The corridor was silent except for the occasional sounds of the air-conditioners. The lights turned on with his steps but he didn’t have the heart to notice as there was too much going on in Yoongi’s mind.
He was absentmindedly carrying his body to nowhere in particular. The only thing that mattered was that he was moving so maybe, just maybe his body would concentrate on controlling his movements rather that pitying himself, but it was to no avail. Yoongi should have known better; it was always like this. He could never escape his thoughts no matter how much he wanted.
He shook his head as if trying to clear his brain when he noticed something from the corner of his eye. The dance studio’s light was on. Wait… was he on the second floor already? He didn’t even remember how he got there from the 7th floor. This question was followed by a more important one; why was there light in the room? The cleaners were always strict when it came to their duties (Mina auntie was the backbone of this company’s cleaning for a reason), he knew for sure that it wasn’t an accident, so the only other explanation was that there was someone, but who? He knew for sure that Namjoon and the rest of his crew form the music production had long left the building. Only he stayed, claiming that he had a song to finish and couldn’t leave it. Maybe Namjoon came back to check up on him? But then again he would have gone to the 7th floor not the 2nd, plus he was sure Namjoon had a date if his carefully combed hair and blushing cheeks were any indication.
Come to think of if, the dance crews and trainees usually occupied the second floor, since all the dance studios were located there. To be honest, it was pretty smart of Seokjin to separate them like this. The first floor was the model’s, the second- the dancers, the third- the singers, the forth-groups, the fifth-the trainees, the sixth- the managing stuff, the seventh- the music production team, and the eight was the boss’s and the rest of the stuff and personnel. It made it much easier to know where someone or something would be.
So it had to be one of the dancers? Or even trainees? Yoongi knew for sure how the poor kids spent days and nights in that room to the point of passing out, although after Seokjin became the new CEO, he made sure the kids didn’t take training to far. Bless him and his mother instincts.
Yoongi didn’t even notice that he had long stopped walking and was staring at the illuminated curtains of the dance studio. To be fair, Yoongi was never a curious person, he didn’t give a shit about anything or anyone as long as it/they didn’t have anything to do with him. But then again it was 3am and he was strolling in his workplace pathetically trying to stop himself from thinking so why not. After all, the light distracted him enough not to think about the phone call, so maybe scolding the trainee for staying late would prolong his distraction.
With these thoughts in mind he opened the door of the dance hall, not even bothering to knock, but what he saw there definitely wasn’t what he expected to see.
There, in the far corner of the hall was someone crying- no not crying, full-on sobbing their heart out. The person’s shoulders were shaking from the force of their sobs. They were hugging their knees to their chest, and it made them seem so small and so pitiful. Yoongi couldn’t take the sight. Whoever they were, they needed help, but what could Yoongi do? There were a lot of things Yoongi was good at and much more things he wasn’t. Sadly, consoling someone was topping the list of the things Yoongi sucked at. He avoided his emotions for so long that he could barely handle them, how could he help someone else do that? The last time he saw Namjoon crying in the studio, he turned around and run away because he simply didn’t know how to help him. And that was basically his best friend and his brother, so what good he could bring to the poor person crying in front of him. He mused the idea of running again like the coward he was, but then he looked at the crying mess in front of him and just couldn’t do it. No matter how much he hated doing it, no matter how much he sucked at it and how uncomfortable it made him but he had to help that person.
So Yoongi took a deep breath, whispered “here goes nothing” and approached the crying figure. The person didn’t even look up. He gently and slowly put his hand on the person’s shoulder to make them know they weren’t alone, in both senses.
The person’s body flinched and they quickly rose their eyes to look at the person who caught them in such an embarrassing situation.
Yoongi’s eyes also widened because there was no way the pathetic crying mess in front of him was one of the most successful idols of their company and the national sweetheart Park Jimin. The Park Jimin who was one of the members of J&J duo, along with Jeon Jungkook. The Park Jimin who just a week ago got a daesang for the best album and the best MV. The Park Jimin whose voice was so amazing that he left Yoongi, one of the best producers in all of South Korea, with an open mouth and wide eyes.
They spent a good 10 seconds just staring at each other, both in horror for different reasons.
Jimin was the first one to come to his senses.
“Yoongi-ssi, what are you doing here,” his voice didn’t sound like his at all- so raspy and broken.
Yoongi blinked repeatedly before trying to come up with a reply.
“I-I was working on a song and decided to take a stroll around the company to get rid of sleepiness, but then I saw the light and thought maybe it was Mark overworking himself again. So I came in.”
Jimin just nodded and lowered his eyes. He licked his lips, which was a sign of discomfort and boy, did Yoongi understand that feeling. It was an even awkwarder situation than the time he told Taehyung that he was in love with Hoseok for Taehyung to reply that he had been dating Hoseok for 2 months at that time.
Yoongi shook his head to get rid of the memories and trying to come up with something to say. Before he could, Jimin cleared his throat and said.
“Well, um I-I I mean… I’ll head home soon, so sorry for the trouble.”
He quickly got up and tried to get away from Yoongi, all while avoiding eye contact.
“You are known as someone who never cares or gossips, so I trust you to keep this to yourself,” added Jimin quickly on his way out.
Yoongi was still so shocked that he couldn’t even master a reply, so he just nodded which he was sure Jimin didn’t even see.
What a weird night.
The next day of the incident or more like the morning of it, Yoongi couldn’t stop thinking about it. Why was Jimin of all people in that situation? Don’t get him wrong, Yoongi was in the show-business industry himself, he knew for a fact that the smiling happy faces were a façade 99% of the time, but he never, not once thought that about Jimin. Jimin oozed genuineness. His smiles were always sincere, always warm. Was he that good of an actor?
Yoongi wanted to see him again in his natural state, maybe after seeing the real Jimin, the smiling Jimin would seem fake, but then again Jimin was usually on the third or the second floors. He had no business to be in the seventh. And it’s not that Yoongi himself could go there. What excuse could he have? Everyone and their mum knew Yoongi cares for like 3-4 people at most and they all were either in the management (cough Seokjin cough) or music production (cough Namjoon, Hyojin cough).
While Yoongi was trying to think of a way to observe the idol without being suspicious, the chance presented himself in front of a whole new album.
“… so what I’m saying is that if we finish the album in two months, it’ll get hyped enough for the global awards show, since it’ll be a month later. Can I count on you guys?” asked Seokjin.
“Have we ever let you down, Jin?” inquired Namjoon, with his characteristic dimples on full display.
“Then great! Although please inform of your promise to Yoongi as well, I have this terrible gut-feeling that he hasn’t heard a single word I uttered.”
“Don’t worry, it’s not personal. I’ve been here for 2 hours, but he only noticed me half-an-hour ago.”
“Don’t let him stay up again,” said Seokjin in his mama-hen tone.
As Seokjin opened the door, Hyojin stumbled in, clearly not sober enough.
“Yesterday’s cloths, huh?” asked Seokjin wiggling his eyebrows.
“I refuse to work in this judgmental environment,” mumbled Hyojin as she rubbed her temples and went straight to her desk.
“Seriously, Namjoon how do you survive in a room with these 2 delights?,” mused Seokjin turning to look at Namjoon again.
“I just love my work very much.”
“Or the boss,” muttered Hyojin over her cup of coffee loud enough for everyone to hear.
Seokjin blushed as he quickly went out, while Namjoon just spluttered.
“7 bottles of soju and 2 hours of sleep, but still got it,” said Hyojin triumphaly as she sipped her coffee.
“Okay listen up guys,” started Namjoon loud enough for Yoongi to start paying attention and for Hyojin to complain, ”Seokjin just told me that they changed J&J’s new album’s release date. They want it done in 2 months at most. So we have a month or so to work on ‘the best album we can possibly create’. “
Yoongi suddenly became very animated.
“J&J? As in Jimin and Jungkook?”
“Do you know any other J&J?” Namjoon furrowed his eyebrows, "What’s up with you by the way? You are acting weird. I know Hyojin was drinking and whoring around (“That’s sexist”), but I know for a fact you stayed here all night working. Usually you are just grumpier after staying up, but never like this.”
Yoongi sat back on his chair and lowered his eyes.
“I’m just going through something. Don’t mind me.”
“Do you want to talk about it?” asked Namjoon worriedly.
“Is there anything we can help you with?” added Hyojin with the seriousness that wasn’t there a few seconds ago.
“Thanks guys, but it’s nothing to worry about. What we really need to worry about is the J&J’s album. What’s the concept?”
Both Namjoon and Hyojin knew that Yoongi avoided the subject in his typical Yoongi way, but they let him because Yoongi is stubborn.
“Lame,” Hyojin got really proud of herself after seeing the small smile on Yoongi’s face.
“We have done worse. Remember the werewolf concept?” asked Yoongi turning his chair to look at Hyojin’s reaction.
“Ugh, one more word about the concept-that-can’t-be-named and I swear to God I’ll pour my coffee on your favourite beany.”
All three chuckled as they started to discuss what they were going to do with the lame concept. Yoongi, on the other hand, couldn’t wait for the recording to start.
After saying goodbye to Namjoon and Hyojin and promising to sleep, Yoongi was yet again left alone with his thoughts. He didn’t want to go home, since there was the temptation of opening the photo album and looking through it, and Yoongi, no matter how self-destructing could get, would rather not do it. So here he was in his studio again at 2:45 am with messy thoughts and unwillingness to deal with them.
He decided to stroll again. What if he saw Jimin again? That was very unlikely. It was just yesterday he caught the boy sobbing there, he wouldn’t be dumb enough to go back there. However, there was this tiny spark of hope that made Yoongi take the same rout today, except this time it was conscious.
When we reached the dance hall he couldn’t believe his eyes. It was lit again.
This time he didn’t even pause and went inside.
Jimin was in the same position sobbing just as hard and the only difference was his outfit.
“I can’t believe this,” said Yoongi not even realizing he said it aloud.
Jimin looked up again with teary eyes and furrowed brows.
“What are you doing here again? I thought you won’t be here today.” Jimin’s voice was so small and laced with so much embarrassment, Yoongi felt bad for intruding again.
Although screw embarrassment, he’d get Jimin to talk about whatever was unsettling him even if he had to force him to.
“I could ask you the same.” Calmly added Yoongi as he approached Jimin and stood in front of him.
Jimin ducked his head low and didn’t say anything. It seemed like he hoped that Yoongi would just walk away after being ignored, but Jimin roughly underestimated Yoongi’s determinedness in helping him.
Yoongi sighed loudly and sat in front of the boy.
Jimin was so surprised by the action that he started staring at Yoongi, not believing that the cold, aloof Min Yoongi, the musical genious, would pity him so much.
Yoongi was staring back with determinedness in his eyes.
Jimin was apparently just as stubborn since he still kept silent which really annoyed Yoongi.
“So just I’m clear, I’m not going anywhere until you tell me what’s got you sobbing in the dance hall at 3am.”
“Why do you care?” asked Jimin instead, as he hugged his knees even closer and ducked his head.
“Why not? I’m bored and trying to avoid my own problems so why not try to find out and maybe help the guy I found sobbing at night?”
Jimin just stared at him not quiet understanding the situation he got himself into. He seemed to be contemplating something. Probably whether it’s worth to trust Yoongi or not. After all they only ever met in professional settings when they had office parties or were recording their songs. He only knew Yoongi as the strict and talented producer he was lucky enough to work with, not the friend you can confined in. He was just an acquaintance or a colleague, nothing more.
Yoongi seemed to have guessed what was going on in Jimin’s head. Hell, he would be freaked out too if Jimin or Jungkook, or any other idol form the company approached him and told him to bare his heart out. Although, Yoongi knew something about himself that he didn’t about others, he was trustworthy.
“Jimin, look, I know this whole situation is weird as fuck. Believe me I don’t spend my days finding successful idols crying in the dance halls at nights. I’m just as uncomfortable with this as you are, but for some weird reason I can’t leave you like this. No offense, but you look like you need help and I can’t really ignore that, no matter how much I want to. I’m not as heartless as people think,” Yoongi said the last sentence with a small voice with intrigued Jimin.
“Does it bother you that people think you are heartless?," Jimin put his chin on his arms and stared at Yoongi with inquiring eyes.
Yoongi raised his eyebrows.
“Trying to change the subject?”
“I just think it’s unfair that it’s only me who is going to bare my soul out to someone I barely know. Don’t you think that it’s only fair that you tell me what’s got you staying in the company all night and avoiding going home?”
“Where is the shy idol who thanked me like 30 times when I told him to take the chair beside me,” mused Yoongi with a small smile on his face.
“He is only awake at days. At nights you are left with less-respectful and much more careless version of him,” Jimin smiled in return and it made Yoongi feel all kinds of things.
“You know, I like him much better.”
“You alone,” Jimin’s smile was gone once again.
Yoongi stared at his hands for a while. There was indeed something, that kept him awake for the second night in a row. The thing is he wasn’t willing to talk to Jimin (or anyone really) and yet he knew that if he kept it bottled up, he’d snap. However, there was another thing he wanted to avoid; coming out to Jimin. He wasn’t entirely sure he could trust him.
“What’s so funny?” Asked Yoongi.
“Just us. Two stubborn idiots who would rather cry and avoid going home than simply talking about things that worry them.”
“Amen to that,” joked Yoongi.
His smile was still present but he looked puzzled and Jimin knew exactly why.
“If you keep my secret, I’ll keep yours,” said Jimin stretching his hand.
Yoongi thought that if it came to the worst he’d simply say Jimin was lying or just start his life anew. He was used to that.
“Deal,” said Yoongi shaking Jimin’s hand.
“So… who is going to start?”
“Mine is a long story,” said Yoongi.
“Mine is very personal. I need to have a compromising info on you before I tell you mine.”
“So stubborn. Fine then. I’m such a good person and all for a brat like you.”
Jimin just smiled. Yoongi nearly got blinded by it but luckily he composed himself and after a heavy sigh said.
He closely watched Jimin’s face for a sign of … well anything. Jimin looked shocked, but he quickly recovered.
Yoongi’s features hardened. Of course Jimin wouldn’t take it well why did he even open his mouth. All of this was a mistake, it’s the same shit all over aga…
“I owe Jungkook 15000 won,” whined Jimin.
“He kept telling me there was no way you were straight but I couldn’t believe it.”
“And why is that?” asked Yoongi defensively.
“Too good to be true,” shrugged Jimin.
“Wait what do you mean?” Yoongi’s brain was short-circuiting, "Do you like me or something?”
“Less like and more lust to be honest. You are just really hot,” casually said Jimin.
Upon seeing Yoongi’s shocked face, he blushed and started stammering.
“I-I-I… Sorry. I’m just really tired and sad and exhausted and at times like these I don’t have a mouth filter at all. You know when you get sleepy and started talking about random shit it’s the same with me. I just say whatever comes to my mind and you made me feel so relaxed that I fucked up. I’m sorry if I creeped you out really…”
“It’s-um- it’s ok, don’t fret,” Yoongi tried to sound chill but internally he was screaming non-stop.
“Are you sure?” asked Jimin timidly.
“Yeah, it’s ok. Also, I just realized that it must mean that you like guys as well?”
“What’s not to like?” joked Jimin, "Also, you should have noticed sooner. I'm not exactly subtle. The last time I eye-fucked the hot interviewer so intensely I didn’t hear his question at all. Jungkook elbowed me just so I’d come to my senses. I should be the definition of the phrase 'gay disaster'.”
Yoongi was laughing loudly. He couldn’t recall the last time he felt so at ease, so calm. Jimin was really something.
“Could be worse. Hyojin once spent a month courting after a girl she liked for the other to think she was just being nice.”
“Oh my god, that’s so much worse,” Jimin was laughing as well,” Although I didn’t know Hyojin noona was gay as well.”
“Crap, maybe I shouldn’t have said it,” murmured Yoongi.
Jimin put his hand on Yoongi’s.
“it’s ok, you can trust me.”
For some reason Yoongi whole-heartedly believed him. Jimin blushed again and quickly pulled his hand back.
“So that was what was bothering you? Being bi?”
Yoongi got serious again.
“Not really. I love being bi and I love being me, it’s just some people in my life aren’t really fine with it, to put it nicely.”
Jimin looked at Yoongi sympathetically. He could guess what was disturbing Yoongi.
“Are these people your family by any chance?” he asked slowly.
“Yeah,” answered Yoongi after a short pause.
“Is that why they disowned you?”
Yoongi tightened the grip on his hands until his knuckles were white.
Jimin regretted mentioning that. Everyone in the company and the music industry knew that Yoongi used to have some trouble with his parents and got disowned when he was 16. However, Yoongi avoided explaining what was the reason for it. He only ever explained it in one interview and he just said that his parents didn’t like the idea of their son becoming a producer. No one besides Seokjin, Namjoon, Hyojin and Hoseok knew the real reason. Hoseok…
“It’s not the whole story. They disowned me 8 years ago, I’m over it. They contacted me again recently.”
“They just recently realized that their son is in fact Suga. Can you believe it? I’ve been recording ever since I was 15, I got famous when I was 21, TWENTY ONE. And they didn’t care so much about me and didn’t believe in me, that when they heard that a 21 producer from Daegu became famous they didn’t think it was me. Can you imagine? It took them 3 fucking years to realize that their son is the faceless producer.”
Yoongi’s voice and shaking hands were the indication of just how pissed he was.
To be fair, ever since Yoongi got famous he avoided appearing on TV. As a rapper he only ever preformed in underground bars, but as a celebrity he avoided showing his face. So it kind of explains why his parents didn’t know it was him, but it must’ve hurt Yoongi a lot.
“They pretended they didn’t have a son so much that they forgot about my existence. They didn’t contact me in 8 years. 8 years of radio silence, of telling people I died (I really wish I was making this up but they did tell their friends I died can you fucking imagine) only to contact me again only to… only to…” Yoongi was chocked up; he couldn’t continue.
His voice sounded more and more strained until he simply couldn’t talk anymore and was sobbing. And here it was. The snapping Yoongi was trying to avoid at all cost.
Jimin was speechless. He was expecting that Yoongi’s parents took the news bad, but pretending that their son is dead? It was fucked up.
Jimin looked at Yoongi’s crying form and felt his heart shattering to pieces. He came close and hugged Yoongi, putting the guy’s head on his shoulder.
“Let it out. I’m here for you,” Jimin kept mattering as he rubbed comforting circles on Yoongi’s back.
Yoongi’s hands clutched the fabric of Jimin’s sweater and they stayed like that until Yoongi’s sobs quieted down. Maybe Yoongi was too broken and affection starved, maybe it was the warmth of Jimin’s body, maybe it was Jimin’s sweat voice telling him that he’d be okay, that calmed him down enough to stop sobbing. He rubbed his eyes and cleared his throat before saying;
“You know the best part?”
“What can be possibly worse than telling everyone you are dead?” Jimin had never felt so much hatred towards someone he never met, towards anyone really.
“They only contacted me because they needed money for their shop,” Yoongi chuckled humorlessly at that.
Jimin gasped and pulled back enough to look at Yoongi’s face without breaking the hug.
“You are shitting me? Please tell me they didn’t do that.”
“I wish I was shitting you,” added Yoongi with a broken laugh, “Can you imagine it? For 8 years my parents didn’t care whether I lived or died, but since I have money now they decided that I’m worth something.”
“Fuck, Yoongi,” whispered Jimin as he hugged him again.
“That’s hyung to you, brat.”
They stayed like that for a while, hugging each other, one seeking affection, the other readily giving it to him.
After some time, Jimin broke the comfortable silence.
“Are you feeling better now?”
“Not really. But it’s not worse either so thank you,” came Yoongi’s muffled voice from Jimin’s shoulder.
“Do your parents know?” suddenly asked Yoongi.
“Yup. But my situation was much better. My dad caught me kissing my high school boyfriend, sighed and shouted to my mum 'I told you to sign him up for football, not ballet.'”
Yoongi just chuckled.
“Yeah, I mean, it was not perfect but they accepted me the way I was. No, wait, crap, here you are telling me your sad story, and I’m bragging about mine, sorry. I must sounds like an asshole.”
“You are distracting me so it’s fine,” Yoongi was smiling again, “Although, I’m curious what happened after he caught you two kissing.”
“Dad invited Taemin to have dinner with us and I shit you not it was one of the most awkward 30 minutes of my entire life.”
“I’m starting to see why you consider yourself a gay disaster.”
Suddenly Jimin pulled away from Yoongi. After all, Yoongi was no longer crying and didn’t need comforting. Plus Yoongi was known as someone who hated physical intimacy and the least Jimin could do for him, was to respect his boundaries.
Yoongi, on the other hand, looked a bit disappointed before he composed his features to a neutral expression.
It was comfortably silent in the room. They were both lost in their thoughts before Jimin yawned loudly.
“Damn, crying is so exhausting”
“Tell me about it,” added Yoongi yawning right after him.
“It’s already 5am. We spent, what, 2-3 hours crying? We are really kicking this whole functioning-adult thing’s ass.”
“We sure are.”
“So… maybe we should get some sleep before our working day starts,” suggested Jimin.
“You have a place to sleep?” asked Yoongi standing up and pulling Jimin with him.
“Yup, there are a lot of cushions in the dressing rooms. You?”
“So I guess that’s it then.”
They were in front of the dressing room when Yoongi finally said what was in his mind for at least an hour or so.
“Thank you, Jimin.”
Jimin turned to look at him.
“What for? You were the one who didn’t ignore me. Anyone else would never approach me the first night, and definitely wouldn’t check up on me the other day. I can’t express what it meant to me.”
“If anything, it was me who talked and cried. I still don’t know your story.” Yoongi didn’t want to push him, but the boy needed to get it off his chest.
Jimin smiled sweetly.
“Then, I’ll see you again tomorrow.”
And with that Jimin waved and rushed to enter the dressing room, leaving Yoongi with a loudly beating heart and a soft gaze.
i edited it finally
expect bunch of mistakes i wrote both chapters today im tired as fuck
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Seeing Jimin at lunch was surreal. For Yoongi it felt like Jimin, the Jimin he knew, existed only at night like some form of a ghost or a star. In front of him was a Jimin that only looked like one. He was wearing full make-up and had expensive clothes on, not the Jimin he knew (his Jimin was wearing a black hoody and sweatpants and had no trace of make up on his face). He was smiling all the time and there was no trace it was the same Jimin that nearly cried while listening to his story.
They were in Seokjin’s office discussing the future album. Upon seeing Yoongi, Jimin just smiled and bowed to him, as if the last 2 nights never happened. It made Yoongi think that maybe it was his wild imagination and tiredness all along that made him think someone comforted him.
They both kept the professional act. There was only one incident that made Yoongi think that maybe all that did actually happen.
They were discussing the ideas for the MV since they wanted to have it all planed before they could actually start working on the music. The director suggested a cheesy fairytale-styled MV. At the end of the MV, the king would catch the princess trying to kiss Jimin. Yoongi quickly looked at Jimin who was staring back at him looking like he barely kept himself from laughing. It made Yoongi chuckle and since it was highly uncharacteristic for him, the whole room turned to look at him. He quickly pretended like nothing happened. Jimin on the other hand, snorted and then pretended he was coughing.
That little shit.
After the end of the meeting they didn’t have time to talk. Namjoon and Hyojin dragged him back to the studio and the trio spend the rest of the day trying to come up with the title track.
Yoongi couldn’t wait until midnight.
To be honest Yoongi was dead tired. The last 3 days he slept for only 5 hours in total and he finally started to actually do his job so he wished nothing more than the sweet embrace of his bed. However, he knew for a fact there was someone who was waiting for him at night. There was no way he’d sleep.
“No offence but you already look dead, why are you still drinking coffee?” asked Namjoon worriedly.
“If you die, your stuff is mine,” added Hyojin not even bothering to look at their direction.
“Seriously Yoongi, this is your 6th cup of coffee. You are gonna die. Stop drinking that and go to sleep. Or you want me to inform Jin about this?”
“Namjoon, if you haven’t noticed, we have a schedule we need to follow, not to mention the song I’ve been working on. I need to stay awake.”
“You also need to stay alive at least until the album is ready.”
Namjoon got quiet, which alarmed Yoongi a lot more than the scolding. Suddenly he felt the chair under him moving. When he turned around he saw Namjoon and Hyojin drugging him out of their shared studio to the resting room.
“The fuck you think you are doing?”
“Saving our friend?”
“Namjoon, stop this right now before I kick your ass so hard you won’t be able to shit.”
“If you are going to act like a capricious kid, then we are going to treat you like one. So be a good kid and take your nap.”
“I’m older than you, you fuckwad!” Yoongi shouted back.
They managed to drag him to the other room already. Yoongi would have tried to get out of the chair sooner, but he wasn’t entirely sure he wouldn’t collapse standing up, so he just decided to use the hyung card.
“I’m older than both of you. So suck it up and have some rest, asshole,” grumbled Hyojin as they stopped the chair in front of the sofa.
He really had no choice. He, however, had a reputation to maintain, so he turned around in his chair to punch Namjoon on his dick.
Namjoon being the smart guy he was, knew Yoongi good enough to run out of the room as soon as they got him there. They closed the door after themselves.
“We will let you out before going home.”
“Fuck you guys,” said Yoongi, which roughly translated to thanks a lot guys.
Yoongi put an alarm clock at 2:30am and went to get his well-needed rest.
The embarrassing poster of the trio that they made as a joke after their first successful album was the first thing Yoongi saw when he woke up. The dull pain in his forehead was gone and he couldn’t miss it less. He looked around for his phone.
Oh, he still had time before the work starts maybe he could go to sleep again. He closed his eyes and nearly slept again when the realization hit him hard.
He overslept. Jimin must have been so furious. What if he never speaks to Yoongi again? FUCK FUCK FUCK
Yoongi stood up so fast he got whiplash. He quickly grabbed his phone and basically threw himself out of the room straight to the stairs.
When he got to the studio, he felt even worse. The light was still on. Jimin was still waiting for him.
“Jimin, I’m so fucking sorry! The assholes I call friends made me take a nap and although I had an alarm set, it didn’t ring and I just woke up. I swear I didn’t do it on purpose.”
Jimin got startled by the voice and looked confusedly at Yoongi before registering who it was. Apparently he was sleeping when Yoongi entered the room.
“Yoongi hyung, you came!,” he sounded so relieved, so happy.
Yoongi hated himself even more.
“I’m really sorry. I didn’t do it on purpose, I swear. But you should have left, why were you waiting for me?” Jimin’s willingness to wait for him even after being late for an hour was both endearing and annoying.
“I knew you’d come,” casually replied Jimin while rubbing his eyes.
Yoongi was at a loss of words.
“Come here, sit beside me,” ordered him Jimin patting the spot beside him.
Yoongi gladly obliged.
“Today’s meeting was fun. I nearly lost it at the being caught part. Although your red cheeks were much more funnier.”
Yoongi just blinked back.
“Have you always been this spoiled?” he asked.
Jimin just winked.
Yoongi’s heart didn’t take it too well.
“You know, it was weird seeing you there,” suddenly started Jimin.
“You forgot I actually work here?”
“No, I mean. It was different from this. It felt like I didn’t know you? I don’t know how to explain it,” said Jimin rubbing his neck.
“It felt like none of this ever happened?” helpfully supplied Yoongi.
“Exactly! It was so different. I knew you were the guy I spoke to just a few hours ago, but at the same time it felt like I couldn’t talk to you like that. Like I wasn’t allowed to.”
“It felt like our connection only exists at nights.”
“It’s weird, isn’t it?”
“Not really?,” replied Yoongi, “I mean, at night we are a different versions of us. A braver, a more sentimental, a more open version. So seeing the other one – the one that had walls and walls of emotional repression felt like seeing someone else.”
“You do have a way with words,” added Jimin after a short pause, “But you are right. I had that exact feeling. Do you think that our friendship is weird?”
“Who cares? As long as it works, right?” asked Yoongi staring at Jimin.
“Yeah, you are right.”
“What are you going to do about your parents?” asked Jimin suddenly.
“You really aren’t one for subtle topic changes, are you?” asked Yoongi taken aback.
“Not at nights at least,” shrugged Jimin. “So? What are you going to do?”
“Hell if I know. I’m pissed at them but not forgiving them makes me think I’m a bad person. They are my family after all.”
“Yoongi, if I’m not mistaken, they threw you out and didn’t care for you for 8 years. You think normal families do that?”
“You think I shouldn’t forgive them? You never seemed to me like the type that would be so unforgiving.”
“There are things that one can forgive like, I don’t know, a small argument, not letting to go to a sleepover, not letting to date, punishments for misbehaving, but not fucking disowning. You gotta draw a line somewhere!,” Jimin sounded worked up.
“What about the 'give them the other cheek' thing?” asked Yoongi.
Seeing Jimin so angry for the things his parents put him through made Yoongi all warm and mushy inside. Jimin was an angel.
“You are neither Jesus, nor Buddha. If people fuck you over that badly you don’t forgive them, especially if they don’t think they are wrong. They didn’t apologize, didn’t they?” Jimin had his small hands in fists.
“Not really. Also actually, I told them to fuck off the day they called me,” admitted Yoongi.
“Then why did you pretend like you needed my opinion?”
“I was interested in what you’d say,” shrugged Yoongi.
Jimin was at a loss of words so he just punched Yoongi on his shoulder.
“You sure have a lot of pent-up rage for someone that small.”
“Well, the smaller you are the closer you are to hell. You of all people should now,” nudged him Jimin.
“Hey, brat, respect the elderly!” retorted Yoongi mock offended. “Plus I’m taller than you.”
“What, an inch?” asked Jimin not for a second believing him.
“A whole centimeter!,” proudly said Yoongi.
“Wow, you are a giant, I’m intimidated.” deadpanned Jimin.
“What have I told you about respecting your elders, punk,” said Yoongi as he affectionately ruffled the younger boy’s head.
“How are you so sure you are taller than me?”
“I read you intro on our website.”
“Wow, hyung you read stuff like that. So lame. I regret all the time I thought you were cool,” tsked Jimin.
“That’s it, I had enough of your sass, asshole.”
Yoongi tackled Jimin to the floor and started tickling his sides. The younger boy was squirming and giggling. The butterflies in Yoongi’s belly lost their last shit. Yoongi was so so so screwed.
He stopped when he noticed the tears forming in the boy’s eyes. Jimin began to control his breathing. Yoongi just admired the view in front of him. Jimin sprawled under him with his fluffy hair in different directions, the sweet smile on his face and the white shirt that got lifted after their mini fight. He could see Jimin’s sun-kissed skin. He gulped loudly and quickly got off the boy, before he’d embarrass himself.
“Remind me not to make fun of you again. You know where to tickle.”
“I had a lot of practice. It was the only way to get Hoseok to stop annoying me,” at the mention of the name Yoongi smiled a bitter-sweet smile.
“Do you mean Jung Hoseok? The choreographer before Hyuna noona?” inquired Jimin.
“Yeah,” Yoongi still seemed out of it.
Hoseok apparently had a lot of effect on the boy and damn Jimn if he wouldn’t get to the bottom of it.
“Was he someone important to you? Your boyfriend maybe?”
At that Yoongi snapped off his trance and quickly corrected Jimin.
“My best-friend of childhood. We were inseparable.”
“Where is he now? I heard he left the company when I just got here. I’m not sure I even saw him, but everyone said that he was the best dancer this company had.”
“I don’t know really. We aren’t in touch,” replied Yoongi avoiding eye-contact.
“Curiosity killed the cat, Jimin.”
“Satisfaction brought it back. Please hyung, pretty please!”
He quickly came to stand in front of Yoongi doing the world’s most exaggerated aegyo ever.
Yoongi didn’t know whether to laugh or to be disgusted.
“No, Jimin, you already know too much. You, instead, promised to tell me you story. Speak up.”
“And you promised to be on time and yet…” pouted Jimin (how old was he? 4?) “You were late. You made me wait for you for an hour, an hour! You have to repay me. Tell me about Hoseok hyung!”
Jimin seemed like he wasn’t planning on giving up and sadly Yoongi was weak for cute boys.
“Fine, fine, just get off my face,” which could be translated as “get your pretty face off me before I do something stupid”.
Jimin obediently sat on his old spot but faced Yoongi this time and looked like a kindergärtner waiting for a story.
“He was my childhood friend. We grow up together. When my parents disowned me he was there for me and let me stay at their place before I managed to afford a place of my own. We used to preform together in underground bars – I would rap and he’d dance. Then we got recruited here. And worked and lived together before he found someone, moved with him and got a new job.”
“But why aren’t you in touch? You sound so close.”
“He decided it’d be better that way,” sighed Yoongi.
“How could it be better? Did you have a fight or something?”
“Nope. I was in love with him and he decided that if he would leave my life I’d get over him sooner.”
“Has anything nice ever happened to you?” he asked genuinely concerned.
Yoongi just laughed.
“Does a well-paid job count?”
“Depends how well. Seriously though, Yoongi hyung, that’s so sad. It must have been so hard for you to move on.”
Yoongi didn’t reply.
“You moved on, right?” asked Jimin slowly.
Yoongi ducked his head.
“You gotta be kidding me.”
“Jimin, it’s not that easy. He was my first love and more importantly, I never confessed. I just blurted that to his boyfriend one day and his boyfriend told him and then he just messaged me saying that it’d be good for both of us. It’s hard to get over someone you never dated. I never dated him, I don’t know his short-comings as a boyfriend or the reasons why we wouldn’t work. I just have the idolized version of us in my head and no matter how much I tried to get rid of it, I can’t do it.”
“Then find someone better. I’ll help you!” Jimin nodded to himself. “Tell me what kind of guys, wait no, people you like.”
“Seriously?” asked Yoongi incredulously.
“Of course! I have many friends most of whom like boys. I can find you a good match and they’d make your life better, just wait for it! I’ll help you,” said Jimin excitedly.
“That’s cute, but seriously Jimin don’t bother yourself. You are helping me enough as it is.”
“There is no one that deserves happiness more than you, hyung. Let me help you achieve it. Tell me what you need.”
The thought scared Yoongi only for a second. Sure enough, they knew each other properly only for 3 days, but he felt like he knew Jimin all his life. He enjoyed Jimin’s company and trusted him with his darkest secrets. He was never like this with someone, not even Hoseok. He wouldn’t mind getting his heart broken over him.
That thought was much scarier though.
“Hyung, just how long your list is,” Jimin waved his hand in front of Yoongi, “Just tell me the basics. Don’t go into details.”
“Jimin, I don’t know. Someone cute, reliable, someone with a warm smile?” asked rather than replied Yoongi.
“What’s that supposed to mean?” raised his eyebrows Yoongi.
“Nothing,” smiled Jimin all too sweetly.
“So you have someone in mind?”
“I might have,” hummed Jimin.
“And who is that may I ask?”
“You may not.” Jimin stuck his tongue out.
Yoongi ruffled Jimin’s soft hair again. He really took a liking to doing that. Jimin was cute and Yoongi was weak.
They stayed like that for a while, sometimes talking nonsense, sometimes just straight up bantering. At some point Jimin’s head landed on Yoongi’s shoulder. He tensed for a second before completely relaxing and putting his arm around the smaller boy. Jimin just snored lightly. He was asleep. His quiet breathing lulled Yoongi to sleep as well.
this is far too self-indulgent even for me. im just going through some stuff ignor me.
Yoongi was writing some lyrics down while listening to his two best friends argue.
“All I’m saying is that 80’s music is and will always be the god tier music genre, just admit that you are wrong.”
“Oh, please have you listened to 2000’s R&B? Nothing can compare to that beauty,” sighed Namjoon dreamily.
“Are you honestly shitting on the best bops of the universe for some guys in fedoras dancing to sad songs?” retorted Hyojin.
“How dare you!,” replied Namjoon mock offended, “The fedoras shaped the music as we know it.”
“How can I be friends with a fedora-apologist? I want my friendship card revoked!” said Hyojin stretching her hand out.
“Over my dead body!” said Namjoon sticking his tongue out.
“Hey 4-year-olds, have you forgotten that we have an album to work on? Can you be quiet for 2 goddamn minutes?” grumbled Yoongi not looking up from his notebook.
”We are just getting rid of the stress while simultaneously trying to come up with the title song. Pull that stick off your butt for once.”
“Hyojin, you are so damn lucky you are older than me,” said Yoongi shaking his head.
“Or what? Square up bitch, I aint afraid of you. You are skinnier than my left thigh,” retorted Hyojin waving her fist around.
Yoongi just shook his head again.
“Why did I even agree to have a shared work-space?” nearly whined Yoongi.
“You didn’t agree, Jin made you,” replied Namjoon from his seat.
“No one asked you, you overgrown giraffe.”
“Since I’m male, an overgrown giraffe would indicate that I’m nearly 6m tall which would be impossible, since I’m in this building and the standard room in this building is…”
“ANYWAYS, I think plain and simple pop songs would go better with the whole prince charming thing,” said Yoongi effectively shutting up Namjoon.
“What about the title track?” asked Hyojin.
“Ballad? What else would suit a lovesick prince more? What you guys think?” asked Yoongi looking between Namjoon and Hyojin.
“I have some stuff written down. Wanna see?” asked Yoongi.
“Min 'Genious' Suga, please grace as with your talent.”
“And please let it be as cringy and cheesy as it can possibly be,” added Namjoon.
“I got you guys don’t worry.”
It was interesting how quickly they went from playful children to being the 3 most valued producers in the industry. They worked together amazingly well.
“Oh, I really like the shoulder thing, it’s cheesy and cute,” noted Hyojin.
“Yeah, I’ll say it’s a bit too cute for you. Do you have some news for us?” asked Namjoon wiggling his eyebrows.
Screw him and his attentiveness.
Namjoon was always good at reading Yoongi, especially through his lyrics. He was the first to realize that Yoongi was in love with Hoseok, the first to realize how broken he was after him. Yoongi always poured his emotions in his lyrics and Namjoon always caught them. Sometimes he didn’t comment on it and just subtly tried to look after Yoongi, other times he just teased Yoongi. Sadly, this time it was the second.
“Oh, who? When?” Hyojin didn’t even bother to hide the excitement in her voice.
“No one, never. Chill guys. It’s just a song.”
“Yeah right, “The last” was just a song too and yet you saw a therapist 3 months after its release. You haven’t dated anyone, like. ever. We are happy for our friend.”
“Don’t be so selfish, I want to meet the cutie that stole our grandpa’s icy heart,” supplied Hyojin.
“Why are you so sure they are cute?”
Namjoon and Hyojin just looked at him like “are you for real”.
“You have a type.”
“I’m so glad I’m paying you all 6 digit numbers just so you guys would spend your time fighting like kindergärtners,” said Jin, who apparently had entered their room and caught his workers fighting like kids.
The trio turned to look at their boss.
“At least pretend to be ashamed,” nearly whined Seokjin.
“Can’t be bothered. What’s up?” asked Yoongi.
Seokjin sighed like the drama queen he was.
“You know one of these days I’d just fire you all,” said Jin fully knowing he’d never do that, “Anyways, we made some changes to the original plan for the album, so we’ll have a meeting in 10 minutes with Jungkook and Jimin to discuss it. I’d be highly flattered if you guys would join,” added he sarcastically.
“Anything for you, boss. Right, Namjoon?” asked Hyojin wiggling her eyebrows at Namjoon.
Namjoon just blushed and quickly stood up muttering ‘nosy ass’ under his breath. Hyojin just chuckled and followed them. Yoongi couldn’t hide his smile; he’d see Jimin soon.
Jimin looking sad was the first thing Yoongi noticed upon entering the room.
He wanted to catch his eyes and maybe subtly ask him if he was ok, but Jimin kept his eyes downcast even during the greetings. He sat right across Jimin, not bothering to look at anyone else in the room.
“So as we know, originally we were supposed to have 10 songs and 1 instrumental for this album, but our sponsors and J&J’s manager decided to add another song- Jungkook’s solo.”
“What about Jimin?” asked Yoongi surprising everyone in the room, even the boy in front him.
Seokjin raised his eyebrows.
“Didn’t know you guys were close?”
Everyone in the room was staring at him. Crap, did Yoongi dig his grave.
“I mean, they are a duo, if one gets a solo, the other should as well, don’t you think?”
This could fool some people in that room, but definitely not Jin or his coworkers who were having conversation with their looks so obviously that Yoongi wanted to smack them both on their heads. They wouldn’t let him live it down.
“Oh, well,” started duo’s manager, “We don’t want to have 13 songs, since our international audience is huge and having an unlucky number would damage the sales. Plus Jimin is the main dancer rather than the singer. Jungkook would sing the solo and he would dance to it. No offense, but a lot of our fans and managers agree that Jungkook’s voice is suited for any kind of song so he can pull off a solo. What about Jimin, he can have a solo on the other album, if he works more on his voice.”
With every word Jimin tightened his grip on his sleeves. It was pretty subtle, but for Yoongi it was obvious the boy was sad. Yoongi’s blood started boiling.
“What do you mean ‘work on his voice’? He is one of the best singers I ever worked with,” retorted Yoongi anger lacing his every word.
He was glaring so hard at the manager, that if the looks could kill, he would long be in the 7th circle of hell.
“I’m not saying that his voice is bad,” hurriedly replied the manager not expecting such an outburst from the producer, “It’s just Jungkook has more fans and he is naturally gifted. Jungkook is pretty quick on learning the songs. Although Jimin is also very talented, but he needs more time.”
Yoongi was seconds away from punching the guy. He abruptly stood up.
“Are you implying Jimin is less talented?!” Yoongi was nearly shouting.
Before the manager could get over the initial shock of being yelled at by Yoongi, Jimin suddenly spoke up.
“I’m very thankful for worrying about me, Yoongi-ssi, but it’s fine. I expected this to happen and I’m okay with just dancing.”
To the others Jimin sounded a bit stern, but Yoongi knew that voice; Jimin was barely managing to control his tears.
Jimin was staring at Yoongi begging him with his eyes to drop it. Sparing the boy, Yoongi sat down and tried to pretend to be listening to the meeting, while in fact he was closely watching every move Jimin made across him.
When the meeting was over, Jimin was the first to leave. Yoongi didn’t care how unsubtle it was; he rushed after him.
Jimin was gripping the cup in his hand so tightly Yoongi was worried it’d break. He quickly took the cup from Jimin’s hand and put it on the table next to them.
“Are you okay?” asked he worriedly.
Jimin was still refusing to look at Yoongi.
“Jimin, don’t lie. No one can be ‘okay’ after that. Do you want to talk about it?”
Jimin was still not looking at him. He was nervously pulling his sleeves and biting his bottom lip.
Yoongi gently put his fingers on the boy's chin and lifted the boy’s head.
“At least look at me,” he said softly.
Jimin’s eyes were glistering with unshed tears. He looked like he was on the brick of losing it, a second more and he’d break.
Yoongi wanted to do something, anything to console the boy. He slowly came closer wanting to hug him. Jimin’s eyes closely watched his every move. When Yoongi was inches away from Jimin’s face, the sound of the shattering glass made Yoongi flinch and pull away from Jimin as if he got burnt.
He turned around to see Namjoon staring at him as if he had grown not a second, but a third head.
“Hyung, what happened to your cup? Oh, Jimin hyung, I was just looking for you! Manager hyung needs us now,” quickly spoke Jungkook who just came to stand beside a frozen Namjoon.
On his way out Jimin gently squeezed Yoongi bicep and threw him one last look as if trying to tell him something. Yoongi knew exactly what - see you soon.
“Joonie, you look like you’ve seen a ghost. Are you okay? Did you suddenly find one of the old photoshoots Jin had before becoming our CEO?” asked Hyojin amusedly.
“I-I… he… um…” replied Namjoon intelligently.
Yoongi just rubbed his temples fully knowing that these are the last seconds of peace he’d have tonight. Why were his friends the nosiest asshole on the earth?
“Yoongi, any idea why is Namjoon malfunctioning?” asked Hyojin.
“Hell if I know,” casually laid Yoongi.
Namjoon, on the other hand, seemed to have come to his senses.
“Yoongi…Jimin…kissing…kitchen…” mumbled Namjoon.
“THE WHAT THE WHO?” all but shouted Hyojin.
Here it came. Rip Yoongi’s ears1993-2018. Gone but not forgotten.
“Yoongi! Kissing Jimin! In the kitchen!” shouted back Namjoon.
“IS THIS TRUE?” asked Hyojin still in shock.
“Calm your tits Hyojin. We weren’t kissing,” replied Yoongi calmly.
“Firstly, my tits won’t calm down until I understand how you went from barely talking to Jimin to defending him and then kissing. Secondly, Namjoon, you better tell me all the details before I kill you both.”
“I went to the kitchen to get my coffee, but when I opened the door I saw Yoongi and Jimin standing very close to each other, with Yoongi’s head titled and all. Although, Jimin’s eyes were open, what’s up with that?” finally Namjoon calmed down enough to be able to talk again.
“Repeating again for bastards like you two, we weren’t kissing. Jimin was sad so I went to check up on him. He didn’t raise his eyes so I tried to make him to look at me. It may seem that we were kissing, but we weren’t really. I was just checking up on him, happy?”
Yoongi didn’t even finish his sentence when he heard both of his friends squeal at the same time.
“Idiots,” muttered Yoongi already feeling the headache.
“I CAN’T BELIEVE THIS. MIN 'STONE-COLD BITCH' YOONGI MAKING SURE PARK 'PUREST ANGEL ON THE PLANET EARTH' JIMIN IS OKAY. WHAT KIND OF SHITTY DRAMA IS THIS?”
Yoongi didn’t even reply to her. He turned around trying to pretend they didn’t exist.
“SO THIS IS WHY YOU WERE SO DEFENSIVE OF HIM?!” shouted Namjoon.
Hyojin gasped dramatically. Yoongi just sighed, equally dramatically.
“Wait, but you are always with us, how do you guys manage to meet up? You basically don’t leave this building even at ni… FUCK, DON’T TELL ME YOU STAYED HERE TO FUCK?!” asked Hyojin loud enough to kill Yoongi’s eardrums.
Namjoon dramatically gasped and clentched his heart.
“I KNEW YOU WERE LYING ABOUT A NEW SONG. I NEVER SAW YOU WORKING ON IT. YOU JUST STAYED HERE TO FUCK. FUCK! PLEASE TELL ME YOU DIDN’T DO IT HERE,” asked Namjoon with horror.
Hyojin looked just as scared.
“You know what, yeah we did. Twice on your desk, Namjoon,” at that words Namjoon looked like he didn’t know whether to cry or puke, “And thrice on yours, Hyojin. We even used your scarf as a bondage.”
Hyojin shouted and threw her scarf off her neck. Yoongi smirked triumphaly.
“Fuck, Yoongi, I nearly believed that,” sighed Namjoon as he caught Yoongi’s smirk.
“But seriously, when did it all happen? And more importantly how?” asked Hyojin as she lifted her scarf of the ground.
Yoongi knew there was no way he’d avoid telling them the truth. Knowing them they would go ask Jimin himself if he kept quiet, he sighed and told them the whole story trying to miss out as many details as possible.
After he finished, the duo was silent. Hyojin was the one to break the silence.
“That’s really cute.”
The duo was uncharacteristically quiet. They were both at loss of words. Yoongi just turned around on his desk and started working again.
Yoongi was dozing off on his desk. Jimin quietly entered the room and sat on Namjoon's chair not before rolling it next to Yoongi’s.
Yoongi was cute asleep. His permanent scowl was gone and replaced with a serene expression. His face was resting on his hand and his cheek was smashed cutely.
Avoiding being creepy was the only thing keeping Jimin from taking a photo of him. He leaned on the table mimicking Yoongi’s position and looked at him. He was gorgeous.
Jimin was staring at Yoongi dreamily, when he noticed Yoongi stirring; he was waking up. He stretched himself like a cat and Jimin all but closed his mouth with his hands not to squeal at the sight.
Yoongi slowly opened his eyes.
“Jimin~” he whispered longingly with a small smile on his face before he suddenly jolted awake realizing that it was in fact Jimin a few centimeters away from his face.
He quickly rubbed his eyes.
“What are you doing here?”
“Came to see you obviously. Had a lot of free time,” replied Jimin still sprawled on the table.
Yoongi quickly checked his phone afraid he had overslept again.
“But it’s only 12:30?”
“We were supposed to meet at 3am?” asked Yoongi as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.
“Do you want me to go?” asked Jimin amusedly.
“No! Of course not, I just mean it’s earlier than usual,” replied Yoongi rubbing his neck.
“Well, everyone left 2 hours ago and sitting in a room alone for 5 hours wasn’t all that appealing, especially today, so I decided to go look for you myself.”
Honestly, Yoongi was too sleepy to function at the moment especially if a cute Park Jimin was staring at him like that. He blushed and didn’t know what to say.
“You seem sleepy. Do you need coffee? I’m gonna dump all my emotional baggage on you today so I’d appreciate if you were conscious when I did it.”
Oh, so that’s why he came here.
“Sure, I’ll go get some. Wait, here.”
“No, I’ll do it. You stay here and try to wake up,” Jimin smiled sweetly and went out of the room.
It was going to be a long night for Yoongi’s heart.
this wont be too long. 4 more chapters at most
Jimin carefully pushed the door open, trying not to spill the coffee on himself. Yoongi quickly got up and took his cap from the boy’s hand. Yoongi sat back on his chair and took a sip from his coffee. Jimin shuffled to sit next to Yoongi.
“How did you know I like black coffee?”
“I guessed? You seemed like the type who would. Although I did bring some sugar and cream just in case,” replied Jimin bashfully taking out the sugar pack and the crème from his pockets.
Yoongi smiled softly. The guy was too considerate.
“So what did you want to talk about?” asked Yoongi after a moment of silence.
Jimin sighed and sipped his coffee carefully.
“Are you awake enough for the crap I’ve been holding inside for 3 years now?” asked Jimin carefully studying Yoongi’s face.
Yoongi chugged the rest of his coffee as he replied.
“Now I’m ready. Dump it on me.”
Jimin got quiet trying to think of where to start. He starting to pull his sleeves, which Yoongi came to know was a sign of nervousness. He sighed again.
“Ever since we were trainees I was jealous of Jungkook. I couldn’t help it. He was just 15, a small child and I knew it was very wrong to be jealous of a freaking child, but I really couldn’t help it. He was better at everything. Even if he was the youngest, he sung the best, his dancing was the best, even his appearance was better than mine, but it wasn’t the actual reason for my jealousy. I was jealous of his skills. He was quick at getting things. He’d see the dance move just once and do it perfectly, while I needed to be corrected a few times before I could finally get it. It was the same with vocals. Within a short time, he was progressing twice as much as I was. I hated it and frankly I hated him too. He made me feel so insecure. It made me feel I’m not worth anything.”
Jimin sounded so small. Yoongi stretched his hand to hold Jimin’s hand. Jimin looked up when he felt Yoongi’s hands on his and smiled softly as if thanking him for it.
“Do you still feel the same?” asked Yoongi carefully.
“Sometimes?” replied Jimin honestly, “I know that I’m talented but just not talented enough. No matter how much I work, the fans like him more. His voice sounds better, his dancing is better. No matter what I do, he’d be two steps ahead of me it’s so annoying. Even now he is getting a solo, while I’ll just dance to it like his fucking back up.”
Yoongi tightened his hold on Jimin’s hands. He knew the feeling of inferiority all too well. Ever since Hoseok and he met Taehyung he had felt it. Taehyung was more handsome, more cheerful and much nicer than Yoongi would ever be. No wonder ever since Hoseok met him, he was in love. Yoongi knew he would never be good enough for Hoseok, but the small hopeful gremlin in his head kept telling him that maybe it was just a crash, maybe Hoseok would get over him, maybe he still had a chance. The chance died the day he and Taehyung had an argument. The sweet boy was sad that the ‘cool hyung he always looked up to’ was ignoring him. Of course the only reason Yoongi had for ignoring an angel like Taehyung were his dumb useless emotions. At some point Taehyung’s pleadings and questions became too much for Yoongi so he confessed his feelings. He told Taehyung that he ignored him because he hated seeing Hoseok so in love with him. That he hated him only because Hoseok had a crash on the boy. Taehyung was stunned for some time before he slowly whispered that he and Hoseok had been dating for 2 months and the only reason they kept it a secret because they wanted to get rid of the tension between Taehyung and Yoongi before telling him. Hoseok and Taehyung both were too considerate. Even with his broken state, he knew they were meant to be.
He snapped himself out of the old memories and disturbed the silence of the room.
“If you felt so inferior to Jungkook, although you have no reason to, why did you agree to debut with him in a duo?”
“What choice did I have?” inquired Jimin furrowing his eyebrows, “It was debuting with him or forever staying a trainee. The only reason they let me debut was because he had been in the company for 2 months only. He lacked the experience and the knowledge I had due to the 4 years of being trainee. Fuck, why did I ever agree to being a useless babysitter? Was I that desperate to debut?”
Jimin was hardly keeping his sobs back.
Yoongi cupped Jimin’s cheeks and made he look him in the eye. The boy’s ears were beat red. Cute.
“Jimin, stop with the self-loathing! You have no reason for it. You didn’t debut because someone had to look after Jungkook. No one, especially Seokjin, lets people debut because they want someone babysitted. They would never debut Jungkook if they didn’t feel like he was mature enough. And they would never ever debut you unless they felt like you were worth it. Can you imagine what a waste of money and resources it would be?”
Jimin chuckled lightly.
“You sure have a unique way of consoling someone.”
“Of course, I’m not a self-proclaimed genious for nothing. But seriously, Jimin, you are very talented. Your voice is one of the best I’ve ever heard. I told you that years ago and if you remember correctly at that time you were just another trainee for me; I didn’t care for your feelings. I was honest. Your dancing is great too. I mean, I haven’t seen it yet, but I’m sure. Don’t even get me started on your appearance.”
Jimin was just staring at him, searching his eyes trying to know whether to believe him or not. All he could see in Yoongi’s eyes were honesty and affection. So he let himself believe that at least for one person he was enough the way he was.
Jimin’s eyes suddenly shifted to Yoongi’s lips and Yoongi’s heart raced 90km in a minute. He could practically feel the blush creeping on his cheeks. Jimin, on the other hand was just staring.
The situation was too much for Yoongi. His hands were still on Jimin’s cheeks. He had long forgotten they were there in the first place. Jimin’s eyes were glued to his lips and Yoongi’s mind might have been tricking him, but he thought he saw Jimin's head tilt just a little.
Yoongi’s breath hitched as he felt Jimin slightly push himself forward. There was a centimeter difference between their faces. Jimin stopped to let Yoongi pull back if he wanted to. Before Yoongi could force his body to move just a little forward, the screeching sound of his alarm clock startled both of them.
Jimin jumped and quickly pulled back looking around worriedly. He was positively blushing. Yoongi sighed and turned it off.
“Sorry, about it. I set this just in case I’d be late.”
“It’s only 1am, we were supposed to meet at 3. How could you possibly be late?” although Jimin sounded composed but his sweater paws and red cheeks told Yoongi another story.
Jimin was still awkwardly standing in the room after the wake-up call and since the moment was lost he sat on the cushion near Hyojin’s desk.
There was an awkward silence in the room as both parties kept replaying the scene in their heads regretting the chance they lost.
Jimin yawned loudly.
“The coffee was weak as shit.”
“It was less of a coffee more of a sugared cream. Did it even have any coffee in it? It was white as hell,” asked Yoongi trying to lighten the mood.
“I’m a sweet person. I like sweet things too,” replied Jimin with a tiny smirk on his lips.
“According to your logic I’m bitter?” inquired Yoongi awfully grateful to Jimin for killing the awkward silence.
“Oh, you didn’t know?” teased Jimin.
“Hey brat, respect your elders.”
“Make me,” said Jimin sticking his tongue out.
Yoongi chuckled lightly. Jimin would be the death of him.
“Come sit beside me,” said Jimin patting the spot beside him.
“Why?” asked Yoongi smirking.
“I’m really sleepy and you seem comfy enough to make a decent pillow.”
“Wow, every time I think you couldn’t get less respectful, you surprise me,” grumbled Yoongi as he stood up to do just as Jimin ordered him.
“Well, I’m a man full of surprises,” wiggled his eyebrows Jimin.
Yoongi sat just beside him enough for their thighs to touch. Neither of them seemed to mind though. Jimin’s body immediately relaxed as he leaned on Yoongi. He put his head on Yoongi’s shoulder and sighed dreamily. He hadn’t felt that safe and peaceful for a long time.
“I meant it, Jiminie. You are one of the most talented people I’ve ever met. So what if it takes a bit more time and energy from you? The important thing is the result, and believe me the result you get is uncanny. Also don’t listen to that shithead you have for a manager. He doesn’t know shit. Just because more people lust after Jungkook, doesn’t mean he is more worthy of getting a solo. I believe you’d kick any soloist’s ass. I’d talk to Jin too. It’s unfair to you.”
“’Jimine?’ I love it. It’s cute,” whispered Jimin absentmindedly.
“That’s all you got from it?” asked Yoongi half-offended.
Jimin reached to hold Yoongi’s hand.
“No, I also got that you are whipped for me.”
“I’d neither confirm nor deny that,” said Yoongi squeezing Jimin’s hand back.
“Thank you, for everything Yoongi,” said Jimin after a moment of silence.
“Anything for you.”
They stayed like that for a while; holding hands with Jimin’s head on Yoongi’s shoulder. Suddenly Jimin straightened himself and pointed to Yoongi’s lap saying;
“Can I lay here? I’m so sleepy. Had a rough day.”
Yoongi blushed lightly, but nodded nonetheless. Jimin happily adjusted his body to rest his head on Yoongi’s thighs.
“You are so skinny,” Jimin said with merit in his voice.
“Not everyone has thighs like yours.”
Jimin sounded sleepy. Yoongi more impulsively than anything reached to comb through Jimin’s hair. Jimin sighed happily. They stayed like that with Yoongi combing through his hair and admiring him. Jimin was a work of art. Every inch of him was beautiful and flawless.
Jimin shifted his body so now he was facing Yoongi. Yoongi’s eyes trailed back to Jimin’s lips. The tiredness made him completely forget that just a few minutes ago they nearly kissed. He couldn’t help but think of how things would be different if his damn alarm wouldn’t disturb them. He would have kissed Jimin. He would have known how the boy tasted.
A very intriguing thought appeared in his head; its not too late. Not too late.
After all Jimin seemed eager enough to initiate it. Even someone as oblivious as Yoongi knew that they long ago had crossed the 'close friend' line. So what was stopping him from kissing the boy in his lap?
Before he even registered he had moved, he felt Jimin’s lips on his.
validate me pls comment
Yoongi couldn’t believe it was actually happening. He was kissing Jimin. He was kissing Jimin. Even if the angle was weird and he was mostly kissing the corner of his lips, even if his back was ready to snap in half at any point, he wanted to savor every second of it. The gorgeous boy that was resting on his thigh was kissing him back. That was the most unbelievable part. Sure, Yoongi knew that they were somewhere between a friend and something more but they never crossed the line. Until today.
Even if Yoongi didn’t ever want to pull away, he still needed to breathe so he pulled away just enough to gaze at the other’s eyes.
“Took you long enough,” whispered Jimin out of breath.
“Could say the same to you,” added Yoongi softly.
Jimin giggled cutely. Yoongi resumed petting his head.
“You are so pretty.”
“You are not so bad yourself either,” added Jimin cheekily as he winked in the most exaggerated way.
Jimin did the crescent eye-smile that had Yoongi completely undone. He bent down and kissed him again.
“I’m liking this way too much,” said Jimin breathlessly after Yoongi pulled away.
“That’s good to know since I’m planning to do that constantly.”
“Promise?” asked Jimin cheekily.
Yoongi chuckled, slowly shaking his head.
“What am I going to do with you, sunshine?”
“A lot of inappropriate things, I hope,” replied Jimin winking at him.
Yoongi lightly smacked his chest.
“Can you stop ruining the mood? I’m being all soft and shit here.”
“Sorry, I get cheeky when I’m flustered.”
“Why would you be flustered?”
“Maybe because the guy I confessed I had the hots for the first time I properly talked to him likes me back?”
“I forgot about that,” lightly laughed Yoongi, “That was really bold of you.”
“Well, I don’t call myself ‘gay disaster’ for nothing. Gotta live up to the name.”
Yoongi leaned back on the sofa and stared at Jimin. Silence had long become the inseparable part of their relationship but neither minded. It was comfortable and soothing.
“Damn, I’m really sleepy,” muttered Yoongi trying to stop his yawn.
“Lay down with me. Let’s sleep.”
How could Yoongi not comply to those eyes? He quickly positioned himself between the back of the sofa and Jimin. Jimin immediately curled his arm around Yoongi’s waist and plastered his body to Yoongi’s. Yoongi put his arm under the boy’s head and started to play with his hair again. Jimin kissed him and this time the kiss wasn’t a simple peck. It was a kiss filled longing and love. Yoongi hungrily kissed back.
“Oh, wow,” breathed Yoongi.
“Sleep now,” muttered Jimin plustering his forehead on Yoongi’s.
“I mean, this looks so festive. Look at the colors!”
“Are you actually saying Comic sans will look great on wedding invitations? Why were you calling me a walking crime against fashion when you are doing stuff like this?”
The voices became clearer as Yoongi began waking up. He opened his eyes and saw Hyojin working on something on her desk and Namjoon standing beside her.
He groaned and stretched his body. His back was aching from sleeping on the sofa. Was Jimin in the same condition? Jimin… The memories came rushing to him and he couldn’t help the smile that appeared on his face.
“Oh my god, he will kill you,” he heard Namjoon.
“He can’t kill me. That’s not how being a goddess works,” said Hyojin smugly.
“Who is going to kill you?” asked Yoongi standing up.
“You, ironically,” snickered Namjoon.
“And why is that?” inquired Yoongi curiously as he came closer to Hyojin’s desk.
The image he saw on the desk, or rather on the screen woke up Yoongi quicker than any espresso ever could. On the screen was a photo of him and Jimin cuddling on the sofa, sound asleep. Above the photo in Comic sans shrift in rainbow colors was written ‘Gay on’ . To say Yoongi was astonished was an understatement.
“This is the rough draft for your wedding invitations so don’t judge it too roughly. I think it needs more rainbows, what do you think Namjoon?”
Namjoon rubbed his chin pretending to think.
“Yes, definitely. You should also add some hearts over their heads and maybe some unicorns why not?”
Sadly, Yoongi was going to lose his best friends to homicide, such a tragedy.
“WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU DICKHEADS???” shouted Yoongi as he tried to turn of the computer.
Sadly, he was just a short boy living in a tall world. Hyojin and Namjoon easily blocked the computer simultaneously laughing at him. His hands may have been short but they were strong enough for putting some brats in their place. Soon enough Hyojin and Namjoon were rubbing their aching heads.
“So mean. Wasn’t this supposed to be a violence-free working zone?” asked Hyojin pouting.
“When the fuck did you even take the photo?!” inquired Yoongi completely ignoring Hyojin.
“When I caught you sleeping like a couple of otters, duh. By the way, congrats on getting Jimin. The boy is the cutest thing ever! He woke up when I took the photo and was so flustered. He practically run off from here at light speed.”
“He really is the cutest thing ever!! I saw him in the lift, he was so red I thought he had a temperature. He couldn’t even reply when I asked him if he was okay. Poor guy,” cooed Namjoon.
Yoongi just rubbed his face trying to think what he had done to deserve these two.
“Why can’t you guys for once behave like normal people?”
“But we are! We are celebrating the fact that our best friend Mrs Ice hermit is finally in love with someone. We are even helping you organize your wedding. You are so ungrateful,” tsked Hyojin.
“So uncivilized. Maybe we can show this to Jimin. At least he has some manners to thank us for the hard work we have done,” suggested Namjoon.
“That’s it, you are going down assholes!”
Yoongi took the phones which were right in front of him and rushed to the toilet. Hyojin and Namjoon chased after him. Soon the trip was on the floor tired of running and fighting for the phones.
“Weren’t we supposed to work here?” asked Namjoon.
Hyojin and Yoongi shrugged simultaneously.
“On a serious note though, Yoongi, we are very happy for you. You deserve to be happy,” said Namjoon suddenly.
“Jimin seems nice,” added Hyojin.
“He really is,” Yoongi couldn’t even control his smile.
He was happy.
“I knew it was serious, but I didn’t know you were already so whipped.”
Yoongi just nudged her not even bothering to lie; the fact was he was really whipped for Jimin.
It has been a week since their first kiss. Yoongi rarely had chance to see Jimin now. He had to work hard on the boys’ album. Jimin, on the other hand, had some shooting for a cf so they only met for some short moments and they were usually surrounded by other people, so they tried to keep it lowkey. A few smiles here, a few pecks there.
Finally they were done with the first song from the album. Which for Yoongi meant one thing; he could see Jimin for longer than 10 minutes.
He tried to fix his hair to look at least a bit presentable. He hadn’t slept the last 32hours and had enormous bags under his eyes so the least he could do was to take a shower and fix his hair. He pretended he couldn’t see his so-called best friends looking at each other and snickering behind their hands. They were such kids sometimes.
The door opened and the duo stepped in. If Jungkook noticed the trio pay special attention to Jimin, especially Yoongi, he pretended he didn’t.
Yoongi tried to be as professional as he could, but still didn’t miss the opportunity to brush his fingers against Jimin’s as he handed him the lyrics. Jimin blushed lightly. Namjoon snorted but as soon as he saw Yoongi glaring, pretended to cough. What an asshole.
The recording went okay until the manager came.
Jimin was finishing up his part, when the manager came.
“So, how is the recording going?” he asked.
“Pretty well. Jimin has a small part to record and then it’s our job,” replied Namjoon professionally.
“Good, good,” nodded the manager, “So since we are done with this song, you should start working on Jungkook’s solo.”
With those words Yoongi noticed Jimin stiffing in the recording room. The microphone was on so he could hear everything. The others in the room also stiffened. The manager, however, seemed to not have noticed the change of the atmosphere in the room.
“Why aren’t you guys saying anything?”
Hyojin and Namjoon looked at each other. They knew Jimin’s situation and also knew Yoongi’s attitude to it. They didn’t know what to do.
“I still think it’s only fair that Jimin gets a solo as well,” calmly said Yoongi turning around in his chair, facing the manager.
“Namjoon and Hyojin looked at each other again. They knew that tone. Whatever was going to happen there, it wouldn’t end well.
“It’s nice that you care so much about Jimin, but it’s not a matter of fairness. We need to give the audience what it wants.”
“So you think the audience doesn’t want Jimin?” asked Yoongi coldly.
Namjoon came closer to Yoongi’s chair in case he needed to keep him from attacking the manager.
“I just think, that as their manager, I have the right to make decisions concerning them. Do not recall you having the same power,” replied the manager smiling coldly.
Yoongi wanted to punch the manager, and he would have, if Namjoon hadn’t pushed him down with his hands.
The tensions in the room could be cut with a knife. Hyojin was frozen in her place eyes going between Yoongi and the manager. Namjoon had his hands on Yoongi’s shoulders. Yoongi was seething with rage. Jungkook had sunk low in the sofa as if trying to pretend he wasn’t there. The manager was staring at Yoongi with cold eyes.
Luckily for everyone, Seokjin entered the room and begun animatedly asking about the recording. His obliviousness to the atmosphere of the room made everyone go back to their jobs.
Suddenly Yoongi stood up and asked to talk to Seokjin separately. Jin raised his eyebrows but still told Yoongi to follow him to his office.
“Is this about Jimin?” asked Seokjin as soon as he closed the door of his office.
“How did you know?” asked Yoongi instead.
“Well, for starters you were quiet passionate about Jungkook getting a solo. Secondly do you honestly think I don’t check the surveillance cameras of my own company?”
“I mean that I know that you and Jimin have got something going on and although I’m very happy you are finally seeing someone, I’m still angry at you.”
“Why would you be angry? It’s not like we were fucking in the building or something.”
“I’m pissed that you are letting your personal emotions get better of you,” said Seokjin with uncharacteristic seriousness.
Yoongi furrowed his eyebrows.
“I don’t think Jungkook getting a solo is unfair to Jimin just because I like him.”
“But that’s exactly what you are doing. You never interfered in these matters before. How many sub-groups and soloists we had? Did you think that them getting their own songs was also unfair?”
“Because you weren’t in love with them. Look, Yoongi,” continued Jin sighing, “I know that Jimin means a lot to you and you can’t even imagine how happy I am that you are finally moving on from Hoseok and don’t give me that look, I only pretend to be oblivious. What I am saying, is that that it’s great that you are in a relationship but don’t mix it with your professional life. This whole industry is unfair. Some train for years and never debut, some can’t sing but make more money than you and I both could ever have. Jimin not getting a solo is not the end of the world. He is talented, I’m sure in near future he would get one.”
“But he needs it now!,” Yoongi couldn’t control his emotions anymore, “You weren’t there when he was sobbing his heart out and telling me how useless he felt. You weren’t drying his tears while he was telling me the things he went through because you all thought Jungkook was better than him. What have you seen in that kid anyways?!”
Seokjin looked taken aback. He never saw Yoongi express emotions with this intensity. He really was in love.
“Yoongi, I understand, I really do, but it’s really not that big of a deal. And don’t even pretend that this has nothing to do with your feelings for him, because it has everything to do with them. Now please, go and collect yourself. You have an album to finish.”
Yoongi was astonished. He and Seokjin have been friends for years and somehow he was sure he would help him, but instead Seokjin was taking the manager’s side. Yoongi felt betrayed and angry. He left the office not forgetting to slam the door.
On his way back he saw Jungkook. The boy froze for a second seeing Yoongi’s state. He came up to the seething producer.
“Fuck off, Jungkook. Just because everyone in this goddamn company is kissing your ass doesn’t mean I want to.”
Jungkook’s eyes widened as he stared at Yoongi with horror and shame.
“B-but… Yoongi hyung…”
“It’s Yoongi-ssi to you… Although you know what, don’t call me anything. Don’t ever talk to me. I don’t want to have anything to do with a two-faced asshole who keeps digging under his partner’s feet,” at this point Yoongi was no longer controlling what he was saying.
“But I’m not digging!,” tried to argue Jungkook, “I-I didn’t want the solo, I…”
“Then why have I never heard you say that? If you actually cared for Jimin, even just a tiny bit, you would have said something. Instead you are keeping quiet while you see you friend suffer because of your manager. Although, I can hardly call you Jimin’s friend.”
Jungkook looked like he was on the verge of tears. Yoongi was so mad at the boy that not even for one second he felt bad for making the boy cry.
“I swear I’m his friend and I care about him, but…”
“Shove your excuses up your ass and try to stay away from me or else you’d regret,” threatened Yoongi, as he harshly pushed the boy and went his way.
Something deep down in Yoongi was regretting everything he said as soon as he calmed down a bit.
i nearly had hyojin say 'im a bad bitch he cant kill me. at least 60% of this fic is a love letter to hyojin. i love her and her chaotic neutral gay energy.
Yoongi couldn’t concentrate on his work. He was pissed at Jimin’s manager, at Seokjin for not helping him, at Jimin for not standing up for himself and at himself for being so helpless.
Unlike him, Namjoon and Hyojin were discussing the lyrics for Jungkook’s solo. Yoongi couldn’t blame them. They were paid to do it. So was he and yet he couldn’t bring himself to come up with something. Maybe Seokjin was right and he was far too emotionally invested in all of it.
Suddenly, someone pushed the door open and stormed inside. Yoongi turned around and froze seeing Jimin fuming.
“What the hell did you do?!” all but shouted Jimin.
Yoongi’s jaw dropped. He never saw him like that, hell he never even imagined him angry. Jimin was known as the softest, calmest person in the company. This was something new.
Namjoon and Hyojin exchanged glances and quickly got off their desks not wanting to be present to whatever that was going to happen.
“W-what do you mean, Jimin?” stuttered Yoongi.
“What do I mean?! As if you don’t know what you did to Jungkook!”
Yoongi raised his eyebrows.
“So this is about it? Why are you so angry? I only told him the truth,” said Yoongi calmly standing up from his chair and trying to get closer to Jimin, maybe even to try to sooth him.
Jimin crossed his arms and didn’t move from his place.
“The truth?!,” shouted Jimin, “Whose fucking truth?! The boy is currently sobbing and collecting his stuff from our dressing room. He wants to leave our duo. Why the fuck did you say those things to him?”
Yoongi knew that Jungkook didn’t take his words well (who would? He intended to hurt the boy and if one thing is true about Yoongi, It’s that he is an ace at hurting people with words), but leaving the duo, really?
“If it means anything I never told him to leave the group. I just told him that I don’t like him and that he is being selfish. He needed to hear it from someone.”
“And that someone were you?” somehow Jimin sounded angrier every minute, “What the hell Yoongi. Why did you interfere in the first place?”
“Because I care about you!,” Yoongi was also getting angry.
Jimin shouting at his face was the last thing he expected.
“Care? Is this what you call care? I confined in you because I trusted you and I needed to have someone who would listen, but you went and ruined everything. Now the whole company is blaming me for Jungkook’s decision. Is this what you wanted all along? Seems like a weird way of caring about someone!” Jimin sounded chocked.
“B-but why would they blame you?” inquired Yoongi.
“Because, asshole, I’m apparently the famous Suga’s boy toy and when I don’t get what I want, I ask my sugar daddy to take care of my problems!”
Yoongi didn’t know what to say. Was that what it seemed like from the other people’s perspective? That Jimin was the asshole? He thought that at worst people would hate him for hurting Jungkook, somehow it never came to his mind, that people would blame Jimin instead.
“I never asked for your help! I never told you to take care of me! All I ever wanted was someone to listen to me not fuck up my and my friend’s career. Hope you can sleep well at night knowing that you just ruined both mine and Jungkook’s career.”
With these words Jimin went out slamming the door. Yoongi was standing frozen in his place trying to wrap his head around the events of that day. His thoughts were rushing and confusing, but one thing was clear to him; he fucked up.
With every passing second guilt and anger were chocking Yoongi. Why did he even interfere? Why did he talk to the boy? What was the point? He finally met someone he liked only to lose their relationship a few days later. Yoongi had it coming. Of course, he was an asshole. He fucked up all his relationships. He fucked up his relationship with his parents by coming out. Lost his best friend because he couldn’t stop his dumb heart from falling for him, and now he finally met someone who surprisingly liked him back only to ruin the boy’s life in a day.
If there was a competition for the world’s biggest asshole he would have won it with crashing victory.
He needed to fix the mess he created but how? There was no way Jimin would forgive him. That much he knew. He ruined the boy’s trust and turned him into the office whore for everyone to hate. The least he could do was to fix it. Sure he couldn’t fix the rumors but maybe he could fix his career.
Yoongi forced himself to go and apologize to Jungkook. He had never apologized to anyone in his life and, to be honest, never wanted to but if this would make Jimin hate him less, he would do it.
He was too busy thinking of what to say that he didn’t even notice Seokjin coming from the opposite direction.
“Going somewhere?” asked Seokjin coldly.
Yoongi had never heard that tone directed at him. Today sure had a lot of first times.
“I need to talk to Jungkook.”
“Don’t you think you have said enough?” asked Seokjin crossing his arms on his chest.
“I want to apologize,” earnestly replied Yoongi.
“Fine. Don’t make it worse or I’ll fire you, best producer or not.”
Seokjin told him that Jungkook was still in 307 and went his way. Yoongi deeply sighed and knocked on the door before opening it.
“I have decided. I won’t change my mind Seok…” Jungkook didn’t finish his sentence when I saw that the intruder was Yoongi.
He quickly lowered his eyes and his whole posture seemed so small, so fragile. Damn, just when Yoongi couldn’t feel worse about himself…
“I want to apologize, Jungkook,” started Yoongi.
“There is no need to apologize. You were right. I am a bad person and I don’t deserve to be friends with Jimin hyung.”
Even his voice sounded so weak and small. Yoongi had a lot of things to pay for.
“But I need to apologize. I was too angry when I saw you so I just lashed out on you. I’m sorry. You didn’t deserve to hear it from me. And I’m sure Jimin and you are good friends. He never blamed you for the solo thing, it was just me.”
“But he should have. I always looked up to him. Jimin hyung is nice and caring and very hard working and he took care of me so well. He worked twice as hard as me but I always got more praises than him. I hated that because I felt bad for him. Hyung was always better than me but got discouraged so much that he became over self-conscious. And the worst part was that our relationship changed. It became worse with the solo. I should have said something, but I kept quiet because it was comfortable in that way. I’m an asshole. He needs a better partner,” Jungkook’s voice sounded strained.
“He doesn’t need a new partner he just needs to work harder,” Yoongi’s stern voice surprised Jungkook, “This whole matter blew out of it’s proportion because of me, because of my feelings for Jimin. Seokjin was right, I wasn’t being professional. You know what the actual professional producer Suga would say? That Jimin needs to get over himself. That getting different opportunities is normal in this industry. That instead of focusing on you, he should have focused on the things he could improve about himself. That his shitty ass boyfriend should have stayed out of it since he was an outsider and knew shit about this whole matter.”
Jungkook got quiet not really expecting the words he heard. To be honest Yoongi didn’t expect them either. They flew out of his mouth before he even registered them, but he was glad he said it. It was the truth, all of it. His affection towards Jimin was so much and so intense that it blinded him to the whole situation and made him think that Jimin was some damsel in distress who needed his help. Instead Jimin was just someone with whom he could be a whiny baby for some time and that it wouldn’t turn into everyone’s business. Guess Jimin trusted the wrong person.
After a few seconds of chewing on the words, Jungkook softly asked;
“So are you boyfriends?”
Yoongi’s eyebrows shot up.
“I said probably the best and definitely the first apology of my life for you to only get that part?”
Jungkook just shrugged with a soft smile on his lips. it was a good sign, right? Fine, he would indulge the kid, if only it would make him less miserable.
“Well, we were, kinda? But I fucked up and I don’t think he’ll forgive me,” said Yoongi with a sigh.
“Hyung, I’m sure he would. He has those heart eyes every time he talks about you,” said Jungkook nodding his head.
“Hey, I came to mend your broken heart, not the vice verse,” scolded Yoongi with a soft smile, “You are too nice. Sorry for being an ass. Please don’t leave the duo, every person in this company would come after my ass and not in the fun way.”
“I-um… actually if anyone else said those things, I might have punched them or maybe just gotten a bit sad. But I came to this company because I looked up to you hyung and I wanted to work with you. So when you told me those things…”
“Now you are making me feel worse. What can I do for you to forgive me and forget this whole stupid drama?”
“Treat me to lamb skewers? For a month?” asked Jungkook hopefully.
“That’s it? If I were you, I’d have said give me your most expensive watch or something like that,” joked Yoongi.
“I just want to get treated by my idol and maybe get to know him better, and let him know me better, so he won’t go accusing me of things I didn’t do.”
“That stung but you are right. So you are not leaving, right?”
“Not really. If you and Jimin hyung are okay with me, I’ll very much like to stay.”
“Kid, you really should stop idolizing me so much. I’m a mess. Just last week I went to get some milk from the refrigerator with my phone in my hand, left it there and then went looking for it half an hour. Also you know what, I’ll compose your solo.”
Jungkook’s eyes widened.
“No, no, you don’t have to. It’s…”
“I absolutely have to. Take it as my apology along with the free food. I’ll write the best solo for you and you’d have no choice but to suck it up and sing it, ok?”
Jungkook beamed at his words. The kid was so cute and likeable, why was Yoongi blind to it?
“Sure thing! Thank you so much,” said Jungkook bowing 90 degrees.
“Just come by our studio so we can decide what you want to sing together. But let’s do it later I need to talk with Jimin, although I’m not sure he’d listen to what I have to say.”
“I can tell him that you apologized and he’ll forgive you I’m sure. Jimin hyung is very understanding,” suggested Jungkook hopefully.
“Thanks for trying to help, but It’s not really about you,” said Yoongi shaking his head, “I fucked up on more personal level and our relationship is not strong enough to survive that, I think. After all, we only dated for a week or so. The least I can do is to apologize and hope he will forgive me.”
Yoongi looked for Jimin everywhere. He even went to the boy’s house but he wasn’t there. As Yoongi was hitting his head to his desk murmuring what a stupid jerk he was a, sudden realization came to him. There was only one place Jimin went whenever he felt bad. The dance studio…
Yoongi softly opened the door to see Jimin hugging his knees to his chest, sobbing loudly.
one more chapter to go
the thing is depression is a bitch+ i got a puppy a week ago hence i had no time to write anything (ive been cleaning after him 24/7) so thats why im so late. anyways this might be rushed, terrible and utterly ooc but at least i finished it yay to me. ill edit this fic one day maybe
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Jimin looked up with teary eyes.
“Go away,” his voice sounded horse from not being used for a while.
Yoongi swallowed loudly. This won’t be easy.
“Jiminie, don’t cry, please, please don’t cry. I hate seeing you like this,” pleaded Yoongi getting closer to the boy.
Jimin was drying his tears, trying to collect himself.
When Yoongi was close enough, he stretched his hand to grip Jimin’s shoulder in comforting manner, but the boy flinched. Yoongi’s heart broke at the scene. Sure, he didn’t know Jimin for a long time, but even when they weren’t close, Jimin never treated him so cold. He must have hurt him a lot.
“J-just don’t touch me,” weakly ordered Jimin getting up from his spot.
He wanted to get away from Yoongi as soon as possible. He didn’t want him to see how affected he was by all of it. It was all stupid and his fault for being insecure. And now his friend and the guy he came to love were both suffering because of him. Part of him blamed Yoongi, but deep down he knew that Yoongi was just trying to help, and that all of this mess was his fault.
“Jiminie, please…” said Yoongi weakly in a pathetic attempt of not letting Jimin go away.
He grabbed Jimin’s shoulder and turned him around so that Jimin was facing him now.
“Listen, I know I fucked up and I know you must hate me know, but just… just let me apologize to you. I need you to hear what I have to say and if you never want to see me again, I-I’ll stay away from you, forever,” the mere thought of letting go of Jimin killed him, but if that what the boy wanted, he’d give it to him.
“You should apologize to Jungkook instead,” said Jimin coldly.
“I did earlier.”
Jimin was avoiding eye contact, but upon hearing Yoongi’s reply, he couldn’t help but look him in the eye. Yoongi looked wrecked. He never saw him like this, not even the night they first spoke. Yoongi had guilt and sadness written all over his face and Jimin would be lying if he said that that simple look didn’t already make him forgive him.
“You did?,” Jimin was beyond surprised. He knew that Yoongi was too prideful and too emotionally constipated to ever apologize to someone. Did he really do it?
“Yeah, he promised that he wouldn’t leave the company and keep working with you. He told me that he wanted to leave the company just because he idolized me and cared a lot about my opinion. Can you believe that kid?” added Yoongi with a soft smile.
Upon seeing no reaction from Jimin, Yoongi spoke seriously again;
“Can I just apologize? That’s all I want. I promise it won’t take long.”
Jimin didn’t trust his voice, so he just nodded, letting Yoongi speak.
Yoongi took Jimin’s hands in his, took a deep breath trying to collect his thoughts, and spoke with a soft voice;
“I’m sorry, Jimin. I shouldn’t have meddled in your business. It is your life and your career and it was out of place for me to make such a mess. You trusted me enough to tell me your worries and insecurities. At that time I didn’t realize that you didn’t need my help, that you wanted to just vent to someone. I’m sorry for breaking your trust. I know it makes no difference now, but I never intended to hurt you, I just wanted to help, guess I fucked it all up.”
Jimin was just staring at him carefully guarding any emotion from appearing on his face.
A long silence stretched between them as they were thinking what to say next. Yoongi was staring at him, trying to memorize his face. His eyes, nose lips… Jimin was a piece of art. Even if he had the chance of being his boyfriend for a short amount of time(was he even considered a boyfriend? They didn’t even go to a proper date), he was forever grateful for the privilege of enjoying the short time when Jimin was his and his only.
Finally, Jimin broke the silence.
“I know that you didn’t mean to hurt me or Jungkook, and I know that you did it to protect me, but…”
Yoongi held his breath waiting for that dreaded “but” part to begin.
“You really hurt me. I can forgive you but I’m not sure it won’t happen again. This whole situation is ridiculous. We barely know each other, why are we even seeing each other? We have talked what like 4 times? 5?,” asked Jimin.
“W-what are you saying?” asked Yoongi cautiously.
“I’m saying that our whatever-we-had might have been a mistake all along.”
Yoongi could swear he felt his heart being torn into pieces. He would be okay if Jimin break up with him (well, he wouldn’t really, but he would get over it sometime, maybe), but calling their relationship a mistake…
“Don’t say that Jimin,” said Yoongi seriously, “Don’t you dare to call it a mistake! Break up with me, get a restraining order, make me leave the company, you choose, but don’t call this a mistake.”
Yoongi was glad his voice was doing a good job of hiding how broken he was inside.
“Yoongi, but what if it was? We talked a few times when we were vulnerable and needed someone to lean on. What if we just thought that we liked each other because we were lonely and desperately needed someone? What if we convinced ourselves this was actually love? We don’t know anything about each other. I don’t know what is your favorite dish, what you like to do in your spare time, hell I don’t even know if you are a cat or a dog person. Don’t you think these are things people who are in a relationship know about each other?” asked Jimin sounding a bit worked up.
Ever since he realized he felt a certain connection to the black haired producer, he had these thoughts, but he kept pushing these thoughts down hoping that maybe this was one of those rare occasions when love didn’t take much time or effort. Guess, this might not have been love all along.
“Why does it matter? We have time to get to know each other. So what if we know these things, after we have kissed. Does it really make such a big difference?” inquired Yoongi.
“It does when you are letting someone the power to break your heart,” replied Jimin slowly, “Talking about work, getting coffee together and sometimes kissing doesn’t really sound like a normal relationship.”
“How would I know? I have never been in one,” bitterly added Yoongi.
At his words Jimin’s eyes widened.
“You mean you never…”
Yoongi sighed. He hated talking about this. From all the things in his life that made him miserable (his family, his hungry and homeless days) his love life was the icing on the cake. He hated telling people that he never dated because it just felt so humiliating. Everyone assumed that a well-known rapper/producer had chains and chains of lovers and affairs, but it was all just bluff. Yoongi was very picky with who could get close to him or touch him. There was only one person he wanted to give his heart to, but that person didn’t seem to need it.
“Yeah, yeah, I’m a pathetic mess who had been in love with his best friend since I was 15 and when he started seeing Taehyung, I still couldn’t bring myself to get over him. I had never been interested in anyone before you. So when I realized that you liked me back I was over the moon, because I could finally know what it felt like to be loved by someone back,” Yoongi’s voice quivered at the end.
Jimin was in shock.
“B-but you never told me that before…”
“Why would I tell you? So you’d think I’m a weirdo and be creeped out by me?” asked Yoongi furrowing his eyebrows.
“I wouldn’t be creeped out,” seriously replied Jimin.
“But you wouldn’t think it’s normal either.”
“No, I’d think that you are sweet and sensitive.”
Jimin was smiling softly at him and it was doing all kinds of things to Yoongi, mostly making him want to kiss it off Jimin’s face.
“This didn’t go the way I thought it would,” said Yoongi trying to change the subject.
He felt uncomfortable under Jimin’s gaze. It felt like Jimin was staring right through him, seeing all his thoughts and feelings. He never felt more vulnerable.
“Same here. Was I really your first?” asked Jimin sounding genuinely interested.
“Well, yeah. You were my first kiss,” Yoongi felt embarrassment crawling on his neck and ears in form of a blush.
Jimin smiled widely for the first time that night.
“W-what’s the smile for?”
“You are a lot softer and cuter than I thought you’d be.”
Yoongi’s blush deepened even more, if it was physically possible.
Suddenly Jimin’s smile disappeared.
“See? This is why I’m saying we aren’t a real couple. I should have known your relationship history or the lack of it before.”
“You think I insist what we have-had was real because I’m desperate to be in a relationship?” asked Yoongi a bit curtly.
Jimin didn’t say anything afraid of hurting Yoongi’s feelings but his silence was an answer enough.
Yoongi smirked bitterly and dropped Jimin’s hands.
“Huh, I must seem really desperate to you. You seem to have an already-formed idea of the way you think I think, but if you care even a little, I’ll tell you why I think it was real. It was real because my feelings were real. I never felt more comfortable than when I was with you. I never talked to someone so freely, never trusted someone so easily than I did with you. It scared me a lot but excited me even more. I drunk cups of coffee and didn’t sleep for nights because I knew that only at night I could see you, could be with you. Maybe you, as someone who has been in a relationship and isn’t as desperate and pathetic as me, knows it isn’t love, but for me it was the kind of love I longed for for a long time.”
With these words Yoongi turned around and headed towards the door. He was hurt and upset. He came to simply apologize to Jimin, and maybe if Jimin was kind and gracious enough, get him back, instead he found out that Jimin wasn’t sure about their feelings. It hurt much more than Yoongi could imagine. Was he cursed to be in love with people who never loved him the same way? Was he that unlovable?
Before he could turn the knob and head home to cry, two hands wrapped themselves around his waist.
“Yoongi, I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I love you too I swear. I didn’t mean to offend you. I was just scared because we were going too fast. I was scared that our relationship would burn like a flame and hurt both of us in the end, but I swear I do love you and I don’t want to lose you. The thing is I used to be in a relationship that started too fast. We were head over heels for each other but it went on like that for a month only. After the first flames passed, we started to argue about most basic things and realized that we weren’t meant to be. It hurt me a lot because I did love him. And I was really scared it would happen again with you, although with you it would have been much much worse, because I never loved someone the way I love you. I never felt more cherished and loved than I did the day you kiss me in your studio. You were so gentle and so careful I felt like the most precious thing in the entire world. I was, no I am scared of losing it. I’m scared of losing you.”
Jimin’s voice was muffled all through his speech as he had buried his head in Yoongi’s shoulder, but Yoongi heard him clear enough.
“You are scared of losing me so you are pushing me away?” asked Yoongi calmly.
“It’s better to get my heart broken now, than later when I’d get to have all of you.”
“You already have all of me.”
Yoongi turned around cupping Jimin’s cheeks.
“If you are ready to give us a chance and even if you aren’t, you still have all of me.”
Jimin looked like he was ready to burst into tears, so Yoongi helped him stop his tears the only way he could- by kissed him with all the love and affection he had. Jimin replied to the kiss eagerly.
shot out to the fic i actually had in my mind before my brain decided to fuck me. sorry if i let you down, i tried my best but recently my best is really bad. thanks for reading i guess and sorry