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Don't Say Goodbye

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Alfred Jones used to have good dreams and a semi-good life.

‘Used to’ being the keyword. He used to have good dreams back when he was ten years old and it was just him and his mama on the small island of the Dominican Republic, even though they were so poor that they couldn’t cut Alfred’s hair because they couldn’t afford scissors or a knife. Even though they were so poor that all Alfred could only wear were his older cousin Maria’s old dresses, because hand-me-downs were cheaper than buying real clothing. He used to dream about being away from it all with his momma, living a good life somewhere in America with enough money to buy Alfred boy’s clothing and to cut his hair. He used to dream about finding his papa, who mama promised was a Frenchman with sweet words and a charming and attractive accent. He used to dream about finding his Uncle Antonio too, mama’s older brother who had been shipped off to Spain when they were very young and the last she heard was that he had been accepted into a good elementary school in America.

He had been an optimist, back before the hurricane that took his mother when he was 10. Back before his social worker, a nice woman whose name was Katyusha Braginski but he called her Ms. Braginski no matter how many times she asked for him to refer to her as something more familiar. He knows she wants to help. He knows and it makes him feel so, so bad, but Alfred doubts anything or anyone can help him anymore.

He rests his head against the glass of the car window, ignoring how it made the bruise on the side of his head hurt and ache. He pulled his pet rabbit, a small little thing he called Esperanza after his mother, closer to him. Esperanza should have been close to dying by now, since he had been given her by his mother on his tenth birthday just a week before the hurricane that took so many of his friends and family’s lives, but Alfred was fine if she lived longer than a rabbit should. She was the last connection to his mother. What would he do if she died?

He heards Ms. Braginski sigh; a tired and heavy sound that sounded as if it shouldn’t come from her but at the same time felt so right escaping her mouth. Alfred didn’t blame her. She was a young woman doing her best to find homes for so many kids--kids like Alfred, or better than him--while also trying to support her younger brother and sister, the former of whom was Alfred’s age and the latter of whom was four years Alfred’s junior.

“...You’ll like it here,” Alfred blinked, shaken out of his thoughts as he tuned back into what Ms. Braginski was saying. “They’re a nice family. Mr and Mr. Bonnefoy-Kirkland have just one son around your age, but he’s a nice boy…”

Alfred zoned back out again. If she was only going to talk about how wonderful his life would be with them, then he wouldn’t listen. She had done the same thing before dumping him on the Puddifoots, who had beaten him every time he dared to talk (he had talked too much anyway, they were just teaching him a lesson), or the Faulks, who had eyes better than a halk’s and punished him each time he got caught trying to steal food in his desperation from not being fed for a month (it’s fine, he had been too chunky anyway. It didn’t matter that he had never gotten enough food to eat back on the island). She had said the same type of thing before leaving him with Mr. Furmage, who had done terrible, terrible things to Alfred for so, so long and it always had hurt--

No.

He couldn’t think about that. Not right now. They had promised. They had promised that no other family would be like Mr. Furmage and that Mr. Furmage couldn’t hurt him anymore even though he had bailed his way out of prison because he was far, far away.

He hears Ms. Braginski sigh again as she realized he wasn’t listening. He doesn’t care. He already knows she’s given up on him after the failed therapy sessions. It’s better if they don’t talk; Alfred already knows she doesn’t want to anyway. He’s just another problem child that gets into more fights than he can win. It’s all written down on his case file, on his hospital information, and the information kept of him in the government. The bruises that don’t fade quick enough. The scars that last for a lifetime, scattered on his back and his stomach and his arms and his legs and his neck and his chest. The broken bones that he had gotten in one way or another. The way he couldn’t sleep anymore and woke up screaming and crying when he did. His overgrown hair, tangled in a mess of long, silky waves that turned straight and semi-neat once it was brushed that was too long for a boy to have and too long for him to like, but it reminded him of his mama’s dark chestnut hair and the way it tickled his arms and engulfed him in warmth.

He couldn’t bare to lose something else that reminded him of his mama.

They’re going somewhere further than Alfred had ever been. He used to be living in New York, a too-traumatized boy with big dreams that had been shattered and left behind more shell than boy from years of punishments and taunting. He had never really travelled outside of there much, except for that one time when Ms. Braginski dropped him off at a group home in Connecticut for a little while when she was desperate to find him a warm place to sleep that month. But no matter how poisoned New York was, how much it had broken him and left behind a scarred, weak, battered, and bruised person that couldn’t be called his mother’s pequeno heroe or his cousin Maria’s bendicion favorito anymore. Despite it all, Alfred couldn’t help but think of New York as home. It was as battered and bruised and broken as he was, after all.

“Please try to behave, Alfred,” Ms. Braginski says as they pull up in front of a large mansion that Alfred can’t help but gawk at. “I’ve called in a lot of favors to get you here. You could have been stuck back in New York City, but I convinced them that you need a change of scenery. These people took you in on such short notice when nobody else would. So please, za lyubov do vs’oho svyatoho, behave!”

Alfred doesn’t listen to her, and they both know it. He’s too busy gawking at the huge house in front of them. Still, Alfred responds, “You shouldn’t’ve.” He doesn’t quite get the hang of English yet--he was better at Spanish, the official language of where he grew up, and French, the language that his mother had learned from his absent father when they were together. He had learned Italian and German and Mandarin from the books at the library at his mother’s insistence too. He had breezed through each language, the act of learning them surprisingly easy compared to how hard it was for him to read and write, but English grammar and sentences left him confused and stuck.

“Alfred, please!”

She sounds like a strange mixture between angry and exhausted and desperate. It’s a pathetic sound, so Alfred shuts his mouth and says, “I’ll behave.” A pause. “Maybe.”

He tries not to remember Mr. Furmage or how hunger had torn at his stomach for so long.

“That’s as good of a promise as I’ll get, I guess,” Ms. Barginski mutters. Then she continues louder. “But these ones are good people, I promise! One is from England and the other is from France, and their son is from Canada, so you can’t possibly feel out of place in America with them beside you. They’re living the kind of life that every American wants, anyway.”

Alfred holds in his snort of disbelief. He highly doubts that. The typical American pie life didn’t seem to be that great. There was always something else hiding behind those welcoming smiles and white picket fences.

He doesn’t say anything as Ms. Braginski leads him to the front door, with his backpack slung over his shoulder and Esperanza in his arms. It’s chilly when he steps out into the cool night air of the ending summer, since he’s only dressed in Maria’s old white gown with the red ribbon that’s covered with dirt and soot and blood and who knows what else. He didn’t want to wear it on for a first impression to meet the Bonnefoy-Kirklands, but Mr. Furmage had burned all of his other clothing and Alfred had barely managed to save this.

“Be polite,” Ms. Braginski reminds him quickly as she knocks on the door.

“Ser cortes,” Alfred mocks her underneath his breath, speaking the Spanish words quicker than the rumbling of thunder above him.

The door opened quickly, revealing a bushy-browed man with green eyes who was shorter than Alfred by at least six inches. He greets Ms. Braginski with a smile. “Katyusha,” he greets politely with a charming smile and british accent to his voice as the two of them exchange a quick hug. So that was how she had gotten him all the way out here, Alfred realizes. They’re friends. Great. “How are Ivan and Natalya? Last I heard they were at the top of their classes.”

Ms. Braginski beams proudly. “Ivan got an ‘A’ on his Word History assessment,” she says. “And Natalya is competing against another girl in a Spelling Bee. She’s been practicing all month for it. How is Matthew?”

The man nods, firm and polite. “Wonderful,” he says, though there’s a proud and mighty gleam in his eyes. “He could use more friends, but he’s such a smart lad….”

The two of them continued their conversation for another five minutes, seemingly forgetting all about Alfred, who stood there shivering and trying to keep the color on his face as the wind rushed past him and made his dress flutter uselessly. Finally, when he was sure that his legs and arms had turned to popsicles, he cleared his throat to get Ms. Braginski’s attention.

She sent him an apologizing look and stepped back so that the man got a better view of him. “This is Alfred Jones, the boy I was telling you about,” she introduces him. The man’s eyes lock onto Alfred, taking in his bare feet (he didn’t have any shoes, and he refused Ms. Braginski’s help. She didn’t mean it anyway, and what was help if it didn’t mean something) and his dirtied gown and tangled hair. Alfred wonders if he looked too much like a girl. That was why Maria had always loved dressing him up. As the man’s eyes meet Alfred’s, he’s suddenly struck with the realization that there is no judgement in those sharp, green eyes. Only pity. And damn, does Alfred hate it. “Alfred, this is Arthur Bonnefoy-Kirkland.”

“Hello Alfred,” Arthur greets him, stepping aside and motioning for the two of them to get out of the cold night air and into the warmth of the home. “We’re all very excited to have you in our home. It’s nice to meet you.”

“Hey,” Alfred mumbles back, keeping his eyes on his feet and avoiding Ms. Braginski’s stare. It burned holes in the side of his head, and he just knew that she wanted him to do something more friendly and politely. To spite her, he says nothing else.

Arthur must have been expecting something more, but does nothing at Alfred’s lack of greeting. Instead, he calls for another man.

From somewhere deep within the house, Alfred hears an impossibly high-pitched squeal and the sound of feet slapping against a wooden floor. It did not take long before words accompanied the sound.

“Il est la!” French words floated down to Alfred’s ears, making his eyes widen. It had been so long since he had heard the graceful flowing of French. “Je ne peux pas attendre pour le rencontrer enfin!”

From another doorway, a man that is slightly taller than Arthur but shorter than Alfred entered the room. His hair was tied back in a low ponytail, wavy blond tresses tied together with a pink ribbon. The beginning scruff of a beard decorated his chin and his eyes were as dark as the evening sky. He spotted Alfred and grinned.

“He is here!” Francis exclaimed, grinning wider as he walked towards Alfred and took his head in his hands. “I have been waiting so, so long for you--”

“We got the call a week ago!” Arthur snapped. Francis waved him off.

“So long,” he repeated, running a gentle hand through Alfred’s messy hair, detangling the knots and tangles. He brought Alfred’s head down to cradle it against his chest. “Mathieu will be so excited to have a brother. Mais tu es trop mince….”

He lets go of Alfred suddenly, unconcerned as the younger boy staggered back. Arthur rolled his eyes at his husband’s antics, although the look was more fond than it was annoyed. “Your room will be in the west wing with the rest of ours,” he explained. “Matthew’s room will be beside your’s, and mine and Francis’s will be across the hall if you need us.”

“...Matthew…?” Alfred questions. Arthur nods and smiles.

“Our son,” he explains. “We adopted him back when he was three years old. He’s from Canada.”

“Oh.”

“Suivre,” Francis chirps, motioning for Alfred to follow him down the hall and up a set of marvelous stairs. He turns down another hall and leads Alfred to a door. It was a plain door, practically nothing compared to the door beside it that read “Matthew” in small but noticeable cursive or the door across the hall that declared “Francis and Arthur” in an elegant scrawl. Francis opened the door, ushering Alfred inside. “This will be your room.”

Alfred can’t help but gape. The room was huge! Although the color scheme stuck to boring neutrals, Alfred had to agree that whoever styled it knew fashion. It was a perfect combination between elegant and cozy. The bed was bigger than any bed Alfred had ever slept on. A huge balcony was to the right of the bed, the glass doors propped open to allow the gentle breeze in. The curtains were a plain transparent white, but Alfred found himself memorized with how they fluttered in the breeze.

“This… This is all mine?” Damn. If this was how rich people lived, Alfred could definitely get used to it. He had only ever slept on the hard, rough mattresses of bunk beds in group homes or the one big bed that felt like a wooden plank the he had to share with his momma back before the hurricane.

Francis smiled. “Bien sûr,” he replied, as if it was perfectly obvious. “We can go shopping for curtains and decorations tomorrow in the morning. Maybe a couple of archeology kits--Katyusha told us that you were interested in archeology. Do you wish to an archeologist when you are older?”

Alfred swallowed around the lump in his throat. Of course Ms. Braginski would tell. “I used to,” Alfred replied.

“Well, we can get a couple of kits. Katyusha also informed us that you were a fan of astronomy. Maybe we can get space-themed curtains and wall decorations. Would you like that?” Alfred shrugged.

“Francis? What’s taking so long?” Arthur came bursting into the room, startling the two other men. He caught sight of Alfred and hurried over. “Oh dear, you’re not looking so well,” he observed, placing a hand on Alfred’s forehead. “You ought to get to bed before you catch a cold. You must be knackered from the drive here.” He ushered Alfred toward the bed, only backing away satisfied once Alfred was laying down.

“I want to go home,” Alfred whispered.

Arthur gave him a sad smile and patted his head. Pity entered his eyes. “Don’t you understand? You are home.” He said. “From this day on you’re our son.”

Alfred swallowed down his rising anger. “Okay,” he said, mostly to help convince himself that this was home. But it wasn’t. Home was back at his small shack that looked as if it was about to fall over and had probably been destroyed in the hurricane. Home was were his mama was rocking and soothing him to sleep. This wasn’t home. New York wasn’t home, and neither was this too big house that was occupied by the perfect family that would try too hard to fix him. “Okay.”

Francis and Arthur left soon after that.

 

When Katyusha first called Arthur begging him to take in the tall, delinquent orphan boy called Alfred Jones, Arthur had agreed hesitantly.

He didn’t necessarily want to bring a lawbreaking child into his home. Dear lord, what kind of impact would Alfred have on Matthew? But Francis had agreed to it right away, eager for another son. Arthur knew that Francis wanted another child, but he didn’t think he wanted one that badly. As Francis bustled around the house, making it more presentable despite it being in tip-top shape as always, Arthur couldn’t help but feel as if he had made a mistake. Arthur didn’t think he was ready.

But then he saw the file.

The starvation. The pills. The failed therapy sessions and doctor visits. The scars and broken bones. This lad was a mere sixteen year old boy, but he had endured so much. Alfred was sixteen, but he walked around with eyes that looked as broken as shattered glass and as dreary as rain. He was too young, too naive, too inexperienced with the unfairness of life to have to go through so much at such a young age.

Arthur wanted him right then and there. He wanted to show Alfred what a real family was; with two parents and a brother and no punishments. He wanted to show Alfred that there was still a reason to believe in the world. That nothing was as bad as it seemed. He’d get better. It would all get better.

And then he saw Alfred in person for the first time, amazed that such a tall boy could look so tiny and weak and dainty. His hair was messy and tangled and longer than any boy’s hair. His face was sunken in, giving him the appearance of a deprived ghost. He wore a dress; a dress that was covered with dirt and blood and lord knows what else. There were no shoes on his feet and no hope in his eyes. Arthur liked to imagine that once, long ago, Alfred had been a happy child with an infinity’s worth of hope and faith and happiness shining in his not-yet-broken eyes.

“God, Francis,” Arthur breathed as they made their way to the living room, leaving Alfred alone in his new room.

“Oui, je sais,” Francis agreed.

“He looks so lost,” Arthur said. “So sad. So pathetic. A child shouldn’t look like that.”

“No, they shouldn’t,” Francis agreed again.

They sat in silence for the rest of the night, waiting for Matthew to come home.

Chapter Text

Matthew didn’t arrive back home until early the next morning, just minutes after the sun was up.

While Francis had gone to bed, unconcerned with their son staying out past curfew (“It’s what teenagers do, Arthur!” Arthur had stayed up and waited on the couch until Matthew came home. He had been doing this more and more often--sneaking out and staying out later--and Arthur highly suspected it had something to do with Ludwig Beilschmidt’s older brother Gilbert. It was amazing that Ludwig had turned out to be so respectable and smart while Gilbert turned out… like Gilbert.

“And where do you think you're going, young man?” Arthur snapped from his spot once Matthew shut the door quietly behind him and attempted to tiptoe up the stairs. Matthew winced when he’d been found out.

“... To my room…?” He answered, hopefully.

“And you’ll be staying there for a long time,” Arthur told him sternly. “Your curfew was ten o’clock, Matthew. It’s nearly 6 in the morning! You know you were supposed to be meeting your foster brother last night!”

Matthew looked down at his feet, avoiding his father’s eyes. In truth, he had been excited to meet Alfred, but he had also been eager to impress Gilbert and show him he wasn’t the goody-two-shoes that everyone made him out to be. Looking back at it now, he could just see that going to that party was a bad move.

As his father ushered him to his room (“And don’t you dare think that Francis will get you out of this one, young man!”), Matthew ran into something.

Or rather, someone.

The other person landed on the floor before Matthew did, making a small ‘oof’ sound as they fell. Matthew scrambled to get up on his feet, stammering apologies and excuses, offering his hand to the other person. They took it with a surprisingly firm grip.

Matthew gasped quietly as he met eyes with them.

This person was tall, what with being only a couple of inches shorter than Matthew, with blond hair and blue eyes. Despite the clear differences in eye and hair color, Matthew couldn’t deny that looking at this boy (or girl? The hair was longer than anything Matthew had ever seen) felt like looking into a mirror.

“I-I’m sorry!” He squeaked, letting go of the boy’s hand before offering a shaky smile. “I’m Matthew. It’s n-nice to meet you.”

The other boy stared at him with a blank, unimpressed face before introducing himself. “Alfred Jones.”

“Matthew Williams! I meant it when I told you to go to your room!” Arthur snapped from downstairs. How he could tell that Matthew had not yet made the journey there, neither boy could say.

Matthew flushed red. “Right,” he muttered, flashing the boy a quick smile. “B-Bye!”

Alfred watched him leave, and then retreated back to his room. He wasn’t ready to face today after all.

 

It was nearly two hours later that Francis awoke and began to make breakfast. After finding out that Matthew had been punished, he attempted to bargain with Arthur (“He’s a teenager, he’s bound to forget the rules sometimes, mon amour,” “Francis, this is the third time he’s done it this month!” “Do you not remember when we were young and crazy? Ah, amour jeune”), but Arthur remained unmoved in his decision. Matthew was to only come out of his room for meals and bathroom breaks, but that was it.

Currently, the family of three were sitting down at the kitchen table, eating. It was tensely quiet, only broken by the constant bickering between Arthur and Francis. Matthew had nearly finished eating when the soft pitter-pattering of feet alerted him to a new presence.

He looked up. Standing at the kitchen entryway was Alfred, clearly uncomfortable and fighting the urge to do something. Matthew smiled and waved him over, capturing his parents’ attention.

“Bonjour, Alfred!” Francis chirped, grabbing a plate and filling it with all sorts of food before he set it down in front of a bewildered-looking Alfred. “Manger! Manger!”

Arthur nodded in agreement, grabbing a scone (Matthew resisted the urge to vomit at the badly burnt food) and plopping it on the plate on top of everything else. “Yes, you are much to thin. Eat up, lad.”

And so Alfred ate, cleverly avoiding the burnt scone.

Eventually, Arthur and Francis moved their bickering somewhere else, leaving only Matthew and Alfred at the table. Matthew watched as Alfred scarfed down his food.

“Wow, you must really be hungry, huh?” Matthew murmured, amazed at the speed of which the breakfast was being eaten. Alfred only responded with a ‘hmm’ sound and the nod of his head.

When the boy had finished everything (even the scone, Matthew found a new respect for the boy sitting beside him), he still looked hungry, although less miserable than before.

“If you're still hungry, you can come over to my room,” Matthew offered. Upon the suspicious look Alfred gave him, Matthew hurried to explain. “I’ve been hiding some pancakes in there, in case I get hungry for a snack while I’m grounded.”

Alfred nodded eagerly at the explanation. “Okay!” He said. “Whaddya waiting for? Let’s go!”

The two of them snuck past the adults and up to Matthew’s spacious room. Alfred gaped at the walls, which were covered in numerous photos of Matthew’s biological mother and father. Of course, there were more of Matthew’s mother, since his father had died sooner than his mother did, but Matthew loved every photo the same. As Alfred took in the sight, Matthew wandered over to an innocent-looking box in the corner of his room. He had filled it with fresh pancakes (all put in a big, ziplock bag, for sanitation) just before he left last night. He knew he would end up grounded. He always did when he was with Gilbert.

“Here,” Matthew tossed a bag to Alfred, who dug in as soon as it hit his hands, though his eyes continued to move from picture to picture.

“That’s my mother and me, back when I was really little,” Matthew explained, pointing to a random photo on the wall of his mother and a toddler version of himself, both laughing. A blurry thumb was covering half of the photo, hiding half of her face. Alfred could only assume that someone else had taken the photo. “She was a wonderful woman, before dad died in the military.”

Alfred cocked his head to the side at the explanation, looking like a curious puppy. “I never knew my dad,” he said. “But I knew my mom. She was really nice. I loved her a lot.”

Matthew nodded. He liked his dad better than he liked his mom, no matter how nice and pretty she used to be. After his dad died, his mother completely lost it. She left Matthew at home all day while she hit bar after bar, drinking away her sorrows. She didn’t feed him anymore, or bathe him, or help him use the toilet during his potty training. She turned into a completely different woman, neglecting every part of Matthew until the police were called when a neighbor suspected she began to do drugs.

That was when he was taken away, only to be adopted by Francis and Arthur nearly half a year later. Despite it all, he found that he couldn’t hate her for it, but he never wanted to be back around her again.

In Alfred’s case, it seemed the opposite. A father that never showed up, and a mother that did everything for her son. Matthew wished his mother was like that when he had lived with her.

“You sound like you loved your mom a lot,” Matthew said quietly as Alfred muched away. “I wish I could say the same.”

Alfred shrugged. “Your dad sounds like he was cool,” he said, louder than Matthew, but with the same effect. “I wish mine was.”

“We have Arthur and Francis now,” Matthew told him. “They wouldn’t so anything like that.”

Alfred continued to eat, ignoring Matthew with his downcast and glued to the floor.

 

“I cannot believe you. Everytime he gets in trouble, you always insist that it’s not a good reason!”

“He’s our fils, we raised him ever since he was only a tiny little toddler,” Francis argued back. “How can you stand to see him in trouble? Besides, I remember quite a few times where we stayed out past curfew.”

Arthur flushed angrily. “We got in trouble each time!” He snapped. “He’ll become spoiled if we never punish him when he does something wrong.”

“Matthew is not that kind of boy.”

Arthur sighed suddenly, irritated beyond belief. No matter how many times he told himself he wouldn’t cave, he always did. “Fine. But he isn’t off of punishment right now.”

Francis beamed at his husband, bouncing away to tell Matthew the good news.

When he reached Matthew’s room, however, he was greeted by a wonderful, precious sight that he thought he’d never see. “Arthur, mon amour, grab the camera!”

Because right now, both of his boys were curled up around each other on the floor, sleeping peacefully with a bag half-filled with pancakes in front of them, unaware of Francis standing in the doorway, snapping photo after photo. “This can go on the wall with the rest of the family pictures,” he gushed to his husband.

Arthur shook his head in exasperation at his husband’s antics, but not even he could stop the fond smile tugging at the corners of his lips.

They really did make a great family.

Chapter Text

Antonio Carriedo could not help but stare at the ceiling as he thought. It had been many, many years since he left the island of the Dominican Republic. Originally, he had been born and raised in Spain with his papa after his mama died in childbirth, but his papa had met a wonderful, beautiful woman when Antonio was eight and they moved out there.

The woman was as beautiful and as kind as his papa said. Eventually, shortly after Antonio’s ninth birthday, she gave birth to Antonio’s baby sister Esperanza. Antonio loved Esperanza with all of his heart. She looked as if she was a female Antonio, except for her eyes. Her eyes were as big and bright and blue as the sky. Antonio loved her eyes. How could he have not? She was his sister.

But then came the day of Antonio’s twelfth birthday, when his papa fell ill and died and his stepmother followed shortly after, leaving Antonio with a three year old Esperanza. He struggled to raise his sister on his own for six years after that, eventually leaving at the age of adulthood for America. He left his sister in the hands of their elderly neighbor Ms. Lopez.

He didn’t know what happened to her after that. He never looked back, to caught up in making friends and working for at least a little money. He met an Italian-born woman of a rich family, Philomena Vargas, and settled down with her, having two sons throughout their marriage.

And now his oldest son Lovino was nearly an adult himself. He was seventeen, soon to be eighteen. Where did the years go? Lovi didn’t want his affection and care anymore, because adults weren’t treated the way Antonio treated Lovino.

Ah, but Antonio still had his other little tomato, Feliciano. Feli was nearly fourteen now, but he accepted Antonio and Philomena’s affections with open arms and returned them ten-fold. Feliciano would still be with them for another five years minimum. He was a mama’s boy, like most Italians were, and had proclaimed many times that he would stay longer than his eighteenth birthday to provide Philomena the childlike company that she so desperately yearned for.

But the thought of his own two boys lead his to thinking of another. It was shortly after Lovino’s birth that Antonio received a letter. It was old and worn, with messy handwriting and misspelled words. And it was signed by the girl that Antonio hadn’t seen for nearly seven years (at the time, at least. By now, at age 42, it would be the 24th anniversary of his departure).

Esperanza.

Antonio wanted to cry as he read the letter. It detailed a life of loneliness and regret after he left. At the age of just sixteen, she had fallen pregnant. Teenage pregnancy was not uncommon amongst the people in the neighborhood, but Antonio had hoped desperately that she would make a better choice. She gave birth to a baby boy, the son of herself a visiting French man. She named her son Alfred. She wasn’t sure where she had heard the name, but she adored it.

The letter even came with a picture. It was old and dirty, obviously from a not-so modern camera and black and white, but it was enough to show the tiny newborn nestled in the crook of her arms, with big eyes just like Esperanza’s. She said that he’d make it to America one day, in the way that she could not. She said to watch out for her baby boy; to find him.

And Antonio would do just that.

 

When Alfred was younger, his mama always talked about her brother.

He was many years older than her, as he had been 9 by the time she was born, but he took care of her after her parent’s death when she was 3 and he was 12. Alfred couldn’t imagine taking care of someone at just twelve years old, but his uncle Antonio had been able to do it. It was too bad he moved to America once he hit adulthood, leaving mama with their elderly neighbor Ms. Lopez. Alfred didn’t like Ms. Lopez much. He had only spent a couple of days with her in his life on the rare occasion that mama couldn’t keep him at home while she did something, but those few days were a living hell. Ms. Lopez yelled and whined and complained the entire time that Alfred spent there, saying that he was being too loud or that he was too annoying or that they really needed to find a boy with spare clothing that he was able to give away to Alfred because he really shouldn’t have to keep wearing his cousin Maria’s hand-me-down dresses. But people didn’t just give away clothing for free; they had looked all over and found that they were too poor to afford anything. The only family Alfred had were his two aunts’ and his mother and Maria, and only Maria could spare a few dresses that she wore when she was Alfred’s age.

Alfred enjoyed listening to the stories of his Uncle Antonio, and his mama enjoyed telling them. She and Antonio looked nearly identical, except for their eyes. His were green. Everytime after describing Uncle Antonio to Alfred, mama would search through the few photos she had--all of them torn or ripped or covered in dust and dirt--and dig out the only decent one of a seventeen year old Antonio. Then she’d start getting nostalgic and look through the other photos. There were a couple of her mama and papa from when she was young, more than enough of Antonio, and just one of his father.

Mama always liked to say that Alfred looked just like him. They shared the same skin, the same hair, and the same face. The only thing Alfred had inherited from her was his eyes. He always made sure to treasure the bright blue color of them after she told him that, even when all of the other kids with dark eyes teased him for it. He had eyes like his mother; eyes that were big and all-seeing; eyes that could look into your soul and pull out your deepest insecurities and secrets.

When Alfred was seven, his mother had put him down to bed without checking if he was actually asleep or not. They shared the same room; the same bed even because they couldn’t afford another, and that was why Alfred was able to hear her sobbing and wailing for a brother that was too far away and a mother and father that were gone forever. Alfred knew--right there and then--that he’d get to America one day to find his uncle. What was so special about America, that he’d leave his sister and only family?

But even though he was here now and had been here for a while, Alfred wasn’t any closer to finding his uncle. He didn’t even know where to begin looking! He only had an old picture and a rabbit named Esperanza who slept all day. Alfred sighed for the hundredth time in the span of an hour.

Knock. Knock.

Alfred perked up, looking at the door curiously. After being discovered in Matthew’s room, he had been kicked out gently by Francis and Arthur and got a stern talking about groundings and what they meant. Apparently, Matthew couldn’t have any visitors for the rest of the day, and Alfred had retreated back to his room to wait for the next morning. Yet, when the sun did come around the next day, he couldn’t find the energy to move.

“Si?”

The door opened the slightest crack, revealing Matthew’s face. He smiled gently. “Oh good, you’re already dressed.” It was true. Arthur and Francis had bought him at least four month’s worth of shirts and jeans and other kinds of pants. Alfred was thankful for the pants. He had only had one pair, but he had grown out of them by the time he was six. “That will make leaving a lot easier,” at the confused look on Alfred’s face, Matthew rushed to explain. “I-It’s Monday today, so I’ve got school. Papa and Dad want to get you into the system so that you can start attending by next week.”

Alfred nodded and followed Matthew out of his room (it was still pretty bare, but after Francis had gone and bought new curtains and bedsheets and blankets, small splotches of color had steadily began to decorate it), scooping Esperanza into his arms. He had never actually been to a real school, so it wasn’t like he knew the rules. His mother had only ever been able to steal textbooks and find a couple of low-cost tutors for him every now and again.

The four of them clambered into the car (Arthur tried to convince Alfred to leave Esperanza at home, but the younger boy was much too stubborn to listen) and drove off. It took at least ten minutes to get to the school, a private, snobby-looking place called Hetalia Private Academy for the Elite. All sorts of kids were walking into the building with backpacks slung on their shoulder, or chatting with groups of friends outside in the beautiful scenery.

While Arthur and Francis went to the office to talk to the principal, they allowed Alfred to follow Matthew to get a feel of the school, promising to call Matthew when Alfred was needed. The two teenagers wandered up and down the halls in the meantime, waiting for the bell to ring or for Matthew’s phone to.

“Ciao, Matthew!”

The bubbly voice startled the two of them, and Alfred was more or less surprised to find that it had come from a short and skinny, ditzy-looking Italian boy. Behind him was another Italian, who Alfred suspected to be his older brother, though this one was grumpier and angry-looking. “Ve~ who’s this?” He gestured to Alfred.

Matthew smiled. He turned to Alfred first. “This is my friend Feliciano Vargas,” he introduced him. “He’s just started ninth grade, but we’ve known each other a lot longer. His brother,” at this, he pointed to the grumpy Italian. “Is my other friend Lovino. He’s in the same grade as us.” Then Matthew turned to Feliciano and Lovino, gesturing to Alfred. “This is my foster brother Alfred. He’s staying with us for a while.”

Feliciano smiled. “Buongiorno, Alfred! Ve~ where did you come from before moving here? Lovino and I used to live in l’Italia with our grandpa Roma until he died. Our mamma was heartbroken--”

Lovino groaned. “Oh my god, Feli!” He hissed. “Shut up! You can’t just tell everybody your life story, idiot!”

But Feliciano didn’t listen to his brother’s complaining. “Oh! You should meet my friend Ludwig! He’s Gilbert’s fratellino, but I’m glad that they don’t act alike. Gilbert can be a little scary… but he’s not as scary as Ivan is, so that’s good--”

Alfred nodded along, although he definitely wasn’t keeping up with the younger boy. Ludwig? Gilbert? Ivan? That call from Francis couldn’t come fast enough.

Matthew tapped on his shoulder and motioned for him to go, holding up his phone to show a text from his parents that detailed that Alfred was needed ASAP. Glad for the excuse, Alfred hightailed it out of the conversation, glad to leave Feliciano’s constant talking and Lovino’s cursing behind him. The only problem?

Alfred was lost.

He didn’t know how it happened. He just turned a few corners, went left and then right and then left again, but somehow the office just didn’t come into view. Maldición! He was so sure that he was going the right way! But now he was confused and lost and all of the teenagers pushing and shoving him didn’t help the matter either--

Crash!

Alfred squeaked as something rammed into him. Damn, it was hard! The force of it was so strong that he ended up stumbling back. “Ah, my apologies. That was rude of me. You are okay, da?”

A teenager (man? This dude was waaay too tall be Alfred’s age) smiled innocently as he took Alfred’s hand and pulled the shorter boy up to his feet. Wow. It was amazing enough that Matthew was taller than Alfred--a solid six foot tall dude--by a couple of inches, but this really took the cake. The guy in front of him was at least an entire head taller than Alfred.

“U-Uhm, yeah, I’m fine,” Alfred said, moving out of the other boy’s way. He attempted to serve around, but was stopped from walking when a giant pipe struck the ground, blocking the path. What the fuck, why the hell was this allowed in the school?!

The taller boy smiled again, but this time it looked more sinister than before. “You are new, da? Welcome to Hetalia. I am Ivan Braginski.”

Ivan. Wasn’t that the scary dude that Feliciano mentioned earlier? “Alfred Jones.”

“You look lost. Are you in need of help?” Ivan asked, as if his fucking pipe wasn’t blocking Alfred’s way. Alfred shook his head.

“N-No. I know where I’m going.”

“You are looking for the office, correct? It is on the other side of the building. I shall guide you there, so that you do not lose your way again.”

“Dude, how the fuck--”

But Alfred didn’t have time to question him. Ivan abruptly pulled him along, shoving his way past the other students and silencing their complaints with a chilling smile. Ivan was a good-looking guy, which was something Alfred couldn’t quite ignore. His hair was a really pale blond, and he had nice, attractive features that were complemented by pretty violet eyes. If it wasn’t for the fearful display Ivan had shown just a few moments ago, Alfred would have totally tried to land a date. He wasn’t quite sure where that accent came from, but he had to admit that it sounded hot. And Alfred wasn’t ashamed to admit that he had a bit of a height kink, so to find someone this tall….

Well, it was like a wish come true. Except that wish came in the form of a frightening, murderous, sexy-accented man. Whatever. Alfred could work with that.

“Here we are,” Ivan announced as they slowed to a stop in front of the office doors. “Do try not to get lost again. I do not want to accompany you somewhere else. Proshchay, Alfred.”