JIMIN

 

7-1=0 @bts_twt

Seokie just said we were. Take that guys. 

 

Me big gay @ChaosG

HE. CALLED. HIM. SEOKIE.

 

Ahn Dan-I @KittyChat

SOOOOOOOPE

 

Forever @JennieRubyJane

Jfc how unsubtle can you get

 

Young  @Lalalisa 

Okay so either ot7 is real or they’re playing with us ;)))

 

7-1=0 @bts_twt

You make it sound like all seven of us are dating 「(ㅇㅈㅇㄱ) Not happening. I don’t have the patience for you five. #JIN

 

The light @yangbitch

Stop playing with us you adorable fuckers

 

Balance, fuckwads @yinyangbitches

S-So it’s not ot7?????? #YOONMINSEOK BETTER BE FUCKIN REAL

 

Dark side @yinbitch

STOP MESSING WITH US OMG

 

7-1=0 @bts_twt

Nammie wouldn’t join a poly relationship without telling us would he... #J-HOPE

 

7-1=0 @bts_twt

True. He’d tell us then gloat about being the bigger person for actually TELLING us. #SUGA

 

7-1=0 @allornone

Okay I smell a story there

 

Loser. Oteori. @JiiiDragon

Are they hinting at smth or clowning us again

 

7-1=0 @bts_twt

Our salty bff :,) Even tho Suga is Salty he’s sweet and spicy too so it balances out. Nobody gets salty like Namu gets. #J-HOPE 

 

7-1=0 @allornone

Lmao did #yoonminseok become a thing and not tell the others

 

Ddu Ddu @JisooTurtleRabbitKim

Was that a fuckin flirt

 

Du @Roseallday

Omfg that was so unsubtle 

 

(K)DramaQueen @HHLBB

JHOPE JUST FLIRTED WITH SUGA RIGHT IN FRONT OF MY SALAD

 

7-1=0 @bts_twt

I’m going to kick you #SUGA

 

7-1=0 @bts_twt

That’s a step up from kill ;))) #J-HOPE

 

7-1=0 @bts_twt

You two are SO cute with each other :/ #JIMIN

 

7-1=0 @bts_twt

You love us #J-HOPE 

 

7-1=0 @bts_twt

I don’t know WHY #JIMIN

 

I want that @ShineOnMe

The trio... flirting.... my heartu 

 

Bibbadi bobbadi @RunAwayWithMe

Yeah so #YoonMinSeok is real what about it?

 

7-1=0 @bts_twt

So I was asked my thoughts on poly relationships and my answer is that they’re beautiful when they’re loving and communicative. #RM (1/2)

 

7-1=0 @bts_twt

When more than two people love each other they shouldn’t have o chose between social conventions and their love. (2/2) #RM

 

The light @yangbitch

Unfollow me now this is all I will be talking about for the next year

 

Dark side @yinbitch

Tattoo that on my forehead 

 

Balance, fuckwads @yinyangbitches

I’m in a poly relationship and honestly this makes me feel so valid 

 

7-1=0 @bts_twt

Lets be real all of us are at least a little poly for army #JIMIN

 

7-1=0 @bts_twt

Um duh? ARMY are beautiful unique and talented #SUGA

 

Purple Rain @ChocolateIceCream

Does that mean I can call myself Mrs. min now

 

 TakeMeNowDoBongSoon @isaidwhatisaid

I am... so flattered

 

ZimzalabimZimZim @TeeHeechul

Wtf they’re so nice

 

7-1=0 @bts_twt

How did we start out messing with army and end with complimenting them? #JIN

 

Stan loona @PowerCouple

They... just admitted that

 

Broadway freak @MUDBOARDS

Lmaoooo classic bts

 

7-1=0 @bts_twt

We’re love them :3 #JK

 

7-1=0 @bts_twt

You memechild #JIMIN

 

7-1=0 @bts_twt

And what about it? #JK

 

I Wanna Be a Rock and Travel @Iwannabearocka1

I HEARD THE *ariana grande voice* in that WTF

 

Yes we exist @IntrovertedGemini

BTS are cryptic bitches but they cute cute 

 

7-1=0 @bts_twt

@IntrovertedGemini Awww Thanks!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[Resting Bitch Face]

 

Busan:

I Am A Dumbass, An Idiot, Vaccinate Your Children Against My Bullshit 

 

Daegu:

Are... you ok?

 

Busan:

No

I Am A Dumbass, An Idiot, Vaccinate Your Children Against My Bullshit 

 

Daegu:

Is that saved in your phone or smth

 

Busan:

Yes

Look I did a stupid ok?!

 

Daegu:

And that stupid is?

 

Busan:

I agreed to help with another project

 

Daegu:

Dumbass

 

Busan:

I know

Like I already have three major commitments and one thing to do for one of them as well as a shit ton for my classes but they begged and now I’m stuck

 

Daegu:

You Are A Dumbass, An Idiot, I Will Vaccinate My Children Against Your Bullshit 

 

Busan:

Hhhhhh

Good

 

Daegu:

Did Hoshi make fun of you 

 

Busan:

I think there’s a video of me screaming into a pillow on his Snapchat :/

 

Daegu:

Good

 

[Bangya Bangya]

 

V:

Anyone care to explain why Yoongi hyung is cackling at his phone

 

Suga:

Woozi did something stupid

 

Jimin:

...spill

 

Suga:

Rmbr how u asked after how he was bc u know about him and we haven’t heard from him

 

V:

Yes...?

 

Suga:

So basically he’s been super busy dealing with Bullshit and accidentally added more to his to do list 

 

Jimin:

LMAO

 

Jin:

ಠ_ಠ

 

Suga:

@Jin yup

 

Jungkook:

Is that why the video of him screaming into a pillow was on hoshi’s snap

 

Suga:

Yup

 

V:

Wait who told you

 

Jungkook:

Mingyu duh

 

Jimin:

Yeah ur 97 friend tingz 

 

J-Hope:

Pls never use that word unironically 

 

Jimin:

I wasn’t :/

 

J-Hope:

Didnt u help him hide a crush on that jeonghan kid by letting him pretend to have a crush on you 

 

Suga:

ಠ_ಠ you’d know all about hiding crushes with fake ones right?

 

Jimin:

*cough*zelo*cough*

 

J-Hope:

Don’t make fun (● ˃̶͈̀ロ˂̶͈́)੭ꠥ⁾⁾

 

RM:

What’s with the cute emoticons? 

 

Suga:

Dare from jin

 

Jin:

*-hyung

 

Suga:

No

 

Jin:

Pwease (⁎⁍̴̆Ɛ⁍̴̆⁎)

 

Suga:

Get that cursed thing out of my sight 

 

Jin:

(☝︎ ՞ਊ ՞)☝︎(´༎ຶོρ༎ຶོ`)˚✧₊⁎❝᷀ົཽ≀ˍ̮ ❝᷀ົཽ⁎⁺˳✧༚(΄◉◞౪◟◉`)

 

Suga:

I hate you 

 

Jin:

R-Rebecca it’s not what you think 

 

Suga:

I won’t hesitate bitch

 

Jungkook:

That’s so OLD

 

Jin:

If the meme fits I sits

 

Suga:

I can’t just leave him hanging:/

 

J-Hope:

My older boyfriend, folks.

 

Jimin:

My oldest boyfriend, folks.

 

V:

@rm

 

RM:

(-_-)

My boyfriend, folks.

 

Jin:

Nuuuuuu not you too Joonie

 

V:

(● ˃̶͈̀v˂̶͈́)੭ꠥ⁾⁾ LMAO

 

Jin:

?

 

V:

I’m p sure nu means naked in French 

That’s what bogummie told me today anyway

 

Jimin:

Opportune timing 

 

V:

Yup!

You sayin something there Jinnie hyungie? ;))))

 

Jungkook:

...

My boyfriend, folks.

 

V:

BETRAYED

Chapter Text

[Project BLACKPINK]

 

ChoreographerJung:

I’m brushing the dust off this chat to ask after online sales? I know people are majorly confused why you haven’t been picked up. If the sales are good we can convince bighit to pick you up

 

Jennie:

We got an offer from yg 

But he’s going to have the songs repackaged by YGE if we make it our intellectual property

 

ProducerMin:

Nice

 

ChoreographerJung:

!!!!!!!!

We are GOING to celebrate that

 

ProducerKim:

Congrats!

We should be able to sell them to you girls. Considering that most of the pr was managed by you guys and it was your efforts- BLACKPINK is mostly yours.

 

Lisa:

Keyword being mostly- you still made the songs 

 

ProducerMin:

That being said, if I get word of yge mistreating you I will ruin the company

 

ProducerJung:

And how are you gonna do that?

 

ProducerMin:

I have contacts with a bone to pick with yge and contacts in dispatch.

I can work things out

 

Jisoo:

Has anyone told you today that you’re terrifying at times?

 

ProducerMin:

Among other things :)

 

Lisa:

Also... are you ever going to explain those cryptic tweets?

 

ProducerMin:

@ChoreographerJung ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

 

ChoreographerJung:

@ProducerMin ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

 

Rosé:

That’s a no then

 

ProducerKim:

They’re poly. But if you tell anyone that, I have plenty of my own dirt on you four. Alright?

 

Jennie:

Was @allornone Jimin?

 

ProducerKim:

Bingo.

 

Lisa:

Honestly that’s really funny

Can we help?

 

ChoreographerJung:

Go ahead :p

 

ProducerMin:

Put that tongue back good sir or I may find myself having to kiss you

 

ChoreographerJung:

I can’t seem to find myself complaining 

 

Lisa:

Please

Flirt elsewhere_:(´ཀ`」 ∠):

 

Rosé:

And what do we do in front of bambam?

 

Lisa:

He deadass flirts with yugyeom we don’t flirt here

 

Jisoo:

I can change that ;)))

 

ProducerKim:

Sigh. All these relationships within the chat and I’m here alone.

Without my boyfriend.

Boo hoo 

 

ChoreographerJung:

Sis eye-

 

ProducerMin:

Will it break brains for people to see us interact? I feel like playing with army a little more today.

 

Jennie:

:)

 

 

 

 

Jendukie @JennieRubyJane

@bts_twt I SEE YOU

 

Before you go go @wakemeup

@JennieRubyJane UM

 

Crown on my head @iloveit

Yo who is @JennieRubyJane

 

Feeltherhythm @smthunforgettable

 Lmao what is jendukie doing @JennieRubyJane

 

7-1=0 @bts_twt

 @JennieRubyJane When I said we should interact more on Twitter this wasn’t what I meant :/ #SUGA

 

Forever @weryoung

@bts_twt WHAT DID YOU MEAN IM SHAKING

 

Glob @fieryred

OMFG BTS AND BLACKPINK ARE PALS

 

Frien @cheribomb

I WILL GO DOWN WITH THIS (friend)SHIP

 

7-1=0 @bts_twt

She’s liking ship posts. Love that for her... #RM

 

Brain more fried than suga’s hair @ayjaemin

YO SHES LIKIN SOPE JIHOPE YOONMIN AND YOONMINSEOK INDISCRIMINATELY 

 

Stan loona @ughthefeels

SKSKS ANNA OOP-

 

Tea slurped @chirper

BTS AND BLACKPINK ARE FRIENDS?!?!?

 

Eunnie @ChaEunwoo

@chirper I WOULD DIE FOR THAT COLLAB

 

Litchi @Lalalisa

@JennieRubyJane @bts_twt ψ(`∇´)ψ

 

7-1=0 @bts_twt

My friends are utter children #J-HOPE

 

Loser. Oetori. @JiiDragon

HE SAID FRIENDS I LOVE THIS PLATONIC RELATIONSHIP 

 

I scream my feelings @AHHH

AHHHHHHH LISA JHOPE DANCE COLLAB AHHHHHH JENLISA AND RAP LINE CYPHER AHHHHHHHHH

 

Kreeb @disgustang

@bts_twt somebody explain wtf is going on between #blacktanpinkendan

 

Ello @dondon

@disgustang that is a hideous ship name but it will do #blacktanpinkendan

 

Dark side @yinbitch

Wtf is a #blacktanpinkendan

 

The light @yangbitch

Guys get #blacktanpinkendan trending! We need answers!

 

Jichu @JisooTurtleRabbitKim

@bts_twt Please don’t tell me you [redacted]

 

Vine @grapee

#blacktanpinkendan what was @JisooTurtleRabbitKim SAYING hhhh

 

Yes we exist @IntrovertedGemini #blacktanpinkendan she dead ass redacted the tea

 

7-1=0 @bts_twt

@JisooTurtleRabbitKim Nope. Never. Will not and have not. #J-HOPE

 

7-1=0 @bts_twt

@JisooTurtleRabbitKim Did you need to ask that in the group chat? #SUGA

 

Multistan @kindiepop

YALL HAVE A GROUPCHAT @bts_twt @JisooTurtleRabbitKim @JennieRubyJane @Lalalisa @roseallday

 

Unoriginal smh @isigh

#blacktanpinkendan we need answers!

 

Kats @withak

#blacktanpinkendan I think @lalalisa and the dance line are friends?

 

Chaeyoungie @roseallday

@bts_twt realtalk how red did he get

 

7-1=0 @bts_twt

@roseallday Wouldn’t you like to know ;))) #J-HOPE

 

Kreeb @disgustang

YALL IS THIS A RELATIONSHIP I SMELL #Rope

 

FUCKTS @medon

@disgustang Your ship names are hideous but #Rope is a cute cute couple

 

7-1=0 @bts_twt

@roseallday Very. It helps that he’s pale. #RM

 

Melon @baller123

@bts_twt HOBI ISNT PALE EXPLAIN PLS

 

7-1=0 @bts_twt

Callout post for #RM he keeps calling me pale. #SUGA

 

Cakke @Icecream

WHY WAS SUGA BLUSHING OMFG

 

I wanna be a rock and travel @iwannabearocka1

EVERYBODY SAY SOPE

 

Nom @nom.com

Is it sope or rope tell me pls

 

[Project BLACKPINK]

 

Jennie:

Okay that was top tier conniving and I’m impressed 

 

Jisoo:

Who is posting on the account?

 

ProducerKim:

Just Suga hyung

 

[ProducerMin has changed their name to Yoongi!]

 

[Yoongi changed ProducerKim’s name to Namu!]

 

[Yoongi changed ChoreographerJung’s name to Hobi!]

 

Hobi:

Thank goodness my screen-name was taking half the screen :/ 

 

Namu:

Really...

 

Yoongi: 

I’m reading army tweets

 

Rosé:

They’re shipping me with Hoseok 

 

Hobi:

What’s the ship name

 

Yoongi:

Rope 

 

Namu:

...alrighty then.

 

Jisoo:

Does this shipping bother you?

 

 

Namu:

Every diverse fandom has shipping and I don’t mind it. Tweeting or creating with it is chill. It’s a bit awkward when people @ us though.

 

Yoongi:

Yeah and when people bombard us with shipping it’s uncomfortable 

But honestly shipping is something we use to our advantage and sometimes amusement 

 

Lisa:

So it’s fine when you’re okay for the jokes but...?

 

Hobi:

Some fans cross lines when it comes to shipping when talking to us 

Asking us about sex or talking about relationships that don’t exist like they’re real when we have ours 

Theorizing about me because I’m not in a known relationship makes sense but still

Correct or incorrect leave me alone abt it if I don’t want to talk seriously about it 

 

Lisa:

Yuh

And being okay with it sometimes isn’t being okay with it all the time 

 

Jennie:

Honestly that’s fair

Wait so you called yourself pale and called yourself out for calling you pale

 

Yoongi:

P much 

 

Hobi:

You gonna answer that shitty name?

 

Rosé:

>;)

 

Chaeyoung @roseallday

What is #rope and what is it doing on my tl

 

Shipper @ustsniffer

Y’all she saw it 

 

Inside @wakemeup

@roseallday it’s your ship name with jhope 

 

Chaeyoung @roseallday

@wakemeup lmao there’s already a ship

 

[Project BLACKPINK]

 

Jisoo:

I think Rosie took Yoongi oppas crown

 

Yoongi:

:/ oh no whatever shall I do :/

 

Namu:

See the rope joking is ok like that

 

Jisoo:

Marty im scared 

 

7-1=0 @bts_twt

@rosesarerosie Unsubtle #SUGA

 

Dabomb @ndwhatabtit

YO WHY DID SUGA CALL HER OUT

 

Kink.Lom @kinkierthanthou

OMFG SOSÉMIN??? FMM??? @roseallday

 

KittySuga @yoongiscock

@roseallday how is sex with a dancer ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

 

HoBABYBOY @bottomhope

@roseallday ugh I wonder if Rosé straps Hobi or YoonMin or both fuck ( ◠ཀ◠ )@bts_twt

 

 

[Project BLACKPINK]

 

Rosé:

I saw those posts and I Understand

 

Lisa:

Those names are... something

And do they expect an answer too?!

 

Namu:

See if they were keeping it light or not @ing us it would be fine I guess

Bc it’s imaginary/not being pushed on us 

 

Hobi:

Uh huh 

 

7-1=0 @bts_twt

Suga hyung shouldn’t call people out if he’s gonna get shipped with them:/ #J-Hope

 

Taeflower @boxsmile

IS HOBI JEALOUS

 

Shipper @ismellust

I SMELL POSSESSIVE BF ENERGY

 

[Project BLACKPINK]

 

Yoongi:

@Jennie can you like the third reply

 

Jennie:

Possessive bf energy? Alright?

 

Lisa:

Yeah comments like that aren’t /so/bad

But I can’t wipe that strapping tweet from my brain

 

Shipper @ismellust

GUYS @JennieRubyJane LIKED MY COMMENT AHHHH

 

Tonight @weryoung

Either Jennie ships #sope or she just confirmed their existence 

 

[Project BLACKPINK]

 

Lisa:

Suga oppa: idc that Rosé was more shady 

Suga oppa: messes with fans for fun

 

Namu:

See I’m looking at army tweets that aren’t @ us some of them a raunchier and some are cuter but they’re not crossing the line

 

Jisoo:

So if people are shipping but not shoving it at you it’s fine

 

Yoongi:

It’s one thing if we accept or joke with Stan twitter but another if we don’t want it

But Stan twitter is great for messing with if it’s a joke or acknowledged as not real

I can like ot4 posts if u want to see fans go wild

 

Lisa:

I’m looking at them 

I don’t mind them but it would be awkward to have that shoved at me 

 

Jisoo:

Yeah if I wasn’t playing with them I wouldn’t want to see that

 

Namu:

Bingo 

 

Hobi:

BETTER IDEA @Yoongi 

Like Shitposts about them

 

Namu:

Already doing that. BigHit is gonna be mad.

 

Jennie:

YG will be worse lol

 

Lisa:

Nah they’re probably gonna bank on it

 

Hobi:

A collab will kill our fans

 

Jennie:

Once we’re all established I’ll bring it up :)

YGE said they’re sending documents to allow you total selling

 

Yoongi:

Ah my days of being on BLACKPINK’s exclusive team are coming to a close

 

Lisa:

Lol I’ll miss it

Tbh I rmbr I had to act like I wanted to have sex with you to get ur number

Kihyun oppa is odd

 

Yoongi:

He deadass asked how it was having sex with someone four years younger 

 

Jisoo:

I’d be super uncomfy tbh

 

Hobi:

That’s what unwanted shipping harassment is like

 

Lisa:

I high key feel like calling him out 

 

Namu:

...

Do it.

 

Litchi @lalalisa

Callout post for @killihyun oppa for being a jerk :/

 

SORN @chiini

Omg @lalalisa what happened to you

 

Litchi @lalalisa 

@chiini He wouldn’t give me Suga oppas number unless he thought I was gonna [redacted]

 

USACHAN @takemyuwu

Damn it Lisa is redacting the tea too

 

 

7-1=0 @bts_twt

People are asking a lot about shipping lately. We don’t really mind you guys writing fiction or creating art, because you do you, but please stop shoving it in our faces. We’re happy with our current relationships and it makes us uncomfy. #V

 

FUCK TS @키 위 

Ugh @bts_twt respectful kings

 

BLACKPINK @blink>army

@키 위 Literally how was that respectful 

 

FUCK TS @키 위

@blink>army they didn’t tell us I stop creating or what we were doing is wrong. Just that it’s not real and pushing it on them is making them uncomfy #respectbts

 

#blacktanpinkendan @multistan

@blink>army ur screen name is kinda mean... 

 

ROSÉ ALL DAY @takemechaeyoung

@blink>army aww don’t be starting fan wars :/

 

 

[Bangya Bangya]

 

V:

Was that tweet too much?

 

Jungkook:

No it was fair

 

J-Hope:

Yeah there is a line between joking and making people uncomfortable and some people crossed it 

 

RM:

Don’t feel bad, Tae. You were in your right to say it.

Chapter Text

 

[The 97 Meme Team]

 

BamBam:

Kook

Kook

Trash 

Spitwad McGee! 

 

JKLOL:

Who changed my name

 

Mangyu:

Moi

 

JKLOL:

This is genius and I’m keeping it 

 

Mangyu:

Wait so did ur hyung know about that Woozi video

 

JKLOL:

He accidentally gave himself more responsibilities 

 

Mangyu:

LMAO

Tbh were all in this 13 person GC and what if we became idols like urs 

We could do it

 

YugHug:

Good luck convincing the hyungs

Honestly our Thot7 GC could do it too

 

BamBam:

Jackson hyung would be popular wouldn’t he

 

JKLOL:

Okay I know we’re all handsome with gorgeous friend groups but I’m not helping u all sign

 

YugHug:

Speaking of sign

When is ur debut

 

JKLOL:

They’re looking at the lineup

They might use a really fuckin strange one

 

YugHug:

U want a sexy concept don’t u -_-

 

The8:

It’s kook of course he does

 

Mangyu:

Speaking of sexy

Is tae hyung ok?

 

JKLOL:

I will murder u for that if was anything beyond a compliment 

And yes

He was actually doing it bc Jimin was upset they were shipping his bf with someone else

 

BamBam:

And a female at that >の< ㅋㅋ

 

YugHug:

They’re really bff goalss 

 

The8:

Ur deadass dating ur bff

 

YugHug:

/Platonic/ bff goalsƪ(˘⌣˘)ʃ

 

Mangyu:

Fair ig

 

JKLOL:

Nobody told me being an idol trainee/indie idol and a student would be so much work

Kill me now

 

Mangyu:

I’m in like four clubs and still balancing my classes woman up

 

BamBam:

Yass woman up hunty

 

YugHug:

I mean across gender stereotypes it is the women who are expected to juggle responsibilities better 

And if man up follows stereotypes so should woman up :/

 

BamBam:

Preach babe

 

The8:

BamBam is in Internet Mode again smh

 

BamBam:

tea sis

 

JKLOL:

I just ate a tissue 

 

BamBam:

What the fuck

How the fuck

I’m honestly impressed 

 

YugHug:

And he’s back

 

Mangyu:

Someone help pls

I have this American friend who has a French friend

And she’s teasing back and forth over text with him but they can’t seem to tell if they’re flirting :/

 

BamBam:

Normally when ppl say I have this friend they’re talking abt themselves

 

Mangyu:

Bitch am I American 

And I’m literally an ubergay

 

BamBam:

Could be covering up identities 

 

DK:

jsyk I’m side eyeing u aggressively 

 

Mangyu:

Nah

Noona is a tad worried

 

YugHug:

She’s a Noona huh??? Why was she asking dongsaeng for advice??

 

The8: 

Suspicious 

 

Mangyu:

She?? didn’t?? I asked her what was upsetting her?? and she told me her problem?? not asking for advice??

 

DK:

Oh my! So defensive!

 

Mangyu:

You know I probably would have been better off just asking jungkookie wouldnt i 

 

JKLOL:

Probably tbh

One sec

 

[Jungkock created HELP MY FRIENDS FRIEND HYUNGS PLS!]

[Jungkock added 6 people!]

 

Minniegyu:

What is this

 

Jungkock:

Hyungs mingyu has an American friend with a Problem I need ur wisdom pls

 

Jin&Tonic:

Suddenly I’m here what’s wrong

 

Minniegyu:

My American friend (female) is texting back and forth with a French friend of hers (male). They tease each other a bit and send selfies from time to time and now Noonas worried she’s flirting with him and sending wrong messages.

 

Hope:

Wait r u talking abt amber noona 

 

Minniegyu:

Hobi hyung?!

 

Namu:

Isn’t she your only American female friend?

 

Jin&Tonic:

Somi exists??

 

SugaShooga:

She’s American? I thought she was Canadian 

Nvm

So it’s amber right

 

Minniegyu:

P sure she’s Canadian and younger lol

But Yes 

Help pls

She said she’s been in Korea so long she’s a bit out of touch with the rest of the world :(

Wait why is Hobi hyung here

 

Jungkock:

U asked for help so I got the wisest ppl I kno

 

SugaShooga:

Joon is crying

 

Namu:

It’s like having a little brother say that, okay?!

 

Minniegyu:

You guys are such a fam :,)

But what advice do I give

 

SugaShooga:

Did she swear u to secrecy 

 

Minniegyu:

No

 

SugaShooga:

Flirting and banter has a fine line. As long as she’s careful not to go too far over it she’ll be fine. Jfc it’ll be fine as long as she isn’t trying to flirt. Like if she’s noticing this she’ll notice flirting-flirting. 

 

Minniegyu:

You’re an angel :,)

Thanks!

 

[Minniegyu has left the chat!]

 

Hope:

Angel? It fits you uwu

 

SugaShooga:

Bitch I’m satan and u know it

 

Namu:

You’re pretty angelic, hyung. Just a bit.. rough around the edges.

 

SugaShooga:

you deadass used ellipses in a text sentence with proper grammar

I’m so proud :,)

 

Namu:

Just so you know, I’m pouting at you.

 

SugaShooga:

Good.

 

[Jungkock deleted chat!]

 

[The 97 Meme Team]

 

Eunwoo:

I just found out that I have stans now? Like twitter accounts with my name 

I don’t even have twitter!

 

JKLOL:

You were deadass in kdramas 

 

The8:

My famous friends uwu

 

Mangyu:

Honestly I’d love to do what u guys do

 

BamBam:

It would be fun lol

 

YugHug:

Yes... it would

 

JJ:

Lmao I haven’t seen this chat in forever

 

YugHug:

My idol bro :,(

Where tf were u

 

JJ:

Busy

@JKLOL how tf do u do it

 

Mangyu:

No one knows

Hey is a giant idol group a good idea

 

JJ:

Why is everyone becoming an indie group

Join sm ??

 

The8:

Nah probably pledis or cube

They such shit heads that they wouldn’t give us music Nd shit

So we’d get full choice over the music cuz we’d make it

 

JJ:

Yh but they’d profit

How many ppl r u

 

DK:

13 uwu

And their profit will go to our MVs 

And clothes

 

JJ:

You

Are ducking geniuses 

 

The8:

Woozi hyungs idea

 

JJ:

Honestly I kinda wanna see the worlds reaction to an NCT member in a chat room with a BTS member an actor and five indie idols 

 

DK:

Nah we’d be signed to an asshole company

 

YugHug:

Just not TS ok?

Yh we’d go for JYP so jingling hyung can be junior 

 

The8:

Jingling hyung im crying

 

JKLOL:

Tbh they would be talented groups

 

BamBam:

Hey @JJ

If we debut do it ;)

 

Mangyu:

Smh I was doing it as a serious question but now it feels like a joke

 

Eunwoo:

Go for it man

 

BamBam:

Lalisa is doing it so can we 

 

YugHug:

Oh yeah what was the deal with the rap line

 

JKLOL:

They’re their producers/choreographer

But they’re p gonna sign with yg 

 

The8:

Soooo basement on comebacks and modeling 25/8

 

Mangyu:

He’s gonna say a pretty 2NE1 w no diff but lbr he’s gonna use them solely as models

 

DK:

Yh

He was kinda a dick to them

Tho he is kinda a dicc to begin with 

 

JKLOL:

Suga hyung threatened the company to them lmao

Said to tell him if they felt mistreated and he would demolish YG and help them sign to bh 

 

DK:

Why is he a literal big brother figure

 

JJ:

He is tho XD

 

DK:

@JJ WHATS WRONG

 

Mangyu:

WHERE ARE U

 

YugHug:

THAS THE CODE WYA

 

[JJ shared their location!]

Chapter Text

———

CelebDaily: The Next In KPop

 

NCT Member Attacked, BTS Member, K-Drama Actor, and Five Unknown Friends Come To Aid

 

A censored police report was released an hour ago, citing a member of SM’s biggest boy group was stabbed in an alley by old school acquaintances. According to the report, his last text was a code to a same age friend group chat at 11:20 pm tonight, in which one of the members was a member of BTS, a formerly independent idol group that recently signed to BigHit Entertainment. Another was a recently successful actor. The seven other males in the group chat came to the aid of the NCT member, apprehending the attackers and calling police at 11:25 pm. 

Upon questioning, the group explained that they had met the NCT member through a cousin, who is a friend of another BTS member. The NCT member was admitted to the hospital and the doctors predict a full recovery. The only other injuries of note was the BTS member broke a rib of the attacker.

———

Cut me sum cakke @likeitthicc

Omg a member of BTS is violent??? 

 

You can’t wake up @thisisnotadream

@likeitthicc yo wtf he was saving his friends life

 

Phat uwu @beyotch

@likeitthicc yuh don’t be disrespectful 

 

Milky Rat @chaosghéy

Ugh I love friendship between strong successful men

 

Um Ah Oh Yeah @phatuwu

Literal rt @chaosghéy

 

Who? @iamthedoctor

YALL I WORK AT A HOSPITAL AND I TJIBK I JUST SAW CHA EUNWOO

 

The game begins when @thegunclicks 

YO THE DRAMA ACTOR??? @iamthedoctor

 

Who? @iamthedoctor

YEAH WITH A BUNCH OF GUYS I THINK I SEE BTS JUNGKOOK 

 

Theori @halfbakked

HOLD UP WAS CHA EUNWOO THE ACTOR WHO SAVED AN NCT MEMBER 

 

Is there a shortcut to @stayhappy

Cha Eunwoo get a Twitter Challenge 

 

[The 97 Meme Team]

 

JJ:

Lmao I think we got figured out

JK do me a favor and screw with twitter for moi

 

JKLOL:

Yes sir

 

Eunwoo:

Why are we friends

 

YugHug:

gEt a twITteR

 

Eunwoo:

NO

 

I was as pure as @ariverr

GAYS JK JUST POSTED A PIC WITH CHA EUNWOO AND FIVE OTHER HOT GUYS AND TAGGED IT 97 SQUAD - 1 UMMM??

 

[The 97 Meme Team]

 

The8:

Jaehyun

Jung yoonoh 

YAH

@JJ

 

JJ:

Wot

 

The8:

Istg we goin viral 

Mingyu Nd I just got stopped on a sidewalk 

 

JJ:

Wait fr

 

JKLOL:

Boi we hinted HARD stans aren’t stupid

 

JJ:

Your group deadass mess with them for fun

 

JKLOL:

...

Be nice army is fam

 

YugHug:

Lmai

 

Eunwoo:

Lmao*

 

BamBam:

No lmai he laughed so hard his ass caved in

 

Eunwoo:

Wait wtf is that possible

 

[Bangya Bangya]

 

Jin:

JEON JEONGGUK 

WHY AM I LEARNING VIA INTERNET THAT YOU GOT IN A FIGHT

 

Jungkook:

...

 

Suga:

The safehouse is ready

 

Jin:

You can  dashi run run run but U can’t hide u lil bitch

Chapter Text

 

[Bangya Bangya]

 

J-Hope:

Can we play the lyrics game????

 

RM:

Sure, I’m in.

 

Suga:

Eh what the hell

I’ll do it too

@Jimin ?

 

Jimin:

Sure! @V @Jungkook get online

 

Jungkook:

I hate typing decently when texting 

@Jin hyung?

 

Jin:

Sure why not

Babe go first 

 

RM:

“I’m not numb, I’m just so tired,”

@Jimin

 

Jimin:

“I’m so sick of feeling when feeling rots me inside,”

@V

 

V:

Dark smh

“But with you I bloom”

@Jungkook babe ur turn

 

Jungkook:

“Can you come to me and let me be your person?”

@Jin 

 

Jin:

No thx I have a bf 

“I don’t want to be a something you see and forget,”

 

J-Hope:

“Can I be a someone you care about instead?”

@Suga >.>

 

Suga:

“you’re like a storybook flower, unreal but here,” @Jimin

 

Jimin:

Hyung that’s so pretty 

“a water lily unfurling,”

 

Jungkook:

Why water lilies?

Omfg autocorrect is on for this and my texts look UGLY

 

Jimin:

You only see them in storybooks! @RM go!

 

RM:

“I wish that was me, blooming and bright.”

@V

 

V:

Wtf were not being sad 

“When I open, can you shine on me?”

@J-Hope

 

J-Hope:

“No flowers bloom in darkness.”

>.> hyung halp 

 

Jin:

Sure why not lmao

“So stand by me and be my light”

Makane have at it

 

Jungkook:

I have a NAME

“It’s not selfish for you to lean on me too”

@Suga

 

Suga:

U Still Answered Sooo

“I’ll be your strength if you’ll be mine”

@RM

 

RM:

“So we’ll bloom together”

@Jin 

 

Jin:

“And never be ashamed”

@Jungkook

 

Jungkook:

Yeeeeah im outta juice 

 

J-Hope:

NOBODY MOVE OR TEXT IN SCREENSHOTTING THIS FOR A SONG

 

RM:

I like it! Why not as a single?

 

Suga:

I can’t tell if I’d give it more of Serendipity vibes or spring day vibes

 

Jin:

?

 

Jimin:

Hyung compares the musical tones of songs as a way of categorizing them lol

 

V:

hol up why

 

J-Hope:

He says it’s for inspo

 

Jungkook:

So what did he mean @RM

 

Suga:

I am //right here//

I was asking abt how much of an instrumental u guys want

 

RM:

Welcome to Min Yoongi (hyung) Translations!

*Plugs in microphone.*

Should this be a more youthful and with more of an instrumental? Or more based on the voices of the singers?

 

Jungkook:

Thanks Mon hyung!

 

Suga:

Should I feel ignored 

I feel ignored 

 

V:

Wait how did u know Joon hyung

R u a yoongles whisperer

 

Suga:

Bitch my name is not that hard to type

 

Jungkook:

Wait yeah how do u know

 

RM:

I’ve been his friend the longest?

 

Jin:

Ok fair

 

Suga:

Alright fuck this 

 

[Suga is offline!]

 

Jungkook:

Eye-

Hyung was here the whole time??????

 

Jin:

Wait we weren’t just ignoring him on purpose I thought we were

 

RM:

No? We didn’t see him.

 

Jin:

@J-Hope @Jimin big oof

 

V:

@Suga BITCH DONT CALL ME A BITCHEB

 

Jimin:

I’m crying  he’s so funny

 

J-Hope:

And CUTE 

I can feel the pout

 

Jimin:

We need to cheer our baby up don’t we~~

 

J-Hope:

An idea I can get behind

 

Jimin:

How bout u get behind someone else~~

 

Jungkook:

NasTY

EW

 

RM:

NO

NOT THE GROUO CHAT

HES MY BEST FRIEN DON MAKE ME SEE THIS 

 

Jin:

Babe u ruined the moment 

But also u sluts broke joonie 

 

V:

Babe u ruined the moment

DONT CALL JIMIN A SLUT JIN HYUNG

 

J-Hope:

Wtf why was I not included @V

 

V:

im not gon ask him to LIE

 

J-Hope:

YAH

ILL BEAT YOUR ASS

 

V:

THATS KOOKIES JOB

 

Jungkook:

Hyung wtf

 

J-Hope:

Fml

 

V:

I mean I think they’re texting each other rn 

 

J-Hope:

...

That was too cute ur forgiven

 

 

[The 97 Meme Team]

 

YugHug:

HHHHHH

 

The8:

If it’s one of those convos I’m outta here

 

DK:

U ok there

 

YugHug:

No

Knock me out with a baseball bat in public pls 

 

Eunwoo:

????

 

Mangyu:

He asks ppl to hurt him so he can go to the hospital and not work he’s not THAT suicidal

 

JJ:

Boi I am bi and ready to die

 

YugHug:

why do we have so much work

like life is just digging yourself out of being buried alive while being buried alive 

 

BamBam:

Yh wbk

 

YugHug:

nd im sitting here like 

i work goddamn hard because other people want me to succeed in this even if idgaf and i have to work on shit idgaf about and im so tired 

 

Mangyu:

Fair

 

YugHug:

Life’s bitch and then u die to get faced for ur sins uwu

 

Mangyu:

Eye-

 

DK:

I’m just finna go right down 2 hell

 

Eunwoo:

Are you all okay?

 

JKLOL:

Lmao no

 

[Bangya Bangya]

 

V:

I was watching Kookie text his 97 bros and tbh poor Eunwoo

 

Jin:

Cha Eunwoo? Lee Dongmin?

 

V:

Yuh

He’s like the only sane one in that gc 

 

Jin:

Loooool I was in a drama w him he’s chill

His gf is too tbh

 

V:

What.

 

Jungkook:

I have a friend to beat up for not telling me this brb

 

[Jungkook is offline!]

 

Jin:

Poor kid:/ I was only joking

 

Jimin:

OMG THEN SOMEONE NEEDS TO STOP HIM

 

 

Chapter Text

BamBam:

And that’s how I landed there

Dicc in a fucking blender

Wanna hear how I got out???

 

YugHug:

No sex for a month 

Don’t even type what happened 

Or say it or voice recording

I will blueball you mookie 

 

JKLOL:

Lysistrata gambit? Bitch be original

 

Eunwoo:

Why are you typin like that

 

JKLOL:

Cuz I’m insulting him I should be classy when I do

 

YugHug:

Honestly?

Fair

 

[Bangya Bangya]

 

V:

SUGA HYUNG GIVE ME BACK MY PHONE

-jk

 

Suga:

Lol no

I lov messing with ur friends it’s gr8

 

V:

Are you typing like this to annoy me

-jk

 

Suga:

*Billie Eilish Voice* duh 

 

V:

Sjehdjdneknd 

HYUNG OMFG

 

Jin:

If y’all wanted to know Joon and I are here too it’s a great time

Yo Jimin join us

 

Jimin:

Hobi said he’s coming too

 

V:

GivE ME BACK MY PHONE U LIL BITCHES

-jk

 

Jungkook:

What’s that? Leak all your conversations with Tae to your 97 chat? -KNJ

 

V:

Ive been betrayed

Joon hyung u bish

-jk

 

Jimin:

Is TaeTae adding those

 

V:

Dah

...wya I wanna join 

Lol look just screamed NO liek at the top of his lungs

 

J-Hope:

Omfg I love this

Also when are we set to rehearse our debut song

 

Jimin:

Honestly it’s bop but how fucking petty was Jin with MV

 

Jin:

uwu

Bitch do u know me

 

Jimin:

*gay fear*

Chapter Text

Close to debut... on an unassuming morning after practice...

 

[Bangya Bangya]

 

JIN:

We need to address this now

@J-HOPE @JIMIN

WTF

 

J-HOPE:

Why don’t you ask jimin about that woman hanging over him

 

JIMIN:

I am the gayest gay to EVER gay

I didn’t even notice!

Honestly stop being like this when I see how you act to moonbyul

 

J-HOPE:

She was a dance partner freshman year for CLASS and im helping her get a JOB at bighit and that’s it

Not remotely similar

 

JIMIN:

Oh

My

Fucking

Gosh

 

JUNGKOOK:

@SUGA

@SUGA

@SUGA

HYYYYYUUUUYYNNNNNNGGGGGG

Help:(

 

JIMIN:

Is this how you wanna play

Fine

Then let’s talk about that jooyi chick

You know since you’re ACTUALLY attracted to females

 

J-HOPE:

And what about Taemin hyung?

 

JIMIN:

That was first year!

I can’t believe you

If this is how we play then why don’t we talk a little about your Reputation?

 

J-HOPE:

You’re being ridiculous

 

JIMIN:

Sure

I’m being ridiculous

 

JUNGKOOK:

WHY ARE NONE OF YOU ONLINE

@V @RM @JIN @SUGA

OMFG

 

[THE 97 MEME TEAM]

 

JKLOL:

Uh guys

Sorry to be a bother

 

YugHug:

Stop

Right

Fucking

There

You cannot be a bother you lil bitch

I love you besfriend

U go besfriend

 

BamBam:

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

 

JKLOL:

Thanks,,,

Hobi hyung and jimin are fighting on a group chat and tae is kinda offline so can you guys distract me cuz they’re like my big brothers and it breaks my heart a little to see them fight

 

JJ:

Say no more fam

Truth or dare @YugHug

 

YugHug:

Dare u lil bish

 

JJ:

Scare the crap out of your roomie and send me the video

 

YugHug:

Boi it’s done check ur dms

 

YugHug:

@Mangyu

 

Mangyu:

Bitch u know me

 

YugHug:

Call a rando number pretending to be their v v horny babyboy

Use “sir” and “daddy” and “I’ve been naughty” at least one each

 

DK:

LMAO

[Vid.file]

 

Mangyu:

Real talk ud smash me if i called u whining like that

 

DK:

HE GOT A CATHOLIC PREACHER OMFG

 

JJ:

Well shit act younger for real for real

Ur a bit too old for his demographic

 

BamBam:

OH

MY

F

U

C

K

I

N

G

 

DK:

I cannot believe-

Dude ur catholic mates finna f u up

 

BamBam:

G

 

JJ:

Boi I get away with half the shit I pull

 

BamBam:

O

 

JKLOL:

Dude wtf

 

BamBam:

D

 

JJ:

Respecc to bam he kept tryin

 

Eunwoo:

Hi what’s this train wreck

Oh hey jk

Oh no

 

Mangyu:

T or d @DK

 

DK:

He’s grinning  across the room im scared

Fuck it dare

 

Mangyu:

Buy shit at a grocery store

Moan louder every time the cashier scans an item

 

Eunwoo:

Wtf don’t

 

DK

Ok lemme see

 

Eunwoo:

This is gonna end so fucking badly

 

BamBam:

*buys three hundred thousand won of groceries

*moans raise to demonic screeching

 

YugHug:

Cashier: dude chill ur in a store not my basement

 

JJ:

WHOA

DUDE

 

DK:

Update he said lol ur p cute and asked me out

I said absolutely not wtf

Gtg class is starting

Ok textirng unfrr desj

Whay us punishment fir kidd buy rewstd as n adult

 

Eunwoo:

Wtf

 

JJ:

Death

The answer is death

 

DK:

I harw thar iy workjs

 

Eunwoo:

WTF

 

BamBam:

“Ok texting under desk”

“What is punishment for kids but a reward as an adult”

“I hate that it works”

 

YugHug:

Ugh mook translating is soooo sexy

Makes me wanna sit in his lap and feel him get hard

 

Eunwoo:

Leave the mall Santas alone

 

Mangyu:

WHAAAT THE FUCK

 

Eunwoo:

Too far?

 

JKLOL:

Just far enough

Thanks guys for taking my mind off all this bull shit

 

YugHug:

<3

 

Eunwoo:

Sts were on drugs

Y’all crackheads

 

DK:

And you?

 

Eunwoo:

I am a man of culture

Weed me up Scotty

 

JJ:

Who is the s ur swearing to

 

Eunwoo:

Satan, bitch

 

DK:

UwU daddy

@Eunwoo

I know you’re gon pick dare

Fill a practice room at your agency for balloons and film it for the internet

 

Eunwoo:

If I lose my job im publicly blamin you

[img.file]

 

DK:

HOW YHE HELL WAS THAT SO FAST

 

Eunwoo:

Meet my pals! They helped me after a brief text in a group chat

They’re all backup dancers and really talented ones

[img.file]

These guys are moonbin jinjin and rocky

The rest refused to be in a pic ://

I’m getting in SO much trouble so @JJ

Bitch if im going down so are you

Find a way to leak a cute but TOP SECRET SM secret

 

JJ:

Eunwoo I simultaneously love and hate you right now

Check twitter

 

NCT Official @nct_smtown

ya boi jaehyun is here to expose mark. he calls his mom every night at 20:30 and will even stop practice to do it. also, you boos know it’s MY turn next>:)

 

Eunwoo @eunwoocha

@nct_smtown if you do seokmin for your turn it’ll be full circle

 

NCT Official @nct_smtown

@eunwoocha you’re just mad he made you fill a practice room with balloons i think im gonna torment yugyeom

 

BTS @bts_twt

#JK im both excited and terrified but get off Twitter you two this was chatroom biz

 

 

[The 97 Meme Team]

 

JJ:

@YugHug

 

YugHug:

Do you know me?

 

JJ:

Ok so you messed around with jb that one time right

Tell jinyoung

 

YugHug:

I said dare not suicide

Mook Ily and I may never see you again

 

BamBam:

This dramatic bitch did it in our thot7 chat and hyung was just like

Bitch why tf did you think that was NEWS?

Anyway go

 

YugHug:

@BamBam

 

JJ:

Nuh uh

No s/o’s

 

YugHug:

@JKLOL

 

JKLOL:

Why would I pick truth

Like ever

 

YugHug:

VLive

Now what I want you to do is plan a trip to jeju right when your break starts

@JJ you’re coming too

 

JKLOL:

Ooh valid

Ok so I’m in

Are we having a crackertrip

 

YugHug:

Duh

My dare is to clear ur schedule

 

JJ:

I

AM

IN

BOIS

Ok jk go

 

JKLOL:

@BamBam

 

BamBam:

Hi

Have u met me

 

JKLOL:

Make Jackson hyung jealous

Wax poetic about mark hyung

 

BamBam:

[vid.file]

He’s very into poly relationships he’s also like so trusting about mark hyung

It’s so cute???

 

YugHug:

I ADORE HIM OMG

 

JKLOL:

“Yeah mark is really awesome”

“Dude is yug ok with that amount of attraction to another dude, just making sure”

“Anything he does is hot do what you want if he agrees but I want to watch”

THIS GUY

 

Eunwoo:

So theyre open to threesomes

Good to know:)

 

YugHug:

That

Was vaguely scary

But live ur best life eunwoo babe

 

The8:

GAYS

I CUM WITH NEWS

 

Eunwoo:

Okay but now I’m imagining him cumming a crawling newspaper from his dick I hate you haohao

 

The8:

GREEKS SPELL THOTH AS Θώθ

The deity of knowledge

EUNWOO WHAT THE FUCK

 

JKLOL:

Θώθ what’s this

 

YugHug:

DIE

 

The8:

So what did I miss

 

JJ:

Nothing of value

 

The8:

Is anything in this chat?

You bitches played truth or dare without me!??

Also why is eunwoo wilding today of all days

 

Eunwoo:

Meh

I can’t spend time with you bozos without picking up a thing or two

 

BamBam:

Valid tho

 

 

~~~~

Brief and unwanted AN: uhhh if y’all like my 97 line bullshit I can make a crackfic on the side for y’all

~~~~

 

[Bangya]

 

J-HOPE:

How fucking old are we

Honestly how old are we

I am not going to be petty enough to have a goddamn argument in a group chat

 

SUGA:

Alright, put your dicks away fuckers. Pissing contest is over. We’re dating but if you don’t make up from this dumbass argument in one minute I will personally choke slam both of you into the floor.

 

J-HOPE:

Is that a promise yoon ;)

 

JIMIN:

Well mark me down as scared and horny ;))

 

JIN:

See I want to be mad at him for ending an argument like that but wtf yoongichi

 

RM:

To be fair, this was an argument that started in the practice room because Jimin is so gay that he didn’t realize a coordi noona was flirting with him and Hoseok got jealous. So then Jimin got pissy about Jooyi, Moonbyul, and Jessi. And Zelo, how close he was to him and slept with Yoongi hyung. Which led to shots about Yugyeom, Taemin and someone named Wonho. Also, sorry for not being here jungoo ;-;

 

JIN:

Tbf it devolved from the v beginning I muted the chat and noped right outta there

Moon Byulyi is the biggest lesbian I know

Now apologize and have makeup sex you jealous assholes

 

SUGA:

A Whole Hwasa Exists????

 

V:

Wtf did i miss

 

JUNGKOOK:

That

Joon hyung did that thing again where he recaps an entire argument in sentences and makes us feel like petty idiots just read the tl;dr

 

V:

Chim chim

Boo

Buddy

Soulmate

What the actual fuck this is both adorable and hilarious

Why aren’t they answering

OH

OH

NICE YOU GO CHIM BB GET IT

 

JIN:

Uh DONT WE HAVE PRACTICE LATER NO ONE WANTS TO SEE THAT

 

[The 97 Meme Team]

 

JKLOL:

So good news

They made up

 

JJ:

Bad news?

 

JKLOL:

I saw a very touchy post makeup jihope and now I want to drink all the bleach on campus?

 

Mangyu:

Lol i forgot they were poly

Vernon, Dino and Haechan are poly and they’re babey but also kinda a mess

 

JKLOL:

Relationships are so hard :/

 

JJ:

Bitch u got a beautiful boyfriend and stable relationship built on mutual respect and memes

Don’t even

 

JKLOL:

Valid

im lov him

 

JJ:

Get out

 

[Tea and Cookies]

 

Bunny:

<3

 

Tiger:

<3

What’s the occasion

 

Bunny:

I’m so lucky to have you in my life

You know that?

 

Tiger:

That’s it

After we shower post practice we are going on a Date

 

Bunny:

〜( ╹◡╹

 

Tiger:

( ≧∀≦ )

 

[Bangya Bangya]

 

JIN:

Hold up gguk you used the official account to chat with your friends

 

JUNGKOOK:

Yh

What abt it

 

JIN:

It’s both hilarious and buzz worthy

So #97squad is trending in Korea and Japan

Management said to say good job!

 

V:

I half want to meet them

But I’m half terrified theyre gon judge me

 

JUNGKOOK:

I gush about you

So much

They won’t dare open their mouths :)

 

JIN:

Ominous smiley...

Chapter Text

AN: shoutout to Nyaw, a loyal and funny commenter <3 And hey, at least you were honest.

 

[Bangya Bangya]

 

JUNGKOOK:

My

My hair hurts

 

SUGA:

HA

HA HA

I DONT HAVE DYE THIS TIME

 

JIMIN:

YALL TAE TAE IS AN ANGEL DID YOU SEE HIM

STRAWBERRY VANILLA BABY

 

JUNGKOOK:

IM LOVE HIM

 

JIMIN:

FANBOYING OVER A BEAUTIFUL LIL TIGER

A WHOLESOME CONCEPT I CAN GET BEHIND

 

JUNGKOOK:

YES!!!

 

V:

Okay so when do we talk about gukkies hair huh

You utter beauty

 

J-HOPE:

Ugh you’re amazing

This mv is so petty Jin hyung I love u

 

JIN:

Heheheheheh

 

RM:

Also, the concept shoots? You guys? Are all such gorgeous and talented people? I’m so happy? To be breaking into mainstream media with you guys?

 

V:

Idols might not be hip hop

But idols sell out stadiums ƪ ˘)ʃ

And look better than any of those underground wannabes

ㅁㅅㅁ

 

SUGA:

I’m surprised hyung didn’t acknowledge any homophobic comments when he was being petty

But tbh saying he doesn’t even see them is petty in itself

 

JIN:

Was that a compliment

 

SUGA:

Yes it was you petty bitch

 

JIN:

I’d be mad

But valid

Also, the media traffic we’re getting is insane

Between nctzens or fans of eunwoo looking at us bc of jk and the 97 chat of his or that professor moon jerk having his postponed trial last month this is honestly the perfect time

 

J-HOPE:

Those gfriend girls we ran into were pretty nice, honestly I’d love to collaborate with them they’re skilled

 

JIN:

I did say source was a good company to buy but I’m surprised they took me seriously

Like where tf did they come into money

 

V:

Us? Merch? They’re marketing our albums and repackages and it’s a lot of revenue

still shocking tbh

Do you think they’ll take Yoongi hyung seriously and consider buying pledis

 

SUGA:

Who knows

In other news, the stylists plan on meeting with us, they don’t want us to have smth we don’t like for the mv

Also, Snow White sweaters? Really Jin?

 

JIN:

*jin hyung

And that was their idea not mine I just said it fit

 

JIMIN:

Your pale skin is pretty tho

I like how it looks next to mine and hobi hyungies

 

SUGA:

ists you’re lucky you’re cute

Ready to start shooting?

 

V:

Hell yes I am

Let’s do this