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Death Isn't New to Me

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Connor woke up feeling very warm. That was probably because his husband/boyfriend, it was hard to tell what was appropriate now, was asleep on top of him. Connor felt his heart pang, it had been almost three months since he had woken up with Evan at his side. Or on top of him in this case.

Connor managed to get Evan off of him without waking the smaller boy, and started pressing kisses to every inch of exposed skin he could get. Face, neck, wrists, anything. The only thing Connor avoided was Evan’s lips. 

“Jesus” Evan muttered, opening his eyes.

“Ev” Connor hummed. 

“I thought it was a dream” Evan chuckled. “Oh my god you’re back. Connor, holy shit I missed you so bad. I love you. Have I said that yet? Jesus, I fucking missed you.” 

“You might have said something once or twice” Connor smirked, climbing on top of Evan. “I love you too Evan. So god damn much. I never want to go without you again.” 

“Me neither” Evan breathed. 

“Think you can handle a few hours” Connor asked. “I’ve gotta get Zoe, and I’m gonna take the ‘I’m actually gay and dating my best friend’ talk a bit slow with her. God damn alternate universe, making me straight. I’m as straight as a circle.” 

“I love you” Evan grinned. “Are we married or not? It’s confusing. Like...in another world that we originate from, yeah. Here, I don’t fucking know.” 

“Just say whatever feels right” Connor shrugged. “We know that we’re actually married, and that’s enough. But...call me boyfriend if you want. I’m Connor Hansen at heart.” 

“Ugh!” 

“Fuck the multiverse!” 

“Fuck me!” 

“Gladly.” 

“Connor, no” Evan laughed. “Not yet.” 

“I love you” Connor murmured, planting a kiss on Evan’s lips. 

“I love you too” Evan breathed. “So, so much.” 

“I’m gonna get ready and go” Connor sighed. “You can head back to bed Evie.” 

Evan planted another kiss on Connor’s cheek before laying back down. Connor rolled off of Evan and walked over to his dresser. 

“Wear purple” Evan yawned. “You look pretty in purple.” 

“Okay love” Connor chuckled, digging through the dresser drawers. 

“I’m holding you to that” Evan mumbled, rolling on his side. 

Connor shook his head and grabbed a purple t-shirt. Connor grabbed a black pair of jeans and finally found a pair of boxers. The lanky teen rushed through a shower and ran around the apartment to grab a slice of cold pizza. Connor finally ran back to grab socks before grabbing his keys and walking out the door. 

Connor really didn’t want to leave Evan. Not after just getting him back. But...Zoe was important too. And Connor needed Zoe in his life just as much as he needed Evan. 

Connor started the drive back home again and tried not to think about an art opening that he knew nothing about. I mean...this is scary enough, waking up in a new reality. But now Connor has to show something off that he never knew about? Jesus. 

Connor pulled up to the Murphy house and walked inside. He was surprised that it wasn’t locked. Connor walked into the kitchen and grabbed a donut from the box that was on the counter. Cynthia wouldn’t mind. 

“Connor?” 

Connor whipped around and waved at his mother. Cynthia ran forward and yanked him into a hug. Connor set his donut down before hugging back. 

“Hey Mom” Connor chuckled. 

“How has work been” Cynthia asked. “What are you doing here? Do you need anything? Are you drunk? I love you sweetheart.” 

Connor was used to the rapid fire questions from Heidi. She usually did that when Evan came home to visit. 

“Good, picking up Zoe, already grabbed a donut, no, I love you too Mom.” 

Cynthia hugged him again and Connor let out a chuckle. Connor heard the stairs creaking and looked up to see Zoe. She seemed surprised that he was there. 

“You dyed your hair” Connor noted when Cynthia released him. “Purple looks good on you.” 

Zoe now had purple streaks in her hair. It was a deep eggplant. The streaks went every few inches or so around her head. 

“Thanks” Zoe smiled. “I usually do indigo streaks, but I like purple.” 

“Can I have a hug” Connor asked. 

Zoe walked over to Connor and embraced him. Connor lifted Zoe off the ground and spun her around. 

“Connor” Zoe laughed. “Put me down!” 

Connor released his sister and grabbed his donut again. Connor was surprised that Larry wasn’t around yet. 

“Where’s Dad” Connor questioned. 

“Oh, we never told you...did we” Cynthia sighed. “Connor, Larry and I got a divorce. It was a mutual agreement. I got the house, Larry moved into New York. I’m sorry baby.” 

Connor almost choked on his donut. Sure, in his world his parents were fighting, but Evan convinced them to do couples counseling and it got better. Connor decided not to say anything. 

“Okay” Connor nodded. “Zozo, you ready to go?” 

“Yeah” Zoe nodded. 

“Where are you going” Cynthia demanded. 

“Connor is taking me to an art opening” Zoe explained. “He wants to catch up. Umm...you were out with your work buddies, I never had the chance to tell you. Besides, I’m a big girl, I’m gonna go to college next week, I’ll be okay.” 

“Just be safe” Cynthia sighed. “Connor, bring her back in one piece please.” 

Connor smiled and embraced Cynthia again. Zoe followed suit and they both ran out to the car. Zoe put her bag in the back and they drove off. 

“So” Zoe drawled. “Who’s the babe of the week?” 

“What” Connor muttered. 

“C’mon Con” Zoe laughed. “You’re Connor Murphy, the womanizing, teenage, alcoholic, millionaire, superstar. Who’s the babe of the week? I heard that you were sleeping around with some new star.” 

“Heh” Connor chuckled. “Umm...Zoe, I’m not doing that anymore. I’m done drinking, sleeping around, and partying like I’m dying tomorrow.” 

“Why” Zoe asked. 

“Because that’s not who I want to be” Connor exclaimed. “I’d rather be known for something worthwhile. Also...I’m gay.” 

“WHAT” Zoe cried. “No way! Connor, you’re lying!” 

“I have a boyfriend who I adore and would literally give the world for” Connor protested. “And, you know him.” 

“How long have you been dating” Zoe questioned. 

“A couple of months” Connor shrugged. “I used the sleeping around as a cover.” 

“And the mystery boy is” Zoe trailed off. 

“I’ll call him” Connor grinned, pulling out his phone. 

Connor called Evan and hid the screen from her. He put it on speaker phone. 

“Hello” Evan answered. “Connor?” 

“Hey babe” Connor beamed, heart melting at the sound of his voice. “I’ve got Zoe and we’re on our way home.” 

“WHO IS THIS” Zoe screamed. 

“Calm down Zoe” Evan chuckled. “It’s me, Evan.” 

Evan Hansen” Zoe gasped. “You’re dating my brother?” 

“And proud to be” Evan confirmed. “I’m gonna let you go. Bye Zoe!” 

“Bye” Zoe sang. 

“Bye Ev” Connor called. “Love you!” 

“Love you too” Evan hummed, hanging up. 

Zoe stayed quiet for a good five minutes. In that time Connor had pulled up to a Starbucks and grabbed coffee for the two of them. When Connor drove away is when Zoe opened her mouth again. 

“Since when are you gay” Zoe muttered. “I-I could have came to you all these years ago. What the actual fuck?” 

“Look, I’ve kept quiet about it” Connor sighed. “Also, it’s pretty obvious that you’re bi Zoe.” 

“I’m not going to question it” Zoe sighed. “I’m just glad you’re back.” 

“Me too Zozo” Connor nodded. 

The rest of the drive consisted of Zoe asking Connor questions about his and Evan’s relationship. She still didn’t fully believe him. When Connor parked the car they both hopped into the elevator and went up to the apartment. Connor unlocked the door and welcomed Zoe inside. 

“Hey Zoe” Evan called from he kitchen. 

“There is no way in hell that you’re gay Con” Zoe protested. “I refuse to believe it!” 

“Believe it” Connor grinned, walking over to Evan. “Whatcha doing Ev?” 

“The groceries that Lily ordered came, so I’m putting them away” Evan explained. 

“Thanks” Connor hummed, kissing him lightly. 

“This is a prank” Zoe muttered. “Where do I put my stuff?” 

Evan opened a door and Zoe walked into the guest room. Wait... 

“Ev” Connor murmured. “That door was a closet before. What happened?” 

“I don’t know” Evan whispered. “I found it while putting stuff away.” 

Zoe walked back out and went back to the kitchen. The boys followed her. Connor quickly grabbed Evan’s ass before walking away like nothing happened. 

“Did you just slap my ass” Evan asked. 

“No, I firmly grasped it” Connor smirked. 

“Did you just quote Spongebob” Evan cried. 

“Okay, I believe it” Zoe sighed. “You two are so gay.” 

“Damn straight” Connor nodded. 

“It would really be more of a circle” Evan mumbled. 

“You two act like a married couple” Zoe snorted. “Oh my god!” 

“Might as well be” Evan hummed. 

“Suggesting something Hansen” Connor smirked. 

“We both know I’m gonna marry your ass Con” Evan said, rolling his eyes. 

“True” Connor nodded. 

“Dats gay” Zoe whispered. 

Connor heard the door open and he turned to see Lily walking through the door. She completely ignored him and Evan and went straight to Zoe. 

“I’m Lily, Connor’s agent” Lily greeted. “It’s wonderful to meet you Ms. Murphy.” 

“You too” Zoe chuckled. 

“Let’s go get your outfits done” Lily announced. “C’mon boys, Zoe.” 

Connor shrugged and followed Lily. They were lead out the back door and into a limo, Connor worked hard to not be surprised. 

“You do this all the time” Evan gasped. 

“Only when I’m with him” Lily assured. “And if Connor goes out he usually has a bodyguard with him. Speaking of, we need to hire a new one. James quit after your stunt a few days ago.” 

“What did I do” Connor sighed. 

“You don’t remember” Lily frowned. 

Connor shook his head. Why lie? 

“You were about to attack some reporter who wanted to question you on your drinking problems” Zoe mumbled. “It was on the news. Your bodyguard held you back.” 

“Fuck” Connor groaned, leaning into his husbands side. 

“But, for part time we have Jason Dean” Lily smiled, pointing to the driver. 

Connor twisted his head and looked at the man driving him around. Holy fuck the dude looked like a suicide bomber. Connor went back to facing Lily and grabbed Evan’s hand. 

“It’s adorable” Lily whispered. 

“I know” Zoe nodded. 

“I can hear you, you know” Connor mumbled, running a hand through Evan’s hair. “You shouldn’t judge me Zozo, I know you have it bad for Alana Beck.” 

Zoe’s eyes widened and she stared at her brother. Evan snorted and leaned his head on Connor’s shoulder. 

“How” Zoe blanked. “I just...how?” 

“You followed her around like a lost puppy when we were in school” Evan stated. “It wasn’t hard to tell.” 

“Do you think I would have a chance with her” Zoe asked. “We ended up going to the same school so we applied to be roommates. I wanna ask her out, but...I’m me.” 

“Alana totally likes you” Evan assured. “She’s been texting me about it daily for the past week. She keeps asking about you and honeslty I’m surprised she hasn’t called me yet.” 

“Go for it Zo” Connor grinned. 

Zoe beamed and nodded to the boys. Lily watched with a small smile as they arrived at some store that Connor couldn’t pronounce the name to. They all stepped out and Lily lead them into the building. 

“Connor Murphy” a woman greeted. “Lily Rolan, so nice to see you. And the new ones are?” 

“Evan Hansen and Zoe Murphy” Lily explained. “It’s great to see you again Sandy.” 

“Alright, is there a theme for tonight” Sandy asked. 

“You know the drill Sandy” Lily laughed. “It’s an art opening, it’s grand or nothing.”

“I’m thinking we have a red for Connor” Sandy hummed. “But only as an accent color. Grey is a good color on him. Let’s see...Hansen...dark blue definetly. And the other Murphy...obviously purple. I can get them ready in three hours.” 

“Thank you do much Sandy” Lily chuckled. “Guys and Zoe, I’ll be back with lunch. Behave.” 

Lily clicked away and Connor was dragged away from his husband and sister by Sandy. 

“How are you love” Sandy hummed, rummaging through racks of clothes. 

“Fantastic” Connor smiled. 

“And the boyfriend” Sandy sighed. “I have to say, I never expected that from you. And you aren’t drunk for once, it’s a mirical.” 

“How did you...” 

“I’m not an idiot Connor” Sandy stated. “The press might not see it, but I can. Don’t worry, I won’t say anything.” 

“Thank you Sandy” Connor whispered. 

Sandy handed Connor an outfit and shoved him into a changing room. Connor pulled on the new outfit and and stepped back out. Sandy handed him a pair of shoes and he slipped them on as well. 

“You look stunning” Sandy beamed. “Everyone will be falling for you. We might have a jealous Evan tonight.” 

“He knows me better, I won’t do anything stupid to mess up what we have.” 

“You think he’s a keeper?” 

“I know he is” Connor chuckled. “We just can’t yet...I’m not out yet, and I think I should ease him into this spotlight shit.” 

“I get to plan your outfit for when you come out” Sandy said. “I’ll start planning stuff. What sexuality, if I may ask?” 

“Gay” Connor sighed. “Evan’s bi.” 

“You meet me for lunch next week and we can gossip about boys” Sandy giggled. “I’ll tell Lily to clear me for Thursday. Heaven knows you can’t do it yourself, even when sober. Now, my new stylist assistant, who is part time, will fix your hair for tonight. It’s my niece Veronica.” 

Connor was pulled to another room and he was introduced to Veronica before being sat down in a chair. 

“I heard that the hair is a touchy subject” Veronica tsked, running a brush through Connor’s hair. 

“Just don’t chop it off and you’re good” Connor answered.

Connor switched back to his clothes after his hair was brushed. Veronica started playing with it when Lily came back with lunch. She handed Connor his taco and left to find Evan. Veronica finished his hair, it looked shiny as hell, and he was sent to change again. 

Connor messed with his phone while he waited for the others. He didn’t have anything else to do. 

“Con” Evan’s voice squeaked. 

Connor flipped around and grinned at his husband. Evan was wearing a dark blue suit and he looked adorable. Connor walked over and kissed Evan before wrapping his in a hug. 

“I love you” Connor murmured. 

“Love you too” Evan chuckled. 

Connor just buried his head in Evan’s neck and held him close. He didn’t want to let go ever again.

“Okay, can you keep the gayness down a bit” Zoe laughed. 

Holy hell Zoe looked stunning. Her hair was pinned up in an impossible bun, her dress looked like a nebula exploded on a gown, and she just looked perfect. 

“You look great” the guys whispered. 

“How on earth don’t these hurt” Zoe muttered, showing the high as fuck heels she was wearing. 

Connor just shrugged. He checked the time on his phone and frowned. They had been there for eight hours. How? 

“Oh my god” Lily gasped. 

Connor whipped around and smiled at his agent. She looked incredible as well. She had a knee length black dress with a red streak across the middle. 

“You all look beautiful” Sandy beamed, strutting into the room. “Lily, clear me for Thursday lunch with Connor. And payment has already been taken care of, you are free to go my lovelies.” 

Liky showed them out and they got back into the limo. Connor grabbed Evan’s hand and squeezed it tight. 

“And we get to keep these” Zoe whispered. 

“Of course” Lily chuckled. “You all look great. I had your clothes sent home already, so all you have to do is stay for an appropriate amount of time and you’re free to head home for the night. Connor, stay away from the alcohol please.” 

“Done and done” Connor nodded. 

“I want Zoe in the middle when you three walk in” Lily announced. “Boys, you will both take an arm. I’ll be right behind you. Connor, you handle questions from reporters. Otherwise, just stand and look pretty.” 

“Okay” Zoe whispered. 

“And you two can’t forget about the no acting like a couple tonight” Lily warned. “Seriously, if someone finds out your reputation will sink to the floor Connor. Take it in steps.” 

The car stopped and the door was opened from the outside. Connor released Evan’s hand and stepped out first. Holy hell there were a lot of cameras. Connor reached back for Zoe and she accepted his hand, filling her wad Evan. Connor gave them both a smile and they started walking. 

“Answer two questions, five signatures” Lily chided from behind them. 

“Mr. Murphy” a reporter called. 

Connor nodded to the others and they walked over to the side. 

“Mr. Murphy, who are your guests tonight” the reporter asked. 

“Tonight I have my sister Zoe with me” Connor said. “And my best friend from high school Evan.” 

Connor walked away and let Zoe pick out a younger girl to sign an autograph for. Connor signed the girls notebook and glanced at Evan. Connor could tell he was anxious and would gladly have left right then and there, but he hid it with a smile. Another reporter was yelling slightly louder than the others so he walked over to her. 

“Connor, when is the last time you had a drink” the reporter questioned. 

“48 hours ago” Connor answered. “I’m done drinking. And sleeping around for that matter. I’m a new man.” 

Connor kept walking with Zoe and Evan and let his husband pick out the last two people to autograph for. They finished the walk and made it inside. Lily was right behind them. 

“Remember, photographers and reporters are hidden everywhere” Lily whispered. “Don’t mess up. Evan, come with me honey.” 

Evan let Lily take him away and Connor took Zoe’s arm. They started walking around and smiling at people who waved to them. 

“This is terrifying” Zoe whispered through her smile. 

“I know” Connor chuckled. 

“Connor” Lily’s voice hummed, approaching with Evan again. “You’re up in five minutes. You have your name and speech ready?” 

“Sure do” Connor lied. 

Lily pulled them all over to the painting. Connor knew what it was instantly, alternate reality or not. 

“That’s the...” Evan couldn’t finish his sentence. 

“The tree I tried to kill myself at” Connor whispered. “Our tree.” 

“What” Zoe gasped. “I...I thought you were better.” 

“Can’t get better without help” Connor sighed. “I just...I know if I just go to the doctor and try to get therapy and proper treatment everything will go to shit. And people wondered why I would drink.” 

“I’ll get on it” Lily assured. “I’ll keep it privet. Can’t believe I didn’t see it. I’m so sorry Connor. My daughter would chew my ass about this.” 

“You have a kid” Zoe blanked. 

“Yeah” Lily nodded. “A daughter, she’ll be graduating this spring. Jenna, that’s her name. Jenna Rolan.” 

“Alright” a mans voice boomed. “Our next piece to talk about is from Connor Murphy. Per usual, he hadn’t announced the name of the piece, and he will tonight. Connor, come on up.” 

Connor dropped Zoe’s arm and shook hands with the guy who had announced him. Connor had no clue who he was. He was handed the microphone and left to himself. 

“Okay” Connor chuckled. “This piece means a lot to me. It says more about my life than I would ever let known. It’s my happiest days, my darkest hours. This forest is an actual place I used to go to all the time, and it represents so much that I’ve gone through.” 

“And the name” a voice called. 

“Life Through a Window” Connor stated. 

Connor handed the microphone back and walked back over to his group. 

“Is it appropriate to leave now” Connor asked. 

“Yeah” Lily nodded. “I’ll show you out.” 

Lily lead the three teens out through a side door and they got into the limo. They pulled out and they all visibly relaxed. 

“We did it” Zoe sighed, slouching in her seat. “Let’s party.” 

“I’d rather sleep” Evan mumbled. 

Connor nodded and nudged Zoe with his foot. His sister looked up and smiled at him. She looked visibly tired, but they were all content. When they pulled up to the apartment building the three teens stumbled through the door and up to the apartment. 

“Night Zozo” Connor sang, watching her kick off the heels she was wearing. 

“Night” Zoe yawned, walking into the spare bedroom. 

Connor walked into his bedroom with Evan and they both changed quickly before slumping into bed. Connor held Evan close and pressed kisses into his hair until they were both asleep.