The next day when Evan woke up he didn’t feel great, but he felt so much better than he did the day before. Yet again he had to walk to school because Jared yet again ignored his text. He was probably picking up his other friends and he didn’t want them to know that he was “family friends” with a loser like Evan Hansen. Though Evan knew that eventually Jared was going to have to drive him so that his mom would pay for his car insurance. Jared was such a jerk sometimes. He hasn’t even called Evan his actual friend since seventh grade; he guesses that Jared got tired of him. Well good thing that Jared only had to deal with him for the rest of this year, and then they’d never have to see each other again.
Half way through his walk he put in his earphones and played some Beetles so he could block out all of the anxiety inducing thoughts. Even after taking his medication his anxiety levels were moderately high; Evan knew that he probably needed a higher dose but he was too afraid to ask for it. Soon enough he was back facing those cement steps; the same ones he stood in front of on his first day before he vomited in the bush next to him. He took out his earphones, took a deep breath, and walked inside as calm as possible. As he was walking to his faded grey blue locker he kept his eyes looking down; he was too afraid of accidentally making eye contact with someone and offending them some how. God he hated school, its feels like every little thing that you do is being judged, and of course Evan’s brain makes him over think everything.
A few feet away from his locker he is surprised to see Connor there not Jared. He walks a little faster to meet up with the taller boy, a small smile adoring his face.
“W-what are you d-doing here?” Evan asked as he started the daily struggle of opening his locker.
“ I thought we were friends Hansen? I can leave if you want. Wouldn’t want people to know that you’re friends with Connor fucking Murphy.” Evan stopped fiddling with his lock to look at Connor with wide eyes.
“NO THAT’S NOT-T WHAT I-I-I MEANT! I actually meant-t it the other way, I-I didn’t know if you-u-u wanted everyone to know that you’re friends with m-me.” Both boys sat in tense silence before Connor started laughing. Evan noticed that Connor hid his smile with his hand; the same one that Evan had wrapped yesterday. Evan laughed along, albeit quieter as he opened his locker and put his lunch inside.
When he turned back to Connor the taller boy was glaring at something past Evan. His eyes were hard and his jaw was clenched; he kept clenching and unclenching his fist. Evan looked behind him to find Jared standing a few feet away looking as angry as Connor did. Jared stomped over to Evan pointing an accusing finger at Connor.
“What are you doing here?!” Jared sneered.
“Hanging out with my friend Klienman, what are you doing here?” Connor spat back.
“Evan you’re friends with this freak?” Jared turned to the boy in question. Evan gripped his backpack tighter; god he hated confrontation.
“Y-yes?” That was the only thing that Evan could squeak out while Jared glowered at him. Connor grunted and turned away (like he was going to walk away) but he paused and said, “You commin Hansen? Or are you going to hang out with this asshole?” Evan looked at Jared and gave him an apologetic smile and wave before turning away and scurrying off to meet up with Connor.
‘Did Evan really just pick Connor Murphy over me?’ was the first thing that Jared thought as he stood near Evan’s locker in utter shock. Jared and Evan have been friends since basically childbirth and now Evan is just ignoring that! How could he just betray Jared like that?! Jared stood angrily near Evans locker until the bell rang. Jared is so pissed that he can’t even vocalize it.
In fourth hour English Evan just couldn’t concentrate. He kept fidgeting and blanking out; that was until his teacher announced that they were starting a group project. Evan HATES group projects, they fill him with so much anxiety and he tends to get stuck with kids that make him do all the work.
“Today you will be starting a group project where you and your partners reflect on your past three years of high school. You will also talk about your future plans and dreams. This is a project where you will work in four’s, and you may pick your own partners. Don’t forget to talk about hardships and great achievements, give us everything, insecurities, flaws, etc. This whole project is about learning who you and your partners are as people before you’re thrown into the adult world.”
Evan cringed at the idea of this. He hated talking about himself and having others know every little thing about him was terrifying. It made him want to vomit again. Plus what if he ended up with complete strangers! God he wanted to cry, or to yell, or both.
“This project needs to be in a photo album. There needs to be photos and captions of your thoughts, or small drawing and doodles or inside jokes. Group members will also write a two-page essay about themselves. This project is also about making new friends; you should become close with your partners. This project will be due a month before graduation. The rest of this class will be used to find your partners and introduce yourselves to each other.”
And with that Evan’s teacher sat at her desk and started working on something on her computer. Evan was shaking; he couldn’t deal with this.
Suddenly a pair of pale hands with black chipped polish slammed down on his desk. Evan looked up to meet eyes with icy blue seas, Connor. He totally forgot they had the same English this year. A wave of relief washed over him; at least he wouldn’t get stuck with a complete stranger. Evan tore his eyes away from Connor’s to look behind him expectantly at Jared. They made eye contact but Jared quickly looked away and got up to find a group. Evan sighed; he really messed up didn’t he.
Connor sat down next to Evan and grabbed a tattered notebook out of his bag. They sat awkwardly, quickly realizing that they needed two more group members. Evan looked behind him at some sudden commotion to find at least eight kids surrounding Alana Beck. The kids weren’t even talking to her they were fighting with each other about who’s group she’d be in. Connor seemed to have noticed the fighting too; he glared at the kids from his seat.
“Hey Alana, do you want to work with us?” Alana looked up surprised before a small smile graced her face. She grabbed her bag and multiple books before sitting to the right of Connor. She looked at the two teen boys and gave them an actual smile.
“Thank you Connor, hello Evan.” Alana waved at Evan and grabbed a sparkly blue pen before scribbling something down in her notebook. She then ripped two strips and handed them to Connor and Evan. Evan noticed that she has nice and neat cursive handwriting.
“This is my number. I figured that if were going to be working on his project we might as well stay in contact out of school. And it would also be helpful if we had questions because then we would be able to ask each other.”
Evan gave her a small smile and was about to compliment her idea but then someone else plopped down to the left of Evan. Evan jumped and quickly turned his head when he met eyes with Jared. He was shocked to say the least; he had no words. He tried to stutter out a hello before Jared cut him off.
“I’m only here because you guys are working with Alana.” Evan looked down at his desk; he couldn’t look at Jared, Evan could see the anger in his eyes. He really did hate confrontation it stressed him out so much. Alana then reached across Evan to hand Jared a slip of paper with her number on it, similar to the ones she handed the other two boys. The boys sat in tense silence while poor Alana sat there confused.
“Maybe we should get together this weekend to start discussing the project more. I’m pretty sure my dad’s will have an extra album we could borrow for the project.” Evan seemed to be the only one paying attention to Alana but he knew that the other two boys were just pretending they weren’t. Connor was busy doodling away in his notebook and Jared was glaring out the window next to him. Both boys grunted in recognition when Alana spoke so at least they weren’t completely ignoring her. Evan really needed to sort this thing out with Jared if they were going to do this project correctly.
“I think t-that’s a good idea Alana. I could bring my camera, I m-m-mean if that’s ok because-e if it’s not I don’t have too.” Evan scratched his neck nervously he didn’t want to be too invasive or bossy.
“That’s a great idea Evan! I didn’t know you were into photography, that’s so neat! I have a cousin who’s a photographer. Are you going to go to college for it? I think that’d work great for you.” Alana smiled wide as she rambled on but Evan didn’t have the heart to stop her so he let her. It was kind of nice though not a lot of people knew that he was into photography, really only Jared and his mom. Connor even seemed to stop scribbling in his notebook when Evan mentioned that he was into it. Jared just snickered and muttered something under his breath, probably an insult.
The bell rang soon after effectively scaring Evan to death. Gosh he was too jumpy.
The bell rang and Connor swears Evan jumped at least three feet in the air. The taller boy chuckled and Evan stuck his tongue out in retaliation. Connor watched as Evan turned to Jared and started whispering something, which didn’t catch the shorter boys attention for long as he spat something out at Evan, and stomped away. When Evan turned back around he looked utterly defeated. Connor didn’t know how Evan could even be friends with that asshole; he wasn’t even nice to Evan for god’s sake!
“H-hey um C-Connor? Could I uh maybe eat-t lunch with you?” Evan fiddled with his cast and looked at the ground as if he was over stepping a boundary. Connor turned around and started walking out of the room.
“Sure but I gotta warn ya I sit in my truck.” Connor listened as the shorter boy jogged to meet up with him.
“T-thank you.” Evan smiled shyly as he struggled to keep up with Connor’s longer strides.
When the two boys reached Connors truck they both crammed inside the three seater. Even if Connors family was well off his father insisted that he and Zoe buy their own cars so they can have some sort of responsibility. So Connor had to spend all of freshman year and half of sophomore year doing idiotic chores to save up to buy this truck, but in the end it was all worth it. It wasn’t the nicest truck by any means but he sure as hell loved it.
Connor watched as Evan fumbled with his lunch box to try to open it and couldn’t help but let out a chuckle. Evan playfully glared at the other and forcefully un-zipped it, resulting in both boys laughing. Connor opened his glove box and pulled out a blunt and a lighter. As he was bringing the blunt to his mouth he noticed that Evan stopped eating and was staring at it. Connor rolled down his window slightly and lit it up. He was able to get a few hits in until Evan stopped eating completely and looked like he was going to say something.
“I-is it safe-e to be smoking-g-g at school? What-t if y-you get in t-t-trouble?” Connor took another long hit before answering. He inhaled the smoke deeply and slowly blew it out; Evan watched the whole show with wide eyes.
“It’s not like teachers monitor the parking lot. I come to school high more than sober at this point anyway, who cares. It’s not like I’m going to mess up my already terrible grades.” They both sat in semi awkward silence as Evan slowly ate and watched Connor finish off the joint. The shorter boy seemed to be so morbidly curious about the weed. Connor would offer him a hit but he’s positive that Evan has never smoked before, and school definitely wasn’t the place for first time highs. When he finished he put the bud out on the steering wheel before flicking it out the window and rolling it up.
“A-are you hungry? I-I-I have some p-peanut butter cracker-rs you can have-e.” Connor smirked and took them without a second thought.
Dear Evan Hansen, today is going to be a good day and here’s why...
Today wasn’t that great, we started this huge project in English today. We had to get into groups and we have to make an album about our past years in high school. It also doesn’t help that Jared and me are fighting and he’s in my group. This is going to end terribly.