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Just His Luck

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He cooed at the child and watched as the ball of sunshine brightened and made a happy gurgle. How cute. He was… So glad that he didn’t have a child. Sage, look at that thing, it was a mess and it made messes even larger . He laughed quietly as the baby grabbed onto his hand and attempted to pull it forward. So weak too. If he had to take care of it too often, it would probably break in half like a fragile twig. Ah. He had been calling him an it again, hadn’t he? He twitched and pulled his hands away, even as Naruto squealed loudly.

“Kushina!” The Uzumaki gave a thin smile and watched Naruto reach for the Uchiha before the innocent smile turned into a smirk.

“Ah ah,” She declined, “he quite likes you!” And he wilted. Betrayal .

“Alas,” He whined, “us Uchiha can’t stay out near the sun too often or we will burn up and die.” She tsked happily (what a contradiction) and picked up Naruto carefully.

“Yes yes, we all know you Uchiha are fragile creatures, go brood in a closet to build up morale.” Wow. Really though, he was overwhelmed. He quite liked Naruto when liking him didn’t mean taking care of him. Obito whined, not quite liking the way things were going before deciding that it was probably for the best. He got up and left with lighter shoulders.

 

“Where are you going?”

“Classified information, Kushina-nee.”

“..Fine, do you know how long you will be gone?”

“Classified.”

“Classified my- Argh, stay safe, dattebane!”

 

The last of many traitors fell to the floor in a heap of useless limbs, a broken puppet with cut strings. Pathetic , he wanted to whisper, what was the point of doing such horrendous acts ? It only ended in mutual destruction, if not even that. Yet, he couldn’t say such a thing. ANBU needed to stay quiet unless commanded, to hold their opinions in and just do what they are told. The blood started the pool and he started to cut off all traces of whom could have done such an attack. Lord Third will have less of a heavy burden to bear, but a burden all the same, when he hears the news.

He came through the window, outfit still bloodied, before bowing in front of the Hokage. “The mission is complete,” he monotoned and the old man gave a stern nod.

“Cat, remove your mask,” the Kage would order and soon enough the Uchiha would return to a lone apartment, bed all but bare and furniture dusty. It had been a while , he would muse, since he had sat in a comfortable chair.

 

Kushina was overjoyed at his return, holding a fumbling toddler with care. Said toddler wasn’t exactly as happy, but still made a really loud noise before reaching for him and mumbling a word or two. He rose a brow, unable to help the small smile twitching at his lips. “Hello,” He cooed, “Are you the wonderful Naruto I’ve heard so much about?”

“Ja! Yeaa!! M’ arto!” ..Good enough for a uh- How old was the kid again? Two? One? Jeeze.. He smiled widely. He sure had missed a lot.

“It’s great to meet you! Has your mom been good?” Said mother twitched, giving him a death glare that he gracefully ignored.

“Ja!! M’ ma’s reaw-wy goo’!” He needs to work on his pronunciation, but he supposed having a single mom would make it kind of hard to learn that stuff. Then again, he had no idea how quick learning for a toddler was supposed to go. He pat the kid on the head anyways.

“That’s great, kid.” Now, how to ignore the wrath of Kushina without flat out running away..?

 

He talked to a stone and didn’t stop. Hours of catching a stone up with his life, telling it all the things Naruto had done, how Kushina is, how he is still late to things. (“It isn’t like I try to be late! Old people keep recognizing me!” He swore he could hear laughter.) He told his teacher some of the things he had learnt, he told them how they missed them, then he was quiet.

He stared at the sky, watching the stars, and found himself smiling. “I wonder if you have become stars?” One of said stars twinkled and his smile grew, “Watch over Naruto the best you can, yeah? He’s a good kid.” He could see himself in the bumbling ball of energy, how he used to be. He closed his eyes and let himself relax.

 

“Tobi-nii! Tobi-nii!” He turned around to be greeted by a little ball of sunshine. He didn’t get to say anything though, because the very next second the sun had glomped him and he was trying to regain his balance. What’s up with people glomping him anyways..? He coughed.

“H-” Shit. “Hey Naruto. How are you doing?” Much better. Either the child didn’t notice his short stutter or he ignored it, but, either way, there was no indication that he heard. Which, really, relieved the heck out of him.

“Weeellll..” The kid drawled out, “Kaa-chan got another mission.” He blinked.

“So I’m supposed to take care of you again?” The kid grinned.

“Yep! Good luck!” Great, he just turned six and is already using sarcasm. Either that or he was actually trying to grant him good luck, which he supposed was a kind gesture? He sighed before ruffling the blonde’s hair.

“Is Kushina-nee teaching you how to be a ninja already?” And Naruto grinned brilliantly.

Obito got the distinct feeling he probably just signed up for the destroyal of his village, and so began to sweat. If anybody asks, he didn’t do anything .

 

Naruto was.. A fast learner. A really fast learner. Like, what the fuck? Which side of the family did he get it from? His mom’s? Sensei’s? How was he learning so fast? Even Kakashi couldn’t perfect something that quick! “S-so.. What is the academy teaching you?” Naruto made a face and the flopped onto the floor. He rose a brow.

“It’s boooorrrinnngggg..!” Cue a dramatic sigh- “They read these weird things about old people and then you have to write stuff, dattebayo..” Sounds.. Just how he remembers it, actually. He pat the kid on the head and grinned.

“How about this,” The kid perked up, “If you get good grades, I’ll teach you a really cool jutsu.” He gasped happily.

“And take me out for ramen?” He sweat dropped.

“And take you out for ramen.”

 

Surprisingly, he got notice that Naruto’s grades started to increase.

 

C-rank mission, escort merchant to the village of rice patties. Fuck . Escort missions. The worst possible missions in all of existence except D-ranks . It was almost guaranteed that the civilian or maybe even noble would have a stick up their ass and at least someone coming for them. They were also the most likely, in his personal experience, to be messed up terribly and end up in the higher ranks. He winced at kunai flew in front of him and protruded out of the tree beside him. He jinxed it. Fuck.

Just his luck.

 

She barrelled through the hospital door, killer intent permeating the air. He waved a little, sweating bullets as she hovered over him, eyes practically glowing red. She had a giggling child on her back, though. That helped him not flop over and die. “H-hi Kushina-nee..?” Naruto was put on the floor gently, with a pat on his head from his mother, before there were claws in his shoulders and he was trying not to bleed.

“You..” She growled, “Are and idiot !” How terrifying.. Her hair was floating- “What would I do if you died, huh? You are so stupid, dattebane!” And she went on and on. The fury of a kunoichi was something to be feared, indeed. The hospital staff gave him no pity. Damn it.

 

He stared blankly at the Hokage. Sadly, the Hokage mirrored that expression perfectly. Damn it, he knew the Uchiha’s. Stupid of him to forget that. “And why ,” He asked slowly, “Did you think that I , of all people, would be a good teacher?” The grin he got in response terrified him.

 

They failed. They did everything by themselves, for themselves, and when he gave them a chance, they didn’t take it. He was actually quite disappointed in them, weren’t they supposed to be some of the best? He sighed, dragging a hand across his face, and decided that having a drink would be beneficial, angry Kushina be damned.

 

Turns out that having a drink is not beneficial. He, as he just found out, is a lightweight. Other shinobi found him quite amusing and gave him more drinks which ended up with him waking up in some guys bed naked and a gap in his memory. The hangover, to say the least, sucked. He groaned into his hands and hoped whoever he was stealing food from did not mind all that much.

 

They minded.


He realized belatedly that he woke up in some guys bed. Not some girls, guys . He was pretty sure he was straight through, which actually kind of freaked him out. Another existential crises for another day. Haha, not. He actually flipped his shit mid-mission and got a shuriken embedded within his leg. Great day , he thought bitterly, the sun sure is bright . And ended up with a foot to the face.