After three signals she picked up her phone. Thank God, he was biting his lip so hard it was almost bleeding. He was sitting nervously in his bed, he couldn't stand the sick pressure in his chest that longed for something.
"Same spot at three?"
"Sure, I'll be there."
And then she hung up. That's basically how the relationship between Kaminari Denki and Jiro Kyoka was working - he called, she delivered.
Addiction is hard to overcome. It starts out slowly, eating you out piece by piece and before you know it it sucks you up completely and there is no way you can escape from it. Kaminari knew his situation was bad. It was really bad. He couldn't control himself anymore. Not that he could ever do that. Somewhere along the way he lost a part of himself. Nothing in this world made him happier than these tiny packets filled with white powder that he buys every Friday at 3 PM in the nearest alley next to his house. He did that for a long time, so long it became a routine not only to him but also, to put it simply, to his dealer.
When you think of a dealer, you usually imagine strong, buff guys who can kick ass if the situation requires to do so. His dealer, however... it was a fairly short, friendly-looking girl who just graduated from high school. But despite her short and rather fragile appearance, Jiro Kyoka could kick ass - only if she felt like it.
The boy sighed as he lazily layed back on his bed, glancing at the clock and noticed how he still had thirty minutes until he meets Jiro. His eyes travelled to the calendar that was hanging on the wall next to the clock.
The red circle around the date "November 3rd" beamed with its colour. It was the day he went to his therapist... or was supposed to. Not that he forgot, he wanted to lay recklessly on his couch and let the cocaine do its magic work instead.
There was nothing he could do to help himself. At first, drugs were meant to help him study and memorize stuff for tests but after a short amount of time he became addicted. His mind and whole life revolved around drugs, no matter how much he took it was still not enough. When he was running out of his cocaine supply, his depressive moods clung him onto his bed. Days of his absence at school turned into weeks, weeks into months.
Denki looked at his bedroom window. Last time he went to school... it was still warm outside but now he was greeted with the grey November sky whenever he glanced at it. Checking the time again and seeing he spent five minutes laying helplessly in bed, he decided to do something more productive, so he stood up and went on his balcony. Living in a block of flats had its traits.
As he was hit with the fresh scent of rain and cold wind that messed up his hair even more, he looked around his balcony for the pack of cigarettes. He saw one laying on the floor and opened it, there was one last cigarette in there. Denki clicked his tongue.
"Have to buy a new one..." he mumbled to himself. He put the cigarette in between his teeth and took out a black lighter from the pocket of his grey hoodie. He inhaled the crispy smoke and exhaled after a second.
Denki thought about time, how it can be the scariest thing in the world. You can't stop it nor turn it back. You can't look into the future. That's the only thing in this whole goddamned world that can't be stopped, it just goes on and on and on and on... but if Denki could go back in time, he'd definitely make different decisions. He wasn't proud of who he has become but there was no possible way he could change himself.
Denki couldn't count on his parents. They were always working until ungodly late hours. They barely saw each other, didn't even have meals together. Denki had the opinion of an idiot as he always got bad grades. He thought that maybe if he got better at school, his parents would finally acknowledge him. Although he pulled all nighters every time he had an important exam coming, the grades stayed the same. That's when he started taking drugs to help him focus but instead of better, everything got even worse than it was before.
Denki sighed deeply, finished his cigarette and started getting ready for his meeting with Jiro. He checked the pocket of his jeans and when he felt the money stuffed in there, he left his house. His parents always left him some cash for lunch and dinner, so it was literally like Denki had an infinite amount of cash.
He walked out from his house, passed one building and turned left, walking in the tight alley - his usual meeting spot. He didn't know how much time he had left but he waited for around 5 minutes before Jiro arrived, wearing her usual dark coat, black jeans and black trainers.
"Have anything new?" Denki asked while staring into the nothingness of the brick wall in front of him.
"Depends on what you want." Jiro answered and explored the blonde boy's facial features. The intensity of the black shadows under his eyes, the enormous amount of eyebags and his thin posture - it all worried Jiro and she hated herself for that. Denki was one of her clients, she shouldn't care about them - her job was to sell, get money and leave. It was the first time Jiro ever felt like that.
"He looks like he hasn't eaten in days..." Jiro thought. Instead of releasing her concern out of her mind, she said something completely different.
"I have some Xanax if you wanna try." Jiro crossed her arms and when Denki's head turned towards her, she only then realised she was staring at him this entire time.
"Whole pack, 35$."
"Fine. Have the other stuff too?"
"Sure." Jiro took out one small, plastic packet and a small box with thirty snow white tablets. She gave them to Denki who passed Jiro her money at the same time. The boy mumbled a quiet "thanks" and began to leave, but Jiro stopped him by grabbing the sleeve of his wornout hoodie.
"What the-" Denki looked at the shorter girl with a confused look.
"I'm worried about you." Jiro finally said the words she wanted to say ever since she saw him today.
"You heard me." she stated when she saw how Denki's one brow was raised up.
"There's no need to." he said in an emotionless tone, his gaze still stuck on Jiro's face. He never payed attention to her face but now that he had the chance, he saw how broken-hearted she was. He noticed the crystality of her amethyst eyes.
"When was the last you ate something?" Jiro clicked her tongue. Denki rolled his eyes.
"Dont't know, don't care." he sighed and tugged his arm to release himself from Jiro's grip.
"Didn't you notice this is getting out of hand?" Jiro raised her voice slightly and that's where she crossed the line. She hit Denki's weakest spot.
"I noticed that a long time ago, but it's too late to back up now." he glared at her. It was almost like his eyes that used to have an intense yellow colour, that reminded her of sunflowers, suddenly vanished into dull grey.
"It's never too late. You can always go and see a therapist, Kaminari." Jiro mentally scolded herself for being a little too sensitive over this topic. She could feel the tears forming in her eyes, slowly but surely.
"I can. I don't have to." he snapped. "God, why am I even talking about that with you?" he sighed again and left, not even bothering to look at Jiro who was on the edge of bursting into tears. She covered her mouth with her hand, trying not to release any sound until Denki disappears from her sight.
"See you in a week." she thought and also left, this time with tears falling down her cheeks.
Jiro didn't see Denki the next week. Or the week after. Or another. Three weeks of miserable silence that seemed to kill her slowly inside. He didn't call her once, not even on Fridays. Jiro knew she probably said too much, she knew she might have hurt Denki. She wanted to apologise but it didn't feel right. All she wanted to do is help him and let him live a normal life of a teenager, not someone that has to worry about dying from overdose.
She was walking down the road, legs moving against her own will. She knew where Denki lived, not the exact number of his apartment but she could recognize the building. She passed one, then another and finally reached the front door of his block. With her finger, she searched for the name "Kaminari" on the intercom and when she finally found it, she hesitated for a second.
Jiro had a mental debate - call or not to call, apologise or leave, worry or don't care. Her heart was too soft, to gentle and caring so despite her mind yelling at her to leave, she pushed the button and rang to his house.
Jiro rang again.
Also no response.
She was almost sure Denki was inside, she could feel that. She could also feel the unbearable knot tying around her stomach at the thought of Denki not eating for three weeks. Jiro decided to call his neighbour and pretend the intercome at her apartment stopped working. Thankfully, the neighbour took the bait and when they let Jiro inside the building, the petite girl ran with all the force she had in herself straight to Denki's front door. Her lungs were literally burning and when she finally arrived at her destination, she was practically breathless. That didn't stop Jiro from pounding on Denki's door with her fist.
"Denki! I know you're there! It's me, Jiro!" she raised her voice slightly but not too much not to catch the neighbours' unnecessary attention.
No answer was given.
She grabbed the doorknob and to her surprise, the door was opened. That wasn't good news. Jiro stormed inside Denki's house and searched for him, desperately calling out his name.
"Kaminari!" she shouted as she entered the bathroom.
That's where she saw him.
Sitting on the floor, with bleeding wrists and half-opened eyes. His lips were swollen, cheeks wet from the tears. He looked dead but his chest was raising up and down slightly.
"Oh my god..." Jiro trembled and kneeled down next to Kaminari. She took his wrist and tried to stop the bleeding.
"Jiro..." he whispered with all the last little bit of energy that was left in him.
"Hold on Kaminari! I'm calling the ambulance!"
Jiro's words echoed through the boy's head and vanished into nothingness. His mind was dizzy.
Everything hurt so much - his wrist, his stomach, his head. Nothing seemed to exist for Kaminari, he was unaware of what was happening.
He felt numb. Numb, exposed. He thought dying wouldn't hurt as much as it does now. He wanted to leave this world alone and peacefully. But...
Jiro's here. She is next to him, sobbing and looking like a one big mess, but she's here. She saw him dying and she's helping him.
Kaminari tried to take deep breaths but without success. Wanted to cling onto the last bits of his life. The last seconds on this world. With Jiro.
Why are you here?
His lungs were burning.
I'm so glad you're here.
The whole world went black as he slowly closed his eyes.
"How is he?"
"Stable. He's lost a lot of blood and we've also put him through gastric lavage due to taking large amount of sleeping pills, he'll be fine soon,"
"Can I see him?"
"He's asleep for now, I don't thi-"
"...Make it quick, young lady,"
After hearing the doctor's words Jiro couldn't be happier. She spent hours in the hospital waiting for any news about Kaminari's state. Now knowing he will be okay let Jiro breathe with ease.
She was standing in front of the room where the doctors put Denki in. She was scared to see him, not sure why. She took deep breaths and with closed eyes, she opened the door.
And there he was. Laying on the white bed. Alive and breathing. He was there.
Seeing Kaminari again was enough for Jiro to let out a tiny sob. She pulled a chair and placed it next to his bed. She sat carefully on it, like she didn't want to wake him up.
She looked at him through her swollen eyes. Kaminari looked so peaceful with eyes closed, a complete opposite of what was happening in his life. His life was a mess, a tragedy, everything in one. Jiro never knew his misery reached the point where Kaminari thought ending his life is the best option.
If only she knew about it, maybe she'd be able to help him.
She took his hand and ran her finger across his knuckles. His body was warm again. Last time she held him he was ice-cold.
"I'm so happy you're here..." she whispered. She grabbed his hand with both of hers and gently placed a kiss on his fingers. She rested her forehead on their intertwined hands and closed her eyes, breathing with relief.
After a couple of seconds, a small groan could be heard.
When Jiro heard his voice calling out her name, her heart skipped a beat. She looked at him, tears forming in her eyes again. Kaminari had his eyes open, he seemed so tired.
"How are you feeling?" she asked, still holding his hand.
"Could've been better," he tried to sit up but failed. His body was still too weak.
Jiro swallowed loudly and looked at Kaminari's face. His eyebags seemed darker than ever, his cheekbones more defined. He tortured himself for these weeks where they haven't seen each other. Well, Jiro would call that a torture.
"I'm sorry," Kaminari said. Jiro's eyes widened when hearing his words.
"For trying to leave," he said. He covered his eyes with his arm but Jiro could still see the tears flowing on his face.
"I'm a human failure, Kyoka. I don't want to live like this. I want to disappear," he sobbed. Seeing him in such state and hearing his voice breaking crushed Jiro's heart.
"You don't have to live like this, Denki," she cried.
"It's too late. I'm too deep into this. There is no hope left for me,"
"It's never too late to change. You want to get better, right?"
"Yes, of course I want," he looked at her and tried to sit up again, this time succeeding. Jiro could now look properly at his body.
So thin, almost like a paper.
Seethrough like a ghost.
That's what Denki was at that moment.
"Then you need to stop taking those pills, Denki. If you never stop, you never get better," she said and blinked furiously, letting the tears run down on her cheeks again.
Denki, her beloved Denki. He had to live. For God's sake, she wanted him to live. She wanted it so badly, she's never wished for something so desperately before.
"And then what? I just go around and live like a lifeless pile of meat?"
"Until you start feeling better. I know it's not easy but..." she stopped and squeezed his hand.
"Back then... in the bathroom... I realised something. I realised you're the only person I've cared about so deeply. And I can't lose you again. I don't want to. I want you to live and get better and live like a teenager," Jiro sobbed in between sentences.
That's definitely not how she imagined saying how she feels about Kaminari would look like. But the situation they're both in persuaded Jiro to let out her feelings. Now or never.
"Promise me you'll see a therapist. Promise me you'll try to get out of this," she said.
That was enough for Denki. The fact there was someone out there who cared for him was enough for him to realise this needs to stop. He's had enough of living his life like this but he never got the motivation to change anything about it.
But now he had Jiro. A girl who saved his life. A girl who was just as broken and confused as him. His beloved Jiro.
They looked at each other for a long while, hearts in flames calling out for each other's touch. Kaminari rested his forehead on Jiro's and wiped away her tears.
"Only if you promise me you'll stop seeling them," he whispered.
It's never late to change your life. It might be hard at the beginning but as the time progresses it will get better and easier to do so. Jiro knew that. And she knew if changing her life will save Denki, she was ready for this.
She can't lose him again.