Chapter 1: Helpless Flirt
The idea was stupid.
It was so stupid but Midoriya had no other ideas and now that he thinks about it he really needs to get better at thinking in a crisis. He knows that he’s smarter than this but his brain is just doing that thing where it’s filled with panicked static instead of the normal analyzing ramble. So all he’s got is the first stupid thought that came to his head.
“And that’s the problem,” Shigaraki was saying, his hand tight on Midoriya’s throat. Midoriya tried to breathe shallowly. His heartbeat was out of control in his chest. One moment he was just trying to hang out with some friends, the next he was close to dying. How was this his life? “Near everyone seems to be gaga over the hero killer. The Yuuei Invasion and the Noumus we released in Hosu… all of it’s been swallowed up by that bastard’s fame. Why is no one looking at me?”
“I’m looking at you,” Izuku said keeping his eyes carefully trained on Shigaraki. That must have broken Shigaraki from his train of thought because the man, he couldn’t be but a few years older than Midoriya but his bad skin made him look slightly older, paused.
“I don’t care about you,” he said with some sass as he met Midoriya’s eyes. Dismissive. “What I care about is….” he trailed off and then his fingers squeezed tighter around Midoriya’s throat. “You made me lose my train of thought.”
Midoriya choked, “Yyyouhave b-bbeautiful eyesss... ”
Shigaraki’s grip loosened and Midoriya gasped in air. “What?” Shigaraki said squinting at him.”
“Y-your eyes,” Midoriya said still gasping. “Are beautiful. So red. Like rubies.”
Oh god, why did Midoriya think this was a good idea? He didn’t know how to flirt to begin with. Why did he think this was a good way to escape-
“ Thank you ,” Shigaraki said, actually sounding flattered. “It’s nice that somebody noticed.”
“Uh- you uh- they say Disneyland is the happiest place on earth,” Midoriya wondered if this was what hell was like. “Well, apparently no one’s had the experience of standing next to you.”
Shigaraki’s eyes narrowed, “What are you doing?”
Midoriya licked his lips and forced a smile. “Because there’s nowhere I’d rather be than beside you? I’m really happy right now. I- uh- I like you.”
“What!?” Shigaraki said sounding totally incredulous. He looked away for a moment to process the sentence. Then he turned back, “Why?”
“I’m a masochist.”
Brain, what the hell!?
There was a moment where time seemed to stretch forever. Than Shigaraki burst out laughing. He laughed so hard that Midoriya was pretty sure that Shigaraki’s middle finger drifted too close to his throat. Please let ‘I’m a masochist’ not be his last words. His mom would be so disappointed. At the same time, Midoriya couldn’t be entirely surprised that his last moments would include a villain laughing at him. That seems to fit the tone of his life.
“And to think I didn’t like you,” Shigaraki cackled. “Are you a hero just to get your sexual fix? That’s the stupidest, most hilarious thing I’ve ever heard!”
Okay. Okay. Izuku could work with this. “If it works, it works, right?” his voice cracked and Shigaraki thankfully loosened his grip. “You kinda gotta get used to pain with a quirk like mine. Why not enjoy it?”
Shigaraki’s eyes sparkled. “So. you aren’t in this to be like All Might !” he spat the name with hatred. “You’re here because you’re a crazy motherfucker, too.”
“Looks like it,” Midoriya said carefully. Technically that wasn’t a lie, because that was what the situation looked like. It wasn’t what it was, but it was what it looked like. “So… you wanna- uh- get coffee sometime?”
“ Deku !?” Uraraka said finally catching up to him. She looked at Shigaraki confused. “Is this a friend of yours?” her eyes narrowed when she saw the hand on his throat. “Let go of him.”
“Oh, you had company after all,” Shigaraki grinned bouncing to his feet. “Coffee sounds great. I’ll pick you up some time.”
He shot a pair of finger guns and then disappeared into the crowd.
“Deku, who was that?” Uraraka asked looking very concerned as he collapsed to the ground coughing and catching his breath.
“That was Shigaraki,” Midoriya gasped. “I think I have a date with a serial killer!”
Chapter 2: Rude
Todoroki is only half gay white haired anime boy
not enough people make this joke
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
“You’re so gay,” Bakugou scoffed at Todoroki when Midoriya gave him a bento in the morning. He’d said it like an insult despite the fact that most of his friends were also gay and he was pretty gay himself.
Todoroki gave an offended gasp. At the same moment, across the room, Momo made eye contact with Midoriya and they were already moving into position. Momo tossed something to the green haired boy.
Todoroki held his arms out and his partners each took one of his hands.
“He’s not just bi-colored,” Midoriya said as Todoroki spun him to his chest.
“He’s not just bi-powered,” Momo said also getting spun to his chest.
The ending pose was Todoroki with his arms around both of his partners’ shoulders. “I’m bisexual!”
And a pair of sunglasses flicked down onto his face. Midoriya and Momo had somehow slipped their sunglasses on to unnoticed. In an act of LGBTQA+ solidarity Jirou shredded a killer riff on her bass guitar for emphasis. She too was wearing sunglasses.
They all looked super cool.
Bakugou seemed caught off guard by the weirdness of the moment that for once he said nothing.
“He can’t be dating both of you though,” Kaminari said looking confused. “A couple is two people...”
Midoriya did a sick kickflip of the desk and landed shooting a pair of finger guns. “We’re polyamorous.”
Mineta pouted like an annoying tool. “Of course the hottest people in class got together. But at least I know Yaoyorozu’s straight.”
With an offended gasp, Todoroki picked up his girlfriend in an impressive dance lift and gracefully spun her around so that she could kick him in the face like a beautiful ballerina. An angry ballerina.
“My sexuality isn’t dictated by who I’m dating at any given moment,” she said eloquently. “I’m bi as well!”
Jirou emphasized her point with yet another guitar riff. Momo looked very powerful in that moment, standing confidently in sunglasses, her two boyfriends standing behind her in support, ready to hold her flower barrette if she chose to beat respect into the purple grape diaper baby.
Katsuki had mentally caught up enough that he was now sputtering incomprehensibly. “But you can’t like girls and boys. It’s only one or the other!”
There was a growl from the floor and the entire class turned to see Aizawa rolling on the floor in his orange sleeping bag like a ferret halfway into a cardboard toilet paper roll. Suddenly turned so that he was facing the class. “And here I thought erasure was my quirk.”
And the entire class went, “Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”
Aizawa was already wearing sunglasses.
[sometime writing just be like this, guys. Sometimes writing is thinking a lot and having a lot of feels and building complex beautiful art. And sometimes writing is just puns and kicking mineta in the face. Somehow despite the difference in thought and craft they always seem to be equally popular. I understand why though.
I feel like i could probably keep escalating this but i’m too tired. Maybe i’ll do a sequel that involves flipping off endeavor. Give me time.
For those of you who need help with the ferret imagery: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WankpfThH0Q
In other news shoutout to that time a ballerina kicked me in the face because i was helping her with dance stretches. The same thing happened with a contortionist. Things just like accidently hitting me in the face in general and that’s not even a euphemism. Volleyballs, basketballs, elbows, a dog, the floor, walls, desks, a forty eight pack of pop tarts. It’s probably a problem. I’m okay tho.
Chapter 3: What a Good Strong Boy!
just a fantastic boy
this chapter is dedicated to faisalliot
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
It had finally happened.
After an entire semester of waiting, after many bets had changed hands and the tension grew, as more and more people lost, because there dates had passed. It finally happened.
Iida accidentally hit his hand on the table while doing his patented hand chops.
They were eating lunch. Iida was telling off Midoriya, for once again injuring himself. Midoriya was looking sheepish. When Slam ! Iida’s hand hit the table.
Many eyes turned towards him as they waited for a cry of pain.
Instead the table split in half.
From the spot that Iida had hit a crack appeared and the table broke right down the middle, everyone's lunches crashing to the floor with it. Now everyone in the cafeteria was staring. Iida’s face turned completely red.
Abruptly he stood, bowed and apologized, misreading the shocked silence as disapproval.
Midoriya, Uraraka, Kirishima and, to a less expressive extant, Todoroki were all staring at him with expressions that could only be described as thirst.
“What the fuck?” Bakugou said into the silence, for once without malice. It was almost awed.
That broke the tension and there was a sudden cacophony of noise as his class eagurally bombarded him with questions. Iida remained mortified, and now looked slightly overwhelmed. Thirteen, the lunchroom monitor at the time started cleaning up the mess with some controlled black holes and lunch rush replaced their lunches without comment.
“I-I’m not in trouble?” Iida asked them shyly.
Thirteen laughed and put a cap back on their finger. “Nah, it happens all the time. You should have seen the food fight of ‘96. we had to rebuild an entire wing. Your accident is nothing.”
“I- still I am deeply sorry for my mistake,” Iida said bowing again.
“Yeah,” Bakugou said easily louder than everyone else. “Breaking table is disrespectful to our upperclassmen and this prestigious academy.”
To be fair, the fact that Bakugou was petty enough to remember their first day argument well enough to quote it back to him took a lot of the sting out of the jibe. Iida flushed darkly all the same.
“But how did you do it!?” Kirishima gasped, still not over it. His brain was screaming ‘HOLY SHIT! SO HOT! SO MANLY! HE JUST SPLIT IT! AHHHH!!!’
Sheepishly Iida moved his glasses up the bridge of his nose. “Well, I’ve trained in karate since my early childhood… we have a lot of practice breaking boards and such… I’m a black belt. So... it’s not that surprising.”
Iida seemed to be wilting under the intense stares, not used to people being so eager to know about his personal life.
Midoriya, ever the hero, came to his rescue. “That’s really cool, Iida! Was it part of your training for becoming a hero before school? You must be really dedicated to be so good at it.”
“Yeah!” Uraraka chirped in. “You should have told me you were good at hand to hand combat. We could have trained together.”
“ Yeah . We could have, ” Ojiro said, a very intense look on his face that could only be interpreted as ‘ FIGHTMEFIGHTMEFIGHTME ’. Midoriya figured he was just eager to test himself against a fellow martial artist.
“Oh… well i’d hardly say I’m anything impressive,” Iida said earnestly. “An I’m far from qualified to be a teacher. It’s mostly just muscle memory by now.”
“Can you do more?” Kaminari asked.
His eyes were shining maniacally. Sero and Mina’s eyes held identical chaos, and it was difficult to tell, but judging by the way she was leaning forward beside the group, Hagakure was also just as eager.
“I… uh… what?” Iida was feeling terribly flustered.
“Can you break more tables? Boards? Cinder Blocks? Other stuff?” Mina said in the exact same tone as Kaminari.
“Yes?” Iida said leaning back slightly.
“Prove it!” Hagakure said, opening the gates of hell.
Later, after class, they had what could essentially be described as a breaking stuff party. Iida was the star as his classmates, and some students from the other classes brought increasingly bigger and more bizarre things in front of Iida to break. Sometimes arguments would break out because ‘No, Kaminari, I am not breaking your bed in half. That’s an expensive piece of furniture provided for you by the school’, and other logical arguments.
Everyone cheered when he broke a tree log in half. Something about watching Iida karate chop things in half was just mesmerizing. And he was so good at it. They hadn’t found a thing he couldn’t break. To think, Iida has been hiding all this destructive power all along. The reason he insists so fervently on not breaking anything was because he had to power to break EVERYTHING!
Iida coughed awkwardly. They’d been at this for a little over an hour with no sign of stopping. “Surely, this isn’t so impressive,” he said, shooting pleading looks at his friends. Despite his effectiveness he was get tired. “There are plenty in our class who are capable of doing this. Midoriya or Shoji…”
“Yeah, but super strength is part of their quirks,” Kaminari waved out. “It’s not nearly as impressive when they do it.”
“Super strength isn’t part of my quirk,” Shoji said darkly, flashing back to a time in middle school when all the other children would call him noodle arms. He’d been a gangly child once. But those days were behind him. They would stay behind him.
Backing away from Shoji’s suddenly inexplicably dangerous aura, Sato said almost like he was an afterthought, “Denki might have been referring to me… people often forget about me..."
Denki put his hand over his heart, staring into Sato’s puppy dog eyes. “I’d never forget about you, bro! Derp Brothers for life!”
Sato smile a little more willingly.
“Yeah!” Midoriya said, enthusiastically trying to brighten Sato’s day and distract people from Iida so he could catch his breath. “Us strength augmentation quirk users gotta stick together!”
Sato smiled fully now. “Yeah. World's strongest high five!”
Midoriya proceed to high five so hard that a burst of wind flew out from the very impact. It was one of the most epic high fives the class had ever witnessed. Both boys pulled away holding their wrists and saying “Ow!”. Truly, it was legendary.
“Oh me next! Me next!” Kirishima said bouncing around eagerly like a puppy. He ran up and high five'd Sato and Midoriya at the same time. It was a slightly less epic high five but still intimidating strong given his ability to withstand there high fives better. Shoji also joined with a quadruple high five to all of them and soon the challenge was no longer to see what things Iida could break but instead who could survive high five the strength augmentation boys without breaking their wrist. Uraraka hung back beside Iida, well aware that she couldn’t safely high five anyone outside.
Iida caught his breath looking at the carnage around him. “I didn’t think it would be such a big deal,” he murmured, more to himself than to her..
Uraraka nudged him, smiling radiantly. “I think it's something you should be proud of. Plus,” she tilted her head towards what had now become an arm wrestling match between Sato and Bakugou probably because of Bakugou. The rest of the class was now shouting the words “FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT!” which would inevitably lead to a teacher walking in on this absurd situation. “You’ve really brought the class together.”
Iida smiled at that, even as Bakugou pointed at him a shouted, “You’re next, four eyes!”
His class really was crazy.
And he couldn’t feel more at home.
me:i feel like writing something really dark and gory and angsty because i’ve been listening to horror stories lately..
writer brain: writes fluff.
Me: ...how… how do I even…?
sato needs more love
Chapter 4: Class 1-a DnD
Class 1-a play a mean game of Dungeons and Dragons
I have the conclusion that I have too many au's that i'm probably never going to finish. so for some of them i'm just gonna give the cliff notes of the plot in my head. If you want to adopt them, feel free but credit me so i can read what you got.
regular chapter will probably still happen but bullet point stories will be a thing from now on
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
- Aizawa is the DM and he originally started this (because he's huge nerd) to give the class extra training in strategy.
- The end credits scene is in fact from their game.
- Aizawa is really lazy about naming NPC's. usually it's like Barmaid 2 or Goblin 8. When Present Mic found out they were playing DnD started voicing the NPC's and making them seem a lot more real and emotional. All the students end up getting really invested in the characters because of him. They cried when Thief 4 died.
- Midoriya is trying to play Lawful Good but is really playing Chaotic Good and it never stops being hilarious
- He's completely ruthless and crazy and he keeps throwing Aizawa off his plans. Midoriya is a “I see an old lady... I chop her arms off!” player. He's really creative and clever but Aizawa is all sighs at him
- He’s supposed to be a Paladin
- Iida read all the rule books, got really into it and is always correcting people on them. He plays a Lawful Good Knight and keeps inexplicably taking critical hits
- Uraraka isn't taking this too seriously and is having fun. She has very lucky rolls and people keep arguing about weather or not she's using her powers to cheat. She’s a Neutral Good Witch/Wizard
- Bakugou is a Berserker Barbarian and he entered the game late so that he could perfect his character sheet (Aizawa kept yelling at him about making his character too op) (There was also a lot of argument on whether his character actually qualifies as Chaotic Good).
- He insisted on entering the game in a position to fight Deku so Aizawa made this whole elaborate plan to have an ongoing rivalry between them as the greater evil rises through the entire game. They'd be forced to team up up for the final arc.
- But then that entire plan was thrown out after Midoriya’s and Bakugou’s first fight, because Bakugou successfully outmaneuvered Deku and went "Haha I win! Okay, let’s team up."
- Aizawa expected a freaking character arc, he expected to have to fight Baku on this every step of the way and Baku's just like, "This is a strategy game! I had to prove I'm better than the nerd but I'm not stupid enough to ignore the advantages of teaming up with him. Especially because I know you’re gonna to throw the gauntlet at us!"
- Bakugou remembers playing board games with Deku growing up. Deku takes no prisoners and some of their worst fights were because of Monopoly or Mario Kart.
- But when they team up they are literally unstoppable and Bakugou refuses to lose, especially against their teacher in a nerd game.
- So long as it’s clear that Bakugou is the ultimate winner, Deku is an acceptable partner in DnD because he’s “Good at nerd games and doesn’t hold back for a change”
- Midoriya is in fact a lot more comfortable being ruthless with his strategy when it’s not a real life situation where real people get hurt. You could say board games unlock his Nedzu side
- Todoroki's character is 90% backstory, 10% having no idea what he's doing. It becomes obvious really quickly that he's just using this to work out some of his daddy issues but like he's strong in a fight and he seems to be enjoying himself so whatever
- He’s a Human Noble (Prince) and elemental magic user who leans too heavily on the same four spells. He’s a true neutral
- Aizawa devotes an entire arc to letting his students fight and kill a version of Endeavor. He doesn’t know why he finds it so cathartic but his students are clearly enjoying it a little too much.
- Even Iida seems to take grim satisfaction in the fight
- And Todoroki, Midoriya, and Bakugou are having the time of their lives destroying him
- Around this point the rest of the Dekusquad probably finds out about Todoroki’s real life tragic backstory and join in burning Endeavor’s body on a funeral pyre for all the kingdom to see
- They do temporarily become outlaws for that and have to escape prison. Eventually they win the kingdom back over but their overkill definitely damaged their reputation in the kingdom
- All Might is just watching from the sidelines. He occasionally voices Midoriya's magic sword and gives wise sounding advice. But he's slightly intimidated by how seriously his students are taking this. To him it's just a confusing creative board game but to his students it’s a battle for their characters lives! The passion and intensity is startling to watch
- He is also very concerned when Midoriya gets more sadistic and weird while playing. What have you done with my smol sweet son?
- Kirishima is a Dragonborn Rogue and entered the game as Bakugou’s companion. He was ready before than but loyalty! He tends to roll really badly but he's got charisma and strength points to spend. He's great at talking them out of situations and despite being a Rogue he’s also lowkey building himself up to be a Tank.
- The reason he chose to be a Rogue was that he finds ninjas cool and figured it would balance their party more.
- it influences him to learn how to pick locks in real life, even though stealing isn't manly
- in Aizawa's high school DND group he also played a Rogue. This makes him both fond and overly sadistic towards Kirishima's Rogue as a DM because he knows how to mess with Rogues better than any other class
- Kirishima is of course a lawful good. Everyone finds the character traits he commits to a bit odd but he’s still a good teammate
- Tsuyu is their much needed Elf Druid Healer, her job is very hard.
- Her favorite move is calling down on big shows of nature. She made everyone uncomfortable when she said “your bodies will feed to trees” when attacking a horde of gerblins with it
- She has a unique talent for saying the most brutal and impactful lines in their entire game.
- Usually she’s sorta quiet because everyone is talking over each other (mostly the Baku-Mido combo) but she can be incredibly insightful and has come up with some of the more creative escapes/attacks
- She’s enjoying playing but is called a little too often for healing spells
- Since having everyone in one room would be too many characters to focus on, the class is split into different groups and games. They're told that they're different but naturally all the games are tied together and the only way to win is if all groups succeed in their parts and also realize that they need to communicate some piece of information to the other groups outside the game. (Deku is that one who figures that one out.) Aizawa justifies this complication as “Plans almost never enough information. Part of good strategy is finding a way to work with the chaos anyway."
- The End Boss isn’t quite All For One having powers more fitting for the world, but Midoriya still sees the character that way and takes this arc more seriously than the ones that came before
- Midoriya getting serious makes everyone more serious
- Several character deaths happen in the final arc. Some people died in the other groups before the final arc and came back as lyches in the final fight. Many people cry when their character dies
- One of the more dramatic moments of the arch was Uraraka dying and almost immediately returning as a lych. They had to fight her almost immediately and tears were definitely had even as Uraraka had fun fighting her team. It was just really emotional all around. Izuku, Uraraka, Iida, and Kirishima were the main cryers.
- They won in the end and had an unnecessary party to celebrate. Aizawa had thrown everything he had at them, but Izuku and Bakugou proved what an unbreakable pair they make. Now if only they could work together in real life
- All Might at this point has been deeply moved by their journey and want to try playing at some point. It’s like teaching your dad how to play DnD
- Everyone hold onto their character sheets well into the future, they end up playing a different campaign every year and are very fond of the experience
- People leave the experience slightly more afraid of izuku <l; D
let me know if you like bullet point story telling