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Loss of Control

Chapter Text

Townhouse: 9 pm

Caroline and Cassidy were spending the next five days with their father and Miranda had no idea what to do with herself.

Patricia had passed away two months ago after being hit by a car. The Second Assistant, that was with her at the time, suffered minor injuries. The man that hit them, would be spending the rest of his poor life in jail.

And now, Miranda is in her home, alone, wondering what her First Assistant, Andrea might be doing. The feelings for her First Assistant were growing and she, for the first time in her life, was not able to properly deal with her emotions.

Andrea was promoted around five months before, when Emily needed to take an emergency trip to England to see her family. The former First Assistant came back three months later and now worked with Nigel.

Miranda was lost in thought. She found it happened more than she would like and all of her thoughts were of that girl, that silly girl who had captured her heart without her consent.

A very loud noise brought back Miranda to reality suddenly and she moved to the stairs. Looking down, a scene she never expected to see, and one that horrified her. It had the same impact on her as when Cassidy broke her arm. She shook, not trusting at her legs to deal with the weight of her size zero frame.

The scene was horrifying. Andrea was on the floor, blood running down her arm, the dry cleaning at the floor.

Miranda forgot about everything. Moving as fast as she could on her trembling legs, she ran downstairs to see what might have happened to Andrea.

The girl had never had an accident in the two years that she'd been working at Runway. The opposite, she was always careful and attentive to everything.

“Andrea?”

5 minutes before

Andrea was not feeling well and the rain outside didn't help at all. She had too much heavy stuff in her hands, she felt she could not trust in her body to complete the simple task from before. They were as simple as always, but now, she felt she held the weight of the world in her hands.

As soon as she put the book on the table, she lost her balance with the dresses in her hands and then the noise of something breaking, the sharp pain in her arm, and blood.

A voice that she would recognize anywhere was calling her and she looked up, taking her eyes from the book, now covered with drops of her blood.

Andrea was worried that her time at the magazine and especially with Miranda would now be at an end with this accident. She started to cry. “Mi-Miranda sorry about the book. I am soooo soorryyyy.”

“What?” Miranda was speechless. What was this girl is sorry about? She was hurt, with blood seeping from her body, and was apologising? “Andrea, where are you hurt?”

“Hurt?”

“Yes. Where?”

Before Andrea could respond to her, Miranda looked into the girl eyes and all the shine disappeared, leaving a very distressing image in Miranda's mind.

And like that, this was Miranda's last memory of the woman she’d learned how to love but had never had the opportunity to tell, ‘I love you’.

On that day, Miranda Priestly lost control of her heart, loss control of herself and became someone much more frightened than ever.

 

Chapter Text

It had been one year. One year of hell for anyone that worked at Runway. Miranda Priestly became worse than she ever was.

Caroline and Cassidy came back to their mother to find her totally lost in her thoughts and realized something big had happened. At Runway their mother was the same, maybe a bit more hard to please, but at the house was where the change was most significant.

Miranda spent months in therapy, without success. The image of Andrea's body, covered in blood, was a constant in her dreams every night. The truth was, she couldn’t understand what happened that day.

When Andrea left Runway to travel to the townhouse with Roy, she was fine. As she came into the house, according to Roy description to the police, everything was calm and fine outside. After the police came to investigate, they discovered that a bullet had hit Andrea and the girl hadn’t realized because she was too busy with her stuff.

The bullet came from the back of the townhouse, more specifically from the kitchen. Someone had been in the townhouse, a burglar or something worse and obviously, Miranda was the target. As Andrea arrived, the person for whatever reason, decided to kill her. Much to the delight of the “Page Six” and all the other sensationalist newspapers that made a lot of money from the situation.

Devil in Prada tries to kill First Assistant.”

Miranda Priestly with blood in her hands. The dragon attacked.”

Miranda decided to sell the townhouse shortly after because there were too many ghosts to still live there. The girls agreed and they moved to another place. The first days were spent at a hotel and then, a new townhouse, not far from the former one, but not on the same street.

During the past 12 months, she has visited Andrea at the hospital. The guilt from the young woman being there because of her, destroying her inside. If it was not her job to bring The Book and the clothes, Andrea would be alright and not in a coma for a year. At the same time, the Editor-in-Chief would no longer exist, being dead.

During the months following the attack, Miranda paid for the best detectives in the USA to discover what happened that night, and until now, there had been no results. There were two possible suspects but no proof of anything.

Miranda wanted the person, who put the woman that stole her heart, in prison. She wanted this person to have a death sentence. But more than anything, she wanted to be able to look to that brown eyes that melted her heart in a way no one else was able to before.

Now, walking down the hospital corridor, she is no longer followed by too many reporters since there is no news to be told. Andrea Elisabeth Sachs has been in a coma for one year, Miranda is still the worse nightmare in the fashion industry and the twins have been in an internship in London for almost three months. No news is good news, right?

She had learned that Andrea’s bleeding was bad because of where the bullet hit her, not very far from the kidney. A lot of blood was lost and the girl needed to have three blood transfusions, but what made her lose consciousness was her brain. To avoid the worse, it had shut down.

Over the months Miranda almost became a doctor herself, reading all the books she could find about the situation Andrea was living. She knows the reality, but she still wants and needs to hope.

Andrea's room

Miranda walked slowly through the doors, as she has been doing now every day for the last three months. Before the twins went to London, she had visited Andrea three times a week, with them.

The girls are grateful that their mother is alive, in part due to Andy being shot, but they hate to see her like that. All the energy, all the smiles, there is none around anymore.

As Miranda moved into the room, she was surprised. The doctor that had been taking care of Andrea for the last six months, was looking at his patient and smiling.

“Good afternoon Miranda.”

“Dr Francis.”

“I have good news.”

“What kind of news?”

“Andrea's brain signals are higher than ever.”

“And?”

“As you know, coma’s have stages where the brain still produces small signals. And since I started to treat Andrea, her brain had become quieter all the time. However, since last night the levels are high and stronger.”

“What does that mean?”

“She might wake up. She has been in an induced coma for one year but since I have been treating her I've been trying to reduce the level of drugs and Andrea has responded well to it, as I told you three months ago. Yesterday I decided to change it to the minimal level and the signals become extremely high. So, Miss Priestly, we need to speak about what happens next.”

As the two of them left the room, the machines presented a new level of brain signals.

“Miranda...”

Andrea was in a strange place, she didn’t recognize where, but it felt safe, calm and peaceful. And she loved it, she truly liked it, but she had been there for a long time. Some days she believed it was time to leave, and now, listening to the voice of the woman she learned to love, she decided it was time to return to her. It was time to see her dragon and the twins, as the most important things in her life.

Suddenly the doors of the room opened, nurses ran around and the doctor, who just started his talk with Miranda, returned to his patient's side. The Editor-in-Chief, struggling with her emotions, waited outside the room for news.

The time passed slowly than Miranda ever imagined possible. She realized the nurses and the doctor are back at her side, all smiling.

“Miranda. Andrea is awake, we are going to run some tests and see how she will react. It will be a long day.”

“I shall wait.”

At that moment Miranda Priestly, the Editor-in-Chief of Runway sat in an uncomfortable plastic chair nearby, not willing to be too far away from Andrea's room until a nurse could find a more appropriate place for her. She had been waiting a year to the exact day and would wait wherever necessary in order to see those brown eyes. And she would wait however long it took to see Andrea’s wide smile again.

She would finally have control of her life back, because her life, for a long time, had been Andrea.

Chapter Text

Hospital

Miranda had been waiting patiently for almost an hour so far. To know her life would finally be hers again was a great relief.

One of the nurses who had been taking care of Andrea nodded to Miranda and smiled.

“Miss Priestly, I am so glad Miss Sachs has finally woken up.”

“Me too.”

“I am going to check on her. I just started work and heard the wonderful news. I will let you know how she is shortly.”

As Maggie come into the room, a very tired but clearly awake Andrea smiled.

“Hello Miss Sachs. It is so good to see you.”

“Hum...hi.”

“I am going to check your vitals and after this your doctor will come and run some tests and...”

Andrea put her hand up to stall the flow of words.

“Where is Miranda? Is she alright? I remember that I was at the townhouse and…and...”

The nurse, in her late fifties, approached Andrea's bed and buzzed for the doctor.

Andrea started to feel lost, confused and agitated. The nurse, feeling the distress rolling off the young woman, placed her hand on Andrea’s arm.

“Where the hell is Miranda?”

Miranda was still sitting outside waiting for Maggie to come out of the room when she heard Andrea's distressed voice. Not thinking of the consequences, she opened the door of the room. Worried blue eyes met brown distressed ones.

Andrea smiled at her and Miranda sighed in relief. The girl was fine.

“Miss Priestly, it is best if you wait outside.”

During all her time at the hospital, Miranda had come to realize one thing, she needed to respect the team. They were professionals and they wanted the best for her Andrea.

“Why?”

Before Maggie could say anything, Dr Francis entered the room.

“Miss Sachs, I am glad to see you. Miss Priestly.”

Miranda simply nodded at the doctor and look back towards the two women.

“Miranda, are you alright?”

The worried tone of voice made the doctor look at the older woman.

Maggie, knowing what was coming, took a piece of paper and wrote a note for the doctor.

“Miss Sachs...”

“Oh please, call me Andy.”

“Andy, why would you think Miranda is not alright?”

At that question, Miranda decided to step closer to the bed. She needed to hear the reason while looking into Andrea's eyes.

“I don't know what happened, but she was on the stairs calling my name.”

At her statement, Miranda's hand went to her mouth and her eyes started to water. She could not believe it. Andrea had no memories from that fateful day until now, they just didn't exist. The girl was living the same day and Miranda had lost a year of her life, unable to look into those bright brown eyes.

“Miss Priestly, please, wait outside.”

Miranda moved in what seemed like slow motion. She has no idea how she would be able to put the pieces of her heart together. Throughout this year, she had become a different woman.

Now, with this new reality, she realized one thing. She had no control. She could not control this moment or take control of the year that had passed for her but was still the same for Andrea.

Andrea, looking how devastated Miranda seemed, tried to stand up but the doctor and the nurse stopped her. She looked towards them and frowned.

“Andy, we need to talk."

 

Chapter Text

Andrea keeps looking at the doctor, not sure if her brain has been able to keep all the new information. During the last 20 minutes she discovered not only that Miranda was/is fine and that was she the one in danger all the time and one full year of her life simply did not happen.

The memory of what occurred at the townhouse clear and crystalline, like water and it hurts. She looked straight to the doctor and the nurse. She needed to understand what it means to her life and the consequences. The new life that came to her is now full of emptiness.

Miranda, on the other hand, has been outside for a long time. How to deal with all these new feelings, destruction of what she once left behind for an unknown new life. A life with a new Andrea. She simply has no idea how to deal with it so, she decided to call Nigel. A short conversation, no further details only let him aware that his “Six” is now awake.

The next and last call were to her girls that became extremely glad that Andy, as they still insist calling her, was awake. The girls became although very upsetting with the news of the young woman lost one year of her life.

Doctor Francis opened the door, at the other side of the corridor Miranda tried her best not shown the conflicts of her emotions.

“Miranda, could you please follow me to my office before you speak to Andrea.”

Every step to the not so far office was heavy. The information was not new, she had been reading about comma, memory loss for over the year. But read about something and the reality of this something are two different things, two different kind of feelings.

She did know she supposed to be listening to every single word, but her brain cannot deal with new information right now. The office suddenly became smaller and her heart is running miles per second, she is nauseous. The Ice Queen persona can do it, she told herself. No emotions, only precise and minimum dialogue. She is Miranda Priestly, she can do anything, always.

The only person able to break this facade is Andrea. Marching back to the room, leaving the doctor's office, she stopped again trying to recompose herself. Andrea was always able to read her at work and she does not want the girl to become nervous with her presence. Not here, not now. Andrea already needs to deal with a lot.

As she tried to open the door, her hands or lightly shaking and she did a heavy breath to try to find a calm she no longer has. As soon as she came to the room, her eyes lay on her former First Assistant, at the hospital bed, so fragile, so lonely.

“Andrea.”

Andy had been looking to the window trying to make sense of her life. The nurse a long time gone to check other patients. Maggie said Miranda was going to return after speaking to Doctor Francis so when she hears the door, she did know that the older woman was back.

“Miranda.”

The two of them stayed looking at each other for long seconds or short minutes, both dealing with their own feelings. Their time will happen one day, at the right moment, where the tender emotion, always hide in their professionalism, will emerge.

Brown eyes, trying hard to not let the tears out and, blue eyes, already not able to keep them, find each other. Andrea and Miranda suddenly realizing that their time, now, is not the same and worse, the reality of how they could deal with this new reality.

Miranda recompose herself and slowly and in silence, approach the bed. Andrea still crying. One of them, not sure whom, take each other hand and their fingers interlaced. They spent almost two hours like that, hand in hand, none of them with the courage to speak a single word.

Suddenly the door open with violence and Emily, Serena came in, following by Nigel. Flowers in hands, Andy's favourite chocolate, and a book. They did not forget anything.

Miranda quickly stands up and Andrea the heat of her presence. Something that made her safe and a believer of better days is possible.

“Six, I am so glad you finally decided to open your eyes!”

Andy smiled to Nigel but her eyes still trying to catch Miranda expression since Serena, now kissing her cheek, block the older woman.

“Querida, I am so glad to see you again.”

Emily, that stands near Miranda, with the chocolates in hand. Miranda nodded to the others. They now realize that came in at the wrong moment. The atmosphere at the room dense.

Nigel decided to be the first to speak.

“Hello Miranda.”

“Nigel.” (pause) “Emily, Serena.”

Andrea tried to move a little at the bed. All the other three people all of sudden looking to her. Miranda is the first one to have a say.

“Andrea, I will go back to the townhouse. The new one. I shall return later.”

Nigel, Serena, and Emily looked at each other. Miranda explaining herself is still new to them. All do know the feelings from Andy to Miranda and, a maybe, just maybe, reciprocate from their boss.

Nigel in seconds sits at the bed, explaining all that has been happening. Serena at the other side of the bed, Emily in her lap. The last thing Andy remember, they are not that close…

Townhouse

Miranda arrived at her house, a place she still cannot call home. Roy had taken her from the hospital, stopping quickly at a small flower shop. During traveling, he only said one thing.

“Andy has been missed for so long…”

“Indeed.”

The conversation finished like that. Roy, been working to Miranda for over 15 years, knows that she does not like small talk.

“Take the weekend off.”

“Thank you.”

The woman has feared this day for a long time. She wished she would be able to control her emotions about her younger employee better. Months of therapy did not prepare her for the new reality.

Andrea has been a gift in her life. Someone that could put feelings in her heart that she never had had. Someone that had changed all, without have the permission to do that.

Andrea, the girl, became someone essential to her life as the air she breathes to be alive. Someone with so much energy and warmth that easily melt her heart. Someone that made her want, for the first time in her adult life, be there for her. Be that person that could give all the love that was quietly kept inside her heart and soul.

She could be anywhere with Andrea, anywhere, without a judge, without a doubt. But now, now that they do have a new reality, so different from one year ago, how could she risk everything for something that might not even exist anymore?

During the three years that they have been working together, two years and 4 months after Paris, where Andrea almost left her behind, she was sure of her feelings was reciprocated. But now, how can she, the Ice Queen, be sure of “her Andrea” still do want to be that person that will love her forever and ever.

Miranda realized about the possibility of it only a few weeks before Andrea’s accident. The attempt of murder. And with this Miranda had put her hope up. She had started to think about the best friend she ever wanted to have, the one that was going to be her equal, someone that would be going far away following her steps in life, side by side.

Andrea, the one that woke up today, for now, might be different. But Miranda had had the impression that might be somewhere there but… For now, a hot shower and some sleep will do.

As she leaves her things at the hall, not caring where they will be, she threw everything at the floor. She routed to her room, on the second floor at the house. In between her steps, a simple message to Nigel.

“I will not come back tonight. Stay with Andrea. That’s all.”

Chapter Text

Townhouse

Miranda approach her room. A room that she tries hard to consider a comfort place. And it has been working well, until today. Today her life became a mess, something she simply does not know how to deal with.

How she can control her emotions? Could her be able to control it, she should be able to do it. She can to anything. She is “Devil in Prada”, “Dragon Lady”. She is the most powerful woman at the fashion world but still, she now can feel the emptiness of her heart.

“Andrea”

Suddenly all her universe looks like a universe without glory, a life without a purpose. And for the first time since she was a teenager, Miranda let herself cry.

Hospital

Andy have been looking to Nigel for a long time. After he explained what happened, she tried to understand the puzzle her life became.

The doctors instructed Serena, Emily and Nigel to not give to much details because they still need to do further exams. Serena and Emily left after around 30 minutes with Andrea.

As Nigel move his chair at the room, Andrea take a deep breath.

“She is not coming back, isn’t she?”, asked with an upset voice

Nigel tried not smile to the reaction. Looks like the one year missing didn’t change the ability of Six read their boss. Well, his boss.

“Six, Miranda has been with you with you a lot during this one year. The woman needs a break”

Andy nodded and yawn. Nigel smiled.

“Six, go back to sleep. I will be here a little bit more until the nurses quick me out.”

Nigel knew he could not stay all night. Miranda asked for this, but he is not in the list of people allowed to spent the night. Well, only one person is: Miranda Priestly. Even Andrea’s parents are not allowed since they cut their relationship with their youngest daughter, around one year and half ago.

Next day

Townhouse

Miranda did not sleep much. All the time she tried, images of the accident, attempt of murder of Andrea, came back to life.

She woke up so many times that it was in vein try to relax. Now, around 7 am, she decided to go to the kitchen to make her coffee. As she enter the white marble kitchen, automatically, she turn on the tv. Not a surprise, someone leak about Andrea’s been awake. Someone that will lose their job soon.

Coffee in the right hand, phone in the left one. Two rings and a very sleepy voice at the receiver.

“Leslie, I don’t understand how you can still be sleeping.”

“Miranda, it is what?” (pause) “7:10 am. And I am at maternity leave. You should be calling Jones.”

“Maternity leave is not necessary for more than one or two months. You have this for almost seven. Andrea is awake and the press discovered.”

“What? Andy is awake?!”

At that information, in seconds Leslie started to move from bed.

“Since when Miranda?”

“Yesterday, sometime around 5 pm”

“Around? Miranda, are you alright?”

“Leslie, take care of the press. That’s all.”

The call ended and Leslie was sure that Miranda is not well, she is not okay. They have been working together for more than 10 years now. Miranda trusted her when she was young and naïve. And along the years, one thing she knew: Miranda is a very precise and accurate person. The world around is not part of her vocabulary.

Leslie knows for a long time now. Miranda lost herself, she lost the control of her life at the day Andy almost die. A simple word never had so much power.

As the hit of the word reach Miranda, she found herself losing more than the control of her life. She realized that she can only have it back with Andrea. Closing her eyes, the woman slowly started to slip to the floor. And for the first time in months Miranda cried hard, an animalist cry and sobbing, with a small, scared voice, she said to no one:

“Emotions, shall we control it?”