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Adventures in Bilgesnipe Sitting

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The Bifrost winks open and Thor marches on to the icy plains of Jotunheimr, followed closely by is good friend Fandral, and the Lady Sif.  Fandral begins to complain of the cold almost immediately, the heavy furs draped over his shoulders doing little to warm his body from the bitter winds of this land.

“I still do not see why we have to venture all the way to Jotunheimr just to hunt some stupid Bilgesnipe.  Those things are deadly, you know!” he says. Thor ignores him, trudging through the snow ahead.

“Stop whining,” Sif scoffs.  “Thor is getting married. A Bilgesnipe calf will make a fine wedding gift to present his bride.”

Fandral grumbles.  “Not like he would want anything normal on his wedding day, like a new dress or some jewelry…”

“Loki has plenty of fine trinkets of jewels already,” Thor’s voice booms from up ahead, as he pauses to look around and take in their surroundings.  It has begun to snow on the mountain, fat ice crystals raining down from the heavens as the three friends navigate their way through the icy tundra. “Bilgesnipe are fierce and strong.  One will make the perfect companion for a future Queen of Asgard. And Loki has always desired to have one as a pet,” Thor adds, with a fond smile. “He admires their horns.”

Fandral scoffs, “Of course he does,” and Sif jabs her elbow into his stomach.  He stumbles back with the force of the blow, and Sif tilts her chin up, facing the blizzard.

“I think it is a suitable wedding gift.  Any man who dares to venture into a Bilgesnipe nest and makes it out alive has proved his strength to me,” she says.  Luckily for him, she misses the way that Fandral rolls his eyes. Thor points to the left, in the direction that the wind is howling, towards a steep rock formation that is about 1500 yards away.

“This way, my friends,” he announces.  They carry on moving, their shoulders braced against the onslaught of freezing weather and their weapons resting upon their backs, ready to be drawn at the first sighting of any animal that moves in front of them.

The days are longer in Jotunheimr.  Te eternal winter of the land of the Frost Giants has the sun shining above them until late in the evening.  They make camp on the edge of a forest, finding a dry place inside the hallowed trunk of a frost-covered tree that looks as if it is centuries old itself.  Fandral builds a fire, warming his numb extremities by the flame as Sif goes to hunt for fresh game. While they await her return, Thor uses what little daylight there is left to review his maps and make plans for the following days’ hunt.

Sif manages to trap three rabbits, and they feast on the fresh meat and tankards of ale that Thor brought along for their journey.  As they eat, Thor spots two ravens sitting on the branches of the tree. When he left from Asgard, Thor had no doubt that his father would be keeping tags on the progress of his hunt.  He nods at the birds in recognition, and Huginn and Muninn let out twin squawks before they take off, and leave the three friends to enjoy their dinner in peace.

The morning light brings with it more snow.  Thor leads himself and his friends along the edge of the forest, each step bringing the trio closer to the rocky formation in the distance.  Inside, Thor knows there will be Bilgesnipe. The beasts live in icy tunnels beneath the ground, their bodies strong and resilient, built to survive the inhospitable climate of Jotunheimr.  Full grown, they weigh over two tons and adorn huge horns on their face and backs. Atop their heads grow two large antlers, and their teeth are long and sharp, each one like the blade of a warrior’s sword.  To slay one of the great beasts is an achievement fit for a King.

To steal one of its young… now that is a task for only a madman.

Thor is confident in himself, as he always is.  He has fought Vargr Wolves and slaughtered Frost and Fire Giants by the dozens in his youth.  Last summer he tamed a Dragon Beast and brought home its pelt for his mother to have fashioned into clothing.  The calf of a Bilgesnipe will be no small feat to acquire, but for his lovely bride, Thor would storm a hundred Bilgesnipe nests for the joy of seeing Loki smile.

“We are here,” Sif announces as they approach an opening in the rock face, the inside damp and dark looking.  It smells like ice and dead things inside.

“Thank you, Captain Obvious,” Fandral mutters, and he dodges Sif’s elbow just in time this time.  She glares at him for a moment before she flips her long, raven hair over her shoulder and turns to Thor.

“What is your plan?”

“At dawn, the female Bilgesnipe leave the nest to hunt for food.  We will wait until then to enter the cave. I will go inside to find Loki’s calf, while you two stand guard out here.”

“And if we see one?  Then what do we do?” Fandral asks.  Sif reaches for her hip holster and withdraws her sword, the flashy metal glinting in the low afternoon sunlight.  She holds it in front of her and makes a jabbing motion at the air, and Fandral jumps back as the tip of the blade almost slices through his armor.

“The Bilgesnipe’s heart rests just above it’s navel,” Sif says.  Thor nods.

“Yes, so you must get underneath the beast to slay it.”

Fandral groans.  “Yes, just what I always wanted!  To be underneath a Bilgesnipe!”

Sif rolls her eyes, and Thor shrugs.  “All will be just fine. Come on, let’s feast before our great undertaking tomorrow.  I am famished.”

Sif laughs.  “Thor, you are always famished,” she says.  Thor laughs and nods in agreement. It is true.

Thor does not sleep.  He cannot, and he lies awake sharpening his weapon, plotting his attack.  When the sun breaks over the trees in the morning he is the first to spring up, waking his friends excitedly and sending them to their positions by edge of the cave entrance.  Fandral is unhappy, and even Sif complains that they do not have time at least to eat breakfast before the hunt. As Thor said they would, the female Bilgesnipe follow one after the other out of the cave to go hunt food for the day.  Their must be at least a dozen of them, but truthfully, Thor is to excited to keep count.

Fandral could eighteen, altogether, by the time they have all left the cave.

Once the beasts are out of sight, Thor enters the cave.  He is not quiet about it, as he is not quiet in most things he does.  With Mjolnir in his fist he storms through the entrance, and when he does he walks straight into a wall.  A… hard, gray, scaly wall, that wreaks like blood and dirt. And is breathing on him. Thor gulps, and takes a step backward, and looks right up into the eyes of a very angry, very hungry-looking Bilgesnipe that is snarling at him from ten feet above.

“Ohhh… crap,” Thor says, and it’s all he has time to get out before the beast bows its head and takes him up in its antlers, flinging him against the wall of the cave.  He screams as he goes flying, hits the wall with a loud boom that shakes the entire inside of the cave.  Dazed, Thor begins to stand, his hammer still held tight in his fist.  Everything is fizzy, and he is seeing double (or triple, maybe), but he can definitely hear the Bilgesnipe pounding on the ground with its giant hooves, preparing to stampede him and quite possibly run him through with one of its enormous, sharp horns.  He drops on to the ground and rolls away just in time for the beast to charge, and the ground shakes as the creature hurdles itself into the wall, knife-like horns colliding with the rock face in the exact place where Thor was standing only moments before.

With his free hand, Thor withdraws his sword from its sheath and wields it, charging the Bilgesnipe from the side as he throws his hammer at its head.  Mjolnir collides with the beast’s scale-covered face and the creature roars, angrily gnashing its teeth in Thor’s direction. Just as he slides underneath the beast Thor catches sight of its eye, crushed and dripping blood, and he silently thanks the Norns that his hammer landed such a perfect hit to the beast.

He misses with his sword, the sharpened tip refusing to enter the plated chest of the Bilgesnipe when he aims the weapon too high.  She rears up and lets out a shrill cry, turning around just in time to see Thor ducking behind the large nest full of Bilgesnipe calves.  The beast bears its teeth and charges again. Thor throws himself to the side, but not fast enough; the large horn on the face of the beast slices through his armor and leaves a nasty gash in his right shoulder.  Thor grits his teeth through the pain and calls Mjolnir to his left hand, and aims for the beast’s head again. He will have to take out her other eye if he has any hope of defeating her, now that she is aware of his presence and so angry at him.

Mjolnir collides with the snout of the beast and she wails in pain, thrashing her head from one side to the next with the force of the blow.  Mjolnir returns to Thor’s hand and he rushes forward, sliding underneath the beast just as she prepares to rear herself up on her hind legs again, ready to charge Thor.  His sword sinks to the hilt in the fleshy mound of her stomach, thick purple blood gushing from the insides of the beastly creature. She lets out a deafening shriek, and Thor rolls out of the way just in time for the beast to collapse, taking his sword with her as she tumbles to the floor of the cave, lifeless and still.

Thor does not even bother to try to get his sword back.  The beast weighs over two metric tons, and he does not have the time to lift its lifeless body and search for his weapon.  The great wruckus that his fight with the beast caused will no doubt draw the other Bilgesnipe back to the cave, and he knows that even he could not take on more than one of those things at a time.  Especially with his shoulder injury.

He will need to have Loki look after it with his healing seiðr when they return to Asgard.

For all the ghastly creatures that they become when they are grown, infant Bilgesnipe do look rather cute in Thor’s opinion.  Their antlers are barely even nubs on their foreheads, which reminds Thor of the small horns that sprout from Loki’s beautiful head.  And their huge snouts crinkle as they sniff the air around them, making soft snorting noises as they root around the nest searching for food and warmth.  Thor picks up a green and yellow Bilgesnipe from the edge of the nest and tucks it under his arm, then quickly makes his way to the lip of the cave.

He and his friends need to get the hell out of here and to the Bifrost portal, before more of those damn beasts return.

“Thor!’ Sif gasps as he emerges from the cave.  Her eyes go wide when she spots the Bilgesnipe calf tucked securely under his arm, the baby wriggling in his hold like a newborn child.  She grips his shoulder that is bleeding. “You’re hurt!”

“We thought you were dead, for sure,” Fandral says.  Sif glares at him from over Thor’s shoulder, but she does not deny it as the truth.  Thor honestly doesn’t blame them; if he’d been listening to that fight, he’d have thought himself dead as well.  Still, he scoffs in disbelief at his friends.

“What?  You two doubted me, the strongest hunter and warrior in all the Nine?  How could you?”

Fandral grins at Thor.  “Congratulations on your victory!  And what is the name of this creature?” he says, cooing at the baby Bilgesnipe Thor is holding.  The beast snaps at his finger in agitation, sharp little teeth scary enough to ward the warrior away.

“I will leave the naming of the calf to Loki.  it is his gift, after all,” Thor says. Fandral and Sif both pat his back victoriously, and they make haste towards the Bifrost portal, wanting to distance themselves from that cave as quickly as possible.

At the Bifrost gates, Thor and his friends are greeted by the Allmother and Loki, Thor’s soon-to-be bride.  The Allmother’s face lights up when she sees that her son and his friends have returned home safe from their hunt, and she sweeps Thor into a hug that is crushing even for him, and places a kiss to his forehead.

“Mother,” he complains, blushing that this display has to occur in front of Loki.  Loki, Prince of Jotunheimr, who looks beautiful and regal in his sheer robes and glittering jewelry.  Today he is wearing a white fur coat draped over his bare blue shoulders, and his chest is bare all the way down to his navel.  There he has draped chains of gold around his hips, different fashioned in an intricate pattern that is meant to tell a story. Around his hips he wears a long, pleated skirt woven from fine, green silk and golden thread.

Thor’s mouth goes dry at the sight of his ravishing bride-to-be.  How can Loki look this magnificent all of the time?

“I was told you would have a gift for me upon your return, Odinson?” Loki asks with an arched brow.  Fandral scoffs at the prince and shoots a look to Sif, who shakes her head at him, effectively silencing his attitude.  Thor nods, bowing low to Loki and beckoning forth the beast that has been scampering about his legs since he entered Asgard through the Bifrost.

“Yes, Prince Loki.  As a gift for you in honor of our wedding, I ventured the barren and torturous mountains of Jotunheimr to win you this prize.  A Bilgesnipe calf, whom you may mother and call your pet. He will serve you as his master, and protect you from harm.”

Loki’s red eyes glow with excitement and he crouches low, sticking his hand out for the beastly little thing to sniff.  It’s snout works, small snuffling sounds escaping as it crawls towards Loki and nudges its scaly head against his arm. A big grin splits Loki’s face, and he beams at Thor as if his fiance has just hung the moon.

“My very own Bilgesnipe!” he laughs, and throws himself into Thor’s arms.  “Oh beloved, what a gift!” he cries. Thor smiles and accepts a kiss on the cheek from Loki, wincing when embracing Loki puts a strain on his injured shoulder.  Loki rears back, a concerned frown on his face. “You’re injured, Odinson.”

Thor sniffs.  “Aye. Rescuing your pet from its den was no simple feat.  I slaughtered the beast’s mother when she came upon me in the nest,” he says.  Loki’s eyes go wide, and he brushes his fingers gently over Thor’s injured shoulder.  Just the light touch makes Thor wince.

“You’ll come to my chambers after dinner and I’ll see to your wounds,” Loki says with a finality that makes it clear: he will hear no argument on the matter.  Then he picks up his skirts and snaps his fingers at his Bilgesnipe, who gallops after its new master gleefully. The rest of them are left at the Bifrost to chat idly about the rest of the hunt.  All Thor can think about for the rest of the night is Loki seeing to his wounds after dinner.

His father calls for a feast, sure enough.  There is enough mead and mutton to feed a small army, and Thor eats and drinks until he is far overstuffed and ready for bed.  It is only on his way to his chambers, when he moves his arm the wrong way and feels a zinging pain in his shoulder, that he remembers Loki’s promise to heal his wounds.  He makes his way to his fiance’s temporary chambers, knocking on the doors once he arrives.

Loki greets him in the doorway, a sheer blue nightgown doing little to conceal the sumptuous curves of the Prince’s Jotunn body.  He’s taken all of his jewelry off now, save for his nose and belly button piercings, and he wears nothing but his robe and his soft underclothes.  His hair is down and flows well past his shoulders down the small of his back. It looks so soft, and Thor reaches out to touch it. Loki catches his hand at the wrist, gently scolding him.

“Don’t move your arm, beloved,” he says.  He guides Thor to the bed and sits him down, stroking long, blue fingers delicately from Thor’s wrist all the way to the top of his bicep.  “You are so strong, Prince Thor. To single handedly slay a Bilgesnipe…”

“I did it for you,” Thor says breathlessly, and this time when he reaches out Loki allows him to cup his cheek.  He strokes his thumb over the sharp jut of Liki’s cheek bone, and the Jotunn prince looks meaningfully into his eyes.  Then he smiles sharply.

“Let me remove your armour,” he says. Thor nods, unable to resist the touch of his soon-to-be bride.  Loki makes quick work of his chest plates, then his wrist plates come off next. The chain mail slips right over his head, and then Thor is left in nothing but his soft, plain tunic.  Loki unbuttons it and tosses it to the side, pressing himself bodily against Thor’s bare chest. Thor’s throat tightens, and he feels lightheaded.

“Loki…,” he murmurs.  Loki hums, busy nosing at the skin just above Thor’s nipple, his sharp Jotnar teeth sinking lightly into the flash, leaving gentle bite marks.


“I thought you were to heal my wounds.”

“Yes, Thor,” he says.  He presses his cold lips to Thor’s chest once more before he draws back, gently running his fingers around the large gash left by the Bilgesnipe’s horn.  His red eyes glow with concentration, aquamarine light dancing from his fingertips as he works to knit the skin back together with his seiðr. Thor sighs and closes his eyes, feeling instant relief as the wound stitches itself closed.

“Was this from its horn?” Loki asks once the wound is healed completely, nothing but a bright pink scar left in its place.  He runs his fingers back and forth over the spot, then puts his lips against it. Thor nods.

“Yes.  She… charged at me.  I ducked, but I was not fast enough and she struck me.  Then I hit her with my hammer, and I plunged my sword into her heart.”

Loki makes a sound like an animal, and he pushes Thor backwards and crawls onto his chest.  Thor can see his erection straining through his thin undergarments, can feel the wetness dripping from Loki’s cunt and soaking his pants.  Thor groans and reaches out to steady Loki’s hips, his own erection throbbing in his pants. He looks up at Loki with wide eyes.

“Loki, you must stop this,” he gasps.  Loki does the opposite and he drapes his body over Thor’s, letting his little breasts press against Thor’s chest, hard, cold nipples brushing his skin. Thor shivers.  “If you continue like this, I cannot make you my bride a virgin.”

Loki bites his earlobe with sharp teeth.  “Then don’t,” he whispers. Thor’s chest constricts and he reaches up, tangling his fists into Loki’s hair and tugging.  He flips them over, kissing Loki forcefully, plunging his tongue into the Jotunn prince’s mouth. Loki responds enthusiastically, arching his back so that his body is pressed flush against Thor’s, their erections rubbing against each other’s from inside their pants.  With a simple flick of his wrist the rest of Loki’s clothes disappear from his body, and then he is completely bare underneath Thor, writhing and moaning as the golden prince continues to plunder his mouth.

“Please,” Loki sighs.  He isn’t even quite sure what it is that he is asking for.  What more could  he ask for?  His soon-to-be husband gutted a Bilgesnipe already in his name.  He brought Loki home a calf for him to raise as a pet. They are not even yet married and Loki is already falling helplessly for this man.

Thor wrestles with his pants, his movements clumsy and over-enthusiastic.  Once he is as naked as Loki he lays beside him on the bed, sucking kisses into Loki’s breasts as his fingers venture lower.  He toys with Loki’s cock, pumping the sensitive thung a few times and poking at the slippery head with his thumb. Then he cups Loki’s balls in his palm, then moves lower still, to where the wet folds of Loki’s cunt are spread open.  Thor breaches him with two thick fingers to start, and Loki sighs, his eyes going blissfully wide and his fingers clenching in Thor’s long hair.

“It’s very tight,” Thor says, his pupils blown wide with lust.  He cannot imagine how it is going to feel when he finally gets to sink himself into his beautiful fiance.  Loki grunts, cheeks turning indigo from his blush. He claws at Thor’s back, black nails dragging over sensitive Aesir skin and leaving long, angry red scratch marks.  “Does this feel good?” And he pushes his fingers deeper and crooks them. Loki whimpers.

“A little bit-- uhh,” he sighs, his eyelids fluttering closed and thick lashes fanning over his cheeks.  Thor cups his chin in his hand and pushes their lips together in another kiss, and he slips a third finger into Loki’s wet cunt, stretching him.  Loki whines.

“I want to taste you.”

“Please, Thor--”

“Thor presses wet, open-mouthed kisses to Loki’s breasts and belly, dipping his tongue into his navel and tugging at the golden ring that is fixed there.  Loki hisses in pain and thrusts his hips forward, cock hard as a diamond against Thor’s own belly. He presses more kisses to Loki’s belly, nuzzling his bearded cheek against the soft flesh before he continues downward.  His lips trail over Loki’s cock, tongue flicking at the head and tasting the bitter precum gathered there. With his free hand Thor tugs at it, still moving the fingers of his other hand inside of Loki.

He finds his prize when he’s kneeling at the foot of the bed, his lips hovering right in front of Loki’s quim.  Thor’s tongue darts out and he wets his lips, then leans forward and trags his tongue from top to bottom of Loki’s slit.  He is surprisingly warm here, for all his other skin is cold, and he is sweet and salty. Thor sighs and pushes forward, thrusting his skilled tongue into Loki’s dripping cunt and swirling it around.  Loki thrashes and cries out, cheeks and neck flushed dark blue with pleasure. For the first time he cums, thick white semen splattering his belly and chest as it pulses from his cock, still hard against his belly.

“You are a wonder, Prince Loki,” Thor gasps, and he dives back in, thrusting his fingers sidelong his tongue as he eats Loki out vigorously.  It’s as though he is addicted to the taste of him, he cannot get enough. He tongues at Loki’s clit, the little nub that rests between the base of his cock and his delicious cunt.  Loki screams and bites his arms, legs clenching around Thor’s muscular shoulders as his pussy gushes, even more wet and slick now than it was before.

“I am ready.  I’m ready!” Loki hisses, chest heaving.  Thor sits up and tosses the rumbled duvet to the side, grabbing Loki’s hips roughly and positioning him where he wants him, in the center of the bed.  Loki’s head rests on one of the soft goosefeather pillows, his black hair fanned out around him like a cloak. Thor leans forward, his cock jutting from between his legs, slapping against Loki’s thigh.  His breath is coming in ragged pants now, but he takes his time to cup Loki’s cheek, train his fingers up the side of his face, asking for permission. Loki nods, and Thor’s fingers close around the base of one of Loki’s short, pointed horns at the same time that his thick cock pushes past the folds of Loki’s cunt.

Loki’s entire body moves, like the air has been punched right out of his legs, and he cries out in pleasure as Thor fills him entirely.  Hips flush, Thor grinds his cock inside of Loki, his eyes wide with pleasure and pupils blown almost as wide as his entire iris. Loki’s hands come up to grasp Thor’s biceps, and they rock against each other, moving together, unable to speak.

Thor spills first.  He doesn’t even have time to warn Loki before his orgasm suddenly seizes him, ripping through his body like lightning.  He screams, eyes flashing blue, and outside it begins to pour rain and thunder booms in the sky. Loki laughs at this, delighted by Thor’s magic, and his sharp nails dig into his fiance’s biceps as Thor continues to rock into him even as he spills his seed.

“There is so much of it,” Loki groans as Thor fills him, and fills him, and fills him.  Thick pulses of cum shoot out of Thor’s cock and into Loki’s open cunt, splashing against his fertile womb, and its so deep inside that he swears he can feel it.  He groans and tosses his head back, hair clinging to his sweat-damp forehead, and Thor bends down to plant a kiss at the corner of his pale blue lips.

“Would you like me to finish you?” he whispered.  Loki grunts and nods, and Thor’s fingers wrap around his straining cock, tugging at the sensitive flesh until he finally spills between their bodies with a contented sigh.  Then Thor slips out of his sensitive cunt, his cum spilling out onto the sheets underneath Loki as he does so. Loki rolls away from the wet spot and draped his cool, blue body over the Aesir’s golden skin.  

They lie in silence for a while, mostly catching their breath and sharing languid kisses in their afterglow.  Nearly ten minutes later, it is Loki who breaks the silence.

“Defeating a Bilgesnipe can’t really be so hard.  I mean, my brother Býleistr slaughtered four of them by the time he was 200, and he’s a complete dullard.  Perhaps, for our one year anniversary if you kill me five Bilgesnipe, now that would be quite impressive…”

Chapter Text

Thor returns to his chambers on his wedding night and finds Loki already asleep.  He is lying still in the center of the bed, his body still laden with his white wedding clothes and sparkling jewelry, as if he just walked from the alter.  Even his hair is still done up, a tight plait keeping his long black hair from falling into his face, and a golden headdress positioned perfectly upon his forehead.  He snores quietly, his soft body curled around his pet Bilgesnipe, arms draped over her green-scaled back. She snuffles noisily against the sheets, smelly drool dripping from her open mouth and onto their wedding bed.

With a sigh, Thor begins to remove his own clothes.  He had not expected to be going straight to slumber on his wedding night, but he cannot fault Loki for falling asleep so soon.  They have both been awake since dawn, preparing themselves for the wedding and tending to their families and guests. The feast was a long and laborious affair, filled with drinking and dancing and singing and… more drinking.  A lot of drinking. When the Aesirs in the feasting hall had taken to smashing their plates against their heads and challenging one another to drunken wrestling matches, Loki decided he wanted to retire early. Thor had followed him shortly after, bidding goodnight to the room amidst cheers, the guests knowing what he and his newly-made wife are going upstairs to do.

Well, now it seems that those cheers were given up under false pretense, because Loki is dead to the world, fast asleep in the center of Thor’s bed.  Not even the noise of Thor clattering about as he removes his armor wakes him. Once he is stripped and wearing only his underclothes, Thor walks towards the bed and reaches out to gently touch Loki’s arm.  It won’t do for the prince to wear his wedding clothes to sleep, and Thor hopes that he can rouse Loki from his sleep for just long enough to get him into his nightclothes.

Thor is not expecting it when Loki’s pet lunges for his hand, sharp teeth bared as she protects her master.  Thor jerks his hand away with a gasp, squeezing his thumb to stop blood from gushing all over the sheets.

“Bilgy!” he chastises.  The Bilgesnipe snorts at him, her yellow eyes glowing as she trots in a small circle in the bed and then settles down again, her flank pressed to Loki’s side.  She lets out an exhaustive snort, like Thor has somehow gravely inconvenienced her just by being in the room, and goes back to rest. Thor scowls and goes to fetch a piece of cloth to bandage his hand with.

From the other side of his chambers, Thor looks on the bed and wonders what he is to do.  He cannot go back downstairs now, for all of his guests will then know that he and Loki have not consummated their marriage on this night.  But he cannot approach the bed either, for fear of having his heart ripped out by the small beast that slumbers upon it. And he cannot wake Loki, who apparently sleeps like a pretty blue rock, and was not even disturbed from his sleep by the act of his pet almost mauling his husband merely two inches away from his own face.

Thor eyes his hammer, in its resting place against the far wall, but quickly dismisses the idea of using it.  Loki has bonded with Bilgy over these past few days, the two sharing every waking moment of the day together as the Jotun prince trains his new pet.  Thor has been glad to see his wife enjoying his gift so dearly, and he is proud that he has been the cause for such joy in Loki’s life. He knows that Loki would not take kindly to Thor smashing the head of his dearly beloved pet.  In fact, he thinks that Loki loves the thing so dearly already that he might divorce Thor if such an event ever occurred.

Grumbling, Thor takes the only other action he can think of.  At the foot of the bed he lies down on the hard, cold floor. He glances under the bed once, noting that there is much more dust there than he ever would have expected, and that he should probably clean it soon.  Then again, how often is he going to be sleeping on the floor of his own bedroom?

Every night for the rest of your life, if Loki insists on keeping his Bilgesnipe in bed with him , Thor’s brain supplies, helpfully.  He scowls and squeezes his eyes shut tighter.  If only it were possible to will sleep upon oneself sooner…

Thor is woken by a solid weight pressing into his chest, and the feeling of hot breathing against his neck.  His eyelids twitch, and he gasps away, suddenly worried that it is Bilgy, come in the middle of the night to eat him.  Instead, he awakens to his wife’s face looking down upon him curiously, Loki’s pale blue skin pressed up against his own.  He’s no longer wearing his wedding dress; no, now he is completely naked, his dark blue nipples standing out in the darkness.

“Why are you on the floor, dear husband?” Loki asks, stroking his fingers through Thor’s long, golden hair.  He scrapes his black nails against Thor’s scalp. “Were you in your cups last night?”

Thor frowns.  “No,” he grunts.  “Your pet Bilgesnipe was taking up my spot on the bed, and when I tried to lie down, she nearly took my hand off.”

Loki’s lips twitch up, an amused look in his eyes, and he clicks his tongue against the back of his teeth.  “Well, you should be pleased that there is a pet so well-trained that she will attack any man who threatens the virtue of your wife.”

Thor growls, and his hands fly to Loki’s hips, holding him in place when he tries to squirm away.  “Your virtue is mine, Laufeyson. No pet should protect what’s mine from me ,” he snarls.  Loki tips his head to the side, considering Thor’s words.  Before he can think up another taunt, though, Thor pulls him down and forces his mouth upon him.  Loki groans and tangles his hands into Thor’s hair, tugging, and shifts his groin against Thor’s belly so that he can get some friction on his cock.

“If I am yours, you should be willing to fight a Bilgesnipe to take me in our wedding bed, on our wedding night,” Loki mutters against Thor’s lips.  Thor growls at him again, and he tears at his breaches, removing his cock from his underclothes. He is already hard and leaking, and when he pulls back his foreskin a gush of hot precum coats his fingers.  He rubs those sticky fingers against Loki’s cuntlips before pushing two fingers inside of him, grinning when the prince keens against him.

“I did not think you would take kindly to my smashing your pet’s head in with Mjolnir,” Thor says breathlessly.  Loki laughs and grinds his hips down against his husband’s fingers.

“This is true,” he says.  He moans softly as Thor crooks his fingers, and rubs his thumb against the nub of Loki’s clit.  His whole body jerks at the stimulating sensation, his cunt growing wet with every flick of Thor’s fingers inside him.  “But what would your people say if they knew that your wife let you sleep on the floor on your bedroom, on your wedding night?”

Thor laughs.  “They would say that my wife is not doing her job,” he says, and he winces at the slap Loki delivers to his chest.  He reaches out and tweaks one of Loki’s fat, dark nipples in retaliation. Loki moans and thrusts his breast into Thor’s hand, fucking himself down on his thick fingers.

“Well I am here now,” Loki says breathlessly, and he gyrates his hips.  His hard cock slaps against his stomach, leaving shiny streaks of precum against his pale blue skin.  “Let’s see if you can perform your job now, Odinson.”

Thor pushes his cock into Loki’s cunt, the fat head stretching the poor prince so wide, it almost hurts.  He makes a small noise in the back of his throat, a choked off sound, and grips onto Thor’s shoulders so tight he leaves fingermarks.  Thor’s eyes slip closed and he breathes out a sigh of relief, pleasure coursing up his spine as he is totally sheathed within Loki’s body.  He flexes the muscles of his cunt, giving Thor a squeeze, and the Aesir’s entire body jerks at the sensation.

“How is that?” Thor asks.  Loki huffs, shifting his hips, and he takes Thor’s hand and presses it low to his belly.

“You are so big, I can feel you inside me here,” he moans.  Thor presses his fingers against Loki’s belly, and he jerks his hips forward.  He feels the skin move, and he moans. He imagines what it will be like to plant his child inside of Loki’s womb, and watch his belly grow big and fat with the proof of the deed.  When Loki looks down at him and meets his eyes, he can tell that Loki knows what he was thinking, because then Loki smirks and begins to fuck himself down onto Thor’s cock in earnest.

“I know what you are thinking, Odinson,” he hisses, bending down to pepper light kisses against Thor’s face and neck.  “You Aesir are all the same. So obsessed with seeing us Jotnar swollen with your children.”

Thor groans and tosses his head to the side, pumping his hips inside of Loki.  “If the Jotnar were not so beautiful, we would not be so obsessed,” he says. Then he looks up at Loki earnestly, his hand cupping the prince’s cheek.  He strokes his fingers lightly over his horns and says, “You are by far the most beautiful Jotun I have ever met.”

Loki’s cheeks turn indigo, and he slams his hips down in Thor’s lap.  They both moan. “That means nothing,” Loki snarls. “How many Jotnar have you ever seen?”

“Many,” Thor replies, a little breathless.  There is a pressure building low in his belly and at the base of his spine, his cock throbbing inside of Loki’s tight cunt.  He knows he will not last for much longer. “I have seen many beautiful Aesir too, but none shine as brightly as you, Loki. And if I could choose any one to fill with my babies, it would be you.  You are…,” Thor breaks off in a moan, fucking his hips forward once more as he spills inside of his wife. He sighs, and finishes, “A wonder, Prince Loki. You are an absolute fucking wonder.”

Loki laughs, and groans as he collapses against Thor’s chest, cheeks a dark indigo color and cock straining against his belly.  He pushes himself up with one arm, Thor’s cock still lodged inside of his cunt and softening as the last of Thor’s seed spills inside of him.  He reaches down and jacks his own cock, taking only moments before he reaches completion, cool streams of cum splattering all over Thor’s belly.

They lie together like that on the floor for some time, until finally Loki rolls off of Thor and reaches out a hand to help him up.  The prince sits up with a groan, a crick in his neck and back from sleeping on the floor. They both stand, and Loki pulls back the covers of the bed and gestures for Thor to climb inside.  Loki follows closely, tucking his body against Thor’s warm side and closing his eyes.

A moment later, the mattress dips as another presence joins them on the bed.  Bilgy climbs up, walking over to them and first sniffing Loki, then leaning over to begrudgingly sniff Thor.  He goes still, and is surprised when a few seconds later Bilgy sticks out her tongue and licks his cheek. Then she plops down beside him and snuffles into the sheets, closing her eyes.  Thor remains still, unsure of what this means, until Loki presses a kiss to his chest and smiles.

“That means she likes you,” he says.  Thor nods, still tense, until Loki adds with another kiss.  “And I like you too.”

Thor smiles.  He wraps his arms around Loki and repeats his words back to him, softly.  “And I like you too.”

Chapter Text

“Bilgy,” Loki hisses, beckoning the beast closer with a curl of his finger.  Bilgy blinks at him, defiant, and lets out a quiet snort. Loki grits his teeth and calls to her again.  “Bilgy, come here now ,” he spits.  She huffs around the long, sleek metal in her mouth, and turns her head away from her master.  The mallet of Mjolnir, balanced precariously between her sharp teeth, bangs against the stone wall and leaves an ominous crack.  Loki winces.

“Bilgy, please!” he calls, but she ignores him astutely and saunters away.  With a growl, Loki follows after his pet. He must get Thor’s hammer back before his husband returns from chambers with his father.  If he sees that Loki has allowed Bilgy to steal it away once again…

Of course, not all of this can certainly be blamed on Loki.  Thor did leave his hammer on the floor beside their bed when he left for chambers this morning.  He should have taken it with him, or at least locked it up. It isn’t as though this is the first time that Bilgy has stolen Mholnir; the handle looks like a fat, juicy bone to her beastly eyes, and it’s only in her nature to want to eat it.

Oh God, if Bilgy eats his husband’s hammer Loki is going to be looking at a divorce.

He makes haste, rushing down the hallway after the Bilgesnipe.  There are certain corridors in the palace where his beas is allowed to roam free.  Usually the hallways that are less frequented by servants and visiting nobles, who would most likely soil themselves if they were to encounter a Bilgesnipe within the castle proper.  

As he rounds a corner quickly he spots her: sitting in the corner with her face to the wall, gnawing on the shortened handle of Mjolnir.  She’s getting slobber and teeth marking all over it, and Loki can already hear his husband whining in his mind. If he doesn’t act soon, Bilgy will break the handle.  He’s seen her chomp through stronger pieces of metal, and even the runes carved on Mjolnir’s head will not protect it from her hungry maw.

“Bilgy!” he creams, and he runs forward and dives onto her back, grabbing her around the neck.  The Bilgesnipe whines and cowers, her mouth hanging open, exposing her gnarly teeth to Loki in threat.  He jabs her in the nose, chastising her gently. “Bad Bilgy. Don’t show your teeth to me,” he snaps. She cowers and lets out a terrible moan, a gust of her rancid breath filling Loki’s nostrils.  He gags, eyes watering, and with a stealthy hand he reaches out and grabs the Bilgesnipe’s lower jaw. Careful not to put his hand directly into her mouth, he forces her to pry open her jaw and release the hammer.  It’s too heavy for Loki to pick up himself, and it falls onto the concrete floor with a loud crack , but it is otherwise unharmed.

Bilgy whines and shakes Loki off, whimpering loudly and rolling over onto her scaly back in a show of defeat.  Loki sighs and shakes his head, but rubs her belly affectionately. She keens and whines, and Loki nuzzles his cheek against her chest plate, cooing at her.

“Aye, I know darling.  It is only your nature.  But that hammer belongs to Thor, and he would have mommy’s balls if I let you destroy it…”  Bilgy whines again in response, and Loki rubs her belly more. “I will get you the fattest ox bone to chew on to make up for it.  Does that make it better?” Bilgy roars softly and bends down, licking Loki’s face with her rough tongue. He laughs and shoves her away playfully, and then Bilgy rolls back onto her feet and shakes him off.

“Come on, we have to find Thor and tell him to put his hammer away,” Loki says.  Bilgy snorts and ducks her head, following after her master dutifully now.

He does not get the chance to see his husband until well after the sun has gone down, and they take their dinner together in their chambers.  Bilgy is asleep by now, slumbering noisily at the foot of their bed. When they retire to sleep, Loki will force her to go sleep on the floor, for she is much too large now to share their bed, and Thor put his foot down after reliving the fiasco of their wedding night several more times afterward.

“You left your hammer here this morning,” Loki says as he slices and butters some bread, and passes it on a plate to his husband.  Thor piles some sliced beef on top of it, his stomach rumbling as he looks upon the food. He shrugs.

“I was in a rush this morning,” he says with a smirk, no doubt recalling the lascivious reason for his lateness earlier in the day, “and I had no need for my hammer.” he shrugs, then looks up at his husband, then around at the room.  He frowns when he sees that Mjolnir is not there. “Loki?’ he asks expectantly. Loki chews his lips.

“Yes, Thor.  Ah… how do I say this?” he begins, gently.  Thor’s jaw clenches, and outside the skies darken.  Loki winces internally, and begins to sweat despite the fact that he is wearing nothing but a short skirt and golden headdress.  “You see, you left your hammer on the floor again…”

“Be direct, Loki.  Now is no time for your word puzzles.”

Loki scoffs.  “Okay, first of all, they are called riddles .  And secondly, I am trying to tell you what happened!” he snaps, bearing his sharp Jotun teeth.  Thor snarls back at him, electricity crackling in the air between them. Loki huffs, and looks over towards his sleeping pet Bilgesnipe.  In her sleep, she looks so gentle and innocent. His heart goes out to her. “You must realize, Thor, it wasn’t her fault… it’s only in her nature!  And you know how much Mjolnir resembles oxen bones...:”

“Where is my hammer, Loki?” Thor shouts.  Loki winces.

“I left it in a corridor in the western wing.  I went to great lengths to get it back for you, too!  I pried the beast’s jaw open with my bare hands, and wrestled her to the ground,” he says and he waits for Thor to reply.  Instead he is subject only to his husband’s stern frown, and he growls at him in frustration. “This was the feat of a great warrior, Thor!  You should be proud to have such a strong wife as me.”

“You should not have let her take my hammer in the first place,” he answers.  If there is one thing that Thor will get angry with Loki over, it is his hammer.  He stands up, leaving his dinner to get cold, and storms from their chambers.

With a frown, Loki cleans up their dinner and then dresses himself for bed.  He dims the lights and removes his makeup, places his headdress on the vanity and removes the golden jewelry that he has pierced his nipples and belly with.  Once he is completely bare he returns to his and Thor’s bed and climbs underneath the covers, pressing his face into the sheets and trying not to think of his husband’s anger for a while.

It is a hard thing to do, when Thor returns to their chambers not ten minutes later, and Loki can hear him stumbling around like a hulken fool in the corridor.  Slamming doors and stomping about like a child, no doubt in a rage over the marks Bilgy left on his precious hammer. Loki’s lip curls as he thinks about it. His husband cares more about that damn hammer than he cares about Loki.

So… yeah.  There is is, alright?  Maybe Loki did allow for Bilgy to take the hammer.  Maybe he even coaxed her with it, a little bit… by smearing peanut butter all over it’s handle.  And maybe he whispered to her that she would be rewarded if she did her best to leave some dents in it’s precious handle.  But who could blame him! With the way that Thor waxes poetic about the damn thing, he might as well be married to that hammer instead of him.

And Loki has never hidden the fact that he is a jealous person.

Perhaps Thor is smarter than Loki thinks, for seeing through his ruse so easily.

The bedroom doors slams open, and Thor lumbers inside.  He goes directly to Loki’s side of the bed, looming over him.  Loki pretends to be asleep, but Thor can easily tell that he is faking it.  He tears the covers away from Loki’s body, revealing his pale blue flesh to the moonlight.  He hefts Mjolnir and points it directly at Loki’s chin, growling.

“Your Bilgesnipe has damaged my hammer.   Again ,” he complains.  Loki sniffs.

“I already told you, Thor, that this is none of my fault.  Perhaps you should not have left your hammer here, and then Bilgy would not have mistaken it for an oxen bone, and--”

“Silence, trickster.  You think I don’t know you by now?  The way that lies roll off of your tongue so easily?  I know the taste of those lies on your lips, Laufeyson.  You cannot fool me.”

“So what are you going to do?” Loki snarls, sitting up, getting into his husband’s face.  His chest heaves, dark blue nipples brushing against the cold metal of Mjolnir when he pushes himself closer to Thor.  “You dare to threaten me with your pathetic little hammer, as though I am some foe of yours. I am your wife, Odinson, and you will treat me with the respect accorded to that high title.”

Thor’s eyes darken, and thunder cracks outside.  The streak of lightning that illuminates the window is enough to distract Loki momentarily, spooking him, and Thor takes that opportunity to grab ahold of his smaller body and pin him to the bed.  He drops his hammer onto the sheets beside them and pries Loki’s legs open, exposing the luscious folds of his wife’s cunt for his greedy eyes. Loki squirms and kicks his legs, but there is no real fight in it; he simply wants to make it harder for his husband to win the prize that he seeks.

“You have little respect, Laufeyson.”

“Respect is something that is earned,” Loki pants, and he aims a hard kick at Thor’s chin.  His foot lands, but slides off of his husband’s cheek. Thor growls and wrestles him back, folding his legs up and pushing Loki’s knees into his chest.  With his free hand, Thor plunges two thick fingers into his cunt and pumps them in and out. Loki’s back bows, and he moans. “Oh, you can do better than that,” he taunts breathlessly.

Thor rises to the challenge, as Loki had no doubt that he would.  He fingers withdraw but Loki needn’t worry, because they are replaced momentarily by the scratch of Thor’s beard and his skilled tongue, fucking into his sloppy cunt.  Loki takes a moment to revel in the pleasure of Thor’s mouth, his legs falling over Thor’s shoulders and his cunt blossoming under the attention of Thor’s tongue.

It only takes a moment.  He waits until Thor is fully distracted with eating him out, and then he clamps his thighs around his husband’s neck and jerks his hips.  They roll over, so that Loki is sitting on Thor’s face, and Thor reaches out to grab ahold of Loki’s hips. He groans, but amazingly his tongue never leaves the inside of Loki’s cunt.  For that, Loki has to at least give him some credit.

He squirms out of his husband’s grip, tripping over the sheets that they are tangled in and winding up sprawled across their bedroom floor.  Thor lunges after him, grabbing him by the hips and hauling him into the air. He throws him bodily onto the bed and tries to pin him, but Loki is agile and small, and he slips from Thor’s arms and bites him on his shoulder, drawing blood.  Thor snarls at him, and Loki laughs.

“What is wrong, Thor?  You asked for me to respect you, but you cannot even overpower me without the aid of your hammer.  Don’t you see why it is your weakness, now?”

“I am going to fuck you until you cry,” Thor growls, and he reaches out to grab Loki.  He dodges, laughing, and darts to the other side of their chambers.

“I am counting on it,” he answers, and he goes for the door.  Thor runs after him, grabbing him just as he pries it open. He will not allow Loki to go running through the palace nude, again.  This time he does not make the mistake of releasing his wife, and he carries Loki to the bed and lies down on top of him.  There, he ruts against Loki’s hip like a wild animal, moaning into the juncture of his neck and shoulder. His cock is a hard presence beneath his pants, and Loki revels in the feel of it against his thigh.  He cannot wait to have it inside of him.

“You are so difficult,” he gasps, and he takes his cock out of his pants, not even bothering to remove his pants all the way.  He takes himself in hand, stroking hard and fast, the foreskin pulling up over his bulbous head with every upward stroke. “You frustrate me so,” he gasps.  

“What are you--” Loki frowns, looking down between them, and he lets out a disappointed cry when Thor comes in thick, white spurts all over his hip.  “Norns! Thor, what in Hel are you doing?” he snarls. Thor grins at him like a feral wolf.

“I am teaching you a lesson, Laufeyson,” he says. “I wanted you to fuck me,” Loki complains.  Thor nods.

“I will.”   He reaches out, opens his palm and calls to his hammer.  Mjolnir delivers herself into his hand, and he flips her over, holding her by the mallet.  Loki begins to regret this game, and he has a distinct feeling that the glint in Thor’s eye does not bode well for him.

Loki is silent as Thor pries open his legs, and finds the opening of his cunt with skilled fingers once again.  He doesn’t bother to stretch him anymore, because he knows that Loki is ready. The sheets beneath their bodies are soaked with his flowing juices.  He leans over Loki, putting his weight on top of him, and then he takes the handle of Mjolnir and thrusts its fat stem directly inside of Loki’s body.

“Augh!” Loki huffs, and he reaches for his cunt.  It’s so big, and he just needs to feel… his fingers trace the girth of the hammer, at least two inches wide.  He whines and throws his head back when Thor moves it, feeling sweat drip down his brow. How can he even stretch this much?  How…?

“You are amazing,” Thor says, and when Loki looks up his sees that his husband is already hard in hand once again.  Loki groans and collapses backward onto the sheets. They cling to him, his whole body soaked with sweat. “Every inch of you is so beautiful, Loki,” he says.  He kisses Loki’s knees and his smooth legs, works his way down to his feet and nips at his ankle. He sucks his little blue toes into his mouth, nibbling at his shin.  Loki moans and gyrates his hips, wanting more. More of what, he doesn’t know, but he needs it now.

Thor thrusts the hammer slowly inside of Loki’s cunt.  It blooms open for the thick handle, his arousal slicking the way.  Loki is stretched so wide, Thor wonders how he can even take it. But he does, and he moans through it, and he begs for more. The hammer is so heavy too, and Loki looks like he is straining under the weight of it.  Thor stops when the handle is halfway inside of his wife, about eight inches deep.

“More,” Loki cries, his chest heaving.  His little tits tremble when Thor moves the hammer inside of him, thrusting in and out shallowly.  

“It won’t go much further, Loki.”

“Mmph,” he whines, and then to Thor’s wonder he does something unexpected.  With a powerful moan Loki bears down and pushes, his cunt flexing and surging around the handle of the hammer.  It barely moves, but Loki’s whole body bows with the strain, and then he collapses onto the bed with a desperate moan.  He presses a hand to his lower belly. “It’s so big, Thor,” he complains.

Thor’s cock pulses, and he knows that he won’t last much longer.  He needs to be inside of Loki, now. He grabs ahold of Mjolnir and tugs, and as he pulls it out he tears a violent orgasm from his wife that makes Loki shudder and scream, his cum squirting all over the bed sheets beneath them.  Thor groans and clambers on top of his wife, his cock filling Loki easily after the wide girth of Mjolnir ravaging his cunt.

“You are so loose!” he gasps.  Loki moans, and Thor grabs onto his thighs and rocks into him.  It is wet and dirty and delicious. “Loki,” Thor moans, “Your cunt has never been so sloppy…”

“Uh, uh…,” Loki huffs, hips rotating, as he seeks another orgasm.  Thor reaches out and grabs onto his prick, which he has left neglected until now, and begins to tug at Loki’s sensitive flesh.  Loki whimpers, tears of pleasure welling up in his eyes.

“You are so loose that I… ah,” Thor sighs, fucking deeper, his cock pulsing deep inside of his wife.  “I don’t think you will ever be as tight again! Mjolnir has ruined you,” he gasps. Loki’s eyes roll, and then he comes across his stomach in thick white spurts.  With a groan Thor follows, his cum filling Loki to the brim.

Afterwards, they can both barely move.  Thor has the presence of mind to move Mjolnir off of the bed and onto the floor, but he is too spent to do much else.  Loki turns over and curls against him, small body still shuddering with the aftershocks of his intense orgasm. Unable to help himself, Thor reaches through the dark and gently tweaks one of Loki’s dark nipples.

“I prefer when you leave the piercings in,” he comments. Loki shrugs.

“Then I will leave them in from now on,” he decides with a gentle smile and a loud yawn.  He is obviously tired out. Thor smiles and kisses him happily.

“You looked beautiful when Mjolnir fucked you,” Thor continues.  Of course, crudeness is his nature, so he cannot help himself. Loki snorts, a small smile playing on his lips.

“I always knew you had an odd fixation with that hammer,” he mutters.  “And now you can see why my jealousy was justified.”

Thor laughs, and he strokes Loki’s hair from his face, smiling amusedly at his wife.  “I suppose it is true. But,” he warns, and now his tone becomes dark, and he tightens his grip on Loki’s long black hair painfully.  “If you ever damage my hammer again, Loki, I will do more than simply fuck you with it.”

Loki nods, the smile never leaving his lips.  “Duly noted, my love,” he says, his voice dripping with innocence and the utmost of respect.  Thor smiles, sated with the response, and settles back against the sheets. He kisses Loki’s lips one last time before he closes his eyes and drifts to sleep.  And in the darkness of their chambers, his eyesight is not good enough to see the gentle smirk Loki wears on his lips.

To be certain, this will not the last time that Loki fucks with Thor’s hammer.

Chapter Text

Since childhood, Loki has had somewhat of an obsession with large beasts and creatures of every kind.  In his earliest days, he would spend hours in the woods tracking and cajoling Vargr wolves out of their dens, feeding them cured meats and training them to hunt for him.  You can only imagine the bounties that an entire pack of Vargr wolves could kill.  For weeks he brought home impressive hunts of musk oxen and mammoths, inspiring awe in his father and jealousy in his brother.  It wasn’t until Býleistr followed him into the woods one day and spied on him dancing with his pets that he was caught, and then Býl made a point to hunt the wolves.  He heaved their carcasses over his back and into the palace, a session of open court, and made a point to drop the Alpha’s body onto the stone floor right in front of Loki.

After that, Loki did not hunt any more.

He always had a soft spot for the larger beasts.  They were different than other animals; keen, strong, not meant to be hunted for sport as they were.  Although he was small, perhaps Loki identified with them on some level. He felt connected to them.

Thor’s wedding gift to him was a precious one.  A Bilgesnipe pup, to coddle and raise as his very own.  Bilgy would play with him, hunt for him, protect him at every cost.  She was positively darling and could never do any wrong in Loki’s eyes.  He kept her in her very own stable behind the horses’ keep, where she had plenty of grass and woods to romp in and she could hunt her own game.  On some nights he would bring her into the palace to sleep in his and Thor’s rooms, but since she grew out of puphood she’s really been too large for that.

When Thor is called to Midgard to help with tracking down a supervillain by the name of Thanos, the Allfather insists that Loki go with him to serve his role as future Queen of the Nine Realms.  Loki, in response, insists that he be allowed to bring Bilgy along on the trip with them.

“But dearest,” Thor grits his teeth, placing a placating hand on Loki’s shoulder as he reaches for the reigns of Bilgy’s nuzzle.  “Don’t you think Bilgy would be happier here, in her pen where she can romp freely? In Midgard, she will be confined to a cage. Master Tony does not have the room for such a beast in his tower…”

“Well then where does he keep his own livestock?  What kind of palace does not have a stables, Thor?”

“It’s a good question,” Thor says with a frown.  “You can ask him yourself when we arrive in New York City--”

“I do not want to go if I cannot bring Bilgy with me!” Loki declares petulantly, clinging to the Bilgesnipe side and not letting go.  Bilgy turns her head and licks Loki’s cheek affectionately. She lets out an annoyed grunt when Thor comes near, and he glares at his husband as well as the beast.

“Loki, do not be childish.  It will only be a few short weeks, and Mother has promised to tend to Bilgy herself while we are away,” he says.  Loki only ignores him, pulling bits of raw meat from his pockets and feeding them to the beast. Thor huffs and turns away.  “Fine, Loki….” he sighs laboriously. If there is anything Thor has learned in these last few decades of marriage, it is that nothing leverages Loki quite like jealousy, “I suppose that I can have Amora accompany me on my trip in your stead…”  

He glances back over his shoulder, barely containing his smirk when Loki lets out an indignant cry behind his back. “You wouldn’t, Thor!” He growls, pushing away from Bilgy and stomping after Thor.  He hears the jingle of Loki’s beaded skirt as he flies to Thor’s side. He grips his arm, black fingernails digging harshly into the flesh there. “You know how I dislike that insufferable wretch. She is always snivelling at your feet like a dog, waiting desperately for you to throw her a bone.   To take her to Midgard would give her the perfect opportunity to cuckold you from me!

“Loki,” Thor attempts to mollify his beloved with a pat on the shoulder, but Loki sneers at him. “Amora is not trying to seduce me…”

“Have you not seen the way the mewling quim looks at you in open court--”

“And even if she were ,” Thor pronounces firmly, turning and gripping his husband by the shoulders.  His pink flesh contrasts brightly to the cobalt blue hue of Loki’s skin. Loki shifts a little, his golden beads jingling against his chest and hips when he does so.  “Her advances would have no affect. You fail to remember that my heart belongs to you, Laufeyson. I could never lust after any other. Surely I have told this to you before, my beloved.”

“Your words are like honey,” Loki says with an impish smile, and gently bumps his horns against Thor’s cheek when he nuzzles their chins together, “But they are purely based in sentiment.  I will accompany you to Midgard, and will not hear otherwise. Amora will have to wait for another day to worm her way into our marriage bed.”

Loki drops a kiss on Thor’s cheek and pulls away, announcing that he must go pack his back and practically running up the path back towards the palace.  He watches him go, unable to contain his smile. Most of the time Loki is the clever one in their relationship, always coming up with sneaky ways to put Thor in his thrall… but when Thor is crafty, he is very crafty.

When they touch down at Stark Tower, Tony is there to greet them in the lawn.  He winces at the burnt imprints of the Bifrost on the finely manicured lawn, and goes out to greet Thor with a hug.  He’s started, of course, when he looks over Thor’s shoulder and spots him-- a dark blue alien standing astride the Asgardian God, his body draped in sparkling green and golden jewels, his long dark hair pulled back in a tight plate that reaches below his waistline.  His eyes glow red, and from the top of his head emerge two dark black horns which are draped with more golden jewelry, which glitters in the low afternoon sun.

“Hey Point Break, who’s the Smurf?” he asks as he pulls back.  Loki lifts one perfectly groomed eyebrow at the man. Thor reaches out and wraps an arm around Loki’s waist, pulling him close.

“Friend Tony, this is my dearest wife Loki.  He will be accompanying me during my stay in Midgard, on the Allfather’s command.”

“Huh.  So, Loki, is it?” Tony looks him up and down, chewing his bottom lip thoughtfully.  “Aren’t you the guy who had sex with a horse?”

Loki’s expression darkens minutely.  “Ah, so I see you’ve been reading the tabloids,” he says breezily.  Thor snorts, and Loki glares at him from under his lashes. “I am Loki Laufeyson, the third son of the King of Jotunheim, jarson of Farbauti, Cruel Striker, Commander of Jotunheim’s elite guard.  And I am the wife of Thor, his beloved consort and most trusted counsel.”

Tony shuffles on his feet, feeling awkward.  Loki pins him with a pointed glare, and then he coughs.  “Hey, let me get your bags. Pepper is inside, I’m sure she’ll be… delighted to meet you,” he says.  He goes to collect Loki’s bags as the Jotun prince struts away, followed closely by Thor. Well, damn.  Whoever this wife of Thor’s is, he’s got the guy positively whipped.

As it turns out, Loki is just as difficult as he is portrayed in the myths, but in very different ways.  He demands that Tony order fresh goats milk for him to drink and bathe in. He refuses to wear anything more than the skimpy chains and jewels that hang low on his hips, and every time he moves just so Tony is afraid he might catch a glimpse of something he doesn’t want to see.  On the third day of their stay, Tony walks in on Loki sitting in his private bathroom, painting his teeth .  The guy is… weird.  And, of course, Pepper loves him.

In the second week of their stay, Pepper finally convinced Loki to allow her to take him shopping.  This gets him into some presentable clothes, at least, and when he’s out and about he puts on a glamour that gives him pink skin like the Aesir and the humans.  Thor expresses his firm distaste for the glamour, and makes Loki promise to him that he will retain his natural hue when they are in Stark Tower (and in their bed, but Tony is pretty sure he wasn’t supposed to hear that part).  In all honestly Loki doesn’t seem to fond of it either, but he is much less fond of the stares he got the first time he went out in public with his natural hue, so he makes do.

But Loki is bored.  Thor is off doing superhero things, training with SHIELD and the Avengers, and Loki has nothing to do but wait around for his husband to return all day.  He watches daytime television. He practices his magic. He takes out his boredom by animating Tony’s suits and making them play battle with each other.

When he destroys Tony’s computer array during one of his battle sessions, Mr. Stark has finally had enough.  He tells Pepper to do something-- anything-- to occupy Loki’s time so that he will not destroy his things anymore.

They go to the zoo.  Loki seemed fascinated with the squirrels and rabbits that scampered around Tony’s backyard in his first week on Midgard.  (Oddly enough, those small animals have been disappearing one by one, and Loki has skipped dinner for a few nights in a row.)  Pepper figures it will be a nice trip for him, and he’ll get to learn a little bit more about the animals of Earth.

“Fascinating,” Loki says as they enter the zoo, his eyes wide as he peers through the tall gates that surround a bathing pool for some fat, gray creatures that swim and flip and twirl out of the water every so often.  “We have these creatures in Jotunheim as well. On my twelfth birthday I slew one to make a fine pair of slippers,” Loki boasts loudly to Pepper. She laughs; several people standing nearby gasp in shock and back away.

They continue on through Central Park Zoo.  They visit the giraffes, the lions, wolves, monkeys, elephants (“What are those things?  They look like bald mammoths!” “I mean, you’re basically right.”) Loki is enraptured with it all.  He especially enjoys the dinosaur exhibit, where there are large plastic recreations of different dinosaur breeds

“This looks so much like my sweet Bilgy,” Loki says, running his hand over the silicon flank of a model triceratops.  Pepper raises her eyebrows in concern, and Loki flashes her a smile. “She is my pet Bilgesnipe. Thor slew her mother for me when we were engaged, and presented the pup as a wedding gift.”

“Wow.  He sure knows how to charm the panties off a gal, huh?” Pepper snorts.  Loki nods gravely.

“Oh, yes.  That very night I let him into my chambers and I serviced him--”

“Hey, Loki!” Pepper grabs Loki’s arm, cutting him off before he can say anything insanely inappropriate.  There are children around, for God’s sake!  “Look, they have polar bears!”  And she drags him forward, towards the polar bears exhibit.  Loki’s eyes go wide and he presses up against the glass like a child, watching the huge beasts lumber around, splashing in their pools and eating fish raw from their feeding trays.

“I want one,” Loki says, his breath leaving fog against the glass.  “Please, Pepper! How much will one of them cost?”

“I don’t think they are for sale, Loki--”

“Pleeeeaaase,” he whines.  And poor Pepper, who has developed quite the soft spot for the Jotun God over the past few weeks spent together, feels the weight of Tony’s credit card in her pocket and knows she won’t be able to deny Loki this request…


When Thor and Tony arrive back at Stark Tower, they find the building eerily quiet and apparently empty.  Thor goes back to his room immediately to shower, and Tony heads into the kitchen to get something to eat before he gets out of his suit.  It isn’t until he’s in the kitchen that he notices, out of the corner of his eyes, some movement in the backyard. And then he does a double take.

Is that a fucking Polar Bear in his backyard?

He rushes to the window, and sure enough he is graced by the sight of a Polar Bear running laps around his backyard, roaring and snarling as it pounds its feet against his freshly manicured lawn (the grass just grew back after the Bifrost opened it, damn it!).  And sitting atop the beast is, who else but Loki and-- oh my God, is that Pepper?!  Tony yanks the sliding door open and screams.


“Miiiister Staaaark!” Loki shouts from atop the beast, lifting one hand and waving at him.  His other remains securely tangled into the stark white fur at the base of the Polar Bear’s neck.  

“Hey Tony!” Pepper screams from her perch on the beast’s back, her arms wrapped securely around Loki’s belly.  Tony nearly faints.

“What is going on?” Thor asks, coming down the stairs and following Tony out of the tower and onto the balcony.  He eyes the display in front of them with casual interest; Loki has both hands into the air now, using just his thighs to hold onto the back of the Antarctic beast as it continues to run sprints around the field.  He chews on an apple casually, smiling a little. “Ah, I see Loki has found a new pet.”

“A new pet?!” Tony shouts.  Thor nods.

“Aye, Loki loves his larger pets,” he says, and then he frowns, remembering the early days of Bilgy’s adoption.  “I just hope he doesn’t keep this one in our bedroom, like last time.”

Thor totally misses the horrified look on Tony’s face as he stares at him in shock.  He’s too busy smiling, watching Loki enjoy himself as he teaches the Polar Bear to do riding tricks.  He’s glad that his husband is so much enjoying Midgard, so far.