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and i can sit here forever

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The first time it happened, it was because of a prank that was pulled by Zach and Ryan.

Adam, Andrew and Steven had just gone back from having lunch with a few of their friends to discuss their trip to Korea next week. When he went back to his desk, his chair was gone. He heard Zach snickering behind him, and he knew this is a payback for what he did last month, so he just sighed.

Steven was going to find his chair when Andrew asked him, “Where are you going?” He turned around to find Andrew looking at him curiously. He only pointed at his desk as an answer. But Andrew seemed to get it because he nodded. Steven was about to find his chair again when Andrew spoke again.

“Do you want me to help you?” Andrew asked. Steven wanted to say yes, but he didn’t want to bother Andrew so Steven shook his head no. But apparently Andrew insisted, so they wandered around Buzzfeed office trying to find Steven’s chair. They found nothing.

“I think I’m just going to work at one of the couches until either Ryan or Zach tell me where my chair is,” Steven said to Andrew when they went back to their desk. Truthfully, he doesn’t really like the couches. The couches are comfortable, but it’s too open for people too see, and he just really likes his desk.

“You can use my chair if you want. I have nothing to do anyway,” Andrew offered because he knew that Steven doesn’t like working on the couches. Steven just shook his head no while gathering the things he needed. “Or you can sit on my lap. I’ve been told by people that my lap is comfortable.”

Steven starred at him, mouth gaping. Andrew didn’t blame him. Not everyday someone asked you to sit on their lap, not at the work place at least. Andrew was about to brush it off as a joke when Steven seemed to get his senses back.

“Are you sure?” He asked. Andrew nodded. Of course Andrew is sure, it’s not everyday you get Steven Lim agree to sit on your lap. And Andrew is sure this would be the only time he get Steven to sit on his lap.

So there he was, sitting on his chair, with Steven on his lap. He lowered his chair so Steven can reach the desk comfortably. One of his hand is resting on Steven’s waist, the other one is busy fiddling around with his phone. He put his cheek on Steven’s shoulder, peeking through the other’s shoulder constantly.

He doesn’t like that people kept taking photos of them, doesn’t like the teasing that Adam gave him. But if he likes the pink tint on Steven’s cheek and the soft smile that’s always on Steven’s face everytime Andrew peeked over his shoulder, well, no one needs to know.

*****

The second time it happened, it was because there was no place for Steven to sit down.

They were at Buzzfeed christmas party. The place wasn’t that packed, but it was packed enough that there was no chair for Steven to sit down. He had been talking with Quinta and Ryan for a while now, and he really wanted to sit down.

He was about to sit outside when he heard Andrew call his name. Steven smiled at him and went to Andrew instead. They haven’t talked to each other all night, which is weird because they’ve gotten closer since that one time Steven sat on Andrew’s lap.

“Hey Andrew,” he said to Andrew. Steven also greeted a few other people who was close to him. Andrew was seated in a bean bag chair and he looked comfortable. Andrew smiled at him.

“Where were you going?” Andrew asked.

“I was about to sit outside, I feel like my legs will give out any minute if I don’t sit anytime soon,” Steven explained. His legs did feel like falling off, he had been standing since he first came to the party and now the party has died down a little. Andrew looked thoughtful for a second before he patted his lap.

“Why don’t you sit on my lap?” he said and Steven is confused. “It’s not like you’ve never sit on my lap before,” Andrew continue. He’s not wrong, and it’s not like people hasn’t seen Steven sit on Andrew’s lap, considering the first time he did it was at the office. So Steven nodded his head.

Andrew put his hands on Steven’s waist and his chin on Steven’s shoulder. When Steven turned his head to say thank you, he was not ready for Andrew’s face to be so close to his. He just smiled and muttered a small ‘thanks’ before turning his head to the conversation again.

He felt Andrew’s hand squeezed his waist while he whispered a ‘no problem’ to Steven. He felt a small smile creeping on his face and his cheek getting warmer. Steven tried to listen to the conversation in front of him, but it was hard because he can feel Andrew’s finger rubbing a small circle on his waist every now and then.

His feelings are starting to be out of control. Steven knows he had to tell Andrew about this sooner or later, whether he likes it or not, just so they can find a solution about his feelings, and that their show can continue without any problem.

Steven doesn’t like this, he doesn’t like this at all. So he buries his feelings deep and went back to the conversation when someone asked his opinion about and idea for a video.

*****

Steven woke up this morning and his legs hurt like hell. He tried to remember what he did in the past week to make his legs hurt, but he didn’t recall anything. So he went to work with his legs feeling like hell.

He tried not to stand up too much, preventing him to hurt his legs more. But there was only so much sitting down a person can take. He was going to get water when it happened again.

Steven walked towards one of the couches because he saw Andrew sitting on it. Which is a bad idea because he didn’t even think he could make it getting water, let alone stopping to greet Andrew on the way. But he did it anyway, because he’s stupid like that sometimes.

He was close enough to Andrew when his legs gave out. Andrew, who was holding his phone, threw his phone to his side in order to catch Steven. He fell face first to Andrew’s chest and suddenly there were arms around him. He was about to say sorry when he felt Andrew’s arm pulling him up, putting him in a seating position on Andrew’s lap. He moved his head so that it’s on Andrew’s shoulder rather than on his chest.

“Are you okay?” he heard Andrew asked. Is he okay? He’s in a good position right now because it’s Andrew’s lap, but his legs are not. He shook his head.

“My legs hurt. I woke up this morning and my legs are just hurting all over the place,” he explained. Steven felt Andrew’s hands moved from his waist to his thigh, rubbing circles there. He let out a sigh at the feeling of Andrew’s hand. It’s nice, taking his mind out of the pain on his legs.

“Were you going to get something?” Andrew asked again, and Steven remembered why he even got out of his seat in the first place.

“I was about to get water,” he answered. Steven felt Andrew moved one his hand from his thigh. He then felt Andrew nudged his head. Steven saw Andrew holding up a water bottle, he assumed it’s Andrew’s.

“Drink this, I’ll get more later. I don’t take no as an answer,” Steven just nodded because Andrew didn’t take no as an answer apparently. He drank the water and smiled at Andrew.


“Can I stay here? I don’t think I can get up anytime soon—but you probably have work to do. Oh right you definitely have work to do. That’s fine, I can get up. I’m sorry I bother you, thanks for catching me earlier. I’ll get-”

“Steven,”

“Sorry,”

“You can stay here, I don’t mind. I’m just gonna open the emails from my phone,” Andrew said. Steven wanted to go back hiding his face on Andrew’s shoulder, but he wanted to make sure.

“Are you sure? I can get up I promise, I don’t want to bother you,”

“I did say you can stay here, right? That means you can stay. I don’t want you to hurt yourself more by just walking,”

This time, Steven did put his head back on Andrew’s shoulder again. Because it was comfortable, he said to himself, but really he just wanted to hide his pink cheeks.

Steven felt lips on his temple, it stays there for a while. He also felt a smile creeping at his face, and he thinks Andrew felt it because he felt a smile on his temple not long after that.

They stayed there for a long time. Steven fall asleep at some point, only to be woken up by Andrew because he really needed to pee.

Andrew drove Steven home later that day, leaving his car at the office. Andrew also stayed the night at Steven’s apartment, just so Steven didn’t need to do stuff and he can just lay down at his bed.

But if Steven woke up in the middle of the night, only to go to his couch so he can sleep with Andrew, no one needs to know that. And if Andrew woke up after Steven fell asleep again to rearrange their position so they can cuddle better, well no one needs to know that either. 

*****

“Andrew likes having you on his lap,”

“I’m sorry, what?” Steven was confused, because where did that come from? Annie and Steven were discussing about editing the game day episode when Annie just dropped the subject out of nowhere.

“Andrew likes having you on his lap,” she repeated.

“No, I heard that. But what do you mean?” because really, she can’t just drop stuff like that and expect Steven to understand.

“What do you think it means? It’s just Andrew likes it when you sit on his lap, that’s it. How many times in the past year you’ve sat on Andrew’s lap?” Annie explained.

Now that he thought about it, Steven had sat on Andrew’s lap more times than he would like to admit. He didn’t answer Annie though, because he didn’t want to. Didn’t want to think about his feelings or anything surrounding it, even if it means brushing off the potential that the feelings are mutual. 

_____

Steven was furiously texting his mom when it happened, again.

He saw Andrew sitting on one of the couches—why does Andrew always sit on the couches the world may never know—and Steven wanted to sit down next to him. Steven was too busy texting when he noticed, a second too late if he may add, that instead of sitting on the couch, he sat down on Andrew’s lap.

Steven felt a blush creeping on his cheeks, but Andrew just casually put his arms around Steven’s waist, just like he always did.

“I’m so sorry. I promise I didn’t mean to sit on you, I was about to sit next to you but I was busy texting my mom,” Steven tried to explain, but Andrew? Andrew just tightened his arms around Steven.

This made him think about what Annie said the other day. If Andrew didn’t like having Steven on his lap, he definitely would push Steven off. And Steven knows Andrew, if Andrew doesn’t like something, he’ll tell Steven. So maybe Andrew does like having Steven on his lap. But Steven reminded himself that liking to have someone on their lap doesn’t mean they have romantic feelings for you.

“It’s okay, really. It’s nice when someone sit on my lap, I like having people sit on my lap, reminding me that all of this are real and not just a dream,” Andrew said and Steven is gone. There was no way of to burry his feelings now and he just had to live with it.

“Why were you texting your mom so intensely?” Andrew changed the subject immediately and Steven was grateful for that.

So he explained to Andrew what was happening with his mom that made him so busy texting. And he definitely didn’t blush when Andrew put his chin on Steven’s shoulder so he could see the pictures that Steven’s mom sent him better, he absolutely did not blush. 

*****

Steven didn’t like this, at all.

Andrew already helped him pack all the things he needs in New York, so now they were just sitting on his couch. He tried to pay attention to what was happening on the television, but he couldn’t. He kept thinking that he was going to leave Andrew. They will meet again for sure, they still got season 5 to film after all. But he knew it was going to be different, he won’t see Andrew everyday like he used to.

New York is his dream, and he wants to live there. He loves the city, loves the atmosphere there, and he really wants to live there. It’s not like Andrew and Steven are in a relationship, so it shouldn’t be a big deal. But somehow, it is for Steven.

“Can I sit on your lap?” Steven found himself saying. He really didn’t know why, probably the factor that he’s leaving Andrew. He’s not that surprised when Andrew nod his head. But then again, Steven sitting on Andrew’s lap is never a surprise anymore either.

Steven moved his leg, placing his thighs on each side of Andrew’s thighs. His head is facing Andrew’s and he could count the eyelashes on Andrew’s face. Steven wanted to talk about his feelings, or about Andrew’s feelings, or just about them in general. But he couldn’t, didn’t want to ruin this last moment between them. So he stayed silent.

Andrew’s left hand is on Steven’s waist, and his right hand is on Steven’s hair. Steven didn’t mind this, didn’t care about the feelings he has for Andrew. He let himself enjoy the moment, because only God knows when Steven will sit on Andrew’s lap again.

Steven really wanted to close the gap between them, and he could if he wanted to. He knew Andrew wouldn’t push him away if he do it. But he couldn’t do it, not wanting to deal with what would happen if he do it, especially with him leaving. So he didn’t. Instead he kissed Andrew’s forehead, and his lips just stayed there for a long time. Which was a bad idea because he could feel the tears building up, and soon enough he was crying.

Andrew tried to calm him down, whispering that’s it’s okay and that they’ll see each other again soon in his ear. It managed to calm him down a little, but he still didn’t stop crying for a long time, so Andrew just told him a bunch of funny stories from the all the time he works at Buzzfeed, and it worked. Steven laughed a lot through his tears and he could take his mind off leaving Andrew and just enjoy the moment.


Steven left the next day with a kiss on the cheek from Andrew and a promise that they’ll see each other soon. 

*****

Andrew wasn’t ready to wake up yet, but he had to because they have an episode to film today.

He was in Steven’s apartment, in New York. They have a few place to film in New York and Steven offered the bedroom on his place. Andrew gladly took he offer after he made sure that the others don’t mind staying at the hotel.

Andrew came out of Steven’s guest bedroom and he immediately saw Steven on his new couch watching a show that he didn’t know. Steven smiled at him when he saw Andrew in the hallway.

He blamed it on his half-asleep brain when he went over to where Steven was seating and just dropped himself on Steven. He didn’t seem to mind though, immediately putting his hands around Andrew and just continue to watch the show. They stayed like that for awhile.

Andrew thought he might have fall asleep again at some point, not too long though, because when he turned his head, the same show was still playing. Andrew turned his head back to Steven to find him already staring at Andrew.

“I love you,” he heard himself saying that to Steven. Whenever he thought about saying it to Steven, he felt afraid, but after saying it, the only thing he felt was the weights on his chest are gone. And it was simple, because loving Steven Lim is always just simple like that.

Loving Steven wasn’t that big of a surprise. He knew it would come eventually. Steven managed to break his walls down, just like how loving Steven came slowly but surely. But he definitely was surprised when he saw Steven smiled at him.

“I love you, too,” so now it was Andrew’s turn to smile. No one said anything for awhile until Steven leaned forward and kissed him.

Kissing Steven feels amazing, Andrew thought to himself. It felt like coming home after a long and hard day of work. He could feel Steven smiling through the kiss, and it made him smile too.

Andrew rest his forehead on Steven’s, still smiling. Steven looked beautiful this close, and he likes that.

They still have lots of Worth It episodes to film, they’ll have a bunch of fights throughout their relationship, they need to figure out a way to make this long-distance relationship work.

But sitting on Steven’s lap, just playing with Steven’s hair while Steven went back to watch the show, Andrew thinks that all the stuff they have to go through will be worth it at the end.