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I can't FORCE QUIT you

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Levi opens his front door and promptly slams it shut. 

There's a box in front of his apartment, bigger than his expected order of Red African teas and still way too large to be his order of a new strainer. It can only be one thing. 


"But you haven't even opened it yet!" 

"Don't have to. It's a piece of pornographic shit and a headache waiting to happen. I'm sending him back, Hanji." His tone is final, but he still stands rooted to the spot. The phone in his hand rattles as he tries to keep himself grounded. He's close to throwing the box out of his window. See if the thing survives twenty floors. 

"Wait!" Hanji yells through the phone, "Please don't! He was expensive. It took Armin and me six months on the design alone. Just trust me, you'll love him." 

"Last time I trusted you, I woke up with a pierced dick and no memories of an entire week." He says, recalling how he'd woken face down, halfway through his front door with Hanji snoring on his back.

There is a small laugh through the line before Hanji says, "That was one time."

"Twice, actually. You just don't remember." He snaps and opens the door, checking down the hallway. It's empty, thank God. "Also, remember when you dumped off that idiot cat sex-robot three months ago? What was his name again?" 

The phone prickles in silence for a moment before Hanji mumbles, "Commander Kitty..." 

"Right. Marvelous marketing right there, idiot." 

"Some people are into that kind of thing! I thought you were a cat person, honestly, so I thought he'd be a good fit." They snicker, "We didn't expect him to try and climb the curtains, but it was a fun surprise." 

Levi ends up kicking the box in frustration. 

"You still owe me, there's fuckin' holes in my wall where he tore out the rods."

"Anyway," They artfully avoid the subject, "Please just open the box and turn him on." They giggle at their pun. "He's a normal housewife: cooks, cleans, gives amazing massages, sings like a songbird, rides dick like a—"

Quickly, he ends the call with a hard press of his thumb and glares at the huge-ass box that will surely get him in trouble again with his landlord. He momentarily takes a moment to look over the box, the order form printed on the side and holds back an ugly snort. He imagines the poor sap who had to open the box for a check-in and found, of all things, a sex-bot. But then reality crashes over him because that means his regular delivery man knew what was inside when the box was dropped off... 

He'll never be able to look Mike in the eye again. 

With a huge grunt, he pulls in the box and kicks it over to the side. He rubs his tender toes. 

"Ow, Christ, how big are you?" He asks the box, but it remains silent. Levi huffs. 

He turns around, about to call Hanji again to make them fuckin' take their sex-bot back, this is like the fifth time this has happened dammit, but he stops mid-step. Curiosity itches on the back of his mind, dangerously lowering his standards. He wants to know what it looks like, despite how much of a bad idea it is. Commander Kitty had been a huge mistake. The thing turned on by the sound of his voice and pounced on him, naked. The tail and cat ears had twitched and the damn thing purred

Levi looks back at his newest (unwanted!) sex-bot and debates whether or not to open the thing. He is not a cat person, thank you very much, but he is still wary. Hanji and Armin either create very wonderful things or really terrible ones. There is no in between. Commander Kitty had been on the latter. 

"Fuck it." He mutters, grabs the box cutter from his pocket and rips off the tape. 

Flicking off the packing peanuts and the first layer of bubble wrap, he notices a piece of paper. He picks it up. 

NEW and IMPROVED:  V.3 EREN, HOUSEWIFE EDITION (charger included)

Up to 110 different sex positions, 45+ languages, no gag-reflex, and self-lubricating

Clothes/Outfits and toys NOT included

How to Set Up

1. Open control box on the back of the neck, press RESTART. 

2. Speak your name and assign rules.

3. Assign safety words. 

4. To turn ON, hold the ON button for TEN seconds. 

5. Enjoy your new robot. 

In case of dissatisfaction, please use CONTACT information BELOW. (Instructional and Trouble Shooting Manual included)

Instead of numbers, there is a black line through the information and Hanji's familiar chicken scratch: 'He's a keeper!' :) 


The robot sits on his couch, heavy head slouching, palms up. Levi waits to turn the thing on, having second thoughts. Why had he even taken the robot out anyway? Seeing him through the bubble wrap should have been enough to stifle his curiosity, but apparently not. 

V.3 EREN looks to be designed for his early twenties, maybe eighteen or nineteen. His hair is in a boy-ish cut that Levi refuses to admit is kind of cute and he's buck-ass nude. He also refuses to let himself look below the pectorals. They're very nice pectorals, if he's honest with himself. The thing looks incredibly innocent and definitely not capable of a 110 positions. Levi hadn't even known there were so many. 

"110?" He whispers to himself in disbelief. 

He paces back and forth in his living room, probably crunching packing peanuts, but he's too anxious to care. He's falling down the same rabbit hole as Commander Kitty and damn Hanji for knowing his resolve is so fucking weak when it comes to adorable things. His previous (quickly given back) sex-bot had fluffy blond cat ears, a long tail that enjoyed trailing up his thigh if he wasn't paying attention, and cornflower blue eyes that always made him give in. If this robot was anything like Commander Kitty, he'd give it back immediately, Levi reasoned with himself. He would give V.3 EREN back anyway, but what was the harm and seeing what fuck up those scientists made this time? 

Leaning over the bot, he opens the control box again and holds down the ON button. For ten seconds, he presses and pulls away with the telling whirre of mechanics vibrate under him. 

Slowly, the sex-bot sits up straight, hands on his knees, ankles crossed. There is a hushed jingle, like the boy is a waking computer. The sound makes Levi shift uncomfortably. 

"I am V.3 EREN. Command, Master?" The voice is smooth and deeper than he expects. 

Levi crosses his arms, "Uh, open your fuckin' eyes? This is kind of creepy."

Immediately, the bot's eyes snap open and blink normally, as if human. The incredible blue/green irises make Levi's heart thump and stomach churn. They're his favorite color. Damn it Hanji. 

"Yes Master." 

"Don't call me that," Levi says quickly and turns to pick up the mess from the box and bubble wrap. "Wait, no, you can clean up this mess. Your charger is in the corner." 


The robot stands and gently takes the bubble wrap from Levi's hands. 

"I'll clean for you, honey." 

"The—no! Don't. Fuckin' hell, don't call me that." Levi rolls his eyes to his ceiling. "No pet names. Just Levi." 

"Of course," The robot bends over, perfectly comfortable with his nudity. Levi looks away. "If you'll call me Eren." 

"Fine, sure, whatever fires your circuits, gets your soft drive hard, the fuck if I..." He trails off, slightly amused by how the bot straightens out and grins at his horrible puns. "Just clean up this mess. And put on some clothes." 

"As you wish, Levi." Eren purrs and Levi resolutely pivots on his heel and out of the room. He needs to cool his circuits.  


"Your sleeve is on fire."

"Fuck!" Levi smacks his arm and manages to put out the small blaze when Eren pours a glass of water over the flames. 

"I can cook for you, Levi." The robot insists, but still stands outside the border of the kitchen, exiled by strict commands. "Be it Italian, Chinese, Croatian, French, Japanese, Irish, or American cuisine you desire, to list a few." His words are stuttered, like he's holding back pet names and is frustrated about it. Levi can't bring himself to care. 

He turns down the heat on the stove and returns to his spaghetti, making a mental note to never cook again (microwaves are still acceptable, though). 

"Let me please you." Eren goes on and clutches the hem of the shirt that barely covers his stomach. 

"You can please me by shutting up and setting the table." 

"But Levi, the table is outside of my assigned parameters." 

So he's a little shit too, just great. Wit can be a turn on, but right now, he just wants the damn thing to shut up. 

"Then I fuckin' revoke them, fuck you're ridiculous." He mutters and goes back to stirring his boiling water and noodles. "If a previous order or whatever conflicts with a new one, then just obey the newest." 

The sex-bot slides into the kitchen with a bright grin. 

"Yes, Levi!" 

"Don't look so happy about it, it's not your birthday." He tacks on mentally, and you're leaving tomorrow, don't get comfortable

Eren pauses, reaching for the plates in a cupboard. "Birthday?"

"Yeah, birthday. Guess you don't have one." He looks back at his the robot when he hears a loud clatter of plates. Eren's lower lip is wobbling. "What, you can cry too?" 

"Yes! One of my sex-packages includes crying. It's arousing to some." The robot croaks, "And... I have a birthday! My manufacture date is March 30th of this year, 4:07 AM by Dr. Hanji Zoe, PhD and Dr. Armin Arlert, PhD." 

Turning off the stove, Levi pulls the pot around to the sink to drain his food. 

"The PhD is implied if you already include Dr.," Levi corrects, "And your birthday would just be March 30th. Don't include those weirdos."

"Yes, Levi." The robot is still whining, voice watery, but sets the table with one plate and cutlery. "And what do you wish to drink?" 

Smacking the drained pot back on the stove, Levi turns around. "Listen, you don't have to do everything. I can get my own drink. Just... sit down and shut up." 

Eren's lip wobbles again, but he doesn't speak. He sits next to Levi's chair and looks down at his fingers. 

Fuck. Now Levi feels bad for the hunk of metal. 

It takes a minute of sniffling and puppy whines to break his resolve.

"...water." He mutters. Eren looks up, artificial tears leaking down his face. 

"What, Ma-Levi?" Levi's eye twitches at the glitch. 

"Get me a glass of water, Eren." He slides the hot spaghetti onto his plate, watching to make sure he doesn't get any close to Eren's skin. "Please." 

Brightening, the robot jumps up and fills a glass from the filtered pitcher in the fridge. 

"Wait, how do you know where everything is?" Levi questions and sits at the table with a deep frown. 

"Dr. Hanji programmed..." The robot trails off and turns around, smiling, cheeks pink. "Because I know everything about my husband!"

Levi's fork clatters onto his plate. "We're not married."  

The sex-bot's face crumbles, but Levi refuses to crack under the piece of junk's manipulation (again). He cannot let this bot cross the line. Commander Kitty had managed to coax him into a pet name (he'd never admit it, but the cat ears were pretty fucking adorable), but he wouldn't make the same mistake again. Eren's cute enough as it is. 

"Your water, sir." Eren mumbles and reaches out to put the glass on the table. He looks so dejected, Levi feels his heart stir.

"...Thanks." He takes a sip and looks away from Eren's still flushed cheeks. "Do you... eat?" 

Eren sits next to him again and is close enough to reach for Levi's fork.

"Nope! But I can feed you." He practically purrs, back to acting like a normal sex-bot. He picks up Levi's fork and twirls on a bite. "Here, hon-Levi." His glitches make Levi nearly fumble his water.

"I can feed myself, Eren."

"I know," The robot quickly reassures and blows on the hot food. He fucking blew on it, Christ. "You're absolutely capable, sir. But this is what I am for." Eren smiles and lifts the fork again, "I am to serve you." 

Levi refuses to take the bite. 

"Eren, housewives aren't servants." Levi says and watches Eren's confidence fail him, nose pinching. 

"Yes sir," Eren confirms, nodding. "But I am a robot. I serve you and I love it! I love you, Levi!" 

The table jumps a few feet to the left, Levi's knee snapping up in surprise. Commander Kitty had not come with declarations of love. Eren simply beamed and flushed again. 

"Please," Eren keeps on going, the fork still close enough for Levi to lean over and take a bite. "Let me fulfill my purpose, sir." 

Will crumbling, Levi frowns. "Don't call me 'sir'. It's just Levi." 

"Levi, I want you..." The bot pauses for effect and dammit it, Levi's stomach swoops in heat. "I want you to let me please you." Not any better, but if feeding him makes him shut up, whatever. 

He takes the bite, resolutely not looking Eren in the eyes as he does. The fork is too close to his face for anything but an after kiss. He knows how sex-bots work. Food was a huge kink for Commander Kitty. 

The next few bites are messy, so Levi forcibly takes back the fork, but Eren doesn't complain. He sits on his knees, nearly in Levi's lap, humming and smiling brightly. Levi finishes his dinner and ignores the way Eren's hand trails after him. Washing his dishes in the sink, he doesn't hear Eren walk up behind him. 

"Levi..." Eren hums and slips his arms around his waist. Levi spills soapy water down his front. 

"Yeah okay, this is enough." Levi snaps and yanks Eren away from him. He looks hurt and Levi tries to calm down. "Don't... Don't do that. I hate surprises and... yeah. Don't do that." 

His eyes are watering again and Levi is close to apologizing, but Eren nods solemnly before his humanity can kick in. 

"Of course, dear... um, I mean, Levi. Sorry." He hangs his head and exits the kitchen. "I'll start your bath." 

Levi watches after him, soaking still, but ignores the itchy feeling. He blinks when he realizes he is staring at his butt. 


Clean, dry, and definitely done thinking about a certain robot, Levi throws his towel in the hamper, and climbs into bed. He sighs into his pillows and duvet, drained from the day. And he hadn't even gone to the gym like he planned. Fucking robots. 

It is only when he rolls over and throws out an arm that he notices something off. Instead of the mattress, he hits something soft, but firm. And it grunts. 

"Jesus fuck!" Levi jumps out of bed and turns on the light. 

Eren is laying on the other side, naked again, but covered modestly by the blankets. He looks confused. 

"Is everything alright?" The robot sits up and the blankets pool around his waist. Levi holds up a hand to block his view. "Levi?" 

"What are you doing in my bed?" He demands. Eren has the balls to look sheepish. 

"Um... keeping you company? I currently have over 30 data banks full on how to cuddle and snuggle, including spooning."

"30?" Levi mutters to himself and shakes his head, putting down his hand. 

"Yes, well, 30.420001. And I was going to say something, but you turned off the light... Sorry, I know you don't like surprises." 

Levi huffs and points to his door. 


Eren pouts. 

"I'll be good! No touching! No sex!" His voice nearly squeaks out the word 'sex' and Levi ignores how adorable it is and the incredible irony. "I don't like sleeping alone." 

"You sleep? Wait, never mind. I just realized I don't care." He sounds harsh, yes, sue him, but he's tired. "No. Touching. Stay on your side or I'll end you." 

The sex-bot nods furiously, cheeks bright red. 

"Yes Levi!" 

"Good." Levi turns off the light and crawls back into bed, more stressed out than ever. He settles into the sheets. 

The silence lasts for a full minute.

Levi can feel the robot move around to get comfortable (can robots even feel discomfort?) and huff in annoyance at the sheets. Another three minutes pass of Eren turning and mumbling obscenities. 

"Oh my god stop squirming you piece of shit." Levi hisses and Eren stills. 

A small, "Sorry." 

On the edge of sleep, Levi jolts when he feels a warm foot slide up his shin. 

"Sorry!" Eren panics, "I'm so sorry! Don't kick me out! It was an accident!" 

Levi sighs heavily and turns his back to Eren, glaring at his wall. 

"You can touch me," He amends, "Just nothing sexual. And try at least not to. Accidents are okay." 

The mattress dips closer to him and he feels an arm slowly snake across his waist. 


The arm yanks back.

"I'm sorry," Eren mumbles, "But I'm a sex robot. It's in my coding. And... I like cuddling." 

Silence covers them again, but its so suffocating Levi can hardly breathe, much less sleep. 


The reaction is immediate and Eren snorts gracefully, ruffling pieces of Levi's hair against his neck. Holding back his own laughter, because yes he can be damn funny when he wants to be, Levi buries his face into his pillow. 

"...Thank you." 

He grunts in response and gets comfortable, trying to ignore the obvious boner Eren is sporting near the back of his thigh. He wants to tell the thing to back off, but he can't bring himself to. And that's the first red flag. He sighs.

His eyes snap open when he feels Eren shift. "No surprise morning blow jobs." 

He thinks he hears a mutter of disappoint. 


Tomorrow, he tells himself after two weeks pass. Tomorrow I'll send him back. 

Eren is cleaning the kitchen, wiping down counters, the table and mopping the floor. The coffee maker is brewing a nice french roast and the smell fills the room with a warm, cozy feeling. Levi holds back his urge to propose to Eren on the still wet floor. 

Eren is, for lack of a better word, perfect. He keeps his hands to himself, cleans up anything Levi misses (which is almost never, but the gesture is appreciated) and cooks excellent meals. Levi almost wants to have sex with his baking skills. 

Also, Eren is wearing an apron. When Levi inquired about the cliché cloth, Eren blushed and dug his toes into the floor, abashed. 

"It came with me," He admitted when Levi pressured, "Housewife edition, remember?" 

He is a walking cliché and fuck Levi loves it. 

But he can't keep him. Eren is a sex-bot, despite their run of celibacy, and he needs to be sent back. He should be servicing someone else. Levi's stomach churns at the thought of someone even looking at Eren wrong, but he desperately ignores it. He can't. Eren is a robot, material, an object for sexual pleasure, a toy. Not a wife. 

"Oh, you're back." Eren brightens when he sees Levi pause in front of the kitchen, "How was your run?"

Sweat is dripping down his back, making his skin crawl, but Eren is too sweet to ignore. 


"Good!" Eren walks up to him, reaching for his wrists and leaning forward, before his body creaks and yanks back. "Sorry, it's standard for me to kiss my husband and welcome him home, but..." He trails off and blushes. "I'll rewrite that code tonight, while I charge." 

Levi clenches his jaw to keep from telling Eren not to. A part of him craves a welcome back kiss, but only from Eren. And fucking hell, this is terrible. Eren needs to go. 

"Run me a bath." He orders and he feels like a tyrant throwing demands, but Eren beams and nods. He'd asked him to and it was the least Levi could do. 

"Of course!" 

He scurries to the bathroom, apron ties fluttering behind him. Levi collapses against the counter, head in his hands. 

"He needs to go," He chants over and over, "Call Hanji. Call Armin. Doesn't matter. He needs to go." 

But he closes his eyes and they betray him. His mind provides images of Eren smiling, panicking in the mornings when he is on top of Levi, cooking his favorite dishes, debating over what soap was best, and best of all, the moment Eren said he loved him. But he had to remind himself that was just Eren's coding. He was programmed to sweet-talk, to woo him into a frenzy of sex and pleasure, no matter what words came out of his artificial mouth. 

"Levi? The bath is ready." 

Levi turns around and clenches his fists. 

"Levi?" Eren looks worried now and takes off the apron. Levi watches him place it on a hanging rack. "What's wrong?" 

"You have to go." 

The robot freezes and his eyes go wide. A moment later and he crumbles, eyes tearing up and lip wobbling like their first night. 

"What?" Eren whispers, throat thick and Levi has to constantly tell himself that Eren isn't human, despite how much he seems like it. 

"I'm sending you back." 

"Why!" Eren shouts, "What have I done wrong? Don't send me away, please!" 

"Eren, stop," Levi feels his morals weaken and body shake, "This isn't working out." 

He seizes up and his tears flow heavily. Levi holds his breath. Eren looks so human. 

"But... but I love you!" 

"You're only programmed that way!" Levi snaps, yanking away Eren's hands, "Just stop it already! I didn't buy you in the first place." 

He hadn't meant for that to come out, but it had and Eren takes a step back. 

"You were just a... a joke from a friend." Levi says, "I didn't want a sex-bot." Eren looks like he might have as well said 'I didn't want you'. 

"A joke?" Eren looks angry now and the contrast between his usual sweet attitude makes Levi swallow. "A joke! I'm—fuck you! I know I'm a robot! I know I'm just a tool for pleasure! I know that!" He's crying even harder, cheeks flushed and so fucking human Levi has to look away. "But I don't care. I don't care if that's all I am. I'm me and fuck you for trying to take that away from me." 

Levi's mouth drops open when Eren takes fists full of his shirt and yanks forward. Eren kisses like he imagined and holy fuck, why hadn't he done this before? But before he can respond, Eren pulls away, still mad with his skin blotchy from the emotion.

"Fuck you, you asshole." Eren says, "I don't know if it's my coding or a fucking virus, but you make my software hard and fire my circuits and whatever horrible pun you have stored in your data banks. These past two weeks have been hell for me. Don't you dare stop me." He kisses Levi again, and he let's him. 

Commander Kitty had only stolen one kiss and it had been... weird. The sex-bot, true to his cat nature, had licked into his mouth and purred. But Levi had quickly pushed the thing away and sent back the robot. Eren's kiss is different. 

Eren sucks on his tongue, he lovingly strokes anywhere he can reach, and refuses to let Levi set the pace. Levi should have known that Housewife Edition meant he wouldn't be the one calling the shots anymore. 

Only when Eren moans like he's paid to sound absolutely wrecked does Levi manage to pull away and gasp for breath. It's been a long, long time since he'd forgotten to breathe during a kiss. 

"Bed. Now." Eren says, breathless himself and Levi wonders if the robot even needs to breathe or simply was designed to sound so incredibly debauched. But when Eren shoves him back on the mattress and sits on his thighs, he forgets his questions and his own name. 

The robot leans forward; rubbing on Levi's straining jogging sweats and rolls up his shirt. Still soaked in sweat, Levi cringes but Eren doesn't seem to care. He licks a hot stripe from his navel to his collarbones, blowing cold air over the dampness when he works his way back down. Levi shivers and Eren scoots further upwards, shaking his hair out of his eyes.

"110 different positions," Eren says, tone husky and slightly excited. "Take your pick, lov-Levi." He huffs in irritation. "Take back your previous order about the pet names. It has been driving me up the wall." 

He nods, but that's all Eren needs apparently. He smiles sweetly and takes Levi's face in his hands. After a quick kiss, he hums. 

"Much better, honey." Levi feels his cock twitch and Eren grins brighter. "I knew you liked it, you fucker. Playing hard to get." He mumbles into their next kiss and Levi is starting to feel irritated at the pace, so he hooks a leg over Eren's waist. Eren turns and lies down with a quiet giggle and Levi pulls him up further on the bed. 

"What do you want?" Levi asks and Eren stills. He stops his onslaught of kisses down the tan neck to look at his face. 

"Huh?" His cute, smooth voice is back and suddenly unsure. 

"What do you want? You have 110 choices." He smirks, watching Eren's cheeks and neck flush prettily. 

"My choice, then?" His confidence is back and he lifts himself up to lick over Levi's chin and to his nose. "It's a surprise." 

Levi immediately frowns and pinches Eren's arm. The robot doesn't flinch, but laughs instead. 

"You little shit," Levi says and watches Eren preen at the playful attention. "Don't get too cocky." He leans down and bites the robot's ear. Eren gasps and lets out a quiet moan. Levi pulls back. "How does that work? You can feel that but not my pinches." 

Eren smiles with no teeth, affectionate and happy from underneath him. His eyes are impish. "I felt your pinch, but it was kinda weak." 

Revenge through frottage seems like the best course of action. And Levi is rewarded with Eren lifting himself off the bed and curling his arms around his neck, whining and cursing. 

"So good," Eren mumbles into his hair, grinding his hips upward for more friction. Levi gives in and let's Eren take a few more wonderful touches before pulling away. "Wait, no, don't stop you jerk." 

Levi snorts, "Calm down, Cuddle-whore. We have time." 

Eren's face pinches and he forcefully switches their positions. Levi lets out a grunt of surprise and the heat swirling in his stomach at the sudden shift shouldn't feel this good, but it really does. 

"Nope, my night to call the shots. Just relax and I'll scramble your code." 

Levi groans and pushes the robot away. 

"That was terrible, get away from me you idiot." 

Eren laughs, "Sorry, I had to. And to be fair, you started them." He tilts his head, eyes bright, but still blown with lust.

"Is this my legacy?" Levi huffs.

"Yep." Eren continues to laugh into their kiss and Levi feels a bit less desperate to fuck the robot's brains out, so he lets the pace stay static. They have time. 

Lifting the robot's shirt over his head, another one borrowed from Levi so it's ridiculously short, Levi smooth’s his hair down but then decides he likes it better messy. Eren laughs when Levi musses up his hair, scratching the back of his neck to soothe and quiet him. The robot looks pleased and gives Levi an incredible kiss in return. The man promptly melts and throws aside the discarded shirt, hands greedily touching the robot's glorious pectorals. When his fingertips ghost over his nipples, Eren shudders. 

"Oh fuck," He whispers and breaks the kiss, sloppily removing his skilled tongue. His face is flushed and innocent again. "Do that again." 

Levi complies and the robot bites his bottom lip, keeping a deep moan in his throat. Levi can feel it through his skin, vibrating straight down to his crotch. He does it again and again until the robot is all but squirming and pulling away. 

"Wait, Christ, that's... that's too good." Eren admits and while Levi is slightly disappointed, he stops. His face had been a gorgeous sight. 

"You're sensitive," Levi observes and brings Eren's attention back to his mouth. When his hand dips across the robot's thighs, he's rewarded with a stuttered grind of Eren's hips. "Very sensitive." 

"It's... It's a sex-package." He says breathily, like he has run a few miles without water, "It's not standard, if that's what you're asking. But I definitely don't mind." 

"Me either." Levi is too smitten and high on Eren to stop himself from smiling. The robot pauses his fast pace against Levi's hip to watch his face dissolve from affection to annoyance. "What?"

Eren wants to say 'wow your smile is kind of creepy, but in a good way' but he really wants to get laid and keep kissing him, so he shakes his head. He hugs the man when Levi makes to push him off. 

"Nothing," He says instead, "I'm just really happy." 

"You didn't look it," Levi mumbles, but slowly returns the embrace, nuzzling his face into Eren's hair. He smells like the french roast in the kitchen and suddenly, he never wants to let the robot go. "But... me too." 

Absolutely delighted, Eren untangles his arms and smirks, "Look at you," He brushes Levi's hair out of his harsh eyes, "Feels good to be honest, right?"

"I'm always honest," Levi retorts, "I just don't tell you everything I'm thinking." 

"And that's probably a good thing," Eren admits and steals another kiss. Levi frowns deeper. "But I'm about to explode I'm so ready to be fucked until I can't move." 

Levi blinks before feeling his dick twitch in delight at the words. Eren takes this as a sign to continue and unties his own pants, boxer-free and kicks them to the side. Next, he slides down so he can rest his cheek on Levi's thigh and hip. 

"Like I said," He hums, licking his lips and Levi feels another wave of heat steal through him, "My night. Just enjoy the ride." 

And because he always has to have the last word, Levi shakily answers, "That's my line." 

But Eren is already sliding down his waistband and dipping his head to breathe over his erection. He has to grip his sheets and count backwards from ten to keep from bucking his hips. Oh god, oh shit, this is happening. 

The first lick rips apart his control and he jolts upward, fisting a hand instead in Eren's hair. The robot hums appreciatively around his dick and Levi's eyes nearly roll back in his head, it feels so sinful. Only when he picks up the pace, disgusting loud slurps and pops, does Levi let out a moan that's really embarrassing. He swallows back another and bites his hand, still pulling on Eren's hair. The robot goes faster and Levi's hips buck and when he hits the back of his throat, Levi swears. 

"E-Eren," He tries to maybe say something, to apologize, he doesn't remember now, fuck, "Eren, fuckin' hell, that's—"

Apparently he's talking too much because Eren swallows around him and Levi has to dig his nails into his hand to keep from coming. 

"Stop! Eren, sssstop," He stutters and heaves gasping breaths when the robot sucks his way off, licking the tip before smiling sweetly at him. "T-Too good." Eren's grin widens and Levi feels his embarrassment return. 

"Good," Eren crawls up to sit on his thighs and slides to rest chest-to-chest, trapping both their erections between their stomaches. He hums deliciously before saying, "Okay, I'm too impatient to keep the surprise to myself." 

"Surprise?" Levi has to take a minute to remember. He knows about 10 different positions off the top of his head, never one for porn or the guts to actually look them up. He never really had to imagine anything arousing after meeting Eren anyway. "Oh, right." He feels out of breath.

Flushing, Eren smirks, "I want to see your face while you're fucking me, honey." The pet name makes Levi thrust upwards, causing them both to gasp, "I-I want, crap this is one is kind of not sexy-sounding at all, but it's what I need right now."

Levi nods through his haze, watching Eren's smirk fade and tremble into a sweet, overwhelmed jumble of a wobbling smile. He looks like he's about to cry. 

"It's called the Spider Web," He mumbles and Levi huffs out a short laugh, "Don't laugh! It's... it's really nice." 

"Okay," Levi lets himself entertain the thought that he finds Eren incredibly endearing. "Your night." 

"My night," Eren repeats and kisses him, sucking on his tongue and rubbing their hips together again. "Okay," He let's go after a moment, "Let me lead." 

Without answering verbally, Levi let's Eren position them how he wants, movements quick and excited, brushed with a hint of nervousness. Eren lies down and leads Levi to lean on his right elbow, left arm around Eren's waist, his own leg around Levi's hip. Breathing growing erratic, Eren nods when Levi positions himself over him.

"Please," He begs and Levi can see the corners of his eyes prickle with tears, "Self-lubricating remember?"

"P-Preparation?" Levi manages, but he's on the edge of insanity, Eren looks so amazing. The robot shakes his head. 

"I'm always prepared," His voice is back to sounding wrecked and husky, "Just fuck me already, you jerk." 

A sharp snap of his hips and Eren bites into Levi's shoulder, letting out a deep moan. 

"Deeper," Eren says and Levi pulls out, taking a second to rein back in his control, amazed by how incredible Eren sounds and feels, then thrusts back in. Eren yips, "O-Oh, fuck! Y-You hit—oh shit Levi!" 

Levi tries again for the same spot and kisses over Eren's face, grunting into his movements as Eren grinds back down in small circles. He vaguely wonders how Eren can even have a prostate or if he's built with a magic button, but then Eren grabs his attention back by scraping his nails down his back. 

"Shit!" Levi hisses, arching against the pain and pleasure, continuing to thrust and pulls Eren closer when he stops shaking. 

"S-Soooo," Eren says against each thrust, like he's bouncing up and down harshly, "So, sooo good." He's dissolving into tears, "Oh god, Levi, f-faster." 

"I'm—" Levi picks up the pace but he knows for sure he won't last much longer. He can feel Eren leaving bruises as they embrace and kiss blindly. 

"Me... Me too." Eren breathes out and grinds down as Levi thrusts upwards. Levi sees stars and shakes his hold around the robot's tan waist. "B-But no way am... am I coming before you." 

Levi doesn't register his sentence before he feels Eren's fingers dip around his thighs and towards his balls. A deep, quick massage to his perineum and he's done before he can protest. Eren clenches down around him and milks him through it, head back and mouth wide open in a silent scream. 

Only when he feels warm and sticky does he notice that Eren has come too, over his stomach and the bed. They pant harshly and Eren throws his arms around his neck, leg still over Levi's hip, hugging him closer. 

"Love you," Eren mumbles as he peppers kisses over Levi's face and neck, "Fuck, that was amazing. Why hadn't... hadn't," He's still panting and sucks a nice bruise onto Levi's collarbone before finishing, "Why hadn't we done that before?" 

"We're idiots." Levi concludes and slides out with an wince, the sensation almost too much. 

"You're the idiot," Eren corrects, but still curls in closer to Levi, "Honey." 


Levi can hear Hanji's smirk through the phone. 

"You kept him!" They sing, "It's been a month! I told you!" 

"Yeah, well," He mumbles and turns around to watch Eren pour him a cup of coffee, dancing and humming. "He's interesting." 

Hanji scoffs, "Interesting? Is that the best you've got? Commander Kitty was interesting," They say and Levi scowls at the reminder of the hands-y robot. "V.3 EREN popped your sex-bot cherry! He's awesome." 

Awesome doesn't exactly cover it, he thinks before hanging up, ignoring his friend's praises about the bot. Eren faces him, holding out the coffee with a genuine smile. 

"Who was that, dear?" Eren asks. 

Letting the pet name go, because honestly they're kind of the best things ever, Levi just shrugs and tugs Eren in for a kiss. When he pulls away Eren is flushed, a big, goofy smile on his face. 


Eren just hums and blushes even brighter. 

"What?" Levi asks again and digs his fingers into Eren's side. The robot let's out a startled laugh and pulls away. 

"It's just... I kind of want you to fuck me over the kitchen counter." Levi blinks at the sudden shift in topic, but doesn't refuse his robot. 

He decides he actually really likes his spouse's random ideas. 

Eren pulls him to the kitchen, "Come on, honey, get my soft drive hard." 

"You're never going to let those go are you?"