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Double Trouble

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Taetae

heyyyyyy

Uncle Hobi

hey

how’s my favorite nephew???

Taetae

I’m ur only nephew

Uncle Hobi

ok

hey

how’s my only nephew???

how’s your first day at camp?

you’d better make me proud

mesmerize all the other campers with your dazzling personality

become the talk of the whole camp

Taetae

uh actually

I’m already the talk of the whole camp

not in the way you’re thinking of, tho

Uncle Hobi

you don’t even know what I’m thinking of

Taetae

I don’t, but I bet it isn’t this

I’m the talk of the whole camp because there’s this other camper, a new guy

Uncle Hobi

what did he do????

Taetae

nothing

but he has my face

HE HAS MY FACE

WE HAVE THE EXACT SAME FACE

Uncle Hobi

WTF

Taetae

RIGHT??????

like, he has red hair and I don’t

BUT HIS FACE

IS MY FACE

see why we’re the talk of the camp now lol

Uncle Hobi

omg how is that even possible

Taetae

maybe he’s my evil doppelganger

he’s gonna kill me in my sleep

what do I do???

I’m still so young

never been to the grand canyon

I can’t die yet

Uncle Hobi

ok you can’t give up so easily

you gotta show that evil doppelganger who’s boss

you gotta go out there, challenge him to something you’re good at

beat him fair and square

and he’ll know not to mess with you

Taetae

ok I will!!!

I’ll challenge him to a burger eating contest

even if I lose, at least I’ll get to eat burgers

Uncle Hobi

that’s my boy! that’s the attitude!

Taetae

thank u uncle hobi

btw how’s dad doing?

Uncle Hobi

Namjoon? he’s at his office

working his ass off like he always does

Taetae

he needs to get some rest :/ it’s Sunday

Uncle Hobi

yeah I know… but you know the kind of person he is

but don’t worry, ok? you enjoy your camp

uncle hobi is on it

I’ll take care of him

when did I ever not take care of him

Taetae

thank u, ur the best uncle ever :((((

what will we even do without you

Uncle Hobi

lol actually I should be the one thanking you guys

for letting me stay for free

saves me so much rent

Taetae

both u and I know that u can afford ur own place

ur just staying with us because u know neither dad or I can cook

but it’s ok to stop being selfless sometimes, u know?

like, if u meet a cool lady at a bar it’s totally ok to go talk to her instead of thinking

“oh no it’s eight pm gotta go home and cook or namjoon and taetae will eat each other”

Uncle Hobi

lmao how did we even end up on this topic

I’m fine with my current life you dumbass

I’m not even into ladies

anyway

go on, enjoy your camp

send me updates on your evil doppelganger

Taetae

I will

…wait, what if…

all this time

I’M the evil doppelganger, I just didn’t know?

Uncle Hobi

a philosopher like your dad, I see

genes don’t lie

Taetae

dude I was adopted

Uncle Hobi

yeah but still

anyway, update me on your doppelganger situation

and have fun

Taetae

I will!

pet tannie a lot for me

love u <3

Uncle Hobi

<3 <3 <3

 

**

 

Hoseokie-hyung

Joon

I know you’re busy and I’m sorry to bother but

do you by any chance know what Jungkook usually does in the summer

Namjoonie

Jungkook?

Why bring him up right now?

Of course I have no idea what he does during summers

Haven’t been in touch with Seokjin for, like, two years

Except for that time he sent me a link to a porno by accident

Hoseokie-hyung

dude I know it’s been awkward between you and Jin-hyung after your divorce

but it’s been like how many years?

Taetae is in high school already

and Jungkook should be too

don’t you ever wonder what he’s up to?

Namjoonie

I trust Seokjin to take good care of him. He’s always been a better dad than I am

Taehyung got the short end of the stick, being stuck with me

I bet if he weren’t like 3 years old and couldn’t choose for himself he’d have gone with Seokjin too

Hoseokie-hyung

asfshajfkdfga what the fuck, Namjoon

how are you not a good dad???

literally how???

look how well Taetae grew up

everyone loves him, even the Roomba never stops following him around

Namjoonie

That’s because you basically raised him on your back

It was all you, not me

Hoseokie-hyung

wtf how could you say that

ok I may have taught Taetae to curse, to clean the shower drain and to castrate cows

but you taught him to read and to appreciate nature and to love

you’re the best dad ok even if you think you’re too busy making ends meet to be one

I bet rich Jin-hyung and his vineyards have nothing on you

anyway I’m just gonna continue talking since I bet you’re crying and can’t reply to me

so if you don’t know what Jungkook does when it’s summer

Jin-hyung doesn’t know what Taetae does during summers either, right?

Namjoonie

Yeah of course he doesn’t

And I’m not crying, just accidentally poked my eye with a finger

Hoseokie-hyung

yeah, right, I totally believe you

guess it makes sense that Jin-hyung won’t know, tho

like, it’d be so embarrassing for you if Jin-hyung knew you always send your son to that camp where you and hyung first met 20 years ago because you’re sentimental like that lol

Namjoonie

Omg you’d better not tell him

Hoseokie-hyung

I won’t tell him lol I don’t even have his number

Namjoonie

Why are you bringing up this whole topic anyway?

Hoseokie-hyung

no reason lol it just occurred to me

Namjoonie

And more importantly, how did you even teach Taehyung to castrate cows? We don’t have cows?

Hoseokie-hyung

the neighbors next door have 7, goodness Namjoon you need to stop working and look around sometimes

Namjoonie

Wow that’s why I keep hearing moos in the middle of the night? I always thought it was my imagination?

Hoseokie-hyung

ugh I’m staging an intervention

get dressed properly in an hour

I’m gonna pick you up take you out to that underground rap thing I told you about

I won’t take no for an answer

Namjoonie

But I’ve still got this huge-ass powerpoint to work on

Hoseokie-hyung

who cares about powerpoints I bet you’re 2 days ahead of schedule anyways

Namjoon

Actually it’s 3

Hoseokie-hyung

SEE???

no more questions

I’m gonna be a proper big brother today and steal you out of that stupid office of yours and show you a good time

 

**

 

Dad

Kookoo

How’s your first day at camp going?

Kookie

uh

not too bad i guess

Dad

Made any new friends?

Kookie

um

kind of

i guess?

Dad

That’s great! Tell me all about him!!!

Kookie

uh there’s this guy, we’re rooming in the same cabin today

Dad

Only for today?

Kookie

uh yeah, um we kinda… got in trouble

but don’t get mad ok??? its all rly innocent

like, he challenged me to a burger eating contest

but we didn’t have that many burgers

so i said hotdog eating contest

so we had a hotdog eating contest

Dad

You’d better tell me you won

Kookie

it was a tie

bc we ate all the hotdogs the camp has to offer

and now the camp has: 0 hotdogs

and the camp counselor got mad bc he really liked hotdogs??

especially the chili cheese kind

so he made us stay in a special secluded cabin that’s like all dirty and stuff

so that we’ll reflect upon our wrongdoings

and there’s no dinner for us today

not that we’ll need it tho since we’re both bursting at the seams

Dad

LOL

MY KOOKIE GOT DETENTION

Kookie

kind of, yeah

Dad

I AM SO PROUD

SEE THOSE TEARS IN MY EYES

Kookie

why are u proud omg shouldn’t u be mad

Dad

My Kookie’s first time… in detention… in fifteen years

I’m so glad

I spent so many years wondering what went wrong

Why is my child such an angel??? I asked myself

He needs to learn to break rules! slash the teacher’s tires! set fires to scooters!

BUT FINALLY YOU GOT DETENTION

I LOVE YOU SON

I AM PROUD

Kookie

uh ok i guess?

Dad

Anyway, tell me all about your new friend!

Kookie

haha i guess we’re just rooming together today tho

so tmr we’ll be sent back to our respective cabins and wont talk again

he seems to have a lot of friends already so he prob wont want to hang out with me anymore…

Dad

Ugh Jungkook

You can’t always have that kind of attitude

I know you’re a shy baby

And trust me, dad was once a shy little fawn too

But look at me now, sending flying kisses at your teachers and embarrassing you at PTA meetings

If I can do it so can you

Believe in yourself

I bet you’re sitting on that dirty floor in your new cabin writing in your diary or some shit

But you gotta stop that, get up this instant

And talk to your new detention mate

No excuses

Kookie

ok dad

Dad

Dad just wants the best for you ok

Love you

~hugs and flying kisses~

Kookie

love u too

~hugs and flying kisses~

 

**

 

Taetae

um

Uncle Hobi

hey what’s going on?

what’s my favorite nephew up to?

good news btw, I forced your dad to come to a rap event thing with me

actually we’re in the middle of the event right now

so call you back later?

Taetae

why did u never told me

i had a twin

Uncle Hobi

oh shit

omg tae the lighting here is super bad and its fucking loud so let me get out of here and we can talk

wait for me

wait

just a couple seconds

taetae???

why aren’t you picking up????

please pick up the phone

please

shit

 

**

 

( × ) KOOKIE’S ONLINE DIARY ( × )

Date: Jul 8 th

Weather: good enough

 

ok this is weird af but i need to write my thoughts down to sort them out ok!! i haven’t even told dad about this bc im afraid he’ll be sad or sth so im just gonna write it down here / (⁎˃ᆺ˂)\

so, im at camp

i hated it, no lie, so many strangers and a lot of them are regulars who already know each other and i already have trouble making friends as it is? but then some ppl started waving to me and calling me taehyung? wtf im not taehyung i don’t know any taehyungs so i told them im not taehyung but they just laughed and thought i was joking, it was so weird / (ㅇㅅㅇ❀)\

until i saw the real taehyung and my head goes “fuck, we’re identical” / (,,๏ ⋏ ๏,,)\

ok he has chestnut hair and dad had mine dyed red but minus the hair we’re still identical??? do u have any idea how weird that feels??? ok u probably don’t… / (´・×・`)\

anyway long story short taehyung and i got into trouble and we got sent to a shitty secluded cabin and he seemed pretty nice and smiled at me a lot and we were both just lounging in bed (ok he’s lounging in bed but im on the ground because the power outlet is on the ground and i gotta keep my phone charged at all times) and then i had this sudden surge of courage and i decided to talk to him!! (ok who am i kidding my dad put me up to it lol) /(=✪ x ✪=)\

and then we started talking and we discovered, like, we were both adopted and the only child in the family, and we both have single dads, like what a cool coincidence is that?? and we were joking like maybe we should set our dads up and make them get together, but we knew it wouldn’t work out bc we live so far from each other lol. besides, i cant just introduce my dad to any random guy i come across, right?? kim seokjin is amazing and beautiful and precious and deserves only the best!!!! U( ÒㅅÓ)U

so that’s what i said to tae and he was like “nooooo MY dad is better” (AS IF) and then just to prove to me how hot his dad is he takes out this picture on his phone…

and i recognize him

i recognize him AS THE MAN IN THE PHOTO ON MY DAD’S DESKTOP BACKGROUND (乂☉ェ☉=)

like ok i knew my dad used to have a lover and they adopted me together and then they split and we never heard from the other dad as far as im concerned (but dad still kinda loves him lol he’d sometimes stare at his wallpaper with that faraway look in his eyes)…

but they never told me that i wasn’t the only one they adopted???

I HAVE A BROTHER!

I HAVE A TWIN!!!!!!!!

HE’S RIGHT HERE IN THE FCKING ROOM!!!

AND THEY NEVER TOLD ME ABOUT HIM!!!!!! ଽ ฅ૮( ꒪〰꒪)აฅ

like ok im sitting here, shell-shocked and just typing away bc i have no idea how to process this information

i showed tae a photo of my dad too and he said yeah, he’s seen him on his dad’s phone too, except… wait, isn’t his dad my dad?

his dad = my dad

my dad = his dad

his dad + my dad = his dad + his dad = my dad + my dad = 2(his dad) = 2(my dad)

omg i cant do math im so sorry

and i think tae is crying in his bed…

its so weird to see him cry bc he looks just like me? so its like seeing myself crying?? i don’t want to see myself crying wtf

i’ll go cuddle with him i guess

it’s 100% bc i just don’t like the idea of watching myself cry and also bc its kinda cold, not bc now that i have a new brother im gonna protect the shit out of him ok

all right fine maybe it kind of is

 

**

 

Taetae

uncle hobi?

sorry for the radio silence

are u still up?

Uncle Hobi

TAE WTF IT’S TWO IN THE MORNING

AND YES OF COURSE IM STILL UP WTF HOW DO U EXPECT ME TO SLEEP W/OUT A REPLY FROM U

and also namjoon hasn’t come home yet and I’m up waiting for him

but that’s beyond the point

are you ok????

pls tell me you’re ok

I can explain!!!

pls don’t hate your dad

he has his reasons, I promise, please

Taetae

wtf dad hasn’t come home yet????

Uncle Hobi

yeah, we were at the underground rapper thing together but I got your text and rushed outside

couldn’t get back in with the crowds so I texted him that I’ll be waiting at home

don’t worry too much, though, the event goes on till really late and the rappers there often start chatting and end up getting beer somewhere else

Namjoon is a big boy he can handle himself

Taetae

ok, i hope he’s safe ;_;

u haven’t told him about my text, i hope? ><

Uncle Hobi

well I tried to

but this isn’t a matter I can talk to him about over text and the venue was super loud so he prob didn’t hear me call and never picked up

so yeah he still doesn’t know

anyway, I can explain, ok? your dad… well, both of your dads…

(you know about the other dad now, right?)

(if not… surprise?)

Taetae

yeah i know about him, kookie told me

Uncle Hobi

good

was worried I might have leaked vital info

so both dads agreed that they want their kids (that’s you and Kook) to have a happy, uncomplicated life

and telling you guys that there’s another one of you would of course make things complicated

you would want to meet each other

but if you meet up it will involve your dads meeting up too

and they really don’t want to meet up, especially not in front of you guys

because there’s gonna be #angst and #emotions and they don’t wanna affect you

so it’s like, they decided to part civilly

each take one kid, pretend it never happened

but it doesn’t mean that your dad doesn’t love you, Taetae

I can’t vouch for the other dad since I haven’t met him for a long long time but

Namjoon loves you so much, he wants only the best for you

He’s always beating yourself up for not being a good enough dad

Taetae

what nonsense is that

he’s the greatest dad

Uncle Hobi

exactly

he just doesn’t think so

sometimes he’d be like ~emo~

“oh if only Jin had taken Taehyung!!! he’d cook for him, buy him Gucci, get him an expensive camera, fund him to go to art school!!!! he’d know what to do when he gets sick and kiss him when he puts him to bed and taehyung would get to run around in the vineyards like the free spirit he is and omg maybe Jin should’ve just taken them both instead of letting me take Taehyung!!1!one!”

Taetae

omg how could he

how could he feel like that

we might not have a lot of money but EVERYONE at school envies me for having such a great dad????

don’t get me started on why my dad is the literal best???

actually that was how kookie and I discovered we’re twins lol we were arguing about whose dad is better and that led to us comparing dad pics

i’ll hug him a lot when i get home

but um, actually, now that we’re on the subject of home

i have a… question

Uncle Hobi

lol this Kookie sounds like a feisty soul already

and sure, fire away

Taetae

hypothetically speaking, would you help out if…

if after this camp ends, I come home but it isn’t actually me

Uncle Hobi

oh god are you thinking what I’m thinking

Taetae

like, what if kookie comes back to our home and pretends to be me

will you help us out? help him act more like me, stuff like that

hypothetically?

Uncle Hobi

goodness

Taetae wait that’s a lot to take in

so what you’re saying is that

you two are gonna switch identities

you’re gonna go to live with Jin-hyung

Kookie’s gonna come live with us

Taetae

yeah, hypothetically

Uncle Hobi

but why?

Taetae

I told him how awesome my dad is and he wanted to meet him??

come on, just think about poor bunny kookie

knowing that someone as awesome as kim namjoon exists… but never getting to see him in person

and here’s the perfect opportunity for him to actually live with him, in the same flat

wouldn’t that be cool

don’t make kookie sad

imagine his sad face, u wouldn’t make him sad would u

Uncle Hobi

I don’t even know what Kookie looks like lol

Taetae

exactly like me, so just imagine my sad face

Uncle Hobi

ok…

hypothetically…

if that were to happen…

yeah. I’ll help

I’ve always kinda wanted to meet Jungkook too

Taetae

yeah!! I told him all about u too!!!

I bet he’s gonna love u, he likes dancing too, u know?

ur gonna have so much fun together!!!

Uncle Hobi

haha I’m sure I’ll like the kid

and I promise not to say anything to Namjoon as of now

but you guys gotta plan it well

can’t have your dads noticing right away

Taetae

they won’t! they don’t even know we met up at the camp, so they won’t be able to put two and two together

and we’ll plan it well!!

we already exchanged numbers

since we can’t hang out together all the time at the camp, or lisa and the others are gonna get suspicious lol

so most of the time we gotta conspire thru text

Uncle Hobi

oh right, you’ve got school friends with you at the camp

you’re not gonna even tell your school friends?

Taetae

I wanna, I hate keeping things from them

but I can’t

bc they might give it away

u know lisa is great friends with her mom and tells her everything and her mom is also dad’s colleague so…

no, too risky

and if i don’t tell lisa i can’t tell anyone else because lisa is my bestest friend

so i can’t tell them

Uncle Hobi

a very covert operation indeed

but uncle has faith in you

you guys can pull it off

Taetae

yay!!!!

I’m so glad we have ur blessings now

it means that u, uncle hobi, who knows my dad better than anyone else

supports the idea of dad and other dad meeting again

or else u wouldn’t have agreed to this idea

since the two of us switching places kinda involve dad and other dad meeting

because how else are we gonna switch back lol

Uncle Hobi

well yeah, I guess I always kinda secretly thought they deserve a second chance together

they were so young then

basically broke up over nothing

all those things they fought over… they were really insignificant

there were issues with some of Jin-hyung’s rich old great aunts or something but they’re prob all dead now

and I know Namjoon still misses him…

can you believe it, so many years

he never moved on

Taetae

that’s good news then because other dad never moved on either

kookie says he uses a pic of dad as wallpaper

Uncle Hobi

what?? he put faces of namjoon all over the wall??

Taetae

no wtf it’s the wallpaper for his pc not the wallpaper for his house

Uncle Hobi

thank goodness Namjoon might be my favorite person but I still wouldn’t want 1,000 Namjoon faces staring at me from the wall

 

**

 

Taehyung

I love u

ur the bestest dad in the world

Dad Joon

Huh? Why?

Why say that all of a sudden?

I love you too

Chapter Text

Tae

ok kookie we gotta talk tactics

Kook

yeah we should

we could’ve started much sooner if u hadn’t been swimming with ur friends lol

Tae

come on we’re at camp! we gotta have fun! we gotta swim in the lake!

u have no idea how fun it is to push ppl into the water!

Kook

ok

but seriously

im… as u can tell, im… shy

im not like u

how can i successfully pretend to be u

ur friends are gonna be so suspicious

i cant just go out and start befriending ppl everywhere

i can try of course, force myself

but it’ll make me physically uncomfortable

i rly cant

i rly have a hard time talking ok

Tae

lol u said a lot to me that night in the cabin tho

Kook

its bc i’ve become familiar with u

like when it comes to making friends i don’t rly take the first step

i just hang around and stay quiet

until ppl eventually get used to the idea that i exist and they cant get rid of me and accept that im here to stay

and when it gets to that point i know they’ve accepted me

and i can be loud and talk a lot and be stupid

but it’s just… it takes time ok?? i cant do it in an instant

Tae

shhh don’t get all worked up, there’s nothing wrong with that, ur fine as u are

and u can just say ur method acting

like, I act out little skits and stuff a lot

so ppl are used to it

so if ppl ask u “taehyung why are u so quiet??”

u can say ur trying to perfect ur role as a quiet student

so instead of being suspicious ppl will be like

“oh that’s taehyung doing his acting thing again”

Kook

are u sure that will work omg

Tae

of course it will work, u have my looks and my voice and we talk alike

there’s no reason why ppl will doubt ur identity

Kook

but what if i, like, forget important details about ur friends

like what if i ask them how their mom is doing

but actually they hate their mom and haven’t talked to her in ages and ur supposed to know that

and they’d be like “wow! kim taehyung! how tactless!”

or, what if one of ur friends approach me

and i don’t recognize them

don’t know their name

they’d be so heartbroken???

Tae

well u can ask them to tell u their name again and explain how they know me

then tell them ur doing method acting, ur trying out a role as an amnesiac

so u have to act like u don’t remember things

and they’ll be like “oh cool tae is being an amnesiac this time ^^ hehehe” and forgive u

Kook

i don’t think we can just solve everything with the method acting excuse omg

like it prob will be less of a problem for u when ur being me bc i don’t rly have friends

so its not likely anyone will approach me and expect me to remember them

but it’s gonna be so hard for me :(((

Tae

u can always text me pics of ppl u don’t recognize and I promise I’ll respond in a flash!

or u can text me to ask for any details u need

of course, before we go home, i gotta compile a huge file of info of all the ppl i know and details u ought to remember about them, like birthdays, hobbies, clubs, location of their homes, what they do after school, food they don’t eat, etc.

im working on the file already don’t worry

and ill walk u thru it, the whole thing

also we gotta meet up

since i have a secret handshake with uncle hoseok and i cant teach u that over text

Kook

ok i think we should meet up too

tonight?

outside my cabin?

omg this is the first time im ever gonna break curfew

i think my dad will be proud

Tae

I like ur dad already

Kook

he’s also ur dad lol

Tae

yes hehehe

anyway

tonight, 11pm, outside ur cabin

do u have a needle btw

Kook

wtf what would u need a needle for

Tae

well I have ear piercings, u don’t

Kook

no

don’t touch my virgin ears

nooooo

Tae

well I cant come to camp with ear piercings and go home without, right?

Kook

but its gonna hurt :((((

Tae

I’m good at it tho

used to pierce ears for ppl at school for extra cash

actually that’s another thing I gotta teach u, since ppl are gonna come up to u at school and ask u to pierce their ears, just a heads-up

Kook

wtf

wait now that we’re on the subject

should i dye my hair brown and u dye urs red before we go home

i mean like my dad dyed my hair red and he’d be so disappointed if i (u) go home with brown hair

Tae

ok sure I’ve always wanted red hair anyway

like a strawberry, yummmm

I’m pretty sure lisa’s got red hair dye I can borrow

So anw, tonight, 11pm

get ur ears ready kookie

Kook

nooooooooooooooo

**

Tae

so

I feel kinda guilty because in the past few days all I’ve been doing is harassing u by throwing compiled info of my classmates and friends and their family and their family’s friends and their family’s friends’ family at u

I know u say u don’t have friends

and it wont be suspicious if u don’t talk to ur classmates

but surely there’s someone important to u in ur life besides ur dad

Kook

ur making me sound pathetic lol

Tae

no that’s not what I meant

its perfectly fine to not have friends or talk to ur classmates

u don’t necessarily need a lot of human interaction to be happy

I’m just wondering like

I’ll be living UR life

what mattered to u is gonna matter to me

so if there’s someone, or something that matters to u

u can tell me

like for example u know about tannie

if someone is gonna take my place and be me

I’d want them to appreciate the perfection that is tannie too

Kook

ok uh

i get what u mean

well there’s this guy in my class

Tae

!!!!!!

go on go on

Kook

his name is jimin

Tae

oooooooohhh so u do have a friend!!

Kook

no omg we’re not friends

we never even talked to each other

i just kinda

gaze at him hahahahhaha ><

he used to sit in the seat in front of me

he’s so cute……..

so i guess…

if ur taking my place

u might as well know about my crush too

he brightens my life up so much, i know he’ll have the same effect on u too

his smile…… so precious………..

>/////<

Tae

omg do u have a pic

Kook

no im not a stalker ok i don’t secretly search for his pics online or snap pics of him with my phone or anything

Tae

well u sure sound like u’ve thought about it before

Kook

but i didn’t do it and that makes all the difference

Tae

ok how about u describe him to me so that I’ll know him when I see him

Kook

im sure u will know regardless lol jimin radiates so much light u can tell its him easily

he’s got those cute puffy eyes that turn into crescent moons when he smiles

Tae

crescent moons, gotcha

Kook

and pink hair and a cute little nose and a smile like the sun and a sharp chin in contrast with his soft cheeks

and tiny little fingers

Tae

i see

so, like this

Attachment-1

Kook

wtf tae no

why doesn’t he have ears

Tae

u never said he had ears

Kook

do u srsly think id have a crush on someone that looks like the pic u drew

srsly???

hmm actually

if he has jimin’s personality then i prob would

Tae

#whipped

Chapter Text

Dad Joon

Hey

Tae, I don’t think I’ll be able to pick you up at the airport

I am still at work so Hobi will be there, kay?

Love you <3


**

 

Tae

tae?

um... ur dad texted? and i dont kno what to do?

KIM TAEHYUNG REPLY

listen i am freaking out i think this is a rly bad idea

he said hobi will be there? whos hobi? a chaffeur?

OMG theyre gonna find out and we’re so screwed my dad isnt pretty when hes mad

well hes pretty no matter what but…

wait this is so weird i gotta change the contact name since this was ur phone

but its mine now

it feels like i am txting myself wtf


Contact name changed from Tae to Kook


Kook

ok this is better but srsly where r u?

are u ded? omg i just figured out i had a brother and he alrdy died

 

Tae

Wtf even Kook?

damn look whos missing me alrdy

I was saying bye to all the dogs :(

what did dad say?

do u mean to say u haven't texted back u complete idiot

 

Kook

um...no? I told u I am shy

he said he had work? and that hobi? would pick me up

 

Tae

ur a goddamn fckn fool

say ok for gods sake text back or dads gonna think I am mad at him

how hard can that be urgh

 

Kook

fine fine gimme a sec

whos hobi tho

 

Tae

why tf would we hwve a chaffeur

hes dads older brother?

u didnt know uncle hobi?

HOW COULD U NOT KNOW HIM

I TOLD U MY UNCLE LIVES W/ US

 

Kook

um... u said his name is hoseok

how would I know he's also called hobi

also i didnt even kno i HAD ANOTHER FATHER UNTIL TWO WEEKS AGO OK CUT ME SOME SLACK

 

Tae

GOd just dont leave dad hanging

TEXT HIM RN AND SHOWER HIM WITH LOVE


**



Jungkook

hey dad


**


Kook

wait u call him dad r8

 

Tae

pls tell me ur usually not this dumb

ofc i do wht else would i call him

daddy?

 

Kook

ok jeez calm down

didnt peg u for the daddy type tbh

 

Tae

what? wtf

WHAT DOES THAT EVEN MEAN

ANSWER ME U ASS



**


Jungkook

its cool

the train's almost there. I'll wait for uncle hobi there

love you <3

 

Dad Joon

Sorry Tae, I swear I was done with it but then they called me back in to file another client's taxes and I couldn't leave

Because there's no one else here


**


Kook

wht did u say ur dad worked as again

 

Tae

an accountant

hes smart af

did he use his accountant stuff on u

its alright just pretend u know what hes talking abt

thats wht i do all the time

 

Kook

um... ok?

 

Tae

tell him to eat and not overwork himself

he tends to forget

damn this seems like a bad idea now

what will he do without me to remjnd him and feed him :(

 

Kook

hey ill do it... i might be shy but i am not incompetent

hes my dad too ill take care if him

 

Tae

awww look at how grown up my kookie is hes using wofds like incompetent

i am shedding tears :'D

 

Kook

shut up shit head

were the same fuckn age

maybe iwas born seconds before u

maybe im ur hyung

have u never considered that

 

Tae

ok hyung


**


Jungkook

its alright dad

I'll be fine

dont overwork urself nd make sure u eat

 

Dad Joon

Will do Tae

I'll be home soon and you can tell me all about camp

 

Jungkook

Sure dad <3

 

Dad Joon

<3


**


Dad

KooKoo

Where are you?

I am waiting outside in the car

 

Taehyung

i just need to grab a few of my things and I'll be out dad

see u in a few!

 

Dad

Sure kookie

I'll be right here by the lake


**


Tae

dude u never told me ur dad owned an asterion

a motherfucking Lamborghini

wtf bro

like how rich r u even

do u like live in a palace

and have servants who dress u and undress u

do they call u sir or whatever

wait do u have ur own mansion or smthng

ik u told me ur rich but this is like wow

just wow

i havent even gotten into the car yet and my palms are sweating lol

what if ur dad finds out

 

Kook

naah u'll be fine

i am pretty much like u around dad so u shouldnt have a problem

pls dont hug ppl too much tho

 

Tae

aww does baby boy kookie not like skin ship?

u didnt seem to have a problem when i spooned u the other night tho ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

 

Kook

fuck u

u were crying that night so i let u, it was a special situation

dont ever do that again

its just plain weird bro

 

Tae

ok ok u have a point

have u seen uncle hobi yet?

hes hard to miss

i mean he has flaming red hair

and hes like loud

super loud

u cant miss him

also he has a heart shped mouth

dont know if itll help u but yeh

plus he knows abt the plan so he'll make sure u dont trip up and u can just be urself with him

 

Kook

hmm... i just got down? and no one matches that description..

ill just go sit down and wait

WAIT WHAT?!

ur uncle, and crct me if i am wrong, but ur dad's bro knows abt the switch?

are u fckn crazy?

 

Tae

thanks for telling me that my dad's brother is my uncle i had absolutely no idea

and hey! uncle hobi won't tell a soul! besides u wouldnt survive a day as me without inside help okay

also i wouldnt have said yes to thjs without him saying that there was still a possibiltiy that things might work out between our dads

 

Kook

... if u say so

anywaysss

what happened to u meeting my dad

GIMME THE DEETS

 

Tae

um... i might still be hiding?

like behind that pillar near the entrance arch?

 

Kook

WHY?

 

Tae

BECAUSE THE CAR LOOKS SCARY AND SO POSH ANDJDNENJDNFM

 

Kook

Tae?

Taehyung?

what happened???

 

Tae

dear lord the pictures dont do justice to how hot he looks wtf u cpuld have given me a wsrning

your dad just rolled down the window and

he looks like he stepped out of the pages of vogue? i think i might be a lil in love?

how he look so effortlessly hot?

 

Kook

DUDE

r u even hearing urself rn??

thats my dad? UR dad? stop ogling at him!!!!

ew

 

Tae

ok ok relax i was jking

but he looks hot af

i feel blinded damn

i mean i never expected to see a man pull off pastel colours so well wtf

but he looks so good in that baby pink turtleneck and with those glasses on his nose like damn

now i know where i get those genes from

 

Kook

we’re adopted lol

but ikr?? i told u he was the hottest!!

u were the one who said no way my dads hotter

ha

no one can be hotter than my dad, Kim Seokjin

 

Tae

look here u coconut fucker

ur dad might be hot but no ones a mtch for mine okay

so stay in ur lane

All hail the king Kim Namjoon

gods most loved creation

 

Kook

so thats how u wanna play?

i see

wait -

why r we fighting again wtf

i thot we were alreqdy over this?

we have tje same parents?

 

Tae

oh shit u rite

sry

anyways I'll text uncle hobi and endndndnnxncnfnjdnem

aboet abort

i hve been spotted

kookie i lobe u ur my fave twin bro ever

 

Kook

I am ur only twin bro?

what happened?

not again

fuck y do drama club ppl hve 2 be so goddmn dramatic all the fckn time

i am outta here


**


TaeTae

Uncle hobi

hey

its tae

texting u from kook's number

i dont know what to feel about jin?

he's my dad right? i should call him dad too right?

idk like i just got into the car and he gave me this huge hug (nothing on dad's) and then proceeded to talk to me

like yeah he thinks i am kook but he's so... nice?

idk why but ever since i figured out that i had a twin and that my other father was this rich ass chaebol i kinda always pictured him as a k-drama villain? u know cold and unforgiving and totally emotionless

cause he left dad and all and he never once tried to reach out to us

never once tried to help us out

and i partly said yes because i wanted my assumptions to be right and be proven that dad was better off alone

that you, me and him are family enough

but now i dont know?

 

Uncle Hobi

Hey TaeTae!!!

I didnt realise that was how you saw Jin hyung

otherwise I would have said something earlier

cause Jin hyung honestly was a pretty amazing person

And like I said, I don't exactly know what happened in between because one second they were all we're gonna grow old together loving each other even when we're wrinkly and pruny and then suddenly he was taking kook and moving out, leaving behind your father to pick up the pieces

i say ‘was’ because i am still pissed at him... slightly for what he did to Joon, for what he did to my brother, but if I am gonna be unbiased and honest with you, he was the most un-chaebol like person I ever knew

 

TaeTae

ah

Im just so confused now uncle hobi

like i was ready to hate him

maybe prank him nd make his life living hell for a while but now

when i am eating the food he's cooked (and its so good?) and listening to him crack silly jokes trying to get me to smile and looking at me like I mean the world to him, idk anymore

what should i do?

 

Uncle Hobi

You can come back if you want? Tell jin-hyung you left something back at camp and turn around

I'll bring kook over too and you can switch back with no one any wiser

we can do that if you're scared TaeTae

no one's gonna think any less of you

i can only imagine how scary it would be to have your world pulled out from under your feet in a day and then go home with a dad you didn't even know existed for 12 yrs

 

TaeTae

hmm... but then I'll regret this forever right? the chance to have gotten to know my other dad?

i dont want that

i can do this uncle hobi

I'll manage

and... maybe... just maybe.. we'll be able to find a way to bring back dad's dimples in full force

i want to see him smile again without a trace of pain in his eyes

 

Uncle Hobi

You know I am really proud of you right kiddo? i love you tae <3

You have grown up into such an amazing teen and we're both so proud of you

 

TaeTae

thanks uncle hobi ><

have u spotted kook btw

he seemed kinda lost when i texted him a while back

 

Uncle Hobi

Ah, I am walking through the platform as we speak

he looks exactly like you, you said?

 

TaeTae

yeah! oh and before i forget!! Red hair! he has red hair!

 

Uncle Hobi

oh, I think I spot him! I'll text you later Tae

take care buddy!

<3

 

TaeTae

Love you to uncle hobi <3

pet tannie for me


**

 

Namjoonie

Hobi hyung, did you pick up Tae yet?

 

Hoseokie-hyung

Yeah namjoonie! we are walking to grab lunch rn

and he looks so goodamn adorable all so excited

see!!!

 

Namjoonie

Ofc he does... it's Taehyung, he'll look adorable no matter wha -

DID HE DYE HIS HAIR?!

 

Hoseokie-hyung

lol yeah

he pulls off the red so well right???

just like his uncle uwu

 

Namjoonie

Yes he does!... he looks so grown up and... I swear he's gonna be a heartthrob like Jin...

Ah, sorry about bringing him up again...

 

Hoseokie-hyung

Joonie, it's alright to be sad you know

You're human too and sometimes you need a break too

ur allowed to fall

we are here to catch u

also, ur going to that rap battle tonight right?

 

Namjoonie

Hyung, Tae's coming home today!

I can't leave tonight

We haven't cuddled in so long and it would be unfair on him

 

Hoseokie-hyung

Joonie

Tae is 15 and is big enough to understand

besides, all we want is to see you happy

that's what i want

and that's what tae wants too

so go enjoy

besides i have already given ur name

so there's that

 

Namjoonie

Hyung -

 

Hoseokie-hyung

No Joon

you're gonna listen to me

go take part in the rap battle

besides a little bird told me that Agust D would be there today

you'll probably go up against him

dont you want that?

 

Namjoonie

Tae's coming home today hyung

 

Hoseokie-hyung

well then you can finish up work sooner, see him and then leave

No buts

Go have fun

God knows you need it

This is an order from your cool older brother

 

Namjoonie

Okay hyung

Have I ever told you you're the best? Because you are

Thank you

<3

 

Hoseokie-hyung

Aish don't thank me for being your brother, brat

and go get ur work done fast so that you can leave early

<3


**


Kook

shit ur uncle has so much energy like wtf even

but now i know how u have so much fckn stamina

hes like the fckn sun? so bright? too smiley for eleven in the afternoon?

is he alwys like this?

 

Tae

lol yeah

its always like a whirlwind where he is

hes so muxh fun to be around hehe

 

Kook

i can see

...too much fun

like i shd be used to this considering how my dad never stops either

but uncle hobi is like 10x my dad and thats insane

 

Tae

you'll get used to it lol

 

Kook

OMG is he always this embarassing?

 

Tae

what happened?

 

Kook

well they started blasting ice cream cake, that rv song ya kno, in the diner, and he just got up and twrked?

like wtf?

hes still twerking and making all those weird faces and i dunno if i shld pretend i dont kno him or laugh at how dumb he looks?

SHIT aajdjdnmdn

 

Tae

Kook?

hello??? okay i am gonna assume u just got dragged into the dancing lol

but what do u expect hes the master of girl grp dances

he could give them a run for his money

if the humiliation kills u, rip my bro, it was gud knwing u

 

Kook

he just let go of me

save me Tae

pls

i beg u

hes got this manical glint in his eye nd i dont like it one bit

oh shit hes talking to the waiter

i think hes asking them to change the song wtf

I WAS JOKING

i cant dance to up and down wtf no

i will never live down to this

 

Tae

go with the flow my boy

enjoy yourself and let loose

besides u cant rlly complain u kno

it's bwtter than ur dad challenging a few street dancers for a dance off and then slut dropping in the middle of the street like wtf even

and then he blew them a flying kiss while winking

i hve no clue how ur even related to him lol

but hes cool lmao

and so shameless

 

Kook

fuck that sounds like dad alright

he's kinda wild

but he still pulls it off?

thank god the manager kicked us out lol since it was gettibg too crowded

my last shred of dignity : saved

 

Tae

u had any to begin with?

i mean must have been hard to retain any

after tripping over ur own feet and drenching ur crush with banana milk

 

Kook

what

how do u kno

wtf

no no no

WHY WOULD U DO THIS TO ME DAD

wht did he say

 

Tae

hmm... shld i rlly?

hes having so much fun picking on me thinking i am u

and u freak out around girls?

aww baby kookie is so cute uwu

 

Kook

listne

 

Tae

“listne”

 

Kook

fuck u

but they're scary ok

ane u never kno what they r thinking

plus they r always in grps?

gaggle of girls?

 

Tae

lmao

gaggle is for geese kookie

but my dear young naive boy

ur so adorable

no wonder ur dad teases the hell out of u lol

 

Kook

pls tae

dont do this to me

i am ur only brother

 

Tae

hmm... i dont kno if i can be brothers with someone who works out for FOUR FCKN HOURS EVERYDAY

how tf did u forgot to mention that to me

werent u listening when i told u my goal in this life is to become a puddle of flesh

WHATS EVEN WRONG WITH U

how do u expect me to do 240 push ups per day wtf

 

Kook

oops?

 

Tae

fuckn muscle rat

argh

now i hve to step foot into that evil place called the gym

 

Kook

its not so bad?

 

Tae

just kno that ur ded to me

fine text ya later

ur dad's saying smth abt lunch

 

Kook

bye?

Chapter Text

Tae

B.I.G yea we BANG like this modu da gati

Kook

Chong majeun geoscheoreom

Tae

BANG! BANG! BANG!

Kook

BANG! BANG! BANG!

 

Tae

Ppangya ppangya ppangya

 

Kook

BANG! BANG! BANG!

 

Tae

fuck yeah!

i had no idea u were a big bang stan until i saw ur room

U couldve TOLD me u know

i am so glad, i would hve had to disown if u werent and that would hve made me sad :(

 

Kook

listen... anyone with good music taste will like them

its as simple as tht

i would hve murdered u if u hadnt liked them

 

Tae

like u hve all the posters dude its so cool?

i hve wanted them forever?

and their albums? and the lightstick

and FUCK IS THAT A BB SWEATSHIRT

DAMN

ur room is so fuckn cool

it feels like i have entered a BB heaven

WAIT U HAVE BEEN TO THEIR CONCERTS?

(who's ur bias? im GD all the way)

(also ur house is so cool? u have ur own swimming pool and vineyard?)

 

Kook

yeah?

u havent?

um... i might have gone two or three times... thats abt it

(GD duh tho love taeyang too - his dancing man!)

(thank you? its too huge sometimes and too empty tho)

 

Tae

thats it?

THATS IT?

BISH WHAT DO U MEAN BY THAT?

i would die to go JUST ONCE!

not everyone is as rich as u baby boy

(IFKR i try to dance or sing like Taeyang and end up embarassing myself)

 

Kook

ew

Tae!!

thats sad :(

we must change that immediately!!

next BB concert, we're going together no matter what!!!

(i understand the pain lol eyes, nose, lips is my jam)

 

Tae

Kook... i cant ask my dad to get me tickets... they're crazily prized

(same tho, taeyang's voice... aaafdnvdfnvk that song gives me the chills)

 

Kook

wtf do u mean ofc u arent gonna ask ur dad i am getting us both tickets

(same damn)

 

Tae

thats too much kookie... i

 

Kook

ur my twin for godssake Tae whats wrong with u

i want u to enjoy all that i have

it makes me feel bad that i had everything i wanted while u never got what u wanted

its not even ur fault

i mean for all that could have happened we could have been switched and u would hve had all this

u deserve to be happy too

 

Tae

r u done?

 

Kook

Tae?

 

Tae

listen i know how we were pretty eager to do this switch thingy but i need u to know right now that i would never give up my life that easily

i would never switch it permanently

ik that we're like dirt poor compared to u so when u see my house its gonna be like barely one tenth of urs and without really much luxury and stuff

and u prolly wont like it

but thing is its ours, mine, everyrhing and everyone i love is there

thats where i made all my memories

thats where i spent days cuddling up with my dad who worked and works himself to his bone just so tht i can get everything i want, just to make me happy without thinking abt himself for even a second

we may not have money but hes given me more precious currency - hes given me so much love tht i hve never wanted anything more

 

Kook

Tae 

 

Tae

and yeah maybe i like bb and i want to go to their concert but i would take being pulled into a hug by my dad at the end of the day over anything else

any day

thats whats waiting for u if u go back home

and if u think u cant handle that then i am gonna need to ask u to come back to camp

we'll switch

because i wont stand while my dsd gets hurt because of something u did

cause if u ask him smthg he'll try his best to get it

and then overwork

to keep us afloat and pay off all the debts his parents couldnt

it'll kill him and i dont want that

and he'll take every word u say to heart and berate himself for being a terrible father

when in reality i couldnt have asked for a better one

so i need u to either promise me u'll keep that smile on his face

or we'll go back to our own homes

cause i am not gonna let my dad get hurt a second time

even if ur my brother

 

Kook

i am sorry tae

i really am

that was mean of me

to suggest that ur dad didnt make u happy

to relate the amount of money he makes with who he is

i hope u arent too mad at me

and I'll take care of him

i want to meet him too

and I'll love him the way u would if u were here

i promise u that

hes my dad too

i promise u I'll mke sure he always smiles

 

Tae

thank you kook

i wont ask u anything more

and i kno why u said the things u did, but trust me when i say that hes the best dad i could have ever asked for

and that i would trade anything - anything to be with him

to be his son

 

Kook

im sorry

 

Tae

its alright

ig this was the whole point behind the switch

to get to know them better

i am really tired now so i am gonna go take a nap for a while ><

lemme kno once u reach home

love you <3

 

Kook

love you too tae <3

 

**

 

Kook

KIM FUCKING TAEHYUNG Y WOULD U DO THIS TO ME?

HOW could u?

 

Tae

huh?

 

Kook

how could u not tell me that THE RAP MONSTER is UR DAD

U KNO I AM OBSESSED WITH UNDERGROUND RAP HOW COULD U DO THIS TO UR POOR TWIN BROTHER

 

Tae

hes RM now

and i thought u already know?

u literally have a picture of RM? in ur wallet all the time?

and diddnt I show u a pic of my dad and also he’s ur dads laptop bg?

u cant tell theyre the same person?

 

Kook

I didn't realize it was the same person ok rm looked like a fckn nerd in the pic I have and besides he had sunglasses on plus the pixels were pathetic

that crappy pic doesnt do justice to the president, Kim Namjoon

all hail our lord and saviour

and to think hes ur dad

UR FUCKN DAD

 

Tae

hes ur dad too lol

and looks like someones got a severe case of idol worship

 

Kook

OFC I DO

I HVE LOVED HIM SINCE FOREVER?!

hes the reason i even love music?

gods i have even sneaked out a few times to attend the underground rap battles he takes part in

me, SNEAKING OUT, to see him

like hes so fuckn powerful on stage?

when he spits rap?

and damn that presence, the charisma

THE WAY HE SPEAKS ENGLISH

and now i figure out hes my dad?

LIKE WTF UNIVERSE

i am not crying, i am cutting onions

 

Tae

...wow

pls dont ask him for an autograph and ruin our cover

or do smth equally stupid

hes kim namjoon at home, not RM

but yeah, damn sing those praises cause my dad slays

what did i tell u

hes the best

HES THE BEST

 

Kook

fuck

i still cant get over it

hes gone to change from his work clothes and goddamit HES GOT DIMPLES?!

that badass rapper on stage and hes got adorable dimples and the brightest fckn smile and the warmest hugs

like he walked thru the door and my dumb ass still hasnt processed evrything and he dives in straight for a hug and i felt so safe?

;_;

where was i all this time

my whole life is a lie

 

Tae

well aint wrong there buddy

our whole lives were a lie lol

but ikr his hugs are amazing

hes amazing

 

Kook

u dont need to answer this if u dont want to

but why did he stop rapping

he hasnt been in the scene in ages?

 

Tae

rapping is his passion and hes damn good at it but he doesnt get paid much for it

and its not enough

for all of us to get by

especially considering i hve got to go to school and all

i mean if it was just dad and uncle hobi i think they would have managed

but with me in the equation

well - he just gave it all up

picking a stable job over it all

picking me over his music...

 

Kook

hey

dont feel bad for it

hes ur dad

ofc he would pick u over everything else

this is gonna sound so stupid but i am so glad we both had amazing parents, who managed to take care of us so well all alone and made us feel so loved

like idk i was kinda sceptic to meet ur dad

cause i hve no idea y anyone would want to break up with my dad

especially seeing how he still obviously at least is fond of him

but now i feel happier

 

Tae

ur not being stupid kookie

i am happy too

ur dad seems like an awesome person tpo and i wish i just knew what happened along the way

and thanks :')

 

Kook

we may not have known of each other for 15 yrs

but i hve got ur back now

no matter what happens ull always have me

 

Tae

dont make me cry u cocnut head

i love u too and ill have ur back too

<3

 

Kook

<3

DNCJVKFMMEKE

 

Tae

Kook?

 

Kook

YOU HAVE A DOG??!!!

WTF TAE

u have a dog and u didnt tell me?!

 

Tae

oh thats tannie

my baby ;_;

ah i miss him so much

wait I thougt i told u about tannie

 

Kook

u said tannie lives on ur bed and is soft and u hug him to sleep so i assumed he's, like

a pillow or sth

u never said tannie was a DOG

ur uncle just told me hes called yeontan and fuck yeah i approve

hes adorable?

he looks so perpetually pissed and uwu

hes so cute!!!!

anxnnfnfnfnmvkvk

 

Tae

IFKR TANNIE IS PRECIOUS

wait do u wanna see a pic of him

all dressed up and all

gimme a sec ill dig it up

26149

LOOK AT MY PRECIOUS BABY

 

Kook

y is he so cute?

this isnt good for my heart

*clutches heart*

shit

 

Tae

what happened

 

Kook

yeontan started barking at me

and ur dad walked in

now hes looking at the two of us confused

what do i do tae!!

 

Tae

oh shit

idk make something up!!!

tell him camp washed away ur scent or something

 

Kook

ur telling me ur father, the guy with an iq of 148, is gonna fall for that

srsly?

 

Tae

well i dont see u offering solutions!!!

 

Kook

wait

we're safe

sigh

uncle hobi walked out fron the kitchen

took a look at the situation

and pulled ur dad back to his room claiming he was underdressed

 

Tae

thank god

dad's going out?

 

Kook

i think hes going to meet a friend?

he was saying smth abt meeting a fellow rapper

idk

 

Tae

and hes all dressed up u say?

 

Kook

yeah, he looks so fckn hot btw

i think uncle hobi dragged him back in for makeup or smth

 

Tae

hmm

 

Kook

whats it?

 

Tae

its just that dad never dresses up

let alone does makeup

and even tho he has frnds

he rarely sees them or even if he does he jist goes casually

but this...

 

Kook

now that u put it that way

yeah it looks suspicious

he looks dressed to get drunk tbh

 

Tae

he doesnt drink

hasnt in a very long time

tho if it really is that

i hope he has fun

he deserves it

also that reminds me

ur dad got so excited that i got my ear pierced lol

like i think for a sec there he actually cried?

 

Kook

ah... dads like that

i hve always been shy

and hes somehow blamed himself for it a lot

plus my lack of frnds

so everytime i do somwthing crazy hes proud lol

 

Tae

its really sweet tbh

hes awesome

and fuck he cooks so well?

i hve never tasted jjigae this good before in my life?

 

Kook

IKR

u should wait till he makes jjajangmyeon

ull be ruined for life

 

Tae

i think i am already ruined for life lol

i cant even get out of ur bed

its so soft?

and goes in so deep

ill have to find my way out later

 

Kook

u say that now

but its too fuckn big

and reminds me of how alone i am

i always end up sleeping in dads bed with him

 

Tae

:(

oh i am sry kookie

but yeah, i cuddle a lot with dad too

and uncle hobi lol

we generally push together the beds in their room and sleep that way

 

Kook

that sounds so nice

and so warm

 

Tae

it is!!!

 

Kook

ah ur dad just left

he told us he would be back late

and not to wait up

 

Tae

hmm

 

Kook

u think hes going on a date?

 

Tae

WHAT?

why would u say that?

 

Kook

idk uncle hobi kept mentioning this other guy and i think he blushed?

 

Tae

well i dont think its anythung major otherwise he would have told me

that is, u

so i think everythings clear for now

but i still want to know the deets

my dads FINALLY going to have fun after so long

and i am not there to sneak out

and watch him with my own two eyes

 

Kook

um...i would do it

but i have a feeling ill end up getting lost

 

Tae

we wouldn't want that lol

wait, uncle hobi!

 

Kook

huh?

 

Tae

uncle hobi can be our eyes and ears!!!

ill create a grp chat for the 3 of us gimme a sec

 

**

 

Tae created chat Mission V

Tae added Uncle Hobi

Tae added Kook

 

Kook

Mission V?

 

Tae

it stands for victory

 

Kook

thats just so... lame

 

Tae

nobody asked you

 

Taehyung changed Kook's name to Coconut head

 

Coconut head

Classy

u realise ur insulting urself too rite

seeing as we look the same

 

Tae

oh shit

its fine

i am the prettier coconut

 

Coconut head

Wtf

how r u even my brother

 

Tae

i wonder that too

 

Uncle Hobi

hey boys!

whats with the chat?

 

Tae

uncle Hobi!!!!!!

 

Uncle Hobi

TaeTae!!!!!!

 

Tae

we want u to spy on dad's date and report back

 

Coconut head

yeah!!!

 

Uncle Hobi

Joon's date?

our Joon's going on a date?

wtf

i am not sure i get you guys

 

Coconut head

well hes all dressed up right?

 

Uncle Hobi

oh that XD

there's a rap battle tonight!

i managed to get him to go lol

theres no date

 

Tae

what?

 

Coconut head

A RAP BATTLE

SJXNCJFJDMDKRJR

TAKE ME PLS

PLS PLS PLS

I WANNA SEE HIM PERFORM

Y DIDNT U TELL ME

 

Uncle Hobi

Jungkook?

 

Tae

ignore him lol

he idolises dad

but ah, well kookie said dad was dressed up so we assumed he was going on a date

 

Uncle Hobi

dear lord, no

u think ur father would take time to date?

the zombie apocalypse is more likely than that lol

 

Coconut head

:(

 

Tae

:((((

 

Uncle Hobi

i am sad too boys

but theres nothing we can do than show him we love him :(

 

Tae

uncle hobi can u spy on him

and tell us if hes happy

and enjoying himself?

pls

 

Coconut head

yeah uncle hobi

pls

also take me along with u

 

Uncle Hobi

ur dad will skin me alive if he catches u at such a sleazy place kook

 

Coconut head

:(((

 

Tae

Uncle Hobi!!!

u made kookie sad :(

take him with u

u kno dad wont notice u guys in the crowd

let him live a little

hes a shy smol bean

 

Coconut head

i detest being called that

seeing as i am taller than u

by 1cm

but ill let it pass... for now

pls uncle hobi!!!

 

Uncle hobi

boys...

fine

 

Tae

yaasssss

ur the best <3

 

Uncle Hobi

lets just hope we dont get caught

 

Tae

did the happiness kill kook?

 

Uncle Hobi

hes clinging on to me like a koala lol

 

Tae

ah i knew he was secretly soft

that reminds me

dd1618968f1a937c436d5edc04717cee--the-princess-v-taehyung

How do we look?

 

Coconut head

shit u look so good?

my bro is so hot

 

Tae

r u tryna indirectly compliment urself?

 

Coconut head

y cant u take a goddamn compliment

 

Uncle Hobi

damn Jin hyung still looks hot

he doesnt look like hes aged at all?

like how?

I guess financial stability does that to u

 

**

 

TaeTae

uncle hobi are u alright?

 

Uncle Hobi

its just that i am so pissed that ur dad is a train wreck, so exhausted and barely alive and jin-hyung looks just like he was all those yrs ago

argh

its not fair

 

TaeTae

yeah i get u

but i think u might hve hurt kook's feelings

hes kook's dad after all

and hes loved him

kook's not to blame uncle hobi

 

Uncle Hobi

ur right

sigh

I'll apologize

its just so hard

seeing my brother walk around like a shell of himself

 

TaeTae

dad will be alright uncle hobi

he's got us

love you

<3

 

Uncle Hobi

I love you too TaeTae <3

 

**

 

Mission V

 

Uncle Hobi

sry kook

that was uncalled for

i shldnt have said

 

Coconut head

its alright uncle hobi

ur allowed to be protective of ur brother

and i am sry for all these yrs too

idek y dad wouldnt reach out

in spite of knowing how things r here

and i hope by the time i have to leave things will be better

 

Tae

awww

kookie <3

 

Coconut head

TaeTae <3

 

Uncle Hobi

damn

the two of you are just so cute ;_;

i might be pissed at Jin hyung

but he raised u well

i am so proud of u kiddo <3

 

Coconut head

thnx uncle hobi <3

 

Tae

ok sap time is over

back to business

r u at the venue?

 

Uncle Hobi

you had to ruin the moment tae

but yeah

joon's getting ready i believe

hes going against this guy called Agust D

 

Coconut head

FUCK

LOOK AT HIM

26150

CAN U BELIEVE HES MY DAD?????

 

Tae

lol

but shit dad looks good

uncle hobi ur an angel

 

Uncle Hobi

glad to be of service

kook is freaking out beside me

its so cute

 

Tae

hes adorable

but keep me updated

 

Uncle Hobi

the rap battle's going well

fuck that Agust d guy sure can rap

 

Coconut head

not as well as dad, no

 

Tae

ur biased lol

but i would be too so i dont blame u ><

hows dad doing

 

Coconut head

THEY TIED?!

WHAT INJUSTICE IS THIS

I DEMAND A RE BATTLE

HOW CAN THE CROWD DO THIS

CAN THEY NOT SEE WHOS THE SUPRIOR RAPPER HERE

INJUSTIE I SY

 

Tae

what XD

 

Uncle Hobi

the crowd didnt pick

they both got cheered on equally loudly so the mc just gave up lol

he didnt want them to go on forever

 

Tae

damn the other rapper must be rly good then

 

Uncle Hobi

yeah he is

so good

totally good

 

Coconut head

no he wasnt

i didnt even understand wht he was saying

 

Tae

lol ur cute XD

 

**

 

TaeTae

whats dad doing?

hows he honestly

 

Uncle Hobi

hes talking to the Agust d guy

and theyre... smiling?

fuck i can see his dimples

 

TaeTae

YAS

 

Uncle Hobi

the other guy just bought him drinks

if i didnt know better i would say joon was blushing

 

TaeTae

awww

:')

 

Uncle Hobi

he looks so happy?

and so alive

boy am i glad i pushed him to come out today

he looks like himself Tae

 

TaeTae

i am so glad too uncle hobi

so glad too

Chapter Text

Tae

wow i know u said ur school was big

but i didn’t expect it to be THIS big

anyway how’s ur first day at my school going?

Kook

surprisingly well

like im honestly surprised!!!

i didnt expect this method acting excuse to work so well???

Tae

told u it would work!

its not that my friends are stupid

they’re just rly supportive of my acting endeavors

so they let me get away with a lot of stuff

Kook

yeah its amazing…

and its not even just ur friends

but everyone in general

even the teachers

like the math teacher in the first period asked me why i look so nervous

so i said im trying to perfect my role as a nervous new student at school

and she was like oh ok taehyung ur doing very well!!

even gave me tips!!

“u could suck on the inside of ur chin…

drum ur fingers on the table…

tap ur foot impatiently…

its all about the small details taehyung!!

u gotta show ur nervousnbess with ur whole body!!”

Tae

oh thats ms. kwon

shes the sweetest

but ya my classmates are generally very chill when it comes to this kind of stuff

Kook

theyre so nice…

it makes me kinda sad :((

bc im basically lying to them by pretending to be u

what if they find out the truth

they’ll eventually have to find out

wont they hate u then? :(((

Tae

nah its fine

u know how tiny my school is lol everyones known each other since we were kids

we’ve done a shitton of dishonest stuff together but its all for fun

i dressed up as a girl for 2 months to pretend to be minghao’s gf so that his stalker fans will leave him alone

i went ‘swimming’ with lucas every day for the whole summer except he went to a net café to play games and i actually went swimming

i brought his swim trunks with me and made sure its wet and smells like chlorine

his mom still has no idea

so its fine lol they wont mind a lil identity swap

Kook

are u sure??

i feel so bad……..

…wait u dressed up as a girl for 2 months???

Tae

its just after school since his fans are from another school

and i can be a very pretty girl ok

i have such nice eyelashes

but anyway, its fine, it rly is, don’t worry

Kook

i feel like im playing with their feelings :/

Tae

well they collectively pranked me once by telling me that lisa’s soul is connected with a dandelion in the schoolyard

and when all the seeds on the dandelion are blown away she dies

i spent a whole night in a thunderstorm crying and protecting the dandelion ok

almost got pneumonia

they were rly sorry and its not rly their fault, they cant predict the weather, but

if they could play with my feelings like that we can play with theirs too

Kook

omg how did u even believe that kind of thing

Tae

i was EIGHT

Kook

i wouldn’t have believed it if i were 6

Tae

anyway just trust me on this lol they wont be mad if they find out

they’ll prob think its hilarious

they’re great ppl lol

when the truth gets out i can finally introduce u to them as kookie, my baby brother

i bet theyd love to be ur friend

Kook

they do seem nice

the atmosphere in ur class is so chill

why isn’t mine like that :(

jimin is the only nice one in my class

Tae

i think its just bc ur school is huge so ppl aer less likely to know each other

while my whole school basically grew up together

AND

SPEAKING OF JIMIN!!!!!

Kook

omg tae what did u do?????

Tae

i didn’t do anything lol why would u assume id do anything

Kook

becuz u spent the whole ytd night teasing me that ur gonna just go up t ojimin and tell him hes cute?????

Tae

lol im not that mean ok i know u wont like that so i didn’t do it

but anyway!!!!!

guess what happened today with park jimin!!!

(btw ur totally right its very easy to tell its him he’s very radiant and sooooo cute)

Kook

RIGHT????

SO CUTE AAAAAAAA HIS CHEEKS

tae ur school is nice and stuff but i kinda miss seeing jimin :((((

my ray of light within those cold, cold school walls

Tae

i can take a pic of him for u

Kook

omg don’t do that

u will make me look like a stalker

Tae

i don’t mean take a pic secretly lol

i mean take a selfie with him

Kook

WHAT

taking a selfie with jimin will involve talking to jimin

but u cant just

go up and talk to jimin

bc ur me

and im shy

i don’t do stuff like that

Tae

well, actually

i didn’t have to

bc instead of me talking to jimin…

HE talked to ME today

Kook

WHAAAAAAAATTTTTT

Tae

so, it was in history class

hes sitting in front of me, right

and then he dropped his eraser

so i picked it up for him

Kook

lol clumsy jimin is so cute >/////<

he does that a lot u know

i always have to pick up his erasers

Tae

i don’t think he’s clumsy

or maybe he is, but that’s not the reason he drops his erasers

have u never considered

that the reason he drops his erasers so much is that

its an opportunity to interact with u

Kook

WHAT

no way

no way lol why would he wanna interact with me

Tae

idk bc ur cute?

Kook

omg adhaildgafjaklg im not cute

Tae

dude u look exactly like kim taehyung, the epitome of cute

therefore ur cute

Kook

but jimin would never notice me ok adfjakljhafh

Tae

he totally did

bc today

when i picked up the eraser i saw

he wrote words on it!!! with a pen

and it says!!!

“Jungkook, how was your summer? ( ✿)”

Kook

WHAT

OMG NO DON’T PLAY WITH MY FEELINGS LIKE THAT

Tae

im not playing with ur feelings omg do u rly think id make this kind of thing up

Kook

but why would jimin want to knowabout my summer??

he’s jimin

im me

Tae

who knows, might be ur sparkling inner beauty

but anyway he asked, and i answered

Kook

what did u answer omg

i hope u didn’t say anything uncool

Tae

i couldn’t talk lol since we were in class

i had to write my answer on the eraser and there was like no space left

so i thought to myself… hmmm im jungkook now! i have to act like jungkook!

what would emo boy jungkook answer in this kind of situation?

the answer came to me, like a bolt of lightning

emo boy Jungkook would say:

my summer was shitty

so i drew a shit emoji on the eraser and returned it to jimin

Kook

KIM TAEYHUNG IM GONNA END U

WHY WOULD U DO THAT

WHY WOULD U

Tae

hey it all worked out in the end

bc after class ended

jimin turned around and said

“oh, so u ate a lot of ice cream this summer? ^3^”

Kook

JIMIN THOUGHT U DREW AN ICE CREAM????

JIMIN THOUGHT SHIT = ICE CREAM????

Tae

apparently, yes

Kook

WHY IS HE SO CUTE

AAAAA MY HEART CANNOT TAKE

AAAAAAHHHHH JIMIIIINNNNNNNNNNN

Tae

ya so anyway

i said yeah, i did, it was very good ice cream

and jimin said

“i wanna get ice cream too lets go today after schoool~ ^3^”

so uh, need some recommndations on good ice cream shops near ur school

thx kook

Kook

WTF

KIM TAHEYTNG

ur gonna get ice cream with jimin

did u manage to achieve what ive dreamed of doing for 2 yrs in the span of 1 history class

Tae

yes?

honestly u could’ve just asked and he’d prob go with u, he’s rly nice

Kook

can we lik swap back like right now

Tae

we’re 10 hrs away from each other by car

Kook

:((

anyway ill send u the address of my fav ice cream shop

get the banana flavor it’s the best

Tae

ok ill tell jimin to get it

so it’d be like the 2 of u are sharing an ice cream and indirectly kissing

Kook

dude that’s not how indirect kissing works

 

**

 

Tae

guess what

 

pasted image 0

Kook

AAAAAAAA

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

Tae

dude that’s a lot of A’s ar u ok right there

Kook

asafklajhfaafhafkl;afhajkl

Tae

i guess ur not ok

 

**

 

Jiminie ଘ(੭* ˊ ˋ )੭*

hi jungkook!

it’s jiminie~

i had fun today!

it was nice to go out for ice cream & boba once in a while

my parents are never home so it does get lonely after school :((

“Jungkook”

oh no

we can always hang out if u get lonely!

i had fun today too!

Jiminie ଘ(੭* ˊ ˋ )੭*

yay!!

ur surprisingly fun to talk to, u know?

i used to be a little scared of u, because u always wear headphones and never talk

i had to spend the whole summer hyping myself up before i had the guts to initiate conversation ><

haha i’m lame like that

“Jungkook”

omg no jiminie ur not lame

and don’t be scare of jungkook he’s a harmless marshmallow

Jiminie ଘ(੭* ˊ ˋ )੭*

haha are u talking about urself in the 3 rd person now?

“Jungkook”

ahahahha it’s just a habit i developed from watching too much anime

 

**

 

Tae

kookie…

Kook

what

u sound sad

why u sad?

Tae

i don’t know, nan molla :(

ok srsly, bts lyrics aside,

im actually kinda sad

Kook

omg no :(

why?

Tae

because its all fake love

Kook

didn’t u just say “bts lyrics aside”

Tae

no im being serious ok

it rly is all fake love :(

i guess im the one worried about playing with ppl’s feelings now…

Kook

oh

u mean jimin? :(

Tae

yeah he’s such a sweetie :(

he sounds so genuinely happy that he gets to talk to u

what if he finds out

bc he will eventually have to find out

this is entirely different from duping my friends

ugh we should have taken this into consiuderatuion when we were planning the switch

why didn’t we take this into consireatuion

Kook

bc we decided u would pretend to be shy like me and not talk to anyone in my school………….

but should’ve known ur just too outgoing for that

Tae

i tried…

i rly tried i wore headphones and stuff but

but he approached me first

i bet the reason he chose to communicate with erasers

is bc u wear headphones all the time so u cant even hear him

he rly did approach me first i didn’t want to start trouble either im so sorry kook

Kook

oh im not blaming u

damn it kinda sounded like im blaming u

im not

i know u cant control who approaches u first

i just assumed no one would bc no one ever talks to me??

omg i have no idea how to handle this either

i don’t want to lie to jimin either

hes my crush of 2 yrs

who would lie to their crush of 2yrs

unless they’re secretly spiderman or sth

Tae

are u?

Kook

spiderman? no im not

Tae

good, just checking

i feel so guilty

and he has my (ur) number now so i keep getting texts from him :(

its so hard pretending to be friendly all the while knowing im not who he thinks i am

Kook

what is he saying in his texts

Tae

just random stuff

right now we’re discussing anime

so its not like he’s pouring his heart out to me or anythuing but STILL

Kook

uh ok this is totally crazy but

u said u cant tell ur friends the truth bc everyone knows everyone in ur town

and ur afried ur friewnds parents will spill

but im pretty sure my dad doesn’t know jimin’s parents or anything

so its not like jimin is gonna spill

so uh maybe……..

if u don’t want to lie to jimin

and i don’t want to lie to jimin

when the timing is right

u tell him

the truth?

he’ll prob hate us but at least we wont have to keep feeling guiltier and guiltier

Tae

actually this did cross my mind

several times today bc jimin is so easy to talk to, it rly makes me want to tell him all my deepest darkest secrets

he just has that kind of face

but i didn’t act on it bc i thought u wouldn’t want me to

bc that way he’ll know u have a crush on him right??

Kook

no? he doesn’t have to know?

u just tell him about the swap, not the crush

say ur pretending to be me

but ur a naturally friendly person and feel lonely in the new school

so when jimin tried to befriend u, u took the offer eagerly

u don’t have to mention that i told u about him AT ALL

Tae

hmm that’s true

so… i’ll just wait until the timing is right

then tell him

worst case scenario, he hates me, he hates u

Kook

that’s ok with me tbh

its not like im especially well-liked at school or anything

Tae

best case scenario, he thinks its funny

and wants to talk to u too

and we create a 3-person chat

and u can chat with park jimin ༼♥ل͜♥༽

Kook

omg what is that creepy kaomoji

Tae

that’s u with ur big nose and heart eyes for park jimin

Kook

omg i don’t have a big nose

u have a big nose

Tae

well id say our noses are roughly the same size since we’re identical

but i don’t have heart eyes for park jimin

Kook

well im glad u don’t bc otherwise thatd be awkward

id have to fight my own brother

and u will lose bc i do 240 pushups a day

Tae

ok ok u win

but im still the cooler out of us 2 bc i took a selfie with park jimin and u didn’t

Kook

stop rubbing it into my face :((

Chapter Text

Yoongi hyung

namjoon, I know we dont really know each other all that well apart from that other day at the rap battle and after (which was fun btw)

and I’m sorry for texting you at 3 in the night

but I’m kinda desparate now

and there's no else who I can ask

but do you know some place which my broke ass can occupy in a short period of time?

 

Namjoon

It was really fun hyung, it’s been such a long time since I have spoken to somebody who loves music like it’s their life

It was very refreshing

And you don't ever need to hesitate to ask me!

I think there's an apartment in the floor above mine that's empty?

I'll give you the owner's number and maybe you can find out?

 

[Namjoon attached a contact]

 

Also if you don't mind me asking, what happened?

 

Yoongi hyung

youre a life saver Namjoon, I swear

thank you so much

and to answr your question

my landlady kicked me out

 

Namjoon

:(

Why though?

 

Yoongi hyung

... it doesnt matter

 

Namjoon

Hyunggg tell me

 

Yoongi hyung

are you drunk, Namjoon?

you didnt seem like the clingy type to me

 

Namjoon

...

Maybe a little?

 

Yoongi hyung

how tf are you typing properly then?!

wow youre something else kim namjoon

 

Namjoon

:)

 

Yoongi hyung

that wasnt a compliment, dumbass

 

Namjoon

:(

 

Yoongi hyung

I thought you said you didnt drink?

 

Namjoon

I felt sad hyungie :(

 

Yoongi hyung

do you want me to beat up someone for you

 

Namjoon

Hyung we don't know each other that well lol

And no, it's just me being myself

 

Yoongi hyung

I let you call me hyung

that means you're part of the inner circle now

 

Namjoon

oooohhh

there's an inner circle?

I thought you were friendless and sad and lonely???

does this mean you'll give up your life for me?????? :D

 

Yoongi hyung

that means I'll kill you quickly if you piss me off

instead of taking my time with torture

 

Namjoon

:(((

 

Yoongi hyung

anyways whats got you sad enough to drink

 

Namjoon

my ex

 

Yoongi hyung

bad break up?

 

Namjoon

bad divorce

 

Yoongi hyung

...

you have an ex-husband?

 

Namjoon

You didn't know hyung?

We were the talk of the town when we broke up lol

But I guess it makes sense...it happened a long long time ago

 

Yoongi hyung

i see

why does thinking about him make you sad

and why are you even thinking about him

(also, I spoke to the owner of the apt and she's happy to give it to me

she says I can move in by next week)

thank you so so much

 

Namjoon

Hyung, he was amazing

He was perfect hyung

...

I dont wanna talk about him hyung

can we not talk about him?

can we talk about something else

I’m sorry hyung

 

Yoongi hyung

hey its alright

we can talk about anything you want

 

Namjoon

Thank you hyung :)

and I’m so glad you got the apartment!!!

Though why were you kicked out?

 

Yoongi hyung

...

do we have to talk abt that

 

Namjoon

Tell me whyyyyy

 

Yoongi hyung

no

 

Namjoon

:(

:(((((

 

Yoongi hyung

fine you brat

 

Namjoon

:)

 

Yoongi hyung

she saw me feeding the stray cats

by leaving food in her "prized garden"

and told me to get out that instant

but in my defense the cat was pregnant

I couldn't let her starve

 

Namjoon

lol

I knew you were secretly soft!

uwu

 

Squishy hyung

shut up brat

and stop using emojis your scaring me

 

Namjoon

T_T

Wait she told you to leave IMMEDIATELY?

Where are you staying now then?

 

Squishy hyung

yeah

at this shady hotel

the bed creaks

and i swear that weird hole in my shirt must have been the rats

i dont think i have ever eaten shirts drunk

... but that could explain why there was cotton in my mouth today morning

 

Namjoon

WHAT

You

Okay first thing tomorrow morning

You are coming over to my place

And you'll stay here till you get your apartment

its decided

done

settled :)

 

Squishy hyung

Namjoon no

i don't want to impose

 

Namjoon

namjoon yes

you won't be imposing hyung!!!!!

its just me Hobi and TaeTae

 

Squishy hyung

... joon

 

Namjoon

nuh uh

I am dragging out the spare inflatable bed as we speak

 

Squishy hyung

Joon you're drunk

 

Namjoon

am not

ghjukkmwaqxg

 

Squishy hyung

joon?

Namjoon?

Joon what happened?

I’m calling you now

 

Namjoon

uh, there's no need for that squish-ssi?

 

Squishy hyung

who's this

where's namjoon?

 

Namjoon

jeez there's no need to be so defensive...

 

Squishy hyung

this is min yoongi and if you don't tell me why you're on namjoon's phone rn i promise I'll hunt you down and burn you

i am a pyromaniac don't try me

 

Namjoon

omg you're precious XD

uwu

no wonder joon likes you so much

 

Squishy hyung

...

tf are you high too

 

Namjoon

lol no yoongi-ssi

i am his brother hoseok

that big baby tried dragging out the inflatable bed on his own and stumbled into the couch lol

i just tucked him rn

 

Squishy hyung

Aish that idiot

is he fine??

he isn't hurt right

 

Namjoon

he's fine

not even a scratch

 

Squishy hyung

okay that's good then

tell him I'll check up on him tomorrow

good night hoseok-ssi

 

Namjoon

wait

you're welcome to move in tomorrow you know

i don't mind

and Tae will be happy as long as joon is happy

 

Squishy hyung

...

i

 

Namjoon

please

i hvent seen my brother this excited in ages

he really wants you here

 

Squishy hyung

...okay

I'll be there hoseok-ssi

thank you

really

 

Namjoon

no worries :)

do you need help bringing your stuff over?

because if so i can ask tae to help you tomorrow morning

its a sunday so he'll be at home

 

Squishy hyung

if that wont be too much of a bother...

 

Namjoon

ofc not!!! :D

see you tomorrow then!

 

Squishy hyung

yeah...

good night

 

Namjoon

good night :)

 

***

 

Tae

is it bestiality if you make out with a centuar?

 

Kook

tae wtf

its 4 in the night?

why r u even awake?!

 

Tae

oh is baby boy asleep?

is it already past your bedtime??

 

Kook

some ppl maintain normal sleep schedules?

 

Tae

"some ppl"

but u havent answered my question

 

Kook

idk? ig it is

 

Tae

what if u fall in love with an anaconda thats actually a human but u dont know it when you kiss it

 

Kook

kim taehyung

what.the.fuck

 

Tae

jeez

u wont even humour me

wet blanket

 

Kook

...

y arent u asleep

 

Tae

because i am awake

duh

 

Kook

u can just admit ur homesick

u know

i am too

 

Tae

...

ik

its just that i feel so stupid

like the idea was all mine

and technically i shld hve been homesick yesterday

but i juat slwpt off

but now...

 

Kook

i get it

but i think thts coz we were tired ystday

nd tiday its sunk in?

its lright to feel sad :(

i am too

i miss dad

 

Tae

i miss dad too :(

the bed is too big

i cant sleep without hugging someone

and we cuddled everyday there

 

Kook

that makes sense

i used to stare at gds face till i fell asleep lol

i camt do that now

but at least Uncle Hobi was cuddling me so

 

Tae

:(

his cuddles are awesome

hes as clingy as i am

 

Kook

i kno lol

i couldnt even turn around

 

Tae

r u texting wuth them sleeping beside u

 

Kook

nah

Uncle Hobi got up a while ago once ur dad came home

i think he walked into smth again

...and i think he was drunk

 

Tae

what

my dad was drunk?

kook what

r u sure

 

Kook

yeah :(

and he sounds so sad

 

Tae

i

ill be back

 

Kook

Tae?

TaeTae?

hey where r u

its been over ten mins

i think he fell asleep now

Uncle Hobi tucked him in

hes gonna sleep with him

tae pls talk to me

 

Tae

i am sry

i just

this was such a bad idea

y did we do this kook

dad needs me

i need to be there for him wtf

its gotta be super bad if he decided to get drunk

after all these yrs

 

Kook

do u want me to go check on him

i can do that

 

Tae

no

dont, he wont want me to see him like this

he'll be embarassed

and feel guilty

nd bad abt it

 

Kook

i m sry tae

u could maybe go cuddle with dad?

i go to his room when i cant sleep

he wont mind

 

Tae

r u sure

that wont be weird ?

 

Kook

y wld it be

hes ur dad too

 

Tae

thanx kook

srsly

damn when did u bevome the mature one between us tho

 

Kook

i alwys was shithead

 

Tae

i know you alwys were a shithead :D

 

Kook

:l

haha

also dw I'll hug him a lot tmrw for u

 

Tae

thank u kookie

<3

 

Kook

now go sleep

gd night taetae <3

 

Tae

gd night guk!

 

***

 

Kook

Tae does ur dad hve frnds named Yoongi

TAE WAKE UP

tae

kim tae

kim taehyung

 

Tae

i m not talking to u

 

Kook

yyyyyy

 

Tae

hmm lets see

becoz i hve an appointment with the THERAPIST today aftrnoon???

 

Kook

huh

wot did u do

pls dont tell me u drew a dick on the neighbours window or smth

 

Tae

why tf would i do that???!!!

 

Kook

well u hve done it before...

 

Tae

i m disowning u

ur ded to me

park jimin is my only bro now

 

Kook

low blow tae

low blow

but srsly wot happned

 

Tae

well i woke up

nd ur dad was taking a bath

so me being the prodigal,thoughtful, awesome son that i am

decided to make him brekfast

becoz i thot thats what all sons who love their dads do on sundays

except someone apparently doesnt

 

Kook

oh shit

idek how to cook wtf tae

didnt i explicitly tell u that the most i can do is boil water?!

 

Tae

y wouldnt u be able to cook

EVERYONE knows how to cook

 

Kook

u dont need to kno when ur dads THE KIM SEOKJIN, food connoisseur and owner of one of the biggest restaurants in all of seoul

 

Tae

:l

anyways so i did that

and he came out od the bath

nd screamed before dragging me bacl to the bed

checked my temp

tucked me in aggressively

and declared that camp had affected me badly

that i needed to talk to the therapist becoz he doesnt want somwthing to scar md for lyfe

like wtf bro

all i made him was some BREAKFAST GODDAMIT

 

Kook

...oops?

 

Tae

y is he like this

one would think i killed his pet gliders



Kook

hes overprotective

and loves me too muxh eeps

but hell be fine

just tell him u leaent how to cook in camp nd u wanted to show him u lovd him or smth like that

 

Tae

u think thatll work

i rly dont want to see thw therapist

we'll be inso much trble lol

 

Kook

dad ll mebe cry a bit

but hell buy it

dw

 

Tae

hmm

y do u even have a regular therapist btw

 

Kook

and the tjerapist is not mine

hes...dads

 

Tae

oh

can i ask y?

u dont need to tell me if u dont want to...

 

Kook

i...i think its becoz of the divorce

hes been seeing him for a long time

uncle jinki is practically family at tjis pnt

 

Tae

oh ... i m sry kook

 

Kook

dont be

ig ur dad had Uncle Hobi

but...my dad had no one rly

his family doesnt really care all thaf much for him

 

Tae

y did they even get a divorce kook

what happened

becoz i think they still like each other

 

Kook

idk tae

i wish i knew

rly

 

Tae

maybe we shld ask Uncle Hobi?

 

Kook

tht would be the best i think

 

***

 

Jungkook

hey

um yoongi-ssi?

this is tae?

 

Yoongi-ssi (?)

are you telling me ur tae or are you asking me

 

Jungkook

i am tae

 

Yoongi-ssi

glad u figured that out

anywys u know the place right

its two blocks down the starbucks

dingy shady motel

 

Jungkook

b ther soon

 

Yoongi-ssi

I'll be waiting down with the stuff

 

Jungkook

i thnk i kno the place ur talking abt

 

Yoongi-ssi

hmm

I m not gonna ask you why you know

but seriously why do u type like an emo teenager

 

Jungkook

... becoz I am one?

not emo

the teenager part

 

Yoongi-ssi

what

 

Jungkook

I am fifteen?

 

Yoongi-ssi

are you sure?

you dont sound so sure

 

Jungkook

wtf yeah

listen old man, r u telling me i am lying

 

Yoongi-ssi

yah brat

i am older tjan you by more than two decades

show me some respect

 

Jungkook

u started it

 

Yoongi-ssi

i didnt sign up for this

so how are you related to joon

you his nephew ?

 

Jungkook

... his son?

 

Yoongi-ssi

y do you keep asking me stuff

idk

honestky one would think you have amnesia

 

Jungkook

i am his son!!!

 

Yoongi-ssi

wtf

 

Jungkook

u didnt kno

 

Yoongi-ssi

he doesnt look like he has a son

much less a 15 y/o

 

Jungkook

... dude thats gross

hes my dad

pls dont tell me hes hot

or how you see him

 

Yoongi-ssi

one, dont call me dude again

ever

unless you want to die

two, hes hot

and I think u know that as well as I do

 

Jungkook

DONT TELL ME THAT

ITS WEIRD WHEN U SAY IT

 

Yoongi-ssi

jesus chill

but damn i had no idea

first i hear hes got an ex-husband

now a kid

what next

another kid whos living with his ex?

 

Jungkook

uh...mebe?

 

Yoongi-ssi

sigh

that wohld be ridiculous

anyways where are you

 

Jungkook

almost there

also dads never mentioned u before

do i even kno u

 

Yoongi-ssi

he wouldnt have

we kinda met only two days back?

at the rap battle?

 

Jungkook

ooh...youre a fan?

 

Yoongi-ssi

I wasnt when I stepped in

but by the time we stepped off the stage

yeah...

 

Jungkook

HES AMAZING RIGHT

wait...what

what stage

 

Yoongi-ssi

the rap stage

I am Agust D

 

Jungkook

ure wot

 

Yoongi-ssi

the guy who went against ur dad

 

Jungkook

I KNO WHO AGUST D IS

U FUCKER

UR RAP SUCKED

DAD WAS BETTER

ADMIT IT

 

Lame - D

woah woah woah

you insulting me is one thing

and you insulting my rap is another

 

Jungkook

FITE ME

HE WAS SUPPOSED TO WIN

I COULDNT EVEN UNDERSTAND WOT U WERE SAYING

LIKE WTF DOES 'MAN OR WOMAN ILL TAKE U TO HONG KONG’ MEAN

 

Lame - D

...

fetuses arent supposed to understand it

but wow ur really a baby

namjoons sheltered you huh

 

Jungkook

wot

WOT DO U MEAN BY THAT

 

Lame - D

you don't know about 'expensive girl' do you?

 

Jungkook

STOP SPEAKING IN RIDDLES

 

Lame - D

I m not telling you lol

find out yourself

Chapter Text

Mission V

 

Coconut head

Uncle Hobi WHATS 'EXPENSIVE GIRL'

jesus change my name tae

this is stupid

 

Tae

fine fine

 

Taehyung changed 'coconut head' to 'angry nut'

 

Angry nut

dude that just sounds wrong

 

Uncle Hobi changed 'angry nut' to 'Jk'

 

Jk

and this is y ur my fav uncle

 

Uncle Hobi

i am your only uncle

also...

who told you about expensive girl haha

 

Jk

yoongi?

he said smth abt that

 

Uncle Hobi

did he now haha

 

***

 

Hoseok

Why tf would you tell tae about expensive girl?!!!

 

Yoongi

Uh... Who's this?

 

Hoseok

Hoseok, you ass

 

Yoongi

ah, Hoseok-ssi

He was being a huge brat, that's why

 

Hoseok

...

were u seriously fighting with a fifteen y/o

 

Yoongi

he started it!!!!

 

Hoseok

Jesus christ

why am I surrounded by kids

 

***

 

Mission V

 

Tae

ok now ur acting suspicious

fess up

whats the deal with expensive girl

 

Uncle Hobi

nothing boys nothing!!!

goodness would u look at the time i have to go bye!!!

 

Jk

Uncle Hobi :))

 

Tae

Uncle Hobi :))))

 

Uncle Hobi

...

i feel so attacked rn

i regret life

 

Jk

ull regret much more when dad learns u brought me to the rap battle :)

 

Tae

damn kook i am proud of u

thats my bro

 

Jk

thnx bro <3

Uncle Hobi :)

 

Uncle Hobi

jesus

fine ill tell you

but I swear if joon gets to know I told you

I'll personally murder you shitheads

 

Tae

we'll be prepared uncle hobs!!!

now spill

 

Uncle Hobi

argh

so basically you kno how your dads got together right?

 

Jk

no?

i mean we didnt even kno we had other dads?

 

Uncle Hobi

thats fair

okay so buxkle down boys

this is a long story

do u both know why ur dads sent u to that camp?

 

Tae

becoz the activities there r fun?

 

Uncle Hobi

lol no its because they're both huge saps

 

Jk

pls dont tell me this is what i think it is

 

Uncle Hobi

it is lol

thats where they met

when joon was 15 and jin hyung 17

 

Tae

jesus christ

theyre so dumb

and in love

 

Jk

i second that

 

Uncle Hobi

anywyas so the first time they met each other

was in the battlefield

 

Tae

wot

didnt u say they met in camp

 

Jk

Uncle Hobi WHAT R U SAYING

 

Tae

now i am scared

ur making it sound like some descendants of the sun shit

 

Jk

wait u watched that

 

Tae

it was amazing bro

i just love their love

...and all the angst

 

Jk

srsly

it wasnt lame?

 

Tae

i dont kno who u are anymore

 

Jk

come on

heirs was so much better

lee minho

kim woo bin <3

damn the acting

 

Tae

i cant deny that

but argh i cant believe u have such shitty taste otherwise

 

Jk

...

we’ll continue this later

Uncle Hobi?

 

Uncle Hobi

for a sec there i was hoping you had forgotten

sigh

 

Tae

not a chamce

 

Uncle Hobi

so

they saw each other in the paintball battlefield

joon was the last one standing our side (would u believe it lol)

and jin in theirs

now joon had a clear shot of him

we would have won that day

and i could have feasted on barbeque

except...

jin turned around

 

Jk

and

 

Tae

AND

 

Jk

stop being a drama queen and tell us

 

Uncle Hobi

you guys are srsly the worst

yeah so jin turned and joon fell for his beauty right there

he just stood looking like a dumbass

while jin laughed and shot him down

we had to do dishes for a week :\

 

Tae

i can understand tbh

hes hot

 

Jk

dad was alwys evil lol

 

Tae

and then

 

Uncle Hobi

and then joon met jin often

he would come arnd and sit while we did dishes

(he mostky did joons who r we kidding because my dumb brother kept breaking them all)

and by the end of camp they were inseparable

and joon was a goner for him

 

Jk

ah sweet young love

 

Tae

u canr even talk to ur goddamn crush

 

Jk

that topic isnt up for discussion rn

 

Tae

lmao

me and chim took a selca at the park yesterday btw

after we had ice cream

wanna see?

 

Uncle Hobi

wait what did i miss

OUR KOOKIE HAS A CRUSH?!

WHOS THE LUCKY BOY?

 

Jk

tae no

pls

ill do anything for u

 

Tae

too late

the Kim Taehyung gossip express is already on the way

BQDefgOCAAIe3Ey

hes adorable right?

uwu

 

Uncle Hobi

damn right he is

well our jungkookie has good taste

that I'll say

 

Tae

lol

did i kill him Uncle Hobi XD

 

Uncle Hobi

hes staring at the phone with tears in his eyes lol

i think hes breathing?

 

Tae

shit wish i could see that XD

 

Uncle Hobi

ur a menace

but i taught you well

I am proud <3

 

Tae

:D

<3

 

Jk

u cant jst spring things likd that on me dnd exotsct me not to raact do u wnst me to sie

 

Uncle Hobi

wow

i have never seen so many typos in one single line before lol

 

Tae

same

dad would have a fit if he saw XD

 

Jk

HE LOOKS LOKE A GODDMAN ANGEL OKAY LET ME LOVE IN PEACE

*live

i meant LIVE

 

Tae

we'll let u love lol

as well as live for now

becoz Namjin comes first now

 

Jk

Namjin?

 

Tae

my dad plus ur dads ship name

 

Uncle Hobi

you mean NAMjoon and JIN hyung?

 

Tae

yeah Uncle Hobi!!! :)

anywyas go on

tell us abt expensive girl

 

Jk

ah i get it now

 

Uncle Hobi

okay so expensive girl

expensive girl happened a yr later

somebody told joon that if he wanted to ask jin out

he migjt as well as rap for him or smth

and that jin loved english

like he liked hearing ppl speak it

nd so... expensive girl was born

 

Tae

thats aactually sweet?

 

Jk

y was yg being so shady then

 

Uncle Hobi

you'll understand better only when you listen

forgive me joon

but it had to be done

 

Uncle Hobi attached an audio

 

Tae

i

idk what to say

 

Jk

wot did i just hear?

 

Tae

*grabs holy water*

*sprays aggresively over kook*

 

Jk

y r u pourinh it on me?!

 

Tae

becoz ur an innocent fetus

 

Jk

we’re the same age idiot

 

Tae

do i look like i care

anywys did dad srsly rap this in front of jin?!

 

Uncle Hobi

nope

 

Jk

thank god

 

Uncle Hobi

... he uploaded it on the net with a msg for jin lol

 

Tae

i am frankly very very disappointed

but not surprised

y is he such a klutz

 

Jk

sigh

wot happed then

dad fell for it ig

 

Uncle Hobi

yeah XD

hes always been a sucker for stuff likw this

and the rest is history

 

Tae

there are a lot of holes in that history u know

 

Uncle Hobi

ur right

but if you want to know what happened exactly you'll have to ask one of them because i really can't help you there boys

 

Jk

thats alright Uncle Hobi

u told us a lot already

thank you <3

 

Tae

yeah

ur the best!!!

but wait

do you have receipts

of them being grossly in love?

 

Jk

pls tell me u do

 

Uncle Hobi

i might

gimme a sec

ah there they are

images (8)

that was in camp

look at them

damn its been so long

they were ur age then

 

Tae

omg they look so good together?

 

Jk

dad looks whipped™

 

Uncle Hobi

they were whipped for each other

18b3d878b6625a4f6dbc725bec3ed578fe93a1fb_hq

look at this one

it was a yr after expensive girl happened lol

 

Tae

wtf is wrong with dads hair XD

 

Uncle Hobi

he went thru a ... phase

 

Jk

wow

just wow

 

Uncle Hobi

these two are my favourite pics tho

8hN92pPE_400x400

images (11)

they were practically married at this point

 

Tae

i can see why dad

would be heartbroken tbh

he clearly loved him

 

Uncle Hobi

they loved each other

so so much

 

Tae

the way they look at each other

i cant

i hope u find someone like that somday

to be grossly in love with

 

Jk

yeah, i hope so too

like idk what happendd bewteen my dads

but i can see that they were happy at least as long as they were togther

i hope u get that too

 

Uncle Hobi

nah i hve got u boys and joon

i am happy guys

really

 

Tae

we want u to be happier!!!

<3

 

Jk

yeah!!!

 

Uncle Hobi

what did i do to get two nephews as adorable as you <3

 

Tae

love u two uncle hobi <3

 

Jk

lobe u <3

 

***

 

Jungkook

I FOUND OUT ABT EXPENSIVE GIRL

ALSO I M IN THE STREET U EVIL MAN

DAD JUST HAD A ... PHASE

THAT DOESNT DEFINE HIM

 

Lame - D

lol

‘phase’ he says

also stop screeching goddamn

I'll get you lamb skewers on the way

 

Jungkook

... deal

i think i see u btw

...

nd u ask me if i am in my emo phase LMAO

i hve an excuse for dressing in black

wots urs

 

Yoongi-ssi

I didnt expect joon's son to have so much snark

 

Jungkook

u didnt even expect a son

also can u see me

timberlands, baggy white shirt

wont blame u if u cant

must be hard to see under that snapback

and with that height

 

Yoongi-ssi

fucking disrespectful brat

...

Are you sure you're taehyung

 

Jungkook

yeah?

 

***

 

Yoongles

jin hyung, is jungkook in my part of the city right now?

 

Old man

'your part of the city'?

become a thug recently Yoongs?

You didn't even make me your right hand man!

I’m offended

 

Yoongles

...

answer the damn question

 

Old man

Aish can't take a joke

But no, why?

He's at home in his room with his friend :')

 

Yoongles

I thought you said he didnt have friends

 

Old man

HE MADE A NEW ONE YOONGI YOU DONT KNOW HOW PROUD I AM

My shy baby boy finally going out and talking to people

And the kid is absolutely adorable, you should see his cheeks damn

 

Yoongles

see

he just needed time

 

Old man

Anyways why did you want to know?

 

Yoongles

I thought I saw somebody like him

just a trick of the light I guess

 

Old man

hmm...

You're not going out anywhere today evening right?

Take an umbrella if you do

There's gonna be a storm

 

Yoongles

Huh?

The weatherman didnt mention it?

 

Old man

Trust me

You're awake before one

It'll pour :)

 

Yoongles

:l

hahaha

 

Old man

Why are you even awake btw?

 

Yoongles

got kicked out by the landlady

 

Old man

WHAT

stay where you are

I'll send the chauffeur to pick you up

WHY DIDNT YOU TELL ME!

 

Yoongles

this is exactly why I didnt tell you

you've already done too much for me hyung

 

Old man

What nonsense

Its my responsibility as your hyung

Give me your address now

 

Yoongles

Hyung seriously, you dont need to

... I am staying over with a friend

 

Old man

...

...

BOTH MY BABIES HAVE GROWN UP :')

 

Yoongles

JESUS CHRIST I AM NOT YOUR BABY WTF HYUNG

 

Old man

Who is it????

Is he hot? ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

 

Yoongles

its not like that

 

Old man

"its not like that" ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

 

Yoongles

shut up, hyung

seriously!

 

Old man

Fine fine

Give me a name

 

Yoongles

... No

 

Old man

Whyyyyy ಥ_ಥ

 

Yoongles

um... lets see

because the last time I told you I liked a girl, she bailed out on our second date because SOMEBODY told her I had a mommy kink

 

Old man

She already had a boyfriend!!!

 

Yoongles

and...

the time before that, my boyfriend mysteriously managed to get a job out of seoul two days after we had gotten together

 

Old man

Listen, he was doing drugs by the side

I didnt want you to get caught!

 

Yoongles

the time before that...

my date saw me and pissed his pants

because apparently he had heard that I was a gangster

 

Old man

Okay I get it

But in my defense they were all terrible for you, okay

...

I just wanted to make sure you didn't have your heart broken yoongi-yah

I’m sorry

 

Yoongles

aish hyung

I know

it's alright

but really, not everybody is going to be like your mysterious ex-husband

I'll be alright

and i swear this time, he's really nice

 

Old man

Then I am happy for you

And I promise I'll tell you about him...my ex.. one day

 

Yoongles

I'll always be here for you, hyung

 

Old man

<3 <3 <3

 

Yoongles

<3

 

***

 

Kook

Tae we're in so much trouble OMG

TAE REPLY

KIM TAEFUCK

 

Tae

yah, stop blowing up my phone with messages when I am with Jimin!

 

Kook

wot

 

Tae

¯\_(ツ)_/¯

 

Kook

WTF

EXPLAIN URSELF GODDAMIT

WOT R U DOING

WHERE R U

 

Tae

in ur room ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

 

Kook

WOT

WOT

U WOULDNT

 

Tae

lol

ur so easy to trigger

we’re just chilling

he came over coz he was bored

hold ur horses

ur dad nearly had a seizure when he showed up lmao

 

Kook

...

u better just be chilling

jesus is dad okay

 

Tae

lol yeah

nd theres no netflix involved I promise XD

anyways y were u panic texting me?

 

Kook

oH YEAH

so basically I told u abt that rapper ur dad went against right

long short story he doesnt have a place to sty so hes staying with us for a week and it turns out I KNOW HIM

HES MY DADS BFF

like he worked with him once

ND then they became bffls

we r so screwed

 

Tae

what

Y DOES THIS HAPPEN TO US

ok, calm down

we can do this

does he know u well

 

Kook

not rly

i mean we might have met like a few times before?

thats it

 

Tae

thats cool then

just try NOT TO BE URSELF

and things shld be fine

 

Kook

wtf tae

 

Tae

u can do this!!!

just be extra af

and we’re set

 

Kook

... I'll try

 

Tae

good good

keep me updated

i got a friend to entertain ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

 

Kook

KIM TAEHYUNG

Chapter Text

Uncle Hobi

hey just a head’s up

your dad and I won’t be coming home for dinner tonight

you can handle dinner yourself right?

Kookie

no problem

i can make cup ramen

what u guys up to

Uncle Hobi

so I’ve decided your dad needs some fun

booked a nice day trip to the beach for him and Yoongi-hyung

and for myself of course, I’m here too so I can spy on them for ya

Kookie

omg

omg does this mean

dad and yoongi-ssi are actually gonna

be a thing???????

Uncle Hobi

well I have high hopes

look how adorable they are

072F6AB9-025C-47C9-80C7-FB2AB44D19DD

Kookie

asdgadgahlafj;la

they look so happy!!!

Uncle Hobi

I’m glad you’re supportive of this

like, i know we all kinda have hopes that Jin-hyung and Joon can still get back together but

well

don’t get me wrong but

tbh

that’s kinda unrealistic after so long

so…

guess this is for the best right?

he looks rly happy

i hope its ok with u?

u don’t seem to like Yoongi-hyung much

Kookie

why would i be not ok with it lol as long as dad is happy im good

and i don’t not like yoongi-ssi

im just not good with strangers ok

Uncle Hobi

yea sorry

I keep forgetting this is a whole new life, whole new expereince for you

ofc you’re gonna be nervous

but don’t worry, you’ll be fine

Yoongi-hyung is actually rly nice

he seemed shy at first but he rly got Joon talking

they seem to be on the same wavelength

it’s rly nice watching them talk…

they’re both smiling so hard

Yoongi-hyung has a gummy smile, its rly cute

Kookie

aren’t u gonna join them?

Uncle Hobi

nah

I’m just sitting here on the shore under an umbrella watching them have fun lol

Kookie

haha u should go enjoy the water tho

if u paid for the water activities u gotta do them

Uncle Hobi

lol didn’t pay much anyway i got a discount

Kookie

oh u work in the tourist industry?

just realized i have no idea what u do for a living lol

Uncle Hobi

take a guess~

 

 

***

 

 

Kook

this is random but

do u by any chance knw what uncle hobi does for a living

like all i know is that he disappears in the morning and is always there when i get home

Tae

i actually have no idea

he’s secretive like that ok

mysterious man

sometimes he’s there, sometimes he isn’t

he acts like an open book but he can actually be hard to read lol

Kook

i don’t think its that hard

for example

rmb that rapper dude i told u about

my dad’s bff

who’s for some reason staying with us

i think uncle hobi lowkey has a crush on him

Tae

omg sudden plot development

how did u come to that conclusion

Kook

uncle hobi took him & dad to the beach and is now gazing at them from afar like a creep

and said that yoongi guy (my dad’s bff) has a cute gummy smile

who says that

who even notices stuff like that unless they’re smitten

i sure didt notice any gummy smile

and im supposed to be observant, i sketch

Tae

ok that does sound suspicious

do u think we can get them together

not gonna brag or anything but lisa and i are our schools best matchmaker duo

im good at this shit

Kook

its complicated

bc just in case uve forgotten

ur dad (dad joon, not dad jin) and yoongi-ssi are like

kinda

on their way to becoming a thing

see how complicated that can get

Tae

ooh

yeah…

dad jin’s bff… getting together with dad joon

while dad joon’s brother who lives in the same house is pining after dad jin’s bff

what kind of weird love triangle is that

Kook

ya see what i mean

Tae

not to mention that

their twin kids have swapped identities

making it even more complicated

and one of them has a crush on park jimin

Kook

WHAT DOES JIMINIE HAVE TO DO WITH ANYTHING OMG LEAVE HIM OUT OF THIS

Tae

ok lol

but yea i get it

its not that easy

i guess we kinda oversimplified things in our mind

like we thought we could somehow bring our dads together again

but we forgot that its been a long time and theyre both ppl with feeligs

they cant just sit around waiting for each other forever

i guess fairy tales are too good to be tru huh

Kook

ya :(

its all just wishful thinking on our part

maybe all this time

u and i are the only 2 ppl who even wanted them back together

maybe they themselves don’t even want to be together

like there had to be a reason they separated in the first place

are we just being selfish taetae

uncle hobi is being so supportive of dad joon getting in a new relationship

even if he himself has a crush on yoongi-ssi

as long as dad is happy uncle hobi is happy too

he’s selfless :(

we’re selfish :(

Tae

yeah maybe all this is just us being selfish

bc as much as i want our dads to find happiness

i selfishly want to live with both dads

and u

and there’s no other way to do this unless they get back together

:(

i just wanna

share a room with u and blast gd all night and play pranks on our dads

and u can tell me all about ur crush and i can matchmake for u

and u can help me practice my skits and buy me striped dart frogs

we can go to concerts together we’ll be so happy

Kook

haha yea we could like

make up for all those yrs where we didn’t get to properly be a good brother

dress up in identical clothes and confuse the teachers

…wait why is ur definition of a good brother someone who could buy u striped dart frogs

Tae

why not

striped dart frogs are good

for feng sui

like tropical fish

Kook

just ask dad jin lol im sure he’ll be happy to get u some striped dart frogs

 

 

***

 

 

Taehyung (note to self please do not forget ur pretending to be kookie)

dad

can i

get some striped dart frogs

Dad Jin

What??

Kookoo what’s wrong with you

I ate frogs

Taehyung (note to self please do not forget ur pretending to be kookie)

omg frogs are friends u cant eat them

Dad Jin

No omg I meant “I hate frogs”

Taehyung (note to self please do not forget ur pretending to be kookie)

oh :(

frogs are nice

cute beady eyes, big big pouch thing under the chin

why do u hate them

Dad Jin

Eh it’s nothing

Guess they kinda remind me of your other dad at times

But that’s a long time ago

Taehyung (note to self please do not forget ur pretending to be kookie)

what

my other dad looks like a frog?

Dad Jin

Heavens no

He just likes frogs

He likes small things he can hold in his palm

Like crabs…

Beetles

Frogs

But let’s not think about him now

Taehyung (note to self please do not forget ur pretending to be kookie)

im sorry dad i didn’t mean to bring this up

Dad Jin

Don’t be sorry Kookoo

You couldn’t have known

Your dad’s just being pathetic ok?

Can’t get over someone even after so many years…

But that’s not something you should trouble yourself over

Just forget it

I have you, the sweetest loveliest son in the world

That’s enough for me

Taehyung (note to self please do not forget ur pretending to be kookie)

dad

im 15

u can tell me about things

its ok

im all grown up now

im not baby kookoo anymore

let me take care of u too

Dad Jin

Haha don’t worry about me

I’m 100% fine

It’s just that I still dream about him

It’s like the stars are telling me there’s hope yet

Haha don’t mind me, forget I said that

How’s school? Is Jiminie coming over to play on the weekend?

Taehyung (note to self please do not forget ur pretending to be kookie)

dad…

baby kookoo is an independent big boy now

u can count on him ok?

u can count on us

Dad Jin

Who’s ‘us’

Taehyung (note to self please do not forget ur pretending to be kookie)

oh i mean me and jimin

u can count on jimin too

hes very reliable

hes the class treasurer

he knows 10,000 digits of pi

Dad Jin

Sounds cute

But really, Kookoo

There’s nothing to worry about

Now run along and have fun with Jiminie

Taehyung (note to self please do not forget ur pretending to be kookie)

ok dad

love u

Dad Jin

<3

 

 

***

 

 

Jiminie ଘ(੭* ˊ ˋ )੭*

hey

“Jungkook”

yo wassup

Jiminie ଘ(੭* ˊ ˋ )੭*

nothing!! ^^

i just thought

u seemed kinda off today

is everything ok?

“Jungkook”

im fine lol

everything’s just dandy

Jiminie ଘ(੭* ˊ ˋ )੭*

are u sure?

i wont push u

but if u have anything troubling u

feel free to rant to me ok?

or maybe u can hang out at my place tonigt?

nthing cheers me up as much as beating someone in mario kart

ill let u win on purpose

“Jungkook”

ugh jiminie why are u so sweet

can i rly tell u everything?

Jiminie ଘ(੭* ˊ ˋ )੭*

of course u can tell me everything

that’s what friends are for right? ^^

“Jungkook”

ok i

i guess its time

ull prob hate me after this

im rly sorry for letting this go on for so long

i just couldn’t find the right timing

its ok if u hate me

its ok if u nevber talk to me again

i totally understand

but don’t hate jungkook

its not his fault its all mine

its my idea

Jiminie ଘ(੭* ˊ ˋ )੭*

huh?

aren’t u jungkook?

“Jungkook”

im not

u might find it hard to believe but

yeah, im not Jungkook

Jiminie ଘ(੭* ˊ ˋ )੭*

oh

“Jungkook”

im sorry

i can explain

after i explain feel free to block me all u want but pls let me explain first

Jiminie ଘ(੭* ˊ ˋ )੭*

im not mad, just confused

actually suspected it all along lol

u seemed different to me

but i couldn’t figure out how a different person could look and sound exactly like Jungkook

so i convinced myself i was just imagining things

“Jungkook”

wait what??

u suspected????

how???

i thought i was being very convincing????

Jiminie ଘ(੭* ˊ ˋ )੭*

lol the colors of ur souls are different

“Jungkook”

u see soul colors?!?!?!

Jiminie ଘ(੭* ˊ ˋ )੭*

kinda

jungkook’s was red before the summer

and then after the summer u came back with a deep purple soul

i couldn’t help wondering what went down in the summer lol

that’s why i asked u how ur summer went

“Jungkook”

jiminie

u see soul colors?!?!?!

Jiminie ଘ(੭* ˊ ˋ )੭*

ya i already said i did

“Jungkook”

U SEE SOUL COLORS?!?!?!

Jiminie ଘ(੭* ˊ ˋ )੭*

haha its not that big a deal, chill lol

“Jungkook”

it’s a huge deal

ur so cool

u can be on tv

Jiminie ଘ(੭* ˊ ˋ )੭*

no thanks lol

and i cant see everyone’s soul just by looking

i have to like

try very hard

“Jungkook”

oh

and u tried very hard on Jungkookie

Jiminie ଘ(੭* ˊ ˋ )੭*

ya i was curious what his soul was like

wont u be curious what ur crush’s soul looks like too?

“Jungkook”

omg

OMG

OMG JIMINIE

Jiminie ଘ(੭* ˊ ˋ )੭*

omg oops

pls don’t tell Jungkook i said that aaaaaaaaaaa

this is embarrassing

“Jungkook”

hahahahahahahhahahshah omg this is priceless

Jiminie ଘ(੭* ˊ ˋ )੭*

pls don’t tell him :(((((

“Jungkook”

hahhahaha i wont

but i can help u win his heart

how about that?

i, jungkooks certified twin brother

will be ur wingman!!!!

Jiminie ଘ(੭* ˊ ˋ )੭*

i hope one day u can be our bestman as well

“Jungkook”

goodness jiminie ur imagination doth run very fast

but anyway this is amazing and all is all right with the world

i’ll help u

i promise

Jiminie ଘ(੭* ˊ ˋ )੭*

hehe thanks im glad i have ur blessing

now that i know ur his twin brother

should have figured

who else would look exactly like Jungkook right?

but u got a lot of explaining to do lol

how did u end up here and where did the real jungkook go?

“Jungkook”

omg sorry i was gonna explain

got sidetracked

basically we didn’t know about each others existence

until we met at summer camp and we were like

“omg we identical”

so we decided to swap places for the heck of it

and also bc we wanna meet our respective other dad lol

its been pretty cool

i rly like my other dad

Jiminie ଘ(੭* ˊ ˋ )੭*

yeah, he seemed pretty nice when i was over at ur place last week

“Jungkook”

ya

he’s such a wonderful person

im glad we swapped so that i could meet him

but im also glad we swapped bc i met u

im so sorry jiminie for deceiving u all the way

pls know that even tho i was lying about being Jungkook

i never lied about anything else

i rly wanted to be friends with u

ur so great so cute the sweetest

Jiminie ଘ(੭* ˊ ˋ )੭*

hey its ok don’t apologize

im not mad

“Jungkook”

u really aren’t mad???

u should be mad

i told u so many so many lies

Jiminie ଘ(੭* ˊ ˋ )੭*

lol its ok

since i had been suspecting something was up all the way anyway

and i can tell u honestly have a kind heart and no malicious intent

i can see souls, remember?

our friendship still stands

i still want to be ur friend

im glad u guys swapped too

ur so easy to talk to, i bet it wouldn’t have been easy if it were Jungkook haha

“Jungkook”

he’s just a shy baby ok

Jiminie ଘ(੭* ˊ ˋ )੭*

i know >w<

that’s one of the reasons i like him so much

he’s so cute ahhhhhh >w<

cute shy baby

those cute cute bunny eyes

“Jungkook”

he said u have crescent moon eyes lol

Jiminie ଘ(੭* ˊ ˋ )੭*

omg he talked about me to u????

“Jungkook”

of course lol

to swap places effectively we have to tell each other about our classmates haha

Jiminie ଘ(੭* ˊ ˋ )੭*

awwww he thinks i have crescent moon eyes

such a cutie

omg im so far gone for him

oh wait

i need a name

whats ur real name? i feel weird talking to jungkook about jungkook

“Jungkook”

im taehyung

Jiminie ଘ(੭* ˊ ˋ )੭*

taehyung

that’s a nice name

“omg taetae im so far gone for him”

ok this sounds better

somehow gushing about ur crush just doesn’t sound as good without tacking the name of ur best friend somewhere in the sentence

taetae what do i do why is ur twin so cute

Taetae

omg im ur best friend now??

even tho i lied to u all this time???

im so honored

Jiminie ଘ(੭* ˊ ˋ )੭*

yes in case u haven’t noticed ppl in our school don’t exactly go around making friends its all about #studying

ur the first person whose home ive ever hanged out at

ur automatically my best friend taetae

Taetae

well u know what

ur about to gain another new friend!!!

no worries i wont breathe a word to him about what u just spilled to me

here goes

 

 

***

 

 

Taetae has created chat [VMINKOOK]

Taetae has added Jiminie to the chat

Taetae has added Kookie to the chat

Taetae

say hi~

Kookie

omg wtf

Jiminie

hello?

Kookie

uh

Taetae

its ok kook

jiminie already knows

Kookie

omg tae u promised to not tell jimin about my crush on him??????

Jiminie

lmao what

Taetae

lol i didn’t tell him

i meant ‘jiminie already knows about the identity swap’

i didn’t mean ‘jiminie already knows about ur crush on him’

but guess u let the cat out of the bag urself

Kookie

omg this is so embarrassing im gonna jump off a cliff

Chapter Text

Jiminie ଘ(੭* ˊ ˋ )੭*

dnckcmfxncnvkh

WHY IS HE SO CUTE TAETAE

URGH MY HEART CANT TAKE THIS

and he actually LIKES ME BACK??!

WAAAAHHHH

...

wait does he seriously like me?

ME?

 

TaeTae

hes not... cute

suddenly i am scared

smth tells me HE’S gonna be spoutung the same bullshit to me soon

and jesus pls dont start with the insecure oblivious pining

 

 

**

 

Kook

kill me Tae

rn

pls

jimins gonna hate me from now on

i hve no purpose to live

also tell dad tht i was the one who used to finish his choxolate stash nd tht it wasnt the sugar gliders

and finally

get namjin together, brother mine

i ask no more oft thee

 

Tae

...

wow

can u believe u both texted me at the same time

y am i surrounded by whipped bois

also idiots

**

Jiminie ଘ(੭* ˊ ˋ )੭*

hes JUNGKOOK taetae

u dont get it

hes THE JUNGKOOK

i -

y would he hve a crush on me

 

TaeTae

i cant believe this is happening

how tf even

 

**

 

Kook

u dont get it tae

hes an angel

and i am but a mere mortal

and unworthy lowly mortal

how can i dreamst of such things

 

Tae

...

 

**

 

VMINKOOK

TaeTae

okay

heres what the two of u r gonna do

STOP TEXTING ME AND DIRECTKY TEXT EACH OTHER UR LOVEY DOVEY SHIT AND INSECURITIES

I AM NOT GONNA WAIT FIVE CHAPTERS FOR THE 2 OF U TO GET TOGETHER

NAMJIN IS THE PRIORITY U SHITHEADS

U R JUST THE SIDE PAIRING GET IT?!

 

Jiminie

...

 

Kookie

...

TaeTae

now i get y the pining couple in all chatfics generly have different frnds

this is exhausting jeez

i am gonna leave now

get ur shit sorted before i come back

 

TaeTae left the chat

 

Kookie

what?!

TAE?!

I -

 

Jiminie

wow i didnt actually expect him to leave the chat

 

Kookie

god drama students

always so fkn dramatic

 

Jiminie

hmm

so do u really... like me?

i mean i totally get it if u guys were messing with me haha

i totally cant be ur type

 

Kookie

wot

OF COURSE NOT

 

Jiminie

ah

nice joke then ...guys

wow will u look at the time i gotta blast

 

Kookie

wait

no

JIMIN

i didnt mean of course not for that

i meant ofc its not a joke

and thats its real

 

Jiminie

u like me?

like like me?

 

Kookie

yeah

i like like u

even if i dont know what like like is

and its ok if u dont feel that way

i hope i havrnt made things awkward because if so -

 

Jiminie

i like you too

 

Kookie

i can stop - WHAT

 

Jiminie

i like like you too Kookie ≧∇≦

hehe

i hve liked u ever since the first day u helped me pick up my books after some random asshole shoved me down

 

Kookie

... u remember tjat?

 

Jiminie

ofc! and u looked all so adorable when u were glaring at him

and then u strted blushing while asking me if i was okay

so cute (♥ω♥ ) ~♪

 

Kookie

omg im blushing rn too

i thought u wouldnt remember me

but i hve liked u from then too

 

Jiminie

so...boyfriends?

 

Kookie

already?

i mean we havent even properly spoken to each other lol

 

Jiminie

i mean, thats true

but we’re gonna end up together in the end anywys

the readers know it

the fandom knows it

the world knows it

 

Kookie

lmao true

so

boyfriends

aaah :)

ill be the best boyfriend ever jimin

i promise <3

 

Jiminie

ur so cute uwu

and soft

 

Kookie

...only for u

 

Jiminie

i wont tell tae dw hehe

and btw shld we like add him back lol

 

Kookie

well i spose we gotta

i mean he did get us together

besides we can like private msg each other?

 

Jiminie

ofc idiot XD

ok imma add him back

but first

 

Jiminie changed chat name from VMINKOOK to JiKook + Tae

Jiminie added TaeTae to JiKook + Tae

 

Kookie

hvr i ever told u how much i love u park jimin

 

Jiminie

u just did bby

but i dont mind hearing it again

 

Kookie

dnxjfnekdmfnnf

 

Jiminie

kookie?

bby?

 

Kookie

jesus jimin dont spring things like that on me!

my hearts already too weak

 

Jiminie

ooh :)

u like it when i call u that, baby?

 

Kookie

...

u wnna play that way?

srsly minie?

u gonna be a bad boy?

 

TaeTae

OK THATS ENOUGH

I AM IN THE CHAT U FUCKERS

JEEZ

i leave the chat to get u to confess and i come bavk to THIS?

 

Jiminie

¯\_(ツ)_/¯

 

TaeTae

also park jimin, u sly fucker, dont think i didnt notice the chat name change

i am gonna let it slide cause i am the captain of S.S.JiKook

and the captains so happy for u 2 rn :')

 

Kookie

bro

 

TaeTae

bro

 

Kookie

i love u bro

 

TaeTae

i love u too bro <3

 

Jiminie

I LOVE U THREE TAETAE (´∀`)♡

 

TaeTae

♪\(*^▽^*)/\(*^▽^*)/

 

**

 

[Hoseok’s Internet Browser History]

10:52 p.m. how cold is too cold – Google Search

10:52 p.m. how cold is it too cold to sleep in an inflatable bed – Google Search

10:52 p.m. inflatable bed how warm – Google Search

10:53 p.m. Hoseok’s Nighttime Playlist – YouTube

10:53 p.m. Agust D ‘give it to me’ HD Lyrics – YouTube

10:53 p.m. Seoul Weather – AccuWeather Forecast for Seoul Korea

10:54 p.m. (*) Twitter

10:55 p.m. is inflatable bed healthy – Google Search

10:55 p.m. is inflatable bed bad for your back – Google Search

10:56 p.m. Black Panther Soundtrack – Black Panther OST – YouTube

10:56 p.m. Do You Have A Crush or Is It Just Indigestion – Buzzfeed.com

10:58 p.m. Decorate A House And We’ll Accurately Predict Your Love Life This Year – Buzzfeed.com

11:00 p.m. 17 Facts That Prove Dogs Are Better Than People – Buzzfeed.com

 

**

 

Hoseokie-hyung

Joon

random but just wondering

yoongi-hyung is staying with us until the place above ours is freed up and he can take it right

hasn’t it already been 1 week

shouldn’t it be free now

when is yoongi-hyung gonna move up there

Namjoonie

Hmm

Not sure

Haven’t asked him about the exact details

But why’re you asking?

You don’t want him staying here?

I thought you were ok with it?

You guys seem to be getting along just fine?

Hoseokie-hyung

oh i don’t mind him staying here lol just wondering

Namjoonie

Ok then

If it really makes you uncomfortable it’s ok to tell me

You know that right?

I totally understand

No matter how nice the person is, it’s always a bit of a hassle to have one more person under your roof

Sorry I wasn’t thinking properly when I invited him here

I was a drunk mess

Hoseokie-hyung

goodness namjoon no

that wasn’t what i meant

i’m FINE with him staying here

just thinking he should move to a proper bed soon, that’s all

Namjoonie

You sure that’s all?

I know you can be a bit strict about keeping the place exactly as you like it

And an extra person does mess things up

I’m rly sorry :((

I was just feeling lonely that night I guess

Yoongi-hyung felt like someone I could rly talk to

So my drunk ass just unconsciously reached out

I should’ve asked you first

This is your place as much as mine

Hoseokie-hyung

nooooooooo Namjoon wtf

how many times do i have to say i don’t mind for you to believe me???

I was just ASKING

you know I just like knowing everyone’s schedules

you know I mark everything on the calendar

including the start and end dates of your diarrhea symptoms

I didn’t mean i want yoongi-hyung gone ok???

just asking that’s all

Namjoonie

You sure?

You sure you’re not mad at me???

Hoseokie-hyung

i’m not mad omg

why are you so hard to convince

I just wanna know so I could like

figure out when its safe to start walking around the house naked again and stuff

Namjoonie

But you never walk around naked

That’s Taetae’s thing

…Wait

He doesn’t seem to be doing it anymore?

Have you noticed?

Why is he not walking around naked anymore

Hoseokie-hyung

idk either but does that bother you?

Namjoonie

A little

I think he stopped doing it after coming home from camp?

Did something happen at camp

Did someone hurt his self-esteem

Goodness I already told him so many times that its ok to have a soft tummy and he should be proud of it and flaunt it

Oh god what if he got bullied at camp for not having abs

Hoseokie-hyung

you rly worry too much Joon

im pretty sure nothing of the sort happened

everything’s fine stop worrying ok?

and if you’re feeling like shit pls come to me instead of inviting random ppl home

we got lucky with yoongi-hyung, he hasn’t robbed us yet

Namjoonie

So you DO mind him living here

Hoseokie-hyung

asdgfhsfklagf i don’t!!!

namjoon

you know I’ll always support you right?

yoongi-hyung is a good guy, i don’t mind him here

and if you guys do become a thing in the future im 1000% supportive

pls don’t think that i’ll have anything against it because i don’t

Namjoonie

Well…

About that...

The thing is

In the beginning I did think that maybe… someday in the future

Maybe Yoongi-hyung and I could… well you know

But

Hoseokie-hyung

but???

Namjoonie

I don’t know

Yoongi-hyung is an amazing guy

But I kinda don’t know myself these days

Maybe I’m just projecting my loneliness onto him and thinking we might be good together

But maybe it’s all my imagination and I don’t even like him that way?

Idk this definitely feels a lot different from when I first met Jin

Hoseokie-hyung

dude of course its gonna be different, they’re different ppl

love doesn’t always have to come in the same form ya know

you’ll figure it out in the end!

hyung is always here for you

now stop thinking so loudly

and go sleep

Namjoonie

Ok

Good night hyung

Hoseokie-hyung

night night baby brother

 

**

 

Yoongi hyung

hey hobi

Hope

wassup

Yoongi hyung

nothing

just wondering

namjoon just came over and asked me when im moving out

said you were asking

Hope

shit i told him to go to bed :/

i had nothing against you staying here, i swear

i was just wondering

Yoongi hyung

cool

bc apparently the apartment’s got some issues that need fixing

will take a bit longer than anticipated

so ur not getting rid of me anytime soon

but hey, if you’re rly not ok with me staying i COULD go to a motel

i don’t want to impose, im already intruding enough as it is

Hope

no omg of course I’m totally ok with you staying!!!!

I was just worried

cause its getting chilly at night

I’m not sure how comfy it is sleeping outside on the ground

Yoongi hyung

i have a bed, hobi

Hobi

an inflatable bed isnt a proper bed

besides, ppl could trip over you if they’re not careful

Yoongi hyung

yeah, didn’t you do that like 2 nights ago

Hobi

I didn’t TRIP i just spilled grape juice all over you

Yoongi hyung

which was even worse lol

but hey we got the stains out so its fine

Hobi

yep our detergent is the best

Yoongi hyung

it is

so anw just to make sure

we’re cool, right?

you don’t have anything against me staying here?

Hope

i don’t!!!

why is everyone so hard to convince tonight

we’re cool, and I don’t have anything against you staying here

Yoongi hyung

good then

or else I’d be sad

thought we were getting along quite well

saw a nice movie together

went shopping at the flea market

walked the dog together every day

i’d be sad if all that was fake and you actually want me gone :/

Hope

omg i wasn’t faking friendliness, don’t worry

i rly enjoyed hanging out with you

Yoongi hyung

cool

I kinda knew you brought me to all those places bc they’re close to namjoon’s company and we could pick him up together after he’s done with work

so you’re just making sure your brother wouldn’t die slaving over excel files and would actually come out and breathe

but thanks for bringing me along anyway

i don’t go out of the house much on my own accord ya know

sad freelance life

Hope

hey don’t say it like you’re an afterthought lol

like, namjoonie always comes first for me of course

but i rly enjoy hanging out with you!

Yoongi hyung

i enjoy hanging out with you too

you’re bright and hilarious lol

very fun to talk to, never a dull moment with you

so i’m glad you don’t want me gone or anything

since i think you’re a great person

Hope

well, i think you’re

Yoongi hyung

I’m what?

I’m what?

I’m what?

hellooooooo

don’t leave me hanging

 

**

 

[Hoseok’s Internet Browser History]

11:13 p.m. Amazing Synonyms | Thesaurus.com

11:13 p.m. Exquisite Synonyms | Thesaurus.com

11:14 p.m. 7 Ways to tell Someone They Are Beautiful | Grammarly.com

11:15 p.m. How to Tell Someone They Are Beautiful: 9 Steps (with Pictures) | WikiHow

11:16 p.m. what do you do when you like someone but they may or may not get together with your brother – Google Search

11:17 p.m. Inbox (1) - hobihobi@mail.com – Mail

11:17 p.m. omg hoseok look at my collection of sand cat pics – hobihobi@mail.com – Mail

11:18 p.m. sand cat – Google Search

11:18 p.m. sand cat – Google Image Search

11:20 p.m. how do I adopt a sand cat – Google Search

11:21 p.m. sand cat adopt – Google Search

11:21 p.m. Can sand cats be domesticated? – Quora

 

**

 

Kookie

hey um

Uncle Hobi

hey kook!!

whats up

Kookie

um just wondering if sth happened to dad

cos he just walked in and said

‘taetae its ok if u have a soft baby belly dad still loves u’

I am confusion

Uncle Hobi

damn i told him to go sleep why doesn’t he obey his hyung

Kookie

whats funny is that i in fact don’t have a baby belly lol

i have abs that i trained hard for

im very proud of them

Uncle Hobi

lol ok ok kook stop rubbing it in the faces of us poor ordinary people

yeah we all know

you have abs

you’re cool

you’re the hottest

yuio\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\

 

**

 

Hope

sorry dropped my phone on my face

as i was sayin

you’re dazzling

cool af

hottest of the hot

Yoongi hyung

well that was unexpected

but hey i’d be lying if i say i don’t find you pretty hot as well

Hope

OMG SORRY WRONG PERSON

AFGHJLAREJ;JRSRJARJHAKRKHAERHAH

Yoongi hyung

wait, what?

Hope

NO WAIT I MEAN

SHIT

Yoongi hyung

disregard my previous comment then lol haha

Hope

asdffghdajgaklfdj;laakfaeryraehaj

 

**

 

[Hoseok’s Internet Browser History]

11:23 p.m. i want to jump off a cliff – Google Search

11:23 p.m. where are some cliffs i can jump off – Google Search

11:24 p.m. World's most thrilling cliff diving spots - USA Today

11:25 p.m. 20 Amazing Cliffs around the World | CNN Travel - CNN.com

 

**

 

Tae

KOOKIE!!!!!!

I BRING GOOD NEWS!!!!!

Kook

oh hey

what news

actually i kinda have news too but u go first

Tae

ok ok

jiminie just called

said his parents are going on this trip to the maldives for work stuff on the long weekend

cool af expensive resort

they’ll feel bad about leaving him at home but at the same time

they don’t want him hanging out with them bc it ruins their couple time

Kook

:(( why are they like this

why don’t they give jiminie the companionship he deserves

Tae

some ppl just suck

anyway, good news is

they decided to just fly him to the Maldives as well

but to another island, another resort

and they ofc don’t want him just hanging out on the beach alone lol

so they told him he could ‘invite friends, if he has any’

Kook

why they so rude to their own son

Tae

again, some ppl just suck

anyway he told me to ask u bc he’s too shy to?

his parents would happily book a ticket for ya

u can tell dad joon jiminie is a rich friend u met at camp

Kook

omg im not sure he’d allow it??

Tae

u can say jiminie’s parents will be present the whole time

they’re cool respectable lawyers

so he’d think ur in good hands

Kook

omg >A<

let me just

breathe for a while omg

this is a lot to take in

just me? and u? and jiminie?

at a resort in the maldives?????

what kind of dream is this

Tae

actually take out the ‘and u’ lol

just u and jiminie

im not gonna go and be third wheel lol

Kook

no way, u gotta come

i need u for emotional support

and id feel shitty if i get to enjoy the resort but u dont

Tae

well that can prob be arranged

jiminie’s parents never said he could bring only 1 friend

when u guys are doing lovey dovey stuff ill just go snorkeling~

Kook

omg i just

im so happy ><

Tae

im happy for u too bb

but whats the news u were gonna tell me

Kook

oh um

i was gonna go to the kitchen to get water but

i saw yoongi

u know, dad jin’s best friend, dad joon’s potential new bf, uncle hobi’s crush

agust d, the guy who’s sleeping on our living room floor

that guy

he was sitting on his inflatable mattress

with uncle hobi

and they were holding hands and like

talking in a very intimate way

i…

idk

like they do seem to have become increasingly close these days

cooking dinner together every day and stuff

and since yoongi-ssi freelances and who knows what uncle hobi does

when im at school and dad joon’s at work the 2 of them prob hang out together all the time?

so i guess this is a logical development but

what does this mean for us

what does this mean for dad joon

Tae

yikes

does he know

Kook

i don’t think he’s seen but tbh i cant be sure

im also not sure if he even likes yoongi-ssi in that way but again, tbh i cant be sure

Tae

damn

keep an eye on him for me, yeah?

Kook

of course i will

i promise

 

**

 

[Excerpt from Namjoon's Journal]

29684

Chapter Text

Hope

hyung, sry to bother you

but is joonie with you by any chance?

Yoongi hyung

no?

he didnt mention anything about coming over either

what happened hoseok

Hope

ah

its nothing hyung

joon hasnt come home yet

and i guess i am being too much of a mother hen hehe

cant stop worrying abt him

Yoongi hyung

did u try calling his phone?

work place?

Hope

hes not picking up his phone

and yeah i did hyung

they said he left close to two hours ago ><

ig he probably went somewhere and forgot to tell us

its fine hyung!

sry to bother u ><

Yoongi hyung

give me ten

ill be home and we can search for him together

Hope

ah hyungggg

its fine

seriously

hes probably in the library or smth

Yoongi hyung

well if he is then ill help u drag his ass back home

i am not gonna let u wander the streets alone at 11pm

and we both know u hate driving at night

Hope

hyung...

i wasnt going to search for him!

Yoongi hyung

...

Hope

okay

i was

i am sorry :(

but i cant help but worry abt him

it's just

hes been so out of it lately 

Yoongi hyung

we'll find him hobi

dont worry

we'll find him

 

 

**

 

 

DadJoon

Tae, I have got a question for you

Hobi likes Yoongi, right?

As more than a friend?

Jungkook

...dad? 

DadJoon

Its fine kiddo

You can tell me

I won't get mad

I just need to make sure

Jungkook

umm... i think so?

DadJoon

You're too sweet to me

But both Hobi and you seem to forget that I am not fragile

And that I can handle it if sometimes things don't work my way

Jungkook

dad, ur scaring me

whats wrong

where are u?

r u still at work?

its late

DadJoon

I am fine TaeTae

Don't worry

But seriously, did you know that your uncle Hobi used to be a fuckboy back in college?

Like he was the literal fanfic definition of a fuckboy

And even after uni he used to party a lot with his work colleagues

But he stopped all of that the moment I got divorced

Jungkook

dad...its not ur fault

uncle hobi chose this life

he chose u

DadJoon

He had just received the position of the dance choreographer at one of the topmost companies that morning

It was his dream

It was such a rare opportunity

By the time I found the letter in shreds in the dustbin a week later, he had already sent them an emailing declining it

Jungkook

dad

DadJoon

He's given up so much for me TaeTae

And all I have done is take

from him

from Jin hyung...

I want to repay him for once

Staying away from Yoongi hyung is the least I can do

Besides, it wouldn't really be fair on him either

Seeing as I haven't really gotten over Jin hyung

Jungkook

dad none of this is ur fault

i am serious

u have given back so much

what do u mean u have only taken

u gave up so much too

to keep tae happy

to keep uncle hobi happy

and dad ur allowed to be selfish

u deserve to be happy too 

DadJoon

I am so proud of you TaeTae <3

I love you

And I am sorry for telling you all that

Making you shoulder my burdens

But thank you

Jungkook

dad u know u can always talk to me right

i am here for u dad

let me take care of u for once

for everythinv u have done for me

DadJoon

I know kiddo

Now go sleep

I'll be home soon <3

Jungkook

come back soon dad

good night

and I love you <3

 

 

**

 

 

Uncle Hoseokkie

kook

did your dad text you

Kookster

dad jin?

no?

Uncle Hoseokkie

no I meant Joonie

has he texted you

or did he tell you anything abt going anywhere

Kookster

y uncle hobi

Uncle Hoseokkie

its just that

jesus

hes missing kook

Ik I am not behaving rationally

and that hes probably alright

but I cant help but feel somethings wrong

Kookster

oh shit

he texted me a while back

and he sounded rly sad uncle hobi

said a lot of things

and then he told me he was fine and told me to go to sleep

Uncle Hoseokkie

fuck

me and yoongi hyung are searching for him

and so far, he wasnt at any of his usual haunts

Kookster

...

we shld tell tae

Uncle Hoseokkie

he'll panic

plus its nearing midnight

I dont want to wake him up

Kookster

hes our best bet at finding dad now

he probs knows

...

we need to tell him uncle hobi

Uncle Hoseokkie

ur right

i dont like it but

fine

I'll ask him

the group chat

 

 

**

 

 

Mission V

 

Uncle Hobi

tae?

do you know where joon goes if hes sad?

Tae

he generally comes home if hes sad?

what happened uncle hobi

y r u asking me yhis at 2 in the night 

Jk

dad hasnt yet come home tae

and his phone is ded

we dont kno where he is and uncle hobi and yg are searching for him

Tae

what

WHAT DO U MEAN BY DADS MISSING

HOW CAN YOU LOSE AN ENTIRE PERSON?

fuck

Uncle Hobi

Im sorry Tae

I really am

we're trying our best but we're running out of places and I was kinda hoping u would know

Tae

the han river

have u checked there

Uncle Hobi

no?

Tae

he'll be there

don't text me until you find him. 

Jk

tae...

 

Uncle Hobi

I told Yoongi

we'll be there in five

I'll keep u updated boys

and I'm sorry

for what its worth

 

 

**

 

 

Kook

tae...

i m sry

and ik ur prolly wondering y he would do smth like this

he knows abt uncle hobis crush on yg

and he thinks yg likes him back

Tae

what

FUCK

how

 

Kook

he texted me at 11.15?

i swear i didnt kno he wasnt at work then

i thought he had a late shift

so he asked me abt it and i told him i wasnt sure

and he was saying a lot of things

but mostly feeling bad abt himself

and that he was a burden kinda

Tae

...

Kook

tae say smth

pls

i told him he wasnt

i tried my best to reassure him

but idk

and i am sry

because had u been here none of this would have happened

and u have every right to be pissed at me

Tae

im not pissed...

its just... im scared kook

dad almost never goes to the han river

Or i should say he hasnt gone there alone in a long time

its

theres a song he wrote a few yrs back on one of his walks there

reflection

u'll know y i am so worried abt him going back there if u listen to it

he was in a terrible place back then

and hes slowly going back there

and im not there to pull him out of the spiral

im scared for him kook

Kook

i am too tae

but he'll be fine tae

i promise ill do my best from now

or...

if u want

we could switch back

get uncle hobi to do it without our dads knowing

im sure jimin will help u

Tae

that

idk

maybe we shuld

 

 

**

 

 

Yoongi

tae we found your dad

he was sitting by the river

writing lyrics

said he had wanted some time alone

jesus

but yeah just thought i would tell u

we'll be home soon kid

Jungkook

ah

hes fine right?

is he sad?

Yoongi

yeah he is

dont worry kid

Jungkook

okay

 

 

**

 

 

Kook

they found him

uncle yg just texted me

he was there

apparently he wanted some time alone

Tae

...

hug him extra tight for me will u

and kook can u promise me u'll keep an eye on him for now

idek how hes holding up with finding this out

pls

Kook

tae u dont even need to ask me

the moment he walks into that door im gonna become a koala

im not gonna let go of him again

and ik theres no point asking u not to worry becoz ik u will

but pls try to get some sleep

i swear ill try to do better

make sure he smiles more

Tae

thank you kook

thats...thats all i ask of u

and let me know if smth happens, yeah?

Kook

yeah

love u tae <3

Tae

love u too kookie <3

 

 

**

 

 

Yoongi hyung

Hobi?

is that you out in the balcony?

Hope

ah hyung did I wake you up?

I am sorry ><

Yoongi hyung

not really

can't sleep?

Hope

...yeah

Yoongi hyung

are Namjoon and Tae asleep?

Hope

yes hyung!

Tae latched onto joon the moment he walked in and doesnt look like he'll let go any moment :)

Yoongi hyung

ur allowed to be mad you know?

there's nothing wrong with that

Namjoon acted recklessly and ur allowed to be angry at him 

Hope

but how can I hyung?

its obvious hes hurting so much

how can I be angry with him when all he wanted was to be alone

hes a grown man hyung

and Im not his keeper

he doesnt need to tell me where hes going or what hes doing all the time

Yoongi hyung

ur his brother, hoseok

and just as you do everything you do because you love him

hes obliged to do the same

Hope

oh but hes not obliged to hyung...

but im not mad

It just hurts that he's not even telling me what's wrong

he's never closed himself off like this before and its killing me

its killing me that i cant help him

Yoongi hyung

I think you being there for him is helping him enough

and he's got to have a reason for not telling you

got to have valid reasons that probably involve not worrying you or hurting you

he's Namjoon, hobi

he's the guy who has the most rational head upon his shoulders

just trust that if things become more than he thinks he can handle, he'll come to you

and till then, just wait for him

Hope

u say so, hyung?

its not because he finds me too overbearing or that he suddenly... doesnt like me anymore?

Yoongi hyung

jesus hobi where did you even get such a ridiculous idea from

namjoon LOVES you

he would do anything for you

he was miserable when he saw how bad you looked when we found him

and how he hurt you

and he pulled me aside while you were changing to thank me for coming with you

that he hadnt meant to do it and that he would talk to you abt it tomorrow

but that he seriously needed some time to get away from the thoughts in his head and that hes fine now

he looked genuinely apologetic and sad for making you worry

he loves you hobi

so much so that i actually envy the bond the two of you have

Hope

...

thank you yoongi hyung

seriously

i never got to tell you

for everything - for coming with me, for reassuring me, for just being here

Yoongi hyung

aish, shut up

the two of you have done so much for me

its the least i could do...

now go sleep

Hope

hmm..

i dont really feel like it now hyung

Its hard to sleep now without cuddling joon and tae ><

and its almost dawn so I'll just get about with preparing breakfast

Yoongi hyung

stop acting like an idiot

the inflatable bed is big enough for two

get your worrying ass over here

I'll spoon you

Hope

hyunggg

OMG ur so softt

really? you dont mind?

Yoongi hyung

I wouldn't have offered if I did

now get over here and let me sleep

Hope

okay hyungggg ≧∇≦

Yoongi hyung

also hobi

one last thing

just wanna make sure

who was the guy in the photo Namjoon was holding in his hand when we found him?

Hope

oh, that's Jin hyung

his ex-husband

Yoongi hyung

fuck

 

 

**


Jiminie

hey kookie

we… um

we’re good, right?

welp this is awkward sorry just pretend i didn’t sent this message

Kookie

um wait what?

ofc we’re good

why are u apologizing? :(((

jiminie???

Jiminie

um it was just

i asked taetae to invite u to come to the maldives with me

and after that i got no message from either him or u

so i guess u prob think im taking this too fast??

i didn’t mean to im so sorry

i didn’t mean like we have to go as exclusive bfs if u don’t want to

like if u want to its ok too but

i didn’t mean to push u

Kookie

omg no no no jimin no

don’t apologize!!!

ur not pushing me and im EXCITED to go with u

(if i could get my dad to agree lol)

i guess i just kinda assumed tae told u i said yes

and tae prob assumed i told u yes

theres been a lot going on so we’re preoccupied

im so sorry jiminie yes i want to go with u :(((

thank u so much for inviting me

it would be so amazing!!!!!

Jiminie

is this a bad time?

whats going on?

are u guys ok?

Kookie

um we’re fine

just

our dad is sad

*both our dads are sad

and we’re worried

yeah

Jiminie

oh dear

come here and let me hug u

Kookie

wish i could

Jiminie

u know what would cheer everyone up

we bring EVERYONE on a trip to the maldives

Kookie

lolololol pls

we cant do that!

if this dad and that dad see both me and tae at the same time

we’d be EXPOSED

Jiminie

no but what if u pretend it’s a coincidence?

we can rope ur uncle in

he could say he won a trip or sth and bring ur dad along

meanwhile taetae tells other dad, the one who knows me

‘jiminie’s family is inviting u and me on a trip’

neither of u know each other

neither of u have ever seen each other before

and u run into each other at an island resort!!!!

how about that?

Kookie

um this dad and that dad will have to meet under the circumstances…

and im not sure that would be a happy meeting

it might make them even sadder

but this is a good idea jiminie

it might all work out in the end if we execute it nicely

let me sleep on it a bit

discuss with taetae and uncle hobi

thank u so much for helping us

Jiminie

hey no problem! ^3^

Kookie

but srsly jiminie

thank u

this still seems so unreal to me haha

i don’t mean just the maldives part only

the fact that im actually… talking to u…

so surreal

is this all a dream?

Jiminie

lol kookie ur so cute

this is not a dream

ur talking to me

and i like u

whats more

u can know for sure that i don’t only love u for ur good looks but also ur personality

bc if i only like u bc u look good, i’d have fallen for taetae as well, right?

but i didn’t

so

Kookie

omg what did i do to deserve u jiminie

i don’t even know whats so good about my personality

im not even friendly like tae im shy and emo

Jiminie

u might be shy but ur so kind!

that time u rescued that poor injured sparrow?

that time u gave a homeless man all the chocolate u have?

and u always buy charity cookies from those special needs kids who sell them???

Kookie

how did u notice all those things ><

Jiminie

u may be quiet but ur soul is loud haha

its always like ‘look at me, look at me’

ur great kookie don’t be so down on urself

Kookie

ok haha ><

Jiminie

don’t get me wrong tho im not saying i don’t like taetae’s personality

he’s my soulmate and bff but he’s not YOU, u get me

still, if someone ever dares hurt him i’d place poisoned icecubes in their soda

Kookie

that’s a very specific method of murder

i don’t think u need to do murder right now

but hug him a lot for me

he’s been with this dad a lot longer than me, he might be affected more

Jiminie

on it

 

 

**

 

 

Namjoonie

Good morning hyung

I’m sorry about last night...

Hoseokie-hyung

hey! my favorite bro

how you feeling today?

let’s go somewhere nice and chat

Namjoonie

But work’s waiting

Hoseokie-hyung

i called ur boss already, said u cant go to work bc there’s this ginormous spider outside the door

and no one can leave the house bc we all have acute arachnophobia

so u have a day off now

Namjoonie

Is that even a valid excuse?

Hoseokie-hyung

it is to ur boss

she was very sympathetic

so… let’s go to an otter café?

watch those lil otters swim around holding hands

touch those slippery bodies

sounds like a good way to spend the day

just u and me

Namjoonie

Oh

Just u and me huh

Yoongi-hyung isn’t coming?

Hoseokie-hyung

how long has it been since we last spent some quality brother bonding time?

yoongi-hyung can survive one day on his own lol

besides he has work

Namjoonie

He always does lol

it’s just that translators can work everywhere

so it always looks like he’s just playing on his ipad when he’s actually working

Hoseokie-hyung

yea but today he’s got an interpretation gig

gotta be there in person

Namjoonie

Oh interpretation huh

Sounds cool

It’s always kinda funny to me how badass rapper Agust D can in fact dress up in suits and interpret at formal occasions

Hoseokie-hyung

well badass rapper RM works as an accountant during the day

sounds even more far-fetched to me

Namjoonie

Haha

Gotta get the bills paid ya know

Hoseokie-hyung

yeah bills

that’s a thing unfortunately

oh btw

yoongi-hyung says he’s got this interpretation gig for some old clients

on the long weekend

so he’s gotta fly to the maldives or something

also his clients are rich af so they told him he could bring family or friends

we’re his friends right?

what do you say?

island resort, long weekend, kiss stingrays and chill?

Namjoonie

Wow

That sounds amazing but…

We can’t leave Taetae alone at home

Hoseokie-hyung

oh he’s coming too obviously

he’s prob not old enough to be a friend of yoongi-hyung’s but he can pretend to be his family

Namjoonie

Hyung’s clients might be able to tell tho

Taetae is really bad at lying

He can’t pretend to be someone he isn’t

He’ll be found out in seconds

Hoseokie-hyung

dude have some faith in ur kid lol

anyway

stop texting me

get dressed

get out of bed

otter café

Namjoonie

Ok hyung I’m coming

I love you

Hoseokie-hyung

love u too silly baby

Chapter Text

Jaehwannie

Jin?

 

Jinnie

Jaehwannnnn

How are you, my man?

 

Jaehwannie

Good good

Wbu?

How's business treating you?

 

Jinnie

Terrible urgh

Don't even ask me

Everybody has issues with everything

ISTG one day I’m just going to randomly fire everyone who works for me

The chef is having an affair with one of the waiters while the receptionist keeps flirting with all the customers

And they keep playing either sappy love songs or break up songs

LIKE FUCKING DECIDE

 

Jaehwannie

Wow... That sounds rough XD

And you say that but you would rather shut down the restaurant than fire one of them lol

 

Jinnie

... True

But still

I have my days when I just want to cook all of them

 

Jaehwannie

Why do you gotta always be so morbid

How's Kook??

 

Jinnie

Growing up (╥﹏╥)

He's changing so much

He's become so different

Cleans his room

He can BOIL WATER PROPERLY ( TДT)

 

Jaehwannie

Isn't that supposed to be a good thing?

 

Jinnie

Soon, he won't need me anymore T_T

 

Jaehwannie

Oh FFS jin he's only learnt how to boil water XD

 

Jinnie

... You mock my pain

You'll know one day...

When you have kids...

Anyways how's work?

Been ages since I last visited

I listened to your recent single btw

I. LOVED. IT

\( ̄▽ ̄)/

So proud of you!!!

 

Jaehwannie

Aww thanks!!! That means a lot coming from you... <3

Actually that was what I wanted to talk to you about

You know how my studio is close to Yoongi's right?

I saw Namjoon waiting outside the other day

And well Yoongi came out and I like expected him to knock out his teeth or smth

Or like you know, strangle him with the aux cord he was carrying and I was preparing myself to help him bury the body

Expect they hugged?

Or more like Namjoon kinda hugged him and lifted him off his feet while Yoongi gave him that Im-gonna-act-like-I-hate-this-when-I-secretly-love-it look

And I thought I had to let you know

 

Jinnie

... Oh

 

Jaehwannie

I’m so sorry Jinnie I didn't mean to stir trouble but I just wanted to make sure you didn't get hurt again

Because I know how fiercely protective of you Yoongi is and how much you care about him

Which means that either you haven't told him (and I am hoping it's this) or

He was screwing you over all this time

I still care about you, you know

Wow but it feels weird telling my ex about his ex and his bff XD

 

Jinnie

Oh... that's... news to me

Namjoon's probably the friend whose house Yoongi's staying at now then

And he doesn't know that Namjoon's my ex

But thank you for telling me

And I am so sorry Jaehwan

I care about you too, it just didn't work out

I really am

I didn't want to dump you I swear

 

Jaehwannie

Hey hey I’m not blaming you or anything

I completely understand Jin

And i have like gotten over you... or mostly

Besides I know it would have never worked out

You never really got over him

And let's be fair even if we crossed all that Kook wouldn't have let me marry you XD

 

Jinnie

That's not true!!!

Kook loved you

... Well he would have eventually loved you

 

Jaehwannie

Please jin XD

He changed my entire PPT presentation

Made all the business graphs into pie charts of common kinks

Included excerpts from the Kama Sutra as case studies

Not to mention that picture of a 9 -inch glittery pink dildo

And I don't even take it up the ass!!!

I couldn't look my boss in the eye for months

It was a miracle I didn't get kicked out for it

 

Jinnie

... Oops?

To be honest I have no idea what got into him then

He's generally the best behaved

And I had no idea that was why he was asking to use your laptop I’m sorry

But you’ve got to admit it was funny

 

Jaehwannie

Sigh

But you see what I mean

He's really a sweet kid

And he's your world

I wouldn't have wanted you to even come to a position where you would consider breaking his heart in order to be with me

Not that you would have ever

But I don't ever want you to be sad Kim Seokjin

 

Jinnie

The world doesn't deserve you Lee Jaehwan

I don't deserve you as a friend

Thanks for telling me though

 

Jaehwannie

<3

 

Jinnie

<3

We should meet up soon

Come over to the restaurant tonight?

 

Jaehwannie

See you at 8!!!

 

***

 

[ Saved as Draft ]

From: rapster.nam@yahoo.com

To: lejindary@hotmail.com

CC/BCC:

Sub: Missing you

Jinnie,

It would probably make more sense to call you or text you, wouldn't it? But then you know how much of a stubborn idiot I am so I won't. I have been thinking about you a lot these days. I don't even know why. But that's not why I am mailing you. I know why I am thinking about you and it's because of Tae. Because he pours his milk before cereal, groans at my dad jokes like he's heard too many of them before, doesn't give out hugs too freely and hasn't been walking around the house naked. And I wanted to know if Jungkook's been doing things differently too. Like if he makes his own bed and tries his best to keep the house clean even though you have servants for it. If he's suddenly too interested in wildlife, paints a lot, talks a lot and made you kimchi fried rice that tastes like our childhood. I need to know if that's happened to you too or if it's just me missing you and projecting on him. I wish we could turn back time and change everything. I wish we could

***

[ Saved as draft ]

From: rapster.nam@yahoo.com

To: lejindary@hotmail.com

CC/BCC:

Sub: I think our kids know more than they're letting on

Seokjin hyung,

Lately I have had a feeling that Taehyung isn’t being himself. And that he knows more than he's letting on. Weird vibes you would call it. I wanted to know if Jungkook has been like that too, so that I can figure out whether I’m being a good parent or a terrible one who can't even identify if the kid with him is the one he brought up for fifteen years. Whether we made a mistake all those years back. I still love you, you know. And I miss you. Let me know.

Namjoon

***

[ Sent ]

From: rapster.nam@yahoo.com

To: lejindary@hotmail.com

CC/BCC:

Sub: Regarding Abnormal Behavior of Offspring

Mr. Kim,

This email is regarding the abnormal behaviour exhibited by my progeny, Kim Taehyung, recently. Wondering if yours is indulging in such behaviour too.

Sincerely,

Kim Namjoon

***

[ Inbox ]

From: lejindary@hotmail.com

To: rapster.nam@yahoo.com

CC/BCC:

Sub: re: Regarding Abnormal Behavior of Offspring

Mr. Namjoon,

I am highly offended by your slander of my pure child's character by calling him a freak. Just because yours is one gives you no right to call my perfect golden Jungkook so too. Kindly refrain from sending me such emails in the future.

Kim Seokjin

***

[ Sent ]

From: rapster.nam@yahoo.com

To: lejindary@hotmail.com

CC/BCC:

Sub: re: re: Regarding Abnormal Behavior of Offspring

Seokjin-ssi

Did you just call MY adorable, sweet, angelic son a freak? My TaeTae might be different from other children but that DOES NOT make him a freak. Kindly refrain from throwing around accusations like a five-year-old. It isn't becoming of a businessman.

Namjoon

***

[ Inbox ]

From: lejindary@hotmail.com

To: rapster.nam@yahoo.com

CC/BCC:

Sub: re: re: re: Regarding Abnormal Behavior of Offspring

Yah Namjoon you were the one who implied my Gukkie was a freak first!!! Yeah he is a freak on the football field but only I am allowed to call him that! Also who's acting like a five year old you pretentious ass? You were the one who interrupted my peaceful, relaxing afternoon face care routine with your nonsense.

***

[ Sent ]

From: rapster.nam@yahoo.com

To: lejindary@hotmail.com

CC/BCC:

Sub: re: re: re: re: Regarding Abnormal Behavior of Offspring

Oh, so now it's all my fault huh? Funny how everything is always my fault, Jin hyung. I'll let you go back to your RELAXING face care routine because obviously that is more important than the well being of our kids.

***

[ Saved as draft ]

From: lejindary@hotmail.com

To: rapster.nam@yahoo.com

CC/BCC:

Sub: re: re: re: re: re: Regarding Abnormal Behavior of Offspring

Oh fuck I didn't mean it that way Joonie, come on. What happened back then was on both of us you numbskull. This - fuck it. I'll just call you.

 

***

 

Old man

Hello Yoongi

How are you this fine morning? :)

 

Yoongles

uhh... its past midnight now?

 

Old man

Did I stutter bitch? :))

 

Yoongles

...

well Im being harassed rn so idk I guess im not feeling too bad?

 

Old man

The sun is shining so beautifully, isn't it?

 

Yoongles

did u smoke pot?

are you high

or has ur last brain cell finally died

 

Old man

Ah, I hear the birds singing so sweetly outside

 

Yoongles

the only noise I can hear is my roommate's horrible snoring thats shaking the entire house

 

Old man

Do you know what a little birdie told me just now, Min Yoongi? :)

 

Yoongles

those smiley faces have so much passive aggressive energy to them its scary

but what did it tell you

that you're not the fairest of them all?

cause I could have told u that myself

 

Old man

Bitch I am a total ten

Everyone else is an 8

I dont need validation for that

But I'll give you a chance to guess

 

Yoongles

... if this is about your exclusive edition mario figurine

I swear Jungkook was the one who brought the stray dog home that knocked it over

I had nothing to do with Holly

... except maybe letting her in

 

Old man

That was YOU?

I been knew

I could feel it in my bones

YOU WERE THE ONE WHO LET THAT GODDAMN MENACE IN

 

Yoongles

listen, I didnt know she was a stray!!!

and I couldnt resist her cuteness okay

combined with ur rabbit son's charm

 

Old man

What cuteness?

It had fucking chicken legs... FRIED CHICKEN LEGS

 

Yoongles

I got you a new one didnt I

and also returned Holly to her rightful owner

what more do u want

but wait...

it wasnt that?

fuck

 

Old man

Nope

Though thanks for telling me :)

I'll give you another chance

Its something closer to home

And something we NEVER talk about

 

Yoongles

...

is it about your ringtone?

for which I may or may not be very very partially responsible?

 

Old man

FUCK YOU MIN YOONGI

Do you know how embarrassing it was when the barbie theme song started playing while I was discussing a possible expansion with a willing investor???

And to think YOU were the one who was behind that

I trusted you

 

Yoongles

... fuck

I rly need to learn to keep my mouth shut

but in my defence, I only gave Minho the password to your phone

I had no idea he was going to do that

 

Old man

Do you know how HUMILIATING it was?!!

I still can't look my staff in the eye

And the only reason it was fine was because my investor had a good sense of humor and wasn't a crabby old 80 yr old

I raise you in my womb for nine months

And this is how you repay me

Wow

JuSt WoW

 

Yoongles

ew wtf hyung

for the last time, I am NOT YOUR KID

also... don't you like have a... humiliation kink?

 

Old man

Damn right, you aren't

and fuck u, no I don't

 

Yoongles

thank god

 

Old man

I just disowned you

 

Yoongles

...

 

Old man

Besides I’m pretty sure my ex would be happy to formally adopt you anyway

And maybe you would like that seeing how cuddly you have become with him

 

Yoongles

hyung I

 

Old man

You knew?

I thought you didn't...

Wow

 

Yoongles

Hyung...

 

Old man

You know I didnt really believe Jaehwan when he said he saw the two of you walking out of your studio

But then I thought about it, and it kind of added up

Plus I heard a few other things this evening which confirmed stuff

So when were you planning to tell me yoongi?

 

Yoongles

Hyung I just learned about this myself like fifteen hours ago

when I caught him with a pic of you in his hand nd then asked hoseok

i swear i didnt know till then

and i have like been holed up in my studio since then trying to process stuff

i swear i wasmt hiding stufd from you

or trying to lie you

or hurt you

i promise hyung

pls pls pls dont be mad at me

i am sorry

 

Old man

Ffs Yoongi, I am not mad

what do they say, hoes before bros amirite?!

I just wanted to know why you didn't tell me

like we tell each other everything

and like why Namjoon is still alive

considering you swore you would murder my ex and dump his body in the han river if you ever saw him

 

Yoongles

are u honestly not mad? :(

you want me to kill him?

just give me the word and I'll get it done

I have got my knife, the sack and stuff ready

and I'll borrow Hoseoks car

 

Old man

I am not you idiot

how could I ever

But I must state here that in the event of you getting caught I won't bail you out

Or admit to being associated with you

and jesus christ I can't believe you're still willing to murder Joon

isn't he like your bf?

I would be lying if I said that didnt stoke my ego though lol

 

Yoongles

hes not

and even if he were it wouldnt matter

and the only reason I would even consider not killing him is because I dont want tae giving me those puppy eyes which will result in me making some terrible decision like adopting him

 

Old man

He's not?????

But wasn't he the cute guy you were talking about?

also you do realise that I would be more than happy to take in Tae in the event of something happening to Joonie assuming hes still a minor

I get custody of him

we decided that when we got the divorce

we weren't going to let our idiocy get in the way of our kids

 

Yoongles

jokes aside, if me being around him makes you uncomfortable (I haven't told him ur my frnd btw), just tell me

I'll stay in a motel till my apt is ready

And stop talking to him

 

Old man

oh yoongi-chi what did I do to deserve a friend like you <3

But no, hyung is okay with it

 

Yoongles

He's the cute guy...

but its... complicated hyung...

and I feel like terrible

 

Old man

Tell hyung Yoongi-ah

I’m here for you

 

Yoongles

i think i like someone else

 

Old man

okay... and?

if you nd joon aren't official you could tell him

...

or have you been leading him on?

 

Yoongles

I can basically hear you screaming at me pissed

And i know im a fuckn fool

me and joon arent official

but i dont know how to tell him

because the person i like...

joon will get hurt if he knows hyung

that much I can promise

 

Old man

does this person like you back?

 

Yoongles

i think so hyung

and I fuckn love him so much

like every time I see his heart shaped smile I just want to kiss him

and I want to be the reason he smiles like that more

but neither of us know how to break it to joon

so we're just skirting around each other

 

Old man

Heart-shaped smile, huh

Reminds me of someone I’ve never met again after the divorce but used to think would be a great brother-in-law

Would this certain somebody happen to be a dancer who really knows how to use his hips

a literal embodiment of sunshine

and have no shame or no idea what indoor voice means?

 

Yoongles

... maybe?

 

Old man

And would his name happen to start with the letters H O and end with S E O K ?

 

Yoongles

yes

urgh the guilt is killingme hyung

everytime I see Joon's puppy eyes and eager face

the way his dimples come out when he sees me

I feel so bad hyung

but I swear I love him only like a younger brother

like yes I want to have him arohnd

but not romantically you get me?

 

Old man

You're in such deep shit Min Yoongi

I thought I raised you better than this?

 

Yoongles

if i couldnt literally feel the disappointment through the message I wpuld have reminded you that you didnt raise me

and that I am infintely better than the brat u raised

 

Old man

YOU TAKE THAT BACK THIS SECOND YOU MENACE

JUNGKOOK IS THE SWEETEST CHILD IN THIS ENTIRE PLANET

 

Yoongles

keep telling urself that lol

but srsly

what do i do hyung

 

Old man

Speak to Hobi directly

and then come clean to Joon

You have got to do it

Though unless Joon genuinely doesnt mind, your relationship is fucked

I’m sorry to say that but Hobi would NEVER do anything if he thinks it would hurt his brother

... I would know after all

 

Yoongles

ur right

but hyung I fuxked up big time didnt I?

with you

with him

with hobi

why am i like this

i cant believe your ex fell in love with me and i fell in love with his brother and I am staying with them and telling you about it

ur prolly the last person who wants to hear this

I’m so sorry jin hyung

 

Old man

Oh shut up, you idiot

Joon is allowed to fall in love

I fucking dated Jaehwan for a year

He hasn't done anything like that since the day we split up

(I would know since I stalk him online)

He deserves to move on

Just because I can't doesnt mean hes got to suffer too

And I am HAPPY you came to me

Trust me

Lord knows u never tell me ur problems

 

Yoongles

... i don't think he's gotten over you either, hyung

I mean from what hobi's told me

he's been thinking/talking abt u a lot these days

and the way he was holding onto that picture of you the other day when I spotted him

that's not a man who's moved on, hyung

the emotions on his face

they were so raw

and I srsly do not know what happened between the two of you and I didnt ask because its none of my business

and I know i am in no position to offer you advice

but maybe you should try talking to him?

 

Old man

...

that's a lot to take in Yoongi

and if ur right

idk

I guess I should?

I really don't know

But thank you for telling me Yoon

Honestly

And for being there for me

You're the best friend/brother I could ever ask for

So thank you <3

 

Yoongles

hyung

urgh

I am not going to say this again

but the situation warrants it

I love you too <3

And thank you so much for being beside me all this while, holding my hand each time I fuck up

Letting me tell you my problems and holding me when I cry

For making sure I dont die in the studio

For being there when my depression hit me hard

You're an amazing brother too

I couldn't have asked for more and I dont deserve somekne like you

 

Old man

Aww

You had to make me cry

But you're a fucking idiot

You deserve everything I can give you and more

And you deserve love in this life

And I know Hoseok can give you that

He's an amazing person

Don't lose him

Tell Joon and go get your man, tiger!!

Hyung has faith in you <3

 

Yoongles

I will, hyung

soon

or maybe tonight

and you should at least try to reconnect with Namjoon

get to know Tae

you'll love him

he's a right menace too

 

Old man

Hmm... I will

Well I gotta go now

Got a restaurant to open

But let me know how it goes with Hobi and Joon

And no matter how it goes

Remember that hyung is always there for you

 

Yoongles

I will hyung

<3

 

Old man

<333

***

Chapter Text

Jin

So… hey

This is Namjoon right?

Sorry, I haven’t texted this number for ages so just wanna be sure

Joon

Yeah

It’s me

Feels kind of weird haha but… hi? how’re you doing?

Jin

We were literally speaking on the phone 3 secs ago

You know how I’m doing

Anyway

Was great catching up with you

It’s been a long time but I’m glad you’re doing well

Joon

I’m glad you’re doing well too hyung

Jin

And I’m sorry

For not being there when you weren’t doing so well

You know you could always call me

We might not be married anymore but you’re still my friend

I still care about you

I’m sorry I didn’t reach out first

Thank you for reaching out first

Joon

No hyung I was a shitty friend as well

I couldn’t find the proper words for it during the call but

I know you went through a lot these years too

I really should have reached out sooner

I still care too, you know

Jin

Nah it’s not your fault you’re just busy

Joon

You’re busy too, aren’t you?

Anyway, I guess I just… missed you haha

Was grasping at any excuse I could find just so I could talk to you again

Taetae’s weird behavior wasn’t even that weird now that I was thinking about it

Kids do get influenced a lot by their peers at this age

And he was at camp for two months, of course he’d come back a little different

Jin

Oh I totally understand

Same situation here lol. Kook went to camp too and now he’s all grown up

My shy little bean, making friends at school left and right, imagine that

I used to worry that I was overbearing and that was why he couldn’t make friends

And look at him now!!! my baby

Joon

Oh you sent Jungkook to camp too?

And no, you aren’t overbearing I’m sure

You’re a great parent hyung

I don’t even need to see Jungkook to know

And I’m glad he’s making friends!

Jin

He is!!

One of his friends’ parents even invited him (and me!!) on a trip to a five-star resort

How cool is that?

Joon

Wow that’s rly nice

His parents must be rich

Jin

Um I

Uh

Sorry, never mind

Joon

Huh?

Oh

Hyung it’s ok omg

I’m way over that stage where I was sensitive over anything that involves money ok

You don’t have to walk over eggshells when mentioning rich people stuff

You’re rich, I’m not, it’s fine

Jin

You sound bitter

Joon

I’m not bitter, hyung!!

Ok maybe it did kind of affect me that me not being rich enough for your family was the reason we divorced

But I’m fine now

I accept that certain things in life just ain’t meant to be

So we’re good, yeah?

Jin

But wait

That’s not the reason we divorced???

Yeah my aunts and uncles were being stupid and loud about money stuff but who cares about them

True they were my guardians after my parents were gone but that was like for 1 yr or something

They didn’t raise me, their opinions didn’t matter to me

I was gonna open another branch of my restaurant in Australia

I had it all planned

We were gonna move there, you and me and our 2 babies

Ignore those shitty relatives who wont mind their own businesses

We were gonna be so happy together

YOU cut it off

YOU said you wanted to call it quits

Joon

And why did I cut it off?

Obviously I wouldn’t have done that out of nowhere?

Your relatives talked to me, hyung

They showed me how bright your future could’ve been

If married to someone of YOUR status

Instead of some lower-class mistake you met at camp

They wanted the best for you

I wanted the best for you

Tell me, why else would I have cut it off?

I loved you

Maybe I still do

Jin

Oh so if you think you can decide what’s “best for me” then you’re gravely wrong

You’re just like all of them huh?

You and my stupid relatives

y’all think you know what’s best for me

But the fact is

Only I can decide what’s best for me

And I decided that it was YOU

Go wash that stupid egg-shaped head of yours and let that sink in

Joon

Egg-shaped head…

Hyung you wound me

But oh god hyung if that was what you’ve been thinking for all these yrs

Why didn’t you just say so

Jin

Why didn’t YOU just tell ME about the talk my idiot relatives gave you?

I can’t believe shit like that affected you that much

I bet it was completely ridiculous

They prob made a powerpoint

And brought you to a mcdonalds or something and roasted you while eating mcflurries because you’re “too poor to go to a highbrow restaurant” or some shit

Joon

Actually it was a burger king

Jin

Same thing

Ugh

Tell me Joon

Why am I 37 yrs old yet still a mess

Joon

I’m 35 and still a mess

I think we’re allowed to be a mess no matter how old we get

Jin

True, my granddad is 102 and eats boogers

Now that’s a mess

Just

I don’t know

My head is all noodles

Joon

And mine is an egg

Jin

Yes, a very good egg

I need to cool down and think a bit

Joon

Did you have too much vodka again

Jin

There’s no such thing as too much vodka

but I need to… think

I’ll prob do a lot of thinking at that resort this weekend

And then I’ll call you again

I don’t even know what I’m supposed to be thinking about but I know I need to think

Joon

It’s ok hyung

I never know what I’m supposed to be thinking about either

and what a coincidence lol I’m gonna go to a resort this weekend as well

A friend has to go for work purposes and he invited us

Jin

Sounds good

You deserve to relax, you work too hard

Joon

How’d you know that? We haven’t talked in years

Jin

I just know

You never stop working

It’s ok to chillax a couple of days lol

Have fun at the resort!

I’ll have fun too

We’ll talk when we get back

Joon

Sure thing

Good night, hyung

It was nice hearing your voice tonight

I really like your voice

Jin

Did you have too much vodka too

But same

I really like my voice too

Night, Joon

 

 

[Absent-minded doodles during the phone call: Namjoon version]
31565

 

[Absent-minded doodles during the phone call: Seokjin version]
174034

 

**

 

Lame – D

hey tae

Jungkook

oh look it’s lame-d

Lame – D

shut up

anyway

Taehyung, I know we kinda had a rocky start

and you didn’t like me for being better at rapping than your dad or whatever reason

Jungkook

WTF ur not better at rapping than my dad

Lame – D

ok ok whatever

anyway

I need a favor, kid

Jungkook

oh so ur being nice to me now that u need a favor

Lame – D

when have I ever not been nice to you

you were the one being rude to me :/

ahh anyway can you help me spy on hobi for a sec

for science

Jungkook

…what kind of science

Lame – D

ok actually I’ll admit I’m a bit worried

Jungkook

why?

whats wrong with uncle hobi

Lame – D

hopefully nothing is but

I keep hearing his voice from inside his room

and he sounds…

aggressively endeared?

Jungkook

aggressively endeared how

Lame – D

he kept saying things like

“oh you wanna kiss me huh? kiss me then you pretty big baby”

“you think my brain is as tiny as yours??? you think I already forgot huh??? no I didn’t forget, you little fuzzy drooling peach”

and this classic

“AAAAAaaaaaaaaaAAAAAAaaaaAAaaaAAAAh”

im not sure if he’s having kinky sex or if his life is in danger

so just thought you should check and report to me

bc I’m too lazy to get up from the couch myself

Jungkook

i see

well there’s nothing to worry about

that’s how he talks to tannie

tannie thinks ppl have pea-sized brains and forget about feeding him 3 secs after doing it

so he comes back to beg for food again 3 secs later

if he doesnt get his way he eats ur shoes and stands on ur chest

he doesnt realize he’s heavy and yeontan on chest = pain

hence the screaming

Lame – D

good then

I’m glad hobi is not dying

Jungkook

bet ur also glad he’s not having kinky sex

or should i say

bet ur also glad he’s not having kinky sex with someone other than u

Lame – D

what the heck you little shit

Jungkook

admit it lol

u love him and want to have kinky sex with him

Lame – D

is kinky sex all 15-yr-olds think about these days?

back in my time

15-yr-olds were still making peepee jokes

I’ll have you know that while kinky sex can be a plus

I just want to cherish him and take him on cute dates and cuddle

and adopt another dog so that we can each have a dog standing on our chest or whatever

Jungkook

ur so whipped

u know what

i’ll go steal tannie out of his room

and then he’ll be all alone

and u guys can cuddle

how about that

Lame – D

wow does this mean

you support me and him… getting together?

Jungkook

of course i do why would i not

Lame – D

idk… I’ve been talking to your dad

he’s been really encouraging

says he wants his brother and me to be happy

and he thinks we’ll be really happy together

I bet he said the same to Hobi too

but I guess I just overthink a lot man

like if we get together

wouldn’t it be a bit like I’m stealing your dad’s brother from him

they’re brothers but also best friends you get me

Jungkook

dude ur overthinking

if u get together

u wont be stealing my dad’s brother from him

instead

he’ll be gaining another brother

Lame – D

but does he want another brother?

I’d need some time to get used to it if I had a new brother show up out of nowhere

Jungkook

that’s what i thought too but it could be surprisingly easy depending on the brother

as long as u promise to be the best brother to my dad i don’t have anything against u 2 getting together

Lame – D

haha so…

you’re finally willing to be my friend?

thank you Jungkook i sure owe you one

Jungkook

who’s jungkook?

Lame – D

oh nothing it just slipped out

you remind me of someone

Jungkook

looks-wise or personality-wise

pls tell me its someone hot

Lame – D

why are 15-yr-olds these days obsessed with hotness

back in my day 15-yr-olds were obsessed with paw patrol

looks-wise I think

personality-wise, the kid I knew was much less snarky

Jungkook

how do u know he’s not just hiding the snarkiness under the surface

anyway

got yeontan out now

uncle hobi’s room is all urs

Lame – D

thanks

I think we’ll be great friends, Tae

Jungkook

no problem lol

 

**

 

[JiKook + Tae]

Kookie

guys!!!!!!!!!

i have

news

Jiminie

hi kookie <33333

taetae says hi too

he’s next to me on my bed

Kookie

aaaaa im jealous

Jiminie

of me? of him?

Kookie

of the bed

anyway!!!!

remember operation yoonseok

Jiminie

course i rmb u told me all about it while facetiming me with ur shirt off

Kookie

hahaha i’ll show u my abs in person on the weekend

Jiminie

guys just because i wasn’t talking doesn’t mean im not reading this conversation thru jiminie’s phone   -tae

Kookie

go grab ur own phone lol i don’t want to get u 2 confused

Jiminie

isn’t it ironic for u to say that when u 2 confused me in the first place  -jiminie

Kookie

sorry jiminie we love u :((

Jiminie

sorry jiminie we love u :(( yeah im gonna go get my phone now  -tae

sorry jiminie we love u :(( -jiminie

Kookie

when u told me ur listening to a song called ‘answer: love myself” i didn’t expect u to take it this literally

Jiminie

uve shown me i have reasons, i should love myself

Taetae

im back!! now spill

Kookie

sure thing

basically

we don’t need operation yoonseok anymore

bc they just got together!!!!!

Taetae

!!!! give us all the details!!!

Kookie

they’re sitting in bed and kissing

with a lot of tongue

Jiminie

where are their HANDS

Kookie

in each other’s hair

wtf jiminie i didn’t know ur obsessed with hands

Jiminie

i like hands

kookie u have the prettiest hands btw

Kookie

and u have the cutest fingers >///<

oh they’re gazing deeply into each other’s eyes now

and saying something

Taetae

what did they say?

Kookie

idk either the surveillance camera i installed on yeontan’s collar before putting him into the room doesn’t record sound

Taetae

u need a better camera

Kookie

whew i was worried u would be mad that i put a camera on tannie

Taetae

why would i be mad i once put 3 cameras on tannie

 

**

 

Hope

well

that was… wow.

I think I saw stars at one point

hope no one saw lol

Yoongi hyung

Joon already said he doesn’t mind and is happy for us and so did Tae

so it’s fine even if they did see us making out lol

Hope

ya technically it’s fine but I’LL BE EMBARRASSED OK

anyway

now that we’re on the topic of Tae

as your new boyfriend I think it’s my duty to give you some crucial info

Yoongi hyung

crucial info on Tae?

Hope

well not exactly

see, he’s not actually Tae

Yoongi hyung

yeah, he’s Jungkook

Hope

……………

HOW DID U KNOW

AND DID U HAVE TO SPOIL MY GRAND REVEAL LIKE THAT??

Yoongi hyung

well I didn’t rly “know”

just kinda suspected

you know I’m friends with Jin-hyung lol I already told you

so of course I’ll know his kid too

Hope

ah too bad

poor kid had no chance pulling that scam off in front of someone who knows him well

Yoongi hyung

I don’t know him well lol haven’t seen him in years

he was just acting super suspicious

Hope

cut the kid some slack lol he’s never had any training in acting or anything

Yoongi hyung

lol fine

but you still gotta explain to me how this situation came to be later

like why is Jungkook here pretending to be Taehyung

(funny thing is I don’t think either of their dads had any idea)

Hope

as far as I know Joon definitely doesn’t

Yoongi hyung

neither does Jin-hyung

they’re prob too preoccupied with their jobs and pining over each other to notice

Hope

are you implying that I’m jobless

Yoongi hyung

I’m implying that you don’t have to do the pining part bc I’m all yours now

but also you’re jobless

Hope

it’s just for this season lol I’ll start working again when spring rolls around

Yoongi hyung

yeah I’m glad your job is a seasonal thing because that means you have all the time in the world to hang out with me <3

Hope

god yes

someday we gotta travel to a hot spring resort together

just you and me

Yoongi hyung

of course baby

but we need to get Joon and Jin-hyung back together before that

all this pining is getting painful to watch

Hope

I know

actually this was why I brought up the kid switch situation in the first place

the kids are asking to form a chat group with you

so that all five of us can conspire together

Yoongi hyung

ah I’m finally gonna be meeting the real Taetae huh

wait who’s the fifth

Hope

that’s a guy called Jiminie

Yoongi hyung

who the heck is Jiminie never heard of him in my life

Hope

lemme describe him to u according to a pic Tae drew

pink hair, weird yellow eyes and yellow mouth

a questionable chin and fingers that look like toes

also, no ears

Yoongi hyung

sounds like some kind of alien

Hope

apparently he’s Jungkook’s new boyfriend so don’t tell him that

Yoongi hyung

ok I won’t

 

**

 

Taehyung has created chat [PROJECT NAMJIN]

Taehyung has added Jungkookie to the chat

Taehyung has added Jiminie to the chat

Taehyung has added Uncle Hobi to the chat

Taehyung has added Uncle Yoongi to the chat

Taehyung

hey guys!!!!

Uncle Yoongi

Jungkook, why is your boyfriend an alien?

Uncle Hobi

HYUNG U PROMISED NOT TO SAY THAT ASDSAFHAKLGDAG

Jungkookie

wtf yoongi-ssi

in case u haven’t forgotten

ur sleeping in our hallway

i could go outside and kick ur ass this very second

Uncle Yoongi

oops I forgot

this identity swap thing is still new to me ok

haven’t gotten used to the concept that you’re not miles and miles away in the vineyards and are in fact right here in the next room yet

Jungkookie

apologize to jiminie!!

Jiminie

its ok lol aliens are cute

Uncle Yoongi

even the kind that burrows themselves into ppl’s chests and sprout tentacles?

Jiminie

maybe not that kind

Uncle Yoongi

also, do you have ears?

Jungkookie

wtf yoongi-ssi

apologize to jiminie!!

Jiminie

its ok lol not having ears is cute

Uncle Yoongi

why do I like your boyfriend better than I like you, Jungkook?

he thinks everything is cute

Jungkookie

i hate u

im gonna command tannie to chew ur toes

Uncle Yoongi

he’s already chewing on my toes

is that normal?

Taehyung

unfortunately yes, he does that

my theory is that he thinks that if he eats ur toes u wont be able to leave him

and that’s the best way to keep u by his side 24/7

Uncle Hobi

why am i suddenly in tears

this is so beautiful…

tannie… sweet baby

Jungkookie

tbh he’s prob just hungry

Uncle Yoongi

oh hey Taehyung

lovely to finally talk to you instead of this rude imposter of you

Taehyung

hello uncle yoongi!

im a big fan!!!

so far away is my ringtone!!!

Uncle Yoongi

ah why did you two even swap I like this one better than that brat Jungkook

Jungkook

r00d

Taehyung

we swapped because we wanna get to know our respective other dads

and maybe help them get back together again bc we know they miss each other!!

this is why we are gathered here today!

this long weekend we’re all gonna be at maldives

and so are both of the dads

who are totally clueless

ITS TIME FOR US TO MAKE OUR MOVE

Uncle Yoongi

I’d love to help but half of the time I’ll be working

since unlike you ppl I’m actually there to interpret for my lawyer clients Mr. and Mrs. Park

Taehyung

who coincidentally happen to be jimin’s parents

Uncle Yoongi

whew I’m glad I didn’t leave a bad impression on the son then

Jungkook

u called him an ALIEN with TENTACLES

Uncle Yoongi

I said no such thing

Jiminie

its ok all is forgiven!!

also my parents wont need u around all the time, just for their one speech

so u can hang out with us the rest of the time <3

and help us with PROJECT NAMJIN

Uncle Yoongi

you know, for a kid who isn’t connected to either dad, you rly are quite eager to help

that’s a good thing, I like you

Jiminie

anything for TRUE LOVE

also seokjin-ssi is always super nice to me when i visit taetae at his house

i want him to be happy

i wanna help

Jungkook

isn’t my bf the sweetest uwu

Jiminie

no no my bf is the sweetest hehehe

Uncle Yoongi

you know what neither of your boyfriends are as sweet as mine

Uncle Hobi

wait what you have a boyfriend? how come you never told me

now I’m sad

Uncle Yoongi

uh, it’s you…?

Uncle Hobi

oh sorry we just got together an hour ago I haven’t gotten used to this title yet

Taehyung

these ppl are hopeless

Chapter Text

Project NAMJIN

 

Taehyung

hey losers

u here yet?

hello

hello

helooo

I saw Agust-D and kook in a store today!!!

SEE!!!!!!!!!!!!

7bd04e2e-91f5-46e8-846c-62b9e4862908

lil meow meow hehe

 

Uncle Yoongi

...

kid i hope for ur sake that ur just drunk texting the gc

otherwise ur ded

 

Uncle Hobi

Yoongi noooo

Don't threaten my nephew!!!!

also that is a pretty accurate representation of you and kook ya know

 

Taehyung

yeah yooniieeeee

dont threaten me heehe

jddnndjrnene

 

Uncle Yoongi

eť tu Hobi

and thats it

I am coming for you and when I catch you I’m gonna

 

Jiminie

Omg pls dont yoongi-ssi

I took his phone away

he wont be texting anything anytime soon

hes been like this ever since he saw the prices of all the items in the room delivwry menu

i think they broke him?

 

Uncle Hobi

why though

I mean

wait

dnxjejenennds

 

Jungkookie

congrts Jiminie you just broke uncle Hobi too lmao

he dropped his phone into the fish tank

and the best part is that he didnt even notice that because hes too busy staring at the menu with tears in his eyes

omg this is gold

 

Jiminie

hey kookieee <3

 

Jungkookie

Jiminie <333

 

Uncle Yoongi

jesus you kids are so chaotic

and cute

...

okay actually i think i can relate

WHO TF CHARGES $50 FOR A GLASS OF WATER WTF

you know what I am going to order that and see why its priced that way

capitalism

evwrywhete

fuck this world

 

Jiminie

did we break him too?

 

Jungkookie

lol i think so

anyways you guys got here safe?

 

Jiminie

yeah we did!

just an hour ago

me and taetae are sharing a suite which is connected to uncle Jins!!!

the view here is so pretty kookie!

 

Jungkookie

well im pretty sure it isnt prettier than you <3

 

Jiminie

omg kookie youre making me blush ≧∇≦

but wbu guys

hve u settled in

 

Jungkookie

yeah we hve!

me and dad joon are sharing a room while yoonseok r sharing one hehe

also we r going to the shark cage today evening!

i was wondering if u guys could somehow persuade dad jin to come there too

 

Taehyung

and then we can lock them both up in the cage together!

excellent plan quartermaster

for this, i give u permission to court the my best friend, the first mate, park chimminie

 

Jiminie

aww TaeTae <3

 

Jungkookie

and he appears the moment u talk abt namjin

...

okay

wait

if I’m the quartermaster and jiminie is the first mate, then what r u

 

Taehyung

the capn of the S.S.Namjin ofc

duh

 

Uncle Yoongi

u kids rly are passionate abt this arent u

i approve

but srsly kid

dont u think the designations are too much?

 

Taehyung

silence lowly deckhand

u do not know what u speak of

 

Jungkookie

ouch

u want me to get u some ice for that burn lame-d

 

Uncle Yoongi

I take back everything I said about Taehyung being nicer than you

...

whats hobi then?

 

Taehyung

the sailing master

obv

because hes the one whos gonna provide us direction

and speaking of direction where is uncle hobi

i hope his phone is not broken from being dropped into the fish tank

it would be very inconvenient

@uncle hobi

@uncle hobi

@uncle hobi

 

Uncle Hobi

yes TaeTae

u called?

 

Taehyung

scroll up

 

Uncle Hobi

ah I approve of the plan captain

we shalt execute this immediately

 

Uncle Yoongi

hobi why

 

Uncle Hobi

because its fun yoongi!!!

 

Taehyung

thats settled then my worthy crew

and one last thing

 

Taehyung changed their name to Captain

Captain changed Jungkookie to Quartermaster

Captain changed Jiminie to First Mate

Captain changed Uncle Yoongi to Deckboy

Captain changed Uncle Hobi to Sailing Master

 

Deckboy

...

suddenly i regret everything

 

***

 

Project NAMJIN

 

 

Captain

okay so we are waiting to board the boat that'll take us to the shark cage

in the meanwhile enjoy a picture of the handsome kim seokjin

9683c038-e705-4eae-b889-a5a13632db85

what a fine man

 

Quartermaster

well he might be fine

but you havent seen our president 'Kim Namjoon' yet, have you

 

5ce39261-00ad-4069-86fc-846efeda2ebb

First Mate

fuck, they would look so good together

visual couple anyone?

#thisiswhyweneednamjin

 

Deckboy

we are en route to the shark cage place

and hobi is alrdy seasick

u better hope for the safety of all ur lives that the plan works

my sunshine looks terrible

also clearly we are the visual couple excuse me

 

oYOGmpgE_400x400

Captain

uncle hobi looks hot yes

I would never deny that

 

Quartermaster

and honestly the picture would look much better if not for the gremlin in it

 

Captain

well said brother

well said

 

Deckboy

remind me again why i put up with you menaces

 

Quartermaster

because u want to have kinky sex with our uncle duh

 

Deckboy

wjat

junhkook

JEON JEONGGUK

 

First Mate

whos jeon jeongguk?

 

Deckboy

oh sry wrong au

I meant KIM JUNGKOOK

 

Sailing master

u want to have kinky sex with me babe?

why didnt u just tell me then

 

Deckboy

I thought you were puking ur guts out inside the bathroom?

also hobi... pls

 

Sailing master

I’m convincing my intestines that they need to stay in

and i'll let it pass for now

we'll talk more tonite

 

Captain

( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

 

Quartermaster

( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

 

First Mate

( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

 

Deckboy

...

you know generally in most chatfics ppl are terrified of me

i can see that that isnt the case here

urgh but I'll put up with it because u kids are sweet even if ur brats

and i want my best friends to get together

also btw we've arrived at the shark cage place

 

First mate

Uncle Yoongi, is it okay if I call you that?

But you broke TaeTae

he's sitting next to me sniffling

and uncle Jin looks very worried

he wants me to tell u he loves u too

 

Deckboy

ofc you can call me uncle yg Jiminie

ur practically family too

nd ur my fave kid <3

 

First mate

Uncle yoongi <333333

 

Quartermaster

fuck you lame-d

i love you too

especially because jiminies your fave

 

Sailing master

awww

I knew u were secretly soft yoongi <3

also wait

is that you guys???

i can see a boat in the distance

 

First mate

OMG ITS YOU????

I KNEW YOU LOOKED FAMILIAR

YOU'RE THE FOOD TOUR GUIDE who took us to that italian restaurant five yrs ago and then booked out of there like there were zombies chasing you because you saw a lizard on the wall right?

OMG YOU'RE UNCLE HOBI I CANT BELIEVE THIS

 

 

***

 

 

Tae

he's a food tour guide?

thats what he does?

 

Kook

ikr!

thats like so boring?!!!

wait then why does he have dance shoes

 

Tae

maybe hes a street dancer too?

 

Kook

or maybe he gives lap dances to his customers while they eat?

 

Tae

omg kook hes not a stripper!

and he wouldnt be having those shoes if he were lap dancing

 

Kook

r u sure tho

 

Tae

...

fair point

ig we'll just have to wait and see

 

 

***

 

Sailing master

oh now I know why you looked familiar to me too

and Jungkookie I approve of u and jiminie 100%

 

Quartermaster

not that im ot happy

but lol why

 

Sailing master

because he helped make sure there were no lizards in the hotel room i stayed that night

the sweetest kid ever <3

urgh i just wanna adopt him

and squish those cheeks

 

First Mate

<3

I would let you except that would make me and kookie cousins :(

 

Sailing master

oh right :(((

but its okay this way you'll be my son in law!!! :D

 

Captain

wow that's some cute shit but can we focus on the mission at hand

namely trying to get namjin alone in the shark cage

we are gonna disembark

u guys might wanna disappear  

 

Quartermaster

alrdy done

dads ready to get in

uncles yg nd hobi went into the cabin acting like they’re seasick

 

Deckboy

We are not acting u piece of shit

Hobi is ACTUALLY sea sick!!!

 

Captain

calm ur tits deckboy

 

First Mate

uncle Jins ready to get in

Okay im gonna tell him I feel sea sick and meet u guys down

 

 

***

 

 

Tae

are we doing the right thing kook?

 

Kook

im so glad im not the only one whos wondering if this is a mistake

 

Tae

... yeah

i mean its just that

what if this makes things worse?

like theyre slowly getting better

and what if this meet up makes them both go under again

i dont think dad'll ever be able to get over it this time

 

Kook

i get u

It'll break my dad too

especially if they fight again

or if smth else happens

 

Tae

i mean i was all excited for this to happen

especially once it became clear that they liked each other

but... what if they had an actual reason for staying apart kookie ?

what if they did

and we do stuff without knowing that

 

Kook

should we call it off tae

i think it wont be that hard for me to take ur place now

like u should just come below deck and ill go up

and I can tell dad jin that we need to go back for smth or smth

and we can go back to our normal lives

even if i want to live with u

and dad joon

and uncle yg

and uncle hobi

 

Tae

i dont want to give up jiminie or u or dad jin

but urgh

i just dont know

because i think this

then i keep thinking that uncle hobi would have told us no if he thought it wouldnt work out

and hes been enthusiastic as ever

kook what shld we do

there isnt much time now

 

Kook

do u believe in destiny tae

 

Tae

yeah i do

in fate

yeah

 

Kook

or maybe we are just rly selfish

but i wanna go for it

i dont think ill be able to live life thinking abt the what ifs

 

Tae

same

fuck

i hope everything goes well

 

Kook

i do too brother

i do too

now get ur ass down here with jimin

 

Tae

will do

 

 

***

 

Project NAMJIN

 

First Mate

Code red

code red

 

Quartermaster

What happened jiminie?

 

First Mate

Uncle Jin just dragged tae with him into the water

 

Deckboy

oh fuck

where r u rn?

 

First Mate

leaning against the railing in the pretext of getting air and watching them

this is gonna get messy

especially when both of them claim tae as their son

fuck fuck fuck

 

Deckboy

hobi wants me to tell you that since tae is a better actor than kook, he should be fine

and I agree with him

he seems quite capable already from what I can see

 

Quartermaster

i want to b offended but its the truth so

okay whats happening Minie honey

 

Deckboy

Okay can you kids pls stop being so cute

especially when my boyfriend isnt in a position to be cute with me

also yes what's happening jimin

 

First Mate

well I cant rly see all that clearly

but as far as I know Namjin seem to be in shock?

like theyre just staring at each other nd oh

They both turned to Tae at the same moment lol

I think they both want to use him as a buffer...

 

Sailing master

oh my awkward awkward brother

 

First Mate

Uncle Hobi!!!!

are you alright now?

 

Sailing master

Yes i am my sweet Jiminie

but go on

give us the tea

 

Deckboy

yes go on

tell me how both my friends are making fools of themselves

 

First Mate

Okay so Taes happily looking at the sharks?

actually a little too eagerly lmao

he looks like he wants to join them in the water and bop noses with them

and Namjin look extremely worried lmao

 

Quartermaster

If you bop a shark on its nose, it'll leave you alone

he should be fine

 

Deckboy

... um Jungkook you know that isnt true right?

 

Quartermaster

it isnt?

IT ISNT??

MY WHOLE LIFE HAS BEEN A LIE

 

First Mate

why are you guys even texting each other when youre like standing together

and also uncle yoongi why would u do that :(

why did you make my kookie sad :(((

 

Deckboy

...

okay okay okay stop pouting and giving me puppy eyes

fuck fuck

you're completely right Kook!!!!

 

Quartermaster

i dont trust u but okay

 

First Mate

sndndjjendneje

OMG OMG OMGO MG

 

Sailing master

WHAT HAPPENED

 

First Mate

okay okay so

so

so

 

Quartermaster

ffs jimin tell us or we're done rn istg

 

Sailing master

... wow

 

Deckboy

Jungkook snapped

 

First Mate

I would be offended

but like same

if someone kept me from my Namjin

so ur forgiven kookie but u owe me a date for this

okay so

there was this huge shark and it kinda rammed into the cage

and uncle jin just sonic-ed into uncle joons arms (he looks super hot irl btw)

and uncle joon just grabbed onto him like it was the most natural thing?

lookie

DiuWm-zUwAAEYhd

 

Quartermaster

#Namjinfalyfe

#Namjinlives

#Iamahappyman

#Icandieinpeace

FUCKING FINALLY

 

Sailing master

I am shedding real tears right now I kid you not

And yoongi is full on sniffling omg

 

Deckboy

ab vot vryung

wjeres jae

 

Quartermaster

...

yeah wheres jae jiminie XD

 

Sailing master

yeah 'wjeres jae' jiminie

 

Deckboy

You know what I dont care

Namjin is more important

fuck you all

 

First Mate

I admire your dedication to the cause lol

anyways yeah

taes happily becoming one with the ocean

I think he thinks hes a mermaid now?

idk but it looks like hes singing the little mermaid theme song lol

OKDNDNNDD

OKAY SO UNCLE JIN JUST BURIED HIS FACE IN UNCLE JOONS CHEST?

AND UNCLE JOON IS STROKING HIS HAIR WITH SUCH A FOND LOOK ON HIS FACE?

 

Deckboy

suddenly my crops are growing, my pores are clear and my depression is gone

life is great

long live Namjin

 

Quartermaster

FUCK YEAH

 

Sailing master

I am not crying

totally not

 

Deckboy

sure babe

 

First Mate

okay they're pulling them out

...

this is awkward

both of them got dressed and now theyre staring at tae

and gods why is he so OBLIVIOUS

oh fuck

they both called him at the same time

 

Deckboy

shit

 

Quartermaster

wait is uncle hobi alright

is he sick again?

 

Deckboy

yeah

and to quote him "well the ship is rocking isnt it?!"

I’m not sure if he means it literally or metaphorically

 

First Mate

okay so now they're glaring at each other

and Tae looks terrified lol

Nj: Tae lets go

Sj: Kook lets go

 

Quartermaster

okay i am up here hiding behind the engine

and lmfao tae looks so awkward

hes so torn

theyre outright glaring at him now

nj: thats not kook, thats my son

 

First Mate

"oh but thats kook, hes wearing a waterproof gucci watch, see"

OH FUCK THAT WAS THE WRONG THING TO SAY

UNCLE JOONS FACE JUST SHUTTERED UP

 

Quartermaster

THIS IS BAD

 

Deckboy

WHY JIN WHY

WHY WOULD U SAY THAT YOU DUMBFUCK ARGH

 

Sailing master

okay thats it

jin better be gone by the time I make it up or I am shoving him into the water

he doesnt get to say shit like that to my brother

 

Quartermaster

"so are you telling me I wouldnt be able to get my son gucci watches?"

hes like dangerously calm its scary

(but he also like looks so hot?)

 

First Mate

okay now he looks like he regrets everything

"I-I didnt mean it that way.. Joon-"

 

Quartermaster

"Save it Jin hyung, and maybe I am too proud to take your money like you said but that doesnt mean I have deprived my son of anything he wanted. If my son had asked me for smth I wouldnt have hesitated to get him what he wanted even if that meant I had to work four jobs"

 

Deckboy

wait what is he talking abt

when did any of that come into the picture

also we are coming up in a few minutes

 

Quartermaster

i hve no idea but if we dont want our covers to be blown i gotta step in cause tae looks close to walking over to dad joon nd hugging him

 

First Mate

dw I got you kookie

ill drag him away

but dad jin looks like he rly wants to say smth but hes keeping quiet

okay I am going out

 

Quartermaster

okay minie just went out all sunshine and rainbows and bowed to dad joon before all but dragging tae and dad jin to the boat

theyre gone now you guys better get up here

dad joon looks so sad

fuck

 

Deckboy

be there in a minute

...

until then

hug him wont you, kid

 

Quartermaster

I fully intend to uncle yoongi

but fuck

did we just make things worse?

Chapter Text

Old man

Min Yoongi

We need to talk

Yoongles

sorry hyung I’m kinda busy

I’m with my clients rn

interpreting

talk to you later?

Old man

Fine

 

**

 

Yoongi hyung

help me hobi

Jin-hyung texted me, he wanted to talk

I bet he thinks I have something to do with this whole shit

(which is, admittedly, true)

he and Namjoon were somehow on the same island, same resort, in the same fucking shark cage

what are the odds

and I'm their only mutual friend

bet he’s suspicious

what do I TELL him???

Hope

well what did you say

Yoongi hyung

that I’m working, we’ll talk later

which is not even a lie bc if he does run into me he’ll see I’m indeed following Jiminie’s parents and dressed in my nice interpreter suit

(kinda slacking off tho since the people they’re talking to appear to be fluent in Korean)

(jiminie’s parents don’t rly seem to need me so I’m just mooching around texting)

(they’re pretty rude no lie, idk how they managed to raise jiminie to become an angel bc neither of them are angelic)

Hope

cool

Yoongi hyung

shit hobi are you mad at ME now

oh shit you prob are

no wonder you were so quiet all of a sudden back in the cabin, thought you were just dizzy

goodness why are you mad

I didn’t do anything

we’re supposed to be working together here to salvage this situation

we gotta communicate

hello???

hello????

hello?????

Hope

I’m not mad at you

Yoongi hyung

lies

Hope

ok excuse me for not being all happy happy when my baby brother is crying in his five-star suite bathroom

Yoongi hyung

I’m not happy about that either omg why are you blaming me

i want to fix this too

but we can’t do it unless we work together ok?

Hope

well you’re the one who’s best friends with THAT guy

who apparently hasn’t learned after all these years that money is a SENSITIVE TOPIC

Yoongi hyung

goodness you know he didn’t mean it that way

he wasn’t even thinking about money when he said that

just observing a fact like “I bought that watch so of course I know that’s my kid”

it just happened to be a gucci watch, it could very well be a 10-dollar watch he got at the flea market and he’d still say the same thing

the emphasis was not on the gucci part

Hope

oh so youre saying my baby brother is being overly sensitive now???

Yoongi hyung

what the fuck stop twisting my words

this is just a big misunderstanding on both sides ok

this is like when I was in third grade and i said I had ferrets and a classmate started crying because he wanted ferrets but didn’t have any and I was rubbing the fact in his face

he wasn’t being overly sensitive, he just loved ferrets

and I wasn’t trying to be rude, I just had ferrets

THATS ALL THERE IS THIS ISNT SOMETHING WE SHOULD BE FIGHTING OVER

Hope

but this is different

your ~best friend~ KNOWS that Joon loves ferrets and STILL brought it up

Yoongi hyung

he wasn’t even talking about ferrets

Hope

he mentioned something that would remind Joon of ferrets!!

Yoongi hyung

he didn’t realize it would!!!

you have to understand that he was born having ferrets, he always had ferrets, it’s part of his daily life so it didn’t occur to him

Hope

well maybe that’s why they aren’t meant to be together

one has ferrets and one doesn’t

let’s scrap this shit and go home

I just want my brother to be happy

not this

never this

Yoongi hyung

but tell me

why does it matter?

the kid who cried over my ferrets became one of my best friends

we’re 36 and we still drink together regularly

as long as they’re both willing to work towards an understanding, it can still work out

and we can give them a push in the right direction

if we weren’t fighting over this silly shit

let’s not fight hobi

please let’s not fight

I know you’re loyal towards your brother

but I also know for a fact that my best friend is a good guy

he was a client when I first started out as interpreter

I’ve never met a client who treated me so courteously

I had a fever that day on our way home and he gave me his coat and was so gentle with me

cooked for me and told me corny jokes until I cried

even though I was just an interpreter he hired for the day

please, trust me

he’s rly truly the sweetest

hobi why aren’t you saying anything

hobi say something

Hope

sorry got distracted, I was looking up ‘ferrets’ on google image search

they’re so long oh my god...

Yoongi hyung

they are, yes

wait you didn’t know what ferrets were???

Hope

I thought it was a disease

like herpes

Yoongi hyung

WHY WOULD MY FRIEND ENVY ME FOR HAVING HERPES

Hope

I didn’t know ok that was why I looked it up!!

Yoongi hyung

I’m now scrolling up and reading through what we just said

replacing every ‘ferrets’ you said with ‘herpes’

it was an enlightening read

Hope

it’s not enlightening

it’s embarrassing

oh god I was so worried for you

having herpes in third grade must be painful

Yoongi hyung

thank goodness I didn’t say something along the lines of ‘I invited my friend over to my house to touch my ferrets’ (which I actually did)

Hope

that would’ve been bad, I agree

oh my god hyung the ferrets look so soft I can’t stop staring at the pics

Yoongi hyung

they’re lovely slippery lil things

so are we good now?

no more fighting?

pls understand that I’m on your side ok

we’re ALLIES, we don’t fight

Hope

yeah haha

sorry hyung I was just

I care a lot

Joon is so important to me

and he’s being sad in the bathroom

so I’m sad too...

but we should discuss how to proceed next yeah

with the kids

Kook is in the bathroom with Joon rn and I’m assuming the other 2 are with Jin-hyung

Yoongi hyung

they prob aren’t

if they were Jin-hyung would have just interrogated them instead of texting me, right?

Hope

idk, he doesn’t seem to suspect them?

Joon seems to think it’s a coincidence and nothing to do with the kids

meanwhile Jin-hyung knows that you’re a mutual friend of both of them so he suspects you

either way, neither of them are suspecting the kids

Yoongi hyung

this is unfair why do I have to take all the blame lmao

well if they don’t suspect the kids

Jin-hyung would prob have to explain to Taehyung (whom he still thinks is Kookie) what that whole shark cage thing was about

like who Namjoon was and why he thought Taehyung was his son

I’m not sure how Tae will respond to the explanation

like will he come clean or will he go on pretending

we need to talk to him to make sure everything matches up

Hope

true true

hyung omg what is it like to hold a ferret? they look so silky!

Yoongi hyung

I can’t wait to get off work so that I can get back to the suite and kiss you

 

**

 

Project NAMJIN

 

Deckboy

I’m finally free!!

everyone, status report please

especially you, Tae, we need to hear from you

(btw no offense jiminie but your parents sure talk a lot when drunk)

First Mate

nah I talk even more when drunk

Deckboy

you’re 15 you cant fucking drink

First Mate

oh pls I bet you drank when you were 15

Deckboy

yeah I started when I was 6

First Mate

SEE

Quartermaster

um im reporting in

dad joon has calmed down i think

he doesn’t know I know about what happened down there

he prob doesn’t think uncle hobi and uncle yoongi know either

as far as he’s concerned all we saw was him sprinting towards us holding in tears

i tried to ask him what’s wrong but he didn’t say

First Mate

oh so that’s the approach u guys are taking

the innocent approach

Quartermaster

ya i think it’d be safer

First Mate

well unfortunately jin-ssi suspects yoongi-ssi is behind all this so he won’t stay innocent for long

he’d prob confront him sooner or later

he doesnt know he’s on this island yet but this place is TINY, we’re prob gonna run into each other soon

Deckboy

well sucks for me

what’s Jin-hyung doing now

First Mate

cant tell, he’s with tae in his suite

they’re prob talking

oh wait

tae just came out let me ask him

wait

oh wow

Deckboy

oh wow?

Captain

omg guys im sorry ok

i swear i didn’t mean to tell him

Deckboy

lol what did you tell him

Sailing Master

why do you sound lowkey excited

Deckboy

bc this is lowkey exciting

Captain

um so

basically what happened was

dad jin pulled me into his room and was like

“kook I bet ur wondering who that man who called u his son was, huh? well i owe u an explanation”

so like the good son I was I opened my jungkook eyes wide and listened

Quartermaster

what kind of eyes are ‘jungkook eyes’

First Mate

the very best kind *^^*

Quartermaster

omg jiminie *^^*

Deckboy

guys please not now

Captain

and dad jin said

“ok so a long time ago, that man and i, we were happily married

we had two kids, twins

but a witch thought i was too handsome and put a curse upon us

if we continued to stay together, our twins will prick their fingers on a sewing machine and die

so we parted ways

and now we’re kinda strangers now

anyway, ur twin must be somewhere on the island too

so he mistook u as him

for the safety of u and ur twin, we must leave the island as soon as possible”

Sailing Master

what the actual fucking fuck

does he expect you to believe that fairy tale bullshit

Deckboy

why does that sound like something hyung would say

who even has sewing machines now tho

Quartermaster

what’s a sewing machine

Deckboy

SEE

Sailing Master

so how did you respond to his confession, Tae

Captain

so he was like packing and stuff, i knew he wanted to fly home like right away

but we cant have that so I had to stop him

so… I told him the whole story

everything

including how uncle yoongi and uncle hobi had sex on an inflatable bed

Deckboy

how is that even RELEVANT

Captain

it isnt, i just thought he’d like to know

Sailing Master

Tae...

you have nothing to apologize about

the truth has to come out sooner or later

at least one of them knows the truth now, right?

and now Jin-hyung won’t be leaving the island in a hurry anymore

your two dads will have to talk civilly

discuss what to do about their kids

it’s a good way to force them to just talk

and perhaps something good will come out of it

besides, since you told him everything

I assume you also told him about how much Joon misses him

how much he still cares, and how he’s such an amazing dad

that’s a good thing, right?

you’re ok, don’t apologize

except for the part you told him about us having sex on an inflatable bed

Please apologize for that part, thank you. ^^

Captain

im so sorry :(

Deckboy

wow polite Hobi is the scariest

but also kinda sexy

Quartermaster

guys pls not in front of the children

Deckboy

I don’t see any children here

Quartermaster

its me i am the children

First Mate

well anyway, where do we stand now

one dad knows everything, one dad doesnt

Sailing Master

I think it depends on what Jin-hyung decides to do, now that he knows

it’s all up to him now

Quartermaster

should we come clean to dad joon too

so that it’d be fair

Sailing Master

I’m not sure...

I don’t want him to become more upset

no one would be happy to know that their kid had been fooling them for months

Deckboy

was Jin-hyung feeling okay after he heard the truth, Tae?

Captain

actually he was surprisingly ok with it

laughed and hugged me with tears in his eyes

said he was proud of his sons for pulling this off

Sailing Master

well I guess someone would be happy to know that their kid had been fooling them for months

Deckboy

I hope he’s not just pretending to be not upset... I’m worried

 

**

 

Old man

Sex on an inflatable bed, Min Yoongi!!!

I’m so proud of you!!!

 

**

 

Project NAMJIN

 

Deckboy

ok he definitely ain’t upset

 

**

 

Namjoonie

Hey hyung

Sorry for overreacting back there

I’m okay now

I hope I didn’t ruin your holiday

You should go out and enjoy some resort activities with Yoongi-hyung

I’ll be okay

Hoseokie-hyung

what is this nonsense

you weren’t overreacting

and you didn’t ruin anything

promise

Namjoonie

It was just... seeing him after such a long time

It was a bit overwhelming

He was there, he was real

Like, I always feel my heart jolt when I’m walking on the street and someone with the same physique comes along from the opposite direction

But then I’ll realize it’s not him

And feel simultaneously relieved and sad

But this time, it’s him

and I just

I don’t know

Why am I like this, hyung

Hoseokie-hyung

do you want to try again? with Jin-hyung?

Namjoonie

Huh?

Hoseokie-hyung

I mean exactly what I said

do you want to try again?

be honest with me

Namjoonie

It wouldn’t work out

He doesn’t care about me that way anymore

Hoseokie-hyung

forget about HIM, this is about YOU

stop being selfless for once and tell me, honestly

do you want to try again?

I will not ask twice

Namjoonie

You already asked three times

Hoseokie-hyung

that’s not the point, brat

the answer, now

Namjoonie

...Yes

God yes

Hoseokie-hyung

and that’s all I need to hear from you today

Namjoonie

Wait hyung what are you gonna do

Hyung?

Don’t do anything stupid hyung

Omg answer me Hoseok

 

**

 

Dad Jin

This is Taetae now, right?

Taetae

ya it’s me!

Dad Jin

Cool, just making sure

This whole identity swap thing is still very confusing to me as you can see

Taetae

sorry dad :(( we rly didnt mean to like dupe u or anything

Dad Jin

Shh sweetie you’re fine

If it were me in your shoes

I’d definitely have done the same

You have my chaotic neutral genes

Taetae

arent we adopted lol

Dad Jin

Who cares about science if I say you have my DNA then you have my DNA

Taetae

ok i have ur dna

Dad Jin

So, having fun with Jiminie?

Taetae

no lol

he’s with kookie snorkeling

dont wanna third wheel

Dad Jin

Haha

You can still snorkel but from a distance

Taetae

nah im kinda traumatized

heard there’s jellyfish in that area

and i was stung by a jellyfish when i was 10

Dad Jin

Goodness

That’s terrible

Taetae

it hurt so much :(((

but it wasn’t even the worst part

dad joon ripped that jellyfish right off me when he saw

and it kinda stung his hand

turned out he was allergic to jellyfish stings?

he nearly died on the way to the hospital

i felt so bad...

Dad Jin

Wow you know what

When I’m home I’m gonna cook jellyfish for dinner

That’s for stinging my baby son and ex-husband

 

**

 

Yoongi created chat [hi Namjoon I’m here to complain about your son]

Yoongi added Namjoon to the chat

Yoongi added Taehyung to the chat

 

Yoongi

hi Namjoon I’m here to complain about your son

Namjoon

Ha, what did he do this time

Yoongi

tell him yourself kid

Taehyung

um I didn’t do anything wrong

Yoongi

YOU NEARLY DROWNED ME YOU LITTLE SHIT

Taehyung

I was panicking ok!!!

I was srsly fearing for my life

Namjoon

Guys calm down, what happened?

Are you all right?

Taehyung

we were snorkeling

but I saw jellyfish

i saw them on tv before!!

it’s the super poisonous and deadly kind ok!!

so i panicked and pulled uncle yoongi away from them

and he thought i was gonna drown him and got mad

Yoongi

well I’m not getting back in the fucking water again

Taehyung

come on maybe i saved ur life

imagine if u got stung

Yoongi

yeah

saw this toddler got stung late morning when I was working with the Parks

not fun

hope he’s still alive

Namjoon

Wow the ocean sounds pretty dangerous

Yoongi

stay near the shore and you’ll be fine lol

 

**

 

Project NAMJIN

 

Sailing Master

ok guys

have you done sowing the seeds of paranoia

Captain

aye aye

Deckboy

you’re the captain you’re not supposed to say aye

anyway, yes we’re done I think

Sailing Master

cool

I’ve got the yacht arranged

good thing I have that tour guide association discount

also contacted all the officials and the right ppl

now let’s wait a couple hours for it to simmer and then we act

Deckboy

where are the two other brats anyway

Captain

they’re having a violent underwater kissing session

im spying on them with my trusty binoculars

Sailing Master

doesn’t it get awkward seeing someone who looks exactly like you kissing ppl

Captain

its kinda hot I think

Deckboy

goodness, 15-year-olds these days

 

**

 

Hoseok

Hello, Seokjin-ssi

It’s Kim Namjoon’s brother, Hoseok

Seokjin

No need to be so formal

I know you

You’re the one who had sex on an inflatable bed with Yoongichi

Hoseok

Please this is not the time

I’m sure you’re aware I don’t like you but this is kind of an emergency and I need your help

Seokjin

Oh wow you tell me you don’t like me and you’re still expecting me to help? Wow the audacity

Hoseok

Please...

Please I don’t know what to do

My brother got upset earlier and went out for a swim to clear his head

And apparently there’s a lot of jellyfish in that area

I don’t know what’s going on but they called to say they found him

The resort people are out there with him on a boat and it’s... not good

We’re taking a yacht to meet them

Seokjin

lol you think I’ll believe that bullshit?

Hoseok

Oh god why would I fucking lie to you about this

You can ask the fucking resort personnel, they’ll be coming over to pick you up very soon

If you don’t believe me surely you’ll believe THEM

Please come

The engine is so loud and I’m so dizzy and I’m fucking scared

I have no idea what’s happening but we need you

Taetae and Kookie are on the yacht already and they’re inconsolable

Please come for them if not me

Please

Seokjin

Shit wow there’s ppl holding police ids at the door

I’m coming I’m coming

 

**

 

Jungkook

dad

why are u not picking up the call

dad

ugh I’ll just text

dad can u come over to the pier

the one we passed by this morning with the yachts??

please

hurry

DadJoon

Sorry, was in the shower

What’s going on, Tae?

Anything wrong?

Jungkook

idk we were just coming back from snorkeling and we saw some resort workers yelling about first aid and getting an ambulance and stuff

so I got curious and asked what happened

turned out some swimmer got stung by a jellyfish? they said it’s a portuguese man-o-war

and it’s bad

they’ve got him out of the water and are trying to revive him on a boat out there

and theyre sending a yacht to bring them more emergency supplies and stuff idk

so we’re on this yacht

its called the Elizabeth i think

DadJoon

Uh wait

By “we” you mean you and who else?

Why are you guys on the yacht

This has nothing to do with you

Jungkook

im with uncle yoongi

apparently its someone he knows??

said its his best friend

someone called kim sockjin or something idk

uncle yoongi is crying and im scared, i’ve never seen him cry before

i cant find uncle hobi

idk what to do pls come???

hurry the yacht is leaving soon pls dont leave me alone to deal with a crying uncle yoongi

DadJoon

Goodness

Tell them to wait for me, please

I’m coming

I’m coming

Chapter Text

Project NAMJIN

Quartermaster

r u guys all in position?

 

Sailing master

yep!

me and yoongi hyung are in the tiny room next to the cabin on the yacht!

 

Deckboy

I think you mean closet babe

 

Sailing master

Did I stutter? :)

 

Deckboy

we're in the tiny room next to the cabin guys

 

Quartermaster

...wow

i never thought i would see this day

but damn Uncle Hobi be scary when he pissed

 

Sailing master

Never to you, my little angel <3

 

First Mate

awww

you guys are so cute

I wish I had an uncle like you, uncle Hobi :(

 

Deckboy

do you mean to say we aren't your uncles Jiminie?

 

First Mate

I -

 

Sailing master

Jiminie you're our family too :(

What do you mean you dont have uncles :(((

 

Deckboy

exactly Park Jimin

now you're gonna listen closely to me

we consider you as much family as those two little brats so don't you ever dare say that again unless you want a good kicking

Understood?

 

First Mate

thanfl yiu si muyg unxlr yppnfiand hncle hpni

 

Sailing master

what?

 

Quartermaster

"thank you so much uncle yoongi and uncle hobi"

he's so happy hes crying

 

Deckboy

Aish dont cry jimin <3

 

First Mate

<3

 

Sailing master

I would be offended that yoongi sent him a heart when he rarely sends me one if not for the fact that we have literally adopted jiminie lol

 

***

 

Yoongi hyung

<33333

 

My Hope

huh?

 

Yoongi hyung

me sending you all the hearts i can

<3

(๑・ω-)~♥

”(●´∀`)ノ♡

 

My Hope

omg hyung stop ≧∇≦

 

Yoongi hyung

im sorry hobi

i didnt know you felt that way :(

 

My Hope

aish I was just teasing hyung!!!

I know you love me a lot you dont need to send me hearts to prove it

besides I already have the one heart that matters

yours <3

 

Yoongi hyung

I love you too Hoseokie <333

once you meet Jin Hyung please dont spend time with him

I dont want you to become any cheesier than you already are

 

My Hope

r00d

 

***

Project NAMJIN

 

Sailing master

Where are you guys right now?

 

Quartermaster

we r in the cabin

peering out through the tinted windows

 

Deckboy

am I the only one whos scared that Taehyung isnt replying?

 

First Mate

omg yeah

where is he??

he got in with us?

 

Sailing master

@captain

@captain

@captain

 

Captain

I am back my laddies

 

Deckboy

...

do you want me to chop of your fingers

because I dare you to say laddies again then

 

Captain

sorry uncle yoongi :(

 

Sailing master

Yoongi!!!

why did u mke my bby sad???

if he wants to call us laddies then he'll damn well call us laddies

 

***

 

Kook

r u deliberately riling him up?

 

Tae

maybe?

its funny seeing uncle hobi scream at uncle yoongi lol

 

Kook

Ikr!!!

hes so whipped omg

 

Tae

look whos talking

 

Kook

listen

u'll understand the day u get a bf as precious as jiminie

...

wait

there is no one as precious as him so ig u'll never know :)

 

Tae

this is when i regret bringing you out of your shell

sigh

...

kook do you think its gonna be alright

 

Kook

its too late to be thinking that now tae

but for what its worth

i think we'll be fine

but in the worst case if things go to shit

prmoise me we wont fall out of touch

 

Tae

i promise kookie

<3

 

Kook

<3

 

***

Project NAMJIN

Deckboy

...

I am sorry taehyung

 

Captain

thats okay uncle yoongi!

also to answer your question

I am positioned under the table!!!

 

First Mate

umm Tae isnt that a little risky?

like you could easily get caught?

 

Deckboy

what jiminie means to say is thats its dumb and come out before you suffocate and die

 

Captain

awww i knew you cared uncle Yoongi! <3

 

Deckboy

naah

I just dont want you to mess up our plans by being in the wrong place

 

Captain

I feel so loved

but its okay! the tablecloth is long enough to cover me and there are tiny holes so I can breathe!

besides i dont want to fifth wheel you guys ew

 

Quartermaster

so u dont mind third wheeling our dads?

 

Captain

hush its for a cause

you wouldnt understand

ur a fetus after all

 

Quartermaster

we r the same age!!!

 

Sailing master

quiet, children!!!

my friend says Jin hyung's almost here

 

First Mate

ooh I can see him!

he looks worried

 

Quartermaster

rly worried damn

uncle Hobi u sure did pull out the big guns

 

Sailing master

well what can I say

I am an underappreciated genius

 

Deckboy

excuse me

but I am the genius in this relationship

Min Suga. Genius.

those two words should be enough to describe me

 

Sailing master

... babe

this isnt the idolverse

 

Deckboy

oh...

 

Quartermaster

quit your sappy stuff!!!

Dad joon's here too!

 

Deckboy

we literally did nothing?

 

Quartermaster

do i look like I give a fuck lame-d-ssi

ESPECIALLY RN WHEN THEY'RE BOTH SEEING EACH OTHER

they just realised they were tricked lol

dads cursing XD

oh fuck dad joons trying to run

 

Deckboy

the disrepecc

 

Sailing master

oh hush yoongi

this is more important!

kookie tell us whats happening

 

Deckboy

...

 

Captain

lol uncle yoongi

but urgh this place is shitty i cant see anything!

should i lift the table cloth a bit?

 

Sailing master

No

 

Deckboy

NO

 

Captain

you guys are no fun

also kook

youalive?

whats HAPPENING YOU DICKHEAD

 

First Mate

omg i cant believe that one of the staff just pushed uncle joon in lol

and while he was stumbling to get up

uncle jin ran over all worried

and they untied the yacht

so they dont have any way off now lol

uncle hobi you're not a genius

ur an evil mastermind wow

 

***

Hoseokie hyung

Joon-ah this is your second chance

Don't live the rest of your life regretting stuff

Tell him the truth

 

Namjoonie

hyung???

hyung wtf

tell me whats happening

why's Jin hyung here

HOSEOK

 

***

Project NAMJIN

 

Sailing master

thank you thank you

also wheres kook?

 

First Mate

hes rolling on the floor laughing

like LITERALLY rolling

uncle jin tried to help uncle joon except he tripped over a coil of rope and both of them almost fell overboard

their faces were hilarious

 

Deckboy

sigh

why am I even surprised at this point

theyre such messes

 

Quartermaster

okay I am fine now lol

... wait uncle hobi doesnt the captain know korean?

 

Captain

ofc I do wtf Kookie???

 

Quartermaster

I was talking abt the actual captain you idiot

because rn dad joon is trying to talk to him to get him to turn back

and hes not responding to korean or english

 

Deckboy

I dont even want to know what you did

 

Sailing master

I may or may not have asked him to not reply to Joon??

idk

 

Quartermaster

uncle hobi adopt me

 

Captain

same uncle hobi!

 

Sailing master

no thank you

Jiminie's my only child

I don't adopt devils

 

Deckboy

Have I ever told you how much I love you Hoseokie?

because I rly do

So so much <3

 

First Mate

I love you too uncle fbf fjend

 

Sailing master

??

 

Quartermaster

he dropped the phone laughing XD

omg this is gold

i wish i had filmed it damn!

like dad joon

wait can i just call him RM? all this ‘dad joon’ and ‘dad jin’ stuff this is getting tedious

 

Captain

ofc my trusty mate

and dad jin can be WWH

 

Deckboy

huh?

 

Quartermaster

he means world wide handsome duh

okay so RM was trying to mime returning to the shore to the captain

and he smacked WWH right on the face omg

i love them so much

he looks so constipated now

 

Captain

so basically he looks like u

 

Deckboy

why's taehyung so savage all of a sudden

I approve

 

First Mate

Kookie doesnt look constipated!!!!

 

Captain

lmao

anyways theyre coming closer to the table

I can hear them now

 

Quartermaster

im gonna open the window a bit

 

Sailing master

Be careful

if you get caught i'll throw you to the sharks :)

 

Captain

he didnt even threaten me

and yet I am trembling

wow

 

Deckboy

... is it wrong if I say that you being all dominating is a bit of a turn on?

 

Quartermaster

ewwww THIS IS A PG-13 RATED CHAT YOU FUCKER

 

Sailing master

its okay babe

but if you decide we should make out here and our cover gets blown I'll chop your balls off :)))

 

First Mate

uncle yoongi are you sure that its uncle hobi down there and not uncle Jin?

 

Deckboy

pretty sure

doppelgangers wouldnt have dimples

and jins shoulders wouldnt even fit inside the closet

but you're right...he does sound a lot like jin hyung

now I am wondering if we should really help them become brothers in law

 

Sailing master

listen I just want my brother to be happy okay

and you fuckers could potentially ruin it so...

 

Quartermaster

THEY SAT DOWN!

OXMFNDNFNR

 

Sailing master

Please don't tell me the chair broke

 

Captain

YES IT DID XD

This is hilarious I am peeking out from under and dad joon looks like hes contemplating swimming back to the shore

and dad jin's covering his mouth but hes laughing!!??

 

Quartermaster

by dad jin u mean WWH!

stick to the codenames capn

but yeah

 

First Mate

WWH just pulled RM up and dragged a crate from the corner to make a makeshift chair lmao

wait can we change the name WWH reminds me of world war for some reason

 

Deckboy

just go with RJ

RJs his fave line character to use

while bugging me

now go on

feed us more content

 

Captain

okay so theyre talking and this is so awkward lol

"so um... you look good jin hyung"

"I look like a homeless person namjoon-ah"

"exactly hyung"

"what"

"... I meant you looked rly casual - like new fashion, avant garde and... yeah"

 

Deckboy

jesus why is namjoonie so awkward

 

Sailing master

you told me I looked like a sexy potato when we started dating and I came over to your studio

I dont think you're in any place to judge, baby :)

 

Quartermaster

you WHAT?! OMG

 

First Mate

wow looks like I have got the best boyfriend then <3

you should hear him compliment me

 

Captain

I hear it all. the. time

“Minie's got a bit of a praise kink uwu”

“he's so cute”

“and precious”

“and mochi like”

 

Deckboy

what was the thud I heard?

Kook are you okay

 

Quartermaster

and that was the resident mochi tripping into the floor blushing from embarassment

 

Sailing master

awwww

whats he so cute for?!!

 

First Mate

KIM TAEHYUNG I AM GONNA FUCKING MURDER YOU.

 

Captain

ooh scary

anyways let me go on

it just got interesting

"Namjoon-ah did you know they swapped, our kids?"

"They what?!!!"

"Um they swapped?  Tae's been living with me all this time and - "

"... I guess that does explain how he suddenly had abs one day and how he could totally pick up Hobi single handedly?"

"He loves working out a little err too much"

RM is laughing really hard now he almost knocked over the plate!!!

"But honestly Namjoon, you have done a better job than me in raising our kid"

"No hyung!!! Kook is - "

"No let me speak joon-ah. taes honestly turned out into such a gem and has such a huge heart and maybe you should have taken them both with you"

he looks so sad :(

 

First Mate

i want to give him a hug

Kook's sniffling into my shoulder mumbling about how RJ is such a good dad

and he is!!! :(

 

Deckboy

dammit jin hyung!

I thought he had gotten over that phase

but clearly he hasnt

 

Sailing master

wtf are they both so insecure for?!!

THEY HAVE RAISED AMAZING KIDS ALL BY THEMSELVES WTF

URGH

also are you okay kookie angel?

 

Quartermaster

yeah uncle hobi

i just got a little sad

like we can hear them and dads voice is so sad :((

 

Captain

jiminie hug my bro for me will you

 

First Mate

already on it!

 

Captain

"hyung, listen to me. I think we both did the best we could with our situations. It's okay. what matters now is what we do next."

"What do we do, Joon-ah?"

"How long are you staying here hyung?"

"Two more days joonie"

"then we'll spend them together as family, hyung. I know we went separate ways because we thought it would be better off that way but I cant do this anymore, hyung... i cant forget you or us and I want to try..."

"so you’re saying we should try again... for two days...and then?"

"and then... we'll come to a decision"

"but the kids? wont they be sad?"

OMG WHY ARE THEY WORRYING ABT US NOW URGH I JUST WANT TO KNOCK SOME SENSE INTO THEM SO BAD CAN I INTERFERE UNCLE HOBI?

 

Sailing master

DONT!

they're dumb but they'll get there

just wait

 

Quartermaster

why dont they want to be happy :(((

they just decided that in case it doesnt work out they'll have us swap houses every week wtf

WTF I WANT MY ENTIRE FAMILY BACK

THEY LOVE EACH OTHER WHY WONT THEY JUST ADMIT IT

 

Deckboy

i get you guk-ah

but they have been through a lot

and they need time

like they still love the person they loved all those years back

but you have got to remember that both of them changed a lot

who knows if they'll work out now

I am sorry kid

I want them back together too but them being happy is more important

 

First Mate

Kookie is crying again

... saying smth about wanting to hug you?

 

Deckboy

I am coming

 

Captain

I want a hug too :(((

dncjd

sorry RJ just kicked me

hes apologising to RM

who looks rly confused

owwsn

dad kicked me!!!

wtf are they playing footsie under the table or what

 

Sailing master

your sacrifice will be remembered

now quit being a drama queen and tell us whats happening

 

First Mate

are you salty uncle yoongi is here?

awww

hes coming back to you now!

omg ckdndjdnd

RJ just took RM's hand

i cant hear them urgh

 

Captain

"I thought i was the only one, joon-ah... and I want to try... I really do"

"I am glad Jin hyung"

"we have got a lot to talk about tho"

"we'll take this slowly... and not mess up... not like the first time"

"yes... are you hungry?"

"not really jin hyung, your beauty is enough to satiate my hunger"

"you sap"

 

Quartermaster

WHY ARE THEY SO PRECIOUS

THEYRE BOTH SMILING SO SOFTLY AT EACH OTHER NOW

AND DAD IS SERVING FOOD

 

Sailing master

FUCJING FINALLY

I KNEW IT

THEY'LL MAKE UP NOW

(HOPEFULLY)

 

First Mate

awww

also we're closing the window guys

me and kookie think they deserve the privacy

 

Deckboy

you're right

lets let them be for now

 

Captain

ffs just admit you want to make out with your bfs and go

making lame excuses

its okay

ik I am the only true namjin shipper in this house...

wow you guys actually left

urgh i am bored

no one loves me

I am going to go back to my kingdom under the sea where ppl will finally appreciate me

 

Sailing master

Tae sweetie

can you pls stop spamming the chat with messages?

thank you :)

 

Captain

...

okay uncle hobi

 

Chapter Text

Joon

uh hey hyung

are the kids asleep?

I just wanted to tell you I had a good day today!!!

 

Jin

they are... don't worry

they were both out seconds after they hit the bed

what about Tae

and same!!!

That dinner was really fun Joonie

I am so glad they did that for us

 

Joon

Tae's snoring into my chest hehe

uh

You're not mad that they were on the yacht are you?

 

Jin

naah

I just pretended to be pissed but you know me

How could I be mad when the idiots just wanted us to be happy

And I am proud of hobi and yoongi for managing to make out in such a cramped space lmao

Though it did come as a bit of a shock to me when I saw Jimin kissing Kook lol

 

Joon

Omg same hyung!

I thought that was Tae and I started panicking because he had never mentioned a guy before even though I know he's gay and I was like when did my son even meet this guy?!!

 

Jin

I was wondering when tae and jimin had become more than just friends lol

and why they didn't tell me

jiminie is an angel though honestly

the poor kid's parents don't even care about him

they think money is a substitute for love :(

 

Joon

that's just sad hyung :(

I am glad he's happy with tae and kook then

but yeah money doesn't equate with love

tbh money is important but there are other things more important than that

 

Jin

I am sorry Joon

Ik

I was so dumb gods

Like when my relatives kept looking down on you I was so pissed that I thought that maybe if I could set up a studio for you they would respect you more

I belittled your dream by offering you money and that was so insensitive of me like I get why you wanted to break up with me

 

Joon

Oh hyung it's okay :(

It wasn't entirely your fault either

I didn't really try explaining to you what my music meant to me

And instead just got insecure when you were hanging out with your wealthier cousin on the day of that last get-together

 

Jin

omg it wasn't your fault joonie :(

You had to take care of the sick twins all on your own while I was off gallivanting with Hyunsik and the others

I honestly get you

None of it was your fault

 

Joon

It wasn't your fault either hyung

You had every right to be with them when all I had been to you was unpleasant and downright rude

I called you a pampered shit and that was mean because you're one of the most down-to-earth people I have ever known and I belittled your dream too!

Insulted your dreams of opening a huge restaurant and said that your family name was the only thing that would make it famous

Which was wrong because today your restaurant chain is the most sought-after in the city and its because of you and YOUR FOOD

 

Jin

I’m sorry for saying you would never be able to take care of a kid on your own

you did such a good job with tae

Gods I am sorry for so manj thibss

 

Joon

Hyung are you crying?

Hyungie I am sorry

Jinnie

oh fuck

Let's just stop saying sorry

the past is in the past and I want our remaining two days to be as happy as today was

And then hopefully we'll know

 

Jin

yes joonie

God yes I want that

There were a few activities I had in mind

Maybe we should do those?

Like stingray kissing and buggy rides?

 

Joon

Hyung aren't you terrified of stingrays?

And I can't really drive a buggy so..

 

Jin

so?

You like stingrays and thats all that matters

I can handle them for you

As for the buggy, I'll drive

It doesn't matter

I just want to spend time with you

And the kids

 

Joon

we should have a barbeque on the last night

All of us

the kids, you, me, hobi and Yoongi hyung

 

Jin

ofc Joonie

 

Joon

I'll see you at eight for breakfast tomorrow morning then?

 

Jin

yeah!

Good night Jooniebug <3

 

Joon

Good night Jinnie hyung <3

 

***

 

Namjoonie

Hyung? You awake?

 

Hoseokie hyung

Yes joonie?

 

Namjoonie

Thank you hyung

I didn't get a chance to tell you earlier

but thank you so much

you, Yoongi hyung and the kids

For everything you did to give us this chance

 

Hoseokie hyung

Aish namjoonie why are you thanking me

It's my responsibility as your older brother to make sure you smile

And I would get you the stars if that was what it took

Doing this was nothing compared to that

But tbh it was the boys who did most of the planning and made me see there was a way to make you happy again

 

Namjoonie

But still, they wouldn't have been able to do it without your help or approval so thanks for having faith in me

Right now, I feel lighter than I have felt in ages, more hopeful, and that's thanks to you

 

Hoseokie hyung

Then I am happy baby

You aren't mad Tae and Kook switched are you?

And that they fooled you?

 

Namjoonie

Naah, I think I knew

In one of the corners of my mind

I just didn't want to accept it

And you did it for a cause

So no

Besides I would never be able to remain mad at those little angels

 

Hoseokie hyung

more like devils but yeah

So what have you guys decided to do?

 

Namjoonie

You ask me like you don’t already know lol

But I'll be a nice brother and let it slide because I know you do it out of love

So yeah, we have decided to give it a try

And see where things go over the course of the next two days

 

Hoseokie hyung

oops?

what do YOU want, though, joonie-ah?

 

Namjoonie

I don't think I want to let go of him a second time hyung

But I don't think I'll really know until the next two days are up

We spoke a lot

Cried

It felt cathartic

 

Hoseokie hyung

Hyung is so happy for you Joonie

You deserve to be happy

And no matter what your decision is, know that I'll be beside you

 

Namjoonie

Thank you Hobi hyung

I don't think I have ever thanked you for everything you have done for me over the years

But I wouldn't be who I am if not for you

So thank you so much

And I'll let you get back to Yoongi hyung now before he gets grumpy hehe

Good night hyung <3

 

Hoseokie hyung

Goodnight baby

and you don't ever need to thank me

You're my baby brother and my everything <3

Also Yoongi hyung says fuck off and that he loves you too

 

Namjoonie

Tell him I love him too but that I won't hesitate to kick him in the balls if he makes you sad :)

<3

Hoseokie hyung

OMG joon-ah! 

<3

 

***



[Article from food critic Hyosang's blog : Kidohcritiques]

 

EatJin's Kim Seokjin Spotted at Luxurious Maldives Five Star Resort with Ex-Husband!

 

Before you start reading, let me make it clear that this isn't Kidoh the food critic but Kidoh the fanboy at the laptop, so if you're not here to hear me gush about Kim Seokjin you may leave right now.

So you know those lame ass trips your family makes you take to see ducks and geese and sand, claiming they'll help you bond better with your relatives? Yeah, so if you're like me, then you probably hate those with a passion. I always fake headaches to get out of the outdoor activities. But this time, yours truly got dragged out of his comfortable duck-feather bed to go kiss sea pancakes, oops I meant stingrays. Now, I was rightfully pissed, because imagine the injustice of having to leave the comfort of your air-conditioned room and the full mini-cooler to bond with slimy sea creatures. But the moment we got there, well, that was when I decided that I would give my firstborn to my family and praise them till the end of my life.

Because who did I see? My favourite chef, the one and only Kim Seokjin. Yes folks, EatJin's CEO Kim Seokjin. And to top it all, I saw him in the arms of Kim Namjoon (underground rapper with illegal dimples and great lyrics anyone?), his ex-husband. Now for those of you who have only recently started following this blog and do not know of my love for this Worldwide Handsome chef slash successful CEO slash single father, let me give you a little bit of history. (And if you think I am being biased... Yes. I am being biased. Now fuck off.)

Close to a decade ago, a couple of years before he opened his first branch of EatJin in Seoul, Seokjin had been happily married to Kim Namjoon. Or so they say, I wouldn't know. I wasn't their neighbour or the FBI agent tracking his phone (and mind you I might be wrong because Jin has always kept his personal life separate from his private and has ALWAYS very charismatically deflected all my questions throughout these years so I had to depend on the scraps thrown to me by his staff). And together they adopted two kids. That's right folks, two. Not one kid we know nothing about. But twins (that's two kids we know nothing about now because surprise surprise Kim Namjoon kept his son out of his own privileged underground circle too). And then three years later they got a divorce. End of story.

So now, to spot those two together, years later, laughing like they were in their own world, was nothing short of astonishing. So being the awesome person that I was I watched them. They were cute, to be quite honest. Especially when Jin got scared by them nasty sea creatures and ran straight for Namjoon's chest, refusing to look up, while the rapper held him tight with such an unbelievably fond look on his face. And not to mention the buggy trip they took that evening with Jin driving, his ex-husband's hand clasped tightly in his, and the little picnic they had at the top of hill. What this spells for their relationship I do not know. I don't know if they're getting back together or if they have decided to stay friends, but what I do know is that I am going to stop here right now because I intend to catch him tonight before he leaves and at least get a selca, desperate that I am.

Signing off,

Your favourite food critic,

Kidoh

 

***

 

Jikook + Tae

 

TaeTae

im sad guys :(

we leave in a couple of hours :(

 

Jiminie

im gonna miss you TaeTae :(((

T_T

 

Kookie

im scared things will go back to what they were before once we go back

am I the only one being paranoid?

 

TaeTae

naah I get you

im like what if suddenly our dads think everyrhing was better before this mess

and they are like cool you dont have a brother anymore :(

 

Jiminie

guys come on!!!

you know both of them

they would never stop you from seeing each other

or do anything that would make you unhappy

besides they were so happy together the past two days!

and you saw them at the barbeque yesterday night!

dancing!

You think that's all for waste?

 

Kookie

I know

but still i am scared

like i dont want them to live apart

I wanna live together with dad joon and hobi and uncle yg and wake up to pet yeontan and

 

TaeTae

I know kookie :(

I can't imagine life without jiminie or you or dad jin now that I know how it can be

But i don't want to be selfish and force them to be together when they're not ready for it

 

Jiminie

What have they told you

 

Kookie

that they need some more time to figure things out :(

 

TaeTae

what if we go back and we forget everything

like if everything ends up a dream

or they managed to add a potion in our food that erases our memories

i swear the fried rice tasted weird!!!!

Omg noo I dont want to forget you guys :((

 

Jiminie

omg guys WHAT is wrong with the two of you

Tae wtf

WHY WOULD THEY DO THAT

AND MAGIC ISN'T REAL

 

Kookie

YOU CAN SEE SOUL COLOURS YIU CANT TELL US MAGIC IS LNT REAL

 

TaeTae

exactly!

...

are you guys done packing though?

do you want to maybe go to the beach one last time?

the three of us together?

before we leave?

 

Jiminie

i'll be there in 5

 

Kookie

me too

 

Jiminie

For what its worth guys

I think it's gonna be okay <3

Chapter Text

[Project Namjin]

Taetae

guyyyyyyys

Minmin

hey taetae how’ve u been

Taetae

pretty great

was nice finally reuniting with lisa and co

how u been?

Kookie been treating u well?

Minmin

he brings me roses every day

im running out of space in my room

Kookoo

u deserve all the roses in the world <3

Hobihobi

awww

wait why do we still have a Project Namjin chat

Namjin are fine now as far as I can tell

they talk nonstop on the phone every day

I’m srsly worried about our bills for this month

Joonie’s been so happy

he sings in the shower now all the time

my poor ears

Taetae

yeah Namjin are happy now but we gotta keep this chat because

I miss having us all together :((

I miss jiminie and kookie

Minmin

I miss u guys too :((

Kookoo

same, I miss u all :(

Hobihobi

yeah, I miss u guys as well

Minmin

uncle yoongi its ur turn now

u gotta say u miss us to complete the cycle

Yoonyoon

no way lol

Minmin

take ur time gathering ur courage, im very patient~

Yoonyoon

geez ok fine

I miss you people, happy now?

and who named me yoonyoon

what the fuck is a yoonyoon

Taetae

its because we’re worried u wouldnt want to be called Gigi

Yoonyoon

that’s right, I wouldn’t

doesn’t mean yoonyoon is acceptable

Kookoo

oh I have the perfect solution

 

Kookoo has changed “Yoonyoon” to “Meow Meow”

 

Kookoo

there, all better

Meow Meow

I’m 36 yrs old I do not deserve this shit

Hobihobi

hey at least it’s cute right?

anyway, what’s up?

why did you text us, Tae?

Taetae

no reason

i just missed u guys

Meow Meow

we’re literally in the same room

Taetae

jiminie and kookie are hours away :((

and I also miss dad jinnie

I miss him so much I made a sim of him

look he’s here molding clay while dad joon is on the ground

clay

Meow Meow

why the heck is he on the ground

and you need better hobbies

Taetae

ur one to talk, u have a sim of uncle hobi as well

Hobihobi

wait, you do?

Meow Meow

I don’t

Ok fine I do, here’s a screenshot of sim! you aggressively watching Namjoon play the violin

insp

Hobihobi

he doesn’t even play the violin

Minmin

what about jiminie???

do u have a sim of me too???

i need attention!!!!

Taetae

of course lol ur right here

making a painting and sexily thinking about money

money

 

Minmin

sounds about right

Taetae

and here’s my sim talking to mr. cumberbatch

cumber

Kookoo

who’s mr. cumberbatch

Taetae

that’s the guy who’s gonna rent an apartment to uncle hobi and uncle yoongi

Kookoo

wait u 2 are moving out?

Hobihobi

yeah we’re planning to

it’s not like my room has enough space for 2 and hyung can’t keep sleeping on the floor

but it’s ok bc the place is super close!

like just around the corner!

we’ll still come around and visit every single day

or else we’ll miss tannie too much, u know?

Taetae

:(

Hobihobi

of course we’ll miss you too, baby

but yeah we’ll visit all the time so it’ll be like we never left

also it frees up my room... so when Jin-hyung finally decides to move in with your other dad he can have a place to sleep as well

Minmin

but what if jin-ssi wants to sleep with namjoon-ssi?

Hobihobi

hmm, true

well then Kookie can use my old room

Kookoo

but what if I want to sleep with taetae?

Hobihobi

then tannie can use my old room

Taetae

but what if tannie wants to sleep with me and kookie?

Hobihobi

then we convert my old room into a sauna

Taetae

but what if the sauna wants to sleep with me, kookie and tannie?

Meow Meow

kid I hate to break it to you but saunas do not have free will

Minmin

a sauna sounds rly nice!

but why will jin-ssi and kookie be moving to ur place instead of u guys moving over to jin-ssi’s place

his house has enough room for everyone

and vineyards

and an outdoor pool with a waterfall

Hobihobi

see, we adults have been discussing this for a while

the place where Jinnie-hyung is based in doesn’t have an underground rap scene

and Joon works in a fixed location while Jin-hyung has restaurants everywhere so he maintains them online

so he can relocate here without much problem

besides, Kookie seems to like Taetae’s school better than his own

so it’d be better if they just pack and move here

and everyone’s happy

Minmin

but im not happy

Hobihobi

......

shit

 

**

 

Hope

shit hyung I fucked up

Yoongi hyung

you sure did

Hope

it’s just that I see the brats as a whole package and completely forgot that Jiminie in fact has another set of parents and can’t move here

shit he’d be so sad when they eventually leave

bc they will

Yoongi hyung

they will?

they’ve already decided?

I’m surprised they told you first instead of me, shouldn’t I be Jin-hyung’s best friend?

Hope

yeah but I’m also the one who works in the travel industry and can help him create a nice airbnb post so

he already listed his mansion on airbnb lol he’s not gonna stay in it for much longer anymore

Yoongi hyung

wow

damn they shoulda told me first but yeah makes sense then

Jin-hyung definitely would need your help in writing a decent airbnb description

Hope

exactly omg

his first draft was horrendous

I had to tell him like “no hyung you can’t write ‘I’m letting y’all use my beautiful mansion because I’m moving back in with my hot af ex-husband lol btw here’s his soundcloud account isn’t he AMAZING’, your potential boarders don’t want to know about this”

Yoongi hyung

lmao that’s totally something he’d do

so... yeah, guess they really do have plans to move

god what do we tell Jiminie

like I haven’t interacted with him much but he’s rly sweet, Kookie has good taste

what do we tell him

Hope

wish I knew

 

**

 

Jiminie

hey taetae

can u promise me

to take care of kookie for me when I’m gone

give him lots of hugs

fight everyone who dares to be rude to him for being shy

carry him to a bed when he falls asleep on the floor

comfort him when he loses in overwatch

Taetae

well I can only promise to give him lots of hugs

cant promise the rest

bc he’s better at fighting than me and never loses in overwatch

and is too heavy for me to carry

but i promise to perform the hug duties to the best of my ability

anyway

why do u say “when I’m gone”? where are u going?

Jiminie

california

my parents got a big case there which might turn into some kind of long-term thing

so we’re moving

we’ll be in different time zones

if kookie needs someone but I’m sleeping

pls be there for him in my stead

Taetae

what????

but jiminie

do u even speak enough english to go to a high school there

Jiminie

I’ll have to go to a language school thing beforehand

its pretty expensive and my parents arent happy about it either

they dont particularly want me there with them I think

they dont rly bother to hide the fact lmao

but its not like we have a choice

im a minor, they cant leave me living on my own in Korea

Taetae

well what if u get someone else to be ur temporary guardians then

Jiminie

actually my parents did ask around

asked our relatives, colleagues, neighbors, even some random dude who’s passing by walking a dog

its no secret they dont want me with them lol

they were all like

we’ll pay u handsomely! and jimin always minds his own business so all u have to do is feed him!

and he’s gonna be off to college in a couple of yrs so u will be rid of him then!!

unfortunately no one they asked wanted to take me in either

no one wants me

Taetae

we want u

come live with us

i mean it

we’ll have a spare room after the uncles move out right?

we dont need a sauna

Jiminie

haha thanks for offering

that would be wonderful but like

i dont think ur parents or mine would be too happy to have their son literally live under the same roof with their boyfriend lol

Taetae

well then uncle hobi and uncle yoongi can take u

they have 3 bedrooms in their new apartment and they only need 1

and they’re only renting so mr. cumberbatch doesnt let them convert the rest to something else

they have 2 spare bedrooms minnie

that’s a lot

Jiminie

um

wow

but i...

i dont wanna impose

they’ve only just begun dating right

I’d be third wheeling

i cant do that, as much as I’d love to live with them

Taetae

ok let me clarify

ur not just saying u’d love to live with them to be polite right

like, u rly DO want to live with them right

Jiminie

I

of course wtf

it’d be like a dream come true

like im sure california is a cool place but I’ll be so far away from my bf

so far away from u

and my parents would be happy to have me outta their hair

of course i want to

but i can’t take advantage of the kindness of ur uncles

Taetae

oh pls

u wont be taking advantage of them

I’ll let them tell u themselves, its quicker

im sitting right next to them anyway and they already know what we’re discussing

 

Taetae has added Yoongi and Hoseok to the chat

 

Hoseok

hi Jiminie

what is it that I hear from my baby nephew

that you need a place to stay?

say no more

Yoongi-hyung and I will have our own apartment

but we also want to go on cute couple dates all over the world

so we need someone to house-sit

feed our ferrets when we’re traveling, which is often

will u be that someone, my dear Jiminie?

Jiminie

u have FERRETS???

Hoseok

yes

their names are jin and joon

Jiminie

omg I need to touch the ferrets

Hoseok

exactly

knew you can’t say no to this exclusive offer

Yoongi

srsly speaking, Jimin

we really do need someone to house-sit

we’ve got 3 trips planned already for next year

Nairobi, Porto, Aomori

but don’t worry, when we’re not around someone in Tae and kookie’s household will come stay the night with you lol we can’t let a minor live in our apartment alone

so what do you say? sounds like your parents won’t mind

Jiminie

they definitely wont mind lol they like u

they said ur the only interpreter they ever had who could accurately translate their drunk speech

Yoongi

see, I had a lot of practice with Jin-hyung

so, it’s settled

ur gonna come stay with us

Jiminie

I...

i cant believe it

im so happy... ><

Yoongi

haha now run along and tell your boyfriend the good news, kid

Hoseok

speaking of good news

Joon told me today he and Jinnie-hyung’s got something to announce to everyone tonight

so don’t be alarmed if we all get dragged into a big chat, guys

Taetae

ok!! i hope it’s some rly good news!!

Yoongi

they’re just prob gonna announce that they’re gonna try again and your whole family is gonna move in together lol

Hoseok

ya that’s prob it

where did Jiminie go?

there’s no point for the 3 of us to all be texting when we’re sitting in the same room

Taetae

jiminie’s gone off to blab to kookie about moving in with u guys lol

they’re talking nsfw stuff now, think they’re in a private chat

but the fact is i had access to kookie’s account and never logged out

so I can see it

Yoongi

what’s nsfw

Taetae

u don’t want to know

Yoongi

I want to, we translators need to stay up-to-date with the lingo of the youngsters

Taetae

it means No Socks For Winter

Yoongi

that sounds unhealthy

I’ll buy them many socks

Hoseok

I love my soft boyfriend

Chapter Text

A couple of months later...

EatJin's CEO Kim Seokjin Exchanges Vows With Ex-Husband, Bighit's Kim Namjoon

 

Love was in the air yesterday as EatJin's CEO Kim Seokjin got married again to ex-husband and co-founder of Bighit Entertainment, Kim Namjoon, at a cosy private ceremony in the Myeongdong Cathedral. It's been a long journey for this celebrity couple to get to where they are right now and we at The Korea Herald were honoured to have been invited to the ceremony which boasted less than 50 people in attendance, all of them close to the men of the moment.

The ceremony, which started roughly at around 5.30, saw their sons, Kim Taehyung and Kim Jungkook as the flower boys along with Park Jimin, a friend, all decked in white and looking handsome. Kim Hoseok, Namjoon's brother, was his best man while Min Yoongi, co-founder of recently started Bighit Entertainment along with Namjoon and a close family friend, was Seokjin's.

The vows, original ones, clearly showed the love the couple held for each other, if it wasn't evident in their gazes. There was music, joy and tears as the boys sang 'Love', a composition by Namjoon for Seokjin, and then laughter as the newlyweds took to the dancefloor. In the midst of all of that, Min Yoongi had been spotted twirling a blushing Kim Hoseok. Truly, 'tis the season for love.

The newlyweds were gracious enough to grant us a few moments of their time after the ceremony ended to answer a few of our questions (and questions which most of the public has, we know), an excerpt of which is given at the end. We at The Korea Herald wish them a happy married life and hope they never fall out of love again.

Excerpt

TKH : It's been over a decade since you got a divorce. And yet right now, you're here again. What changed?

KNJ : *looks fondly at Seokjin* I think we never fell out of love in the first place. And it took us our sons and their love for us to finally see it for ourselves.

TKH : You keep mentioning your sons' involvement in this? What do you mean?

KSJ : *laughs* I think that's a story for another time, but really, they're the reason we are here.

TKH : It's a pretty huge commitment to get re-married. Are you confident you can make it work this time around? Especially now that you have two sons to think of?

KSJ : We have always done everything keeping our sons in mind so I hope you aren't implying that we would do something that would hurt them.

KNJ : And yes, we are aware. Just like we knew staying apart would be better for us all those years back, now we know that it's time for us to get back together.

TKH : You guys have been the hot topic for quite some time, creating waves with your stance on violence against youth. Can you tell us more about your partnership with UNICEF? And the hinted-at UN speech?    

KNJ : I don't think that's really a topic we want to touch today. *laughs sheepishly* But we have always wanted to create a better world for our children and the future generation...

KSJ : Also, we don't really have time to address rumours right now, if you'll excuse us, we have a lot of guests to greet and a honeymoon to pack for.

TKH : Last question, but could you tell us where you're planning to go for on your honeymoon?

KSJ : *laughs* We would rather not be stalked by the paparazzi, so we'll have to decline. But you'll know once we're back. We'll post pictures.

KNJ : And now we really need to go.

***

Yoongi hyung

Hobi where are the brats? I haven't seen them since Kook tripped Tae and he fell into the cake

And we need to leave right now

The plane is in an hour and Jin hyung's freaking out

Like I normally enjoy seeing him worked up but right now it's annoying because Namjoon is making out with him to distract him IN FRONT OF MY FUCKING SALAD and I don't want his moans to be stuck in my head

FUCK I WANT TO BLEACH MY EARS

Do they or do they not want to send their parents off on their honeymoon?

 

My Hope

They aren't with you hyung?

I thought they were?

And Omg wow XD

But aren't they so cute???

 

Yoongi hyung

They might be really cute baby

when they pull out chairs for each other or call each other cute gross petnames like 'Jooniebug' and 'Jinniebear'

or when Jin teaches Joon to cook or cut onions

NOT when Namjoon's sucking hickies into Jin's neck

Does HE WANT TO DEVOUR HIM?!!

I AM STILL IN THE CAR?!!!

 

My Hope

I think he wants to EatJin  ;)

 

Yoongi hyung

I give up

 

My Hope

lol hyung

Why don't you just get out of the car then?

unless you're into voyeurism?

*side eyes you*

 

Yoongi hyung

YHE FUCK HOBI

OFCN

I am here because I am scared that they'll full on have sex if I leave the car

AND THE PLANE IS AN HOUR

FUCK

 

My Hope

thank god lmao

wait gimme a sec I think I spot Kook

...

why is he lugging a black bag with him to the car

and looking around warily like he's scared someone will spot him?

 

Yoongi hyung

he what?

oh no no no

NO

 

My Hope

' everybody say NO'

 

Yoongi hyung

NOT THE TIME HOBI

ARE THEY PLANNING TO STOWAWAY ON THE PLANE?

DO THEY HAVE TICKETS?

DO THEY INTEND TO FOLLOW THOSE TWO TO MALTA?!

 

My Hope

Hyung you can't stow away on planes lol

but...

 

Yoongi hyung

BUT WHAT JESUS HOBI TWLL ME WHAT

 

My Hope

They might have tickets

I mean I think that's what Tae's holding in his hand along with three passports

 

Yoongi hyung

NO THEY ARENT GOING TO DO THIS

I DONT EVEN WANNA KNOW HOW THEY HAVE TICKETS BUT THEY ARENT GOING TO MALTA

JOON AND JIN NEED TO BE LEFT ALONE TO GET OUT 12 YEARS WORTH OF SEXUAL FRUSTRATION

AND THEY CANT DO IT WITH THE KIDS THERE

WTF

and while Jiminie is responsible enough the twins will drive him crazy!!!

 

My Hope

well then I guess they just need a responsible adult to look after them amirite?

or a couple of responsible adults?

 

Yoongi hyung

... no

Hobah i love you BUT NO

 

My Hope

What was that hyung? You want business class tickets?

Ofc I'll book them right away!

and its so sweet of you to remember I always wanted to visit Malta :)

 

Yoongi hyung

I guess I should pack then?

Fuck... WHY am I even doing this

Urgh fine

I'll do it

Find out where the brats booked hotel tickets and do the same for us

Hopefully Joon and Jin are still decent by tje time I come back

I am NOT responsible if the kids are scarred

 

My Hope

I love you Yoonie <3

 

Yoongi hyung

I love you too you menace <333

***

Okay - D

can I ask you why you want to stalk your dads

all they're gonna be doing is wilding out there

 

Emo Kid

i havr no idea what youre talking abt

 

Okay - D

oh cut it out

ur uncle already booked tickets for the two of us too and a room in the same hotel as you guys

so why

 

Emo Kid

because we wanna see them be happy

and take loads of pics

and also because they'll start missing us in like n hour and return back home by the next flight

besides we wanna see Malta too

 

Okay - D

I can't even argue with that logic

urgh you're too sweet

but ur not gonna show yoursleves unless necessary okay?

 

Emo Kid

can do! :)

...

also thanks for coming along

I dont think any of us knows how to check in and check out or get to our hotels hehe

or speak the language

 

Okay - D

what would you have even said if you were ordering food then lol

how did you decide this was a good idea

wow

 

Emo Kid

we were hoping you nd uncle hobi would spot us and follow us hehe

also see I know enough english for that!

if i want them to bring my food together I would have said 'TOGETHER, BAAM'!!!

SEE

 

Okay - D

YOU SET US UP DELIBERATELY?!!

why am i even surprised

and together, baam

wow

Well now I’m glad I’m coming along

sigh

u wouldnt survive a minute out there

get all ur bags in the car

we gotta leave now

 

Emo Kid

aye aye capn

***

My Hope

Yoongi hyung malta is so pretty!!!!

thank you so much for agreeing!

and also for agreeing to get the groceries hehe

minnie is helping me set up our rooms!

 

Yoongi hyung

ur welcome baby <3

we are almost done here!

...

oh fuck fuck fuckd

 

My Hope

what happened?!

 

Yoongi hyung

Jin hyung just walked into the shop and the twins are missing wtf

OKAY WAIT I SEE THEM TAE WHAT

 

My Hope

OMG hyung are you alright?

 

Yoongi hyung

Tae just randomly picked up a baby in a stroller and is now making cooing noises at it while Jungkook's using vegetables as weights WTF

at least Jin hyung walked out thank god

 

My Hope

You should go get them hyung lol

before Tae gets thrown in for kidnapping

 

Yoongi hyung

urgh going going

the brat's giving me puppy eyes noW

HES ASKING ME TO ADOPT THE BABY WTF

...

AND KOOK IS ASKING ME TO ADOPT THE APPLE

What did I ever do in my life to deserve this

 

My Hope

fall in love with me lol

u aren't regretting it are you

 

Yoongi hyung

I dont thimk i'll ever regret that hobi

EVER

Fuck

even if i have to deal with two toddlers on a daily basis

you guys are family okay

you guys are my world

 

My Hope

fuck

ehu dod you habe to mahe mr cry

i love you too yoongi hyung <3

 

Yoongi hyung

I love you too you big baby

Now I gotta go catch my two nephews again before we get permanently banned <3

 

***

Jikook + Tae

TaeTae changed the chat name to Project Yoonseok

 

Jiminie

huh?

but aren't they already together?

 

Kookie

I think what Tae means

is that its time to get uncle yg to propose

becayse hes a chicken who'll never do it on his own

 

TaeTae

And this is why your my bro kookie

i knew you would get it uwu

So you guys in?

 

Jiminie

OFc duh

 

Kookie

hell yeah!

 

TaeTae

lets get this show started then :)

 

-fin-