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The Rhetoric Of Love.

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                “I must warn you before you go in.” Davina stopped in front of the door to Uta’s hospital room. “The boy looks dead…I’m not exaggerating, at the very least he looks terminally ill.” Hide and Yutaka had flown in to the small Maastricht airport in Davina’s jet, which had met them at Schiphol Airport in Amsterdam.

                Hide picked up Yutaka’s hand, “It’s okay…” kissing his husband on the cheek. Davina went in first, as was the norm, Sakurai was sitting next to the bed. Upon seeing Hide and Yutaka, the man rose…walked towards his friends and hugged them both. “I’m so glad to see you…you have no idea.” Sakurai said softly.

                Yutaka went to Uta’s bedside, “Oh honey…” he whimpered. Hide was by his side, holding the man up. “Uta-kun…Tousan and Kaasan are here…Rima and Zepp miss you! You need to get well and come home.” Yutaka said gently.

                “I think this may help Uta, these are his parents.” Sakurai said quietly to Davina as they watched the two men speak with Uta. “They’re very special people, I’m so very glad I’m able to count them as friends.”  Hide and Yutaka kissed Uta on the forehead, then went into the hallway.

                “You both look like hell. Go home, Hide and I will sit with Uta.” Yutaka announced. “Please…let Hide and I help, we will start to cover shifts, you’re going to collapse if you don’t eat better and get some sleep. Go home, send Yoji in a few hours, then we’ll come to your flat and get settled in, ne?” Yutaka hugged Davina tightly, “Our boy will be fine…I’m sure of it.” he whispered in the woman’s ear.

                Watching Davina and Sakurai walk down the hallway, Yutaka dragged Hide back into Uta’s room. “You and I will pull night duty, alternate…I want one of us with him at all times…even if the others are here as well. We need to talk to him…it’s supposed to help.” Hide wore a cheeky grin as his husband gave him instructions.

                “Yes, dear.” Hide teased. “I understand…he needs to hear our voices, I’m sure it will help when they bring him out of the coma.”


                “Davina dear…?” Yutaka called to the woman. “Hmm?” Yutaka came into the living room, carrying Saki…the cat had taken to the older man almost as a substitute for Uta. “I have an idea that I want to run by you.” Davina went into the kitchen, coming back with two fresh cups of coffee.

                “What do you think about letting Mao talk to Uta…both Mao and Kyo?” Yutaka asked. “You mean on the phone, not in flying them both here…I think that’s a wonderful idea, maybe Uta will respond somehow.” Yutaka got up and gave Davina a smooch on the cheek. “Thank you. Mao has had a rough go of things, he’s suffering from clinical depression, Kyo told us. I think letting him speak to Uta would do wonders for him, and for Uta.”

                Setting up for the call, Davina and the others went back to the hospital, praying for something positive to happen. Kyo and Mao were ready on their side, waiting for Davina to call.

                “Hello Kyo…is Mao ready?” Davina asked.

                “He’s been ready since midnight…he’s driving me crazy!” Kyo chuckled, Davina hearing Mao in the background, smacking Kyo in the back of the head. “Okay, let’s do this. Mao? Are you ready?”

                “Yes ma’am.” Mao’s voice trembled with a mix of emotions.

                “Okay, I’m putting the phone to his ear now.” Davina sat on the side of the bed, placing the phone next to Uta’s ear.

                “Uta? Hey…it’s Mao…buddy you need to come home! I have no one to throw lemons at, Aki and Tora are driving me crazy as well. The HBG isn’t the same without you. Koichi and Tomo are just too quiet to have any fun…and Taka, well you know how he is when he’s in Manager-san mode. There’s going to be a DCR party soon, I don’t want to work it alone! I bet Luna and Saki are huge now! I’m going to make Kyo get me two Siamese kittens for Christmas…then we can have playdates. Okay…Kyo wants to talk now.”

                While Mao was talking to Uta, the blood pressure monitor started to fluctuate, his heart monitor showed Uta’s heart rate increasing.

                “Uta…baby…listen to me. I love you, Uta. I will always love you, you’re the second most, but totally equal, important person in my life. Mao loves you, Koichi and Taka…everyone misses you so much. Ojisan says he wants to have a party when you get home, he said he’d even get rid of the beer limit, then you know it’s going to be a hell of a party. Come home soon, bring Luna and Saki…maybe I can get out of getting Mao two kittens if he has yours to play with. We love you Uta.”

                “Kyo…tell Mao that Uta’s heart rate and pulse both went up quite a bit. Maybe when they start bringing him out of the coma, we could do this again. Tell Mao that we love him, we love you too…ja ne.”  Davina closed the phone.

                Bending down, Davina whispers in Uta’s ear. “I’m sure you’re happy to speak to Mao and Kyo…they’re very worried about you, we all are. You need to get well soon, Josez has no one to go to the Basilica with…and Marcel wants to make you Frites. Just a few more days, my love. Then we can start planning our life again.” Davina kissed Uta’s cheek.



                “Are you really going to leave the band? Seriously…over the Pon thing?” Uruha was in the practice room tuning his guitar. “I’m not going to discuss this with any of you. I’m going to practice then go home.” Aoi snapped. “Okay…that’s cool. That pretty much says everything to me.” Uruha shook his head, turning his back on Aoi.

                In the next thirty minutes, the other members of the Gazette showed up, Ruki being the last…as was the norm these days, he was much too involved with Tomo to get to practice on time. “Ru…really? We were supposed to start fifteen minutes ago.” Kai scolded the vocalist. “Sorry…” Ruki mumbled. He didn’t want to be there, he didn’t want to have to interact with Aoi…none of them did.

                “I just spoke to manager-san, we have some lives coming up, just small venues like Citta and the Zepps’s. One for the fan club, the others just small lives to keep us sharp. None of these will be overnight stays, so no worries about sharing rooms.”

                Nobody looked at Aoi, but they were all thinking the same thing; relieved that none of them would have to room with him at a hotel.  “Any questions comments or concerns? Good, let’s start then.” Kai went to his drum kit and practice began.

                “Anyone want to go for a beer?” Uruha asked as they finished up the last of the rehearsal. “Only if you’re buying!” Reita laughed. “Um, I’ll buy you one, Rei… that’s it!” Uruha whined. “Hmm, Yukke’s at his brother’s house with Pon, so I’m in!” Kai raised his hand.  They looked over at Ruki. “Fine, I’m in too…but I’m not getting all shit faced drunk! Tomo would kill me.” They turned to look at Aoi, “You coming?” Uruha took a chance. “No.” Aoi grabbed his bag and walked out.

                “Not that we wanted him to come anyways…but didn’t hurt to ask.” Reita noted.  They all walked down to a local pub they frequented near the studio, talking about random things, finally sitting down with a beer.  

                “I’ll drag the dead horse in… what are we doing about Aoi? It sounds like he fully intends on quitting the band after his contract is up. What are we going to do about it?” Reita felt like he was partially responsible for the problem with Aoi.

                “I honestly don’t care. If he wants to quit, fine…let him. I can think of a dozen other guitar players that would die to play for us. If we’re touring, we have guest guitarists. Simple as pie.” Ruki chuckled.

                “I’m with Ru…I don’t’ care if he stays or not. He showed his true personality that day…he’s not a good fit for our band anymore, cut him loose.” Uruha added.

                “Rei? What do you think?” Kai asked. “If he continues to act like this, the fans are going to notice…he won’t do any sort of fan service, I know he won’t play with Uru, he’ll ignore me and you both. I’m undecided, I wish he’d just pull his head out of his ass.”  Three beers later, the band broke up the party and went their separate ways, each member thinking about what was said in the conversation devoted to figuring out Aoi’s next move.


                Reita loved his new flat…it was spacious, newly remodeled and cheap. He had heard the reasons behind the rent being so low, Davina wanting to help out young people who may be struggling. The furnishings were new, the bed was a queen size western style, which Reita loved.

                He saw Hiroto and Die often, sometimes just sitting together outside on their porches, drinking beer and talking. Reita really wanted to talk about Ayato, but it was pointless even to think of the man. By now, Ayato had to be somewhere in Japan, living a quiet life…working who knows where. Anytime Reita was out, he scanned the crowds, hoping to spot the young man, but he knew better. Ayato had made it clear that he was going to disappear once he got back to Japan and he that didn’t want to be with Reita.


                Across the city from Reita, Ayato lived a life of just existing, nothing else. He enjoyed his job and had all but stopped looking for Reita every time a customer came in. He had gone to some small lives with Yuki, met some new people that asked him out, he always kindly refused. “Why don’t you go out on a date…you might meet someone really nice.” Yuki often asked. “Nah, just not into it right now…just doesn’t feel right for me. I’m okay…it’s cool.” Was Ayato’s go to explanation.

                It had been one of those weeks…just shitty enough that Ayato wished he was back in LA, dancing. One thing after another went wrong; The gate to the store wouldn’t open…they were late by an hour. The computerized register had crapped out. The kicker was once they had opened, a group of teenagers grabbed armfuls of stuff out of the bin in front of the store and took off.

                The monetary loss from the theft wasn’t much, but it was more the principle of it.  The manager was left in an angry mood, yelling at Ayato over something very small. The man came back later and apologized to Ayato, who knew that the man didn’t really mean it…it was just one of those shitty days.

                The day hadn’t gone well, leaving Ayato with a desire to drown out his sorrows in a six pack of beer. He wasn’t much of a drinker, so a six pack would suffice. Coming up the stairs to his flat, he saw that Yuki was home, in the kitchen making something in the wok.

                “Want a beer?” Ayato asked casually. “Sure…what’s up? You look beat.” Yuki took the beer from Ayato, who then explained his day. “Damn. shitty day for sure. Want some dinner?”  Ayato smiled. “Sure…that sounds fantastic.”

                “Okay, so I know someone, who knows someone else…and they know the guys brother… if you follow me?” Yuki was leaning over his plate. “Anyways, would you be interested in going to see the Gazette in like two weeks, the tickets are dirt cheap.”

                 The moment Yuki said Gazette Ayato’s heart stopped. “Um…” he stuttered. “Oh…you don’t like the Gazette? That’s cool…I just thou…”

                “No! I like the Gazette…I just had to think about work and stuff. I’m sure I can get it off…I’ve never asked before.” Ayato almost said something about Reita…catching himself quickly.

                Reita.  What if…? Maybe he would…” Don’t get my hopes up. He probably has already forgotten you, he’s important here, he means something to a lot of people. He has millions of fans. I’m just a stripper that he had a one-night stand with, and crashed on my couch.

                “Having second thoughts? Or should I go ahead and grab the tickets?” Yuki brought Ayato back to the present. “Sorry, heh… yah, go ahead…I’ll pay for mine obviously, but it sounds like fun.”

                “Have you ever seen the Gazette live?” Ayato asked. He was going to have to watch some of their videos, he knew who they were, but wasn’t totally familiar with their music.

                “No, I’ve been a fan for awhile. Sometimes the shows seem to be all women in the audience… fan girls. I like the second guitar player, Aoi. Uruha’s good too, but there’s something about Aoi that just gets me.” Yuki scaled back his comment.

                They talked more about the band and the songs…how many guys may be there, “Not many I bet. The venue only holds 1500, I bet most will be girls. You have to watch out for them, they get rough during the show.” Yuki advised. “I’m sure nobody will even notice me.” Ayato laughed. Yuki thought that was an offhand comment, but didn’t push for an explanation.


                The train ride to the venue was nerve wracking for Ayato, he tried to cover it up with jokes about the fan girls and how far would they go to have sex or just hang out with one of the members of Gazette. “I think that the majority of them would want to sleep with Ruki, but I think the least liked member would be Reita…the whole noseband thing.” If he only knew…Ayato thought to himself.

                “I dunno, Kai’s pretty damned cute with those dimples, Uruha’s legs are damned sexy as well. Toss up though.” Ayato countered.

                “If you had a choice…who would it be?” Yuki snickered. Ayato’s heart jumped into his throat… careful of what you say. “Hmm, probably Kai, he seems the nicest…Ruki can snarl like nobody…he’s intimidating.” Nice save.

                Walking into the venue, Ayato was surprised with the seating, 4th row on the left side of the stage, in front of Aoi. “Wow, these are um, close!” he said to Yuki. “I think the first three rows are for fan club members.” Yuki pointed out. “Do you want to buy a t-shirt or anything?”

                “Nah, I’ve never been one for band shirts…go ahead, I’ll wait here.” Ayato waved Yuki off. Breathe, just breathe, he won’t even see you…the lights will be out. Even if he sees me, he won’t do anything…there’s no point. Just enjoy the show.

                Yuki had just gotten into his seat when the house lights went down and the fangirls started to scream. Yuki was bouncing excitedly on the balls of his feet, Ayato had his arms wrapped around himself tightly.

                One by one the members came out on stage to wild cheers, Kai throwing a pair of drumsticks in the crowd. Uruha was next, wearing the strappy pants that showed off his thighs. Aoi was next…with a rather dull expression on his face, not smiling. Something was off, Ayato could see it right away.

                Reita. Akira. The young man’s heart stopped, a rushing sound in his ears, all he could see is Akira. Ayato watched him as he moved around the stage, getting his bass handed to him, taking his stance next to the drum kit.

                Ruki comes strutting out to center stage, starting his MC. Ayato wasn’t listening, wasn’t watching, all he could do is stare at Reita.

                The music starts, and for the next two hours, Ayato didn’t move, he just stared, willing Reita to look at him, but the bass player was all over the stage throughout the performance, moving between Ruki and Uruha, trying to play near Aoi who was flatly ignoring his bandmates. Fans noticed, calling out Aoi’s name, he ignored everything, just looked straight out and played, no emotions showing on his face.

                The first encore ramped up for the finale, a change of clothes and a rush to the end. There were three songs left on the set list according to Yuki, “They always play these three last.” He yelled into Ayato’s ear. He was glad he had come to see Gazette, see Reita…not Akira, being reunited with his band. He could sense that there was some obvious tension from Aoi, Ayato could only guess why.

                “OH GOD I LOVE THIS SONG!” Yuki shouted as the band started Inside Beast. Watching Reita play, Ayato smiled…he really was a rock star. Just as the song ended, it happened. Reita looked straight at Ayato…and the boy knew Reita had seen him.

                Reita’s mouth hung open, he started to walk towards the front of the stage, the fangirls screaming his name and holding their arms out. Ayato smiled sadly, a tiny nod to Reita. The band started the last song, Ruder… a song that Reita had a significant part in.

                As the song ramped up for Reita’s bass, he stepped to the front of the stage and stared directly at Ayato, he was playing for the boy. Reita mouthed something, Ayato thought it looked like “I love you”, but he blew it off as Reita saying it to the crowd and not him. Yuki nudged Ayato, “He’s sort of hot…even with the noseband” he yelled in Ayato’s ear, his roommate shrugging.

                After throwing out swag, trying hard not to look at Ayato, once off the stage, Reita tried to get through the dressing room, to run out to the seating area, but was thwarted by managers, well wishers and Kai, who was ready to choke Aoi.

                “You’re an asshole Aoi, why don’t you just cut your losses and quit. If you’re going to continue to act like that on stage when we perform, I’d rather you didn’t play with us. Even the crowd noticed.” Kai tore into his guitarist.

                “Fine with me, I quit.” Aoi said to Kai and walked out of the room. “OI! AOI! WAIT!” Reita ran after the guitarist. “Really? You’re going to quit? Why don’t you just fucking talk to us and we can straighten everything out? Seriously… why are you quitting?”

                “Because you guys don’t have my back anymore. You chose backing up Pon, instead of me. You’d rather kiss that little shit’s ass, then work with me. So, fine…I’m done. Go kiss Pon’s ass some more.” Aoi turned and walked away.

                Reita went back to the dressing room, “He’s gone…I don’t think he’ll come back either.” He shook his head, “He said it’s because we chose Pon over him, he wouldn’t admit that he was guilty of harassing Pon…” Reita sat down on the couch, his best friend…ex-best friend and ex-lover just quit the band.

                “SHIT!” Reita jumped from the couch and tore out of the room, zigzagging through the corridors, trying to get into the main room of the venue. ‘MOVE!” He screamed at some crew members.

                “Where…?” running out into the venue…it was already empty, cleaning people moving through the aisles. Reita ran up the center aisle, out into the lobby… “FUCK!” The lobby was empty of fans. “Why didn’t you stay? Where are you?” Reita whined.

                “You okay?” Uruha had watched as Reita had run out of the backstage area. “Yah, I just thought I saw someone I haven’t seen in awhile, guess I was wrong.” Reita’s shoulder’s slumped. “Let’s go, I need to clean up.” Reita turned to walk back.


                “What’d you think? Great show, right?” Yuki was going through his bag of band merch. “Yah, they’re great…really liked that one song… super fast… Ruder?” Ayato tried to play it off…that no, he didn’t notice Reita looking at him.

                Walking into their flat, Ayato wanted nothing more than to sleep and not talk about the concert. “I’m beat…and I have to open. I’ll see you in the morning. Thanks for this, Yuki. I had a great time, I really appreciate it.” Ayato hugged his roommate then went to bed. Changing into sleep pants, he laid in his bed, staring at the ceiling, going over what had happened. The iffy, I love you, that Reita mouthed…that was for the fans, not him. “It was nice to see him smiling and happy. Hope everything is okay.” Was the last thing Ayato murmured into the night.


                Reita methodically went through his post-live routine. Showering, dressing, checking with the crew to make sure his basses were cleaned. He grabbed a ride back to his flat with Uruha, who could sense something was wrong, but due to all the shit with Aoi, the man didn’t want to intrude on Reita’s problems. “See you Sunday.” He said as Reita got out of his car, waving as he walked away.

                He was there…he watched me play…why didn’t I see him sooner? Was he always right there, all night? How the hell do I find him now?  Where does he live? Dammit! Did he see what I said? Wait…I told him I loved him…do I? “Yah, stupid. You do love him…idiot.” He laughed at himself. Now came the hard part, trying to find Ayato in a city the size of Tokyo would be no small challenge. He looked good, healthy…he looked soo good…damn.  “Doesn’t help to worry about it now, Aki ole boy…you’re going to have to work to find him.” Reita turned over and closed his eyes, hoping for dreams of Ayato.

                The doctors had started slowly…taking over two days to wake Uta from his induced coma, in theory to catch any brain activity quick enough to stop and put the boy under again. The first day had been harrowing for Davina and her friends. She sat on the opposite side of the bed, watching as the doctors put the first reversal medication into Uta’s IV lines. “You probably won’t notice anything yet…maybe a little more movement, a sound or two. But it’s not like he’s going to sit up and ask for pancakes.” The doctor joked.

                Three hours later, another injection into the IV lines, there had been no change in Uta’s condition from the first injection. This time he moaned slightly, wiggled in his sleep. Davina would not leave his side, even after a brutal attack by Yutaka, scolding the woman thoroughly for not eating enough or taking any naps. “You’re going to make yourself ill!”

                At the behest of Yoji, Marcel had brought dinner to the group, with beers. He also bought some vla and coffee for dessert. “Call me when he wakes, Davina.” Kissing the woman on the forehead, Marcel and his sons went back to the pub.

                The second day was worrisome, with every injection, the anxiety went up. Sakurai had taken to sitting next to Davina, holding her hand, the others gathered in chairs at the foot of the bed. “His color is better, ne?” Hide said softly to Davina. “His cheeks are a little rosier.” Davina nodded, never taking her eyes off of Uta.

                The last injection came at 9pm, “This is the last one. Uta should wake up on his own sometime in the next twelve hours. We will be increasing his fluids in order to flush out the medication. The nurses will be in every fifteen minutes, and if something happens, you know which button to push. I will be in at 5am to check on him.”

                Uta was restless, moving more and crying some, it was a discomforting sense for the group, they wanted Uta to wake, but he seemed to be in pain. “He’s fine, my love. He’s battling up from deep medication, he may be a little uncomfortable.” Yoji had traded seats with Sakurai, giving the man a break to walk the hallways and stretch his legs.

                “How are you holding up? I know it’s stressful.” Hide walked up behind Sakurai, patting his friend on the shoulder. “I’m scared, Hide. What if he askes for me again? What do I say? Davina will be devastated…” Sakurai’s brow had been creased with furrows for weeks, aging the man considerably. “Sit down, Acchan.”

                “Whatever happens, be it his going back to remembering everything, to remembering nothing, is not the end of the world. The doctors all said that his memory loss would be temporary. That is what you and Davina have to hold on to. We will all work around it. The most important thing is to keep Uta healthy and happy, Davina will agree, she will hold no animosity towards you.” Hide got up, “Let’s go back in.”


                Davina’s smile lit up the room, Uta had his eyes open and was looking at the woman. “Uta…” Sakurai gasped, moving quickly to the boy’s beside. “Acchan? Where am I?” Yutaka whispered in Sakurai’s ear, “We’ve called the doctor, he should be here in a few minutes. “Baby, you got sick…so we had to bring you to the hospital. Just rest right now, the doctor will be here in a minute.” Sakurai cooed.

                Uta was looking around the room at each person, with a look of confidence, or in Davina and Yoji’s case, confusion. “Mistress Davina?” Davina reached over and caressed Uta’s cheek. “Yes, my dear…I’ve been waiting for you to wake up.” Uta looked puzzled, “Why are you here?”

                “She was with you when you fell ill, Uta-kun. She’s been very worried about you.” Yutaka stepped up to the bed. “Yutaka…is Hide?” Uta looked past the man, “I’m here too Uta, no worries.”


                The group waited outside of Uta’s room, while the doctor examined him. “Uta’s memory loss is most likely temporary, but there is no date for when it will recover. I would expect within a few days, but I have seen cases like these where it’s been months to years.”

                Davina buried her face into Yoji’s chest, the thought of Uta not remembering her or Teiji was too much to handle at that moment. Yoji took Davina and led her to the church chapel. “What do I do, Yoji? What if he never remembers me…or Teiji? Do I just let him go and forget him?”

                “No, you would never be able to do that. You forge a new friendship, one that doesn’t have the memories you’d like him to have, but creating new ones in place of them. Remember my love, we must do what’s best for Uta, and not think of ourselves.” Davina nodded. Yoji gave her a tissue to wipe her eyes. “Let’s go see Uta.”

                Sakurai was standing outside the room, waiting for Davina. “We need to talk.” He said, holding out his hand to the woman. “I’m going to leave tomorrow. He needs to be with you, it does him no good for me to be here.” Sakurai announced. “I’m in the way.”

                “Ask the doctors for advice before you go running off, Acchan. Do that first.” Yoji cautioned the man. Yoji went in to get the doctor. “We need some input,”

                “Sakurai would like to leave, he feels that he’s in the way.” Yoji put it bluntly. Before the doctor answered, Hide and Yutaka came out into the hallway.

                “If Sakurai can not stay here, Uta should go home with him. Separating the two could lead to stress and possible seizures.” The doctor was concerned, he knew the dynamic of the group was complicated.

                “I don’t want this! Its’ wrong, he doesn’t really love me!” Sakurai protested.

                “What if he comes to live with us? Tell him your house is being renovated and he needs to stay with us.” Yutaka offered.

                “If that is the case, I will return to the manor, I will not be separated by thousands of miles. When his memory comes back, we can resume our life.” Davina asserted.

                “Davina can visit when ever she likes, we’ll give her a key, we can keep Saki and Luna with us, the dogs will just have to learn to live with them.” Hide added.


                They stayed up well into the early morning hours creating a working plan on how to deal with Uta’s memory loss. Davina had contacted someone in Japan and ordered the manor to be opened, cleaned and stocked. Yutaka had called Toll’s wife, and asked to keep the dogs for a few more days so they could let Luna and Saki get a feel for there house, and would she please make sure there was available cat food and a litter box ready.

                The day Uta was released was bitter sweet. Davina took him back to her flat, which he didn’t recognize, and had to come up with a story about why there were in the Netherlands. “We were on vacation, and you fell ill. I knew Davina had a house here, so I called her. She was gracious enough to let us stay here.” Sakurai was having to learn to think quickly, to come up with plausible stories.

                The day the group left was difficult. Marcel and Josez understood that Uta did not recognize them, but he was sweet and accepted their hugs. Having to see Boh at the airport was also hard, the man telling Uta that he hoped he recovered soon.

                “This is fancy! You have your own jet Mistress?” Uta marveled at the small plane, “Yes, it makes things easier when I travel.” Davina made sure Boh had told the flight crew what they were dealing with, so there were no missteps in conversation.


                Arriving at Narita, Davina and Yoji lingered for a moment, hugging Uta and telling him that they would see him soon. Davina did not turn around as they walked away.

                “You’re staying at Yutaka and Hide’s, our house is being remodeled, the bedrooms are torn up, there is no place for you to sleep.” Sakurai told Uta. “So, we’re living there for now?” Uta assumed that Sakurai meant both of them. “Um… well yes.” Sakurai answered, he looked at Hide and shook his head.

Once inside the house, Luna and Saki were shown their litter box, given a meal and left to explore. Sakurai and Uta went into Uta’s old room and readied themselves for bed.

                Once tucked into the futon, Uta snuggled against Sakurai, the man carefully sliding his arm around the boy. “Why haven’t you kissed me yet?” Uta whispered. “Um, well there were always so many people around.” Shit. What do I do? “Okay, but now we’re alone, and I want to be kissed, properly.” Uta purred. Oh god, I’m going to die, this can’t be…it isn’t real.

                The kiss that they shared was both wonderful and sorrowful, Sakurai would now be living in a type of combined Heaven and Hell, and he was not sure if he would survive.