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The Unbearable Weight of Guilt

Chapter Text

I always let you down
You're shattered on the ground
But still I find you there
Next to me
And oh, stupid things I do
I'm far from good, it's true
But still I find you
Next to me

There's something 'bout the way that you always see the pretty view
Overlook the blooded mess, always lookin' effortless
And still you, still you want me
I got no innocence, faith ain't no privilege
I am a deck of cards, vice or a game of hearts
And still you, still you want me


(Next to me, Imagine Dragons)



Jesper loved Wylan. It was some time from the heist now and they accustomed to their daily life of the merchant world. Every day brought something new and challenging in a different way, so they were never bored. Jesper could do nothing but admire Wylan for how well he manages to run the empire he wasn´t meant to inherit.
Not that he was just fooling around but the most difficult part landed on Wylan´s shoulders all the same. It was Wylan who had to represent and prove himself to be worth of their business partner´s trust. Many of them were considering this whole situation as “untrustworthy”.
But Jesper was always by Wylan´s side, supporting his boyfriend whenever he could. Wylan appreciated and valued Jesper´s help more than anyone´s and he never made him feel neglected. They were happy.

But that doesn´t mean there weren´t any problems. They had their arguments as everyone. But it was never something that could not be fixed by a reasonable talk and many kisses afterwards.

Until today.   

They were both tired and upset after particularly hard day and overall bad-tempered.  And they both did the mistake of not confiding their worries about the other to each other and let them cloud their judgment.
So, unusually big fight burst out. They were right in the middle of shouting very nasty things to each other when a doorbell rang. Both of them froze for a second before Wylan sighed and went to answer the door.

“Nina!” he smiled happily.

They haven´t been in touch since the heist. He was pleased to see her but what was she doing here so late at night? She looked like someone who has just landed in the docks like five minutes ago. Her hair was a wet mess, her clothes dirty and face tired. Overall, she looked quite dishevelled.

But still better than the man who was clenched to her side. He was barely on his feet. Presumably, half unconscious. Nina was supporting him with her arms but she probably won´t last any longer. Who was that man? And what was Nina doing here in Ketterdam? As soon as Wylan fully comprehended who it was standing on his doorstep, he was utterly confused.


But he didn´t get a chance to finish his question because Nina quickly blurted out „Can we go inside, please? I know it´s late but we need help. I can explain everything once we´re out of the street. “, while looking carefully from side to side.

Wylan, still confused, but also happy to see Nina again, opened the door a little wider and invited them in. To be honest, it was welcomed distraction from his fight with Jesper.

Said man was standing behind him, still looking angry, his hands nervously dancing over the guns at his hips. But he seemed also confused now, as he saw Nina tugging the man to the salon where she carefully seated him on a couch and threw herself right next to him, looking completely exhausted. Seeing dark circles under her eyes, Wylan thought it must have been some time since she had a proper sleep.

He suddenly dindn ´t know what to do. Jesper was standing next to him, looking at Nina with worried expression but neither of them said a word. So Wylan did what he knew best. Play a perfect host.

„Let me offer you some refreshments. “ And he was out of the room heading to the kitchen.

Jesper remained standing there, looking at Nina and the stranger, and didn´t know what to say. The argument with Wylan still pretty raw in his head, he played it over and over again. No, there was possibly no other conclusion than the one he had already came up with. He just has to make Wylan understand him better. They have always found a way so they´ll find it now too.  

He was getting all fidgety again so he just started walking around the room waiting for something to happen.

Nina was looking at him for a while before she said „Could you please stay still for a minute? My limbs hurt just from looking at you.”

So Jesper sat down to a chair, still fidgeting a bit. At the same time the man next to Nina suddenly sat up, warily eying his surroundings and Jesper. If Nina looked exhausted, this man looked like he just came back from dead. His brown hair was greasy, his clothes hanging on him as if he hasn´t eaten in a week and dark circles under his blue eyes the size of a tennis ball.

Actually, he WAS looking like a dead.

Jesper thought he resembled a little bit of Nina in the days after she took Parem. He has the same distraught look in his eyes. Before the man could say a word, Nina took his hand and said „It´s all right Karin. We are safe here.”
The man (most likely called Karin) visibly relaxed and laid his head back on sofa, closing his eyes again. Then, Nina finally turned to Jesper and started explaining in a husky voice:
„So….Jesper this is Karin. He´s from Ravka and he´s a tailor. He was captured by some maniacs and forced to try some new Jurda Parem based stuff. Apparently, you shouldn´t get addicted to it after your first shot. It seems to work since Karin somehow managed not to kill me after he hasn´t received his second dose. But it is still a very strong drug. Anyway… Long story short because I´m tired as hell, I got him out, made sure nobody recognized me but they could still be after us so that´s why we were hiding in the docks for some time and that´s also why I look like a total mess, because I´d rather kill myself before I bring any danger to your home but I need to hide us somewhere for a while...After I was 80% sure nobody was following us we finally made it to your and Wylan´s house.” She spilled this out of her in one shuddering breath that Jesper was afraid she might choke if she wouldn´t stop.

So Karin wasn´t just looking like Nina after Parem, he really was Nina after Parem. Jesper would really like to comfort them and tell her she is always safe and welcomed in this house. But he wasn´t so sure if it was still his house too. But Wylan wouldn’t do that... The argument started playing itself again in his head, mixing Jesper´s feelings and confusing him even more. No, he was positive about Wylan not kicking him out because of one bigger fight. Once he sorted his thoughts out, he was about to assure Nina it was okay she came, but he was interrupted before he could even start.


Jesper wasn´t even sure he heard anything because it was said by such a low quiet voice it might have just as well been a whisper of a wind.

But Nina must have heard it too because she turned to Karin.

“What do you mean?”

He coughed a little, straitened on the couch and said clearly:

“I was a tailor. An excellent one if I can say so myself. But I don´t know what I´m now. The last time I tried to use my powers, I nearly went mad. When we were escaping I tried to change my features so it would be easier for Nina to get me out. But instead of changing my hair colour it suddenly started changing my thoughts! I was so chocked I don´t even know how we got out of there. I still don´t understand what happened…”

Nine put reassuring hand on his shoulder and dived into explaining what Parem made to her and how her power has changed and evolved since then. That yes, it´s a pain in the ass to have it changed like that, but you can learn to control it and use it just as well as your former one.

“So you mean to tell me….That you were a heartrender and now you can make corpses to walk and obey you? What option does that leave for me? I was able to change appearance and now I´m able to change what? A personality?”

Karin looked so lost now. Jesper wasn´t surprised. It must be pretty hard to find out that something you count on your whole life is suddenly changing so majorly. He wasn´t used to using his fabricator skills but still, he can´t quite imagine living without them. Nina wasn´t giving up though.

“Well….maybe? I can help you try to figure it out if you want. We can practise together and find out how exactly you can affect someone and how long it lasts... But I think we should be sure that Parem is definitely out of your bloodstream and we are both rested and ready before trying anything.“

Karin seemed to get excited when he heard Nina say she would help him. Now he looked almost disappointed as if he couldn´t wait to try his new mysterious power.
Jesper wanted to offer them some help. Would Wylan mind? And there again was the stupid fight on Jesper´s mind. Where the hell even was his little merchling? It can´t possibly take this long to grab some drinks from the kitchen. Is he hiding from him? Saints, he would have done anything to have the argument just wiped out. He was about to go and look for Wylan when he got a better idea.

“You can try it on me now,” he said.

“WHAT” came out of Karin and Nina at the same time.

Karin was the first one to recover from the shock and he was probably ready to agree because he started adjusting his position on the couch and preparing his hands before Nina suddenly exclaimed

“No way, Jesper. I won´t let you play a guinea pig just because you and Wylan had a fight and you can´t stop thinking about it, yes I know you had a fight don´t look at me like that, I heard you shouting at each other through the door.”

Jesper was staring at her. All the previous anger came back to him as if it was just waiting behind the corner. He was going to do what he fucking wants.

“May I remind you that it´s not your place to make the decision,” he snarled.

“But it´s dangerous we don´t know what it might do to you and…”

“I do what I do in my house!”

If you can still call it your house, reminded a little voice in his head. Jesper signed. He didn´t want to snap at Nina like this. He knows it might be dangerous but that´s all he needs now. Something risky and distracting. And since it wasn´t the best time to disappear to some gambling den or crossfire…  

This is exactly why he wants to be out of his head or whatever is this man going to do to him. At least for a while. He looked at Karin who was observing him closely. Even though he still resembled more of a corpse than a powerful Grisha, he seemed determined. Nina, on the other hand, was frowning at him and twisting her head.

After Jesper nodded at him, Karin lifted his hands and started.

Firstly, Jesper didn´t spot any difference. Then, out of nowhere, he felt as if the control over his body was slipping through his fingers. He started panicking but it was absolutely useless because he wasn´t able to move a finger.

Suddenly, there was someone else´s mind in his body and it completely took over. He was still there, watching the room through his own eyes but he was no longer the master of the flesh. He has been shown to the back of his head as a silent observer. Prisoner of the last place he now wanted to be – his mind. Great.

He wanted to end this “little practise” but no voice came out. He tried to battle with the other occupant but there was no use. It felt as if he was being stomped to the ground by someone else´s giant foot in his own head. As he now fully realised, he has no idea what to do. His body was being controlled by somebody else. What the fuck?

All of his thoughts stopped once Wylan appeared at the door.
He was holding a silver tray with an elegant tea pot and four cups and Jesper also spotted some biscuits. He only managed to admire the shine of moonlight in his boyfriend´s ginger curls and then it happened.

The occupant seemed to flame with anger.

His own voice broke the silence with words Jesper never thought he would let out of his mouth. Words that he firmly believed could be belonging only to Jan Van Eck.

“What the hell took you so long!?”

Wylan froze and turned to Jesper. He was taken aback by the sudden rage in his boyfriend´s voice. What happened? The fight they had couldn´t possibly make him this angry, could it? And the look in his eyes, what was it? Malice?
But he didn´t get a chance to continue in analysing because Jesper started shouting and it felt like hundreds of daggers were stabbing him. 

“So not only you are unable to learn something as simple as reading but you now also can´t even make a proper cup of tea in a decent amount of time?”

Jesper was horrified at the site before him. Wylan was looking at him with those beautiful blue eyes, shocked expression written all over his freckled face. Jesper wanted to reach out to his boyfriend and tell him everything was okay, that the words weren´t his and he loves Wylan more than anything but he couldn´t move a nerve in his body. And what was even worse, he couldn´t stop the mind of Wylan ´s father spitting out the insults in Jesper´s voice. The insults Jesper never wanted Wylan to hear. Ever again. He could only watch the boy he loves shattering to pieces, unable to help him but also unable to stop the occupant of his head hurting him.

“You truly are one big disgrace to this family. A useless boy who thinks that the people he surrounded himself with actually care about him. Let me tell you a secret. They just pity you. You´re not good enough to be someone´s friend, let alone a boyfriend. Did you really think you can pretend you´re not a stupid little brat? You have always been and you always will be one big nothing!”

Shocked expression was exchanged for hurt one long time ago. Wylan was shaking, betrayal and immense hurt shining from his now tearstained eyes.

He dropped the tray and before the smashing of the tea service died down he was gone.

Chapter Text

He was running. He didn´t know where. He just wanted to be away from the voice. His beloved voice was saying things he already knew were true but he still had hope. Not anymore. The insults cut a wound in his chest so deep and raw he thought he might die just right there.

He was used to abusing from his father but not from Jesper. It felt thousands times worse. Because Jesper was someone he cared about and loved. Someone who´s opinion mattered. He always encouraged him. He even read to him. Jesper accepted Wylan for who he was. Was it all one big lie? He had no idea. However, one thing he knew certainly was that it hurt. And it hurts so much. The pain was suffocating him. He couldn´t think. He couldn´t breathe. Wylan started choking on his own tears. He simply couldn´t go on. So he just collapsed to the ground. The words were tearing him apart as the vicious look on Jesper´s face filled his mind.

Jesper stood there speechless as he regained composer over his body but he couldn´t move nevertheless. What has he done

Guilt was now the only thing he could feel. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Karin put his hands down to his lap. Some distant part of his brain registered that he looked much better now after using his powers. Nina was looking at him with mouth wide opened. Her face mixture of disbelief, reproach and told you so.

Jesper didn´t know what to do. He wanted to go after Wylan as soon as he spotted him in the door but can he now? He can´t imagine the amount of hurt he must have caused him.

You must fix this. But right now he needed to deal with one more thing before he goes after his lover. So he reached for anger one last time and turned to Karin.

“What the hell did you just do?? You should have changed my mind for a while and not turn me into a person I hate the most!”
As he was saying it, he realised it was actually true. He really did despise Jan Van Eck more than anyone. He hated him for hurting Wylan and tearing him down instead of appreciating how brilliant he was.

You did the same just a minute ago.

And Jesper couldn´t stand the thought of hurt Wylan any longer. Without a look at either Nina or Karin, he sprinted out of the salon, stepping over the shattered tea service and started frantically looking for his boyfriend.

It took him a while before he finally found him. Jesper tried all of his hiding spots he knew about, but Wylan was nowhere to be found. When he almost gave up and wanted to go for Nina to help him search the streets, he glimpsed a shimmer of red hair at the very end of their garden.

Jesper almost sighed with relief. But as he approached the place where Wylan was now sitting, under a big old willow, his heart sunk. All of his nervous fidgeting he hasn´t been able to stop since their fight, now died as he laid eyes on the merchling. Wylan was sitting there, silent tears still streaming from his beautiful eyes but his expression was apathetic.

Jesper could have dealt with hurt, anger or even resentment. But not emptiness. He wanted to comfort his boyfriend desperately, so he reached out for him without thinking but Wylan flinched and moved closer to the tree, away from Jesper.

And now he could properly see it. The huge damage he has done. He might have just as well got a slap in the face. He didn´t know what to do. Now more than any time, everything depended on his words. And right now, he didn´t have any. How can he make amends for something so awful?

But he must try. He loves Wylan beyond grave and even if Wylan doesn´t want to see him for the rest of his life, he has to fix this.

“Wylan…I…I don´t….I didn´t…I would never…”

Jesper desperately tried to figure out what to say and he needlessly tried to reach for Wylan´s hand once more.

“Don´t touch me.”

Wylan wanted nothing more than to bury his head in Jesper's chest and let himself believe it was just a bad dream. But he won´t solicit. If they really just pity him, he is done with giving them the pleasure of seeing him vulnerable.

Ah, there it was. A flicker of anger in that impassive stillness of Wylan´s gaze. A clue Jesper was waiting for.

That´s it. I just have to make him feel something. Anything is better than Wylan´s empty eyes. So Jesper did what he does all the time - didn´t take Wylan´s advice. And hugged him.

Wylan was startled for a second before he began fighting with Jesper. He started bashing to Jesper´s chest with his clenched fists while not-so-silent sobs were escaping from his mouth. Jesper let him for a while before tightening his arms around the other boy.

“Wylan, please. Just listen to me. You can hit me how many times you want, Saints know I deserve it. But please listen. I didn´t mean any of the things I said there. I never wanted to hurt you. Please, Wylan…”

He stopped because Wylan shifted in his arms. He gave up on hitting him and wasn´t crying anymore, but what frightened Jesper was, that the emptiness he tried to get Wylan rid of, came back in a full force. 

Wylan straightened his shoulders and stepped aside from Jesper. He must end this right now or he won´t ever find the courage to do so. He wanted to believe Jesper didn´t mean any of it, but the whole scene was still so fresh in his mind and the wound in his chest aching. Besides, he knew Jesper was right. He has always known that he´s just one big failure. He knew it all along that he doesn´t deserve someone as amazing as Jesper. And he cursed himself for believing they could really have this happy life together. But apparently… Jesper doesn´t want it. Jesper doesn´t want him. He just wished it could have lasted a little longer. No. It would have just extended the time he was being lied to.
Wylan took a deep breath and prayed his voice won´t shake. He, at least, needs Jesper to know how he felt.

„Jesper….this….this black hole I humbly call a heart was empty before I met you. It started filling up with something bright and beautiful when we first kissed and it has only grown ever since you promised to stay with me. I…I thank you for that. But I can´t make you feel something you clearly don´t want to. So… I´m giving you an easy out. I just wish…“

His voice was now trembling with suppressed pain but he needed to finish. He took a deep breath.

“I just wish you told me sooner. You could have spared yourself the time you… you lost with me and be where you really want to be. You can leave. Nothing holds you here. I can find someone else to read to me. You don´t have to feel guilty or obliged to stay. So, please go. I truly hope you´ll be happy wherever your feet take you.”

The last sentence was a mere whisper but Wylan meant it honestly. He couldn´t stand Jesper being unhappy and looking at Jesper´s flustered face after he finished, was almost too much. So he just did a few steps behind the willow and collapsed again on the ground, drawing knees to his chest and wishing Jesper was already gone and won´t see him, the mask of apathy now nonreturnable.
Wylan ran out of tears, but Saints if the wound wasn´t even bigger now he revealed his feelings with the full knowledge they´re not reciprocated.

Jesper stood there and felt terrible. Wylan loves him. Well, he did not say it directly, but Jesper was almost sure of it. And you hurt him.
And yet after everything Jesper said tonight, this beautiful boy still cared about him. After everything, you´ve done.
But he also thinks his heart was a black hole and that he didn´t deserve love. And most importantly, he believes Jesper wants to leave him. As he saw Wylan break down after the few steps he´s taken away from where they stood, he couldn´t stand it. The guilt was ripping him apart. Do something, you idiot!

Jesper moved silently and knelt down before Wylan. His head was on his knees and he didn´t seem to notice that Jesper was still there.
He won´t make the mistake to try to touch him again.

“Wylan…” Said boy stiffen but didn´t lift his head.

“Wylan, I´m so sorry. You might don´t want to see me for the rest of your life and I completely understand. But please, listen. I know you won´t believe me right now if I tell you I didn´t mean any of the things I said. But please. Believe this: I don´t consider any moment of time spent with you as lost. And I won´t leave. Because I don´t want to. I love you Wylan.”

The merchling still hasn´t moved, so Jesper just had to assume he´s listening.

“And I don´t think you´re a failure or disgrace to your family. Actually, I don´t think any of the things I said. It wasn´t me telling you those awful things...” he quickly tried to explain who is Karin and what have they been doing in the salon before Wylan came in.

“But that doesn´t mean I´m trying to hide behind excuses, Wylan. I´m also sorry for the fight we had before. You don´t deserve this. And you certainly don´t deserve to hear the awful things your father used to tell you again. I feel terrible for what happened. Please, could you forgive me? Or just….talk to me, please.”

Could it be true? Could Jesper really love him? A glimpse of that traitorous hope started warming up the edges of the wound in his chest. But that was not possible. This happens only in fairy tales. This was surely some new game which end will break his heart again. But how can he be sure?

You´ll never know if you don´t try.

So he mastered last bits of courage and looked up from his knees to the Zemeni boy´s eyes. They were now too, shining with tears, but his face was looking hopeful as Wylan´s head lifted. 

“So you don´t… You don´t see me as a failure?” His voice sounded weak, unsure and vulnerable even to his own ears.

Jesper´s eyes softened. He saw the other boy struggling and doubting himself and he also saw how much effort it cost him to ask this question. It nearly broke his heart all over again how lost Wylan looked.

“Saints, no! Wylan, I think you´re brilliant! In fact, I don´t just think it, I know it!”

He wanted to touch Wylan desperately, but instead, he just kept talking.

“You´re an amazing flute player, magnificent bomb-maker and the cutest person I know. You´re great with numbers and science and stuff! You´re gracefully mastering the merchant´s world while still being the kindest boyfriend I could have ever wished for. This is what I see, Wy. This is who you are and YOU are the boy I have fallen in love with. So don´t you even for a second think, you´re anything less than wonderful.”

Wylan was at loss of words. And also probably red like a tomato. The whole time Jesper was speaking he was intently looking into Wylan´s eyes. And not only to them but also into him. Right into his aching heart. Jesper´s loving gaze and words (Wylan was now sure he meant them) started closing up the wound in his chest. But there was one more thing to do to completely seal it.

So Wylan leaned forward, grabbed Jesper´s shirt and kissed him. It was light and soft just to be sure this is really happening. But it certainly didn´t stop there. Jesper was longing to touch his boyfriend and now he was finally done waiting. He placed one hand at the nape of Wylan´s neck and the other on his cheek, gently brushing few new tears away and deepened their kiss. He moved his lips over Wylan´s fiercely, as to really prove him how much he meant to him.
They both gave it everything they had – their hurt, despair, the possibility of losing the other, but most importantly: their love.

When they broke apart in necessary need of air, Wylan´s hand moved from Jesper´s shirt (which was now pretty rumpled from how hard he was squeezing it) to grab his hand.

“Just to be clear, I don´t want you to go anywhere. I like you exactly where you are – here with me. And I love you too by the way.” He was blushing hard while saying it but he meant every word.

Jesper grinned and was happy to have his beautifully flushed merchling back. So he kissed him again. And again and again. When it became impossible for Wylan to get a deeper shade of red, Jesper poked his nose and said

“Here´s my favourite sunshine.” But then he got serious again and looked into his boyfriend´s eyes.

“You never answered my question, Wy…”

Wylan frowned. “What question?”

“Can you ever forgive me, please?” Jesper sighed. “I understand if you can´t… I said so many horrible things. I´m so sorry for hurting you.”

Jesper was looking down on his knees, guilt swirling in him as he started fidgeting nervously again. But it didn´t have long lasting for a gentle hand cupped his cheek.

“Hey, it´s okay. I forgive you. It wasn´t entirely your fault...Which reminds me that we have two tired Grishas in the salon with nothing to do and probably waiting to be attended to.”

Jesper was relieved but it hasn´t melted all the guilt away completely. He must try to make it up to him. But right now there was a more urgent problem at hand.

Saints, this is a long night.

They returned to the house, hand in hand, and found their guests still in the salon. (The shattered tea service was gone and replaced by another one and some food on the table. Thank Saints for the servants.) Karin was snoring on the sofa while Nina was anxiously looking from the window.

“There you are,” she said when they came in.

As soon as she noticed they were holding hands, she visibly relaxed and smiled. Although she still resembled someone with insomnia it was a genuine smile. Wylan went to hug her.

“I´m so happy to see you, Nina. But you must be exhausted. I told the servants to set up a room for you when I was in the kitchen. It should be prepared by now.”

Nina pecked his cheek and said, “Thank you, darling.”

Wylan´s face pinked and he was about to go to show Nina her room when she stopped him with a hand on his shoulder.

“And what about him?” She moved her head in the direction of Karin. Wylan´ s brows furrowed.

“Well, we have many rooms in our house. I let the servants know to prepare two rooms when I asked them. So if he doesn´t prefer a broken neck from a sofa over a warm bed, Jesper can show him his room too.”

Nina grinned at him and ruffled his curls while saying “You really are just the sweetest waffle, you know that, right?” Which caused Wylan to blush even harder.

When they exited the salon, Jesper stood there for a while, enjoying the sound of “we have” and “our house” which came out of Wylan´s mouth without the slightest bit of hesitation. A loud snort brought him back from his thoughts to find Karin´s blue eyes fixing him again.

“Uh…You´re awake. Great. Can you follow me so I can show you your room?” Jesper didn´t want to come back to what they were doing here before. He hoped Karin wasn´t going to bring it up either.

When Jesper saw how the other man was struggling to stand up, he put one of Karin´s arms around his shoulders and helped him. He hoped to spend the rest of the way to Karin´s room in silence, but he was not that lucky.

“You know Jesper, I think you might have figured it out.”

“What?” Jesper was not in the mood to discuss anything about their “little practise”. Not when he could be with Wylan instead.

“My new power.”

Now, he was confused.

“What are you talking about?”

“Well, I talked to Nina about it and she thinks it might be it. My ability consisted of changing people´s appearance to what they wished to look like. Now, I´m able to change people´s personality to something they never wanted to be. Or, as you said, change them into someone they hate the most.”

Jesper didn´t know what to answer to that, so he just kept quiet for the rest of the way. When he left Karin´s room with a quick “Goodnight”, he rushed to his and Wylan´s bedroom.

He found his boyfriend yawning on the bed.  Wylan seemed to realise now, how late it actually was because he just tucked himself under the covers and patted a place on the bed next to him. Jesper didn´t need to be told twice to join him. He just got swiftly undressed and approached the bed, when he noticed Wylan gazing at his almost naked form from under the blankets.

“Bathing in my sexiness, huh?”

Wylan´s cheeks heated up a little, but he remained still when he spoke.

“I want you to know I love you, Jes.”

That he didn’t expect. Usually, Wylan would answer with rolling his eyes or eventually with some flirty comment as well. Not seriousness. This night has really taken a strange turn.

Jesper climbed on the bed and put his arms around the other boy so that his head was now rested on Wylan´s curls. He could feel how Wylan grinned to his chest. He adored being held like this and Jesper knew it.  

“I know. And I hope you know I love you just as well, Wy.”

Being so close to him, made his senses go mad every time. He loved how Wylan smelt like home. He started planting small kisses over Wylan´s forehead and cheeks, only to end up nuzzling his neck and adding some more soft kisses there. This earned a gasp from Wylan before he linked their lips together in one passionate kiss. Jesper´s grip around Wylan´s waist tightened as he drew the merchling closer to him.

When they parted, Jesper lay on his back. He would love to continue in showing his adoration for his boyfriend, but they were both tired and emotionally exhausted from the crazy events of the night. Wylan rested his head on Jesper´s shoulder, while he put arms around his torso.

They fell asleep like this: snuggled to each other, with Jesper´s arms protectively around the smaller boy. Content and both glad to have their lover in their arms, with full awareness of not changing that any time soon.