how’s my favorite nephew???
I’m ur only nephew
how’s my only nephew???
how’s your first day at camp?
you’d better make me proud
mesmerize all the other campers with your dazzling personality
become the talk of the whole camp
I’m already the talk of the whole camp
not in the way you’re thinking of, tho
you don’t even know what I’m thinking of
I don’t, but I bet it isn’t this
I’m the talk of the whole camp because there’s this other camper, a new guy
what did he do????
but he has my face
HE HAS MY FACE
WE HAVE THE EXACT SAME FACE
like, he has red hair and I don’t
BUT HIS FACE
IS MY FACE
see why we’re the talk of the camp now lol
omg how is that even possible
maybe he’s my evil doppelganger
he’s gonna kill me in my sleep
what do I do???
I’m still so young
never been to the grand canyon
I can’t die yet
ok you can’t give up so easily
you gotta show that evil doppelganger who’s boss
you gotta go out there, challenge him to something you’re good at
beat him fair and square
and he’ll know not to mess with you
ok I will!!!
I’ll challenge him to a burger eating contest
even if I lose, at least I’ll get to eat burgers
that’s my boy! that’s the attitude!
thank u uncle hobi
btw how’s dad doing?
Namjoon? he’s at his office
working his ass off like he always does
he needs to get some rest :/ it’s Sunday
yeah I know… but you know the kind of person he is
but don’t worry, ok? you enjoy your camp
uncle hobi is on it
I’ll take care of him
when did I ever not take care of him
thank u, ur the best uncle ever :((((
what will we even do without you
lol actually I should be the one thanking you guys
for letting me stay for free
saves me so much rent
both u and I know that u can afford ur own place
ur just staying with us because u know neither dad or I can cook
but it’s ok to stop being selfless sometimes, u know?
like, if u meet a cool lady at a bar it’s totally ok to go talk to her instead of thinking
“oh no it’s eight pm gotta go home and cook or namjoon and taetae will eat each other”
lmao how did we even end up on this topic
I’m fine with my current life you dumbass
I’m not even into ladies
go on, enjoy your camp
send me updates on your evil doppelganger
…wait, what if…
all this time
I’M the evil doppelganger, I just didn’t know?
a philosopher like your dad, I see
genes don’t lie
dude I was adopted
yeah but still
anyway, update me on your doppelganger situation
and have fun
pet tannie a lot for me
love u <3
<3 <3 <3
I know you’re busy and I’m sorry to bother but
do you by any chance know what Jungkook usually does in the summer
Why bring him up right now?
Of course I have no idea what he does during summers
Haven’t been in touch with Seokjin for, like, two years
Except for that time he sent me a link to a porno by accident
dude I know it’s been awkward between you and Jin-hyung after your divorce
but it’s been like how many years?
Taetae is in high school already
and Jungkook should be too
don’t you ever wonder what he’s up to?
I trust Seokjin to take good care of him. He’s always been a better dad than I am
Taehyung got the short end of the stick, being stuck with me
I bet if he weren’t like 3 years old and couldn’t choose for himself he’d have gone with Seokjin too
asfshajfkdfga what the fuck, Namjoon
how are you not a good dad???
look how well Taetae grew up
everyone loves him, even the Roomba never stops following him around
That’s because you basically raised him on your back
It was all you, not me
wtf how could you say that
ok I may have taught Taetae to curse, to clean the shower drain and to castrate cows
but you taught him to read and to appreciate nature and to love
you’re the best dad ok even if you think you’re too busy making ends meet to be one
I bet rich Jin-hyung and his vineyards have nothing on you
anyway I’m just gonna continue talking since I bet you’re crying and can’t reply to me
so if you don’t know what Jungkook does when it’s summer
Jin-hyung doesn’t know what Taetae does during summers either, right?
Yeah of course he doesn’t
And I’m not crying, just accidentally poked my eye with a finger
yeah, right, I totally believe you
guess it makes sense that Jin-hyung won’t know, tho
like, it’d be so embarrassing for you if Jin-hyung knew you always send your son to that camp where you and hyung first met 20 years ago because you’re sentimental like that lol
Omg you’d better not tell him
I won’t tell him lol I don’t even have his number
Why are you bringing up this whole topic anyway?
no reason lol it just occurred to me
And more importantly, how did you even teach Taehyung to castrate cows? We don’t have cows?
the neighbors next door have 7, goodness Namjoon you need to stop working and look around sometimes
Wow that’s why I keep hearing moos in the middle of the night? I always thought it was my imagination?
ugh I’m staging an intervention
get dressed properly in an hour
I’m gonna pick you up take you out to that underground rap thing I told you about
I won’t take no for an answer
But I’ve still got this huge-ass powerpoint to work on
who cares about powerpoints I bet you’re 2 days ahead of schedule anyways
Actually it’s 3
no more questions
I’m gonna be a proper big brother today and steal you out of that stupid office of yours and show you a good time
How’s your first day at camp going?
not too bad i guess
Made any new friends?
That’s great! Tell me all about him!!!
uh there’s this guy, we’re rooming in the same cabin today
Only for today?
uh yeah, um we kinda… got in trouble
but don’t get mad ok??? its all rly innocent
like, he challenged me to a burger eating contest
but we didn’t have that many burgers
so i said hotdog eating contest
so we had a hotdog eating contest
You’d better tell me you won
it was a tie
bc we ate all the hotdogs the camp has to offer
and now the camp has: 0 hotdogs
and the camp counselor got mad bc he really liked hotdogs??
especially the chili cheese kind
so he made us stay in a special secluded cabin that’s like all dirty and stuff
so that we’ll reflect upon our wrongdoings
and there’s no dinner for us today
not that we’ll need it tho since we’re both bursting at the seams
MY KOOKIE GOT DETENTION
kind of, yeah
I AM SO PROUD
SEE THOSE TEARS IN MY EYES
why are u proud omg shouldn’t u be mad
My Kookie’s first time… in detention… in fifteen years
I’m so glad
I spent so many years wondering what went wrong
Why is my child such an angel??? I asked myself
He needs to learn to break rules! slash the teacher’s tires! set fires to scooters!
BUT FINALLY YOU GOT DETENTION
I LOVE YOU SON
I AM PROUD
uh ok i guess?
Anyway, tell me all about your new friend!
haha i guess we’re just rooming together today tho
so tmr we’ll be sent back to our respective cabins and wont talk again
he seems to have a lot of friends already so he prob wont want to hang out with me anymore…
You can’t always have that kind of attitude
I know you’re a shy baby
And trust me, dad was once a shy little fawn too
But look at me now, sending flying kisses at your teachers and embarrassing you at PTA meetings
If I can do it so can you
Believe in yourself
I bet you’re sitting on that dirty floor in your new cabin writing in your diary or some shit
But you gotta stop that, get up this instant
And talk to your new detention mate
Dad just wants the best for you ok
~hugs and flying kisses~
love u too
~hugs and flying kisses~
hey what’s going on?
what’s my favorite nephew up to?
good news btw, I forced your dad to come to a rap event thing with me
actually we’re in the middle of the event right now
so call you back later?
why did u never told me
i had a twin
omg tae the lighting here is super bad and its fucking loud so let me get out of here and we can talk
wait for me
just a couple seconds
why aren’t you picking up????
please pick up the phone
／ ( ･ × ･ ) ＼ KOOKIE’S ONLINE DIARY ／ ( ･ × ･ ) ＼
Date: Jul 8 th
Weather: good enough
ok this is weird af but i need to write my thoughts down to sort them out ok!! i haven’t even told dad about this bc im afraid he’ll be sad or sth so im just gonna write it down here / (⁎˃ᆺ˂)＼
so, im at camp
i hated it, no lie, so many strangers and a lot of them are regulars who already know each other and i already have trouble making friends as it is? but then some ppl started waving to me and calling me taehyung? wtf im not taehyung i don’t know any taehyungs so i told them im not taehyung but they just laughed and thought i was joking, it was so weird / (ㅇㅅㅇ❀)＼
until i saw the real taehyung and my head goes “fuck, we’re identical” / (,,๏ ⋏ ๏,,)＼
ok he has chestnut hair and dad had mine dyed red but minus the hair we’re still identical??? do u have any idea how weird that feels??? ok u probably don’t… / (´･×･`)＼
anyway long story short taehyung and i got into trouble and we got sent to a shitty secluded cabin and he seemed pretty nice and smiled at me a lot and we were both just lounging in bed (ok he’s lounging in bed but im on the ground because the power outlet is on the ground and i gotta keep my phone charged at all times) and then i had this sudden surge of courage and i decided to talk to him!! (ok who am i kidding my dad put me up to it lol) ／(=✪ x ✪=)＼
and then we started talking and we discovered, like, we were both adopted and the only child in the family, and we both have single dads, like what a cool coincidence is that?? and we were joking like maybe we should set our dads up and make them get together, but we knew it wouldn’t work out bc we live so far from each other lol. besides, i cant just introduce my dad to any random guy i come across, right?? kim seokjin is amazing and beautiful and precious and deserves only the best!!!! U( ÒㅅÓ)U
so that’s what i said to tae and he was like “nooooo MY dad is better” (AS IF) and then just to prove to me how hot his dad is he takes out this picture on his phone…
and i recognize him
i recognize him AS THE MAN IN THE PHOTO ON MY DAD’S DESKTOP BACKGROUND (乂☉ｪ☉=)
like ok i knew my dad used to have a lover and they adopted me together and then they split and we never heard from the other dad as far as im concerned (but dad still kinda loves him lol he’d sometimes stare at his wallpaper with that faraway look in his eyes)…
but they never told me that i wasn’t the only one they adopted???
I HAVE A BROTHER!
I HAVE A TWIN!!!!!!!!
HE’S RIGHT HERE IN THE FCKING ROOM!!!
AND THEY NEVER TOLD ME ABOUT HIM!!!!!! ଽ ฅ૮( ꒪〰꒪)აฅ
like ok im sitting here, shell-shocked and just typing away bc i have no idea how to process this information
i showed tae a photo of my dad too and he said yeah, he’s seen him on his dad’s phone too, except… wait, isn’t his dad my dad?
his dad = my dad
my dad = his dad
his dad + my dad = his dad + his dad = my dad + my dad = 2(his dad) = 2(my dad)
omg i cant do math im so sorry
and i think tae is crying in his bed…
its so weird to see him cry bc he looks just like me? so its like seeing myself crying?? i don’t want to see myself crying wtf
i’ll go cuddle with him i guess
it’s 100% bc i just don’t like the idea of watching myself cry and also bc its kinda cold, not bc now that i have a new brother im gonna protect the shit out of him ok
all right fine maybe it kind of is
sorry for the radio silence
are u still up?
TAE WTF IT’S TWO IN THE MORNING
AND YES OF COURSE IM STILL UP WTF HOW DO U EXPECT ME TO SLEEP W/OUT A REPLY FROM U
and also namjoon hasn’t come home yet and I’m up waiting for him
but that’s beyond the point
are you ok????
pls tell me you’re ok
I can explain!!!
pls don’t hate your dad
he has his reasons, I promise, please
wtf dad hasn’t come home yet????
yeah, we were at the underground rapper thing together but I got your text and rushed outside
couldn’t get back in with the crowds so I texted him that I’ll be waiting at home
don’t worry too much, though, the event goes on till really late and the rappers there often start chatting and end up getting beer somewhere else
Namjoon is a big boy he can handle himself
ok, i hope he’s safe ;_;
u haven’t told him about my text, i hope? ><
well I tried to
but this isn’t a matter I can talk to him about over text and the venue was super loud so he prob didn’t hear me call and never picked up
so yeah he still doesn’t know
anyway, I can explain, ok? your dad… well, both of your dads…
(you know about the other dad now, right?)
(if not… surprise?)
yeah i know about him, kookie told me
was worried I might have leaked vital info
so both dads agreed that they want their kids (that’s you and Kook) to have a happy, uncomplicated life
and telling you guys that there’s another one of you would of course make things complicated
you would want to meet each other
but if you meet up it will involve your dads meeting up too
and they really don’t want to meet up, especially not in front of you guys
because there’s gonna be #angst and #emotions and they don’t wanna affect you
so it’s like, they decided to part civilly
each take one kid, pretend it never happened
but it doesn’t mean that your dad doesn’t love you, Taetae
I can’t vouch for the other dad since I haven’t met him for a long long time but
Namjoon loves you so much, he wants only the best for you
He’s always beating yourself up for not being a good enough dad
what nonsense is that
he’s the greatest dad
he just doesn’t think so
sometimes he’d be like ~emo~
“oh if only Jin had taken Taehyung!!! he’d cook for him, buy him Gucci, get him an expensive camera, fund him to go to art school!!!! he’d know what to do when he gets sick and kiss him when he puts him to bed and taehyung would get to run around in the vineyards like the free spirit he is and omg maybe Jin should’ve just taken them both instead of letting me take Taehyung!!1!one!”
omg how could he
how could he feel like that
we might not have a lot of money but EVERYONE at school envies me for having such a great dad????
don’t get me started on why my dad is the literal best???
actually that was how kookie and I discovered we’re twins lol we were arguing about whose dad is better and that led to us comparing dad pics
i’ll hug him a lot when i get home
but um, actually, now that we’re on the subject of home
i have a… question
lol this Kookie sounds like a feisty soul already
and sure, fire away
hypothetically speaking, would you help out if…
if after this camp ends, I come home but it isn’t actually me
oh god are you thinking what I’m thinking
like, what if kookie comes back to our home and pretends to be me
will you help us out? help him act more like me, stuff like that
Taetae wait that’s a lot to take in
so what you’re saying is that
you two are gonna switch identities
you’re gonna go to live with Jin-hyung
Kookie’s gonna come live with us
I told him how awesome my dad is and he wanted to meet him??
come on, just think about poor bunny kookie
knowing that someone as awesome as kim namjoon exists… but never getting to see him in person
and here’s the perfect opportunity for him to actually live with him, in the same flat
wouldn’t that be cool
don’t make kookie sad
imagine his sad face, u wouldn’t make him sad would u
I don’t even know what Kookie looks like lol
exactly like me, so just imagine my sad face
if that were to happen…
yeah. I’ll help
I’ve always kinda wanted to meet Jungkook too
yeah!! I told him all about u too!!!
I bet he’s gonna love u, he likes dancing too, u know?
ur gonna have so much fun together!!!
haha I’m sure I’ll like the kid
and I promise not to say anything to Namjoon as of now
but you guys gotta plan it well
can’t have your dads noticing right away
they won’t! they don’t even know we met up at the camp, so they won’t be able to put two and two together
and we’ll plan it well!!
we already exchanged numbers
since we can’t hang out together all the time at the camp, or lisa and the others are gonna get suspicious lol
so most of the time we gotta conspire thru text
oh right, you’ve got school friends with you at the camp
you’re not gonna even tell your school friends?
I wanna, I hate keeping things from them
but I can’t
bc they might give it away
u know lisa is great friends with her mom and tells her everything and her mom is also dad’s colleague so…
no, too risky
and if i don’t tell lisa i can’t tell anyone else because lisa is my bestest friend
so i can’t tell them
a very covert operation indeed
but uncle has faith in you
you guys can pull it off
I’m so glad we have ur blessings now
it means that u, uncle hobi, who knows my dad better than anyone else
supports the idea of dad and other dad meeting again
or else u wouldn’t have agreed to this idea
since the two of us switching places kinda involve dad and other dad meeting
because how else are we gonna switch back lol
well yeah, I guess I always kinda secretly thought they deserve a second chance together
they were so young then
basically broke up over nothing
all those things they fought over… they were really insignificant
there were issues with some of Jin-hyung’s rich old great aunts or something but they’re prob all dead now
and I know Namjoon still misses him…
can you believe it, so many years
he never moved on
that’s good news then because other dad never moved on either
kookie says he uses a pic of dad as wallpaper
what?? he put faces of namjoon all over the wall??
no wtf it’s the wallpaper for his pc not the wallpaper for his house
thank goodness Namjoon might be my favorite person but I still wouldn’t want 1,000 Namjoon faces staring at me from the wall
I love u
ur the bestest dad in the world
Why say that all of a sudden?
I love you too
this started as a random concept that just popped up and then we aggressively screamed ideas at each other for 2 hrs and now it's born
we try to update on sundays (ꈍᴗꈍ)ε｀*)
ok kookie we gotta talk tactics
yeah we should
we could’ve started much sooner if u hadn’t been swimming with ur friends lol
come on we’re at camp! we gotta have fun! we gotta swim in the lake!
u have no idea how fun it is to push ppl into the water!
im… as u can tell, im… shy
im not like u
how can i successfully pretend to be u
ur friends are gonna be so suspicious
i cant just go out and start befriending ppl everywhere
i can try of course, force myself
but it’ll make me physically uncomfortable
i rly cant
i rly have a hard time talking ok
lol u said a lot to me that night in the cabin tho
its bc i’ve become familiar with u
like when it comes to making friends i don’t rly take the first step
i just hang around and stay quiet
until ppl eventually get used to the idea that i exist and they cant get rid of me and accept that im here to stay
and when it gets to that point i know they’ve accepted me
and i can be loud and talk a lot and be stupid
but it’s just… it takes time ok?? i cant do it in an instant
shhh don’t get all worked up, there’s nothing wrong with that, ur fine as u are
and u can just say ur method acting
like, I act out little skits and stuff a lot
so ppl are used to it
so if ppl ask u “taehyung why are u so quiet??”
u can say ur trying to perfect ur role as a quiet student
so instead of being suspicious ppl will be like
“oh that’s taehyung doing his acting thing again”
are u sure that will work omg
of course it will work, u have my looks and my voice and we talk alike
there’s no reason why ppl will doubt ur identity
but what if i, like, forget important details about ur friends
like what if i ask them how their mom is doing
but actually they hate their mom and haven’t talked to her in ages and ur supposed to know that
and they’d be like “wow! kim taehyung! how tactless!”
or, what if one of ur friends approach me
and i don’t recognize them
don’t know their name
they’d be so heartbroken???
well u can ask them to tell u their name again and explain how they know me
then tell them ur doing method acting, ur trying out a role as an amnesiac
so u have to act like u don’t remember things
and they’ll be like “oh cool tae is being an amnesiac this time ^^ hehehe” and forgive u
i don’t think we can just solve everything with the method acting excuse omg
like it prob will be less of a problem for u when ur being me bc i don’t rly have friends
so its not likely anyone will approach me and expect me to remember them
but it’s gonna be so hard for me :(((
u can always text me pics of ppl u don’t recognize and I promise I’ll respond in a flash!
or u can text me to ask for any details u need
of course, before we go home, i gotta compile a huge file of info of all the ppl i know and details u ought to remember about them, like birthdays, hobbies, clubs, location of their homes, what they do after school, food they don’t eat, etc.
im working on the file already don’t worry
and ill walk u thru it, the whole thing
also we gotta meet up
since i have a secret handshake with uncle hoseok and i cant teach u that over text
ok i think we should meet up too
outside my cabin?
omg this is the first time im ever gonna break curfew
i think my dad will be proud
I like ur dad already
he’s also ur dad lol
tonight, 11pm, outside ur cabin
do u have a needle btw
wtf what would u need a needle for
well I have ear piercings, u don’t
don’t touch my virgin ears
well I cant come to camp with ear piercings and go home without, right?
but its gonna hurt :((((
I’m good at it tho
used to pierce ears for ppl at school for extra cash
actually that’s another thing I gotta teach u, since ppl are gonna come up to u at school and ask u to pierce their ears, just a heads-up
wait now that we’re on the subject
should i dye my hair brown and u dye urs red before we go home
i mean like my dad dyed my hair red and he’d be so disappointed if i (u) go home with brown hair
ok sure I’ve always wanted red hair anyway
like a strawberry, yummmm
I’m pretty sure lisa’s got red hair dye I can borrow
So anw, tonight, 11pm
get ur ears ready kookie
I feel kinda guilty because in the past few days all I’ve been doing is harassing u by throwing compiled info of my classmates and friends and their family and their family’s friends and their family’s friends’ family at u
I know u say u don’t have friends
and it wont be suspicious if u don’t talk to ur classmates
but surely there’s someone important to u in ur life besides ur dad
ur making me sound pathetic lol
no that’s not what I meant
its perfectly fine to not have friends or talk to ur classmates
u don’t necessarily need a lot of human interaction to be happy
I’m just wondering like
I’ll be living UR life
what mattered to u is gonna matter to me
so if there’s someone, or something that matters to u
u can tell me
like for example u know about tannie
if someone is gonna take my place and be me
I’d want them to appreciate the perfection that is tannie too
i get what u mean
well there’s this guy in my class
go on go on
his name is jimin
oooooooohhh so u do have a friend!!
no omg we’re not friends
we never even talked to each other
i just kinda
gaze at him hahahahhaha ><
he used to sit in the seat in front of me
he’s so cute……..
so i guess…
if ur taking my place
u might as well know about my crush too
he brightens my life up so much, i know he’ll have the same effect on u too
his smile…… so precious………..
omg do u have a pic
no im not a stalker ok i don’t secretly search for his pics online or snap pics of him with my phone or anything
well u sure sound like u’ve thought about it before
but i didn’t do it and that makes all the difference
ok how about u describe him to me so that I’ll know him when I see him
im sure u will know regardless lol jimin radiates so much light u can tell its him easily
he’s got those cute puffy eyes that turn into crescent moons when he smiles
crescent moons, gotcha
and pink hair and a cute little nose and a smile like the sun and a sharp chin in contrast with his soft cheeks
and tiny little fingers
so, like this
wtf tae no
why doesn’t he have ears
u never said he had ears
do u srsly think id have a crush on someone that looks like the pic u drew
if he has jimin’s personality then i prob would
Tae, I don’t think I’ll be able to pick you up at the airport
I am still at work so Hobi will be there, kay?
Love you <3
um... ur dad texted? and i dont kno what to do?
KIM TAEHYUNG REPLY
listen i am freaking out i think this is a rly bad idea
he said hobi will be there? whos hobi? a chaffeur?
OMG theyre gonna find out and we’re so screwed my dad isnt pretty when hes mad
well hes pretty no matter what but…
wait this is so weird i gotta change the contact name since this was ur phone
but its mine now
it feels like i am txting myself wtf
Contact name changed from Tae to Kook
ok this is better but srsly where r u?
are u ded? omg i just figured out i had a brother and he alrdy died
Wtf even Kook?
damn look whos missing me alrdy
I was saying bye to all the dogs :(
what did dad say?
do u mean to say u haven't texted back u complete idiot
um...no? I told u I am shy
he said he had work? and that hobi? would pick me up
ur a goddamn fckn fool
say ok for gods sake text back or dads gonna think I am mad at him
how hard can that be urgh
fine fine gimme a sec
whos hobi tho
why tf would we hwve a chaffeur
hes dads older brother?
u didnt know uncle hobi?
HOW COULD U NOT KNOW HIM
I TOLD U MY UNCLE LIVES W/ US
um... u said his name is hoseok
how would I know he's also called hobi
also i didnt even kno i HAD ANOTHER FATHER UNTIL TWO WEEKS AGO OK CUT ME SOME SLACK
GOd just dont leave dad hanging
TEXT HIM RN AND SHOWER HIM WITH LOVE
wait u call him dad r8
pls tell me ur usually not this dumb
ofc i do wht else would i call him
ok jeez calm down
didnt peg u for the daddy type tbh
WHAT DOES THAT EVEN MEAN
ANSWER ME U ASS
the train's almost there. I'll wait for uncle hobi there
love you <3
Sorry Tae, I swear I was done with it but then they called me back in to file another client's taxes and I couldn't leave
Because there's no one else here
wht did u say ur dad worked as again
hes smart af
did he use his accountant stuff on u
its alright just pretend u know what hes talking abt
thats wht i do all the time
tell him to eat and not overwork himself
he tends to forget
damn this seems like a bad idea now
what will he do without me to remjnd him and feed him :(
hey ill do it... i might be shy but i am not incompetent
hes my dad too ill take care if him
awww look at how grown up my kookie is hes using wofds like incompetent
i am shedding tears :'D
shut up shit head
were the same fuckn age
maybe iwas born seconds before u
maybe im ur hyung
have u never considered that
its alright dad
I'll be fine
dont overwork urself nd make sure u eat
Will do Tae
I'll be home soon and you can tell me all about camp
Sure dad <3
Where are you?
I am waiting outside in the car
i just need to grab a few of my things and I'll be out dad
see u in a few!
I'll be right here by the lake
dude u never told me ur dad owned an asterion
a motherfucking Lamborghini
like how rich r u even
do u like live in a palace
and have servants who dress u and undress u
do they call u sir or whatever
wait do u have ur own mansion or smthng
ik u told me ur rich but this is like wow
i havent even gotten into the car yet and my palms are sweating lol
what if ur dad finds out
naah u'll be fine
i am pretty much like u around dad so u shouldnt have a problem
pls dont hug ppl too much tho
aww does baby boy kookie not like skin ship?
u didnt seem to have a problem when i spooned u the other night tho ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
u were crying that night so i let u, it was a special situation
dont ever do that again
its just plain weird bro
ok ok u have a point
have u seen uncle hobi yet?
hes hard to miss
i mean he has flaming red hair
and hes like loud
u cant miss him
also he has a heart shped mouth
dont know if itll help u but yeh
plus he knows abt the plan so he'll make sure u dont trip up and u can just be urself with him
hmm... i just got down? and no one matches that description..
ill just go sit down and wait
ur uncle, and crct me if i am wrong, but ur dad's bro knows abt the switch?
are u fckn crazy?
thanks for telling me that my dad's brother is my uncle i had absolutely no idea
and hey! uncle hobi won't tell a soul! besides u wouldnt survive a day as me without inside help okay
also i wouldnt have said yes to thjs without him saying that there was still a possibiltiy that things might work out between our dads
... if u say so
what happened to u meeting my dad
GIMME THE DEETS
um... i might still be hiding?
like behind that pillar near the entrance arch?
BECAUSE THE CAR LOOKS SCARY AND SO POSH ANDJDNENJDNFM
dear lord the pictures dont do justice to how hot he looks wtf u cpuld have given me a wsrning
your dad just rolled down the window and
he looks like he stepped out of the pages of vogue? i think i might be a lil in love?
how he look so effortlessly hot?
r u even hearing urself rn??
thats my dad? UR dad? stop ogling at him!!!!
ok ok relax i was jking
but he looks hot af
i feel blinded damn
i mean i never expected to see a man pull off pastel colours so well wtf
but he looks so good in that baby pink turtleneck and with those glasses on his nose like damn
now i know where i get those genes from
we’re adopted lol
but ikr?? i told u he was the hottest!!
u were the one who said no way my dads hotter
no one can be hotter than my dad, Kim Seokjin
look here u coconut fucker
ur dad might be hot but no ones a mtch for mine okay
so stay in ur lane
All hail the king Kim Namjoon
gods most loved creation
so thats how u wanna play?
why r we fighting again wtf
i thot we were alreqdy over this?
we have tje same parents?
oh shit u rite
anyways I'll text uncle hobi and endndndnnxncnfnjdnem
i hve been spotted
kookie i lobe u ur my fave twin bro ever
I am ur only twin bro?
fuck y do drama club ppl hve 2 be so goddmn dramatic all the fckn time
i am outta here
texting u from kook's number
i dont know what to feel about jin?
he's my dad right? i should call him dad too right?
idk like i just got into the car and he gave me this huge hug (nothing on dad's) and then proceeded to talk to me
like yeah he thinks i am kook but he's so... nice?
idk why but ever since i figured out that i had a twin and that my other father was this rich ass chaebol i kinda always pictured him as a k-drama villain? u know cold and unforgiving and totally emotionless
cause he left dad and all and he never once tried to reach out to us
never once tried to help us out
and i partly said yes because i wanted my assumptions to be right and be proven that dad was better off alone
that you, me and him are family enough
but now i dont know?
I didnt realise that was how you saw Jin hyung
otherwise I would have said something earlier
cause Jin hyung honestly was a pretty amazing person
And like I said, I don't exactly know what happened in between because one second they were all we're gonna grow old together loving each other even when we're wrinkly and pruny and then suddenly he was taking kook and moving out, leaving behind your father to pick up the pieces
i say ‘was’ because i am still pissed at him... slightly for what he did to Joon, for what he did to my brother, but if I am gonna be unbiased and honest with you, he was the most un-chaebol like person I ever knew
Im just so confused now uncle hobi
like i was ready to hate him
maybe prank him nd make his life living hell for a while but now
when i am eating the food he's cooked (and its so good?) and listening to him crack silly jokes trying to get me to smile and looking at me like I mean the world to him, idk anymore
what should i do?
You can come back if you want? Tell jin-hyung you left something back at camp and turn around
I'll bring kook over too and you can switch back with no one any wiser
we can do that if you're scared TaeTae
no one's gonna think any less of you
i can only imagine how scary it would be to have your world pulled out from under your feet in a day and then go home with a dad you didn't even know existed for 12 yrs
hmm... but then I'll regret this forever right? the chance to have gotten to know my other dad?
i dont want that
i can do this uncle hobi
and... maybe... just maybe.. we'll be able to find a way to bring back dad's dimples in full force
i want to see him smile again without a trace of pain in his eyes
You know I am really proud of you right kiddo? i love you tae <3
You have grown up into such an amazing teen and we're both so proud of you
thanks uncle hobi ><
have u spotted kook btw
he seemed kinda lost when i texted him a while back
Ah, I am walking through the platform as we speak
he looks exactly like you, you said?
yeah! oh and before i forget!! Red hair! he has red hair!
oh, I think I spot him! I'll text you later Tae
take care buddy!
Love you to uncle hobi <3
pet tannie for me
Hobi hyung, did you pick up Tae yet?
Yeah namjoonie! we are walking to grab lunch rn
and he looks so goodamn adorable all so excited
Ofc he does... it's Taehyung, he'll look adorable no matter wha -
DID HE DYE HIS HAIR?!
he pulls off the red so well right???
just like his uncle uwu
Yes he does!... he looks so grown up and... I swear he's gonna be a heartthrob like Jin...
Ah, sorry about bringing him up again...
Joonie, it's alright to be sad you know
You're human too and sometimes you need a break too
ur allowed to fall
we are here to catch u
also, ur going to that rap battle tonight right?
Hyung, Tae's coming home today!
I can't leave tonight
We haven't cuddled in so long and it would be unfair on him
Tae is 15 and is big enough to understand
besides, all we want is to see you happy
that's what i want
and that's what tae wants too
so go enjoy
besides i have already given ur name
so there's that
you're gonna listen to me
go take part in the rap battle
besides a little bird told me that Agust D would be there today
you'll probably go up against him
dont you want that?
Tae's coming home today hyung
well then you can finish up work sooner, see him and then leave
Go have fun
God knows you need it
This is an order from your cool older brother
Have I ever told you you're the best? Because you are
Aish don't thank me for being your brother, brat
and go get ur work done fast so that you can leave early
shit ur uncle has so much energy like wtf even
but now i know how u have so much fckn stamina
hes like the fckn sun? so bright? too smiley for eleven in the afternoon?
is he alwys like this?
its always like a whirlwind where he is
hes so muxh fun to be around hehe
i can see
...too much fun
like i shd be used to this considering how my dad never stops either
but uncle hobi is like 10x my dad and thats insane
you'll get used to it lol
OMG is he always this embarassing?
well they started blasting ice cream cake, that rv song ya kno, in the diner, and he just got up and twrked?
hes still twerking and making all those weird faces and i dunno if i shld pretend i dont kno him or laugh at how dumb he looks?
hello??? okay i am gonna assume u just got dragged into the dancing lol
but what do u expect hes the master of girl grp dances
he could give them a run for his money
if the humiliation kills u, rip my bro, it was gud knwing u
he just let go of me
save me Tae
i beg u
hes got this manical glint in his eye nd i dont like it one bit
oh shit hes talking to the waiter
i think hes asking them to change the song wtf
I WAS JOKING
i cant dance to up and down wtf no
i will never live down to this
go with the flow my boy
enjoy yourself and let loose
besides u cant rlly complain u kno
it's bwtter than ur dad challenging a few street dancers for a dance off and then slut dropping in the middle of the street like wtf even
and then he blew them a flying kiss while winking
i hve no clue how ur even related to him lol
but hes cool lmao
and so shameless
fuck that sounds like dad alright
he's kinda wild
but he still pulls it off?
thank god the manager kicked us out lol since it was gettibg too crowded
my last shred of dignity : saved
u had any to begin with?
i mean must have been hard to retain any
after tripping over ur own feet and drenching ur crush with banana milk
how do u kno
no no no
WHY WOULD U DO THIS TO ME DAD
wht did he say
hmm... shld i rlly?
hes having so much fun picking on me thinking i am u
and u freak out around girls?
aww baby kookie is so cute uwu
but they're scary ok
ane u never kno what they r thinking
plus they r always in grps?
gaggle of girls?
gaggle is for geese kookie
but my dear young naive boy
ur so adorable
no wonder ur dad teases the hell out of u lol
dont do this to me
i am ur only brother
hmm... i dont kno if i can be brothers with someone who works out for FOUR FCKN HOURS EVERYDAY
how tf did u forgot to mention that to me
werent u listening when i told u my goal in this life is to become a puddle of flesh
WHATS EVEN WRONG WITH U
how do u expect me to do 240 push ups per day wtf
fuckn muscle rat
now i hve to step foot into that evil place called the gym
its not so bad?
just kno that ur ded to me
fine text ya later
ur dad's saying smth abt lunch
Updates every Sunday! <3
B.I.G yea we BANG like this modu da gati
Chong majeun geoscheoreom
BANG! BANG! BANG!
BANG! BANG! BANG!
Ppangya ppangya ppangya
BANG! BANG! BANG!
i had no idea u were a big bang stan until i saw ur room
U couldve TOLD me u know
i am so glad, i would hve had to disown if u werent and that would hve made me sad :(
listen... anyone with good music taste will like them
its as simple as tht
i would hve murdered u if u hadnt liked them
like u hve all the posters dude its so cool?
i hve wanted them forever?
and their albums? and the lightstick
and FUCK IS THAT A BB SWEATSHIRT
ur room is so fuckn cool
it feels like i have entered a BB heaven
WAIT U HAVE BEEN TO THEIR CONCERTS?
(who's ur bias? im GD all the way)
(also ur house is so cool? u have ur own swimming pool and vineyard?)
um... i might have gone two or three times... thats abt it
(GD duh tho love taeyang too - his dancing man!)
(thank you? its too huge sometimes and too empty tho)
BISH WHAT DO U MEAN BY THAT?
i would die to go JUST ONCE!
not everyone is as rich as u baby boy
(IFKR i try to dance or sing like Taeyang and end up embarassing myself)
thats sad :(
we must change that immediately!!
next BB concert, we're going together no matter what!!!
(i understand the pain lol eyes, nose, lips is my jam)
Kook... i cant ask my dad to get me tickets... they're crazily prized
(same tho, taeyang's voice... aaafdnvdfnvk that song gives me the chills)
wtf do u mean ofc u arent gonna ask ur dad i am getting us both tickets
thats too much kookie... i
ur my twin for godssake Tae whats wrong with u
i want u to enjoy all that i have
it makes me feel bad that i had everything i wanted while u never got what u wanted
its not even ur fault
i mean for all that could have happened we could have been switched and u would hve had all this
u deserve to be happy too
r u done?
listen i know how we were pretty eager to do this switch thingy but i need u to know right now that i would never give up my life that easily
i would never switch it permanently
ik that we're like dirt poor compared to u so when u see my house its gonna be like barely one tenth of urs and without really much luxury and stuff
and u prolly wont like it
but thing is its ours, mine, everyrhing and everyone i love is there
thats where i made all my memories
thats where i spent days cuddling up with my dad who worked and works himself to his bone just so tht i can get everything i want, just to make me happy without thinking abt himself for even a second
we may not have money but hes given me more precious currency - hes given me so much love tht i hve never wanted anything more
and yeah maybe i like bb and i want to go to their concert but i would take being pulled into a hug by my dad at the end of the day over anything else
thats whats waiting for u if u go back home
and if u think u cant handle that then i am gonna need to ask u to come back to camp
because i wont stand while my dsd gets hurt because of something u did
cause if u ask him smthg he'll try his best to get it
and then overwork
to keep us afloat and pay off all the debts his parents couldnt
it'll kill him and i dont want that
and he'll take every word u say to heart and berate himself for being a terrible father
when in reality i couldnt have asked for a better one
so i need u to either promise me u'll keep that smile on his face
or we'll go back to our own homes
cause i am not gonna let my dad get hurt a second time
even if ur my brother
i am sorry tae
i really am
that was mean of me
to suggest that ur dad didnt make u happy
to relate the amount of money he makes with who he is
i hope u arent too mad at me
and I'll take care of him
i want to meet him too
and I'll love him the way u would if u were here
i promise u that
hes my dad too
i promise u I'll mke sure he always smiles
thank you kook
i wont ask u anything more
and i kno why u said the things u did, but trust me when i say that hes the best dad i could have ever asked for
and that i would trade anything - anything to be with him
to be his son
ig this was the whole point behind the switch
to get to know them better
i am really tired now so i am gonna go take a nap for a while ><
lemme kno once u reach home
love you <3
love you too tae <3
KIM FUCKING TAEHYUNG Y WOULD U DO THIS TO ME?
HOW could u?
how could u not tell me that THE RAP MONSTER is UR DAD
U KNO I AM OBSESSED WITH UNDERGROUND RAP HOW COULD U DO THIS TO UR POOR TWIN BROTHER
hes RM now
and i thought u already know?
u literally have a picture of RM? in ur wallet all the time?
and diddnt I show u a pic of my dad and also he’s ur dads laptop bg?
u cant tell theyre the same person?
I didn't realize it was the same person ok rm looked like a fckn nerd in the pic I have and besides he had sunglasses on plus the pixels were pathetic
that crappy pic doesnt do justice to the president, Kim Namjoon
all hail our lord and saviour
and to think hes ur dad
UR FUCKN DAD
hes ur dad too lol
and looks like someones got a severe case of idol worship
OFC I DO
I HVE LOVED HIM SINCE FOREVER?!
hes the reason i even love music?
gods i have even sneaked out a few times to attend the underground rap battles he takes part in
me, SNEAKING OUT, to see him
like hes so fuckn powerful on stage?
when he spits rap?
and damn that presence, the charisma
THE WAY HE SPEAKS ENGLISH
and now i figure out hes my dad?
LIKE WTF UNIVERSE
i am not crying, i am cutting onions
pls dont ask him for an autograph and ruin our cover
or do smth equally stupid
hes kim namjoon at home, not RM
but yeah, damn sing those praises cause my dad slays
what did i tell u
hes the best
HES THE BEST
i still cant get over it
hes gone to change from his work clothes and goddamit HES GOT DIMPLES?!
that badass rapper on stage and hes got adorable dimples and the brightest fckn smile and the warmest hugs
like he walked thru the door and my dumb ass still hasnt processed evrything and he dives in straight for a hug and i felt so safe?
where was i all this time
my whole life is a lie
well aint wrong there buddy
our whole lives were a lie lol
but ikr his hugs are amazing
u dont need to answer this if u dont want to
but why did he stop rapping
he hasnt been in the scene in ages?
rapping is his passion and hes damn good at it but he doesnt get paid much for it
and its not enough
for all of us to get by
especially considering i hve got to go to school and all
i mean if it was just dad and uncle hobi i think they would have managed
but with me in the equation
well - he just gave it all up
picking a stable job over it all
picking me over his music...
dont feel bad for it
hes ur dad
ofc he would pick u over everything else
this is gonna sound so stupid but i am so glad we both had amazing parents, who managed to take care of us so well all alone and made us feel so loved
like idk i was kinda sceptic to meet ur dad
cause i hve no idea y anyone would want to break up with my dad
especially seeing how he still obviously at least is fond of him
but now i feel happier
ur not being stupid kookie
i am happy too
ur dad seems like an awesome person tpo and i wish i just knew what happened along the way
and thanks :')
we may not have known of each other for 15 yrs
but i hve got ur back now
no matter what happens ull always have me
dont make me cry u cocnut head
i love u too and ill have ur back too
YOU HAVE A DOG??!!!
u have a dog and u didnt tell me?!
oh thats tannie
my baby ;_;
ah i miss him so much
wait I thougt i told u about tannie
u said tannie lives on ur bed and is soft and u hug him to sleep so i assumed he's, like
a pillow or sth
u never said tannie was a DOG
ur uncle just told me hes called yeontan and fuck yeah i approve
he looks so perpetually pissed and uwu
hes so cute!!!!
IFKR TANNIE IS PRECIOUS
wait do u wanna see a pic of him
all dressed up and all
gimme a sec ill dig it up
LOOK AT MY PRECIOUS BABY
y is he so cute?
this isnt good for my heart
yeontan started barking at me
and ur dad walked in
now hes looking at the two of us confused
what do i do tae!!
idk make something up!!!
tell him camp washed away ur scent or something
ur telling me ur father, the guy with an iq of 148, is gonna fall for that
well i dont see u offering solutions!!!
uncle hobi walked out fron the kitchen
took a look at the situation
and pulled ur dad back to his room claiming he was underdressed
dad's going out?
i think hes going to meet a friend?
he was saying smth abt meeting a fellow rapper
and hes all dressed up u say?
yeah, he looks so fckn hot btw
i think uncle hobi dragged him back in for makeup or smth
its just that dad never dresses up
let alone does makeup
and even tho he has frnds
he rarely sees them or even if he does he jist goes casually
now that u put it that way
yeah it looks suspicious
he looks dressed to get drunk tbh
he doesnt drink
hasnt in a very long time
tho if it really is that
i hope he has fun
he deserves it
also that reminds me
ur dad got so excited that i got my ear pierced lol
like i think for a sec there he actually cried?
ah... dads like that
i hve always been shy
and hes somehow blamed himself for it a lot
plus my lack of frnds
so everytime i do somwthing crazy hes proud lol
its really sweet tbh
and fuck he cooks so well?
i hve never tasted jjigae this good before in my life?
u should wait till he makes jjajangmyeon
ull be ruined for life
i think i am already ruined for life lol
i cant even get out of ur bed
its so soft?
and goes in so deep
ill have to find my way out later
u say that now
but its too fuckn big
and reminds me of how alone i am
i always end up sleeping in dads bed with him
oh i am sry kookie
but yeah, i cuddle a lot with dad too
and uncle hobi lol
we generally push together the beds in their room and sleep that way
that sounds so nice
and so warm
ah ur dad just left
he told us he would be back late
and not to wait up
u think hes going on a date?
why would u say that?
idk uncle hobi kept mentioning this other guy and i think he blushed?
well i dont think its anythung major otherwise he would have told me
that is, u
so i think everythings clear for now
but i still want to know the deets
my dads FINALLY going to have fun after so long
and i am not there to sneak out
and watch him with my own two eyes
um...i would do it
but i have a feeling ill end up getting lost
we wouldn't want that lol
wait, uncle hobi!
uncle hobi can be our eyes and ears!!!
ill create a grp chat for the 3 of us gimme a sec
Tae created chat Mission V
Tae added Uncle Hobi
Tae added Kook
it stands for victory
thats just so... lame
nobody asked you
Taehyung changed Kook's name to Coconut head
u realise ur insulting urself too rite
seeing as we look the same
i am the prettier coconut
how r u even my brother
i wonder that too
whats with the chat?
we want u to spy on dad's date and report back
our Joon's going on a date?
i am not sure i get you guys
well hes all dressed up right?
oh that XD
there's a rap battle tonight!
i managed to get him to go lol
theres no date
A RAP BATTLE
TAKE ME PLS
PLS PLS PLS
I WANNA SEE HIM PERFORM
Y DIDNT U TELL ME
ignore him lol
he idolises dad
but ah, well kookie said dad was dressed up so we assumed he was going on a date
dear lord, no
u think ur father would take time to date?
the zombie apocalypse is more likely than that lol
i am sad too boys
but theres nothing we can do than show him we love him :(
uncle hobi can u spy on him
and tell us if hes happy
and enjoying himself?
yeah uncle hobi
also take me along with u
ur dad will skin me alive if he catches u at such a sleazy place kook
u made kookie sad :(
take him with u
u kno dad wont notice u guys in the crowd
let him live a little
hes a shy smol bean
i detest being called that
seeing as i am taller than u
but ill let it pass... for now
pls uncle hobi!!!
ur the best <3
lets just hope we dont get caught
did the happiness kill kook?
hes clinging on to me like a koala lol
ah i knew he was secretly soft
that reminds me
How do we look?
shit u look so good?
my bro is so hot
r u tryna indirectly compliment urself?
y cant u take a goddamn compliment
damn Jin hyung still looks hot
he doesnt look like hes aged at all?
I guess financial stability does that to u
uncle hobi are u alright?
its just that i am so pissed that ur dad is a train wreck, so exhausted and barely alive and jin-hyung looks just like he was all those yrs ago
its not fair
yeah i get u
but i think u might hve hurt kook's feelings
hes kook's dad after all
and hes loved him
kook's not to blame uncle hobi
its just so hard
seeing my brother walk around like a shell of himself
dad will be alright uncle hobi
he's got us
I love you too TaeTae <3
that was uncalled for
i shldnt have said
its alright uncle hobi
ur allowed to be protective of ur brother
and i am sry for all these yrs too
idek y dad wouldnt reach out
in spite of knowing how things r here
and i hope by the time i have to leave things will be better
the two of you are just so cute ;_;
i might be pissed at Jin hyung
but he raised u well
i am so proud of u kiddo <3
thnx uncle hobi <3
ok sap time is over
back to business
r u at the venue?
you had to ruin the moment tae
joon's getting ready i believe
hes going against this guy called Agust D
LOOK AT HIM
CAN U BELIEVE HES MY DAD?????
but shit dad looks good
uncle hobi ur an angel
glad to be of service
kook is freaking out beside me
its so cute
but keep me updated
the rap battle's going well
fuck that Agust d guy sure can rap
not as well as dad, no
ur biased lol
but i would be too so i dont blame u ><
hows dad doing
WHAT INJUSTICE IS THIS
I DEMAND A RE BATTLE
HOW CAN THE CROWD DO THIS
CAN THEY NOT SEE WHOS THE SUPRIOR RAPPER HERE
INJUSTIE I SY
the crowd didnt pick
they both got cheered on equally loudly so the mc just gave up lol
he didnt want them to go on forever
damn the other rapper must be rly good then
yeah he is
no he wasnt
i didnt even understand wht he was saying
lol ur cute XD
whats dad doing?
hows he honestly
hes talking to the Agust d guy
and theyre... smiling?
fuck i can see his dimples
the other guy just bought him drinks
if i didnt know better i would say joon was blushing
he looks so happy?
and so alive
boy am i glad i pushed him to come out today
he looks like himself Tae
i am so glad too uncle hobi
so glad too
Updates every Sunday <3
wow i know u said ur school was big
but i didn’t expect it to be THIS big
anyway how’s ur first day at my school going?
like im honestly surprised!!!
i didnt expect this method acting excuse to work so well???
told u it would work!
its not that my friends are stupid
they’re just rly supportive of my acting endeavors
so they let me get away with a lot of stuff
yeah its amazing…
and its not even just ur friends
but everyone in general
even the teachers
like the math teacher in the first period asked me why i look so nervous
so i said im trying to perfect my role as a nervous new student at school
and she was like oh ok taehyung ur doing very well!!
even gave me tips!!
“u could suck on the inside of ur chin…
drum ur fingers on the table…
tap ur foot impatiently…
its all about the small details taehyung!!
u gotta show ur nervousnbess with ur whole body!!”
oh thats ms. kwon
shes the sweetest
but ya my classmates are generally very chill when it comes to this kind of stuff
theyre so nice…
it makes me kinda sad :((
bc im basically lying to them by pretending to be u
what if they find out the truth
they’ll eventually have to find out
wont they hate u then? :(((
nah its fine
u know how tiny my school is lol everyones known each other since we were kids
we’ve done a shitton of dishonest stuff together but its all for fun
i dressed up as a girl for 2 months to pretend to be minghao’s gf so that his stalker fans will leave him alone
i went ‘swimming’ with lucas every day for the whole summer except he went to a net café to play games and i actually went swimming
i brought his swim trunks with me and made sure its wet and smells like chlorine
his mom still has no idea
so its fine lol they wont mind a lil identity swap
are u sure??
i feel so bad……..
…wait u dressed up as a girl for 2 months???
its just after school since his fans are from another school
and i can be a very pretty girl ok
i have such nice eyelashes
but anyway, its fine, it rly is, don’t worry
i feel like im playing with their feelings :/
well they collectively pranked me once by telling me that lisa’s soul is connected with a dandelion in the schoolyard
and when all the seeds on the dandelion are blown away she dies
i spent a whole night in a thunderstorm crying and protecting the dandelion ok
almost got pneumonia
they were rly sorry and its not rly their fault, they cant predict the weather, but
if they could play with my feelings like that we can play with theirs too
omg how did u even believe that kind of thing
i was EIGHT
i wouldn’t have believed it if i were 6
anyway just trust me on this lol they wont be mad if they find out
they’ll prob think its hilarious
they’re great ppl lol
when the truth gets out i can finally introduce u to them as kookie, my baby brother
i bet theyd love to be ur friend
they do seem nice
the atmosphere in ur class is so chill
why isn’t mine like that :(
jimin is the only nice one in my class
i think its just bc ur school is huge so ppl aer less likely to know each other
while my whole school basically grew up together
SPEAKING OF JIMIN!!!!!
omg tae what did u do?????
i didn’t do anything lol why would u assume id do anything
becuz u spent the whole ytd night teasing me that ur gonna just go up t ojimin and tell him hes cute?????
lol im not that mean ok i know u wont like that so i didn’t do it
guess what happened today with park jimin!!!
(btw ur totally right its very easy to tell its him he’s very radiant and sooooo cute)
SO CUTE AAAAAAAA HIS CHEEKS
tae ur school is nice and stuff but i kinda miss seeing jimin :((((
my ray of light within those cold, cold school walls
i can take a pic of him for u
omg don’t do that
u will make me look like a stalker
i don’t mean take a pic secretly lol
i mean take a selfie with him
taking a selfie with jimin will involve talking to jimin
but u cant just
go up and talk to jimin
bc ur me
and im shy
i don’t do stuff like that
i didn’t have to
bc instead of me talking to jimin…
HE talked to ME today
so, it was in history class
hes sitting in front of me, right
and then he dropped his eraser
so i picked it up for him
lol clumsy jimin is so cute >/////<
he does that a lot u know
i always have to pick up his erasers
i don’t think he’s clumsy
or maybe he is, but that’s not the reason he drops his erasers
have u never considered
that the reason he drops his erasers so much is that
its an opportunity to interact with u
no way lol why would he wanna interact with me
idk bc ur cute?
omg adhaildgafjaklg im not cute
dude u look exactly like kim taehyung, the epitome of cute
therefore ur cute
but jimin would never notice me ok adfjakljhafh
he totally did
when i picked up the eraser i saw
he wrote words on it!!! with a pen
and it says!!!
“Jungkook, how was your summer? ( ◕ ᴗ ◕ ✿)”
OMG NO DON’T PLAY WITH MY FEELINGS LIKE THAT
im not playing with ur feelings omg do u rly think id make this kind of thing up
but why would jimin want to knowabout my summer??
who knows, might be ur sparkling inner beauty
but anyway he asked, and i answered
what did u answer omg
i hope u didn’t say anything uncool
i couldn’t talk lol since we were in class
i had to write my answer on the eraser and there was like no space left
so i thought to myself… hmmm im jungkook now! i have to act like jungkook!
what would emo boy jungkook answer in this kind of situation?
the answer came to me, like a bolt of lightning
emo boy Jungkook would say:
my summer was shitty
so i drew a shit emoji on the eraser and returned it to jimin
KIM TAEYHUNG IM GONNA END U
WHY WOULD U DO THAT
WHY WOULD U
hey it all worked out in the end
bc after class ended
jimin turned around and said
“oh, so u ate a lot of ice cream this summer? ^3^”
JIMIN THOUGHT U DREW AN ICE CREAM????
JIMIN THOUGHT SHIT = ICE CREAM????
WHY IS HE SO CUTE
AAAAA MY HEART CANNOT TAKE
ya so anyway
i said yeah, i did, it was very good ice cream
and jimin said
“i wanna get ice cream too lets go today after schoool~ ^3^”
so uh, need some recommndations on good ice cream shops near ur school
ur gonna get ice cream with jimin
did u manage to achieve what ive dreamed of doing for 2 yrs in the span of 1 history class
honestly u could’ve just asked and he’d prob go with u, he’s rly nice
can we lik swap back like right now
we’re 10 hrs away from each other by car
anyway ill send u the address of my fav ice cream shop
get the banana flavor it’s the best
ok ill tell jimin to get it
so it’d be like the 2 of u are sharing an ice cream and indirectly kissing
dude that’s not how indirect kissing works
dude that’s a lot of A’s ar u ok right there
i guess ur not ok
Jiminie ଘ(੭* ˊ ᵕ ˋ )੭*
i had fun today!
it was nice to go out for ice cream & boba once in a while
my parents are never home so it does get lonely after school :((
we can always hang out if u get lonely!
i had fun today too!
Jiminie ଘ(੭* ˊ ᵕ ˋ )੭*
ur surprisingly fun to talk to, u know?
i used to be a little scared of u, because u always wear headphones and never talk
i had to spend the whole summer hyping myself up before i had the guts to initiate conversation ><
haha i’m lame like that
omg no jiminie ur not lame
and don’t be scare of jungkook he’s a harmless marshmallow
Jiminie ଘ(੭* ˊ ᵕ ˋ )੭*
haha are u talking about urself in the 3 rd person now?
ahahahha it’s just a habit i developed from watching too much anime
u sound sad
why u sad?
i don’t know, nan molla :(
ok srsly, bts lyrics aside,
im actually kinda sad
omg no :(
because its all fake love
didn’t u just say “bts lyrics aside”
no im being serious ok
it rly is all fake love :(
i guess im the one worried about playing with ppl’s feelings now…
u mean jimin? :(
yeah he’s such a sweetie :(
he sounds so genuinely happy that he gets to talk to u
what if he finds out
bc he will eventually have to find out
this is entirely different from duping my friends
ugh we should have taken this into consiuderatuion when we were planning the switch
why didn’t we take this into consireatuion
bc we decided u would pretend to be shy like me and not talk to anyone in my school………….
but should’ve known ur just too outgoing for that
i rly tried i wore headphones and stuff but
but he approached me first
i bet the reason he chose to communicate with erasers
is bc u wear headphones all the time so u cant even hear him
he rly did approach me first i didn’t want to start trouble either im so sorry kook
oh im not blaming u
damn it kinda sounded like im blaming u
i know u cant control who approaches u first
i just assumed no one would bc no one ever talks to me??
omg i have no idea how to handle this either
i don’t want to lie to jimin either
hes my crush of 2 yrs
who would lie to their crush of 2yrs
unless they’re secretly spiderman or sth
spiderman? no im not
good, just checking
i feel so guilty
and he has my (ur) number now so i keep getting texts from him :(
its so hard pretending to be friendly all the while knowing im not who he thinks i am
what is he saying in his texts
just random stuff
right now we’re discussing anime
so its not like he’s pouring his heart out to me or anythuing but STILL
uh ok this is totally crazy but
u said u cant tell ur friends the truth bc everyone knows everyone in ur town
and ur afried ur friewnds parents will spill
but im pretty sure my dad doesn’t know jimin’s parents or anything
so its not like jimin is gonna spill
so uh maybe……..
if u don’t want to lie to jimin
and i don’t want to lie to jimin
when the timing is right
u tell him
he’ll prob hate us but at least we wont have to keep feeling guiltier and guiltier
actually this did cross my mind
several times today bc jimin is so easy to talk to, it rly makes me want to tell him all my deepest darkest secrets
he just has that kind of face
but i didn’t act on it bc i thought u wouldn’t want me to
bc that way he’ll know u have a crush on him right??
no? he doesn’t have to know?
u just tell him about the swap, not the crush
say ur pretending to be me
but ur a naturally friendly person and feel lonely in the new school
so when jimin tried to befriend u, u took the offer eagerly
u don’t have to mention that i told u about him AT ALL
hmm that’s true
so… i’ll just wait until the timing is right
then tell him
worst case scenario, he hates me, he hates u
that’s ok with me tbh
its not like im especially well-liked at school or anything
best case scenario, he thinks its funny
and wants to talk to u too
and we create a 3-person chat
and u can chat with park jimin ༼♥ل͜♥༽
omg what is that creepy kaomoji
that’s u with ur big nose and heart eyes for park jimin
omg i don’t have a big nose
u have a big nose
well id say our noses are roughly the same size since we’re identical
but i don’t have heart eyes for park jimin
well im glad u don’t bc otherwise thatd be awkward
id have to fight my own brother
and u will lose bc i do 240 pushups a day
ok ok u win
but im still the cooler out of us 2 bc i took a selfie with park jimin and u didn’t
stop rubbing it into my face :((
namjoon, I know we dont really know each other all that well apart from that other day at the rap battle and after (which was fun btw)
and I’m sorry for texting you at 3 in the night
but I’m kinda desparate now
and there's no else who I can ask
but do you know some place which my broke ass can occupy in a short period of time?
It was really fun hyung, it’s been such a long time since I have spoken to somebody who loves music like it’s their life
It was very refreshing
And you don't ever need to hesitate to ask me!
I think there's an apartment in the floor above mine that's empty?
I'll give you the owner's number and maybe you can find out?
[Namjoon attached a contact]
Also if you don't mind me asking, what happened?
youre a life saver Namjoon, I swear
thank you so much
and to answr your question
my landlady kicked me out
... it doesnt matter
Hyunggg tell me
are you drunk, Namjoon?
you didnt seem like the clingy type to me
Maybe a little?
how tf are you typing properly then?!
wow youre something else kim namjoon
that wasnt a compliment, dumbass
I thought you said you didnt drink?
I felt sad hyungie :(
do you want me to beat up someone for you
Hyung we don't know each other that well lol
And no, it's just me being myself
I let you call me hyung
that means you're part of the inner circle now
there's an inner circle?
I thought you were friendless and sad and lonely???
does this mean you'll give up your life for me?????? :D
that means I'll kill you quickly if you piss me off
instead of taking my time with torture
anyways whats got you sad enough to drink
bad break up?
you have an ex-husband?
You didn't know hyung?
We were the talk of the town when we broke up lol
But I guess it makes sense...it happened a long long time ago
why does thinking about him make you sad
and why are you even thinking about him
(also, I spoke to the owner of the apt and she's happy to give it to me
she says I can move in by next week)
thank you so so much
Hyung, he was amazing
He was perfect hyung
I dont wanna talk about him hyung
can we not talk about him?
can we talk about something else
I’m sorry hyung
hey its alright
we can talk about anything you want
Thank you hyung :)
and I’m so glad you got the apartment!!!
Though why were you kicked out?
do we have to talk abt that
Tell me whyyyyy
fine you brat
she saw me feeding the stray cats
by leaving food in her "prized garden"
and told me to get out that instant
but in my defense the cat was pregnant
I couldn't let her starve
I knew you were secretly soft!
shut up brat
and stop using emojis your scaring me
Wait she told you to leave IMMEDIATELY?
Where are you staying now then?
at this shady hotel
the bed creaks
and i swear that weird hole in my shirt must have been the rats
i dont think i have ever eaten shirts drunk
... but that could explain why there was cotton in my mouth today morning
Okay first thing tomorrow morning
You are coming over to my place
And you'll stay here till you get your apartment
i don't want to impose
you won't be imposing hyung!!!!!
its just me Hobi and TaeTae
I am dragging out the spare inflatable bed as we speak
Joon you're drunk
Joon what happened?
I’m calling you now
uh, there's no need for that squish-ssi?
jeez there's no need to be so defensive...
this is min yoongi and if you don't tell me why you're on namjoon's phone rn i promise I'll hunt you down and burn you
i am a pyromaniac don't try me
omg you're precious XD
no wonder joon likes you so much
tf are you high too
lol no yoongi-ssi
i am his brother hoseok
that big baby tried dragging out the inflatable bed on his own and stumbled into the couch lol
i just tucked him rn
Aish that idiot
is he fine??
he isn't hurt right
not even a scratch
okay that's good then
tell him I'll check up on him tomorrow
good night hoseok-ssi
you're welcome to move in tomorrow you know
i don't mind
and Tae will be happy as long as joon is happy
i hvent seen my brother this excited in ages
he really wants you here
I'll be there hoseok-ssi
no worries :)
do you need help bringing your stuff over?
because if so i can ask tae to help you tomorrow morning
its a sunday so he'll be at home
if that wont be too much of a bother...
ofc not!!! :D
see you tomorrow then!
good night :)
is it bestiality if you make out with a centuar?
its 4 in the night?
why r u even awake?!
oh is baby boy asleep?
is it already past your bedtime??
some ppl maintain normal sleep schedules?
but u havent answered my question
idk? ig it is
what if u fall in love with an anaconda thats actually a human but u dont know it when you kiss it
u wont even humour me
y arent u asleep
because i am awake
u can just admit ur homesick
i am too
its just that i feel so stupid
like the idea was all mine
and technically i shld hve been homesick yesterday
but i juat slwpt off
i get it
but i think thts coz we were tired ystday
nd tiday its sunk in?
its lright to feel sad :(
i am too
i miss dad
i miss dad too :(
the bed is too big
i cant sleep without hugging someone
and we cuddled everyday there
that makes sense
i used to stare at gds face till i fell asleep lol
i camt do that now
but at least Uncle Hobi was cuddling me so
his cuddles are awesome
hes as clingy as i am
i kno lol
i couldnt even turn around
r u texting wuth them sleeping beside u
Uncle Hobi got up a while ago once ur dad came home
i think he walked into smth again
...and i think he was drunk
my dad was drunk?
r u sure
and he sounds so sad
ill be back
hey where r u
its been over ten mins
i think he fell asleep now
Uncle Hobi tucked him in
hes gonna sleep with him
tae pls talk to me
i am sry
this was such a bad idea
y did we do this kook
dad needs me
i need to be there for him wtf
its gotta be super bad if he decided to get drunk
after all these yrs
do u want me to go check on him
i can do that
dont, he wont want me to see him like this
he'll be embarassed
and feel guilty
nd bad abt it
i m sry tae
u could maybe go cuddle with dad?
i go to his room when i cant sleep
he wont mind
r u sure
that wont be weird ?
y wld it be
hes ur dad too
damn when did u bevome the mature one between us tho
i alwys was shithead
i know you alwys were a shithead :D
also dw I'll hug him a lot tmrw for u
thank u kookie
now go sleep
gd night taetae <3
gd night guk!
Tae does ur dad hve frnds named Yoongi
TAE WAKE UP
i m not talking to u
hmm lets see
becoz i hve an appointment with the THERAPIST today aftrnoon???
wot did u do
pls dont tell me u drew a dick on the neighbours window or smth
why tf would i do that???!!!
well u hve done it before...
i m disowning u
ur ded to me
park jimin is my only bro now
low blow tae
but srsly wot happned
well i woke up
nd ur dad was taking a bath
so me being the prodigal,thoughtful, awesome son that i am
decided to make him brekfast
becoz i thot thats what all sons who love their dads do on sundays
except someone apparently doesnt
idek how to cook wtf tae
didnt i explicitly tell u that the most i can do is boil water?!
y wouldnt u be able to cook
EVERYONE knows how to cook
u dont need to kno when ur dads THE KIM SEOKJIN, food connoisseur and owner of one of the biggest restaurants in all of seoul
anyways so i did that
and he came out od the bath
nd screamed before dragging me bacl to the bed
checked my temp
tucked me in aggressively
and declared that camp had affected me badly
that i needed to talk to the therapist becoz he doesnt want somwthing to scar md for lyfe
like wtf bro
all i made him was some BREAKFAST GODDAMIT
y is he like this
one would think i killed his pet gliders
and loves me too muxh eeps
but hell be fine
just tell him u leaent how to cook in camp nd u wanted to show him u lovd him or smth like that
u think thatll work
i rly dont want to see thw therapist
we'll be inso much trble lol
dad ll mebe cry a bit
but hell buy it
y do u even have a regular therapist btw
and the tjerapist is not mine
can i ask y?
u dont need to tell me if u dont want to...
i...i think its becoz of the divorce
hes been seeing him for a long time
uncle jinki is practically family at tjis pnt
oh ... i m sry kook
ig ur dad had Uncle Hobi
but...my dad had no one rly
his family doesnt really care all thaf much for him
y did they even get a divorce kook
becoz i think they still like each other
i wish i knew
maybe we shld ask Uncle Hobi?
tht would be the best i think
this is tae?
are you telling me ur tae or are you asking me
i am tae
glad u figured that out
anywys u know the place right
its two blocks down the starbucks
dingy shady motel
b ther soon
I'll be waiting down with the stuff
i thnk i kno the place ur talking abt
I m not gonna ask you why you know
but seriously why do u type like an emo teenager
... becoz I am one?
the teenager part
I am fifteen?
are you sure?
you dont sound so sure
listen old man, r u telling me i am lying
i am older tjan you by more than two decades
show me some respect
u started it
i didnt sign up for this
so how are you related to joon
you his nephew ?
... his son?
y do you keep asking me stuff
honestky one would think you have amnesia
i am his son!!!
u didnt kno
he doesnt look like he has a son
much less a 15 y/o
... dude thats gross
hes my dad
pls dont tell me hes hot
or how you see him
one, dont call me dude again
unless you want to die
two, hes hot
and I think u know that as well as I do
DONT TELL ME THAT
ITS WEIRD WHEN U SAY IT
but damn i had no idea
first i hear hes got an ex-husband
now a kid
another kid whos living with his ex?
that wohld be ridiculous
anyways where are you
also dads never mentioned u before
do i even kno u
he wouldnt have
we kinda met only two days back?
at the rap battle?
ooh...youre a fan?
I wasnt when I stepped in
but by the time we stepped off the stage
HES AMAZING RIGHT
the rap stage
I am Agust D
the guy who went against ur dad
I KNO WHO AGUST D IS
UR RAP SUCKED
DAD WAS BETTER
Lame - D
woah woah woah
you insulting me is one thing
and you insulting my rap is another
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO WIN
I COULDNT EVEN UNDERSTAND WOT U WERE SAYING
LIKE WTF DOES 'MAN OR WOMAN ILL TAKE U TO HONG KONG’ MEAN
Lame - D
fetuses arent supposed to understand it
but wow ur really a baby
namjoons sheltered you huh
WOT DO U MEAN BY THAT
Lame - D
you don't know about 'expensive girl' do you?
STOP SPEAKING IN RIDDLES
Lame - D
I m not telling you lol
find out yourself
Updates every Sunday <3
Uncle Hobi WHATS 'EXPENSIVE GIRL'
jesus change my name tae
this is stupid
Taehyung changed 'coconut head' to 'angry nut'
dude that just sounds wrong
Uncle Hobi changed 'angry nut' to 'Jk'
and this is y ur my fav uncle
i am your only uncle
who told you about expensive girl haha
he said smth abt that
did he now haha
Why tf would you tell tae about expensive girl?!!!
Uh... Who's this?
Hoseok, you ass
He was being a huge brat, that's why
were u seriously fighting with a fifteen y/o
he started it!!!!
why am I surrounded by kids
ok now ur acting suspicious
whats the deal with expensive girl
nothing boys nothing!!!
goodness would u look at the time i have to go bye!!!
Uncle Hobi :))
Uncle Hobi :))))
i feel so attacked rn
i regret life
ull regret much more when dad learns u brought me to the rap battle :)
damn kook i am proud of u
thats my bro
thnx bro <3
Uncle Hobi :)
fine ill tell you
but I swear if joon gets to know I told you
I'll personally murder you shitheads
we'll be prepared uncle hobs!!!
so basically you kno how your dads got together right?
i mean we didnt even kno we had other dads?
okay so buxkle down boys
this is a long story
do u both know why ur dads sent u to that camp?
becoz the activities there r fun?
lol no its because they're both huge saps
pls dont tell me this is what i think it is
it is lol
thats where they met
when joon was 15 and jin hyung 17
theyre so dumb
and in love
i second that
anywyas so the first time they met each other
was in the battlefield
didnt u say they met in camp
Uncle Hobi WHAT R U SAYING
now i am scared
ur making it sound like some descendants of the sun shit
wait u watched that
it was amazing bro
i just love their love
...and all the angst
it wasnt lame?
i dont kno who u are anymore
heirs was so much better
kim woo bin <3
damn the acting
i cant deny that
but argh i cant believe u have such shitty taste otherwise
we’ll continue this later
for a sec there i was hoping you had forgotten
not a chamce
they saw each other in the paintball battlefield
joon was the last one standing our side (would u believe it lol)
and jin in theirs
now joon had a clear shot of him
we would have won that day
and i could have feasted on barbeque
jin turned around
stop being a drama queen and tell us
you guys are srsly the worst
yeah so jin turned and joon fell for his beauty right there
he just stood looking like a dumbass
while jin laughed and shot him down
we had to do dishes for a week :\
i can understand tbh
dad was alwys evil lol
and then joon met jin often
he would come arnd and sit while we did dishes
(he mostky did joons who r we kidding because my dumb brother kept breaking them all)
and by the end of camp they were inseparable
and joon was a goner for him
ah sweet young love
u canr even talk to ur goddamn crush
that topic isnt up for discussion rn
me and chim took a selca at the park yesterday btw
after we had ice cream
wait what did i miss
OUR KOOKIE HAS A CRUSH?!
WHOS THE LUCKY BOY?
ill do anything for u
the Kim Taehyung gossip express is already on the way
hes adorable right?
damn right he is
well our jungkookie has good taste
that I'll say
did i kill him Uncle Hobi XD
hes staring at the phone with tears in his eyes lol
i think hes breathing?
shit wish i could see that XD
ur a menace
but i taught you well
I am proud <3
u cant jst spring things likd that on me dnd exotsct me not to raact do u wnst me to sie
i have never seen so many typos in one single line before lol
dad would have a fit if he saw XD
HE LOOKS LOKE A GODDMAN ANGEL OKAY LET ME LOVE IN PEACE
i meant LIVE
we'll let u love lol
as well as live for now
becoz Namjin comes first now
my dad plus ur dads ship name
you mean NAMjoon and JIN hyung?
yeah Uncle Hobi!!! :)
anywyas go on
tell us abt expensive girl
ah i get it now
okay so expensive girl
expensive girl happened a yr later
somebody told joon that if he wanted to ask jin out
he migjt as well as rap for him or smth
and that jin loved english
like he liked hearing ppl speak it
nd so... expensive girl was born
thats aactually sweet?
y was yg being so shady then
you'll understand better only when you listen
forgive me joon
but it had to be done
Uncle Hobi attached an audio
idk what to say
wot did i just hear?
*grabs holy water*
*sprays aggresively over kook*
y r u pourinh it on me?!
becoz ur an innocent fetus
we’re the same age idiot
do i look like i care
anywys did dad srsly rap this in front of jin?!
... he uploaded it on the net with a msg for jin lol
i am frankly very very disappointed
but not surprised
y is he such a klutz
wot happed then
dad fell for it ig
hes always been a sucker for stuff likw this
and the rest is history
there are a lot of holes in that history u know
but if you want to know what happened exactly you'll have to ask one of them because i really can't help you there boys
thats alright Uncle Hobi
u told us a lot already
thank you <3
ur the best!!!
do you have receipts
of them being grossly in love?
pls tell me u do
gimme a sec
ah there they are
that was in camp
look at them
damn its been so long
they were ur age then
omg they look so good together?
dad looks whipped™
they were whipped for each other
look at this one
it was a yr after expensive girl happened lol
wtf is wrong with dads hair XD
he went thru a ... phase
these two are my favourite pics tho
they were practically married at this point
i can see why dad
would be heartbroken tbh
he clearly loved him
they loved each other
so so much
the way they look at each other
i hope u find someone like that somday
to be grossly in love with
yeah, i hope so too
like idk what happendd bewteen my dads
but i can see that they were happy at least as long as they were togther
i hope u get that too
nah i hve got u boys and joon
i am happy guys
we want u to be happier!!!
what did i do to get two nephews as adorable as you <3
love u two uncle hobi <3
lobe u <3
I FOUND OUT ABT EXPENSIVE GIRL
ALSO I M IN THE STREET U EVIL MAN
DAD JUST HAD A ... PHASE
THAT DOESNT DEFINE HIM
Lame - D
‘phase’ he says
also stop screeching goddamn
I'll get you lamb skewers on the way
i think i see u btw
nd u ask me if i am in my emo phase LMAO
i hve an excuse for dressing in black
I didnt expect joon's son to have so much snark
u didnt even expect a son
also can u see me
timberlands, baggy white shirt
wont blame u if u cant
must be hard to see under that snapback
and with that height
fucking disrespectful brat
Are you sure you're taehyung
jin hyung, is jungkook in my part of the city right now?
'your part of the city'?
become a thug recently Yoongs?
You didn't even make me your right hand man!
answer the damn question
Aish can't take a joke
But no, why?
He's at home in his room with his friend :')
I thought you said he didnt have friends
HE MADE A NEW ONE YOONGI YOU DONT KNOW HOW PROUD I AM
My shy baby boy finally going out and talking to people
And the kid is absolutely adorable, you should see his cheeks damn
he just needed time
Anyways why did you want to know?
I thought I saw somebody like him
just a trick of the light I guess
You're not going out anywhere today evening right?
Take an umbrella if you do
There's gonna be a storm
The weatherman didnt mention it?
You're awake before one
It'll pour :)
Why are you even awake btw?
got kicked out by the landlady
stay where you are
I'll send the chauffeur to pick you up
WHY DIDNT YOU TELL ME!
this is exactly why I didnt tell you
you've already done too much for me hyung
Its my responsibility as your hyung
Give me your address now
Hyung seriously, you dont need to
... I am staying over with a friend
BOTH MY BABIES HAVE GROWN UP :')
JESUS CHRIST I AM NOT YOUR BABY WTF HYUNG
Who is it????
Is he hot? ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
its not like that
"its not like that" ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
shut up, hyung
Give me a name
um... lets see
because the last time I told you I liked a girl, she bailed out on our second date because SOMEBODY told her I had a mommy kink
She already had a boyfriend!!!
the time before that, my boyfriend mysteriously managed to get a job out of seoul two days after we had gotten together
Listen, he was doing drugs by the side
I didnt want you to get caught!
the time before that...
my date saw me and pissed his pants
because apparently he had heard that I was a gangster
Okay I get it
But in my defense they were all terrible for you, okay
I just wanted to make sure you didn't have your heart broken yoongi-yah
but really, not everybody is going to be like your mysterious ex-husband
I'll be alright
and i swear this time, he's really nice
Then I am happy for you
And I promise I'll tell you about him...my ex.. one day
I'll always be here for you, hyung
<3 <3 <3
Tae we're in so much trouble OMG
yah, stop blowing up my phone with messages when I am with Jimin!
EXPLAIN URSELF GODDAMIT
WOT R U DOING
WHERE R U
in ur room ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
ur so easy to trigger
we’re just chilling
he came over coz he was bored
hold ur horses
ur dad nearly had a seizure when he showed up lmao
u better just be chilling
jesus is dad okay
nd theres no netflix involved I promise XD
anyways y were u panic texting me?
so basically I told u abt that rapper ur dad went against right
long short story he doesnt have a place to sty so hes staying with us for a week and it turns out I KNOW HIM
HES MY DADS BFF
like he worked with him once
ND then they became bffls
we r so screwed
Y DOES THIS HAPPEN TO US
ok, calm down
we can do this
does he know u well
i mean we might have met like a few times before?
thats cool then
just try NOT TO BE URSELF
and things shld be fine
u can do this!!!
just be extra af
and we’re set
... I'll try
keep me updated
i got a friend to entertain ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
Updates every Sunday <3
hey just a head’s up
your dad and I won’t be coming home for dinner tonight
you can handle dinner yourself right?
i can make cup ramen
what u guys up to
so I’ve decided your dad needs some fun
booked a nice day trip to the beach for him and Yoongi-hyung
and for myself of course, I’m here too so I can spy on them for ya
omg does this mean
dad and yoongi-ssi are actually gonna
be a thing???????
well I have high hopes
look how adorable they are
they look so happy!!!
I’m glad you’re supportive of this
like, i know we all kinda have hopes that Jin-hyung and Joon can still get back together but
don’t get me wrong but
that’s kinda unrealistic after so long
guess this is for the best right?
he looks rly happy
i hope its ok with u?
u don’t seem to like Yoongi-hyung much
why would i be not ok with it lol as long as dad is happy im good
and i don’t not like yoongi-ssi
im just not good with strangers ok
I keep forgetting this is a whole new life, whole new expereince for you
ofc you’re gonna be nervous
but don’t worry, you’ll be fine
Yoongi-hyung is actually rly nice
he seemed shy at first but he rly got Joon talking
they seem to be on the same wavelength
it’s rly nice watching them talk…
they’re both smiling so hard
Yoongi-hyung has a gummy smile, its rly cute
aren’t u gonna join them?
I’m just sitting here on the shore under an umbrella watching them have fun lol
haha u should go enjoy the water tho
if u paid for the water activities u gotta do them
lol didn’t pay much anyway i got a discount
oh u work in the tourist industry?
just realized i have no idea what u do for a living lol
take a guess~
this is random but
do u by any chance knw what uncle hobi does for a living
like all i know is that he disappears in the morning and is always there when i get home
i actually have no idea
he’s secretive like that ok
sometimes he’s there, sometimes he isn’t
he acts like an open book but he can actually be hard to read lol
i don’t think its that hard
rmb that rapper dude i told u about
my dad’s bff
who’s for some reason staying with us
i think uncle hobi lowkey has a crush on him
omg sudden plot development
how did u come to that conclusion
uncle hobi took him & dad to the beach and is now gazing at them from afar like a creep
and said that yoongi guy (my dad’s bff) has a cute gummy smile
who says that
who even notices stuff like that unless they’re smitten
i sure didt notice any gummy smile
and im supposed to be observant, i sketch
ok that does sound suspicious
do u think we can get them together
not gonna brag or anything but lisa and i are our schools best matchmaker duo
im good at this shit
bc just in case uve forgotten
ur dad (dad joon, not dad jin) and yoongi-ssi are like
on their way to becoming a thing
see how complicated that can get
dad jin’s bff… getting together with dad joon
while dad joon’s brother who lives in the same house is pining after dad jin’s bff
what kind of weird love triangle is that
ya see what i mean
not to mention that
their twin kids have swapped identities
making it even more complicated
and one of them has a crush on park jimin
WHAT DOES JIMINIE HAVE TO DO WITH ANYTHING OMG LEAVE HIM OUT OF THIS
but yea i get it
its not that easy
i guess we kinda oversimplified things in our mind
like we thought we could somehow bring our dads together again
but we forgot that its been a long time and theyre both ppl with feeligs
they cant just sit around waiting for each other forever
i guess fairy tales are too good to be tru huh
its all just wishful thinking on our part
maybe all this time
u and i are the only 2 ppl who even wanted them back together
maybe they themselves don’t even want to be together
like there had to be a reason they separated in the first place
are we just being selfish taetae
uncle hobi is being so supportive of dad joon getting in a new relationship
even if he himself has a crush on yoongi-ssi
as long as dad is happy uncle hobi is happy too
he’s selfless :(
we’re selfish :(
yeah maybe all this is just us being selfish
bc as much as i want our dads to find happiness
i selfishly want to live with both dads
and there’s no other way to do this unless they get back together
i just wanna
share a room with u and blast gd all night and play pranks on our dads
and u can tell me all about ur crush and i can matchmake for u
and u can help me practice my skits and buy me striped dart frogs
we can go to concerts together we’ll be so happy
haha yea we could like
make up for all those yrs where we didn’t get to properly be a good brother
dress up in identical clothes and confuse the teachers
…wait why is ur definition of a good brother someone who could buy u striped dart frogs
striped dart frogs are good
for feng sui
like tropical fish
just ask dad jin lol im sure he’ll be happy to get u some striped dart frogs
Taehyung (note to self please do not forget ur pretending to be kookie)
get some striped dart frogs
Kookoo what’s wrong with you
I ate frogs
Taehyung (note to self please do not forget ur pretending to be kookie)
omg frogs are friends u cant eat them
No omg I meant “I hate frogs”
Taehyung (note to self please do not forget ur pretending to be kookie)
frogs are nice
cute beady eyes, big big pouch thing under the chin
why do u hate them
Eh it’s nothing
Guess they kinda remind me of your other dad at times
But that’s a long time ago
Taehyung (note to self please do not forget ur pretending to be kookie)
my other dad looks like a frog?
He just likes frogs
He likes small things he can hold in his palm
But let’s not think about him now
Taehyung (note to self please do not forget ur pretending to be kookie)
im sorry dad i didn’t mean to bring this up
Don’t be sorry Kookoo
You couldn’t have known
Your dad’s just being pathetic ok?
Can’t get over someone even after so many years…
But that’s not something you should trouble yourself over
Just forget it
I have you, the sweetest loveliest son in the world
That’s enough for me
Taehyung (note to self please do not forget ur pretending to be kookie)
u can tell me about things
im all grown up now
im not baby kookoo anymore
let me take care of u too
Haha don’t worry about me
I’m 100% fine
It’s just that I still dream about him
It’s like the stars are telling me there’s hope yet
Haha don’t mind me, forget I said that
How’s school? Is Jiminie coming over to play on the weekend?
Taehyung (note to self please do not forget ur pretending to be kookie)
baby kookoo is an independent big boy now
u can count on him ok?
u can count on us
Taehyung (note to self please do not forget ur pretending to be kookie)
oh i mean me and jimin
u can count on jimin too
hes very reliable
hes the class treasurer
he knows 10,000 digits of pi
But really, Kookoo
There’s nothing to worry about
Now run along and have fun with Jiminie
Taehyung (note to self please do not forget ur pretending to be kookie)
Jiminie ଘ(੭* ˊ ᵕ ˋ )੭*
Jiminie ଘ(੭* ˊ ᵕ ˋ )੭*
i just thought
u seemed kinda off today
is everything ok?
im fine lol
everything’s just dandy
Jiminie ଘ(੭* ˊ ᵕ ˋ )੭*
are u sure?
i wont push u
but if u have anything troubling u
feel free to rant to me ok?
or maybe u can hang out at my place tonigt?
nthing cheers me up as much as beating someone in mario kart
ill let u win on purpose
ugh jiminie why are u so sweet
can i rly tell u everything?
Jiminie ଘ(੭* ˊ ᵕ ˋ )੭*
of course u can tell me everything
that’s what friends are for right? ^^
i guess its time
ull prob hate me after this
im rly sorry for letting this go on for so long
i just couldn’t find the right timing
its ok if u hate me
its ok if u nevber talk to me again
i totally understand
but don’t hate jungkook
its not his fault its all mine
its my idea
Jiminie ଘ(੭* ˊ ᵕ ˋ )੭*
aren’t u jungkook?
u might find it hard to believe but
yeah, im not Jungkook
Jiminie ଘ(੭* ˊ ᵕ ˋ )੭*
i can explain
after i explain feel free to block me all u want but pls let me explain first
Jiminie ଘ(੭* ˊ ᵕ ˋ )੭*
im not mad, just confused
actually suspected it all along lol
u seemed different to me
but i couldn’t figure out how a different person could look and sound exactly like Jungkook
so i convinced myself i was just imagining things
i thought i was being very convincing????
Jiminie ଘ(੭* ˊ ᵕ ˋ )੭*
lol the colors of ur souls are different
u see soul colors?!?!?!
Jiminie ଘ(੭* ˊ ᵕ ˋ )੭*
jungkook’s was red before the summer
and then after the summer u came back with a deep purple soul
i couldn’t help wondering what went down in the summer lol
that’s why i asked u how ur summer went
u see soul colors?!?!?!
Jiminie ଘ(੭* ˊ ᵕ ˋ )੭*
ya i already said i did
U SEE SOUL COLORS?!?!?!
Jiminie ଘ(੭* ˊ ᵕ ˋ )੭*
haha its not that big a deal, chill lol
it’s a huge deal
ur so cool
u can be on tv
Jiminie ଘ(੭* ˊ ᵕ ˋ )੭*
no thanks lol
and i cant see everyone’s soul just by looking
i have to like
try very hard
and u tried very hard on Jungkookie
Jiminie ଘ(੭* ˊ ᵕ ˋ )੭*
ya i was curious what his soul was like
wont u be curious what ur crush’s soul looks like too?
Jiminie ଘ(੭* ˊ ᵕ ˋ )੭*
pls don’t tell Jungkook i said that aaaaaaaaaaa
this is embarrassing
hahahahahahahhahahshah omg this is priceless
Jiminie ଘ(੭* ˊ ᵕ ˋ )੭*
pls don’t tell him :(((((
hahhahaha i wont
but i can help u win his heart
how about that?
i, jungkooks certified twin brother
will be ur wingman!!!!
Jiminie ଘ(੭* ˊ ᵕ ˋ )੭*
i hope one day u can be our bestman as well
goodness jiminie ur imagination doth run very fast
but anyway this is amazing and all is all right with the world
i’ll help u
Jiminie ଘ(੭* ˊ ᵕ ˋ )੭*
hehe thanks im glad i have ur blessing
now that i know ur his twin brother
should have figured
who else would look exactly like Jungkook right?
but u got a lot of explaining to do lol
how did u end up here and where did the real jungkook go?
omg sorry i was gonna explain
basically we didn’t know about each others existence
until we met at summer camp and we were like
“omg we identical”
so we decided to swap places for the heck of it
and also bc we wanna meet our respective other dad lol
its been pretty cool
i rly like my other dad
Jiminie ଘ(੭* ˊ ᵕ ˋ )੭*
yeah, he seemed pretty nice when i was over at ur place last week
he’s such a wonderful person
im glad we swapped so that i could meet him
but im also glad we swapped bc i met u
im so sorry jiminie for deceiving u all the way
pls know that even tho i was lying about being Jungkook
i never lied about anything else
i rly wanted to be friends with u
ur so great so cute the sweetest
Jiminie ଘ(੭* ˊ ᵕ ˋ )੭*
hey its ok don’t apologize
im not mad
u really aren’t mad???
u should be mad
i told u so many so many lies
Jiminie ଘ(੭* ˊ ᵕ ˋ )੭*
lol its ok
since i had been suspecting something was up all the way anyway
and i can tell u honestly have a kind heart and no malicious intent
i can see souls, remember?
our friendship still stands
i still want to be ur friend
im glad u guys swapped too
ur so easy to talk to, i bet it wouldn’t have been easy if it were Jungkook haha
he’s just a shy baby ok
Jiminie ଘ(੭* ˊ ᵕ ˋ )੭*
i know >w<
that’s one of the reasons i like him so much
he’s so cute ahhhhhh >w<
cute shy baby
those cute cute bunny eyes
he said u have crescent moon eyes lol
Jiminie ଘ(੭* ˊ ᵕ ˋ )੭*
omg he talked about me to u????
of course lol
to swap places effectively we have to tell each other about our classmates haha
Jiminie ଘ(੭* ˊ ᵕ ˋ )੭*
awwww he thinks i have crescent moon eyes
such a cutie
omg im so far gone for him
i need a name
whats ur real name? i feel weird talking to jungkook about jungkook
Jiminie ଘ(੭* ˊ ᵕ ˋ )੭*
that’s a nice name
“omg taetae im so far gone for him”
ok this sounds better
somehow gushing about ur crush just doesn’t sound as good without tacking the name of ur best friend somewhere in the sentence
taetae what do i do why is ur twin so cute
omg im ur best friend now??
even tho i lied to u all this time???
im so honored
Jiminie ଘ(੭* ˊ ᵕ ˋ )੭*
yes in case u haven’t noticed ppl in our school don’t exactly go around making friends its all about #studying
ur the first person whose home ive ever hanged out at
ur automatically my best friend taetae
well u know what
ur about to gain another new friend!!!
no worries i wont breathe a word to him about what u just spilled to me
Taetae has created chat [VMINKOOK]
Taetae has added Jiminie to the chat
Taetae has added Kookie to the chat
its ok kook
jiminie already knows
omg tae u promised to not tell jimin about my crush on him??????
lol i didn’t tell him
i meant ‘jiminie already knows about the identity swap’
i didn’t mean ‘jiminie already knows about ur crush on him’
but guess u let the cat out of the bag urself
omg this is so embarrassing im gonna jump off a cliff
Jiminie ଘ(੭* ˊ ᵕ ˋ )੭*
WHY IS HE SO CUTE TAETAE
URGH MY HEART CANT TAKE THIS
and he actually LIKES ME BACK??!
wait does he seriously like me?
hes not... cute
suddenly i am scared
smth tells me HE’S gonna be spoutung the same bullshit to me soon
and jesus pls dont start with the insecure oblivious pining
kill me Tae
jimins gonna hate me from now on
i hve no purpose to live
also tell dad tht i was the one who used to finish his choxolate stash nd tht it wasnt the sugar gliders
get namjin together, brother mine
i ask no more oft thee
can u believe u both texted me at the same time
y am i surrounded by whipped bois
Jiminie ଘ(੭* ˊ ᵕ ˋ )੭*
hes JUNGKOOK taetae
u dont get it
hes THE JUNGKOOK
y would he hve a crush on me
i cant believe this is happening
how tf even
u dont get it tae
hes an angel
and i am but a mere mortal
and unworthy lowly mortal
how can i dreamst of such things
heres what the two of u r gonna do
STOP TEXTING ME AND DIRECTKY TEXT EACH OTHER UR LOVEY DOVEY SHIT AND INSECURITIES
I AM NOT GONNA WAIT FIVE CHAPTERS FOR THE 2 OF U TO GET TOGETHER
NAMJIN IS THE PRIORITY U SHITHEADS
U R JUST THE SIDE PAIRING GET IT?!
now i get y the pining couple in all chatfics generly have different frnds
this is exhausting jeez
i am gonna leave now
get ur shit sorted before i come back
TaeTae left the chat
wow i didnt actually expect him to leave the chat
god drama students
always so fkn dramatic
so do u really... like me?
i mean i totally get it if u guys were messing with me haha
i totally cant be ur type
OF COURSE NOT
nice joke then ...guys
wow will u look at the time i gotta blast
i didnt mean of course not for that
i meant ofc its not a joke
and thats its real
u like me?
like like me?
i like like u
even if i dont know what like like is
and its ok if u dont feel that way
i hope i havrnt made things awkward because if so -
i like you too
i can stop - WHAT
i like like you too Kookie ≧∇≦
i hve liked u ever since the first day u helped me pick up my books after some random asshole shoved me down
... u remember tjat?
ofc! and u looked all so adorable when u were glaring at him
and then u strted blushing while asking me if i was okay
so cute (♥ω♥ ) ~♪
omg im blushing rn too
i thought u wouldnt remember me
but i hve liked u from then too
i mean we havent even properly spoken to each other lol
i mean, thats true
but we’re gonna end up together in the end anywys
the readers know it
the fandom knows it
the world knows it
ill be the best boyfriend ever jimin
i promise <3
ur so cute uwu
...only for u
i wont tell tae dw hehe
and btw shld we like add him back lol
well i spose we gotta
i mean he did get us together
besides we can like private msg each other?
ofc idiot XD
ok imma add him back
Jiminie changed chat name from VMINKOOK to JiKook + Tae
Jiminie added TaeTae to JiKook + Tae
hvr i ever told u how much i love u park jimin
u just did bby
but i dont mind hearing it again
jesus jimin dont spring things like that on me!
my hearts already too weak
u like it when i call u that, baby?
u wnna play that way?
u gonna be a bad boy?
OK THATS ENOUGH
I AM IN THE CHAT U FUCKERS
i leave the chat to get u to confess and i come bavk to THIS?
also park jimin, u sly fucker, dont think i didnt notice the chat name change
i am gonna let it slide cause i am the captain of S.S.JiKook
and the captains so happy for u 2 rn :')
i love u bro
i love u too bro <3
I LOVE U THREE TAETAE (´∀｀)♡
[Hoseok’s Internet Browser History]
10:52 p.m. how cold is too cold – Google Search
10:52 p.m. how cold is it too cold to sleep in an inflatable bed – Google Search
10:52 p.m. inflatable bed how warm – Google Search
10:53 p.m. Hoseok’s Nighttime Playlist – YouTube
10:53 p.m. Agust D ‘give it to me’ HD Lyrics – YouTube
10:53 p.m. Seoul Weather – AccuWeather Forecast for Seoul Korea
10:54 p.m. (*) Twitter
10:55 p.m. is inflatable bed healthy – Google Search
10:55 p.m. is inflatable bed bad for your back – Google Search
10:56 p.m. Black Panther Soundtrack – Black Panther OST – YouTube
10:56 p.m. Do You Have A Crush or Is It Just Indigestion – Buzzfeed.com
10:58 p.m. Decorate A House And We’ll Accurately Predict Your Love Life This Year – Buzzfeed.com
11:00 p.m. 17 Facts That Prove Dogs Are Better Than People – Buzzfeed.com
random but just wondering
yoongi-hyung is staying with us until the place above ours is freed up and he can take it right
hasn’t it already been 1 week
shouldn’t it be free now
when is yoongi-hyung gonna move up there
Haven’t asked him about the exact details
But why’re you asking?
You don’t want him staying here?
I thought you were ok with it?
You guys seem to be getting along just fine?
oh i don’t mind him staying here lol just wondering
If it really makes you uncomfortable it’s ok to tell me
You know that right?
I totally understand
No matter how nice the person is, it’s always a bit of a hassle to have one more person under your roof
Sorry I wasn’t thinking properly when I invited him here
I was a drunk mess
goodness namjoon no
that wasn’t what i meant
i’m FINE with him staying here
just thinking he should move to a proper bed soon, that’s all
You sure that’s all?
I know you can be a bit strict about keeping the place exactly as you like it
And an extra person does mess things up
I’m rly sorry :((
I was just feeling lonely that night I guess
Yoongi-hyung felt like someone I could rly talk to
So my drunk ass just unconsciously reached out
I should’ve asked you first
This is your place as much as mine
nooooooooo Namjoon wtf
how many times do i have to say i don’t mind for you to believe me???
I was just ASKING
you know I just like knowing everyone’s schedules
you know I mark everything on the calendar
including the start and end dates of your diarrhea symptoms
I didn’t mean i want yoongi-hyung gone ok???
just asking that’s all
You sure you’re not mad at me???
i’m not mad omg
why are you so hard to convince
I just wanna know so I could like
figure out when its safe to start walking around the house naked again and stuff
But you never walk around naked
That’s Taetae’s thing
He doesn’t seem to be doing it anymore?
Have you noticed?
Why is he not walking around naked anymore
idk either but does that bother you?
I think he stopped doing it after coming home from camp?
Did something happen at camp
Did someone hurt his self-esteem
Goodness I already told him so many times that its ok to have a soft tummy and he should be proud of it and flaunt it
Oh god what if he got bullied at camp for not having abs
you rly worry too much Joon
im pretty sure nothing of the sort happened
everything’s fine stop worrying ok?
and if you’re feeling like shit pls come to me instead of inviting random ppl home
we got lucky with yoongi-hyung, he hasn’t robbed us yet
So you DO mind him living here
asdgfhsfklagf i don’t!!!
you know I’ll always support you right?
yoongi-hyung is a good guy, i don’t mind him here
and if you guys do become a thing in the future im 1000% supportive
pls don’t think that i’ll have anything against it because i don’t
The thing is
In the beginning I did think that maybe… someday in the future
Maybe Yoongi-hyung and I could… well you know
I don’t know
Yoongi-hyung is an amazing guy
But I kinda don’t know myself these days
Maybe I’m just projecting my loneliness onto him and thinking we might be good together
But maybe it’s all my imagination and I don’t even like him that way?
Idk this definitely feels a lot different from when I first met Jin
dude of course its gonna be different, they’re different ppl
love doesn’t always have to come in the same form ya know
you’ll figure it out in the end!
hyung is always here for you
now stop thinking so loudly
and go sleep
Good night hyung
night night baby brother
namjoon just came over and asked me when im moving out
said you were asking
shit i told him to go to bed :/
i had nothing against you staying here, i swear
i was just wondering
bc apparently the apartment’s got some issues that need fixing
will take a bit longer than anticipated
so ur not getting rid of me anytime soon
but hey, if you’re rly not ok with me staying i COULD go to a motel
i don’t want to impose, im already intruding enough as it is
no omg of course I’m totally ok with you staying!!!!
I was just worried
cause its getting chilly at night
I’m not sure how comfy it is sleeping outside on the ground
i have a bed, hobi
an inflatable bed isnt a proper bed
besides, ppl could trip over you if they’re not careful
yeah, didn’t you do that like 2 nights ago
I didn’t TRIP i just spilled grape juice all over you
which was even worse lol
but hey we got the stains out so its fine
yep our detergent is the best
so anw just to make sure
we’re cool, right?
you don’t have anything against me staying here?
why is everyone so hard to convince tonight
we’re cool, and I don’t have anything against you staying here
or else I’d be sad
thought we were getting along quite well
saw a nice movie together
went shopping at the flea market
walked the dog together every day
i’d be sad if all that was fake and you actually want me gone :/
omg i wasn’t faking friendliness, don’t worry
i rly enjoyed hanging out with you
I kinda knew you brought me to all those places bc they’re close to namjoon’s company and we could pick him up together after he’s done with work
so you’re just making sure your brother wouldn’t die slaving over excel files and would actually come out and breathe
but thanks for bringing me along anyway
i don’t go out of the house much on my own accord ya know
sad freelance life
hey don’t say it like you’re an afterthought lol
like, namjoonie always comes first for me of course
but i rly enjoy hanging out with you!
i enjoy hanging out with you too
you’re bright and hilarious lol
very fun to talk to, never a dull moment with you
so i’m glad you don’t want me gone or anything
since i think you’re a great person
well, i think you’re
don’t leave me hanging
[Hoseok’s Internet Browser History]
11:13 p.m. Amazing Synonyms | Thesaurus.com
11:13 p.m. Exquisite Synonyms | Thesaurus.com
11:14 p.m. 7 Ways to tell Someone They Are Beautiful | Grammarly.com
11:15 p.m. How to Tell Someone They Are Beautiful: 9 Steps (with Pictures) | WikiHow
11:16 p.m. what do you do when you like someone but they may or may not get together with your brother – Google Search
11:17 p.m. Inbox (1) - firstname.lastname@example.org – Mail
11:17 p.m. omg hoseok look at my collection of sand cat pics – email@example.com – Mail
11:18 p.m. sand cat – Google Search
11:18 p.m. sand cat – Google Image Search
11:20 p.m. how do I adopt a sand cat – Google Search
11:21 p.m. sand cat adopt – Google Search
11:21 p.m. Can sand cats be domesticated? – Quora
um just wondering if sth happened to dad
cos he just walked in and said
‘taetae its ok if u have a soft baby belly dad still loves u’
I am confusion
damn i told him to go sleep why doesn’t he obey his hyung
whats funny is that i in fact don’t have a baby belly lol
i have abs that i trained hard for
im very proud of them
lol ok ok kook stop rubbing it in the faces of us poor ordinary people
yeah we all know
you have abs
you’re the hottest
sorry dropped my phone on my face
as i was sayin
hottest of the hot
well that was unexpected
but hey i’d be lying if i say i don’t find you pretty hot as well
OMG SORRY WRONG PERSON
NO WAIT I MEAN
disregard my previous comment then lol haha
[Hoseok’s Internet Browser History]
11:23 p.m. i want to jump off a cliff – Google Search
11:23 p.m. where are some cliffs i can jump off – Google Search
11:24 p.m. World's most thrilling cliff diving spots - USA Today
11:25 p.m. 20 Amazing Cliffs around the World | CNN Travel - CNN.com
I BRING GOOD NEWS!!!!!
actually i kinda have news too but u go first
jiminie just called
said his parents are going on this trip to the maldives for work stuff on the long weekend
cool af expensive resort
they’ll feel bad about leaving him at home but at the same time
they don’t want him hanging out with them bc it ruins their couple time
:(( why are they like this
why don’t they give jiminie the companionship he deserves
some ppl just suck
anyway, good news is
they decided to just fly him to the Maldives as well
but to another island, another resort
and they ofc don’t want him just hanging out on the beach alone lol
so they told him he could ‘invite friends, if he has any’
why they so rude to their own son
again, some ppl just suck
anyway he told me to ask u bc he’s too shy to?
his parents would happily book a ticket for ya
u can tell dad joon jiminie is a rich friend u met at camp
omg im not sure he’d allow it??
u can say jiminie’s parents will be present the whole time
they’re cool respectable lawyers
so he’d think ur in good hands
let me just
breathe for a while omg
this is a lot to take in
just me? and u? and jiminie?
at a resort in the maldives?????
what kind of dream is this
actually take out the ‘and u’ lol
just u and jiminie
im not gonna go and be third wheel lol
no way, u gotta come
i need u for emotional support
and id feel shitty if i get to enjoy the resort but u dont
well that can prob be arranged
jiminie’s parents never said he could bring only 1 friend
when u guys are doing lovey dovey stuff ill just go snorkeling~
omg i just
im so happy ><
im happy for u too bb
but whats the news u were gonna tell me
i was gonna go to the kitchen to get water but
i saw yoongi
u know, dad jin’s best friend, dad joon’s potential new bf, uncle hobi’s crush
agust d, the guy who’s sleeping on our living room floor
he was sitting on his inflatable mattress
with uncle hobi
and they were holding hands and like
talking in a very intimate way
like they do seem to have become increasingly close these days
cooking dinner together every day and stuff
and since yoongi-ssi freelances and who knows what uncle hobi does
when im at school and dad joon’s at work the 2 of them prob hang out together all the time?
so i guess this is a logical development but
what does this mean for us
what does this mean for dad joon
does he know
i don’t think he’s seen but tbh i cant be sure
im also not sure if he even likes yoongi-ssi in that way but again, tbh i cant be sure
keep an eye on him for me, yeah?
of course i will
[Excerpt from Namjoon's Journal]
Updates every Sunday <3
hyung, sry to bother you
but is joonie with you by any chance?
he didnt mention anything about coming over either
what happened hoseok
its nothing hyung
joon hasnt come home yet
and i guess i am being too much of a mother hen hehe
cant stop worrying abt him
did u try calling his phone?
hes not picking up his phone
and yeah i did hyung
they said he left close to two hours ago ><
ig he probably went somewhere and forgot to tell us
its fine hyung!
sry to bother u ><
give me ten
ill be home and we can search for him together
hes probably in the library or smth
well if he is then ill help u drag his ass back home
i am not gonna let u wander the streets alone at 11pm
and we both know u hate driving at night
i wasnt going to search for him!
i am sorry :(
but i cant help but worry abt him
hes been so out of it lately
we'll find him hobi
we'll find him
Tae, I have got a question for you
Hobi likes Yoongi, right?
As more than a friend?
Its fine kiddo
You can tell me
I won't get mad
I just need to make sure
umm... i think so?
You're too sweet to me
But both Hobi and you seem to forget that I am not fragile
And that I can handle it if sometimes things don't work my way
dad, ur scaring me
where are u?
r u still at work?
I am fine TaeTae
But seriously, did you know that your uncle Hobi used to be a fuckboy back in college?
Like he was the literal fanfic definition of a fuckboy
And even after uni he used to party a lot with his work colleagues
But he stopped all of that the moment I got divorced
dad...its not ur fault
uncle hobi chose this life
he chose u
He had just received the position of the dance choreographer at one of the topmost companies that morning
It was his dream
It was such a rare opportunity
By the time I found the letter in shreds in the dustbin a week later, he had already sent them an emailing declining it
He's given up so much for me TaeTae
And all I have done is take
from Jin hyung...
I want to repay him for once
Staying away from Yoongi hyung is the least I can do
Besides, it wouldn't really be fair on him either
Seeing as I haven't really gotten over Jin hyung
dad none of this is ur fault
i am serious
u have given back so much
what do u mean u have only taken
u gave up so much too
to keep tae happy
to keep uncle hobi happy
and dad ur allowed to be selfish
u deserve to be happy too
I am so proud of you TaeTae <3
I love you
And I am sorry for telling you all that
Making you shoulder my burdens
But thank you
dad u know u can always talk to me right
i am here for u dad
let me take care of u for once
for everythinv u have done for me
I know kiddo
Now go sleep
I'll be home soon <3
come back soon dad
and I love you <3
did your dad text you
no I meant Joonie
has he texted you
or did he tell you anything abt going anywhere
y uncle hobi
its just that
hes missing kook
Ik I am not behaving rationally
and that hes probably alright
but I cant help but feel somethings wrong
he texted me a while back
and he sounded rly sad uncle hobi
said a lot of things
and then he told me he was fine and told me to go to sleep
me and yoongi hyung are searching for him
and so far, he wasnt at any of his usual haunts
we shld tell tae
plus its nearing midnight
I dont want to wake him up
hes our best bet at finding dad now
he probs knows
we need to tell him uncle hobi
i dont like it but
I'll ask him
the group chat
do you know where joon goes if hes sad?
he generally comes home if hes sad?
what happened uncle hobi
y r u asking me yhis at 2 in the night
dad hasnt yet come home tae
and his phone is ded
we dont kno where he is and uncle hobi and yg are searching for him
WHAT DO U MEAN BY DADS MISSING
HOW CAN YOU LOSE AN ENTIRE PERSON?
Im sorry Tae
I really am
we're trying our best but we're running out of places and I was kinda hoping u would know
the han river
have u checked there
he'll be there
don't text me until you find him.
I told Yoongi
we'll be there in five
I'll keep u updated boys
and I'm sorry
for what its worth
i m sry
and ik ur prolly wondering y he would do smth like this
he knows abt uncle hobis crush on yg
and he thinks yg likes him back
he texted me at 11.15?
i swear i didnt kno he wasnt at work then
i thought he had a late shift
so he asked me abt it and i told him i wasnt sure
and he was saying a lot of things
but mostly feeling bad abt himself
and that he was a burden kinda
tae say smth
i told him he wasnt
i tried my best to reassure him
and i am sry
because had u been here none of this would have happened
and u have every right to be pissed at me
im not pissed...
its just... im scared kook
dad almost never goes to the han river
Or i should say he hasnt gone there alone in a long time
theres a song he wrote a few yrs back on one of his walks there
u'll know y i am so worried abt him going back there if u listen to it
he was in a terrible place back then
and hes slowly going back there
and im not there to pull him out of the spiral
im scared for him kook
i am too tae
but he'll be fine tae
i promise ill do my best from now
if u want
we could switch back
get uncle hobi to do it without our dads knowing
im sure jimin will help u
maybe we shuld
tae we found your dad
he was sitting by the river
said he had wanted some time alone
but yeah just thought i would tell u
we'll be home soon kid
hes fine right?
is he sad?
yeah he is
dont worry kid
they found him
uncle yg just texted me
he was there
apparently he wanted some time alone
hug him extra tight for me will u
and kook can u promise me u'll keep an eye on him for now
idek how hes holding up with finding this out
tae u dont even need to ask me
the moment he walks into that door im gonna become a koala
im not gonna let go of him again
and ik theres no point asking u not to worry becoz ik u will
but pls try to get some sleep
i swear ill try to do better
make sure he smiles more
thank you kook
thats...thats all i ask of u
and let me know if smth happens, yeah?
love u tae <3
love u too kookie <3
is that you out in the balcony?
ah hyung did I wake you up?
I am sorry ><
are Namjoon and Tae asleep?
Tae latched onto joon the moment he walked in and doesnt look like he'll let go any moment :)
ur allowed to be mad you know?
there's nothing wrong with that
Namjoon acted recklessly and ur allowed to be angry at him
but how can I hyung?
its obvious hes hurting so much
how can I be angry with him when all he wanted was to be alone
hes a grown man hyung
and Im not his keeper
he doesnt need to tell me where hes going or what hes doing all the time
ur his brother, hoseok
and just as you do everything you do because you love him
hes obliged to do the same
oh but hes not obliged to hyung...
but im not mad
It just hurts that he's not even telling me what's wrong
he's never closed himself off like this before and its killing me
its killing me that i cant help him
I think you being there for him is helping him enough
and he's got to have a reason for not telling you
got to have valid reasons that probably involve not worrying you or hurting you
he's Namjoon, hobi
he's the guy who has the most rational head upon his shoulders
just trust that if things become more than he thinks he can handle, he'll come to you
and till then, just wait for him
u say so, hyung?
its not because he finds me too overbearing or that he suddenly... doesnt like me anymore?
jesus hobi where did you even get such a ridiculous idea from
namjoon LOVES you
he would do anything for you
he was miserable when he saw how bad you looked when we found him
and how he hurt you
and he pulled me aside while you were changing to thank me for coming with you
that he hadnt meant to do it and that he would talk to you abt it tomorrow
but that he seriously needed some time to get away from the thoughts in his head and that hes fine now
he looked genuinely apologetic and sad for making you worry
he loves you hobi
so much so that i actually envy the bond the two of you have
thank you yoongi hyung
i never got to tell you
for everything - for coming with me, for reassuring me, for just being here
aish, shut up
the two of you have done so much for me
its the least i could do...
now go sleep
i dont really feel like it now hyung
Its hard to sleep now without cuddling joon and tae ><
and its almost dawn so I'll just get about with preparing breakfast
stop acting like an idiot
the inflatable bed is big enough for two
get your worrying ass over here
I'll spoon you
OMG ur so softt
really? you dont mind?
I wouldn't have offered if I did
now get over here and let me sleep
okay hyungggg ≧∇≦
one last thing
just wanna make sure
who was the guy in the photo Namjoon was holding in his hand when we found him?
oh, that's Jin hyung
we’re good, right?
welp this is awkward sorry just pretend i didn’t sent this message
um wait what?
ofc we’re good
why are u apologizing? :(((
um it was just
i asked taetae to invite u to come to the maldives with me
and after that i got no message from either him or u
so i guess u prob think im taking this too fast??
i didn’t mean to im so sorry
i didn’t mean like we have to go as exclusive bfs if u don’t want to
like if u want to its ok too but
i didn’t mean to push u
omg no no no jimin no
ur not pushing me and im EXCITED to go with u
(if i could get my dad to agree lol)
i guess i just kinda assumed tae told u i said yes
and tae prob assumed i told u yes
theres been a lot going on so we’re preoccupied
im so sorry jiminie yes i want to go with u :(((
thank u so much for inviting me
it would be so amazing!!!!!
is this a bad time?
whats going on?
are u guys ok?
um we’re fine
our dad is sad
*both our dads are sad
and we’re worried
come here and let me hug u
wish i could
u know what would cheer everyone up
we bring EVERYONE on a trip to the maldives
we cant do that!
if this dad and that dad see both me and tae at the same time
we’d be EXPOSED
no but what if u pretend it’s a coincidence?
we can rope ur uncle in
he could say he won a trip or sth and bring ur dad along
meanwhile taetae tells other dad, the one who knows me
‘jiminie’s family is inviting u and me on a trip’
neither of u know each other
neither of u have ever seen each other before
and u run into each other at an island resort!!!!
how about that?
um this dad and that dad will have to meet under the circumstances…
and im not sure that would be a happy meeting
it might make them even sadder
but this is a good idea jiminie
it might all work out in the end if we execute it nicely
let me sleep on it a bit
discuss with taetae and uncle hobi
thank u so much for helping us
hey no problem! ^3^
but srsly jiminie
this still seems so unreal to me haha
i don’t mean just the maldives part only
the fact that im actually… talking to u…
is this all a dream?
lol kookie ur so cute
this is not a dream
ur talking to me
and i like u
u can know for sure that i don’t only love u for ur good looks but also ur personality
bc if i only like u bc u look good, i’d have fallen for taetae as well, right?
but i didn’t
omg what did i do to deserve u jiminie
i don’t even know whats so good about my personality
im not even friendly like tae im shy and emo
u might be shy but ur so kind!
that time u rescued that poor injured sparrow?
that time u gave a homeless man all the chocolate u have?
and u always buy charity cookies from those special needs kids who sell them???
how did u notice all those things ><
u may be quiet but ur soul is loud haha
its always like ‘look at me, look at me’
ur great kookie don’t be so down on urself
ok haha ><
don’t get me wrong tho im not saying i don’t like taetae’s personality
he’s my soulmate and bff but he’s not YOU, u get me
still, if someone ever dares hurt him i’d place poisoned icecubes in their soda
that’s a very specific method of murder
i don’t think u need to do murder right now
but hug him a lot for me
he’s been with this dad a lot longer than me, he might be affected more
Good morning hyung
I’m sorry about last night...
hey! my favorite bro
how you feeling today?
let’s go somewhere nice and chat
But work’s waiting
i called ur boss already, said u cant go to work bc there’s this ginormous spider outside the door
and no one can leave the house bc we all have acute arachnophobia
so u have a day off now
Is that even a valid excuse?
it is to ur boss
she was very sympathetic
so… let’s go to an otter café?
watch those lil otters swim around holding hands
touch those slippery bodies
sounds like a good way to spend the day
just u and me
Just u and me huh
Yoongi-hyung isn’t coming?
how long has it been since we last spent some quality brother bonding time?
yoongi-hyung can survive one day on his own lol
besides he has work
He always does lol
it’s just that translators can work everywhere
so it always looks like he’s just playing on his ipad when he’s actually working
yea but today he’s got an interpretation gig
gotta be there in person
Oh interpretation huh
It’s always kinda funny to me how badass rapper Agust D can in fact dress up in suits and interpret at formal occasions
well badass rapper RM works as an accountant during the day
sounds even more far-fetched to me
Gotta get the bills paid ya know
that’s a thing unfortunately
yoongi-hyung says he’s got this interpretation gig for some old clients
on the long weekend
so he’s gotta fly to the maldives or something
also his clients are rich af so they told him he could bring family or friends
we’re his friends right?
what do you say?
island resort, long weekend, kiss stingrays and chill?
That sounds amazing but…
We can’t leave Taetae alone at home
oh he’s coming too obviously
he’s prob not old enough to be a friend of yoongi-hyung’s but he can pretend to be his family
Hyung’s clients might be able to tell tho
Taetae is really bad at lying
He can’t pretend to be someone he isn’t
He’ll be found out in seconds
dude have some faith in ur kid lol
stop texting me
get out of bed
Ok hyung I’m coming
I love you
love u too silly baby
How are you, my man?
How's business treating you?
Don't even ask me
Everybody has issues with everything
ISTG one day I’m just going to randomly fire everyone who works for me
The chef is having an affair with one of the waiters while the receptionist keeps flirting with all the customers
And they keep playing either sappy love songs or break up songs
LIKE FUCKING DECIDE
Wow... That sounds rough XD
And you say that but you would rather shut down the restaurant than fire one of them lol
I have my days when I just want to cook all of them
Why do you gotta always be so morbid
Growing up (╥﹏╥)
He's changing so much
He's become so different
Cleans his room
He can BOIL WATER PROPERLY ( TДT)
Isn't that supposed to be a good thing?
Soon, he won't need me anymore T_T
Oh FFS jin he's only learnt how to boil water XD
... You mock my pain
You'll know one day...
When you have kids...
Anyways how's work?
Been ages since I last visited
I listened to your recent single btw
I. LOVED. IT
So proud of you!!!
Aww thanks!!! That means a lot coming from you... <3
Actually that was what I wanted to talk to you about
You know how my studio is close to Yoongi's right?
I saw Namjoon waiting outside the other day
And well Yoongi came out and I like expected him to knock out his teeth or smth
Or like you know, strangle him with the aux cord he was carrying and I was preparing myself to help him bury the body
Expect they hugged?
Or more like Namjoon kinda hugged him and lifted him off his feet while Yoongi gave him that Im-gonna-act-like-I-hate-this-when-I-secretly-love-it look
And I thought I had to let you know
I’m so sorry Jinnie I didn't mean to stir trouble but I just wanted to make sure you didn't get hurt again
Because I know how fiercely protective of you Yoongi is and how much you care about him
Which means that either you haven't told him (and I am hoping it's this) or
He was screwing you over all this time
I still care about you, you know
Wow but it feels weird telling my ex about his ex and his bff XD
Oh... that's... news to me
Namjoon's probably the friend whose house Yoongi's staying at now then
And he doesn't know that Namjoon's my ex
But thank you for telling me
And I am so sorry Jaehwan
I care about you too, it just didn't work out
I really am
I didn't want to dump you I swear
Hey hey I’m not blaming you or anything
I completely understand Jin
And i have like gotten over you... or mostly
Besides I know it would have never worked out
You never really got over him
And let's be fair even if we crossed all that Kook wouldn't have let me marry you XD
That's not true!!!
Kook loved you
... Well he would have eventually loved you
Please jin XD
He changed my entire PPT presentation
Made all the business graphs into pie charts of common kinks
Included excerpts from the Kama Sutra as case studies
Not to mention that picture of a 9 -inch glittery pink dildo
And I don't even take it up the ass!!!
I couldn't look my boss in the eye for months
It was a miracle I didn't get kicked out for it
To be honest I have no idea what got into him then
He's generally the best behaved
And I had no idea that was why he was asking to use your laptop I’m sorry
But you’ve got to admit it was funny
But you see what I mean
He's really a sweet kid
And he's your world
I wouldn't have wanted you to even come to a position where you would consider breaking his heart in order to be with me
Not that you would have ever
But I don't ever want you to be sad Kim Seokjin
The world doesn't deserve you Lee Jaehwan
I don't deserve you as a friend
Thanks for telling me though
We should meet up soon
Come over to the restaurant tonight?
See you at 8!!!
[ Saved as Draft ]
Sub: Missing you
It would probably make more sense to call you or text you, wouldn't it? But then you know how much of a stubborn idiot I am so I won't. I have been thinking about you a lot these days. I don't even know why. But that's not why I am mailing you. I know why I am thinking about you and it's because of Tae. Because he pours his milk before cereal, groans at my dad jokes like he's heard too many of them before, doesn't give out hugs too freely and hasn't been walking around the house naked. And I wanted to know if Jungkook's been doing things differently too. Like if he makes his own bed and tries his best to keep the house clean even though you have servants for it. If he's suddenly too interested in wildlife, paints a lot, talks a lot and made you kimchi fried rice that tastes like our childhood. I need to know if that's happened to you too or if it's just me missing you and projecting on him. I wish we could turn back time and change everything. I wish we could
[ Saved as draft ]
Sub: I think our kids know more than they're letting on
Lately I have had a feeling that Taehyung isn’t being himself. And that he knows more than he's letting on. Weird vibes you would call it. I wanted to know if Jungkook has been like that too, so that I can figure out whether I’m being a good parent or a terrible one who can't even identify if the kid with him is the one he brought up for fifteen years. Whether we made a mistake all those years back. I still love you, you know. And I miss you. Let me know.
[ Sent ]
Sub: Regarding Abnormal Behavior of Offspring
This email is regarding the abnormal behaviour exhibited by my progeny, Kim Taehyung, recently. Wondering if yours is indulging in such behaviour too.
[ Inbox ]
Sub: re: Regarding Abnormal Behavior of Offspring
I am highly offended by your slander of my pure child's character by calling him a freak. Just because yours is one gives you no right to call my perfect golden Jungkook so too. Kindly refrain from sending me such emails in the future.
[ Sent ]
Sub: re: re: Regarding Abnormal Behavior of Offspring
Did you just call MY adorable, sweet, angelic son a freak? My TaeTae might be different from other children but that DOES NOT make him a freak. Kindly refrain from throwing around accusations like a five-year-old. It isn't becoming of a businessman.
[ Inbox ]
Sub: re: re: re: Regarding Abnormal Behavior of Offspring
Yah Namjoon you were the one who implied my Gukkie was a freak first!!! Yeah he is a freak on the football field but only I am allowed to call him that! Also who's acting like a five year old you pretentious ass? You were the one who interrupted my peaceful, relaxing afternoon face care routine with your nonsense.
[ Sent ]
Sub: re: re: re: re: Regarding Abnormal Behavior of Offspring
Oh, so now it's all my fault huh? Funny how everything is always my fault, Jin hyung. I'll let you go back to your RELAXING face care routine because obviously that is more important than the well being of our kids.
[ Saved as draft ]
Sub: re: re: re: re: re: Regarding Abnormal Behavior of Offspring
Oh fuck I didn't mean it that way Joonie, come on. What happened back then was on both of us you numbskull. This - fuck it. I'll just call you.
How are you this fine morning? :)
uhh... its past midnight now?
Did I stutter bitch? :))
well Im being harassed rn so idk I guess im not feeling too bad?
The sun is shining so beautifully, isn't it?
did u smoke pot?
are you high
or has ur last brain cell finally died
Ah, I hear the birds singing so sweetly outside
the only noise I can hear is my roommate's horrible snoring thats shaking the entire house
Do you know what a little birdie told me just now, Min Yoongi? :)
those smiley faces have so much passive aggressive energy to them its scary
but what did it tell you
that you're not the fairest of them all?
cause I could have told u that myself
Bitch I am a total ten
Everyone else is an 8
I dont need validation for that
But I'll give you a chance to guess
... if this is about your exclusive edition mario figurine
I swear Jungkook was the one who brought the stray dog home that knocked it over
I had nothing to do with Holly
... except maybe letting her in
That was YOU?
I been knew
I could feel it in my bones
YOU WERE THE ONE WHO LET THAT GODDAMN MENACE IN
listen, I didnt know she was a stray!!!
and I couldnt resist her cuteness okay
combined with ur rabbit son's charm
It had fucking chicken legs... FRIED CHICKEN LEGS
I got you a new one didnt I
and also returned Holly to her rightful owner
what more do u want
it wasnt that?
Though thanks for telling me :)
I'll give you another chance
Its something closer to home
And something we NEVER talk about
is it about your ringtone?
for which I may or may not be very very partially responsible?
FUCK YOU MIN YOONGI
Do you know how embarrassing it was when the barbie theme song started playing while I was discussing a possible expansion with a willing investor???
And to think YOU were the one who was behind that
I trusted you
I rly need to learn to keep my mouth shut
but in my defence, I only gave Minho the password to your phone
I had no idea he was going to do that
Do you know how HUMILIATING it was?!!
I still can't look my staff in the eye
And the only reason it was fine was because my investor had a good sense of humor and wasn't a crabby old 80 yr old
I raise you in my womb for nine months
And this is how you repay me
ew wtf hyung
for the last time, I am NOT YOUR KID
also... don't you like have a... humiliation kink?
Damn right, you aren't
and fuck u, no I don't
I just disowned you
Besides I’m pretty sure my ex would be happy to formally adopt you anyway
And maybe you would like that seeing how cuddly you have become with him
I thought you didn't...
You know I didnt really believe Jaehwan when he said he saw the two of you walking out of your studio
But then I thought about it, and it kind of added up
Plus I heard a few other things this evening which confirmed stuff
So when were you planning to tell me yoongi?
Hyung I just learned about this myself like fifteen hours ago
when I caught him with a pic of you in his hand nd then asked hoseok
i swear i didnt know till then
and i have like been holed up in my studio since then trying to process stuff
i swear i wasmt hiding stufd from you
or trying to lie you
or hurt you
i promise hyung
pls pls pls dont be mad at me
i am sorry
Ffs Yoongi, I am not mad
what do they say, hoes before bros amirite?!
I just wanted to know why you didn't tell me
like we tell each other everything
and like why Namjoon is still alive
considering you swore you would murder my ex and dump his body in the han river if you ever saw him
are u honestly not mad? :(
you want me to kill him?
just give me the word and I'll get it done
I have got my knife, the sack and stuff ready
and I'll borrow Hoseoks car
I am not you idiot
how could I ever
But I must state here that in the event of you getting caught I won't bail you out
Or admit to being associated with you
and jesus christ I can't believe you're still willing to murder Joon
isn't he like your bf?
I would be lying if I said that didnt stoke my ego though lol
and even if he were it wouldnt matter
and the only reason I would even consider not killing him is because I dont want tae giving me those puppy eyes which will result in me making some terrible decision like adopting him
But wasn't he the cute guy you were talking about?
also you do realise that I would be more than happy to take in Tae in the event of something happening to Joonie assuming hes still a minor
I get custody of him
we decided that when we got the divorce
we weren't going to let our idiocy get in the way of our kids
jokes aside, if me being around him makes you uncomfortable (I haven't told him ur my frnd btw), just tell me
I'll stay in a motel till my apt is ready
And stop talking to him
oh yoongi-chi what did I do to deserve a friend like you <3
But no, hyung is okay with it
He's the cute guy...
but its... complicated hyung...
and I feel like terrible
Tell hyung Yoongi-ah
I’m here for you
i think i like someone else
if you nd joon aren't official you could tell him
or have you been leading him on?
I can basically hear you screaming at me pissed
And i know im a fuckn fool
me and joon arent official
but i dont know how to tell him
because the person i like...
joon will get hurt if he knows hyung
that much I can promise
does this person like you back?
i think so hyung
and I fuckn love him so much
like every time I see his heart shaped smile I just want to kiss him
and I want to be the reason he smiles like that more
but neither of us know how to break it to joon
so we're just skirting around each other
Heart-shaped smile, huh
Reminds me of someone I’ve never met again after the divorce but used to think would be a great brother-in-law
Would this certain somebody happen to be a dancer who really knows how to use his hips
a literal embodiment of sunshine
and have no shame or no idea what indoor voice means?
And would his name happen to start with the letters H O and end with S E O K ?
urgh the guilt is killingme hyung
everytime I see Joon's puppy eyes and eager face
the way his dimples come out when he sees me
I feel so bad hyung
but I swear I love him only like a younger brother
like yes I want to have him arohnd
but not romantically you get me?
You're in such deep shit Min Yoongi
I thought I raised you better than this?
if i couldnt literally feel the disappointment through the message I wpuld have reminded you that you didnt raise me
and that I am infintely better than the brat u raised
YOU TAKE THAT BACK THIS SECOND YOU MENACE
JUNGKOOK IS THE SWEETEST CHILD IN THIS ENTIRE PLANET
keep telling urself that lol
what do i do hyung
Speak to Hobi directly
and then come clean to Joon
You have got to do it
Though unless Joon genuinely doesnt mind, your relationship is fucked
I’m sorry to say that but Hobi would NEVER do anything if he thinks it would hurt his brother
... I would know after all
but hyung I fuxked up big time didnt I?
why am i like this
i cant believe your ex fell in love with me and i fell in love with his brother and I am staying with them and telling you about it
ur prolly the last person who wants to hear this
I’m so sorry jin hyung
Oh shut up, you idiot
Joon is allowed to fall in love
I fucking dated Jaehwan for a year
He hasn't done anything like that since the day we split up
(I would know since I stalk him online)
He deserves to move on
Just because I can't doesnt mean hes got to suffer too
And I am HAPPY you came to me
Lord knows u never tell me ur problems
... i don't think he's gotten over you either, hyung
I mean from what hobi's told me
he's been thinking/talking abt u a lot these days
and the way he was holding onto that picture of you the other day when I spotted him
that's not a man who's moved on, hyung
the emotions on his face
they were so raw
and I srsly do not know what happened between the two of you and I didnt ask because its none of my business
and I know i am in no position to offer you advice
but maybe you should try talking to him?
that's a lot to take in Yoongi
and if ur right
I guess I should?
I really don't know
But thank you for telling me Yoon
And for being there for me
You're the best friend/brother I could ever ask for
So thank you <3
I am not going to say this again
but the situation warrants it
I love you too <3
And thank you so much for being beside me all this while, holding my hand each time I fuck up
Letting me tell you my problems and holding me when I cry
For making sure I dont die in the studio
For being there when my depression hit me hard
You're an amazing brother too
I couldn't have asked for more and I dont deserve somekne like you
You had to make me cry
But you're a fucking idiot
You deserve everything I can give you and more
And you deserve love in this life
And I know Hoseok can give you that
He's an amazing person
Don't lose him
Tell Joon and go get your man, tiger!!
Hyung has faith in you <3
I will, hyung
or maybe tonight
and you should at least try to reconnect with Namjoon
get to know Tae
you'll love him
he's a right menace too
Hmm... I will
Well I gotta go now
Got a restaurant to open
But let me know how it goes with Hobi and Joon
And no matter how it goes
Remember that hyung is always there for you
I will hyung
Updates every Sunday <3
This is Namjoon right?
Sorry, I haven’t texted this number for ages so just wanna be sure
Feels kind of weird haha but… hi? how’re you doing?
We were literally speaking on the phone 3 secs ago
You know how I’m doing
Was great catching up with you
It’s been a long time but I’m glad you’re doing well
I’m glad you’re doing well too hyung
And I’m sorry
For not being there when you weren’t doing so well
You know you could always call me
We might not be married anymore but you’re still my friend
I still care about you
I’m sorry I didn’t reach out first
Thank you for reaching out first
No hyung I was a shitty friend as well
I couldn’t find the proper words for it during the call but
I know you went through a lot these years too
I really should have reached out sooner
I still care too, you know
Nah it’s not your fault you’re just busy
You’re busy too, aren’t you?
Anyway, I guess I just… missed you haha
Was grasping at any excuse I could find just so I could talk to you again
Taetae’s weird behavior wasn’t even that weird now that I was thinking about it
Kids do get influenced a lot by their peers at this age
And he was at camp for two months, of course he’d come back a little different
Oh I totally understand
Same situation here lol. Kook went to camp too and now he’s all grown up
My shy little bean, making friends at school left and right, imagine that
I used to worry that I was overbearing and that was why he couldn’t make friends
And look at him now!!! my baby
Oh you sent Jungkook to camp too?
And no, you aren’t overbearing I’m sure
You’re a great parent hyung
I don’t even need to see Jungkook to know
And I’m glad he’s making friends!
One of his friends’ parents even invited him (and me!!) on a trip to a five-star resort
How cool is that?
Wow that’s rly nice
His parents must be rich
Sorry, never mind
Hyung it’s ok omg
I’m way over that stage where I was sensitive over anything that involves money ok
You don’t have to walk over eggshells when mentioning rich people stuff
You’re rich, I’m not, it’s fine
You sound bitter
I’m not bitter, hyung!!
Ok maybe it did kind of affect me that me not being rich enough for your family was the reason we divorced
But I’m fine now
I accept that certain things in life just ain’t meant to be
So we’re good, yeah?
That’s not the reason we divorced???
Yeah my aunts and uncles were being stupid and loud about money stuff but who cares about them
True they were my guardians after my parents were gone but that was like for 1 yr or something
They didn’t raise me, their opinions didn’t matter to me
I was gonna open another branch of my restaurant in Australia
I had it all planned
We were gonna move there, you and me and our 2 babies
Ignore those shitty relatives who wont mind their own businesses
We were gonna be so happy together
YOU cut it off
YOU said you wanted to call it quits
And why did I cut it off?
Obviously I wouldn’t have done that out of nowhere?
Your relatives talked to me, hyung
They showed me how bright your future could’ve been
If married to someone of YOUR status
Instead of some lower-class mistake you met at camp
They wanted the best for you
I wanted the best for you
Tell me, why else would I have cut it off?
I loved you
Maybe I still do
Oh so if you think you can decide what’s “best for me” then you’re gravely wrong
You’re just like all of them huh?
You and my stupid relatives
y’all think you know what’s best for me
But the fact is
Only I can decide what’s best for me
And I decided that it was YOU
Go wash that stupid egg-shaped head of yours and let that sink in
Hyung you wound me
But oh god hyung if that was what you’ve been thinking for all these yrs
Why didn’t you just say so
Why didn’t YOU just tell ME about the talk my idiot relatives gave you?
I can’t believe shit like that affected you that much
I bet it was completely ridiculous
They prob made a powerpoint
And brought you to a mcdonalds or something and roasted you while eating mcflurries because you’re “too poor to go to a highbrow restaurant” or some shit
Actually it was a burger king
Tell me Joon
Why am I 37 yrs old yet still a mess
I’m 35 and still a mess
I think we’re allowed to be a mess no matter how old we get
True, my granddad is 102 and eats boogers
Now that’s a mess
I don’t know
My head is all noodles
And mine is an egg
Yes, a very good egg
I need to cool down and think a bit
Did you have too much vodka again
There’s no such thing as too much vodka
but I need to… think
I’ll prob do a lot of thinking at that resort this weekend
And then I’ll call you again
I don’t even know what I’m supposed to be thinking about but I know I need to think
It’s ok hyung
I never know what I’m supposed to be thinking about either
and what a coincidence lol I’m gonna go to a resort this weekend as well
A friend has to go for work purposes and he invited us
You deserve to relax, you work too hard
How’d you know that? We haven’t talked in years
I just know
You never stop working
It’s ok to chillax a couple of days lol
Have fun at the resort!
I’ll have fun too
We’ll talk when we get back
Good night, hyung
It was nice hearing your voice tonight
I really like your voice
Did you have too much vodka too
I really like my voice too
[Absent-minded doodles during the phone call: Namjoon version]
Lame – D
oh look it’s lame-d
Lame – D
Taehyung, I know we kinda had a rocky start
and you didn’t like me for being better at rapping than your dad or whatever reason
WTF ur not better at rapping than my dad
Lame – D
ok ok whatever
I need a favor, kid
oh so ur being nice to me now that u need a favor
Lame – D
when have I ever not been nice to you
you were the one being rude to me :/
ahh anyway can you help me spy on hobi for a sec
…what kind of science
Lame – D
ok actually I’ll admit I’m a bit worried
whats wrong with uncle hobi
Lame – D
hopefully nothing is but
I keep hearing his voice from inside his room
and he sounds…
aggressively endeared how
Lame – D
he kept saying things like
“oh you wanna kiss me huh? kiss me then you pretty big baby”
“you think my brain is as tiny as yours??? you think I already forgot huh??? no I didn’t forget, you little fuzzy drooling peach”
and this classic
im not sure if he’s having kinky sex or if his life is in danger
so just thought you should check and report to me
bc I’m too lazy to get up from the couch myself
well there’s nothing to worry about
that’s how he talks to tannie
tannie thinks ppl have pea-sized brains and forget about feeding him 3 secs after doing it
so he comes back to beg for food again 3 secs later
if he doesnt get his way he eats ur shoes and stands on ur chest
he doesnt realize he’s heavy and yeontan on chest = pain
hence the screaming
Lame – D
I’m glad hobi is not dying
bet ur also glad he’s not having kinky sex
or should i say
bet ur also glad he’s not having kinky sex with someone other than u
Lame – D
what the heck you little shit
admit it lol
u love him and want to have kinky sex with him
Lame – D
is kinky sex all 15-yr-olds think about these days?
back in my time
15-yr-olds were still making peepee jokes
I’ll have you know that while kinky sex can be a plus
I just want to cherish him and take him on cute dates and cuddle
and adopt another dog so that we can each have a dog standing on our chest or whatever
ur so whipped
u know what
i’ll go steal tannie out of his room
and then he’ll be all alone
and u guys can cuddle
how about that
Lame – D
wow does this mean
you support me and him… getting together?
of course i do why would i not
Lame – D
idk… I’ve been talking to your dad
he’s been really encouraging
says he wants his brother and me to be happy
and he thinks we’ll be really happy together
I bet he said the same to Hobi too
but I guess I just overthink a lot man
like if we get together
wouldn’t it be a bit like I’m stealing your dad’s brother from him
they’re brothers but also best friends you get me
dude ur overthinking
if u get together
u wont be stealing my dad’s brother from him
he’ll be gaining another brother
Lame – D
but does he want another brother?
I’d need some time to get used to it if I had a new brother show up out of nowhere
that’s what i thought too but it could be surprisingly easy depending on the brother
as long as u promise to be the best brother to my dad i don’t have anything against u 2 getting together
Lame – D
you’re finally willing to be my friend?
thank you Jungkook i sure owe you one
Lame – D
oh nothing it just slipped out
you remind me of someone
looks-wise or personality-wise
pls tell me its someone hot
Lame – D
why are 15-yr-olds these days obsessed with hotness
back in my day 15-yr-olds were obsessed with paw patrol
looks-wise I think
personality-wise, the kid I knew was much less snarky
how do u know he’s not just hiding the snarkiness under the surface
got yeontan out now
uncle hobi’s room is all urs
Lame – D
I think we’ll be great friends, Tae
no problem lol
[JiKook + Tae]
hi kookie <33333
taetae says hi too
he’s next to me on my bed
aaaaa im jealous
of me? of him?
of the bed
remember operation yoonseok
course i rmb u told me all about it while facetiming me with ur shirt off
hahaha i’ll show u my abs in person on the weekend
guys just because i wasn’t talking doesn’t mean im not reading this conversation thru jiminie’s phone -tae
go grab ur own phone lol i don’t want to get u 2 confused
isn’t it ironic for u to say that when u 2 confused me in the first place -jiminie
sorry jiminie we love u :((
sorry jiminie we love u :(( yeah im gonna go get my phone now -tae
sorry jiminie we love u :(( -jiminie
when u told me ur listening to a song called ‘answer: love myself” i didn’t expect u to take it this literally
uve shown me i have reasons, i should love myself
im back!! now spill
we don’t need operation yoonseok anymore
bc they just got together!!!!!
!!!! give us all the details!!!
they’re sitting in bed and kissing
with a lot of tongue
where are their HANDS
in each other’s hair
wtf jiminie i didn’t know ur obsessed with hands
i like hands
kookie u have the prettiest hands btw
and u have the cutest fingers >///<
oh they’re gazing deeply into each other’s eyes now
and saying something
what did they say?
idk either the surveillance camera i installed on yeontan’s collar before putting him into the room doesn’t record sound
u need a better camera
whew i was worried u would be mad that i put a camera on tannie
why would i be mad i once put 3 cameras on tannie
that was… wow.
I think I saw stars at one point
hope no one saw lol
Joon already said he doesn’t mind and is happy for us and so did Tae
so it’s fine even if they did see us making out lol
ya technically it’s fine but I’LL BE EMBARRASSED OK
now that we’re on the topic of Tae
as your new boyfriend I think it’s my duty to give you some crucial info
crucial info on Tae?
well not exactly
see, he’s not actually Tae
yeah, he’s Jungkook
HOW DID U KNOW
AND DID U HAVE TO SPOIL MY GRAND REVEAL LIKE THAT??
well I didn’t rly “know”
just kinda suspected
you know I’m friends with Jin-hyung lol I already told you
so of course I’ll know his kid too
ah too bad
poor kid had no chance pulling that scam off in front of someone who knows him well
I don’t know him well lol haven’t seen him in years
he was just acting super suspicious
cut the kid some slack lol he’s never had any training in acting or anything
but you still gotta explain to me how this situation came to be later
like why is Jungkook here pretending to be Taehyung
(funny thing is I don’t think either of their dads had any idea)
as far as I know Joon definitely doesn’t
neither does Jin-hyung
they’re prob too preoccupied with their jobs and pining over each other to notice
are you implying that I’m jobless
I’m implying that you don’t have to do the pining part bc I’m all yours now
but also you’re jobless
it’s just for this season lol I’ll start working again when spring rolls around
yeah I’m glad your job is a seasonal thing because that means you have all the time in the world to hang out with me <3
someday we gotta travel to a hot spring resort together
just you and me
of course baby
but we need to get Joon and Jin-hyung back together before that
all this pining is getting painful to watch
actually this was why I brought up the kid switch situation in the first place
the kids are asking to form a chat group with you
so that all five of us can conspire together
ah I’m finally gonna be meeting the real Taetae huh
wait who’s the fifth
that’s a guy called Jiminie
who the heck is Jiminie never heard of him in my life
lemme describe him to u according to a pic Tae drew
pink hair, weird yellow eyes and yellow mouth
a questionable chin and fingers that look like toes
also, no ears
sounds like some kind of alien
apparently he’s Jungkook’s new boyfriend so don’t tell him that
ok I won’t
Taehyung has created chat [PROJECT NAMJIN]
Taehyung has added Jungkookie to the chat
Taehyung has added Jiminie to the chat
Taehyung has added Uncle Hobi to the chat
Taehyung has added Uncle Yoongi to the chat
Jungkook, why is your boyfriend an alien?
HYUNG U PROMISED NOT TO SAY THAT ASDSAFHAKLGDAG
in case u haven’t forgotten
ur sleeping in our hallway
i could go outside and kick ur ass this very second
oops I forgot
this identity swap thing is still new to me ok
haven’t gotten used to the concept that you’re not miles and miles away in the vineyards and are in fact right here in the next room yet
apologize to jiminie!!
its ok lol aliens are cute
even the kind that burrows themselves into ppl’s chests and sprout tentacles?
maybe not that kind
also, do you have ears?
apologize to jiminie!!
its ok lol not having ears is cute
why do I like your boyfriend better than I like you, Jungkook?
he thinks everything is cute
i hate u
im gonna command tannie to chew ur toes
he’s already chewing on my toes
is that normal?
unfortunately yes, he does that
my theory is that he thinks that if he eats ur toes u wont be able to leave him
and that’s the best way to keep u by his side 24/7
why am i suddenly in tears
this is so beautiful…
tannie… sweet baby
tbh he’s prob just hungry
oh hey Taehyung
lovely to finally talk to you instead of this rude imposter of you
hello uncle yoongi!
im a big fan!!!
so far away is my ringtone!!!
ah why did you two even swap I like this one better than that brat Jungkook
we swapped because we wanna get to know our respective other dads
and maybe help them get back together again bc we know they miss each other!!
this is why we are gathered here today!
this long weekend we’re all gonna be at maldives
and so are both of the dads
who are totally clueless
ITS TIME FOR US TO MAKE OUR MOVE
I’d love to help but half of the time I’ll be working
since unlike you ppl I’m actually there to interpret for my lawyer clients Mr. and Mrs. Park
who coincidentally happen to be jimin’s parents
whew I’m glad I didn’t leave a bad impression on the son then
u called him an ALIEN with TENTACLES
I said no such thing
its ok all is forgiven!!
also my parents wont need u around all the time, just for their one speech
so u can hang out with us the rest of the time <3
and help us with PROJECT NAMJIN
you know, for a kid who isn’t connected to either dad, you rly are quite eager to help
that’s a good thing, I like you
anything for TRUE LOVE
also seokjin-ssi is always super nice to me when i visit taetae at his house
i want him to be happy
i wanna help
isn’t my bf the sweetest uwu
no no my bf is the sweetest hehehe
you know what neither of your boyfriends are as sweet as mine
wait what you have a boyfriend? how come you never told me
now I’m sad
uh, it’s you…?
oh sorry we just got together an hour ago I haven’t gotten used to this title yet
these ppl are hopeless
u here yet?
I saw Agust-D and kook in a store today!!!
lil meow meow hehe
kid i hope for ur sake that ur just drunk texting the gc
otherwise ur ded
Don't threaten my nephew!!!!
also that is a pretty accurate representation of you and kook ya know
dont threaten me heehe
eť tu Hobi
and thats it
I am coming for you and when I catch you I’m gonna
Omg pls dont yoongi-ssi
I took his phone away
he wont be texting anything anytime soon
hes been like this ever since he saw the prices of all the items in the room delivwry menu
i think they broke him?
congrts Jiminie you just broke uncle Hobi too lmao
he dropped his phone into the fish tank
and the best part is that he didnt even notice that because hes too busy staring at the menu with tears in his eyes
omg this is gold
hey kookieee <3
jesus you kids are so chaotic
okay actually i think i can relate
WHO TF CHARGES $50 FOR A GLASS OF WATER WTF
you know what I am going to order that and see why its priced that way
fuck this world
did we break him too?
lol i think so
anyways you guys got here safe?
yeah we did!
just an hour ago
me and taetae are sharing a suite which is connected to uncle Jins!!!
the view here is so pretty kookie!
well im pretty sure it isnt prettier than you <3
omg kookie youre making me blush ≧∇≦
but wbu guys
hve u settled in
yeah we hve!
me and dad joon are sharing a room while yoonseok r sharing one hehe
also we r going to the shark cage today evening!
i was wondering if u guys could somehow persuade dad jin to come there too
and then we can lock them both up in the cage together!
excellent plan quartermaster
for this, i give u permission to court the my best friend, the first mate, park chimminie
aww TaeTae <3
and he appears the moment u talk abt namjin
if I’m the quartermaster and jiminie is the first mate, then what r u
the capn of the S.S.Namjin ofc
u kids rly are passionate abt this arent u
but srsly kid
dont u think the designations are too much?
silence lowly deckhand
u do not know what u speak of
u want me to get u some ice for that burn lame-d
I take back everything I said about Taehyung being nicer than you
whats hobi then?
the sailing master
because hes the one whos gonna provide us direction
and speaking of direction where is uncle hobi
i hope his phone is not broken from being dropped into the fish tank
it would be very inconvenient
ah I approve of the plan captain
we shalt execute this immediately
because its fun yoongi!!!
thats settled then my worthy crew
and one last thing
Taehyung changed their name to Captain
Captain changed Jungkookie to Quartermaster
Captain changed Jiminie to First Mate
Captain changed Uncle Yoongi to Deckboy
Captain changed Uncle Hobi to Sailing Master
suddenly i regret everything
okay so we are waiting to board the boat that'll take us to the shark cage
in the meanwhile enjoy a picture of the handsome kim seokjin
what a fine man
well he might be fine
but you havent seen our president 'Kim Namjoon' yet, have you
fuck, they would look so good together
visual couple anyone?
we are en route to the shark cage place
and hobi is alrdy seasick
u better hope for the safety of all ur lives that the plan works
my sunshine looks terrible
also clearly we are the visual couple excuse me
uncle hobi looks hot yes
I would never deny that
and honestly the picture would look much better if not for the gremlin in it
well said brother
remind me again why i put up with you menaces
because u want to have kinky sex with our uncle duh
whos jeon jeongguk?
oh sry wrong au
I meant KIM JUNGKOOK
u want to have kinky sex with me babe?
why didnt u just tell me then
I thought you were puking ur guts out inside the bathroom?
also hobi... pls
I’m convincing my intestines that they need to stay in
and i'll let it pass for now
we'll talk more tonite
( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
you know generally in most chatfics ppl are terrified of me
i can see that that isnt the case here
urgh but I'll put up with it because u kids are sweet even if ur brats
and i want my best friends to get together
also btw we've arrived at the shark cage place
Uncle Yoongi, is it okay if I call you that?
But you broke TaeTae
he's sitting next to me sniffling
and uncle Jin looks very worried
he wants me to tell u he loves u too
ofc you can call me uncle yg Jiminie
ur practically family too
nd ur my fave kid <3
Uncle yoongi <333333
fuck you lame-d
i love you too
especially because jiminies your fave
I knew u were secretly soft yoongi <3
is that you guys???
i can see a boat in the distance
OMG ITS YOU????
I KNEW YOU LOOKED FAMILIAR
YOU'RE THE FOOD TOUR GUIDE who took us to that italian restaurant five yrs ago and then booked out of there like there were zombies chasing you because you saw a lizard on the wall right?
OMG YOU'RE UNCLE HOBI I CANT BELIEVE THIS
he's a food tour guide?
thats what he does?
thats like so boring?!!!
wait then why does he have dance shoes
maybe hes a street dancer too?
or maybe he gives lap dances to his customers while they eat?
omg kook hes not a stripper!
and he wouldnt be having those shoes if he were lap dancing
r u sure tho
ig we'll just have to wait and see
oh now I know why you looked familiar to me too
and Jungkookie I approve of u and jiminie 100%
not that im ot happy
but lol why
because he helped make sure there were no lizards in the hotel room i stayed that night
the sweetest kid ever <3
urgh i just wanna adopt him
and squish those cheeks
I would let you except that would make me and kookie cousins :(
oh right :(((
but its okay this way you'll be my son in law!!! :D
wow that's some cute shit but can we focus on the mission at hand
namely trying to get namjin alone in the shark cage
we are gonna disembark
u guys might wanna disappear
dads ready to get in
uncles yg nd hobi went into the cabin acting like they’re seasick
We are not acting u piece of shit
Hobi is ACTUALLY sea sick!!!
calm ur tits deckboy
uncle Jins ready to get in
Okay im gonna tell him I feel sea sick and meet u guys down
are we doing the right thing kook?
im so glad im not the only one whos wondering if this is a mistake
i mean its just that
what if this makes things worse?
like theyre slowly getting better
and what if this meet up makes them both go under again
i dont think dad'll ever be able to get over it this time
i get u
It'll break my dad too
especially if they fight again
or if smth else happens
i mean i was all excited for this to happen
especially once it became clear that they liked each other
but... what if they had an actual reason for staying apart kookie ?
what if they did
and we do stuff without knowing that
should we call it off tae
i think it wont be that hard for me to take ur place now
like u should just come below deck and ill go up
and I can tell dad jin that we need to go back for smth or smth
and we can go back to our normal lives
even if i want to live with u
and dad joon
and uncle yg
and uncle hobi
i dont want to give up jiminie or u or dad jin
i just dont know
because i think this
then i keep thinking that uncle hobi would have told us no if he thought it wouldnt work out
and hes been enthusiastic as ever
kook what shld we do
there isnt much time now
do u believe in destiny tae
yeah i do
or maybe we are just rly selfish
but i wanna go for it
i dont think ill be able to live life thinking abt the what ifs
i hope everything goes well
i do too brother
i do too
now get ur ass down here with jimin
What happened jiminie?
Uncle Jin just dragged tae with him into the water
where r u rn?
leaning against the railing in the pretext of getting air and watching them
this is gonna get messy
especially when both of them claim tae as their son
fuck fuck fuck
hobi wants me to tell you that since tae is a better actor than kook, he should be fine
and I agree with him
he seems quite capable already from what I can see
i want to b offended but its the truth so
okay whats happening Minie honey
Okay can you kids pls stop being so cute
especially when my boyfriend isnt in a position to be cute with me
also yes what's happening jimin
well I cant rly see all that clearly
but as far as I know Namjin seem to be in shock?
like theyre just staring at each other nd oh
They both turned to Tae at the same moment lol
I think they both want to use him as a buffer...
oh my awkward awkward brother
are you alright now?
Yes i am my sweet Jiminie
but go on
give us the tea
yes go on
tell me how both my friends are making fools of themselves
Okay so Taes happily looking at the sharks?
actually a little too eagerly lmao
he looks like he wants to join them in the water and bop noses with them
and Namjin look extremely worried lmao
If you bop a shark on its nose, it'll leave you alone
he should be fine
... um Jungkook you know that isnt true right?
MY WHOLE LIFE HAS BEEN A LIE
why are you guys even texting each other when youre like standing together
and also uncle yoongi why would u do that :(
why did you make my kookie sad :(((
okay okay okay stop pouting and giving me puppy eyes
you're completely right Kook!!!!
i dont trust u but okay
OMG OMG OMGO MG
okay okay so
ffs jimin tell us or we're done rn istg
I would be offended
but like same
if someone kept me from my Namjin
so ur forgiven kookie but u owe me a date for this
there was this huge shark and it kinda rammed into the cage
and uncle jin just sonic-ed into uncle joons arms (he looks super hot irl btw)
and uncle joon just grabbed onto him like it was the most natural thing?
I am shedding real tears right now I kid you not
And yoongi is full on sniffling omg
ab vot vryung
yeah wheres jae jiminie XD
yeah 'wjeres jae' jiminie
You know what I dont care
Namjin is more important
fuck you all
I admire your dedication to the cause lol
taes happily becoming one with the ocean
I think he thinks hes a mermaid now?
idk but it looks like hes singing the little mermaid theme song lol
OKAY SO UNCLE JIN JUST BURIED HIS FACE IN UNCLE JOONS CHEST?
AND UNCLE JOON IS STROKING HIS HAIR WITH SUCH A FOND LOOK ON HIS FACE?
suddenly my crops are growing, my pores are clear and my depression is gone
life is great
long live Namjin
I am not crying
okay they're pulling them out
this is awkward
both of them got dressed and now theyre staring at tae
and gods why is he so OBLIVIOUS
they both called him at the same time
wait is uncle hobi alright
is he sick again?
and to quote him "well the ship is rocking isnt it?!"
I’m not sure if he means it literally or metaphorically
okay so now they're glaring at each other
and Tae looks terrified lol
Nj: Tae lets go
Sj: Kook lets go
okay i am up here hiding behind the engine
and lmfao tae looks so awkward
hes so torn
theyre outright glaring at him now
nj: thats not kook, thats my son
"oh but thats kook, hes wearing a waterproof gucci watch, see"
OH FUCK THAT WAS THE WRONG THING TO SAY
UNCLE JOONS FACE JUST SHUTTERED UP
THIS IS BAD
WHY JIN WHY
WHY WOULD U SAY THAT YOU DUMBFUCK ARGH
okay thats it
jin better be gone by the time I make it up or I am shoving him into the water
he doesnt get to say shit like that to my brother
"so are you telling me I wouldnt be able to get my son gucci watches?"
hes like dangerously calm its scary
(but he also like looks so hot?)
okay now he looks like he regrets everything
"I-I didnt mean it that way.. Joon-"
"Save it Jin hyung, and maybe I am too proud to take your money like you said but that doesnt mean I have deprived my son of anything he wanted. If my son had asked me for smth I wouldnt have hesitated to get him what he wanted even if that meant I had to work four jobs"
wait what is he talking abt
when did any of that come into the picture
also we are coming up in a few minutes
i hve no idea but if we dont want our covers to be blown i gotta step in cause tae looks close to walking over to dad joon nd hugging him
dw I got you kookie
ill drag him away
but dad jin looks like he rly wants to say smth but hes keeping quiet
okay I am going out
okay minie just went out all sunshine and rainbows and bowed to dad joon before all but dragging tae and dad jin to the boat
theyre gone now you guys better get up here
dad joon looks so sad
be there in a minute
hug him wont you, kid
I fully intend to uncle yoongi
did we just make things worse?
We need to talk
sorry hyung I’m kinda busy
I’m with my clients rn
talk to you later?
help me hobi
Jin-hyung texted me, he wanted to talk
I bet he thinks I have something to do with this whole shit
(which is, admittedly, true)
he and Namjoon were somehow on the same island, same resort, in the same fucking shark cage
what are the odds
and I'm their only mutual friend
bet he’s suspicious
what do I TELL him???
well what did you say
that I’m working, we’ll talk later
which is not even a lie bc if he does run into me he’ll see I’m indeed following Jiminie’s parents and dressed in my nice interpreter suit
(kinda slacking off tho since the people they’re talking to appear to be fluent in Korean)
(jiminie’s parents don’t rly seem to need me so I’m just mooching around texting)
(they’re pretty rude no lie, idk how they managed to raise jiminie to become an angel bc neither of them are angelic)
shit hobi are you mad at ME now
oh shit you prob are
no wonder you were so quiet all of a sudden back in the cabin, thought you were just dizzy
goodness why are you mad
I didn’t do anything
we’re supposed to be working together here to salvage this situation
we gotta communicate
I’m not mad at you
ok excuse me for not being all happy happy when my baby brother is crying in his five-star suite bathroom
I’m not happy about that either omg why are you blaming me
i want to fix this too
but we can’t do it unless we work together ok?
well you’re the one who’s best friends with THAT guy
who apparently hasn’t learned after all these years that money is a SENSITIVE TOPIC
goodness you know he didn’t mean it that way
he wasn’t even thinking about money when he said that
just observing a fact like “I bought that watch so of course I know that’s my kid”
it just happened to be a gucci watch, it could very well be a 10-dollar watch he got at the flea market and he’d still say the same thing
the emphasis was not on the gucci part
oh so youre saying my baby brother is being overly sensitive now???
what the fuck stop twisting my words
this is just a big misunderstanding on both sides ok
this is like when I was in third grade and i said I had ferrets and a classmate started crying because he wanted ferrets but didn’t have any and I was rubbing the fact in his face
he wasn’t being overly sensitive, he just loved ferrets
and I wasn’t trying to be rude, I just had ferrets
THATS ALL THERE IS THIS ISNT SOMETHING WE SHOULD BE FIGHTING OVER
but this is different
your ~best friend~ KNOWS that Joon loves ferrets and STILL brought it up
he wasn’t even talking about ferrets
he mentioned something that would remind Joon of ferrets!!
he didn’t realize it would!!!
you have to understand that he was born having ferrets, he always had ferrets, it’s part of his daily life so it didn’t occur to him
well maybe that’s why they aren’t meant to be together
one has ferrets and one doesn’t
let’s scrap this shit and go home
I just want my brother to be happy
but tell me
why does it matter?
the kid who cried over my ferrets became one of my best friends
we’re 36 and we still drink together regularly
as long as they’re both willing to work towards an understanding, it can still work out
and we can give them a push in the right direction
if we weren’t fighting over this silly shit
let’s not fight hobi
please let’s not fight
I know you’re loyal towards your brother
but I also know for a fact that my best friend is a good guy
he was a client when I first started out as interpreter
I’ve never met a client who treated me so courteously
I had a fever that day on our way home and he gave me his coat and was so gentle with me
cooked for me and told me corny jokes until I cried
even though I was just an interpreter he hired for the day
please, trust me
he’s rly truly the sweetest
hobi why aren’t you saying anything
hobi say something
sorry got distracted, I was looking up ‘ferrets’ on google image search
they’re so long oh my god...
they are, yes
wait you didn’t know what ferrets were???
I thought it was a disease
WHY WOULD MY FRIEND ENVY ME FOR HAVING HERPES
I didn’t know ok that was why I looked it up!!
I’m now scrolling up and reading through what we just said
replacing every ‘ferrets’ you said with ‘herpes’
it was an enlightening read
it’s not enlightening
oh god I was so worried for you
having herpes in third grade must be painful
thank goodness I didn’t say something along the lines of ‘I invited my friend over to my house to touch my ferrets’ (which I actually did)
that would’ve been bad, I agree
oh my god hyung the ferrets look so soft I can’t stop staring at the pics
they’re lovely slippery lil things
so are we good now?
no more fighting?
pls understand that I’m on your side ok
we’re ALLIES, we don’t fight
sorry hyung I was just
I care a lot
Joon is so important to me
and he’s being sad in the bathroom
so I’m sad too...
but we should discuss how to proceed next yeah
with the kids
Kook is in the bathroom with Joon rn and I’m assuming the other 2 are with Jin-hyung
they prob aren’t
if they were Jin-hyung would have just interrogated them instead of texting me, right?
idk, he doesn’t seem to suspect them?
Joon seems to think it’s a coincidence and nothing to do with the kids
meanwhile Jin-hyung knows that you’re a mutual friend of both of them so he suspects you
either way, neither of them are suspecting the kids
this is unfair why do I have to take all the blame lmao
well if they don’t suspect the kids
Jin-hyung would prob have to explain to Taehyung (whom he still thinks is Kookie) what that whole shark cage thing was about
like who Namjoon was and why he thought Taehyung was his son
I’m not sure how Tae will respond to the explanation
like will he come clean or will he go on pretending
we need to talk to him to make sure everything matches up
hyung omg what is it like to hold a ferret? they look so silky!
I can’t wait to get off work so that I can get back to the suite and kiss you
I’m finally free!!
everyone, status report please
especially you, Tae, we need to hear from you
(btw no offense jiminie but your parents sure talk a lot when drunk)
nah I talk even more when drunk
you’re 15 you cant fucking drink
oh pls I bet you drank when you were 15
yeah I started when I was 6
um im reporting in
dad joon has calmed down i think
he doesn’t know I know about what happened down there
he prob doesn’t think uncle hobi and uncle yoongi know either
as far as he’s concerned all we saw was him sprinting towards us holding in tears
i tried to ask him what’s wrong but he didn’t say
oh so that’s the approach u guys are taking
the innocent approach
ya i think it’d be safer
well unfortunately jin-ssi suspects yoongi-ssi is behind all this so he won’t stay innocent for long
he’d prob confront him sooner or later
he doesnt know he’s on this island yet but this place is TINY, we’re prob gonna run into each other soon
well sucks for me
what’s Jin-hyung doing now
cant tell, he’s with tae in his suite
they’re prob talking
tae just came out let me ask him
omg guys im sorry ok
i swear i didn’t mean to tell him
lol what did you tell him
why do you sound lowkey excited
bc this is lowkey exciting
basically what happened was
dad jin pulled me into his room and was like
“kook I bet ur wondering who that man who called u his son was, huh? well i owe u an explanation”
so like the good son I was I opened my jungkook eyes wide and listened
what kind of eyes are ‘jungkook eyes’
the very best kind *^^*
omg jiminie *^^*
guys please not now
and dad jin said
“ok so a long time ago, that man and i, we were happily married
we had two kids, twins
but a witch thought i was too handsome and put a curse upon us
if we continued to stay together, our twins will prick their fingers on a sewing machine and die
so we parted ways
and now we’re kinda strangers now
anyway, ur twin must be somewhere on the island too
so he mistook u as him
for the safety of u and ur twin, we must leave the island as soon as possible”
what the actual fucking fuck
does he expect you to believe that fairy tale bullshit
why does that sound like something hyung would say
who even has sewing machines now tho
what’s a sewing machine
so how did you respond to his confession, Tae
so he was like packing and stuff, i knew he wanted to fly home like right away
but we cant have that so I had to stop him
so… I told him the whole story
including how uncle yoongi and uncle hobi had sex on an inflatable bed
how is that even RELEVANT
it isnt, i just thought he’d like to know
you have nothing to apologize about
the truth has to come out sooner or later
at least one of them knows the truth now, right?
and now Jin-hyung won’t be leaving the island in a hurry anymore
your two dads will have to talk civilly
discuss what to do about their kids
it’s a good way to force them to just talk
and perhaps something good will come out of it
besides, since you told him everything
I assume you also told him about how much Joon misses him
how much he still cares, and how he’s such an amazing dad
that’s a good thing, right?
you’re ok, don’t apologize
except for the part you told him about us having sex on an inflatable bed
Please apologize for that part, thank you. ^^
im so sorry :(
wow polite Hobi is the scariest
but also kinda sexy
guys pls not in front of the children
I don’t see any children here
its me i am the children
well anyway, where do we stand now
one dad knows everything, one dad doesnt
I think it depends on what Jin-hyung decides to do, now that he knows
it’s all up to him now
should we come clean to dad joon too
so that it’d be fair
I’m not sure...
I don’t want him to become more upset
no one would be happy to know that their kid had been fooling them for months
was Jin-hyung feeling okay after he heard the truth, Tae?
actually he was surprisingly ok with it
laughed and hugged me with tears in his eyes
said he was proud of his sons for pulling this off
well I guess someone would be happy to know that their kid had been fooling them for months
I hope he’s not just pretending to be not upset... I’m worried
Sex on an inflatable bed, Min Yoongi!!!
I’m so proud of you!!!
ok he definitely ain’t upset
Sorry for overreacting back there
I’m okay now
I hope I didn’t ruin your holiday
You should go out and enjoy some resort activities with Yoongi-hyung
I’ll be okay
what is this nonsense
you weren’t overreacting
and you didn’t ruin anything
It was just... seeing him after such a long time
It was a bit overwhelming
He was there, he was real
Like, I always feel my heart jolt when I’m walking on the street and someone with the same physique comes along from the opposite direction
But then I’ll realize it’s not him
And feel simultaneously relieved and sad
But this time, it’s him
and I just
I don’t know
Why am I like this, hyung
do you want to try again? with Jin-hyung?
I mean exactly what I said
do you want to try again?
be honest with me
It wouldn’t work out
He doesn’t care about me that way anymore
forget about HIM, this is about YOU
stop being selfless for once and tell me, honestly
do you want to try again?
I will not ask twice
You already asked three times
that’s not the point, brat
the answer, now
and that’s all I need to hear from you today
Wait hyung what are you gonna do
Don’t do anything stupid hyung
Omg answer me Hoseok
This is Taetae now, right?
ya it’s me!
Cool, just making sure
This whole identity swap thing is still very confusing to me as you can see
sorry dad :(( we rly didnt mean to like dupe u or anything
Shh sweetie you’re fine
If it were me in your shoes
I’d definitely have done the same
You have my chaotic neutral genes
arent we adopted lol
Who cares about science if I say you have my DNA then you have my DNA
ok i have ur dna
So, having fun with Jiminie?
he’s with kookie snorkeling
dont wanna third wheel
You can still snorkel but from a distance
nah im kinda traumatized
heard there’s jellyfish in that area
and i was stung by a jellyfish when i was 10
it hurt so much :(((
but it wasn’t even the worst part
dad joon ripped that jellyfish right off me when he saw
and it kinda stung his hand
turned out he was allergic to jellyfish stings?
he nearly died on the way to the hospital
i felt so bad...
Wow you know what
When I’m home I’m gonna cook jellyfish for dinner
That’s for stinging my baby son and ex-husband
Yoongi created chat [hi Namjoon I’m here to complain about your son]
Yoongi added Namjoon to the chat
Yoongi added Taehyung to the chat
hi Namjoon I’m here to complain about your son
Ha, what did he do this time
tell him yourself kid
um I didn’t do anything wrong
YOU NEARLY DROWNED ME YOU LITTLE SHIT
I was panicking ok!!!
I was srsly fearing for my life
Guys calm down, what happened?
Are you all right?
we were snorkeling
but I saw jellyfish
i saw them on tv before!!
it’s the super poisonous and deadly kind ok!!
so i panicked and pulled uncle yoongi away from them
and he thought i was gonna drown him and got mad
well I’m not getting back in the fucking water again
come on maybe i saved ur life
imagine if u got stung
saw this toddler got stung late morning when I was working with the Parks
hope he’s still alive
Wow the ocean sounds pretty dangerous
stay near the shore and you’ll be fine lol
have you done sowing the seeds of paranoia
you’re the captain you’re not supposed to say aye
anyway, yes we’re done I think
I’ve got the yacht arranged
good thing I have that tour guide association discount
also contacted all the officials and the right ppl
now let’s wait a couple hours for it to simmer and then we act
where are the two other brats anyway
they’re having a violent underwater kissing session
im spying on them with my trusty binoculars
doesn’t it get awkward seeing someone who looks exactly like you kissing ppl
its kinda hot I think
goodness, 15-year-olds these days
It’s Kim Namjoon’s brother, Hoseok
No need to be so formal
I know you
You’re the one who had sex on an inflatable bed with Yoongichi
Please this is not the time
I’m sure you’re aware I don’t like you but this is kind of an emergency and I need your help
Oh wow you tell me you don’t like me and you’re still expecting me to help? Wow the audacity
Please I don’t know what to do
My brother got upset earlier and went out for a swim to clear his head
And apparently there’s a lot of jellyfish in that area
I don’t know what’s going on but they called to say they found him
The resort people are out there with him on a boat and it’s... not good
We’re taking a yacht to meet them
lol you think I’ll believe that bullshit?
Oh god why would I fucking lie to you about this
You can ask the fucking resort personnel, they’ll be coming over to pick you up very soon
If you don’t believe me surely you’ll believe THEM
The engine is so loud and I’m so dizzy and I’m fucking scared
I have no idea what’s happening but we need you
Taetae and Kookie are on the yacht already and they’re inconsolable
Please come for them if not me
Shit wow there’s ppl holding police ids at the door
I’m coming I’m coming
why are u not picking up the call
ugh I’ll just text
dad can u come over to the pier
the one we passed by this morning with the yachts??
Sorry, was in the shower
What’s going on, Tae?
idk we were just coming back from snorkeling and we saw some resort workers yelling about first aid and getting an ambulance and stuff
so I got curious and asked what happened
turned out some swimmer got stung by a jellyfish? they said it’s a portuguese man-o-war
and it’s bad
they’ve got him out of the water and are trying to revive him on a boat out there
and theyre sending a yacht to bring them more emergency supplies and stuff idk
so we’re on this yacht
its called the Elizabeth i think
By “we” you mean you and who else?
Why are you guys on the yacht
This has nothing to do with you
im with uncle yoongi
apparently its someone he knows??
said its his best friend
someone called kim sockjin or something idk
uncle yoongi is crying and im scared, i’ve never seen him cry before
i cant find uncle hobi
idk what to do pls come???
hurry the yacht is leaving soon pls dont leave me alone to deal with a crying uncle yoongi
Tell them to wait for me, please
r u guys all in position?
me and yoongi hyung are in the tiny room next to the cabin on the yacht!
I think you mean closet babe
Did I stutter? :)
we're in the tiny room next to the cabin guys
i never thought i would see this day
but damn Uncle Hobi be scary when he pissed
Never to you, my little angel <3
you guys are so cute
I wish I had an uncle like you, uncle Hobi :(
do you mean to say we aren't your uncles Jiminie?
Jiminie you're our family too :(
What do you mean you dont have uncles :(((
exactly Park Jimin
now you're gonna listen closely to me
we consider you as much family as those two little brats so don't you ever dare say that again unless you want a good kicking
thanfl yiu si muyg unxlr yppnfiand hncle hpni
"thank you so much uncle yoongi and uncle hobi"
he's so happy hes crying
Aish dont cry jimin <3
I would be offended that yoongi sent him a heart when he rarely sends me one if not for the fact that we have literally adopted jiminie lol
me sending you all the hearts i can
omg hyung stop ≧∇≦
im sorry hobi
i didnt know you felt that way :(
aish I was just teasing hyung!!!
I know you love me a lot you dont need to send me hearts to prove it
besides I already have the one heart that matters
I love you too Hoseokie <333
once you meet Jin Hyung please dont spend time with him
I dont want you to become any cheesier than you already are
Where are you guys right now?
we r in the cabin
peering out through the tinted windows
am I the only one whos scared that Taehyung isnt replying?
where is he??
he got in with us?
I am back my laddies
do you want me to chop of your fingers
because I dare you to say laddies again then
sorry uncle yoongi :(
why did u mke my bby sad???
if he wants to call us laddies then he'll damn well call us laddies
r u deliberately riling him up?
its funny seeing uncle hobi scream at uncle yoongi lol
hes so whipped omg
look whos talking
u'll understand the day u get a bf as precious as jiminie
there is no one as precious as him so ig u'll never know :)
this is when i regret bringing you out of your shell
kook do you think its gonna be alright
its too late to be thinking that now tae
but for what its worth
i think we'll be fine
but in the worst case if things go to shit
prmoise me we wont fall out of touch
i promise kookie
I am sorry taehyung
thats okay uncle yoongi!
also to answer your question
I am positioned under the table!!!
umm Tae isnt that a little risky?
like you could easily get caught?
what jiminie means to say is thats its dumb and come out before you suffocate and die
awww i knew you cared uncle Yoongi! <3
I just dont want you to mess up our plans by being in the wrong place
I feel so loved
but its okay! the tablecloth is long enough to cover me and there are tiny holes so I can breathe!
besides i dont want to fifth wheel you guys ew
so u dont mind third wheeling our dads?
hush its for a cause
you wouldnt understand
ur a fetus after all
we r the same age!!!
my friend says Jin hyung's almost here
ooh I can see him!
he looks worried
rly worried damn
uncle Hobi u sure did pull out the big guns
well what can I say
I am an underappreciated genius
but I am the genius in this relationship
Min Suga. Genius.
those two words should be enough to describe me
this isnt the idolverse
quit your sappy stuff!!!
Dad joon's here too!
we literally did nothing?
do i look like I give a fuck lame-d-ssi
ESPECIALLY RN WHEN THEY'RE BOTH SEEING EACH OTHER
they just realised they were tricked lol
dads cursing XD
oh fuck dad joons trying to run
oh hush yoongi
this is more important!
kookie tell us whats happening
lol uncle yoongi
but urgh this place is shitty i cant see anything!
should i lift the table cloth a bit?
you guys are no fun
whats HAPPENING YOU DICKHEAD
omg i cant believe that one of the staff just pushed uncle joon in lol
and while he was stumbling to get up
uncle jin ran over all worried
and they untied the yacht
so they dont have any way off now lol
uncle hobi you're not a genius
ur an evil mastermind wow
Joon-ah this is your second chance
Don't live the rest of your life regretting stuff
Tell him the truth
tell me whats happening
why's Jin hyung here
thank you thank you
also wheres kook?
hes rolling on the floor laughing
like LITERALLY rolling
uncle jin tried to help uncle joon except he tripped over a coil of rope and both of them almost fell overboard
their faces were hilarious
why am I even surprised at this point
theyre such messes
okay I am fine now lol
... wait uncle hobi doesnt the captain know korean?
ofc I do wtf Kookie???
I was talking abt the actual captain you idiot
because rn dad joon is trying to talk to him to get him to turn back
and hes not responding to korean or english
I dont even want to know what you did
I may or may not have asked him to not reply to Joon??
uncle hobi adopt me
same uncle hobi!
no thank you
Jiminie's my only child
I don't adopt devils
Have I ever told you how much I love you Hoseokie?
because I rly do
So so much <3
I love you too uncle fbf fjend
he dropped the phone laughing XD
omg this is gold
i wish i had filmed it damn!
like dad joon
wait can i just call him RM? all this ‘dad joon’ and ‘dad jin’ stuff this is getting tedious
ofc my trusty mate
and dad jin can be WWH
he means world wide handsome duh
okay so RM was trying to mime returning to the shore to the captain
and he smacked WWH right on the face omg
i love them so much
he looks so constipated now
so basically he looks like u
why's taehyung so savage all of a sudden
Kookie doesnt look constipated!!!!
anyways theyre coming closer to the table
I can hear them now
im gonna open the window a bit
if you get caught i'll throw you to the sharks :)
he didnt even threaten me
and yet I am trembling
... is it wrong if I say that you being all dominating is a bit of a turn on?
ewwww THIS IS A PG-13 RATED CHAT YOU FUCKER
its okay babe
but if you decide we should make out here and our cover gets blown I'll chop your balls off :)))
uncle yoongi are you sure that its uncle hobi down there and not uncle Jin?
doppelgangers wouldnt have dimples
and jins shoulders wouldnt even fit inside the closet
but you're right...he does sound a lot like jin hyung
now I am wondering if we should really help them become brothers in law
listen I just want my brother to be happy okay
and you fuckers could potentially ruin it so...
THEY SAT DOWN!
Please don't tell me the chair broke
YES IT DID XD
This is hilarious I am peeking out from under and dad joon looks like hes contemplating swimming back to the shore
and dad jin's covering his mouth but hes laughing!!??
by dad jin u mean WWH!
stick to the codenames capn
WWH just pulled RM up and dragged a crate from the corner to make a makeshift chair lmao
wait can we change the name WWH reminds me of world war for some reason
just go with RJ
RJs his fave line character to use
while bugging me
now go on
feed us more content
okay so theyre talking and this is so awkward lol
"so um... you look good jin hyung"
"I look like a homeless person namjoon-ah"
"... I meant you looked rly casual - like new fashion, avant garde and... yeah"
jesus why is namjoonie so awkward
you told me I looked like a sexy potato when we started dating and I came over to your studio
I dont think you're in any place to judge, baby :)
you WHAT?! OMG
wow looks like I have got the best boyfriend then <3
you should hear him compliment me
I hear it all. the. time
“Minie's got a bit of a praise kink uwu”
“he's so cute”
“and mochi like”
what was the thud I heard?
Kook are you okay
and that was the resident mochi tripping into the floor blushing from embarassment
whats he so cute for?!!
KIM TAEHYUNG I AM GONNA FUCKING MURDER YOU.
anyways let me go on
it just got interesting
"Namjoon-ah did you know they swapped, our kids?"
"Um they swapped? Tae's been living with me all this time and - "
"... I guess that does explain how he suddenly had abs one day and how he could totally pick up Hobi single handedly?"
"He loves working out a little err too much"
RM is laughing really hard now he almost knocked over the plate!!!
"But honestly Namjoon, you have done a better job than me in raising our kid"
"No hyung!!! Kook is - "
"No let me speak joon-ah. taes honestly turned out into such a gem and has such a huge heart and maybe you should have taken them both with you"
he looks so sad :(
i want to give him a hug
Kook's sniffling into my shoulder mumbling about how RJ is such a good dad
and he is!!! :(
dammit jin hyung!
I thought he had gotten over that phase
but clearly he hasnt
wtf are they both so insecure for?!!
THEY HAVE RAISED AMAZING KIDS ALL BY THEMSELVES WTF
also are you okay kookie angel?
yeah uncle hobi
i just got a little sad
like we can hear them and dads voice is so sad :((
jiminie hug my bro for me will you
already on it!
"hyung, listen to me. I think we both did the best we could with our situations. It's okay. what matters now is what we do next."
"What do we do, Joon-ah?"
"How long are you staying here hyung?"
"Two more days joonie"
"then we'll spend them together as family, hyung. I know we went separate ways because we thought it would be better off that way but I cant do this anymore, hyung... i cant forget you or us and I want to try..."
"so you’re saying we should try again... for two days...and then?"
"and then... we'll come to a decision"
"but the kids? wont they be sad?"
OMG WHY ARE THEY WORRYING ABT US NOW URGH I JUST WANT TO KNOCK SOME SENSE INTO THEM SO BAD CAN I INTERFERE UNCLE HOBI?
they're dumb but they'll get there
why dont they want to be happy :(((
they just decided that in case it doesnt work out they'll have us swap houses every week wtf
WTF I WANT MY ENTIRE FAMILY BACK
THEY LOVE EACH OTHER WHY WONT THEY JUST ADMIT IT
i get you guk-ah
but they have been through a lot
and they need time
like they still love the person they loved all those years back
but you have got to remember that both of them changed a lot
who knows if they'll work out now
I am sorry kid
I want them back together too but them being happy is more important
Kookie is crying again
... saying smth about wanting to hug you?
I am coming
I want a hug too :(((
sorry RJ just kicked me
hes apologising to RM
who looks rly confused
dad kicked me!!!
wtf are they playing footsie under the table or what
your sacrifice will be remembered
now quit being a drama queen and tell us whats happening
are you salty uncle yoongi is here?
hes coming back to you now!
RJ just took RM's hand
i cant hear them urgh
"I thought i was the only one, joon-ah... and I want to try... I really do"
"I am glad Jin hyung"
"we have got a lot to talk about tho"
"we'll take this slowly... and not mess up... not like the first time"
"yes... are you hungry?"
"not really jin hyung, your beauty is enough to satiate my hunger"
WHY ARE THEY SO PRECIOUS
THEYRE BOTH SMILING SO SOFTLY AT EACH OTHER NOW
AND DAD IS SERVING FOOD
I KNEW IT
THEY'LL MAKE UP NOW
also we're closing the window guys
me and kookie think they deserve the privacy
lets let them be for now
ffs just admit you want to make out with your bfs and go
making lame excuses
ik I am the only true namjin shipper in this house...
wow you guys actually left
urgh i am bored
no one loves me
I am going to go back to my kingdom under the sea where ppl will finally appreciate me
can you pls stop spamming the chat with messages?
thank you :)
okay uncle hobi
Updates every Sunday <3
uh hey hyung
are the kids asleep?
I just wanted to tell you I had a good day today!!!
they are... don't worry
they were both out seconds after they hit the bed
what about Tae
That dinner was really fun Joonie
I am so glad they did that for us
Tae's snoring into my chest hehe
You're not mad that they were on the yacht are you?
I just pretended to be pissed but you know me
How could I be mad when the idiots just wanted us to be happy
And I am proud of hobi and yoongi for managing to make out in such a cramped space lmao
Though it did come as a bit of a shock to me when I saw Jimin kissing Kook lol
Omg same hyung!
I thought that was Tae and I started panicking because he had never mentioned a guy before even though I know he's gay and I was like when did my son even meet this guy?!!
I was wondering when tae and jimin had become more than just friends lol
and why they didn't tell me
jiminie is an angel though honestly
the poor kid's parents don't even care about him
they think money is a substitute for love :(
that's just sad hyung :(
I am glad he's happy with tae and kook then
but yeah money doesn't equate with love
tbh money is important but there are other things more important than that
I am sorry Joon
I was so dumb gods
Like when my relatives kept looking down on you I was so pissed that I thought that maybe if I could set up a studio for you they would respect you more
I belittled your dream by offering you money and that was so insensitive of me like I get why you wanted to break up with me
Oh hyung it's okay :(
It wasn't entirely your fault either
I didn't really try explaining to you what my music meant to me
And instead just got insecure when you were hanging out with your wealthier cousin on the day of that last get-together
omg it wasn't your fault joonie :(
You had to take care of the sick twins all on your own while I was off gallivanting with Hyunsik and the others
I honestly get you
None of it was your fault
It wasn't your fault either hyung
You had every right to be with them when all I had been to you was unpleasant and downright rude
I called you a pampered shit and that was mean because you're one of the most down-to-earth people I have ever known and I belittled your dream too!
Insulted your dreams of opening a huge restaurant and said that your family name was the only thing that would make it famous
Which was wrong because today your restaurant chain is the most sought-after in the city and its because of you and YOUR FOOD
I’m sorry for saying you would never be able to take care of a kid on your own
you did such a good job with tae
Gods I am sorry for so manj thibss
Hyung are you crying?
Hyungie I am sorry
Let's just stop saying sorry
the past is in the past and I want our remaining two days to be as happy as today was
And then hopefully we'll know
God yes I want that
There were a few activities I had in mind
Maybe we should do those?
Like stingray kissing and buggy rides?
Hyung aren't you terrified of stingrays?
And I can't really drive a buggy so..
You like stingrays and thats all that matters
I can handle them for you
As for the buggy, I'll drive
It doesn't matter
I just want to spend time with you
And the kids
we should have a barbeque on the last night
All of us
the kids, you, me, hobi and Yoongi hyung
I'll see you at eight for breakfast tomorrow morning then?
Good night Jooniebug <3
Good night Jinnie hyung <3
Hyung? You awake?
Thank you hyung
I didn't get a chance to tell you earlier
but thank you so much
you, Yoongi hyung and the kids
For everything you did to give us this chance
Aish namjoonie why are you thanking me
It's my responsibility as your older brother to make sure you smile
And I would get you the stars if that was what it took
Doing this was nothing compared to that
But tbh it was the boys who did most of the planning and made me see there was a way to make you happy again
But still, they wouldn't have been able to do it without your help or approval so thanks for having faith in me
Right now, I feel lighter than I have felt in ages, more hopeful, and that's thanks to you
Then I am happy baby
You aren't mad Tae and Kook switched are you?
And that they fooled you?
Naah, I think I knew
In one of the corners of my mind
I just didn't want to accept it
And you did it for a cause
Besides I would never be able to remain mad at those little angels
more like devils but yeah
So what have you guys decided to do?
You ask me like you don’t already know lol
But I'll be a nice brother and let it slide because I know you do it out of love
So yeah, we have decided to give it a try
And see where things go over the course of the next two days
what do YOU want, though, joonie-ah?
I don't think I want to let go of him a second time hyung
But I don't think I'll really know until the next two days are up
We spoke a lot
It felt cathartic
Hyung is so happy for you Joonie
You deserve to be happy
And no matter what your decision is, know that I'll be beside you
Thank you Hobi hyung
I don't think I have ever thanked you for everything you have done for me over the years
But I wouldn't be who I am if not for you
So thank you so much
And I'll let you get back to Yoongi hyung now before he gets grumpy hehe
Good night hyung <3
and you don't ever need to thank me
You're my baby brother and my everything <3
Also Yoongi hyung says fuck off and that he loves you too
Tell him I love him too but that I won't hesitate to kick him in the balls if he makes you sad :)
[Article from food critic Hyosang's blog : Kidohcritiques]
EatJin's Kim Seokjin Spotted at Luxurious Maldives Five Star Resort with Ex-Husband!
Before you start reading, let me make it clear that this isn't Kidoh the food critic but Kidoh the fanboy at the laptop, so if you're not here to hear me gush about Kim Seokjin you may leave right now.
So you know those lame ass trips your family makes you take to see ducks and geese and sand, claiming they'll help you bond better with your relatives? Yeah, so if you're like me, then you probably hate those with a passion. I always fake headaches to get out of the outdoor activities. But this time, yours truly got dragged out of his comfortable duck-feather bed to go kiss sea pancakes, oops I meant stingrays. Now, I was rightfully pissed, because imagine the injustice of having to leave the comfort of your air-conditioned room and the full mini-cooler to bond with slimy sea creatures. But the moment we got there, well, that was when I decided that I would give my firstborn to my family and praise them till the end of my life.
Because who did I see? My favourite chef, the one and only Kim Seokjin. Yes folks, EatJin's CEO Kim Seokjin. And to top it all, I saw him in the arms of Kim Namjoon (underground rapper with illegal dimples and great lyrics anyone?), his ex-husband. Now for those of you who have only recently started following this blog and do not know of my love for this Worldwide Handsome chef slash successful CEO slash single father, let me give you a little bit of history. (And if you think I am being biased... Yes. I am being biased. Now fuck off.)
Close to a decade ago, a couple of years before he opened his first branch of EatJin in Seoul, Seokjin had been happily married to Kim Namjoon. Or so they say, I wouldn't know. I wasn't their neighbour or the FBI agent tracking his phone (and mind you I might be wrong because Jin has always kept his personal life separate from his private and has ALWAYS very charismatically deflected all my questions throughout these years so I had to depend on the scraps thrown to me by his staff). And together they adopted two kids. That's right folks, two. Not one kid we know nothing about. But twins (that's two kids we know nothing about now because surprise surprise Kim Namjoon kept his son out of his own privileged underground circle too). And then three years later they got a divorce. End of story.
So now, to spot those two together, years later, laughing like they were in their own world, was nothing short of astonishing. So being the awesome person that I was I watched them. They were cute, to be quite honest. Especially when Jin got scared by them nasty sea creatures and ran straight for Namjoon's chest, refusing to look up, while the rapper held him tight with such an unbelievably fond look on his face. And not to mention the buggy trip they took that evening with Jin driving, his ex-husband's hand clasped tightly in his, and the little picnic they had at the top of hill. What this spells for their relationship I do not know. I don't know if they're getting back together or if they have decided to stay friends, but what I do know is that I am going to stop here right now because I intend to catch him tonight before he leaves and at least get a selca, desperate that I am.
Your favourite food critic,
Jikook + Tae
im sad guys :(
we leave in a couple of hours :(
im gonna miss you TaeTae :(((
im scared things will go back to what they were before once we go back
am I the only one being paranoid?
naah I get you
im like what if suddenly our dads think everyrhing was better before this mess
and they are like cool you dont have a brother anymore :(
guys come on!!!
you know both of them
they would never stop you from seeing each other
or do anything that would make you unhappy
besides they were so happy together the past two days!
and you saw them at the barbeque yesterday night!
You think that's all for waste?
but still i am scared
like i dont want them to live apart
I wanna live together with dad joon and hobi and uncle yg and wake up to pet yeontan and
I know kookie :(
I can't imagine life without jiminie or you or dad jin now that I know how it can be
But i don't want to be selfish and force them to be together when they're not ready for it
What have they told you
that they need some more time to figure things out :(
what if we go back and we forget everything
like if everything ends up a dream
or they managed to add a potion in our food that erases our memories
i swear the fried rice tasted weird!!!!
Omg noo I dont want to forget you guys :((
omg guys WHAT is wrong with the two of you
WHY WOULD THEY DO THAT
AND MAGIC ISN'T REAL
YOU CAN SEE SOUL COLOURS YIU CANT TELL US MAGIC IS LNT REAL
are you guys done packing though?
do you want to maybe go to the beach one last time?
the three of us together?
before we leave?
i'll be there in 5
For what its worth guys
I think it's gonna be okay <3
Updates every Sunday <3
hey taetae how’ve u been
was nice finally reuniting with lisa and co
how u been?
Kookie been treating u well?
he brings me roses every day
im running out of space in my room
u deserve all the roses in the world <3
wait why do we still have a Project Namjin chat
Namjin are fine now as far as I can tell
they talk nonstop on the phone every day
I’m srsly worried about our bills for this month
Joonie’s been so happy
he sings in the shower now all the time
my poor ears
yeah Namjin are happy now but we gotta keep this chat because
I miss having us all together :((
I miss jiminie and kookie
I miss u guys too :((
same, I miss u all :(
yeah, I miss u guys as well
uncle yoongi its ur turn now
u gotta say u miss us to complete the cycle
no way lol
take ur time gathering ur courage, im very patient~
geez ok fine
I miss you people, happy now?
and who named me yoonyoon
what the fuck is a yoonyoon
its because we’re worried u wouldnt want to be called Gigi
that’s right, I wouldn’t
doesn’t mean yoonyoon is acceptable
oh I have the perfect solution
Kookoo has changed “Yoonyoon” to “Meow Meow”
there, all better
I’m 36 yrs old I do not deserve this shit
hey at least it’s cute right?
anyway, what’s up?
why did you text us, Tae?
i just missed u guys
we’re literally in the same room
jiminie and kookie are hours away :((
and I also miss dad jinnie
I miss him so much I made a sim of him
look he’s here molding clay while dad joon is on the ground
why the heck is he on the ground
and you need better hobbies
ur one to talk, u have a sim of uncle hobi as well
wait, you do?
Ok fine I do, here’s a screenshot of sim! you aggressively watching Namjoon play the violin
he doesn’t even play the violin
what about jiminie???
do u have a sim of me too???
i need attention!!!!
of course lol ur right here
making a painting and sexily thinking about money
sounds about right
and here’s my sim talking to mr. cumberbatch
who’s mr. cumberbatch
that’s the guy who’s gonna rent an apartment to uncle hobi and uncle yoongi
wait u 2 are moving out?
yeah we’re planning to
it’s not like my room has enough space for 2 and hyung can’t keep sleeping on the floor
but it’s ok bc the place is super close!
like just around the corner!
we’ll still come around and visit every single day
or else we’ll miss tannie too much, u know?
of course we’ll miss you too, baby
but yeah we’ll visit all the time so it’ll be like we never left
also it frees up my room... so when Jin-hyung finally decides to move in with your other dad he can have a place to sleep as well
but what if jin-ssi wants to sleep with namjoon-ssi?
well then Kookie can use my old room
but what if I want to sleep with taetae?
then tannie can use my old room
but what if tannie wants to sleep with me and kookie?
then we convert my old room into a sauna
but what if the sauna wants to sleep with me, kookie and tannie?
kid I hate to break it to you but saunas do not have free will
a sauna sounds rly nice!
but why will jin-ssi and kookie be moving to ur place instead of u guys moving over to jin-ssi’s place
his house has enough room for everyone
and an outdoor pool with a waterfall
see, we adults have been discussing this for a while
the place where Jinnie-hyung is based in doesn’t have an underground rap scene
and Joon works in a fixed location while Jin-hyung has restaurants everywhere so he maintains them online
so he can relocate here without much problem
besides, Kookie seems to like Taetae’s school better than his own
so it’d be better if they just pack and move here
and everyone’s happy
but im not happy
shit hyung I fucked up
you sure did
it’s just that I see the brats as a whole package and completely forgot that Jiminie in fact has another set of parents and can’t move here
shit he’d be so sad when they eventually leave
bc they will
they’ve already decided?
I’m surprised they told you first instead of me, shouldn’t I be Jin-hyung’s best friend?
yeah but I’m also the one who works in the travel industry and can help him create a nice airbnb post so
he already listed his mansion on airbnb lol he’s not gonna stay in it for much longer anymore
damn they shoulda told me first but yeah makes sense then
Jin-hyung definitely would need your help in writing a decent airbnb description
his first draft was horrendous
I had to tell him like “no hyung you can’t write ‘I’m letting y’all use my beautiful mansion because I’m moving back in with my hot af ex-husband lol btw here’s his soundcloud account isn’t he AMAZING’, your potential boarders don’t want to know about this”
lmao that’s totally something he’d do
so... yeah, guess they really do have plans to move
god what do we tell Jiminie
like I haven’t interacted with him much but he’s rly sweet, Kookie has good taste
what do we tell him
wish I knew
can u promise me
to take care of kookie for me when I’m gone
give him lots of hugs
fight everyone who dares to be rude to him for being shy
carry him to a bed when he falls asleep on the floor
comfort him when he loses in overwatch
well I can only promise to give him lots of hugs
cant promise the rest
bc he’s better at fighting than me and never loses in overwatch
and is too heavy for me to carry
but i promise to perform the hug duties to the best of my ability
why do u say “when I’m gone”? where are u going?
my parents got a big case there which might turn into some kind of long-term thing
so we’re moving
we’ll be in different time zones
if kookie needs someone but I’m sleeping
pls be there for him in my stead
do u even speak enough english to go to a high school there
I’ll have to go to a language school thing beforehand
its pretty expensive and my parents arent happy about it either
they dont particularly want me there with them I think
they dont rly bother to hide the fact lmao
but its not like we have a choice
im a minor, they cant leave me living on my own in Korea
well what if u get someone else to be ur temporary guardians then
actually my parents did ask around
asked our relatives, colleagues, neighbors, even some random dude who’s passing by walking a dog
its no secret they dont want me with them lol
they were all like
we’ll pay u handsomely! and jimin always minds his own business so all u have to do is feed him!
and he’s gonna be off to college in a couple of yrs so u will be rid of him then!!
unfortunately no one they asked wanted to take me in either
no one wants me
we want u
come live with us
i mean it
we’ll have a spare room after the uncles move out right?
we dont need a sauna
haha thanks for offering
that would be wonderful but like
i dont think ur parents or mine would be too happy to have their son literally live under the same roof with their boyfriend lol
well then uncle hobi and uncle yoongi can take u
they have 3 bedrooms in their new apartment and they only need 1
and they’re only renting so mr. cumberbatch doesnt let them convert the rest to something else
they have 2 spare bedrooms minnie
that’s a lot
i dont wanna impose
they’ve only just begun dating right
I’d be third wheeling
i cant do that, as much as I’d love to live with them
ok let me clarify
ur not just saying u’d love to live with them to be polite right
like, u rly DO want to live with them right
of course wtf
it’d be like a dream come true
like im sure california is a cool place but I’ll be so far away from my bf
so far away from u
and my parents would be happy to have me outta their hair
of course i want to
but i can’t take advantage of the kindness of ur uncles
u wont be taking advantage of them
I’ll let them tell u themselves, its quicker
im sitting right next to them anyway and they already know what we’re discussing
Taetae has added Yoongi and Hoseok to the chat
what is it that I hear from my baby nephew
that you need a place to stay?
say no more
Yoongi-hyung and I will have our own apartment
but we also want to go on cute couple dates all over the world
so we need someone to house-sit
feed our ferrets when we’re traveling, which is often
will u be that someone, my dear Jiminie?
u have FERRETS???
their names are jin and joon
omg I need to touch the ferrets
knew you can’t say no to this exclusive offer
srsly speaking, Jimin
we really do need someone to house-sit
we’ve got 3 trips planned already for next year
Nairobi, Porto, Aomori
but don’t worry, when we’re not around someone in Tae and kookie’s household will come stay the night with you lol we can’t let a minor live in our apartment alone
so what do you say? sounds like your parents won’t mind
they definitely wont mind lol they like u
they said ur the only interpreter they ever had who could accurately translate their drunk speech
see, I had a lot of practice with Jin-hyung
so, it’s settled
ur gonna come stay with us
i cant believe it
im so happy... ><
haha now run along and tell your boyfriend the good news, kid
speaking of good news
Joon told me today he and Jinnie-hyung’s got something to announce to everyone tonight
so don’t be alarmed if we all get dragged into a big chat, guys
ok!! i hope it’s some rly good news!!
they’re just prob gonna announce that they’re gonna try again and your whole family is gonna move in together lol
ya that’s prob it
where did Jiminie go?
there’s no point for the 3 of us to all be texting when we’re sitting in the same room
jiminie’s gone off to blab to kookie about moving in with u guys lol
they’re talking nsfw stuff now, think they’re in a private chat
but the fact is i had access to kookie’s account and never logged out
so I can see it
u don’t want to know
I want to, we translators need to stay up-to-date with the lingo of the youngsters
it means No Socks For Winter
that sounds unhealthy
I’ll buy them many socks
I love my soft boyfriend
A couple of months later...
EatJin's CEO Kim Seokjin Exchanges Vows With Ex-Husband, Bighit's Kim Namjoon
Love was in the air yesterday as EatJin's CEO Kim Seokjin got married again to ex-husband and co-founder of Bighit Entertainment, Kim Namjoon, at a cosy private ceremony in the Myeongdong Cathedral. It's been a long journey for this celebrity couple to get to where they are right now and we at The Korea Herald were honoured to have been invited to the ceremony which boasted less than 50 people in attendance, all of them close to the men of the moment.
The ceremony, which started roughly at around 5.30, saw their sons, Kim Taehyung and Kim Jungkook as the flower boys along with Park Jimin, a friend, all decked in white and looking handsome. Kim Hoseok, Namjoon's brother, was his best man while Min Yoongi, co-founder of recently started Bighit Entertainment along with Namjoon and a close family friend, was Seokjin's.
The vows, original ones, clearly showed the love the couple held for each other, if it wasn't evident in their gazes. There was music, joy and tears as the boys sang 'Love', a composition by Namjoon for Seokjin, and then laughter as the newlyweds took to the dancefloor. In the midst of all of that, Min Yoongi had been spotted twirling a blushing Kim Hoseok. Truly, 'tis the season for love.
The newlyweds were gracious enough to grant us a few moments of their time after the ceremony ended to answer a few of our questions (and questions which most of the public has, we know), an excerpt of which is given at the end. We at The Korea Herald wish them a happy married life and hope they never fall out of love again.
TKH : It's been over a decade since you got a divorce. And yet right now, you're here again. What changed?
KNJ : *looks fondly at Seokjin* I think we never fell out of love in the first place. And it took us our sons and their love for us to finally see it for ourselves.
TKH : You keep mentioning your sons' involvement in this? What do you mean?
KSJ : *laughs* I think that's a story for another time, but really, they're the reason we are here.
TKH : It's a pretty huge commitment to get re-married. Are you confident you can make it work this time around? Especially now that you have two sons to think of?
KSJ : We have always done everything keeping our sons in mind so I hope you aren't implying that we would do something that would hurt them.
KNJ : And yes, we are aware. Just like we knew staying apart would be better for us all those years back, now we know that it's time for us to get back together.
TKH : You guys have been the hot topic for quite some time, creating waves with your stance on violence against youth. Can you tell us more about your partnership with UNICEF? And the hinted-at UN speech?
KNJ : I don't think that's really a topic we want to touch today. *laughs sheepishly* But we have always wanted to create a better world for our children and the future generation...
KSJ : Also, we don't really have time to address rumours right now, if you'll excuse us, we have a lot of guests to greet and a honeymoon to pack for.
TKH : Last question, but could you tell us where you're planning to go for on your honeymoon?
KSJ : *laughs* We would rather not be stalked by the paparazzi, so we'll have to decline. But you'll know once we're back. We'll post pictures.
KNJ : And now we really need to go.
Hobi where are the brats? I haven't seen them since Kook tripped Tae and he fell into the cake
And we need to leave right now
The plane is in an hour and Jin hyung's freaking out
Like I normally enjoy seeing him worked up but right now it's annoying because Namjoon is making out with him to distract him IN FRONT OF MY FUCKING SALAD and I don't want his moans to be stuck in my head
FUCK I WANT TO BLEACH MY EARS
Do they or do they not want to send their parents off on their honeymoon?
They aren't with you hyung?
I thought they were?
And Omg wow XD
But aren't they so cute???
They might be really cute baby
when they pull out chairs for each other or call each other cute gross petnames like 'Jooniebug' and 'Jinniebear'
or when Jin teaches Joon to cook or cut onions
NOT when Namjoon's sucking hickies into Jin's neck
Does HE WANT TO DEVOUR HIM?!!
I AM STILL IN THE CAR?!!!
I think he wants to EatJin ;)
I give up
Why don't you just get out of the car then?
unless you're into voyeurism?
*side eyes you*
YHE FUCK HOBI
I am here because I am scared that they'll full on have sex if I leave the car
AND THE PLANE IS AN HOUR
thank god lmao
wait gimme a sec I think I spot Kook
why is he lugging a black bag with him to the car
and looking around warily like he's scared someone will spot him?
oh no no no
' everybody say NO'
NOT THE TIME HOBI
ARE THEY PLANNING TO STOWAWAY ON THE PLANE?
DO THEY HAVE TICKETS?
DO THEY INTEND TO FOLLOW THOSE TWO TO MALTA?!
Hyung you can't stow away on planes lol
BUT WHAT JESUS HOBI TWLL ME WHAT
They might have tickets
I mean I think that's what Tae's holding in his hand along with three passports
NO THEY ARENT GOING TO DO THIS
I DONT EVEN WANNA KNOW HOW THEY HAVE TICKETS BUT THEY ARENT GOING TO MALTA
JOON AND JIN NEED TO BE LEFT ALONE TO GET OUT 12 YEARS WORTH OF SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
AND THEY CANT DO IT WITH THE KIDS THERE
and while Jiminie is responsible enough the twins will drive him crazy!!!
well then I guess they just need a responsible adult to look after them amirite?
or a couple of responsible adults?
Hobah i love you BUT NO
What was that hyung? You want business class tickets?
Ofc I'll book them right away!
and its so sweet of you to remember I always wanted to visit Malta :)
I guess I should pack then?
Fuck... WHY am I even doing this
I'll do it
Find out where the brats booked hotel tickets and do the same for us
Hopefully Joon and Jin are still decent by tje time I come back
I am NOT responsible if the kids are scarred
I love you Yoonie <3
I love you too you menace <333
Okay - D
can I ask you why you want to stalk your dads
all they're gonna be doing is wilding out there
i havr no idea what youre talking abt
Okay - D
oh cut it out
ur uncle already booked tickets for the two of us too and a room in the same hotel as you guys
because we wanna see them be happy
and take loads of pics
and also because they'll start missing us in like n hour and return back home by the next flight
besides we wanna see Malta too
Okay - D
I can't even argue with that logic
urgh you're too sweet
but ur not gonna show yoursleves unless necessary okay?
can do! :)
also thanks for coming along
I dont think any of us knows how to check in and check out or get to our hotels hehe
or speak the language
Okay - D
what would you have even said if you were ordering food then lol
how did you decide this was a good idea
we were hoping you nd uncle hobi would spot us and follow us hehe
also see I know enough english for that!
if i want them to bring my food together I would have said 'TOGETHER, BAAM'!!!
Okay - D
YOU SET US UP DELIBERATELY?!!
why am i even surprised
and together, baam
Well now I’m glad I’m coming along
u wouldnt survive a minute out there
get all ur bags in the car
we gotta leave now
aye aye capn
Yoongi hyung malta is so pretty!!!!
thank you so much for agreeing!
and also for agreeing to get the groceries hehe
minnie is helping me set up our rooms!
ur welcome baby <3
we are almost done here!
oh fuck fuck fuckd
Jin hyung just walked into the shop and the twins are missing wtf
OKAY WAIT I SEE THEM TAE WHAT
OMG hyung are you alright?
Tae just randomly picked up a baby in a stroller and is now making cooing noises at it while Jungkook's using vegetables as weights WTF
at least Jin hyung walked out thank god
You should go get them hyung lol
before Tae gets thrown in for kidnapping
urgh going going
the brat's giving me puppy eyes noW
HES ASKING ME TO ADOPT THE BABY WTF
AND KOOK IS ASKING ME TO ADOPT THE APPLE
What did I ever do in my life to deserve this
fall in love with me lol
u aren't regretting it are you
I dont thimk i'll ever regret that hobi
even if i have to deal with two toddlers on a daily basis
you guys are family okay
you guys are my world
ehu dod you habe to mahe mr cry
i love you too yoongi hyung <3
I love you too you big baby
Now I gotta go catch my two nephews again before we get permanently banned <3
Jikook + Tae
TaeTae changed the chat name to Project Yoonseok
but aren't they already together?
I think what Tae means
is that its time to get uncle yg to propose
becayse hes a chicken who'll never do it on his own
And this is why your my bro kookie
i knew you would get it uwu
So you guys in?
lets get this show started then :)
Yay!! Thank you so much for making it to the end! (ﾉ´ヮ´)ﾉ*: ･ﾟ I'm really glad what started as a random idea grew to be this long and I wanna thank my cowriter @s for being awesome and spicing up the storyline because if it were only me writing it there would be zero plot (ᗒᗩᗕ) We hope you enjoyed this journey, we sure did enjoy writing it! Love u all!（˶′◡‵˶）-N
Like @N said, thank you so much for showering this fic, which started because of one picture, with so much love and leaving sweet comments everywhere!!! In all reality it would have ended up really sombre and serious if it was just me, so thank you @N for adding your unique brand of humour and fluff to it! Love you all and we hope to see you guys again on our future works together<333 -S