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Iida in Wonderland

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“I’m not sure about this.” Tenya muttered even as he allowed himself to be pushed down into a chair at the long garden table in the back of the patchwork horror house. As unsure as he was about what he was wearing and the company he was in he was infinitely glad to be free of that strange house, bigger on the inside than the outside, full of twist and turns and rooms that suddenly put him on the ceiling or opened into wide fields and forests and the middle of oceans and-

It hurt his head, much as this entire ‘Wonderland’ place had managed to do so far. Everything was wrong and jumbled up, from the terrain (mountains shaped like chess pieces, checkerboard fields, rivers and waterfalls that defied gravity, places where grassy fields full of chattering flowers melted into icy plains.) to the creatures (talking animals. killer trees. Monsters that made no secrets of wishing to swallow him whole.) and the people, many of whom were twisted version of the friends he cared so much for. People he needed to get back to. 

The Hare and Hatter were no exception to this trend. 

The Hatter, with his permanent sneer, loud voice, and explosive temper, was the twin of Bakugou, save for having a semi-tamed undercut, a collection of piercings in his ears and face that hero work would never allow the real Bakugou to entertain. And a preference for greens and oranges in shades best described as ‘eye bleeding’, with lime green skin tight jeans, ripped at the knees, an traffic cone orange tanktop under a checkerboard patterned button down, left open, and a black blazer. His hat, presumably the source of his name, was a slouchy orange beanie with more white and black checkerboard pattern around the edges. 

The Hare, wide eyed and brimming with enthusiasm and friendliness, was the warped image of Izuku, the same open face and riot of green-tinted curls, but with the addition of long rabbit ears, fur the same color of his hair, claw tipped fingers painted black, and a fluffy puffball of a tail that poked over the low waistband of his shorts. Not…not that Tenya had been looking on purpose but it was hard to miss because this Not-Izuku dressed to show it off, in low slung black shorts that seemed to be painted on worn over torn black tights, and a hooded crop top in green that showed off the welled muscles stretch of his lower back, an echo of a V that drew attention down to his tail. 

“Not sure about what, Alice?” Hare asked from across the table, looking up from where he was pouring a cup of tea. 

Tenya had given up on trying to get anyone here to call him anything but Alice so, with a mental sigh, he gestured to the dress they had insisted he wear. Pale blue with a corseted top that he’d needed Hare to pull and tie in the back, and a short pleated skirt that didn’t even manage to hit midthigh when he stood let alone sat. The top was tight, so much so that it made it difficult to breathe, and had somehow managed to push his pectorals both closer together and up high, creating an ‘near spilling out’ illusion. He’d agreed to wear it, and the ridiculous thigh high stockings, because it seemed unwise to argue with a pair he’d seen decimate a contingent of card soldiers with their bare hands, but now he was wondering if that had been a bad idea.  

Hatter had taken the seat at the head of the table but now, red eyes narrowing, leaning so far forward he was all but crawling on the table, leaning into his personal space. His breath was hot and sweet smelling, like the cloying scent of the many cakes and tarts laid out on the table before them. “What? You don’t like what we gave you? You too good for our clothes? Would you rather be back in your torn up shit from the Icy-Hot twins?”

At the mention of the twins, the split image of Shouto, Tenya’s face flushed and his eyes slid to the side. He’d stumbled across the twins, one red haired and the other white, after his run in with the Walrus who’d wanted to eat him and the purple haired Cheshire cat whose words held so much power, and stayed the night with them before being sent off the next morning to find a Caterpillar who would be able to help him home. The night had been…


Still he was here now, and these two had promised to take him right to the Caterpillar int he morning; he didn’t dare wander around that death trap of a forest or risk encountering more card soldiers if he could avoid it by having a guide. Two guides, who had already proven they were able to defend him if need be. He was here, quirkless, and at a disadvantage from his lack of knowledge. He still had his combat training and experience but in a situation like this, where he was against monsters and large numbers, it was better to be safe. 

To have allies, even if he didn’t understand why they wanted to help him. 

“No, my apologies. I was being rude.” He smiled weakly. “I appreciate your hospitality and help. I’m in your debt.” 

Hatter continued to glare, suspicious of his words, then his expression cracked, melting into a chilling smile. He sat back and, gaze drifting lazily to Hare, swiped a finger through the fluffy mound of frosting on top of the cake in front of him. “That’s good. It’s Hare’s Un-birthday and I promised my pet something nice for his party, Alice, and I won’t have you fucking it up.” 

Hare giggled, ears twitching and face going pink as he fingered the offensively orange collar around his neck. “Hatter always gets me wonderful gifts but this one is the best.”

Hatter hummed around his mouthful of frosting.  

Unbirthday? Gifts? Why did he feel like this was about to take an unfortunate turn for him?

For a time they were quiet, sipping creamy spiced tea and swapping desserts around the table while Hare and Hatter talked about the card soldiers, a mad queen with ‘a creepy hard on for Hare’ (Tenya hadn’t yet had the pleasure of meeting her, thankfully) the ‘bastard icy-hot twins’ and Yagi the Caterpillar, who would defiantly be able to help according to Hare. 

Then a clock chimed somewhere (there were no less than five dozen clocks of all sizes and types hanging from the trees around them and Tenya had no hope of figuring which one was the one going off or if the five rings were an accurate gauge of the hour) and the air around them changed. Hare sat up straighter, eyes glinting and lips pulled back to show delicate looking fangs, and Hatter leaned back in his seat, feet swinging up and coming down scant centimeters from a pie. Dishes rattled from the force. 

“It’s gift time.” Hatter announced, smirking at Tenya. “Anything Hare wants he gets during gift time. Anything.” 

There was a threat in the words and in the harsh light in those red eyes. Tenya nodded hesitantly even as his fingers curled around the knife he’d been using to slice up bits of dessert. 

God, he hoped they weren’t going to try to eat him. 

Hare’s tongue, inhumanly long and boasting a shiny orange ball resting flush against the slick muscle, darted out and dragged over his lips. His eyes were burning, twin points of green fire, and fixed on Tenya. “I want you to sit on my face.” 

Tenya blinked then, jerking back in shock, shouted. “What!?” 

“Sit. On. My. Face.” Hare repeated, sounding out each word slowly and evenly as he pushed back his chair and stood. “Take off those panties we have you, come over here, and sit on my face.” 

…had he jinxed himself?

Tenya sputtered, hands waving frantically as he blushed hot and mortified. Hare flicked his tongue out again, mocking and unashamed, and lept onto the table in one graceful jump. Dishes were kicked aside with gusto, flying around with more force than could be natural (but maybe Hare had the same strength as Izuku?), shattering against the trees and raining sweets and tea onto the ground. Tenya looked back to Hatter, found him smirking toothily and knew there was no help coming from there. 

Anything, it seemed, meant anything. 

He closed his eyes, weighing his options and deciding, very quickly, that he didn’t want to get on the wrong side of the pair or risk their offer of help, he stood up. He lifted the skirt of his dress and, staring straight ahead, eased the laze and frill covered panties that had come with the dress down his thighs. He let them go, to puddle around his feet and stepped out of them. Another glance at Hatter found him all but licking his chops in anticipation. 

Hare had already made himself comfortable stretched out on the table, with what looked like a balled up tablecloth under his head, mouth curved up into a grin that Tenya wanted to call…animalistic. Hungry. Frightening. He held out a hand to help Tenya climb up on the table; his grip was like iron, strong to the point of being alarming, as he tugged Tenya closer until he was standing, wobbly in the awful high heeled boots they’d loaned him, over the other’s face. 

A deep breath, a second, a third and he lowered himself carefully. He kept hold of the skirt with one hand, let the other stay in Hare’s grasp, and managed not to topple over or crush the green haired man in the process. And then he was there, hovering over Hare’s face, with rough hands under his skirt, grasping his ass, pulling him down-

“Ngh!” He yelped as the first brush of warm, damp breath against his skin, blown in a cool stream into the hollow between the cheeks of his ass. A beat, during which Tenya locked eyes with Hatter, and then a soft rasp of tongue, dragging against his entrance, past it, back down to circle with the soft tip of Hare’s tongue. Messy, wet, circles were licked around and over his rim, massaging the tension from the tight muscle with wide strokes of tongue. 

Tenya bit down on his lower lip and his eyes flickered shut. Oh, oh, this was-

A clatter made him open his eyes again, to watch Hatter crawling towards them. He watched, shuddering as the stiff tip of Hare’s tongue poked up and squirmed just past his rim then twisted in a tight spiral, as Hatter hastily pulled down his zipper and fished his cock, hard and reddening at the head, out. 

“It’s my Unbirthday too.” Hatter said, reaching out to fist a hand in his hair and tug him down to fall forward onto his hands, bringing him eye to eye with Hatter's dick. “Open up for me Alice.”