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Death Isn't New to Me

Chapter Text

Death Isn't New to Me

By: Becca the Biscuit Baker

Connor Hansen stayed at his parents house for two weeks. Evan's funeral was a struggle to get through, and he didn't trust himself alone for the first week after. It was still hard to believe that Evan was gone.

 Evan's aunt and uncle offered him a job, it was high paying so he accepted the position. Now Connor had a reason to get out of bed in the morning. And now he could keep the apartment.

Connor knew what being dead was like, but not in the way that Evan would. Connor knew that Evan wouldn't turn into a ghost like he did when he committed suicide. The only other ghost Connor knew was Jeremy Heere, and that was a lucky sight. Connor got lucky and he was revived, but without Evan, life hurt. Life was meaningless.

Connor kept up his facade for almost three months. He lied to his friends and family about how he was feeling. He told his therapist that his meds were working, and that he was just tired from work. And on the one year anniversary of Connor's suicide attempt, the one where he turned into a ghost mere hours later, he made a decision.

Connor was on the roof of his apartment building, well, it was Evan's, but Connor moved in when he came back to Evan. It was a seven story tall building. Connor lived in the third floor. He knew that wasn't high enough, so he moved his figure to the roof, no matter how tiring it was.

Connor's plan as foolproof. He had already downed all his anti depressants, he was just waiting for the pain too kick in, that way even if the fall didn't kill him, the pills would. Connor snapped a picture of the city scape and sent it to Zoe with a caption of "goodbye" to explain what was about to happen. Connor knew Zoe was busy packing for college at the moment, she would get the message later. Connor was proud of her, he didn't go to college because he offed himself. Connor decided to send a message to Cynthia too. His call went to voicemail, so Connor just recorded his voice.

 "The time has come" Connor hummed. "I'm flying away. Mouth is numb. Heart don't know what to say. And although I'll be out of sight dear, know I'll be right here. Right here forver, ever, ever, ever. And when you look to the night sky, don't think of goodbyes, think how I'm right here, ever, ever, ever."

 Connor paused for a moment. These would be his last words.

 "I love you mom."

 Connor hung up the phone and put it back in his pocket. The pain had kicked in. Connor felt horrid. The teen took a deep breath an stood up. Connor looked back to the sunshine one last time and jumped. He just hoped he wouldn't become a ghost again.

Connor Hansen died with his wedding ring on his own hand, and his husbands on a chain around his neck. His suicide note, once again, going to the love of his life.

Dear Evan Hansen,

I miss you. Life just isn't the same without you. You were killed by your own father, that must suck. Larry might have been a jerk at times, but he didn't abuse me. You always wrote these letter about why that day was going to be a good day, and I think I know why my day is gonna be a good day.

Today is going to be a good day, because today I'm ending it all. I'm going to kill myself. I'm going to see you again. It doesn't sound great, but it is to me. I'm gonna call Cynthia, she probably won't answer, but maybe she can talk me out of it? Once all the pain is over I'll be with you again. That sounds great right now.

But then there's Zoe, I know she will miss me, but she has Alana and that's enough. All my hope was pinned on Zoe for a good chunk of time. Now all I can think about is seeing you again. Is that bad? I don't know, I'll be with you soon enough.

Sincerely, your dearest husband,

Connor Hansen~

•The Goodbye Song•

Chapter Text

Chapter Two

Connor woke up with a raging headache. He felt hungover, but he didn't even drink. Connor opened his eyes and it was...blurry? Why was it blurry?

Connor sat up slowly and looked at the nightstand. There was a pair of glasses on it. Connor tried on the pair and his vision was corrected. Now, back to the current situation.

Connor has woke up from a nearly foolproof suicide attempt. He is not hurt at all and for some odd reason he has a hangover. Connor is currently in his room, but it looks different. The furniture looks crazy expensive, so does the bedding. He now needs glasses because his vision is shit. 

And of course the phone that was also had to be on the nightstand, started ringing. Connor gently picked up the phone and turned his head. The phone unlocked. That meant that it was his phone? Connor answered the call despite his pain.

 "Hello" Connor yawned.

 "Good morning Connor Murphy" a woman's voice sang. "I have an interview set up with New York Times for this afternoon."

 "Uhh, I'm gonna need a day to myself" Connor mumbled. "I was clearly wasted last night and I look like shit. Trust me, you don't want new there."

 "That's alright" the woman chirped. "I can reschedule it. But you cannot miss the gala tomorrow. I will be coming by tomorrow for getting your suit fixed."

 "Umm, great" Connor sighed. "I'm sorry, my hangover is killing me, who the hell is this?"

 "It's Lily, your agent" the woman chuckled. "Have a good day Connie!"

 "Yeah" Connor nodded. "Ill try."

Connor ended the call and climbed out of bed. Connor looked down and saw one, two...five empty bottles of alcohol. No wonder he had a hangover.

Connor walked over to the dresser and opened a drawer. All fancy dress shirts. Another drawer was opened and it thankfully had regular t-shirts in it. Connor threw on a grey one and walked out of the bedroom. He'd worry about pants later, he had boxers on and that was enough.

The apartment was there, but it wasn't. There was now an office next to the bedroom, the whole place had expensive furniture, and there was art shit thrown everywhere. Connor knew that eating had helped with his last hangover, so he went to the kitchen, but nothing was there. It was all liquor. Oh, he found a box of pop tarts.

Connor started munching on a pastry as he turned on the tv. The first thing that popped up was...his face. Connor turned up the volume.

 "And as we wonder what creative wheels are turning behind this artist" an announcer said. "We can't help but notice Connor Murphy's actions. The 19 year old is already world famous, and making a complete show of it. Often shown at parties that include alcohol, and sleeping around with young women."

"But I'm gay" Connor whined.

 The screen went through a series of pictures from the last week, all of them showing a clearly drunk Connor. Connor listened to the report before turning off the tv. He was famous? Him?

Connor decided to freshen up so he didn't smell like booze. He showered, found a pair of black skinny jeans to the throw on, and disposed of all the alcohol in his apartment. Connor threw his wet hair up into a pony tail before starting a search for his keys. Connor was showering when he found it.

The chain that held Evan's wedding ring. It was around his neck still, but another chain was around his neck with his own ring. Fuck, he had almost forgot about Evan.

If Connor was in some "alternative universe" of sorts, was Evan alive in this one? He didn't even need Evan to marry him, he just wanted to know that the shorter boy was alright. That's why Connor pulled on a pair of black sneakers and practically ran out the door when he found his keys.

 "Hey Michael" Connor called, running past the younger teen and his ghostly boyfriend in the hall. "Hey Jeremy."

Connor slipped into the elevator and went down to the garage. Connor hit the horn button on his key and the car beeped. Connor walked over and stopped dead. He had a really nice car. Famous him clearly liked to show off. Connor found a wallet in the car's passenger seat, but his ID was in it so Connor placed it into his pocket. Connor started the car and decided to drive back to his home town, he was going to the Hansen house.

Connor pulled into Heidi's driveway. Her car was there, and so was Evan's  PT Cruiser. Evan had to be inside, if he wasn't Connor would be crushed. Connor knocked on the door and Heidi opened up.

 "Connor" Heidi beamed. "It's so good to see you honey. How are you? I'm about to head into town, Evan is in the kitchen. I'll be back in a bit."

 Connor embraced the woman before she walked out the door. Connor walked into the kitchen and saw Evan poking at a cup of tea at the counter. Connor walked up being the boy and tapped his shoulder.

 "What the hell are you doing here" Evan hissed. "I thought you didn't want to talk to me ever again."

 "Evan" Connor sighed. "Whatever I said before, that was mean and rude, I'm sorry. I've been a drunk asshole for too many years and I'm trying to get better and stop ignoring my problems. You're my best friend, and I'm sorry."

 "You aren't drunk for once" Evan muttered.

 "No" Connor assured. "Hungover, yes. I think I tried drinking myself to death last night. I don't remember much."

 "Jesus" Evan whispered. "Are you okay now?"

 "I'm hungover but other than that I'm good" Connor mumbled. "While I was out, I had a dream...but ended with a nightmare." Connor

 "What happened" Evan asked.

 "I killed myself" Connor started. "But I came back as a ghost and I haunted you. And lots of shit happened inbetween, but I ended up coming back, and in the end you died."

 "Connor" Evan wavered. "I've had a dream like that. What happened in between?"

 "It's embarrassing" Connor explained.

 "We were dating" Evan stated. "And eventually we got engaged and I was shot by my father on our wedding day."

 "Evan" Connor whispered. "What if you were sent here when you died. Cause I killed myself yesterday, and I woke up suddenly in the apartment, but it was different."

 "I'd ask you to prove it" Evan said.

Connor almost laughed. Did he really just get asked that? Connor rolled his eyes and pulled Evan off the barstool and into the living room. Connor flopped down on the couch and brought Evan down with him. The shorter boy chuckled and straddled Connor. Connor pulled Evan down and pressed their lips together. Evan's hands went to Connor's shoulders to balance himself and Connor's went to Evan's waist.

The two kissed over and over again. Connor flicked his tongue out and Evan opened up for him. Evan tasted like the tea he drank. Eventually Evan was grinding against Connor while Connor ran his hands along Evan's back.

 "What's that" Evan asked, poking at the chains around Connor's neck.

 "Our wedding rings" Connor hummed.

 "You kept them" Evan murmured.

 "Of course I did" Connor chuckled. "Do you want yours?"

 "As long as you promise to marry me again" Evan whispered. "Once we find an appropriate time."

 "Of course" Connor nodded.

Chapter Text

Chapter Tree

(Get it? Tree? Whatever, I'm a riot.)

After a lot of talking, Heidi let Evan stay with Connor for the weekend. Evan had packed a bag and the two left. Connor was just happy to have his husband very much alive.

Connor opened the front door and welcomed Evan inside the apartment. Evan seemed taken aback by the changes.

 "It's messy" Evan stated. "And expensive."

 "Old Connor was a slob" Connor nodded. "So...what am I famous for?"

 "Let's see" Evan hummed. "Artist, singer/song writer, actor, dancer, the works."

 "I've been in movies" Connor blanked.

 "Oh yeah" Evan nodded. "You were just in a movie with Chris Hemsworth. I saw it, you seemed into character."

 "Was I a drunken asshole" Connor sighed.

 "Yeah" Evan mumbled, picking up stray paint brushes and pencils.

 "I'm sorry that old Connor was an ass to you" Connor whispered, pulling Evan forward.

 "Don't start with me" Evan warned. "We almost had sex on my mom's couch. Wait until later."

∆If Y'all Want, Skip Here. Look For The Next Bold Text∆

Connor ignored the last comment and kissed Evan. Evan melted into the kiss and wrapped his fingers in Connor's hair. Connor pulled the shorter boy forward, practically merging their bodies.

 "Please Evan"  Connor breathed. "I want you so badly."

 "Hand jobs" Evan mumbled.

 "Deal" Connor grinned.

Connor lifted Evan off the ground and carried him to the bedroom. Connor put the shorter teen down and kicked the door closed. They both stripped and climbed into the bed. Evan rolled beneath Connor and pulled him into a kiss.

 "It's nearly been three months" Connor chuckled. "Nothing's changed?"

 "Way more demanding than I was before" Evan whispered. "Now hurry up."

 "Demanding indeed" Connor tsked, trailing his hand down Evan's chest.

 "Holy fuck, you're ripped" Evan gasped. "I thought it was fake."

 Sure enough, Connor had rock hard abs, but they fit his stick body. Connor was pretty sure that old Connor had an eating disorder.

Connor stroked the pair's lengths in unison. Evan twitched, but didn't make a sound. Connor frowned, Evan usually whined.

 "This me isn't as sensitive" Evan explained.

Connor continued with his actions until it became clear that this Evan wouldn't want a hand job, even if Evan's brain thought it did. Connor scooted himself down and took Evan's  length in his mouth.

 "Why" Evan yelped.

Connor hummed in response and hollowed out his cheeks. This was working better. Evan let out a loud moan and jerked his hips forward. Connor held Evan's hips down and looked up.  Evan's head was thrown back. Connor finished Evan up quickly and with a few strokes from Evan, Connor was finished too.

∆Here Ya Go, You Can Stop Skipping Now∆

Connor pulled on his clothes and laid down. Evan came back from the bathroom and followed suit. Connor pressed a kiss to Evan's brow and watched his facial expressions.

 "Tired" Connor chucked, pressing light kisses to Evan's forehead.

 "Work has been kicking my ass" Evan mumbled. "Mom made me take the day off."

 "You can nap if you want" Connor assured. "Apparently I was supposed to have an interview today, but I canceled it."

 "Well, waking up in another universe is a pretty good excuse" Evan yawned.

 "Just rest Ev" Connor shushed, petting Evan's hair. "We can talk more later. I love you."

 "Love you too" Evan smiled.

Connor squeezed Evan's hand before leaving the bedroom. Connor went to picking up the rest of the apartment while Evan napped. Once everything was organized, Connor stretched out on the couch to rest his eyes. Connor didn't hear the door open.

 "Connie" a woman's voice sang.

 "What" Connor squeaked.

A very professional dark skinned woman, she had to be in her early thirties or younger, was hovering over Connor's face. Her hair reminded him of Alana.

 "Are you drunk" the woman asked.

Connor recognized her voice. It was Lily, from earlier. Connor sat up and stared at the woman.

 "No" Connor ahuddered. "And never again."

 "I'll believe that when I see it" Lily smirked.

Connor pulled the woman into the kitchen and opened the liquor cabinet. They were empty.

 "You actually dumped the booze" Lily gasped. "Why? You're Connor Murphy, the drunk womanizer."

 "I don't want drinking and sleeping around to be my life" Connor stated. "I wanna inspire people. As of today, I won't drink, and if I do, I won't get wasted. And no more sleeping with random girls, that was just wrong on too many levels. Especially for me."

 "I don't think I've seen you this sober since you hired me" Lily chuckled. "You sure you feel okay? You don't sound like yourself."

Connor liked Lily, she seemed awesome. Old Connor probably treated her like a dick.

 "Meet the new and improved Connor Murphy" Connor announced. "I think I had alcohol poisoning and I'm kinda scared to drink now. I felt like dying last night."

 "Some people have been asking you to take messages for some local papers" Lily sighed, pulling out a paper from her bag. "Ready to answer?"

 "Yes" Connor nodded, hopping into the counter.

 "Why are you against the lgbt+ community" Lily questioned.

Connor fell off the counter to the floor. He was against it? Stupid old Connor, not being gay.

 "I'm not" Connor stated, getting of the floor. "Go for it. Why does straight have to be the default?"

 "Connor, you've gone on rants about hating the community" Lily muttered.

 "Lily, I'm gay" Connor groaned. "All that shit was a cover."

 "Seriously" Lily gasped.

 "Raging homo right here" Connor nodded.

 "How long have you known you were gay" Lily questioned.

 "Fuck, I was twelve" Connor chuckled. "I just kinda noticed that I wanted to fuck with Ryan Reynolds and it hit me."

 "Have you had any male partners since working with me" Lily hummed.

 "Only one" Connor grinned.

 "You seem pleased" Lily noted.

 "I'm taking our relationship seriously" Connor shrugged. "We've been dating for a few months now. He's part of the reason I want to change. I will change." 

 "When do I meet this special guy" Lily asked.

 "Now, if you want" Connor smiled.

 "He's here" Lily blanked.

 "Hey Ev" Connor called. "Can you come here for a moment?"

 A few seconds passed and Evan emerged. He looked sleepy. The shorter term stumbled over to Connor and smiled at Lily.

 "Holy shit, he's adorable" Lily beamed.

 "Ev" Connor murmured. "This is my agent Lily. Lily, this is Evan Hansen. My best friend since freshman year, and my boyfriend, for now."

 "You sound detirmened" Lily chuckled. "It's nice to meet you Evan."

 "You too Lily" Evan nodded.

 "I think we should take this in steps" Lily said. "First, Evan comes into the picture as a good friend from high school. Then we announce that Connor is gay a while months later. And a while later we let it slip that there two of you are a couple and boom! Everybody already ships you two. What would your ship name be?"

 "High Anxiety" Evan offered.

 "I was gonna say Ghostly Trees" Connor whispered.

 "Thats an inside joke" Evan snorted. "Only you and I would get it."

 "Do you two have a thing with trees" Lily squeaked.

 "Well..." Connor trailed off.

 "I'm kinda like a tree expert" Evan blushed. "And I like to show that off a lot. And the High Anxiety thing is the fact that Connor smoked a lot in high school, and I have horrid anxiety."

 "How about Tree Bros" Lily tried.

 "I like that" Connor nodded.

 "Connor" Lily laughed. "I've never seen you this happy.  Evan, thank you for helping him get better. I only let Connor drink so I wouldn't get fired."

 "No problem" Evan smiled. "Connor has zero food in this place."

 "I'll order groceries" Lily assured. "Are you moving in?"

 "I hope to" Evan mumbled. "I'd have to get approved for transfer, that way work and school isn't annoying me all the time."

 "If you need help, I'm there" Lily beamed. "Connor, are you taking Evan to the gala tomorrow? You can if you want."

 "Ev" Connor drawled. "Do you wanna go?"

 "I uh...umm, I guess" Evan mumbled.

 "Can I bring Zoe too" Connor hummed.

 "Your sister" Lily blanked. "You haven't talked to her in almost two years."

 "That way people don't instantly assume that me and Evan are dating" Connor shrugged. "And I want to talk to my family again. It would be a good away to introduce the new me."

 "I completely agree" Lily nodded. "If you can get her here by tomorrow at ten o'clock she's in."

 "Cool" Connor smiled.

 "I've gotta go deal with some reports" Lily sighed, tapping at her phone. "I'll see you tomorrow boys!"

 Lily headed for the door, heels clicking along the wood flooring. Once Lily was Gone Connor turned to Evan.

 "One problem" Connor chuckled dryly. "I don't even know how to contact Zoe."

Chapter Text

Chapter Four

"I have her number" Evan offered. "Apprently we stayed in touch after you left."

 "Can you give it to me" Connor squeaked.

Evan hummed and shook his head.

 "Why not" Connor whined.

 "You've gotta earn it" Evan sang.

"I just sucked your dick three hours ago" Connor cried. "How have I not earned it?"

 "I dunno" Evan smirked, stealing Connor's glasses off his face. "Whacha gotta do Connie?"

 "Ev, I seriously can't see shit" Connor cried, trying to find Evan.

Connor swore he saw Evan jump around the corner and Connor walked after him. Then Connor crashed into the wall.

 "Fuck" Connor grunted, rubbing his nose. "Ev, please. I need my glasses back."

 Connor felt Evan place the glasses back on his face. Evan was prodding at Connor's nose.

 "I'm just making sure you didn't hurt it" Evan whispered.

 "I've done worse Ev" Connor sighed.

Evan handed over his phone and Connor put down Zoe's number in his own.

Murphy 1.0: Long time no talk.

Murphy 2.0: tf is this?

Murphy 1.0: The taller version of you.

Murphy 2.0: Connor?

Murphy 1.0: yee. Do you wanna go to a gala tomorrow?

Murphy 2.0: the art opening?

Murphy 1.0: Yeah. I'll be at the house around eight-ish.

Murphy 2.0: thx dude. Toats ma goats!

Murphy 1.0: Love ya boo! See you tomorrow!!!

Murphy 2.0: bye Con! Have a good night.

 Connor put his phone down and nodded to Evan. Evan pulled Connor into a hug and the taller teen happily obliged.

 "I'm so glad that it's you" Evan whispered. "The other Connor was horrible."

 "I'm so glad that I have you back" Connor murmured. "I missed you so much Ev. I love you so much."

 "I guess this proves that even death can't separate us" Evan chuckled.

Connor walked away and started digging in the empty cabinets.

 "What are you doing" Evan chuckled.

 "Looking for some crackers because that was so cheesy" Connor cried.

 "This is the last time I try to be romantic" Evan grumbled.

Of course that’s when it started to storm. Here’s the thing, storms are bad news for Evan. His dad abused him for the first time during a storm. So Connor knew it was about to become a long night for both of them. 

“Ill order a pizza” Connor whispered, planting a kiss on Evan’s cheek.

Connor quickly ordered a pizza for them and went digging around in the fridge again. He only found a container of ice cream in the freezer. Connor opened the last cupboard and found a twelve pack of beer and a twelve pack of some weird off brand soda. Connor dumped the alcohol and grabbed two cans of soda for him and Evan.

Evan managed getting the pizza from the delivery girl and sat down in the living room. 

“At least now our couch doesn’t squeak” Evan mumbled. 

“Yeah, that was awkward” Connor nodded. “Antman and the Wasp has come out since you’ve been gone, wanna watch it?” 

“Nerd” Evan whispered, jumping as thunder roared from behind them. 

Connor wrapped an arm around Evan’s shoulders and started the movie. They ate in silence and Evan eventually laid down to spread across Connor’s lap. 

“I’m sorry that I’m so high maintenance” Evan sighed. 

“You were abused, it’s not your fault” Connor murmured. 

They sat, in silence for a few moments, Connor kept petting Evan’s hair to keep him calm. The storm raged on from behind them. 

“Ev” Connor hummed. 

“Yeah?” 

“Can I kiss you right now? Please?” 

Evan sat up and pressed his lips to Connor’s softly. 

“I love you” Evan breathed, letting Connor nip at his bottom lip. ((Hehe, that rhymes)) 

“I love you too” Connor chuckled, pulling Evan forward for a real kiss. 

They moved back into old habits easily. Before...whatever happened to them, the pair were always making sure the other was there. They feared losing each other for the longest time, now they feared being alone. 

“C’mon Ev” Connor grinned, pulling back. “We’re going on a walk.” 

“What” Evan blanked. 

“Let’s go” Connor sang, grabbing his keys. 

Connor walked out the door with Evan in a tow. The two teens ran up the stairs and Connor lead them to the roof. Connor stepped out into the rain as Evan watched from the doorway. 

“The only way to get better is to face your fear” Connor shouted. “C’mere!” 

“There’s a storm going on and you want to be in the rain” Evan cried. 

“Babe” Connor tried, holding his arms out. “Hug. Now.” 

Connor grinned as Evan stepped out and dashed over to Connor’s arms. With the humidity and the rain it felt like a swimming pool, but Connor wouldn’t have wanted to be anywhere else. 

“I killed Mufasa” Evan whispered into Connor’s ear. 

“What the actual fuck” Connor snorted. 

Thunder clapped again and Evan clung to Connor tighter. 

“I need a distraction” Evan said. “You said you killed yourself, how?” 

“I downed a bottle of pills and jumped off the roof” Connor stated. “I was tired, I was alone, and I was fucking sad. Zoe thought I was like...touch starved, so she set me up on blind dates. I hated them all. But I pretended to be happy for her sake and just cried when I got home. Life wasn’t worth it anymore.” 

“I’m so sorry” Evan whispered. 

“Not your fault” Connor murmured. 

“Me being back doesn’t fix everything” Evan sighed. “You need to get back into therapy. Get your meds and take them how you’re supposed to. I don’t cover everything.” 

“I know Ev” Connor nodded. “I’m going to get help again, I promise that. I just wanna pretend that life isn’t always throwing curve balls at us and just be happy with you. I can’t imagine doing this without you, I don’t plan on letting you go again.” 

“I’m not going anywhere if I have anything to say about it” Evan assured. “We should go inside, it’s pouring.” 

Connor chuckled and the pair walked back inside. They took the elevator back down and they dashed back into the apartment. They were both soaked to the bone. Connor yanked off his shirt and threw it into the washer. 

“C’mon Ev” Connor called. “You’ll get sick.” 

Evan stumbled forward and took the bathroom to shower. Connor found a pair of sweatpants in his dresser and changed. Connor finished cleaning up the apartment while Evan showered and put away their leftovers. 

When Evan came back out the storm had eased up a bit and he wasn’t shaking anymore. The shorter teen sat at the island and watched Connor wipe down the counters. Evan looked like he was trying to say something, but he couldn’t. 

“Ev, what’s going on” Connor asked. “Talk to me.” 

“Nothing’s wrong” Evan said. “I just...damn.” 

“Evan?” 

“I-I honestly can’t carry a conversation with you right now.” 

“...Why?” 

“I can’t focus right now” Evan whispered. “Put a damn shirt on.” 

“You idiot” Connor chuckled, wrapping Evan in a hug. 

Connor pressed a kiss to Evan’s hair before going back to his room and throwing on another shirt. Connor walked back to Evan and pulled him to the bedroom. 

“Bed” Connor yawned. “Love you.” 

“Love you too” Evan smiled, crawling under the covers. “Cuddles?” 

“Like I’d deny cuddles from you” Connor murmured, kissing at Evan’s neck repeatedly. 

The two smushed together and intertwined their legs. Connor planted a firm kiss on Evan’s lips before falling asleep.

Chapter Text

Connor woke up feeling very warm. That was probably because his husband/boyfriend, it was hard to tell what was appropriate now, was asleep on top of him. Connor felt his heart pang, it had been almost three months since he had woken up with Evan at his side. Or on top of him in this case.

Connor managed to get Evan off of him without waking the smaller boy, and started pressing kisses to every inch of exposed skin he could get. Face, neck, wrists, anything. The only thing Connor avoided was Evan’s lips. 

“Jesus” Evan muttered, opening his eyes.

“Ev” Connor hummed. 

“I thought it was a dream” Evan chuckled. “Oh my god you’re back. Connor, holy shit I missed you so bad. I love you. Have I said that yet? Jesus, I fucking missed you.” 

“You might have said something once or twice” Connor smirked, climbing on top of Evan. “I love you too Evan. So god damn much. I never want to go without you again.” 

“Me neither” Evan breathed. 

“Think you can handle a few hours” Connor asked. “I’ve gotta get Zoe, and I’m gonna take the ‘I’m actually gay and dating my best friend’ talk a bit slow with her. God damn alternate universe, making me straight. I’m as straight as a circle.” 

“I love you” Evan grinned. “Are we married or not? It’s confusing. Like...in another world that we originate from, yeah. Here, I don’t fucking know.” 

“Just say whatever feels right” Connor shrugged. “We know that we’re actually married, and that’s enough. But...call me boyfriend if you want. I’m Connor Hansen at heart.” 

“Ugh!” 

“Fuck the multiverse!” 

“Fuck me!” 

“Gladly.” 

“Connor, no” Evan laughed. “Not yet.” 

“I love you” Connor murmured, planting a kiss on Evan’s lips. 

“I love you too” Evan breathed. “So, so much.” 

“I’m gonna get ready and go” Connor sighed. “You can head back to bed Evie.” 

Evan planted another kiss on Connor’s cheek before laying back down. Connor rolled off of Evan and walked over to his dresser. 

“Wear purple” Evan yawned. “You look pretty in purple.” 

“Okay love” Connor chuckled, digging through the dresser drawers. 

“I’m holding you to that” Evan mumbled, rolling on his side. 

Connor shook his head and grabbed a purple t-shirt. Connor grabbed a black pair of jeans and finally found a pair of boxers. The lanky teen rushed through a shower and ran around the apartment to grab a slice of cold pizza. Connor finally ran back to grab socks before grabbing his keys and walking out the door. 

Connor really didn’t want to leave Evan. Not after just getting him back. But...Zoe was important too. And Connor needed Zoe in his life just as much as he needed Evan. 

Connor started the drive back home again and tried not to think about an art opening that he knew nothing about. I mean...this is scary enough, waking up in a new reality. But now Connor has to show something off that he never knew about? Jesus. 

Connor pulled up to the Murphy house and walked inside. He was surprised that it wasn’t locked. Connor walked into the kitchen and grabbed a donut from the box that was on the counter. Cynthia wouldn’t mind. 

“Connor?” 

Connor whipped around and waved at his mother. Cynthia ran forward and yanked him into a hug. Connor set his donut down before hugging back. 

“Hey Mom” Connor chuckled. 

“How has work been” Cynthia asked. “What are you doing here? Do you need anything? Are you drunk? I love you sweetheart.” 

Connor was used to the rapid fire questions from Heidi. She usually did that when Evan came home to visit. 

“Good, picking up Zoe, already grabbed a donut, no, I love you too Mom.” 

Cynthia hugged him again and Connor let out a chuckle. Connor heard the stairs creaking and looked up to see Zoe. She seemed surprised that he was there. 

“You dyed your hair” Connor noted when Cynthia released him. “Purple looks good on you.” 

Zoe now had purple streaks in her hair. It was a deep eggplant. The streaks went every few inches or so around her head. 

“Thanks” Zoe smiled. “I usually do indigo streaks, but I like purple.” 

“Can I have a hug” Connor asked. 

Zoe walked over to Connor and embraced him. Connor lifted Zoe off the ground and spun her around. 

“Connor” Zoe laughed. “Put me down!” 

Connor released his sister and grabbed his donut again. Connor was surprised that Larry wasn’t around yet. 

“Where’s Dad” Connor questioned. 

“Oh, we never told you...did we” Cynthia sighed. “Connor, Larry and I got a divorce. It was a mutual agreement. I got the house, Larry moved into New York. I’m sorry baby.” 

Connor almost choked on his donut. Sure, in his world his parents were fighting, but Evan convinced them to do couples counseling and it got better. Connor decided not to say anything. 

“Okay” Connor nodded. “Zozo, you ready to go?” 

“Yeah” Zoe nodded. 

“Where are you going” Cynthia demanded. 

“Connor is taking me to an art opening” Zoe explained. “He wants to catch up. Umm...you were out with your work buddies, I never had the chance to tell you. Besides, I’m a big girl, I’m gonna go to college next week, I’ll be okay.” 

“Just be safe” Cynthia sighed. “Connor, bring her back in one piece please.” 

Connor smiled and embraced Cynthia again. Zoe followed suit and they both ran out to the car. Zoe put her bag in the back and they drove off. 

“So” Zoe drawled. “Who’s the babe of the week?” 

“What” Connor muttered. 

“C’mon Con” Zoe laughed. “You’re Connor Murphy, the womanizing, teenage, alcoholic, millionaire, superstar. Who’s the babe of the week? I heard that you were sleeping around with some new star.” 

“Heh” Connor chuckled. “Umm...Zoe, I’m not doing that anymore. I’m done drinking, sleeping around, and partying like I’m dying tomorrow.” 

“Why” Zoe asked. 

“Because that’s not who I want to be” Connor exclaimed. “I’d rather be known for something worthwhile. Also...I’m gay.” 

“WHAT” Zoe cried. “No way! Connor, you’re lying!” 

“I have a boyfriend who I adore and would literally give the world for” Connor protested. “And, you know him.” 

“How long have you been dating” Zoe questioned. 

“A couple of months” Connor shrugged. “I used the sleeping around as a cover.” 

“And the mystery boy is” Zoe trailed off. 

“I’ll call him” Connor grinned, pulling out his phone. 

Connor called Evan and hid the screen from her. He put it on speaker phone. 

“Hello” Evan answered. “Connor?” 

“Hey babe” Connor beamed, heart melting at the sound of his voice. “I’ve got Zoe and we’re on our way home.” 

“WHO IS THIS” Zoe screamed. 

“Calm down Zoe” Evan chuckled. “It’s me, Evan.” 

Evan Hansen” Zoe gasped. “You’re dating my brother?” 

“And proud to be” Evan confirmed. “I’m gonna let you go. Bye Zoe!” 

“Bye” Zoe sang. 

“Bye Ev” Connor called. “Love you!” 

“Love you too” Evan hummed, hanging up. 

Zoe stayed quiet for a good five minutes. In that time Connor had pulled up to a Starbucks and grabbed coffee for the two of them. When Connor drove away is when Zoe opened her mouth again. 

“Since when are you gay” Zoe muttered. “I-I could have came to you all these years ago. What the actual fuck?” 

“Look, I’ve kept quiet about it” Connor sighed. “Also, it’s pretty obvious that you’re bi Zoe.” 

“I’m not going to question it” Zoe sighed. “I’m just glad you’re back.” 

“Me too Zozo” Connor nodded. 

The rest of the drive consisted of Zoe asking Connor questions about his and Evan’s relationship. She still didn’t fully believe him. When Connor parked the car they both hopped into the elevator and went up to the apartment. Connor unlocked the door and welcomed Zoe inside. 

“Hey Zoe” Evan called from he kitchen. 

“There is no way in hell that you’re gay Con” Zoe protested. “I refuse to believe it!” 

“Believe it” Connor grinned, walking over to Evan. “Whatcha doing Ev?” 

“The groceries that Lily ordered came, so I’m putting them away” Evan explained. 

“Thanks” Connor hummed, kissing him lightly. 

“This is a prank” Zoe muttered. “Where do I put my stuff?” 

Evan opened a door and Zoe walked into the guest room. Wait... 

“Ev” Connor murmured. “That door was a closet before. What happened?” 

“I don’t know” Evan whispered. “I found it while putting stuff away.” 

Zoe walked back out and went back to the kitchen. The boys followed her. Connor quickly grabbed Evan’s ass before walking away like nothing happened. 

“Did you just slap my ass” Evan asked. 

“No, I firmly grasped it” Connor smirked. 

“Did you just quote Spongebob” Evan cried. 

“Okay, I believe it” Zoe sighed. “You two are so gay.” 

“Damn straight” Connor nodded. 

“It would really be more of a circle” Evan mumbled. 

“You two act like a married couple” Zoe snorted. “Oh my god!” 

“Might as well be” Evan hummed. 

“Suggesting something Hansen” Connor smirked. 

“We both know I’m gonna marry your ass Con” Evan said, rolling his eyes. 

“True” Connor nodded. 

“Dats gay” Zoe whispered. 

Connor heard the door open and he turned to see Lily walking through the door. She completely ignored him and Evan and went straight to Zoe. 

“I’m Lily, Connor’s agent” Lily greeted. “It’s wonderful to meet you Ms. Murphy.” 

“You too” Zoe chuckled. 

“Let’s go get your outfits done” Lily announced. “C’mon boys, Zoe.” 

Connor shrugged and followed Lily. They were lead out the back door and into a limo, Connor worked hard to not be surprised. 

“You do this all the time” Evan gasped. 

“Only when I’m with him” Lily assured. “And if Connor goes out he usually has a bodyguard with him. Speaking of, we need to hire a new one. James quit after your stunt a few days ago.” 

“What did I do” Connor sighed. 

“You don’t remember” Lily frowned. 

Connor shook his head. Why lie? 

“You were about to attack some reporter who wanted to question you on your drinking problems” Zoe mumbled. “It was on the news. Your bodyguard held you back.” 

“Fuck” Connor groaned, leaning into his husbands side. 

“But, for part time we have Jason Dean” Lily smiled, pointing to the driver. 

Connor twisted his head and looked at the man driving him around. Holy fuck the dude looked like a suicide bomber. Connor went back to facing Lily and grabbed Evan’s hand. 

“It’s adorable” Lily whispered. 

“I know” Zoe nodded. 

“I can hear you, you know” Connor mumbled, running a hand through Evan’s hair. “You shouldn’t judge me Zozo, I know you have it bad for Alana Beck.” 

Zoe’s eyes widened and she stared at her brother. Evan snorted and leaned his head on Connor’s shoulder. 

“How” Zoe blanked. “I just...how?” 

“You followed her around like a lost puppy when we were in school” Evan stated. “It wasn’t hard to tell.” 

“Do you think I would have a chance with her” Zoe asked. “We ended up going to the same school so we applied to be roommates. I wanna ask her out, but...I’m me.” 

“Alana totally likes you” Evan assured. “She’s been texting me about it daily for the past week. She keeps asking about you and honeslty I’m surprised she hasn’t called me yet.” 

“Go for it Zo” Connor grinned. 

Zoe beamed and nodded to the boys. Lily watched with a small smile as they arrived at some store that Connor couldn’t pronounce the name to. They all stepped out and Lily lead them into the building. 

“Connor Murphy” a woman greeted. “Lily Rolan, so nice to see you. And the new ones are?” 

“Evan Hansen and Zoe Murphy” Lily explained. “It’s great to see you again Sandy.” 

“Alright, is there a theme for tonight” Sandy asked. 

“You know the drill Sandy” Lily laughed. “It’s an art opening, it’s grand or nothing.”

“I’m thinking we have a red for Connor” Sandy hummed. “But only as an accent color. Grey is a good color on him. Let’s see...Hansen...dark blue definetly. And the other Murphy...obviously purple. I can get them ready in three hours.” 

“Thank you do much Sandy” Lily chuckled. “Guys and Zoe, I’ll be back with lunch. Behave.” 

Lily clicked away and Connor was dragged away from his husband and sister by Sandy. 

“How are you love” Sandy hummed, rummaging through racks of clothes. 

“Fantastic” Connor smiled. 

“And the boyfriend” Sandy sighed. “I have to say, I never expected that from you. And you aren’t drunk for once, it’s a mirical.” 

“How did you...” 

“I’m not an idiot Connor” Sandy stated. “The press might not see it, but I can. Don’t worry, I won’t say anything.” 

“Thank you Sandy” Connor whispered. 

Sandy handed Connor an outfit and shoved him into a changing room. Connor pulled on the new outfit and and stepped back out. Sandy handed him a pair of shoes and he slipped them on as well. 

“You look stunning” Sandy beamed. “Everyone will be falling for you. We might have a jealous Evan tonight.” 

“He knows me better, I won’t do anything stupid to mess up what we have.” 

“You think he’s a keeper?” 

“I know he is” Connor chuckled. “We just can’t yet...I’m not out yet, and I think I should ease him into this spotlight shit.” 

“I get to plan your outfit for when you come out” Sandy said. “I’ll start planning stuff. What sexuality, if I may ask?” 

“Gay” Connor sighed. “Evan’s bi.” 

“You meet me for lunch next week and we can gossip about boys” Sandy giggled. “I’ll tell Lily to clear me for Thursday. Heaven knows you can’t do it yourself, even when sober. Now, my new stylist assistant, who is part time, will fix your hair for tonight. It’s my niece Veronica.” 

Connor was pulled to another room and he was introduced to Veronica before being sat down in a chair. 

“I heard that the hair is a touchy subject” Veronica tsked, running a brush through Connor’s hair. 

“Just don’t chop it off and you’re good” Connor answered.

Connor switched back to his clothes after his hair was brushed. Veronica started playing with it when Lily came back with lunch. She handed Connor his taco and left to find Evan. Veronica finished his hair, it looked shiny as hell, and he was sent to change again. 

Connor messed with his phone while he waited for the others. He didn’t have anything else to do. 

“Con” Evan’s voice squeaked. 

Connor flipped around and grinned at his husband. Evan was wearing a dark blue suit and he looked adorable. Connor walked over and kissed Evan before wrapping his in a hug. 

“I love you” Connor murmured. 

“Love you too” Evan chuckled. 

Connor just buried his head in Evan’s neck and held him close. He didn’t want to let go ever again.

“Okay, can you keep the gayness down a bit” Zoe laughed. 

Holy hell Zoe looked stunning. Her hair was pinned up in an impossible bun, her dress looked like a nebula exploded on a gown, and she just looked perfect. 

“You look great” the guys whispered. 

“How on earth don’t these hurt” Zoe muttered, showing the high as fuck heels she was wearing. 

Connor just shrugged. He checked the time on his phone and frowned. They had been there for eight hours. How? 

“Oh my god” Lily gasped. 

Connor whipped around and smiled at his agent. She looked incredible as well. She had a knee length black dress with a red streak across the middle. 

“You all look beautiful” Sandy beamed, strutting into the room. “Lily, clear me for Thursday lunch with Connor. And payment has already been taken care of, you are free to go my lovelies.” 

Liky showed them out and they got back into the limo. Connor grabbed Evan’s hand and squeezed it tight. 

“And we get to keep these” Zoe whispered. 

“Of course” Lily chuckled. “You all look great. I had your clothes sent home already, so all you have to do is stay for an appropriate amount of time and you’re free to head home for the night. Connor, stay away from the alcohol please.” 

“Done and done” Connor nodded. 

“I want Zoe in the middle when you three walk in” Lily announced. “Boys, you will both take an arm. I’ll be right behind you. Connor, you handle questions from reporters. Otherwise, just stand and look pretty.” 

“Okay” Zoe whispered. 

“And you two can’t forget about the no acting like a couple tonight” Lily warned. “Seriously, if someone finds out your reputation will sink to the floor Connor. Take it in steps.” 

The car stopped and the door was opened from the outside. Connor released Evan’s hand and stepped out first. Holy hell there were a lot of cameras. Connor reached back for Zoe and she accepted his hand, filling her wad Evan. Connor gave them both a smile and they started walking. 

“Answer two questions, five signatures” Lily chided from behind them. 

“Mr. Murphy” a reporter called. 

Connor nodded to the others and they walked over to the side. 

“Mr. Murphy, who are your guests tonight” the reporter asked. 

“Tonight I have my sister Zoe with me” Connor said. “And my best friend from high school Evan.” 

Connor walked away and let Zoe pick out a younger girl to sign an autograph for. Connor signed the girls notebook and glanced at Evan. Connor could tell he was anxious and would gladly have left right then and there, but he hid it with a smile. Another reporter was yelling slightly louder than the others so he walked over to her. 

“Connor, when is the last time you had a drink” the reporter questioned. 

“48 hours ago” Connor answered. “I’m done drinking. And sleeping around for that matter. I’m a new man.” 

Connor kept walking with Zoe and Evan and let his husband pick out the last two people to autograph for. They finished the walk and made it inside. Lily was right behind them. 

“Remember, photographers and reporters are hidden everywhere” Lily whispered. “Don’t mess up. Evan, come with me honey.” 

Evan let Lily take him away and Connor took Zoe’s arm. They started walking around and smiling at people who waved to them. 

“This is terrifying” Zoe whispered through her smile. 

“I know” Connor chuckled. 

“Connor” Lily’s voice hummed, approaching with Evan again. “You’re up in five minutes. You have your name and speech ready?” 

“Sure do” Connor lied. 

Lily pulled them all over to the painting. Connor knew what it was instantly, alternate reality or not. 

“That’s the...” Evan couldn’t finish his sentence. 

“The tree I tried to kill myself at” Connor whispered. “Our tree.” 

“What” Zoe gasped. “I...I thought you were better.” 

“Can’t get better without help” Connor sighed. “I just...I know if I just go to the doctor and try to get therapy and proper treatment everything will go to shit. And people wondered why I would drink.” 

“I’ll get on it” Lily assured. “I’ll keep it privet. Can’t believe I didn’t see it. I’m so sorry Connor. My daughter would chew my ass about this.” 

“You have a kid” Zoe blanked. 

“Yeah” Lily nodded. “A daughter, she’ll be graduating this spring. Jenna, that’s her name. Jenna Rolan.” 

“Alright” a mans voice boomed. “Our next piece to talk about is from Connor Murphy. Per usual, he hadn’t announced the name of the piece, and he will tonight. Connor, come on up.” 

Connor dropped Zoe’s arm and shook hands with the guy who had announced him. Connor had no clue who he was. He was handed the microphone and left to himself. 

“Okay” Connor chuckled. “This piece means a lot to me. It says more about my life than I would ever let known. It’s my happiest days, my darkest hours. This forest is an actual place I used to go to all the time, and it represents so much that I’ve gone through.” 

“And the name” a voice called. 

“Life Through a Window” Connor stated. 

Connor handed the microphone back and walked back over to his group. 

“Is it appropriate to leave now” Connor asked. 

“Yeah” Lily nodded. “I’ll show you out.” 

Lily lead the three teens out through a side door and they got into the limo. They pulled out and they all visibly relaxed. 

“We did it” Zoe sighed, slouching in her seat. “Let’s party.” 

“I’d rather sleep” Evan mumbled. 

Connor nodded and nudged Zoe with his foot. His sister looked up and smiled at him. She looked visibly tired, but they were all content. When they pulled up to the apartment building the three teens stumbled through the door and up to the apartment. 

“Night Zozo” Connor sang, watching her kick off the heels she was wearing. 

“Night” Zoe yawned, walking into the spare bedroom. 

Connor walked into his bedroom with Evan and they both changed quickly before slumping into bed. Connor held Evan close and pressed kisses into his hair until they were both asleep.

Chapter Text

Connor had no clue why, but he woke up in his old bedroom. He got up and walked across the hall to Zoe’s room. Why was her door open? 

Zoe was sobbing into her blanket. Why? She seemed so happy a few minutes ago. 

“Zo” Connor whispered. 

Zoe looked up and met Connor’s eye. She looked like she had seen a ghost. 

“You came back” Zoe cried, hopping out of bed. 

“Did I go somewhere” Connor blanked. 

“You...you killed yourself again” Zoe mumbled, tears forming in her eyes. “Michael saw you jump off the roof. I-I...you’ve been dead for almost three days.” 

“I’m a ghost again” Connor choked out. “No. No no no no no! I can’t be! I just got him back! Not again!” 

“What” Zoe whispered. “Connor...you’re fading.” 

Connor glanced down at his hands. They were fading. Connor looked back to Zoe and saw the tears falling down her face. 

“I’m sorry” Connor sighed, fading from sight. 

 

Connor woke up to pounding in his bedroom door. He reluctantly got up and opened the door. He got a glimpse of Zoe before being tackled. 

“Why” Connor groaned, thankful they had landed on the bed and not the floor. 

“Oh my god you’re alive” Zoe cried, wrapping her arms around her brother. 

“Should I be dead” Connor frowned, hugging back. 

“I...I was in my room” Zoe whispered. “You showed up, as a ghost. Then I woke up here. And you’re alive.” 

“Holy shit” Connor grinned. “You’re my Zoe!” 

The siblings clung to each other tightly. It wasn’t a dream. This was the Zoe he grew up with. 

“I object” Evan’s voice said from the bathroom. “Zoe, no stealing my cuddles.” 

“Evan” Zoe gasped. “You’re okay!” 

“Umm...yeah” Evan chuckled, stepping out. 

“It’s our Zoe” Connor beamed. “It’s not the other Zoe. It’s her.” 

Evans eyes widened and he sat on the bed next to them. Zoe and Connor sat up and they had a big group hug. 

“I can’t believe you’re okay” Zoe laughed, looking at Evan. “I mean...we hoped Connor would come back again, but...you’ve been gone for months Evan.” 

“It’s okay, we’re not going to go anywhere” Connor assured. “But we have some things to explain.” 

“Oh no” Zoe sighed. “This better be why the closet was a bedroom when I woke up.” 

 

Three hours later all all three were ready for the day and Zoe knew what had happened to the three, I guess siblings since Evan was married to Connor. 

“So...basically everything is the same, but for some reason you weren’t gay” Zoe mumbled. “Which causes you to become famous and our parents to get divorced, and you never fell in love with Evan?” 

“Yeah” Connor chuckled, poking at his food. 

“But when Evan died he was sent here” Zoe continued. “And when you died a few days ago you were sent here. And you went home to see Evan and have a big gay reunion.” 

“That’s one way to put it” Evan hummed, sipping his tea. 

“I think I can handle that” Zoe nodded. “I’ve just gotta ask Lana out again.” 

“She likes you” Evan smiled. “I’m like...one of her only friends. She blew up my phone about last night.” 

“Apparently we made the news” Connor chuckled. “Ah fuck!” 

“What” Evan asked. 

“You have to go back” Connor muttered. “I just...ugh! Why does this happen to us?” 

“It’ll be okay” Zoe assured. “I’m going to be at college, literally fifteen minutes away from you. Evan will move back in as soon as he can, and everything will be sane.” 

Evan’s phone started buzzing and he rolled his eyes at Alana’s name. He still answered. 

“Hello” Evan greeted. “Yes Lana. How am I supposed to respond to fifty texts all screaming about how me and Connor made up? Yes I talked with Zoe. Go for it. Seriously, I have faith in you. If you don’t I will for you. She’s sitting across from me right now... Yes I stayed over. If you don’t stop right now I will give her the phone. Good. Have a nice day Alana.” 

Evan put his phone down and leaned against Connor. Connor messed with the chain around his neck. 

“That dress is super cute by the way” Zoe smiled. “I love it.” 

“I’m glad you like it” Connor sighed, grabbing Evan’s hand. 

“Don’t be all sad” Zoe protested. “You guys look like the world is going to end.” 

“Evan is my world, fuck off.” 

“Do you blame us” Evan asked. “Three months without the person of your dreams is a tough thing to go through. Especially when you were honestly married for five minutes before getting murdered by your own father.” 

“Shit, sorry” Zoe jumped. “I...it slipped my mind.” 

“Let’s get going soon” Connor mumbled. “Zozo, go pack up. I’ll get the kitchen cleaned up.” 

The three split up again and they were all set to leave in ten minutes. Zoe volunteered to sit in the back of the car for the ride home, and Evan kept hold of Connor’s hand for the whole trip home.

 

Connor didn’t expect to see Alana Beck when he opened Evan’s front door. The girl was chewing him out almost instantly. 

“You think it’s okay to just abandon your best friend for two years and then just be accepted back like nothing happened” Alana ranted. 

“Hey Lana” Zoe called, walking into the house. 

Connor slipped off to Evan’s room while they talked. Connor threw his arms around Evan the minute the door was closed. 

“I love you” Connor murmured. 

“Are you crying” Evan whispered. “Connie, don’t cry. If you cry I’ll cry and then it’ll just be a big mess.” 

“But I just got you back” Connor groaned, resting his head in the crook of Evan’s neck. 

“Look at me” Evan shushed, making Connor meet his eye. “I love you. It’ll just be a few days, then we can do whatever you want for the weekend. We can do whatever we want, no one else to bother us and no social standards to meet. It won’t be like this weekend, I was worried it wasn’t real. I promise to call every day, and I’ll work all week and get approved to move to the site near home. Then I’ll move back in and we can be clingy, love sick dopes like before. I love you.” 

Connor felt Evan wipe his tears away and Connor kissed the shorter boy. Jesus he was whipped. Connor unclasped the chain around Evan’s neck, slipping the ring off the chain and onto Evan’s hand. He did the same with his own ring before hastily marking Evan’s neck with a hickey. 

“Now I get to do it too” Evan protested, planting his lips on Connor’s neck. 

“I love you” Connor whispered, embracing Evan again. 

“I love you too Connie” Evan hummed. 

The two finally separated and walked back downstairs. Alana was staring at her feet, and Zoe looked smug as fuck. 

“It has happened” Connor boomed. “Gay Murphy siblings for the win!” 

“What” Alana blanked. 

“Well, ya done fucked that up Connor” Evan sighed. 

“I don’t...” 

“I’ll explain it later Lana” Zoe assured. “Now, Connor has to get home. I’ll see you in a few days.” 

“Bye Zozo” Connor smiled, wrapping his sister in a hug. “Alana, play nice with her.” 

Alana sputtered her response as Connor walked back to his car. Evan followed Connor and stood with him at the car. Connor’s heart panged just knowing he was leaving. 

“I love you” Connor whispered. 

“I love you too” Evan grinned. 

Connor stepped into his car and waved to Evan as he pulled away from the driveway. Connor drove off and started his way back home. 

 

The apartment felt empty. Connor didn’t like it. He didn’t have Evan or Zoe to talk to. Connor pondered going to Michael’s place, but this Connor probably didn’t even know Michael or Jeremy. Thankfully, his phone rang to interrupt his thoughts. 

“Hello” Connor greeted. 

“Connor” Lily’s voice rang out. “I want you working on the Sincerely Me album ASAP. You only have one song and we want the album done in a year.” 

“Okay” Connor muttered. Album? Him? “I’ll get on it.” 

“Thanks” Lily sighed. “Later!” 

Connor threw his phone down on the couch and walked into the office. He had all his art stuff against one wall, and music against another. 

“So...what do I do” Connor asked himself. “Listen to the first song of course. Thanks Connor. No problem Connor! Geez, I’m gonna lose it without Evan.” 

Connor looked up his name on YouTube and the song, Disappear was the first video to show up. After any videos of him drunk that is. He listened to it and was actually impressed, an alternate version of him wrote that. Connor’s brain racked up an idea. 

“Is it plagiarizing if my husband wrote it in another universe” Connor muttered. “Nah, Evan won’t mind.” 

Connor picked up the guitar against the wall and walked back to the living room. It’s hard to forget the lie your best friend wrote about a suicide attempt. Connor was surprised that his hands just knew what to play, he was rusty at best back in his world. 

“End of May or early June” Connor hummed. “This picture perfect afternoon we share. Drive the winding country road, grab a scoop at A La Mode and then we’re there. An open field that’s framed with trees, we pick a spot and shoot the breeze like buddies do. Quoting songs by our favorite bands, telling jokes no one understands except us two. And we talk and take in the view. 

All we see is sky, for forever. We let the world pass by, for forever. Feels like we could go on for forever this way. Two friends on a perfect day. 

We walk a while and talk about the things we’ll do when we get out of school. Bike the Appalachian trail, or write a book, or learn to sail, wouldn’t that be cool? There’s nothing that we can’t discuss, like the ones we wish would notice us but never do. He looks around and says to me, ‘There’s nowhere else I’d rather be.” And I say ‘Me too.’ And we talk and take in the view. We just talk and take in the view. 

All we see is sky, for forever. We let the world pass by, for forever. Feels like we could go on for forever this way, this way. All we see is light, for forever. Cause the sun shines bright, for forever. We could be alright for forever this way. Two friends on a perfect day. 

And there he goes racing towards the tallest tree. From far across the yellow field I hear him callin ‘Follow me!’ And there we go wondering how the world might look from up so high. One foot after the other, one branch then to another. I climb higher and higher, I climb till the intire sun shines on my face! 

Then I suddenly feel the brance give away. I’m on the ground. My arm goes numb. I look around, then I see him come to get me. He’s come to get me. And everything’s okay. 

All we see is sky, for forever. We let the world pass by, for forever. Buddy you and I for forever this way. This way! All we see is light! Cause the sun burns bright! We could be alright for forever this way. Two friends, true friends, on a perfect day.”

Connor smiled back on the memory. Of course Evan had lied and said that he fell, Connor honestly should have known better. But, he did come clean and that’s what matters. It’s not like Connor could judge. He attempted suicide four times and succeeded twice. Wow, no one should have to say that. 

“Connor, that was amazing” Lily’s voice whispered. 

“Quit breaking in” Connor groaned. 

“You gave me the key” Lily reminded. “Wait. Is that a wedding ring?” 

“Maybe” Connor squeaked. 

“Connor” Lily cried. 

“He proposed!” 

“You didn’t discuss this with me first!” 

“You’re my agent, you don’t get to make the decision for me on wether I accept a marriage proposal from the man I love. I make that choice. You don’t get a say in it. I appreciate everything you’ve done for me, but that’s crossing the line.” 

“You’re right” Lily sighed. “It’s not my choice. I’m sorry. But for me I just found out about Evan and now you plan on marrying him? It’s a lot to handle at once. I’ll push forward your coming out. How’s Friday?” 

“Fan-fucking-tastic” Connor drawled. “I agreed to let Sandy plan my outfit.” 

“I know” Lily nodded. “Now...Jenna begged me to take her school shopping since she’s going to be a senior. I have to go. We work hard all week this week, don’t get distracted.” 

“I won’t” Connor assured. 

“See you tomorrow morning” Lily smiled. 

Lily closed the door behind her and Connor grabbed his phone. He called Evan up and hoped he would answer. 

“Connor” Evan’s voice greeted. “What’s up?”

“Hey” Connor sighed, relaxing at the sound of his voice. “Umm...Lily saw the ring. She thinks we’re engaged. So...just to clear things up, will you marry me?” 

“Hell yeah” Evan chuckled. “I have to say, I think I did better with the proposal the first time.” 

“You asked me to marry you after my dead body dropped from the fucking sky and my ghost dissapeared. Honestly, not your best moment.” 

“You said yes though” Evan recalled. 

“Not like I could say no” Connor snorted. 

“Evan, who are you talking to” Heidi’s voice rang out from the background. 

“I dare you to say that it’s your fiancé” Connor smirked. “I fucking dare you Hansen.” 

“You’re on” Evan laughed. “Don’t worry Mom! It’s just my fiancé!” 

Connor heard something hit the floor from Evan’s end and Evan made a scared noise before he dropped his phone. 

“Who the hell is this” Heidi demanded. 

“Hey Heidi” Connor smiled. 

“This is a joke” Heidi sighed. “What do you mean it’s not a joke? Evan Connor Hansen!” 

“Yeah, I’m marrying your son” Connor hummed. 

“I planned on telling you” Evan’s voice said. “I just...didn’t know how to say it.” 

“I’m not gonna say anything, but I expect a better explanation soon” Heidi mumbled. 

“That happened” Evan sighed. 

“I love your mom” Connor laughed. 

“I love you” Evan murmured. 

“Who doesn’t?” 

“Connor!” 

“I love you too Ev.” 

“I’ve gotta go” Evan groaned. “I’ll call tomorrow, promise. Love you!” 

“Love you too babe” Connor smiled. “Bye.” 

“Later” Evan called. 

The conversation ended and Connor decided to shower before making dinner. It felt bland without Evan there, boring if you will. But, they were engaged again, so he had that. Connor tried to enjoy his quiet evening before going into a dead sleep. 

 

 “What brought on this change in opinion in the lgbt+ community” the interviewer asked. 

“Well, it’s just plain rude to not accept people for who they are” Connor started. “And...I was just hiding from the truth in a way.” 

“What does that mean” the interviewer questioned. 

“I uh, I’m actually gay” Connor chuckled. “All the things I did was to hide it and to supress who I really am.” 

“That’s crazy” the girl grinned. “I...I never would have suspected that. Incredible. We are unfortunately out of time, but you should be prepared for a lot of people to be haggling you.” 

“Trust me, I know. Thanks for having me.” 

“No problem Mr. Murphy, I hope to see you again soon.” 

The camera was turned off and Connor stood up. Lily was at his side in an instant. Safe to say that he was exhausted. A whole week of say this, do that wore him out. It was already late, so he’d be ready to go to bed the moment he got back, but he had to go get Evan so he wouldn’t be asleep for at least another three hours. Heidi would probably talk the couples ear off before they had a chance to leave. 

“Let’s get you home” Lily chirped. 

Connor nodded and followed Lily out to the car. They had hired a new chauffeur/bodyguard in the past few days and Connor felt safer around Ram then he did Jason by far. Connor slumped in his seat and watched the streetlights zoom by. 

“Have a good weekend Connor” Lily smiled. 

“I’ll do my best” Connor sighed, stepping out of the car. 

Connor made it up to his floor and unlocked the apartment. He walked in and went to grab something to eat before leaving. That’s when he noticed Evan’s shoes. 

“Babe” Connor called. 

Evan poked his head out from the kitchen. He rushed over to Connor and threw his arms around the taller teen. 

“I missed you” Evan mumbled into Connor’s shoulder. 

“I thought I was coming to get you” Connor chuckled, holding Evan tight. 

“Umm...surprise” Evan laughed. “Lily helped me out...she kept you busy today while I moved my stuff in. I’m here to stay.” 

“I adore you” Connor breathed, catching Evan’s lips. 

Evan hummed into the kiss and brought his hands to Connor’s face. 

“I love you” Evan murmured. 

Connor rolled his eyes did finger guns in Evan’s direction. Connor then proceeded to scoop Evan off the floor and carry him into the kitchen. 

“What did you make” Connor asked, pointing to the stove. 

“Poor man dinner” Evan hummed, having Connor put him down. 

“Evan!” 

“Hmm?” 

“That’s my favorite!” 

“I know.” 

“I love you!” 

“A horrible decision, really.” 

“I don’t want your sass” Connor tsked. “Come, eat with me.” 

They both grabbed a plate before sitting down next to each other. Connor, being the starved child that he is, instantly started eating while Evan picked at his food. 

“What’s wrong” Connor asked. 

“Nothing, just tired” Evan sighed. 

“Evan, we’ve been together for almost a year, and we were friends before that” Connor deadpanned. “I know when you’re lying.” 

“Why do you love me” Evan whispered. 

“What kind of question is that” Connor frowned. 

“You could have moved on” Evan exclaimed. “You could have started new. And here, you could be with anyone you wanted. Anyone. I don’t get what you see in me. I’m high maintenance, I have horrible anxiety that I have to take drugs for, and I’m fat and ugly.” 

“Okay, one, you were abused. Two, I have fucking depression that I’ve killed myself twice because of. Twice. Three, I have to take meds for my depression, I’m just waiting on the prescription from the doctor. And four, you aren’t fat or ugly Evan, whoever said that can fight me. I didn’t want to move on, I wanted you. I want to wake up in the morning next to you, I want to spoil you, I want to take all your pain away. I know I can’t do all of that, but I sure as hell can try.” 

“I’m fat” Evan whispered. 

“You aren’t fat” Connor groaned. “Old me just had an eating disorder. I’m underweight.” 

“You’re sure you love me?” 

“Of course” Connor smiled, pecking Evan’s cheek. “I wouldn’t have agreed to marry you if I didn’t. Please don’t question it, don’t ever think I don’t love you. I need you Evan, please don’t think those things about you are bad. You can’t control anxiety or how you react to storms, you’re perfect to me. And if someone wants to be a bitch then go for it, I’ll kick their ass.” 

“I love you so much” Evan whispered. 

“And I love you” Connor murmured. “For forever Ev.” 

Evan pressed a kiss to Connor’s brow before going back to his plate. Connor kept hold of Evan’s hand as they ate. Evan was looking better. 

After they cleaned up Connor walked into the bathroom to shower, Evan followed behind like a puppy. 

“Ev” Connor chuckled. “Whatcha doing?” 

“Showering with you” Evan smiled. “What else would I be doing.” 

Connor shrugged and peeled off his clothes. They had showered together before, nothing new. The shower that this worlds Connor had was huge, and the water rained down from the ceiling, so both boys could fit comfortably. 

Once they were both wet Connor and Evan took turns washing each other’s hair. Don’t ask, they just did it. Evan had grabbed the conditioner bottle, but it slipped from his hands and landed on his toes. 

“Oh fuck me” Evan muttered. 

“Oh really” Connor hummed. 

“That wasn’t an invitation Connor!” 

“I know” Connor assured. “But your dick says otherwise.” 

Evan glanced down and met Connor’s eye again. Connor pressed a firm kiss to Evan’s lips and waited. 

“Okay, fuck uh...yeah just blow me.” 

Connor was on his knees in an instant.

Chapter Text

Connor opened his eyes and smiled at Evan. The shorter boy was still asleep. Connor once again took note that his husbands hair always clung to his forehead in the morning. Connor brushed it out of the way and pressed a kiss in place of his hair. 

Someone knocking on the front door had Connor getting up, leaving Evan to rest. Connor threw on a grey hoodie to cover his chest before walking out of the bedroom to answer the door. Connor opened the door and saw Michael. Jeremy was floating behind him, probably invisible to everyone’s eye except his own. 

“Holy shit” Michael gasped. “You’re alive!” 

“Did I miss something or did I forget the wacko teleporting bodies across a universe dream” Connor blanked. 

“We were at home” Michael whispered. “Then we saw Evan there as a ghost. He vanished from sight and we woke up. Now you’re alive.” 

“Alright, let me explain” Connor sighed. “C’mon guys.” 

Connor grabbed his keys and pulled on his shoes before walking down the hall to  Michael and Jeremy’s apartment. Of course Michael’s door was somewhat jammed so they had to wait a minute. Connor heard his door close again and barely had time to look up before Evan was wrapped around him. 

“Evan” Michael cried, finally getting the door open. “Oh my god.” 

Connor noted that Evan’s chest was heaving at an abnormal rate. Connor made the smaller boy look at him and Connor saw the tears. 

“What’s wrong” Connor asked. 

“I-I...I saw Michael and Jeremy” Evan whimpered. “But then I woke up and you were gone and I thought that you weren’t here. I thought you were dead.” 

Connor hugged Evan tight and glared at Jeremy and Michael, daring them to say anything. 

“Honey, dats gay” Michael tsked. “Evan, it’s good to see you again.” 

“So...you guys really are Michael and Jeremy? Our Michael and Jeremy” Evan whispered. 

“I think so” Jeremy mumbled. “Let’s get inside.” 

The two couples walked, well floated in Jeremy’s case, into the apartment. Jeremy then landed on the kitchen floor and made himself solid. 

“Okay, it’s a long story” Connor sighed. “But it’s the only way to put it.” 

“There is no long story short here” Evan hummed, attaching himself to Connor like a leach. 

 

“This is the most fucked up situation ever” Michael announced. 

They went back to Connor and Evan’s apartment for lunch. Jeremy helped Evan cook as the other boy’s talked. 

“Zoe’s coming over, right” Evan called. 

“Yeah” Connor replied. “She’s on her way up with Alana.” 

“And Alana isn’t our Lana” Evan asked. 

“I haven’t had any dreams since Zoe” Connor shrugged, setting out plates. 

A knock on the door had Connor and Evan rushing to the door. They had a thing about being good hosts. Zoe and Alana walked in and they were directed to the kitchen. Jeremy was in his solid form as he introduced him and Michael to Alana. 

“Hey Con” Zoe smiled. “Evan.” 

“Zoe” the boys responded. 

“I got a text from Dad” Zoe hummed. “He wants to meet up with us Con.” 

“I’m not ready for another homophobic dad phase Zozo” Connor muttered. “Also, I’m not going if Evan isn’t.” 

“Too bad I gave him your address and he’s on his way” Zoe tsked. 

Evan clearly hadn’t been listening and he was staring at Connor. Zoe walked away to find her girlfriend, leaving the boys alone. 

“Do I have something on my face” Connor asked. 

Evan shook his head and stole Connor’s glasses. Connor, now blind, attempted to find his way to the kitchen. He crashed into another wall in the process. 

“Fuck” Connor grunted. 

Connor felt the familiar weight of his glasses come back and found a concerned Evan. 

“They were dirty, it was bothering me” Evan explained. “Sorry.” 

“It’s fine mea vita” Connor shushed. 

“My name isn’t Mea” Evan frowned. “How hard did you hit your head?” 

“Mea vita means ‘my life’ in Latin” Connor explained. “I planned on using it after we got married, but I never got the chance. I don’t really like it now that I’ve tried it.”

The two walked into the kitchen and everyone started eating. Evan still refused to let Connor be apart from him, and they were currently attached at the leg. Seriously, Evan wrapped his leg around Connor’s while they ate. 

“When’ll Dad be here” Connor asked Zoe, placing a hand on Evan’s thigh. 

“Not sure” Zoe mumbled. “Soon?” 

“Love you too” Connor drawled. 

“Thanks for cooking guys” Alana hummed. 

“No problem” Evan and Jeremy grinned. 

The rest of lunch passed in a quiet chatter, Evan caught up on Michael and Jeremy’s lives, and the boyfs were caught up on Evan. Zoe kept glancing at Connor and back to Alana. When they finished eating Connor pulled her aside. 

“What’s up” Connor asked. 

“The...the day you killed yourself” Zoe whispered. “I didn’t answer your text.” 

“Yeah, you were packing” Connor mumbled. 

“I wasn’t packing” Zoe frowned. “I went out with Lana, and I proposed. What if the Zoe that was here before woke up with an Alana who expected them to get married?” 

“Oh my god” Connor groaned. “I mean...I figured that since I was dead nothing happened, I didn’t think about you guys. I never had an Evan show up.” 

“What if it ruins everything and if Lana somehow ends up here she doesn’t like me” Zoe whimpered. 

“That’s fucking nonsense” Connor frowned. “Bullshit. Alana loves you, and I know you Zozo. You’re the drinker, I can tell you two were drunk after the proposal so maybe Zoe can play it off as being drunk and not remembering.” 

“I hope” Zoe sighed. 

“Con” Michael called. “Me and Jere are gonna go home, thanks for lunch!” 

Connor waved and the two boys left. Zoe went to talk with Alana so Connor pulled Evan aside. Evan pecked Connor’s cheek and embraced the taller boy. 

“I love you” Connor murmured. 

“I love you too” Evan beamed. “So much.” 

The four decided to keep chatting while they waited for Larry. Connor heard the knock on the door and Evan answered. 

“Evan” Larry jumped. “Long time no see.” 

“It’s nice to see you Mr. Murphy” Evan smiled, welcoming the man inside. 

“Hey Mr. Murphy” Alana waved. 

“Alana” Larry nodded. “Zoe, Connor.” 

“Hey Dad” the siblings sang. 

“Evan, Alana” Larry coughed. “Could I have a minute with the two?” 

Alana nodded before pulling Evan away. Connor didn’t want Evan to leave, and Evan didn’t want to leave either. Connor faced his father once the door was closed, at least he looked the same. 

“Connor” Larry mumbled. “For once you were on the news without alcohol being involved.” 

“Is me being gay really that big of a deal” Connor groaned. 

“Absolutely not” Larry assured. 

“What” the siblings blanked. 

“Zoe, do you remember how you came out to me and your mom?” 

“...No?” 

“You made a cake with a note off to the side saying that you were bi and that you hoped that we could accept that.” 

“Oh.” 

“I just...never expected it with Connor” Larry chuckled. 

“Surprise” Connor hummed. 

“I’m proud of you for managing to come out like that” Larry smiled. “You did great.” 

“Sometimes all it takes is the right push” Connor whispered. “Dad, I’m engaged.” 

“To who” Larry asked. 

“Evan.” 

Larry gave a small smiled before nodding. Connor felt the pressure leave the room and before Connor knew what he was doing, he pulled his sister and father into a hug. 

“Love you guys” Zoe squeaked, pulling out of the hug. 

“I hate to leave so soon, but I’ve gotta get back home” Larry grumbled. “Investors meeting this weekend.” 

“Just visit again” Connor offered. “Thanks for coming Dad.” 

Connor opened the door for his father and let him out. Zoe grabbed Alana’s hand and looked back to Connor. 

“I think me and Lana should get back too” Zoe sighed. “I’ll talk to you soon Con. Bye Evan.” 

“Later guys” Alana hummed. 

“Bye” the boys waved, closing the door behind the girls. 

“Uh” Evan groaned, burying his head in Connor’s chest. “Alana doesn’t stop talking.” 

“Mhm” Connor nodded, running his hand through Evan’s hair. “I fucking love you.” 

“Love you too” Evan beamed. 

“Wanna spend the day in here or go out” Connor mumbled, dancing his fingers along Evan’s back. 

“We can go out for once” Evan shrugged. “What should we do?” 

“Let’s...I can’t think of anything” Connor groaned. “Walk?” 

“Walk works” Evan chuckled, kissing Connor quickly. 

Connor walked off to grab his keys and wallet before taking Evan’s hand and walking out the door. The two left the building and they started on the familiar walk through a small park near the apartment. 

“I missed it here” Evan sighed, leaning against Connor as they walked. 

“It feels good to be back” Connor nodded. 

“Connor?” 

“Yes beautiful?” 

“I love you.” 

“Love you too.” 

Connor rubbed his thumb over the band on Evan’s finger and let out a sigh. Everything was okay. 

“Ice cream” Connor asked, pointing to a small shop. 

“Please” Evan smiled. 

If Connor could have, he would have fallen in love all over again. Evan did that to him. 

“Brownie or vanilla” Connor recalled, kissing Evan’s brow. 

“You know me so well” Evan squeaked. 

“I’m your husband, I fucking hope so” Connor laughed. “Want me to order?” 

“Please.” 

Connor and Evan walked inside and Connor ordered for the pair. Evan got brownie, he got red velvet. The two left a tip for the workers and left again. 

Connor shrugged off his hoodie and tied it around his waist when he noticed Evan staring. 

“You okay” Connor hummed. 

“It’s...that’s the shirt you first came back to me in” Evan pointed. “When I first saw you as a ghost.” 

“I...You’re right” Connor frowned, glancing at the grey fabric. “I can change when we get home.” 

“It’s okay” Evan shushed. “I just...noticed.” 

“I’m never leaving you again Evan” Connor assured. “I love you so much.” 

The two sat down under a tree to finish eating before walking back to the apartment. On their floor Connor saw a kid, maybe fifteen, running down the opposite hall from his and Evan’s apartment. The kid seemed scared. Connor grabbed him by the arm before he could get past. 

“Hey, are you okay” Connor asked. Then he saw the knife in his hand. The kind that was huge and when you take it out of the dishwasher you stare at it for a minute and ponder stabbing your self and your family, but only for a minute. That was probably just Connor. “What’s going on?” 

Connor felt something sharp run across his stomach and he let go of the kid, falling to his knees. Connor looked down and saw the blood on his shirt. 

“Oh my god” Evan cried, pulling Connor up. “Hospital. Now.” 

“I’m fine” Connor said through gritted teeth. “Let’s go inside and clean it up.” 

Connor stumbled through the door of the apartment and let Evan pull him into the bathroom. Connor tore off his shirt and frowned at the huge cut along his stomach. There was blood everywhere. 

“Connor” Evan whispered. “You need to go to the hospital. Now.” 

 Connor glanced at his hand and sighed. He couldn’t believe this was happening again. 

“Something tells me it’s too late Ev” Connor mumbled, holding up his fading hand. 

“Doesn’t it hurt?” 

“Not anymore.” 

“You’re dying again?” 

“I’m sorry Ev.” 

Evan wrapped his arms around Connor and started crying. 

“I think I deserve a reward” Connor muttered. “Dying three time’s has to be a record. I’ll be back.” 

“You’re dying” Evan sobbed, slipping through Connor’s body. 

“That hasn’t separated us before” Connor murmured, pressing a kiss to Evan’s brow. “I love you.” 

“Love you too” Evan sniffed. 

Connor’s body completely faded and Evan was alone again.

Chapter Text

Connor sat up with a start. He was in his bed. Connor saw one of Evan’s plants in the window and sighed. It was just a dream. He had Evan, he wasn’t dead. Perfect. 

Connor got up and found Evan curled up on the couch. He was picking at his shirt, which was never a good thing. 

“Ev, what’s wrong” Connor asked. 

No response. Connor knelt down next to Evan and put a hand on his knee. Nothing. Connor glanced at his hand and swore. It was slightly transparent. He was dead. 

“You've gotta be fucking me” Connor grumbled. “Alright, you’ve been through this before Connor. Find whatever you’re bound to and make sure Evan knows.” 

 Connor recalled how to float around with ease and followed the slight tugging he had been feeling. Connor ended up in the laundry room with his grey hoodie in hand. Connor floated back to the living room and shoved the shirt in Evan’s face. 

“What the fuck” Evan cried. “Wait! Connor?” 

Connor zipped the hoodie up and waved his arms around, causing the sleeves to move. 

“Let’s get you to Jeremy” Evan whispered, looking at his husbands invisible forehead. “Give me the shirt.” 

Connor took the shirt off again and Evan grabbed it from the air. Evan left the apartment and Connor was flung out the door. 

“Fuck” Connor jumped. 

Evan knocked on Michael’s door and Jeremy answered. 

“What the fuck did you do” Jeremy groaned, looking at Connor floating behind Evan. “I swear you crave death or something Connor.” 

“I didn’t try this time” Connor protested, being jolted into the room from his bond with the shirt. 

“Micha” Jeremy called, floating towards the living room. “Connor died again!” 

“What” Michael cried, running into the room. 

“He’s a ghost” Jeremy explained, putting a hand on Connor’s shoulder. 

Connor, now visible to the others thanks to Jeremy, locked eyes with Evan. 

“Are you okay” Connor asked. 

“I’d be better if you could stop dying” Evan muttered. “What do we do? Burn the shirt?” 

“We really shouldn’t” Jeremy muttered. “You’ve gotta remember that I’m still 100% ghost. We could just wait until Connor is like me.” 

“I’m famous here Jeremy” Connor groaned. “I can’t go missing for long periods of time.” 

“Rip the hoodie” Michael offered. “That made Connor solid.” 

“Or burn it” Evan tried. 

“Maybe not yet” Connor mumbled. “I’m clearly prone to dying, so if we just...made me into that husk again, I could still act human but I wouldn’t be alive. No one would know.” 

“I don’t want to get married to a husk Connor!” 

“It’s just for now” Connor assured. “Once the wedding roles around we burn the jacket and bam! I’m human again. I just...I’m not ready to go through the blankness of coming back yet. Also, ghosts don’t have depression.” 

“I...didn’t think of that” Evan mumbled. “Got a pair of scissors?” 

Michael skidded into the kitchen and returned with the scissors. He handed them to Evan and held up the hoodie. Connor landed on the ground and Jeremy released his hold on the other boy, causing him to lose his visibility. 

“One” Connor sighed. 

“Two” Jeremy continued. 

“Three” Michael finished. 

Evan took about three minutes, but the fabric ripped. Connor didn’t feel any different for a moment, then he passed out. 

 

Connor felt wetness wake him from his dead sleep. He sat up and glared at Michael, who was holding a glass of water. 

“Fuck you” Connor groaned, sitting up. 

Evan took Connor’s hand and pulled him up. Connor watched Evan place a hand over his heart and shake his head. He was still dead. 

“Thanks guys” Connor sighed, locking his and Evan’s fingers. “I’m sorry you have to deal with me dying all the time.” 

“Meh, it’ll be okay” Jeremy assured. “Just...be careful man.” 

“Will do” Connor nodded. “Later.” 

“Bye” Michael waved. 

Connor stepped out of the apartment without the hoodie and Evan smiled softly. The two walked back to the apartment before curling up on he couch. 

“I’m sorry Ev” Connor murmured, petting the shorter boy’s hair. 

“I just don’t wanna lose you” Evan sniffed. “I care too much.” 

“I know, it’s complete bullshit.” 

Evan grabbed a throw pillow off the floor and screamed into it. Evan looked like a mess, Connor decided to take action. 

Connor slipped out from under Evan before scooping the boy up to carry him to the bedroom. Connor laid Evan down on the bed and Connor walked to the bathroom. Connor found what he was looking for and walked back to the bedroom before pulling Evan’s shirt off his body. 

“What are you doing?” 

“Lay down on your stomach Ev. Trust me.” 

“I don’t...” 

“Please?” 

Evan laid down like asked and Connor sat next to Evan’s side on the bed. Connor put some of the lotion he had grabbed on his hand and smeared it across his palms before rubbing on Evan’s back. 

“That’s cold” Evan flinched. 

“Sorry” Connor sighed, kissing Evan’s shoulder. 

Connor kept running his hands across Evan’s back and shoulders, pressing against the skin every once and a while. Evan started relaxing and Connor smiled down at his husband. He had it so bad. Evan cracked his neck out of nowhere and Connor frowned at the noise, he hated it. 

“Ev” Connor hummed. 

“Hmm?” 

“I love you, okay?” 

“Mmmhm.” 

“Okay.” 

Once Connor thought Evan was asleep he slid off the bed and threw a blanket over the sweet boy before walking back to the living room. Connor’s phone was still blowing up over his coming out, so he finally decided to speak up about it. Instagram was a good way to start, right? Connor had barely started the live before his phone blew up with viewers.

“Uh, hey” Connor waved, staring at the camera in his phone. “So...I came out as gay. That was fun. I uh...I don’t really know how to react. I guess I was expecting it to blow over, clearly not. I hope not to many people actually care- no I will not do that! Jesus. No I’m not a bottom... I have a boyfriend you fools! Ugh! Look, sorry if I disappointed you with being gay, but I really don’t give a shit. Yes, best boyfriend ever...he’s napping. Okay, this was a mistake, goodbye!” 

Connor stopped the filming and threw his phone down. After a few more minutes of silence Evan emerged. His shirt was back on and he looked a lot better. 

“Thanks” Evan smiled, sitting in Connor’s lap. 

“I love you so much.” 

Connor brought Evan’s lips to his and proceeded to press kisses along the boy’s face. Evan took Connor’s face in his hands before smashing their lips together. Connor felt Evan get off of him without separating their lips and Connor stood up after him. Connor backed Evan into the wall and lifted him up, causing Evan to wrap his arms and legs around Connor. 

“I love you” Evan whispered. 

“Ev” Connor murmured. “I need you.” 

“Okay” Evan nodded. “Bed.” 

Connor stumbled through the bedroom door and closed it behind him. Evan was dropped on the bed before Connor crawled after him. 

“Do your worst Murphy” Evan smirked. 

“Trust me, I will.” 

 

Connor flinched at the sound of the alarm. Connor groaned before flipping around and shoving his face into a pillow. The horrid beeping stopped and Connor relaxed a bit. Connor felt the weight on the bed change and Connor looked up. Evan was quietly maneuvering through the room to grab clothes without waking Connor. 

Connor watched Evan vanish into the bathroom and he heard the shower start up. Connor dozed off until Evan stepped out again, but he was too lazy to get up. Connor forgot that Evan got up so early for work in the morning.

Eventually the smell of food had Connor getting up. Connor threw on his shirt from the floor before stumbling into the kitchen. Connor wrapped his arms around Evan and kissed his neck. 

“I love you, but get back” Evan sighed, shrugging Connor off. “I’m cooking.”

Connor whined, but went to the table. Evan set a cup of coffee in front of Connor before vanishing to the stove again. 

“I love you” Connor called, trying to sound awake. 

“I love you too Con” Evan murmured, planting a plate in front of Connor. 

“Aww, you’re the best” Connor grinned, looking at his plate. 

“I know” Evan hummed, sitting next to Connor. 

The two are in silence while keeping their fingers intertwined. Evan took Connor’s plate away before going back to the bathroom to brush his teeth. Connor walked into the living room and pulled his glasses off before laying down to take a nap. 

“I’ve gotta go” Evan murmured, crouching down to meet Connor’s eye. “I’ll see you tonight.” 

Connor pulled Evan into a kiss before letting him go. Connor would have preferred that they just stayed home, but Connor knew that wouldn’t happen. 

“Hi Evan” Lily’s voice came. 

“Hey Lily” Evan called. “He’s on the couch.” 

Lily’s heels clicked on the floor as she walked to the couch. Connor felt her shake his shoulder and he opened his eyes again. 

“Five more minutes” Connor grumbled, shoving his face under a throw pillow. 

“Sorry Connie” Lily hummed, taking the pillow away. “Packed schedule today.” 

Connor rolled off the couch and to the floor before standing up and going to the bedroom. Yes he crashed into a couple walls on the way. 

“Lily” Connor yelled, throwing on a pair of sweatpants. “I need contacts! I hate the glasses!” 

“Okay” Lily agreed. 

Connor emerged again and felt Lily hand him his shoes and glasses. Connor threw them on before being pulled out the door. Michael and Jeremy were just leaving the apartment, but it was clear that Jeremy was invisible to other people’s eye. If his floating had anything to say about it.

“Morning Michael” Connor yawned, stumbling past the two in an attempt to follow Lily.

“It’s definetly morning” Michael growled. “Who invented school and why do I have to go.” 

“At least you can do the work” Jeremy muttered, knowing his boyfriend couldn’t hear him. 

“Connor” Lily called. “You’ll be late.” 

Connor continued walking and Michael followed him to the elevator. 

“Who’s this” Michael asked, pointing to Lily. 

“This is my agent Lily” Connor explained. “Lily, my neighbor Michael Mell.” 

“Oh, you go to school with my daughter, Jenna” Lily recalled. 

“Yeah, Jenna’s cool” Michael nodded.

Lily smiled and the elevator dinged. Connor stepped out with lily and let her direct her to the limo. “Where are we going?” Connor yawned. 

“You have to be back to your gym schedule Connor,” Lily sighed. “Every Monday, and every other Friday. I gave you some time off because of Evan coming into your life, but now you’ve gotta get back to work before you lose what you have. All that progress.” 

Connor nearly spat out the water he was drinking. He hated exercise, except gymnastics. He had always liked that. “Fine.”

Lily dropped him off at a nice looking gym and handed him his entrance card. “I’ll be back in three hours,” she hummed. “With contacts.”

Connor nodded and got out of the car. He walked inside and flashed his card. Connor threw his hair back as he was shown to his trainer. Apparently he had one. 

“Morning Connor,” the guy greeted. “Heard you’re finally done drinking, that’ll help you get stronger.” 

“Okay,” Connor nodded. “What’s the deal today?” 

“Morning Kevin,” another trainer called, walking by. 

“Morning Jeff,” Connor’s trainer, apparently named Kevin replied. “Well, Connor, I was hoping to convince you to try gymnastics, it’ll help you with so much and you’ll have a higher chance of being the next Spider-Man.” 

“If they replace Tom Holland I’ll throw a fit,” Connor chuckled. “Fuck yeah, let’s do it.” 

“Really? You never want to.” 

“Didn’t you hear? New me.” 

“I like this new you,” Kevin nodded. “Let’s roll.” 

Connor was shown to a room full of gymnastic shit. Mats, bars, everything. Connor started stretching before he remembered that he was dead and that his body wouldn’t get too sore. As long as he didn’t bang against something or push too hard.

“Have any experience with gymnastics?” Kevin asked. 

Connor started walking on his hands in response. It was so much easier when he was actually in shape. 

“Let’s see how far we can push this,” Kevin grinned. 

So for the next three hours Connor jumped around and pushed his body. At one point when he was starting to wear out he felt his body start to carry itself. Shit he could still fly. Connor instantly dropped and landed on his feet, no powers, no cheating. 

“Go shower Connor,” Lily commanded, handing him a set of clothes and a case holding his new contacts. 

“Thanks Lily,” Connor called, rushing off. Connor quickly got clean and got dressed into the grey skinny jeans and violet t-shirt. Connor quickly put the contacts in and took off the glasses. Back to normal. 

“You have an interview with Vogue in half an hour,” Lily said, pulling Connor back to the car. “You were nominated for Sexiest Man Alive for People Magazine, And here,” she handed Connor a magazine with a picture of Connor and Evan eating ice cream on the cover. “You’re fiancé is out.” 

Connor read the title: Connor Murphy, soon to be married? They had a zoomed in picture of his engagement ring. Below the header: High school sweetheart? 

“Fuck,” Connor grumbled. “You’re serious?” 

“Does it look like I’m joking Connor?” Lily asked. “I’m surprised people seem to like you more since you came out. Barely anyone is hating on you.” 

“Let’s just go with it,” Connor hummed. “Me and Evan didn’t get together until after high school.” 

“Tell them that in the interview,” Lily shrugged. “That song you wrote, what’s it called?” 

“For Forever,” Connor answered plainly. 

“You get to record it this week,” Lily said. 

Connor nodded and stared out the window. The wole day was full of talking and socializing, something Connor wouldn’t do under any other circumstance. Once evening rolled around Connor was whooped. He stumbled through the apartment door and smiled at Evan, who was watching tv on the couch. 

“You’re late,” Evan protested. 

“I don’t make my schedule,” Connor shrugged. “C’mere, hug.” 

Evan bounced over happily and embraced him. Connor quickly pulled him into a kiss and ran a hand through Evan’s hair. 

“I ordered pizza,” Evan said, breaking apart from Connor. 

“...Evan Connor Hansen ordered pizza? On his own? Without panicking?” 

“Actually...my name is different here,” Evan mumbled. “For some fucked up reason. And yes, I did. You should be proud.” 

“I am,” Connor nodded. “What’s your name here?” 

“Mark.” 

“Evan Mark Hansen?” 

“No. Mark Evan Hansen. Evan is my middle name for some fucked up reason. My dads name here is Mark too.” 

“Oh...damn,” Connor blinked. “We...we can get it changed. Like how we changed my name when I was dead for a while. The first time.” 

“It’s fine,” Evan shushed. “Let’s worry about it another time.” 

Connor nodded and let Evan drag him around, before they both settled on the couch and started watching a movie together. God, Connor missed doing this. 

“Love you,” Connor murmured. 

“Love you too,” Evan smiled.

"More than pizza?"

 "Of course!"

Connor focused on his movie until he remembered the fact that they were out.

 "Uh...it's out that we're engaged."

Evan let out and strangled sound. "Fuck life!  Fuck the media! Why does this always happen to us!?"

 "Beats me hon, just...relax. It'll be okay. Promise."

"You're lucky I love you, " Evan warned, poking his side.